Cosmic Infestation

by GMSeskii

Rating: everyone
Tags: Lyra, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure, Princess Celestia
Length: 2872

The celestial beings of Equestria are on Celestia's lawn and they won't go away.

The celestial beings of Equestria are on Celestia's lawn and they won't go away.

Written as part of my 200 Followers 'contest' for FanofMostEverything

-GM, master of snippy ideas.

Published 2018-11-17 05:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2018-11-17 05:10:02 UTC

Why Tonight!?

Did Luna make a bed for herself on the Moon?

Celestia didn’t know for sure. She wasn’t even certain what being sealed on the Moon was like. Had she physically walked on the Moon. Had she been converted to magic and fused to the moon rock like an enchantment? Or, maybe, just maybe, Luna had found herself a loose spirit wandering among the Stars themselves…

Celestia turned her thoughts away from speculation – she could just ask about it later – and turned her gaze to the small, sleeping form of Luna, snugly tucked in the purple blankets of her royal bed. The blue alicorn had a peaceful expression on her face, one Celestia hadn’t seen for longer than a thousand years.

It may have been selfish, perhaps a bit cruel, but Celestia found comfort in the idea that this was the first bed Luna had seen for a thousand years. It made the calm, collected face mean more.

She would have preferred that Luna’s magic return in all its stellar glory as well, but she wasn’t going to be picky. Luna would return to her old self on her own time. Right now, she needed rest.

Celestia decided it was best to stop watching Luna like a stalker of some sort and left the Lunar bedroom. She closed the door softly before teleporting away to a nearby balcony. The Sun was nearing the distant horizon, setting as she had ordered it to not that long ago. She waited patiently for the beautiful colors to play out their daily dance, filling the world with glory.

The Canterlot Statue Gardens below her gaze reflected the beauty of the sunset, their contours glimmering with the harsh warm colors, seeming both ethereal and menacing at the same time.

Upon the completion of the sunset, Celestia lit her horn, touching the essence of the Moon. Even though Luna was back, she was still in no condition to raise her celestial body. Celestia had raised the silvery orb for a thousand years; she could do it for one more day.

For the first time in a thousand years, a pure, unscarred Moon rose into the sky, casting the night in a serene light. The statuses that had just been lit by the harsh sunset were now gifted the calm transition of a moonrise. They took on a bluish tint while other colors were muted.

Celestia smiled. Her work here was done. Now to go get some slee-

SHINK

Something small and sharp had just embedded itself in the wall next to her neck. With a mild amount of concern, she turned her gaze downward. Embedded in the wall was a small triangular object composed of three star-like glints encased in a magical purple miasma.

With her magic, she pulled the triangle out of the wall and examined it. “…What’s a triangulum doing in Canterlot?” She turned the small, geometric creature over in her magic, trying to find some way to read it.

The triangulum was uncooperative.

Celestia shrugged, tossing the triangulum into the air, where it could drift along magic currents as its kind always did. It drifted away, soon becoming indistinguishable from the night sky.

Perhaps I should look up Twilight’s research on the celestial beings. I seem to recall she had some good observations in that thesis of hers…

She soon found herself looking down at the statues, one in particular catching her eye. A powerful snakelike creature made of a mish-mash of parts. Yep, he’s still there. Still my lawn-gnome. I wonder if he re-

Another Triangulum embedded itself into the wall, this time next to Celestia’s ear. She didn’t look at it – she saw another one coming right for her face. She lifted a magical shield, catching not one, not two, but dozens of triangulums at once.

“What in…?”

There was a tremendous roar. Celestia moved the triangulums to the side to see a tremendous bear romping through the Gardens, it’s star-filled body shimmering with deep purple magic. It was glaring not at the statues, but Celestia herself, as if she had just insulted its mother with a particularly bad joke.

“Wh… An ursa major!? How did you even get in here!? This garden is sealed of!”

The ursa growled aggressively in response.

