Dear Journal,
Today I got a new book from Princess Celestia! She attached a letter to it, saying that she thought I was ready for it now that I’m headmare of the School of Friendship. The book is called “Defining Psychopathy: Understanding Negative Impulses”. I’m really excited to read it! Spike told me when he brought it to me that it gave him a bad feeling. I told him it was probably just his stomach and that he’d likely eaten something bad.
On another note, Rarity is away in Canterlot for the premiere of her masterpiece fashion line, called Celestial Arts. My friends and I set up a projector and watched her premiere with the students. Silverstream seemed especially interested in Rarity’s Lunar Orbit gown. I’ll make a note to have her talk to Rarity about the dress when she returns in a week.
Signing off for the night,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Journal,
I started reading the book Celestia sent me today. It’s amazing! It talks about how negative impulses can affect us in ways we can’t imagine! It’s so interesting how one bad thought can pull us into the dark, even if we think it for a good reason. This book could be so helpful for ponies! Anyways, while I was reading, Spike and Starlight went and got Hayburgers and fries for our lunch today.
Spike told me when he saw me reading my new book that he thought the book should’ve been in the restricted section of the archive. I told him I would put it there when I was done. Starlight said the same thing when she came in to ask me about midterms. I’ll put it away when I’m done with it.
Sincerely,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Journal,
Today I reached Chapter two of the book. Chapter two is more hooves on, so I moved my notes and the book down to the lab in the basement. For the first experiment, the book had me ask someone I love to think about the worst things they could possibly think for a day, and then have them document it on a piece of parchment with their thoughts. I chose Spike. I explained the experiment to him, and gave him a piece of parchment and sent him off.
Before leaving, he told me to be careful with the experiments I did. I thanked him and then went back to reading.
When I went to talk to him later, I found him in curled up in a little ball in his closet, muttering to himself. I managed to calm him down. When he could finally talk coherently, he gave me the paper with all his thoughts and asked me why I made him do that. I told him I just wanted to help other ponies by doing it, and I promised not to make him do that again. After that, he and I sat in the closet and talked about things for a while before going to bed for the night.
Hope to talk soon,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Journal,
I’m sorry I haven’t written for the past few weeks! I’ve been busy with the Summer Sun Celebration and the subsequent Midsummer Festival in Ponyville, so I’ve been reading the book and doing experiments without writing here whenever I can.
Speaking of the book, the next few experiments I did were really interesting! The first one needed another pony to come with me, so I had Starlight walk with me to the Everfree Forest, where the experiment took place. I set up a basic research table and then had Starlight sit in the middle of a circle I drew with chalk.
For the next part of the experiment, a special spell was required, so I set up a focal point for the spell and then went around to the front of it, where I was supposed to cast the spell. When I cast it, I could barely hear Starlight’s fearful shout. I barely stopped in time. When I got to her, she was unconscious and severely injured.
I barely got her to the hospital in time. They barely patched her up. They told me she could’ve died. That she was lucky to be alive after a blast like that. I could’ve killed her. And she wouldn’t have come back. And I would’ve lost a friend forever. And I would’ve had to live with it.
When she woke up, I told Starlight I was sorry for what happened. She listened, and smiled, but didn’t speak. Her voice box had been burned in the blast.
…Anyways, I couldn’t do any more experiments because then I became even more busy with preparations and visiting Starlight at the hospital. I have to go now, I have paperwork for the summer sun celebration to do.
See you later,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Journal,
Princess Celestia requested I come to canterlot to talk to her about the book. I quickly packed all the essentials and the book and said goodbye to Starlight, Spike, and my friends. I then left without another word. I didn’t think I needed to tell them that this was about the book. I was correct.
When I arrived, Princess Celestia met me at the station. She escorted me to a room in the castle that was close to hers. She told me that if I needed anything that she could ask anyone here, or talk to her herself. I thanked her and went back to reading the book. Before leaving, the princess told me she expected me to meet her in her study later. I told her I would.
After the princess left, I saw that the book had several mysterious scrawled notes in the margins. However, they were so mangled I couldn’t understand them. I’ll research them tomorrow.
I have to go now.
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Journal,
Today I moved to the library and looked into the notes ponies who had read this book before me had left. I found only second-hoof accounts of how a loved one or a friend had read this book and it had broken them down to insanity in one way or another.
