Notvengers

by Cosy Purity

Rating: everyone
Tags: Crossover, Alternate Universe, Anthro, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Avengers
Length: 1049

After a horribly unsuccessful attempt at a re-franchise, Stan Lee strikes again.

Senile Stan may be the Man, but he's also a little Man-ic. Watch events unfold as he retells the story of a team assemblance through the medium of ponification, but with an unfortunate twist. Maybe reviews will be kinder for this rendition, but only time will tell.

Published 2018-11-05 23:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-11-05 23:10:01 UTC

Stan Strikes Back

Stan Lee was in the middle of twirling a pen in hand, a newspaper in the other. He was gazing with a rather mad expression at the specific article he’d laid eyes upon:
Reviews on his latest Crossover Comic.
“Stan Lee is losing his edge. Thorlestia and Luni fails to uphold its hype with several incredibly dismissive scenes and a horrible punchline.” - New York Times
“I’ve never heard of something so horrible in my life. China” - The President
“What a disgusting display of someone pandering for money. I’ll never be a consumer of anything he produces if my life depends on it.” - Disney
Well, well… Stan Lee whispered to himself, ...this just won’t do.

***

The massively mutliplayer millionaire made no mask for his manic mood this time. He struck the pen right into the center of his notepad and created a hole where several blots of ink sprouted from.

“A hole in reality,” Stan Lee hissed, “well! If they don’t like my universe, I’ll just end it!”
He began by drawing primitive little stick figures of his characters with frown-faces being sucked into the vortex (after he’d with much struggle wedged the pen out of his offended notepad).

“Such a poor little existence my characters lead,” Stan Lee said, “poor, poor ponies.”

After he’d successfully scribbled out the grim image of his machinations, it was time to create.

It was time for his masterpiece.

Thorlestia and Luni were playing hockey in a gym down the street while Captain Aponica, Pony Stark, and Custo-Mare-Y (with a conspicuous black widow symbol on her back) watched some TV.

“What an awful TV show,” Pony Stark was commenting.

Custo-Mare-Y stared at him in shock and uttered,

“What, Friends? But Friendship is Ma-”

“Shut up,” Pony Stark cut her off, “in my mind, Friendship is Machinery. I make robots. I pay people. I’m amazing. I don’t care about this sappy show.”

“It’s,” Custo-Mare-Y stuttered, stopped, then restarted, “it’s… not even sappy. The lot of it is honestly crude.”

“Yeah, such language,” Captain Aponica whispered.

“How come you aren’t called Captain a-mare-ica?” Pony Stark said out of the blue.

“You stole that pun from a website,” Captain Aponica howled, and pointed his round shield in his companion’s direction threateningly.

“You’re so defensive,” Pony Stark muttered.

“Guys,” said Custo-Mare-Y, “my name is stolen from the same website. What are you gonna do, lock me up?”
` “Not till Civil War,” said Pony Stark, “unless you stay on my side.”

“Bro, we both stole from the same website. We’re a criminal team.”

“No! We’re Aven--” Captain Aponica began, when Pone Lee leapt in and shoved his hoof in the moral stallion’s muzzle.

“Hush up!” He screeched, “don’t name my fallen franchise! Have you no grit?!”

***

“Hm,” said Stan Lee as he looked over the result of his scribbling, "I didn't write the last part."

Nippy Fury, a small scruffed stallion shaped like Pipsqueak with a mysterious eye-patch and perpetual frown, stared down the ponies he'd gathered in the room.

"All y'all are the most talented group of individuals I know," he said in a grindy, masculine voice.

"Really?" said Custo-Mare-Y.

"Yeah," Nippy Fury muttered, "but a lot of you are gonna have to change your names for copyright reasons. And like, they're too long and not catchy at all."

He lined them up and pointed at Pone Stark.

"You're now Iron Mare."

Pone Stark stared at him with a scrunched muzzle, highly offended.

"Sorry," Nippy Fury said passively, "a hero's life requires many sacrifices."

"I didn't sign up to be misgendered!" Pone Stark screamed.

Ignoring him, Nippy Fury then named the rest:

The scaredy-cat one who turned into a green monster was now Dill Pickle, Custo-Mare-Y was Shootie-Fruity, Captain Aponica wassdgfosdgnksdgnfskgfdg

***

Stan Lee had written random letters. He couldn't bare himself to write anymore. If his readers needed to know names that badly, they might as well just read all of Matthew 1.

Suddenly a huge pen was seen poking itself through the sky, and massive pieces of the sky tore subsequently, a few spurts of ink falling onto innocent ponies.
A rift in time had been created; a hole in reality. Gravity drew all of the population towards the hole and everyone was left to fend for themselves.

"Do something about this!"

Nippy Fury exclaimed at his new team freshly-dubbed the Notvengers.

"Why?" said Formerly-Pone-Stark, "we're Not meant to Avenge anything. It's in our name. We're like those Pirates in that Veggietails movie."

"Stop making obscure pop-culture references!" Captain Aponica shouted.

"Seriously though guys we need to do something," said Dill Pickle.

"Oh I know," Pone Lee said, and picked up Dill Pickle in his hooves and rattled him around a bit. Dill became green and angry, and subsequently Pone Lee stuffed up the hole with the monster of Dill Pickle.

***

Stan Lee found himself with a paper covered with vinegar, and much of his penmarkings had been smudged. He was pressing a large pickle into the little hole he'd made in his notepad, and was saddened that his artistic mural surrounding the obstruction was now unhappily muddied.

"Wow," Nippy Fury said to Pone Lee, "impressive. What do you call yourself, hero?"

"It matters not," said Pone Lee in a deadpan voice, "what is in a name, after all."

"Why do you wonder what's in a name?" said Dill Pickle from the sky, "I mean, it's not like Name is a box filled with trinkets. What do you expect?"

"Who cares!" Pone Lee retorted, "It's not like i'm taking Name to Antique Pone Show and asking what it's worth!"

"I did that," said Captain Aponica, "but they thought I was submitting myself."

"What were you worth?" unnamed Notvenger asked.

"I don't know, but I was sold to Nippy Fury in an auction. That's why I'm here."

"Don't complain," Nippy Fury hissed, "this is the best thing that ever happened to you."

"Well I guess you do get to decide that," Captain Aponica muttered.

***

"Ugh, even I think this is trash," Stan Lee said, and after shrugging he mailed it to his company, and eagerly awaited an email to come.

Author's Note

I just wanted to write something

So