4 years ago
May 19, 1007 AB
11:22 PM
The bridge went across the local freight railway line. It was a small bridge in terms of width, but more than enough height for what she wanted. And yet, as she marched further towards it, she couldn't help but feel something trying to pull her back. Something trying to stop her. Maybe it was her fear of death. Maybe her fear of leaving her brother behind. He had already been through so much in the past few weeks. In fact, it hadn't even ended yet; he was still in the hospital across town. She couldn't bear the thought of him getting the news, able to do nothing but lie in his hospital bed, wondering why his sister had done it. But her mind was made up. She just couldn't keep going anymore.
Tonight, Shining Star was going to take her own life.
She reached the start of the bridge, where the grass shoulder ended and the sidewalk began. She didn't even know why there was a sidewalk on the bridge; there was barely enough room on it for carriages to cross in both directions. Lamp posts lit the bridge all the way across, one of them holding a "No Parking" sign. As if somepony would be dumb enough to leave a carriage here.
To her left, a side street started winding its way back down the hill she'd just climbed. She knew Robin Avenue just as well as any other street. It led back around her neighborhood and ended as an entrance to the main road into downtown Canterlot. Deep inside, the tugging sensation was the strongest it had been since she'd left her house for the final time. It was trying to steer her onto Robin Avenue, not to the bridge on Knight Road. But her mind won her heart over, and she continued on.
The one convenience of this bridge, as she thought of it now, was that the lamp posts weren't part of the bridge's fence; in fact, they left a gap in between. Shining Star was just thin enough to squeeze through it. She'd tested it before, back when she was in middle school. Her friends had often played a game with her to see what she could fit into, this gap being one of them. And multiple times, she'd effortlessly succeeded.
This time, it wasn't any harder. The lamp post with the "No Parking" sign had the biggest gap of all, in order to fit the sign, and Shining Star had more than enough room to fit. Just like all of the other times, she got through the gap without any effort. Now her heart started to race. This was it. She was on the other side of the bridge's black metal fence, staring down at the railroads below. She had to be 7 stories up. There was no turning back now. She was really going to end it all. She closed her eyes, one of them shedding a tear, and backed up as far as she could against the railing, preparing to brace for the jump.
Then she heard the deafening whistle.
She opened her eyes and found herself still staring down from the bridge. Only now, the railway was occupied by a freight locomotive. Damn it, she thought to herself. Now she had to wait for the long train to pass, and as slow as it was travelling, it was going to be a while. Now that she had time to think, she was starting to have second thoughts. But at the same time, she reminded herself of why she was doing this.
Just weeks ago, she had two loving parents, an amazing brother, a nice house, good grades -- some of the best in the whole country, in fact -- and many other things. Almost all of it had been taken away by the bullets of a revolver. A gunmare had attacked the Celestial Cathedral of Hampden Hills, the church her family attended. Her parents had been killed, and her brother put in the hospital he lay in now. For a few days, it was uncertain whether he'd even make it or not. Now, Shining Star couldn't go back home; the house itself was being put up for sale, as nobody could make payments. If it weren't for her neighbors letting her stay until the situation was resolved, she'd have been homeless by now.
Since she hadn't been able to attend school, her grades had started plummeting. What was once straight A's were surely going to be failing grades by now, and she knew she wouldn't be able to make up all of the work in her classes in just 2 weeks. That was when the school year would end, and the report cards would come out. And she would probably have the first failing grades she'd ever had in her life. At least she wouldn't have to deal with all that.
For now, all she could do was sit down next to the lamp post, groaning in frustration as the freight train kept coasting along below her. Soon it would be gone, and she could jump in privacy. She didn't want anyone to see her jump. She wanted it to be secret, so she wouldn't have to deal with people trying to rescue her. Trying to save a life she didn't want anymore. She was ready for whatever lay beyond the abyss of death. Life was too overwhelming, now that it had crumbled around her.
"Hey!" she heard a stallion's voice behind her. "You okay, girly?"
Great, Shining Star thought to herself. A break could not be caught.
"Yeah, I'm fine," she lied to whoever was behind her. Maybe they'd go away.
"You sure?" the voice asked again. "It's much safer on this side of the bridge, you know."
"It's okay," she shrugged it off again. "Just thinking about stuff." That wasn't entirely false.
"Why don't we come back over here?" they suggested. "Just to be safe?"
"I'll be fine," Star repeated. "I've done this before."
"Really?" the voice responded. "I don't recall ever seeing you here, and I've crossed this bridge every night for the past 8 years."
Shining Star finally turned to look at the stallion behind her. He was a unicorn, maybe 40-ish, bright green with a black, neatly-combed mane, although grey hair was starting to show. He wore a dark leather jacket, presumably to keep himself warm from the chilly autumn air, though it was warmer than normal for this time of year.
"I usually come up here during the afternoon," Star lied again. "I just had a lot on my mind."
The stallion gave a skeptical look. "Can I at least sit here with you?" he asked. "I'm not liking how this looks, if I may be honest with you."
Half of Shining Star's mind begged for him to go away. But she knew she couldn't be rude; that would attract even more attention from him.
"I'd rather be alone, to be honest," Star replied to him, "but thank you for your concern. I was going to leave in a few minutes anyway." Another statement that she believed wasn't entirely false.
The stallion looked at her with eyes that seemed to see through her lie, silently pleading with her, before sighing an "Okay," and turning to trot away. Star breathed a sigh of relief, and looked down. The last car of the train was just passing under the bridge, the reflector on the back glowing from the lights of the lamp posts. Now was her chance.
She looked around her to make sure nopony was there. The stallion seemed to have disappeared, nowhere to be found on the bridge from her viewpoint. Nopony else seemed to be around either. Perfect.
Shining Star stood back up, wrapping her front legs around the fence behind her as she did. She didn't want to mess this up. She only had one try, anyway; it may as well be a good one. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, tears shedding once again and falling to the ground below.
"Goodbye, Angel," she whispered to herself, praying that he would somehow hear her last words. "I'm sorry."
And with that, she took a step back, drew another deep breath, and pushed off.
But something held her back.
"I don't think so, missy!" the stallion cried, wrapping his front legs under her shoulders. Shining Star yelped in fear as she tried to free herself from his grasp. Her efforts were for naught, however, as the stallion quickly, almost effortlessly, hauled her over the railing, showing off strength that seemed supernatural, and wrestled her to the sidewalk. He wasn't trying to hurt her, and Star knew that, but she still cried out in pain from the impact.
"Let go of me, you freak!" she screamed at him as she kept trying in vain to get away from him.
"I'm not going anywhere," the stallion yelled back, pinning her to the ground by her front hooves, "And you aren't either!"
Shining Star realized that there was no way she was going to get out of this; she had no choice but to give up, and she did so, finally stopping her struggle and relaxing on her back, catching her breath as the stallion kept her front hooves planted to the concrete.
He shook his head at her with a sympathetic look in his eyes. "I just knew you were going to try it," he sighed. He finally let her free and sat up against the fence as he breathed a sigh of relief. "You had that same look in your eye. They all do. That same thousand-yard stare, as if they're trying to find one last reason to keep themselves alive."
Shining Star sat up, and crawled over to the fence next to him, leaning back against it.
"You're not the first I've had to deal with," he continued. "You probably won't be the last, either. There's always going to be somepony else that tries it. I'll tell you one thing, though; you're definitely the youngest. How old are you, 16?"
"15," Star replied.
"15?" he repeated. "Can you please tell me what a 15 year old is trying to jump off a bridge for?"
Star started to cry again. She might as well tell him; there was no going back. No undoing her attempt at suicide. But at the same time, she didn't want to vent her frustrations at somepony she didn't even know.
"It's a long and complicated story," she sobbed, pulling the sleeve of her coat up to dry her tears.
"Believe me," the stallion sighed, "I've got all night."
Shining Star turned to look at the stallion that had just rescued her.
"You know the shooting that happened at the church a few weeks ago, right?"
"Yep," he answered coldly. "That makes me angrier than anything else in the world. The fact that anyone could even consider doing something like that--"
"Anyway," Star interrupted. She'd heard way too many ponies say the same thing. "My family was inside when it happened. I'm the only one that made it out okay."
The stallion's eyes went wide, and a shocked expression crossed his face.
"Oh," was all he could say in response.
"My brother's still in the hospital because of it," Star continued, "and I thought for a few days that he was going to die too. I can't go home because nopony's there. I have to stay with my neighbors until my brother gets cleared. I can't go to school because I'm a wreck, but my grades are dropping like flies, and report cards are in 2 weeks..."
Star suddenly quit talking, dropping her head into her coat and pressing the inside to her face.
"My whole life that I've been building up is just gone!" she sobbed.
The stallion didn't say a word, only sitting in quiet reflection, before finally wrapping his forelegs around her in a tight embrace. Star held it for what seemed like years; she didn't want it to end. Even though she still felt the worst she ever had in her whole life, it felt incredible to know that a complete stranger cared enough to keep her from ending her own life.
Soon, however, the stallion released his hug, putting a hoof on her shoulder.
"It's gonna be okay," he told her. "I know what it's like to feel like the world is crashing down around you. In fact, I've been on that side of the bridge before."
Star looked up at him, a shocked expression on her face, but said nothing. The stallion sighed and leaned back.
"I managed to talk myself out of it, but it hurt to know that nopony tried to help me. Nopony even looked up. So I tried to change that. When I graduated from college, I bought the house on the corner--" the stallion pointed to a white-painted house-- "and I work on making jewelry on the top floor, so I can watch the bridge all day. You never know when someone's gonna try it."
The stallion sighed again, standing back up and leaning against the railing, staring out at the view from the bridge. "Sometimes I can't get to them in time. I feel bad about it, but there's always some closure in knowing that you tried, even if you didn't succeed."
The stallion turned back to Shining Star and offered a hoof to help her up. "I'll tell ya what," he said. "How about I take you home?"
As the stallion pulled her up, he added, "I won't mention anything about all of this. I'll just tell whoever's watching you that I saw you at the bridge, and I wanted to make sure you got home safe. Don't want to have ponies freaking out about it."
"Thanks," Star told him as they started the trek back to Star's "house". "I don't think I got your name?"
"Emerald Jade," he answered. "You?"
"Shining Star," she responded back.
"Well, Star... do you mind if I call you that?" Star shook her head in reply.
"Well, Star, can you promise me something?"
Star looked over to Emerald Jade, who had stopped next to her.
"Promise me that you'll never try this again." Emerald wrapped Star up in another hug. "Most ponies think the only way to get out is to end it all. But no matter how bad it gets, there's always another way."
Star closed her eyes and smiled for the first time in weeks.
"I promise," Star replied.
********************************************************************************
Present Day
January 8, 1011 AB
5:39 AM
Shining Star sat at the end of the Bronclyn Bridge, staring up at the skyline of Manehattan. Just over three months ago, there would have been one more building there. Star still hadn't gotten over the fact that the Crystaller Building, the most prominent building in Manehattan's skyline, had been taken down, when a bomb exploded in the middle. Equestria had issued a rare declaration of war on those responsible, although no actual war efforts had been started yet.
In response to citizen's chaotic efforts to get in touch with friends and family, the city had been beta-testing new technology within the police and fire departments. New steel towers had quickly been constructed around the metro area, that could send radio signals in between each other. There was also a new device they were testing that could use the towers to send messages from one device to another. The police had announced that when the devices were released to the public, they would also be able to have an "emergency beacon" on them. This way, civilians could quickly alert emergency services in the case of an emergency. The police and fire departments could likewise send out alerts about emergencies in certain areas. At this point, however, they were still months away from being released to the public, but Angel and Star were being updated on it by their friend, Firestorm, who worked in the police department.
Angel and Star were now students at Manehattan University, on the western side of Midtown. Angel was studying for a bachelor's degree to join the police department, while Star was taking a different approach by working on a degree in astronomy. However, Star was also taking steps toward being independent, and not relying on Angel for everything, like she had after the Canterlot shooting; instead, she had started renting out an apartment in Bronclyn, and had gotten a job working at a restaurant on the bottom floor of the building. Angel, meanwhile, had gotten a dorm room on campus, which Star believed was just something to get him closer to their new friend, Crimson Moon, who had been injured in the attacks. She had been out of the wheelchair for about a month, but Angel was still helping her out around her apartment. He hadn't told Star yet, but it was becoming obvious that Crimson & Angel were a little bit more than just friends.
Star got up from the bench, and restarted her morning jog. She had figured out a method for her daily routine fairly quickly; she would wake up at 5:15, jog to the end of the bridge, and take a ten minute break. Then, she would jog across the bridge, and once she was across, she would take another ten minute break. Finally, she would jog all the way to the Peace Street Maneway station, where she would take the Maneway to campus, and meet up with Crimson & Angel for breakfast. There would be more than enough time to talk with Angel about various topics before her morning classes.
Star rounded the corner of the sidewalk, and began to cross the bridge. She had been timing herself by using a watch that her new guardian, Cloud Sweeper, had given her for her birthday. She would make a note of the time when she started (in this case, 5:39), and check it again when she was all the way across. So far, her record was 8 minutes, 47 seconds. She was hoping to beat it today.
As she neared the middle of the bridge, she came across a young mare leaning against the railing. As she passed, she gave a nod to the mare, to show courtesy. She had learned in the short time she had stayed here that respect was highly valued in Manehattan. However, something seemed off this time.
Was she... crying? Star thought to herself. There was always a feeling that Star got when she saw another pony that was upset. The feeling that she wanted; no, needed, to comfort them. But she always held back, as ponies didn't always want to be comforted, especially in this city. Still, the feeling was only growing stronger, as if it was trying to tell her to go back. Eventually, Star stopped, giving into her feelings, and turned around.
She found that the mare wasn't there anymore.
Star's heart rate started to go up again. There was no way, in the short time between seeing her and turning around, that the mare would have gotten to the end of the bridge. The only way she would've gotten off the bridge was if...
Was if she had jumped.
Star broke into a sprint, and ran to the exact spot at the railing where she'd seen the mare. Thankfully, she found that there had been no disturbance in he water, other than a few ripples from a passing steamboat. However, there was still no sign of the mare. Star nervously looked to her right, and found nothing. She then looked to her left.
She found the mare, on the other side of the railing, staring down at the water from one of the beams underneath the walkway. Star could see beads of sweat on the mare's forehead, and a tear rolling down the side of her face. Star had seen that look before. In fact, she was the one that had given it. This mare was about to jump. Star needed to get her attention fast.
"Hey!" she yelled to the mare, who started, then looked up to Star. "Whatcha doing on that side of the fence?"
The mare looked down at the water again, and said something that Star couldn't hear.
"What was that?" Star asked.
"I said I don't know," the mare replied louder, shaking as she spoke. Star could tell she was scared, as if she wanted to jump, but was afraid to at the same time.
"You're not gonna jump, are you?" Star questioned, begging in her mind to hear a "no".
The mare looked to Star, then back down at the water, before stammering, "I-I'm not s-sure I can."
"Why don't you come back up here?" Star suggested.
"I'm not sure I can d-do that, either," the mare responded. She instead took a seat on the beam, to which Star breathed a sigh of relief. At least she wasn't jumping, but Star still needed to get her back across the railing.
"Why don't we try talking about this?" Star requested. "What's your name, sweetie?"
The mare hesitated, then answered, "Sunflower."
"It's good to meet you, Sunflower!" Star replied. "My name's Shining Star."
"Good t-to meet you, t-too," Sunflower stuttered. Star couldn't help but admire the mare's pretty, straight blonde mane, which fell down to her shoulders. It worked really well with her bright pink coat. If anything, Star was almost jealous, wishing she had hair as good as hers.
"Can you tell me what's bothering you?" Star asked again. Half of her thought the mare wouldn't even answer, but to her surprise, she gave one.
"A lot of stuff, really," she responded. "Mostly that my sister got killed a few months ago."
Star's heart broke deep down. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose her own brother, after all he'd done for her.
"I'm sorry," Star told the mare. "What happened?"
"That stupid bomb is what happened," Sunflower replied with sudden hostility. "She was in the building when it went off, and she didn't make it out. My mom's been a wreck, and I've been having to take care of her; my dad left when I was younger, so he's not around. My other sister pretty much never leaves her room anymore, and whenever I try to talk to her, she just ends up screaming at me and slamming the door in my face. She's trying to show off how tough she is, like she always does, but I know she's upset. It hurts me to see them as miserable as they are."
Sunflower leaned back, resting her head on the side of another beam behind her. "Dammit, I miss her so much!" she yelled, tears starting to flow down her face.
"What was your sister's name?" Star asked.
"Sweet Tooth," Sunflower answered.
"Let me ask you this, Sunflower," Star started, "Do you think Sweet Tooth would want to see you like this?"
Sunflower hesitated, wiping a tear from her eye. "No," she sobbed. "I mean, I don't know. I'm just really upset."
"Exactly!" Star exclaimed. "You're acting harshly because you're upset. I don't mean to be rude, but think about it; if I hadn't been here, who knows what would've happened. But here I am talking with you, and you have every chance to come back up here."
"But that's the thing!" Sunflower started to ramble, staring down at the moonlight reflecting off the water. "I don't want to come back up! But I don't want to jump, either! I just want to stop existing, but that means death, and I don't want to die. But if I go back up, I have to keep facing the stupid reality that my sister's dead, she's not coming back, and we're all going to be miserable for the rest of our lives!"
Sunflower took something out of her hair and threw it into the water, having to grip the beam hard to keep from falling over herself. Star silently thanked Celestia that she didn't fall. Once it landed, Star could see that it was a flower clip. Fitting name, she thought.
"I just wish there was a way where I could get away from this," Sunflower continued. "I wish this was just a dream, that I'll be able to wake up and it'll be over. But no, it's a never-ending nightmare!"
Sunflower leaned back again, covering her face with one hoof.
"Sunflower, look at me!" Star pleaded with her. Sunflower did as she was told, wiping tears from her eyes again.
"What you're going through is a bit of a depression," Star said softly. "Yes, your sister is gone, and it's going to hurt a lot. But there's always a better way out than this. Think of it as a broken bone; it hurts a lot, and it takes time to heal. It doesn't go away immediately, as much as you want it to. But I promise you it will get better."
Star reached a hoof over the railing, as far as she could reach. "What do you say I help you back up, and we can talk about this more on the way back home?"
Sunflower looked up to Star, who breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Sunflower smile. Sunflower got up, and tried reaching for Star's hoof. But as she did, her hoof slipped, and Sunflower fell, screaming as she barely grabbed the beam in time.
"NO!" Star screamed. Sunflower tried to climb back up on the beam, but couldn't bring herself back up.
"Help me!" she shouted. Star was torn; if she climbed down, she'd be able to help the mare, but not to get back up to the walkway. But she couldn't let Sunflower fall.
Just then, she heard hooves pounding against the wooden boards of the walkway behind her. She turned around to see a unicorn mare, a bit older than Star, sprinting towards her.
"What's going on, miss?" the mare yelled. Her coat was dark blue, with a light blue mane and tail. She looked over the railing and saw Sunflower, and she brought a hoof to her face in shock.
"What happened?" The mare exclaimed at Star.
"Her hoof slipped as she was coming back up!" Star explained. "Wait here!" Star finally had some help.
Star jumped up and over the top of the railing, then carefully lifted herself down to the beam. Her hoof slipped as she came down, but she managed to keep her balance. Star reached a hoof out to Sunflower, who grabbed it almost instantly, and Star pulled her back up to the beam.
Back on the walkway, a pegasus stallion had joined the mare in watching the rescue. Star looked up to see them, and waved a hoof to the stallion, shouting, "Help us up!"
The stallion spread his wings and jumped, diving over the railing before taking flight. He flew through the air with breathtaking speed before turning around to meet Star and Sunflower.
"Give me the pink one first!" he yelled to Star, who obliged. He grabbed Sunflower tightly, and flew her back up to the walkway, before going back and doing the same for Star.
Once she was back on the bridge, Star turned to Sunflower beside her, who wrapped Star up in a tight hug. Star returned it cheerfully while breathing a sigh of relief, thankful that Sunflower was safe. Once the hug was released, Star turned to the pair that had helped in the rescue, shaking the hoof of the stallion first.
"Thank you so much!" Star exclaimed, turning to the mare and shaking her hoof as well.
"What was she doing on that side in the first place?" the stallion asked them.
"Long story," Star responded, "but it should be under control now."
"Thank Celestia you didn't get hurt," the mare told Sunflower. "Are you sure you don't need anymore help?"
Sunflower nodded in response.
"Thank you guys," Star told them again. "Can I ask for your names?"
"Moon Blossom," was the mare's reply, while the stallion answered, "Hurricane."
Star thanked them once more, before the stallion and mare departed.
"Now then," Star turned to Sunflower, "Let's get you home, shall we?"
***********************************************************************************
As it turned out, Sunflower lived just a few blocks away from Star, in another apartment building in Bronclyn. Star knocked on the front door, which was answered by a young, brown-colored filly, bright red hair messed up from lying in bed.
"Can I help you?" the filly asked Star in a slightly aggressive tone, brushing away the hair from her eyes.
Star gave room for Sunflower to enter the apartment. The filly watched her as she trotted in, then looked back at Star, before finally releasing a huge groan, rolling her eyes back.
"Seriously, Sunny?" the filly yelled at her sister, planting a hoof to her face as she looked back. "I know you're lesbian and all, but how many girls are you gonna bring home?"
"Shut up, Babs!" Sunflower shouted back.
The filly looked back at Star and muttered, half to herself, "I didn't even think there were that many of you in Manehattan."
"No, no, no!" Star exclaimed, "It's not like that at all. I just walked her home from the bridge."
The filly turned to Sunflower again, asking, "What were you doing at the bridge so early in the morning?"
"Just thinking about stuff," Sunflower lied, shrugging the question off.
Star decided to help Sunflower out in her fib, adding, "I found her up there, and thought she needed someone to walk her home. Manehattan isn't exactly safe during the night."
"Yeaaah," the filly demurred, "You're not exactly helping your case, girly."
"I swear to Celestia I'm straight!" Star exclaimed.
The filly just laughed before saying, "I'm just teasin' ya. Don't worry about it."
The filly then looked back at Sunflower, who was focused on making herself breakfast, before coming out into the hallway, closing the door behind her.
"Be honest with me," she said to Star in a suddenly serious tone, "She tried to jump, didn't she?"
Star hesitated, not wanting to frighten the young filly. But it was obvious that the filly was seeing right through the lie.
"Yeah," Star sighed dejectedly. "She told me about everything that's been going on."
The filly leaned against the wall, covering her face as she muttered, "Damn it," to herself.
If you could give Star all the time in the world, she'd never be able to put into words how bad she felt for this poor filly. Not only had one sister been taken in the attack, but she might've ended up losing the other to suicide, had it not been for Star being in the right place at the right time. It was obvious that the filly was miserable, just like her sister inside. And yet, Star had to give her credit; she was really trying her hardest to hold it together.
All Star could say was "I'm sorry." She didn't know what else could have been said.
The filly just shrugged it off, mumbling, "Not your fault."
She uncovered her face, and sat down against the wall.
"It's just that there's no end to it. Every day, I've got to deal with my mom being so miserable that she can't even go 5 seconds without nearly drowning herself in her own tears. My sister's barely holding it together, and now that I know she's suicidal, it just makes it worse. I just want my life to go back to normal, and not have my whole family be miserable for the rest of their lives."
The filly covered her face again, and Star could tell she was desperately trying to hold in the tears. The only thing Star felt she could do, however, was wrap her up in a hug.
"It's going to be okay," Star soothed her. "It may not seem like it now, but I promise you it will get better."
Star released her hug, and got up to her knees to meet the filly's gaze.
"How about I come back when my classes are over, and we can talk more?" Star suggested with a smile. "I'm kinda running late."
"I guess that would be nice," the filly answered
Star gave the filly another hug, then turned away to open the door to the apartment.
"I've got to get going. I'll see you later Sunflower!" she shouted.
"See ya!" Sunflower yelled back with a mouthful of cereal as the filly walked back in, shutting the door behind her.
Star decided it was too late to make it to campus on hoof, and opted for the Maneway. Luckily for her, there was a station just around the corner. She reached the bottom of the building's stairs, and stepped out onto the now-busy sidewalk. She couldn't wait to get to campus, even if she would be late for her first class. She had quite the story to tell Angel & Crimson.
Author's Note
I hope you enjoyed reading this one. I consider this story an indirect sequel to The Day Everything Changed, as it follows up on the events from that story. I'm considering writing another, actual sequel, but debating on whether to get a main character of the show involved.
Also, for those wondering, Sunflower is the Sunflower from the comics. I figured that I could use a character for this story that's minor in the storylines, but still has some tie-ins to some prominent characters, being Babs Seed's sister.
Thanks again for reading. I hope you enjoyed it!
--Replach
