Free Pussy

by An Intricate Disguise

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Fluttershy, Porn, Sex
Length: 11163

Marcus—a human living in Equestria that hasn't been laid in months—is about to find out how noticing a sign outside of Fluttershy's cottage can change his life. After all, who can say no to free pussy?

Marcus—a human living in Equestria that hasn't been laid in months—is about to find out how noticing a simple sign outside of Fluttershy's cottage can change his life.

After all, who can say no to free pussy? Definitely not Marcus!

Cover art adapted from this brilliance! Will take down if requested by the artist.

Published 2018-11-10 23:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-12-07 02:03:16 UTC

It's a Sign

Marcus couldn't believe how long it had been since he'd last gotten some tail. Well, suppose it was literal tail now, considering he was living in Equestria. All he knew was that waking up with a hard-on so intense it began to ache every morning wasn't healthy. Participating in No Nut November had been an impossibility, of course.

Luckily, that wasn't a custom in Equestria, and whenever he brought it up to anyone, he got funny looks. No idea why.

His house in Ponyville was neat and tidy—working part time gave him plenty of chances to keep on top of the place. It was a bungalow, of course, because horses were shitty at traversing stairs, as much as they liked to pretend otherwise. Today was a day off, and Marcus always found himself rather aimless on those. He'd lived in Equestria for a little while now, but despite being vaguely introduced to Twilight Sparkle and her friends, he hadn't really pursued interactions with any of them. It was an anxious thing, unfortunately.

So it was that he used his time off to have some 'Marcus time'. He got dressed, put on his shoes, and stepped outside for a stroll. The town was vibrant and full of energy as always. Ponies smiled at him—they were all rather friendly—and he smiled back. They didn't treat him much different to anyone else, it was nice to say. He wasn't the most social person, even when he wanted to be, but Marcus at least felt welcome around the locals.

Just a shame he couldn't bring himself to get to know some of them better.

His footsteps kept one another company as he walked towards the town's nearby park. It was pretty as usual. Strange plants and foliage that didn't exist in his home world permeated the area, and of course, families lounged, children played, couples enjoyed one another's company. It was hard, but Marcus managed to feel warm and jealous from the display at the same time.

Ponies treated him much the same as anyone else, it seemed, but would they be able to pursue close friendships or relationships with him? He'd wondered multiple times how deep beneath the surface their welcoming natures went, whether there was some fear or xenophobia beneath it all. He'd hope that wasn't the case, but after being exposed to the ugliness of human nature in the past, he could never be too certain.

Those kinds of thoughts weren't what he came out for, and the longer he stayed in the park, listening to the light chuckles of parents watching their children play and the breathless squeals of racing foals, the more they perpetuated. It wasn't a healthy place for him to be, so he decided to keep on. He left the park behind him, with all of its positive vibes staying rooted.

Having some form of companionship sounded amazing to him, and he knew it. There was no worse feeling than having a queen sized bed with no one to share it with, or cooking a meal and not having anyone to compliment its taste. Or ripping a killer belch and having no one try to smack you with a rolled up newspaper. It was the little things like that which made having another around him seem so enticing. He'd give a lot for the confidence to approach a pony and build some kind of rapport with them. Maybe he'd end up going to Twilight for friendship lessons at this rate, as embarrassing as that might have been.

He pushed that thought away with a shake of his head. He couldn't bring himself to do that, it'd just be too much. He'd just have to... go to a bar, or something. Or join the gym. He'd find a way to meet people that put a little less pressure on him, rather than becoming known as the resident human who happened to be Twilight's friendship student. At that point, he might as well have been wearing a badge stating 'hi, I'm a social retard!'. Only reason Starlight got away with it is because she was so cute. Well, cute and ex-evil.

Which was a pretty great combo, when he thought about it. Maybe if he tried being evil for a bit, he could make some friends after without anyone thinking he was odd. What would he do though? Not pay his taxes? Refuse to water his garden and let his plants wither? Make fun of Derpy?

No, that was way too far. Maybe he wasn't destined for the villain life, even if it'd get him talking to ponies after. Marcus frowned as he continued to walk along the outskirts of town, batting a little bit of curly brown fringe off of his forehead. He kept it short, but it was almost impossible to keep neat or in place, no matter how he styled it.

Fiddling with his hair had almost stopped him from noticing the picket sign in the ground near Fluttershy's cottage. He'd spoken to her a few times, one of the few of Twilight's friends who he'd managed to become friendly with, probably because she was even more awkward than him, and he felt less intimidated.

Still, seeing a sign in the grass felt strange. He wasn't going in that direction, but part of him wondered what it said, so he turned on his feet and started walking towards it. Maybe she was selling her house? He hoped not. She was one of the few ponies in the area who seemed to enjoy his company, and he liked hers too. Walking closer, he had to squint to make out the paint, and when he did, his heart almost stopped.

On the sign, the words 'free pussy' were painted. Furthermore, Marcus could see Fluttershy in her garden. Her animals didn't seem to be about, and she was laying in the grass, eyes closed, the picture of tranquility.

"No fucking way..." Marcus mouthed, blinking rapidly at the sight. He looked from the sign to Fluttershy, then back to it. She hadn't noticed him yet—he had a shiver going up him, some mixture of shock and arousal that he hadn't expected so suddenly. He'd never have imagined Fluttershy to be the type for something, well, something like this! Marcus knew that ponies were more relaxed than humans about sexual matters, but she'd always seemed so meek, and... was this what ponies did when they were in heat? Advertised it this crudely?

And it was crude, in a sense. The writing wasn't exactly neat, to the point that it almost looked like it had been scratched in by a pony that had no clue how to use (microsoft) paint. It made sense, really. Non-unicorns had trouble holding anything properly, Marcus imagined that painting must have been pretty damn hard.

Just like he was right now. He felt as nervous as always, perhaps doubly so considering the situation, but this was Fluttershy. Fluttershy was somepony he knew, and someone who made him feel relaxed to be around. If she was offering, and he felt better around her than most other ponies, and he'd been this freaking long without sex... could he just ask?

She was advertising it for free, after all. There was a sign right there that said 'come bang me', or might as well have. What the heck was he waiting for, to be called over?

"Marcus!" came a soft voice that sounded like a whisper, even when its user was shouting.

"Oh fuck," Marcus said under his breath, fully aware of the tent he was beginning to pitch, and wondering how the fuck he was going to explain himself out of staring at that sign. "H-hey, Fluttershy! How are you doing?"

