I just want to know why...
A small, steady stream of hot water poured through the circular opening in the roof of the old ceramic.
The once white enamel had faded into a yellowish tone by years of use and unscoured residue. Inside, pieces of dried leaves rustled and submerged in the water, releasing a brownish fog which swirled about. Eventually, the use-blackened kettle was emptied, and she set the floral-accented lid in its place to keep the steam in.
Fluttershy smiled down at her teapot as she set the kettle aside and carried it back to a spot in front of her desk, the water sloshing gently inside as she glided calmly across the room. On the floor, she’d placed seven cups, which she’d soon be passing out to her students. She set the pot down, and landed, settling down on her haunches next to her teaset, where she’d folded a blanket to make a soft spot.
She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, letting the aroma which had leaked from the teapot drift into her snout.
It had been several months since Twilight had opened the school of friendship, and the students were settling in after returning from their first winter break. Even now, snow collected on the sil of the thick window as it drifted down weakly from the day’s cloud cover. Winter Wrap Up was still a few months away, which made her thankful for the thick, crystal walls, and the warm stove which smouldered dimly in the other corner of the room.
Her ear twitched towards the door as something solid was set against the handle, the latch clicking before it opened.
Ocellus leaned through the crack in the door, “Professor Fluttershy? Headmare Twilight said you were ready to see us?”
Fluttershy smiled, “Yes. Please, come in.” She leaned forward, but stayed in her position on the floor, picking up the teapot and pouring the first cup. “Everycreature, please let me give you some hot tea...”
Six students started filing in to see that all the desks had been stacked in the back corner, and in their places, six folded blankets were arranged in a circle with their teacher’s.
Ocellus was first, walking up with a smile. “Thank you” she squeaked, taking the hot tea as daintily as it had been offered. She had shed her scarf and hat, and was now wearing only her jacket. Changelings were a hardy bunch, but they tended to stay inside during the winter: chitin wasn't exactly an insulating layer. She kept her wings in their casing, stepping gently over to a spot near the teacher, her feet barely audible as they tapped against the crystalline floor.
She was followed by Silverstream, who seemed to be shivering with the strain of physically containing her boundless excitement for the moment. If her scarf and headband weren't tightly fixed around her neck and auriculars, she might've lost them. With her cup in both hands, she excitedly swooped through the air towards her seat net to Ocellus. It was a wonder she’d only managed to spill a few drops.
As she giddily settled in, Sandbar, who wore a curious look along with his hoof-knitted scarf and hat, stepped in the door. He tossed his mane away from his face before taking his own cup and walking to his seat, setting on his haunches much like Fluttershy had.
Yona trotted in with a grin, snow still falling from her wooly coat where she’d been rolling in it. Unlike the others, she wasn’t wearing any scarves or hats, only her traditional shawl: Equestrian winter was warm and calm for her, the equivalent of the first late September of Yakyakistan, and far from the January blizzards she'd grown up in. She walked over to her blanked and plopped down, setting her tea in front of her with an enthusiastic grin.
Smolder and Gallus swooped in last, wrapping up their conversation with a shared chuckle. Smolder had a buttoned up vest which was long enough to reach all the way from her shoulders to below her hips, and had wrapped up in a scarf, gloves, a hat which draped down in the sides, and a few layers of cloth wrapped around her feet and ankles. As a creature of lava and fire, she wasn’t suited for the cold weather, and had to work the hardest to conserve heat. Gallus, by contrast, only had his usual red scarf and headband on: his body was made for the chill winds of high altitudes, and the cold winters of Griffonstone had hardened him to the cold. The two of them took their cups with their claws and flew over to their blankets, where they took a moment to find comfortable positions to lounge in before taking tentative sips of their tea. Gallus didn’t get much more than a taste, finding it still too hot. Smolder took a full drink of hers, being the kind to enjoy a hot beverage while it was still boiling, and turned it about in her mouth with a critical expression.
