Still Cursed

Chapters

Something Relating to Breasts
What Rhymes With Crests?
What's Something You Can Look Down Upon And Approve Of At the Same time?
Proof That Guys Can Focus On Two Things At Once
The Walk Of Not-Shame
Afternoon "Tea"
Bonding Experience
Unbound and Bouncy
The Return of Huge Jubblies
Indefinite Proposal
Frosting The Cake (And Other Things)
Epilogue

Something Relating to Breasts

Six months in paradise—or Ponyville as it's actually called. There needs to be an advertising slogan for Ponyville: Come for the Girls, Cum for their Girls. After some careful cataloging, I'd established that no adult female in town was below a C cup (except for Nurse Tenderheart, though I'd since learned to appreciate her perky B cups).

And don't even get me started on the swinging.

Nurse Softheart had moved to Los Pegasus to be with family, but the hospital had let me stay in the house since I was now a high-demand professional working there.

But that was why I was sitting on my own in a town meeting that was all about me.

Apart from a wild little time each month when I had to lock myself away and masturbate until I could think again, my sex life couldn't be better. There was something liberating about knowing that while you might turn into a mare every time you get worked up, you're not actually fertile but for a few days that are so obvious you'd have to be really trying to get knocked up.

But again, that was why I was here. My cutie mark was just a little obvious in its meaning, and my special talent was brutally efficient and completely beyond my ability to control.

There was not a single other guy in the hall.

Women—some sporting a slight bulge in their belly—were many in the crowd, and dotted among them were cute mares. Being a mare in public, of course, meant one of two things: either all those mares were horny and about to turn back into naked men again, or they were all pregnant.

And therein lies my problem—my special talent was that good.

"Paul, it's not that we don't want you here—it's been great, really great—but your presence in Ponyville has caused a minor epidemic." Twilight Sparkle had been voted into the position of Paul-kicker-outer, and I could see she didn't like it. Friendship was her stock-in-trade, and this was where she had to tell a friend to please go away.

Damn but I wanted to see her proud D cups, but she always wore tops that kept them hidden away. What she was wearing today—a woolen knit-sweater—was giving quite the show.

"It's not that you're doing anything wrong, but we'd really appreciate it if you could—uh…" Twilight fumbled for the words despite her meticulous cards.

"Leave?" I asked.

Twilight just blushed.

"Pardon me! Excuse me! Coming through! Sorry! Watch the wings!" The voice of Spike the Dragon, teenage apprentice to Princess Twilight, worked its way through the crowd of women and mares. "Paul! You have a letter!"

"Spike, you're interrupting our meeting to deliver the mail?" Twilight sounded about ready to admonish the dragon.

"Well, I wouldn't, except it has the royal seal on it. I figured it might be important. But if you think I should just wait until Paul moves and forward it…" Spike was in the possession of sarcasm far beyond his years.

"Wait!" Twilight teleported Spike to her with her magic. Just like that. POMF. Princesses were freakin' scary sometimes. "What's the letter say?"

"Uh. Twilight?" Spike looked down at the ground far below him, then back up to the purple-furred Twilight who was holding him in her magical death-grip (okay, it wasn't a death-grip, but if anyone here'd seen Star Wars, they would be giggling like me right now). "It's addressed to Paul."

Spike had pointed to me, which drew every eye in the room (and the heads they were in) to point at me. "Don't you think he should open it?"

"Right! Of course! I knew that!" Twilight floated Spike over to me, giving him the chance to pass the sealed scroll to me.

"Thanks, Spike. Anything I can do to—?" Before I could finish asking if Spike could use a lifeline, Twilight had jerked him back toward herself. "Princess Twilight?" I asked, having actually gotten used to using the proper form of address for her. "I think Spike needs to go do a thing. You might want to—uh—put him down." I just said what no one else would, but was wishing they could.

"Huh? Oh. Sorry Spike." Just like that, Twilight ceased her Darth-Vader-choke of Spike (I know she wasn't choking him, but when the shoe fits…).

But, just when I thought things would calm down and the topic would drift away peacefully, everyone turned back to look at me.

"What?" I asked.

"You aren't going to open it?!" Twilight Sparkle seemed ready to rush across to where I sat to yank the scroll from my hands.

I didn't really have a reason not to apart from tweaking Twilight's nose. I huffed out a breath and, with my fuzzy blue fingers, broke the seal. It looked short and to the point.

Paul of Ponyville,

I write to you with great import. Please see me at your first convenience.

Prince Blue Blood of the court of Equestria
Duke of the Eastern Lowlands
Lord of Foal Mountain Eyrie

There was another, more ornate seal beside the prince's name and titles.

"Huh," I said. When everyone seemed waiting for me to continue, I did. "It's an invitation. Apparently I need to go to—Oh come on! There's no address!"

"Everyone knows where Princess Celestia is. Canterlot," Twilight said.

"This isn't from Cel—the princess. This is from Prince Blue Blood. Where would I meet him?" I asked.

And that was how I got kicked out of town for being the best pony I could be. I wasn't just good at my special talent, I was amazing with it. Sitting on the train to Canterlot, I had a suitcase packed with clothing and little more.

The train chugged along, seeming to take the steep climb up the mountain no harder than it did the flat terrain leading up to it. Speaking of mountain, I had to wonder if anyone in Canterlot got altitude sickness.

In a moment of boredom, I almost slipped into the bathroom to rub one out. The problem with that, I had discovered, was hooves. Masturbation only worked if you went very slowly and were almost completely off before you changed—or so horny from heat you didn't care you were using a hard hoof to rub your sensitive bits.

So it was either go really slow and be careful with the last bit, or be so horny you can barely think straight beyond don't go near a woman. I sat still and looked out the window.

A loud whistle and a jolt shocked me from my distraction. The train was braking for the station, and outside I could see the streets of Canterlot amble by. What I could also see was the citizens of Canterlot, too.

It was a warm day in Canterlot—the sun was shining, the clouds were vacant from view—and the girls were out on parade. Big boobs. Little noogs. Perky tits. Heavy bosoms. It was all there, it was all out, and it was all barely being constrained by one to two layers of cloth.

"I've died and gone to heaven," I said.

"Sir?" A female voice asked.

I spun around in my seat and was nose-to-chest with a stunning pair of C cups. Like I'd said, heaven. I guess I missed a few things C cups said until a finger poked my shoulder.

"Sir. We've arrived at Canterlot station. If you want to remain aboard, you'll have to buy a ticket to the Crystal Empire—the next stop. Express."

Shaking off my mental fog, I looked up at the pretty face above the glorious mounds. A pretty little nose above some lips that looked so soft I just wanted to stand up and kiss them to test. Her eyes, when I reached them, sparkled with blue. Her coat was a soft yellow, and with a shock of red hair atop her head, the woman would have stood out anywhere.

A thought lit up all the hungry parts of my brain. I had bits, just pay for a ticket to the Crystal Empire (wherever that was) and go. Follow her, get to know her, grow a little closer if just for a trip. Then we could find an empty cabin or closet somewhere—even the bathroom would do—and we could mean everything to each other for just half an hour.

My penis was talking, but this went beyond that. Vagina was penis' new best friend, and they often ganged up on my rational mind despite the fact that at any time one of them didn't exist at all. Vagina painted a wonderful picture of pony-me, my spine arched, taking whatever this woman was packing. Penis was doing a credible job of backing up vagina, adding in that she could maybe suck him a bit before he gave over the stage to vagina.

I wish they'd both shut up so I could see if I had a chance with C cups. "Is it nice?"

The woman seemed confused. "Is what nice?"

"The Crystal Empire. How long does it take to get there by train?" I stood up, grabbing my suitcase on the off chance I might not want to ride under her—on her—WITH HER. Penis and vagina were both very good at what they do. "I couldn't believe it would be any more beautiful than the sight before me now."

She blushed all the way to the tips of her ears. I watched her bite her lower lip and her eyes flicked to the side. "The train doesn't depart for another half an hour…"

That was literally all I needed. Penis were already getting excited at the offer, and vagina was standing just outside the ring and begging to be tagged in. "Is there somewhere you could pass that half an hour? Maybe with someone else?"

I was entirely used to Earth, where guys made the moves and girls were reluctant. Equestria was different, opposite. C cups put her arm around my back and pulled me into a kiss. By all rights I should have melted against her. An Equestrian male always had those feminine urges bubbling away, and I'd actually seen a few of them swoon in the arms of a woman.

Reaching behind C cups back, I pulled us tighter together. I felt the swell of her chest against me, and gasped when her tongue seemed to make itself at home in my mouth. Unlike Equestrian males, penis had a more firm grip on my arousal, and he made sure C cups knew I wanted more.

Her tongue pulled back and she smiled against my lips before fully breaking contact. "Eager. There's a cleaning closet at the other end, or the toilet at this end."

She just wanted to mount me and stuff me. Ten-seconds-and-gone—the stallion way. What was a surprise to me since coming to this world was learning to enjoy that as well. "What's closer?"

C cups laughed and, taking my hand, pulled away and guided me to the closer end of the car. She slipped the door open, pulled me through with all the insistence of a stallion about to plug a mare, and closed it behind me.

I didn't care that she was pulling at my pants, I had my goal before me. Much practice had familiarized my fingers with the squeeze-twist-tug motion that I demonstrated on C cups' bra-strap. Her fingers fumbled as her chest was released from the confines of one garment. I lifted upwards with my arms, guiding her bra and shirt upward and over her shoulders in a smooth motion.

"You're better at that than I am," C cups said.

My eyes were on the prize, and soon the slight muzzle on the front of my face was between them. I closed my eyes in paradise—real paradise—and let out a happy groan.

"You really like 'em, huh? What about when I do this?"

C cups leaned her frame forward just a little, but she brought her arms toward me, having the effect of making herself seem even larger. Maybe I was mistaken, maybe they were small Ds? She seemed to abandon her attack on my pants to play with me as I played with her breasts.

Nuzzling, licking, and even very carefully mouthing at her breasts, I reveled in C cups' gasps and happy sounds. Not for the first time did I take great pleasure in the seeming ignorance of Equestrian stallions when it came to a girl's sweet sweater puppies.

"Never had a mare get this into my breasts befo—" C cups cut herself off with a moan. She looked down at me with a fascinated and excited expression that slowly pushed forward into a muzzle. Damn, I'd have to pick a new name for her. "My turn to show you some love."

Wings pushed me down and yanked hard at my pants. His mouth moved in fast and it was my turn to make happy sounds (not that I wasn't already, but my happy sounds for appreciation of fine breasts are much different to my happy sounds for appreciation of a good blowjob).

There I was, laying on the floor of the train's bathroom with a hot stallion (that was two words I'd never have associated before coming here) sucking me off. It didn't take him long before the tell-tale shiver of excitement ran through me. His mouth got bigger and bigger, and a moment later penis tagged out and sent vagina into the ring.

"You sound pretty like that. Bet you'd sound better with me inside you." C cups (alright, the name could stay for now) looked down at me with a hungry expression that vagina was excited about.

Panting, I tried to work out the mechanics of getting right side up when C cups dropped his belly down to mine and shoved into me. Vagina was very happy with the state of affairs and, with penis cheering from the ropes, made sure I was happy with things too.

The feeling of being stuffed by a stallion was beyond anything—at least in the moment. I tilted my head back and whinnied with excitement as C cups took over.

He had stamina, that was for sure. C cups held himself back with steely resolve and only pulled back and shoved in again when I'd calmed a little. The pressure from the second thrust was immense and drove me wild. I was ready for more, for everything, and I wanted to feel him end inside me.

Again he pulled back until his shaft came completely free of me. I tilted my head down to see what the problem was only to have him shove in again.

I lost it completely. The walls of my vagina clamped down around him like a vice as my body threw me up to the stratosphere. When my peak came, I rippled my walls from end to end.

While my head was in the clouds of bliss, C cups started pounding in earnest. I lost track of the thrusts at the second, but I think he managed four—I think. Each thrust shoved my pleasure into overdrive, pushing a second, third, and more orgasms. When the rush of heat flooded inside me, he pushed me into one last rush of climactic bliss.

My flanks tingled as they always did at this moment. I felt a rush of what I liked to think was destiny pour through me, then stop.

Suck it, destiny, I'm not in season!

"Why're you laughing?" C cups asked.

"Because I'm not pregnant." Honesty might be the best policy, but I should have come up with a convincing lie. No stallion wants to hear the P word after some casual sex. "Old joke, sorry."

"You're a strange mare, but I'll give you credit for being an amazing lay. How long're you in Canterlot for?" C cups stood up, which meant he also pulled out.

I shivered, but his withdrawal wasn't enough to give me another ride on the roller coaster. "No clue. Got a letter saying I had to meet up with a prince." Shimmying backward, I could feel a mess starting to leak out.

Reaching down with a hoof I pressed it firmly to my vulva. "Uh. C-Can you put me over the toilet?" I asked.

Pegasi, I'd learned, were big and soft angels. He wrapped his wings around me and hefted me around, twisted me in place, and stood me up over the commode. "That fine?"

"Yeah I—" With my hoof coming away came the mess. "You put a lot in me."

C cups nuzzled my cheek. "You better believe it. I don't suppose you want to visit the Crystal Empire after all? Free ticket…" He produced said ticket from somewhere in our combined pile of clothes.

The thought of riding the train to—wherever—appealed to me. How many times could I get this stud on my back? Vagina liked the idea, and penis was waving pom-poms from the sideline. But I was here for a reason, and at a royal summons. "What about you tell me your name and where I can contact you so you can give me the full tour later?"

"I didn't even—You are the naughtiest filly I've ever met, you know that? What do you think my name is?" C cups asked.

Focusing on expelling more mess, I closed my eyes and remembered C cups' C cups. "Would you believe I've been mentally calling you C cups?"

He laughed. "They're Ds."

"Then we definitely have to get together again. More research is required," I said.

Flourishing a pencil, he scribbled something on the back of the ticket and left it on the counter of the bathroom. "The train's leaving in about another ten minutes. Either stay on and let me punch your ticket a few more times, or find me later." Bundling up his clothing, he left the bathroom.

I still couldn't believe how much he'd put in me. I waited for a good minute past the last bit leaking out to clean up and grab my things—and the ticket. Leaving the train with a few minutes to spare, I realized one huge flaw to my plan: I was still a pony.

It would take at least another twenty minutes for me to change back, so if I rushed I could reach wherever it was I needed to meet this prince and turn back there. No one would blink at seeing a mare on the streets, though my stud would have more questions. A stallion walking around meant just one thing—he'd just had sex.

I pulled the ticket out and turned it over, curious at his/her name.

23 Sunshine way

—D cups.

My laughter drew more glances than D cups' state probably did. With a bright mood and a happy step, I trotted through the station and out of it.

"Ahem! Mr. Paul?"

My head snapped around to see an elderly man. He was impeccably dressed in a black suit that looked perfectly made for him. His eyes were piercing—judging. I almost wanted to walk up to him and tell him exactly why I was a mare right now. "Yeah?"

"Prince Blue Blood is waiting at your convenience."

It made sense that a prince would have someone to wait around at the station for people in crazy almost-horse world. Yup. Nothing like back home where you get told It's over there somewhere if you're lucky. "Lead on."

With my hastily-repacked bag on my back I followed the man along the street. His slow pace was grinding my gears, but it wasn't until nearly ten minutes had passed that I realized what the old bastard was doing. He was being prudish and making me wait half an hour in public to see if I really was pregnant.

"Is there a bathroom nearby?" I asked.

The man stopped and looked at me. "Is it urgent?"

"I was on the train for nearly an hour and the bathroom was busy. You can either actually lead me to see the prince, or we can go in circles a bit more and I'll pee on your leg." I tried for pure, sweet, and innocent in my smile, I probably had malicious, annoyed, and anxious.

"You're not pregnant, are you?"

"Nope."

"Reprehensible."

"Maybe, but I had fun, and if you stand here I will pee on your leg regardless of being pregnant or not. Satisfied?" My smile was still in place, and I smiled a little wider when I saw his eyebrow twitch.

"This way." Butler-man (what I decided to call him until I got a better name) turned and led the way back almost half a block before taking a side road that led right up to the palace.

Either D cups was better than he thought, or I was just lucky. Butler-man led me into a building just inside the main palace but not actually part of the palace, and no sooner did the door behind me close than I felt the change coming.

Feeling my forelegs change back to arms, my face pull in a little, and my dick push free was just about one of the best feelings out there (though vagina might argue that one, but she wasn't here right now). Acting as if nothing was wrong—I wouldn't give Butler-man the satisfaction—I pulled on my underwear, pants, and shirt. Shoes and socks were last, and while I was definitely no longer naked, I also didn't look my best.

Butler-man's gaze felt heavy, but now I was at eye-level with him. "If you've got something to say, say it, but remember that I'm here as a guest."

His mouth started to open then clamped down again. Butler-man might have been a teeth-grinder, but instead he had to open his mouth again. "This way."

I didn't care for Butler-man's opinion or the stick he had wedged so far up his ass he could pull apples out his ears (thank you Applejack for that one). I was probably having more fun than he ever had, and I hadn't even been here for a full year.

"Wait here."

While I shrugged and waited, Butler-man poked his head past an ornate door, murmured something inside, then pulled back.

"Please go in."

As I walked the last few steps to the door, Butler-man turned on his heels and walked away. Good riddance! Opening the door, I stepped inside.

"… going to get rid of him? Honestly, Twilight said Paul would be here nearly twenty minutes ago. I bet the stodgy old coot probably—" Princess Double-D Celestia turned around in her chair and looked at me.

Holy fuck. Sorry D cups, you were amazing, but you weren't no princess. Celestia had fur the color of snow, hair that seemed to waft in the breeze of eternity, and a pair of tits that wouldn't quit. They weren't just big, they were big and perky.

I was lost. Time and space slipped away as I gazed into the low-cut V of Celestia's top. Heaven was right there—Nirvana. I could walk forward and just press my nose into that soft, soft cleft and die a happy man.

"Are you sure he's the right one? Princess Twilight sometimes gets distracted about these things, and—" The male voice distracted me from paradise.

I'd learned a trick from a woman in Ponyville where you keep one eye on the thing you want while the other wanders to another target. Normally I could manage to do it just a little, but right now neither of my eyes wanted to look away. Thankfully neck was the hero I needed. Pulling my gaze from Princess Boobs' chest, I looked at the man sitting across from her.

This had to be the prince. If I was a woman (and not just a mare sometimes), I'd have the hots for him. Everything about the guy said I am perfect, love me. No homo. Chiseled features, wide shoulders, body that looked like he spent more time in the gym than in bed, and eyes that were the most piercing blue. "Prince Blue Blood?"

"Ah. So he speaks. You are Paul of Ponyville, correct?" the prince asked.

"Y-Yeah. You sent a letter asking me to come." I shrugged. "I came." All absolutely correct in the most literal of ways.

Author's Note

So I do this "Ask X" thing. X can be any pony within the story. You can ask them anything and they will definitely, hopefully reply. Keep the questions appropriate to the age-rating of the stories, and they will answer the best question in the author notes of the next chapter. The more votes a comment has the more likely I will get it to the right pony to answer. Try to keep it to one question per post! They will pick one question per chapter.

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Lab

What Rhymes With Crests?

I crinkled my short snout up just a little. This was completely messed up, and given my life here so far that was saying something.

Looking between Princess DD (my new favorite nickname for her) and Prince Charming (this one was a work in progress), I took and let out a breath. "So let me get this straight." Another breath. "You're both planning a private affair despite not exactly liking one another?"

Celestia's (okay okay, I'll use their normal names) eyes slid sideways in Blue Blood's direction. She nodded.

Blue Blood didn't even glance at Celestia. "It's quite simple. With the nobles—"

I held a hand up in protest as if to fend off the terror of royal relations. "No-no! Leave the politics out. I'm trying to get my head around this and that only complicates it. So this affair will be private with the intent of getting you pregnant?"

Both of them nodded.

"At which time you announce the 'dalliance'," okay, I liked that word despite it being something fancy (it just sounded cool to say), "to everyone—" I cut off as Blue Blood opened his perfectly proportioned mouth.

"If you keep going it'll get political again." Shit, he was right!

"Right. It slips out, everyone sees that both sides are actually into each other, and everyone lives happily ever after. What about the kid? I hate to say it, but loveless stuff like this is the worst for kids." Alright. I'm a woman-chasing, breast-fetishizing maniac, but I have morals, okay?

"Aunt Celestia raises the child. I'll pop in from time to time—of course—but she'll take care of them and raise them. Honestly, I don't even like children," Blue Blood said.

I looked at Celestia again and figured that if nothing else, she'd have the breastfeeding bit sorted. "Okay. I can live with that. So this shouldn't be a hard problem, and if you've been trying I'm surprised you aren't pregnant already."

"Well it's certainly not my fault," Blue Blood said.

Celestia turned, giving me an amazing profile. "Are you suggesting this is my fault?"

I'd normally expect it to get chilly at hearing those words, but given Celestia's proclivities and duties it was unsurprising that the room's temperature jumped a few degrees. If I wanted to get out of here without being roasted, I'd need to talk.

"Well, whatever it is, it doesn't matter now," I said.

I stood up and turned to the side—it was time to show them. I unbuttoned my pants and reached to the hemline facing the royal pair. Careful not to give them both more of a show than I intended, I pulled down my jeans on that side to reveal my cutie mark. "I got this."

Both of them wore shocked and hopeful expressions. Damn it feels good to have a useful talent sometimes.

I left the little meeting in the second best place—beside Princess Celestia (the best place would have been directly in front of her with my hands on those amazing tits). We walked through a side entrance and walked the short distance to the main palace before I felt a popping around me.

"Sorry about that, but to maintain the secrecy aspect, certain magical allowances must be made. Come on inside and let's find you a—" Celestia looked at me from my feet to my head then back down again, "room."

Her look spoke of hunger, and I realized that I had a shot with Princess DD (with penis stirring up trouble, nicknames were back). Following her down the long hallways of the palace, I noticed Guards. If Prince Blue Balls was a solid ten for girls (as stated earlier, no homo), then these guys were twelves. Each of the Royal Guards had the same look of chiseled perfection, and each of them wore the bare minimum of armor.

DD's head turned slightly as we passed each one, and each time it did I felt myself wilt a little more. What could I possibly offer that these studs couldn't? Penis had no answer. Vagina was sulking. Brain was too busy talking. Wait, what?! "This place looks amazing."

"Thank you. I had it redecorated when my dear sister, Princess Luna, was restored. I predicted her dislike of bright and reflective surfaces quite correctly. Left here, Paul."

"Yes, Princess." I did as I was told, because when a girl that hot tells you to go into your room, you do it. Also, she was a princess.

The room looked like a palace itself. I wasn't a rich guy, and never had dreams of living in mansions or crap like that, but I was sure this was amazing without being too in your face about it—the gold trim on everything was a dead giveaway. Huge, vaulted windows revealed a lounge room (there was probably another name for it, something fancy, but it had a couch so was a lounge room to me) with couches dotted around and a carved round table with chairs circling it. There was two doors leading off from the room.

I walked in a daze. I couldn't believe how fancy everything looked. I ran my hands carefully over the backs of the couches and chairs as I walked around. "Wow…"

"This is a princess' room. You are a guest here, Paul, but I'd like it if you were nearby if certain needs were placed upon you. My own rooms are beside yours, and Princess Luna's on the other side of mine. You arrived at my nephew's house as a pony, didn't you?"

DD's question made me spin around while a blush was rising up to my fuzzy cheeks. "Y-Yes, Your Majesty."

"Highness, Paul. Majesty is for queens and kings." As DD spoke, she came toward me. It was like the jokes about Objects in mirror are closer than they seem or something. Not that I was laughing with DD's DDs in my face.

I gulped as DD stopped inches from me. She was tall—taller than me—so that if I stepped forward my chin would be in her cleavage. Penis and vagina were waking up. "Y-Yes, Your Highness?"

"Much better, Paul." DD stepped to the side and almost gave me whiplash with how fast my head turned to track her chest. Her steps took her directly behind me. "By the fact you had relations and still turned back, I take it you're not in season?"

The softest of touches. Like a pair of perfectly padded pillows pressing pleasantly into my—fuck, I'd screwed up the alliteration. Her boobs felt amazing touching my shoulders and neck. Penis was excited and vagina was screaming from the ropes to be tapped in. When DD's hand traced from my hip to my crotch, penis showed her how much he liked her.

"You haven't stopped looking at my breasts since we met, Paul. Do you know how much training my guards go through to manage to avoid such staring?" DD asked.

"A-A-A lot?"

Her hand squeezed around my dick while her chest pressed firmer against my neck. "Wrong, Paul. Equestrian men seem to ignore them. Lesbians enjoy the touch of breasts, but if I asked a man what was the best part of sex, he'd tell me how much he likes my cock going into him."

It made sense, and it explained a lot about why women seemed so into me.

"Paul, you're rock hard and ready just from my breasts against your neck, and I saw you sporting a good half of this just from walking at my side." She breathed on my neck, my ear, and my cheek. Her breasts made their presence known as she moved too, and soon I was tilting my head down to look into their milky-white cleavage. "Paul, if you turned into a filly right now, I'd fuck you so hard you'd scream."

A shiver ran through me. I felt a hand press to the back of my head and urge me closer, nearer, and finally against those amazing boobs. Soft fur and softer flesh met my face and I felt that shiver again. I knew what it meant. My legs changed first and I lost height.

The change worked up from my legs. Vagina made her presence known while penis jumped out of the ring. My tail pushed at my pants while DD's hand unfastened them for me. I looked up at this goddess of a woman as I turned into a little mare.

"That's a first, Paul. I have never met a man so ready to follow my every desire just at the touch of my breasts." DD used her magic and lifted me into the air. Despite my state one sight held my attention. "You still want them?"

I could only nod.

"You've been a good filly, Paul." DD drew me closer and let me shove my pony snout all the way between her breasts. She let out happy giggles as I nuzzled about between them. "Paul, I'm going to have to carry out my promise, you realize?"

I didn't care. I would have agreed to anything just to remain in this white, soft paradise I'd found. I felt movement. DD was carrying me somewhere, though with my eyes closed and my face planted into her rack I didn't know or care where.

My clothes were removed carefully, though how she got my shirt off without it going over my head I'll never know.

"Lay down, Paul. You like breasts?"

The softest bed in the world greeted my butt and was quick to make its acquaintance with the rest of me. Obediently, I rolled to my back and looked up at DD and nodded while she was unfastening her dress.

The dress and all its petticoats and corset fell down Celestia's alabaster body as if by magic. Of course it was magic—no one could get out of that many clothes that easily. But in undressing she fulfilled the dream I hadn't known I'd ever had.

The carpet matched the drapes. The most elusive part of the female body—just between where her thighs met her hips—was on full display. There was a little line of pastel rainbow just above her slit. My eyes wandered up and became stuck at the two perfect breasts that hung from DD's chest. "What are you—"

"Shh. This is an easy game to play, Paul. I made you change with just my breasts. Now let me see if you can do the same." She sat down on the bed, turned to the side and lay down. With her head to the side, she was looking at me with amusement and interest.

Now, I won't say I'm a smart man, but right about then I realized how exactly she'd played this game. DD couldn't afford to get pregnant herself, so she only let me do my thing after turning me into a mare. The level of planning, if it was true, was shocking to me. There was something humbling about knowing she'd taken care of so much of this little party.

Crawling along the bed, I had my eyes (and mind) back on the prize(s). Snouting at her hip, I pushed my neck and chest up onto her belly. "You're amazing, DD." Vagina sent an alarm signal to brain, but brain was a little bit confused about what to do with it since there were breasts nearby.

"Did you call me DD?"

Okay, panic stations! I had to stop thinking of girls by their boob sizes, but it just felt so right. "Y-Yeah."

"DD. I like it," DD said, her voice a purr of anticipation.

The women of Equestria, I realized, were more excited about my appreciation of their assets than any offense I might give. There was a saying about gift horses and mouths, but I wasn't going to stoop low enough to even think it.

I shoved forward with my back legs so that my snout pressed up and between DD's breasts from below them. I reached my forelegs to each side of the mounds and squeezed them around my face.

DD rocked her head back and moaned. The sound was music to my ears—it told me that the girl I was with was enjoying things as much as I was. I was enjoying this a lot.

Nuzzling between two large, sensitive breasts would only work so long. I nuzzled up the left peak and licked slowly at the nipple atop it while my hoof massaged its twin.

"Why do you—How do—That feels amazing. Don't stop."

With my mouth otherwise occupied I didn't feel a need to reply. Oh the poor women of Equestria and their poor, neglected breasts. Don't worry, babies, Paul's here for you. Vagina reminded me that she was here too.

Just to test, I brought my flat teeth down on her soft flesh—avoiding her areola. A gentle squeeze at first, but I heard a rumbling cry of joy bubble up from her chest. I held still and kept my massage up on her other breast for a few seconds, then gently released and licked the soft fur in apology.

DD's chest was heaving now—she was close.

"Too hard? Not hard enough?" I asked.

"P-P-Perfect!"

I turned on the other breast, opened my mouth, and sucked as much flesh as I could inside. She would expect another bite, but instead I gripped her gently and hummed. When DD started trembling under me, I thought I had her.

"More!"

More?! Holy shit she had stamina! Okay, she liked the bite, so… As I kept a mouthful of the right breast, I used my left forehoof to squeeze at the spot I'd bitten. A reminder and a promise, I earned myself another squeal, but she wasn't over the point needed to make her a stallion—to make her what vagina (and I) wanted.

It was cheating. She'd made the game be just about her breasts, but doing my best wasn't quite enough to push her over into stallionhood. Lifting my back-left leg over, I set my hoof just lower than her vulva and set my pastern against her cleft.

"What are you—?"

I stroked her vulva with my leg. DD's question was lost to a neighing moan as she became he. I lost two wonderful friends, but gained a new one. His shaft pushed up and forward from his belly. I felt every inch of hard stallion grow against my leg. With nothing left to gag me, I smiled and looked up from the firm barrel I was laying on. "Didn't anyone tell you? I cheat a lot."

DD let out a huge laugh that sounded more relieved (and deep) than I'd expected. He used his magic to lift me up and set me back—belly down—on the bed. I watched the big stallion roll off the bed and look at me. "Even if you don't manage to help with my other problem, Paul, this has been fun."

I looked back at him and a shiver ran through me—Celestia was huge. Vagina was caught between panic he wouldn't fit and excitement that he would. My brain left the worrying to vagina and Celestia—ahem, DD—and came up with the wittiest thing it could to say under the circumstances. "Are you going to keep complimenting me or are you going to fuck me?"

He had an answer for that. Planting his forehooves on each side of me, Celestia shoved forward with blind abandon—and missed.

My life had rushed before my eyes. His flared end had connected with my butt cheek and slid toward my rear, but at the last second it had skidded up and onto my back. When his balls pressed to my dock, I felt my need rise again. "Maybe in me this time?"

"You're a talkative little thing, Paul." Celestia leaned down low and took a step back before coming at me again. He didn't miss this time. There was an instant—not even a heartbeat long—when his shaft's tip kissed against my vulva. The moment was gone and ~~Princess~~Prince Celestia was in me.

I whinnied in surprise, though Celestia wasted no time. He shoved forward again and pushed the air from my lungs in a long groan of pleasure. His shaft was huge—massive—but it felt perfect.

Celestia held still, though I could feel his balls pressed against my back legs twitch every now and again. There was nothing—nothing like the feel of this much stallion inside me. Every nerve ending seemed to have migrated to vagina's control. She held the reins in this ride.

When he pulled back, I squeezed my eyes closed and tried not to whine out at the emptiness I felt inside. Celestia slammed back into me again and it was already too much. My body squeezed down. Every muscle in me tensed and released—again and again. I was a puppet to the pleasure that controlled me. Each drive of Celestia's cock into my clutching body pushed the orgasm higher.

He had more control than any other stallion I'd been with. I lost count of the strokes he took within me, but it wasn't like I cared. I was set adrift on a sea of wonder. While he pounded me, I knew I was staring ahead with a silly expression on my face.

Celestia's strokes grew erratic. My orgasm was long gone, but I wasn't going to tell the ruler of Equestria he couldn't finish. I squeezed down on each of his thrusts and was soon rewarded by a deep whinny above me and an explosion of heat inside.

