Return To Sender

by TheNewYorkBrony

Rating: teen
Tags: Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle, Main 7 (EqG), Slice of Life, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Derpy Hooves, Sex
Length: 3556

Sunset goes on a quest to retrieve a special package before it reaches the hands of her girlfriend.

Sunset orders something....different online and excitedly anticipates its arrival, but when she learns it somehow ended up at Twilight Sparkle's house instead of her apartment, it's a race against the clock to save her girlfriend's innocence—and herself from embarrassment. sex tag because really, we all know whats in that package

Published 2018-11-13 20:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-11-13 20:00:01 UTC

Delivered

Sunset’s eyes stared blankly at the screen in front of her, her mouth in a tight line. Her hands were shaking, and the cursor that hovered over the ‘place order’ button shook with every movement of her nervous body.

She was a teenager. Sort of. This kind of thing was normal for teenagers to own, right? Especially teenage girls? It’s not like she’d be going out brandishing it everywhere proudly like some trophy she’d won.

What if one of the girls found it? Sunset could picture it now: A normal after school hang out at her place full of video games and gossip suddenly turned on its head by the mischievous smirk on Rainbow Dash’s face as she holds up the offending object in her hand for all the girls to see.

And then all the attention would be on Sunset, who, too embarrassed to explain, would probably want to die right on the spot.

But...She had been wanting this for a while. She did put the money aside to buy it as a early Christmas present to herself. And she was excited to see what this thing could do. It was only normal after all. She was a growing girl with needs. Plus...if anything she could ask the the mailman to tuck it in a corner that she could retrieve it from later.

With new found resolve, Sunset clicked the ‘place order’ button; smirking to herself as she got the confirmation that her order had been placed.

Picking up her gaming headset, Sunset cracked her knuckles. All that worrying had made her want to kill some noobs.

It was obvious to the girls at the lunch table that Sunset was expecting something. But they couldn’t figure out what exactly that something was. Every time they asked, she’d shrug and just say it was something she ordered online.

Sunset had checked her phone all week during random times, once nearly getting it taken away in Mr. Cranky’s math class. What was so important about that package?

“Dearie,” Rarity started, tapping Sunset’s hand to remove her attention from the device in her hand. “Not to pry, but what exactly did you order again?”

Sunset’s eyebrows furrowed. “A package. You guys have asked this before.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash agreed, “but you never actually told us what you ordered.”

“Ooh!” Pinkie said, getting up from her seat, “What is it? Is it a new game? A vacuum? Oh! Oh! What about a steam roller?!”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “A steam roller? Really, Pinkie?”

Twilight Sparkle stared incredulously at the pink girl beside her. “Why on earth would Sunset buy a steam roller? And where would she even put it?!”

Pinkie shrugged, sitting back down. “You don’t know what she does in her spare time.”

Sunset was about to correct Pinkie and tell her that no one in their right mind would do anything in their spare time that required a steam roller, but closed her mouth when she heard her phone ping. “Yes!” she exclaimed, pumping her fist.

“You’ve been checking your phone for this package since Monday. What the heck is so important about that you need to know where it is all the time?” Rainbow asked, trying to peer over Sunset’s shoulder.

“None of your beeswax,” the fiery haired guitarist responded, clutching her phone to her chest and effectively blocking the device from her view. “It’s...medicine.”

“For your butt?” Pinkie asked, tilting her head. “Fluttershy had one like that one time and—”

“Whatever it is darling, I hope it's something that makes you happy,” Rarity interjected, putting her hand over Pinkie’s mouth.

Sunset almost snorted at that. There was a joke in there she couldn’t exactly make, but was dying too. “Oh trust me, it will.” she chuckled darkly.

Twilight blinked. “Well that’s not ominous at all. Can you at least tell me if you’re buying illegal chemicals for an experiment? Because like, I know a guy for that—”

“I’m not buying chemicals,” Sunset said slowly, patting Twilight’s hand. “It’s just something that I’ve been thinking about getting for a while. It’s not illegal, it’s not a steam roller, and it’s none of your business.” She directed the last one at Dash who folded her arms and rolled her eyes.

When that seemed to divert their attention from her, she mumbled to herself, “Trust me, the less you know, the better.”

Sunset walked home with a bit of pep in her step, her smile reaching her ears as she opened the front door—only to have it fall when she realized her package was nowhere in sight. Pulling out her phone, she saw she hadn’t been hallucinating, the package had been delivered. But if not here, where?

