Bamboozle boogaloo 2: Tokyo drift

by Theboxcatgamr

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Gore, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Human, Original Character, Comedy, Suicide / Self Harm, Self Insert, Profanity, Scootaloo, Violence
Length: 9670

I never should have written BAMBOOZLED AGAIN. Now I guess it’s time for me-as in me the scrawny teenage author, to go and fix this mess. I regret everything

creation creates an inevitable destruction. I learned this the hard way after being sucked into a world of my creation. I’m not some crazy bad ass hero who treats full blown invasions as a Tuesday. I’m just a scrawny writer with ADHD who wrote a cursed story. And now I’m stuck here as I face the consequences of what I have written

If your still interested I guess I could keep letting whatever this is narrate my life in Equestria As I try to fix the mess I’ve made

PROLOGUE: farewell my friend (chapters 0 to 1)
ACT ONE: shadow man (chapters 1-???)

Published 2018-11-17 17:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-03-31 22:54:18 UTC

Prologue: RUN IT BACK WE AINT DONE YET

John tempo and Clyde wandered the massive dark field for what seemed like hours. Eventually they came across the only thing visible for miles: Noah’s room

”well. Here it is John. This is where it all happened.”

”what are you talking about?”

”just go inside and open the laptop John”

”ok”

John entered the trashed room and noticed the fan in the corner of the room was working and the light on the roof that kinda looked like a boob was flickering on and off. John opened the laptop and saw a note beside it in very poor handwriting:

”dear John.

If you see this than basically everything went down and I got my shit kicked in. We need to save everything. I need you to publish the story and what is basically a sequel. A bit shity of me to put this on you but unfortunately as I’m writing this I’m basically flickering in and out of existence. I know after everything we’ve been through that you will do this for me but...this is also your chance to go back home. You won’t have a second chance to return to Equestria when it arrives. We can still talk in the comments section though and from now on I have little to no control over the story. I also want you to look at this video recording on my laptop as...well proof that I made it or something? I don’t know.

Good luck and god speed you beautiful bastard.

Theboxcatgamr AKA: Noah”

John pressed the power button to reveal a video feed of him standing in front of the laptop. John turned around and saw a camera in the corner of the room. John moved the mouse and clicked on the rewind button.

Noah was sitting on an office chair and working on the story. No wait he moved and the title of “rouge legacy” was on the laptop as what John assumed was Noah’s mother walked into the room and said something. There was no audio as Noah got up off of the chair and left the room. A bright flash blinded the camera as Gary appeared and limped as he trotted into the closet. The video sped up on its own and eventually returned to normal speed as Noah returned with his clothes covered in black paint.

He was holding a tiny hatchet as Gary finally took a step out of the closet. Noah tensed up and slowly turned around. Gary began talking likely taunting Noah as he slowly backed up. Noah was covered in a green aura thing and he was thrown off screen. Noah came back into frame and his head bashed into the boob light dislodging it from its place on the ceiling as the lights flickered. Gary simply angled his head to show Noah his horn as he slowly brought Noah to the head spike as Noah to John’s surprise began flailing wildly at Gary with the hatchet. Gary threw Noah at himself as Noah managed to bash Gary with the hatchet and threw him into the door. Noah threw Gary ass first into the mirror door on the closet and Gary slumped down as the glass began cutting into his neck.

Gary’s mouth began moving in speach and Gary changed. He looked like Noah except he had a strange looking gauntlet,wings, and a missing eye. EDGY AS FUCK

Noah listened to Gary as Noah’s hatchet slowly rises up behind him in a green aura. Noah sees the attack because of the mirror and doges before stomping Gary’s head deeper into the glass. John winced as Noah began repeatedly stomping Gary’s head deeper and deeper into the glass as Gary’s illusion faded and Noah began screaming...or yawning. John couldn’t really tell but he assumed it was the latter.

Gary’s indented head fell off and spewed a bit of blood. Noah continued stomping the head and eventually Gary’s horn broke off and it was only after this that Gary’s head took on a glassy look in its eyes. Noah clutched his head and began what John assumed was a breathing exorcise as Noah began flickering. He was only present in the room when the light was off. He frantically pulled out a sheet of paper that john noticed was the note and began scrawling a note. After a few minutes of this Noah was gone and the room began shaking violently as the window began displaying a kalidescope of colours before landing in a field. Then john and tempo walked in. John exited the window and began inspecting the room much closer this time. A wardrobe with a mirror had been shattered and the boob light had a large chip in the side with dried blood on it.

John returned to the laptop and opened up FIM-fiction. John looked through the page and found the sequel Noah was talking about: ”BAMBOOZLE BOGALOO 2: Tokyo drift” John looked back into bamboozled again and posted the last chapter. John returned to the sequel and noticed a prologue chapter was currently increasing in word count. John posted the story and was suddenly thrown out of the front door into a bright rainbow-hole-thing also known as a portal. John awoke home on his bed. He looked around and saw a note from Noah on his floor.

”please remember me”

”where are we?”

John spun on his heel and saw tempo and Clyde standing near his bed

This would be an interesting few months for John.

Author's Note

Nothing is safe and nothing is sacred. There are no more re-dos and death is irreversible with very few exceptions because Noah is already dead. But as we all know he will eventually return to the world of the living. Not everything is fresh though.

Twilight has ascended and Scootaloo is still stuck in the orphanage.

Nightmare is trapped in the castle of the two sisters...but she not only still remembers everything. She was still in the physical world! And then immediatly got blasted with the elements and stoned before the mane six got sucked into a comic book thing.

ACT ONE chapter one: cats outta the box

Author's Note

And so it begins anew

ACT ONE chapter one: cats outta the box

Noah awoken from his psychedelic trip through sapce and time in a large gray box.
With the sounds of someone talking about something Noah decided looking around was a wise choice and noticed that his body was as dark as a shadow and his clothes were glowing a bright blue. Speaking of which he was wearing a very torn near the bottom of the coat and he was clutching what looked like a black horn in his hand. Suddenly a sound jolted Noah from his observation as the lid was slowly moved to reveal... a furry blue hand?

