Celestia gives commies free helicopter rides

by PanzerBug

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia, Dark, Death, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy
Length: 2078

Celestia has had enough of the Communists, so she offers them free helicopter rides.

After the C.P.E. (Communist Party of Equestria) grows in popularity and threatens Princess Celestia and Luna's authoritarian rule. Celestia decides to get rid of them, for good.

warning: politics, dark comedy, death and a teensy weensy bit of mass murder

Published 2018-11-30 05:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-11-30 05:10:01 UTC

Better dead than red

Celestia’s sun was shining brightly over Canterlot. The golden and marble city was glimmering as the citizens carried out their routine. Many would think that today was a normal day, but in truth today was a very special day.

Inside the Royal Palace, Princess Celestia was sitting down at the dining hall and eating her breakfast. As she was eating, she was reading a newspaper. The front headlines stated the following.

Royal Princesses of Equestria meeting with Anarcho-Communist party leaders.

Celestia smiled, she would resolve this crisis about a ‘revolution’ sooner or later today. She continued to eat her pancakes as she silently chuckled to herself.

The communists were a major issue in Equestria. Their so called ‘revolutionary party’ pushed its political bias everywhere. They claimed that the Princesses were tyrants (which may be partially true) and shunned anyone who disagreed with them. But they weren’t just looking for economic reforms, they were looking for complete and total anarchy.

Street battles and clashes between Equestrian Patriots and Anarchists occurred on a regular bases. Just last month a group of Anarcho-Communists that called themselves Antifa destroyed nearly an entire university in the city of Buckeley. The reason, just because a right wing spokespony named Milo Yiatrotpolis was scheduled to speak there. Many clashes between Antifa and the patriot group called the Proud Colts broke out on that same day, and many were hurt. Although Royal Guard riot control teams tried their best to separate the groups and stop the violence, it was never enough. In short Celestia had enough of the terror these communists were inflicting on her subjects. So she was going to deal with them, for good.

“Your highness, Princess Twilight and Cadence are here, along with the Communists.” Celestia’s thoughts were interrupted when a Royal Guard wearing a modern day soldiers attire and wielding an assault rifle spoke to her.

Princess Celestia sighed and stood up. Leaving her breakfast behind for her servants to clean it up. “Very well we shall meet outside in the royal gardens.”

As all four Alicorn Princesses walked down a carpeted path while being escorted by Royal Guards. They each had faces of worry, except for Princess Celestia who was wearing a smug grin on her face.

At the end of the row there stood three ponies. Each of them made up the ruling body of the Communist Party of Equestria. The first was an earth pony mare named Red Sickle. She was responsible for organizing many riots which left many injured and cost hundreds of thousands of bits in property damage. The second one was a pegasus stallion named Anarchy. He was incredibly dangerous and hated every single aspect about the right and capitalism. He organized many assaults on Royal guards and federal agents. And finally the third leader was a unicorn stallion named Syndical. He claimed he was hardworking farmer who ‘knew the struggles of the victims of capitalism’, the truth was, he hasn’t even laid hoof on a farm. He was another snobby elite who thought that with the works of communism and anarchy he could seize power and form a strange little workers utopia. In short they were all enemies of Equestria and the crown and something needed to be done about them.

The four Alicorn Princesses stopped directly in front of them and gave them death stares all except for Princess Celestia who was still smiling smugly.

“So you three have been causing trouble in my fair kingdom.” Princess Luna started the debate.

“I wouldn’t call it your kingdom. Your highness How about our Socialist commonwealth, I think that sounds better,” Syndical said, earning three faces of disgust from the Princesses. All except Celestia who still wore her grin.

“Never! Equestria is ruled by Alicorn Princesses and Alicorn Princesses only!” Twilight Screamed.

“Hush, you aristocratic, tyrannical, right-wing, fascist,” Red Sickle was uncomfortably and aggressively getting close to Twilight before she was stopped by two royal guards.

The arguments were getting louder and more aggressive. Twilight was continuing to yell at Red Sickle, Luna looked as if she was going to tear of Syndicals head, While anarchy was giving Cadance a death stare. Celestia was simply standing there and smiling at the violence.

Cadance noticed this and started to slowly trot towards Celestia. “Auntie, do something.”

Celestia looked towards the argueing groups and followed the Princess of Loves request and started to speak. “Calm down all of you, I wish to give you a proposition.”

The Communists stopped and looked up. “The tyrant of the sun herself is willing to give us a proposition,” Syndical spat with an angry scowl. Soon he processed her words and smile sharply. “Y-you are willing to give us a proposition.”

Each of the princesses stared at Celestia with a shocked look on their face. Princess Celestia continued to look at Syndical formally. “Why yes. In fact we are quite tired of being Princesses. The responsibility, the arrogant nobles, the foolish senators and congress ponies, everything. That is why I am going to offer you the entirety of the Equestrian government. You can do whatever you like. You could commit genocide for all I care. Just make sure I am not involved in it,” Celestia finished with a chuckle.

The Alicorns stared at her with their mouths agape. The communists looked even more shocked that they were literally offered all of Equestria. After what seemed like hours of staring at each other, Luna spoke up. “Tia what in the world are you d-” Luna was about to finish, before a magical grip coming from Celestia closed her muzzle shut.

“Ignore her she's just as thrilled to step of the throne as I am.” Twilight and Cadance would have spoken up, but they knew better than to speak against Princess Celestia.

“I don’t know what to say. Thank you Princess.” Syndical looked towards his fellow leaders as he prepared to speak again. “I need to let my comrades at Buckeley know about the new position of power. We need to get there fast,” the communist leader finished of with a worried tone.

“Fear not young Syndical, for I have a way of getting you there fast.” Celestia said while pointing towards a strange looking contraption being brought out by Royal Guards. It had a metal green hull with four massive blades above it. It also had another two smaller blades at the end of what appeared to be a tail. An earth pony was inside wearing a military officers cap and holding what looked like a control stick. Whatever it was it surely scared the Communists as they were looking at it in fear.

Celestia smiled looking at the contraption with pride. “This, is a multi-purpose helicopter. One of the most newest creations in Equestria. The designs and concepts of this vehicle have been around for over a century, but nopony has ever tried to recreate it. Luckily, with the help of a particular earth pony from Ponyville, we managed to build it.” Celestia finished.

Syndical, Red sickle and Anarchy made there way over to the vehicle. Anarchy rubbed his hoof over the helicopters smooth hull while mumbling something incoherently to himself, Red Sickle still looked at Celestia in distrust and Syndical looked like he was going to pass out in excitement. Being unable to fly was a major let down for earth ponies and unicorns, but now he would finally be able to take to the skies.

“Thank you so much Princess Celestia, I don’t know how I could repay you.” Syndical said as him and his comrades, along with four armed Royal Guards jumped into the helicopter.

“You don’t need to Syndical. Have a safe trip!” Celestia greeted them goodbye as she waved a hoof back and forth.

The Princesses and even some Royal Guards looked at the vehicle in awe as it began to take flight and fly away. That thing is much faster than Cherry Berry’s gear propelled helicopter, Twilight thought to herself as the sounds of blades chopping disappeared. She looked over to the side to see Celestia fiddling with a radio in her magic before she started to speak into it.

“Continue with the operation as planned. Operation ‘Death Flight’ is a go,” Celestia spoke calmly into the radio.

“Tia you imbecile! Why would you give those communists all the power in Equestria, you and me damn well know about how terrible they are!” Luna stared furiously into Celestia's eyes.

“Why yes, my dear sister of course I know,” Celestia said blankly.

Twilight spoke up to further the question even more. “Then why. Why did you give them all the power.”

Celestia chuckled to herself as she summoned four binoculars with her magic and handed one to each of them. “Quiet down and take a look.”

Twilight didn’t know where this was going but nonetheless, she along with Luna and Cadance aimed the devices towards the flying away helicopter and looked into them.

With the binoculars zoomed into the helicopter, Twilight could see the same old sight. Lets see, three communists in an air vehicle getting assaulted by the Royal Guards and- wait what. Twilight continued to stare in shock as a strew of unpleasant events filled her sight. Syndical was getting a magic suppressor forcefully attached onto his horn by a Royal Guard, Red Sickle was putting up a fight, but was quickly subdued by another guard on board and Anarchy was pinned against the wall of the helicopter as two Royal guards were placing wing cuffs on his wings. Twilight couldn’t imagine it getting worse but to her horror the guards pushed them off carelessly.

Luna, Cadance and Twilight watched in shock as Syndical and his comrades bodies flew down to the ground. They all looked like they were screaming as they zoomed towards the ground, which did it for Twilight.

“Oh my goodness. Are they, are they-” Twilight cut herself of as she saw the Communists fall towards the ground and splat into a mangled bloody mess.

“Fear not, my faithful student for there is more to come,” Celestia said brightly.

Twilight and the rest of the Princesses looked back into the binoculars and looked towards the direction the first group was dropped off and saw that the helicopter was long gone, only to be replaced by more helicopters. If Twilights calculations were correct, there were around a hundred helicopters hovering over the plains.

It started out with a trickle, but came out as a massive wave of ponies falling from the sky. There screams were so loud you could hear them from Canterlot and maybe even the Crystal Empire. Even worse, Twilight recognized some of these ponies. There was Dissident Dawn, the leader of the east coast Antifa, then there was Anchor Ann, a reporter for the ENN who sympathized with the communists, and even the mayor of Seaddle who down right declared loyalty to the communists. From politicians to Royal Guards to even innocent civilians it didn’t matter, they simply kept falling. Hundreds of little splats and crunches were heard as the screaming continued. The field of green soon turned into a multicolored shade as the dead bodies cloaked the field.

Twilight took removed her binoculars as Cadance fell to the ground and started crying. Luna went to her nieces side to comfort her, but Celestia just stood there and admired her own work with a grin. Twilight looked at her with a traumatized look.

“W-why, why would you do something like this,” Twilight asked Celestia.

The sun princess looked down at Twilight and gave her a short but grim answer. “Remember this Twilight. The only good communist is a dead communist.”

Celestia decided to take her leave and trotted off. Leaving behind three traumatized princesses. She was still wearing a smug smile even though her fellow rulers were clearly distressed, but she couldn’t be worried about them. For the purging has just begun.

Author's Note

Well another terrible story by the one and only. Except this one is going to be a little more political and darker then my last story, but whatever.

Please don't take this the wrong way. I really don't care if you support communism or not. I just want everyone to look at my story and laugh at how ridiculous it is.

horse pun references:
Proud Colts=Proud Boys
Buckeley=Berkeley
Milo Yiatrotpolis=Milo Yiannopoulis
ENN=CNN (ENN stands for Equestria News Network)