I Swear To Drunk I'm Not Celestia!

by lillytheomegawolf

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Romance, Fluttershy
Length: 6008

Alcohol can do all kinds of funny things to a pony. It can give courage, make you do silly things and lead to accidents. When some surprise faces show up for drinks on Friday, will Rainbow Dash’s resolve to cut back on her drinking hold firm?

Alcohol can do all kinds of funny things to a pony. It can give courage, make you crazy talkative, or even super quiet. It can also lead to accidents, such as crashing into your fillyfriend’s backyard.
Friday night is a time of fun and drinking for many in the Ponyville weather team. When some surprise faces show up for drinks, will Rainbow Dash’s resolve to cut back on her drinking hold firm?

Set pre-Rainbow Dash joining the Wonderbolts.

Published 2018-11-11 04:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-11-11 04:20:01 UTC

The Call of Cider

Fluttershy awoke to the sound of a loud crash from outside. “Wua..?” Her half asleep brain managed as she stumbled out of bed and pushed her bedroom window open.

Cold water was thrown on her senses at the sight before her. The moonlight illuminated the crash scene, the greenery to the side of her house was ploughed, several blue feathers floated around the vicinity. Fluttershy followed the trail of destruction to her animal pens and cringed when she spotted a blue pegasus with a rainbow mane splayed out every which way. Said pegasus appeared out cold. How did her fillyfriend crash into her chicken pen at night? Dash hadn’t even told her she was coming around. If she had known she would have at least stayed up and waited for her arrival.

Before her brain registered what was happening, Fluttershy found herself outside and in front of her mare. Was that cider she could smell?

Oh dear. It was. No wonder Rainbow Dash had crashed, she smelled like the local Ponyville pub.

Fluttershy did her best to drag the slightly smaller mare out of the destroyed side of her chicken pen. After much tugging, she dug her hooves in and under her mare. She carefully slung the out could pegasus onto her back and set off inside. Her chickens would have to wait until after her silly marefriend had been taken care of.

Fluttershy carefully placed her wasted pegasus on the couch and sat down to examine her patient. Minor cuts littered the right side where she appeared to have impacted. Her legs were muddied up but otherwise appeared ok. Fluttershy began poking around the rainbow mane’s roots, looking for any hidden bumps, bruises or worse. As she reached the top of her filyfriend’s skull she felt a rather large bump, likely caused from breaking the side of her chicken coup.

The buttery mare rushed off to fetch something cold to try and calm the bruising. She grabbed a kitchen towel and rushed to the pond outside where she drenched the towel in freezing cold water, wrung it a bit then headed back in. She carefully placed the freezing towel on the sore spot and sat back to admire the wreck that was her fillyfriend.

Why did Dash have to drink like that? Why did she have to come round drunk again? And why did she have to crash and injure herself..?

Fluttershy sighed. These questions were sure to not be answered right now. Her gaze drifted to the mud-stained coat of her fillyfriend and she wondered, was it better to just leave Dash here to sleep it off in a mess, or dump her in the bathtub to clean her, probably waking her up in the process?

Fluttershy knew her back was probably not as clean as it had been before her sleep had been interrupted thanks to carrying a muddy pegasus inside. They both could probably use a bath.

With her mind set, she carefully shifted her out cold companion back onto her back and set off for the bathroom.

Fluttershy carefully slid her fillyfriend onto the wooden floor beside the bathtub. She turned on the water and began the task of adding a bit of soap, some bubbles and checking the heat. Once she decided it was full enough to support two ponies she turned the water off and her attention returned to the snoozing drunk pegasus on her floor. She gripped Dash in a tight hug and slid her into the water, hindquarters first. She was careful to keep the pretty blue head out of the water in case Dash managed to sleep through the whole thing.

With a massive shudder, Dash threw her forehooves around Fluttershy and pulled the startled pegasus in with a ‘eep!’

A big splash followed, then two heads emerged from the turbulent bathtub water.

“Whaaa... Fluttershy?” Dash managed as she collapsed against the side of the tub.

“You’re awake!”

“When you throw pony in water, what did you expect?”