Each account was different, a different pony reading the book, or a different city, or different experiments done, or something else that separated each account from the other. I couldn’t find one account that had the same story.
As time went on, and I continued reading the accounts, I found one similarity in all of them: the stages of the book’s insanity. There are three stages, as listed below:
Stage one: Interest
This stage is when the reader becomes incredibly interested in the book, almost to the point of obsession. I am in the middle of this stage as of writing this entry, and I can already tell that it’s affecting my experiments.
Stage two: Experimentation
This stage is when the reader does experiments from the book that are dubious at best and almost wrong at worst. It immunizes the reader to the horrible things the book makes them do in the third and final stage.
Stage three: Insanitus
This stage is the stage that slowly drives the reader insane. As the reader does experiments and reads the book, the Insanitus curse slowly, bit by bit, drop by drop, drives the reader insane. It drills mental holes in the reader’s mind, turning them into a monster. Once in this stage, there’s no turning back.
I fear for what will come of my reading this book. I am not only the element of Magic, but also the princess of Friendship. If I were to go insane, I have no doubt that Equestria would face certain doom. I’m going to tell Princess Celestia tomorrow.
See you soon,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Journal,
I told a lie to Princess Celestia.
I told a lie to my mentor. I was going to tell her about the things I discovered, but something spoke for me and told her that everything was fine. That the book was just a regular book that I was interested in and wanted to use to help other ponies with. She believed me, too. She told me that I could go home tomorrow if that was true.
I can’t believe that she would believe me so easily about a book that she’d seen the effects of so many times. I don’t want to believe that she would trust my word over the memories of thousands of ponies going through this.
The most painful thing about this was that I actually lied to my mentor, and that I didn’t regret it later. I know I’m going to have to explain this to my friends, but for now I have to keep researching and reading this book, in order to find out what to do.
I’ll see you tomorrow,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Journal,
Today Spike visited me in my suite in the castle. I tried to keep the information that I learned from him, and did quite well, actually. I told him I hadn’t found anything new about the book, and that was looking the archives for it.
After he left, I noticed a little voice whispering in my head to keep doing experiments. I tried to ignore it, but it just kept whispering to me, drilling into my mind and breaking me down until I eventually decided to return to Ponyville and do more experiments.
In any other circumstance than the one I’m in now I would’ve stayed in Canterlot to do them, but the nature of the experiments I’m doing would only get me arrested. I’ve already packed up my bags and I’ll be leaving tonight on the late night train. I haven’t informed Celestia, but I’m sure she’ll know by tomorrow morning. I expect she’ll find my letter to her in the morning.
I have to go now. It’s almost time for the train. I can’t let Celestia find me.
Twilight Sparkle.
Dear Journal,
I did more experiments today. After having settled back in at my castle in Ponyville, I holed myself up in my lab in the top tower of my castle. After making myself a basic resting place, I did several of the book’s experiments just while alone, and I’ve planned to do more with other ponies once I finish the solo experiments.
When I came out once to get food and water, Spike told me he thought I should stop. That I should tell my friends or the princesses what this book is doing to me. I told him quite sternly that I was fine, and that this for the good of everypony in Equestria. The discussion we had quickly escalated into a shouting match.
In the end, I stormed back up to my tower and slammed the door shut. I then laid on the cot I’d set up for myself. I couldn’t speak or move for the rest of the day after that.
My friends all came to check on me, but I’d locked the door so nopony could get in. They all were worried about me, and they all wanted some sort of explanation for my yelling at Spike a few hours before. I didn’t answer them. Well, I didn’t answer them… until Rainbow and Applejack bucked the door down.
When all my friends entered, the same conversation that I’d had with Spike followed, and I eventually shoved them out and sealed the room shut with magic. I saw my friends leaving through the magenta glow of my shield. After, I put the door back on and magically reinforced it so it wouldn’t come off again if it was bucked.
I feel so guilty for all that’s happened today. I wish none of this had happened. I’m in stage two. I can feel the guilt slipping away.
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Journal,
I visited Starlight again today. She seemed to be doing better. She could talk, although her words were whispered and raspy, and she seemed to be healing well.
