Unfair Shipping [Remastered Compilation]

by DavidReinold

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Romance, Comedy
Length: 4162

Everypony is in love, and nopony can help it...

When Twilight discovers that two of her friends are going out with each other, she must come to terms with their preferences or else risk losing them as friends. But little does she know that in the shadows of another world lurks a puppet master controlling their actions for his own entertainment!

AS OF AUGUST 8TH, 2011, I AM RE-WRITING THIS FIC FROM SCRATCH. IF THE LAST TIME YOU READ IT WAS BEFORE THEN, PLEASE START FROM THE BEGINNING. IT'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2011-08-16 20:17:37 UTC

Prologue

It was a typical party at Sugarcube Corner.

Nopony needed a reason to celebrate. Pinkie Pie, as both a party-thrower and a force of nature, was the only reason to party that anypony would ever need. The awesome snacks, cool music, and fun games would be there whether we were or not. No point in letting that effort go to waste.

So we partied. And you know what? The only word which accurately described the evening was "fun".

Well, for the first half anyway.

At around ten o' clock that night, I noticed Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash duck out of the party. Dash said they'd barely be gone a few minutes, so I paid them no mind. The party went on, and it was business as usual for a while. But when a full fifteen minutes passed and they weren't back yet, I decided to go check on them.

I wandered out onto the half-foyer that led to the storefront of the bakery. Just as I was rounding the corner,  I stopped in my tracks and reeled back out of sight.

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were right there, but I wasn't expecting what I saw.

They were kissing.

I didn't know much about romance, and much less about that side of romance, but I knew if I was them I wouldn't want to be seen. I struggled to stifle my breathing and let my presence there remain undetected.

It's none of my business, I thought to myself, it's a personal choice right? They're both entitled to their preferences. Who am I to judge?

Thoughts swam around in my mind and made themselves at home there. I had always somewhat suspected Dash, with her tomcolt-ish attitude and all, but it had never even occurred to me that Fluttershy might walk the other side as well. My thoughts were silenced for a moment when they began to talk.

"This is so wrong," I heard Dash say, "I don't even know why-"

"It's okay," said Fluttershy, "I feel it, too. But...it's still a bit weird."

"Yeah."

"But I'm sure we'll get used to it."

"Yeah, probably. Feelings don't lie, right? Come on, we should get back."

They made their way up the stairs. I began to panic. I won't make it back to the party without them noticing me. There wasn't any place close for me to hide. A split second later, a thought occurred to me. I took a deep breath, and stepped out from behind the corner to meet them.

Dash jumped back a pace and attempted to hide her astonishment by offering a weak smile. Fluttershy's only response was a squeak.

"Please tell me you didn't hear any of that," Dash said edgily.

"Any of what? I didn't hear anything," I said, putting on a sly grin, "Come on, the party's waiting!"

They both smiled, relieved. From that limited interaction I could tell they both understood. I wouldn't tell anypony. In fact, I was pretending not to know.

I wasn't entirely comfortable with their choices, as I had never had much contact with ponies whose preferences differed from the norm, but they were my friends, and I respected them. I'd learn to be comfortable with it.

When we re-joined the party, everything picked up as though nothing had happened, and the word that best described the night was, once again, "fun".

Chapter 1: The Most Resillient Parasprite

I lay awake in bed for several hours after the party. I racked my brain to try to comprehend what had happened. It was one thing for me to pretend to accept the choice Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash had made, but for me to actually accept it, I needed to first understand it. I was like a lot of ponies - I tended to fear what I didn't understand. I decided to start from the beginning.

So they were both...experimenting? And if so, when did this start? What made their fondness for each other transcend ordinary friendship? I thought back to what I knew about them. The first thing that came to mind was when they first met in flight school. Rainbow Dash had stood up for Fluttershy. When I thought about it, that seemed like a reasonable place to start out - that would be a point where Fluttershy may have started to admire Dash. That admiration could have led to...what would you call it...a mare-crush?

