Eques' New War-Mage

by SCIENTIFIC NUTJOB

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Science Fiction, Profanity, Random, Discord, Violence, Alternate Universe, Human, Narcotics, Anthro, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Self Insert, Adventure
Length: 5130

Discord offers a man down on his luck a deal for a new life in an Equestria that's not the dealer's

I was just chillin in my apartment playing some Red Dead two when discord appears next to me with a ornate staff offering me a deal.

Published 2018-12-09 16:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-01-06 16:14:19 UTC

Spellbound for Eques

Author's Note

Woah slow down there partner I need to explain some stuff before you start reading.

First of all I am NOT as old or the way I actually am portrayed in this story. Reason being is that I came up with concept of how this story starts with a scenario I thought up a couple weeks ago during a very slow school day.

Second I decided to bring back up this old concept I had, I read a bunch of magic users in equestria along side people taking over another persons body in Equestria fics recently for the reason, but I scrapped what I already wrote because I wanted to start over fresh with my newly updated writing skills.

(P.S. I'm terrible at writing intros and dialouge so could someone help me with that in the future as it would be very handy.)

-Happy Hunting :pinkiesmile:

Spellbound for Eques

[play until the end of the chapter.]

Walking into the office I see a women sitting at an oak wood desk, she stares at me with a scrutinizing gaze but I show no discomfort or nervousness, doing so could cost me points towards the job. After introducing myself and giving her my resume I just sit and wait while she reads.

Looking up from my folded hands after hearing my potential employer setting down my resume, I see her taking off her red reading glasses and setting them down gently on her desk. She looks at me with a leveled gaze while folding her hands on her desk she then takes a small breath and presents me with the same exact word for word line I've heard from the last twenty or so people that have interviewed me.

"I'm sorry sir but we have no need for an engineer or physics expert here, hopefully you understand Mr. Hixon," she say to me with a clearly fake smile.

Putting on my own smile I replied in kind, "Of course I understand perfectly," I stand up along with her and put up my resume in my suit case as I pick it up.

She shakes my hand and I bid her a good day while silently raging in my head while stepping out the door towards my pickup truck.

After getting back to my apartment and Put up my suit in my suitcase along side my resume I put it on my desk as I pass it to get to my sofa. Before sitting down on the old piece of furniture I grab my PS4 controller along with my TV remote from the side table next to my couch I then pop in Red Dead Redemption 2 disc into my PS4.

After sitting down and letting the game load I begin to examine what's been recently going on in my life like the paranoid and forgetful bastard that I am.

'That was my last major job opportunity as an engineer or a possible physics expert, I literally read up on that company to make sure I could get the job, but nope the universe had to royally fuck me apparently. *Sigh* okay calm down Jevin getting mad won't help just gotta roll with the punches, but still, was all that work for a masters degree in engineering and physics really worth it?'

Just as I was about to continue my inner rant the game finished loading but that was not what had my attention it was this oppressive feeling of power coming to the right of me and the sudden feeling of someone's arm on my back.

Turning my head to the side led me to see something I thought impossible or only in dreams.

The chimera of chaos himself, "Discord,"

He turned his head to me with his signature smug expression and said, "That's me, a quick explanation is in order isn't it? Don't answer that, I was messing around in your dimension when I came across you while you where in that dreadfully boring interview so while you were twiddling your thumbs waiting for her to finish reading I looked into your personality traits and forefront memories and I saw potential in you, I then decided to wait till you were alone in a private spot so I converse with you,"

"That was awfully blunt, quick, and you're acting uncharacteristically of what I heard of you," I said with a raised brow not caring to his close proximity.

"Well my dear boy, that is because I'm currently in a hurry so I will make this quick, I basically want to make a deal with you and be on my way back home to my Equestria,"

'Pulling the multiverse and my knowledge into play he probably has all the time he wants and really wants to head back because of a tea party with fluttershy or something, you now what, fuck it, I'm in the presence of one of my hero's and I want to see where this goes, hell I got nothing better to do.'

"So what's the deal?" I inquire to him

"A new life as a ancient war mage, of course you won't be in my Equestria you will be heading to one where I got the relic in the deal came from, that and I just want to give another me a source of chaos while stoned because without even a trickle of chaos we could die," He simply states.

"So what do I do to accept your deal?"