“You were all dirty. I thought it would be nicer if you woke up in the morning all nice and clean...” Fluttershy trailed quietly off.

Dash groaned softly, “well I wish you didn’t... ugh... why can’t the world would stay still?”

Fluttershy cooed softly as she drifted closer to the intoxicated mare. “How about you just try and relax and I’ll clean you?”

“Okay.”

Fluttershy hummed softly as she worked on cleaning her fillyfriend. The atmosphere became peaceful once more. Just the soft splash of water and the sounds of scrubbing as the light yellow pegasus worked.

“There. All done.”

“Awww... that felt nice...” Dash flipped onto her back, her gaze upon her marefriend. “You’re really pretty you know. I love you so much...”

Yellow cheeks heated up. Did Dash know how err... open and inviting that position was?

The still rather drunk pegasus pulled her companion into a sloppy hug and together they sank down the side of the tub together. Fluttershy giggled as Dash nuzzled her and played with her mane. “Hey, want me to wash you?”

Fluttershy shook her head and lightly booped her fillyfriend’s snoot, “I’ll manage myself, thank you.”

“Awww... Buuut I’ve never gotted to wash my Flutter-bunny before.”

Fluttershy recoiled slightly at the strong blast of second-hand cider coming her way. How much did Dash drink? “Maybe when you’re not drunk, I’ll let you wash me then.”

“Fiiiiine!” The normally athletic pony slipped out from under her caretaker and staggered around a bit as she exited the bath.

Fluttershy hurried to assist her lover then washed quickly so that she could ensure they both got dry before entering the rest of the house. She didn’t want a wet, drunk pony speeding through the house.

“Here Dash, you can sleep in here.”

“It looks big enough for two, don’t you think?”

Fluttershy’s cheeks heated under the suggestive look she received. “Um... I don’t know if we are ready to sleep together.”

“Come on, we used to cuddle as fillies. Plus, the room moves less when you hold me.”

Fluttershy trotted to the window and glanced over to her chicken pen. The partly destroyed structure looked like it would survive the night. But she still had to make sure. Fluttershy turned to her ever so slightly swaying fillyfriend. “I just need to cover the chicken pen and check everyone is safe, then I’ll be back to take care of you okay?”

“Hurry up then.” Dash scrambled up and into the big bed and made herself comfortable while Fluttershy set outside to ensure her chickens were safe.

The large single pony bed felt rather cosy with two. Fluttershy could tell by the way Dash was cuddling her that she didn’t care if it wasn’t a cloud bed. All the colours of the rainbow filled her vision as the blue pegasus shifted a bit and rested her head on Fluttershy’s chest. It felt rather nice, lying on her back with her best friend turned marefriend using her as a pillow. Fluttershy sighed as the faint smell of alcohol blew into her face. A lack of such a smell would make the cuddles more enjoyable she decided. Oh well, it was their first time cuddling at night in bed as adults. Might as well do my best to enjoy it. Fluttershy tightened her hold on her Rainbow and allowed the wonderful warm lump on her to lull her to sleep.

“Ooooohh... Owwww... My head...”

Fluttershy awoke groggily to the sounds of her fillyfriend groaning and complaining. She cracked an eye open and all she could see was a multi-colours locks of mane.

Wait.

This was her bed.

She was in bed with Rainbow Dash.

They were spooning and she was big spoon.

Why was-

Then it hit her. Dash got drunk again last night. That was what happened. The lanky yellow pegasus struggled to extract her buried foreleg and to sit up. Once that was accomplished she gazed down at her hungover bedmate. Dash had her muzzle shielded from the daylight with a wing. A blue hoof reached up and rubbed at a zone just below where the rainbow mane started. All the while she continued to groan softly while her head pounced.

“I- Shall I get you some tea for that headache?” Fluttershy whispered.

“Cuddles...” moaned Dash.

The hungover pegasus rolled over and impaled herself into Fluttershy’s soft underside.

‘Okay then.’ Fluttershy thought to herself as she carefully lay back down. 'Cuddles it is.' She glanced outside through the crack in the curtain. It looked like they would be okay for a little while longer. Or until Angel decided to demand breakfast.

