A Turkey Thanksgiving... For Ponies

by deadpansnarker

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Pinkie Pie
Length: 2023

Pinkie invites all of her friends to Sugarcube Corner for a special celebration before Hearth's Warming. Great! Then, they find out she's going to be serving a turkey. Not so great.

Pinkie invites all of her friends to Sugarcube Corner for a special celebration before Hearth's Warming. Great! Then, they find out she's going to be serving a turkey. Not so great.

Does this even make any kind of sense? Probably not. But it's Pinkie, so I guess anything goes.

Published 2018-11-24 05:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-11-24 05:00:01 UTC

Pinkie's New Item On The Menu.

Thanksgiving is a marvellous time of year, a traditional precursor to Christmas when you can argue with all the family whether to watch a gaudy parade or an overlong football match, before all sitting down to a calorific meal.

It's all based on an age old harvest festival attended by ninety Native Americans and fifty-three Pilgrims, and if you want to know more, I suggest you study the details of the holiday on Wikipedia, unlike the cursory glance I lazily did in research for this fic. Yawn.

Until now though, such a prestigious occasion has not seen fit to be celebrated in many other places, from the United Kingdom, Earth, where I reside, to Ponyville, Equestria. But with the popularity of this annual event growing each year, it was only a matter of time before it showed up... in the latter. Dammit. Anyway, now our story can begin:

.....................................

Pinkie Pie burst into Carousel Boutique, yelping at the top of her lungs. As usual, volume control was an entirely unheard of concept. "Rarity, Rarity! I need a super special order immediately! It's like, the ginormest of ginormous emergencies! And you're the first one I thought of!"

The aforementioned unicorn happened to be the middle of preparing another customer's outfit, and at the sound of the intense shrieking of her fun-loving friend, almost sowed her hoof to the hem of a dress. "W-Who? W-What? W-When?"

"Me and the Cakes are going to be throwing a big dinner, and we require the best tablecloth you can whip up lickety-split in twenty-four hours!" Pinkie stated breathlessly, apparently none the wiser regarding the nasty haberdashery accident she almost caused. "The rest of the girls are invited too of course, in fact I'm on my way to ask them now!"

"O-Oh that's... v-very thoughtful of you. Perhaps, you could do it a bit quieter with them?" a sheepish Rarity would be extremely annoyed around about now at just about any other pony. But, as they always say in this part of the world, 'Pinkie is Pinkie', and there ain't nothing you can do to change that. "Hmm, a tablecloth you say? Not quite my forte, but I always appreciate a challenge! Fortunately for you, I've had a couple of cancellations recently, so I'm willing to give it a shot! The idea of a soiree sounds fabulous too darling, it'll get us right in the mood for Hearth's Warming next mont... wait just a second. What's that bird-like creature you have tucked under your left hoof? I've never seen it's like before!"

"You mean Mr. Turkey?" Pinkie gazed down nonchalantly at the fat feathered fowl she clutched to her side. "He's Gummy's new friend! He's our Guest Of Honour at the feast! We're going to be having him with the potatoes! It's gonna be de-scrumptious! Anyway, I have many other stops to make today, just be sure to finish that cloth on time for my big bash! And don't forget to RSVP! Bye for now!"

"Uh, okay." Rarity innocently responded to Pinkie's revelation as she zipped away, before the unicorn returned with haste to her current project so she could begin this fresh order. It was only as the store door was fully closed that the full impact of what she'd just heard sunk in, and her eyes widened to the size of saucer... actually, scratch that, UFOs.

"WHAT?!" She yelled frantically, ripping the frock almost in two as unmitigated panic began to take hold.
.............................................

"It ain't right, eatin' another living being for another's pleasure." Applejack told the rest of her friends the following day, en route to Sugarcube Corner. "I mean, all my animals are kept strictly for non-killing purposes. We have the cows for milkin', the sheep for shearin', Winona for protection and companionship, and the pigs for... hold on a tick, why do we have pigs again?! Darned if I know."

"I know, right? It didn't even look that appetising! It might have wings, but somehow I doubt it can get itself off the ground." Rainbow Dash hovered just above the farmer, completely missing the point as usual. "Have you ever seen such an overweight, ugly bird? It even tried to peck at me, when I went for a closer look. So uncool!"

"Well, maybe if you weren't insulting him to his face, he might have been friendlier!" Fluttershy huffed to her fellow pegasus, before turning to Twilight almost in tears. "Oh please, we have to save the poor dear from being devoured! I tried to persuade Pinkie to let him stay in my cottage instead when she popped over yesterday, but she just laughed off my suggestion and told me 'I'll see you there'! I've been worrying about this dinner ever since... what can we do? What can we do?!"

"I must admit, I was surprised as you were when she showed up out of the blue, with this strange exotic ornithological life-form I've never even seen in any of my books." Twilight pondered in earnest at the unlikeliness of this scenario. "But, exciting new discoveries aside, and to the best of my considerable knowledge, it is practically impossible for vegetarian equines like us to digest any meat-related products. Which kind of begs the question, moral arguments notwithstanding: what does Pinkie stand to gain by encouraging this sort of unnatural cannibalism?"