"I'm pretty good, thank you. It's been a bit of a tiring day, though. Lots of attention..." she gestured towards the sign, and instantly, Marcus knew exactly what she meant. It was probably terrible to say that the thought turned him on more.

"Oh, r-really?" He wanted to advance the conversation, he wanted desperately to. He wanted to put the moves on her and take her inside, maybe not even to fuck her like the sign offered, but just to do something more than the nothing he'd done in the last few months. "That's..." he really didn't know what to say. What the fuck was somebody meant to say in this situation?

"I noticed you saw the sign," Fluttershy smiled, a little tooth showing. "Were you interested too, Marcus?"

Holy shit, this was happening. How could this be happening? Fluttershy was awaiting his response with her tail softly brushing back and forth against the floor, her ears perked, looking so adorable that Marcus was legitimately scared of heart failure.

If there was any moment that Marcus could have better luck than right now, he didn't know it. He was literally passing up on something amazing every moment he kept stalling, and if he didn't speak up soon, the chance could be gone forever. Every thought as to whether this was morally okay, whether this was normal, whether news of it would spread around town, all of it went out of the window in that one moment, as horniness, loneliness, the pair of them took control. "S-so, I know you're advertising, but I'm a little nervous about asking..."

Fluttershy looked at the sign, and then back to him. "Oh, no, don't worry, I've got plenty to go around!" She batted her eyelids, eyeing him curiously. "So, how about it? Are you interested?"

Marcus tried to ignore just how slutty that first bit had sounded. He gulped, swallowing a lump in his throat, but unable to produce words, found himself slowly inclining his head instead. He began to nod faster after a second, and Fluttershy raised up, clearly excited.

"Okay! Let me just go and come back real quickly, and we'll sort you out!"

Before Marcus could even blink in confusion, Fluttershy had zoomed off. Faster than she'd ever seen the pegasus move, actually. She must have been really excited for what came next. Marcus didn't know if that boded well for him, or if Fluttershy was the kind of freak that'd try to snap him in half. Honestly, he wouldn't mind either way, it'd been too long.

When Fluttershy rushed back, Marcus had already stepped a little further into her garden. He was considering coming inside, maybe trying to flirt a little to make the moment less forced in his mind, but something about Fluttershy gave him pause when she came back.

She still looked just as excited as before, but there was something else. A tabby cat about a third of the size of her was perched on Fluttershy's back. "Here we are! I've been excited to give this little beauty a new home. She doesn't get along with Angel very well, you see. Thank you so much for choosing to adopt her, Marcus! She was my last stray, so I'm really glad!"

Marcus blinked. He looked at the cat, who hopped down and began rolling around in the grass with its eyes squeezed shut. He looked to Fluttershy. He read the sign again, more slowly. "Free Pussy..." Marcus repeated, an eyebrow raised. "This was all about giving cats to new homes, wasn't it?"

Fluttershy laughed as if it was obvious. "Of course! I meant to write 'pussycat', but I ran out of space, and I didn't have another sign. It actually led to a little confusion earlier. Would you believe that a few stallions thought I was offering—" Fluttershy dropped her tone to a scandalous whisper, "—sex, like some kind of public lover?"

Marcus began sweating profusely. "Oh! That's funny, I never would have thought of that, not at all, and that's obviously not why I told you I was interested or anything, eheheheh." Marcus was very barely holding back his temptation to punch the stupid sign, or himself. "I'm sure you must've had a hard time saying no to them, right? I know it's hard for you to do." That's it, play compassionate. Style yourself out of this.

Fluttershy blushed, squirming a little. "Actually... I didn't really have the heart to say 'no' to them when they came to me with their hopes up. That's why I'm feeling so tired, I'm a little sore..." Marcus felt blood rush to his face, he also felt a glimmer of hope. "They all took a cat afterwards too, and promised to come back if they had any concerns! Oh, I'm happy that you weren't looking for anything like that, though, Marcus, because I'm honestly too tired to even consider it right now. I'm sure it would've been fun, though. You're so generous, taking that cat off of me." Anddd there went the hope.

Before Marcus could say anything, Fluttershy moved forwards and planted a peck on his cheek. That was the most contact he'd had in about two months, almost enough to defuse his frustration at the misunderstanding, at least temporarily. "Th-thanks, but it's nothing. Just looking to help, that's all."

"Well, I'm extremely grateful! If you need to know anything about how to care for a cat, feel free to ask me, and if you're looking for pet supplies, I can help too! Did you want to take her with you now?"

Marcus really didn't know what to say anymore. His mouth had gone dry. His god had left him. "Y-yeah, sure." Okay, so he was a cat owner now. Man had been thrust with cat, and there was no sex to be had. He'd see the silver lining later, he was too busy being dejected right then. A moment later, he thought of a single question worth asking. "Does she have a name, the tabby?"

"Honestly, I hadn't had any of the strays long enough to name them," Fluttershy admitted, almost looking guilty for saying so. "I imagine you could name her yourself, if you'd like. If not, I have a book of the two thousand most popular cat names! Twilight lent it to me, and I'm dreading having to give it back..."

Marcus took that as a cue not to ask for it, shaking his head. Honestly, even though this was like, the worst misunderstanding he could've possibly had, it was almost impossible to be mad at Fluttershy over it. It was more that he was annoyed with himself. "I think I'll take her with me now. Thanks, Fluttershy."

"You're welcome!" she waved as Marcus picked the wide eyed tabby up from the grass, having to tug slightly as she attempted to embed her claws into his shirt. Marcus placed her between his arms, where she proceeded to swipe at his sleeves. "Be sure to come back and tell me how she's coming along, and remember, that one gets fussy about baths!"

Marcus nodded, though it was more vacant than he let on. He sighed as he walked away, unable to wave back as he cradled the new cat. That had to be the most monumental fuck up of an assumption he'd ever made, and he was sure it would haunt him. "Fucking idiot," he mumbled to himself as he walked away, staring at the floor. "Of course she hadn't been offering sex, what kind of pony would do that? Not Fluttershy, that's for sure. I can't believe I was so stupid." A long sigh. "Guess I'm just freaking destined to stay lonely, eh?"

The cat's ear twitched from where it laid, and it distracted Marcus long enough to pause in his rant. "Well, not completely lonely. Guess I've got you, huh? Been a long time since I had a pet. Might be nice to have some company in the house. Shall we go get you some essentials? Toys, food, litter tray?"

The cat simply blinked in response because it was a cat and they weren't really capable of giving coherent answers. Marcus rolled his eyes, focussing on the path in front of him. It was brief, but the hint of a smile tugged at his lips. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. He might not have got what he was after, but he was getting to give what was once a stray animal a home, so he could at least make sure it was a loving one.