“I’m just concerned about you.” Fluttershy hugged her fillyfriend just inside the doorway of her cottage. “You never used to drink this much. I worry about you sometimes.”

“Look... I promise I’ll keep it to just a few drinks next time. I won’t crash into your backyard drunk again.”

“I would prefer it if you didn’t drink at all,” Fluttershy admitted softly as she withdrew.

“But it’s all part of our after work ritual on Friday nights.” Dash’s grin faltered under the concerned look her words elicited. “You know, it would be even more fun if you came with me."

“No thank you.” Fluttershy resolutely stood her ground in the doorway.

Rainbow Dash sighed, “okay. I guess I’ll see you later then.”

A few moments passed in silence as the couple stood, Fluttershy still in the doorway.

“Thanks for the tea, it’s really made my hangover feel better.”

Fluttershy nodded, “Good." She paused, "you can stay you know. I don’t want you to crash into anything out there.”

“I’ll be fine. You know me,” the speedster did her best charismatic grin.

It faltered a little under the uncertain look on the animal caretakers face. “That’s why I’m offering. I know what you’re like.”

Fluttershy felt herself pulled into a tight hug. She slowly returned the gesture. As they parted, she stepped outside and offered enough space for her companion to leave.

“Thanks, Flutters’ you’re the best fillyfriend a mare could have.” With slightly less speed and more care than usual, the blue pegasus took off.

Fluttershy waved goodbye to her marefriend then closed the door and unleashed a massive sigh as she slid down the outside of her front door. Now to fix that chicken pen and hope that her fillyfriend didn’t crash into it next Friday night after the usual drinking session. Maybe she should try and do something to help Dash cut back.

But what?

After a hard week of working the skies around Ponyville and going on missions with her friends, it was time for Friday night drinks at the local pub, the Hay & Clover. Rainbow Dash strode into the homely establishment and marched right up to the bar.

“Hey Cloud Kicker, Blossomforth.” Dash nodded to her workmates as she took a seat next to them at the bar. “I see you two started without me.”

“I didn’t know how long you and Fluttershy would be,” Cloud Kicker smirked as she took a sip of her colourful mixed drink.

Dash shot the lavender blue pegasus a look, “mind out of the gutter Cloud, Fluttershy and I were with the other girls.”

The reply failed to wipe the smirk off the Cloud Kicker’s muzzle. “Hey, Thunderlane, glad to see you can join us too!” She spotted the mare at his side, “and who’s this?”

“Hi,” Cloud Chaser was quick to reply shyly.

“Cloud Chaser here has agreed to accompany me tonight,” Thunderlane added happily.

“See Cloud Kicker, I told you,” Dash nudged her second in command.

Cloud Kicker playfully smacked a hoof down on the bar, “shucks. I really thought Thunderlane was with Big Mac.”

An annoyed scowl crossed the dark pegasus’s muzzle at the words of the outspoken lavender blue mare.

“I really thought my rumour was correct. Ah well, glad to see you at least bought your marefriend with you for a few drinks,” Cloud Kicker grinned at the dark stallion as he took his place at the bar counter on the other side of Blossomforth. “What’s your little brother gonna think when he finds out you’ve been banging his foal sitter?”

Cloud Chaser ducked behind her stallionfriend as he directed an unamused stare at the cheeky weather mare. “Just because you can’t keep your hooves off other ponies doesn't mean stallions like I am as bad as you.” Thunderlane turned to the barmare, “two hard Apple family ciders please.”

“Coming right up.” the middle-aged light purple pegasus smiled as she set to work.

“So,” Cloud Kicker turned to her boss, “Thunderlane here has brought his missus, I got Blossom. Why don’t we ever see you bring your fillyfriend here too?”

“Fluttershy?” Dash recoiled slightly, “are you nuts? This is no place for her.”

Cloud Kicker took a good swing of her drink, “real shame. I think she might loosen up a bit after a few drinks, you know.”

“Last week was bad enough, it took her like... an hour to fix her chicken pen the next morning. I’m not having that much to drink again.”