“Good afternoon everycreature!” Fluttershy beamed to her class as they all settled in, “I'm so glad you could join me. The other professors and I wanted to pull you aside, so we could have a nice, small, personal group, because today we'll be doing a special friendship exercise.”
“Yona excited! Yak love exercise!” The yak stood and began to bounce from side to side, as if warming up for a race.
Fluttershy giggled, “Not that kind of exercise, Yona. Today, we're going to be talking about our feelings!”
Smolder and Gallus let out twin groans.
“What is with ponies and talking about feelings all the time?” Smolder voiced her annoyance.
“I know, right?” Gallus rolled his eyes.
Fluttershy’s smile didn't even falter, “Now now, you know talking about your feelings is an important part of friendship, because your friends can't help you if they don't know how you feel.” She adjusted her sitting posture, taking a sip of her tea, letting out a sigh as she relaxed herself. “I'll start to give an example. I have something called ‘agoraphobia’, which is a crippling fear of being in crowds, and while I've made progress with that, I feel sad about it. I still don't know why I can't just go out in public without feeling scared, and I don't even know what I'm afraid of. As far as I know, there isn't a pony or other creature in town who wouldn't protect me if something bad happened, but, even though I don't show it as much anymore, I'm still very uncomfortable around crowds.”
Gallus immediately scoffed, “That's dumb. If There's nothing to be afraid of, then there's no reason to be scared.”
Smolder, hesitated as he said it, but nodded silently.
“Hey Gallus, that's like, really rude.” Sandbar said sternly, “Nopony talks that way to you.”
Fluttershy nodded calmly, “I'm not offended, but Sandbar is right: this is supposed to be a safe space, and you shouldn't talk to your friends that way. How would you like it if you opened up to somecreature and they talked about your feelings like that?”
“Fine...” Gallus rolled his eyes again, but grumbled quietly, “but I wouldn't be afraid of something dumb like that...”
Fluttershy sighed, but took it in stride, “Now, remembering that we aren't going to be rude, would any creature like to go next?”
All the students glanced around at each other for a few moments.
Finally, Ocellus stood up, “I guess I'll go. I have something I want to get off my chest.”
Fluttershy smiled at her, “Go ahead Ocellus! I know you can feel shy sometimes, but you've come a long way, and I'm sure your friends will be very supportive of whatever you have to say.”
Ocellus smiled meekly through her glossy cyan lips for a moment, then sighed. “I'm sad because ponies don't trust me. When I'm out in the hallways or out in the town, most of them hide it, but... Changelings can feel emotions, it's a defense mechanism, and I know they all think I'm going to do something bad, even though I try so hard to be good.” She sighed again, rubbing one foreleg against the other as she looked away uncomfortably, “Thorax warned me that it’d be hard to live in a new place, where everycreature thinks you’re going to turn into some sort of monster, but... I never realized how much the constant distrust would weigh on me every time I so much as leave my dorm...”
“Wow, Ocellus, I never thought it got to you so much...” Sandbar said, “I mean... I thought you were used to it or something, being... Uh... You know...”
She narrowed her eyes at him, “Yeah, it does. And I'm not used to it, because changelings don't look at each other like that anymore. But I guess that explains why, of all my friends, you're the one who trusts me the least.”
“Er... Well...” He hesitated, “I'm sorry, but it's just been a bit hard for most ponies to go from being at war and constantly worrying about changeling spies, especially in a town that you, um... attacked so many times.”
“But I didn't do any of that!” Ocellus cried, “The attack on Cantelot was years ago! I was barely a nymph when it happened, I wasn’t even allowed out of the hive without an adult until after the revolution! And King Thorax would never order us to do the kind of things that Queen Chrysalis did!”
Sandbar, looked like he was going to argue for a moment, but after opening and closing his mouth, he lowered his head, “I guess I need to get over it then. I'm sorry Ocellus. I shouldn't judge you for things other members of your species were ordered to do.”
