Getting to Know Him

Rainbow Dash slurps loudly from a straw. She has plenty of milkshake left – it’s definitely awesome. But her head is elsewhere.

She pushes her sunglasses up onto her forehead, darting her eyes all over the ponies passing by. She’s sitting outside under an umbrella, at one of those little restaurants right on town square. It’s a beautiful day. Thanks to her, of course.

Pinkie Pie is sitting across from her, loudly blowing bubbles in her milkshake. It’s spattering all over the table. Pinkie giggles harder as the mess she’s making gets bigger.

Dash’s shades fall over her eyes. She pushes them back up. How else are ponies supposed to see that she’s checking them out?

She keeps scoping out the action. A tight pair of flanks there, a hot mane over there, muscles or curves or just a pleasing mix of colors. Her tail flicks in little circles impatiently. She barely tastes her milkshake.

“Man,” she says, “I could really go for some ruttin’.”

Pinkie freezes, stopping her bubbles. She waggles her eyebrows at Dash.

“Oh yeah?” she says.

“Heh.” Rainbow Dash pats her on the shoulder. “No offense, Pinks, but we’ve been doing it like, a lot. You’re great and everything, but I kinda wanna mix it up.”

“Oh. Okay!” Pinkie goes back to blowing bubbles for a second, completely unbothered. “Who you gonna do?”

That is the question, of course. Rainbow Dash scrunches her nose up.

“I dunno. I kinda wanted to try out a stallion this time.”

Pinkie perks up a little.

“Try?” she says.

Dash jolts, blowing a few unintentional bubbles through her straw.

“Uh, I meant, like -”

Pinkie gasps endlessly, her mane poofing out bigger somehow.

“Dashie!” she yells. “You mean to tell me you haven’t -!”

Rainbow Dash crams a hoof in Pinkie’s mouth.

“Not so loud!” she looks around quickly. Nopony is paying attention to them in the slightest. Pinkie spits out her hoof, crouching low over the table.

“You mean to tell me,” she whispers, “That you haven’t had a real willie inside you?”

“Uh,” Dash makes a confused face, not sure how to deal with that phrasing.

“Oh oh oh! Dashie, it’s like, the BEST! We gotta find you some stallion meat!”

“Huh. Right on.” Rainbow Dash nods, surprised and glad at how cool Pinkie has turned out to be. She turns back to the ponies of Ponyville, innocently going about their daily business. Pinkie snatches the pegasus mare’s sunglasses and puts them on.

“So - do you want like, a macho man or a nice guy or a zebra or what?” Pinkie holds the shades over her eyes, looking around in the most obviously suspicious manner possible.

“Zebra?” Dash shakes her head clear of Pinkie’s confusion. “Eh. Whatever.”

“Whatever?” Pinkie balks. “Whatever? You don’t care? You just want random dickings?”

“Not totally random. Do you see any guys that you know?” Dash asks.

“Know?” She can tell Pinkie is blinking quickly behind the shades. “Of course I see ponies I know, I know every -”

Rainbow Dash cocks an eyebrow.

“Oh. OH. Ohhhhhhhhhh!” Pinkie lowers the shades and stares at Dash over them, bobbing her eyebrows very sexily. “You mean like - KNOW.”

“Yeah. I thought maybe you could hook me up.”

“Hmm.” Pinkie puts a hoof to her chin, scanning the bustling square. “I knew him once!”

She points to a chocolate brown unicorn ambling along past them.

“Yeah?” Dash checks him out with more than a little interest.

“Yeah…” Pinkie makes a disappointed face. “He’s not that good at knowing, honestly.”

“Oh.” Dash slumps down a little. “Well, forget that. I’m lookin’ for the best.”

“Oooh! Up there!” Pinkie points up at a pegasus gliding by. “I knew him like CRAZY this one time!”

“Ehhh.” Something about him is immediately off putting in Dash’s eyes. She doesn’t even consider it.

“Hmm.” Pinkie slurps more milkshake, pondering very seriously.

“Mmm.” Dash watches the crowd. Nothing else really jumps out at her. Not at the moment, anyway.

“I can’t really think of any good stallions I wanna know right now. None of ‘em measure up to the Dash, I guess.” Pinkie elbows Dash, winking obviously.

“Heh, yeah.” Rainbow Dash shrugs, cool as can be.

