Dear Hearts and Gentle Ponies
Exciting.
That was one word Nurse Redheart would use to sum up Ponyville, and not in a good sense. There was always a monster attack or something every month, if not every week, which would lead to almost everypony running around and screaming like little colts and fillies who were afraid of their shots. Redheart wouldn't reveal who those upstanding mares and gentlecolts were, of course – patient confidentiality and all.
She also wouldn't confirm the rumors that she chased most ponies to give them their shots. That was confidential, too.
Redheart, like the majority of Ponyville, remembered well the day said attacks or something started – the monster attacks, not the flu shots. It was supposed to be normal – just another town hosting the Summer Sun Celebration, no biggie. But of course it had to be Ponyville when the stars aligned and Nightmare Moon was released; it had to be four of the town's more upstanding characters, Rainbow Dash (the resident of room 206, occupied and reserved monthly), and a noble from Canterlot who arrived earlier that day to stop the “Eternal Night.”
Well, at least Applejack and Fluttershy got through it alright. Okay, Applejack made it through; Fluttershy was still Fluttershy.
If there was one good thing about the past three and a half years, it was Fluttershy upgrading from a doormat to a doorstop. That, and Faint Heart made the smart move to live in Trottingham.
No, wait. That was over ten years ago, when Pinkie Pie joined the village. Her sister had to stay in the hospital for a week after the first heart attack, then another for the 'Get Well and Sorry I Shouted “Surprise!” Too Loud' party. Pinkie was banned from throwing parties in the hospital from then on.
That ban lasted two days.
Now here she was, ending her shift, and prattling on in her head like her mother's “Back in my day...” lectures. Redheart didn't want time to go back that far – only just enough to kick Twilight Sparkle out of Ponyville so everypony could have some semblance of a normal life.
“What was that?” said alicorn asked.
Ah, horsefeathers. “Oh, uh, nothing,” Redheart answered, giggling nervously. “Just trying to kick out, erm... the paperwork! Yes, the paperwork! Making sure everything's all done.”
Twilight's eyes gleamed. “Oh, I can help!”
“Look at that, it's all done!” the nurse replied, the words gushing out like a popped IV bag. “Even if it wasn't, I couldn't let you help me. Patient confidentiality and all.”
That sparkle in the Princess's eyes dimmed. Yes, score one for the healthcare system!
Redheart cleared her throat. “Now, is there something I can help you with?”
“Oh, yes. I'm here for Starlight Glimmer. Doctor Tendon said she was ready to be released.”
The earth pony nurse skimmed through the files, finding Glimmer's name in seconds. She pulled it out and glossed over the information. “Yep, ready to go, you just need to sign the -”
Twilight gave the papers to Redheart.
“-papers.” For Celestia's sake, just let me have some fun! “Room 121, down the hall. Doctor Tendon also warned Ms. Glimmer to lay off the literature. That magic spell nearly chomped his hooves off.”
It was the princess's turn to laugh like she got caught breaking into a sweets jar. “I'll be sure to do that.” She cantered to her charge's room, leaving Redheart in peace.
“Kids these days,” she muttered. A smash on the other side of the door was followed by the nurse gently setting her head on the desk. “What now?”
The unlocked swinging doors finally opened for Derpy Whooves, letters flying away in her normal erratic wake. “Mail call,” the pegasus sang, fishing for something in her bags while walking to -
BAM!
-walking into the reception desk. Derpy shook her head clear, then passed the letter to Nurse Redheart. “Here you go,” the mailmare said. She hopped back into the air and towards the doors, her tail scattering the papers on the desk.
When I see Paper Weight again, I'm going to kick his flank.
Once the clutter was organized, Redheart went back to the letter. Normally, mail sent to the hospital consisted of many letters and some packages. When Apple Bloom was born, that day's mail was several packages filled with over a hundred letters each.