"I have no idea darling, but I for one will have no part in it!" Rarity had calmed down a little from the previous day, but she was still somewhat shaken from the experience. Plus, she planned to bill Pinkie for the cost of a new silken dress along with the tablecloth at the conclusion of festivities. "I'm so glad Starlight and Spike drew the short straws in going on ahead to 'help out', because there's not a chance in a million I could stand in that kitchen and stare into the innocent eyes of a creature living it's l-last f-few m-minutes o-on E-Equestria..."

The other ponies nodded gloomily at this tragic thought, but it was already too late. They'd all made firm commitments to attend, and it would be the height of rudeness to back out now.

Besides, the entrance to Sugarcube Corner loomed large in front of them, and even before any of the small party had the opportunity to knock or ring, Pinkie burst out of the door with an elaborate somersault, party horn and all.

"Greetings, my four-legged friends!" their grinning host for the evening hugged everypony in turn, whilst dazzling them with her trademark megawatt grin. "Allow me to take your coats... oh, what am I saying? They're already glued onto your bodies! Tee-hee! I hope you liked that one, 'cos I've got plenty more to tell you tonight! Along with copious amounts of food to eat and wonderful games to play, of course! So, what else are you waiting for? Bits to fall from the sky? Get your fuzzy butts inside now!"

As Pinkie rushed indoors once more, it was a point of debate between her guests as to which would be worse: Picking at the bones of a deceased bird, or hearing the joke about the three-legged mule for the trillionth time.

Needless to say, there wasn't any great rush to enter the building, but if the five friends were going to survive this macabre evening, they were going to do it together. On a firm nod from Twilight, all those involved held their breath and prepared to go in as a single brave unit:

1-2-3-4-5.

GO! GO! GO!
.......................................

The scene that awaited inside was not quite what any of them expected.

Instead of the stench of death and decay hanging in the air, there were many colourful decorations hung up, and a huge table with Rarity's cloth on centrally where the customers would usually queue. Each seat had a place-card to indicate who'd be sitting where, with the most predictable being Pumpkin and Pound Cake next to their parents and Spike located right nearby Twilight. From the kitchen area wafted the tempting aroma of saccharine edibles, and the sound of joyous laughter filled the air.

"Oh, you've arrived at last!" A broadly grinning Spike emerged from the food preparation area, clutching a ~~hand~~ claw towel. "Please close the door behind you, we lit a roaring log fire in here for a reason, you know. And if the flames are green instead of orange, I think you can guess which handsome guy was behind it!"

"Is everything okay? All of you seem like you're about to attend a funeral, instead of a party!" Starlight appeared alongside the smaller dragon, her hooves covered in frosting. "I do hope you're going to be more cheerful than this during the meal, because I've baked my special fairy cakes! And this time, they haven't been ruined by a teacup-turned-dog... um, you know what? Maybe I'll save that story for another day."

If the other ponies present were shocked at the indifferent attitude of their friends having apparently helped prepare a dead corpse for consumption, they were even more amazed at what they saw then, which they'd missed the first time they'd entered.

For there at the head of the table, completely unplucked and loudly gobbling as much as ever sat Mr. Turkey. Beneath him was at least a dozen cushions and on top a specially designed miniature party hat upon his wattled head. He was currently scrutinising a large tray of roast potatoes, and he systematically grabbed each one with his beak in turn before swallowing it whole.

"Really, Mr. Turkey! Haven't you ever heard of chewing?! I know you don't have any teeth, but that's no excuse! Do you want to burn your throat? Or get indigestion? It's not lots of fun, let me tell you!" Pinkie suddenly came in with another tray of potatoes she carefully placed adjacent to the hungry bird, before spinning round to address her friends once again. "Honestly, I don't know what to do with him sometimes! These are the only things he eats, and he won't even turn up at the party until the first batch are done! If you want any to go with your meal, you'll have to move pretty fast... huh? Is something the matter?"

"N-No, not at all..." A blushing and clearly relieved Twilight spluttered, now feeling very silly along with the rest of the group. "Let's, um, all try and enjoy ourselves, shall we?"

"Hey Pinkie, you'll never guess! We all thought you were going to cook... oof!" A chuckling Rainbow Dash was about to reveal all, before being subtly nudged by a vigilant Fluttershy.

" 'Oof'? I don't think we have any of that. Is it some kind of foreign dish? If you show me the recipe, maybe I can prepare it for next year's shindig!" Pinkie kindly offered, before getting back in the swing of things. "Now, Gummy over there next to Mr.Turkey please, and I'm pretty sure the rest of you know where you have to be. C'mon, we'll make this a night to remember!"

And it is my distinct pleasure and honour to inform, that's exactly what they did. Many happy memories were made that evening, not least from Mr. Turkey himself, who proved to be quite the compelling storyteller. Oh, some of the riveting tales he told about his place of origin, the Mysterious South! I would repeat a few myself, but I fear they would lose something in translation.

All you need to know is everyone had a great time... until the following morning, that is. Then, bleary-eyed and aching all over, each partygoer in turn regretted their overconsumption the previous day.

What? Hair of the dog? Hangover?! I'm talking about stomach aches all round from shameless gluttonising.

Last one to the pharmacy for dyspepsia tablets is a rotten egg!

Author's Note

I may not celebrate Thanksgiving in my neck of the woods, but I just had to write this fic based on an idea I had. Hope everyone enjoyed it and the day itself, and I'll see you again soon. :scootangel: