Do We Live in a Simulation? Scientists Say it's Up to You

by Crescent Moon, guest writer

A month ago, I asked my psychiatrist an interesting question that both scared and fascinated me at the same time. Is this real?

His response was unprecedented. He asked me if we lived in a simulation.

That night, I researched a conspiracy theory that you may have heard about. We are all avatars, living in a simulated world controlled by some higher power. Proof? Glitches in the system--when you forget what you're doing, when you suddenly freeze in your steps.

Then I realized what he meant.

_____

Six months ago, I was dying on my own in a house on the outskirts of Canterlot. Back then I wasn't Crescent Moon. I was Nightmare Moon, and I had swallowed a lethal amount of pills mere hours earlier. With my low weight (from survival in the forest) to my disappearing magic (from using it all to generate a body), the dosage was even more deadly.

But miraculously, I was able to crawl over to the phone and call an ambulance. It wasn't because I had life left in me; as I recall it, the whole experience felt like a dream. But I somehow picked up the phone and dialed 411. By then, my heart was dangerously close to stopping.

Before that, I was likely in the kitchen, quietly awaiting my death. I didn't think I was. I thought I was running from the homeowner, then meeting him again and again in a series of terrifying dreams that felt both real and not.

I was well aware of my reputation, and I knew that my death would bring big news to the country. I knew that I would go out with a bang.

But that wasn't the goal.

No one commits suicide for fame, or else they wouldn't be able to see it. Suicide is all too often seen as vain and selfish, when there are a myriad of reasons other than sadness, or grief, or bullying. And it's even then that many are willing to portray it horribly (The common arc in television shows is that the young mare had everything to live for). It's mainly black and white to most.

So why can't we see in the gray?

Why do we assume the stereotypes instead?

My goal was to end my life, and even as I'm working through why, I can't remember. I did have a panic attack where I destroyed a clearing in the forest. Then I got the pills off of the streets. Then I was in the house, struggling to breathe.

But the fog that remains in my head to this day is telling me that something else happened: that I really did die.

Of course you're smirking at this now, thinking I'm out of my mind. I'm writing this. You're reading it.

But what if you're not real, either? What if we're all dead?

_____

This brings me back to what my psychiatrist had asked me. The session was up, and as I researched that night, something dawned on me.

When I was in that house six months ago, I remember seeing a headline that I had suddenly thought back to. While I waited for my body to shut down, I picked up the newspaper.

The suicide hotline and emergency number were highlighted, and above that was a single story: DO WE LIVE IN A SIMULATION? SCIENTISTS SAY IT'S UP TO YOU.

It all crashed into me as I processed what I had remembered. My psychiatrist was helping me put matters into my own hooves, readying me for the trials of the outside world.

It was all me.

_____

During the fitful dreams that plagued my suicide attempt, the homeowner who had chased me was a metaphor for my demons. I realized that everything about my dream was my brain--or Princess Luna--giving me signs. Signs to live, signs to die.

The mind is a peculiar thing. Have you ever dreamt of something, and then it happened in real life? Or you felt like the dream was a message from your higher power? I remember asking Luna if she controlled all dreams, and she said no--only the nightmares. Even then, she couldn't get to all of them.

I know, I know--I'm wasting your time. What I'm getting at is, you are in control of your life. You don't need to starve or cut or kill yourself to feel control; those things control you. You make the choices. You choose the benefits.

I know I sound all sappy now, but that's what life was made for. We were made to experience the great joy on this planet, to explore, to bond.

Or maybe it wasn't. But that's what I believe. And you can believe it too. As long as you look into that perspective of no tomorrow, that view of a happy life--your world is on your shoulders.

If life, this, whatever wouldn't matter anyway, why throw it all away when you could live like no one is watching?

*

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, call:

1-800-273-8255

Crescent Moon is a guest writer for the Equestrian Gazette. She currently resides in Ponyville.

Author's Note

I know I know I write too many NMM redemption stories, door's right there👉