Celestia's Dial Goes To Eleven
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie made their way down the dimly lit hall, their hoofsteps echoing on the cold stone floor. On both sides of them were numerous unmarked wooden doors.
Pinkie Pie bounced as she walked. “I don’t think the tour guide went this way, Rainbow.”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “That’s the point, Pinkie. Did you really want to spend your whole afternoon touring Canterlot castle again? Hearing the same speech from the tour guide about ‘why this throne is important!’ or why ‘this map is the best map ever!’ I mean… I know Twilight wants us to learn a bit from time to time, but… this is the fourth time she’s sent us out on this tour! I could guide that thing myself by now.”
“So, your plan was to get us lost, instead?”
“But we’re not lost, Pinkie. We’re exploring!” Rainbow glanced down the gloomy hallway, anxiously rubbing the back of her neck. “And I’m sure at any time now, we’ll come across something awesome. Hopefully, in a more well-lit area…”
“Something awesome? Like a door marked ‘DO NOT ENTER’?”
Rainbow turned and stared at the only door in the hallway that had a message on its front: DO NOT ENTER. She gasped just as Pinkie Pie had. “I’m conflicted,” she admitted.
“Why?”
“Because part of me wants to see what’s inside, but another part really doesn’t. The only door out of hundreds to get a warning sign? Must be something completely crazy in there.”
Pinkie Pie smiled brightly, holding up a marker. “Warning sign? I don’t see one.”
Rainbow faced the door again. In fat, black marker the sign now read:
“DONUT ENTER”.
Laughing, Rainbow asked, “How is that any better, Pinkie?”
Pinkie Pie pulled a colorful donut out of her mane. “Because now donuts can enter and we’ll just say we tagged along!”
“Whatever.” Rainbow Dash put a hoof on the doorknob. “I bet it’s locked anyways.”
It wasn’t. The door creaked open ominously.
“You know, Princess Celestia’s honor system is really gonna backfire on her one of these days.”
Past the doorway, the pair traveled hundreds of feet, across giant chasms and down steep, winding stairs, all before reaching yet another doorway with yet another message.
“SERIOUSLY: DO NOT ENTER”.
Which Pinkie Pie quickly changed to:
“SERIOUSLY: DONUT! ENTER”.
With her donut leading the way, Pinkie Pie trotted inwards and came to a halt at the center of the room. The floor was dirty and dusty with not a single fresh hoofprint visible. The moment they entered, a series of torches on the walls ignited, allowing them to see what surrounded them. Which ended up being…
“Dials?” Rainbow Dash said, cocking a brow. “What’s up with all these stone tablets with giant dials on them?”
Pinkie Pie whistled in admiration. “Who knows. But I think it might have something to do with Twilight.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because her name’s written at the top of one.”
Rainbow Dash stood next to Pinkie Pie in front of the fourth stone tablet in a row. Etched into the stone was “Princess Twilight Sparkle” and below that was a circular dial that went all the way from zero to eight. The dial was cleanly stuck at five.
Rainbow Dash felt excitement building in her chest. “You don’t think…”
She glanced from one stone tablet to the next, reading the names on each.
Princess Luna’s dial went to ten.
Princess Cadence’s to seven.
Even Princess Flurry Heart’s dial went to two.
“Holy guacamole!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, reading off the first tablet and dial. “Princess Celestia’s goes to eleven!”
“Eleven of what, though?” Rainbow asked, curious by this point. “Do the numbers have something to do with their age, maybe?”
Pinkie Pie shook her head. “Nah. Princess Cadence’s max is lower than Twilight’s. And right now, most of the dials read the same. Five-five-five-five. While Flurry Heart only has a one. Maybe it has something to do with alicorn power! Or magic? Horn size?”
Scratching her chin, Rainbow Dash said, “Makes sense. Not that last part, I mean. Considering they’re all alicorns and super powerful and whatnot, this could all control their power. But then why wouldn’t they turn them up more? What’s wrong with even more power? I know if I could control how fast I fly, I’d turn that dial up in a heartbeat.”