Looking at me with a look of mischief in his eye he says, "All you have to do is take this staff, word of warning before you do. it will change your body on a fundamental level and you will become ageless in the process as well as having access to a multitude of spells that reaches the hundred thousands mark. Don't worry though, because a lot of your attributes will carry over as the process takes effect,"

In the air in front of me hovers an oak wood staff wrapped in rings of metal at certain points and leather that blended seamlessly with the staff along with a topaz at the top that looks like the staff grew around the topaz.

Looking at Discord I ask, "Will I be in a safe place as I recover from the inevitable pain that will most likely come with my new body?"

"Yes you will be in a safe area while your recover but don't worry I will leave some you some goodies near you while nothing comes near you, I wouldn't want my newest entertainer killed too soon would I, now just grab the staff and give it a name and you will black out as the staff remakes your body,"

Looking forward towards the staff I stand up and grab it I then say the following lines before going unconscious.

"Staff I shall now call you,"

Thinking of a name that gives it meaning and is half meme-ish I proceed to say, "Ya-yeet,"

after saying its new name I soon fell to the floor, only for discord to catch me, while I hear him faintly say good luck as the dark fully claims me.

Son of a biscut that hurt!

Author's Note

I didn't like how this chapter played out originally and I'm only now redoing it to be better. Also another chapter of this will be out soon.

-Happy Hunting:pinkiesmile:

Son of a biscut that hurt!

Beginning of arc one

Learning the basics and a new home

[loop until next song]

Coming back to the waking world, all I felt was pain everywhere except for my crotch. When I tried to talk all I managed to do was utter a single word that fit with how I feel right now.

"ow,"

After a couple minutes of waiting for the pain to go from agonizing to a dull throb was a fruitless endeavor, I eventually decided to extend my range of sense. Basically ignore my pain to see if anything was missing.

Feeling for my fingers led me to feel like my hands had tripled in size, yet they felt normal and my skin felt more constricted than before. Moving on to my feet after saying my hands are okay, it felt like my feet were in the least amount of pain, I then moved on to my limbs which felt the same as everything else except my crotch which kind has me worried I made a terrible mistake last night. After my little procedure I decided to feel my entire body fully instead of ignoring everything and feeling one part of my body at a time. Doing so allowed me to analyze what fully happened to me.

My skin over my whole body felt more constricted and thicker than before, next was my muscles, they all felt overworked and tired like I exercised for much longer than I wanted, and finally my bones and organs, my organs were fine just a few aches in the stomach and heart area which was normal for me, yet my bones felt like they were covered in hairline fractures all over and were carved into then filled with something.

But through all that my genitals felt fine, like there was nothing wrong and I had yet to open my eyes and see what happened to me.

Trying to open my eyes, yet to have something shine in them was a mistake I made before, so I first got my arms to move with a herculean effort up to my face by sliding it across my stomach and chest which felt more solid than I was used to. Moving from there and actually to my face to cover my eyes incase something could shine in them blinding me for a second. Slowly opening my eyes and slightly moving my fingers away after letting some light in, I saw that my body looked like I went to the gym often but did not over do it.

Confused by this I sluggishly put my arms down on the smooth rocky surface beneath me and sat up allowing me a more better view around me. Looking around me it looked like I was in some type of ancient ruins of a castle if by the structural design from where I am says anything.

Glancing down at the ground around me I saw a staff right next to me which triggered my brain causing me to remember what happened to me. Looking to my hands in shock I finally felt as if I had a purpose to live to the fullest once more.

Calming down quickly after some dust fell from the ceiling, after making a couple words and sounds I noticed that my voice was as deep as Kratos from god of war four for the PS4, yet I could project my voice loud enough to cause several rocks to fall from the ruins around me made me cautious with it.

"Okay that's cool kinda goes along with my beard that will eventually grow from this business acceptable thing which is little more than stubble,"

Getting up and looking around, on closer inspection I found out I no longer needed glasses, even though I thought I was still wearing them even when I touched my face earlier, I saw I was in a bedroom of some kind. I eventually saw a mirror in the corner and wobbled over to it using Ya-yeet as a walking stick for the moment.

Looking into the mirror showed I had a couple large changes to my body, my whole body which was muscular yet not overly so and my cloths were hugging my body when they were baggy and super roomy on earth, my shirt is a grey T-shirt and my shorts were simply a stretchy band blue sports shorts if you wanted to know that.

after doing some poses and stretches in front of the mirror I noticed my skin color and hair changed a bit. My hair darkened and straitened from dirty blonde and combed curly to brown and wildly curled like I hadn't taken care of it in years and that I somehow embraced my recessive genes of having a nice light tan on my skin all over.

walking away from the mirror and around the room due to my instincts of looting led me to find those 'goodies' Discord mentioned. Setting my staff on the bed which was strangely clean, and picked up the neatly folded clothing/armor thing on the bed and took off the sticky note attached to it which said.