The cheeky subordinate scoffed, “oh yea? I remember you saying something like that a few weeks ago.”

“Yea, well. This time I’m serious.”

At the sound of more ponies entering, Rainbow Dash glanced over at the door and her jaw nearly hit the floor. In walked several members of the Wonderbolts; Spitfire, Soarin, Fleetfoot and High Winds.

“You guys, look!”

“What are they doing here?” Thunderlane wondered aloud as he too realized who had just entered the establishment.

Spitfire strode right up to the counter flanked by her fellow bolts. “Hi rookies, nice to see you here.”

A massive smile ripped across Rainbow Dash's muzzle, “it’s awesome to see you guys, what are you doing here? Oh my gosh, this is so cool!”

Spitfire casually leant on the bar. Her attention drifted from the rather excited pegasi next to her to the older mare behind the counter. “Hi Moonbeam, it’s lovely to see the rookies are keeping your bar going.”

“Oh, certainly. You know how it is.” The light purple pegasus pulled out three mugs and began to fill them with hard cider. “I take it you all will have your usual then?”

“Yes please,” Fleetfoot replied. “Except make mine a double shot and an extra large hayburger.”

“Is High Winds flying you home?” Moonbeam shot back as she gave the mare in question her hard cider.

“Something like that.” Fleetfoot grinned back as she eyed the hard liquor that Moonbeam served her.

“Y-you know each other?” Dash couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“Sure, this loverly pegasus taught me how to cook for the bottomless pit I call my husband.” Spitfire accepted the drink and drew a long drought. She placed the mug down with a relaxed sigh.

“Love you too Spit,’” Soarin playfully ruffled the bright mane of his wife.

“Let me know if you need anything else.” With that, the Moonbeam strode off to the kitchens, leaving the group of pegasi to their own devices.

“Come, let's all get a table.” Spitfire lead the way to a long table close to the bar. It easily seated the seven pegasi and their drinks.

“I can’t believe you guys come to Ponyville for drinks,” Thunderlane mused as he settled in.

“The cider here is the best. Plus, Soarin loves their pies.” Spitfire affectionately nudged her husband.

“Woah there. Are you two actually like... together?” Dash exclaimed as her gaze darted between Soarin and Spitfire.

Fleetfoot was quick to offer a reply, “these two have been together for ages, they just like to keep it private.”

Thunderlane gave his fillyfriend a winged hug, “that’s super cool. Cloud Chaser, you should come work with me more often.”

Fleetfoot took a shot of her rather strong looking drink then turned to Dash with a smirk, “looks like we need to find you a date. Don’t want our rookie feeling left out around all the couples.”

“I have somepony," Rainbow Dash was quick to defend herself.

The light arctic blue mare threw her hoof around High Winds light grey shoulders, “Oh yea? Where’s this stallion of yours?”

“Fluttershy doesn’t like places like this,” Dash firmly replied. She took a swing of her hard cider, “so I’m here to enjoy some drinks with these cool ponies before I crash at Fluttershy’s place.”

Fleetfoot smirked, “Fluttershy aye? That doesn’t sound much like a stallion’s name to me.”

Dash growled softly, “she’s my fillyfriend okay?”

High Wings laughed at the easily excited rooky, “easy there hotshot. My mare’s being cheeky.”

“Hay yeah! Boss, we should invite Dash onto our team, like tomorrow,” Fleetfoot spoke up eagerly.

“Why’s that?” Spitfire took a long sip of her drink and eyed her fellow Wonderbolt.

High Winds threw her wing around her arctic blue marefriend, “She will give Fleet and me another mare to gossip about all the hot mares we see, of course.”

Dash sprayed the sip of cider she was enjoying across the table. “Say what?”

“That sounds like a banging idea!” Cloud Kicker spoke up rather enthusiastically. “Then she can tell me all about them too!”

Blossomforth placed a wing defensively over her mare’s back, “oh no you don’t.”

“Aww come on Blossom. Be a good sport.”

“No. You know what-” Blossomforth took a large swing of her drink then turned to Dash, “I’m going to get hammered and drag this mare to bed. Hopefully, then she will behave herself.”

