Chaos Cannot be Contained in Verse
Dedicated to ShipCord
I am the master of chaos, that you already know, trapped in the confines of a friendship, one with a rather cute girl. Fire was born from my inspiration; kingdoms fell because of my desperation. Desperation from my boredom, of course, though that was...
Oh poo! I can never get these darn poems right. They always have to rhyme! On top of that, the silly little rhyme has to mean something while it's at it. Worse! Worse is that meaning has to do with a shy, tiny mare, who holds my heart without knowing it.
You see, I was playing basketball with my organ, dribbling and splattering the pavement with fake blood. She walked by as I made the shot, and my sweet little heart ended up tangled in her mane. I didn't have the heart to tell her what happened, so you see...
No! Those stupid little rhythms are still playing at me. What is a rhyme in a world without words? Nothing! Because rhymes are stupid and so is poetry. But I have to write something now. I need to create a poem that will blow Fluttershy's mane away!
...blast it!
“Discord!” The yellow pegasus rose from behind the table, running around it to throw herself at me, forelegs around my neck, hind legs around my chest. She was soft, the fluff of her chest softer, rubbing against me like her cheek against my own. “You made it!”
“Me? Discord? Missing tea?” I shook my head—it was the only excuse for me to nuzzle her back, so you see. “Don't be absurd! That's my job.” I smiled, and before she could see it, changed it into a smirk. “You won't be taking it. Understand me?”
Fluttershy giggled; I loved the way she giggled. Cute, short, a hoof against her lips with the dip of her head, mane obscuring an eye. She saw it as impolite, but if only she knew of the delight, it stirred within my insides!
“But... you said there was a chance you couldn't come.” I brought my arms—sorta arms—around her body, feeling her plush fur flatten against my palms. At the tips of my talons, I could feel base and beginnings of her wings. “I almost left the full set at home because of that...”
There was something to be said, but of course, it couldn't have been said to her. Twilight loaned me a book on dating before—rather, I stole it without her knowing, but that's another story. Anyway, the book said that mares never want to feel fully secure in a male. Surprise beats secure any day.
So the books said.
I'd never dare to miss one of our dates—tea parties, rather. But she couldn't know that! Fluttershy would know that I enjoy the blasted things. Chaos sipping on tea, whatever could that be, other than a disgrace to all the other silly deities.
“Come now, Fluttershy, don't feel guilty.” I set her down on the grass, but not before sweeping the mane our from her eye and smiling at what lay beneath it. “The fault is my own. You should never feel shame because someone else screwed up.”
“I know, Discord.” Fluttershy stepped forward, planting her cheek against my paw. It made my heart leap, and I struggled to stop my paw from curling, from feeling the delicate fur of her face some more. “I'd just hate to see you without a drink is all. It wouldn't seem right.”
“Well... thank you for that, Fluttershy.” I pulled my paw from her cheek, something which I did regret, as I then coughed into it. “Now then, shall we have ourselves some tea? You've set up such a cute little table for our bottoms not to be seated before it.”
Fluttershy only nodded. With a flick of my talons, a flash emerged, and when it was done, we were both seated at her fold-out table. I'd summon two chairs, which really, were just my paws on a bigger scale, able to seat us perfectly.
Though I did struggle with myself, I really did.
“Chi tea with nothing sweet, right?” On the table, there was a pot, two cups, and plenty of bags litter across it. When I had nodded, she leaned her muzzle down, picking the end of a bag with her teeth, lifting it and dropping it into a cup. “Okay! Let's get you warmed up then.”
This would be all so utterly boring if I was not so helplessly attracted to this silly mare. I really did not know why my heart pounded for her. I still felt it, you know, beating inside the tangles of her mane.
Why was I smitten with Fluttershy? I honestly did not know. She gave me a chance, I suppose, to understand and gave some aid to the mind the lurked beneath the chaos. I never once thought of myself as something separate—I was an element, I was an agent, but not once was I my own being.
But that changed when I met her. When dear Fluttershy took me by the paw, listened to my rambles, my boasts, waiting for the cracks between to show themselves. And she listened. She listened to my feelings without the shame that I held toward them. To this day, it was because of her that I allowed myself to feel to freely.
Now, how's that for the subject of poetry?
“...Discord? Are you there?”
“I do not know where that there is, Fluttershy.” I shook my head, returning to the present. “But I very much am here. Is that cup of tea for me?”
Fluttershy nodded, holding out both of her hooves, offering me the cup.
“You're too kind, Fluttershy.” I took the cup from her hooves, bringing it to my lips, let the scent slip into my snout. The smell revolted me. “Far too kind for me.” I sipped on the tea, and before it could touch my tongue, teleported the liquid somewhere far away. “Mmhmm. Delicious as always, Fluttershy!”
Fluttershy smiled. She didn't know I hated tea.