“Oh that’s easy,” Derpy said, looking through a list of papers she had on a clipboard. “I delivered it to the address that was on the package,”

Sunset pinched the bridge of her nose. Why in the name of Celestia any one would hire someone as scatterbrained as Derpy to handle such an arduous task was beyond her—and she was starting to curse their name. “If that’s the case, then why isn’t it at my house?”

“What’s the address?” Derpy asked, cocking her head.

“Three twenty four Main Street,” Sunset responded with grit teeth. Her patience was wearing thin, and she was about two seconds from hopping the counter and strangling the other girl.

“That’s not the address on the package,” Derpy said, squinting at the clipboard. “The address on there was three eighty five Main Street,”

Sunset blinked. “Three eighty—Oh no.” Her eyes going to pinpricks. “No, no, no, no, no,” she repeated, hurriedly exiting the post office.

This can’t be happening.

This cannot be happening.

How could she be so careless? How could she not check the auto fill tab? How could she forget?

Twilight had used her computer to order a resupply of test tubes for her lab a few days ago. She hadn’t cleared the auto fill tab, which meant that the little present Sunset had bought herself had landed on the doorstep of her girlfriend.

Her very innocent, sexually inexperienced girlfriend who still lived with her parents and her overbearing brother.

What if she had opened it already? What if Shining or Cadence had found it and took it inside? Or worse, what if Twilight’s parents found it? Were they the type of parents to go through their daughter’s mail? Did they check her packages? What if they opened it behind her back?

Twilight had no idea what was inside. She’d be blindsided by an onslaught of questions the moment she came through the door.

She couldn’t let Twilight be grounded for something that was her mistake. Sunset checked her phone for the time, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw what time it was. Good. It was only four thirty which meant Twilight was still studying in the library for the upcoming midterm and she wouldn’t be home for another thirty minutes.

Sunset could make it back to her block in time to make it to Twilight’s house, nab the package, and leave without ever being seen—provided no one’s home.

She was all the way across town, but without any diversions, she was sure she could make it in and out before anyone could notice.

As soon as Sunset took a step forward she felt her entire body become drenched in water, looking up to the sky to see that a thunderstorm had started out of nowhere.

Sunset set her sights on the bus stop across the street, then frowned when she realized she had just missed it. No matter. She’ll just wait for the next one. Then she remembered that the particular bus she needed to take runs every thirty minutes.

Okay, that was fine. She would just call a cab, and hope to Celestia that there wasn’t any traffic.

Using the ride share app on her phone, Sunset was able to hail a cab, and got in immediately. Her clothes were soaked, but that was the least of her concerns right now. “Three eighty five Main Street, step on it,” Sunset said urgently.

“I’d love to, but unless you wanna be payin’ granny’s hospital bills over there, this cab ain’t movin’ till she crosses that street.” the cabby responded, pointing to very frail and very slow old woman making her way over to the other side of the street.

It took the woman about three minutes to get half way across, and by then Sunset had begun to grind her teeth. She did not have time for this.

Getting out of the car and walking back into the pouring rain, she politely—and a little angrily—helped the woman complete her journey.

“Thank you, dearie,” the old woman said, smiling at her. “Here, I’ll reward you for your kindness,” the woman then began rummaging through the ginormous back in her arms that Sunset assumed probably had everything under the sun.

She pulled out her wallet and frowned. “Oh dear,” she sighed. “I have two dollars, but it’s only in pennies. Is that alright?”

Sunset’s eye twitched.

She could swear the universe, the gods, Tartarus—hell even Celestia herself—was testing her. It took all her patience not to completely go off on the sweet old lady in front of her.

Sunset forced herself to smile. “Ma’am, it’s okay, really. I just wanted to help you out. My cab is—” she turned to point to a car that was no longer there. “Oh you’ve got to be—” she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and calmly walked away from the woman, trying her best to ignore the squelching sounds that were starting to come from her drenched boots.

Guess she was walking then.

Sunset started her trek towards Twilight’s house, praying that she could make it in time. She checked her phone, her pace starting to pick up when she saw it was now four forty five.

Fifteen minutes!

She had fifteen minutes to get to Twilight’s house and complete her mission.

She was still where she started. Calling another cab would mean waiting in the rain for Celestia knows how long, and Sunset didn’t have that kind of time, lest she wanted to run into Twilight or her parents.

How in the name of the gods was she supposed to make it there before Twilight at this point?

Honk!

The sudden sound jarred Sunset out of her thoughts. She recognized the van that had pulled up beside her immediately. “Fluttershy?”

The meeker girl nodded. “I was coming back from picking up some food for the animals and I saw you walking. What are you doing out here? Don’t you know that it’s raining?”