“Yeah, and besides, it’s not like changelings actually eat ponies.” Smolder chimed in with a toothy smirk, “You should be more scared of me and Gallus. I mean, do you have any idea how delicious you little ponies are?”
Gallus chuckled. Sandbar cringed, “Y-you’re joking, right? You haven’t actually... eaten...?”
Smolder laughed, waving it off with her claw, “Nah, we dragons were pretty careful around ponies even before Ember became the Dragon Lord. One of us gets too scary, and you send a whole army to deal with it! Too much hassle for everydragon involved.” she grinned at him, “I do like watching you squirm though.”
Sandbar breathed a sigh of relief for sleeping tonight, “Oh, well, that’s good to kn-”
“Buut,” Gallus continued, “If we wanted a nice dinner, I’m sure a teenaged pony would be just the right amount of meat for us to share.” He grinned, his own catlike teeth showing through his beak.
Sandbar chuckled nervously, “That... that’s another joke. Ha ha... You uh... Really had me goin’ there...”
Fluttershy held up a hoof, raising her voice to cut off that line of dialogue, “Thank you for sharing, Ocellus. This is why it’s important to share your feelings with creatures who care about you. And thank you Sandbar: moving past your prejudices is very important for making new friends. Now, without making jokes about mean things we wouldn’t do to our friends,” she gave Smolder and Gallus a look, “Who would like to share something next?”
Gallus and Smolder glanced away to hide their embarrassment as Ocellus and Sandbar sat back down, and for a moment, the only thing they could hear was the wind outside the windows.
“Yona think of something to share.” the Yak stepped forward, eyes closed, “Yona sad because everycreature think Yona stupid.” she dropped her head.
The others blinked, mouths opening and closing for a moment. Even Gallus and Smolder didn't have a comeback for that.
Ocellus tilted her head, “What do you mean by that?”
Yona looked at her with mild annoyance, “Yona speak pony wrong. Yona know Yona speak pony wrong. Yona can’t help speak pony wrong because Yona still learning how ponies speak, but it hard because Yona already know Yak language, and Yak language very different from Pony language. No... ‘pro-noun’, less extraneous verb. Yaks need to shout over strong wind, so Yaks direct and clear.”
She redoubled, continuing,“But Yona very smart Yak! Yona fast learner! Yona study geography and history in Yakyakistan! Yona hoof picked to spread goodwill! Yona want to be great Yak leader when Yona grow up, and will bring back knowledge from pony school to help Yak culture grow!” She sighed, “Yona just wish ponies realize that yak not stupid, just different way of speaking, and Yak school not teach same things as pony school. No Biology. No advanced math. Yak learn how to climb mountain and survive blizzards. Now Yona in remedial classes, and shelter-building and blanket weaving not help in Trigonometry.”
Smolder nodded, “Yeah, it’s kinda awkward being the oldest two students in that class.” she glanced over at Gallus, “I mean, we don’t have the accent and all, but I know some of the students judge us just because we didn’t go to a regular school.”
Gallus rolled his eyes, “Yeah, well, next time one of those ponies tries to act like you’re stupid just because you didn’t go to the same math class as they did, do what I do and just threaten to pummel them. Ponies don’t mess with you after that.” His chuckle was cut off by a look from Fluttershy.
Smolder nodded and glanced over, “Come to think of it... Gallus, what math are you in? I’ve never seen you in any of them.”
Gallus crossed his arms and looked away, “I’m not. I never went to school remember? Spike’s been teaching me algebra. Alone.”
Sandbar cringed, “Wow, that sounds pretty personal Gallus, you wanna ta-”
“No.” he narrowed his eyes, glancing back over his shoulder, “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
He went back to his sulk, creating an awkward pause.
Fluttershy broke it, “Yona, that was very brave of you to share, and I’m proud of you. I’m sure all your friends will be sure to help you now that they all know.”