That made Pinkie Pie grimace. “I don’t know, Rainbow. Sometimes too much of a good thing can have terrible consequences. Just ask my head after too much ice cream.”
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Couldn’t hurt to move just one dial, could it? I mean… for all we know, these don’t even control anything at all.”
Using all her strength, Rainbow Dash shoved on Twilight’s dial until it eventually reached eight. She sighed once finished.
“We’ll give it five minutes, then turn it back down, okay? If this thing actually does control alicorn energy, then the worst Twilight will do is organize her library ten times faster than normal.”
“Or write a book report on the complete history of books!”
Rainbow Dash smirked. “Alright. After Twilight we’ll try Flurry Heart. Then Cadence. Then Luna and Celestia. Although with how dusty and old these things look, I can’t imagine anything actually interesting happening…”
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Spike knew something was off the moment he was randomly teleported away from the Ponyville marketplace and back to Twilight’s castle. The instant his rump smacked the floor, Twilight was already barking orders, crisscrossing the room so fast she was a blur.
“Did you get all that, Spike?” Twilight asked suddenly.
Still rising to stand, Spike stared at her deadpan. There was something different about her—off about her. Whether it was the fact that she violently vibrated where she stood or that her eyeballs were nothing more than crackling white energy, Spike couldn’t quite put a claw on it. “Doing something different with your mane, Twilight?”
Twilight’s mane and tail swirled in the air like angry, purple lava.
She ignored the question. “Did you even hear what I said?”
“Nope.”
Twilight grunted in annoyance as every window in the room blew out.
Spike did his best to pay attention now, grabbing a scroll and quill off a table.
“I’m not sure just where the idea came from,” Twilight continued, teleporting from one side of the room to the other, leaving streaks of fire in her wake, “but suddenly I have the insatiable urge to try and figure out the solution.”
“The solution to what?”
Twilight laughed. Somehow it sounded like four ponies laughing simultaneously. “Isn’t it obvious? The solution to everything! To all of Equestria’s problems—past, present, and future! One equation to rule them all, you could say. Here’s what I’ll need to get started: blackboard, chalk, colorful chalk, coffee, tea, cream, sugar, fireproof beanbag chair, complete silence, occasional head nods in agreement, those sugar cookies with jam in the middle, but not too much jam. You understand what I’m saying, Spike? Perfect jam to cookie ratio. The fate of all Equestria rests on these cookies! Besides that, I’ll also need…”
Spike wrote. And wrote. And wrote until his arms were sore. And in just three-and-a-half minutes, it seemed as if Twilight was about to finish her solution to everything wrong with Equestria.
Spike really couldn’t understand it.
One moment he was judging cookie-to-jam ratios and the next, Twilight had filled an entire wall-sized blackboard with more mathematical equations then he’d ever seen in his life. Alongside the numerous numbers were pony names, cities, dates, events, and many, many colorful arrows that all pointed to the very center of the board.
The only space on the board that remained empty.
“How are you even doing this, Twilight?” Spike asked timidly. “You’re moving so fast I can hardly keep up.”
Twilight teleported. Then teleported again. Adding numbers here and there. “It’s simple, Spike. While working through the equation, I found a way to glimpse one second into the future. Now knowing what I’ll do before I even do it, I save time by never making a mistake or wasting even a millisecond. The existence of time is meaningless to me now.”
Spike nodded as he had been previously directed to. “Neato. And how are you saying all that without opening your mouth?”
“Telepathy,” she answered evenly. “I discovered how to do this exactly sixty-eight seconds ago. Now my mouth can concentrate on cookies while my brain does the talking. And now…”
She let the sentence dangle dramatically.