“There’s gotta be somepony who can know you like I know you,” Pinkie says nonchalantly.

“Uh – heh. Yeah.” Rainbow Dash coughs a little, not quite as cool as can be. “I mean, you and me are obviously the best mares around.”

“Ha! Maybe you are!” Pinkie rolls her eyes.

“How am I gonna figure out who’s the best stallion?”

Pinkie shrugs. They ponder silently for a moment.

And then Ponyville’s own scarlet Adonis walks into the square, pulling an apple cart. They both lock onto him immediately. Pinkie furiously blows bubbles in her milkshake. Dash feels her wings flutter and tingle a little.

He pulls his cart to the usual spot, just moseying along through a usual day. Even performing this mundane action, his thick muscles ripple most awesomely. His face betrays not a bit of interest in anything around him – just a laconic almost-smile, a laid-back rock in stormy waters.

“Ooooooooh!” Pinkie’s eyes get huge.

“Yeah. No kidding,” Dash says, not looking away.

“I think I figured out who you should know,” Pinkie whispers.

“Have you, uh…known him?” Dash asks.

“No way! I mean, he’s Applejack’s brother.”

“So?” Dash glares.

“I dunno. Isn’t that weird?” Pinkie asks.

“Maybe. What if she’s cool with it?”

“Oooh! That would be neat. I would know him so hard I would die! I mean, look at him!”

They both pass a pleasant second doing just that. Rainbow Dash traces her eyes over him as he unloads his cart. He’s well-muscled, but not too defined. Not like the athletes she’s usually drooling over – just a big, solid, handsome dude. She makes up her mind right then and there.

“Have you ever asked Applejack about it?” Rainbow Dash wonders.

“No.” Pinkie slurps more milkshake loudly.

“Huh.” Rainbow Dash ponders and schemes, her tail practically spinning like a rotor.

“Are you gonna ask her?” Pinkie says.

“Yeah. You know what? I am.”

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie sidle up to Applejack’s market stand. Big Mac has just left, pulling an empty cart towards the long, dusty road home.

“Hey, y’all! What’s goin’ on?” Applejack greets them happily.

Dash and Pinkie give each other a look, and then turn their heads towards Mac. They can still see him leaving the square. They pause far longer than either of them meant to, just staring.

“Can I…help you with somethin’?” Applejack says. Pinkie lets her eyes linger. Dash snaps to attention.

“What’s up with your brother?” she asks instantly.

“Huh?” Applejack jolts a little. “Whaddya mean?”

“Does he have a girlfriend or something?” Rainbow Dash smiles.

“No,” Applejack smiles right back. “No, he does not. Why, you takin’ a shine to him?”

“I guess you could say that.” Rainbow Dash grins back.

“Yeah?” Applejack cocks an eyebrow. “I thought you were askin’ for Pinkie. Since when are you into dudes?”

“I’m into your brother.” Dash smiles harder.

“Huh. Don’t that beat all.” Applejack pushes her hat a little further back on her mane. “Heck, for one of you? Wouldn’t mind puttin’ a good word in. You just make sure you take him out someplace nice, you hear?”

“Neat! Like a date?” Pinkie’s eyes light up.

“Sure! Shoot, I been meanin’ to see that big lug set up with some nice filly. Never thought it would be one of my friends, but hey – if that’s what yer lookin’ for, sister.” Applejack chuckles and winks, nudging Rainbow Dash with a hoof. “Heh, sister.”

“…Sister?” Rainbow treads carefully on the word.

“Calm down, I’m just joshin’ you. Halfways, anyway.” Applejack elbows Rainbow Dash, bouncing her eyebrows. Then she suddenly gets very serious. “But he’s my bro, remember. Pure gentlecolt. I hear one word about you even thinking of breakin’ his heart and there’ll be a reckoning.”

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie exchange a cautious glance. Applejack seems to ignore it, bouncing right back to earthy charm.

“Aw heck, what am I saying? Course you’ll treat him right. Right?” she says.

“Uh, yeah. Sure. I mean,” Rainbow Dash puts a hoof to her chin. “Thanks and everything. But I don’t know about all this date stuff.”

“Huh?” Applejack’s smile drops away.

“I kinda wanna just do him,” she says.

“Di – wha - !” Applejack sputters, stomping her hooves a little. “You wanna WHAT?”

