Author's Note

Just want to share a vid I played that got me into the mood while writing this ^^ (https://youtu.be/IJ0kurZy1DE)

This will be a Discord chapter all on its own....a little different from all the other chapters and I'm sorry for that but I'd just want to give Discord a POV chapter. (Yes, this takes place after whatever happened in the previous chapters). Please enjoy.

Please continue to step into the world in Discord's POV.

Ponders Of A God

As a young lad, I've always had one thought.

Why did I exist.

Sometimes I wondered if I served any other purpose.

Sure, I was given the task and role as the Lord of Chaos. Afterall, the universe needed balance in its system. It was natural to have an element of Chaos in some way or another.

But that role could've easily be given to someone else. Someone else more knowledgeable. Someone more deserving of a life of infinite power. Someone more deserving of a world that could bend at their will.

But was that person ever me?

If I was just a normal draconequus...

If I had no role....

Would I have a different purpose?

How different would life be?

Heh...maybe I'd just have died like the rest of them....simple as that....

I'd have no purpose....

That....sounds way more enjoyable than all of this.

However, I was given the choice to live. I was given the belief that I had more than what it seemed planned for my future. It was.....odd. What else could be bestowed upon me in the future? What am I, as the Lord of Chaos, supposed to do? In a society where Harmony was an expectation set on a high throne in front of millions, I didn't know how well I was meant to fit.

What did the Gods meant by chaos?

What was I supposed to do-

Why didn't anyone tell me?!

Who gives the child the knowledge of an incomprehensible future, drop them off all on their own without anyone there for them to be supported by and think everything will go smoothly?- It won't!

....was I born to be hated?

For example, if I were to be the God of Weather, it would be understandable on what you were supposed to do, right? As it says in the title. I'll be summoning clouds, make rain, snow, then clear them, cycle repeats yadda yadda. Its explanatory in its own way. And it helps life in its own way, so no grudges held ,right? Then, imagine if I was the....God of Harmony! Ah, yes. My sole opposite. The yin to my yang. The bright day to my dark night...

Ah- yes, as I was saying.... if I were Harmony..... I'd be.... making sure no one's fighting, I guess? Keep peace in check. Arrange books in a library.... I think? I know for sure that I'd have to make sure everyone is happy and dally and- oh look! The flowers are blooming and- oh look! The sun is bright and these ponies are having picnics and- oh look! Those cans of tomato soup at the supermarket are stacked oh so neatly and straight! Ah, harmony! Everyone is singing is harmoniously! Look there! The cats are.... harmonically walking to the tune of this harmonic snapping of my fingers! Oh look! that that is harmony, that is harmony yadda yadda-

Blergh!

You know what I mean.

And everyone is okay with it. "Yes, that stack of hot dogs is neat- wow!" and "Yes, that is an interesting flower with identical petals- how exciting!" and also "Yes, that cat's face is very symmetrical, truly wondrous!".

Now, we get to- the main point. Imagine if you were...... the loRD OF CHAOS! YES! AHAHAHAHA! Let's see- library shelves will be laid on the ground, and instead of the books being stacked in neatly, well stack the books up high on each other, making no use of the shelf! Flowers will only bloom during snowy days and on any other days instead of withering- oho! Nonono..... they'll grow small pods where tiny frogs and toads will come out of! Like little pod eggs! Ponies will be picnicking on rafts in the middle of the ocean, while it's thundering! Canned tomato soup will be left to roll around on its own in the supermarket- actually, nothing will have their own specific shelf! Everything will be left around and you'll have to go on your own expedition to find anything you need to buy! I might even start selling cakes at the soup store and soup at the cake store- who knows?! Cats will swim in ponds as fishes will suddenly be able to fly with their fins, leaving birds wingless and now having to walk to wherever they go like the boring wingless creatures they are! I'll start snapping my toes instead of my fingers like the madman I am! AHAHA! WE WILL ALL SING WITH DIFFERENT PITCHES AND SPEAK DIFFERENT LANGUAGES TO EACH OTHER AND STILL UNDERSTAND! ROBERTS WILL HAVE THEIR OWN LANGUAGES AND STEVE WILL BE THE NEW WORD FOR PANCAKES! TRUE CHAOS! AHAHAHAHAHAAAA!.......