Marcus went around the shops soon after, picking up everything he thought he needed for his new tabby. When he reached the counter, a cute mare with a frizzy blonde mane and a mulberry coat gave him a chipper smile, eyes widening as soon as she saw the cat, who she proceeded to dote on. Marcus could almost hear the cat's purr as the unicorn scratched behind its ears. "Oh, isn't she just adorable. What's her name?"

Shit. Cute mare, talking to Marcus. What did he do? "O-oh, uh... I haven't named her yet. I only just picked her up, which is why I'm grabbing all this stuff. I'm Marcus, though. I was named a while ago." Marcus had to stop himself from facepalming at that line, it was probably the most ridiculous thing he could have possibly said.

Luckily, the mare laughed, though her eyes remained firmly on the tabby for a little longer. When she faced Marcus, she almost seemed a little warmer than before. "This'll be thirty-five bits, please. I hope you'll come back soon!"

Marcus nodded and paid, and soon enough, he was out of the shop, pondering why the same mare that he was sure had served him before seemed so much more receptive this time around. It was a profound difference, he was sure, and it had made him clam up. What the heck was he meant to do when mares he was attracted to started speaking to him?

Marcus mentally shrugged, finally reaching his home and placing his key in the door. He stepped inside, going around and beginning to set up the food bowl and litter tray, as well as placing the back door's cat flap down. He usually had it open for the nozzle of his drier to go through, but he didn't want his new tabby running off before it was house trained.

Feeling a little silly for speaking, he turned to face her. "This is your new home," he said, gesturing around to the bungalow. "I'll let you go outside again in a day or so, but just get used to the place for now. I've got some food for you to try out. We're going to try and find something you like, okay?"

The cat blinked, just like last time. It seemed like a happy blink, though. Then it did that things cats do where it moved forwards and rubbed the side of its head against Marcus' leg. That meant she liked him, he thought.

Then, Marcus looked down at the floor. The tabby was treading mud from Fluttershy's cottage all over his tiles. As if he didn't have enough to deal with. "Okay, bath time."

The cat seemed to shy away at that word, her ears folding back and her tail beginning to flick. When Marcus went to pick her up this time, instead of being the usual calm ball of fuzz, she hissed at him.

"Whoa! Come on, tabby cat. We need to bath you so you don't get mud everywhere. It won't take long, okay?"

The hissing got louder, but Marcus ignored it. He took the cat to the bathroom while she attempted to squirm her way out of his grasp, and as he finally began to run a shallow bath for her, she dug her claws into his shoulder and scrambled away.

"Shit, ow!" Marcus more or less leapt after the cat, catching her mid-turn and picking her back up. "No scratching, it's bath time." he said, this time more sternly, and the cat seemed to get the message.

Right as he'd finished running the bath, he released a breath. Looked like the most stressful part was over. As he went to place the tabby in the bath, however, she started squirming again. He tried to hold her in place, not wanting to drop her in, but she began moving faster, stronger than any cat he'd ever held. It was actually difficult to keep control of her, let alone place her in the bath. She was mewling in suspension and fighting for dear life, but eventually, Marcus held her so her paws were only a couple of inches over the steamy water.

"N-no!" was what Marcus heard next. And then a lot of things happened.

The cat covered her mouth with a paw. Marcus dropped the cat out of shock, and she landed in the water. She emerged straight after, trying to scramble her way out. "No! I hate it, it's so wet and nasty!"

"You can talk?!"

"Yes I can talk now get me out of here!" the cat all but screeched in plain English.

Marcus was so stunned that he grabbed a towel and lifted the tabby out, not knowing what the hell else to do. For a few moments, they looked at each other, tabby drying her paws on the towel, human doing his best to remember that this was Equestria, and strange magic shit happened here all the time.

"Are... are talking cats normal?" he eventually managed, still slightly awe-struck.

"No, not at all," the tabby replied in what Marcus could only describe as a light, laid back female voice. "That Fluttershy didn't know I could do it, either." The talking tabby shook herself off, making her fur go all poofy. "Thanks for getting me out, and sorry for ruining your towel."

"You haven't ruined my—" Marcus looked at the mud now caking his Saddle Arabian cotton. "Oh. So why didn't you tell Fluttershy, and how didn't she realise? I thought her special talent was knowing all about animals."

"That's why I had to try so damn hard to hide it from her," the tabby admitted, still wiping its paws. "My name's Selena, by the way, and I'm not a usual house cat, if that wasn't obvious."

"Well... yeah, I can see that much," Marcus half-laughed. He was still surprised as hell to see a talking cat in his bathroom, but wasn't entirely sure it was the strangest thing that had happened today. "So, why didn't you want to stay at Fluttershy's? What was the problem with her knowing what you are?"

"If she knew, she would have wanted to keep me, and that rabbit scares the bejesus out of me. That thing just isn't natural, I swear."

Selena almost seemed to shudder at the mention, her tail bristling. "Jeez, didn't know it was such a big deal. So, why'd you choose to talk to me?"

"Well, you hardly gave me a choice. You were about to stick me in that water," Selena scowled. "In fact, you still did. I think I deserve a redo."

Marcus shook his head at her. "Don't give me that. If you spoke every time you were put in a bath, Fluttershy would've known you were special. How does a talking cat end up a stray, anyways?"

"Doesn't matter," Selena said, turning away. "All that matters is that you chose to pick me up and be kind to me, even though that wasn't what you were there for." She turned back, giving him a slightly judging look, as cats often do. "Not that the reason you were there wasn't seedy as hell."

Marcus could feel his cheeks heating up and had to fight the urge to cover them. "Guess you heard me complaining earlier, huh?"

"Not just that. I saw you awfully attempting to flirt with the mare in the store, who was basically putty in your hooves. You know why she was so interested in you?"

Marcus tilted his head, Selena pointed a paw at herself. "Y-you? How could it be you?"

"Are you kidding? I'm cute as heck, and self-aware to boot. I'm the best wingcat you could ever have, no doubt." She fluttered her feline lashes, obviously trying to reinforce the 'cute' factor, not that she needed to. Now that she mentioned it, she was probably right. "In fact..."

"What? What is it?"