“Do him. Y’know, do him. Like, sex him up all -”

“I know what you mean.” Applejack cuts her off.

“Can I do him, too?” Pinkie asks sheepishly. “He’s hunky.”

Applejack’s jaw drops silently.

“Yeah, let Pinkie do him, too. It’ll be fun,” Dash says.

“Oooh, let’s do him together!” Pinkie bounces on her hooves.

“Whoa! That sounds kind of awesome, actually.” Dash puts a hoof to her chin, considering all kinds of new possibilities.

“WHAT?” Applejack blinks over and over, still hanging her jaw open.

“Yeah, we can both just go to town on him at the same time! It’ll be like in the movies!” Pinkie bounces with excitement.

“Oh man, I call first dibs on his -” Dash starts to say.

“AaaaaaaAAAAAHHH!” Applejack clamps her hooves over her own ears. “AAAAHHH! NO! Not listening! Related, right here! Cut that out now!”

“Jeez.” Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes. “I’m not saying YOU should do him.”

“Yeah!” Pinkie Pie giggles. “Like, eww! Extra-retard foals!”

Applejack cringes and makes disgusted noises, backing away from them.

“What in the HAY is wrong with you two?” she says.

“Nothing. Can we have sex with your brother?” Dash says.

“NO!” Applejack yells.

“What? You were just saying…” Rainbow Dash starts.

“Yeah, why not?” Pinkie Pie adds.

“BECAUSE!” Applejack yells like it’s the most obvious thing that could be.

“I don’t get it.” Pinkie says.

“He - he’s my brother! If y’all are just lookin’ for a stallion to buck with, you can look somewhere else.” Applejack cocks a wary eye at them.

“But AJ, come oooooonnnnn…” Dash drones on.

“No.”

“Please?” Pinkie asks.

“No.”

“What if we just -?”

“NO.”

Dash and Pinkie stare at her, looking more and more put out.

“Man,” Dash scrunches up her snout. “Come ON. What’s the big deal?”

“Mmmm!” Pinkie nods furiously.

“What’s the – what – he –!” Applejack loses trust in words momentarily and just growls at them. “He’s my kin. THAT’S the big deal. I ain’t too partial to some mare just usin’ him like a cut o’ meat. Even if y’all are my friends. That ain’t dignified like.”

“But what if he wants to be like meat? It’ll be fun!” Pinkie says.

“Yeah! What are you, his owner?” Rainbow says.

Applejack looks taken aback, and then just heaves a weary sigh. “I mean - I guess it is his business and all, honestly. But it just don’t sit right with me. It would mean a whole darn lot to me if you two just kept yer hooves to yourselves.”

Dash and Pinkie seem to take this in, looking for all the world like they’re seriously absorbing her words. Applejack smiles in triumph.

“…Please? Just once?” Rainbow Dash says.

“Gah! No, no, a thousand times, no!” Applejack growls. “Now go on, git! I got a business to run.”

“Awww…” Dash and Pinkie bow their heads and shuffle off like guilty school fillies.

Rainbow Dash waits until they’re out of AJ’s earshot to complain loudly.

“What the hell? We just wanna have a little fun,” she says.

“Poor Big Mac! I bet he’s lonely.” Pinkie looks genuinely concerned.

“Yeah, man. A stallion’s got needs, right? I can’t believe AJ would cock block her own brother like that.”

“I bet he just cries himself to sleep while whacking off every night!” Pinkie looks pretty excited by the idea.

“Uh, I hope not.” Rainbow Dash looks at her like she’s crazy.

“Hmmm.” Pinkie ignores the look. “So what are we gonna do now?”

“I dunno. I really, really wanna do him.” Rainbow Dash glares with intense horniness.

“Forbidden fruit is the sweetest knowing of all!” Pinkie says theatrically. “Do you think we should just go right to him?”

“What, behind AJ’s back?” Rainbow Dash thinks about this for a second. “Naw. Definite dick move. Let’s try working on her some more.”

“Wait - you think if we bother Applejack enough, maybe she’ll just let us know him eventually so we’ll leave her alone?” Pinkie, again, looks quite concerned.

“Something like that,” Dash says.

Pinkie’s face lights up.

“Okay!”

They bump hooves. The plan is hatched.

Applejack slumps against a fence with a satisfied sigh. She’s earned this break a few times over. She lets her hooves cool for a second, thinking nothing in particular.