”oh dear god no please don’t. Shit it’s probably a furry coming for my ass! I fucking knew furrys and bronys couldn’t co-exist in peace! NONONONO-“

The lid was completely torn off and Noah heard the owner of the hand say something about “recruiting him” Noah shot up out of the stone box and began twitching violently

”FUCK THAT I DID NOT COME THIS FAR ONLY TO BE DRAFTED INTO SOME BULLSH-“

Noah’s outrage was swiftly scilenced by the fact that it actually wasn’t some recruiting Sargent in a fur suit or pony costume and instead a strange blue monkey thing with a freakishly large hand on its tail. Behind him was a brown (or possibly orange) Pegasus that was tied up and covered in bruises.

Noah got a violent flashback to that one time his brother attempted to recreate the spinning throw you use in Mario 64 on a cat that had always attacked Noah when he was alone. He wasn’t. Putting the horn in his pocket Noah grabbed the tail of the massive monkey and yanking it towards him plowed his fist into the back of its head before spinning around as fast as he could.

”SO LONG GAY BOWSER!”

he released the monkey he had flown into the stone slab the had once held Noah and Noah grabbed the Pegasus before sprinting away.

”STOP HIM!”

Several gaurds were giveing chase and gaining ground on Noah as he ran as fast as his two legs could carry him through several chambers and the Pegasus reached out with its hoof and somehow grabbed a golden ring off of a stack of them as they entered a new chamber.

Noah reached a dead end with an open skylight as the gaurds slowly closed in with a sly look on their face...muzzle things. Noah frantically tore into the ropes on the Pegasus and once he got both the rope and the gag off he threw the Pegasus into the air. It started flying away.

”you’re going to pay for that”

They charged and Noah noticed the Pegasus came back for him! With hope in his eyes,a spring in his step and crazed expression to boot Noah vaulted off of a gaurd and when he hit the wall he kicked off it hard resulting in a jump towards the hoof of his saviour. He grabbed on to the golden ring and as the Pegasus grunts he is slowly lifted from the hole. They were not gonna make it. Noah was just too heavy. Dodging a thrown spear Noah decided to focus on the Pegasus. To his surprise the darkness of his body slowly spread to the strained pegasus and her wings began gaining more lift. It’s mane began glowing a bright blue as the shadowy colour covered its entire body. With one swift flap of its wings they roketed out of the hole and the resulting shockwave blasted the cultists back into the pit as they ascended. Out of the pit the Pegasus passed out mid air as the shadowy colour disappeared and they fell towards the cold hard ground. Noah threw it into a tree as he accidentally threw down a shadow portal and fell into it clutching the golden ring as its hat slowly drifted and fell into the hole.

Noah awoke on a roof in a strange village. He sat up and noticing the Pegasus’s hat laying beside him decided to tie the hat and ring to his coat (which was conveniently covered in holes to tie them to!) Noah looked around and spotted something reading a newspaper in the distance that probably shouldn’t have existed. A griffin. Looking closely at the creature Noah made an absolutely revolutionary discovery upon his further observation.

”oh my god it’s so fucking fluffy I wanna die”

After a few minutes of ~~staring~~ observing what was the absolute unit of fluff, Noah eventualy began looking around his surroundings and discovered that the building he was on was actually a rather run down orphanage. Noah decided on taking an absolutely necessary detour through the orphanage. Noah on his climb down noticed that his clothes were no longer glowing blue and his shadowy body seemed a bit fainter. Thinking something of it Noah continued his very slow decent down the building. Because despite the fact that he was now mister shadow-monster-man he still had about the same strength he had when he was back at home. Thank god for endurance training though! Noah barely made it down the building and eventually he slowly began making his way to the entrance of the building as to not raise suspicion over his existence. His heart nearly stopped when he noticed he was standing right in front of a pair of two buff male armoured griffins. The walked up to him without a word and to Noah’s surprise rounded the corner and entered the alleyway ignoring Noah. A gaurd popped his head out of the darkness of the allyway looking around before declaring the coast was clear...and promptly shoving his face into the other griffin’s and going to town. Noah just stood there more surprised at this than not being seen as a sly smile made its way to his mouth. He left the couple alone and made his way to the entrance of the orphanage “Judy’s house for little miracles. Noah began working up the courage to enter the building...and then he opened the door

chapter two: BROKE: regular orphans. WOKE: fluffy birb orphans

chapter two: BROKE: regular orphans. WOKE: fluffy birb orphans

The entryway of the orphanage was slim and bare of all decorations besides a simple degree behind a desk that had seen better days. The carpeted floor was actually quite nice compared to the rest of the entryway...and then Noah walked into the next room. A floor covered in many stains and claw marks awaiting any sort of cleanup was presented before Noah as he inspected the layout. The hallway was cramped and narrow and was obviously constructed with the purpose of cutting corners. As Noah explored the location he eventually discovered to his horror that the cleanliness of the poor building was on par with that of a brothel a few days before they clean the stains and smell of shame off the walls. Noah looked into a bedroom and instead of seeing some orphans he witnessed two rats fighting to the death over a few crumbs of rotten food.

Noah decided that the tour of The rancid orphanage was probably not the best idea anymore and he made his way to an exit. On his way out he saw two very scrawny griffins holding a very small griffin against a very rusty fence near a thick patch of trees and a little griffin standing in front of the fence screaming into a cup

”grab his pouch”

The second griffin patted down the captive until he found his prize

”...got it! Ha looks like we got you again you little shit.”

Approaching the three griffins Noah saw that the little one was heavily bruised and in very poor health. Missing feathers, rough patches of missing fur, a bit of dried blood on his stomach and a bit on the fence he was up against as well. He looked so sickly that there was a fifty-fifty shot that he wasn’t really unconscious, and even if he is simply taking a forced snooze he isn’t going to be sleeping for long.

Noah stepped on a branch drawing the attention of the scrawny griffins and scaring away the griffin screaming into a cup

”what was that?”

They somehow still couldn’t see Noah even though he was right in front of them.

”I don’t see anything and even if I did I would have killed it already”

”is that a threat?”

The two griffins stiffened as the captive slowly opened his eyes and locked them on Noah. Noah didn’t know where all of this bravado had come from but he honestly stopped giving a shit just a bit after he began curb stomping his clone until its head came off. EDGY. Noah picked up a rock and the griffin’s eyes went wide. Just wide enough that Noah had a clear target in mind for his weapon. Now at the end of the day Noah is not some crazy brawler who throws punches that shatter stone.

So he instead fights dirty.