“Shoo!” Celestia said, using her immense reserves of magic to teleport the gigantic bear far into the woods. Hopefully it could find its way back to its home.

“BARK!”

Celestia looked down again. There was a dog-like celestial being, slightly smaller than the ursa, but definitely more aggressive. The thing’s massive teeth jutted out of its jaw like some spawn of Tartarus bred specifically to maul everything that even vaguely resembled food. A canis major.

At its feet were about seven car-sized scorpios. The arachnids started burning the grass with lasers that came out of their pointed tails.

“Hey! All of you, stop! Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep the grass like that?!” Celestia waved a hoof. “It has to be mowed by mouth by professionally trained landscapers! You can’t just… Do that!”

They started shooting lasers at her. She blocked them with her magic shield, letting out a disgruntled sigh.

“Do not worry Princess!” an overly-enthusiastic guard shouted, appearing at her side. “We shall take care of the rabble!”

“Oh for the – Aberfourth, don’t make a f-“

Aberfourth’s division of royal guards flanked the scorpios and canis major, pointing their spears at the celestials. After a few scorpios decided they were worth shooting at, the guards charged. About a third aborted mid-charge due to an inability to deal with scorpio lasers.

The canis major prepared itself to devour the rest of the guards. It let out a deep, guttural roar and raised a paw.

It never got to do anything, because in an instant the guards were all defeated by a tidal wave of triangulums.

Celestia facehooved, teleporting all of the guards to the infirmary. “Aberfourth, go make sure your stallions are okay. They shouldn’t have suffered anything major…”

“WE FAILED!” Aberfourth wailed.

“Don’t worry about that right now – I’ll take care of them.”

“But Prince-“

Celestia teleported him to the infirmary as well. Then she teleported down to the garden ground herself – not surprised in the least to find a stellar lion and swan glaring at her.

“So, where do you keep coming from?” Celestia asked. “Leo? Cygnus? Care to be helpful?”

They didn’t understand a word she was saying. The leo opened its mouth and roared at her. Had she been a regular pony, her mane would have been pulled straight and sent into a tangled mess shortly thereafter. As it was, her face just got wet with spittle.

Then the cygnus decided it was a good idea to peck Celestia in the back of the head. Celestia, in a moment of weakness, retaliated with a burst of magical fire.

As it turns out, beings made of cosmic dust and miniature stars aren’t harmed by fire. It does send some of them into a frenzy, though.

The canis major jumped Celestia, enclosing her in its jaws. She teleported out before it could even try to chew her, but this didn’t change the fact that she was now covered in giant dog slobber that smelled suspiciously like cow. She shuddered at the thought.

“Okay, we won’t be having that!” Celestia created a muzzle around the canis major’s mouth. “Now, I want you all to listen closely – I don’t want to hurt y-“ she had to stop a scorpio laser volley. “…don't want to hurt you, but you can’t s-“ A flurry of triangulums flew into her, cutting her in numerous places. She ignored the pain. “But you can’t stay here! Either leave by choice or I shall make you leave!”

Two gigantic fish connected at the backs of their tails landed on her, flattening her into the ground.

Just like the old saying… Sacrifice to avoid the whale, find the pisces… She used her front hooves to physically pull herself out from the fishy behemoths, only to find the canis major, cygnus, and leo baring down on her.

They attacked, impacting her yellow magic shield. Their size gave their swings a lot of power, to be sure, but she was the Princess of the Sun and was easily able to hold them off.

“Why did it have to be animals?” Celestia wondered. “Why couldn’t it be ponies? I’m so much better at dealing with ponies.”

A pegasus celestial appeared and started trying to buck through Celestia’s shell.

“…Take a breath Celestia, these creatures are just animals, nothing to get upset over. They haven’t seriously hurt anyone yet and definitely don’t deserve to be…” she didn’t finish the thought.

“Wow. We’re in a pickle aren’t we?”

Celestia looked down to see a mint-green unicorn standing next to her. “…Who are you and when did you get here?”