It’s nice and hot out. Or it was, anyway. She looks around real quick, wondering how it got so shady all of a sudden. She looks up.

“Oh! Well hey there, Dash.”

Rainbow Dash grins down at her from a small, custom-cut cloud.

“What’s up?” Applejack asks.

“Nothing. Just thought you looked hot down there. Y’know, more than usual,” Rainbow Dash says.

Applejack cocks an eyebrow, making a suspicious smirk.

“So I brought you some shade,” Rainbow Dash says.

“That’s mighty kind of ya. Thanks.”

They stare at each other. Insects buzz in the heat all around them.

“So what are you up to -” Applejack starts to say.

“Can I have sex with Big Mac now?” Rainbow Dash cuts her off.

“What? No!”

“Awwwwwww come on!”

“I said no, dang it!” Applejack says, getting all ornery. “How would you like it if I was always buggin’ you to rut with one of your kin?”

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash looks like she’s really thinking this over. “I don’t have any brothers or sisters. But if I did, I would totally let you do one of them.”

“Wha?” This gives Applejack quite some pause. “Really?”

“Sure. No problem.”

“Huh.” AJ chews this over. “Thanks. I guess?”

“Anytime.”

Again, the buzzing of cicadas fills in their pause.

“So…” Rainbow Dash gets a sly smile.

“Still no. Sorry.”

“Dang! Cold. Stone cold.” Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes. She flies off, just a little bit huffily, leaving Applejack under the tiny cloud.

“That’ll be six bits, ma’am.”

The earth pony hands over some large coins. Applejack turns to her cart to make change and bag the goods.

“SURPRISE!” Pinkie pops out of the apples in the stand, spraying produce everywhere.

“Gah!” Applejack’s hat almost falls off. “What’re you doin’?”

“Can I have sex with Big Mac? Please please please please pretty please?”

Applejack groans loudly.

“No!”

“Okay, okay, I get it. You’re a business mare, I get it,” Pinkie Pie says very solemnly. “How much?”

“EXCUSE me?”

“How much?”

“NO! Even MORE no!”

“I’ve got the bits! I’m good for it!” Pinkie yells, waving her hooves around.

“Consarnit it, Pinkie! Get outta here!”

“Free donuts? No, free cakes! No, lifetime supply of free parties!”

“PINKIE.”

Pinkie sighs angrily.

“Fine…”

She disappears back into the apples. Applejack pokes her hoof around in the pile, but finds no Pinkie Pie. She’s just starting to get puzzled when somepony clears their throat.

She turns around to see the family of ponies still waiting for their change.

“Oh! Uh, heh - beggin’ yer pardon.”

Applejack swings and jumps, gracefully landing another perfect rope trick.

The crowd goes wild. She swings the lasso around and jumps through her own loop again, driving the spectating ponies even more nuts. She grins around the rope in her teeth – this is foal’s play, nothin’ to it. She’s going home with a trophy for sure.

She even lets herself scan the crowd a little as she throws out another trick, coasting on autopilot.

Twilight Sparkle is sitting near the front, clapping her hooves together and cheering.

Fluttershy is right next to her – Applejack can’t hear the little pegasus, of course, but it looks like she’s quietly screaming, “Yay!”

Rarity is next in line, clopping her hooves on the bleachers and yelling, “Bravo!” over and over.

Applejack sticks yet another perfect landing. Those other ponies don’t have an apple’s chance in an oven.

Rainbow Dash is next to Rarity, waving a sign that says, “GO” in big, bold letters. Pinkie Pie is next to her with a sign that says, “AJ!” They’re waving their signs together, whooping like crazy.

They bend down for a second, picking up new signs.

Dash’s says, “CAN WE HAVE”

Pinkie’s says, “SEX WITH YOUR”

They bend down again. Applejack never sees the next pair of signs.

“Whoa!” She snags a hoof on the loop of her own lasso and goes crashing into the dirt, face first. The crowd deflates with a disappointed, “Aww…”

Applejack growls from deep in her throat, glaring up at her friends.

“Hey! Hey Applejack! Hey! Hey! Hey!”

“AJ! Buddy. Pal. Over here.”

Applejack trudges on, her head low to the ground, ignoring them completely.