Throwing the stone and blinding the first griffin Noah grabbed the second one and yanked as hard as he could while dragging the second one off into a pack of trees where he promptly used his invisibility to grab a MASSIVE stone and drop it on the griffins head with a great thud

Noah was starting to see why most horror move ghosts literally always do that move. It’s very easy to do,it separates your victims,it removes an obstacle and finaly it scares the ever loving shit outa who’s left. The griffin Noah dragged was moaning and groaning in pain and as Noah looked back at the first scrawny griffin he was actually running away screaming for him to “take the brat instead”

Noah went back to the small griffin and it appeared that he could clearly see Noah. Noah walked up to the little griffin as he tried to limp away. Noah caught up and put a hand on the griffins shoulder before focusing on the health aspect of the griffin. Once again the darkness spread this time onto the sickly child and as the darkness spread to the head of the griffin Noah pulled him into a hug causing a squeak like noise to escape from the griffins beak because despite the poor condition of the child he was still fluffy as fuck and Noah wanted to at least get something out of all of this. Wounds closed, feathers straitened and purged the sickness within them as the darkness purged the sickness and hid the scars.

To both the griffin and Noah’s surprise noah began crying a little bit. Memories of Gary and his old life flashed before him as he knew he could never go back. He would never again see those faces he had come to associate with family. He shattered like glass and broke down completely releasing the griffin from his grip as he laid there crying a river. His greatest fear realized: he had both abandoned his family and been abandoned. Trapped in a twisted world of his own creation. He had done this to himself. And for what? Some bleak hope for a better life in a world where he has little to no control over what happens? He already had a good life.

And now it’s gone.

He ruined himself and anyone else trapped within that god forsaken fan fiction. For fucks sake he had written the demise of one of his best friends and for what? A bunch of shity likes?

What had been a nice relaxing hobby to unwind and let his ADHD cut loose had turned to depression and obsession. It was literally going to be the end of him...

It was supposed to be the end of him.

And then his friends got involved.

Throughout all of it they had supported him in ways he still couldn’t understand.

Even the person he had never met and added to the story just because had helped him in one of his darkest moments.

The griffin was still holding on to Noah even though he had let him go. After a few sobering moments of self hatred and self pity Noah eventually stopped crying thanks to the support of the griffin.

This isn’t some crazy “anything can happen” story anymore.

This is about a shity author making the most out of the bad situation he had put himself in.

Story of my life

chapter 3: *sips tea* legend

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

chapter 4: but they make it so easy!

Author's Note

The world is our hockey rink, and we’re all Canadian

(Canadian way of saying we all inevitably go a bit mad sometimes )

chapter 4: but they make it so easy!

Noah and daring were walking at a casual pace as they slowly progressed towards the capital

”...so you have a name?”

”yeah. Just call me Noah.”

”but what’s your real name?”

”that...that is my real name.”

”why say ‘you can call me’ then?”

”why not?”

”but won’t that confuse somepony?”

”I uh guess? Well it’s confusing me at least?”

The sound of many hooves trampling the ground was echoing through the run down town and as Noah looked back he spotted Loki barely out pacing the five attackers. A strange blue chain tripped the group of pony’s and some fell down before the chain began slithering around the three that fell and constricted them as it continued to tie them up. A faint yelp emitted as the chain shot up and wrapped around a tattered and rotting wood balcony suspending the captives in the air.

Loki was tacked by the leader and his one remaining henchman. Daring suddenly struck the leader and launched him a small distance causing an almost cartoony dust cloud to go airborne. She leapt into the cloud and many different sounds from that of a rubber ducky to a frying pan striking something emitted from the cloud as the henchman stood around looking at the cloud.

”DONT JUST STAND THERE YOU IMBECILE.! HELP ME!”

The henchman quickly kicked Loki in the head in an attempt to look cool and knock out Loki. He failed and simply kicked Loki in the face as he went to assist his boss. A chain wrapped around his neck and began pulling upwards. The chain stopped and suspended mid air as Noah slowly approached the henchman with an air of violence. Noah punched the henchman where he assumed his kidneys were. Noah’s arms were glowing bright blue as he launched into a flurry of jabs into the pony’s torso so quickly that he had left an afterimage of himself punching the tiny horse.

The top of the chain flew to Noah’s arm dragging the pony along with it as it uncoiled causing the pony to drift on the ground with his face and spin like around like he was doing some type of break dance. Noah regained his senses and after witnessing exactly what he had done.

He didn’t react well

”WHAT IN THE FECK WAS THAT?!”

The rotten balcony splintered and shattered as the chain lost its glow. The tied up stallions quickly got up and jumped into the cartoony cloud of dust joining the brawl. Noah just stared in disbelief as an elephant sounded off somewhere in the dust cloud. Loki went in slashing and a fucking LION growled as the fighting intensified. Thinking of trying something strange, Noah somehow reached inside of the cloud and pulled both daring and Loki out as the brawl continued from within.

Running off cartoon logic Noah reached behind him and hoped to everything in existence that his gambit would work. Noah suddenly felt a weight in his hands as he pulled out the storm hammer

Noah raised the hammer in an extremely over exaggerated motion as the cloud thinned out to reveal that the leader had beaten the crap out of all his henchmen in his blind panic. Noah brought the hammer down on the leader and instead of his head flattening like a pancake the hammer hit his head with a slight “thuk” the sound of something hard meeting flesh. Reality set in as the pony hit the floor. The mercenaries fled with their leader down and a growing sound emerged from an alleyway.

”crap. Was that a timber wolf?”

”a what wolf?”

”timber wolves. Nasty creatures made of wood. But why are they so close to a town?””

”the body’s.”

”ECH-FUCKING SCUSE ME?! BODY’S?”

”well being made of wood they really aren’t affected by the Black Death. And since body’s are in...high quantity they tend to stick around”

Daring do paled at this news. Noah quickly ran over to the body and found the pony was still breathing. A wolf emerged from the shadows and its gaping maw contained bloody chucks of meat.

Family friendly my ass

Noah picked up the Tiny horse and back-pedalled away from the wolf as it snapped at him. Loki sprang towards the wolf and sank his claws deep into the creature’s temple

”yep that’s the kill switch”

More wolves emerged from the shadows again. Noah during his backpedal threw down a shadow portal by mistake and daring fell through it and landed on a roof of a building along with three timber wolves. Noah ran off holding the pony in the air like a hero clad in green holds a pot and Loki took to the air

”weeeeeeee. Faster papi faster”

Noah would have found this display adorable if he hadn’t been running for his life. Daring was dodging chimney’s and smokestacks left and right as she evaded her wooden foe’s. Loki having been exsausted by the previous encounter was attempting to stay airborne as wolves jumped and snapped at him as he made his way over a stone barricade that housed two griffin’s in armour. The griffins saw the massive pack of wolves and quickly began closing the gate. Daring using her wings to escape the wolves managed to get over the gate and look back at Noah. Only to see her rival hurdling towards her at an impressive speed. She caught him and watched in horror as Noah was caught by the leg and dragged into the ravenous pack as they mowed him down.