So when Redheart got a single letter addressed to her delivered to the hospital, she explained it away to Derpy's extrasensory cognition. Again, patient confidentiality.
She turned the envelope over, and her face beamed when she saw the sender's name. A look at the clock told her her shift was up anyway, so she clocked out, handed the reins to Tenderheart, and ran out the door.
Once in the evening sun, Redheart tore the envelope open, eager to read what was inside. It was less than a page long, but it was more than enough for the words it carried. She set the letter in her saddlebag, then skipped in glee back to her home. She even pronked past Sugarcube Corner, just to rub it in Pinkie's face.
Then confetti blasted out of the bakery's chimney and upper floor windows with a trademarked Pinkie Pie “WHOO-HOO!”
Normal Redheart would have scowled, but this was Happy Redheart, and only one word could sum up the near future for her.
Exciting.
Big Macintosh and Applejack were gathering the last of their supplies for the closing day, a day that saw the two prepare most of their farm for the upcoming winter snow. All of the harvest trees, minus the winter reserve, were clear of apples and leaves, giving the branches as little load as possible to avoid breaking off.
Once all the outside chores were done and the tools were properly set, Applejack left her brother to get into town while everypony was still open. She had had very little spare time over the past couple days, and there were supplies and groceries to pick up. Anypony could do the math and figure out why she was in a hurry.
Unfortunately, Mr. Loaf tried to swindle a few more bits out of the transaction, and it backfired gloriously. Any newcomer would look at the confrontation and wonder how Applejack was the bearer of the Element of Honesty. The townsfolk would advise the newcomer to not judge off a single event, and she was being honest – Applejack always made sure to get as much as she could out of every bit in her pockets.
Groceries in her bags and a few well-spent coins lighter, the farmer began her trek back home. She was just past the town's limits proper when Derpy intercepted her.
“Mail call,” Derpy greeted, landing safely on all four hooves in front of Applejack.
“Well, thanks, Derpy.” AJ took the letter offered to her. “Just the one?”
The mailmare nodded. “Just the one. See you tomorrow!”
Applejack waved a hoof goodbye, put the letter in her bags and continued home.
The sun was just on its way to touch the wide horizon when the orange pony returned to her family's farm, and the smell of dinner cooking drifted from the second-largest building past the white gate.
Opening the door let out the sound of fritters fizzling in a pan, the opening and closing of the cooking stove, and the clatter of silverware being set on the dining table. Big Mac was in the kitchenette, going from one dish to the next while Applebloom finished with the table. Applejack slid her bags off, then moved the groceries next to the two-tiered business oven before helping her older brother finish with supper.
Granny Smith came down the stairs once everything was ready, and soon the family dug in. A good barley and vegetable stew, lightly fried fritters, applesauce, and a large portion of steamed carrots and cauliflower circled around the table, enough to celebrate a good day's hard work.
“Oh, Derpy gave me a letter on my way home,” AJ said.
Applebloom ran from the table. “I got it!”
“No running in the house, missy!” the elder sister called after the teenage filly.
“S'rry,” Applebloom mumbled, the unopened letter held between her teeth. “'ere.”
Big Mac took the letter and tore the envelope off. He pulled out the paper inside and began to read it.
“Dear Apples,
Hey, Big Mac. Long time, no see, I guess. Hope the family's doing alright. What am I saying? You're Apples, you're always doing good.
I want to say I'm sorry for leaving town without telling, and I'm sorry for not sending letters back, at least on a normal basis. Please tell Granny Smith the portion about the letters, even though I know she'll make me say it with my own voice.”
Granny chuckled. “Hehe, smart colt.”
“Back to the matter at hoof, I'm writing this to...”
Sugarcube Corner was one of, if not the landmark building that made Ponyville stand out on a map. Its treats, desserts, and home-style baking were known from one end of Equestria to the other, from Dodge Junction in the south to Trottingham in the far northeast. The cupcakes were made to perfect order every time, a variety of breads and pastries on display fresh from the kitchen, and one could not forget the enticing gingerbread house exterior.