And no one will like that. Of course, I am an exception. How could a creator hate its own creations? There is room for criticism- of course. But a creator with good taste would never truly hate their creations. Chaos is my life at this point. I was left with only the knowledge of my future entrepreneur as a God of Chaos and the instinct to survive. Chaos was all I had, and of course I cherished it. Truth be told, I wouldn't be here without chaos. The main magic of chaos is that it bends reality in ways that would suit me. For example, creatures that were born in more cold environments will of course be more likely to survive in cold places. But for me, I have chaos by my side. I can bend reality to however it made fit for me to be able to survive. And that is why I cherished it so.

I can't express it into words how much Chaos is dear to me. And that is why the concept would slip from a pony's mind so easily. They simply couldn't grasp it because they haven't been in my shoes- uh, hooves? Whatever. And that is why ponies hate it so. They hate chaos because they don't adapt to it well- unlike me, who survived on chaos since the beginning.

And that makes me ponder if I was born to be hated.

Harmony is well liked and well even encouraged as you can see through the dazzling lives of Equestrian citizens. Harmony does make it possible for life itself to be...well, possible. Relationships, all that jazz.

I never saw the need for relationships in my younger days. But after having a taste of what its like to be loved, to be cherished, to be known as someone after all, it really gets you addicted, doesn't it? Think about it; spend years and years with your family and suddenly when you're old enough you'd have to move out and find a life of your own. For some people, they'll already be prepared with partners of their own. Cohabiting! Ah, the joys of growing up.

But for some, they'd be a period in between where they leave their family and live alone, single.....ready to mingle? As they might say. and sometimes they'd start to feel rather lonely. They thought it be fun to live on their own....to have their own bathroom and TV, to be able to eat anything they want without being judged for their tastes or unhealthy habits. Imagine microwaving chips with sliced cheese and eat it freely without a care of anyone's feelings? Paradise, isn't it?

But suddenly, you'd start to feel a little lonely after awhile. Sure, you get your own bathroom, but for some reason your mornings felt different. It was a...pleasant change for awhile. But then you realized you missed the chaos that would always occur every morning before you get into the shower. Then you'd start questioning yourself like- are you a madman?! You finally get freedom of our own but you choose to mope. Why?! Then you'd remember the times where you'd share home cooked meals with your family- and you find it quite more edible than your new menu of plain biscuits for breakfast and a PB&J sandwich for lunch and so on and so forth. No more baked potato or your favorite spaghetti with meat sauce.

I've never had a family of my own. The closest I had to it were the sisters. And dare I say, it is a quite addicting concept. I remembered how I used to sneak into Celly's room late at night to scare her before she comes back to bed after a long day shift and a pleasant dinner. If I'm lucky enough I'd be able to scare the dinner out of her.... And I remember the times I'd stargaze with dear Lulu and joke about the times we caught Celestia singing to herself in the mirror.....

.....then came the day that I bit more than I could chew. And just like that, everything I ever enjoyed vanished. Being trapped in stone was the most boring, painful, and I admit lonely time of my life. I had many other torturous moments in life, but none quite like stone. Imagine not being able to feel anything- to feel numb but awake. I was awake through that whole period. Never have I slept.... the closest thing to sleeping would be daydreaming.

It was lonely, yes. Although Celly often came by moping about how she's so "sorry" about doing this to me and how she should've "done better". A cry for pity? From your own victim? Daring I say, quite daring.

But I've been lonely before. No, what was even more suffocating during that time was because....I couldn't express myself. The surge of chaos, the rush of adrenaline, my coping mechanism. I couldn't express it. It pent up inside of me. I culdn't feel myself but at the same time I felt overloaded. And it drove me crazy.

So you could imagine how much of a relief it was when I was released. Suddenly, that rush of freedom, the feeling of being able to move again, to not be numb anymore, to be able to smell, to move... See it as an excuse if you want but honestly that was why I couldn't help myself and as soon as I escaped I wrecked as much chaos as I could. All that time, the adrenaline that was pent up, I could finally release it. It was really a weird spot to be in. as much as it felt good, great even, it..... I knew it wasn't right. But I was blinded by the pleasure in it. Everything felt too good to be true. I was free! Finally free!.....