Hello my dear boy, it seem you found one of the goodies I left for you!
the other is under the bed and remember to have some fun while your here since your now ageless, Oh! also before I forget that gem will act as an arcane version of a video game inventory for what you get.

The cake is a lie
-D

chuckling from the last part I folded the sticky note and put it in my pocket and unfolded the clothing which looked like specialized clothing just for me. After putting it on over my current clothes since I didn't want to take them off. I walked back over to the mirror and saw I looked menacing and cool at the same time.

(ignore the mark on his heart area and the thing on his left hip)

walking back to the bed I got down on one knee and looked under it to find a weird looking knapsack. Pulling it out and setting it on the bed I saw it was made out of some type a lizard scales and the flap on top was made out of leather the same color as the scales with holes in it for two metal thingies for holding it closed with the same type of weird leather for the straps connected to the grabby things. Seeing another sticky note attached to it I picked up and read that it said it was a dragon hide, scale, and bone knapsack even though it was the size of my upper torso.

"So that whiteish metal is actually bone? kewl,"

I saw that it had no straps and looked back to my hand to see the sticky note turned into a cookie. Looking back the bag where the straps where supposed to be while munching on the cookie that I saw four pieces of dragon bone that looked like a locking mechanism that matched the blackish metal on my back.

Shrugging while still eating the cookie I put the sack on my back where the locks faced towards my back and brought it close that when I heard the clicking and clacking of a lock locking that I thought it worked.

Letting go my theory proved true and the sack stayed to my back, I then proceeded to walk over to my staff and pick it up then I continued to look around the room for loot that I could grab. Going around the room I put random bits and bobs I found in my sack (hehehehe) lifting my left arm and looking at the giant ass ruby I wondered how to open my inventory.

Then instantly after my mind said 'open my inventory' the gem lit up with a gentle glow and pulled up a basic screen of a game I so dearly loved in my early years as a gamer, Rust. The screen looked exactly like the actual game version but with some actual assigned slots for what to equip on my person, which showed me in my armor in the middle of all the equip slots. It didn't show if I could craft anything because the crafting tab had a troll-faced discord on it.

"*Sigh*, should've known he would do somethin," I said in a tired tone.

After walking out of the room I was in I entered a hallway to what I think was the living quarters and looted every room of valuables and Knick knacks that I could either scrap for parts and use them to repair another of the same type or as substitute parts, or so I think I haven't checked besides seeing what my inventory called the things I found and put in my dragon pouch, eventually I got curious on how every thing was fitting in there and I found out it worked like a bag of holding.

I soon found out how to use basic levitation, when I almost dropped something and didn't want it to hit the floor, a royal blue glow surrounded the object, and soon as I willed it to the floor gently while pointing the end of my staff at it to direct the pots course better, but once I let go of that feeling my brain felt like someone poked it.

(the brain is technically the largest gathering of neurons in the body so poking it would feel like your femur broke except the pain is over your entire body.)

After the pain passed I noticed I fell against the wall for support, but at least now I know twenty-five new basic spells. feeling a little cranky at how it actually feels like to learn stuff instantly like a video game character in a crafting game I decided to vent my frustration on the pot, yelling like the hero of time I hit it with my staff and it shattered showing a couple pieces of gold, two small rubies and an emerald half the size of my hand. basically I remembered that room with all the pots and I smiled like the Grinch.

After walking out of the new pot smashing room a couple times because I forgot one on the first pass and when I reentered every pot was there and in pristine condition. Eventually I got tired of breaking pots for the time being so I wondered further down the hallway and at the end I saw a window outside said window I could not tell because of the endless white outside it but I didn't hear anything so I assumed the walls are either enchanted or super thick but it was most likely the former.

But when I found something akin to an armory stocked with slightly rusted armor and broken looking bows next to purple feathered arrows that looked like they belonged in skyrim and a bunch of random weapons. The arrows and quivers were in almost perfect condition so I went over to them first

Picking up a quiver and a bunch of arrows I avoided the rest of the weapons even though I knew how to use them I had a sneaking thought still lingering in the back of my head that there was a secret room in here with better weapons in here.