Noah let out a blood curdling screech so loud and at such a high pitch in his panic that the dogs stopped and crouched in pain. Using his less than manly opening Noah quickly rolled under the gate as it shut and closed off the wolves. Daring’s ears were pressed against her skull as she displayed a look of discomfort and the griffins present simply looked on in a look of disbelief.

”...what? I get it that wasn’t exactly fair but honestly I couldn’t give two dicks-“

One gaurd was murmuring something to the other and then they approached the human

”so. You are a Dragonborn”

”ahm sorry wa?”

”...why are you looking at me like that?”

”did you just call me Dragonborn?”

”no”

God Damm it Todd. Now I’m hearing things I wish I would hear

”what I said was that you used the cry of evermore”

”...and that means?”

”why that means you are one of us if...you...”

Noah turned around and saw a rather regal looking griffin who looked surprised

”by oden’s Beard...the fateless walks among us once more...”

”...bu-scuse me?”

”I am Thor son of oden. Welcome to asgaurd”

”marvel’s gonna sue...”

”why yes it is a marvel to look at! Come. My father requests your presence great one”

”...what?”

”shit meet fan”

chapter 5: Goku was my favourite DC villain

Noah was being escorted through the halls of a very clean building. Compared to the previous location he was in this was literally Spotless. Noah fiddled around with the strange chain wrapping his hand and Loki had taken to falling asleep after everything. Noah was carrying Loki piggyback style and daring was waiting in the infirmary for the leader of the mercenaries to wake up. Loki was muttering something in his sleep and he rested his head on Noah’s shoulder. Noah wondered how old Loki was. 10? 13? He hadn’t had a clue.

Noah had passed a few statues of griffins in many different positions, some holding spears, some stood atop a creature, some with heads held high and others low. An almost illegible description and name written on each one.

”lines and squiggles...wait.”

It was actually very fine cursive writing instead of some strange alien language. A few statues down there were much older statues. It was obvious that an effort to keep the stone from succumbing to time was made. The statues got smaller and smaller as Noah went along and eventually it lead to a small griffin almost the size of Loki with a massive slab of reading material. It read:

𝓔𝓸𝓷𝓼 𝓪𝓰𝓸 𝔀𝓮 𝔀𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓫𝓾𝓽 𝓼𝓲𝓶𝓹𝓵𝓮 𝓬𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓵𝓮𝓲𝓼𝓾𝓻𝓮. 𝓦𝓮 𝓯𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓭 𝓱𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓽𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓾𝓼 𝓲𝓷 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓯𝓮𝓮𝓭 𝓾𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓲𝓷 𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓷 𝔀𝓮 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓿𝓲𝓭𝓮 𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓽 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓹𝓪𝓷𝔂. 𝓞𝓷𝓮 𝓭𝓪𝔂 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓭. 𝓞𝓾𝓻 𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓼 𝔀𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓹𝓮𝓭 𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓲𝓷 𝓪 𝓶𝓪𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓭𝓲𝓼𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮. 𝓢𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓶𝓪𝓻𝓽𝓮𝓼𝓽 𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓭𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓱𝓪𝓭 𝓭𝓮𝓬𝓲𝓭𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓸𝓷 𝓲𝓷 𝓼𝓹𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓽. 𝓘𝓷 𝓸𝓻𝓭𝓮𝓻 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓶 𝓽𝓸 𝓼𝓾𝓻𝓿𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓷𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓮𝓭 𝓪 𝓿𝓸𝓵𝓾𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓮𝓻 𝓽𝓸 𝓬𝓪𝓻𝓻𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓲𝓻 𝓫𝓵𝓸𝓸𝓭 𝓸𝓷 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓲𝓻 𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓽𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓭𝓮𝓶𝓲𝓼𝓮. 𝓦𝓮 𝓰𝓵𝓪𝓭𝓵𝔂 𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓭 𝓾𝓹 𝓪𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓼𝓲𝓭𝓮 𝓶𝓪𝓷𝔂 𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓬𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓼𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓮𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓼𝓲𝔃𝓮𝓼. 𝓣𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓱𝓪𝓭 𝓰𝓲𝓿𝓮𝓷 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓸𝓯 𝓾𝓼 𝓰𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽 𝓰𝓲𝓯𝓽𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓰𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓾𝓼 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓪 𝓯𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓬𝓮 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓷𝓮𝔀 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓵𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓯𝓸𝓵𝓵𝓸𝔀 𝓽𝓱𝓮 “𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓿𝓮𝓻𝓰𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓮”

𝓣𝓱𝓮𝓲𝓻 𝓾𝓷𝓭𝔂𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓲𝓵𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓬𝔂 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓷𝓮𝔀 𝓪𝓰𝓮,

𝓣𝓱𝓮𝓲𝓻 𝔀𝓱𝓲𝓽 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓱𝓾𝓶𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓪 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓬𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓯𝓮𝓮𝓵 𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓹𝔂 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓵𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽𝓮𝓷 𝓪𝓷𝔂 𝓶𝓸𝓸𝓭 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓶𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓮𝓼 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓰𝓷𝓮𝓭,

𝓣𝓱𝓮𝓲𝓻 𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓵𝓮𝓼𝓼 𝓯𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓼𝓹𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓼𝓮𝓮 𝓾𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓪𝓰𝓮𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓹𝓪𝓲𝓻 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓭𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓹𝓼,

𝓣𝓱𝓮𝓲𝓻 𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓰𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓪𝓫𝓲𝓵𝓲𝓽𝔂 𝓽𝓸 𝓶𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓶𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓴𝓮𝓼. 𝓝𝓸𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓯𝓪𝓲𝓵. 𝓑𝓾𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓷.