Aaaand I was sent back. Suddenly I was back, in the void of numbness. Sigh, at least I knew what to expect this time. And in this period, between being recaptured and released after by the six horseman of harmony, I reluctantly gave myself to think my plans through. I realized how stupid I was to act on impulse as soon as was released, so this time I planned to pace myself. Of course, I didn't think to be released so soon. I knew I'd be free again one day....maybe in another millennium or so. But so soon? I was really caught off guard when Celly came down from her balcony to come and visit me in the day. Usually she'd come to me at night to talk. So that already made me skeptical.

Imagine how surprised I was when I heard of her plan.

.....friendship?

....heh....

....hehe....

....hahaHAHAHAHAAA!

HAHAHAHA WHAT WAS SHE THINKING??

THE LORD OF CHAOS?? FIXED BY A BUNCH OF SILLY LITTLE FRIENDS???!

It was laughable.

But she was serious. And indeed, it was a surprise. She wasn't bluffing. She's really doing this.

.....huh...

.....okay then.

It was still quite hilarious to think about. Boy, I really questioned what I was getting myself into. What was to come. What will I do.

I planned to hide out when I finally escape. To hide out a bit and find a way to express myself without getting myself turned back into a lawn ornament as soon as I escaped.

But inevitably, my plan was foiled. Sigh, all that thought power. Wasted.

And when it was the time where it really did happen, where I really was let out and told befriend these... things.... I didn't really see the appeal. Honest. Sigh, it costed me my pride at first but...... I decided to play along. After all, my freedom. I suddenly started to conjure up a new plan in my mind. I suddenly got excited, thinking that yes, I'll escape soon. And then will I be truly free!

It didn't turn out that way.

Yes, I did manage to trick them in the beginning. During the first few moments, I gave myself leeway to express myself a little. And of course I managed to piss them off a bit. All but Fluttershy. It was amusing at first; she really thought she could do it at first try, couldn't she? I was more relaxed in my ordeals at first, but as soon as I felt things getting a bit tense and the sudden threatening aura her friends gave off, I toned it down a bit. I wasn't scared of them, of course..... but I didn't want to cost myself my chance at freedom just because I was too impatient. No, I couldn't do that.

I guess I really did set myself up for that one, didn't I?

After I managed to convince them that I was "truly changing", I thought it'd be the end of it. Boy, was I wrong.

That was only the beginning.

Since then, I pretended to be Fluttershy's "friend". Or at least, I was supposed to. It was a simple task. Have "tea parties", "help" her with chores, flatter her with sweet words to make it seem that I'm nice and polite. Anything to make it seem that I was nice enough to be left alone. It was a little...... weird to be babysat by this naive young mare. It was almost embarrassing, I'd admit. But.....

I really did set myself up.

The more time passes, the more I find myself looking forward for her tea parties. The more time passes, the more I grow fond of some of her animals (to be fair, they were like foals, chaotic troublemakers). The more time passes, the more I..... grew fond of her.

Her attention was quite addictive.

It....was sort of nostalgic in a way.

It reminded me of when I was younger. Sigh, although I know that nothing could revert us back into that time. No matter how hard I try. It's almost.... irritating. I messed up everything, didn't I?

If only I wasn't greedy....

No!

I can't.... can't be blinded by this.

I remind myself constantly that Fluttershy is faking it too. She has to be. Either that or I'm just a pet to her. She cares for me, worries for me, has...faith in me.....

She had faith that I really would change.

And it was at that point that I knew she wasn't just faking it.

It made me rethink of everything. Why.... just why?

I....just can't change.

How do you expect me to stop?!

This is who I am!

Discord!

Lord of Chaos!

Lord...

Of....

I was born to be hated. I knew that right away. I bring balance to the world, yet no one can see that. It's a minor detail, but chaos is part of what makes life....life. The unexpected. The unwanted space in a full page essay. The disorderly conduct of an orchestra. That is what I am.

I understood what Fluttershy had to do. I really did.

But I didn't know if she understood what I had to do.

Did anyone really?

Did anyone......

