Discord's Made a Foal of Meby Hailstorm_ChaptersChapter 1Chapter 2Chapter 3Chapter 4Chapter 1“Well it’s very nice of you to finally wake up. I know you don’t care, but we’re running on a tight schedule.” I hadn’t been awake for long, maybe a few moments, before hearing a sarcastic male voice that was right on the verge of familiarity. I would have responded immediately, but my bed was feeling strangely comfortable this early in the day and all I could do was nestle in deeper and grumble noncommittally to the voice. If this was the time for me to die, at least I would do it in the comfort of my own bed. At least I wouldn’t have to go back to pulling pallets at work. But just as suddenly as I had woken up, the bed under me just seemed to… disappear. One moment I was drifting back off to sleep and the next I fell very painfully to the unforgiving ground. “You humans really have no sense of hurry, do you?” Came the voice again, growing more and more familiar as it got more aggravated with me. And it seemed that the more he said, the more confused I got by whatever death scenario I was in. Only now was I inclined to open my eyes, shaking off the pain of the sudden fall and the rude awakening I’d just been subjected to. After clearing my eyes, I looked around my room to search for where the voice was coming from. That was when I realized something important: This wasn’t my room. My room may have been pretty unfurnished, but there was nothing around me. No furniture, no carpet, not even a single wall to contain this void. It just extended out as far as I could see which, to be fair, wasn’t very far without glasses. And that wasn’t even getting into the disembodied face floating by my head. “Oh shit, what?” I squeaked out as I crawled on my hands and knees to get away from whatever just appeared next to me. The face rolled its eyes, both with yellow sclera and red irises, though one iris was bigger than the other. He gave me a lopsided grin, one long fang poking out of his mouth as he sneered at me. “Well, that’s quite possibly the first time that trick has worked in years.” He added as more of his head phased into existence. His head was draconic, almost resembling a horse, and it was pointed with two antlers, one deer and the other some sort of strange goat. “Discord?” I asked under my breath, the two brain cells I had left finally putting aside their differences and piecing the puzzle together. I was obviously having another Horse Dream. The rest of the Draconequis’ body phased in at once as he snapped his talons right in my face, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin. “I’m impressed, you got it in under an hour. Maybe I’m underestimating humans after all.” I opened my mouth to respond, wanting to quip along with Discord, but he simply pressed his talon against my lips and I found I couldn’t open my mouth at all. “Now don’t go interrupting me after I just paid you a compliment. Like I said, we’re running on a strict schedule, as much as I despise planning, so just listen and try and follow along, understood?” I tried my best to mumble an agreement, which seemed to be enough for him. Discord gestured to the corkboard beside him, pointing towards a picture of him with a laser pointer. “This, as you obviously know, is me. Discord, Lord of Chaos, best villain in Equestria. And this,” he moved the laser to point towards a picture of me, “was you when you woke up. Are you following so far?” I looked at the photo of myself, curled up in my bed while ignoring the massive grey void around me. Discord was also in frame, giving a peace sign as he cockily grinned for the camera. I rolled my eyes, but nodded along with him and gave a muffled “Mhm”. “Good, moving on.” Discord then pointed to a picture of a small unicorn colt with a dumbfounded look on his face. “Do you know who this is?” The colt was light green with a shaggy, unkempt black mane and dark green eyes. I couldn’t say I recognized him at all, and I had, over seven years, built up an encyclopedic knowledge of every pony in the show. He quickly unpinned the picture from the corkboard and handed it over to me for closer inspection. I reached for it, only to see a green hoof in place of my hand. I looked down at my body to see that I had not only shrunk as Discord was talking to me, but I was now a spitting image of the small, soft pony in the picture he had shown me. “I…” I squeaked in a soft, childish voice without even realizing he was letting me speak again. Looking up at Discord in confusion, I was greeted with a bright flash of light