I started to close my eyes when I caught movement in the room. My head turned to track a purple streak of feathers and hooves rush from closet to door and out.

A peeping tom (or was it peeping tammy for females?) was one thing, but a royal one was something new. I titled my head back to see the underside of Celestia's jaw. He looked magnificent. With spurts of more heat blossoming inside, I felt about as well welcomed to Canterlot as a mare could get.

I expected Celestia to slump upon me. I anticipated and even looked forward to some cozy time with his weight still upon me and his dong still inside me. So wrapped up in the fantasy was I that when he pulled free of me I was in shock.

"It would be lovely to stay and chat, but I have a country to run. It was fun, Paul, but you need to work on your stamina." Celestia turned away and walked from the room.

"What the actual fuck?" I asked no one. "Did he, was I…"

I slumped back down on the bed. Okay, Paul, put the facts together into a list. You just fucked a princess with great tits.

The best tits.

Damn it, I got distracted, what was I doing again? Right! List! Sex with hot princess with great—skipping that bit so I can continue. I wasn't in heat, which meant nothing bad came of it. The sex was amazing, but I apparently was less than so. Fuck they were great tits.

Oh right, and Princess (Prince? I needed to ask someone about how to address royalty while they were in the act of jacking off to you/fucking you) Twilight Sparkle had been spying on us while we were having sex.

Canterlot was just like Ponyville.

Author's Note

Cadance: Do you know there is a pony in your sister-in-law's town that might rival you in romantic talent?

"Oh my!" Cadance's wings fluttered in excitement. "What's her name?"

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And special thanks to the following, for careful eyes and friendly words:
Lab

What's Something You Can Look Down Upon And Approve Of At the Same time?

Some time spent contemplating my situation while laying on the bed still, followed by a dash to the bathroom to clean up, and I had a choice to make.

No, the choice wasn't what pants to wear (though I did need pants). The change back to near-humanity was slow in coming, which probably had to do with who had pounded me. There was still the giddy little voice of vagina saying yay over and over again like a particular yellow pegasus. There was absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying sex, I only wish it hadn't ended quite how it did.

I was surprised Celestia hadn't given me a grade.

But he—probably she by now—was true to her words. The nation needed running. "Okay, so my only safe choice is Princess Twilight."

Pants on, shirt too, and then my socks and shoes. I opened the door of my suit to see one of the most perfect men yet. "Excuse me," I said. "Do you know what room Princess Twilight Sparkle is in?"

Chiseled features and the most vivid blue hair I'd ever seen adorned the unicorn. "Did you really let Princess Celestia ride your back the first day you're here? You know she won't stop now, right?"

The conversation shift I hadn't expected happened. How had we reached buddy-guy talk from directions? "It was kinda fun, to be honest. Uh, about Princess Tw—"

"What am I saying? Maybe you're the one? Finally, Princess Celestia found a guy that takes it more readily than even her Royal Guard!

"It's Paul, right?" At my nod he continued. "Look, Paul—Wait!" To my absolute shock the guy straightened up, turned, and ran off as fast as his legs would take him. The Pythons had it right. Camelot/Canterlot was a silly place.

I looked left and right and then picked the direction that led toward Celestia's own rooms. Sure enough standing opposite her door was two men who looked just like the first, but a lot more credible.

"Excuse me, did you happen to see a purple alico—"

"He's in his room," one guard said.

A question burned inside me. He'd used male pronouns, which meant he acknowledged that Twilight was a stallion. "When addressing a princess who's—uh—excited, how do you refer to them?"

Both guards gave me the most cheerful and happy of smiles. "The last time Celestia railed me, I called her Harder Please."

"I just called her Faster," the second guard said.

Fucking. Comedians.

Okay, I was a proud guy, but these two had obviously had experience in something I needed help with (according to Celestia). "Right, I walking into that. But I gotta ask, how—uh—do you last?"

"With Celestia?" Mr. Slight Dimples When He Smiled asked.

"Yeah. I was—this is really hard to explain—I blew my top too early. I've never been with a stallion with that much stamina."

"Don't clench," Dimples said.

"Yeah, don't clench. Clenching doesn't slow her down, but it makes you feel a lot more. I guess practice helps too," Mr. Small Scar On Jaw said.

"Practice? How am I going to get more practice?!" I asked.

Both men laughed and looked back down the hall in the direction I'd come. I followed their gaze to see them looking at my suite's door. Both then traced their eyes up the relatively short distance to Celestia's door.

I was starting to get an idea about Celestia and if this wasn't Equestria and she wasn't princess, it might sound messed up. "She really likes to—"

"Why do you think we're on bedroom guard duty? The roster changes daily," Scar said.

"You mean she bangs two different guys every day?" I looked between them and noticed their BS-smiles were back. "More?"

"You know," Dimples said. "One day I was on guard duty in the throne room. She spent the whole day as a stallion. Sunup to sundown."

"She stopped at sundown?" I asked.

"No, that's when my legs gave out and she moved on." The crazy thing was that Dimples said it with a straight face.

Consolidate, Paul. These two will spin you tales all day long. Focus down to the task at hand. "So Princess Twilight's room is the next one?"

"No. That's Princess Luna's. Princess Twilight is on the other side."

"Thanks, guys," I said.

"No. Thank you. She was having a really sour day until she came back from her meeting with you. I was worried I wouldn't get any at all tonight," Dimples said.

"Fat chance of that. Even on her worse days Celestia'll take a pair of mares to bed."

I turned away and started walking in the direction indicated. The motif of the hall changed from sun patterns to moons. The darker shades caused less light by dint of dimmer reflections—it was soothing. I walked past that door (ignoring the guards there) and headed to the next.

Reaching for the door handle, I sensed movement behind me. A spear tip gently touched the wood of the door beside my hand. I turned my head to follow the haft of the weapon to another god-tier stud of a guy. "Uh…?"

"You don't open the door of a Princess' suite until she has been notified," Mr. Good With A Spear said. "Would you like us to notify her?" Just like all the rest of the Royal Guard, the lone guard on this door was perfection, though unlike all the guards I'd seen so far his fur was brown. His eyes were a bewitching green, and he had a unicorn horn proud on his forehead.

"Sure. I just wanted to know if she's okay." I slowly drew my hand back from the door, and when it was a good foot away the spear left my immediate vicinity. Okay, these guys might joke around and bang princesses, but they were deadly serious about their job, too. Good to know.

Stepping forward, Long Spear stepped up to the door and lifted one fist up to bang on its surface. "Princess Twilight, one of your friends is here." Then he opened the door, grabbed my shoulder, and practically threw me inside.

I spun around to see Long Spear give me a wink as he closed the door. Wait! No! That isn't what I wanted to see her about! This place is mad! Turning around, I saw a confused looking Twilight Sparkle sitting on her couch in a dressing gown.

Twilight had a book out and was writing in it. Somehow, despite the banging on the door and the shouting, she hadn't even looked up from the book.

"Twilight?" I asked.

Oh no, Paul, of course actually speaking her name wouldn't break the Princess of Books from a book-trance.

I walked over and waved a hand in front of Twilight's face. "Twilight?"

Princess Twilight Sparkle jumped out of her chair as if I'd just teleported in buck naked and tweaked her nipples. "Paul! What brings you to climax—I mean here?!"

Subtlety would be completely lost on her unless it was written down, so I decided on blunt. "Why were you hiding in my closet?"

"To study your power. You have no idea how amazingly interesting cutie mark magic can be, and this is so amazing I couldn't wait to study it!" While Twilight spoke, her magic resumed writing in one book and her hand plucked up a second quill to write in another.

"Hold on! Study it? I thought you didn't want to?"

Twilight was eyeing a third quill with intent to use it when I grabbed all three with my hand. This had the effect of jerking her attention away from her writing. "Huh? Oh! Hello Paul! How fortuitous, I was just writing about you!"

This was a test. My calm, even demeanor was being tested. "Twilight, why didn't you get all this studying of my talent done in Ponyville? You could have helped me control it!"

"I couldn't." Twilight stuck her tongue out of one corner of her mouth before almost a dozen quills popped into existence. "Cease and desist order."

Unable to fight the swarm of quills now attempting to write, I pulled away her notebooks. "What do you mean cease and desist order? You're a princess!"

Twilight made the saddest noise I could ever imagine coming from a pony girl, so I slid one notebook back to her—five quills attacked it at once. "Well, it was just after I'd tried to find some problems to fix, and ended up enslaving half the town with mind-control magic, then I used time travel to warn myself not to time travel—that didn't work—when Mayor Mare filed a suit in Eastern District of Canterlot's court that forbid me from performing any kind of experimentation on, or research into citizens or their behavior in and around the city of Ponyville."

The way she spoke made it sound like she was using words directly from the official cease and desist order (that apparently existed).

"Naturally I challenged it, and lost. Then when I became a princess, I challenged it again. Mayor Mare is really tricky, though. She'd gotten Princess Celestia to approve the order just in case. Who does something just in case somepony becomes a princess?" Twilight snorted dismissively. "So I can't research anyone in Ponyville. We're not in Ponyville right now!"

I let go of the second notebook and almost jumped back as the swarm of quills descended in a parody of a shark feeding frenzy. I had unwittingly been divested of my protection against the most inquisitive person I knew who had almost-but-not-quite ultimate authority.

Some might run screaming, others would ball their hands into fists and fight, but I looked down from Twilight's face and remembered why I loved Equestria despite all the strangeness of it. Back on Earth, I'd have laughed if someone told me D cup breasts could be as perky as Twilight's seemed to be. Rumors around the male population of Ponyville held that she wore a push-up bra, but I didn't think so.

Twilight, I doubted, knew what a push-up bra was. Her girls were almost always covered, but I could almost imagine what the treasures of them were—

"PAUL!" Twilight said.

My eyes were dragged upward by force of will. "Y-Yes, princess?"

"Wonderful! I'll get started, then. I promise you won't even notice I'm there most of the time."

The logical thing to do would be to explain that I was asking a question and hadn't just agreed to—WHAT THE HECK DID I JUST AGREE TO?! "T-Twilight?"

"No need to thank me, Paul. Just go about your normal task and do all the people—things you normally would."

I turned and walked for the door. Never had I been so completely bamboozled by breasts. I felt like the core of my world were betraying me. Staggering to the door in a daze not unlike the one that had gotten me into this mess (whatever the mess actually was), I blindly opened the doors of Twilight's room and stepped outside.

Soft pink flesh became my world. I sighed in boob-loving bliss as I recognized the soft furry slice of heaven for what it was. "I'm home."

My brain ignored the snorting laughter, but the high-pitched giggle got my attention—mostly because it made the amazing boobs my face was pressed into jiggle and move. "This is him, Shiny?"

"Yeah. Guys said he had half of Ponyville pregnant before the first baby was born. While I'd rather he took his nose out of my wife's bust, I certainly won't complain if he can help us." It was the guard from earlier who'd acted extra weird.

They were double Ds if they were anything. I nuzzled around a little—earning more giggles—before I had to pull back and get a proper idea of the ladies I'd just become acquainted with. The woman stood easily six foot ten—she was huge—but she was nothing if not perfection. I wasn't a hip man, I wasn't a butt man, and I wasn't even a thigh man, but every single one of the aforementioned assets of this woman would have converted me—if it weren't for her breasts.

"I love you." The words fell from my lips. Forget D, they weren't even in that ballpark. This goddess of perfection had a pair of breasts that were Es, maybe Fs, and they were fucking amazing. They tilted just right, and with the right angle I could see the hint of the outline of her nipples—both were tilted up slightly. "I love you both."

I reached up, my hands shaking as they neared the wonders before me, only to have that guard from before step between me and the loves of my life.

"Shiny, be nice. He only wanted to"—the goddess let out a little giggle—"well, I think he wanted to do a lot of things, but he's not going to get to because I'm all yours, Shiny." She put her arms over the guy's shoulders and hugged him to her front.

I'd never really known envy this bad, but I had to fight it. I'd gotten to bang (well, be banged by) Princess DD Celestia. Who was this woman (goddess) compared to Celestia? "S-Sorry," I said, "I should probably introduce myself properly. Hi, I'm Paul."

The goddess smiled at me and held out one hand over the guy's shoulder for me to shake. "Pleased to meet you, Paul. My name's Cadance, and this is my husband, Shining Armor."

Lots of little facts collided with the Titanic of a fact I'd just had dropped. I looked up and saw a horn, down to her shoulders (which was still up to me) and saw pink wings. I hadn't been far wrong calling her goddess, at least as far my talent was concerned. Cadance was for love like I was for swelling bellies. If there was one person in all Equestria who was better at filling a maternity ward than I was, it was Princess Cadance.

"P-Pleased to meet you both." What else was there to say?

Shining tilted back, which put the lucky bastard's head firmly against Cadance's cleavage. "Should we say—?"

Cadance shook her head. "Sorry, Paul, I'd love to chat, but we have important—royal—business to take care of. I guess we'll see you around?"

"Sh-Sure," I said, and watched the couple just walk away.

"If they weren't trying for a baby, they both would have banged you, you know?" The voice was deep and rich. I turned to look at who'd spoken only to see a pony.

He—this stallion was definitely a he—stood almost as tall as Celestia did as a stallion. He was a deep cobalt blue, and had a mane and tail that didn't resemble the night sky—they were the night sky. Constellations of stars were visible and twinkling in his hair. It could only be one person, it was Prince Luna—he who had taken the brunt of the curse.

I only wish I could have seen his breasts just once. Such was one of the many regrets of my life. "Your High—"

"Don't call me that. Just Luna, please."

"My name's Paul." There wasn't much else to say. Okay, I lied. "You wanna go somewhere and have a drink?"

It was insanity. Asking a royal prince out for a cider or two (don't even get me started on Equestria's lack of beer) just because it felt like the right thing to do? I was an idiot, but—

"That sounds good, actually. I don't think either of us have any duties around here until evening." Luna's words basically gave away that he knew why I was here. He turned in place—the sound of his hooves echoing down the huge hallway—and pointed back the way I'd come. "You don't mind if I pick the place?"

This had blossomed from curiosity to nigh bromance—Luna was going to show me the best bars? For some reason I doubted they would be fancy or up-market places. "Lead on, your Luna-ness."

I caught the hint of a smile crease Luna's lips.

Author's Note

Paul: what will you if you do end up with a foal?

I couldn't help laughing. "Not going to happen. I talked with Softheart and she told me more than I ever wanted to know about the female reproductive system. I have this totally under control."

Support me on Patreon or fuel my writing on Ko-Fi!

Join me on Discord. Warning, said chat may contain NSFW material and should be considered adult in nature.

Awesome ponies who are already helping to keep me in keyboards and rum:
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Boulder
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Sirion123

And special thanks to the following, for careful eyes and friendly words:
Lab

Proof That Guys Can Focus On Two Things At Once

The bar, when we reached it, was everything I'd hoped for. Guys and girls sitting around talking and enjoying cider. There was a pool table, as well as someone I vaguely recognized from Ponyville setting up something on the stage at one end.

What was amazing, though, was that no one so much as blinked at a stallion walking into the bar. Not even a single your highness or prince Luna was to be heard. Luna marched us both up to the bar and we both sat down on stools.

The barmaid was everything I could hope for in a woman with the title. She wasn't Cadance, she wasn't Celestia, but her perk B cups were lifted by what looked like a very tight corset so that they were easily mistaken for Cs. "The usual, Luna?" she asked.

"Two, thank you Jugs. Paul here deserves a drink considering what he's getting himself into." Luna nodded his head toward me. "First day in the castle and I think he's either been banged by or is hunted by every royal 'cept me."

My brain was trying to track what Luna was saying, but Jugs' jugs were doing a great job of keeping my focus on her. "One. Just one banged me, though I think that might be a general welcome to Canterlot with the way everyone talked about it."

"Jugs did a stint working in the castle as a maid, she knows how my sister is," Luna said.

Jugs (I absolutely can't believe it's her name) gave a titter that made her chest bounce a little. "Princess Celestia catches every guy who stays there. Don't worry, cutie, you're not alone in that playbook. Here you go."

She set down two large mugs of what looked like the most wonderful beer I'd seen in months (not hard given it was the only beer I'd seen in months).

"Is that beer?" I asked.

"Sure is, cutie." Jugs' calling me cutie was wearing thin, but if she served actual beer I could forgive her just about anything.

"It's not cheap, nor is it brewed locally. Tribe of strange people in the southern reaches of Equestria brew it. Fiery temper on them, but this is just like how we used to have it back—A long time ago. Just don't ask how they make it." Luna used levitation to lift his own mug and take a swig of his beer.

Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth (or a gift beer), I lifted my own mug and cautiously sipped at the ale. It tasted amazing. I tipped the mug and got a good amount down my throat before setting it back on the bar. "Jugs, I love you."

Luna barked a laugh. "Everyone loves Jugs, Paul. She is the dispenser of fluids, the lubricator of throats, the—"

"Owner of the hottest pair of tits in the room." Penis was clearly staging a coup and had taken over my voice. Not that I didn't completely agree with him, but there were things you didn't say out loud.

Jugs blinked wide eyes at my statement, then she giggled. "Oh! You cutie. Thank you!" The barmaid then actually bounced her way off to serve someone else. Penis was very aware of her bounce.

"You know," Luna said. "I don't think I've seen anyone quite that forward about letting Jugs into their pants as you, Paul."

The turnabout on the old paradigm was still hard for me to get my head around. Guys were so damn passive about sex in Equestria. I shrugged to Luna. "She's cute, easy on the eyes, and she serves great drinks. Sex is kinda fun."

Luna just stared at me while he took another swig. "I've never met another guy who is this relaxed about sex. It's different, but I think I can respect that you just want to have fun."

"Hey! There's my favorite stud. How you doing, Luna?"

I turned my head to see Vinyl Scratch. In Ponyville, the girl wouldn't say a word to anyone. Far from her usual binding clothes she wore around Ponyville, she was wearing a black tank top that showed off her breasts—a pair of tasty looking C cups—to good effect.

"Hey yourself, Vinny. Got a gig here tonight?" Luna asked.

Vinyl nodded. "Heck yeah. Got 'Tavi coming in for it and everything. Jugs said the place'll be packed. Oh"—Vinyl turned to look at me—"hey Paul. Didn't know you'd left Ponyville. Are you here for my show?"

"He is, aren't you, Paul?" Luna winked at me.

Trapped by a prince now, I slowly nodded my head. "Y-Yeah! Wouldn't miss it!"

"And here I thought you were a bit of a square, Paul. Don't forget, usual rules for my shows—gotta turn up as a pony. No hands allowed." Vinyl held out a fist to Luna and got a tap from him. "Just here to let Jugs know I gotta meet 'Tavi at the station. Hey! Jugs! Going to get my bitch!"

"Yeah!" Jugs' ever-happy laugh followed up her exclamation.

I watched Vinyl walk out of the bar feeling like I'd been cheated of meeting an awesome woman. Vinyl Scratch seemed larger than life and at least ten times more real than any two other people I'd met so far that weren't royal. I know that wasn't exactly fair to everyone I'd met, but she just had a presence that was impossible to deny.

"Careful of her. Vinny is high on life and would eat you up, Paul, and spit you out again. She's got a girlfriend, and they're both as bad as each other. All ego and the drive to do whatever they want." Luna downed the last of his beer. "The party will be good. I'll make an excuse to 'Tia for you, if you need it."

"Everyone goes as a pony?"

"Picked up on that, huh? Yeah, Vinny likes her parties wild. Don't be surprised if you end up with a stallion or two as a result." Luna pushed her mug forward and looked down the bar hopefully at Jugs.

I thought about the warning. Vagina liked the idea—penis too—of trying a threesome just for the fun of it. "S-Sounds like fun. Are you going?"

"Paul, I wouldn't miss one of Vinny's gigs if I had to take another year on the moon," Luna said. "Another one, Jugs."

I only had a third of my mug left, and quickly downed it to match Luna. "S-Same." Why was I feeling strange? Penis and vagina had no idea, and brain was oddly quiet. Duh, liver said, you're drinking beer.

And so I was. When Jugs passed us back two fresh mugs, I took another long pull of mine and let out a satisfied sigh of utter contentment. Time seemed to blur, and our second beer turned into our third. Jugs spent a lot of time at our end of the bar talking—mostly to me—and I just soaked it up. I regaled her with stories of my time on Earth and in Ponyville, and she seemed to always know what to say to spark the next story. She was amazing.

Luna stopped at the end of her third beer, but Jugs was perfectly happy bringing me a fourth. I could remember lifting that fourth beer to my lips, then there was an odd sense of darkness. I realized I wasn't in the bar anymore, but I was surrounded by barrels and bottles. Right! The back room! Jugs had said something about coming back here with me and—I turned around and saw a hell of a stallion. He had a broad chest, legs like tree trunks, and a smile that said he knew exactly what he was about.

"J-Jugs?" I asked.

"Never had a little filly get so flirty before. You want this?" Jugs reared up and put a hoof on the wall for balance.

I was vaguely aware that I was a pony as well (four legs while drunk? Absolute win!). I stared at what Jugs was showing off—he was huge everywhere. I bit my bottom lip as vagina told me in no uncertain terms she wanted all of it inside her.

A shiver ran up my spine, when it reached my head, I found myself nodding. So that's how vagina uses mind-control?

"Show me. Prove you're worthy of takin' all o' me." Jugs flexed his hips, and I nearly groaned out loud when his shaft set to bobbing.

I wasted no time at all turning back around and showing him where I wanted it—where vagina wanted it. I looked back over my shoulder to see Jugs advancing on me. "I-I-I want a-all of it."

"Uh-uh! Turn back around little lady. Drunk fillies don't get to ride Jugs, but they can suck all they want." Despite his words, Jugs walked up to me and shoved his nose under my tail.

I squealed in surprise when his tongue worked into me. The second stroke of it pulled a quieter moan, but still made my legs tremble. A few licks later and vagina was begging me to get him on my back, but with his attentions focused under my tail, I couldn't think straight enough to figure out how to persuade him (it didn't help I was drunk as fuck too).

He was relentless and what he didn't know about eating a mare out probably wasn't worth knowing. The world was swimming around in my vision, and felt the fire in my body building up to an inferno, then Jugs shoved his tongue deep into me and I started to tremble with the intensity of my orgasm.

Jugs kept going. He followed me as my legs folded and kept up his assault until I was a sack of limp pleasure on the floor. I couldn't believe his devotion—he didn't stop until I finally got enough breath to beg him. "P-P-Please—I can't take anymore."

His tongue stopped and I felt his snout pull away from me. I was finally free to let out a relieved sigh. When I opened my eyes, however, I saw Jugs standing over me. He was rock hard and still huge. Vagina was only able to send me a I'm still alive signal, but penis told me that after what he'd just done, I'd be a douche not to reciprocate.

Cock wasn't typically on the menu for me (at least orally), so I would be a little rusty. Bracing my forelegs against the floor, I closed my eyes and opened my mouth. It was easy enough to follow my nose to his musky shaft, and with a cautious lick I found his flared tip.

It might be something different, but I had a bro to repay for doing me a solid. I pushed forward and down, thinking of how good he'd felt when he at me out. To my shock, Jugs bucked his hips and delivered me a mouth-filling serve of stallion cock.

My eyes flew open, and I was staring at the underside of Jugs' belly. I couldn't even see what I was doing! I pulled my mouth back a little, inadvertently licking the underside of his shaft. Another thrust of those huge hips and I had his tip nudging the back of my throat.

I almost gagged, but I managed to pull back enough to get a breath, and for him to thrust again. Now he was in my throat. I had a large ring (that vagina informed me was why I would normally be seeing stars) shoved past my lips, and I could smell a muskier scent still. It took more of a jerk to get my face back this time, but I got a quick breath before he pushed forward once more.

The musky base of his shaft pressed to my lips and nose, and I felt him shove into my throat firmly. Something different was happening this time, though, and rather than let me pull back, his whole shaft swelled a little bigger.

I got the oddest sense of my belly swelling up—but it wasn't with beer this time. He was cumming! He was cumming right down my throat and it felt—Well it wasn't terrible. My ears turned back to hear the sounds of a stallion straining himself in sexual gratification.

Air was starting to become something I'd like again, but before I could do anything about the need, Jugs pulled back and out of me. "Damn. You didn't gag at all? You get yourself sorted out and come back out when you're ready, little filly."

He left me laying on the floor in the back room of the bar, feeling tingly all over. For just a moment I felt like I deserved at least a cuddle, but then I remembered he was meant to be running the bar.

I struggled with my forelegs, but my back legs were a complete write-off. Okay, time to just lay down for a little bit longer. I folded down my forelegs and couldn't stop myself giggling. Despite me being drunk as fuck, I'd managed to get with a cute girl—err, stallion—and he'd actually been pretty fun. Might even be again before the night's out.

I'd closed my eyes for a second, that's all. Just a heartbeat where I could rest while I managed to get my thoughts and body back onto the same page.

"I thought you said he was in here?"

"He came in here with the barmaid."

A masculine and feminine voice broke me out of my just-a-blink. I lifted my head and looked around the back room. "Who's there?" It hadn't been too long since Jugs had left me, I was still a pony.

"Mff… Cady…" The voice that'd been masculine a moment ago was now feminine. "W-What are you—?"

Narrowing my eyes, I saw one of the shelves start to jiggle rhythmically. Okay, Paul, the back room of a bar known for pony-only parties might not be the best place to sleep if you want to remain alone. Not wanting to ruin the fun of the couple, I slipped from the back room and was startled as a wall of sound hit me.

The beat thumped in my chest, but I had to test something before I walked out into the bar again. Stepping backwards, I closed the door. Silence. Well of course, Paul, why wouldn't they use magic to stop the neighbors from complaining? This is Equestria! Even the counter-culture is polite.

Back out in the bar the music made my hooves twitched and wobble with every step (okay, the wobble might be the beer). Bright lights pulsed and flickered in time with the beat, and it all seemed to be controlled by a unicorn on stage. Vinyl Scratch, or DJ-PON3 as she was known, apparently preferred to perform as a pony—a stallion—which said a lot about what tended to happen at her shows.

I couldn't see Luna, but I could see where the bar was and headed over to it. Jugs was strutting around behind the mahogany slab of polished wood that composed the bar itself. He used his hooves to swing bottles around and serve drinks to his customers. I barely realized when he walked right up to me, leaned across the bar, and kissed my cheek.

The ponies—and they were ponies—around me cheered at the kiss, but Jugs' attention just made my libido jump a little. "Can I have another beer?"

"You don't want a beer now. Here, sexy, drink this!" Three bottles jumped into and out of Jugs' grip, each depositing a measure of its contents into a small glass. Something white was tipped in, and a little umbrella dropped in the side. "Drink all of that."

I had long-since worked out how to hold things with a hoof, and reached out to grab the drink. Close up, I could see the umbrella was made out of some kind of flower, which meant it was edible. I curled my tongue around the flower and chewed it once, then chased it down with the contents of the glass.

There was fire, dreams, and hopes in that glass—or perhaps vodka, coffee liqueur, and milk. Regardless, what would have been called a white Russian back home was exactly what I needed. Bartenders were better than doctors in two key ways: whatever they gave you tasted good and it made you feel better. "I needed that." It had the bonus of taking away the flavor of Jugs' shaft, something I knew was required if I hoped to kiss a different stallion tonight—and I intended to kiss a different stallion tonight.

"Got your eye on an encore?" Jugs was already pouring me another drink, his hooves practically a blur. Well, they might have been, I'd just had another drink, and was lining up its successor.

I opened my mouth to reply when the music seemed to jitter and change.

"Alright everypony!" Vinyl's voice was still strange to hear, but apparently she—he—was entirely different outside the quiet little Ponyville. "Are you ready to rock out?"

Turning my head, I saw Octavia poke his head out from under the mix desk Vinyl was standing upright behind, wiping his snout. With his hooves he picked up something that looked like a violin—if a violin were a size too big and made of neon plastic.

Vinyl's magic flipped the record on her deck over, and Octavia started to play the oversize violin upright. Techno met classical, and the music met somewhere in the middle. It was amazing, but vagina kept holding up a sign to get my attention, and being in charge of my body right now, she was persuasive. The sign was a memory and fantasy mixed together. Octavia lifting his head from under the deck, only it was my face.

Reason was needed, but when I ordered vagina to see him, he was passed out in the corner of my head with a beer in his hand. "Thanks, Jugs." The second delicious drink took just two quick swigs to down.

"Those're pretty strong. No more until you've had something else to drink, okay?" Jugs took the glass away.

Vagina knew just what I was going to drink. The voice of my maleness, that mostly just wanted to play with boobs all day long, was oddly quiet. I took a moment to steady myself as the throbbing music matched time with the throbbing of my heart. My legs moved on their own and I slipped through the crowd of ponies toward the stage like a shark in a school of fish too small for their meal.

Every step I took I kept my eyes locked on Vinyl's face. He had a pair of dark shades on (like always), but with the bright lights I could see his eyes beneath them. He looked right at me, smirked, and nodded.

By the time I got to the stage, Octavia was done with her music. He'd set aside his instrument and slipped off and into the crowd. I slipped up onto the side of the stage well away from where Vinyl's speakers and stuff were. Casually, as if I weren't planning anything naughty, I walked across and the moment I was occluded behind the speakers, I dropped to my belly and crawled up to where Vinyl stood.

Surprisingly, there was a set of headphones hanging low, just by his back leg. When he widened his stance a little, he kicked one leg toward the headphones. Not knowing what else to do, I picked them up and slipped them on my head.

"Ah, there you go. You can hear me, right?"

I nodded.

"Great. 'Tavi's a great guy, but he knows I love to get with mares from time to time. No sense ruining our relationship over that, right? So, let me know when you want to start, and where you want to start. Oh, right. See the collar down there? It has a throat-mic. Put it on and I can hear you."

It wasn't hard to find the collar with a little black box on it. Slipping it around my neck, I tightened it so that my throat was pressed to the little box. "Like this? Can't people hear me?"

"Over my Bass Cannon Six Thousands? No chance. So, little filly, what you want to do?"

There wasn't enough room for me to give him my rump, so I shimmied and dragged myself underneath the deck and then under him. Vinyl Scratch was already sliding out of his sheath in anticipation. "Wow."

"Down there, huh? Going to suck it?"

I nodded before realizing he couldn't see me. "Yeah."

"I'll tell you what, Paul, let's have a race. What you do is angle your rump and lift your tail—" I liked where this was going, "—and press your cooch against that speaker just there."

Looking back, it wasn't hard to see what he meant. The stack of speakers was practically right beside me, so I angled myself and, gritting my teeth, raised my tail and leaned against the speaker cabinet. The heavy beat thudded through my softest places, causing me to bite my lower lip at how it felt.

I'd seen porn where girls used vibrators—before I came to Equestria—and I liked to think my face was pulled into something like the stupid-happy expressions some of them seemed to get.

"Are you ready? Hope you like a wild ride—no mare has lasted more than a minute."

"I'm r—" I didn't get anything else out. A rippling bass seemed built to dive its vibrations deep into my body. I went cross eyed, but I needed to get him in my mouth if I had any hope of winning.

"There you go. I'm not as big as some stallions, but Paul, I can play you like a record."

Above me, Vinyl's magic was doing something with the deck. I could hear tapping and movement, and each of them caused those speakers to buck and shove. Remembering what I was meant to do was hard—remembering my own name would be hard if those speakers continued their work. With Vinyl in my mouth, I started to work my head up and down him.

The beat shifted from those deep thuds to a thud followed by two smaller ones. It was like a stallion was on my back and going faster and longer than any I'd met before. I whimpered around Vinyl's dick, trying to regain focus and use my tongue to get him off, but it was too much.

Losing, my body started to twitch and shiver as lightning was driven into me by the music. Vinyl had been absolutely right—he played me like he'd probably played a lot of mares. His shaft spilled from the side of my mouth, and I had to press my snout against his belly fur so my loud moan wouldn't be heard.

I hadn't counted on one thing.

"I like that, hold that note!"

My voice, pitch-shifted to match the song, blasted through the speakers as the beat stopped. I needed more, I wanted more, I was practically already orgasming.