𝓐𝓷𝓭 𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓲𝓻 𝓱𝓸𝓹𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓪𝓫𝓲𝓵𝓲𝓽𝔂 𝓽𝓸 𝓻𝓮𝓬𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓯𝓻𝓸𝓶 𝓽𝓻𝓪𝓰𝓮𝓭𝔂. 𝓤𝓷𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓽𝓾𝓷𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓵𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓰𝓲𝓯𝓽 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓪𝓼 𝓹𝓸𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓪𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓼. 𝓣𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝔀𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓮𝓪𝓴 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓲𝓼 𝔀𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓶𝓪𝓭𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓽𝓻𝓪𝓲𝓽 𝓼𝓸 𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓱𝓾𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓼. 𝓓𝓾𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓷𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓫𝓸𝓭𝔂’𝓼 𝔀𝓮 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓵𝓲𝓽𝓽𝓵𝓮 𝓵𝓸𝓼𝓼 𝓲𝓷 𝓯𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓷𝓸 𝔀𝓪𝔂 𝓽𝓸 𝓵𝓮𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓽𝓻𝓪𝓲𝓽 𝓰𝓻𝓸𝔀.

𝓘𝓽 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓪 𝓽𝓻𝓪𝓰𝓮𝓭𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔀𝓮 𝓱𝓪𝓭 𝓪𝓵𝓼𝓸 𝓶𝓪𝓭𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓪𝓶𝓮 𝓶𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓴𝓮𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓱𝓪𝓭. 𝓤𝓷𝓽𝓲𝓵 𝓻𝓮𝓬𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓵𝔂 𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓷𝓾𝓶𝓫𝓮𝓻𝓼 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓫𝓮𝓮𝓷 𝓭𝔀𝓲𝓷𝓭𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝔀𝓮 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓫𝓮𝓮𝓷 𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰-

Noah couldn’t decipher the rest of the text presented before him. He looked back and squinting as hard as he could made out the word “humans” it seemed like they had tried to recreate cursive but forgot to connect the letters. It was choppy but enthusiastic as well.

”well we don’t have all day war-mind”

”I’m hardly a fighter thor. There is little honour in how I fight and I am disappointed to say that I honestly have little battle experience”

”and what experience do you have?”

Thor tilted his head in an adorably curious expression.

”well up until recently I could...uh actually I have no idea”

“erm what about recently?”

”well I...decapitated my clone after throwing him through a mirror by repeatedly stomping his head.”

Noah grimaced as he recalled the event.

Thor looked impressed

“and this was your first time yes?”

”first time?”

Noah didn’t like to think there would be a next time

”well you look like your holding up great for a...civilian who committed such an act”

Noah was consistently internally screaming over what he had done

”I’ll make a fine fighter of you yet rogue”

Noah sighed and wondered exactly why he was being held in such high regard. He also didn’t like being called a rogue. It was the same as “slutty knight”

Thor led Noah through the halls once more except things began growing in size as they progressed instead of shrinking down to the statue they had stopped at. Statues were in poor condition at this point and most had massive cracks or were missing legs and on one occasion a head. One group of statues stood out among the ruined ones as they were polished and untarnished. It looked as if it was made about a month ago. The statue depicted a bearded man with a soft cheerful expression...standing atop a massive body and holding a severed lions head. The next statue depicted the same man atop a massive cannon carrying a mare with a lazy eye. The next statue showed the man hunched over in grief looking longingly at three gravestones, the mare from earlier was comforting him. The final statue looked like a memorial. The man stood atop a raggid ship pointing a gun at a very bony man. The script read:

This memorial is dedicated to Alexander the Great. Who had succumbed to a curse while searching for some close friends.

”...Alex.”

”ah you seem familiar with the legend of the flying Dutch man.”

”...”

“are you ok?”

”what was Alex’s curse.”

”Alex? Oh Alexander. Well he was basically cursed to roam the seas for all eternity until he can find the object he had most desired while he was-“

Noah increased his pace and looked absolutely livid. He stormed his way through the hall and turned to the left Noah entered an armoury by mistake instead of the throne room. Noah left but not before grabbing what appeared to be a fist-full of sand from a forge in the back that seemed to be for making glass.

“hey what was that about?”

Noah held his angry expression but it now had a tinge of embarrassment to it

”wrong door”

”...”

”(sigh) just take me to the throne room”

They took a right down the hall of statues and entered an extremely large room with two large tables full of food and a fire pit in the middle of the room this lead to the red steps going up to the throne. And of course the throne itself was surprisingly barren for a seat of power. Atop the throne was a griffin with a Snow White lower body and white upper. His crown looked more protective than regal and honestly a flair of ferocity emitted from The being was waiting with a cocky smile that said “checkmate”

”HOW DARE YOU! WHERE IS ODEN!”

Wait that wasn’t oden?

”TELL ME!”

The usurper gave a malicious chuckle and Noah hid under one of the massive tables before setting Loki down gently

”oh you foolish weak children. Did you really think that a simple cage would stop me? I was right under your beaks this whole time! Plotting, scheming and planning my revenge.”

The usurper pointed to a one eyed griffin chained and hanging from the ceiling by his talons. His wings were bound to his sides by the chain and a trail of blood was flowing from his wounds

During this time oden opened his one eye and spotted Noah and Loki under the table. A look of awe was present on his face as Noah did something unexpected. He was moving during a monologue.

”-and that’s how I fooled the warden into believing that-ACK!”

”POCKET SAND!”

After throwing the sand into the usurper’s eyes Noah punched him in the throat before wrapping the chain around his arm around his fist and hitting as hard as he could in the back of the usurper’s head. He dropped to the floor and the force of Noah’s momentum had caused him to trip and land arse first on the throne.

”...uh ok then”

”how did you do that?”

”well I grabbed a fist full of sand-“

”I hate to ruin the mood but could someone please help me down from here?”

”why am I under a table?”

chapter 7: the chapter that took over a year for me to get around to

The train lit up inside again when it exited the tunnel. Noah (who was attempting to peace together exactly how he had gotten on the train in the first place) was in awe at the beauty of the landscape surrounding the train. However something in his gut was screaming about something wrong. Something unnatural that deeply disturbed Noah and shook him internally:

”where’s the snow?”

”why would there be snow? It’s not harths warming yet.”

Noah’s eye twitched

”(sigh)”

Daring tilted her head slightly in confusion

”wait why would it happen any earlier? Were things different when you were alive?”

”alive? I’m not dead...I hope. And also things are very different where I’m from”

”how different?”

”the weather dose whatever it fucken pleases for starters.”

”I’m sorry what? That’s in violation of SEVERAL laws!”

”...like legal laws?”

”yes of course legal laws.”

Noah giggled a bit at the thought of an entire swat team screaming at a cloud to stop raining before they use lethal force.

”so what do you do when they...break the law?”

”the weather team detains them”

This sent Noah into hysterics

”why is that funny?”