“I made you this cake! It’s chocolate! It! Is! Delicious!” Pinkie Pie bounces along, jostling the cake balanced on top of her butt.

“You know what? This is so crazy, you’re never gonna believe this. I found these tickets to a convention for apples and apple accessories…” Rainbow Dash carries on.

“ENOUGH!” Applejack stands up, waving her hooves around. “Cut it out! Both of you! PLEASE!”

Both her friends pause, looking innocent in the guiltiest way possible.

“I don’t want you messin’ around with my brother!” AJ yells.

“Whaaaaaaaaat?” Pinkie Pie laughs. “Who said anything about your brother?”

“Yeah, we’re just being nice.” Dash says.

Applejack gives them the longest, most fed-up stare ever seen by pony eyes.

“Okay, no, you’re right,” Dash admits.

“Yeah, we wanna play with his thingy.” Pinkie nods.

“Eww.” Applejack holds up a hoof. “Eww and no.”

“Coooooooome ooooooooooonnnnnnnn!” Dash whines and bounces on her hooves like a little foal that badly has to pee.

“No.”

“What if we just have a little bit of sex?” Pinkie suggests like it’s a novel idea.

“No.”

“What about just a blowjob?” Dash offers.

AJ makes noises like she might vomit a little.

“No!” she yells.

“What if I just take a bunch of pictures of his weenie and rub ‘em all over myself like this?” Pinkie Pie rubs her hooves on her own chest, staring off into space and moaning. Applejack watches her in utter horror.

“What?” Rainbow Dash says, looking a little confused herself.

“Oh. My. Princess. What is wrong with you guys?” Applejack says.

“We just wanna do it with him. No strings or anything like that.” Rainbow Dash calmly explains.

“Yeah, just for funsies!” Pinkie Pie smiles and nods.

“Just for -? See, exactly! No way.” Applejack waves her hooves around.

“What? Pfft, jeez AJ, you thought we were gonna marry him or something?” Dash rolls her eyes.

“Oh my gosh, could we? That would be CRAZY.” Pinkie bounces on hoof edge.

“At least that would be honest like.” Applejack growls. “Better than you lot just ruttin’ him and runnin’.”

“But he’s a guy! I thought guys liked that?” Pinkie looks confused.

“Pinkie!” Applejack turns to her, almost desperate. “You got sisters, right? Don’t you get it?”

“Get what?” Pinkie cocks her head sideways, like a bird.

“Well, what if Mac wanted to just rut one of yer little sisters?”

“Oh, don’t be silly, Apple-” Pinkie freezes mid-word, her hoof hanging in the air. Then her face falls, turning strangely serious and thoughtful. “Hmm.”

“Yeah. See?” Applejack nods.

“No! No, don’t see!” Rainbow waves her hooves around, keeping Pinkie from slipping away. “It’s different. He’s a guy! I mean, come on.”

“Yeah!” Pinkie bounces back to her usual self, kind of. “Yeah?”

“Ugh…” Applejack face palms, shaking her head.

“Yeah, it’s fine. Just chill about this already, AJ.” Rainbow says.

“Chill?” AJ’s neck veins protest. “CHILL?”

“Yeah!” Pinkie Pie almost laughs. “Just take a-”

“GRAH! HEJU- HRK- ARGH!” Applejack growls nonsense, her anger limited by the confines of her pony body. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie tense up, glancing at each other.

Applejack does a kind of angry dance, gritting her teeth and stomping around in the dirt. She opens her mouth a few times, looking like she’s about to yell at them, but cuts herself off each time. Pinkie and Dash stay still, hoping maybe that her vision is based on movement.

Finally, Applejack closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, sinking on her hooves.

“Aright, aright,” she says, calming herself down. She glares at both her friends in turn. “Y’all really want to get at him that bad?”

Rainbow Dash can tell by Applejack’s grimace that her face just lit up. Pinkie’s too, by the depth of that frown.

“Just supposin’. I ain’t givin’ the all clear yet,” Applejack waves them down. “But just supposin’. Y’all can promise me you’ll ask him out regular like, for dinner or something? Proper and honest like?”

“Honest?” Rainbow Dash scoffs. “What’s so honest about taking him out if I just wanna do him?”

“Ugh, Dash!” Applejack rolls her eyes viciously. “You ain’t makin’ this easy.”