"HERE COMES THE DROP!"

I didn't have time to even think what Vinyl was going to do. The massive thudding of the big bass speakers hit me like a train and drove me to the wildest orgasm of my life. I cried and squealed, bucked against the speakers and shivered. My voice—through the throat mic—was worked into the music Vinyl played. I couldn't stop what he was doing, and I didn't care.

He kept me riding the whirlwind of release until the song ended, or maybe the song ended because my orgasm did. Already on my belly, I had nowhere to slump to. The speaker picked up again, thumping still, but lacking some of the intensity of earlier. Pleasurable jolts hit me from time to time until I realized Vinyl had shifted back from his deck and was looking down at me.

"You lost, now you have to suffer the penalty. I get to choose where I go."

I looked up at him, my eyes spotting the hefty shaft still under Vinyl's belly—he hadn't gotten off.

"Get up and follow me. We're doing this in the back room." He used his magic to pull me away from the speaker, and the moment he did I felt vagina scream for more. More of everything.

My legs shook, but I managed to get them working with Vinyl's help. He led me to the back of the stage and threw the door open—I followed him inside quickly, not thinking about what my rump looked like to anyone who glanced my way.

"Hey, 'Tavi, I see you found your stud for the night. You want to take this filly for a ride later?" Vinyl stepped to the side and I froze. Prince Luna was leaning over Octavia Melody's body, had a mouthful of the other stallion's mane, and was pounding away into him. The sight was mesmerizing. After a moment, Vinyl shrugged his shoulders. "Guess he doesn't want any. Alright, let me get something to get in there easier."

"Wait, what?" I asked.

Vinyl's magic caught a tube of something that my brain told me was lube. "You lost, Paul. You can back out if you want, but if you stay I'm claiming your tailhole." He swaggered as he walked toward me, each step causing his dong to sway side to side. "Not leaving?"

I was as straight as a die. Breasts were my favorite things in the world (both of the ones I'd been in). Since arriving in Equestria, I'd been introduced to a lot of crazy stuff, including sex as a mare, but anal sex…

My eyes slipped over to Luna. I watched his hips drive against the stallion under him. What he was doing was impossible, of course, no stallion could last as long as he was, but the look on Octavia's face was what ensured I didn't run screaming with my butt clenched. He looked like each shove forward was an orgasm. He looked to be in his happiest place.

"What's it like?" I asked.

"Hold up. You've never—" Vinyl stared at me in shock, then had to cover his snout. "Of course you haven't! You've only been with those straight stallions. Paul, if you let me do this, you can come to any of my shows free of charge. It'd be an honor—a privilege—to take your anal cherry!"

I wasn't buying everything Vinyl was selling, but I couldn't make my legs walk out. "Will it hurt?"

"Nah. That's why you use lube, take it slow, and stuff your colon full when you are ready. It'll feel a little odd, but I can promise it won't hurt." Vinyl, already assuming he'd won his argument, floated the lube around behind me.

When something tingly-warm touched me, I knew Vinyl was using his magic on me directly. When it reached my ass, I couldn't stop tensing. What happened next was shocking and hot. A tiny thread seemed to squirm at my anus and work into the impossibly tight gap that my clamped-down muscles made. The squirming continued inside, and the I slowly felt that tendril get wider and wider.

I'm not sure when I stopped clenching, but the tingly-hot feeling became wet with something, and I felt more of Vinyl's magic massage just inside my hole. He'd been absolutely right—this was strange but also kinda hot. It didn't feel bad, just… just filling.

"Easy does it little filly, just warming you up. I don't have the tunes to take you like the prince over there—Damn I'm jealous of 'Tavi." As he spoke, Vinyl continued to work his magic "shaft" in and out of me. The tightness and fullness didn't fade, but the teasing of nerves I never knew I had pushed me to a panting groan. "There you are, feeling more like fun?"

I nodded. For the love of breasts I nodded to Vinyl Scratch as he shoved his magic up my butt.

Like the first time I'd let a stallion climb my back—Nurse Softheart—I shook with actual excitement and lust. He didn't pull his magic out of me, even when he shoved his snout under my tail—he didn't even stop fucking me with it.

"You have a nice gape there, Paul. You know the best thing about using magic like this?"

"Wha—?" I didn't get any more of the word out. A pony tongue was completely different to magic, and as Vinyl pressed his into me, I had to admit that both had their advantages. What should have felt like stretching, was instead comfortable as he licked me again and again, working his tongue in so far I felt his mouth press around the outside of my butt hole.

Then, as quick as his tongue had invaded me, it pulled out and his magic stopped. I had a few seconds to get my head straight and think about what was going on before he reared up and landed on my back. This part of the dance I knew—or at least had an idea about—so I braced my back legs and tried to do the same with my front ones.

"Don't tense. This is just like my magic or my tongue. They felt good, right?" He asked.

I nodded, then said, "Yeah, it felt—" Vinyl Scratch, I was coming to realized, liked to cut ponies off mid sentence. His shaft was thicker than his magic, and much more than his tongue, but the broad tip would be the most intense bit (I knew) and it took a little jolt of his hips and that was past my entrance. "How's this? Not too much?"

I shook my head.

"More?"

I nodded my head.

"I told you it wouldn't hurt, didn't I?"

I nodded again, but cut short when he pushed. The feeling was absolutely different in every possible way having a dick pushed inside you could be from regular sex. Where I normally felt the friction as the pleasure, this was all about the swelling sensation and how stretched my anus felt. Every single Guy Rule of Manhood was burning away as Vinyl worked himself deeper into me. I had nothing that could stand up to the feeling of fullness that became the only thing I could think about.

Vinyl shoved his hips and I felt his medial ring meet my butt. It was too much already—I couldn't take anymore. My forehooves slipped, and Vinyl's next thrust pushed us along the floor toward where Luna was still pumping Octavia.

I froze at the sight of the prince of the night still driving Octavia. Each lewd slap of Luna's crotch against Octavia's rump only cemented the picture in my head.

"Hey. First time?" Luna asked through clenched teeth. On my back, Vinyl held still. "Buck up. It feels great when you can just relax and let it all in."

Looking at Octavia, he was letting just about anything Luna wanted to put in him, in. I turned my head and looked back at Vinyl out of one eye. His face looked like he was ready to explode. It was kinda cute how focused on doing the horizontal dance he was. I took a deep breath and smiled. "More."

Stars swam in my vision as Vinyl Scratch shoved forward. His medial ring sank into me and his hips met my rump. All of him was inside me, and while vagina was a little confused at how empty she was, she was into this—my inner asshole was the one moaning in the back of my head.

Vinyl was amazing, but he was still a stallion. He pulled back and rammed all the way home again, and the stretching/swelling/filling became more intense than anything I'd ever felt before in my life. The world beat like a drum to the rhythm of Vinyl's thrusts. He only got ten good strokes in before he shoved so hard my forelegs collapsed and I wound up shoulder-to-shoulder with Octavia on the floor.

A hot rush of pleasure and stallion seed rushed through me, but I wasn't there. This might be a more interesting way to have sex, but it wasn't—

Magic pushed into me. Vinyl Scratch shoved what felt like a stallion's shaft worth of magic into my twat and started pistoning it every bit as fast as Luna was doing to Octavia's rear. I howled in pleasure. I screamed as his literal magic dildo shoved me all the way into the intense orgasm I needed.

"Nice one, Paul, I'm just about—" Luna cut his words off as he started bucking faster and faster. Like a machine, his hips ground Octavia into whimpering, happy paste until he too flooded a colon with his semen. "… done."

Author's Note

Celestia: Why are you trying to have a foal?

"Politics. After all the mess bringing Luna back has caused—effectively splitting our government down the middle—I need to bring back everypony into one camp. My camp. A union between Blue Blood and I will start that, but there's more. They want one ruler, not two." Celestia smiled serenely. "I might keep doing the sun, but I fully intend to abdicate for my foal when they come of age."

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Lab

The Walk Of Not-Shame

More drinks with Luna, Vinyl, and Octavia meant that the walk home was a particularly awkward one. Four legs were infinitely better for walking when drunk than two, but even so there were frequent moments where Luna had to grab me or had to put a wing on me so he didn't fall over.

We got back to the castle and the Guards let us in. I don't actually remember how we navigated around within the castle itself, but I remember my head hitting something soft and sleep jumping on me out of nowhere.

My brain began cataloging all the things wrong with me and my current situation.

The first thing was that my hands and feet hurt. Apparently stepping on rocks badly with your hooves translated to sore feet and hands. I could live with that.

Moving further in toward my torso, I was aware that my head was full of what seemed to be steel wool. Having spent most of the night mixing my drinks between beer and spirits, I was definitely paying that price now.

Penis was asleep—completely asleep—but there was some asshole yelling at me for attention. It took me a few seconds to realize the asshole was mine, and what it was yelling was Find a toilet!

Used to this problem as a mare, and having dealt with it in my royally appointed rooms already, I made it to the commode with time to spare and relaxed. My mind picked then to wander further, and I remembered what the culmination of the night had been.

"Oh hell. My first time at anal and I was on the receiving end."

Despite what all the manly parts of me murmured in their sleep, it had felt good. Vinyl had been careful, and I had to thank him—her now—for that. Asshole let me know that thanking Vinyl would probably involve more of the same. Asshole was surprisingly okay with this, as was I.

Daring to open my eyes properly and look around, I was startled by the deep blue finish to everything. It was relaxing. It was calming. It was not my bathroom! Cleaning myself up and washing my hands, I walked into the bedroom again to see Prince Luna asleep on the bed.

My first thought was that asshole—despite his name—was actually a pretty chill guy. My second thought I acted on. I walked to the window and snugged the curtains closed the last little bit to ensure the room was completely dark. My third thought was to climb back onto the bed and go back to sleep, but just as I neared it my belly rumbled, and if mine was rumbling so was Luna's.

Walking out of the bedroom, I leaned carefully around the door and opened it to see two of the horrifically beautiful men standing outside the door on guard. The movement of the door captured both their attention. "How do I cook anything here?"

"You don't. You speak into—" one of the ungodly perfect men said.

I rolled my eyes and slipped out the door. My clothes would be back at the bar—I hope—which left me with the walk of shame. Screw shame, I'd banged two hot chicks last night and woke up beside my buddy (who'd gotten me my first beer in months). There was nothing to feel shame for.

Turning left, I froze when one of the guards whistled. I looked back to see him pointing the other direction. "Thanks."

"No problems." He looked like this was the best entertainment all week.

I walked past Celestia's rooms (and their own guards) and to mine. Slipping inside, I made a beeline for my bag and pulled out a spare pair of jeans, a shirt, and a pair of boxer shorts. I didn't have any other shoes, but hoped I could pilfer something on the way to the kitchen.

Asking for directions whenever I saw one of the hunks, I eventually found the corridor leading to the kitchen more by smell than by asking. The doors leading into the kitchen were open so I stepped inside. There was people everywhere working away.

"No, no! Out!"

The woman who'd yelled at me and rushed over was portly. Big girls had big chests, and she had a beautiful one. I looked at her breasts as she stomped right up to me. She was tall as well as big, which meant I didn't even have to look down much.

"They let princesses work in the kitchen?" I asked.

Miss Big And Cuddly froze in place and looked down at me in confusion.

"I better go tell Princess Celestia visiting royalty has slipped into the kitchen and graced me with her presence." I looked up at her face and smiled as winningly as I could. "Hi. I'm Paul."

"Does that work on girls where you're from, Paul?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Sometimes. At the worst it usually gets me a blush. Look, I don't want to waste your time. I just wanted to cook a special somepony some breakfast—"

"It's almost time for lunch."

"Okay, cook them some lunch. Do you have somewhere I can be out of your hair and you won't have to bother yelling at me?" Having spent a little time working in a restaurant as a line cook, I could appreciate she didn't want or need me here—but here I was.

I got a hard look from her for nearly ten seconds before she blew out a sigh that made her ample chest do wonderful things. "What do you need?"

"Just a stovetop, eggs, bread, cheese, and some spices."

"Station down there's got a busted oven and the back two burners on the stove are busted. If you can get by with one, and you clean your stuff up after you, you're welcome to it, Paul." She noticed my glances down at her chest, and I finally got the blush I'd been fishing for earlier. "Eggs are in the cooler, cheese too. You can have half a loaf of bread only, we need all we've baked. There should be any spice you'd ever want in the larder." She pointed, and I had to tear my gaze away from her chest to pay attention. "Why do you keep staring at my breasts?"

Back home, on Earth, such a question would be idiotic. Equestria was a different place. Men typically acted a little less outwardly flirty—but not this man. "Because they're as amazing as the woman they're part of."

She stared at me for a good twenty seconds, and I watched the blush in her cheeks grow brighter and brighter until she turned and—without a word—walked away.

"Still got it, Paul." Acting like I knew what I was doing (which wasn't hard, I kinda did), I fetched the eggs and cheese, got some salt and pepper, the promised half loaf, and the few cooking implements I needed.

Two deluxe grilled cheese sandwiches and four egg-in-the-nest were piled onto a piping hot plate that should see me all the way back up to the royal wing of the castle. I cleaned up as I went, and scrubbed the pan to within an inch of its life.

"If you're going to come back down here again, next time you need shoes, Paul."

I turned to see miss big and beautiful. Feeling poetic, I bowed deeply to what I assumed was the sous chef of the kitchen. "Alas, I have misplaced my boots. Princess of the kitchen, by what should I call you?"

This didn't earn a blush, but I got a knowing grin from her. "You can call me Hot Buns, Paul."

How I managed not to say something entirely unpoetic I have no idea. The name woke up penis and he was definitely interested in Hot Buns. In fact, it was fairly safe to say that Hot Buns would be on the menu if my penis held sway. "Princess Hot Buns, I fear I must slip away. If I made a mess, you can spank me for it later."

The run (I definitely ran, chased by Hot Buns' laughter) back up to the royal wing seemed like nothing. I turned the corner into the long hall that led to my rooms and saw a half-dozen heads turn toward me. For a fraction of a second I saw the steel behind every pair of eyes. Recognition brought softening of their looks and laughs to their throats. To cheers, I ran to Luna's suite and slipped inside—no one challenged my right to enter.

The sound of the shower made it sound like it was raining. Luna seemed not to care about closing doors, and I could hear him freshening up. Penis was all for joining him, but when I firmly told him Luna was our bud, he quickly changed his mind.

It didn't end up mattering. Luna stepped out of his bathroom just as I reached the bedroom with the plate. He froze at the sight of me, then his eyes fixated on the food I'd brought. "Grilled cheese toasted sandwiches?"

"One each. Two egg-in-the-nest too. Hungry?" I set the plate down on the bed and watched the grilled cheese float up and to Luna. He used magic, it seemed, for most things. Not surprising given his situation. "Hope you don't mind the crown on them. It's crunchy."

"You cooked these?" Prince Luna asked, or rather mumbled around his full mouth. He closed his eyes as he chewed and groaned. "So good…"

"Just the thing for a hangover. And I owed you for the beers." I took my own grilled cheese and took a bite, joining Luna in companionable silence.

He didn't say another word until the sandwich was gone. "For bringing me that, all your debts are paid for the next thousand years."

I wondered how many debts I could run up in a thousand years as I chewed on my last bite. When I gulped it down—the hot cheese coating the back of my throat—I reached for the next piece of toasted goodness. "You helped me hook up, I think we're all good. That was a fun party."

Luna took a bite of one of the egg-in-the-nest and closed his eyes again. Silence reined as we finished off our breakfast (or lunch), and even after it was all gone Luna kept his eyes closed. "How many girls have you fed that to the morning after?"

"A few," I said.

He chuckled. "And how many ripped your pants off with their teeth after eating that?"

"Most of them." I couldn't keep from laughing. "Some cuties in the kitchen, but I best go have a shower and present myself for work."

"Sis is really going through with this?" Luna asked.

"She seems to be, and I can't exactly say no. She's the princess." I carried the plate over to the door and set it on the floor beside it. "Can I?"

"Yeah, you can. But she'll get her way even if you don't. Better to do it on her good side and win some favor." Luna stretched, arching his back and giving his hind quarters a shake. "I might have another nap."

I turned and looked at him.

"Look, after you passed out I had to work last night. You know, prince of dreams and all that? Anyway, if you want to head out again tonight, tell one of the guards to give me a message." That said, Luna walked back to his bedroom.

Considering the morning a done deal, I headed back to my room just as a familiar girl was walking her way up the hall. Jugs moved like you dreamed girls moved. Her hips swayed, her thighs—I swear—almost seemed to alternate between touching opposite walls on each step, and she looked like she was hungry for something.

"Hey uh, Paul, wasn't it?" Jugs asked.

I could only nod dumbly. Her shirt was cut low enough that I could almost see the tops of her areola, and the bottom of it was cut high enough that her belly button was on display. Penis was set for the day, he'd woken up vagina and they were both wolf-whistling at the girl.

"Well, you left some clothes at my place. Don't worry, I washed them." Jugs tossed what was in her hand (I swear I'd never even noticed she had hands) and I caught it dumbly. "Any time you want a beer, drop by, Paul." Her voice was a little less giggly than last night.

I watched her walk all the way to the end of the hall and around the corner before penis and vagina let me think again. Ass was interested too, but ass was the polite one of the trio. I shook my head in time to notice the Royal Guard had been staring too.

"You hit that?" one Guard asked.

Who needed to answer when I could just smile dumbly and walk into my room with my pants, my shirt, my underwear and my boots in my hands. It wasn't going to be a hard conclusion to jump to for them, more a casual step or a shuffle.

A shower and a shave later and I was at least reasonably presentable. The bathrooms of these suites were not just built for royalty, they were stocked for them too. There was a mix of deodorants, shampoos, conditioners, styling gel, and even some aftershave. Seeing as I was working—doing something no one else in Equestria could—I made use of all of it.

I almost didn't notice Twilight fall out of my closet when I was walking out. Life was certainly complicated.

A week had passed. A whole week of scheduling time to sit in the room next to where Princess Celestia and Prince Blue Blood were getting their freak on any time they were doing so. For some that might be a little awkward, but for me it was a simple case of spending the evening chatting with Luna.

Twilight Sparkle continued to fall out of closets, cupboards, and even fell through the ceiling of the coffee shop I patronized one time.

But, of all the strange crap that was happening, none was stranger than Prince Shining Armor and Princess Cadance. They weren't as obtrusively obvious as Twilight was, but anytime I went somewhere and spent more than five minutes without moving on, they were there.

I'd just gotten a summons to see Princess Celestia and stepped out the door of my suite, when I was engulfed in softness and pink. Pink everywhere. Pink fluffy fabric, pink lacy fabric, and the softest and most wonderful pair of pink breasts.

This wasn't Pinkie Pie, who I have to admit was one of the freakiest women I'd ever been in bed with, but rather someone taller and bigger. I barely got a gulp of air before Cadance's arms wrapped around behind my back and pulled me further into her cleavage.

"Mmfmfm? Mmmmf," I said emphatically.

"Cady, you're smothering him." The feminine voice had a familiar manner of speech.

I couldn't believe myself, but I had to leave heaven if for no other reason than I needed air. Ultimately, Princess Cadance had to let go before I could leave her cleavage. Taking my first breath in almost a minute, I tried to hide my arousal at having been the jelly in the best sandwich to ever exist.

Cadance bounced on her feet, and though I'd returned to the world from heaven, I'd never seen as wonderful a sight as her huge breasts bouncing. "Sorry, Paul, but I'm just so happy! Thank you! Thank you! Thank—"

"Cady! Tell him or I will."

I turned my head—regretting the loss of my vision of heaven—to see Shining Armor as a reasonably solid-looking mare. The big grin on her white-furred face and the electric blue mane reminded me of Vinyl Scratch, but Shining Armor's cutie mark gave her away.

Now, I'd seen a lot of guys in Ponyville wind up like this, definitely enough to tell that Shining Armor wasn't just post-coital—she was pregnant. "Congratulations!" There was nothing else to say.

"And it's all thanks to you!" Princess Cadance said.

"Wait." I held up both hands before she could grab me and render me insensible again in her cozy, warm, bosom. "Why are you thanking me? Is this what the skulking around was all about?"

Cadance managed to blush a slightly deeper shade of pink, and Shining looked a little sheepish.

"Guys, I'm not exactly going to say no. You should have just asked. I'll be a little honest, I kinda enjoy seeing people and ponies happy about what my talent gets them." It was all the truth. Everyone I'd spoken to had told me that using your special talent should bring you joy, and I'll be damned if they weren't right, though mine tended to bring bundles of joy as well.

"My brother's pregnant?!" Twilight Sparkle fell out of a suit of armor on display nearby. With a clatter she shed some of her steel covering until she just had a rather over-emphasized breastplate on. Not that she didn't have amazing tits, but the armor was Cadance-sized, not Twilight-sized.

I saw my opportunity and took it. Slipping away and leaving Twilight to hold their attention, I beat a path along the hall in the direction I now knew was the entrance to the throne room. Like the masses, I had to wait for my chance to see Celestia, unlike the majority of them, however, I had priority.

"The princess is seeing to internal matters right now. You can go in."

Heeding the words of the Royal Guardsman who only looked marginally like a Roman sex deity, I stepped through the big doors and into the throne room. That's when I froze at the sight before me. The two guards at the door were still buff men, but at the bottom of the platform Celestia's throne was on stood two mares in armor.

As my eyes traced their way up the stairs, I eventually saw Princess Celestia—or in this case Prince Celestia. He looked like the cat that ate the canary. A little smile creased his lips as he looked down on me with one eye hidden behind his huge mane.

"Paul. Did you sleep well?" Celestia sounded just as happy as he looked.

"In that bed? I'd be lucky if I'll ever sleep this well ever again, Your Highness," I said as I walked up to the base of the steps. Royalty was a bit of a foreign concept to me, having come from the good ol' U S of A, but the thing I liked about Equestrian royalty was that they didn't seem to want special attention—it just happened.

This, however, with the throne and the platform above everyone—This was Celestia being royal. It bugged me. "What's up? Apart from you, anyway."

"The sun!"

Fucking. Comedians. Everywhere.

"But more seriously, things don't seem to be working, and I'm quite sure it's not myself having the problem." Celestia gestured to the two mares in armor. "It's strange to think that I always thought it was me, but though my studs are too far from the royal line to legitimize, they prove that it is not my royal seed that isn't sowing."

"Maybe Prince Blue Blood isn't in season? I think Softheart said there were ways to induce a cycle. Perhaps we should seek a doctor to help?" Tapping at my chin, I thought about it. "After all, what are the odds his cycle is really odd, like mine, and will take almost a year to start?"

"Very good suggestions—I'll look into them. In the meantime, I would like it if you could take your ease in my sitting room tonight instead of your bedroom." Celestia's sitting room, if it was anything like my own, was the next room over from her bedroom.

"Sure. You think he needs a double dose of me?" I asked.

"And one more thing, Paul, I'd like you to be a pony while there. Invite anyone over you'd like."

Celestia's tone implied that he was done and wouldn't take an argument on it, and honestly speaking, I couldn't rightly come up with one. Jugs generally kept to her bar during evenings, but I knew most of the people and ponies there.

Equestria was the oddest place ever for me, still, when it came to picking up someone for a quickie. A guy going into the bar and flirting with the girls there was practically an open invitation, though Jugs has curtailed my more adventurous side when she'd confirmed that hers was the only bar in town with actual beer.

"Yes, Your Highness. But one thing—can you make sure Twilight Sparkle doesn't sneak in?" It was worth a shot.

Chuckling, Celestia brushed a little of his mane to the side and looked at one of the door guards with a significant come hither twinkle in his eye. "She's just curious, Paul. Twilight just wants to find out all there is to know about everything. Why don't you invite her over tonight? Give her a first-hoof demonstration."

My mind wandered back to how she'd saved my butt from her brother and sister-in-law, and then invariably wandered to her chest. I smiled—it was impossible not to. "I'll ask her, but organize a backup."

"See? Now you're getting it. Here in Canterlot we're a little more relaxed about things, Paul. Relaxed, but organized. See to it." Celestia's attention was completely focused on the guardpony at the door. I felt like it was time to leave before he relaxed down the stairs and organized something.

Slipping through the big doors the moment they opened, I made my way down the hall only to hear the telltale pomf sound of teleportation nearby and frequently. "Twilight, just walk beside me, please?"

The suit of armor to my left seemed to twitch and then said, "But I have to observe—"

"You can observe much easier out here." Besides, I wanted a refresher of how good she looked.

She teleported out with another pomf, and I got to see the nerdy princess up close. She wore unflattering clothing, and I knew full well she had nothing like an hourglass figure, but Twilight Sparkle would be enough for any man to stop and take notice. "S-Sorry."

"It's alright. So what were you trying to observe, anyway?" Conversation. Get her talking and work around to the topic. It wasn't sleezy because Celestia had commanded me. I stopped to think more on that and threw the idea out the window. It was creepy because Celestia had commanded me. "Wait, before we go any further I have to tell you something. Celestia kinda told me to—uh—" come on, don't get tongue-tied just for this! "—he was telling me I need to be a pony tonight, and then mentioned I should get you to h-help."

"Again?!" Anger wasn't what I'd expected from Twilight, but it's what I was apparently going to get. "Ever since she sent me to Ponyville, Celestia's been trying to set me up with anypony and everypony. This got about ten times worse when I got my wings. Did she try some kind of cheesy line like 'Help her with her first time' or 'She's so old for a virgin'?"

"N-Not exactly. He said I should give you a first-hand demonstration of—uh—sex." It was awkward to admit this to anyone, let alone the person who'd been the subject of the discussion.

"I have no idea where she gets the idea I'm still a virgin. She knows I'm not! She caught me with one of her royal guard when he was—" Twilight snapped her mouth closed. "I'm not."

With a relieved sigh, I smiled a little brighter and admired Twilight's attributes all the more for knowing I wasn't going to chase her skirt. "Right. So I'll just head out and find—"

"I didn't say no."

Penis, vagina, and asshole all held a vote. Out of four possible votes, my brain was the only note of dissent. "So you want a warm-up, then?" No! Bad penis! Abort!

"What time do you need to be doing this—uh—duty?" Twilight asked.

"Usually after dinner. Hey, do you want to come down to a place and we can have a drink or two?" It was asshole who was in control now. Asshole had been evolving a taste in girls to rival both penis and vagina, and what asshole liked was in Jugs' bar.

"Like cider? Or stronger than cider?" Twilight sounded intensely curious, and I had to remind myself that this woman had a mind like a steel trap. "Like Granny Smith's jacked cider?"

"Well, you see, they have beer. Beer is the most amazing stuff, and I promise you'll absolutely love it." I don't remember when stomach had gotten a vote, but the idea of sinking a beer or two really appealed to me. "But can we get something straight first?"

At my more serious tone, Twilight paused, then had to rush a little to catch back up to me. "O-Okay. What?"

"If I get drunk, and things go a little far, you leave my pussy alone. I still have no idea when my season will be, and it worries me every time that it might be today that it starts," I said.

"You really mean that? I mean, I know you mean that, but you mean that if we get drunk you're okay with—" Twilight, I realized, had made the grand mistake in life of giving her brain veto power. Or maybe it was her mouth? Do mouths get a say in things? "You'll always seem strange to me, Paul."

"Because I like having fun?" The question was only half joking.

"Yes! No!" Giving a huff, Twilight crossed her arms over her chest—which was a tragedy. "I've just never been with a guy who's so open about what they want. Normally there's all kinds of social games guys want to play before they'll consider letting you touch them. You're just…"

"I like to think the word you're searching for, princess, is amiable, and I am. I liked having fun as a human, and I gotta say being a pony has been a blast. Not going to say sex is better one way or the other, mind you, but it's different. Now, will you help me?" Given the way things were kinda reversed here, I imagine this was much like having a girl come up and ask you out on a date and maybe "more", but I didn't care. Fun was fun, and we were both adults.

"Can I take notes?"

I snorted at her typical nerdiness. "Sure. But I want you to tell me the same thing I said before."

Twilight looked genuinely confused. "Huh?"

"What do you want to be the stopping point?"

"Oh…" Her eyes flew open. "OH! Uh, being a guy I guess I—"

"Come on, you do have things you don't wanna do. What if we find another cute girl and she wants to mount you?" My words made Twilight's eyes go as wide as saucers. "Right. So you don't want—"

"I-I-I might be okay with that. Maybe."

"Okay, so we play it by ear, and if things get too freaky we both stop and sober up, okay?"

"But I get to take notes?" Twilight asked. "Wait, I already asked that. I need to make a list of questions for tonight!" She then disappeared in another pomf of magic.

"Great. Now I have an afternoon to kill and no one to hang with. I wonder how long she'll take to—" Another pomf interrupted me. Twilight had a notepad, a pen, what looked like a scroll of paper, and she'd gotten changed. All but the latter I could ignore.

"Sorry! I had to get changed and get all my notes ready and——" Her words trailed on a little, as Twilight is want to do, but the breathing required to continue talking made the blouse she was now wearing move in wonderful ways. Each deep breath Twilight took made her chest push into the soft fabric. "… That's why I needed to ask Spike to keep an eye on Pinkie Pie. Do you still want to go?"

I looked down at myself—still wearing my better clothes from the visit to Celestia—and judged I was fine enough to at least hang off the arm of a princess. Reaching out, I hooked my arm under hers and grinned. "Come on, Princess, I'm going to show you a wonderful little place I fell in love with."

Author's Note

Paul what's in the water for the huge increase in sexual activity? Side note I'm concerned that you may end up with foal with the amount of sex you have especially with your special talent.

"You're telling me! You aren't the one running around with a magic field of pregnancy induction centered on you. It's like a bloody cross hair, and I'm worried it might be taking aim on me!" I shook my head as I reread the question. "Dude, if you could see what I could see... Imagine the most arousing thing in the world constantly just there every day and every hour, and you can't just beat off!"

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Lab

Afternoon "Tea"

"Hi Paul!" Jugs called from behind the bar. "Brought another friend tonight?" Was there a hint of disappointment there? I like to think so. Jugs and I had hooked up a second time, and by her tone she'd hoped to make it three.

Damn did she look good. "Absolutely did. You know me, a different girl every night. May I introduce Her Royal Highness, Princess Twilight Sparkle." I gestured to a now blushing Twilight.

"Well heck, It's nice to meet you, princess, but this ain't gonna do." Jugs gestured at Twilight to follow her, and to my shock both went into the back room. The words "cute", "put out", and "show off" were audible, but the rest was drowned out by the wooden paneling. Things went quiet for a bit, then Jugs walked back out with a huge grin on her face. "You owe me, Paul."

"Huh? What do—?" My voice failed me. All the universe could have evaporated around me at that moment, and I wouldn't have cared so long as I could keep watching the sight before me.

Twilight Sparkle, a full D cup, was wearing one of Jugs' spare cutoff shirts. Jugs was a feisty B cup. The shirt was white and read "under pressure", and that wasn't the half of it. I was sure I'd seen a hint of one under her blouse before, but now Twilight Sparkle wasn't wearing a bra. White shirt. Purple boobs. My erection. All of these things were now obvious.

"Told ya. Now give him a kiss and ask him," Jugs said, though my brain was barely able to process anything not immediately adjacent to Twilight's breasts.

They jiggled as she walked, for which I was so immensely thankful to gravity for, but the shirt was unrelenting in its efforts to keep her chest constrained. "Paul?"

"Huh?" Through sheer willpower I managed to drag my head and eyes up. I looked at Twilight's blushing, smiling face, and blinked. "What's breasts?"

She laughed. "Paul, would you like me to get you a beer?"

Damn it, Jugs, you created a goddess and put her before me. I pulled my jaw up from the floor, nodded, and followed Twilight with my eyes as she walked behind the bar.

"How many beers are we pouring?" Jugs looked around the bar, counted orders, and pulled four big mugs out. "Now, I'll do the first one, and then you do the rest. You want to know the best part about this?"

"W-What's that?" Twilight's stammer was too damn cute.

"No one will complain if a princess messes up their beer. Now you tip the glass on its side like this, and open the tap full."

Equestria, I had finally found myself able to admit, was paradise. Jugs showed Twilight how to pour the first, then stood behind Twilight and reached around her to help her learn.