”oh its just the way you said it. reminds me of something.”

”...ok. So what’s your plan?”

”ok so here’s how it’s going to go. I’m going to find Alex and with luck slap the shit out of him until he remembers me. Then...well i don’t know.”

”that’s not a very good plan”

”but it is a plan.”

”...so Noah. What was your home like?”

”what? Why’d you want to know that?”

”I’m a little curious”

”well for starters it is a lot colder-“

”was a lot colder”

”Shut your fuck up”

”...jeez. You wake up on the wrong side of the bed or something?”

”I woke up in a coffin as a shadow monster man” Noah deadpanned

”ok fine. But still you should calm down”

”alright. So how did I get on this train anyway? I don’t think I would be able to get on looking like this”

”we smuggled you on through a massive suitcase somepony left behind. Don’t know who “rarity” is but if we find her we should probably thank her“ Loki explained

Noah simply sat in thought as the familiar name hit his subconscious like an out of control truck being driven by some pompous assbag named Kensington while he texts somebody a breakup text.

Jokes on him. Karen is going to take his kids

Anyway I got off track...for about a year. Right! Shit! Anyway the big train was finally getting close to a station and to Noah’s surprise it was quite a familiar place

”oh god here we go.“ Noah said while braceing himself

Before daring could ask what Noah was doing the side of the train was rocked back and forth as buffalo rammed into the side of the train.

”W-WHATS GOING ON?!”

”HANS AND FRANZ’S HARRY ROOMMATES ARE TRYING TO PUMP US UP OR SOME SHIT!”

Somewhere in a greenhouse on earth a man and his two sons laughed to the confusion of his workers

A buffalo entered the car and gave a menacing glare to everyone on the nearly empty car. Daring stood up and matched his gaze with her own as Noah quickly ushered Loki and the doctor mercenary guy out of the car.

”hey come on we can take him!”

”Well we got bigger problems right now” Noah said while pulling out his chains and jumping in the air to avoid getting skewered by the buffalo’s horns. Noah suddenly found himself riding the buffalo towards a wall as it desperately attempted to kick him off. Noah hung on with some mad grit as the buffalo began frantically charging into and through many different train cars.

Eventually the buffalo got tired and collapsed in front of a large tree the train was transporting for some reason Noah couldn’t really fathom.

”ok how about we just relax for a moment and think this through clearly”

”what is there to think about?” the buffalo asked

”well it’s quite simple really. I’m get off your back and you’ll leave me alone”

”I’m afraid I can’t do that” the buffalo said angrily

Noah sprung off the buffalo and quickly climbed the tree, while hiding in the branches Noah spots a still sleeping spike on one of the branches. A whistle sound made its way to Noah’s ears and suddenly he felt the tree underneath him being picked up and hauled outside quickly. Spike woke up and also noticed this as he called to twilight for help. Noah simply watched as the tree was very quickly moved away from the train. Spike looked around as the was carried away and spotted Noah.

”...so...uh...”

Noah couldn’t think of anything he could say to diffuse the situation as it was so surreal

Spike screamed in panic and alerted the buffalo that something was in the tree

”Wait. Stop! Something is in the tree!”

The buffalo set down the tree and kicked the side knocking down both Noah and spike.

”...it cannot be!” the buffalo said in disbelief

”it is one of the ancient ones! And...a daconic compatriot!”

The buffalo all bowed down to Noah and spike as they looked on with shock

”...play along and I think we can get out of here” Noah whispered to spike

”ok.”

”right. We are here to stop a grave tragedy that will soon fall apon your humble land...we must warn your leaders before misfortune strikes!” Noah said as commandingly as he could while spike puffed out his chest in an attempt to look more macho

”is it about the ponys?” the buffalo Noah recognizes as little strongheart

” it is. Regardless if you do not make peace with them you shall all perish” Noah said

This quickly grabbed little’s attention and she quickly called for the group to go warn the chief as little and a few others stayed behind

”what now?”

”we now must go over to the ponys and warn them as well. My friend here knows one of them and can sway their opinion into our favour” Noah explained while beginning to walk back to the town with spike in tow

”oh and can you bring the tree as well?” spike asked

”why?” little asked back

”because if we returned it as a peace offering we can go through the negotiations much more smoothly” Noah said while using his meta knowledge to his advantage

They were walking back when suddenly rainbow dash and pinky were waiting for them

”I’ll hold them off!” rainbow shouted

Spike stopped them and explaind the situation.

Eventually things escalated and they ended up heading back to the buffalo’s residential area

They were brought before the chief and were told what was going on

”We only wanted the tree. The settler ponies have overtaken the land and have planted an orchard all over it! Because of their thoughtlessness, we can no longer run over our traditional stampeding grounds.”

”We have a long and winding stampeding trail that we have run upon for many generations. My father stampeded upon these grounds, and his father before him, and his father before him, and his father before him, and his father before him, and–“

”his father, than his father than this fathers cousins father, than his father ecsetera ecsetera” Noah said a bit annoyed

”well your warning is false! You aren’t even an ancient are you?” the chife acused

”what? Do you need a demonstration?” Noah asked

”yes”

Noah picked up a wood log and attached it to his chain. He than let go of the chain as it suspended the log in mid air

”any pony unicorn could do that!”

Noah called spike over and grabbed his shoulder while wrapping him in shadows. Rainbow went wide eyed as she had read in a daring do book about this creature

”What!?”

”I know it’s strange but could you try and claw the log please?”

Spikes eyes turned more reptilian with every strike on the log. Eventually it looked as if he was slashing at it from all directions as he dashed through the wood as if it was air. At the end he simply landed on his feet and snapped his fingers. The wood fell apart and the chain returned to Noah

”was that enough proof?” Noah said not believing what had just happened himself

The chief left the room with a strange look on his face as he tried to process exactly what happened

”it’s you! That creature daring do found!” rainbow said excitedly

”I’m sorry?”

”in the temple of the scorching sun when all was lost right when it seemed hopeless you jumped in and gave daring superpowers!” rainbow said excitedly

”well kinda?”

”Wait so you have me superpowers?!” spike said hopefully

”hell if I know. It depends on if you still have a bit of the blue glowing stuff on you” Noah said

Spike quickly began inspecting himself. He found nothing. He shouted in annoyance and ended up breathing out blue fire

”...woah. Shadow dragon”

”Wait didn’t you go on the train with daring and that griffin foal?”