“Name’s Lyra! I came as soon as I sensed the celestials!” She grinned widely. “I’m a bit of a fanatic. I study their habits in the wild! I’ve risked my life on more than a few occasions to delve into the secrets of their mysterious race.”

“What can you tell me about them?”

“They need precisely three hours of sleep every day!”

Celestia narrowed her eyes. “I meant to get them out of here without too much of a hassle.”

“Oh, uh, well…” Lyra put a hoof to her chin. “Maybe give them what they want?”

“What do they want?”

“I don’t know. Looks like they’re pretty fixated on you though!”

“I am not letting them eat me.”

“Oh, geez, one tried to eat you? That’s not very cool.”

Celestia rolled her eyes. “Not particularly.”

“Got it!” Lyra said, clapping her hooves together.

“What?”

“Something useful!” Lyra said, grinning. “See those bipedal creatures joined at the arm? That’s a gemini! They like to have slap fights!”

“How is that helpful?”

“I dunno, I just figured out what their behavior meant…”

This mare is useless. Celestia felt a little guilty at having the thought, but she brushed such feelings aside. She needed to think of something new, and fast. There were far too many celestials to teleport away, and if they kept coming it’d be an eternally losing battle. She had no idea why they were here or how they kept showing up. That should be her first priority – figure that out.

…She had no idea how to do that. She’d never seen one actually appear, and th-

The pisces interrupted her, landing on her and shattering her magic forcefield.

“GAAAAH!” She shouted, lifting the fishes off her and throwing them into the canis major and leo. “WHAT DO YOU WANT!?”

“I’m glad you finally asssked…”

Celestia sighed deeply, turning around. She came face-to-face with a cosmic serpent the size of one of Canterlot’s towers. The two eyes were as large as houses, the forked tongue as thick as Celestia herself. Within the reptile’s body swirled not just stars, but galaxies and nebulae.

“…Who are you?”

“Jumping to other questionsss…. Annoying…” the snake shook its head. “I am Ophiuchusss, the leader of celessstialsss, and you have committed a grave tressspasss againssst usss. For thisss you mussst pay.”

“What did I do to you?” Celestia asked. “Whatever it is, I will do whatever is in my power to right it.”

“Good…” Ophiuchus stuck his tongue out and back in, moving so much air with the motion Celestia could feel the breese. “You have ssstolen our beacon of life, the sssymbol of our people… The Mare in the Moon isss gone!”

“…Oh. Is that it?”

“…You ssseem to lack appreciation for our desssiresss…”

“Oh, it’s not that – well it is that, but that’s not all it is. The Mare in the Moon is gone because Luna was freed. She’s inside right now, sleeping. “

“Thisss we know. But without her presssence in the Moon, we have lossst our connection…. We need to sssee her.”

“What? No! She needs her rest!”

“We are not going anywhere until we sssee the Mare in the Moon. I will sssummon more and more until you sssee that this is our right.”

“She just got back and is recovering, Ophiuchus! You can’t just waltz in and demand to see her!”

“It’sss what I’m doing right now. Ssso it looksss like I can do that. Becaussse I am.”

Celestia facehooved. “Can you come back in the morning? When she’ll be awake?”

“Our kind cannot exissst in the daylight. How do you not know thisss?”

Celestia grinned bashfully. “Uh… Lapse in memory?”

“Take usss to her now or I eat you.”

“Now there’s no need for th-“

“WHAT DOES A MARE HAVE TO DO TO GET SOME SLEEP AROUND HERE!?” Princess Luna yelled with the Royal Canterlot voice, sending shivers into all the celestial beings present.

All the celestials bowed to her. Ophiuchus turned to her, head lowered in respect. “Our princesss, we humbly ssseek your presssence. Your sssister hasss denied usss en-“

“GET OUT OF HERE! ALL OF YOU! YOU DON’T NEED US! YOU NEVER DID! WE, THE MARE IN THE MOON, PRINCESS LUNA, ORDER YOU TO LEAVE AND NOT BOTHER US DURING OUR SLUMBER EVER AGAIN!”