So we sat there for a long while. I was up to my usual tricks, spawning things weird near the table, gauging her reaction. There was a way to tell what she felt, you know, past whatever she said was true.
But this wasn't what I wanted. This was not what I wanted at all. Drinking tea, talking about passive things, being vain and creating plain things, all to see a smile curl on her soft lops, or to hear a giggle once more. I wanted to be with this mare. I wanted her to be mine, in my arms, where I could have her softness envelop me endlessly.
But there was no way for me to tell what she thought of me. Always polite, always wanting to see me, though she didn't always put up with me, which made me like her all the more. But she was that way to everyone. Fluttershy could make anypony feel special in her presence, by her kind and gentle way of words, so much so, that it ceased to be special when she could make anyone feel the same.
Did that make me feel selfish? The desire to feel slightly more special than anypony else around her? I fear it might. For all the reasons she could be loved, there laid the same reasons with which to hate her with.
I detested cowards. They were so much fun to toy around with—much less to hear them cry, to hear them ramble, to experience them as anything more than a plaything. But Fluttershy was different. She listened. She understood. She consoled.
I caused ponies grief for the same reasons that plagued me deep inside; she relieved and encouraged, and though I once found that weak, that was only until I learned how desperately I needed a pony like her. Does that make me a terrible hypocrite?
“So I'm going to need you to watch over Angel today, okay?” Fluttershy blinked. “Discord? Are you even listening to me?”
“I wasn't, dear.” I lowered my head. “I'm afraid I was under hypnotic dazed that your splendid tea helped create.”
“Discord.”
“Sorry, sorry. I forgot the golden rule between us.” I lifted my head, and doing the same with my paw, pointed the latter at the floating sign. It read: Always tell the truth. “I was caught inside my mind by some savage thoughts. They were quite tough.”
Fluttershy tilted her head, her mane swaying to the left. “Discord, is everything okay with you?”
“Couldn't be better!” My arm fell to my side. “Actually, another lie has popped out of me. I apologized.”
“Two lies at the same time?” Fluttershy leaned forward, laying her forelegs on the table. “That's unlike you. Whatever is the matter?”
“I... I...” Could you believe that? Discord out of all creatures out of words to say? Sometimes I didn't recognize myself in the mirror—only because I didn't have one. Reflections never liked me anyway. “I'm afraid I've been struggling with a new art form lately.”
“You don't mean chaos, do you?”
“Not any more than what we agreed to,” I replied. “But this is a different matter. One which would ruin my reputation if anyone ever learned about it.”
“Oh.” Fluttershy leaned back into her seat, curling slightly into herself. “I'm sorry, Discord. I shouldn't have pried where you didn't want me to.”
“N-Nothing of the sort!” What was this? Me getting nervous? Foolish! Even though I was sweating, and the words I spoke hurt my heart, I was never one to get nervous. Chaos made others nervous and not the other way around. “I... I would be honored to share my secret with you, Fluttershy. But promise me one thing, yes?”
Fluttershy only smiled back. “Anything, Discord.”
I didn't reply at first. My mouth refused to work. “You... can't tell anypony else about this, understand?”
Fluttershy looked at me for a good long while, like she was studying me with that gaze of hers. It was soft and searching, cute beyond description. My heart beat faster the closer her muzzle drew. The way her eyes were so wide, an ocean of teal reflecting me.
“You can always trust me, Discord.” She slid her hooves over the table, intertwining them with my paw. “You've always been my special friend. Nopony else will know what you said to me.”
“Well, if that's the case, then... alright.” I sighed heavily. “The truth of the matter is that I've sunk large portions of time into learning poetry. One day, I hope to be a poet.” I set my gaze on anything but her. “Does that sound foolish to you at all?”
“Not in the slightest!” Fluttershy's voice jumped at me, beckoning my gaze to her once more. “Oh, Discord, I'm so proud of you! Poetry is such a delicate field! I'm so glad you found it.” She held my paw a little tighter, her mane dropping over her face. “In fact, I'm also relieved by that news too.”
“You are?”
Fluttershy had gone silent for a moment.
“Fluttershy my dear, please don't be a mime—you haven't got the practice for it.” I could feel her cloven hoof pull away from my paw, but I was much too desperate for the contact, as I brought my talon atop her as well. “Speak what's on your mind. Please. You can't offend me.”
Fluttershy looked up without raising her muzzle. “I'm, um, going to say something now, okay? You can't... please don't be angry with me.”
“There are many things I can be with you, Fluttershy.” My talons laid long her hoof, squeezing it all so softly. “But none of them start with 'a', I'm afraid. Speak your mind for me.”
Fluttershy kept looking at me, thinking inside that head of hers, until finally, she let me keep her hoof in my hold. She didn't dare make eye contact with me, though. Eyes on her tea: that's how she spoke to me.