“Yeah Yona,” Ocellus placed her hooflike fore-foot on Yona’s shoulder, “I guess we’re both in the same boat here: our leaders sent us here to make friends, because we’re supposed to be the best and brightest, but ponies just don’t see us like everycreatue back home does.” She gave her a smile.
Yona smiled back, placing her own hoof on Ocellus’s shoulder with a soft click of keratin on chitin.
Silverstream was shaking now, she couldn’t keep it in any longer!
“At least you two are smart!” she blurted out.
Every Creature looked at her, and she looked nervously back at them for a moment before taking a deep breath. “Queen Novo told me she was sending me here because she wants to have better relations with Equestria, because when the Storm King invaded we didn’t have a way to get word to Celestia that we were under attack, and she plays the looooong game, because she’s like, super old, so it’s crazy how far she plans things out in advance, but like, she’s making me part of it by sending me here to learn about how ponies make friends with each other so we can make better friends with the ponies, and that’s a LOT of pressure. I mean, do you know how awful it was when the Storm King invaded? He killed Queen Novo’s husband, my own uncle! And Cousin Skystar hasn’t been the same ever since, and this is supposed to prevent that from happening again? I mean, talk about PRESSURE guys! Last year, the only thing I was worried about was who I was gonna share my seashell necklaces with, and now it’s like, whole country on the line here! Can’t mess up!”
She gasped for another breath, her words coming so frantically that even she was having trouble keeping up, “And to top it all off... I don’t know if I’m even really qualified to be here. I mean, Queen Novo is trying to groom me as some sort of ambassador... I mean, Me? An ambassador? I can’t even pay attention to one thing longer than a few seconds, I can’t even try to get things off my chest! I mean, it makes sense that Yona and Ocellus are here: you two were claw-picked because of your ability to learn and build good will and all that, but the only reason I’m here is because I’m related to the royal family! That’s literally the only thing that’s special about me! And I’m supposed to get what out of that?! I FEEL LIKE THE WEIGHT OF MY ENTIRE SPECIES IS RESTING ON MY SHOULDERS AND I JUST DON’T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THAT!!!”
She breathed hard for a moment while the others tried to process it.
“That... must be pretty rough.” Sandbar cringed, “I never really thought too hard about what it must be like for all of you. I mean, I just live on the other side of town, and my parents thought this would be a good place to go, but all of you had to leave your home countries for these big important reasons...”
The three of them nodded for a moment, and the room held a momentary silence.
Smolder was the first to blurt something else out.
“I don’t know why I’m here.”
Gallus raised a brow, “Uh... Because professor Fluttershy wants us to talk about our feelings?”
“No, I mean... I don’t know why Dragon Lord Ember sent me here. I mean, I understand it’s supposed to be, like, this amazing opportunity to come to Equestria and study under the Princess of Friendship, and I know Ember thinks it’s a big deal but... Why me? I mean, the three of you are either related to someone important or were selected for a special talent. As far as I can tell, Ember just kind of... grabbed me at random and said I was the one who had to go.”
“Maybe it was something you did in school?” Silverstream offered.
She shook her head, “Dragons don’t have schools, remember? My parents taught me things like writing and math, and Ember coached me before we came here. She had to order me to do it the whole way too. The idea of leaving the Dragonlands to study ‘friendship’ with a bunch of namby pamby ponies wasn’t exactly appealing...” she glanced over at Sandbar, “No offense.”
“It’s cool.” He shrugged.
She sighed, “It’s just been kinda awkward. I mean, I like it here and all, but I don’t know the plan, assuming there even is one. It’s like... Like I’m just sort of... here. I could be letting Dragon Lord Ember down at any moment, and I wouldn’t even know it.”
Silverstream nodded, “That does sound really stressful. At least we know what we’re supposed to be preparing for...”
Smolder nodded, sitting back down and taking another gulp of her tea, trying to get it down before it got too close to room temperature.