Noah paused and quickly threw down a shadow portal that lead to the town and jumped through it

”hey! You forgot to give me super powers!”

chapter 8: a fond introduction and a life changing moment

Noah fell from the roof of the train station and landed on his back unceremoniously. He took a moment to collect himself and quickly put back on his glasses. As Noah stood up he saw a large amount of ponys staring at him with somewhat hostile expressions.

”...howdy?” Noah said while trying not to panic

They remained cold and unmoving. Noah got the distinct feeling that he wasn’t quite welcome in town.

Noah got up and began walking towards a building that looked like a saloon and entered the establishment through the front door. The bar quickly quieted except for a group of ponys that were on there way out. The group seemed to be trying to tell their guide something but he kept cutting them off.

Then one of them maneged to talk long enough. Eventually Noah got close enough to actually hear what they were saying

“-Did you say... buffalo? *sigh* Them buffalo, they want us settler ponies to take every single tree you see here off this land. They sure as hay don't want any new ones added in.” The Stalin Noah recognized as Braeburn Said

Noah was a bit confused when Fluttershy didn’t say her two cents like she did in the show. In fact they had all gone quiet. Noah nearly shat himself as he noticed that they were all staring at him. Fluttershy looked extremely concerned and rarity held an expression of disgust. Noah really didn’t understand this as even though he looked like he just waltzed out of the shadow realm he didn’t really look THAT repulsive. If anything the shadows actually covered up his flaws.

“W-what? I’ve never seen a creature with the shadow plague this severe” Rarity said while keeping her distance

“I don’t think that using the elements will work on him...in fact I believe this might be the source!” Twilight said in alarm

”woah hold up-“

Twilight gasped as Noah talked and suddenly took a defensive position

“Stay back girls! There is no way the plague hasn’t turned it feral yet!” Twilight called out

”WOAH HOLD UP! Calm down. I’m fine. I’m not some crazy basterd. Ok? Now lets all just slow down and talk through this rationally”

“Noah!” Loki called out while emerging from the group

”Loki! Oh thank god your fine. Alright. What happened?” Noah asked.

Loki explained that after He left the mane six took him with them because apparently he had some type of disease that had been cursing both the town and the group

“-And after that they took me out for some ice cream!” Loki finished

”Huh. well I guess I’m with you girls for now. Loki where’s doc and Daring?”

“I don’t know. Before Daring left to try and help the train she gave me these” Loki said as he exposed the sun slabs

”huh...?”

Now that Noah was close to the group he could clearly see that Fluttershy looked strangely out of it. She seemed twitchy and jumpy as if she were a fragile spring about to bounce and break in the process. A pitch black mark covered her front-right hoof. It was similar to the one Loki had on him before he had healed him.

”...Loki? Remember that plague you had before I healed you? Was that the shadow plague?” Noah asked while moving towards Fluttershy

Loki nodded and suddenly everything made sense why the group was so hellbent on avoiding Noah

”...so she’s infected?” Noah said while walking up to her

The group seemed to instantly lose the last of the enthusiasm they had when Noah mentioned it

”alright then. How’s about we fix that?” Noah said while going down on one knee in front of the usually timid Pegasus

“What are you talking about?” Twilight asked

Noah gently grabbed her hoof and slowly the shadow’s climbed on to her while purging the sickness from her body. The group freaked out as from their perspective it was like Noah was rapidly increasing the infliction right before their eyes. They rushed towards the two but were cut off by a wall of shadows blocking their path. They watched in horror and eventually confusion as Fluttershy slowly became more lively as the shadows enveloped her body. Eventually she was completely covered and Noah let go of her hoof as the wall collapsed and disappeared. The shadows quickly left her and left an adorable healthy shy Pegasus in its absence

“Wh-whoa” Fluttershy said as she completely stopped limping

The group quickly yanked Noah away from her as they prepared to interrogate him

“What did you do to her!” Applejack demanded as Noah flinched

”well I purged a plague if you want me to be blunt” Noah said

“Calm down! He did the same thing for me and I’m fine!” Loki interjected

“...”

Applejack looked back at Fluttershy who now was as lively as ever

“...I can’t see any of the plague signs on her except the mark” Twilight said

”oh the mark is there to stay I think.” Noah said

Applejack got off of Noah and walked over to Fluttershy

“You ok sugarcube?” Applejack asked Fluttershy

She nodded and they all shared a warm moment of the realization that Fluttershy would survive

It was quickly...

dashed

“HEY I TOLD YOU TO GIVE ME POWERS TOO YOU COWARD!”

”oh god here we go”

rainbow stopped in front of Noah on a dime...or at least she tried to. She hit Noah directly in the head and knocked him out instantly

Noah awoke on a train sitting beside Daring who was wearing some sort of old lady camouflage

”oh. Was it a Dream?”

“I assume you are talking about the buffalo?” Daring said

”oh. Well I guess that’s done and I can go back to looking for Alex”

“Well...not exactly” she said with a sheepish grin

“LAST STOP: PONIVILL!” The attendant called out as the entered the station

“Finally! It took forever to get here!” Rainbow shouted from the other side of the train car.

Noah simply deadpanned at Daring

”well? What’s up? Is half the bloody town out of commission and needs my ass to help?” Noah said while continuing to deadpann

“Pretty much” Loki said

”than I’m not angry because this was the right move.” Noah said while moving to a more soft and understanding tone

They got up and they all exited the train. Noah looked around at the town. It wasn’t nearly as cheerful as the show depicted (likely due to the plague fucking things up)

”alright, do we know who’s infected?” Noah asked Twilight

“The cake’s, a few animals in Fluttershy’s house and Ditzy hooves” Twilight said as they approached sugar-cube corner

”Alright. Let’s go boop some snoots” Noah said with his belief in the action increasing tenfold

“Oh and by the way they are all feral at this point. Good luck!” Twilight said before ripping the wood boards off with her magic

”ok then. I guess I’m going in. HERE WE GOOOOOOOOO!” Noah cried as he charged into the building and grabbed the two sickly shadowy creatures and holding them in place as the cure worked its magic and purged them. Eventually Noah released the two very confused shop owners from his grasp as he sprinted off to Fluttershy’s house.