as he snapped a picture of my face. He chuckled to himself as he shook the picture in his claw, sticking it back to the corkboard and smacking it with a wooden pointer in the shape of his claw. “This is you now. You see, I require help in pleasing the Purple Pony Princess of Friendship,” he gestured to a very unflattering picture, “Twilight Sparkle. You know her, correct?” “Yeah, but…” I said softly, clearing my throat a little as my voice was still unfamiliar to me. Slowly my confusion was turning into anger and I glared up at Discord, though it must have been less severe than I intended as he only snickered. “What the fuck am I even doing here? Where even am I? What the fuck could I bring to the table to help you, of all people, screw with Twilight?” To Discord’s credit, he gave my little outburst a lighthearted chuckle. “It’s wonderful to see you’re already getting into character with a tantrum, but let’s save it until showtime, alright?” After a beat, he then glared down at me. “And watch your language. I don’t know how you were raised on Earth, but I’m responsible for you now and I won’t have my child using rude language.” “W-wait, what do you mean by ‘your child’?” I asked, but then noticed he wasn’t even paying attention. He stared down at a watch he’d drawn on his wrist, then tapped it with a claw. “Would you look at the time. If you hadn’t been interrupting me all the time, maybe you would have known?” Clicking his tongue as he looked down at me, he gave a shrug. “Well, if you’re going to be my son you’ll need to grow a sense of improv and playing everything by ear. Now then.” He snapped his talons. I felt a weird pull on my body, and then suddenly I was sitting in a massive hallway crafted of the finest sparkling crystal. Shocked, I whipped my head around to look over my surroundings and out the window I saw a cosy hamlet, covered in snow. “Welcome to Ponyville!” Discord announced with glee as he ruffled my mane, then gestured to the large, heavy looking door in front of me. “Now, are you ready to meet your new mommy?” Chapter 2As I tried to come to terms with the fact that I was really in Equestria, Discord continued to ruffle my already messy mane. “Now please, be on your best behavior. You only get one first impression, and the one you gave me was very poor as it is. No swearing, no references, no being rude, no stupid questions, no smart ones either, no…” He continued to list off rules and regulations for meeting Twilight, but they faded to nothingness as my breathing grew quicker and quicker. I still had no idea what was going on, and the more Discord told me the more confusing it got. And the worse the tightness in my chest got. I needed to get out of here, but my hooves were stuck to the ground. Literally. They were glued. Discord clicked his tongue, interrupting his lecure to berate me. “Oh come now, I’m trying to make sure your integration to Equestria is as quick and painless as possible, and you’re trying to run off on me?” He picked me up with his claw and paw, and finally I realized how small I was as he lifted me several feet off the ground. “You can go find friends to play with later, but this is important. How is Twilight going to meet you if you keep trying to avoid it?” I would have quipped sarcastically, but I was too busy kicking my hooves in an attempt to find purchase on some sort of surface while crying out in fear. Discord dropped me soon after, but thankfully there was a soft pillow below to break my fall. “Maybe what we need to do is slow down.” Discord said as he came to a rest on the ground, finally eye level with me without him picking me up. “What’s wrong, do you not like your new home? Is it too cold? I could turn the heat up for you.” A dial appeared in the air and, as Discord turned it up, I noticed that the snow outside began to melt. I instinctively turned it down before it could cause much panic, much to Discord’s dismay. “I just… what’s going on?” I asked, my voice still quivering from the fright I’d just endured. “You haven’t given me a straight answer since I got here, and I still don’t know why I’m a foal, or why I’m about to meet Twilight, or why I’m even here?” I stomped my hoof, which didn’t make as much of a noise as I wanted it to. “Just answer my questions and I’ll do what you want.” I didn’t have much room to debate, and we both knew this, but I had to do something. I had no other options. Discord breathed hard through his nose, as if he was disappointed in me. He took out a clipboard and, after adjusting his glasses, marked something down. “I did say ‘no stupid questions’, but I suppose I can make an exception just this once.” Even still, he looked me over and continued to write down more notes. Getting suspicious, I walked on over to see what he was writing, only to see a very crass drawing of my former human form. “H-hey!” I squeaked in the few moments it was visible before Discord hid it. “That was classified. You only have yourself to blame.” The clipboard vanished into thin air and was instead replaced with a thin picture book. “But while you’re here, I think it’s time for a little story. It might be a little young for you even still, but I can tell it’ll be very informative.” I shot Discord a look, but he very clearly ignored it. He opened the book, and the first page depicted Discord sitting down on a bench, though the drawing wasn’t true to life as I counted eleven abs and a long, gloriously flowing mane. “You see, once upon a time there was a stunningly handsome, but lonely Draconequis. Lonely both because he was the only one of his kind, but also because he had no one who he allowed to get close enough to him.” “What about Fluttershy?” I asked. Both Discords shushed me. The Discord telling the story cleared his throat. “That was until he met a nerdy princess.” He turned the page, and the picture on the next one depicted a, thankfully, more normal looking Discord sitting next to a cartoonish depiction of Twilight Sparkle. The purple princess looked to be yammering on about nothing while Discord looked on with disinterest, rolling his eyes every now and then. “As annoying as Twilight was, and believe me her lectures on friendship can get annoying after the hundredth time, Discord still appreciated the effort. It wasn’t every day that ponies wanted to help him change instead of just running in fear.” He breathed out a sigh, but instead of continuing on that tangent he just turned the page. The setting was different, with Discord laying in his bed in the middle of the night. A thought bubble of Twilight was above his head. “It wasn’t long until Discord couldn’t get this dumb pony out of his mind and…” He trailed off, looking at his watch again. Somehow the time had changed, even if it was drawn on. With an annoyed grumble, he flicked through the rest of the pages quickly. “Let’s see, dates, parties, worry, marriage, inappropriate, inappropriate, severely inappropriate.” He kept flicking for another minute, creating new pages just for the joke, before laying one of the last pages out. It was simple, Discord with lit lightbulb above his head. “After learning that he and Twilight couldn’t quite reproduce, Discord was forced to improvise. So, the ever intelligent Draconequis came up with a plan.” He laid out the final page, which was just a thin mirror. I saw the both of us staring at the page, and Discord wrapped an arm around me. “I decided that if I couldn’t produce a child with Twilight, I would just make one of my own.” He looked over at me with a wide grin. “And that’s where you come in, kiddo. Does this all make sense now? Can we get it over with?” Discord wasn’t kidding, it really was dumbed down enough to help even myself understand it. I had some questions, but I had enough to work off of. “So, all I have to do is pretend to be your son and I can stay here in Equestria?” I asked. Despite how positive this deal looked in both of our favors, I was still wary of any hidden addendums to it. “You’ll have to be our son, but yes. That’s pretty much it.” For once, Discord gave a kind smile as he leaned in, waiting for my answer. With a soft chuckle, I wrapped my hooves around his long, noodly neck and gave him a hug. “Then I’m ready to meet Twilight, daddy.” I was all ready for a nice moment as our makeshift family formed, but it was quickly interrupted by a soft retch as Discord pushed me away. He looked at me seriously. “If you call me that again, the deal is off and I can find someone else.” I felt a pang of fear run through me as I jumped up and took a step back. “Sorry!” I squeaked, but then shook my head. “So, uh, dad. I think I’m ready to meet Twilight.” I scratched at the floor nervously, not really ready to meet the friendship horse, but I had to keep up an act until I cemented my place in Equestria. Discord nodded, but then he blanched as he seemed like he forgot something. He stood up, then floated above the ground as he tapped a claw to his chin. “Oh, that’s no good. I knew that I was missing something...” He turned to me with an apologetic grin. “I may just need to talk to Twilight about you before introducing you