“What? I’m just saying.” Rainbow Dash gives her a funny look. “Has he never had a girlfriend before or something?”

“No, he’s done some datin’.”

“Did you stand guard by the bed while they were doing it?” Dash cracks a cheeky smile.

“Maybe ah should, with mares like you runnin’ around.” Applejack snorts and glares.

“Maybe you should lighten up a little.” Rainbow Dash glares back.

“Maybe you should stop thinkin’ with your flanks all the time!” Applejack steps forward.

“Maybe you should dust the cobwebs out of yours!” Rainbow Dash steps forward too, getting right in Applejack’s face.

“Say it again!” Applejack growls, leaning in even closer. “Ah dare you! I will buck you so hard you won’t even remember it!”

“Is that a promise?” Rainbow Dash licks her lips and waggles her eyebrows.

Applejack growls again. Their snouts are almost touching, so close that the glint of anger in Applejack’s eyes is blurred a little. Rainbow Dash waits on hoof edge for Applejack’s counter, dizzy with frustrated sexual thrills. She can’t remember a time that seeing Applejack get angry didn’t turn her on.

Applejack is about to yell something back – Rainbow Dash can tell, she always squints a little and scrunches her nose just like that. Dash almost bites her lip, hardly able to wait.

But then she hears Pinkie Pie’s voice instead.

“Girls?”

“Huh?” they both turn to the pink mare, suddenly remembering the rest of the world around them.

“What does Big Mac think about it?” Pinkie asks.

They both stare at her for a second, blinking.

“Hey, yeah!” Rainbow Dash hops a little. “What did he say?”

“He didn’t say anything.” Applejack sticks her snout up in the air.

“What?” Rainbow Dash flares her wings. “You didn’t even ask him?”

“Whaddya want me to do, Dash? Just go to my own brother and be like…I dunno, here’s my friends, take your pick? I ain’t about to do that.”

“But I wanna be picked!” Rainbow Dash puts on a forlorn face. “And what if he wants to pick me? You could be standing in the way of one of Equestria’s great romances!”

Applejack rolls her eyes.

“Gimme a break. You hardly even know him. And you wouldn’t know romance if it gave you flowers.”

Pinkie Pie jumps between them, heading off any possible conflagrations.

“You’re right, Applejack,” she nods very seriously. “We hardly know him. Can we just talk with him and see what happens?”

The orange earth pony eyes them warily.

“Just talk?” she raises an eyebrow.

“Sure!” Pinkie nods.

“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash nods.

Applejack looks unimpressed.

“Talk. With the eventual goal of ruttin’,” she says.

“Jeez, give the guy a break already. Getting laid isn’t gonna kill him.” Rainbow Dash says.

“It ain’t that,” Applejack says, finally sounding less angry. “I know he’s gotten some sugar here and there. That’s fine, that’s natural and all.”

“So what’s the big deal?” Dash says from behind Pinkie.

“Y’all are my friends, y’know? And he’s my family, and…” Applejack trails off, looking back and forth at nothing. Pinkie and Dash give her a moment to work it out, and she does. “I just don’t wanna see things get messy. For either side.”

They all stare at each other for a long second. Pinkie Pie silently places the cake on the ground, and then pounces onto Applejack with a hug.

“Hey! What are you -?” Applejack says.

“D’awww, Applejack!” Pinkie grins ear-to-ear. “You’re only mad because you care! We love you, too!”

“Heh…well, shucks.” Applejack carefully hugs her back. “It’s more selfish than you think. Last thing I want is to be in the middle of some sorta lover’s quarrel.”

Pinkie lets her go, and they both turn to look at Rainbow Dash.

“Okay, yeah, I’m touched,” she makes a show of being unaffected. “So can I do him already?”

“See, there?” Applejack says to Pinkie. “Y’all could go about this with a little more class.”

“Oh, you know Dash!” Pinkie Pie shrugs. “She’s just overcompensating for the inherent awkwardness of the situation by being all blustery and blunt. She can’t help it!”

“What?” Rainbow Dash says, not sure if she’s just been insulted or not.

“And she’s a little nervous because she’s never been with a guy before. Shh, don’t tell anyone!” Pinkie whispers loudly.

“Am not!” Rainbow Dash’s wings droop.

Applejack chuckles, wearily finishing it off with a sigh and a shake of her head. She looks back and forth at them, but she’s almost smiling.

“So…what are you two gonna do, then? Don’t tell me you really were gonna double up on him. You gotta work somethin’ out,” she says.

Rainbow Dash opens her mouth to recite a very explicit list of the things she would like to do with Big Mac and Pinkie Pie. Pinkie dives in before Dash can begin.

“We’ll just talk to him. Nice, normal flirting. And he can pick, or we can each go on a date and then he can pick, or something. We’ll figure it out.”

Applejack seems almost satisfied. She looks to Dash and cocks an eyebrow. Rainbow Dash raises a solemn hoof.

“Yup. That. Exactly.” She nods towards Pinkie Pie.

Applejack looks back and forth again, then at the ground, then back and forth. She’s right on the edge, Dash can see it in her eyes – her wings ruffle a little in anticipation and she fights to hold back a huge, foalish grin.

But then Applejack’s eyes narrow. Looking right at Rainbow Dash.

“Tickets.” She holds out a hoof.

“Huh? Oh, yeah.” Rainbow Dash hands them over.

Applejack tucks them into her hat. She turns to Pinkie, still looking very stern.

“Cake.”

Pinkie obediently places the cake on Applejack’s back. She looks back and forth at them one last time, then nods, sealing the contract.

“Aright. You can talk to him.”

Again, Rainbow Dash’s face makes a dark reflection on Applejack.

“Ah said talk. And then whatever happens…you just behave yerselves, y’hear? And keep any messy details far away from my ears.”

Pinkie and Rainbow Dash salute in unison.

“No problem.” Dash says.

“Best behavior!” Pinkie says.

“Okay then.” Applejack falters a little as she turns to Rainbow Dash, not comfortable with these next words. “And, uh…sorry fer gettin’ all ornery, I guess. I didn’t mean to call you a hussy or anythin’ like that.”

“It’s cool,” she shrugs, “I don’t really think you have cobwebs in your, uh - you know.” Rainbow Dash teeters on leaving well enough alone. Then she gets a wicked smile and dives ahead anyway. “But you should really let me check sometime. Just to make sure.”

Applejack’s eyes go just a little wide before she smiles and shakes her head.

“I take it back. You are some kinda crazy hussy.” She thumps her hoof into Rainbow Dash’s chest, still shaking her head. “Don’t make me regret any of this, now.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll be good to him.” Rainbow Dash grins with all kinds of lascivious meaning.

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Applejack rolls her eyes.

“Not too good!” Pinkie dives between them again. “We’ll just talk and see what happens.”

Applejack nods again. They say quick goodbyes and then she trots off with her bribe, looking only a little perturbed. Rainbow Dash openly stares at her rump as she leaves them behind on the road.

Again, they wait until she’s good and far away before either says anything.

“Man,” Rainbow Dash says, “She needs to get laid.”

“Pffffft! Right?” Pinkie giggles.

“I can’t believe she finally went for it.”

“I know! We did it!” Pinkie bounces on her hooves.

“Well – we haven’t done it yet.” Rainbow Dash sits on her rump, pondering. “How do you wanna do this?”

“I don’t know,” Pinkie puts a hoof to her chin and stares off into the sky. “Maybe we really should just talk to him.”

“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash grins. “Talk…and see what happens.”

Pinkie leans away from her, looking almost shocked.

“What do you mean by that?” She raises one eyebrow, smiling a little.

“Come on. You really think if we lay it out for him, he’s not gonna want to do it? With both of us? I mean, look at us!”

Pinkie gasps loudly.

“You really wanna do him together?” she says.

“Uh…yeah. You don’t?” Rainbow Dash leans a little closer to Pinkie, hovering a wing over her shoulders.

“Oh no, I do! It sounds fun.” Pinkie leans into Dash’s wingy embrace. “But we told Applejack –”

“Talk. And then whatever happens. And she doesn’t want the details. Right?”

“Dashie!” Pinkie gasps and turns to her with sex in her eyes. “You’re so bad!”

“Hey, you were thinking the same thing.”

“Yeah!” Pinkie nods and grins. “So…now?”

“You wanna?”

“YES.” Pinkie nods like a maniac.

“Alright, then.” Dash poses, her wings flared. “To Sweet Apple Acres!”

“Cocks Ahoy!” Pinkie bounces and yells.

They share a sloppy victory kiss and take off down the road.