"You look like you're going to be a good owner. I mean, I hope you're gonna be, anyways, else I'll run away in the night, but that's not the point." Selena finally stepped off the towel, paws clean, laying down on the floor in front of Marcus and stretching out her limbs. "You're willing to take care of me, but you're still getting nothing out of it, besides my amazing company. You want a mare in your life, but you're awful at getting close to them. How about I help you out? I can get you close to a mare or six, and you can stop buying me turkey flavoured cat food and start buying me lamb. Also, I want a scratching post, deal?"

Selena put out a paw to shake. Marcus hesitated, but eventually, his hand followed suit, and the two of them met in a wordless agreement. He'd carry on being good to her, and she'd somehow get him with mares, even if he was skeptical as to the specifics. That said, she'd offered him a deal, and it was hard to say no to free pussy.

Gathering Intel

"Celestia's Secret, really?" came the derisive voice of Marcus' new pet, accompanied by a judging stare.

Marcus looked down at Selena, who was nudging at a catalogue on top of the coffee table. His cheeks reddened, and he snatched it away in order to hide it. "Quit judging me. I'm a guy, okay? I want to look at things like that sometimes."

"That isn't what I'm judging," Selena snickered with a shake of her head. "What are you, twelve? Buy some real porn."

Marcus actually felt himself wince at that. "Y'know, I-I'm not really comfortable talking about that with you. We've known each other for like, a couple of hours."

Selena stretched out, softly mewling as she laid on the table and curled her tail. "I'm your cat. Expect me to spend most of my time prying into your business and making you feel bad about it. Also, this is comfy."

"Noted," Marcus sighed. He pushed his fingers against his closed lids, gently rubbing and trying to dispel the feeling of embarrassment before placing the catalogue up somewhere high. He'd have to do a sweep of the house soon, make sure there was nothing else for her to find and tease him over. When he looked back, he found Selena tapping her claws against the table in a gentle, bored rhythm.

"You aren't going to do anything about your crippling loneliness sat around in the house, in case you hadn't realised." Selena flashed her teeth as she yawned, stretching her legs and showing off a set of sharp teeth. "You need to fix up and get ready to turn some heads if you want any chance at landing a mare."

Marcus raised an eyebrow. "I don't think you're telling me anything that I don't already know. Aren't you meant to be helping me out with that?" Honestly, he still couldn't imagine how exactly she was going to make a profound difference, but Marcus tried to withhold his skepticism for now.

"I can't help you until you help yourself," Selena stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "What do you think women want, Marcus?"

Well, that was a fucking difficult question. Hell, if he knew that, he wouldn't be in this situation in the first place, relying on a magical cat to get him laid. He tapped a finger against his chin as he mulled it over. "Hmm... someone honest and sincere? Someone who knows how to be themselves?"

Selena cackled in response. It was a light, lilting thing with a small mewl thrown in, and though she squeezed her eyes shut as she faced him, she looked even more condescending than usual. "You try being yourself around a mare, see how that pans out. You're an awkward, bumbling mess, Marcus, and you've got softcore porn sitting on your coffee table. You're not exactly displaying all the signs of a catch right now."

Marcus dragged a hand down his face if only to hide the blush he was presenting. "Jesus, do you have to keep going on about that? Ugh, fine, maybe I don't know what I'm doing. What am I supposed to do then? Lie, pretend to be someone I'm not?"

"No!" Selena waved a paw, then paused herself midway. "I mean, yes, kinda? I like to call it 'presenting the best version of yourself', but really, it's all about the subtle manipulations that take place between two people. Nothing terrible or unethical, just social mechanics. Dating's a battlefield, and you're either winning, or you're screwing up. Think about right now. Who's leading the conversation?" Without waiting for an answer, Selena continued. "I am. And that's how it's meant to be. Mares like to talk. Everyone does, but mares are more conversational than stallions, men, whatever. When I talk, you listen, act interested, answer questions, and offer insight. You got it?"

It was all a lot to keep up with, especially with Marcus' almost non-existent track record, but he managed a nod. "Yeah, think I'm keeping up."

"See, you're doing it already. Mares want to feel as if their opinions and stories are valued, and they don't want to feel pressured into sharing. You want to give just enough that she's leading the conversation, but not so little that she feels as if she has to talk to two. Also, try to keep any weird stuff to yourself at first. Doesn't hurt to exercise a bit of restraint."

Marcus was seriously considering taking notes at this point. "Okay, so what am I doing while she's talking? How am I acting, where am I looking?"

"Don't overthink it that much. You're not even there yet." Selena rolled over on the table, exposing her fluffy belly and looking at Marcus from her upside-down spot. "It's no use spending all of your time thinking about how to talk to mares when your chances of actually getting to are basically zero right now."

Marcus felt his brows furrow. "Are you saying I'm not attractive, or something?"

"Oh, you're alright. You've got the whole human thing going for you too, so that's a plus."

"You know what I am?"

"Why do you think I never reacted to it? Of course I do," Selena answered with a roll of her eyes. "Anyways, it's not your face that's the problem, it's how you carry yourself. Right now, you're wearing a plain black tee, dark jeans, and a pair of sneakers. You know what that says to me?"

Marcus took some time looking his outfit over. "...that I like dark colours?"

"That you're wearing dark colours in the middle of summer. That's stupid. It also does basically nothing to make you stand out. You look like you've made no effort with your appearance, and unless you're drop dead gorgeous—and sorry hun, you're a seven, eight at best—that isn't going to retain the average mare's attention. Mares are more emotive than stallions, they do care about personality over physicality, but do you think they're looking to stop and give the ugly fuckling the time of day? Newsflash, the answer's no."

Selena spoke in such a rapid succession of cutting words that Marcus had to avoid getting sliced to ribbons. "So what you're saying is that I should wear brighter colours?"

"Not just that. Dress nicer. Smell nicer. Invest in some cologne, mares love the scent of a man that wears good product. Do something with your hair instead of leaving it in those messy curls. Go clean shaven, you've got a good jawline. And for Bast's sake, trim down your body hair. It's natural on horses, it isn't on you."

Marcus looked down his own shirt. "H-how did you know?"

"Natural feline intuition. Or it might have been the half hour I was cradled in your arms for, earlier." All of a sudden, Selena had a disarming grin about her. "That was nice, by the way. I enjoy an owner that knows how to hold me properly."

Marcus was like a beetroot. "Oh, thanks, I guess... that wasn't too weird then, or?"

Selena looked at him as if he was insane. "I'm literally your pet. What would be weird about you holding me? I just hope you're good at petting, too."

Marcus couldn't articulate why he felt so awkward, but he started pulling at the collar of his shirt regardless. "I'm... ahem." Marcus scratched the back of his neck. "I'm not exactly used to petting things that talk."