Sunset smiled at her wryly. “Yeah, I know. Can I hitch a ride with you?”

Fluttershy nodded. “Sure! Just let me uh...”

Sunset watched her friend reach in the backseat for an old towel that had the unmistakable scent of wet dog. She smiled back weakly at the apologetic smile Fluttershy had given her.

“Sorry,” she said as Sunset slammed her door and put her seatbelt on. “Not my car, and they might take the cleaning fees out of my paycheck.”

“No problem,” Sunset responded, digging in her pocket for her phone. She sucked in a breath when she realized she now only had ten minutes to get to Twilight’s house.

“Where were you going?” Fluttershy asked, starting to drive. “You seemed like you were in a hurry,”

“Twilight’s house,” Sunset said, her mouth in a tight line. “I would have been there already but it seems like the whole world is working against me. First I missed the bus, then I got a cab but this really old lady was taking forever to cross the street so I got out to help her and then she tried to give me two dollars in pennies—seriously, who even keeps that in their purse—And when I turned around my cab was gone. Oh, and it was raining the entire time so now I look like a wet rat.”

“That doesn’t exactly explain why you're all the way out here though. Twilight’s house is in the other direction,” Fluttershy responded, eyebrows furrowing.

Sunset gave her a small sardonic grin. “I’m aware. That package I had been waiting for had been delivered alright. To the wrong house. Twilight’s house.”

“Oh! So you’re hurrying to get it back before she gets home! Is it a present for her?” Fluttershy asked, eyes sparkling.

“Uh...” Sunset didn’t quite have the heart to lie to Fluttershy, but if she didn’t pick up the pace soon, her worst nightmare was about to come true.

Fluttershy was a lot more innocent than Twilight though, and telling her the true contents of that package would probably stop her little animal loving heart.

Sunset couldn’t be responsible for the deaths of two people’s innocence.

But...she would never make it on time if Fluttershy didn’t know how urgent the situation was. This was probably for the best, at least that’s what she convinced herself as she finally responded to Fluttershy’s question.

“No.” she said, her cheeks burning. “It’s nothing like that. Actually....it’s something for me. Something that I really don’t want her to see.”
“Is it...like...a toy or something? Like an action figure?” Fluttershy guessed, still not quite catching on.

Sunset bit her lip. “It’s a toy...just for one specific action.” she hoped

Fluttershy could infer correctly at this point, she didn’t want to spell it out any further than she already had.

“Oh! Oh. Oh my,” a scarlet blush crept over the pink haired girl’s face, and suddenly her eyes were very focused on the road. “I see.”

“Please don’t tell the other girls! I just, this wasn’t supposed to happen, and I just need to get there before she does so could you please do me this one tiny favor?” Sunset babbled, clasping her hands together and giving the younger woman puppy dog eyes.

Fluttershy nodded, her face taking the form of intense concentration. “Don’t worry, Sunset. I’ll get you there in time.”

Sunset gave her a perplexed look. “How there’s only like ten minutes to—DAH!” the fiery haired guitarist didn’t even have a chance to finish her sentence before Fluttershy had peeled off and sent them careening down the street. “Fluttershy are you insane?! You’re gonna kill us!”

“Would you rather die of embarrassment?” Fluttershy asked, an eyebrow raised.

Sunset opened then closed her mouth, before replying, “Step on it.”

Fluttershy began to clearly push the speed limit, her grip on the steering wheel so tight it was turning her knuckles white. “I made the mistake of ordering my yaoi manga while my brother was home from boarding school. Having no boundaries at all as usual, he opened the box and wouldn’t let me hear the end of it for a month.”

Sunset’s eyes widened. “Were they hen—”

“Yes, yes they were.” Fluttershy cut her off immediately. “So I understand your situation completely.”

Sunset didn’t question her on the topic any further. She looked out the window to see that they were about three blocks from Twilight’s house, and that the rain stopped. She grinned when she saw the time on her phone. Three minutes to spare! She was going to make it! She was going to—

Sunset’s victory was short lived as she heard the sounds of a police siren. “Oh for Celestia’s sake!” she groaned.

Fluttershy slowed to a stop, giving Sunset an apologetic look. “Maybe I went a little overboard.”

Sunset banged her head on the dashboard. “You think?! There’s no way I’m going to make it now!” This had to be one of the worst days of her life.

She lifted her head when she heard someone tap on the glass, and suddenly wished she hadn’t when she saw who exactly the officer had stopped them was. It seems any luck she had, whatever minuscule amount there was, had run out.

Because now it felt like the universe was intentionally getting a kick out of her misery.