"I did it!" Twilight reached over and set the beer down before me, then bounced in place. That was me done. I couldn't look away and barely noticed two more beers being poured before Twilight left the bar and came around to sit beside me. Out came her notebook, and her horn lit up and set a pen to quickly begin writing notes. "Did you see that? I did it! First try!"

Then I made the hardest and best decision I would all day. I picked up my beer and held it out to Twilight. "Then you get first taste."

Twilight looked a little startled, but when I refused to give up the glass to her control she worked out my plan and simply pursed her lips.

Setting the lip of the glass mug to her lips, I gently tipped it so that first froth, and then the delicious amber fluid reached her mouth. Slow and easy. A little taste and I tipped the mug back. "You like?"

She shivered in a way that reminded me what was just below her face. Hold strong, Paul, you don't want to turn into a mare while holding a mug of beer. "It's a bit thicker than cider. Fuller flavor. I like it—but I'd really like a Sunrise instead."

I knew the drink from back home, but I was curious to see if ponies had an equivalent. Sure enough, Jugs grabbed a highball and dunked ice in it, then set about pouring an off-yellow liquid and orange juice into a mixer.

Taking a pull on my beer, I could have died a happy man right then and there. "You've been to bars often enough to have a favorite drink?"

"Rainbow insists sometimes, and I—There's this mirror to another world. It's not your world, but everyone there is human and I get stuck as a woman when there. It's kinda odd, but it's like having another set of friends, you know?" Twilight's words were a minor bombshell, but it was one the beer softened for me.

I shook my head and took another pull of beer. "Not really, but hey, you drink what you like." As I finished speaking, Jugs set the highball glass down on the bar before Twilight. It had the distinctive red-orange-yellow gradient that I knew of the human-world version of it. "Can I have a taste?"

"You can have second sip." Twilight lifted the drink and took a sip from it. I watched her lips and throat work and realized it might actually be kinda against the law to drink from the same cup as a princess, but if it was, I didn't care. She held the glass up to me.

I restrained my urge to take the glass and instead pursed my lips. Sweet and sharp, the orange juice and the tequila hit me in a rush with a slight hint of the cherry floating in the glass. The glass was gone and I was left with a slight tingle on my tongue at the rich drink. "That's a good Sunrise."

"Yup!" Twilight took the drink back and sipped from it herself again. "Jugs said you had a bit of a fixation, that this shirt might do something for you."

"She wasn't joking, Twilight. I'm surprised you hadn't noticed yet. You see, I like breasts."

"He really likes breasts." Jugs had apparently finished serving everyone else. "Like, when I woke up with him still in my bed, he was just rubbing and massaging mine over and over, talking to them. Does a girl good to know she's appreciated."

"I didn't think it was true, but then I watched your eyes when I came back into the bar. Experiment time!" Twilight took a long sip of her drink—draining about half of it—and turned on the stool to face me. "Paul, I want you to look very closely at my finger."

Another pull of beer and I was ready to face Twilight. I looked at her finger intently. "Is this like hypnosis?"

"Kinda," Jugs said.

Twilight's finger dipped down, then went back up again. I didn't notice the second bit because I was staring at her chest. I couldn't hold back. There might be studs in Equestria who were akin to gods, but I was only human. One shaking hand reached out, but just before it managed to touch the straining shirt, Twilight used her magic to pull it up to her jaw.

"First base is later."

I shook my head and realized I'd been looking into her eyes. "You hypnotized me. I am now completely under your power."

"With a rack like that?" Jugs asked. "Yeah, you got him under your power, princess."

Rolling my eyes, I reached for my beer with my released hand and had another drink. Okay, one thing surprised me—Twilight's not as high-strung-crazy as I thought. Maybe Celestia had lost touch a little with her student?

"If that was all it took, he'd still be talking to Cadance even now," Twilight said. "Shining admitted what they've been doing. They could have at least asked you."

"Honestly? I was kinda getting used to them falling out of cupboards and odd noises coming from rooms nearby. Besides, one of Cadance's hugs is not something I'll soon forget." I gave a sage nod, as if the words were holy truth.

"They're okay if all you want is huge. Have you seen Pinkie's?" There were no stranger words I'd expected to come from Twilight's mouth. She could have told me that tomorrow I'd be stuck as a mare and all of Equestria would be turned into stallions, and I'd have taken it all in easier. "But seriously, you should see Sunset when she—"

"What?!" The word exploded from my mouth. "I thought you liked guys?"

"My six best friends are girls, I go to an alternate world where I hang out with seven other girls—including an alternate dimension version of me that's even dorkier—and my class from school was all girls. It had to rub off at least a little. Of course I don't mind girls, Paul."

Revelations and possibilities. But there was one thing I still wanted to know. "You're different. What happened to the girl that earlier on today could barely look at me?"

Twilight snorted in disdain. "Paul, I was embarrassed. I was so caught up in doing science that I'd neglected to do the more important thing."

My mind raced for an answer that she was trying to imply. "Bang me?"

"Maybe later. But the thing that I realized was I hadn't gotten to know you. Study is all well and good, but I'm not the princess of science, Paul—I'm the princess of friendship." She took a long sip of her drink and spread her wings, emphasizing the whole princess thing. It was just about the most cutesy thing I'd seen since getting here.

"Well, princess, let's have a few drinks and do some practical study on your favorite topic." I'd like to thank the academy, my parents, and the excellent beer of Jugs' establishment for being able to spin pony-speak into what essentially meant Let's get drunk and get down.

Twilight giggled and finished her drink, which meant I had to as well. The beer was smooth and good, and when the bottom of my glass was in sight I set it down beside Twilight's empty one.

Jugs brought us two more drinks and the very concept of money was apparently not something to consider. I could get used to being the royal—What even is my title? Who cares, free beer! I took a long sip and set my glass back down. "You kinda kept your distance from me in Ponyville, so I feel like I only know you from a few glanced here and there, and what your friends told me. What's the real Twilight like?"

"I've played this game before, Paul. In that other world, it's called the Question Game, and it normally works best with a group—or in pairs." She sipped her drink and I couldn't help but glance down and bite my lip. My earlier estimations regarding not going near her due to her craziness were definitely incorrect. "When I'm not saving Equestria with my friends, or saving that humanish world with my other friends, I like to curl up with a good book and immerse myself in it. Paul, why do you fixate on my breasts so much—Wait. I mean why do you fixate on anyone's breasts so much?"

"Good save. I'll answer both. Firstly, you're hot as heck. Secondly, at least in the world I'm from, guys tend to be hard-wired to like boobs. It's a thing we're almost all fixated on. The feel of them, the movement of them… Even the happy sounds a girl makes when you play with them works together to make them irresistible." My mind was racing for something smart to ask Twilight in return. "I don't suppose this is like Truth or Dare?"

"Not until later."

The way she spoke made a shiver of anticipation run up my spine. Who'd have thought this girl would be so good at flirting? Now I had all the best questions but none of them could be asked here. "How many guys have you been with in this other world?"

Her eyes danced and her chest bounced a little at her laughter. "Four. Would you like to go, too, one day?"

"That counts as your question," I said.

Twilight just shrugged and sipped her drink.

I took stock of things. Penis was eager, asshole too, but vagina didn't seem enthusiastic. That's a two-thirds majority. "Yeah, I'd be cool with that. Been kinda getting used to things here, though." Then it hit me—I'd be able to nestle in Twilight's chest as we both climaxed.

Even vagina was onboard now.

"You tell me it's not Truth or Dare, and then you give me a dare anyway. But that's okay. You're a princess, you get one freebie." I sipped my beer slowly and listened to the music that invariably permeated every bar and dive-joint. "What's your favorite position?"

"Here, or at the other place?"

"Why don't you tell me your favorite overall first?" I asked. "And then I'll decide if it's worth another question to find out the other place from that?"

She closed her eyes, and I watched her chest heave a few times as she took deep breaths. Bloody hell but I could watch Twilight Sparkle take deep breaths all day long and consider myself content. "I prefer it as a stallion. Things are more focused, even if the sex doesn't last as long. But I like having a mare on top of me."

It was about then I was aware how quiet the rest of the bar was. Jugs was trying her very best not to listen in, but it was obvious everyone present was focused on us. Time to be the—

Twilight Sparkle cleared her throat. "You know, with an audience this big I could read you my latest research paper. It's only fifty pages long and goes into detail about the daily life of lichen." She wore a smile that said she was both joking and deadly serious.

"You can't blame us. Gossip on a princess is juicy stuff. Don't worry though, Your Highness," Jugs said, "No one here's gonna share any of that."

A round of mumbled agreements came in on the heels of Jugs' comment. I grabbed my beer and downed it, almost half the glass, and turned to see Twilight doing the same for her sugar-filled Sunrise.

We fled the bar to the sound of Jugs grumbling at her customers and I laughed with Twilight as the good buzz of the alcohol carried us back toward the castle. As happens, the alcohol in our bellies was still having its way with our bloodstream, and by the time we got to the hallway of the royal suites, singing had become the best idea either of us could have.

"So what?! You didn't get it right the first time!" Twilight's voice was hitting the notes, but she was also extremely enthusiastic about her singing. She pointed to me to sing the next bit.

Remembering only the chorus (that we'd sung a few times already), I opted to launch into it again. "Shake your tail cause we're here to have a party tonight!" And did exactly as the song instructed—something Twilight was good at too.

Grabbing my arm, Twilight tried to haul me toward the door to her rooms. "Shake your tail! Shake your ta-aaa-aail!"

Fighting against an alicorn princess wasn't going to be easy, but the part of me that wanted more nights of free beer led me to struggle, and fall against Twilight. Of course I'd shoved a hand out to stop my fall, and of course it was clutching at one of her breasts while I kept falling fully into her.

"Frisky! C'mon inside, I'll shake your tail." The deep tone in Twilight's voice made penis and vagina start chanting the word sex over and over in my head.

"Wait." I shook my head to clear the building desire to shirk my duty. "My room, 'member? Gotta be a pony in there."

Twilight blinked at me owlishly, and as I watched her she transformed into a pony—into a stallion. Things went tight in my belly, and vagina was trying to tag penis. I shouted at them both to stop while we at least head to our—MY—rooms. "C'mon. This way."

He was bigger than I'd have expected. Twilight was almost as big as Luna was, and he kept looking at me with hunger in his eyes. Using his magic, Twilight shoved my door open and stomped inside while swinging his rear side to side.

A shiver of lust ran through me, and vagina was screaming to get a turn, but I had something else in mind. Twilight had shared his desires with me—there was no reason I shouldn't indulge them a bit. This thought caused vagina to take pause and make me assure them I'd still let him plow me by the time the night was done.

I froze when I got inside and saw Princess Celestia sitting on one of my couches with her legs crossed. Her breasts were literally to die for, but while I was here for her, it wasn't her my mind was focused on right now. "Hey."

"Not that I didn't trust you, but I wanted to make sure we'd get things right. I'll be next door with Blue Buns in about ten minutes. Don't spend too long on your foreplay, Paul." Princess Celestia uncrossed her legs—flashing me her holiest of holies (or was that holeys?)—and stood up. She got as far as right beside me before she turned and shoved her chest up and toward my face.

All my plans of playing with Twilight as a guy for a bit went out the window. Penis started getting hard and immediately tagged vagina. The change of almost-human into pony—man into mare—was like a bucket of warm water poured over my back. I dropped and fell forward onto all fours, my hands having turned to hooves just in time to catch me.

I let out a sigh and looked up at Celestia. "I was going to do it soon, but had other plans."

"Oh?" Celestia looked between me and Twilight. "Oh! Sorry, then. I hadn't fully realized. Don't let me keep you any further." She turned, and the ass on Celestia could have maybe tempted me over to the other team (ass, of course), but the memory of her breasts was still too fresh.

"Hey." Twilight's voice stole me away to him in an instant. It was deeper—masculine—but I'd learned to appreciate a warm male voice from ponies. I watched him walk from the sitting room (Luna'd told me the name of all the rooms) to the bedroom with a swaying gait.

I know my tail perked up, and I know I pranced a little, but damn I was excited. Entering the bedroom, I saw Twilight laying on the bed, on his back. A shiver ran through me—he was completely on display. I closed the door behind me and approached the bed. "I'll admit I'm not normally the one driving."

"Well, I'm a big stallion. You're not going to break me, so explore a little. Experiment." The edge he put on that last word reminded me of how much of a geek Twilight Sparkle was. A hot geek.

I buckled my foreleg so I could crawl toward him on my knees—vagina was very pleased with this because it put me closer to him. "An experiment? Okay, I can run with that."

"You need a hypothesis first." Twilight was leaning further toward nerdy now, but I could plainly see that it was working for him. He looked hard—ready.

Honesty would be important. Twilight knew all this science stuff off the top of his head, and would know if I was screwing up no matter how horny he was. "That's something I want to prove, right?" He nodded to my question. "Okay. I want to prove that I can make you squeak in just as high a voice like this as you ever have as a woman."

Twilight lifted his head a little higher to look down his body at me, and his eyes were bright. "That's… actually a good one. Though, Paul?"

"Yeah?"

"With science, it doesn't matter if your hypothesis is proven or not. So long as science is done." He had a goofy-happy grin that I was sure'd be the same as what I'd wear if a woman was going to blow me while catering to my kinks.

Well, Paul, time to prove you're the cock-hungry mare you are and see if you can make this stallion sing. Just as I neared him, the sound started. Rhythmic with a steadiness to it like the movement of a glacier, it sounded like Celestia was trying to break bed, Blue Blood, and possibly the floor with his efforts.

It wasn't just a distraction, it was the distraction to end all distractions.

"Paul?" Twilight sounded like he was confused. "What's wro—Oh."

My ears must have given me away.

"It's lucky that you're with one of the most talented spellcasters in all Equestria." Twilight had a cocky grin on his snout while his horn started to flare brightly with magic. A moment later the sound of Celestia doing the horizontal dance was simply gone. "There."

"Okay, that's pretty cool. Some kind of silence thing?" I asked. When Twilight nodded, I smiled and let the situation before me take over again. I had a hot girl-stallion, and I had a job to do. Vagina didn't need much encouraging, and asshole was curious about their involvement in the situation, while penis cheered from the sidelines.

"Experiment one," I said, and ran my tongue up the underside of his shaft from its base to the flared tip. Twilight made the sounds I'd said he would, but they were too low in pitch. I licked him again, and the smell of him started to make my head spin.

Was this a being-a-mare thing? Was I always just one night of drinking away from loving cock? I licked along Twilight's throbbing shaft a third time. Nah. This was just going with life. I like tits way too much to go on a sausage-only diet back home.

Twilight's voice had raised a little, though. "Paul! Y-You need to slow down!"

"Why?" I asked.

"I-I'll lose it. I want—" He let out a hearty moan as I licked up his shaft again.

Okay. Making someone so happy they can't talk? Kinda awesome. "Do you have a spell that can slow things down a little?"

When Twilight leaned up and forward, his eyes were a little derpy. He shook his head and blinked away his silly expression. "W-What do you mean?"

I rolled my eyes. I hadn't had too much to do with unicorns (let alone alicorns) yet. Ponyville was mostly earth pony types like me with the odd pegasus or ten. "You mean to tell me there aren't any spells at all for making the bedroom a little more exciting?"

The blush in Twilight's cheeks told me he knew there were such spells. "Y-Yeah. Kinda. They're usually used on mares…"

"The stup—Forget that. I want you to use it on you, but backwards." I thought it would take a bit more explanation, or even a few seconds for him to get the idea of what I said, but the surprised expression Twilight wore had a grin that grew wider and wider on it. "You think you can do that?"

"Please, Paul, I think this is the one situation that I know exactly what I'm doing. All I need to do is invert the—Yes, that will work. You, uh, might want to move back a little. If this hits you as well, I'll need to work for a week to get you off."

If you've never seen a unicorn curl into a tight enough ball to zap his penis with his horn before, you've never known true determination. The sight was impressive, and even after he'd unloaded his magic into his dong, I still had flashes of the scene in my memory (like after staring at a too-bright light globe).

We stared at each other—I think Twilight was as impressed at his flexibility as I was. Never let it be said sexytimes weren't the best of motivators.

Carefully, I leaned forward and down and ran my tongue along his shaft. The poor thing had started to lose some of its excitement, but my lick had him twitch and surge again. "Well?"

"More please." Twilight sounded hungry and excited. I looked up from the dong at the end of my snout to see him watching me intently. Well, I'd made this into a real experiment for him. Note to self, Twilight is damn hot when he's this excited.

Stepping things up, I licked and then nuzzled down the length of his shaft. When he squirmed under me, I repeated the action on the other side before I felt it was time to step things up. I'd been with enough stallions now that I was familiar with dongs, but not with blowjobs—at least not from this side of things. The issue in the past always had to do with a stallion's ability to hold himself back, or rather their inability to do so.

Okay, Paul, you've never really sucked dick properly before, so it's time to try to remember the lessons you've gotten from all the girls. Yeah, that's the answer, think of it as them training you.

Fuck they were good at training.

First, no teeth. Suck, don't blow. Keep my tongue moving. Hands should—no hands, scratch that. But I could be gentle with my hooves. Okay, forget lessons, let's suck Twilight Sparkle's dick!

Damn it was big. Big and hot. Literally hot, like I could—PAUL! You're stalling. I opened my mouth slowly, pressed my lips to his shaft, and angled my head forward until my brow was pressed to his belly. The taste was like it had been when I licked him, but about ten times more intense than it had been.

The smell and taste together made me feel a little light headed. I nuzzled down a little and opened my mouth wider.

"Paul! Teeth!"

Fuck. Rule #1. Paul, don't screw this up. Opening my jaw a little wider, and using my lips to squeeze down on him, I pushed down his shaft.

And he pushed into my mouth. A dick in my mouth. Well, it wasn't that bad. It was big, and was really warm, and—Rule #3. I slowly ran my tongue along the underside of him, and the smell and taste seemed to fill my head more.

"That's amazing, Paul. I can't believe nopony has ever thought of doing this before. It's like the normal pressure is soooo much slower." Twilight's hoof found the side of my head. He didn't shove or push, but he held a grip on my, and guided my head down onto him more.

It was odd and yet satisfying. As a human male, I knew the limit of my mouth in terms of how much steak I'd managed to get into it during an ill-advised (and beer-fueled) party. As a fuzzy pony guy, I hadn't been to too many of those kinds of parties, but I judged my mouth capacity a little bigger than as human. As a pony, I knew how big Twilight's shaft was, and to feel his medial ring bump my nose was a shock. He was huge and he was inside my mouth!

Rule #1 was important, but I had to keep Rule #3 in mind too.

Twilight's hoof pulled me back from his shaft, giving me a chance to realize how big really was. I looked down the length of him and smiled stupidly around the bit of him still between my lips. There was no time to think about it—Twilight did what I would do (what I had done, countless times) when a girl has her head in between my legs with my hand holding her cheek. Twilight pushed down.

This time his medial ring pushed between my lips and I got the first hint of a muskier taste. But that was lost as soon as I was used to it, and I was pulled back up, only to go down again. The secret was rule #5 (a new one)—relax my neck. Twilight was driving this show, and he was doing a damn good job of it.

Rule #1, once I was in my groove, was easier to follow. Rule #3 became natural after just a minute. Each time he pulled me up his shaft so only his flared end was in my mouth, I put Rule #2 into action and sucked on him. The little shudders he gave told me it was the right thing to do.

Rule #4 was something I was trying to get my head around to, but when you're being fed so much prime alicorn cock, it's hard to focus on his balls. I reached a hoof slowly toward one of his orbs, but just as I got close he pulled my mouth completely off his shaft.

"I'm starting to get close, Paul!" Twilight rolled over to his belly and stood up on the bed. Okay, now this was intimidating. Twilight was fully as tall as Luna was, and I knew how big he was quite intimately. "I wanna—"

I knew what he wanted. He wanted what every stallion wanted in this moment. Pushing my forelegs into the soft bed, I stood up and started to turn. "Remember, Twilight, in my—" I didn't get another word out. Twilight had jumped onto my back and shoved himself balls deep into my vagina.

What I'd been about to say slipped from my mind. I was a mare with a big stallion plowing my field. The stupidity of the metaphor jerked me back from my lust for the quarter of a second it took Twilight to adjust himself on my back and start pounding.

It was an entirely new feeling. Never before had I had somepony as powerful as Twilight Sparkle felt right then just keep going. Even Celestia with all her/his vaunted stamina, had never fucked me this hard and this long.

Vagina was ecstatic. She had been gleefully clamping down and squeezing upon Twilight's shaft with each stroke, though her efforts became less and less as the stallion on my back just drove on and on. Had it been anypony other than an alicorn, I doubt they would have made it as far as he had. Each shove just melted my mind and body a little more until my forelegs collapsed and he had to kneel on my back.

A climax struck when I least expected it. One moment I felt like a tub of cookie dough wrapped around Twilight's shaft, and the next I was a puddle of melting mare as my insides did a dance around his ever persistent shoving shaft.

My heart pounded like a drum. It seemed like it was pumping raw pleasure around my body like some kind of lust pump. If I could have scraped together enough brain-cells to think, I might have tried to adjust my stance so Twilight could get deeper.

The thing that overwhelmed every sensation was the fullness of having a penis that big inside me over and over. It was like I was one of Jugs' shirts, and Twilight was Jugs—putting me on and taking me off over and over. That's when I realized I was too drunk on pleasure to even make a metaphor.

I could say after this that Twilight Sparkle had, without a shadow of a doubt, fucked my brains out. It was all I could think of—how wrecked I was.

Then, he came.

The constant, hip-spearing thrusts of Twilight's body gave way to rushed humping motions that were more like what an excited dog might get away with. Vagina was telling me that there was far more moisture coming from Twilight, and then she told me that it was time to orgasm and pass out.

Like filling a water balloon straight from the tap, I felt the pressure of Twilight's seed build and build inside me. It was like a torrent of heat inside. Just as I was starting to ache with how full I was, my back legs finally gave out and we fell sideways to the bed.

If there was ever a chance to get away from this wildest of wild fucks, it would be now. Not that I wanted to, but even as the idea crossed what was left of my mind, two strong wings and four legs wrapped around me and pulled me close against Twilight's belly.

Vagina was content. She had a big cock she could keep hugging, and she told me under no uncertain terms that none of us were going to be moving until morning. Penis was already asleep, and asshole was sulking somewhere—but I had no idea what his problem was. In the end, with a big purple stallion pressed to my back and making it impossible to get away from him, I drifted off.

Author's Note

Paul: If you were in season, who would you have mount you? It is clear that you are becoming more open

"Not bloody Twilight Sparkle!" I shouted. "I mean, I know he was a bit excited, and I kinda was too—and not that I'm really complaining—but I asked him to keep it out of my pink!"

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Lab

Bonding Experience

Waking up as a pony was, at first, the most comfortable thing I'd ever experienced. There was something wonderful about waking with a big stallion at my back and with him still inside me. I'd done this to girls back on Earth a time or two, and though things had been snuggly at the moment of waking, I knew there'd be a mess to clean up when we decoupled.

But, for now, I could let vagina whisper happy things about how good it felt to be full and relax against Twilight's body. I didn't even have to think about anything.

The twitch of a wing as it reached over me and held me tight drew a happy little sigh free from my throat.

"Morning." His voice was like liquid honey. "Hey, you're still a pony." Okay, his voice grew more uncertain.

When he shifted his hips I almost cried out in pure ecstasy. Everything was sensitive, and the little bit of movement and friction caused me to almost have an orgasm on the spot.

"Oh. That's better than the other reason you'd still be a pony. Sorry about that, Paul, but I couldn't smell any estrus on you and you were just so—you're still so—hot."

"St-Stop squirming so I can—" I squeezed my eyes closed. It wasn't an orgasm. Orgasms hit me like trucks and scatter my thoughts. This slow and lazy flood of pleasure was much more like something for mornings-after than any quickies I'd had upon waking. My muscles tensed and I was thankful for Twilight's wing squeezing me and holding me in place.

A rush of wet heat deep inside surprised me. Twilight, last night, had been so resistant to release that him blasting me after only a little movement felt so different. He'd said I didn't smell in heat, or whatever, and that was good enough for me. I relaxed after the rush and felt like so much soft and squishy pudding.

Why other guys were so uptight about having fun with stallions I'll never know. "So I'm not in heat or whatever it's called. That's good. Keeping a dick in me keeps me a pony?"

I almost shot back into another of those slow orgasms when what felt like a hand started rubbing my lower belly. Magic was weird, but I could definitely get used to it. Twilight had me squirming and giggling in seconds, but when I shifted too much I popped free of him.

The morning relaxation had become a scramble. Human girls didn't have to put up with this, at least I don't think it was this bad. My body was filled with a lot of pony spunk, and it was telling me it's time to unload.

Clenching my muscles down as well as I could, I rolled off the bed and onto my hooves, and dashed for the bathroom. Relief, when I was in the appropriate place for it, was not quite as good as that slow orgasm had been, but it was pretty crazy-good. If it was wrong to enjoy feeling the proof of our fun leak out, well, call me a bad pony.

After a few moments to make sure everything was gone, I washed up and grabbed a towel, but was headed off as I was leaving the bathroom by Twilight. The musk of stallion wafted off him, and I wasn't so much of a man as I couldn't admit I wanted him on me again right then. "I was getting you a cloth."

"I like to get clean. Maybe I'll have a shower." Twilight had to walk close to me to get into the room—but he didn't need to brush against me as he did. The touch of his warm body made me shiver enough that if he'd asked, I'd have given up the whole day to be his willing little mare.

Okay, I had to have words with vagina, it seemed. She was getting way too pushy.

"I'll get some breakfast for when you get out." Vagina, so help me if you wink at him as we're leaving I'm not feeding you for a month.

Without a word or a wink I made my way out and away from the raw scent of Twilight the stallion. In the hallway, a Royal Guard raised his eyebrow at me.

"Princess Twilight, I hear? Next thing you know, you'll be in the Guard yourself. Nice work." He held out his fist to me, which I found myself bumping with my hoof. "You leaving him all alone in there?"

"He's having a shower." Too late I realized that confirmed that I was probably wasn't pregnant and was only a pony because we'd had sex. Well, screw it. No regrets from this sexy bastard. "I'm heading to the kitchen. You want anything?"

He looked startled. I guess I hadn't exactly been nice to any of the Guard. Well, fuckit, I needed to live here, so why not make friends with the other guys who seem to—to enjoy casual sex as much as I do…

I hadn't realized it before. The reason all the guys I'd met out and about were so prim is that the ones like me were in the Guard. Okay, I'm a bit of an idiot, and slow, but I knew that already.

"You know, I could really go for one of Hot Buns' custard rolls they do. Tell it's for Stone Shield, she'll cut you some slack." Stone Shield? Huh, neat name for a guard I guess.

I grinned and nodded, memorizing what he wanted. "Got it. Gimme a bit—I like to make sure a stallion gets a good meal after a night like that. Keeps them coming back, ya know?"

Stone blinked a few times before this perfect example of posing masculinity broke into a huge grin and snorted. "Yeah, I hear that. Thanks."

Walking down the hall, I found myself practically prancing I felt so good. Ignoring the looks of the other guards, I made my way down the hall and through to the kitchen.

The kitchen was busy. People rushing about their work and preparing not just lunch, but dinner. I knew enough about commercial kitchens to know that this was their normal state, and having me here was just going to make things a hundred times worse—or so Hot Buns would soon tell me.

"You! What are you doing in my kitchen like that?! You're a health hazard!" Hot Buns' voice drew closer as she bellowed. Stopping only when she could tower over me, she glared down past her wonderfully large chest. "I told you. No shoes no cooking. Paul, you're killing me here."

"If you have a cure for being a happy mare, I'd take it. What I need is a suitable breakfast for Princess Twilight Sparkle and her guest." I included as much eyebrow waggle as I thought I could get away with. "He's currently taking a shower, and I'd like to surprise him with—"

"Gretchen!" Hot Buns voice summoned a very odd creature. She was shorter than Hot Buns, but this Gretchen was also rake thin and with a sadly modest chest to match. What was odd about her was she sported a beak, feathers, and had yellow, clawed hands that I was sure weren't gloves.

I mean, I knew Equestria had griffons, I just hadn't expected to meet any. Gretchen snapped to at Hot's side like a pristine soldier—or line chef.

"Gretchen here is our latest line chef. She'll be your hands, Paul. Gretchen, make whatever she tells you to, get it right, and don't let her fuzzy butt touch anything we'll have to clean later or you'll be the one cleaning it, got it?" Hot was already turning away, secure in the knowledge that her word was law in the kitchen.

"Yes, ma'am!" Gretchen turned and looked down her beak at me. "So, what am I making?"

"Egg-in-the-hole, two pieces, and grilled cheese toasties, two pieces. Some juice would be good too. Thanks, Gretchen." I looked hopefully at her. She could either make exactly what I said or she could actually make something nice. Asking nicely and making life easier for her was the best way to get the latter.

"Is that all? I can get that done. Any particular type of cheese?" Lifting down a pair of pans, Gretchen lit the stove and started getting things hot.

"Well, it's only for melting, so some of the fine Coltby I know Hot Buns keeps would be nice."

Gretchen knew her business. She zoomed around the kitchen gathering eggs, cheese, a big loaf of bread, butter, and spices. We spent ten minutes making things—well, she was making them, I just gave ideas—and when she was done there was a serviceable plate of toast in a mix of eggy and cheesy goodness.

"Let me get you a tray and take that up for you," she said.

That's when I remembered. "I need—that is a friend wants—a custard roll. Stone Shield said Hot Buns would help him out." Biting my lip, I danced a little from hoof to hoof. I should have asked Hot Buns first, but her shouting had put me off.

"Let me go and steal a few. They're normally a breakfast thing, but we had a few left over." Gretchen left the tray and walked off with purpose to find the rolls.

That's when the kitchen froze in place, all of them looking at me. Hot Buns, her sous chef (who a moment ago had been barking commands to a line chef), and all the line chefs—every single person in the room was staring at me.

"Paul." Princess Celestia's masculine voice right behind me made me jump. "We need to discuss things again. After you're done entertaining Twilight, please attend upon me in the throne room." I actually heard Celestia's hooves this time as she walked out of the kitchen. How she'd moved so quietly the first time I had no idea.

I let my breath out slowly, only narrowly avoiding screaming. If it was good news, she wouldn't have chased me down directly. That meant that Blue Blood had turned back to the picture of masculine vitality he normally was.

"P-Princess Celestia doesn't often come down here unless she's hungry. What'd you screw up?" Gretchen asked.

"If I told you that, I'd have to kill you. Not really, but it's a bit of a secret. Did you find some rolls?" As I asked, she set four of them on the tray with the toast and juice. "Well, might as well head up. Twilight'll be out of the shower soon."

"Lead the way."

I did so. Gretchen didn't say much as we left the kitchen through the private hall that led up to the royal apartments. She didn't even comment when we reached the door of mine and Stone Shield perked up.

"One of the rolls are for Stone here. Told you I'd get you one." I opened the door while Gretchen flirted with Stone. Inside, I could hear the water of the shower still running. "Could you set the tray down over there on the table?"

Gretchen seemed to pause a moment before she looked at the bedroom door (which was open) and then back to me. "I know what the deal is in Equestria. I've been living here long enough to get that either you're pregnant or—"

"I'm not pregnant." Big grin, Paul. Huge grin. If you're horny and you know it, clop your hooves! "Just woke up in the mood and had a cutie beside me. You know how it is?"

"No. Griffons are—pardon the pun—tight asses. No sex before marriage, and marriage requires a dowry to be paid to each other's family." Gretchen let out a sigh and pinched one of the remaining rolls. "So I don't really know that."

I snorted. "You're joking, right? Find yourself a girl here—a pony girl. Relax and spread your legs a little."

She stared at me like I'd just told her the most bizarre thing ever. "I couldn't do that!"

"Why not?"

"They're ponies and I'm—" Gretchen stopped and had the good grace to close her mouth.

"I turned up here less than a year ago. I wasn't born a pony, but damn they're fun to play with." Yeah! Go me! An adult male (kinda) admitting that he (kinda) loves playing with ponies (definitely).

