Absolutely Abyssmal Afternoon

by Justice3442

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Random
Length: 1337

Somepony summons the Abyss. Yes, THAT abyss. Look, everypony should be fine just so long as they don't stare too hard.

Somepony summons the Abyss. Yes, THAT abyss. Look, everypony should be fine just so long as they don't stare too hard.

Thanks to Tired Old Man, Nova Quill/Firimil, and
Steel Resolvefor their edits and suggestions.

Published 2018-11-23 20:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2018-11-23 20:00:02 UTC

If you stare at the Abyss long enough, the Abyss gets a restraining order

If ever there was a time Twilight Sparkle doubted she was a hero, that time had long since passed. Humble as she was, Twilight couldn’t deny she fit quite a few definitions for the word, and there was no shortage of examples of how it was a fitting label for herself; she being an Element of Harmony Bearer, for instance. The fact that she had faced down villains time and time again. Or even the simple fact that she was always willing to help her fellow pony, friend or otherwise.

Still, there were other instances and trials where Twilight oft proved herself braver than most. Take now, for instance, where Twilight once again found herself running in the opposite direction of the screaming, panicking citizens of Ponyville. There was the old saying of the heroes being the ones running toward danger while everypony else ran away from it. A saying Twilight might appreciate if her thoughts weren’t otherwise occupied.

Oh, please be Tirek… Oh, please, please, please!

“She’s on a rampage!” a panicked mare called out.

Twilight frowned. Or Chrysalis! Yeah! She could be back to seek revenge!

“Such unbelievable magic power!” a stallion cried.

Twilight found herself taking a deep breath. Don’t panic… Maybe Chrysalis has teamed up with Tirek… or Sombra? Many credible threats to Equestria sported strong magical tendencies!

“It’s the worst tantrum I’ve ever seen!” another mare chirped.

Twilight sucked in another breath through clenched teeth as she could feel her stress level rise. Things had gotten darker, and the lighting unworldly; as if everything was coated in a purple haze. However, the change of illumination was not Twilight’s immediate concern.

It’s fine! It could still be a pack of villains! I GOT it! She thought triumphantly. Chrysalis broke into Tartarus and then freed BOTH Tirek and Cozy Glow! That HAS to be it! OR, maybe it’s even a brand new villain that’s worse than everything else my friends and I have faced put together! That’d be a relief.

As practically all shades and color but black and purple seemed to be eliminated from the visual spectrum entirely as Twilight ran into a Ponyville shop that seemed to be the source of the panic.

Anything but…

“Hi, Twilight!”

“Oh, Celestia damnit!” Twilight exclaimed as she laid eyes on her graduated friendship student and school’s guidance counselor, Starlight Glimmer. Starlight was smiling and waving at Twilight, despite the fact that there was clearly some swirling, pulsating disk of otherworldly properties occupying the same room as the pair of ponies.

“I know, right?!” Starlight replied without missing a beat. “How can they advertise 31 flavors of ice cream if they keep running out of one!”

Twilight buried her face in both forehooves. “Starlight! We’ve been over this! No summoning portals to deal with minor inconveniences.”

“Pfft! Minor?!” Starlight said in a cheerfully indignant tone. “This is the third time in a month they’ve been out of rocky road! So clearly my complaints left in the suggestion box, written letters, and organized protests weren’t enough!”

“There were only three of you! And one of the other two was Trixie, who was less protesting and more handing out fliers for her new show, and Maud who stood in place only saying ‘Rocky Road’ and ‘Now’ in response to your chants and holding a sign you clearly gave to her!”

“Four!” Starlight corrected. “Pinkie joined for a few moments before she caved to free samples! Look, the point is; clearly I wasn’t getting through to them, so drastic times call for drastic measures!”

Twilight groaned. “Again! We’ve been over your inappropriate use of portals!”

Starlight gave Twilight a mildly smug look. “Well, Twilight, if you looked closer, I think you’ll notice it’s not just a random portal!”

Frowning, Twilight took a closer look at the eerie mass behind Starlight. This was followed by immediate regret as this very act seemed to fill Twilight with anxious fear, yet the feeling that this… thing whatever it was, and wherever it came from, had so much to offer if she just studied it further.

As naturally curious as Twilight was, the initial unpleasantries combined with the fact that out of all of the frightening tears in reality she had seen, this one both felt and looked the most malevolent. And that was impressive given how many potentially threatening holes to other dimensions she had seen between Starlight and her own studies gone awry.

Dazed, Twilight started to collect herself physically and mentally as she uttered. “Wha-what is…?”

Starlight laughed. “I’m sorry! I thought you two were acquainted.”

“A-acquainted?!”

Starlight nodded her head up and down. “Twilight Sparkle,” she motioned towards the swirling disk of dread, “may I present The Abyss!”

Twilight had regained her senses enough to frown disapprovingly at Starlight. “I think an abyss still falls under the umbrella of ‘portals’, Starlight.”

“No, no, no! Not ‘an’ abyss! The Abyss!”

Twilight risked a glance up at the object in question and again regretted it as she was felt with more trepidation followed by whispers of power.

“You know…” Starlight continued. “‘The longer you gaze longingly at the Abyss, the more likely it is to gaze longingly back!’”

“That’s not exactly how that saying goes,” Twilight said. “I mean… you’re not exactly wrong, but even the most seasoned etymologists would probably argue you’ve taken some liberties. Anyways, this is still overkill for not getting your favorite flavor of ice cream.”

“But it was rocky rooooaaaad!” Starlight whined. She took a moment to collect herself. “Look, the point is that it turns out the Abyss is something of a bad influence.”

Twilight huffed out a sigh. “Starlight, you can’t just blame your misbehavior on otherworldly things that also represent metaphorical concepts.”

“That’s what I keep telling her!”

Twilight felt her skin crawl and eardrums twitch as if both were trying to figure out how to get further away from outside and bury themselves deep inside her. That… voice, or whatever it was… did that really come from that reality tear?!

Starlight groaned and wheeled around to face the disk. “Shut up! No one asked you!”

“Stop using me to justify your terrible behavior! I’ve told you this and now your friends are telling you the same thing!”

“Wow!” Starlight cried indignantly. “I guess their 31st flavor is intervention!”

“Really… that’s the best you can come up with?!”For a moment, Twilight could feel rational thought return as the Abyss went silent and even slowed it’s swirling and pulsating, but it was only a moment. “Salted cerebral served in a cone-tention!”

Starlight shot the Abyss a dirty look. “That’s not even a sentence!”

“You’re not a sentence!”

“This is why we stopped dating!”

“Hey! I broke up with you because you were too clingy!”

“Oh yeah? Well, you're such a shameless flirt that I would have broken up with you by now if we were still dating! I swear you make such a mess of everything you touch!" Starlight snapped sullenly.

“You know what?! I don’t need to take this! PEACE!” With that, the Abyss folded in on itself until it vanished from this plane of existence, leaving things returned to normality.

“Well, have fun calling me for another booty call!” Starlight grumbled to herself as she stormed outside.

At least as normal as they could get, all things considered.

After what could have been seconds, hours, or even days, Twilight felt her cognizance return to her and found herself alone and in the middle of an ice cream store that was clearly worse for wear, but otherwise intact. She turned towards the front counter took a good, hard look at the 31… 30 available flavors.

“Move over Rarity!” Twilight said as she took up an ice cream scoop in a magenta glow of her magic. “There’s a new stress eater in town, and she’s going for the high score!”

The End

Author's Note

Happy Black Friday?