two.” Approaching the door, he snapped his claws and between us was suddenly a pile of comic books. “Entertain yourself until I get back. I won’t be long, I promise.” Without another word, he phased through the door and left me alone in Equestria for the first time. I looked over the comics for a short moment, noting that they all had ‘Property of: SPIKE’ on the front. Way to keep up the collector’s value, dude. With a somewhat miffed sigh, I ignored them in favor of approaching the door myself. I pressed an ear to the door and, when confused when I couldn’t hear anything, rethought my positioning and pressed my pony ear against the door. I still couldn’t hear anything. It was a very thick door. So I pushed the door open and hoped that no one inside would notice or care about the loud scraping sound it made. “What was that?” I heard a female voice, obviously Twilight’s due to how Strong it was, say as she was interrupted in saying whatever it was they were talking about. Discord was quick to respond with an audible snap which pulled me into the room and closed the door behind me. I was worried for a moment, but looking down at my hooves I could see that I was very much invisible. Perfect to get into all kinds of mischief, but all I wanted to do was stick around and see how this went. My future depended on it, after all. He waved away what just happened, giving off a shrug. “Probably just some wind. You know how it is, some wind just always gets where it doesn’t belong.” He glared pointedly at me. Twilight followed his gaze and, upon seeing nothing, just shrugged it off as Discord being Discord. “Alrighty then. So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?” Already she looked to be defensive while she sat at her desk. While Discord tried to find the best way to broach the topic of child rearing to her, I decided that I wanted to get a bit closer to the action. I quietly, and very stealthily, took two steps forward and ended up tripping on a stray pile of books, flopping on the ground and making a sizable mess of what few books were in the pile. Maybe not being able to see my own hooves wasn’t a good idea. Everyone in the room jumped, but Discord used his magic to lazily drag over a book that was in the middle of the pile, take a disgusted look at it, then toss it behind his back. “Well, I came to ask if you’ve given any thought into adoption.” He asked, sliding closer to Twilight and wrapping a claw around her. “I may not like the idea of filling out paperwork or anything like that, but I’ll be willing to make an exception for something like this.” Twilight grimaced. Oh no. “Well, about that.” Oh fuck. Twilight nuzzled Discord gently, placing a soft kiss against his cheek. “I’ve been thinking it over, and I don’t know if I want to go through with it at this point in time.” Sensing his unease as he looked over to me in shock, she just nuzzled him deeper. “All of my princess duties are already time consuming, and that’s not even getting into the whole ‘Savior of Equestria’ thing. I don’t think it would be fair to anyone to have to pick between my role or a foal. Not until I know I’d be able to spend an appropriate time on both.” Discord and I shared a look, his still shocked while mine very scared. And yet, as he looked down at Twilight, he couldn’t help but smile, though it was still very strained. “Are you sure? I don’t know about you, but I’d love to have a little bundle of chaos running around and getting into trouble. I could always take care of him while you do your duties.” Befitting Discord, he couldn’t resist laughing at that. And yet I was the child. Twilight simply shook her head. “That wouldn’t be fair to you, putting all your chaotic duties aside for a foal.” Discord’s laughter was uproarious at this point, but Twilight just ignored it. It was normal. Instead, she put a hoof on Discord’s paw. “I think we should both wait until we both have the time to spare before even considering adopting. Then we’ll need to somehow visit orphanages all around Equestria without being spotted, lest we get any paparazzi on our tails, then we’ll have to-” Discord lazily put a claw up, stopping Twilight’s rambling almost immediately. With a sad sigh, he pressed his lips against her forehead, right under her horn. “I respect your decision, Twilight. I just hope that, someday?” He looked down at her with a sad hopefulness, his eyes flicking over to me as, slowly, the door behind me opened without a sound. “Someday.” Twilight repeated as I tried to channel my inner Snake Plissken and get the heck