"—an idiot. You're right. Do you know anyone who might…" As she spoke, Gretchen's eyes drifted to the doorway again.

Twilight, still a stallion, looked amazing. His coat was dry and his mane was mostly dry, but the latter still hung down over one side of his neck while it finished drying. He looked at me first, and I felt devoured in his gaze. Vagina spoke up that she wanted to do all kinds of things with him, again, and asshole was singing duet.

"I should go." Gretchen bowed. "Your Highness." She turned quickly, a blush in her cheeks, and practically ran from the suite.

Waiting for the door to close behind the fleeing chef, Twilight sat down on the couch beside the table and used his magic to make a small swarm of brushes and combs appear. "Why was there a griffon in your rooms?"

Walking up behind Twilight, I climbed up onto the couch and slipped in behind him. It took me two tries to grab the brush that was working on his mane, but once I did I slipped the thing over the end of my hoof and went to work. "She's one of the chefs. Helped with breakfast and offered to carry it, since I don't have any hands."

"That's something I wanted to talk to you about, actually. That spell I used could have other applications." Twilight, I'd discovered, talked different when he was discussing science that had sexy implications. His voice lowered a little, and he bit his lower lip a lot—as if he were worried the next thing he'd say would scare me off. It was kinda cute, but not half as cute as he was. Wait, he'd gone silent. Did he say something else?

"Uh. Right. Sorry. Got distracted brushing." Smooth, Paul. Getting distracted with his body would totally work on a nerdy stallion like Twilight.

"I asked if you'd like to try the new version of the spell I came up with earlier. It should let us be able to have sex without turning into ponies."

Vagina was confused, but penis was waking up and liking the idea. "You have made me the happiest mare—man—in all Equestria. How do we do it?"

"You'd really want to try it? Most people tend to run away when I ask if they want to do some science."

I felt a tremble run through me from my dock to my nose. After almost a year in Equestria I could tell when I was starting to turn back to my more-or-less human self. It started, funnily enough, with asshole. If anyone ever tried to tell me (before I came to pony land) that horse assholes are really different to human ones, I would have probably told them to shut up about assholes.

There feel of a huge amount of additional muscle fading was as unique as it was strange. More of my body changed, and I could feel my hips, legs, and belly all starting up the dance back to normality. I leaned forward onto Twilight's back so that he could feel me changing, but doing so let me feel him changing too.

Reaching my changing arms around him, I rubbed down to feel his shaft shrinking, then traced up his body with my hooves (as they turned into hands), and cupped his chest as Twilight grew he ever-impressive D cups back.

It wasn't a moment I'd really focused on before, but there was something more intimate than ever about holding a girl as she became a girl again, while also becoming male again myself. Slowly, I began kneading her breasts with all the care and attention of any breast-focused maniac loose in the capital of Equestria.

"Paul…" Twilight might be trying to protest, but she was trying badly. So badly, in fact, that she'd brought her own hands up to cover mine—but not stop mine. "If you turn me into a stallion again, I'm going to fuck you until you walk funny."

I froze. The last thing I'd ever expected to hear from a princess was that. Well, maybe Celestia, but Twilight? No way. "So, what are we gonna do instead?" It wasn't that I was against fucking, or against walking funny, but there was something about the way these women spoke that made every word a not-game—really real—thing.

Her chuckle could have meant a lot of things, though her hands squeezed mine a little—which meant she was squeezing her own boobs. Why does she get a pass to play with her sweater-kittens but I don't? This world can be unfair sometimes. "I'm going to cast the same spell again, but this time it will be stronger, and I'll put it on both of us. I want to see if you can actually get off before turning."

"Like a race," I said. "What do I get if I win?"

"You get to blow your load in me." Twilight squeezed my hands again. I wished I could see her cute, nerdy face.

I gave another few squeezes of her (in my mind) primary assets before replying. "Well, I'm sold. How do we do this?" Alright, so I was massaging her chest again. "Damn I missed these."

"Are you going to let go so I can focus?" When I didn't, she let out a (slightly lusty) sigh and closed her fingers around my hands and lifted me free of her fun-bags. "The only reason I haven't changed already is that I still have the last of that that spell on me. Okay, Paul, this shouldn't feel more than a little tingly. Ready?"

Of course, as she spoke, Twilight stood up and turned around. Penis was very thankful for this turn of events, and showed his appreciation (and mine).

"Sure," I said—completely distracted.

Magic happened, and by magic I mean Twilight jiggled up and down as she did something with her horn, which made her breasts do the most amazing dance I'd seen since I last met Princess Cadance. The next thing I knew, I had what felt like the smallest orgasm ever, but the pleasure rushed from my chest outward. When it passed, however, I felt an odd detatchedness.

"There!" Twilight bounced a few more times, distracting me completely from the magic she'd just cast as her boobs bounced even more than last time. Truly, she's the princess that just keeps on giving. "How do you feel?"

"Horny." I stood up and took two steps today Twilight. Cupping a breast with each of my hands, I let out a happy sigh. "And blessed."

"I meant the—the spell." She sounded distracted by something. Maybe it was the continued massage I was giving her tits? You know, I think I'm getting the hang of this experimentation stuff, next I'd have to massage something else.

"Spellwasgood. Comeon." I made the ultimate sacrifice and let go of a breast to grab her hand. When Twilight narrowed her eyes and glared at me, I decided more serious effort was required.

I had to give up her breasts completely, but it was only by the grace of penis that I could. Grabbing her around the rump and reaching for her shoulders, I tilted Twilight off-balance and lifted her up.

"Paul! What are you doing?!" Despite her shout, Twilight was giggling.

I started making my way back to the bedroom, carrying Twilight. "The spell tingled, felt like a small orgasm, and then faded. Is that what you wanted to know?" She looked just like she was taking in and carefully analyzing each word.

With care for the great booty I was carrying, I set Twilight down on the bed and then leaned over her and kissed her soft, yielding lips. I braced one hand on the bed and explored her chest with the other while I kept up the kiss.

Much as I could have spent all day playing with Twilight's breasts, I knew what she wanted (hint: it was the same thing penis wanted). I pushed my tongue out and started brushing my fingers down her chest to her belly, then down lower. French-kissing a princess while tickling my fingers through her bush was, without a doubt, the last thing my car accident had prepared me for.

When my fingers finally found her, Twilight broke the kiss and moaned aloud. She squirmed at first as I ran a digit up and down her entrance, and when I felt a little moisture—and pushed a finger in—Twilight arched her spine and offered me her chest.

It was special to be able to do this. I hadn't gotten to this moment a heck of a lot of times in Equestria before the girl became a stallion, so I nuzzled at each of her breasts and took my time, all the while Twilight whined and shook. That might have had something to do with the slow finger-fucking I was giving her.

Twilight put both her hands on the top of my head and shoved down her body. It was not the most subtle of hints, but it's one I could get behind.

Pulling my finger from her slowly, I moved around her legs so I could crawl up between them and get a little more personal. All the horsedick I'd sucked now, and this was practically my first time really getting to go to town on a girl. Was I crying? Maybe a little. Tears of pure, fucking joy.

As my lips made contact with her plump pussy in a kiss, Twilight squealed out my name. Her conversation about that other world she'd been to where the change doesn't happen came to mind, and I lifted my head back up from servicing her. "Twilight? This isn't your first ride, is it?"

"I've been with girls in—"

"I know that, but I mean with a guy, and with you as a girl. You've been with guys in…"

"Canterlot. The place is called Canterlot, too, but they're all kinda human and a little freaky." Twilight slumped down to her back. "I've been with one guy, Paul, he was kinda fun, but also kinda a bit young for me. Like, just out of high school young. It was fun, but he wasn't as experienced as you are."

The way she emphasized the last few words brought a smile to my lips. "It's nice to know you appreciate my work."

"This is work to you?"

"Work can be enjoyed, Twilight." I lowered my head and spotted a good target. "If you think I'm putting up with this, just for sex, you're mistaken." I pursed my lips and sucked her little, prominent clit.

I felt Twilight's hands grab into the bed and squeeze into fists. Her legs pulled up and she closed her thighs onto each side of my head and squeezed—but I didn't let go. One. Two. Three licks with my tongue and Twilight's thighs flexed more and I watched her sit up and stare down at me.

"Paul, if you don't stop that, I'll turn into a stallion and—"

I let go, but she wasn't done.

Twilight's horn practically illuminated the room as she picked me up and lifted me over her. She lay back and hefted me so that I was all the way up her torso with my dick between—

My brain locked up at what I realized she was doing. "N-No way…"

"Yes way. A lube spell to get things nice and slick,"—my cock, nestled now between her breasts, became warm with the summoned magic lube—"and here we go." Twilight grabbed her boobs and started rubbing them along my cock.

I was catapulted to that wonderful place all males go when their girl says "let me drive". I probably had the goofiest look on my face ever as Twilight rubbed her wonderful tits up and down my dick. Penis was too busy moaning to tell me anything, and vagina was waving pom poms from the sidelines.

It was impossible not to look down. My shaft looked both bigger and smaller than it had ever been at the same time. Nestled between her jugs (sorry, Jugs, but Twilight has jugs), I felt each motion of those wonderful, soft mounds as Twilight worked them along me. Paradise. Nirvana (not the band). It was utter bliss, and I wanted it to never end.

Had Twilight continued until I shot my load, I'm sure I would have pledged my undying support for her science experiments and dedicated myself to being her loyal worshiper for the rest of my days—just a little more…

Then, just as my pleasure was ramping up, it stopped.

Feeling dazed and a little unsure, I looked down to see Twilight's big, nerdy grin replaced with that of a cat—in particular, the cat that ate the canary. "Wha—?"

"Paul, I think we're both as worked up as we can get. I know my heart's racing like crazy, so either get yourself in there and fuck me, or I'm going to roll you over and keep going."

There was only one thing to do when you're given royal orders like that. Bracing my hands down on each side of her shoulders, I wiggled my legs down her body and stretched out atop her until I felt my shaft slip along her belly and crotch until it slid along her entrance. The moan she made as I did the last bit let me know I was on the right track. Braced with one hand, I reached down and held myself to line up with her, and then leaned forward and down.

Penis and I were in agreement about how great this was. It felt kinda muted, but at the same time I hadn't had sex as a guy for months, so it wasn't like I had much to compare it to. The difference between sex-as-a-guy and sex-as-a-mare was obvious, of course. Pushing my way into Twilight—slowly—I was a little startled by how intense it was compared with being a mare. Intense and focused. Everything was about my penis. Penis liked that.

"P-Paul! You're so big!"

Twilight's words held my attention. For a second, staring into her hungry eyes, I almost believed her. Pausing a moment, I decided to call her bluff. "Really? I could have sworn you said you've been with guys before. Remember, in that other world?"

"Remind me to take you there. See, the thing is, their bodies are different." Despite the situation, despite wanting Paul to start fucking her, Twilight was engaged in Science Mode. "Really long legs, which is kinda nice because they're covered in erogenous zones, but really small bodies. I mean, they had big dicks for their body-size, but you—by comparison—are huge. The biggest I've ever taken."

Alright, that made sense. Kinda. It also made me feel a lot better. Penis, you ready for action? I didn't have to ask—penis was inside Twilight, which on the whole kept penis ready for action. Knowing that I was the biggest she'd been with was just about the biggest boost I could get.

This called for something special. Missionary position wasn't enough for such an occasion. Turning to the side, I reached back for Twilight's leg and pulled it upward.

"What are you doing?!" Twilight asked.

Turning her a little to her side, I straddled her remaining thigh, drew my hips back while holding her other leg before me, then thrust forward.

As I gathered speed, Twilight stared up at me with wide eyes and an even wider mouth. She started with little grunts and then progressed to throaty moans. I'd learned this move from an old girlfriend who'd liked things a little deeper than normal. By the sounds Twilight made, I could put her down on that list.

Each stroke was a real reminder of how different this kind of sex was. Not just being male, but also having my hands free, being more touchy-feely, and being in control of things.

Twilight didn't exactly just lay back and take it. She bucked her hips up against me each time I thrust, timing her motions with my own so we had a constant rocking happening—our bodies in perfect concert with each other.

It was good to be back in the saddle again. Everything still worked right, and given how good it felt it worked well. My pace became erratic as I got closer to blowing my load. With one arm holding her leg, I reached out blindly with the other and caught her wing.

Wings look fragile, until you realize a pegasus can literally fly with them, lifting themselves and into the air and zooming around corners and stuff. As I pulled on Twilight's wing, she pulled back.

"I'm close, Paul. Oh Celestia this feels good!"

"Yeah—Not gonna—last much—longer!" My back was arched and my hips were a blur as I pounded her. I could feel my end approaching, and hoped she'd gotten enough from me to orgasm too. Just as the worry hit me that she might not—Twilight Sparkle climaxed.

She squeezed down on me like a clamp, and it was more than I could stand. Grunting and leaning forward, I bucked my hips harder and then—then I felt the electric fire that erupted from deep inside whenever I came. I shoved forward as hard as I could and felt the energy boil down my shaft and into Twilight.

It was like nothing in Equestria—literally. I strained and felt my body unload repeatedly as Twilight reached up for me, grabbed me by the shoulders, and pulled herself up into a kiss.

With our lips pressed together, I wrapped my arms around her beck (surrendering her leg) and pulled her against me. The feel of having a woman against me, around me, and kissing me was the best thing I'd felt since being here, and it made Twilight Sparkle a very important princess in my books.

It was funny, then, when I felt a wave of poniness start to pour over me like a warm shower. I shivered and hugged Twilight a little tighter. The feel of my penis slowly pulling out of her as I turned from a (in my opinion) handsome guy into a mare was something else.

She folded her wings around me and giggled. "You're much cuter like this, Paul, but that was wonderful." She pressed her lips to my changing snout and kissed me as I finished changing.

I think the thing I could get most used to in this situation was definitely sticking my snout down between her boobs. Definitely the best. I nuzzled around between her girls until Twilight started laughing at me.

"Paul, you really are fixated. You know that, right?" What Twilight did next put her firmly in the role of best princess. Without any prompting, she reached her hands up to the side of each of her gorgeous D cups, and squeezed them against my snout. "How's that?"

The warm scent of her body combined with the smell of sex to make a musk that agreed with me. My good mood, however, was mostly because she was letting me live a dream. Twilight didn't have as much of a rack as Cadance (nobody could have tits that big), but Twilight sure knew how to use 'em.

All the best things in life had to end eventually, and when I felt the pressure ease up on her right breast, I figured the fun was over. Instead, Twilight's hand trailed down my chest and belly, tickled over my teats, and curled underneath me.

I let out a little gasp as she slowly started fingering me. "T-Twilight? It's okay. We—" When an extra finger pushed in, I let out a little moan into her cleavage.

"Paul, you don't honestly think I'm not going to treat the only guy in Equestria who'll let me use magic in the bedroom to some extra fun?" Twilight leaned forward and kissed my ears while her fingers played within me.

Closing her legs on each side of me, Twilight lifted my rump off the bed so she had better access, but it also threatened to dislodge me from her breasts.

Leaning back into her wings a little, I used my hooves to lift up and support her breasts. "Since I can't talk you out of it, I'm not going to complain." I nuzzled at one of her breasts and opened my mouth as wide as I could to suck some of the flesh inside.

Gently using my lips to keep my teeth from meeting her breast, I squeezed down a little, only to get an answering thrust of Twilight's fingers. It quickly built into a game. I'd caress and nuzzle her breasts, and she'd drive me to distraction by playing a game of how many fingers fit in Paul. I can't say either was a bad game.

Twilight was a wizard, a sorceress… a fucking enchantress. What she couldn't do with her fingers wasn't worth doing. She made me squeal, scream, and even whimper her name again and again, and all the while I had free reign to play with her breasts. Was this love? Was yours truly finally in jeopardy of proposing?

Author's Note

Lyra: how's life with Bon Bon since the pregnancy?

Lyra bounced in place, her larger-than-normal boobs jostling just over her hugely swollen belly. "This is literally the best, ever! I'll tell you one thing, too... My Sweetie digs my bigger boobs. She's almost as bad as Paul!"

"LYRA!"

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Unbound and Bouncy

"And that's how much I wanted to thank you for going along with me." Twilight had given up fingering me and pulled me into a hug. She lay back on the bed, cuddling me atop her, and let my snout rest in her cleavage.

If she asked me, if she just said those words that would trap a man forever, I would—No. Twilight was fun, probably the most fun I've had in bed, but she was so much smarter than me it wasn't funny. I was the cute thing a smart girl like her picks up for a wild night. I'm the sexy party animal who'll say yes to damn near anything if the question is asked while a pair of breasts are in my face. I couldn't saddle her with me—I didn't dislike her enough.

"This was amazing," I said, only it came out more like drff wrrff rrmrffnff.

That's when something hit me. Like I figured, I wasn't the smartest in Equestria, and I definitely wasn't the smartest in the room right now, but sometimes things clicked. I pulled my snout from her chest and looked up at her. "You didn't turn into a stallion."

Twilight just looked at me a moment, then burst into laughter. "Paul! Don't scare me like that! It was just because I cast that spell on me on top of another casting of it. I probably won't be able to turn into a stallion for a day or two, now."

It was impossible to work out if that was the truth or if she just believed it, but Twilight was absolutely and without a doubt smarter than me, so I relaxed. "Sorry for panicking, but with a cutie mark like mine, you can't be too careful."

Snorting like the big, fuzzy nerd she is, Twilight petted my head and rubbed at my ears. I could have easily fallen asleep if it weren't for not-so-discrete knocking on the outer doors of the suite.

I jumped out of Twilight's grip and to the floor. "I'll get it, Your Highness." On my way to the bedroom door, I lifted my tail and put a little sway in my step. Okay, so it was being really slutty, but I could handle being slutty for Twilight. She'd deserved slutty-Paul privileges.

Another knock came just as I reached the door. Reaching up with my hoof, I unlocked it and swung it open. The Royal Guard mare who stood before me looked a little startled. The guy guarding my door—who I'd organized breakfast for—seemed to have a bored expression on his face, but he did roll his eyes and nod toward the mare. "What's up?"

"When Princess Celestia asks to see somepony at their earliest convenience, that generally means now, unless—" The mare stopped short and looked up and over my head. "Your Highness! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to intrude!"

I didn't turn to see what state she was in, instead I just relaxed at the touch of her hand to the top of my head. Well, I did that and blush. See? As a mare I can multitask just fine!

"Send my apologies to Princess Celestia, but I had to retain Paul's attention all morning for an important experiment. I'm sure she's perfectly fine to head down now and see what the problem is." She sounded almost like she was berating the mare for her tone, and I guess she was. None of them could go behind her back.

"Yes, Your Highness!" The mare looked startled now, standing straighter and snapping a salute at Twilight. "Right away, Your Highness!"

At last I turned around and looked up to a very naked Twilight Sparkle. The view of her breasts—and her face smiling down past them—made me smile. "Was the experiment a success, princess?"

"Paul, I explained this before. Experiments are always a success. The key to them is interpreting the results and planning the next experiment."

"I'm not the brightest pony, princess, so I guess I'll have to be excused for asking—will there be more experiments?" I didn't try to hide myself from the mare and man behind me. I probably had a leaky stain and the smell of sex all over me. Well, tough titties. Princess Celestia put the screws on, she gets what she gets.

"Yup! I can think of several I'll need you for." She crouched down and pouted.

There was no hesitation, I couldn't afford any in my situation. Leaning forward, I kissed her first on the lips, then on the nose. "I'll be at your disposal, Your Highness, the moment I'm done with Princess Celestia."

The look in her eyes could have melted steel.

Turning back to the Royal Guard, I pranced a few steps into the hallway. The guard who stood outside my door had—at least—a sympathetic look on his face that spoke enough for me to know he'd probably tried to prevent this. When Celestia calls, there's not much one guy can do about it.

The smell of sex followed me down the hall and through to the throne room. I walked casually along beside the Guardpony into the huge room, noting the lack of anyone but guards and Celestia. "Sup?"

"You were in the room next to mine all night, correct?" Princess Celestia sat on her throne looking about as annoyed as a woman can be.

"Y—" I was about to reply when a wet plop sound came from behind me. "You'll have to excuse my state, Your Highness, but it was explained to me that when you ask to see someone, it means now."

Celestia closed her one visible eye and seemed to take a deep breath. I could tell it was a deep breath, because she was wearing what amounted to a skirt and a bikini top—and the latter moved in most interesting ways.

"Your powers aren't at fault here, Paul. I don't doubt you're doing your best to ensure this situation is resolved. My Royal Guard are"—Celestia gestured around the room to show roughly half the Guard were ponies—"proof positive of that. If it's not your fault, and it's certainly not mine, then it must be Prince Blue Blood."

That's when something hit me. I looked around at the other mares in the room. "Well, I actually—"

"Summon Prince Blue Blood!" Princess Celestia was every bit the princess.

I rolled my eyes. "Your Highness, I'm fairly sure this has more to do with—"

"Paul, I have a high opinion of your talents, please don—"

"No!" I stomped forward to the bottom of the dais she sat atop and glared up at her. "Celestia, where I'm from no one is the better of anyone else, so you can just forgive me this, okay? What I'm trying to say is that it's actually—"

"Announcing Prince Blue Blood!"

Well, I'd tried. No one and nopony could say I hadn't done my best.

The big doors opened and Prince Blue Blood walked through it. He made the Royal Guard look like wannabes. I may be a guy, but if I was into guys, I'd be drooling right now. Vagina, don't even think about it.

Vagina wasn't happy about being cock blocked, but I had to be firm. It wasn't like he could do anything, anyway—the first hint of real arousal and he'd be a mare like me.

"Princess Celestia! As always it is a wonderful pleasure to attend to your needs." Blue, I had to admit, was every bit the gentleman. He could give a glance that would make vagina scream for cock, or another that would wither my libido with his indifference. Right now he was projecting fawning adoration—right up until the big doors closed behind him. "What's the deal?" His tone had fallen to flat boredom.

Celestia stood up and started walking down the steps of the dais. "It seems everyone in Canterlot is getting pregnant but you. I certainly don't seem to have a problem getting mares pregnant, and it's not exactly Paul's doing, so the only one left is—"

I'd had enough. Blue might not be the shining example of princely virtue, or even that likable, but he wasn't being an ass here. "That's what I've been trying to say, princess. You're virile, no one's going to deny that, but how many of your Guard do you service a day?"

Celestia blinked in surprise, while Blue cracked up laughing. He'd picked up what I was putting down before I fully said it. Note to self: Blue Blood is no fool.

"Auntie! You're using up your mojo each day. It is you shooting blanks!" Blue Blood walked casually over and reached to my ears to rub one. "Paul here is a sharp tack." Damn it was nice. He knew all the good spots, and my back left leg was soon bouncing in place.

"You should both explain this before I—before I have you both sent to Yakyakistan." Princess Celestia's eye narrowed and she glared at Blue.

Blue smiled a shit-eating grin. I wanted to be the one to say it, but his rubbing of my ear was just about the most debilitating thing I've ever had done to me—including that one time I'd gotten tased. "Auntie, you spend all your swimmers on your boys and leave none for me."

Princess Celestia froze where she stood. She looked from Blue to me, then to the Guards in the room, and finally back to me. "Is that possible, Paul?"

With a pat to the top of my head, Blue stopped rubbing my ears.

Shaking my head to clear it of the distracting fuzz a good ear rub caused (and I had to contend that Blue knew how to give a good ear rub), I looked up at Celestia. "He's right. How many times a day were you—drilling for oil?"

Lifting her head, Celestia looked around the room. When she looked back down to me, I realized she'd been counting the Guards. "Ten. Sometimes twice for a few of them."

In my time working in Ponyville hospital, I'd picked up a few things about anatomy—particularly reproductive anatomy. Five in a day would result in really low sperm counts. Ten would leave a sex god dry. More? More was just running on fumes. "Maybe try to schedule time with Prince Blue Blood in the morning?"

With a huge sigh, Celestia looked to be counting or something, one of those calm yourself down things. "I'm sorry, to both of you. This wasn't either of your fault. It's moments like these I'm reminded that I don't know everything. Now that we know, and it being morning…"

I was in the process of opening my mouth to tell them I was going back to my room when I felt the first tingle of realization—I wasn't going to make it back to my room. As my body started to twist and grow, I let out a strangled groan.

A surprising hand reached down to help me up, and a royal blue coat wrapped around my shoulders. Looking up at the hand's (and coat) owner, I was startled to realize it was Blue Blood. "I realize I've been a little tough on you, Paul, and I'm sorry for that. You might have shaken things up a little with your talent, but that's no reason for me to treat you poorly."

It was surprisingly decent of him. "Thanks. I'll return the coat… Oh, who the hell am I fooling?" I slung the coat from my shoulders and passed it back to Blue. "Excuse me, Your Highnesses, but I have a very nice lady waiting for me to return. If you want to take care of business, I'd suggest your normal room."

Who says I can't be eloquent and fancy? With all my pride on display for anyone to see, I walked out of the throne room bare-assed naked and made my way back to the hallways I'd been learning my way around.

I made it all the way back to my rooms—even giving Stone Shield a wink—and closed the door behind me before my self-confidence slipped. Yeah, I'd looked pretty badass alright, but dignity and pride had been going down with every step.

"Paul? What happened?" Twilight rushed over and put her arm around my shoulders.

"Well, I solved the fertility problem, but it cost the Royal Guard their afternoon playtime. Also, I am now surprised not only at Celestia's stamina, but that of her Guards' too." It was easy to relax and lose the edge of shame that walking back naked had caused—with Twilight snuggling herself close to my side. "Work out anymore experiments?"

"Paul, if you want more sex, you're just going to have to wait. I delayed until you got back, but Spike sent me a letter—my friends need my help in Ponyville." Twilight kissed my cheek. "I expect you'll find another cute girl to warm your bed?"

"It seems I am destined to always be searching for that one girl. Until then, Your Highness, you are always welcome to join me whenever you have time free." Rather than accept the kiss on the cheek, I did the classic supporting-girl-bend-her-backwards-and-kiss-soundly trick, which seemed to work extra well with me naked and her… not. When the kiss was done, I lifted her back to her feet.

"I'm going to miss that. Don't find Miss Right until I return, okay?" Straightening her blouse and skirt, Twilight walked for the door. Seeing her going was heartbreaking, but her words reminded me how open the women of Equestria were. She wasn't upset in the least that I'd find myself someone else.

"Why, you want to fill that slot?" I asked.

"Paul," Twilight said as she reached the door and opened it, "I'll fill whatever slots of yours I please."

A shudder of pure, unadulterated arousal hit me like a gut-punch. Vagina was excited at Twilight's words, even if penis was currently at the controls. By the time I was capable of replying, Twilight was out the door.

"Right. Princess of kicking ass and saving the world. Sometimes I forget how awesome she is." Well, I couldn't deny that my time with Twilight was literally the best sex of my life. Nothing—not a single thing—had come close to having sex as a guy again the morning after getting railed.

I stretched and looked around the suite. Shower first, then clothes, then I might go see what Jugs is up to.

A wide grin stretched across my face.

"Fancy seeing you here, Paul." Luna's voice as he walked into the bar held a note of amusement to it. "And here I thought you'd be hanging off the arm of Princess Twilight Sparkle again. Jugs, can I have a coffee?"

Luna: the only one in Equestria locked into a stallion form. Even with my humanish nose I could smell the maleness of him. Vagina expressed excitement, but asshole asserted what Luna's tastes ran to.

"She had an emergency in Ponyville to take care of. You know how it is, one minute it's all snuggles and happy sounds, next you are left watching your girl head off to take on who-knows-what." I hadn't started on beer yet, of course. Like Luna, I'd chosen a nice coffee to slake my thirst. "What about you?"

"The usual, Paul. Although, I did see my sister looking far happier than normal—far more stallion than normal for morning. Did you have a hand in that?" Climbing up on the stool beside me, Luna used his magic to pluck the cup of coffee from where Jugs had left it.

"Yeah. Turns out she was having a—" This wasn't a place where I could talk freely. "—having a problem with her bath. Those Royal Guards are useless for so much. I fixed it, though I think someone else put the strut in her step."

"It's funny, because I heard there was a certain friend of royalty walking around the halls naked earlier." Sipping his coffee, Luna let out a wicker of joy. "This is good coffee. Thanks, Jugs."

"For you, My Prince, only the best." Jugs was, without a doubt, the most perky barmaid I'd ever met, her push-up bra's work was always the highlight of the place—for me at least. "Would you both like something for lunch?"

Luna snorted. "Nah. Jugs, you come around here and let Paul make us something."

Given I'd had a bit of fun with Jugs (well, got introduced to giving blowjobs by her) and Luna was practically my best friend, I figured I could stand to do a little cooking for them. "Where's your grill?" I downed the last of my coffee and walked around to the end of the bar.

I could follow my nose to the small kitchen area behind the bar, but still waited for Jugs to point to it. She did have a little grill going in the back room with a prep area beside it. It was nothing like Dad's restaurant, but it would fit the bill. "What have we got to work with…"

Three burgers would be a start, but I wanted to do something special on the side. I walked back out into the bar. "I'll need a beer to make up some batter, and how do you both like your burgers?" I fully expected Luna to ask for a vegetarian option, given she was a pony right now.

"Medium-rare," Luna said.

"Same." Jugs passed me a bottle of beer. "Burgers and…?"

"My dad had a restaurant and did the best beer-battered fries in the state. You'll see." Turning back around I headed into the kitchen and started sorting out what I'd need. Then it hit me—Luna wanted meat. Most people, when they were ponied up, didn't really go in for meat. Even I'd learned I had a vegetarian side when I was extra fuzzy.

My dad would kill me if he ever heard me say that.

A pang of sorrow hit me, but I shoved it to the side and continued cutting up potatoes into fries. I hadn't exactly left anyone behind, but remembering my dad—particularly while in a kitchen—did sting a little. He wouldn't have wanted me to leave my two best buds hungry, though.

So I cooked three of the best burgers I could and blamed the few tears I had on the onions, and when I set each of the three on a plate, I dropped a side of beer-battered fries beside them. Balancing two plates on one arm, I carried the other out into the bar. "Who's hungry?"

Jugs just stared at the plates as I brought them out.

I circled back around to the customer side of the bar and passed each of the meals to my friends. "Well? Don't just stand there, tell me what you think." I picked up a fry and tossed it in my mouth. Crispy and delicious, the crusted batter around the potato was just perfect.

I waited for Luna and Jugs to both take a bite of their burgers before starting on mine. The flavor was perfect, the patty was juicy, and the pickles added a noticeable bite of taste. The sauce wasn't too strong, and let the taste of the cheese and meat shine.

First to finish her bite was Jugs. "Holy shit, Paul. If you're ever done with your stuff up at the castle, do you want a job working here?" She dove in for another bite.

That was a good question, actually. When Blue was pregnant, what would I do then? I mean, I couldn't exactly go back to Ponyville hospital to work—despite my credentials, Ponyville had been very firm in their kicking me out.

Maybe having a backup job lined up would be good. I'd sure miss having the run of the palace, though. "You know what? I won't say no to that. When I'm done with—with my job at the castle, I'll definitely come down and see if you still need someone."

Jugs bounced in place in what I was sure was a move carefully calculated to completely overwhelm my mind with her jiggling chest. It was extremely effective. "That'd be great! I've been wanting to expand this place into food for a while, but with just one person on the bar, it's kinda hard to get any cooking done.

"Besides, I can't cook as good as this. You used beer to batter these?"

It hit me that, being as rare as beer was here, it might not have been used for cooking so much. "Yeah. Beer's a lot more common back home, but the batter I made for those should do another three plates worth of fries."

"This is quite good," Luna said. I turned to look at him in surprise, only to see a little of the sauce leaking down his chin. The effect almost made it look like blood.

"Uh, you've got a little—" I began.

Jugs leaned across the bar, gulping down her own mouthful as she went, and pressed her lips against Luna's. She trailed her tongue out and down into the sauce and cleaned his chin with a laugh. "Gotcha covered."

It took all my willpower not to spill some sauce into my crotch. "You like eating meat as a pony?"