I told Starlight about what had happened these past few days. I explained everything, from how I decided to continue doing experiments, to how I’d yelled at my friends, including Spike and shut them all out. When I had finished, Starlight told me the same thing that my friends told me: stop reading the book. I didn’t have the energy to be angry at her.
I told her that I had to keep reading the book, not only to help other ponies and to know what the book contained, but also to destroy the cursed thing after I was done. Starlight understood, but warned me to be careful. I thanked her and then left her to rest and heal more.
When I got back into my tower, I began pacing in circles. I couldn’t decide whether to continue with the experiments and learn where all this was going or stop and apologize to my friends. Thinking about it only made me frustrated and nervous. I decided to sleep on it and choose in the morning.
I can’t stop now.
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Journal,
I chose to continue experimenting. After nearly an hour pacing in circles and thinking, I chose the experiments over my friends. I set up the next experiment and chose Applejack to do it with me. She refused at first, but after several minutes of me assuring her nothing would go wrong, she agreed.
Several hours later, after the experiment was complete, I escorted Applejack to the psyche ward of Ponyville General Hospital. She’d seen things that nopony should ever see. In fact, I’m lucky I didn’t have to go there. I spent several hours after that just calming myself down.
When I finally did calm down, I went out to face my friends. They were all angry at me for hurting Applejack that way. They told me I never should’ve done that, and that if I wanted to keep hurting ponies, they wouldn’t let me hurt them. They all then left, Except for Spike. He lives here, after all, and he had nowhere else to go.
But even Spike left me alone. He started spending all day as far away from me as possible, and even when he was home, he’d ignore as if I wasn’t there. I tried to talk to him, but he’d just ignore me even more.
I eventually just went back to doing experiments and reading the book. I should never have started reading this book.
I have to keep going.
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Journal,
I killed somepony.
I actually killed somepony. Oh celestia oh celestia oh celestia oh celestia oh celestia oh celestia oh celestia oh celestia oh celestia oh celestia I
(the rest of this entry is covered in unintelligible scrawlings)
Dear Journal,
I never should’ve done this. I never should’ve picked that stupid book. I should’ve just thrown it out or burned it and never looked back. I should’ve returned it the moment I got it.
But instead doing the reasonable thing, I decided to read it. And, like an idiot AND a jerk, when my friends tried to warn me about the danger, I shut them all out and sent them away. I suppose that’s for the best, though.
I’m now in stage three. I can hear a constant whispering in the back of my mind, telling me to experiment. I try not to, but when I don’t, I hear a horrible screeching noise that never goes away until I start doing experiments again. I can’t sleep, because of nightmares. I can’t leave my tower, the ponies outside would kill me. I can’t tell anypony aside from this journal, including my friends, or they’d give me to the mob themselves. I am a prisoner in my own body. I have no choice but to do experiments, no matter how tired and addled my mind is from lack of sleep.
I can already feel myself slipping into insanity, and the more experiments I do, the stronger the feeling becomes. Each experiment, each pony I am forced to hurt, increases the guilt and pain and insanity that weighs me down every day.
Even if I manage to stop for a minute or two, this thing making me continue takes control and forces me to do another experiment. I can only imagine what lies beyond the horizon I’m being dragged towards. I feel as if I have no control over my actions anymore. if I ever escape, then I don’t know what I’ll tell anypony I know, much less my friends and family.
Somepony help me.
~~Twilight Sparkle~~
A mad mare
(this entry is hastily scrawled)
~~Dear Journ~~
~~I have no~~
I have to get out of here. My friends have called Princess Celestia and Luna and they’ve elected to lock me up in a dungeon where my screams will never be heard. But I have to finish the book. Finishing the book is the only thing that can help me now. No medicine, no friendship, no magic, nothing but finishing the book can help me now.
I’ve packed up the lab and cot and destroyed all evidence of my experiments. All that’s left to do Is leave a note to Celestia.
To whoever reads this in the future, I’m sorry for what’s happened. I know that will never make up for the things I’ve done, but I hope it will give some closure to know that I would take all this back if I could. Princess Celestia, please tell Applejack, Spike, Starlight, and the rest of my friends the same.
I’ll miss everypony here.
An insane alicorn
Twilight Sparkle