All the celestials that had half a brain vanished in puffs of smoke, leaving only the triangulums and Ophiuchus.

“Luna, think about what you are doing, you are throwing away your preciousss followers and beingsss who would welcome you b-“

“OPHIUCHUS! YOU CANNOT GET OUT OF YOUR DEBT BECAUSE YOU CREATED A CULT FOLLOWING FOR US.”

“But asssuredly you can accept sssome patia-“

“NO, WE DO NOT ACCEPT PARTIALS. INTEREST HAS COMPOUNDED FOR A THOUSAND YEARS. PAY UP.”

“Luna, have mercy-“

“THEN LET ME HAVE SOME PEACE AND QUIET FOR ONCE, REPTILE!”

Ophiuchus gulped, nodded slowly, and vanished. He took the triangulum swarm with him to… wherever it is they came from.

Celestia looked up at her sister and raised an eyebrow. “What’s the story there?”

“He tried to eat me. I was bored, so I sued him. You were there, remember?”

“…I think I would remember you suing a giant space snake.”

“Well, at the time he was a leprechaun, but you know how things change in a thousand years.”

“…I still have no memory of this event.”

Luna grunted, rubbing her eyes. “Great galloping gazelles…”

“Let me get you back to sleep…”

“I’m already up!” Luna shouted, waving a hoof. “Might as well stay up! I’ll find some way to add that to Ophiuchus’ debt, you mark my words. …I need a pineapple.”

“Any particular reason why?”

“I’m hungry.”

Celestia looked at Luna – and laughed.

Luna’s grumpy, exhausted facial expression somehow managed a smile. “…I missed that laugh.”

“I missed everything about you.”

The two took a moment to embrace. A spark of light flew through Luna’s mane, a sign of her rapid recovery.

“I’m going to fly the Moon in crazy patterns tonight,” Luna said suddenly. “I need to destress. Don’t worry, I won’t cause another eclipse.”

“I’m not worried,” Celestia said with a warm smile.

Luna smiled back. “You know, I wonder if I could hypnotize someone with the Moon… Only one way to find out!”

“Can we test it on Ophiuchus?”

“GREAT IDEA!”

The two sisters giggled mischievously.

~~~

Lyra cackled maniacally.

All the others had left. All the others had thought the gig was up. Thought they were doomed.

But not her! Oh no! She would stay here in proximity to Princess Luna and bask in her starry glory! The Mare in the Moon would be hers – no pesky Ophiuchus or other celestials to stand in her way. It would only be the lyra celestial!

Exactly. As. Planned.

She trotted toward the royal sisters. All she had to do was strike up a conversation and she could absorb ambient energy from Princess Luna for eternity. It was a foolproof plan! Nothing could possib-

“Who are you?” Aberfourth asked.

“Uh… Lyra!” Lyra said, looking around nervously. “Who are you?”

“Captain Aberfourth,” he muttered. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave. I know everyone wants to get time with the Princess – Princesses now – but they’re having a private moment.”

“Bu-bu-bu-“

Aberfourth gestured toward the garden’s exit.

Lyra considered her options.

She quickly decided considering options was a waste of brainpower.

“YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!” she shouted, running toward Luna, cackling.

Aberfourth hit her on the back of the head with the blunt edge of his spear, knocking her out in an instant. Without disturbing the Princesses, he took her in. Alive, as it turned out.

Lyra celestials are not known for being able to predict the future.

Author's Note

I really have no idea if this is any good or not. I just look at it and I can't help but think "welp, I wrote this, I think it's okay, but I honestly part of me wants to destroy it and the other part thinks it was fun."

Maybe I'm overworked from college or something.

Welp, here it is regardless. I'll get to the other story later - it'll need more forethought.

-GM, master of LYRA!