I first started by going up to a wall and using my fist to firmly knock on the wall, slowly going along it to hear a hollow spot, I eventually found one but I didn't know how to safely get in without smashing the wall, that is until I saw a couple loose stones a little below me.

Messing with them I eventually caused the hollow wall to slide in and show a couple well kept items in the wall. On the inside of the hollow space to the far left of the space I saw a crystal and wood dagger then next to it a beautifully made crossbow and finally a strange purple gem.

The dagger was very well kept but was a smidge dirty on what I suspected to be copper for the small one handed sword.

The Crossbow looked traditional but made of high quality wood with a shimmer to it and what I first thought was metal was actually smoothed and polished granite with a slight enchanted look to it.

Then finally the strange purple gem, It fit in my hand quite well and was half a foot long from top to bottom and when I picked it up off the super ornate looking pedestal below it, which the pedestal turned to dust soon after picking up the now identified amethyst.

(the gold bits are copper)

Setting the crossbow and Ya-yeet on the wall, I wanted to equip the quiver but it wouldn't attach to my dragon pouch so I decided to go the 'Zelda :Breath of the Wild style' and put it on the back of my waist with the opening facing left instead of right. I picked up the crossbow pulled out an arrow notched it and drew the string back with no difficulty.

(animation at 5:08 but in the story the string is pulled back two times faster and no shaking)

"Good, the arrows are compatible with it," aiming with the crossbow I fired the arrow at the helmet of one of the rusted out suit of light armor. the arrow shattered the helmet making a ping sound before they debris hit the floor, I picked the arrow up then reloaded with it and buggered of with the free loot.

my new dagger in it's sheath on my right hip with the gem in my bag while holding the crossbow in my right hand while trying to put Ya-yeet on my back to see it would stay there. When I heard the sound of my staff hit something on my back and then feeling it not move when I tried to move Ya-yeet I just felt my armor move slightly with it.

walking down a random hallway in this place I heard a very craggily but old voice yell for help. flicking up my hood I ran of towards the sound of yelling and what I heard to be wood hitting stone.

(play till next song)

Jogging my way down the hallways I eventually come across what's making all that noise. when I look into a workshop like room, I find two of those sets of armor with rune like things on them. On closer inspection I see what looks like a goblin in a pair of very patched up leather overalls with a ragged grey shirt, worn leather boots that the pant legs of the leather overalls go into, and a thick blacksmiths apron.

Both sets of rusted armor are wielding crude and cracked wood clubs and keep trying to bludgeon the goblin. Said goblin finally spotted me and spoke when he was able to while running away from the rouge sets of rusty armor.

"WELL ARE YOU GOING HELP ME OR NOT YA GIT!!" he yells at me in an angry panicky manner.

Aiming my crossbow at the first 'ruster' as I'm going to call them, I fired and got a direct hit to the helmet shattering it and the arrow but causing the now helmetless ruster to attack wildly. When the wildly swinging ruster hit the other with its club, it broke and fell to the ground. The club may have broken but it shattered the other ruster's arm getting it's attention, the one armed ruster now enraged killed the headless one by breaking its chest piece breaking it's club in the process and went for me.

I kinda wanted to see how much force I could muster, so I wielded the crossbow lazily in my left instead of right because I wanted to put a lot of force into my hit. Curling my fingers and thumb away from my hand I pulled my hand back slightly and when the one armed ruster came into range I released my strike. Pushing my hand forward I gave the ruster a vicious palm strike, when the hit landed the ruster's whole suit shattered and the pieces went flying.

Blinking in astonishment I think, How in the nine circles of hell am I that strong!?, even if the rusters are brittle as they look and made thinly it would be hard to shatter even the chest piece, but the whole fucking thing that's at least a half-inch thick is absurd. holy shit bits, the fuck happened to me during the transformation process, *Sigh* I'm not even going to bother thinking about this.

looking towards the goblin and taking more than a passing glance over him, I can see he has grey eyes, a light brown coloration, a beard that oddly works for him, and he doesn't stand any taller than my hip.

"Well thank ya kindly young lad, I thought I was gonna be turned to a corpse today if'n it wasn't thanks ta ya," he has a strange mix of Texan country hick and an old Scottish man type of speaking.

"Let me get something real quick, I wasn't able ta get it in the rush to get away from them old rusters," Hey! waddya know, they are called that, now what is he gett-.... it's a fucking leather cowboy hat with a teeth belt on it.

