Cthulhu & Chief visit Equestria

by Golden_rainbows

Rating: mature
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Adventure, Crossover, Tragedy
Length: 1178

Cthulu and Chief meet all the ponies and have a great time.

Cthulu and Master Chief go to Equestria and meet all the ponies you love. They also make few enemies along the way, but they manage to have a good time.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-04 21:14:02 UTC

Cthulhu and Chief at the castle

Cthulhu and Chief at the castle

Cthulhu stays outside the castle and knocks off all the balconies while Chief wanders inside to kill all the rest of the ponies. While venturing through he meets a new friend, Woods from Call of Duty Black Ops. "Hey, why are even here?" asks Chief. "Well assigned to come here on secret mission, you know Black Ops shit that makes no sense what so ever." Replies Woods. "Right very well, I'm here because one of those flying ponies aggravated me and I met a new friend on the way that is pretty much impossible to kill." Says Chief. "And if you don't mind me asking, who is it? and where is he or she?" Asks Woods. "Oh nobody really, just Cthulhu!" Replies the excited Chief. "No way he is such a fucking bad ass, looks like no one is going to stop us now." Replies Woods. Woods and Chief climb up the winding staircase to the top of the castle and find Celestia, who was anxiously waiting for them. "Why are doing this to our Equestria?!?!" Screams Celestia. "We're tired of all the pictures of ponies where they don't belong!" Replies Woods. "Yeah type in anything and you look hard enough you'll find a picture of one those little shits!" Shouts in Chief. "Well you’re going to have to die!" Says Celestia as she charges the two. Chief jumps out of the way and Woods jumps on the back of Celestia and pulls out his knife and stabs deep into her throat. Celestia falls over and Chief gives Woods a high five and they both walk outside as if nothing happened and as they did the castle crumbles to the ground. Cthulhu finds them and gives them a lift back to the center of town where they place C4 on all the remaining buildings and structures. As they walk into the sunset the C4 blows and three jump in the air with happiness knowing that the fun, happy go lucky internet will return and stay that way until another day when "they" return.

Cthulhu, Chief, Woods, and the future

Cthulhu, Chief, Woods, and the future

We are now one year into the future, all the ponies have been killed, Equestria is gone, all the bronies have gone back to being normal people and watching normal shows. Cthulhu started up his glue business, Tru Glu, and has become the lead glue business and had passed Elmers Glue in what seemed like a day. Woods had completed his mission and for that they let him go home to his family where he lived happy with his family. Master Chief had lost contact with the rest of the world after his rampage through Equestria. To this day no one knows where he is or what his condition could be, but someday maybe someday when the ponies find a new show to put themselves into to interfere, he will make his return.

The End

Cthulhu and Chief meet

Cthulhu and Chief meet

It was a nice, bright sunny day in Equestria when all of the sudden a loud bang comes from the north. It's Master Chief riding on the back of Rainbow Dash. "Get off of me you green fuck tard!!" says Rainbow Dash. Just then Chief grabs both of her wings and rips them off creating a giant blood cloud falling from the sky. Rainbow Dash too stunned to scream falls like sack of potatoes into a lava pit. Chief jumps off just in time to save himself as Rainbow Dash is burnt to ash. Cthulhu rises out of the lava and looks at chief and says "Nice work, that bitch has been take shits in my lava pit for years." "no problem, bitch was giving my lip." says Chief. "We should team up!" Cthulhu shouts in return. "not a bad idea at all." Chief replies with a hint of happiness in his voice.

Cthulhu and Chief meet Pinkie Pie

Cthulhu and Chief meet Pinkie Pie

We see Cthulhu stroll into town with Chief on his head. It looks like Chief has a machine gun. Cthulhu and Chief turn to their right and see a tiny pink pony. "Hi my name is Pinkie Pie, but you can call me pi---" Pinkie Pie can't even finish her sentence as Cthulhu grabs her by the throat and pops her head off like a dandelion. "She was annoying as fuck!" both Chief and Cthulhu shout. Continuing into town, Cthulhu steps on Spike. "AHHH FUCK! I stepped on a pokey piece of shit!" yells Cthulhu. "You stepped on a horny ass dragon. He wasn't even that bigger than that pony." Replies Chief. "These things are a pathetic excuse for living creatures!" Replies Cthulhu.

Cthulhu and Chief meet the rest

Cthulhu and Chief meet the rest

Cthulhu and Chief stroll through town destroying everything in sight. Then they come across a apple orchard. "Hey Cthulhu, what’s up with all these apples? Are they the drug for these ponies?" Asks Chief. "I'm not too sure, but we should start all this shit on fire and watch it burn. Maybe it will bring more ponies over here and I can capture them and make them into glue to sell to the kiddies going back to school next year." Replies Cthulhu. "Not a bad idea Cthulhu, you should also charge about a dollar more than the average glue and call it Tru Glu with a picture of one of these fucking ponies on it." Replies Chief. Cthulhu spits fire on the all the trees causing a giant fire. Applejack, Rarity, and Big Mac run out to see what all the fuss is about. "What living hell is going on!" Shouts Rarity. "My Apple orchard!  You’re going to pay you apple molester!" Screams Applejack. "Yep." says Big Mac Casually. Chief turns his gun, aims, and fires upon the three hitting Applejack and Big mac in the legs causing them to collapse. Rarity is shot and the head with giant skull shattering, right between the eyes shot. Applejack and Big Mac cower in fear as Cthulhu and Chief walk up. "I think this is all I'll need for my glue business." says Cthulhu. "Yeah you’re probably right that red one is pretty big." Replies Chief. Meir seconds after those words both Applejack and Big Mac were made into one million glue bottles and Cthulu painted Rarities death face on each and every single one of the bottles. He even managed to sell two in the first five minutes.  Cthulu and Chief see a castle off in distance and march straight for it stomping on all the ponies and structures in the way. Chief catches a glimpse of a horse that looks cross eyed and a little bit dumb, stumbling everywhere and such and thinks to himself, no one wants to live that way and shots her in the head. insta kill. Derpy is dead along with a majority of the ponies that haven't been mentioned yet.