out. “Just, probably not soon. The Princesses and I are still trying to track that huge influx of magic from earlier today.” I stopped in my tracks half out the door as Twilight continued, my ears angling to catch what was important enough to interest all four princesses. I heard paper shuffling, and Twilight giving an annoyed grumble. “I don’t even want to know how she knows this, but Cadance tells me it feels like very strong Necr-” “Well would you look at the time!” Discord’s voice boomed loudly, over whatever it was that Twilight was trying to say. “Flutters and I were going to have a little tea party and I’m already almost late to being early. I might not have enough time to set up.” I then heard a very wet kiss. “I love you, sweetheart, but I simply must go.” Without leaving any room for argument, he phased back through the door and grabbed be my the tail, moving me out of the way of the door as it slammed shut. Breathing out a sigh, he dropped me to the floor again, this time without any padding and causing me to cry out in pain. But I didn’t have much time to react any other way as I was instantly distracted by Discord pacing in front of me. The weight of what had just happened finally dawned on me as my chest tightened and I felt pangs of fear start to shoot down my spine. I quivered as I stood back up, looking up at Discord who had a face of shock and anger. “W-what are we gonna do now? Do I g-get to stay with you until Twilight comes around?” Discord looked down at me, and for once in the short time that I knew him personally, he looked lost. “I...don’t know.” He huffed, pulling out the clipboard from before and setting it on fire. “I need to rethink my plan. Wait here, I’ll be back.” Then he disappeared. And I was alone again. I followed orders for a few moments, waiting where he told me to in hopes that he would return with a new plan that would keep me in Equestria for the rest of my life, now extended by about ten years barring a non-natural death. Then moments turned to minutes as I began pacing the hallway, my breathing quickening as I prayed for any sort of answer. I didn’t want to run off into Ponyville proper just yet, as I knew that the moment I left Discord would reappear and look for me, but just standing around doing nothing was stressing me. I looked back over to the stack of comics, the first one in the pile being a Power Ponies comic, and shrugged a small bit. It was something to keep me distracted. Just as I laid down on the cold crystalline floor and began to peruse the sad backstory of the second Hum-Drum, I heard an increasing sound of a set of feet tapping against the ground, hurrying towards me before sliding to a stop audibly. “What the heck?” Came a voice from slightly down the hall, drawing my attention to a purple dragon standing not too far away from me. “Who are you and what are you doing with my comics? Those things are collector’s items, you know.” Spike told me as he slowly approached me, waiting to see what I would do. I stood up and jumped back. Spike was probably one of the main non-ponies I wanted to meet if/when I was whisked off to Equestria. And now here we were, and from his POV I was one of the weirdest thieves he’s met. Normally they leave before they look over their haul. I opened my mouth to respond with something to defuse the situation, but instead I just stammered and stuttered. “I, uh, well…you see...” And then I bolted the other way, knocking the pile of comics over with my hindlegs to throw Spike off his rhythm and prevent him from giving chase as I looked for an exit. “Hey, get back here!” Spike shouted as he started to give chase but, as I galloped away as fast as I could, sighed and instead disgruntledly picked up what I left him. I took the first left turn and, after a strong, weird feeling in my forehead and a bright flash of green, I found myself outside. But I wasn’t in front of the Friendship Castle, I hadn’t even passed through the doorway. Instead, I was in the middle of a large field of apple trees. Snow fell lazily around me as I shivered and shook, buffeted by a cold my small, unclothed body clearly wasn’t used to. “Uh, howdy.” I heard a childish and female voice from behind me. “Where in the heck did you pop up from?” Chapter 3Swinging around to face the voice that just spoke, I spied a small yellow filly standing before me, wearing a cute pink scarf. Her red mane was tied up in a pink bow and her wide orange eyes stared at me curiously as she moved in a few steps. I stepped back just the same, to which she giggled