“Ooooh! I like your thinking!” Cloud Kicker grinned and gave her fillyfriend a quick cheeky peck to the cheek.

“Go hard you two. I’m gonna do the same with High Winds,” Fleetfoot added proudly as she took another swing of her hard liquor.

Dash shook her head. Cloud Kicker really did not need encouragement. Although she also appeared to be rubbing off on Blossomforth too. Was that a good thing? The head mare of the weather team emptied her mug then stood and swaggered over to the bar. She relished the feeling that the alcohol flowing through her system provided. The way this was going, it was sure to end in a free ticket to her fillyfriend's house with bonus cuddles. Last Friday had been the first time she made it into bed with her. Maybe she could get a repeat performance this week. Hopefully without crashing into something valuable first of course. The no crashing part would be easy if she stopped after a couple more drinks. This would be easy. No problem.

“I’ll have a refill please.” Dash landed her mug on the countertop a little harder than she intended.

The Moonbeam shot her a look but took her glass and hovered it under the tap.

“Gimmie two refills please, my girl hasn't had enough to drink,” added Cloud Kicker as she came up next to the blue speedster.

“I’m sorry everypony, but we are all out of cider.” The barmare announced.

Mumbles and angry noises filled the air, this was not what everypony wanted to hear!

“Hang on ya’ll, give me a minute and Ah can fix that!” Applejack called out as she held the door open.

“Eeeyup!” A red stallion entered with a rather large keg on his back.

Cheers erupted from those present.

Rainbow Dash rubbed her hooves together, a fresh barrel? This was sure to be fun!

Once she had her new cider in hoof, Dash somehow found herself back at the table with the rest of her fellow pegasi. Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Big Mac joined the drinking party, each with a hard cider of their own.

Words and alcohol flowed like a river in a storm and before Dash knew it, their group was arranged around seven competing ponies with shots in front of them. She wasn't supposed to have more than a few drinks, but her heroes were here. That called for participation of all the cool ponies such as herself. She could always start cutting her drinking back later. Here and now, Spitfire, the leader of the Wonderbolts had invited her into a drinking competition. No way she could say no to that!

Competitor number one, a dark blue stranger, with a purple mare at her side that Dash thought she recognized sat at one short side of the rectangular drinking table. Opposite them sat Soarin supported by Spitfire at his side. The longer sides of the table seated Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Thunderlane faced with Cloud Kicker and Rainbow Dash. Both Thunderlane and Cloud Kicker had their supporting mares’ at their side, with a regular hard cider to drink. Fleetfoot and High Winds sat at a small table nearby their leader, each with a hard cider and some food.   For the seven competitors however, Moonbeam dished out a small shot of liquor, one each strong enough to burn the hairs in your nose. To Rainbow Dash, already two drinks down, the neat rum smelt wonderful. She grinned, ready to swing it back.

“Alright contestants, first drink,” Spitfire called out.

Her husband, Soarin promptly threw back his shot. The other ponies at the table who were in the game also downed their shots then placed them down upon the table.

Pinkie Pie spazzed for a moment as the strong liquor coursed through her system. “Ooooh! That’s a stronger kick than my super duper energy cupcakes. I’ll have another!”

“Wait, you’ve never had hard liquor before?” Applejack shot the party pony beside her an incredulous look.

“Nope. The cakes never let me have anything harder than Cider.”

Spitfire passed everypony involved another shot. “Then you’re about to find out if you can hold your liquor.”

“Oh that, psssh. Easy breezy.” Pinkie downed her second shot and her tail spazzed. Several fellow drinkers giggled at the silly display. “Ohhh, I can tell this IS going to be fun!”

“Something tells me this is going to get interesting fast,” Thunderlane laughed then downed his second hard drink.

The seven competing ponies sat in silence for a moment as the alcohol settled.

The dark blue mare spoke up, “this rum tastes wonderful. But do you happen to have anything stronger for me?”

“Stronger miss?” the barmare asked, unable to believe her ears. “That stuff your drinking is already over forty per cent alcohol.”