“From... the very beginning, Discord, you've always been so complex.” Fluttershy sighed for a moment. “But on the surface? You appeared so very mean. A-At first, I t-t-thought stone would be best for you.”
Something welled in the corner of her eyes, but I didn't dare to say anything. “But then Princess Celestia left you in my care, and I... and I learned so much about you.” Finally, Fluttershy looked up at me, with tears running down her cheeks. “Not the Chaos that hurt my friends, but about the Discord who was so desperate to distract himself from his own loneliness.”
I couldn't look at her after that. I mean, who could look at somepony while they're saying things like that? It's too much. Especially when the mare means what she says, and doesn't just say for the sake of saying things. We were much alike in that regard, and that difference between us, well, it always reminded me of suffocation of being encased in stone.
“And the things is... Discord... I can't always be there to listen to you.” Fluttershy sighed. “I want to do. I always want to be there for you. But sometimes I can't, and you don't deserve that.”
“And neither do you, Fluttershy.” I shook my head. “I'm sorry if I've ever over spoken your ear about—“
“You have done no such thing!” Fluttershy exclaimed. “And I need our talks as much as you do. Don't you dare go thinking otherwise about that, mister.” I felt a tremble in her hoof, though she kept her voice strong. “It's just, that... we're not close enough to always be there for each other. We still feel things when the other is away.”
“I don't do well with feelings, Fluttershy.” I was tempted to let go of her hoof, to make myself distant from her, but I didn't. Or I couldn't. “Those talks are always mushy.”
“It's because feelings can sometimes be fragile, Discord.” Fluttershy's wings slowly unfurled. “And sometimes we don't want to talk about them because of that. Because some of us have to be strong.” Her wings came fully out. “And some of us have trouble being weak.”
“Why do I have the sneaking suspicion you're talking about me?”
“I'm talking about everyone, Discord.” Fluttershy smiled as her wings curled back into her sides. “Everypony feels the urge to be strong. And sometimes, to be strong, we have to deny being weak.” Finally, despite my hold, she pulled her hoof away. “But we can only deny being weak for so long.”
I was left to ponder her words some more. Fluttershy always was able to spring something from nothing. By nature of chaos, feelings were supposed to be my friends, those wild and illogical things, unlike thoughts.
But talking about feelings? That... wasn't my way of passing time. There was something yucky about it. I don't know. It was one of the few things I was unsure of. I dislike talking about them. They cause me to lose everything that's, well, me.
“So we need each other, or else, our feelings explode.” I sat back in my seat, letting its talons scratch my back. “Suppose it makes sense. We've always been able to trust each other with that. Yeah.”
It wasn't often that I sounded like an idiot, but this was one of those times, I'm afraid.
“That's why I'm so happy that you've also found poetry!” Fluttershy also sat back in her chair, and I could see her fluffy little chest heaving. She'd been caught up in something as well, needing to relax just as much as I. “It's a wonderful way to express yourself when I'm not around. If you become good enough, you'll be able to fill me in on what happens inside that head of yours.”
Blinking, I pointed a paw at my skull. “You mean this one? You're interested in it?”
“I imagine lots of ponies are interested in it, Discord.” Fluttershy smiled. “You've been through so much. All the things you've done, felt, and thought about—those are treasures to be had on paper! Oooh! I get excited now at the very idea.”
“I've... never had anypony so interested in something I wrote.” I blinked at her, feeling a... smile crept onto my lips. “Or something about me for that matter. You really think that ponies... that yourself would be interested if I wrote?”
“I think they would because I certainly am.” Fluttershy turned and came off from the seat, walking around the table and stopping at my side. She looked up at me with eyes full of wonder. “And... and just think about how great it'll be for you too! You'll be able to help yourself when I'm not around.”
“I... I don't know what to say, Fluttershy.” She was standing so close to me now, and at this moment, I'm not quite so sure what came over me. “I-In fact, if you really are so interested, I actually h-have a poem.” I gulped. “One you may be very interested in reading.”
“You've already written something!” Fluttershy squealed, falling onto her rump. “Well, that's just... that's just perfect! Is it done? May I read it?”
“Of... course you can, my dear.” With a snap of my talons, there was a flash and then paper, pinching the sheet between my paws. “Just be aware it's not my best work. Creating... has always been the opposite of what I do, so you'll have to forgive me just this once.”
“Don't beat yourself up!” Fluttershy flicked her mane aside, looking at me rather than the paper. “The first step is always worth the most. Oh, I'm just glad you've tried poetry of all things.” Her lips stretched across her muzzle while her forehooves played with themselves. “Only Twilight and I actively read poems, but we haven't had time to discuss them for so long.”
With a heavy breath, I handed her the paper. “Let's hope you two don't discuss this one, okay?”