Fluttershy smiled. “Thank you for sharing, Smolder. You too Silverstream.” She looked between the last two, “Sandbar? Gallus? Neither of you have shared anything. Which one of you would like to go next?”
Sandbar glanced over at Gallus for a moment before standing up and stepping forward, “I guess I'll share something, seeing as Gallus probably doesn't even want to be here, and I actually do have something that I’ve been wanting to open up about...”
“Oh great,” Gallus muttered, “Time for some First World problems...”
“Seriously Gallus?” Smolder scowled, “lay off already, it got old ten minutes ago. We're almost done here too...”
“Now Gallus,” Fluttershy raised a hoof, frowning now, “I know you don't like to share your feelings, and you don't have to if you don’t want to, but this is a team-building exercise. Please don't ruin it for your friends...”
“Yeah, I wanted to tell you something about myself, but not if you're going to make fun of me...” Sandbar glared.
Gallus rolled his eyes, “Fine, I won't make fun of you. Just tell us what you want to tell us so we can get this over with...”
Sandbar and rolled his eyes, “So, I'm guessing you all are wondering why my parents wanted me to go to a school for friendship, or why I don't ever bring any other ponies around. Well, it's because, before I came here...” He took a deep breath, shutting his eyes, “I didn't actually have any friends.”
The others looked at each other for a moment.
“Wait,” Smolder twisted her brow, “you mean like, you didn't have any friends when you met us...?”
Sandbar shook his head, “Nope. You guys are the first close friends I’ve made since we moved to Ponyville.”
“But what about school?” Silverstream asked, “Didn't you make any friends there?”
“Well, my family isn't originally from Ponyville, when my parents moved here for work, I didn’t know anypony. I’d had to leave all the friends I had where we used to live behind, and when I was in school, I just didn't make any new ones. I don't know why, it's not that I didn't try, it’s just... everypony else already knew each other, and I didn't know anypony. I didn't really know how to make friends with ponies I didn’t already know.” he shrugged, smiling, “But, then I met you guys. So now I have friends again!”
Every creature smiled at him, except for one.
“That’s your big secret?” Gallus deadpanned, “You know, me and Smolder didn’t exactly have friends before we met either, but we don’t live in Equestria.”
“Gall-uus...” Silverstream warned through gritted teeth.
“Don’t you ‘Gallus’ me. I mean, how do you not make friends in Equestria? You just walk into a town and suddenly everypony wants to make friendship bracelets and sit around in circles talking about our feelings! How did you manage to not make friends?”
Sandbar scowled back at him, “It's not that easy Gallus! I tried! Celestia knows I tried, I just couldn't do it for some reason. I dunno, I guess I’m just not that interesting to be around.”
“What?!” Gallus’ voice started to rise, “But this is like, the most friendshippy place on the planet! You guys even have a princess of friendship! You practically fall over each other trying to make friends with everything that moves!!”
“Gallus! What the hell?!” Smolder shouted.
“Now Gallus,” Fluttershy stood, lifting her hoof and raising her voice, “You're being very rude! Sandbar is your friend, and he just told you something very person-”
“Like you would know anything about it!” Sandbar shouted over her, slamming his hoof against the floor, “Half the time I don’t even think you care about being friends! You act like we don’t even matter to you! You don’t know what it’s like to be surrounded by ponies who are friends with each other and have nopony!”
“Oh yeah, says the guy who goes on about ‘cousins’ and his siblings and his whole family.” Gallus sneered, his face less than a foot from Sandbar’s, “Yeah you totally have ‘nopony’.”
Fluttershy stepped forward, all eyes in the room darting between the two. “Oh, my, this is getting... um... please calm down...”
Sandbar looked for a moment like he was about to throw a punch, and Gallus looked like he wanted an excuse to fight. And at this point, Sandbar didn’t care. “I know what this is about,” he growled, “this is about your parents!”
Ocellus’ eyes widened from behind Yona, “Sandbar, don’t go there!”