“Correct. If I am to show these ponies who can hold it, I feel as though I must sample something more potent.”

“We do have a 151 proof. But that stuff’s good and dangerous.”

“I’ll take it.” The deep blue horned pony nodded.

Spitfire took a large swing from her mug of hard cider, “anypony else wish to up the ante?”

“Sure, why not,” shrugged Applejack.

“Hay yea, let’s all try it!” Cloud Kicker cried out.

“Yea, I’m game!” Dash added.

Moonbeam shrugged, “alright. One moment.”

The barmare was quick to return with a platter. Upon which sat seven fresh shot glasses and bottle that bore a logo of a blazing sun and the words, ‘Suns Wrath.’ The pegasus was quick and careful to dispense a shot to each of the competitors. She immediately turned and left with the bottle.

Without waiting for an invitation, Rainbow Dash chucked her drink back and immediately wished she hadn’t. Even with a few drinks already in her system, the dry tasting liquor lived up to its name. Her tongue was on fire and her throat burned with the power of the sun. The ball of molten liquor set alight everything inside her as it travelled through her innards. She felt an intense almost overpowering warmth. It was great!

The dark blue stranger took her shot and smiled. “Now there’s a burn I’ve not felt in many a year.”

Soarin tossed his shot back and his wings flared. “That’s good n strong. Too strong almost... The normal one was more fun.”

“What are you, a pussy?” Thunderane laughed. He threw back his shot and his eyes bulged out. “Woah- that- that’s good.”

“What was that?” Soarin jabbed the younger stallion. “Looks like somepony’s had more than he can handle.”

Cloud Kicker giggled as she threw back her shot then collapsed playfully against her fillyfriend’s side. She locked eyes coyly with Blossomforth, “keep that drink coming and I’ll give you a totally crazy night!”

“Oh yea?” Blossomforth chugged her own hard cider, “I’ll be back with one for me too then.”

Cloud Kicker stumbled a bit as her leaning post left to get more booze.

Applejack took her shot then closed her eyes, “ahhh...”

Rainbow Dash forced her jaw to remain firm despite the shock that threatened to make it hang loose. How did Applejack look like she had simply taken a shot of cider there?

Pinkie Pie scooped up her drink, took one sniff then spazzed out. “Wozah, this one’s a doozy!”

Rainbow Dash laughed, “Oh come on Pinky, I’m sure you can manage it.”

“Yea,” Applejack playfully nudged the party pony, “go on.”

“Okie dokie lokie!” The amber liquid disappeared down the pink gullet and as the burn hit home, Pinkie’s mane and tail shot out. She bounced around their corner of the pub like a rouge missile, landed back in her seat then she collapsed onto Applejack.

One totally out cold party pony with an extra frizzy mane and tail.

“Wait, Pinkie can’t hold her drink?” Rainbow Dash laughed in disbelief.

“Who knew she was a featherweight,” Cloud Kicker giggled.

“Alright everypony, fourth shot!” Spitfire declared as she returned from the bar with the next set of drinks. She set the first down next to her husband then distributed the rest amongst the other contestants. “This one especially for the dark stranger." She carefully pushed the select shot glass toward the mystery mare. "With Pinkie down, this last one is for me,” she grinned as she kept the seventh shot.

Everypony picked up their drinks.

The six remaining contestants threw back their shot. Much to Rainbow Dash’s relief, it was their original drink, not the fireball from the sun. She shook her head to try and clear a bit of the buzz and froze as she realised the room continued to spin after her head stopped shaking. She was what, four or five drinks in? Couldn't be six or seven. So that meant another safe six shots at least before she would need to be careful.

Spitfire downed her shot, “another six please!”

Moonbeam quickly dolled out the shots and returned to the bar in anticipation of the next round.

The following series of drinks passed. Rainbow Dash had no idea how many, it could have been two, but it probably was more like five. All she knew as she slammed the small glass back down was that everything was looking more cheerful than it had before their little game. Maybe the world shifted a bit more too, but that was nothing!

Thunderlane collapsed onto Cloud Chaser, “Tha’s enough for me.”