mirthfully. “Aw, come on. I ain’t gonna bite. You’re new to town, right?” She said as she smiled widely at me. She then offered up her hoof. “I’m Apple Bloom. I dunno how ya snuck this deep into my family’s orchard, but it’s nice to meet you.” I blushed at her disarming smile, but I still shyed back a bit from her hoof. I had no idea to approach this. Discord hadn’t given me a name or a backstory or anything. I’d just have to fall back on my improvisation skills, as piss-poor as they might have been. I gently shook her hoof, cringing as I felt my own being crushed by her massive strength. “That’s more like it!” She said chipperly as she vigorously shook my hoof. Even as she stopped and pulled back, I could still feel my hoof shaking as I still cringed in pain. Ignoring this, Apple Bloom then gestured to me. “Now c’mon, don’t be shy. What’s your name?” Finally getting my hoof back in control, I put it down to let it get comforted by some cold snow. “I’m, uh…” I hesitated. I almost used my Human Name, but that definitely wouldn’t work. Not only did I want to distance myself from it, but it definitely wouldn’t work because pony names were just weird. I just decided to follow my gut and hope my thinkbrain could put together a good pony name for the rest of my Equestrian life. “Uh, my name’s...Anon.” Nailed it. There went any chance to be called Doom Savior or something cool. “Anon?” Apple Bloom shot me a questioning glance, then pressed her hoof against her mouth as she giggled gently. “Sorry, but I ain’t never heard a name like that around here. Where in the heck are you from?” “Manehattan?” I said the first non-Ponyville town name I could think of. I’d never been in New York before, but I hoped deep in my heart that she wouldn’t ask any questions. The way her eyes lit up was all I needed to know that I fucked up. “Manehattan? Aw shucks, my cousin lives there! Y’ever run into a little mare named Babs Seed?” I opened my mouth to respond, but I was cut off by her gesturing broadly. “You probably can’t miss her. She’s just a li’l shorter than me with an orange coat and, oh!, she’s always got her Crusader cape on.” From absolutely nowhere, she pulled out a small red blanket and threw it onto her own back, tying it around her neck with a little flair. She angled herself in front of me, displaying the little Cutie Mark Crusaders logo emblazoned in blue and gold. It was as cheaply made as I hoped it would be. “It looks just like this and-” Apple Bloom visibly realized something and, before I could hide it with my tail, looked to my flank. “Hey, wait a minute.” She approached me, getting a closer look as she squinted. I looked too, and thankfully my flank was as bare as hers was in the first few seasons. Barring a transparent one, I was right on schedule. She looked back up at me with a wide grin as she too figured that it wasn’t a transparent one. She took a step back and cleared her throat, standing up straight as she tried to act more formal. “Anon, I dunno how you managed to be a blank flank in Manehattan without Babs makin’ you a Crusader, but I’m about to change your life. Walk with me.” I nearly broke out into laughter as she said that, obviously something she learned from watching adults make their business dealings. But I followed along with her, only mostly being able to hide my grin. “Wait, where are we going?” “My clubhouse. Y’see, me and my friends are part of a group, the founders really, called the Cutie Mark Crusaders.” She grinned over at me, adding an eager bounce to her stride. “I dunno if you can tell, but we help other ponies like yourself get their talent and find their cutie marks. It’s, like, our talent.” I don’t know how, but her smile grew even wider. It was infectious. I couldn’t help not smiling back to her. Not only was she adorable when she was this enthusiastic, but I was already prepared for what she was about to ask me. “So what, are you trying to recruit me or something?” “Eeyup!” She replied chipperly. “I ain’t got full authority to add ya to the list, but I can’t see why the other two wouldn’t wanna add you.” “Maybe because I’m a boy?” I added noncommittally. I really just wanted to keep the conversation flowing. Apple Bloom shrugged. “Nah, that can’t be it. We’ve done colts before.” She shook her head, thinking it over a little bit before she looked at me with a confused gaze. “Hold on, how’d you know the Crusaders were all mares? I didn’t even tell you their names.” I could only chuckle nervously at that, scratching the back of my head and blushing. Sadly, only now getting used to