(the band isn't cheetah, its the same stuff as the hat)

Ignoring that I decide to try and ask some questi-

"Wait a tic, where you got that staff lad?" He said, pointing at Ya-yeet while staring at where my face would be under the hood suspiciously.

"Well I was given it by an old and powerful being, then I named it," I stated cautiously, I see discord as an idol and I don't know what type of rep the one here has, can't be too carful in unknown territory.

"I'll believe ya lad, if'n you can cast a spell with it!" he says while crossing his arms.

Pulling Ya-yeet off from my back with a thought and hand, I thought on which spell to use. Then I got it, no simple spell well do for him if I guess he has been around for awhile, with my new found power I used certain spells around me.

Taking a moment to prepare myself I closed my eyes and begun, okay, lets see if this works. Lifting my staff off the ground slightly I channeled my mana (fuel for magic) from my heart where it seemed to concentrate and into Ya-yeet and begin what I'm about to do.

(the goblin first person)

I'm looking at this strange orc in a mighty helping of suspicion for what this he's doin. Though as he lifts the staff the gem on it starts to be surrounded by a royal blue colored flame, which slowly turns to topaz and shoots a small and thin beam into the air that goes around in a circle before expanding to a spectacle to behold yet this strange orc doesn't appear tired after shootin off such a spell.

(IT WON'T FECKING LOAD ON HERE!)
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/3b/d4/c8/3bd4c8325262e058d9973a391fb1a7c3.gif

(back to regular view)

After opening my eyes I see the goblin is staring at me in wonder and awe, but I have yet to know his name and was a little ticked at being unable to voice my questions earlier so I was going to ask some questions no matter what.

"OH MY GOSH A NEW HORDE LORDE HAS BEEN CHOSEN, WONDEROUIS DAY!" shouted out a female voice from nearby followed by cheers of various new voices. In an instant I felt myself being lifted off the floor and carried away at an extreme speed while hearing the endless chant of Horde Lorde which left me very discombobulated and thinking one thing.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

awhile later

I don't know how fucking long they have been carrying me but now I have a new shoulder companion, or I would if I wasn't keeping a firm grip on the fucker and her me. Okay context is needed so here we go, after being picked up I was 'escorted' throughout this place and jeebus this place is huge, mostly towards the lower levels which at the point I'm at now looks like fucking caverns made of unknown material and for good reason too. basically once three basilisks joined the chanting two levels up I mentally said 'fuck it' and stopped caring.

I stopped trying to ask questions a couple levels ago, but I shit you not there is fucking forty something levels in this whole place, anyway that shoulder companion I was talking about is a legit fucking bright baby blue female gremlin from the movie gremlins that has full yellow eyes, no pupils just solid motherfucking dandelion yellow eyes.

I named her Gloops.

also another thing is that I'm fucking livid right now from all that's happened in the short time I've been here so far, "Oh look! They have finally slowed down in front of the most smug fucker I've had the displeasure to meet!", like legit he's a grey orc with various bit of gold on him.

"Hey wait a min-oof!" They dropped me on my fucking ass!

Then that damn goblin I saved showed up next to me and gave me a very good fucking reason to end the filth in front of me. Even then I was going to kill the smug prick anyway because of his visible choices surrounding his dumb ass.

Slaves.

SEX slaves.

all on top of a stupid gaudy ass 'throne of skulls', He proceeded to stand and start talking but at this point I stopped hearing everything including those around me. Picking up Gloops I set her next to the light brown goblin I then turn towards the pompous prick as I finally register the last of his speech.

"...nd then I will fuck your skull because of you not giving me that staff," he says in THE most annoying voice ever.

"Now just hand over that staff and I will kill you quic-,"

Summoning my anger from the todays events I got up in his face while yelling two words right in his face.

"FUCK OFF!!!"

sorry (skipable)

Author's Note

this little bit is unnecessary to read you can just ignore this bit

sorry (skipable)

okay I know I promised to upload a new chapter for this story at Christmas Eve or the next day and I didn't do that cause the chapter wasn't finished and when I got home from spending time with my family over the holidays I started working on the chapter again, but as I was going over it to make sure it was good and up to my raised standards I realized it didn't meet them I scrapped a good portion of it and I'm currently still writing it to make sure it's improved to the point where it meets my expectations.

The good news though is that I have a good portion done and I should be uploading it here soon

-Happy Hunting:pinkiesmile: