Loud screams echo through my head as I feel my arms sting in pain. Freshly painted wounds display on my arms like a canvas. I sit on the floor of my room leaning up against my wall as I sobbed in my lap, a bloody knife in my hand shaking. I never wanted to tell anyone about what I want to do to myself because they would talk me out of it and I'll go on with all this pain. If I end it all now, I'd never have to deal with any of this bull ever again. All those names they called me, insults they said, those rumors they made will die, none of it ever again... but if I end it all, I'll never be able to see my sweet niece's face, she'll never know me, I'll never make people laugh at my jokes, hang out with my friends, be with my family, none of that at all... "Maybe I shouldn't-"
You're worth nothing to anybody, at all...
You're no good at anything...
You could do better than that...
I let out a soft sigh. My demon is right, I can't seem to do anything at all accurately. I'm a terrible artist who can't even draw a body right, my singing sucks, I have no idea how to read sheet music, and when I do, it's so confusing, and my writing is nothing but crap... Nobody will think I'm good enough for anything. I mean, it's not like I'm going to get any better at anything in life...
Nobody even noticed what you said to them last night...
I tried crying out silently for help with my friends, but none of them noticed. So here I am in the darkness of my room, ready to end it all forever.
I slowly get up shaking and walk toward my dresser. I open the drawer pulling out a rope and I hold it in my hand as I stare at it feeling my eyes sting with endless tears. I hear the sound of a soft chime bell; my phone's ringtone. I set the rope down on my bed and pick up my phone finding I had a new text message. I ignore it as I stare back at the rope on my bed as I think about this.
Just do it, it's for the best. Nobody will care...
"But... what about-"
It's not like they actually care enough about you. You know this, you tried asking for help, and they all ignored you...
I felt faint cold sharp claws wrapped around my shoulders, shutting me up. I hang my head slightly as more thoughts passed through my mind. "What if I don't want to do this...?"
You do want to, it's the only way you'll be happy again...
I slowly grab the rope, holding it in my hand for a few seconds as I feel my body tremble. I walked toward my closet and began to tie it into a loop around the hanger bar, then began wrapping it around my neck, but I hesitated.
Just do it!
I stood there frozen staring at the rope as I felt my body unable to move. I shook my head as I climbed on top of the chair, preparing to jump. I grabbed the knife holding it for a moment as I stared at the sharp blade. I shut my eyes tight preparing myself for the sharp sting, quickly slashing my wrists as I screamed in pain and tripped off the chair slightly losing my balance.
It felt as if my lungs were suddenly clogged and blocked off. I felt my eyes open wide as I squirmed around trying to break free, realizing I was making a mistake but it was hopeless... I clung onto the ropes grasp, trying to pull it off of me, but I couldn't get a grip on it. I tried screaming as loud as I could, but I couldn't find the strength. I shut my eyes as a tear rolled down my cheek as I finally gave up.
I suddenly find myself on the floor, gasping for air. I open my eyes finding the rope on the ground ripped and the bar from my closet on the floor. I clung onto my wrists as I felt my face gushing with tears from the pain and my fear. I took the knife and cut the rope off of me then dropped it onto the floor.
"This isn't what I wanted..." I whimper softly. "I don't wanna die..."
I laid there curled up into a ball for a short while until my head grew slightly fuzzy. I grabbed one of my jackets and wrapped the wound trying my best to apply pressure. I knew I had to get help, in risk of myself dying...
I slowly crawled out of my closet and grabbed my phone as I see my hands tremble. I text the one person who could truly help me with this problem I have. I feel my face become wet with tears as I type the words; "What is even the point of living anymore...?"
I felt my hands lose grasp on the phone as I heard it hit the floor and I broke down sobbing, curling into a ball. I felt my body tremble more, growing cold and numb as I felt my head grow slightly fuzzier.
After a few minutes, I feel someone hugging me tightly. I wrap my arms around her as I feel her warm touch as a comfort.
"You're not alone, sweetie..." Lotus Moon whispers gently.
I couldn't help but continue to cry as I heard her soft gentle voice. "What am I going to do...?" I whimper, resting my head against her as I sobbed in her embrace. "I... I..."
Lotus hushed me and hugs me tighter. "It's alright, you're gonna be okay, my little dove..."
I just laid there in her lap just wailing at the top of my lungs as I felt all of my pain slowly wash away.
Author's Note
You may ask why did I write this? Well, if you didn't read the story description, this is based off true events... I've spent countless days in total darkness, where I feel so cold and alone, I don't find any light. Sometimes I have days where I don't want to leave my house or cling onto my friends not wanting them to leave because I hardly find myself having any joy in life. I wrote this showing that you are not alone. And please, take care of yourselves. You don't know how many people actually look up to you in your life. Also, another note, *ahem* INTERNAL SCREAMING
Edit: I'm not doing this for attention, if you look at the comment CrackedInkWell and Lotus posted, that's why. It's not a joke, I'd never do something like that for something so serious. I posted this showing how much pain that people can go through, but they're not alone, there is someone like you going through what you are, people experience what you have. Sometimes, things happen for reasons. We all have struggles in life, but we can fight through it. So please don't judge me because of this. And take care of yourselves.