“The final piece of the puzzle! The one element that transcends time and space like nothing else…”
Using her last bit of chalk, Twilight wrote the first letter of the final word into the blank space: L. She raised the chalk again, but faltered. Her mane and tail ceased waving like lava and returned to normal; her eyes faded from pure white back to regular pony eyes.
Twilight sank to the floor in a heap. “W-what was I doing again?”
Spike took an anxious step to her. “Solving all problems forever… while speaking telepathically.”
“What? Don’t be silly. Telepathy doesn’t exist. And what’s all this about problem solving?” She sleepily glanced at the ginormous board. “And only one part left? Hmm. Starts with an ‘L’. What could I have been thinking? Lima beans? Lithium? Library?”
Spike cocked a brow. “The solution to all problems in the world is ‘library’?”
Twilight shrugged. “Works for me. But…” She yawned. “I think a quick nap might be in order before we continue.”
“Sounds good to me.” Spike then helped Twilight out from the room.
“By the way, Spike, got any of those sugar cookies with jam handy.”
“The ones with perfect jam to cookie ratio?”
“What sort of maniac would care about that? I just want a cookie, Spike.”
FLURRY HEART
Sunburst knew something was off the moment he kissed Flurry Heart’s forehead after laying her down for her midday nap. He yelped and backed away from the crib. It was like kissing a red-hot frying pan. He chuckled uneasily.
“Doing something different with your mane, little Flurry?”
Indeed, the little filly’s mane had changed. Now it burned more brightly than Flurry’s very own nightlight. The pacifier in her mouth melted a second later and began seeping down her chin.
Sunburst chuckled. More uneasily than before. “Here. Let’s get you your extra strength pacifier.” He then switched the plastic one for the solid crystal one… all while exiting from the room and closing the door behind him.
“Hopefully you won’t be so cranky after your nap,” Sunburst said, before dashing down the hall.
Back in Flurry Heart’s nursery, Flurry Heart napped.
Then she turned on her side and napped harder.
For the last three months, Flurry Heart had been having a reoccurring nightmare involving a monster with untold eyes and limbs that chased her all night long. That afternoon’s dream started no different—with the nightmare monster always one step ahead of her, no matter where she hid or what she did.
Then a rush of energy changed everything.
Now suddenly it was the monster that was being chased.
Flurry Heart giggled richly as the monster fled for its life inside the dreamworld. Flurry thought for a moment and the dreamworld flipped. Now the two of them were locked inside the Crystal Empire castle—or the dreamworld’s version of it—sometime during the pitch-black night while rain and lightning noisily hammered away outside.
The large monster trembled where it stood, holding two mismatched claw hands over its lopsided mouth. It stood near a rain-soaked window when a flash of lightning hit close. The monster thought he saw the silhouette of a floating baby on the wall and hurriedly scampered to the next room.
It hid in a closet, hopeful the baby wouldn’t find it; until the child effortlessly smashed through the closet door and prepared to deliver the final blow. Fortunately, for the monster, the filly had grown tired by that point and decided to merely teleport the monster away.
Where? Flurry Heart didn’t care as long as it was gone.
Now she could nap again in peace. Unlike…
Outside, Sunburst happily munched on a sandwich he’d purchased from a Crystal Empire restaurant. He sat on the patio and casually watched as the ponies drifted by, both tourists and regulars alike. He decided he’d finish his meal and then go check on Flurry. What’s the worst that could happen while Flurry slept?
That was when a bright portal appeared in the street and a creature made solely from the things of nightmares arrived. The ponies surrounding it screamed. So did the monster, as it ran down the road, checking over its shoulder every few seconds as if in hot pursuit.
Sunburst sighed and quickly finished his sandwich.
Sadly, his hay fries would have to wait.
PRINCESS CADENCE
Shining Armor knew something was off the moment Princess Cadence entered their bedchambers. Or perhaps “entered” was the wrong term here. Instead of using the perfectly adequate door and accompanying door handle, Cadence had decided to “smash” her way in—right through four feet of solid crystal and stone.