"Well isn't that the point of all this?" To call it a Cheshire grin would be frightfully accurate, as that's exactly what Selena did. "If you play your cards right, you're going to be doing a lot more than petting, and I'll be eating the finest Trottingham lamb for life. So loosen up, don't be awkward around me. If I want to be petted, you'd better pet me."

She was so forceful despite her tiny stature, it was difficult to say no to her. It didn't help that Marcus couldn't read her whatsoever. "Uhh, okay, I suppose. I guess it's not that weird, really."

"That's the spirit!" Selena considered her words for a second, shaking her head. "Actually, it isn't. You still sound like you've got less confidence than a government formed by Discord, but it's a start. So, you know what you need to do first. Dress nice, smell nice, fix up. Maybe think up some fun stories from earth, embellish them a little if you need to. As long as you're not flat out bullshitting to your potential partner, exaggerating details and making things sound a little bit more exciting is basically a narrative tool."

Marcus frowned at that, biting his lip as he mulled it over. "Aren't you essentially telling me that it's okay to lie?"

"I mean, hey, I'm not advocating it, but I'm not condemning it. I'm here to get you better at picking up girls, not to show you the most ethically acceptable way to do it. We're talking basic psychology and interpersonal skills here, baby." Selena's tail flicked as she moved to stand, stalking the table before leaping onto the nearby couch, soon finding another place to curl up. "But I'm not just here to coach you. You go and pick me up a couple of things today. I need new food, and I want a collar. There's a boutique in town, they can probably make you one for me."

Oh, being ordered around by his pet again. Fun. "Okay, but what about me? Am I meant to go practice? Look at myself in the mirror and try pick up lines?"

"We haven't graduated to pick up lines yet. Trust me, you're nowhere near that level. Literally do nothing, just think what I've said over. That wasn't even the introductory session, and you've got a lot to learn. Go out and buy my things. It'll give you some time to mull things over." With that, Selena laid down and closed her eyes, her chest slowly rising and falling from the ball that was her curled up body.

"Well, gee, thanks for the pep talk." Marcus scoffed at himself. Was he really being coached by a talking cat right now? He didn't know what would've been worse at this point, this, or Twilight. Ah well. At least past the condescension and bluntness, she was actually reasonably pleasant to be around. Well, if you ignored the very obvious weird factor.

Marcus considered going over what she said again, asking more questions, but she looked as if she was completely clonked out. Apparently, cats could go out like a fucking light.

Having nothing else to do, and not really wanting to lounge around the house with what felt like another person sleeping in it, Marcus headed out to buy what he needed. Supplies first, collar after. Here's hoping he'd get something more than lazy advice for his donkey work.

Selena cracked an eye open as soon as she heard the door shut. Silly, hopeless human. She'd fix him!

She hopped down from the sofa, slinking around the house and quickly locating the back door. Cat flap was down, eh? No one contains this kitty. Doop de doop, she pushed it up with her maw, ignoring the tickle of her whiskers against its surface. Once it was properly propped up, she slipped outside, leaving the house behind.

Selena took the backroads and the gardens, the alleys and the fields, knowing that Marcus would be going the other way. Honestly, she had to do everything for him. Good thing she always had a master plan ready to go.

...okay, maybe not a master plan, but she could improvise just fine! On her way through the gardens, she was distracted by a patch of grass that the sun hit perfectly through the midday clouds, and had to stop herself from laying there and falling asleep. Sleep later, be a good pet now.

Her plan was simple. Go and be an asset to silly Marcus, acquire ear scratches and good food as a reward. Oh, ear scratches were divine, but not as good as belly rubs!

...she was getting distracted again. Selena sighed, pouting, as she realised that she couldn't just lay around and bask in the sun for the next hour. She actually had to be fast if she wanted to accomplish her goals. Her usual, lackadaisical saunter was replaced by a faster walk as she climbed and leapt over fences, using her natural sense of direction to bring herself further into town. It wasn't long until she spotted the Carousel Boutique in the distance.

That was owned by Rarity, one of Fluttershy's friends. She remembered hearing them talk over at Fluttershy's cottage a couple of days ago. She mentioned another cat, Opalescence. Female cats annoyed the heck out of Selena, but she'd cope for silly Marcus' sake.

Perched on a bench overlooking the boutique, she watched as customers came and went, entering and exiting the shop. She knew she'd have to be fast if she wanted to get inside, but for Selena, that was no real problem. She waited until a middle-aged mare was carrying a large assortment of bags out of the place, Rarity helping her with magic, and chose that moment to strike. Silently, like a fuzzy recon scout, she ran past the pair of them, entering the boutique and making a dash for the backroom. The door was open, thankfully, and she found herself in the midst of a large mess of fabrics and sewing equipment. An orderly mess, she supposed, but a mess all the same.

It was the mark of a creative, but that was no groundbreaking piece of information. Selena kept an ear out for the other cat, but heard nothing as of yet. Rarity had no clue she was here, so Selena took this grace period to search all around the house, deducing whatever she could about the mare. At the very least, she'd be able to see whether or not she was single.

The double bed looking like it was only used by one was a good sign, if how many pillows were laid out was any indication. Another room seemed to belong to a younger pony, but Selena doubted there was anything of interest there. Instead, she chose to go through the open door to the bedroom. Snoop, snoop, snoop. Wow, this pony has a lot of lingerie. Pushing the nightstand drawer open with her snout, Selena grinned as she realised what she'd just found. It was some kind of diary or journal. Right as she was about to start pawing at it, Selena heard a screech to her side, and with her fur standing on end, batted the drawer shut and leapt onto the bed.

There at the door, there was one of the most ugly and posh cats Selena could've imagined. What a fucking noise it made, too. It continued to make angry noises at her, and before long, Selena could hear the thump of hooves travelling up the stairs, accompanied with a lightly accented, refined voice.

"Opal, dear, whatever is the matter? Please don't tell me it's another fur ball, they're such a pain to get out of the carpet..."

Words like 'fur ball' were like PTSD triggers to Selena, but she managed to ignore it. She jumped off the bed, putting on her cutest and most innocent face as Rarity arrived, being sure to be the centre of attention.

"Honestly, you'd think you ate nothing but your own coat at the rate you cough them up, I'll have to take you to be looked at—ah!" Rarity exclaimed as she finally stepped through the opening and spotted Selena. "You're new! Whatever are you doing here, Miss Tabby?"

Selena flinched back a little, acting surprised, and looking as if she would bolt at any given moment. Of course, she wasn't worried about Rarity in the slightest.