“Weak!” Cloud Kicker cried out, she chugged her fillyfriend’s hard cider then belched rather unmare-like as if to ram home her point. “Look at that, still goin’ stronk!” She slipped a little on her seat but retained her perch due to the mare at her side.

“Down to five!” Spitfire called out, “but give us another round of six, I want one too!”

“Sure thing!” Moonbeam replied as she sauntered over and dished out the drinks.

Rainbow Dash clumsily reached for her shot. As she finally found purchase on the glass she realised something yellow was beside her.

“Rainbow Dash, that’s enough.”

“What?” the blue mare dropped her glass as she turned, surprised to hear her fillyfriend’s voice.

“Where did she come from?”

“Hey Fluttershy, want to join in?”

“No thank you. I’m here to take Rainbow Dash home.” Fluttershy resolutely replied as she tugged at her mare.

“Ya serious?” AJ asked, her shot glass halfway to her lips.

“Don’t tell me you're going to let her take you away,” Spitfire laughed at the flustered wannabe Wonderbot.

“No, of not course!” Dash defended herself. Of course she was going to finish their little drinking game. She was here to win!

“Dashie,” the yellow pegasus tugged harder this time, “you’re drunk. Come home. Now.”

"No I not!"

"Yes you are," insisted Fluttershy.

“I Swear to Drunk I’m not Celestia!” Dash shot back rather loudly.

Many of the ponies at the drinking table laughed at the outburst.

“Girl, you drunker than a skunk in a barrel of mah hard cider,” Applejack laughed.

“Yea, and we know you not Celestia,” Cloud Kicker added with a serious sway. “She gots a waaaaay hotter arse.”

“That’s right!” High Winds agreed with a laugh as she grabbed the rest of her fillyfriend's burger and promptly finished it off.

The rather drunk pegasus glanced uncertainty around the table at her other drinking buddies. She wanted to stay, but it almost felt as though they were making fun of her or something. She should stay and prove that she could drink them all under the table! Then there would be no pony left to make fun of Rainbow Dash!

The prismatic mare stumbled slightly as she received a light shove from the rather drunk Thunderlane on her other side. “Better go, girl. Your missus wants some- some action from you!”

Fluttershy tugged again, it was clear from everything about her body language that she really wanted to get out of the pub and was tired of waiting patiently for her mare to come with her. When Dash still didn’t move she stood on her hind legs and grabbed her lover in a hug. With her wings to help balance her, she carefully forced the unwilling pegasus off her chair. Dash stumbled as her hooves hit the floor and Fluttershy began shoving her toward the exit. “Come. On. Dash!”

“Fiiiine!” The leader of the Ponyville weather team threw one last parting glance back at her drinking group, all of whom bore poorly concealed mirth.

“Fluttershy is not to be messed with when she decides to be assertive,” Somepony commented rather loudly. Laugher followed said observation.

As Fluttershy frogmarched Dash out the door Spitfire burst out laughing. “I did not see that coming!”

Soarin drunkenly draped a wing over his wife and pulled her in close, “I’ll drag you off if you're not careful.”

“Try me pie boy.”

Cloud Kicker clopped her hooves together, “bang, bang, bang!”

“Sush you,” Blossomforth chided her fillyfriend playfully.

“Or what?” Cloud Kicker shot back as she collapsed onto her leaning post with a cheeky drunken grin.

“Four drinks! We still have a competition to finish,” Spitfire announced loudly.

Outside the pub Rainbow Dash, at last, managed to get free of her fillyfriend’s tight hold. “Alright, you can stop pussing!”

Fluttershy flinched at the mixture of second cider and hard liquor fumes that hit her in the face. “Do you realise how drunk you are?”

“Drunk not. No yet.” Dash leant in close, a large grin upon her muzzle. “Come on Flubberbunny. I was winnin' in there.”

“No. You were not. I know how this goes. You crash into something at my house and need to be cared for.”

“Nooooo!” The buzzing speedster spotted the unimpressed look on her fillyfriend’s face and dived in for a hug. “Come on, I loves crashing to my filly’s house!”