Shining turned to her while standing in front of their bed. “Something wrong with the door, hun?” he asked good-naturedly. “Happy anniversary, by the way. I’ll finish getting changed in a minute.”
Princess Cadence remained where she stood, eyes deadlocked on Shining. Her mane and tail hovered in the air while a warm, golden aura shimmered off every inch of her.
Across the room, Shining finished putting on his best uniform. “It’ll be nice getting a whole day to ourselves. It’s sure been a while… with Flurry Heart and all that’s been going on recently.” He turned to her. “Ready to head to the play? We might be a bit early, but you know how I like to get snacks and good seats.”
Cadence flicked her horn and Shining Armor’s uniform fell to the floor in tatters.
Shining glanced from his destroyed uniform back to Cadence. “Maybe you’re right. Too formal for a play. It’s not like we’re hosting royalty or anything. By the way… you doing something different with your mane? Loving it! But we should get going—”
Another flick of Cadence’s horn and a table and six chairs crashed in front of the hole she had created while entering. A loud clink sound told Shining the room’s normal door had been locked tight.
Smirking while nodding, Shining told her, “Now I think I get where you’re coming from. It’s been forever since the two of us had a nice afternoon nap together.”
Behind him, all of their bed’s pillows and sheets were roughly flung around the room.
Shining tried again. “Epic pillow fight?”
In the blink of an eye, Cadence flew across the room, and for the following two-and-a-half minutes every pony in the Frozen North felt a wave of pure happiness and love, deep in their souls, that would be talked about for years to come.
It would be two weeks until Shining Armor would walk properly again.
PRINCESS LUNA
Bolt knew something was off with Stargazer the moment he saw him. Stargazer, a bat pony in Luna’s guard, stood stock-still and as pale as his bluish coat would allow. Stargazer licked his dry lips, staring directly across Canterlot castle’s large cafeteria.
Princess Luna had just arrived and a faint hush filled the room.
Bolt nudged Stargazer in the ribs. “You gonna ask her out or what?”
Stargazer jolted. “Wha-what? Ask who… what? Is it pudding for dessert today?”
“Don’t think we’re all idiots,” Bolt told him. “Most of the guards know what you’re planning.”
“Planning?”
“Yeah. Asking Princess Luna out.”
“Princess L—”
That was when Bolt roughly shoved his hoof inside Stargazer’s mouth, shutting him up.
Bolt shook his head. “Lunchbreak’s too short to hear you whine for minutes on end, Stargazer, so let’s cut to the chase. You’ve been working as Luna’s personal guard for three years now, correct?”
Stargazer nodded with Bolt’s hoof still stuck between his teeth.
“And it’s pretty damn clear she likes you in return. Who’s always working overtime for her? First guard she requests when she needs something special done? First guard to receive a kiss on Hearth’s Warming Eve?”
Stargazer pondered that, before nodding once more.
“I’m gonna remove the hoof now. Remember: no whining.”
Bolt did so and Stargazer used a napkin to wipe his mouth. “You were doing outdoor practice drills before this, weren’t you?” he asked, picking a blade of grass from his teeth.
“Was that whining I just heard?”
“No… but…” Stargazer lowered his voice and stood closer to Bolt. “I mean it’s Princess Luna we’re talking about here. A Princess! Alicorn! Royalty! She controls the entire moon!” He stopped and took a shaky breath. “That’s… a lot of pressure, you know? How am I even supposed to woo a pony like that? Buy her a cup of coffee? Maybe if I was a prince, I could get away with something that simple, but…”
Bolt raised a sharp brow. “Princess Luna’s been around tons of princes. And you know how many of those dorks have been personally invited to Luna’s bedchambers before?”
“I don’t know. None? But when I went, it was only because Luna wanted me to catch a moth that got loose in there. Only when I arrived, the moth had already left, so it was just Luna and I—”
As Stargazer came to an abrupt halt, Bolt nodded to himself.