"In my day, it was not uncommon for ponies to eat meat. It was normally part of a little ritual at the end of a battle—symbolic of older times still where fighting meant literal bloodshed." He licked a line around the burger, turning it in his magic so that he caught all visible drips. "Now I just like the flavor. You are a good cook, Paul."

Nice as it was to get compliments from friends, knowing Luna's normal meals came from the castle kitchen and knowing he didn't tend toward exaggeration, was a much bigger boost to my ego than hearing compliments from anyone else.

"Thanks. So, what's going on tonight?" I nibbled on my fries, alternating between a few of those and another bite of my burger.

"Same ol'," Jugs said. "No live band tonight, but with how close it is to Nightmare Night, there'll be more ponies out and about than usual."

The reminder of Nightmare Night made me look at Luna. I'd gotten the full story of Luna and Nightmare Night from Twilight and I wondered how that made Luna feel.

Luna's face, however, brightened. "Nightmare Night! Paul, you have to be a bat pony for me on Nightmare Night!" His eyes danced with excitement.

I tried to sedately swallow the mouthful of burger and not spray it out and was entirely successful. "Bat pony?"

"Well, we could have a rave, Luna." Jugs gestured out at her bar. "See if Vinyl's free, put on a special thing and let you make all of us into bat ponies for the night. You can do that, right?"

Though Jugs was talking, Luna seemed focused on me. He was far more intense than usual—in a way that made vagina curl her toes and hug anus tight for support. "I can turn any number of willing ponies into ponies of the night."

"Hold up. Bat pony? You mean like in the legends? Ponies with bat wings?" Don't get me wrong, I hadn't really been too upset by not having wings or a horn—particularly since earth pony mares had a reputation for stamina—but being able to fly just once seemed like a pretty cool thing.

"Luna has a thing for bats, Paul. I can practically promise you that if I filled this bar with bat ponies, Luna would be on top of one within a minute." Pulling out a glass of water, Jugs took a long pull and put it up on the bar.

Shit. Vagina was right. "You've got a thing for bats, or me?" It was a breaking of the buddy-code. Well, it was more like a shattering of it. I looked at him in an entirely new light.

"Don't get me wrong, Paul, it's great to be friends." Luna sipped at his coffee and let out a happy sigh. "But I really want to get on your back and ream you out."

How he managed to say that so comfortably, I'll never know. I stared at his face and searched for a sign he might be joking. Alright, Paul, this isn't the first time you've been hit on by royalty, and it's not the first friends-that-fuck you've contemplated being in—though it is the first time with someone who's entirely one sex all the time.

And that sex was male.

The theme song of Brokeback Mountain started playing in the back of my head. Not that I watched the movie. More than once.

This was totally stupid! Why was I freaking out over this, now? I'd turned into a mare how many times? I'd sucked dick, I'd taken stallions in both holes, I'd even given a hand job to one.

Fucking guitars.

Alright, Paul, time to mare up and admit you've always found Luna hot AF. My brain shifted gear at the thought. Where did that come from? Quick, say something. He expects you to hold up your side of the conversation, not just stare at him.

Now the fiddle was joining in. Shit.

Okay, but didn't I fantasize about Luna doing that to me the first time? Imagining his big body forcing himself down on my back, lining up with my—There was only one answer. "That does sound pretty hot. When, where, and how?" Vagina and asshole had me on a fucking leash, but I wasn't being dragged anymore, I was straining at my collar.

Luna stretched out one deep blue wing and hooked it around my back. He was strong—stronger than I was as either a guy or a mare—and easily pulled me closer to him. When his fuzzy lips touched my cheek, I let out a soft sigh. "Nightmare Night. I want you turning up as a mare so I can work some magic on you. It will keep you stuck as a pony all night," he whispered in my ear.

Vagina and asshole high fived.

Drawing his wing back, Luna got off the stool and made his way to the bathroom slowly, his hooves barely touching the ground. Was he strutting?

"I haven't seen anyone put that much swagger in our prince since his return. What did he say?" Jugs took the last bite of her burger.

Should that kind of attention give me a chubby? That guitar and violin were playing in my head again, but all I could remember was that first sight I had of Luna mounted on another stallion. "A guy doesn't kiss and tell."

Author's Note

Princess Twilight: What is the average age the ponies in Equestria have their first experience?

"Well, I haven't exactly done a poll of when it happens—you'd probably want to talk to Cadance about that—but I had my first... mess, at fourteen. I'm sure that's around normal. Every girl wakes up as a stallion in a bed that's soaked through with—" The more she spoke, the more Twilight blushed. In the end she had to reach up and hold her mouth closed to stop the words pouring out.

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Lab

The Return of Huge Jubblies

Twilight was still off on something and it was the day of Nightmare Night. Celestia still hadn't made her mark on Blue stick, but she'd even made the extreme sacrifice on cutting down to only him to warm her bed. Given that all the Royal Guard were now mares full-time, I wasn't surprised Blue hadn't been getting pregnant.

A routine had been started. Blue started spending nights in Celestia's rooms, and I would spend all morning in mine while studiously ignoring the grunting, squealing, neighing, and thumping sounds coming through what was apparently almost a two-foot thick wall.

Now I needed help. I had to meet Luna at Jugs' place, and I needed to be a mare when I got there. It wasn't that the mood didn't strike me, but if I tried masturbating, I'd probably barely make it there before turning back—if I made it there.

A knock came at the door before it opened anyway. I expected it would be Celestia, but what walked into my suite was pink. Very pink. In fact, if there was something that would be more pink, it could only be Pinkie Pie.

What separated this pink from Pinkie pink, was the pair of F-cup breasts that stood proud and—somehow—perky on her chest.

"Hiya, Princess Boobs—I mean Princess Cadance!" I couldn't look away, and barely managed to correct myself. They weren't headlights, they were twin beacons of femininity that blasted me with beams of lust. And here I was sitting in my living room in my boxers.

She giggled. A world leader back on Earth would have had me arrested and locked up forever for that, but Princess—no, she was an empress—Cadance just giggled like I'd paid her a compliment. "Paul, Shiny sent me. He said, and I quote, 'Paul deserves more than just a pat on the back and a ride in my wife's cleavage.'"

"H-He's joking, right? I-I mean, not that it wasn't a good ride, but I didn't—"

"Paul, Prince Luna has his ways of knowing what's in the hearts of people, but he is not alone in such ways. He knows exactly what I wish for and desire, and I know what he wants." Cadance closed and locked the door behind her.

As she spoke, Cadance stepped closer and closer. She didn't try to hide that she was almost falling out of her top—on the contrary, I think she was trying to pop out. When she stopped before me, I was prepared to agree to whatever she wanted.

"The last piece of the puzzle came courtesy of my sister-in-law. She was leaving to deal with—something or the other, when she told me about a curious spell." Cadance took another step so that my nose was practically between the closest parts of her breasts. I could smell her—not like I could as a pony, it was perfume—roses and cherries, she smelled heavenly. All I needed to do was take a step forward and— "Paul? Are you even able to hear me? I don't want you getting too worked up too fast, so let's just use that little spell, shall we?"

Spell? What spell would she— Wait. She can't mean the one Twilight came up with, surely?! I gulped as baby-blue light illuminated the expansive cleavage in front of me. The light flared brighter and brighter before it seemed to rush into me and Cadance.

Penis was excited. No, that was an understatement—penis was rock hard and ready to go. I tried to say something, but all that came out was a little gasp, and that gasp turned into a groan as Cadance reached her delicate fingers to the laces of the corset that was currently performing the mammoth task of keeping her chest contained.

Delicate, with Cadance, was all about scale. She was bigger than Celestia in all respects, but she was the very image of femininity, whereas Celestia always seemed on the verge of becoming just one of the guys.

Of course that image of Celestia was mostly because I knew her bedroom habits in far more detail than I wished. What was I thinking about again? Oh, right, gorgeous giantess with huge tits and a body that wouldn't quit. When did she get her top off?

"Shiny likes them too." The words filtered through to me as if I was in a dream. How did words work? How did mouths and lungs work for that matter? I struggled with these questions (and the slowness with which the answers came to me) while my hands seemed to be on autopilot.

Reaching to her hips—still clad in her skirt—I ran my fingers over the waistband and up. Her soft, pink coat was something else. Following her curves upward, my fingers traced until they found the undersides of her breasts.

They were too much to cup in my hands, too much by far. I moved my left hand to the right and together managed to support her breast as it deserved. No, it deserved more than I could give. Pressing my lips to her soft, fuzzy mound just above the nipple, I practically worshiped at the altar of perfection.

But she wasn't mine and would never be mine. "Your husband…?"

"Shining Armor is the most wonderful man I've ever met. We are kindred spirits and completely open with each other. You're not him, but you don't need to be for us to have fun." The way she looked down at me implied I should know what she was saying.

If I didn't have the most spectacular and perky breasts I've ever seen bared before me, this would be easier. Okay, focus, Paul. Kindred spirits and completely open. While I pondered the words my hands kept up their slow massage of the underside of Cadance's boob.

"I need it spelled out for me, sorry. I feel like I get it, and then I realize how amazing your breasts are." The truth was always wrong back on Earth, but in Equestria I'd learned to just be open. "Really amazing."

One of Cadance's hands found the top of my head and petted me. It should have been condescending, but felt everything but. "My Shiny is having a wonderful time in the barracks right now. He—she—knows exactly where I am and what my plans are. I didn't even have to ask her. She told me I should thank you more herself."

"I guess I'm destined to never understand that kind of relationship, but if you say it's under control, I'll believe you. This was the exact same spell as Twilight used?" Penis was excited and wanted to be free, but Cadance was not the kind of woman you just dive into dick first. I closed my lips around her nipple and squeezed.

Cadance moaned without a single reservation, and when I gave an experimental suck, she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into pillowy-breast-heaven.

"Come on, my talented little stallion, time to let you have your way with me." It wasn't just that Cadance said those words to me, but how she said them. It sounded like her lips were literally having sex with every syllable.

She picked me up by bringing her hands to my rump and lifting. There wasn't much choice for me, so I wrapped my legs around her and let her carry me. "You sure this is okay?"

"That you are so persistent about ensuring Shiny isn't left out is admirable. How about next time I invite her too?" Cadance carried me into the bedroom and set me down on the bed. She took a step back and hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her skirt. "Eyes down, Paul."

It took me a moment to realize what she meant. I was working my hardest not to stare at her breasts, and that's when it hit me.

"You just smiled like Pinkie Pie in a candy shop, Paul."

"I try not to stare, I'm not a complete misogynist. But—You want me to look at you, don't you?" I didn't see if she smiled or not, but I figured she probably was. My eyes were taking in every curve and every swell of her breasts. The way her nipples highlighted the two huge mounds made me squirm in my pants.

"Down further, Paul. Watch what I'm doing." Her words had a hint of command to them. I wasn't into all that slap-and-tickle stuff, but hearing a woman who wanted me to see her as she stripped use such a commanding tone did all sorts of things to make penis happy. Asshole, too, was interested in where this was going.

As she slipped her skirt down, I watched the rise of her pubic mound appear, then the soft, single line of fuzz that led down to her crotch. I liked to think I'd seen my fair share of vaginas—even had one of my very own I'd examined in a mirror—but Cadance's was perfect. The slight curl of the outer lips, already swelling with arousal, and the fluttery inner lips that promised at depths that would swallow me whole.

I wanted her. Penis wanted her.

Leaning forward, I gripped her hips with my hands and guided my mouth to her. When Cadance's fingers laced through my hair and held me in place, I lost any reservations I had left and started licking at her.

"Paul, you are the most intense man I think I've ever met. The hunger and desire when you—Oh!" She exclaimed because I'd started carefully nibbling around her outer lips. Her powerful muscles squirmed and writhed under my assault, and I drew all kinds of startled and shocked sounds from her.

That's when it hit me—this was her first time having sex as a woman! Coming up for air, I tilted my head to get my mouth from her lips. "Y-You're sure you want your first time like this?"

Her answer was simple. Cadance drew herself back from me and dove onto the bed. She parted her legs and looked down her body at me. There were few sights that could have possibly made penis rip his way free from my pants, but if any were going to do it, this was it.

I looked down at my annoyingly clothed form. There was no explosion as my shaft shot free. Standing up and turning to put my back to Cadance, I grabbed my shirt collar and pulled upward while swaying my hips.

It was my best effort. I was going way out on a limb to try to look sexy for Cadance—to treat her how she deserved—and when I looked back it was to see something amazing. She looked hungry as she stared at me. I could see her eyes following my ass' movement. Was this really working?

Having to trust myself, I turned and tilted myself forward a little, still swaying my hips but now a little further. A swing of my arm sent my shirt to the side (somewhere) and I turned to face Cadance with one hand tucked down the front of my jeans.

Her eyes were locked on my groin, and I saw one moment where she dragged her eyes up as far as my chest before I gave a little thrust with my hips and yanked her vision back down. Fuck, okay, this was just like all those strippers I'd ever seen. Keep it moving, Paul, and you can make her day.

"You want more?" I asked.

Her head nodded, eyes never leaving my pants.

"I said, do you want more?!"

"Yes!"

With the hand I didn't have tucked down my pants, I reached to my fly and drew it down. Feeling it was time for a little fun, I poked one finger of my exploratory hand out through the hole and saw Cadance's hungry expression grow a twitch at the corners. Right, sexy and funny works.

Could I keep this up? Maybe. I tried to think of what dances I'd seen that had turned me on the most, and I realized it was all about the pacing. I drew my jeans down and stepped out of them, showing her my rear clad only in the boxers I enjoyed wearing.

"Take it all off!" Cadance said.

The shout caught me by surprise. I looked back at her to see Cadance stroking herself. Pure encouragement right there. A princess liked me stripping off enough that she'd masturbate to it. I was porn!

Turning around, I decided that a pair of shorts would need to pay the ultimate price. Digging my fingernails into the seam on one side as I swayed side to side, I took a firm grip on the other and pulled hard.

The sound of ripping cloth met my ears as I ripped my boxer shorts free. They were ruined, but the look in Cadance's eyes told me it was worth it. I was bare before her, and her hand didn't stop stroking between her legs. Penis wasn't just excited, he was strutting.

I jumped onto the bed and started crawling toward Cadance. She drew her hand up to guide me, so I crawled up to it and opened my mouth. When her fingers slipped in, I got my second taste of her for the night. This was a little more potent, though, and just a glance told me she was way more into everything than I'd thought—also, apparently sucking her slickness off her fingers really did it for her too.

Moving with her hand as she drew it up her body, penis let me know how close he was to her crotch. I somehow imagined a plane coming in to land, and a robotic voice reading out the altitude. Two feet. Eighteen inches. One foot. Six inches. I focused my attention on Cadance's eyes—over the twin mounds of her breasts—and pressed myself against her entrance.

Cadance smiled down at me and quirked one eyebrow. She knew this game and this dance, probably better than I did, and she was down to play.

Bringing my legs up a bit gave me a some extra angle so I could press myself into her. She was like a furnace and a silk-lined vice. How could she be so big and so tight? Penis had entered Nirvana and didn't want to ever leave. I didn't either, but I knew I needed more angle still.

Not that I was going to be capable of getting it on my own, apparently. Cadance lifted one knee up, turned her hips, and rolled me onto my back while following the movement until she was atop me.

I looked up at her and couldn't believe the position I was in. She was truly a goddess of love. The craziest thing was how perky her breasts were even hanging down from above. I'd thought it would be great to have sex with her, but this was something else.

"I'll have to thank Twilight for teaching me this spell. Once Shiny's had her foal, we're going to have a lot of fun with it." Forestalling any comments from me, Cadance ground her hips down and speared herself on my shaft.

Penis was in shock, vagina was cheering Cadance on, and asshole clenched tight for the duration. I rocked my hips to meet her movements, but it was all Cadance driving this show.

The hardest thing (apart from penis) was holding myself back. She was doing this as a thank you, but I didn't want to leave her wanting. Fighting to slow things down on my end, I realized I had two perfectly good hands that could be doing work.

When I reached up and claimed a breast in my right hand, Cadance's motions changed. She became erratic, and arched her back until she was sitting on my groin and I had to stretch to reach her boob.

I worked on keeping her distracted by flicking my thumb over her nipple while, slowly, I brought my left hand out to the side. Focusing all my attention on Cadance, I watched her face show more and more raw pleasure. I'd given up on trying to time my own pleasure with hers, there was just one thing I wanted to do.

Each time her rump landed on my thighs, Cadance squeezed down with her insides and made everything harder to think about. In return, I squeezed her breast as best I could at the same moment. It didn't take much more before I was teetering, and I could swear Cadance was smiling. Was she trying to get me off first deliberately?

But no, she was close to her peak as well—I could just tell. The problem was I was sure penis only had one or two more of her bucks to go before penis was done.

Letting go of her breast, I brought my right hand down to her waist and, when she reached the top of her stroke, pulled down sharply. Cadance's eyes widened with surprise, and that's when I sprung my trap. Palm flat, I brought my left hand around quickly and connected it at speed to her rump.

"Fuuuuuuu—!"

Cadance's depths became a pulsing vice of milking pressure, and the extra effort shot me right over the edge.

All the building pressure and excitement seemed to focus on my groin and it was like my balls were sucking the energy out of every other organ just so they could shoot everything they had into Cadance. I tried to reach up and pull her down, and was a little successful when I grabbed one of her arms and tugged.

She didn't fight against me and slumped down over me—covering the lower half of my face with her chest and leaving me the happiest breast man in the history of the universe.

My hips seemed possessed, bucking up against her while her own body spasmed over and over, milking me for everything I had while she whined and moaned her way through the longest orgasm I'd seen any woman have.

She shook and shuddered atop me, and though I tried to keep up and give her slow thrusts throughout, her pinning me to the bed seriously limited any hope I had of doing anything significant in that department.

Finally, all the energy seemed to leave her and Cadance slumped completely onto me. She covered me from my groin to halfway up my head in a display of size I'd never experienced before. Nibbling at my ear, she ran her lips over my earlobe and whispered, "That was amazing, Shiny."

Reality crashed in on me. This was a married woman I was having sex with, and she just said the name of her husband to me after a session of wild sex. How could I actually get angry with that? Did I have a leg to stand on? Was it a compliment (I had seen Shining Armor, after all, and he was a cut above even the Royal Guard)?

"S-Sorry. Paul, I mean. That didn't ruin the mood, I hope?" she asked.

I laughed—it was the only thing I could do. That I was giggling like a fool into Cadance's cleavage only seemed to make the situation funnier.

"Why are you laughing?"

I struggled to get out from under Cadance's breasts. It might be nice to just surrender and live out my last few minutes in joy, but I still had a job to do and other women who depended on me. When I managed to get enough of my face clear to both breathe and talk, I did both. "Because I can't seem to think of any way to pretend that wasn't amazing sex and feel bad about you calling your husband's name."

"Well, it's still not good of me." Cadance shifted herself and slowly rolled to the side and off me. We both let loose a gasp as our bodies parted, but it was a good kind of satisfied noise. "I almost had you, too."

"Sorry about the rump. I didn't hit too hard did I?" I turned my head to look at Cadance to judge her reaction. A little sex, by invitation, wasn't too much, but I'd spanked a princess—an empress! Okay, that wasn't on my bucket list, but it should have been.

"N-No!" She blushed a little more than she was already doing—hard to tell with pink fuzz. "I just wasn't ready for it. I never saw your arm move into position and you just— It felt good, Paul, don't doubt that."

"As good as Shining does?"

"Shining doesn't spank me."

"But you wish he would?"

Cadance turned her head to look at me. Her expression was a little calculating, but mostly afterglow-happy. "To be honest, I've never been spanked like that. And, in the spirit of such openness, I would not be adverse to more of it." Now her lips pulled into a big smile. "It still stings a little, but there's so much heat that it just feels—it feels like I did something naughty."

I'm not sure which of us giggled first, but we were both laughing when the knock came on the door leading out of my suite. We both sobered for a moment, then Cadance called out with a voice that I could swear made the walls rattle, "We're busy!"

The knocking stopped, but to be fair, I think anyone would stop knocking when hearing the princess of love shout that she's busy with someone.

"I better see who that is," I said.

"No you don't. If it was Auntie Celestia, she would have knocked the door down anyway; if it was Princess Luna, she will wait; and if it's Twilig—" Cadance was interrupted by a loud POMF sound as the purple woman she was just mentioning appeared in the bedroom.

"Paul? Cadance?!" Twilight froze at the sight of us and showed me how prettily she blushes. "B-But Shining…?"

"Wanted me to show Paul how happy we are that he helped make you an aunt, Twilight." Cadance rolled further off the bed and stood up. She started walking slowly around the bed, then broke into a run for the bathroom.

"When she wanted to know the spell, I figured she'd be using it with my brother or something." Twilight watched Cadance escape the room at a run with a smirk. "I guess she hasn't tested it before, or just isn't used to it. How I managed to get more sexual experience than her I don't know, it just seems like—"

While Twilight was talking, I crawled across the bed and over to her. Climbing up to my knees on the bed I leaned up and kissed her cheek—which is what silenced her. "You are going to herald in a new age of inexperienced bedroom play. I hope you're satisfied."

"Not until I—You smell like Cadance."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course I smell like her, she was—we were…" I shrugged and rolled my shoulders. "There's going to be a party tonight. You want to come? Oh, I should probably shower." I grinned like the cat who ate the canary. "Want to come?"

"I'll turn into a stallion if you try anything naughty."

"By now, Twilight, I am comfortable enough with stallions that I am perfectly fine showering with one. It's up to you. I'll be getting ready for a night out." I stood up and started walking as happy as Larry to the bathroom.

Cadance looked up from the toilet when I walked in. "I've seen Shiny do this before, but I didn't realize how much—That was a lot of fun, Paul."

As I walked toward the shower I caught a glance at her rump in the reflection its angle gave me. There was the upper half of a rosy-red palm print on her rear. "I was hoping I'd made it less of a chore. You want to hang around for a late afternoon snack?"

"There are rumors abounding, Paul, of your ability to cook your way into a woman's bed for consecutive trysts. Very well, you can cook for me on one condition."

I turned on the shower taps and paused before walking into the huge stall. "Yeah?"

"I get to invite Shiny. It's only fair." Cadance's smile looked more mischievous than naughty. She wanted me to meet Mr. Perfect?

"Sure. I'll make extra. Is there anything either of you don't like?" I stepped into the shower and turned the taps up to full and let the water sluice away the smells of sex and Cadance.

Author's Note

Celestia: Are the Changelings still a problem/ did Discord's curse effect them as well?

"Not at all. We had hoped this would mean we could more easily detect a changeling infiltrator, but they have long-since learned how to mimic the changes of the curse." Princess Celestia looked bored as she explained the answer, her eyes flitting to the only Royal Guard in the room that still stood upright. "You'll have to excuse me, I have a prior engagement."

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Indefinite Proposal

In all it took nearly thirty minutes to make enough eggs Benedict for four of us, but I carried a large tray of the indulgent brunch on steaming-hot plates. "I hope you're all—" Luna was sitting with Twilight and Cadance, while Shining was sitting beside his wife. Her wife? Pronouns got more difficult lately, and I blame penis for that.

Penis accepted full responsibility.

"One extra? I can handle that." I set the tray on the coffee table and stepped back a little. "Cadance said you were okay with eggs, Shining."

She (I should probably use a feminine pronoun, what with Shining now spending a good bit of time as one) smiled up and her horn lit with a pink light that matched her wife's coat. "Eggs are fine, but are there any cooked until hard?"

Ha! I bet she thought I hadn't planned for it. I reached down and turned one plate to show it had a little dollop of Hollandaise sauce on the side. "This one for the expecting mare."

Twilight, Luna, and Cadance all looked from me to Shining, then back to me.

"What?" I asked.

Clearing his throat, Luna gestured to Shining. "I thought you didn't cook a girl breakfast until the morning after?"

I facepalmed and grabbed my own plate. "Ha. Ha. Look, I can cook for whoever I like. Cadance asked if I'd make enough for Shining, and I could hardly turn down a guy who'd—" How do you politely say let me bang his wife? My inner monologue might as well have been public knowledge because Cadance giggled.

"Shiny asked me if I'd like to give Paul a little reward for his help." Cadance's plain statement of such a delicate topic had me blushing now. "But what I'm curious about is if Shiny wants to thank Paul more directly?"

Okay, now Shining and I were both blushing. I cleared my throat. "It's fine. Dude, you are the luckiest mare in the whole of Equestria. Your wife is amazing and you don't have to thank me more than you have. Really."

"It would feel just a little awkward," Twilight said.

"Yeah. I'm pretty open, Cady, but having sex with Paul while he's also having sex with Twilight is a bit much." Shining lifted a hoof and offered it to Twilight to clop a fist against, but her stunned look stopped him in his tracks. "What did I say?"

Luna cleared his throat. "Having sex with Paul while he's also having sex with Twilight." He had to affect his voice with a higher pitch than normal, but he got it pretty close to Shining's tone.

So apparently it was possible for a white-coated pony to go as red in the face as Big Mac. Shining's look of panic and horror was so amazing I wish I had a camera to take a photo. I can't say there wasn't part of me that was into banging a pair of cute girls, confusing as the gender issue was in this world, but I could totally respect that they probably wouldn't be into it.

"I hadn't thought of that, but it does sound hot…" Cadance tapped her bottom lip with one finger. "What about you, Paul. Would you have sex with a brother and sister at the same time?"

Penis, stop. No, penis, I don't care what you think. If I want to have any hope of sharing a fun night with a cute geek again, you have to stay the fuck out of this. Vagina, you don't get a say. "I'm just a man. If I had two cute and fun people ask to have a threesome, I'm not likely to say no. But, they have to be comfortable too or it's not right."

Penis was cautiously optimistic, vagina was a bit quieter because she was in the background, and asshole had little opinion. Brain 1, rest of body 200 million. Woo, go team!

"Exactly!" Cadance bounced in place, which was quite the sight to see. "If everyone is comfortable, there shouldn't be any stigma about it."

"But they're not comfortable," I said.

Blinking a few times, Cadance looked between Shining and Twilight, and her face dropped. "I might have gotten a little carried away."

Leaning sideways, Shining kissed her wife. "I know, Cady. That's part of why I married you—you get carried away with fun things a lot."

I could almost see love hearts bubbling into being around the pair. I'd have made a comment about them needing to get a room if they weren't so damn cute. Vagina, did you do this to me? Vagina was quiet. Okay, so I might have surrendered a little more of my mancard to this place, but seeing Cadance and Shining snuggling like they were made me want to squee.

"So, you ready for a party?" Luna asked.

That's what I needed to hear to break me of this lovey-dovey crap. I turned to Luna and nodded. "Heck yeah. This was another 'come as a pony' thing, right?"

I had an idea that Luna was looking at me and imagining me already as a mare. His eyes looked hungry. "Yes." The way that word came out made vagina very excited. Hell, it made me excited too.

"There's a small problem with this," Cadance said. "You know how I wanted to thank Paul? Well, I figured the best way to thank him was to give him everything he wanted from me."

When Cadance's eyes drifted down, I felt it my moral obligation to follow suit and ogle her breasts. That's me—takin' one for the team.

"So you cast the sex-locking spell?" Twilight asked, her hand rising to her face as Cadance nodded. "Okay, so now I just have to invent a way to undo that spell in… an hour? No trouble! No problem at all!"

Twilight's eye was twitching in a way that told me she was about to go into one of her crazy modes. Penis, however, knew exactly what to do. Given my mental lack of ideas, I let penis take control and moved over, put my arm around Twilight, and kissed her cheek.

She stopped a moment and turned her head toward me, then smiled. "I was Twilighting again, wasn't I?"

"You're what?"

"I know! That's what I said! I can't believe they verbed me." Twilight pounded one fist into the other in a show of vindication. "But everyone was right, I do kinda get focused on things—to the exclusion of almost everything else. Thanks."

"Okay, so without freaking out, what would be the best way to undo this?" I asked.

"Right. Well, the spell could be overwhelmed. If you experienced enough pleasure, it wouldn't be able to fight it and would let you turn into a mare."

"Perhaps something special is in order?" Cadance asked. "Shiny, are you okay with me—"

"Cady, it's Paul. I already said he's okay to have some fun with. I can hardly say no after I said yes, and besides, you let me…" Shining turned red again as she leaned up to whisper in Cadance's ear.

Cadance let out a giggle and kissed Shining's cheek before turning to us. "Paul, Twilight, I think I have a solution to this problem I inadvertently caused. Would you both mind coming with me to the bedroom?"

Twilight looked to me, looked to Cadance, then looked to her brother. "I'm not sure…" She stopped and took a deep breath. "I'll tell you if this goes past my comfort zone." She stood up and urged me to follow by tugging on my hand.

This was possibly a dream. If Cadance had anything planned that would involve her and Twilight—and me—I was sure to blow past this magical block no worries. I stood and followed Twilight into the bedroom, only to have Luna following.

Cadance was already sitting on the bed with her dress exposing her chest. I froze for a moment but was pushed by Luna's shoulder fully into the room. I tried to turn around to see what Luna was doing, but Twilight picked that moment to pull her top off and I was dumbfounded. There was more breasts present than I had hands, and this caused a minor panic for every single part of me—though, as usual, penis had an idea on what to do.

Penis always had an idea, and that was usually to call an erection. Luna pushed me closer, and I couldn't think straight as my distance to the boobs grew shorter.

"Who'd have thought his brain would shut down when two girls take their tops off. Not that it's not impressive, but come on, Paul." Luna pushed me all the way to the bed where Twilight and Cadance made room between themselves for me.

Cadance guided me down so that I was sitting between them. She took my arm on her side and pulled it around her body and cupped one of her breasts with my hand. I didn't need more encouragement to start squeezing. "Feeling aroused, Paul?"

Aroused didn't begin to describe it. I started to reach toward Cadance with my other arm when Twilight took it and mimicked Cadance—curled it around her back and urged me (though it didn't take much urging) to cup her breast too. "A man can only get so hard. What are—"

Luna walked across the room toward me, his eyes dancing, and I watched his horn flicker to life and felt his touch on my jeans. The buckle, then the fastener, then the fly were undone and Luna's magic exposed me. "It might surprise you to learn, Paul, but—"

Penis disappeared into Luna's mouth and I let out a weak moan of pure bliss.

"He won't stop until you're a mare, you know. Embrace it, Paul. Surrender to the breasts and blowjob," Cadance said.

I expected Twilight to say something sexy too, or more to the point I expected her to say something dorky, but instead she pressed her lips to my neck and started sucking and nibbling.

Locked in place, all I could do was massage those breasts I had hold of, the feel of them being different sizes making it impossible for me to forget I had two smoking hot 10s cheering me on. Then there was Luna. What had he been about to say? That he was good at blowjobs? That he'd given a few? He wasn't just good, he was amazing.

I began squirming, my breath coming faster, as my body shot through all the emotions the people around me were giving me. Lust was up there, but so too was surprise. Twilight hadn't wanted to be involved with her brother, but with me in the middle Cadance was fair game, it seemed.

A squeeze at my balls drew my full attention down. I watched Luna's glow relax and then squeeze again like he was milking me—getting ready for the big moment. Normally, I'd have turned into a horny little mare by now, but Cadance's magic held me firmly male.

I tried to relax and let myself change, but all that did was release the control I had over my pending climax. Luna's mouth was too good, his grip on my balls too perfect for me to resist and, grunting hard, I felt my pleasure start to peak.

Luna's big, flat tongue seemed to cradle my shaft in his mouth almost perfectly, and as he slide down onto me it felt like I was balls-deep in a completely different tunnel. My balls started to churn and my body trembled as my orgasm kicked into gear.

"Paul." Cadance couldn't distract me from the moment, but she managed to make it much more interesting by turning and standing—pressing her chest to one side of my face. When Twilight did the same from her side, I started to shoot my load.

Only for something very strange to happen. There was a magic POP sound, and rather than unloading a heavy load of potent baby batter into Luna's mouth, I found myself creaming my vagina on his tongue as he thrust it into me.

It had worked! I flopped back on the bed while Luna kept licking, my body trembling through the suddenly inverted orgasm. Above me, Cadance and Twilight high-fived and set their breasts bouncing at the loud slap of palms. My brain couldn't compute what they were doing, but penis managed to admit it was the best sight he'd ever seen—before he tagged vagina and climbed out of the ring.

The cute bat winged armor Luna had given me to wear was a little heavy, but nothing a big and strong earth pony like me could handle. He'd told me it would keep me from changing human again—an added bonus in my opinion.

"You really have a thing for breasts," Luna said as he clopped along the street beside me.

What was I meant to say? They were just about the center of my world—of course I had a thing for them. "Y-Yeah. They're nice."

"Am I not acceptable then, Paul?"

"What?!" I turned to look at him, which meant I had to look up at him. Luna was big for the average pony, and for some reason that made my heart flutter a little. "Dude, just because I like boobs doesn't mean I don't like you. For a start, you give great head."

"Mmmm…" Luna used his magic to rub his chin. "Anything else?"

"You're probably the sexiest stallion I've ever met."

"Really?" His head snapped around and I saw real shock showing. "What about Twilight? Cadance? My sister?"

"Twilight's the cutest nerd I know, and amazing in bed, but she's a little short as a stallion. Cadance is way too much of everything, if you know what I mean. She's what guys back on Earth would call an eleven, but that's not always the best. I pity Shining Armor, you know?"

When Luna didn't respond to me, I decided to keep going. "The dude has to live up to Cadance. He has to stand beside her and show that he has something unique. She's got a big shadow."

Luna waited a few moments before replying. "And I don't have a big shadow?"

"Your shadow is vast and engulfing, but it is also limited. I can be me and people will see me as well as you. Put me and Cadance in a room and all eyes go—and stay—on Cadance."

"And if Cadance and myself were in a room together?"

Alarm bells sounded in my head. Penis screamed, vagina sealed up, and asshole puckered like I'd taken a lemon juice enema. "You didn't just ask that, did you?"

Luna blinked and looked a little surprised.

"Okay, what did I say before? You're the sexiest stallion I've ever met. Remind me again, Your Highness, what stallions I've met?"

"Oh…"

"Yeah, 'oh'. Come on, man, that kind of talk isn't good. If your jealous of me being with other people, just tell me. Don't make me pick between you and others." It made me a little grumpy, to be honest. I'd never exactly been drowning in girls that were chasing me to experience this before, but now I had, it just felt wrong.

"It's hard to wake up in the modern world and realize things have changed. It's not an excuse, Paul, but I'm saying I am not as with it as some ponies. My morals may look loose to some, but it's more a case of how I was raised."

"How were you raised?" I asked.

"A stallion had to fight for his mares. He had to potentially do battle to keep them at his side—not with them, but with others. I was a little more wild than my brother. Celestia is probably at least part of the reason modern society is how it is, but I'm not part of that." Luna stopped walking. "Maybe this was a bad idea."

"No. Keep talking. What happened?"

"It's not what happened, it's what is still happening. My brain connects sex and conquest and control and a dozen other things that have no place in relationships. I know that, but there's some part of me that doesn't have a grip on why those aren't connected." He lowered his head and slumped his shoulders.

I couldn't help myself. I leaned down and kissed his cheek. "I'm glad you told me."

"Huh?"

"When you asked me to pick between you and Cadance, it stung. I thought that's how you felt." I kissed him again, a little longer. "So you're an old-school barbarian of a stallion, and you've set your sights on me?"

Luna just stared at me.

Rolling my eyes, I leaned closer. "Just tell me what you're feeling."

"Honestly?"

"Yeah."

"I want to pick you up and carry you behind that tree over there and do things to you that will make you stay a mare for most of a year." His voice was soft but sounded like he was burning up with need.

"But…"

"But I won't because we both need to go to the party."

Vagina made it known that she liked Luna's plan. Down, girl. "When the party's over, and we're walking home…" I leaned all the way in and up (Luna was taller than the average mare) so that the side of my snout brushed his ears. "Do it."

"Tell me when I'm being an idiot." Luna nuzzled my cheek and ruffled his wings. "Now, it's Nightmare Night, everypony expects me to be big, bad, and accompanied by bats."

My mind was running in circles and there was so much noise buzzing between my ears. "Don't get all insecure on me. You know I like to have fun, but I'm walking at your side tonight."

"If I asked you to settle down?"

I looked up at him and shivered. "I don't know if I'm ready for that. I don't know if I'll ever be ready for that. Maybe one day. Shit, I don't know. Life isn't that easy, you know?"

The party wound up being more about fun than about "fun", with an emphasis on making sure all the kids of Canterlot enjoyed themselves and got piles of candy. It was literally Equestrian Halloween. The whole time I kept trying to work out what Luna was thinking.

To the kids that rushed up to him, he'd spread his wings and roar something about demanding their candy. They'd throw some and run away giggling. It was the cutest stuff ever.

But the glances he gave me when he thought no one else was watching made me clench things low in my belly. As the night went on, the looks became more and more hungry. I know I'd given him permission to do what he wanted, but I was worried he'd break me in half with enthusiasm.

Soon enough the party came to an end and parents led their children home. "Jugs is having a lock-in party."

My head jerked up to Luna. His square jaw and strong figure seemed to be outlined in the glow of the moon. Would he do it? Damn it but vagina was annoyed with the wait. I bit my lip. "Lock-in?"

"Yeah. Invite a bunch of friends into the bar, lock the doors, party all night." Luna walked up to me as he spoke, not stopping until his chest was practically right in my face. "You're coming."

"That wasn't a question, Luna."

"Tell me if I'm being an idiot."

I took half a step forward and pressed my snout to his fur—then inhaled. A shiver ran down me from my nose to the underside of my tail. "You're not."

When did I become like this? He was talking to me like I was a woman—his woman—and I didn't want to say no. When I was a guy full time, there were times I liked to let a girl take control, but this wasn't the same. This was a little deeper than just rolling onto your back.

A nip at the back of my neck made me gasp. Vagina flipped her lid in the most literal sense—raising my tail.

"You're that ready for it?"

I blushed as hard as I'd ever done. Even my first time with a girl in Equestria didn't affect me this badly. All I could do was nod my stupid head and admit how fucking horny he made me.

His magic pulsed to life in his horn above me. I couldn't see it glow, but there was a me-shaped shadow on the ground cast by blue light. The shadow faded as his magic gripped me from all sides at once and lifted me from my hooves.

Fuck, he was really going to do it—do me.

When he put me down behind some bushes, his magic kept pushing on my shoulders. I could have fought him, I could have told him to stop and he would have. Despite all the could haves I let him shove my chest to the ground—something that put me in the most compromising position any mare could be in.

He didn't ask me to raise my tail—not as civilized ponies might. Luna bit my flank which seemed to have a direct link to the muscles that operated my tail. I jerked as my tail flipped up and the skirt of it cascaded over my back. How was he doing this to me?

"Good girl."

I tried to protest. I opened my mouth to tell him I was a guy, when he licked along my slit from bottom to top. The words died in my throat and I let out a whimpering moan before I managed to stuff a forehoof in my mouth to shut me up.

More licks, more moans, but now I was much quieter in my appreciation of his work. The way he'd set me up agreed with my muscles. My back legs were locked stiff while the rest of me felt like a cross between jelly and melted butter.

Vagina was calling the shots. She loved how Luna doted on my most sensitive parts, and each stroke of that tongue was sending my pleasure higher and higher. I couldn't think past what he was doing, though vagina was super excited for more.

Between licks I managed to whimper out, "Get on me."

He didn't. Three more licks and he drove me over the edge and I squealed into my hoof while my body shook. It was proof how much he was in control, and despite not getting what I wanted, I loved it.

"I'll get on you when I'm ready to. Brace your legs." His commanding tone made my ears perk up and turn rearward. Without even realizing it I braced for whatever he had coming.

What he wound up doing wasn't mounting me—not yet. He pressed forward and shoved his breast against my rump so hard I almost fell forward. "I told you to brace!"

Digging my forelegs into the grass, I got as ready for a repeat as I could. This time, when he shoved, instead of pushing me forward his breast pushed him up and onto me. Yay for physics.

"There's a good girl. Keep that stance. You had yours, now it's time for me." There was no further warning and he apparently had perfect aim. One moment I felt him pushing forward, the next he was pushing deep into me with the flared, blunt tip of his shaft and spreading me around him. He wasn't as big as Twilight or Celestia, but Luna had a spark to his lovemaking that I was apparently a huge sucker for.

He shoved and pushed until his whole weight was over me and his belly pressed firmly to my rump. I couldn't move, I couldn't get away, and I couldn't care less about either. Vagina was so excited she was worried she might cum again with him just standing there. I was in agreement, but it seemed it wasn't to be.

A hoof touched the back of my head. I didn't know what he was going to do, but then he started to stroke my mane and pet me. It was—at the same time—humiliating and hot as fuck. Either something was wrong with me or I was super into whatever he was doing. I shivered and lifted my head just a bit, pressing my ears back to his hoof.

I could have stood there, plugged full of his shaft and taking his petting all night, but Luna's muscles bunched against me and he pulled back. If I hadn't dug my hooves in so well he'd have dragged me back with him, but as it was I let out a long whine as he pulled almost free.

"Ask for it," Luna's deep voice said.

"W-What?"

"Ask me to shove into you again. You want me to fill that void inside you, right?" Damn, damn, damn him. Did he really think I'd do that?

He was right. "Please. I want you inside me."

The answer came not with civilized words or more petting, but a hard shove that shoved into me so fast his balls thumped up and swung under my teats. I moaned and squeezed down around him, my body clenching into a second climax that shook the world around me so hard I would have done anything he wanted if I wasn't already doing everything he wanted.

Another two quick thrusts, and even while my climax was starting to ease down I felt a hot rush inside me. I couldn't have held back the third orgasm if I'd tried. I squealed in bliss, arching my spine against his body as I let go of what inhibitions were left and gave myself over to the pleasure.

Luna, rather than doing the normal stallion thing and just dismounting me, held himself over my back until I stopped squirming and wiggling. I could feel each of his heartbeats thudding in his chest and throbbing in his shaft. Each one saw another, smaller rush of heat as he continued to pump his seed into me.

Fuck. What if he really did it?

What if I was pregnant?

"Keep the armor on," he said, "and neither of us will know if I hit my mark until tomorrow."

How did he know what I was thinking?! Okay, at the moment my mind was kinda one-track, but I shouldn't have been that predictable. "Y-You mean…?'

"If you are, Paul, I will care for you and our foal. Do not fear." His voice, like the hot seed he pumped me with, was like liquid honey and teased my senses. He leaned further forward and nibbled at the back of my neck.

Letting out a relaxed moan, I pushed back against him firmly, making sure he was fully within me. "It's not really fear. I just don't think I'd make a good mother." Arching my back, I offered him whatever he wanted. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I like to sleep around a bit."

"Paul, that does not define how good a mother you'll be. That is just a symptom of loving a lot of ponies." He didn't budge at all, though I felt every word he said as movement in his body and movement within me.

"We have less kind names for people like that back home. Well, for girls like that." That the word slut only applied to girls seemed kind of terrible, looking back on it. Why were guys celebrated for sleeping around, but girls weren't? What did I count as here? A little voice in the back of my head asked if it even mattered—I think for sure it was vagina.

"You come from a strange land, Paul. You know every woman you've been with has been supportive of you—thankful too. And I can promise you that I feel great relief that I've found somepony who can be a friend and a lover."

"Great relief?" I gripped down on him inside me, enough that I felt him shift his rump a little at how tight I'd become. "The honest truth is I enjoy it. I love talking with people, having a good time with them and flirting, and if things come to it, having a lot more fun besides. It's all fun because—because it is."

Luna snorted and nibbled up and down my neck. "Of course it is."

His tone made my insides grip him tight again. A shiver ran all the way through me, starting at the soft entrance he'd penetrated and washing all along the flesh he was buried in—then up toward my head. When it finally got between my ears, I let out a low and hungry moan.

"You know what's better than having sex with you, Paul? Hearing how much you enjoy it. You're not just going through the motions. Every time you give yourself to a stallion, you are in it two-hundred-percent. Sometimes I want to fuck you again and again, just to experience the delight you show."

Damn him, he was getting sappy and vagina was drinking up the praise—definitely not me, though. Nope. I didn't love the way he whispered the words into my mane or how his breathing kept making him twitch inside me.

"If I'm pregnant…"

"If you're pregnant, what I'm going to do to you for the rest of the night won't matter one iota." Luna pulled back and out of me. It was the single most mind-blowing thing he could have done, and no sooner was he free than I flopped to my belly. "Paul, if you don't get up and come with me to somewhere more private, I'll just get on you again right here and now."

"Slave driver." My legs were wobbly, but anticipation and the power of vagina drove me to force them to support my weight as I reclaimed a standing position. Everything wobbled and I could swear there was something leaking from me. "The rest of the night?"

"I wouldn't plan on walking tomorrow." Luna used his magic, flattened into a large paddle, and brought it down on my rump.

Squealing in shock, I started trotting forward—Luna keeping pace beside me. The smell of sex was heavy between us, and my head swam at the thought of what was to come. "I'm a mess."

"You'll be more of a mess by the time I'm done with you."

Every part of me was in agreement that Luna's words sounded really good, though vagina was a little muffled—probably had to do with having her mouth full of something. "See, now I'm having second thoughts about standing up."

"Oh? Should I cover you here, in the middle of the street?" Damn him. Luna's eyes were filled with the promise that he'd do exactly that.

The teasing went back and forth, much as I wished other things would go back and forth, all the way back to the castle. I had wondered if Luna would just barge into somepony's home and just order them out so we could get busy, but he kept up his pace all the way to the main gates.

The guards there laughed and let us through, and I swore I could feel their eyes on me from behind. Well, fuck them. They weren't banging the hottest (and closest) prince of Equestria. Walking through the halls, my legs regained their strength and stopped wobbling quite so much, but I was now very aware of the feeling of something goopy sliding down my legs and possibly leaving a mess.

It was probably the second most embarrassing and hot thing I'd done for the night. Luna forsook his own room and led me all the way to my own door and inside. When I flicked my tail up and trotted for the bedroom, I heard Luna sputtering behind me.

Turning my head to look back at him, I saw that apparently some of the mess he'd made of me had flicked out with my tail and patterned his face, neck, breast, and mane with little messy globs of semen and my own lube. "What are you waiting for? I just marked you as mine."

Luna's eyes became large as saucers before I watched his own tail flick and arc high. He pranced into the room and slammed the door closed behind him. He never gave me a chance to quickly wash up before the next round. Picking me up with his magic again, Luna turned me over onto my back and set me on the bed. His hooves struck sparks as he lunged forward and into me.

I couldn't stop my voice. A moan that echoed around the room thundered back at me from every wall as Luna got to work. Squirming in place, I was rewarded with the sight of him hammering himself in and out of me—each crashing thrust proving to be more intense than the last.

Author's Note

Discord if given a chance would you undo the curse if it meant causing more chaos?

The stone statue that Discord was firmly trapped in wore a sinister grin that spoke volumes about his thoughts on the matter in complete silence.

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Lab

Frosting The Cake (And Other Things)

I was wiped out. Waking up as a mare, panic hit for nearly fifteen full seconds before I remember what Luna had said about the armor. Right, so I might be pregnant, I might just be a little kinky.

My mind reminded me that I'd let Luna mount me in public. Vagina seemed to shrug and mark a point for Kinky Paul. Rolling sideways off the bed, I rushed to the bathroom and unloaded more mess than I'd ever had in me in my whole life. It just kept on draining and draining, and all the while I sat there with a silly grin on my face.

Yuk it up, little mare, when you take the armor off and don't change back.

The mess stopped leaking and I started reaching for various straps. The armor came off in pieces that I stacked beside the toilet. When I finally got the last piece off, I felt a rush of sensation.

Yes!

My body twisted, changed, reshaped and inverted my sex. Okay, I might still be a bit of a mess, but at least I was a mess and not pregnant.

That's when it hit me that Luna hadn't been on the bed. Well, maybe something else had come up. Maybe he'd gone looking for somepony else to slake himself on. I paused, waiting to see if I felt bad about that, but nope. If Luna was too much for me, he was too much for me.

Vagina put another mark down on the side of Kinky Paul when my imagination tried to work out who he would be with. "Bad Paul. Clean up, then fantasize about your hot boyfriend banging someone else."

I obviously still had some of Cadance's magic boiling through me, as I stepped into the shower I had a pretty good hard-on going. The temptation to relieve some stress came and went, mostly because I knew washing up as an earth pony was ten times harder than doing it with hands.

The soft coat that covered me had taken some getting used to, but eventually it just felt normal. Though the extra shampoo usage was a bit crazy. At least the stuff was cheap. I lathered up and started rinsing the shampoo out (along with a little mess), when a white hand reached in through the door of the shower and reached behind my neck.

Panic set in for long enough that Celestia had a good grip and pulled me into a kiss.

Okay, so last time we'd been intimate I'd felt like she'd just "taken me for a spin", but come on, she had all the self-confidence to run a country and a smoking body—she had an appeal that I couldn't deny, and I melted into the kiss.

A flash of golden light against my closed eyelids left me seeing stars for a moment.

Celestia had a smirk on her lips that told me she knew something I didn't. "There. That should keep me like this. I can feel the echo of that spell on you. It should hold long enough to give you your reward."

"Reward?" Penis and vagina were both curious.

"Last night I fucked Blue into the small hours. I'm surprised you didn't hear us. Not a single Guardpony had felt me on their back for the whole day, so my stamina was high. When I woke up moments ago, she was still a mare." Celestia stepped into the shower and used her body to back me into a corner. "Paul, you did it. She's pregnant."

I opened my mouth to say something, but Celestia didn't seem content with holding back. Should I stop her? Why would I? How wou— My thoughts dissolved as she mounted my shaft. "Fffff—"

"This is a unique experience for me. You know, Paul, I think I shall try this more often. Perhaps if you're willing to fill in while my Royal Guards"—she grabbed my ass with both her hands and lifted, shoving me deeper into her silken depths—"are focused on their growing bellies."

I'd never had a woman take this much control of things. She shoved my ass against the wall of the shower and rolled her hips forward.

I moaned out loud as her motion drove me deeper into her, only for her relaxing of pressure causing me to slip back free. Another buck of her hips drove me in again, then out. She was in full control of this fuck, and neither myself nor penis had any qualms about it.

Breasts. My brain functioned only well enough to locate Celestia's orbs and grasp them. Without a need to hold on or guide myself, I let Celestia take care of all the hard work while I got the ride of a lifetime and started massaging her chest.

Driving her hips forward again, Celestia held against me so that her labia kissed the base of my shaft. "I had wondered what all the fuss was about," she said, slightly breathless. "But, now I think I worked it out. You are a devious man, Paul." She arched her back to push her breasts more proudly into my hands.

With so much on offer, I tilted my head down and lifted one breast up to kiss and nibble on her nipple while my other hand continued to play with its twin. When she started to tremble, I swapped breasts and felt her start to hump again.

Her strokes were erratic now, and lacked any focus. The more I played with her chest, the more wild Celestia seemed to get. She spread her wings in the shower as much as she could and pumped them back and forth while her body kept swallowing my shaft up. Finally, however, I saw that I'd outlasted her.

Celestia's eyes rolled back in her head and her arms quivered. She shook and trembled, then let go of me.

"My turn. I hope you like seconds, Your Highness." I dropped to my feet, grabbed her rump, and hefted her up while shoving her against the wall. When her hands grabbed my shoulders and she stared at me in shock, I knew I had control of the situation. She was riding out an intense orgasm while I started my own frantic thrusts.

"P-Paul! W-W—?" She never got another word out. I felt her start to tremble again as I fucked her into a second orgasm. "PAUL!"

My own stamina was reaching its end, however, and I started humping far more wildly. When she clamped down around me for the third time I completely lost all semblance of composure and leaned hard into her and buried my face in her hair. Grunting as my body pumped liquid fire into her, I couldn't seem to stop for several more thrusts as penis took full control.

My hips ground against her, again and again, and I grabbed the ivory goddess by the hips and tried to shove my dick so far into her she'd be coughing it up. And all the while I trembled as my climax continued.

Grunting and panting, I felt the fire that consumed my lower body start to ebb, and there was only one last thing to do—something I'd always wanted to do with a woman but had never had the guts to. Jerking out of her, I grabbed my shaft and pumping it a few times to get a last few blasts off that painted her with hot ropes of my cum.

Why? She deserved it. After how she treated sex the first time—like I was a conquest—had left me with some complex feelings, I wanted a very uncomplex way to unload them. And unload them I did.

"Paul!" Celestia had looked down at the mess I'd made, then she laughed. "Given our previous time, I probably deserved that." She didn't have far to move to get under the spray of the shower and clean off what I'd done. "You know why things are how they are?"

My mind raced, hampered by the fact I had a smoking-hot woman in the shower with me. Pressing my hips against her rump, I wrapped one arm around her lower belly and the other around her upper toros—catching a handful of breast and cupping her mound at the same time. "Things?"

"We don't turn into ponies when we get horny, Paul. We turn into this when we're not. We're all—except for you—born as a pony. We are raised until we cease taking milk, and that's when the changing starts." She leaned her head back and let me kiss along her neck.

"It explains a lot, actually. Luna. You. But then, if I was a guy back home, why do I turn into a mare?"

"Magic, for all the rules and laws we teach about it, has a very distinct quantity of what some call the no reason, but what I prefer to think of as destiny. In order to find out why things happened as they did, you need to examine what that one little change caused." If Celestia disliked my handling of her, she didn't say so.

Okay, so what did happen? I didn't freak out as much as I probably would have if I'd woken up a woman. I met a string of lovely girls that culminated in my cutie mark, that led to me being called to Canterlot, which led me to… "Nothing could have planned for all this. There's too many coincidences."

"What do you think destiny is, apart from a series of unlikely coincidences that lead to a preferable outcome?" Turning, Celestia seemed intent on pushing her chest right under my nose.

"You're trying to distract me from something." I tilted my head down and looked into Celestia's cleavage. "And it's working."

"Paul, if your only purpose here was to put a smile on every stallion's face, then you've done your work well. I've never seen Luna look so enthusiastic, nor Twilight and Cadance too. I'm not exactly sure what you did for Cadance, but given Shining has been a mare every time I've seen him for over a day, I can guess." She pushed her chest out a littl further, but then heaved a sigh. "But alas, I must go and see to my duty."

Celestia kissed me on the cheek and stepped out of the shower and onto the tiles of the bathroom. I knew there were words like alabaster and porcelain to describe women with perfect, unblemished skin, but Celestia's coat of fine hair went beyond that. She was probably the most physically perfect woman I'd ever seen.

When she paused, I wondered if she closed her eyes, but before I could say anything there was an intense flash of white light that lasted barely enough time for me to blink.

"A little trick you learn when all your magic revolves around fire. Drying off is never a problem." She gave me a wink over her shoulder and walked from my bathroom—her hips swaying.

I practically flopped against the wall of the huge shower. Penis was exercising his right to a post-coital erection, and I was completely spent. Closing my eyes, I let the water pour over my shoulders and calm me down.

How long I stood there I don't know, but the taps turned themselves off (or so it seemed) and the water trailed off as a large towel was tossed in. "My sister was practically prancing and I could smell sex all over her. What did you do?"

"Blue Blood is pregnant. Celestia wanted to reward me for my assistance." I started drying myself off with the towel.

Luna stepped into the shower stall with me and used his magic to grab the towel and dry me off. "Well, sounds like it was better than her usual deal."

The memory of it had me biting my lip. "Yeah. She was kinda hot when—"

"Finally she got something up her that wasn't a stick." Luna tilted his head down and licked my shaft. The surprise attack left me confused and unsure, though penis knew exactly what to do. Penis used erection.

As Luna's mouth slid over me, I felt my whole body start to respond to his advances in the normal—non-blocking-spell—manner. As my arms and legs all became short pony limbs, my tail and mane grew out, and my snout shoved forward, I felt my arousal rise. "Seems the spell wore off."

"Seems it did, my little filly." Luna's weight landed on my back and I arched my spine to catch him. He was heavy in all the best of ways.

I groaned as his thick shaft kissed my entrance. "Are you—? Fffffff…" As he pressed into me, I arched my neck and lifted my jaw up. The feel of him going in blew away the sex with Celestia. Not that Celestia wasn't fun, but this was Luna—and he bottomed out in me quickly.

With his forelegs wrapped around my hips, Luna held himself inside me without moving a muscle. "You know, Paul, if we keep doing this, I'm eventually going to hit my mark."

"I surrender, okay? If—maybe when—I get pregnant, I know I'll have the best stallions taking care of me." To show how much I accepted this, I squeezed down on him greedily. "Your sister said something I found interesting. She said that you—you were both—ponies first. That the curse turns you from stallions into upright people when you're not horny. It's starting to ma—" Luna cut off my musing simply by pulling back and ramming into me again. Philosophy and deep thinking be damned, I wanted him to fuck me hard.

When he got his third thrust in, I had to lift a foreleg and brace it against the wall of the shower he was pushing me toward. Vagina was in her element, and so was I. Unlike every other stallion I've been with, Luna wasn't a one-shot-wonder. He plowed me hard and long until I was barely able to think about anything but the flared tip of his shaft, the rock-hard shaft that kept driving it into me, and the medial ring that made my legs tremble.

Luna's soft grunts turned into sounds more akin to growls as he expressed his possessive, carnal desire to have me. When I was getting close to my limit, and he started to speed up, I felt the point of no return pass and my assent to the peak of pleasure rush past.

In the end, moments before I was fit to burst, he snarled aloud and grabbed my front with his wings and pinned me back on him. I bit my lower lip as he trembled atop and inside, and when the first white, hot blast of seed hit my insides, I reached my orgasm.

Again I arched my neck, but this time I howled out my release in a primal and very equine whinny that shoved its way from my trembling body. The pressure in my pelvis as all my muscles gripped and released over and over was so intense that I heard Luna whinny in surprise—though he kept humping against me and pumping his seed deep inside me.

When he finally stopped shoving at me, I lowered my foreleg and braced my limbs as well as I could while the amazing sensations had their way with me. Orgasms, I'd found, were comparable only by the silly faces they made guys and girls pull, the physical mechanics of how they felt was completely different. For me, now, my whole body felt like there was sparking electricity rolling over it, though the waves of energy seemed to focus down and pour into my vagina. As a guy, everything was focused on either my balls, my dick, or my anus. I don't know why it was those three, but my butt always did this clench-twitch-spasm thing when I came.

Luna's wings were still around me and he was most certainly still inside me as we both slowly regained our senses and slowed our breathing and heart rates. "Tell me when you want me off."

Looking back over my shoulder at him, I couldn't help myself. "I thought we'd both already gotten off?"

He laughed, which translated through his shaft and made my insides tremble and almost push me into an aftershock. Another difference between guys and girls, that. "If you're cracking jokes, Paul, I think we should clean up."

My whole body shook and trembled as he drew himself out of me and left me aching and empty. His dark blue magic took hold of the shower's controls and he turned the water back on. I let him soap me up and wash me off again, clean under my tail, and kiss me as many times as he wanted.

"So you really let my sister leave her mark on you again?" Luna turned the shower off and began drying me again with a towel.

It was nice to be pampered by him, so I let him fluff up my coat, mane, and tail before stepping out into the bathroom. "Mmm, yeah. She used her secret weapons."

"I'm going to take a guess and say breasts?" He set to drying himself.

"They're really big. Thankfully there was enough of the last hit of that spell to get me through it. I think she was much nicer this time. Maybe impending fatherhood is making her think more about being less of a bro?" Lifting a brush up on my hoof, I set about brushing my mane out.

"Hold on." Luna walked up beside me and tapped me on the shoulder with a hoof. "You mean to say you had sex with her as a guy and her as a woman?"

"Uh…"

"Paul. Please answer the following. You had sex with my sister while you were male and she was female?"

I was a little distracted brushing out a knot when he took the brush out of my hoof. "Huh?" I asked. "Oh, yeah."

"And you didn't use a condom or anything?"

It was like a huge fire had started and I heard the first fire siren going off in my head. "Y-Yeah."

"And you have a cutie mark of what on your flank?!"

Ah, all the sirens were going off together now and they synced up nicely. "Oh fuck."

"Look, there's still not a certainty of it. I mean, you've had sex with Twilight and Cadance, and nothing bad happened there." Luna started brushing out my mane for me while doing his own with a second brush. "You're slow to change back today, Paul."

"You're not going to startle me with that. While you've been talking to me, I've been remembering Celestia's breasts. Of course I'm going to be stuck as a mare for a bit while I'm still horny." I stuck my tongue out at him and blew a raspberry.

But there was a sinking feeling deep inside that told me that something was different now. How I knew, or what was telling me all this, I don't know.

Luna nuzzled my cheek and drew his snout up and to my ear where he nibbled a little. "You look like you just walked face-first into a wall, Paul."

"I'm pregnant."

"You don't know that. We could go to the—"

"No. This is—this is my thing, Luna. Remember? Cutie mark of knocking-upness?"

He let out a soft, hungry sound that made vagina excited to hear. "That means it doesn't hurt if we have some more fun." Okay, vagina really liked that idea.

Tilting my head, I leaned sideways and pressed myself against him from my cheek to my rump. Being taller than me, my body fit against him and a little under him—somewhere I enjoyed being. As I nuzzled down under his chin, I felt his foreleg lift up as he began to step over me.

Vagina was singing happily and even asshole was making curious musings on the likelihood of getting stuffed—when there was a loud knocking at the front door of my suite. "Ignore it," I said.

The knocking came again, louder and far more insistent. Luna let out a groan. "I know who that knock is from. We can't ignore it, because in a few seconds my sister will—" The pomf sound from the next room was a sure sign someone had just teleported. "… just come in anyway."

"Paul, would you care to explain the meaning of this?" Celestia's voice in the next room sounded—she sounded pissed off.

I poked my head around the corner of the bathroom and spotted her, only to see her holding a pregnancy test. She looked—Nope, I can't look away from her chest. Reluctantly, with the encouragement of all my hormones, I stepped out of the bathroom. "Is something wrong?"

On the plus side, stepping into the open gave me a much better view. She was wearing one of her sexy gowns that she used in the throne room to distract people. The dress was doing a great job of distracting me.

"When I got back to my chambers and dispelled Twilight's effect, I should have been horny enough to become a stallion. Paul, I just masturbated—as a woman—for the first time in my life." Her look was stern, but there was a hint of something else in her voice. "I asked one of my maids for a test kit—apparently they hand them out to the Royal Guard regularly. It's positive, Paul."

Okay, this wasn't exactly my fault for once. "W-Well, I mean, this is what happens when a guy and a girl have sex. My cutie mark makes it—"

Celestia raised a hand to her forehead. "Paul, the entire point of having you here was to have Blue and myself have a baby so that our houses would be joined together. My being pregnant complicates things to the point of—"

"No it doesn't." Luna stepped out behind me, his own presence feeling good right now—on my side. "Blue became pregnant first. Her foal will still be your first-born. Sister, you are blowing this out of all proportion and causing Paul distress. You'll notice she's still a mare."

Her eyes widening, Celestia stared at me. "When? We only just—"

"Luna, just a little earlier, overwhelmed me with his charms." I had to step backwards a step to be beside Luna, but it let me lean up and nuzzle his neck. "We've been talking about it for a while. It was inevitable, given my cutie mark." How was I this calm about everything? How was I so relaxed and happy?

Stress.

Stress had been eating at me about this very thing. With the stress gone and the deed done I could relax and just—Fuck. I'm pregnant.

For nearly ten seconds, one hand clutching the pregnancy test and the other her brow, Celestia seemed just to be breathing. Was she about to explode and kill everyone in Canterlot? I'd read stories—well, comics mostly—about ponies and their specific affinities being able to go bad. Celestia's was the sun. If she freaked out, it would at least be fast. "Congratu—"

Frantic knocking on the door surprised us all, cutting Celestia off mid-word. I was about to call out and tell them to go away when a pomf sound interrupted even that and revealed Twilight Sparkle as the person doing the knocking. Her eyes were fixed on me, and I don't think she'd even noticed Celestia in the room. "Paul! You're not going to believe this!"

There was a whistling, sinking feeling. It was like months of messing around were catching up to me. I could guess at what her big surprise was, though I hoped it was something else. "You're pregnant?" I asked.

Twilight actually bounced in place—something that was extremely distracting given her chest. "How'd you know? Isn't it great? I…" As she looked around finally, Twilight seemed to notice a lot of things her focused mind had been missing. She was smart, probably at least twice as smart as I was, which is why I wasn't surprised her eyes landed on the pregnancy test in Celestia's hand and then drifted over to me standing beside Luna—still as a pony. "Oh. Oh my goodness. You—?"

A loud knocking on the door caused us all to freeze in place. Celestia stared at me with wide eyes while Twilight turned to make her way to the door.

"Paul," Luna asked, "what are the odds that this is Cadance?"

"Life was so much simpler when it was only me who was pregnant." I looked up at Luna and saw I'd gotten him to smirk. "Remember those times? I remember those times. Is there some kind of jail for guys who get a bunch of women pregnant?"

"Yes." Celestia had a smile too now, though it looked caught halfway between I'm smiling because you're in more trouble and okay, that was funny but I won't admit it. "They call it marriage."

I rolled my eyes at Celestia's joke (at least I hope it was a joke) and turned my attention back to the door. When Twilight opened it to reveal a little white unicorn mare, I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Shiny! How are you?" Twilight crouched down and hugged her… Brother? Sister? I mean Shining Armor seemed fine to be called a mare, so does that change all his roles to feminine? Regardless, it seemed I might not have completely ruined my chances of survival.

"Doing okay, Twily." Taking the time to hug her sister, Shining looked up and locked eyes with me. "I was actually here to talk to Paul."

Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no!

Shining Armor let go of Twilight and walked across the room to stand right in front of me. She looked into my eyes with a kind of stern authority. "Paul, there—"

"I'M PREGNANT!" The door, still open, admitted a pink goddess with boobs that I was considering starting a church just to do them justice. She ran across the room—which did wonderful things to her chest—and then froze just before reaching me. "Paul? Uh, you were just…?"

The insanity of the situation was that she didn't look upset and, when I looked back down at her, neither did Shining. "No, I wasn't just. Well, a little, but I should be back to—" I didn't get any further. Cadance picked me up and hugged me to her chest. I was lost in a sea of pink (not the least of which was her cleavage) and could honestly say there were worse ways to die.

"Paul! I'm so happy for you—and for me! This is the best thing ever!" Cadance's grip was not quite painful, but even if it was the barrage of confusion messages combined with her breasts were doing a number on me.

"I think," Luna began, "you all neglected to take into account how powerful Paul's cutie mark is. Now, however, you all need to make a decision about what is going to happen. I for one plan to settle down with this adorable mare and take care of her every need for the next eleven months."

His words sent tingles through my brain. It wasn't just nice, it wasn't just cute, it was exactly what I wanted to hear. Despite Cadance's breasts, I squirmed and dropped down to the floor and lunged toward Luna.

He caught me with one wing and leaned down to kiss me. For a few moments, as our lips met, I could forget everything else going on in the room. Finally, though, it was a high-pitched whistle that brought me back to reality.

When I looked for the source (basically, turned my head to the direction my ears were facing), I realized the sound was coming from Cadance. "Are you alright?"

"Give her a moment," Shining Armor said. "Once Cady goes like this, it will take a while for her brain to reset. Love-overload, or something like that." She smiled at me and held out a hoof. "Also, I need to say it too, thank you for this. I can't believe we're both pregnant. Literally the best day ever."

Lifting my own hoof, I clopped it against Shining's. Well, it seemed like I was out of the weeds there. "Hey, I still feel a little surprised you were—and she was—okay with that. Where I come from, people are a lot less free with themselves."

"I'm married to the princess of love, Paul. More love is generally the only way forward for us. Having an extra little one running around the castle? You should have heard her when she got confirmation. About five times louder than"—as Shining was talking, Cadance finally stopped her squealing and had caught Luna in a hug—"what she was just doing."

Celestia cleared her throat. "That's all well and good for you and Luna, Paul, and for Shining and Cadance, but what of myself and Twilight?" There was a slight sound of panic in her voice—of loneliness.

It hurt to hear it. There was a literal pain inside me to realize that Celestia, after all this, felt scared of being alone. I walked over to her and looked up at her face—barely even focusing on her boobs at all, so a herculean effort. "Celestia—Hold on." I jumped up on the nearest couch and then onto the back of it. Trusting my sense of balance to my earth pony skills, I was just below chest level still. "You need to meet me halfway here. I can't hug you if you stay standing."

"Hug me?" Celestia sounded surprised. "What do you—Oh." She kneeled down on the couch and was finally at eye level with me.

I reached out, lunging to wrap my forelegs around her shoulders and pull her against me for a hug. "It's okay. We'll go through this together, and remember all those wonderful mares you have for guards? They will have advice for both of us on how to handle this."

She looked at me in surprise. When I kissed her on the nose, she actually laughed. It was a sound like expelling pressure or stress. "Paul, you are a wonderful pony. This will be a new step in my life, but I think it will be fine so long as we all support each other."

"There's somepony else who might need a hug." Luna used his wing to reach up and turn my head to face the middle of the room. "Paul, you might be a little mare, but you have someone else who needs a hug."

Twilight Sparkle. She was watching us all with some kind of detached expression as if she were apart from what was going on. I half expected her to be taking notes or something. "Sorry, Celestia, I need to go hug another princess."

Leaning into me so that her mouth was by my ear, Celestia said, "Please keep calling me just Celestia. It's nice to have somepony who sees me as me." With that, she picked me up and turned around to set me on the floor.

Walking over to Twilight, I jumped up on the arm of the couch she was sitting on and was at the perfect height. "I'll be as much or as little a part of your life as y—"

She rolled her eyes and wrapped both her arms around me, and pulled me into a hug. "Paul, you silly pony, of course I want you part of my life. Part of our baby's life too."

Such a hug required me to hug back so much that my back legs almost dangled onto the arm of the couch. "So, uh, where do we go from here? I think everyone seems okay with this, but we need to plan."

"There is one thing that I have to wonder about. Paul being here has resulted in all of us—except you, Luna—getting pregnant. In that same time Blue Blood is pregnant, and I don't think any of my Royal Guard is still human." Celestia had calmed since the hug. Maybe I would need to make special hug times where I can ambush her in various places to ensure she remains calm and enhugged throughout her pregnancy.

"You're about to mention the greater population, aren't you?" Twilight asked. "If Paul has had this effect in just this concentrated location, what about the times he's been outside the castle?"

When I spotted Luna with a distant look of shock on his face, I started to realize that there might be a specific problem-place. "Jugs' bar?"

Luna nodded. "I know you were more careful in there, but I am sure that not everypony was. The strange thing here is that everyone will think this was perfectly normal since—"

"Since their sample size is one." Twilight tapped both her index fingers together like she was in some kind of cartoon and had no idea if what she was about to say would make things better or worse. "That was the problem we had in Ponyville. Lyra Heartstrings and Sweetie Drops was planned for. Big Mac and Sugar Belle was also expected. When every mare who had the most casual of sex wound up being pregnant—we knew something was up."

"You'll have to excuse me, then." Princess Celestia stood up, and in doing so made her chest bounce in a way that will live on in my memory until Cadance does the same thing. "I have some new maternity leave to approve, and several new laws regarding ponies with highly effective cutie marks to ponder. Thank you again, Paul."

Watching Celestia leave the room was a unique pleasure in life, but I had to admit that the memory of it would fade when Cadance did the same. What was it about her, I mean, it wasn't like she was the princess of love or anything. Yeah, even my inner monologue is sarcastic about that. "Celestia"—I waited for her to pause and look back at me—"thank you for making a place where I feel welcome."

"You're welcome, Paul." Celestia gave me a big smile and finally made her way from the room.

"The question, Paul," Cadance said, "is how best to share your talent without it getting in the way of your life. The first and immediate through that comes to mind is a special block of apartments that we can hire out to couples trying to have a baby. Put you in the middle and have them all scattered around you."

The idea staggered me. I remembered back to when I'd first started helping ponies get pregnant—when I'd gotten my cutie mark—and I couldn't hold back my smile. "That would be nice."

Author's Note

Discord: Why haven't you make any effort on getting a heir for yourself - now that Paul is here?

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Epilogue

I woke up to the sound of Luna moving around. His footsteps always seemed distinct for anyone else's, mostly because they were always hooves. Not that I was far removed from that now as well. When he stepped up to the door of the bedroom, I let out a soft whine and turned my head to look at him. "What time is it?"

"You have half an hour before your appointment." Luna's deep voice as he walked around the bed made happy tingles run up and down my spine—probably the only good thing to happen to my spine lately. "How's your back?"

I mutter enough curses to make a blush swell into being on Luna's cheeks, then employ all my earth ponyness to roll over and get my hooves under me. "Better when I'm standing. Half an hour, you said?"

"Less now, but there's enough time to get you presentable for your morning routine." Luna's words were accompanied by the soft blue glow of his magic. A moment later I felt a currycomb working through my coat while a brush started on my tail.

He finished with one side of me and my tail, swapped the currycomb to the other side and the brush to my mane.

When he started to lift the brushes away, I turned quickly and caught him with a kiss. Luna's eyes fluttered a moment, and I felt my own do the same as I thanked him for being in my life in the warmest way I could.

Finally we came up for air and he nuzzled my cheek. "We don't have half an hour anymore."

"Luna, you naughty stallion. Were you hoping for a quickie before we left?" I pressed my lips against his and smiled. When he just make a hungry sound deep in his throat, I knew I'd guessed right. Pulling back, I started for the door. "We should go. I may be wide as a house, but I'll be damned if I miss a day."

"I'd carry you if you needed it. You make my sister very happy, you know that?" Walking out behind me (because with my belly, he sure as hell wasn't going to be walking through a doorway with me), Luna seemed content to let me lead the way.

Leaving the little house I lived in, I waited for Luna to exit and make his way up beside me before answering. "I can still see her face when she looked so alone. I promised myself I wouldn't let her feel alone again so long as I lived."

"Really? I mean, that was a pretty intense moment, I'll agree, but you made that vow then?"

"Of course I didn't. It took the rest of the day to realize it was something I needed to do. Also, the Royal Guard have been adorable and helpful. I don't think I would have survived if it wasn't for their advice." The walk up to the castle wasn't too far, thankfully, but it was far enough that a mare in her last weeks of pregnancy could feel every still step of it.

The Royal Guards at the front gate were older men, but still in amazing shape. They didn't need to wave Luna and myself in, but they did smile and nod to us.

With companionable silence, we made our way to the throne room and were waved in.

Celestia sat on her throne with a baby in her arms and one breast exposed. The infant was quiet as she fed. Her eyes flicked up from the babe in her arms to my face, and I saw her smile. "Approach, Paul."

It was only formality. Despite this being a daily ritual and despite all the guards present knowing that, Celestia had the final say. I walked up to the steps and then started up them. Each step took a lot of effort, but I was an earth pony, and earth ponies don't quit.

Luna had explained to me that there was a bunch of rules and things you were meant to do when speaking to royalty—especially when they were in the throne room—but I ignored it all. "Good morning, Celestia." I reached the top platform and kept walking, rearing up and putting one forehoof on the seat of the throne beside her while I reached out and pulled her and her baby into a hug.

And it all had no basis in me getting closer to Celestia's chest.

"Good morning, Paul." Celestia kept our daughter cradled with one arm while she reached around my withers with her free one. "How are your hooves today? And you back?"

"Hooves are sore, back is still a problem. I've had some help dealing with it, however." My eyes flicked to the side. "Is Twilight up in her room?"

Celestia chuckled. "No, she's worked out that the library is fine with her taking her foal there so long as she uses a silence spell. I don't know if it was just her going stir crazy, but she worked this out about midday yesterday, and I think she would have camped in the library if I hadn't sent my guards in to find her."

The mental image had me giggling. "I assume Night's Eve has his own library card already?"

"Drat, I was going to make a joke about that. If he hasn't got one yet, it won't be long until he does." Celestia let go of the hug and I eased my weight down onto the floor again. "Luna, I have some things to discuss. I'll send one of my guards to accompany Paul to the library."

I'd learned it was better not to argue. All arguing did, with Celestia, was wear out your voice. "Thank you, Celestia." I turned and started back down the stairs. Each step told me that going down was more annoying than going up. Under my breath I muttered, "This is the last time I listen to vagina."

At the bottom I kissed Luna before walking to the doors to leave the throne room. Behind me, I heard Luna and Celestia start talking, but my attention was stolen by a very capable-looking woman walking up beside me. I looked up at her. C cups on a heavy frame. Nothing to write home about, but she definitely looked the part of warrioress—what with the heavy spear in her hands and the wings on her back. "Celestia is hiring women guards?"

"With over half her Royal Guard out on maternity leave, you bet she is. The princess asked the E.U.P. Guard to provide troops, and we came." I couldn't help but notice she kept looking at my flank. Finally, as we were nearing the library, she asked, "Does your talent—I mean your cutie mark is—"

"It only kicks in if you have unprotected sex near me. You don't plan to do that while we're in the library?" I asked as I reached the door.

She froze for a moment, then rushed up and opened the door for me. "I hadn't planned to. How'd you actually get them pregnant, anyway?" The moment she finished speaking, she looked shocked at what she asked. "I mean—I didn't meant—Does everyone get tongue-tied around you?"

"Mostly just you." I smiled at her, trying to show I hadn't taken any offense in what she'd asked. "Would you believe it was magic?" I walked through the open door and entered the library. There was a soft whisper—constantly—as if there were a lot of people all trying to keep their voices down. Which is exactly what the sound was.

"Oh, sure, magic. But you're an earth pony."

"Who was caught chasing the tails of three alicorns and having his tail chased by a fourth. Trust me, sometimes there's such a thing as too much magic. But, I wouldn't trade any of it for all the bits in the world. They're extraordinary women." I looked around the library, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the brightness.

"You're looking for Princess Twilight, right?"

"Yeah—uh… Sorry, I didn't ask your name."

"Soars High."

"Paul. Just Paul." I paused a moment, trying to remember what she'd asked. "Oh. Yes. Twilight."

"She's over that way." Soars gestured to one side and deeper into the library. "There's an advantage to being tall."

I started walking in the direction Soars had gestured, but stopped when she began following me. "I think I can handle talking to a princess alone."

Pausing, I could see Soars trying to process things. "Right. Alicorn. I'll wait at the door for you." She turned—showing off her wings and tail—and walked back to the entrance of the library.

Enjoying the sight for as long as I could reasonably get away with it, I turned back and started stalking my prey. Well, waddling after my prey, that is. When I was done having this foal, I would be avoiding pregnancy for— I couldn't finish that. Despite how much I hated being bloated, I couldn't believe how amazing it was that I was making another life.

"Paul?" Twilight's question got her a shhh from others nearby. She looked amazing. Having recovered from having her own baby, she'd kept a few extra curves and an extra cup size. I couldn't wait until I could spend some special time showing her how much she meant to me. "Sorry." She walked over, kneeled down, and hugged me around the neck for all she was worth.

I didn't try to return it, knowing if I did I'd either fall over, pee myself, or both. Instead I just nuzzled Twilight's neck and, when she gave me the chance, a little lower and down the front.

"Paul!" Twilight's shout earned her another round of shhh, and before she could even utter a sorry she closed her eyes and cast a spell. "There. No more getting yelled at."

I looked at the shimmering wall she'd created around us. "What did you do?"

"Magic barrier. No sound or light can get out. Which means no more shushing." Sticking her tongue out at the people who apparently couldn't see it wasn't childish—not if done by a princess.

Laughing at her antics, I stepped forward and nuzzled against her thigh. "I'm just doing my normal rounds. Making sure all of you know how special you are to me."

Twilight crouched down again, but this time she actually pulled my head into her cleavage and kissed me on the forehead. "You are, without a doubt, the most amazing father, Paul. Mother too, I bet. How close are you?"

"The pediatrician told me not to leave Canterlot, gave me a buzzer thingy to tap if I go into labor." That was still a little scary. Pregnancy I could deal with (even if it meant yelling, crying, or growling at Luna depending on what minute of the day it was), but that there was going to be a huge event in my life that would leave me with a foal to take care of—Stop it, Paul. You're prepared for this. You have so many people supporting you… Now I'm talking to myself again.

"Well, I wanted to show you how much I appreciate you." She reached out to my shoulders and started rubbing her fingers through my coat. I was putty in this woman's capable hands, and soon enough she shifted to the side and started rubbing further and further back.

"Twilight…" The rest of what I was about to say died on my tongue as her hand started rubbing my croup. It had been some time since I'd gotten any action at all, and to have her being so gentle and insistent made me wobble a little in anticipation. The truth was I hadn't felt sexy in months. "Please don't stop."

"Paul, I had no intention of stopping. Tell me if you get a cramp or if you want to slow down." Twilight's hands massaged my rump, fingers drifting over my cutie marks to send sparks of pleasure to my brain.

Moaning, I braced all four legs out to the sides slightly and locked my knees to stop from falling. One of her hands reached between my legs and found my heavy udder—swollen with milk. Her hand cupped one of my bulging mammaries, gave it a gentle squeeze that had me seeing stars, then swapped to the other. "I wouldn't do that unless—"

She did it. She squeezed one of my teats and I felt the moment my milk flowed out. It wasn't a huge spray, just a dribble, but it was still more of a mess than I wanted to leave. "I can clean up with a spell, Paul. Just relax and let me play."

"I can't relax when you're—when you're milking me." I'll take words I never thought I'd say for 100.

"Normally I'd tell you to keep it down, but with this spell up we can be as noisy as we want. No one short of Celestia or Luna could break this barrier." Both her hands found a teat each and she spread her fingers out around my mounds and gently massaged them—just like I'd done so many times to girls. What was I? B cup? I had to be bigger than that to be filling her hands. Solid Cs if I didn't miss my guess. When I had this foal, would my udder stay a little pronounced? Like how Twilight, Cadance, and Celestia's boobs had grown.

Just thinking of Cadance's boobs—pillowy and even more huge now—made me shudder and start letting out little whimpers with each of Twilight's gentle squeezes.

She didn't let up and she didn't falter. Twilight massaged my udders—gentle squeezing my mounds and swapping to my teats to squirt a little milk every now and again—until I could take it no more. Tensing every muscle in my body, I groaned around the swelling tide of pleasure that pushed me all the way into an orgasm.

And still she didn't let up.

Huffing and panting, I wanted to tell her to stop and to never stop at the same time, but my mouth, lungs, and vocal cords only seemed capable of grunts, moans, and whines now. I was a slave to sensation, and Twilight controlled that.

One of her hands left my udder—my right udder—and I felt it tickle its way up between and behind my legs. I knew what her target was, and despite bracing for it, when she pressed her palm over my vulva, I came again—hard. "Paul, you're an amazing person. I couldn't even think of doing this with someone else, but for you—in the library—I don't want it any other way."

The words didn't make much sense to me. I was trying to keep from shaking apart and collapsing on the floor while she just held me. The orgasm wouldn't let up—not while she still kept massaging my udder with her left hand—and I whined out long and low as I felt something within me shift.

"Paul, are you okay?" Twilight asked.

I couldn't answer her as another orgasm overwhelmed any hope to reply. What was with Twilight and her magic hands today? Whining and panting, I strained to get myself into some semblance of order. "You're joking?" I barely managed to get the words out before I was panting again. "I feel amazing."

Twilight's reply was to slide two fingers into me. I saw stars in that moment, and strained my entire body not to cum again on the spot. Vagina was in her happy place, and the breasts twins (who were new to my mental troupe) were taking turns praising Twilight's efforts. Everyone else (including me) was just along for the ride, surfing the waves of pleasure that Twilight gave me.

She worked her fingers in and out, the motion if not size reminding me of stallions that had stamina—which made me think of Luna. When she finally pushed me over the edge again, I felt that clenching-shift inside and cried out in mental and physical bliss.

Struggling to make sense of the world as my heavy body trembled and shook, I could barely hear Twilight muttering something. When I unclenched my eyes, I saw she was casting a spell.

Magic bubbled over me, around my legs and up under my tail. I gasped when it slid over anything sensitive, but I knew what she was doing—cleaning up the evidence. The time for the spell to finish gave me enough of a breather to get my head in order. "That was pretty intense."

"You wouldn't believe how much mess you'd made. Wait, there's still more coming out. Uh…"

There was one logical reason why Twilight would trail off like that, and it involved me needing to leave fast. "You're going to tell me my water just broke while you were finger-fucking me, aren't you?"

"Y-Yeah. You have that button handy? I can get you to the hospital, we just need them to be ready for you." Twilight used her magic to stack all her books up while I fished around for the button. "Can't teleport you, so looks like I'll be carrying you. Hold on."

Before I had a chance to press the button, Twilight took it from me and started her magic at pressing it over and over. She picked me up—thankfully supporting me—and let go of the privacy spell. We were surrounded by nearly a dozen people. "Make room, please. Her water just broke and we need to get her to hospital."

I actually giggled at the time it took most of those gathered to realize what Twilight meant. In that time, however, Soars High had used her wings to make a path for us and led the way outside. I'd seen the way earth ponies in the Guard could carve a path, but seeing a pegasus doing it was something else. She hunched forward, wings spread a little, and dared anyone to get in her way.

Okay, I was going into labor—I shouldn't be getting turned on by a hunky Guard, but vagina (despite her current distress) was curious to know what Soars would look like as a stallion. No! Bad vagina! In punishment, you get to have a foal.

Vagina was not laughing.

An hour and a half. An hour and a half of intermittent discomfort and pain—that slowly got faster and faster—but then…

Then he came out and greeted the world with a loud cry. I was drenched in sweat from head to hoof, and barely noticed that it was over. I expected more to come out, and some did, but the nurse and doctor didn't look surprised at it, so I didn't feel worried.

It was a shock when the foal cozied up to the same teats Twilight had been playing with earlier, and suckled. There was a kind of mental wall I hit then. His little mouth wasn't sexual in the slightest, but there was something about him nursing that just relaxed me utterly.

I could hear the nurses growling at someone. My ears flicked and I tracked the words. "I don't care who you are, she needs peace and quiet." There was some muffled sounds of reply. "Alright. One of you. The father."

"That would be me." Luna's deep voice became clear, and it sent a shiver down my spine. "Show me to them."

I saw the nurse step into the room, but I completely ignored her for Luna. He was solid and real and he looked terrified. "Come and give me a kiss before I spontaneously grow a horn and drag you over here," I said.

He rushed across to my bed, leaned down, and pressed his lips to mine. There was nothing left between us. I could feel his tongue playfully poking at my lips—lips that parted for him to delve deeper. He leaned a bit more into me, pushing his tongue into my mouth and giving me a small sample of what he wanted to really do.

When our lips broke, I let out a contented sigh. Holy shit, when did I fall for him so much? Well, I mean, over about a year and a half it had been a slow tumble, but I was ready to give him another foal if he asked. Womb? Shit, more body parts want a say in my life. "I love you," I said.

"I love you too, Paul. You know, though, those women out there do too?" He nodded toward the door. "I've never seen my sister like this before, and Twilight's not much better. They're—" He lost his train of thought and, looking down, I could see why. The little colt—our little colt—lifted his head from my teat and looked at Luna.

Luna looked stunned—spellbound. His eyes were as wide as they could get as he lifted a hoof and gently brought it to the little colt's snout. Dwarfed was an understatement. Our colt's nose was so tiny it easily fit in Luna's frog and had room to rattle around. "He's so tiny and—and so perfect."

His reaction had me grinning despite the completely wasted feeling that had settled over me. Another boop from Luna and our newest royal burped loudly. Picking our little colt up, Luna lifted him up and set him between my forelegs. "Have you come up with a name for him?"

I know the nurse had said I would feel tired after giving birth, but this was ridiculous. I could barely even think, and here Luna was asking me to saddle (heh) our foal with a name to last his whole life. Closing my eyes, I looked up at Luna and whispered, "Sweet Dreams."

I'd never meant it to be his name, but it fit. Luna had told the nurse, who'd told the doctor, and the doctor wrote the forms. My little Sweet Dreams had suckled for nearly a whole year. One day he just seemed less interested in my milk and started trying to get at anything we were eating.

It was amazing to see him grow up, but when he finally stopped drinking my milk—I changed back. Waking up one morning with my little colt snuggled against me, I realized something was off. My legs felt wrong and I could feel the chill of a Canterlot morning.

A warm, fuzzy snout tucked in against my far-less-furred neck and nibbled. "Paul, looks like you're back to your upright self. Does this mean you'll help with the diapers?"

Snorting, I turned a little to lay on my back. Sweet Dreams lifted his head and looked at me before tilting to the side a little. Right, he didn't recognize me.

"It's still me, Sweets." I curled a hand around his back and nestled him closer—just like I would with a foreleg. He seemed to get the idea. "Yeah. I can definitely do that now. Using my mouth just didn't—"

"I understand. Given the disasters he'd leave, I wouldn't want to put my nose anywhere near his diaper." Lifting his head up, Luna lay down across my chest and pressed his snout into Sweet's ear.

Pinned in place, I couldn't be happier than to hear our foal giggling. "On the plus side, this means I am at a good height to observe my third-favorite things again."

"You," Luna said before he nuzzled and licked Sweet's ear again, "are the strangest person I know. You'd only have had to ask and you'd have some of the most epic busts to rest your head on—but no. You want to be tall enough to see them."

"Absolutely. Heck, I've technically had my own for a year, but those don't count. I guess I could go to court today. Celestia might have run out of guards again and be slumming it as a woman again." I reached up to Luna's ears and started to rub one. The result was him slumping down on me with more weight.

"Well, now you're not going anywhere." Luna's throat rumbled against my chest as he spoke. He wasn't heavy, just extra-cozy to have on me there. "Trapped forever by your own design."

"I'd be fine with that—Your Highness." As soon as I said it, Luna jerked. "What's the matter?"

"You play dirty."

Sweet was now asleep again, but the jostling we were causing was bound to wake him. "I always play dirty, but normally I play dirty in ways that don't get my huge stallion to wail and gnash his teeth in horror. Please hop off, love, I need to use the bathroom."

Lifting his head, Luna slid off his side of the bed and his blue aura lifted Sweet Dreams up. "I've got him. You go." It was impossible not to love this stallion. Smart, sexy, and thoughtful—a heady combination that I'd fall for again and again.

Still, I couldn't sit around and admire his work, time to get up. The run to the bathroom was more sedate today. The stress of giving birth wasn't my male body's burden to bear. Once I'd done my business in the bathroom (the common shower, shit, and a shave combo), I walked out into the kitchen to find Luna feeding Sweet Dreams his breakfast.

That's when I realized I'd forgotten to wear pants—or any clothes at all. Pausing for a moment, I shrugged and continued walking into the kitchen. We'd moved again, this time to a villa on the castle grounds. We had our own little house, though we could always order meals from the main kitchen if we were both feeling out of it.

Today, Luna had made us some toast with poached eggs on them. For Sweet Dreams it was little fingers of toast with some rich apple jelly on them. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow—probably at my appearance without clothes.

"I forgot, okay? I've spent so long as a mare I've forgotten I need to wear clothes, then I figured why bother? I'll get something sorted before I leave." Sitting down at the table meant any naughty bits were hidden anyway. I stuck my tongue out at him, only to have him float a plate over. "Have I told you I love you today?"

"Several times, but another would always be appreciated." When his magic settled the plate before me, he returned to eating his own.

"I love you to bits you big, hunky stallion." There was absolutely nothing left of the hetero man who'd arrived in Equestria several years ago. I could look Luna in the eyes and, without a hint of a lie, tell him how much I adored him. Not that I'd completely changed. "Any plans for the day?"

"I was going to visit my sister at court, actually, but now it looks like it will be a family outing. Do you know how her daughter is doing?" Luna caught a piece of toast from Sweet a moment before it hit the table.

I found some pants to wear, a shirt, and even let Luna take some time to do my hair before we headed out for the morning. Luna carried Sweet on his back while I walked beside them. The castle grounds were—as always—immaculate.

Being back in my upright-body reminded me of a lot more things than what was on a woman's chest. I was way more relaxed now. I could walk around without feeling like I was walking a razor's edge and I had this feeling that any trouble that wasn't directly in my way would find itself resolved. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, but I didn't get worked up with worrying.

The Royal Guards in the entryway just bowed and let us past, as did the few petitioners that were waiting to attend court themselves. The big doors were wide open and I could hear Celestia talking to somepony with a calm and relaxed tone. When we entered the throne room unannounced, Celestia's head snapped around and when she spotted us a smile broke across her face like sunrise itself. "Please, Jet, I know you can take care of it yourself. Contact Raven on your way out to appropriate any further funding."

Jet Set—I knew her name only because I'd remembered the modest (but very perky) C cups she sported—bowed to Celestia, shot us a smile, and made her way out.

"Paul, you're done lactating then. It's good to see you standing proud on your own two feet again." Celestia strode down the stairs from her throne, and I got to see what set her apart from most other women. Pregnancy had done nothing to reduce her chest—the exact opposite. She'd carried a pair of DD cup breasts before our shower dance had resulted in her getting pregnant, now this goddess' chest were very perky F cups.

"Thank you, Celestia." I walked right up to her, wrapped one arm around behind Celestia's back, and tipped her down and backward while supporting her. As she stared up at me in surprise, I planted a kiss on her lips.

The change was immediate and surprising. One moment I had an alabaster goddess in my arms, the next she'd turned into an equally impressive stallion.

"Was my kiss that good?" I asked.

"N-N—" Celestia shook his head, and I was sure he was likely giving a show to anyone who could see under his belly. "Yes. I can't lie about that, but most of it was anticipation. The way you look at me, all of me, makes things tighten in my belly and I just can't—" Celestia cut himself off and looked at Luna. "Does he make you lose control too?"

"Every day," Luna said. "From the moment he opens his eyes in the morning until he curls up beside me at night, I find myself about to stumble over my words, trip over nothing, or put on a show that's not safe for foals."

If I wasn't so relaxed with these two, I'd maybe feel a little hurt or put out. The fact was they'd grown closer in the last two years. Luna proved that to me when he hugged Celestia and the pair used their wings to wrap each other up.

Sweet Dreams thought this was great and climbed up Luna's back and sat on his head. He looked at Celestia and let out an excited giggle, waving his forelegs at her.

"Such a handsome young man." Celestia's gold magic lifted Sweet up and he pulled the colt into the hug he and Luna were sharing. "I bet seeing your mommy become a man was a bit of a surprise?"

"For about five seconds. Sweets seemed to know it was still me." I looked around the throne room while the brothers hugged, nodding to the many Royal Guard—most of which were mares, and some with proud bellies. "Sometimes I wonder if you've changed all that much, Celestia."

"Huh?" Celestia looked over Luna's shoulder at me and saw that I was looking at the Guardponies. "I was not treating them as they deserved. Having you a little further away has made things a little less explosive, but I will not shy away from a mare who knows the risks and wants some fun."

Several of the pregnant guards wore big grins and seemed to have not an ounce of regret. I kinda couldn't blame them. Celestia—as a woman or a stallion—was probably one of the most impressive sights for any guy or mare to see in all Equestria. If I wasn't firmly attached to Luna's side, I might even have done a stupid thing like apply to join Celestia's guards. "You're all adults. It's not my place to pry, so I won't—further, that is."

"Permission to speak?" one of the Guard said.

Celestia was quick to nod. "Always granted, you know that, Flash."

The mare fluffed her wings and cleared her throat. "Prince Paul, we appreciate your concern. Prince Celestia takes good care of us and I always wanted a big family. The Guard is our family, and we take care of each other—Celestia included." Flash looked up a little to look Celestia in the eyes. "Thank you for listening."

What was not said at the end, combined with how Celestia had given Flash permission to speak, said that she was talking about a more general interpretation.

Celestia wasn't taking advantage of his guards. It was the opposite—they were all taking care of each other as one big, extended relationship. A little like the loose bonds I shared with Twilight, Celestia, and even Cadance and Shining. Ponies were so damn full of love that they shared it so well.

I looked at the two big stallions that were only now stepping apart, and even my colt now riding on Celestia's back, and could finally understand a little of the paradise I'd landed in.

Author's Note

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