Pinkie Pie was working her normal 9-5 shift at the Sugar Cube Corner. Cupcakes were in the oven baking for Pinkies friends. Milkshakes were being serves to the customers who ordered some. Cakes were being made for the ponies who ordered them in advance. The Cake Twins were asleep in their crib. Pinkie Pie stared down at the infants and told herself that life was going just right for her. Even when she had to go on some crazy adventure to stop some crazy evil villain, it turned out alright, because somehow, the bad guy would have been beaten in the end.
Suddenly, Pinkie Pie heard a rattling in the kitchen. The Cakes were out shopping for supplies, and Gummy was with Fluttershy for the day. Pinkie was basically the only one working at the lone cake shop.
"Hello?" Pinkie Pie asked as she peered into the kitchen with the door a quarter of the way open. She saw nothing. She opened it further and saw some of the messy bowls and kitchen utensils were everywhere, as well as a thicc fog of flour messing up the place.
"Whoever's here, I'm just here to tell you that you're not supposed to be. And whatever you're doing, now I'm gonna have to clean it all up." Pinkie Pie explained as she coughed out the flour-ey fog. She examined the mess further and further. Pinkie expected this to be the work of Discord, but then she remembered that if it really were Discord, then the bowls and utensils would have been alive, singing, dancing, anything out of the ordinary to be honest.
Pinkie then saw a silhouette of what appeared to be a human through the thicc flour fog. Surprised at what she was seeing, Pinkie fanned the fog away and saw something even Pinkie Pie could not believe she was looking at. The human appeared to be an elder with balding silver hair, glasses on his face and was wearing a white shirt, now covered in cake flour, and some standard pants for his species. The human appeared to be wielding a gun but did not feel the need to use it. Pinkie examined the human closer, as the human stared back at the human, giving them both a good minute of silence to find out what is going on.
"I'M HERE TO TOUCH YOUR TOILETS!!!" The human yelled, causing Pinkie to scream out in panic, fall over on the messy floor, and pass out. As Pinkie fainted, the strange human yelled an annoying yell, as he passed Pinkie Pie and apparently made his exit.
Pinkie Pie woke up in the Castle of Friendship, where she was rested on a sofa. She looked around and found a bath towel wrapped around her body, as well as a bandage on her head.
"That's quite a bump you got there, Pinkie." Twilight said as she was helping Pinkie Pie with the pain of her head hitting the ground so hard, mainly by patting Pinkie's head with a wet cloth.
"OhmygoodnessTwilightyou'renotgonnabelievewhatIjustsaw..." Pinkie Pie stammered so fast, everything she said became one whole word.
"Woah, calm down Pinkie. What's your major malfunction?" Twilight asked as Pinkie calmed down. Enough to tell Twilight what she saw.
"OK, so I saw this really old human, and..."
"A Human? In Equestria? What in the world do you mean by that?" Twilight asked, rudely interrupting Pinkie. Pinkie sarcastically coughed, regaining Twilight's attention.
"Anyway, this human was here for my...toilet for some reason." Pinkie explained. Twilight was instantly confused, just as Pinkie was, now that she thought of it. As they pondered what in the world Pinkie just witnessed, a knock was heard on the door on the Castle. And just like clockwork, Spike opened the door for whoever it was.
"Can I help you?" Spike asked the visitors. The visitors were also human, though one was wearing a very dirty hoodie, as if he went mountain climbing in the sewers, and the other one looked as though he was wearing a tuxedo of sorts.
"Yes. We heard reports of a paranormal entity, and we would like to speak to the eyewitness." The human wearing the dirty hoody said. Spike examined the two men, and let them in like a complete and total idiot.
"Pinkie. There's someone here to see you." Spike hollered from downstairs, as the two men walked up the stairs to speak with Pinkie. Pinkie got a glimpse of the humans and went into complete shock.
"More humans?" Pinkie asked as the two men sat down on a nearby couch.
"My name is Johnny Ghost, and this is my partner Johnny Toast, and we're here to ask you a few questions." The man with the dirty hoodie explained.
"Okay then. Ask away." Twilight said, as Pinkie laid down on the couch, psychiatrist style.
"Did you see anything out of the ordinary." Johnny Ghost asked as Johnny Toast pulled out a notepad and pen.
"Well, I saw another human. He wore a white shirt, had balding white hair, and wanted...my...toilet? Next thing I knew, I passed out." Pinkie Pie explained.
"Sir, it looks like we might have found the Toilet Toucher again." Johnny Toast said to Ghost, who was stroking his chin.
"Indeed we have Johnny. Indeed we have." Johnny Ghost replied as he turned to Pinkie.
"Might we ask your name, Ma'me? Just so we have an eyewitness account?" Johnny Ghost explained.
"Oh. My name's Pinkie Pie." Pinkie explained, causing the two men to stare at each other intensely.
"Sir?" Johnny Toast asked as Johnny Ghost stared back.
"Screw it! You're hired! Come with us!" Johnny Ghost, as he headed outside of the palace with Johnny Toast and Pinkie Pie following close behind.
"Wait, why am I hired again?" Pinkie asked both Johnnys, as the three of them stopped at a large grey van. On the van was printed "Paranormal Investigators Extraordinaire" as well as the symbol for Pi for a logo. Pinkie, after putting two and two together, started laughing on the ground.
"This is simply perfect." Pinkie commented, still laughing.
"Exactly." Johnny Ghost replied, laughing along with Pinkie. Pinkie got into the back of the van, and the group of investigators rode off towards their next destination.
Electric Boogalo or some other cliche title
The P.I.E. Van parked near an old abandoned mansion in Canterlot. As the van parked, Johnny opened up the back to speak with Pinkie Pie.
"OK, so we've examined the Sugar Cube Corner to search for any clues as to where the Toilet Toucher would have gone." Johnny Ghost explained as he grabbed a case of equipment from out the back of the van.
"And this old place is where he most likely ended up?" Pinkie Pie asked, noting how old and dark the house is compared to the bright and cheery next-door houses.
"Most likely, Ms. Pie." Johnny Toast explained as he armed Johnny Ghost and himself with handheld pistols.
"Oh, and before we begin the investigation, Ms. Pie, would you like to have a weapon?" Johnny Toast asked Pinkie, examining the back of the van.
"Yeah, sure. What'cha got?" Pinkie asked. Johnny Toast then scavenged through and handed Pinkie Pie a crossbar with glowing orange bolts for ammunition. The three investigators walked over the creepy abode and knocked on the door. After a few minutes of waiting for someone to open the door, Pinkie Pie spotted a dark shadow scurrying alongside the building. Trying her best not to panic, Pinkie stood by Ghost and Toast's side until the door was answered by a unicorn who apparently owned the resident. The unicorn had a white coat, with a blue mane, tail, and mustache, and wore a dashing tux and monocle. This was none other than the home of Fancy Pants, for some strange (and most likely stupid) reason.
"Hello? To whom do I have the honor of speaking to?" The unicorn asked, as gentle as he can be.
"Hello. We are P.I.E. Paranormal Investigators Extraordinaire, at your service." Johnny Ghost explained. Fancy Pants examined the two men and their companion mare carefully.
"Ah, Pinkie, deary. How's your friend Rarity? Please send me regards to her." Fancy Pants said, causing Pinkie to giggle a little.
"OK, I will do that for you." Pinkie responded, sticking her tongue out. The trio entered the building as Fancy Pants explained the situation for them.
"As you probably can tell, I believe my house might be haunted, but I'm not entirely sure." Fancy Pants explained.
"Well, no offence, that might be what you get when your house is the only grim looking house in a neighborhood full of bright and cheery buildings." Johnny Toast commented, as he believed this house would be perfect for an M-Rated video game of sorts.
"Well, I agree with you. I asked the estate agent why it was so grim in comparison, and they said they didn't know either." Fancy Pants explained.
"I think Canterlot needs better insurance agents." Johnny Ghost said, as he examined the house along with Pinkie.
"Should we split up sir?" Johnny Toast asked.
"Yeah, we probably should." Johnny Ghost said, as he pulled out a couple of devices and gave them to Johnny Toast and Pinkie.
"If you see anything suspicious, or at the very least threatening your life, activate the beacons, and we'll come to you, OK?" Johnny Ghost said, as Johnny Toast and Pinkie nodded their heads in agreement.
Pinkie toured the dark hallways of the house, with only her crossbow, her flashlight, and her beacon to accompany her. Every step she took creaked louder than the last, causing her heart to race faster and faster, and by the looks of things, she didn't seem as alone as she though. Suddenly, without warning, a flowery vase fell over and crashed onto the floor, gaining Pinkie's attention. There was no doubt there was someone, or something, here.
"He-Hello? Mr. Ghosty McGhost Face?" Pinkie asked, shivering more after each word. She continued walking slower and slower, until the ghost she was looking for was right behind her. Pinkie turned around and finally saw the ghost.
"HI, PHIL SWIFT HERE WITH FLEX-TAPE, THE SUPER STRONG WATERPROOF TAPE!" The ghost announced, as Pinkie Pie screamed out in pure fear, and made a quick run for it, knocking over another vase in the process.
"NOW THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!!!" The Ghost said, pointing to the second broken vase. Without hesitation, Pinkie Pie activated her beacon, and quickly ran to Johnny Ghost and Toast. As she ran, looking for the two professionals, Pinkie found herself stuck in a dead end, with the ghost closing in on her.
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY SOME FLEXTAPE!?!?" The spirit asked, as though he were singing an annoying song about snowmen, only the spirit sounded demonic and distorted. Pinkie screamed once more, getting the attention of Johnny Ghost, who fired his pistol at the ghost and scared it off.
"Oh my. Did you get it Mr. Ghost?" Fancy Pants asked, hiding behind Johnny Ghost.
"No, it's still out there, but I'm pleased to inform you that the ghost is no longer haunting your house." Johnny Ghost explained, calming both Pinkie and Fancy Pants.
"Oh thank you. How much do I owe you for this quick job?" Fancy Pants asked, as Johnny Toast came by to answer just that.
"We were going to have you pay a hefty fee of up to 500$ or so, but seeing as hunting this ghost went quicker than I expected, I'd say you only have to pay us 50$. The other 450$ can go to repainting this house." Johnny Toast explained as Fancy Pants pulled out his wallet and handed Johnny Ghost and Toast 5 gold bits.
"This isn't what we meant, but it's close enough." Johnny Toast commented as Toast, Pinkie, and himself headed back to the van, and headed off to their next destination.
"Wait a second," Pinkie Pie asked from the back of the van "Weren't we supposed to look for this Toilet Toucher guy? I think we found a different ghost entirely." Pinkie noticed.
"I thought the Toilet Toucher was there too, to be honest. But that was just a level 10 entity. The Toilet Toucher is much worse, and I think there was another sighting somewhere, let's just say, out of town." Johnny Ghost explained.
"Oh, where are we going?" Pinkie said, in an enthusiastic manner, as usual. Both Johnny Ghost and Johnny Toast stared at each other in worry. Johnny Ghost breathed a sigh.
"The Acachalla's." Johnny Ghost answered as lightning struck in the sky.
"Strange. I didn't think we'd be getting rain. I thought that was next week." Johnny Toast commented, as it started raining.
"Yeah, that is strange." Johnny Ghost said, as he shrugged is shoulder for a second before continuing to drive the van.
Author's Note
Pinkie P.I.E.
Now with Phil Swift.