“Only now does he understand just how truly dumb he is,” Bolt said.
“Greetings, Stargazer.”
Stargazer turned and found Princess Luna mere inches from him. Behind him, Bolt stepped back to give them space.
“Peaceful night last night,” Luna spoke casually. “I sure hope they have pudding for dessert today.”
Stargazer opened his mouth, but no words came out. He struggled just to breathe.
Bolt stood directly behind him and tried his best to sound like his friend.
“How ‘bout a cup of coffee, Princess?” Bolt-as-Stargazer asked.
Luna brightened instantly. “That would be wonderful! I could use a nice, strong cup after my early morning nap.”
With Luna leading the way, Stargazer trailed after her, and together they found a table near the middle of the cafeteria. Luna levitated two steaming coffees to them and downed half of hers in one gulp.
She sighed contently. “I hope I’m not being too forward, Stargazer, but I was beginning to believe you did not care for my company. Honestly, it’s not always easy being as well-known as I am. Even something as simple as this… a umm… what would you call this?”
“Date?” Bolt said as he casually walked behind Stargazer.
Luna smiled. “I never knew you could speak so well without moving your lips, Stargazer. That’s quite a talent. And I’m glad you want to call this a… a date. It has been a long time since I’ve been on one.”
Luna laid a hoof on the table and Stargazer surprised himself by taking it.
Suddenly, he felt calm. His jittering nerves abated. He even found himself able to speak.
“I’m happy you agreed, Princess.”
“Please, it’s Luna.”
“You asked earlier; the dessert today is apple crumble, I’m afraid.”
All at once, everything changed. Luna’s grip on Stargazer’s hoof turned to stone; her eyes burned pure white and began to smoke; her voice echoed throughout the cafeteria and down the adjoining hallways.
“NO PUDDING!? THEY WISH TO RUIN OUR PERFECT DATE BEFORE IT’S EVEN BEGUN!?”
Stargazer was at a loss for words. The only thing that came to mind was:
“You doing something different with your mane?”
The supercharged Luna continued unabated. “FIRST WE SHALL DATE! THEN WE SHALL WED! THEN OFFSPRING SHALL BE PROCURED! TWO COLTS AND A FILLY! VACATIONS EVERY THREE MONTHS! PHOTO ALBUMS APLENTY! MIDNIGHT STROLLS THROUGH THE GARDEN! DOUBLE DATES WITH CADENCE AND SHINING! LIKE THE NIGHT, OUR LOVE SHALL LAST FOREVER!”
And as fast as it had started, it ceased; leaving a rather exhausted Luna staring across the table at a very startled Stargazer. Luna let go of his hoof to look inside her coffee cup.
“Next time I promise to order decaf, Stargazer. I mean… if there even is a next time.”
Bolt passed behind the shell-shocked Stargazer and spoke for him once more.
“I’m down. I like garden strolls.”
PRINCESS CELESTIA
Princess Celestia knew something was off the moment the tea cup in her hoof shattered just by her touching it. Following that, her mild gasp made the window behind her crack. Next the chair supporting her fell apart and clattered to the floor. Although chairs did do that to her sometimes.
All at once, Celestia figured out what was happening to her. Someone back in Canterlot had found the alicorn dials and was messing with them. Darn that honor system of hers.
Celestia felt she might be at maximum power and decided to check. She blinked a single time and a tree outside caught fire. She then blinked a second time and the same tree was effortlessly uprooted and flung all the way into outer space.
Yep. She was definitely at maximum power. Eleven.
Which was unfortunate given where she was currently.
“Thanks so much for stopping by to read to the children, Princess!” the headmaster to the orphanage said. “And to think that this entire place was finished just two weeks ago! All from donations! We even have a dozen rooms in the back reserved for the homeless and needy. As well as a soup kitchen! This building sure is a life saver! Here’s hoping it remains just the way it is for years to come!”