"Oh, you poor dear! I won't harm you, I'd never even think of it. How about I put you out a bowl of water, and we can find out where you've wandered off from? Would you like that?"

She really was quite beautiful, and friendly to boot. Plus, she obviously liked cats. This was a good start, even if she'd missed out on the jackpot, which still sat in that drawer. Selena licked at her paw, trying to look more relaxed, ignoring the other cat's incessant yowling.

"Well, that's sorted, then!" Rarity stepped closer, and Selena let her, and soon enough, she was being picked up in magic and placed on the bed. Magic always felt tingly and strange to Selena. Part of her preferred having the big human pick her up, even if it was a bit high. Hopefully, silly Marcus would never drop her. "Hmm, no collar... I wonder where you came from?" For a few moments, she was quiet, and then, she seemed to have a spark of memory. "Aha! Could it be that you were one of the poor strays Fluttershy rescued recently? We'll have to check with her later, won't we?"

Why were ponies so insistent on asking animals questions as if they expected them to turn around and give eloquent and well-reasoned answers? Well, suppose Selena was the exception in this case, but even so, it was hardly as if Rarity knew, or that excused the fact. Silly humans. Silly Rarity.

She was smart enough to realise where Selena might have been from, at least. That told her a little. The love of animals and the generous nature, taking her in and finding her home instead of throwing her out, these were all good signs.

And, of course, the cherry on top would be when Marcus arrived, so long as he managed to handle things properly.

Selena tried her best to keep on learning about Rarity as she went about her day, but whilst there was plenty of behaviour to analyse, a lot of it seemed to keep pointing in the same direction. She appreciated well mannered ponies, she herself was the same, and she seemed to enjoy helping and spoiling others.

That, and she was a non-stop gossip. Selena had heard her discussing the latest rumours and scandals with at least half of her customers over the course of the day, and there was always a little hint of mischievous joy in her eyes as she uncovered a particularly juicy morsel of information. Not as scrumptious as the lamb bites Selena was thinking about, but pretty damn close.

It wasn't especially long until the door finally opened revealing a tall figure, and Selena knew it was time to finally put the last phase into play. She ran out in front of Marcus, and before he could say a word, gave him a look that expressly said 'roll with it'. No clue if he picked up on it or not, because he was very silly, but she followed it by beginning to rub her head against his leg hard and playfully bat at his leg.

"Oh, are you the owner?" Rarity blink-gasped, rushing over. "I'd be surprised if you aren't, she seems to like you an awful lot... A bit of an adventurous kitten, no?"

"O-oh, yeah, right..." Marcus bit his lip, and Selena quickly glared at him if only to remind him not to bloody stammer. He cleared his throat, feigning a cough. "Ahem, right... I was actually here to buy her a collar. I know how much she likes to wander," he glared daggers at Selena then, as if to ask what the hell she was doing, "and I thought it'd be better to be safe than sorry, you know?"

"Oh, of course!" Rarity smiled, her eyes sparkling brilliantly. "She is simply darling, I'm sure that no matter how safe she usually is, you wouldn't want to take any precaution. Opal seemed to like her, she usually hisses at things she likes. Odd, I know..."

Selena tilted her head at that, wondering if Rarity just didn't understand the first things about animals or if that cat really was a demon. No way, Angel was supposed to be the unnatural one. Were all the pets weird around here?

"Opal?" Marcus asked, picking up Selena as he did, though he hardly seemed to be paying attention to his actions. That was good, focus on her. Maintain eye contact for a few seconds, and then smile. Don't stare like a serial killer.

"Why, yes, my own precious little kitty! They seemed to be getting on so well earlier—" was she delerious? "—I do wonder if Opal's been needing some feline companionship lately..." Rarity's eyes lingered on Marcus for a moment, she was obviously checking him out. Cat power really was worth bragging about. "Don't suppose you'd be willing to come back with her once I've made her collar, assuming you still want one? It'd be nice to set Opal up on a little playdate."

Selena's eyes became pinpricks. As much as she hated the idea of spending any time with that thing, she'd do it for this idiot. Just take her up on it. Stop hesitating and freaking take her up on it.

"You know, that actually doesn't sound like a bad idea. I might just see about that, yeah." Marcus smiled at her, and it looked genuine. It actually looked kinda cute when he smiled. But now Selena was pissed because he hadn't consulted her before agreeing. Apparently, she could never be happy. "Anyways, maybe while they're playing, we could—youch!"

Selena dug her claws in deep enough to his for him to feel it that time. She wished she could just say it aloud, but she hoped that'd at least be enough of an indication to let her lead, not him.

"Ooh, are you okay, dear? I know that can be painful, Opal does it me all too often..." Rarity blinked innocently, taking a step forwards and fluttering her lashes. "Perhaps you'd like me to look at it for you?"

Oh, hell yeah, he was about to have it in the bag. Best wingcat ever.

Marcus did something unexpected then, though in retrospect, Selena realised it was completely expected. He clammed up at the idea of showing Rarity his chest at any way, beginning to stammer again and undoing half of his progress. "I-I'm sorry, I really should get going, early start tomorrow—"

"It's two in the afternoon?"

"—and lots of stuff to do!" he was sweating by now. Selena could feel it against her coat. Ew. "I should just get out of your mane, but we'll see about that date—I mean playdate. O-oh yeah, bits!" he manically shoved an overly large bag of bits in Rarity's hooves before she had time to protest. "Think that's enough, keep the change! Should go now. Throat's clamming up... see ya!"

Selena only had time to catch Rarity's face as she blinked in shock before Marcus closed the door behind both of them and began rushing down the street home.

For fuck's sake, and it was going so well, too. Silly Marcus. She'd fix this, but it was gonna cost him his weight in lamb.

Thwack the Human!

"Ouch!" Marcus rubbed the fresh mark on his head, which had luckily came from a paw with sheathed claws. "What the hell was that for?!"

"Oh, I dunno, maybe the utter shitshow you turned that opportunity into?" Selena growled, pacing around Marcus in circles. She'd been silent until the pair of them had gotten home, and not a second after shutting the door had she launched into her assault, both verbal and physical. It was surprising how much damage such a little creature could do. "Honestly, that was the golden ticket, too. She wanted to take your damn shirt off right then and there! That was your opportunity to further things a little, give her a glimpse of your body simply as a result of happenstance, and what did you do? Started becoming all sweaty and gross and ran away! You fucked it up! You went off road, hit a big old fucking tree, airbag deployed, boom!" Selena poked him in the belly with her paw, punctuating her damning onomatopoeia.

Marcus grumbled as he continued to rub the sore spot on his head. He unwittingly backed up, looking to gain some distance between himself and his feline assailant, not that it worked. "You told me mares didn't like thick body hair! When she talked about taking my shirt off, I got worried!"

Selena paused then, pressing a paw to her forehead and beginning to rub her eyes. "No... no. Silly Marcus." Her face became very serious all of a sudden, eyes narrowing and freezing him in place. "All non-essential preparatory tactics go out of the window the second you're put in a situation like that. I don't care if you're like a hibernating bear under that shirt, as long as you've showered recently, you have no excuse but to go all in! The pointers I give can only prepare you so much for a situation, the thing you have to rely on above anything else is confidence. If Rarity says she wants to look you over, you should be taking that damn shirt off straight away. Got it?!"

Marcus managed not to shy away this time. He was a little too curious for it. He tilted his head at Selena, who seemed awfully annoyed at him, perhaps rightfully so. But something about that had him wondering... "Why are you so upset? It's my chance I messed up, not yours. You can still go play with that other cat, no problem."

Selena opened her mouth straight away, looking ready to bite his head off, then seemed to think better of it. She paused, clearing her throat. "I spent a long time in there today dealing with that monster of a cat so I could set you up with Rarity? You know why? Because I like you, I think you deserve to have a good time. For me to do all of that, and then you to screw it up? For me to find out I sat through hours of listening to that thing yowl non-stop just for you to come in and ruin everything at the last second? Yeah, I'm pretty pissed!"

That hit Marcus pretty heavily. All of a sudden, he felt a little guilty. "You were really there just to set me up with Rarity?"

"Why do you think I told you to get the collar, silly? I don't really need one, I know my way all around this town." After a few moments and a deep breath, Selena's tone lost its bite. "I shouldn't be shouting so much. You're still new to this. Like, really new. But you haven't screwed it up completely."

Hearing that was like a breath of relief. Honestly, Rarity was pretty nice for what little he knew of her. That, and she was awfully attractive. Marcus took a seat, taking his hand off of his head and being thankful that he didn't find blood there. "I haven't? You're sure about that?"

"If you're lucky, she'll just assume you forgot about something super important at the last second," Selena answered with a yawn, jumping up onto the sofa next to him. "That, or that you really needed the bathroom."

"Classy." He buried his face in his hands, producing a long sigh. "Why am I so bad at this? I try to take on your advice, get myself ready and prepared before pursuing a mare, and then you thrust me into a situation where I have to talk to one before I've had a chance. I got scared, honestly. I didn't know how to go about it. I was all awkward and stupid."

Selena shook her head at that. She walked over to Marcus, hopping up onto his lap and stretching out as she began to shift down onto him. "You weren't bad until the shirt thing came up. Only reason I even scratched you was because you started being too forward, and I didn't exactly have any other way of saying it to you. Maybe we'll work out a code in future." She rolled over so she was looking up at Marcus as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "In future, you have to realise that there's never going to be an opportune time to talk to a mare. Those times materialise out of thin air, and you've gotta learn to capitalise on them."

"You make it sound so simple," Marcus remarked, still shifting as he tried to get comfortable with his sapient pet setting in his lap. "Just how many mares have you bedded?"

Selena arched an eyebrow, and Marcus realised he didn't want an answer to that question. What she asked, however, wasn't what he was expecting. "Why is my seat moving? I don't like moving seats, they give me vertigo."

Marcus flinched the moment she drew attention to it. "Ah, sorry... just trying to get comfy here."

"Same. You're not making it easy." Selena flicked her tail against his leg. "Scratch my ears. I did good today, I want a reward."

"E-excuse me?"

"What, am I speaking Swahili?" She batted her tail against him again, this time harder, though it barely registered considering how light she was. "I want my ears scratched. Don't be all sheepish about it, either. Really work those babies." When Marcus didn't move for a while, she tsk'd at him rather loudly. "Well? Are you going to keep me waiting all day, or are you going to start sweating like you've ran a marathon, make your excuses, and run out of the room again?"

"N-no, I wasn't even considering that," Marcus lied. "It's just... we've been over this. You're not exactly a normal cat. I feel a little awkward about petting you." And that was the god's honest truth. Marcus couldn't pin down exactly why, but something about it just felt abnormal to him, like it was a thing he shouldn't be doing until he got to know her better.

"Well, no offense, but get used to it. I like my ears scratched, my belly rubbed, and my back stroked. Also, if you ever even think about running your fingers through my fur backwards, I'll claw your jeans to ribbons." The look on her face told Marcus it wasn't an idle threat, but now he had to consider the best way to go about this.

Why was he overthinking it? He was just stroking a fucking cat, for Christ's sake. "Alright, fine. I'm doing it, hold on." After summoning whatever willpower and conviction was apparently necessary for what should have been a ridiculously small task, Marcus brought his hand towards the back of Selena's head and slowly began to rub at it.

"No, not like that. Push down a little more," she instructed, demanding as always. Marcus did as asked, ignoring whatever mental protest was still present, bringing one of her ears betwixt two of his fingers and beginning to slowly slide them back and forth. "Yeah... that's the stuff," she purred, almost lecherously, and in that moment, Marcus realised just why this was so damn strange to him.

He persevered as best he could, but the moment he heard what distinctly sounded like a shuddering breath creeping out of her, he had to snatch his hand away. Also, the stirring in his trousers just couldn't be helped. The fact that her voice sounded just like that of any girl or mare ever didn't exactly help, and while his brain discriminated, his libido didn't. "Sorry, no. I can't do this."

"Ah, what the hell, man? You got me all relaxed for nothing." Selena hopped up in an instant, moving to the other side of the sofa and shooting him a disapproving glare. "You were pretty good at that, too."

"You sounded like you were enjoying it a little too much," Marcus admitted, thankful that the semi he'd so briefly fostered was retreating, and that he had a little space too ensure she didn't feel it. Last thing he needed was for her to see that and get the wrong idea.

"I was relaxed, you silly human! Gosh, you're hopeless." Selena kicked him with her hind leg this time—Marcus was beginning to feel like a living pinata. "Right. So I don't get my pets right now because apparently you're feeling too frigid, did you at least get me my lamb? I didn't see any bags on you when you came by the boutique."

"I actually did manage that," Marcus said, so happy for a change of subject it was unreal. He pointed to the kitchen, where a few tins and multiple pouches were sitting on the counter. "The boutique and the store were in opposite directions, so I made a stop back here to drop everything off. Thought it'd be easier than lugging it all around."

Selena was silent for a moment, as if she was trying to process. "...and you're telling me that you didn't realise I was missing at that point?"

"You're small!" Marcus defended, hands all animated. "I figured you'd just found somewhere stupid to perch yourself and sleep, I dunno."

"You should've looked anyway! Jeez, what a loving and protective owner I have." Okay, she was just giving him shit now, she had to be. The smirk on her face quickly gave her away. "Well, thanks for picking up the lamb." Felt nice to be thanked, most polite he'd heard her since— "at least you're good for something."

"You had to ruin it, didn't you?" Marcus grew very tempted to flick her on the ear there, but he had no idea how much that hurt and refrained if only to prevent himself from becoming the abusive owner. Instead, he needed a subject change. "So, what should I do when I next see Rarity? How can I salvage this?"

"Don't focus on that yet." Selena hopped over to the coffee table, taking a seat where his Celestia's Secret catalogue had until recently sat. "It's no use going out and making more mistakes until you know how to fix your current ones. What did you do wrong earlier?"

He felt as if he was a child when she spoke to him like that. Maybe, in regards to things like this, he kinda was. "I tried to lead the conversation, and I overreacted when she wanted to get me out of my shirt, when I could've just rolled with it." There, he could play along.

"Yeah, sure, overreacted. We'll go with that." Selena was sat on her haunches, licking at one of her paws and occasionally glancing over to Marcus. "Let's go over how you should've handled that situation, because something similar's definitely gonna come up again in future for some reason or another. What should you have done?"

"I should've 'taken my damn shirt off'," came Marcus' rebuttal, figuring the best way to ace the test was to use the teacher's own words.

"Damn straight you should've. Let's test that now. We'll role play the situation, and you'll get over your damn nerves."

Marcus instantly clenched. Was she seriously suggesting he strip in front of her? He tried to stammer out a response, but faltered completely, while Selena began to shoot evils at him.

"Silly! How are you ever going to do this in front of a mare if you can't even manage around your pet! It's your shirt, not your freaking boxer shorts! Do it. Do it do it do it do it do itttt—"

"Alright, fine, I'm doing it!" Marcus answered in a rushed and almost panicked manner, shocked out of his nerves and concern as well as any thoughts as to the absurdity of the situation as he grabbed at the lapel of his shirt and began to tug it off, head almost getting stuck in the process.

"No, no, you look like you've never dressed yourself before." Selena ran a paw through the air in a lowering motion, and Marcus picked up the cue to put his shirt back on. "Now try it again, but less panicked, hopeless, and special needs. Take your time... you want her to be paying attention to this, but pretending she isn't paying attention. The shirt removal comes in three steps. First, you cross your arms over each reverse side of the bottom."

Marcus fiddled with his shirt until his hands were crossed, looking down at them and failing to see how this made any difference in the slightest. "...like this, right?"

"Perfect," Selena nodded. "That's the easy part. Next is the reveal. Now, no one's expecting you to be a male stripper here. You're lucky, you're in decent shape and have good posture, so you don't have to worry about your belly looking big as you take that shirt off, but it doesn't hurt to tense a little. It's the subtle tense that makes it look as if you're not trying to accentuate your physique whatsoever. Also, you show a lot of bicep when you lift your shirt like that, and biceps are hot." Selena paused, considering her words. "To mares, I mean. Well, I imagine. Anyways, start pulling it up. Slowly."

The awkwardness of the situation had undeniably returned somewhat in Marcus' mind by now, but he was managing to ignore it. Selena was once again dropping a ton of wisdom on him, and he was finding it difficult to keep up with the ins and outs, but he could do the easy part: taking off a shirt.

"Yep, yeeeep, yeah, that's it..." Selena narrowed her eyes, and he wasn't sure whether she was admiring his technique or his abdomen. How someone could be skilled at this was beyond him. "A little slower, you don't want to give away everything in a single moment. This is also why we wear shirts that are a little too tight. It's a good excuse to both show muscle and take your time undressing, but not too much time."

"How in the hell did this ever get so complex?" Marcus asked, feeling as if he'd have an easier time with string theory than trying to figure out the optimum way to take off a shirt. "Am I still doing it right?" He hesitated in his motion, his shirt far enough up that a little of his pectoral region was exposed. He felt slightly self-conscious, and a little odd.

Selena took her time looking over him once more, and Marcus wasn't sure whether or not he liked that fact. "Right... yeah, this is how you do it. Okay, phase three is the most important part, in a sense, because it's been set up by everything else, and it's your big pay-off. When you pull that shirt over your head, after the sweet time you've taken doing the rest, that's when mares feel like they can peek. I mean, it's obvious, you can't see where their eyes are when you've got a shirt blocking your vision, so why wouldn't they? Take your sweet time with it, but not too long, or they might think you've gotten stuck with a t-shirt cone around you."

Marcus did as he was instructed, trying to get the timing right, and instantly wondered if Selena was displaying that exact same behaviour she said was so common in mares, at least for the couple of seconds that he couldn't see her eyes. Were they tracing him?

When he'd finally pulled the top all of the way off, he basked in his moment of victory, a small hint of hubris taking over him for every attempt to beat it down. It was that machismo that existed in all men, but only needed to be brought to the surface, and something about the tiny action had him feeling pretty accomplished right then. The wideness of Selena's eyes helped too.

"So... how did I do?"

"You nailed the fourth part."

That gave Marcus pause, and he tilted his head to the side, wondering what he might have missed. "There was a fourth part?"

"Of course there was, most important of all. Even more important than the part I said was most important, because you can't prepare for it, it has to come naturally." Selena slunk forwards, poking a paw into his chest and all but pushing him onto the sofa. "The confidence. That confidence I saw in you when you'd pulled your shirt all the way off was the sexiest thing about the entire experience, and I could feel how genuine it was." She gave him a wink before turning, walking away with a slight sway of her tail. "Practice that. You get that down more often, mares will flock to you."

Marcus felt almost dumbfounded by that. Had he really looked that self-assured just then? Right as he was about to get to pondering, to self-denial, he saw Selena turn her head out of the corner of his eye, staring at him. Staring at him for a solid ten seconds.

He turned to her, and she unashamedly made one last comment. "I was wrong about the chest hair on you... it kinda suits." She bit her lip, eyes flicking briefly downwards and then back to his face. "I'll give you an A on this assignment, but we're still only getting started. Don't get complacent, though, silly Marcus. We've still gotta hit the next step with Rarity, and we're doing it the moment you're off work tomorrow."