“Dash, come on. You’ll wake ponies up.” Fluttershy tugged urgently at her companion, trying to get her walking.

With a stumble in her step, Rainbow Dash tried to hurry off. She fell over and the light yellow pegasus sighed. Dash had clearly had far too much to drink.

Fluttershy lent down and hefted up her companion. “I wonder about you sometimes Rainbow Dash. If I didn’t know better, I would say you were getting drunk on purpose to sleep with me or something.”

The drunk pegasus mumbled something incoherent as she was slung over her marefriend’s back. Fluttershy gave a careful wiggle to test her passenger then set off at a slow trot.

“Cider...”

Fluttershy shot her passenger a look but kept on carefully trotting along. She wasn’t going to answer if all Dash could think about was more alcohol.

The drunk speedster reached out into space and cried out unintelligibly. Something about cider and wings or flying. Fluttershy shot her fillyfriend another look as a blue wing ruffled her mane.

As she neared the edge of town she spotted a nice big cloud. An idea struck. What if she kept her fillyfriend away from her house? What if they slept the night on a cloud?

It would give her animals a quiet nights sleep. Angel Bunny would not complain about having his sleep disturbed by a great big oaf. It was a win-win right?

Fluttershy slipped her drunk companion off her back. Dash immediately cuddled into her side. "Aww, I woss enjoyin' it on there."

Fluttershy flushed slightly as she pried the blue hooves loose. “I think I’ve found someplace better than my place for us to sleep.”

A sly grin slid onto Dash’s mug as she leant in close. “Oh yeaaaah?”

Fluttershy withdrew a bit as the blast of second-hand alcohol hit her. “Yes. Um-” she hesitated as she sat on haunches and held out her forehooves. “Um...”

“Flutter wanna cuddle?”

“I want to carry you.”

The drunk speedster blinked slowly in surprise as she processed this.

Fluttershy motioned for her mare to come into her forehooves, “I’m sure I can do this. Just don’t wiggle.”

Dash collapsed into her fillyfriend’s hold. Fluttershy wrapped her hooves around her mare’s barrel and awkwardly lifted off. She flapped with as much power as her wings could manage and slowly carried them toward the cloud she had chosen. Her forehooves strained with the blue deadweight that giggled in her grasp. She felt like Dash was slowly slipping and pumped her wings harder, desperate to make it to the fluffy cloud before she lost her grip.

Relief flooded her system as she rose up beside the large cloud. They made it! With a final desperate flap, she propelled them both onto their soft fluffy bed. The pair landed heavily into the soft puffy cloud and the drunk blue pegasus rolled out of her lover’s hold.

Fluttershy lay there panting, her eyes on her mare as Dash staggered onto her hooves with a wild giggle.

“Cloud?” a blue hoof prodded the soft surface then its owner’s attention shifted to the pegasus in front of her. “My Snuggly-wuggly found us a cloud to enjoy?”

“Um- maybe. I thought it would be better than my place?” Fluttershy admitted.

Dash drunkenly sauntered over to her lover and flopped down in front of her in a very revealing position. “What does Flutter' want now?”

Fluttershy flinched at the wave of second-hand alcohol, “um- cuddles.”

Blue hooves reached out and pulled the animal caretaker in. Pink eyes disappeared behind eyelids as the drunk pony relaxed. “Mmmmmmm...”

Fluttershy wiggled around till she found a more comfortable spot against her lover.

This was better than allowing her fillyfriend into her home drunk. Now if only she could get Dash to stop drinking so much. Maybe if she found out why she would often get drunk then she could help? Hopefully, it wasn't something silly like getting drunk to sleep with her. If that's what her marefriend wanted, all she had to do was ask. Dash knew that right?

  Fluttershy closed her eyes hugged her marefriend tighter. She would have serious words with Rainbow Dash in the morning. But for now, this would have to do.

Author's Note

I wanted to craft a funny (and in places cute) take on drunk Dash that also carried a more possibly more serious undertone.
While I could continue the story, I think it works as an open-ended sort of one shot.
And really, I don't think Dash is a serious drunk. But Fluttershy is still needed to sometimes rescue her from herself.