Then another thought occurred to me. Why did Dash stand up for Fluttershy in the first place? Could it be that Dash had felt some attraction to Fluttershy from the start?

I pushed all those thoughts from my mind. It wouldn't do me any good to think through something I didn't even grasp the concept of. Unless somepony spelled it out for me, I'd probably never understand how a mare could be attracted to another mare. Trying to understand would only serve to make me more confused.

On top of that, a simpler solution presented itself - just ask them. It's not like they were alien life forms just because I found out something about them I didn't know before. They were the same as ever. The same Rainbow Dash I had always known. The same Fluttershy I had always known. They hadn't changed. I had just learned something new about them, is all.

Then and there I resolved to ask them the next morning. With that in mind, I turned over and drifted off to sleep...

The next morning, I was woken by a sharp knocking at the front door of the Ponyville Library. Hastily getting up, I quickly shook out my mane so it would at least look mildly respectable. I blinked a few times to clear away any residual drowsiness, and then opened the door.

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy stood there, smiling hesitantly. Dash stepped forward.

"Hey, Twilight, uh...can we talk?"

As the meaning of her words dawned on me, I tried to suppress a huge grin. This proved difficult, however, so I raised a hoof to my mouth and pretended to be yawning. Truthfully, I was absolutely ecstatic. They were both here, wanting to talk. Given the circumstances, they clearly wanted to talk about the events from the previous night's party. In other words, not only did I not have to go through the awkwardness of asking them, but I'd be guaranteed to get the answers I was looking for.

I invited them inside with little hesitation.

"Would you like anything? Coffee? Tea?"

"I could probably go for some coffee," Rainbow Dash said as she worked out a kink in her neck and took a seat on the floor.

"I'm fine...thank you, though..." was all Fluttershy had to say.

I wandered off to the kitchen to get some water boiling. But as I prepared the coffee, thoughts consumed my mind again. Both Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash seemed exactly the same as before. With every passing moment it became clearer that I was the one who had changed.

A moment later, I brought back a coffee for Rainbow Dash, and a strong brew of Zebrican Chai for myself.

"So you wanted to talk?" I said, sounding a bit more excited than was probably prudent.

"Er-yeah, well...so, you know about us now, then?"

"Yep!" I said, still forcing back a grin.

"Well...we kind of need your advice."

My heart sank. That was the one thing I wasn't prepared for. I was in no position to be giving answers; I was the one looking for answers.

It was my fault, though. In my self-centered search for understanding I had completely overlooked that perhaps they themselves didn't understand what was going on.

At that point, helping them was the least I could do .

"Sure, go ahead."

"Well, it's like this...see, we actually don't know what's going on."

Upon hearing this I missed a step and nearly lost my balance. I was expecting something slightly more concrete.

"It started kind of without warning. About a week ago I woke up, and Fluttershy was all I could think about. It was weird, really weird. So I decided to stop by the meadow, just to talk. I was pretty confident, I knew doing something brave like this would be pretty cool-"

"In other words, she was terrified," Fluttershy interjected with a grin.

"Was not! Anyway, at first I just wanted to talk, but then I found out Fluttershy had been thinking about the same thing."

"So we took it slow," Fluttershy contributed, "at first we were just hanging out more. Yesterday was really when it all became official."

"Yeah...but now that we're to this point..." Dash paused, looking rather introspective, "...it seems like the emotions aren't real. There's no rhyme or reason to it, it's like the thought was just suddenly there one day, and it turned into a tangible emotion."

"...an idea," I said softly. I didn't realize at first that I had said it out loud.

"What?" Dash inquired, and with a sigh, I decided to expound on my thought.

"An idea is the most resilient parasite. Once an idea has found it's way into your mind, there's no getting rid of it. My guess is that both of you happened upon the idea simultaneously. Was there any time prior to a week ago that the two of you were together and were perhaps exposed to something that might trigger this idea to take hold?"

"...I can't think of anything."

"No, nothing."

"Hm," I hated to admit that I was completely stumped, "I don't know if I can be of too much more help, then. There's really just not enough information for me to draw any further conclusions. For now, I'd suggest not worrying about it too much. I'm not entirely familiar with how, er...this kind of romance...is supposed to work," I hoped my wording wasn't as tactless as I thought it was, "but I think you should stick to what your emotions have to say. They may seem foreign, but in no way does that make them 'not real'. So I guess what I'm trying to say is...go for it."

Dash lowered her head for a moment, then looked back up to me, smiling.

"Thanks, Twilight. That helps."

A short pause. Dash stretched, then yawned, then after a moment stretched again.

"Well...I think we should probably get going. Thanks again for all your help." Dash flitted outside rather nonchalantly.

Fluttershy stayed back a moment, and said, smiling warmly,

"Thank you, Twilight."

And then she left as well. With a sigh, I turned to my tea and took a sip. The thoughts began to swirl again.

It didn't matter to me anymore; I didn't really care what their preferences were, it just bothered me that I didn't know why...

It felt horrible to not understand my friends.

Chapter 2: Pinkie Pie and I (Innocence Mix)

Why can't I understand?

I frowned.

Why can't I just see their reasons, accept it, and move on?

My brow furrowed, I closed my eyes and tried to force the questions to leave me alone. I couldn't help that I wanted to understand. For the better half of my life, it had been my job to learn how to understand. I was Princess Celestia's star student. Her only student in the last couple hundred years. She chose me. I was the ace apprentice, the studious pupil who never failed to find the roots of a problem and unravel every element of it until complete understanding was achieved. So why, why, was I getting hung up on something as simple as this?

Not only did I feel like a horrible student, I felt like a horrible friend. For a moment I wished I could just un-see what had happened between Dash and Fluttershy. I felt like this new found knowledge was making me respect them less, not because I didn't appreciate their choices but because I just couldn't understand.

There are some things you just can't explain.

My own words to Celestia. A harsh bitterness filled my heart as I realized I hadn't learned a thing about friendship; no matter how many moral-filled messages I sent to the princess, I wasn't learning any of the lessons I had shared.

But this last pondering brought about a new thought. Those words to Celestia were from when I was struggling with Pinkie Pie's "Pinkie Senses". I couldn't understand that, either.

Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie Pie. The social pony, the one who understood social interaction better than I ever would.

I know everypony, and I mean every pony in Ponyville!

I didn't doubt in the slightest that she would know something about taking a gallop on the...I cut this thought off. I was being stupid. Finding all these ways new and creative terms for the topic was just idiotic of me.

"LESBIAN!" I shouted to myself. I felt better for a moment. But then, with a sudden sinking feeling I looked around. Spike was no where in sight. I breathed a sigh of relief, but then questioned, for a moment, where he might be. I soon dropped the query and returned to my thoughts.

Pinkie, as the social one, would be able to tell me anything I needed to know about homosexuality...the what, the who, and with any luck, the why.

Without delay, I ran to Sugarcube Corner to mention the situation to Pinkie Pie. I knew if anypony would be able to keep our conversation a secret, it would be her. And I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Pinkie would be able to shed some light on the subject. In fact, I wouldn't have put it past her to know about Dash and Fluttershy already....

Despite the previous night's festivities, Sugarcube Corner was already tidied up and back in working order. The soft, welcoming aroma of freshly baked pastries had already waged war against and overthrown the thick, sugary scent of punch and candy that one expected to still lurk in the air.

Ringing the bell at the counter, I glanced around. Right on cue, Pinkie Pie came bouncing out of the kitchen and up to the counter. With a goofy grin and the typical squeak in her voice she greeted me.

"Something wrong, Twilight? You look all topsy-turvy!"

"Pinkie...there's something I need to talk to you about."

"Oh, it's about Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, isn't it?"

For the record, I so called that one.

"Yeah."

"You figured it out at the party, yesterday? When they left to go have some fun on their own?"

"Um...yeah. But how did you...?"

"Well I thought it was kind of obvious. You went looking for them after they left, so you couldn't have known then. But you know now, so that must have been when you found out. I was right, then?"

"Er...yeah," I felt rather stupid. But that wasn't Pinkie's fault, I was actually being a bit stupid, "anyway, I was wondering what your thoughts were on all of this."

"My thoughts? I think it's super-duper spectacular! Come on, Twilight, the only thought that wants to be thoughted...wait, thoughted...thinked? Anyway - all you need to think about is how happy you are for them! They're able to admit their feelings, and that's something that deserves to be felt happy about!"

Pinkie's way with words never failed to amuse me. I mulled over the statement and tried to make sense of it; the end result was half of my brain understanding completely, and the other half giving up completely. I decided to just respond.

"I do feel happy for them, but...you know me. I don't quite understand, and that bothers me."

"I don't get it either, Twilight, but there are some things that just can't be explained."

Well I know that, was a thought that remained unsaid.

"Just...something about what they told me has me thinking. Dash said that until a week ago neither of them had had any feelings towards each other. Yet something happened a week ago, something that must have made both of them think about it, because they both started having the feelings even though neither of them knew the other was thinking the same thing. Something must have happened to trigger the thoughts for both of them."

"Isn't it obvious, Twilight?"

"What?"

"Twilight, they got it from each other!"

I stared at Pinkie, dumbfounded.

"You remember the spark? The one that gave you the Element of Magic?"

"Yeah."

"Love has one, too, I've heard! It's like, you see a pony, and you know it's them, they're the one! Like, love at first sight, sort of? I'm not entirely sure how it works, but anyway, sometimes two ponies can get that spark for each other at the same time. Or something like that."

I suspected Pinkie had something genuine to say, but I was barely able to follow.

"So...you're saying...?"

"I'm saying there's nothing weird about them getting the feeling at the same time! It may be a bit uncommon, but stranger things than this have turned out to be commonplace!"

I still wasn't completely following, but I thought I got the gist.

"I have some thinking to do. Thanks for your help, I appreciate the input."

I returned home. When the door to the library had closed completely, I sank to my front knees and let out a yell of frustration.

"You too, huh?" came a familiar voice from the other side of the room.

Spike, my assistant and good friend, sat at the table moping, or rather brooding, over something which, it seemed, greatly upset him.

And so, for the first time that day, I was able to cast aside my own worries and show compassion towards another.

Chapter 3: A Wish Rejected

"What's wrong, Spike?" I asked calmly.

"Nothing...I don't really want to talk about it..."

"That bad, huh? Here, hang on a second, I'll be right back."

After a few moments in the kitchen, I brought out a fresh cup of Chamomile tea for Spike.

"Here," I said patiently. He slowly reached for it, and said, without looking up, "thanks."

He took a sip, and sighed.

"I lost my chance," he said to me. He paused a moment, then, sensing I was puzzled by his vagueness, he added, "with Rarity, I mean. I missed my opportunity. She's already going out with somepony."

I frowned, but tried to keep a positive attitude. I opened my mouth to respond, but Spike continued.

"It's funny, though...I don't think it would have worked out anyway..."

"Wh...why not?" This comment worried me for some reason.

"Maybe I should start from the beginning...I spent the day helping out at Rarity's shop...you know, being her mobile pincushion...and when she finished the dress she was tailoring, she tried it on and asked me how it looked. Well...I tried to say it looked beautiful, but my thoughts slipped out and I told her she looked beautiful...

"Now to her that was probably just another compliment, but in my mind I had just confessed everything, so my words turned to soup and the rest of the thoughts followed out my mouth. I told the whole truth, starting with the crush and ending with the question 'will you go out with me'.

"At this point, I expected her to reject me completely. But instead, she smiled at me kindly and told me she was already seeing somepony...hearing this, I drew up my last bit of confidence and asked her who the lucky stallion was...but what she did next surprised me..."

I cocked my head and with a quizzical expression, asked "what did she do?"

"...she laughed, not at my question but rather, it seemed, at herself. And then she told me; the 'stallion' was actually a mare. She said it might just be her way of coping with her disappointment at Prince Blueblood, but that it seemed right, and that they felt comfortable around each other. The only thing I can't remember now is the name. I want to call her Colgate, but that doesn't sound right..."

I didn't want to jump to any conclusions, but a thought occurred to me and on a whim I inquired.

"When did they start seeing each other?"

"I think she said it was about a week ago...why?"

"No reason," I lied. There was something weird going on, I was sure of it. It was one thing when the question just came down to how I viewed sexual preferences, but this was different. There was no arguing with the fact of the matter: about a week ago, three of my friends had become attracted to other ponies of the same gender despite having no previous inclination towards homosexuality. It couldn't just be coincidence.

Something happened a week ago, and I needed to find out what.

"Spike...would you mind taking a note for me? To the princess?"

"Sure, I'll drop all of the issues in my life right now and help you," as he finished his sentence, I saw his eyes turn from blind malice into sheer remorse, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that...but I'm still not quite back on my feet, you understand..."

"Spike, I think you should know that Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are going out with each other."

Spike thought it over, and after drawing some mental conclusions, responded "yeah, so?"

"They started seeing each other about a week ago."

I saw the gears turning as Spike mulled over this last statement, and after a moment it clicked for him.

"So you're saying something's up?"

"Yeah. And I'm thinking the Princess may know something about it. Or at the least, she'll be able to provide assistance. Either way, I need to find out what happened a week ago to trigger this change."

"Alright, well...hang on," Spike retrieved a scroll and a freshly inked quill, "go ahead."

" 'Dear Princess Celestia...' "

It was about an hour before we received a reply. Much to our surprise, it wasn't in the typical beige parchment with a gold seal, but rather an indigo-colored papyrus of some sort. The seal was silver. Spike opened the letter and read aloud:

Twilight Sparkle, my elder sister is currently away from Canterlot for reasons I am not at liberty to divulge. However, I would like to assist you in this matter, as I have received accounts of similar occurrences in other areas, all originating about a week ago.

There is no doubt in my my mind that some outside force is causing this change and I would very much like to find the root of this issue in case it has the potential to affect other aspects of Equestrian society. It may very well be that if this outside force is able to influence sexual orientation it may just as easily affect other mental aspects of the personality, and perhaps even modify the world itself. We literally have no clue as to the extent of this anomaly's range of influence.

If you and your friends wish to investigate this matter, I invite you to use the Canterlot Royal Library for research. Send a reply as soon as you can stating the number of ponies who will be joining you, and I will charter a transport chariot to fly you here.

Signed, Princess Luna

"So who all will be coming with?" Spike asked.

"I'd like all my friends to help out here, but...I'll have to talk to them first."

"Maybe now's a good time to get on that," Spike grinned eagerly.

With a sigh, I took up Spike on my back and set out.

"Sweet Apple Acres will be our first stop."

"Why's that?"

"Well, Applejack's the only pony who doesn't know about any of this yet."

"Then wouldn't it be better to start with Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, to make sure they're okay with word getting out? I mean, just a thought. With Applejack's southern upbringing, you never know how she'll react to something like this."

I pondered this option for a moment.

"That's actually a good idea, and probably the most respectful choice in this situation. Plus, with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash on board, it might be easier to tell the others."

"So...where would we find them?"

"I'd guess Fluttershy's place. The two of them are probably still hanging out right now, and Fluttershy is afraid of heights so Rainbow's place would probably be out of the question...

"So Fluttershy's place, then?"

"Yep, sounds like a plan!"

And with that, we started off towards the meadow. We were barely out the door of the library, however, when a blur of pink bounced at us. In an instant Pinkie Pie's muzzle was right in my face and in all the confusion of her scattered approach only one sentence reached my ears intact.

"We need to talk, now!"

With a sigh, I turned back and invited her inside the library; and for the third time that day I'd find myself boiling water for tea...