Noah lept through the open window and was immediately caught and slammed on the ground by a massive bear luckily while Noah was in the grasp of the massive creature the shadows began spreading over to the bear and slowly the creatures grip on noah faded as it began to take on a more dazed look. Noah slipped from its claws and managed to catch the little bunny that seemed to literally be bouncing off the walls. Then Noah had left the building and approached the town once more only to see that a fire had started...

Noah got closer to the flames and discovered they were flowing with shadow energy. Noah heard something drop behind him and he turned around to see a very shady derpy

“ǐ̸͉̲ ̶͇̓č̴͍͎̍͌̎a̵̚͜n̷̬̖̦̝̜͗̿̓ ̸̞̼̻̺̋s̸͍̣͍̙͇̏̿́̃ę̶̜̖̩̋̂͠è̴̢͓̭̎̔̚ ̴͙̯̳̑̀̅y̵̧̳̯͙͂̀͂̚͠ô̵̰̣͕͂ȕ̷̝͌̂̾̓ ̴̡̨͓̞̾͛̌̅:̴̧͓̒̐̉̕͝)̶͓̔̉”

”but can you really?” Noah instantly reacts to the fact that neither of her eyes is looking at him.

Derpy laughed a haunting and maniacal laugh as she burst into blue flames and charged towards Noah. He couldn’t help but think that this was a bit of a mistake.

And it probably is

chapter 9: the good, the bad , The squad

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

chapter 6: the training montage that ends up somehow putting us on a crazy train to Equestria

Loki and Thor flew up and began freeing oden from the chains as Noah stood up and got out of the chair. Noah looked at the usurper closely. Several scars and bald spots were present on the griffin. A small symbol was burned into a particularly large bald spot where no fur of feathers would ever grow again. It was a funky looking box with a skull on it. It was obviously some sort of brand.

”so after all these years...”

”...so after all these years what?”

”well that was rude”

”sorry.”

”it is fine. Though may I ask what your quest is?”

”find my friends and try not to die.”

”a Nobel cause if I’ve seen one! Speaking of which, what house are you from?”

”house?”

”...are you joking? You have the traits of most nobles.”

Noah before becoming a shadow guy was the pasty white guy who stayed indoors too often. Noah remembered that nobles of the past also had the trademark blue veins showing (which he also had) however it was currently impossible for oden to know about how white Noah was.

”I’m sorry. What traits?”

Oden looked surprised at this response.

”...erm you have that air of nobility?”

Noah was very skilled in covering up his own lies. This also made it easy to look for anything that could tell him others were lying to him. This is not what helped Noah deduce that oden was bluffing before. It seemed that he had mistakenly called oden on his bluff. His eye was erratic and could not make eye contact with Noah’s.

”...oden. Are you lying to me?”

”...no! Not at all! It’s just unheard of for an ancient to be...”

”come on. Say it.”

”a peasant”

”oh. I thought you were going to say commoner. Eh kinda? Point is it doesn’t matter. What I need to know is why you look so...familiar”

Oden sighed.

”well...”

Noah’s eye twitched. He was getting sick of all the dramatic pauses

”this isn’t our first time meeting.”

It was here that it finally clicked for Noah

”wait. Hold on. Are you really-“

”the same small feline residing in Alexander’s dwelling? I am.”

The room went silent and oden wasn’t lying. Oden entered a side room beckoning Noah to follow. Noah and Loki entered as Thor stood there awestruck at the revelation that his father was one of the chosen.

Oden showed a painting to Noah that had many other recognizable griffins. And also a human sitting at a table in what seemed to be a recreation of “the last supper”. The human’s expression was mirthful and holding back laughter. Yep leave it to Alex to cook up something like this. Two familiar griffins were sitting beside Alex (who was sitting where Jesus was supposed to be) one missing an eye and the other with a fur pattern on its head that created a upside down crucifix. The title of the painting was “Satan and the boys’s wild Night out.” The entirety of the painting was blasphemous to Noah’s religion.

Yet he could not hold back the laughter that followed. After a moment Noah calmed down and remembered he was supposed to be doing something

”what is so funny about this?”

”...”

YEAH I CAN DO DRAMATIC PAUSES TOO. WOOO!

”I don’t really know.”

”anyway this is me and my kin.”

Noah looked through his coat to see if he had his phone on him. He wanted to take a picture of the painting. He could not find the phone. He found a hat though.

Noah has a tendency to carry many different objects in his coat.

Noah put the hat on and this specific hat held meaning to Noah. You know how applejack is never seen without her trademark Stetson? Same deal with Noah’s hat. Noah had no idea what his hat was called but it was basically one of those newspaper boy hats. Like the one on a specific Irish YouTuber. The one who screams a lot? Yeah that guy.

And that hat.

Anyway while I was explaining the prowess of hats to you Noah left the room agreed to training with Thor before a training montage passed where Noah got the shit kicked out of him until he managed to successfully perform the splits doing a head-spin while also doing the Macarena and with much effort ripping one of those water park bracelets apart with his bare hands. Quite simple really!

Then suddenly Noah woke up on a train with Loki.

”ok he’s coming out of it!”

”out of what? Where am I? Why are we on a train? HOLY FUCK I AM THIRSTY”

”calm down. Your just coming out of a training montage. Here drink this water”

Noah drained the glass quickly

”heh. First montage?”

”I’m sorry. What were we doing?”

Loki said everything mentioned in the montage to Noah. Noah didn’t believe Loki until he noticed that he had lost weight. Noah felt great and also like he had ran a marathon

”I feel like I ran a marathon”

”that’s because you did.”

”shite. Anyway where are we now?”

”Equestria”

”why?”

”because you said something about “hunting them all down and booping their snoots” whatever that means”

”...what?”

”hey you said it not me. Also what’s a boop?”

Noah reached out and pressed his finger on Loki’s beak causing Loki to go cross eyed

”boop”

”...wha?”

”that was a boop.”

”why would you want to go all the way to Equestria just to do that to some pony’s?”

”why wouldn’t you want to go all the way to Equestria just to do that to some pony’s?”

”because I’m normal”

”pff normal is boring”

”so am I boring?”

”are you the definition of perfection?”

”no”

”then you are not boring.”

”thanks Noah”

”no problem. Uh one question.”

”yes?”

”why are you humming The Macarena?”

”the what?”

Noah looked up and after seeing something strange he decided to ask one last question

”why is that mercenarie guy laying up there with the luggage?”

”because the luggage is much safer to crack open then a boobytrapped chest”

”yay I’m gonna save the world!”

”ok seriously what the fuck happened while I was out?”