Pinkie Pie wouldn't let anypony leave Ponyville without a gingerbread postcard starring the gingerbread bakery. Or a party. Most tourists had the party and ate the postcard on their way back home. That was fine; they'd soon find another gingerbread card in their mailbox with a complementary confetti popper.
Then she Pinkie Promised to not do it again in the one case when the authorities showed up. That was fun. Both being with the cops and keeping the whole thing from the Cakes.
Said pink party pony was dashing between the front counter and the kitchen, never staying in one spot for more than ten seconds at a time. She was with Mr. Cake in the back, baking orders and getting them packaged for delivery, then standing behind the register, waiting for the day's super-duper-uberlicious-exciting thing to happen.
Granted, this had everypony in the bakery/cafe a little on edge. The Pinkie-cast for today was “no-really-it's-normal,” so for Pinkie's body to act up just before noon was a cause for preparation. Nopony but Pinkie knew what was going to happen – she had so many different combos and actions for each little thing it was impossible to keep track of.
If Twilight Sparkle couldn't write it all down, alicorn or not, then it was impossible. One of the newer mares in town, Starlight Glimmer, was applauded for picking up the stick Twilight left behind, breaking it, then tossing both pieces into the river.
That led to Pinkie pushing Starlight into a prank on Twilight. Too bad nopony got Starlight's all-black get-up. Then again, black is overrated.
“And that was last Saturday,” Pinkie finished. She pulled out a milkshake glass and rubbed it with a cloth, leaning on the countertop like she was a bartender.
The brown stallion on the opposite side of the counter stared blankly at Pinkie Pie, chugged down the last of his milkshake, said “Thanks,” and walked out the door, wisely deciding he had enough of her today.
“Nooo problem!” Pinkie put the first glass back in its spot, replacing it with the almost spotless dirty glass the stallion left.
A dull thud came from outside, followed by the bell by the door ringing twice. “Hello, Ditzy. I've been waiting for you all day.”
“I had to get other ponies their mail first. First Rarity, then Starlight Glimmer, then Applejack, then Bon Bon, then Nurse Redheart, and then you. Today was alphabet day.”
“Doesn't the alphabet start with Applejack? And why wasn't Nurse Redheart right after Rarity?”
“Pinkie, you're silly. Nurse Redheart's first name is Nurse, and N comes before R.”
Pinkie leaned back, finally getting it. “Ohhhh. So that means mail comes before N, right?”
“Right. Here you go.” Ditzy pulled out a letter and passed it to Pinkie Pie.
“Thanks a bunch, Ditzy. Want a muffin on the way back?”
“Uh, no thanks.” The pegasus chuckled bashfully, remembering the Baked Bads Incident. “Maybe next time?”
“Sure! Bye!”
The customers had watched the whole conversation and were looking at Pinkie. Pinkie noticed and waved a hoof lazily. “Oh, everypony can calm down now; that was the exciting thing for today.”
A collective release of air happened all over the cafe area, like everypony inside had just escaped a frying pan situation. Twice in one month was not a good track record.
Pinkie noticed her tail doing a twitchy-bounce, then her back right knee tingled. Immediately, she took the envelope and ripped it open, pulling out the folded piece of paper inside. Holding it to her face to read, she was too busy to notice that some of the customers saw the back of the letter. They quickly swallowed their food and moved everything to the designated “Confetti-Free” areas on their tables, trying to get others to do so as well.
It took three seconds from the letter being opened to the entire building being blasted with a party howitzer and an ear-shattering “WHOO-HOO!”. Shakes and what-have-you came shooting out of ponies' noses and mouths as their hearts jumped a few hooves up their chests. Those few customers who were prepared merely gave an “I tried to warn you” and pulled their confetti-free food and drinks back in front of them.
“And that was today's doozy!”