Celestia, as carefully as she could, faced the headmaster.
Rather than dare say a word, she merely nodded. Once.
A mountain in the distance cracked perfectly in half.
“By the way,” the headmaster continued, “you doing something different with your mane, Princess? It’s so wild and out of control right now! Like it could blow up any moment!”
“Heh,” Celestia whispered, causing each colorful poster and drawing tacked to the walls to fall to the ground. As well as catch fire and turn to ash.
In the same room as her sat two dozen foals, all patiently waiting for her to start reading to them. That was clearly a bad idea. Celestia had to stall for time.
“Princess?” the headmaster asked. “Before you start reading…”
Yes! thought Celestia.
“…this little filly has a request…”
As long as I don’t have to move or say anything.
“…a simple hug from the Princess, perhaps?”
Not unless you want your spine broken in six places, Celestia thought dourly.
Celestia felt something much worse on the horizon.
She had to sneeze. Bad.
But to sneeze at such a high level?
The little filly standing next to her couldn’t wait any longer. Lovingly, she wrapped both forelegs around Celestia’s middle and squeezed, causing Celestia to let out the sneeze.
Darn, thought Celestia, before all was gone.
***
Together, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash returned Celestia’s dial back to five.
“Well,” Rainbow Dash said, frowning, “that was sort of pointless.”
“What about that explosion we just heard?” Pinkie asked.
“Probably unrelated. Come on, Pinkie. Let’s see if the cafeteria’s got any pudding today. I think I heard someone yelling about it a few minutes ago.”
“Not so fast!”
With a bang, both Princess Celestia and Luna entered the dusty room, faces pre-set to “moody”. “Did the warnings mean nothing to you two?” Celestia barked.
“What warnings, Princess?” Pinkie asked sweetly. “Besides the door ones that we clearly ignored, I mean.”
Celestia pointed to her own stone tablet. Next to the “5” on the dial was a sticky-note. It read: “Do not go above 5 unless in times of war. Or Yakyakistan holds another volleyball tournament.”
“Oh, thooooose warnings!” Pinkie exclaimed. “We unfortunately did not see them until right this very moment.”
“You are so lucky I managed to teleport every pony out of that orphanage when I did,” Celestia grumbled. “They are all safe. Unlike the orphanage I was in, which is now little more than a smoldering crater. I don’t care how you two do it, but you will both pay for its complete reconstruction. Each and every brick back where it belongs.”
“How we supposed to get that kind of money?” Rainbow Dash whined.
Celestia furrowed her brows. “One of you is a Wonderbolt and the other works at a very successful candy shop. I think you’ll find a way.”
“Speaking of Wonderbolts,” Luna cut in sharply, “as part of your punishment, Rainbow Dash, I am expecting two front row tickets to your next show. As well as a shout-out.”
“Two tickets? Who else you bringing?”
“None of your business,” Luna spat, before pointing at Pinkie. “And you shall make us pudding. Lots of it!”
Pinkie waved a hoof. “You call that a punishment, Princess? I call that a Wednesday.”
Luna smirked. “I said part of your punishment.”
***
The Canterlot dungeon was cold and damp and had a single stone bench covered in chains. Rainbow Dash was shackled next to Pinkie Pie, who in turn was shackled next to the donut she had brought along and who was now an accomplice to everything they had done.
And next to the donut sat a random guard.
“What’d you do?” Rainbow asked him.
The guard grunted. “Left the twist-tie off the bread in the commissary.”
A moment passed. And then another.
Until Pinkie asked, “What time’s snack time again?”
Author's Note
Mr. Donut only had minutes left to live. He had no idea whatsoever. 
Deleted bits: Starlight Glimmer has a tablet and dial, but it's still under construction. Celestia hides this under a cloth when Rainbow Dash asks about it.
Discord also has a power dial. One that goes on forever. He's always been stuck at "one", thankfully.