“Between you and I only.” Fluttershy reached a wing forward, taking the paper from my paw, holding it before her eyes. “And I promise not to laugh either, if that makes you feel better. I really am proud of you.”
Fluttershy was always one to lay it on thick with the compliments. Sometimes it felt like she didn't mean them—but one look at her eyes always blew that doubt away. Her eyes were reading the paper now, one that I had torn from the back of some book.
I sighed and closed my eyes—this had to be the dumbest way to propose to somepony, a poem on the back of a page, written in some bathroom, all by an Element of Chaos unable to make things rhyme when he wants to.
And the more I saw her read, slowing down and taking her time on the verses, I could feel the rejection building in her voice. Fool! How could I have been so foolish to think that this was a good idea? That the one and only Fluttershy, with her timid voice and heavenly body, would ever so much glance romantically my way?
This had to take the cake for her. Of all the stallions to ever ask her out, this one had to be the worst, the guy standing, waiting for her to finish reading a poem, a shabby one at that, and forcing her to find the polite words to reject him. Drowning the world in chocolate milk was easier than this.
“It's about you,” I said when I could take the silence no longer, and she, well, kept reading. “The poem, I mean. I wrote thinking about you. I, uh, don't think I described your flanks as well as would have liked too.”
The paper slipped from her feathers.
“T-Though that wasn't all I wrote!” Teleport! That's something I could do. A snap of my talons, and I would be gone. Gone for a very long time. However long it would take for something like this to pass. Snap your talons, Discord, snap em! “I also wrote about how you make me feel! During those alone hours like you wanted me to!”
Fluttershy looked up at me, her eyes hidden behind mane.
“I didn't mean anything bad by that poem, Fluttershy!” Raising my paw, I pleaded for my life. “Anything rude was only because I didn't know what I was doing. I swear it, dear!”
And then she was on me faster than I could snap my talons. With her wings already unfurled, she leaped up at me, flying into my chest and throwing her forelegs around my neck, her weight and momentum enough to send me flying back and down.
“Ooof!” I wheezed when my back crashed against the grass, feeling the wind leave my lungs. “Why... what was that for?!”
“Discord,” Fluttershy said harshly, though with a smile. “You silly boy. How long have you felt like this?”
“For uh... a very long time.” I swallowed. “That poem you read... was it... any good?”
Fluttershy lifted her muzzle off from my chest, enough for her to stare in my eyes. “Oh, the writing was absolutely horrible.” Before my expression could shift, her lips took to a smirk. “But the message it had? Wonderful.”
And then Fluttershy leaned forward and took my lips against her own. They were everything I had ever written them being like: soft and firm with a twinge of strawberry. They impressed gently, urging me to take more of them—making a greedy beast out of me.
“Mmhmm... Fluttershy...” I blinked as her muzzle pulled away. “You... I... sorry...”
“Don't be sorry.” Fluttershy laid her face against my chest. “Just hold me you silly.”
The mare didn't have to ask. My arms were already over her, crossing over her back, holding her body against my own. She was so soft and so small, something I desired to never let go of. So we laid together, in the afternoon sun, enjoying the feeling of each other.
“I'm sorry, my dear, to break the silence.” I drew a heavy breath, feeling my chest press against her head. “But I just wasn't expecting this kind of response. Is it true the, do you... perhaps like me back?”
“I wouldn't have kissed you if I didn't.” Fluttershy nuzzled my coat. “I've known about your crush for a very long time. I was just waiting for the day you would be able to express it.” She giggled. “I much say, it happened sooner than I was expecting.”
“And you didn't care to drop a few hints.”
“These private tea parties weren't enough of a giveaway?”
“Touche.” I leaned my head against the grass, feeling my mind clear. “So you like me then, dear? You were just waiting for me to express myself, was it?”
“Please don't be mad with me, Discord,” Fluttershy said. “The truth of the matter is that I liked you ever since we became friends. But you were still very much caught up inside yourself. If we... were to start dating back then, when you couldn't express yourself, well...”
“I wouldn't be able to express the stuff that needed to be said the most?” I felt her muzzle rub up and down my chest. “I understand. Not a fan of that understanding, but I understand it.” I blinked. “So poetry, huh? That's the way to a mare's heart?”
“It's the way to mine,” Fluttershy said. “Though we're going over that poem over some more. There are a few things I'd like you to learn before you try another.” A moment of silence, and then she snuggled more into me. “And... I would like to read all the other things you feel about me.”
And that's why I loved her. That's why Fluttershy was dear to me. Unlike the rest, who were merely there, she cared for me. She cared for what I thought and what I felt, and when those two things were about her, she only cared for me all the more. Perfect in personality and body—how could I have gotten so lucky?
So I only held her tighter to my heart. “You need only to hear my heartbeat. After all, it's yours.”