I felt quite sick with everypony's nagging. To do this, to do that, do it the right way, do it this way, that way- pah! Being the God of Chaos certainly made doing things more difficult. I can accomplish things, sure, but everything will obviously not be neat and tidy like everypony hopes it to be. Rarity once made me help her sew on a few buttons following a specific pattern. And I couldn't. I can't explain how many times I warned her that it wouldn't be perfect. But it was a test Twilight told her to put me through. To see how obedient I really was....

Honestly I felt like a Golden Retriever.

It came out sloppy, of course. She said that I....tried...... and forced a smile. Of course. I could sense how frustrated it made her. But I really couldn't.

I guess it was also my fault how difficult I was to trust. Sometimes I joke, I jest, and sometimes I outright tease them. Sometimes instead of just explaining why I couldn't do it right I just remark that I like it better that way. Pride is one hell of a drug, I tell ya.

But sometimes, I do find myself catching my tongue every once in awhile. Sometimes, it....it really does just feel nice to be in others' good graces. Especially Fluttershy. She.....really was more than what I expected when it came to this "reformation" thing.

It's impossible for me to reform from being the Lord of Chaos. But it is possible for me to be reformed from being a jerk, yes. Ugh, but there's no fun when everyone is just polite and boring, is there? That's also my fault, I guess. I just like trouble.

Like I said, born to be hated.

That's just who I am.

When Tirek came to town, I found myself in an awkward position. Celly suddenly came around to actually talk to me. I mean, I've talked to her alot before. It's just..... after I was freed, we never talked as much as we used to. Even when I was in stone, she talked more than she did then. I was.... pissed at that for some reason. Because after all these months, suddenly she just decided to call me in to talk, and all it was for was just to ask for my help.

That's all I was to her, wasn't it?

A supporting role in her big storybook.

Just someone to fix messes.

A....janitor?-

I don't know.

But for some reason I found myself quite pissed at that. Sure, I held a grudge on her anyway for imprisoning me for so long, but for some reason I..... felt a little sad that she never bothered to make amends. Well, neither did I but I quite see myself as the victim here.

Well, I guess after the whole "Twilight gone coo-coo" thing and where I almost mauled her to death, we reconnected. Well, I reconnected. I really didn't know where to go after that. Heh, I ran back home, you would say. They were the only place I had when I was little and I never thought I'd find myself running back here again.

Though..... it is a sudden change from being with Fluttershy. It's hard for me to admit but..... friendship is really an addictive thing, isn't it? It's as if I'm suffering from withdraw. Just like the time I was first stripped of my magic when I was first imprisoned. It drives you nuts. You just feel the need to get more.

But for some reason, I find losing Fluttershy.... more painful than anything else. I hated her at first. Thought she was annoying, whiny, naive, always....caring for me, always g-giving me advice......always..... there for me. Chaos.....cannot compare to Fluttershy.

I... I never thought I'd find something that'll leave me so clueless yet so wanting an explanation to. What's the fun in making sense?...... Sense would at least give me a damn reason as to why I feel like this. I hate this feeling. This is worse than losing chaos.

The only thing I can connect from the feeling of losing Fluttershy was the time I betrayed Celestia. A heart-wrenching, gut twisting feeling. It feels you immediately with regret and the only thing you could ask yourself was "could I have done better?".

Or maybe I was just born to fail. To lose everything as soon as anything gets better in life.

...

...

Now that I think about it, maybe I'm addicted to trust. After I lost Celestia's trust, everything went downhill. It was the same as when I lost Fluttershy's. It....

...it still doesn't make sense to me.

Sigh.... now here I am. Rambling to myself.

The void is still as empty as ever. Although when I'm bored of rambling and crying I start making random objects appear like-

Hey, there's that tricycle I made earlier!

..

..

Wow, I'm pathetic.

I wonder what Luna is doing now....

Pfft, whatever.

I'm annoying to her anyway.....

There is nothing else left to be said. He floated about quietly. He felt as if he had talked himself out enough for himself to calm down. He no longer felt that....feeling anymore. At least for a while more.

Fluttershy.....it shouldn't concern him anymore for now.

There's just..... more to the future.

He'll have to let fate decide on what's next.

He can do.....nothing at the moment.

Slowly, his eyes felt heavy. After so long, he...finally found himself at ease.

And there he succumbed to sleep.