“Ladies,” Shining Armour greeted them curtly. “You guys were going pretty over the speed limit there. Any reason for the rush?”

Sunset looked at Fluttershy, who looked back at her, shrugging.

“We....were....going...to...hang out with Twilight! Yeah! We thought we’d surprise her and spend time with her,” Sunset lied, hoping the older man would buy it.

“Oh! Well, have fun then!” Shining said, smiling. “But don’t think I’m just gonna always let you guys off just because you’re friends with my little sister,” he added with a wink. “Try not to kill anyone these next few blocks, okay?”

“Yup, yes sir. You got it sir.” Sunset responded slowly rolling up the window.

“One more thing!” He said, stopping the window with the butt of his flashlight. “Could you tell Twily I’ll be home late?”

Sunset nodded, gritting her teeth. “Anything else?”

Shining scratched his head before shaking it. “Nope. That’s it. Drive safe now!”

“We will!” Sunset responded, rolling up the window, with a forced laugh before shouting, “Drive, drive, drive!” at Fluttershy.

A few minutes later Sunset was standing at Twilight’s doorstep her heart pounding. She hadn’t seen any box on the porch, which meant that who ever had discovered it brought it inside.

...Which meant that Sunset had to confront a member of her girlfriend’s family to get her package back.

She knocked lightly on the door, and felt her stomach drop to her knees when she saw who answered it. “H-Hey, Twilight,” she said, grinning awkwardly. “Fancy seeing you here,”

The bespectacled girl in front of her seemed confused. “Uh, it shouldn’t exactly be odd, since I you know, live here,” she answered, giving her girlfriend a once over. “What are you doing here? And why do you look like you went swimming in your clothes?” she took a step forward and sniffed at her, immediately stepping back afterward. “And why do you smell like a wet dog?”

“Doesn’t matter!” Sunset snapped. “I mean, I ordered something online, and it accidentally shipped to your house. I came to pick it up. Do you have it?”

Twilight’s eyebrows furrowed. “No?”

Sunset’s eyes widened. “N-No?!”

Twilight shrugged. “If anything came, it would have been on the doorstep. You know I don’t get home until five. If its not there, then it’s probably lost.”

Sunset felt like the ground beneath her had given out. All of that for nothing. She nearly died, got Fluttershy a ticket, and yelled at an innocent old woman, all for nothing.

Derpy was going to wish she was never born.

“O-Oh, okay,” She answered dejectedly, turning around. “Guess I’ll see you in school on Monday.”

Twilight seemed confused. “Why are you so sad? What was in that package anyway?”

Sunset didn’t even turn around. “It’s not important anyway,” she answered, putting her hands in her jacket pockets. “It doesn’t matter now.”

Twilight blinked at her girlfriend’s strange behaviour. “O-Oh, okay. See you Monday then.”

Sunset heard the front door click shut behind her and sighed once she got back into Fluttershy’s van. “She didn’t have it.”

Fluttershy blinked. “Really? I would have thought it would be here after all of that,”

Sunset shrugged. “Me too. Who knows where that thing is right now.”

Twilight Sparkle made sure to wait until Fluttershy’s van had pulled off before she reached under her bed to grab the black box she had taken from the porch that afternoon.

She actually hadn’t gone to study that afternoon. She had came home to work on a science project she had just gotten a break through on when she saw the box on the porch. It was addressed to Sunset, but it had her address on it.

Did Sunset send it to her house by accident?

And what exactly did she order that needed to come in a black box?

Against her better judgement, Twilight opened the box, to see something of a phallic nature staring back at her. It wasn’t of any shape she’d ever seen—on a human at least—and she was pretty sure that this thing was specially made.

“Seven settings?” she whispered to herself as she examined it. “That can’t be possible,”

Again, against her better judgement, Twilight searched the rest of the box for any explanation on what exactly this contraption was.

“The Orgasm Maker 6000,” she read, squinting at the small card she had found. “Multiple orgasms or your money back?”

Well, she couldn’t let a claim like that hang out there with no proof could she? Technically this counted as a science experiment. Just...a personal one. She still had time before anyone got home, and she was sure Sunset wouldn’t mind if she did her the favor of testing it out.

After all, it had been sent to her.

Author's Note

Blame my discord friends for this. They're the ones who gave me this idea. I'm writing a commission after this, and thatll be up in a few weeks. If you would like to commission me fore a short story, feel free. I still need to reach my goal of 6-800 dollars for my medicine. PM me if you're insterested, or if you just want to help, my ko-fi is here. Hope you guys enjoyed this, and I'll see you later!