He kept going, “You think that just because you lost them, nopony else can ever hurt as bad as you do. Like you can just act like a jerk about everypony else’s feelings because somepony loved you, and now they-”
“LOVED ME? THEY ABANDONED ME!!” Gallus roared, his claws carving scratches in the smooth surface of the floor, wings and hackles sticking straight up as the blood rushed through his face, “All of you keep bitching about these families who care about you, and I’ve never even known what any of that’s like! I never met my father, and I don’t even remember what my mother looked like!!”
He turned on the others, “And you think it’s sooo baaad that your leaders believe in you? You wanna know WHY Grandpa Gruff sent ME? Because I was the only young griffon that no other griffon wanted around! Nobody wanted me in my OWN COUNTRY! I mean, Gilda and Gabby saying I'd be better off here? That’s the most of a shit anyone has ever given about me! They don’t even let me in their home for the Blue Moon Festival!”
He took a menacing step for Fluttershy, splattering the floor with his tea as he screamed in an increasingly ragged voice, “You wanna know why I don’t give a shit about your stupid exercise Fluttershy?? It’s because no one has EVER cared about me, let alone my stupid feelings, and I sure as HELL don’t need anyone now! I don’t WANT your stupid feelings circles! I don’t WANT your stupid friendship and hugs! I just want...” He trailed off, words becoming meaningless as he looked around at all the shocked faces of the creatures he kept calling his “friends”.
“I just want... I just want to know why they didn't want me.” Gallus finally broke, sobbing uncontrollably as his legs gave out.
Fluttershy swept forward, catching him in her forelegs before he hit the floor. “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.” she whimpered, holding him close and stroking his feathered back.
“It’s... it’s ok Gallus.” Smolder offered, stepping over to put a hand on his back, “We can get through this... together.”
“Yeah, Gallus, I’m sorry.” Sandbar said, scratching his neck awkwardly, “I shouldn’t have gone there.”
“We care about you Gallus,” Ocellus chimed in.
“Yona not turn her back on Gallus, Yak and Griffin always friends.”
“Yeah Gallus, you- you’ll always have us.” Silverstream nuzzled his shoulder.
“You all keep saying that.” Gallus croaked. “We’ve said it so many times, so many friendship classes, that I’m practically numb to it...” He took a deep breath collecting himself to pull himself away from Fluttershy, staring at them with his round, bloodshot eyes.
“But it never feels true... Because deep down, I know that, eventually, you’re going to see what they all see...” he looked away, staring out into the dark, clouded sky...
“...and then you’re going to leave me too.”
Outside, a frigid wind dashed the tiny, fragile bodies of the snowflakes against the windows. They either stuck there to melt into an icy sheen or fell to join the others in their piles on the sills. They either found a temporary respite in the coldness of each other, of they died alone.
This night would be a cold one...
...And there would be many, many others just like it.
.
.
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Author's Note
Fun Facts...
- The working title for this story was "Gallustopia Needs Hugs"
- Yona was my favorite of the Young Six, until Gallus said something at the end of "The Hearth's Warming Club" which made him one of the most personally identifiable characters in the series.
- "I just want to know why they didn't want me" was where I started, and the rest is me figuring out how to get there, and reminding me along the way just why I love the exchange students so much. (Sandbar is meh, but I think the writers made him boring on purpose to ground the rest of the Young Six)
- An almost identical question haunts me to this day.
- Originally, this was going to have a happy ending where they all hugged and he agreed with them, but I realized that wouldn't be honest: I'm 27 years old, and the feeling has never gone away.
- Yes, I do have a potential followup in mind, if you guys are still pining for it by next time I want write more stuff like this.
- I would like to see more stories about these characters around the site, so if you are interested, my blog is filled with writing advice, and there is a post just for this story.
Edit: I see a lot of people favoriting this but liking this. Please don't forget to hit the like button, because that's how FiMFiction's algorithms decide which stories to put in searches.