walking on four legs, removing one from the equation only served to knock me off my balance. I collapsed face first into the cold snow, letting out a small, squeaky yelp as I fell. Distracted from my slip-up, Apple Bloom was quick to pull me back up to my hooves. And, in doing so, she looked at me with a shocked expression. “Anon, are you alright? You’re, like, super cold.” Of course I was cold. I’d just fell face first into a pile of snow. I didn’t pay her any mind as I shook the snow off of my face and mane, but it was when I brushed off my chest fluff that I noticed something. My hoof was shaking something fierce and, as I pressed it to my chest, I could feel my whole body quivering from the temperature. And yet, physically, I felt fine. I hadn’t even noticed until then, but I didn’t even feel the cold now that my mind was off of it. I tried to not let the shock show too much on my face as I waved it off. “Hah, I g-guess I didn’t notice how cold it was t-till now.” I had to at least act like I was freezing. “We better get ya to the clubhouse right quick.” Apple Bloom told me seriously. She gave me another once over, this time not stopping to notice how talentless I was, then scrunched her face. “I dunno what kinda ponies you’ve got takin’ care of you, but sis’d kill me if I went out in the snow without a scarf.” She placed a hoof on her pink scarf, as if to show off her winter preparedness. I frowned at the mention of caretakers, my head dipping a bit lower as I remembered how Discord abandoned me not too very long ago. Apple Bloom took notice, frowning along with me before looking down down at her scarf, a thoughtful look on her face. Before I could react in any way, she tore the scarf off of her neck, freeing herself to the unforgiving cold of the current snow flurry, and wrapped it around my own neck. She deftly wrapped it tightly, which I thought would be an impossibility with hooves. Then again, it was all she had. Accessory Get: Apple Bloom’s Scarf. +5 to cuteness, -1 to masculinity, +3 to bullyability My face lit up with a blush as I smiled down at it, then beamed back at the generous filly before me. “Hah, t-thank you!” I told her, a bit confused. “But, don’t you need it?” I looked her over again, and she definitely didn’t have any other winter wear. Her bow, while cute, wasn’t going to keep the cold away. Then again, it could do about as much as the scarf could. Apple Bloom stood proudly for a moment, holding her head high in the air. “I’m fine! I’m big mare, I can take a li’l snow storm.” I could already see her starting to shiver. “So, the clubhouse?” She nodded, trudging through the snow as quickly as possible in what I assumed was the direction of the CMC clubhouse. I followed closely behind, trying my hardest not to giggle too loudly. Chapter 4The remaining walk to the clubhouse didn’t take too long, just under a minute. As Apple Bloom told me during that walk, she was well on her way to a meeting before I teleported myself in front of her and scared her half to death. I still needed to figure out how I did that. As we both climbed the staircase to the clubhouse, I tried my hardest to use the horn on my head to grab an apple from a tree not too far away. I narrowed my eyes and strained slightly, trying to force all the grabby thoughts through my horn and force them around the apple. All I managed to do was give myself a headache. “Uh, y’all alright?” Apple Bloom stood at the top of the stairs, staring down at me with a concerned look on her face. I blushed, looking away as I realized she watching the entire time. “Uh, s-sorry” I scratched the back of my head with a hoof, my blush only growing stronger as my voice cracked while I said it. “I guess I’m just, uh, tired?” I tried to not bite back the groan at my terrible excuse as I plodded my way up the stairs behind her. Apple Bloom shot me another questioning glance, frowning as she watched me pass. “Well, I hope you can get some rest before this. It ain’t gonna take long.” She gave me a lingering look before brightening up just a bit and walking to the door. Upon walking closer, I could hear a two person discussion coming from inside, one voice a rough and gritty voice and the other a sweet and melodious one. Both voices quieted immediately after Apple Bloom knocked, and she gave them a moment to prepare themselves before she opened the door and entered. I moved to enter as well, but immediately she turned around to face me. “Jus’... give us a moment. We haven’t had a new recruit in a while, so I’ve gotta hype ‘em up a little bit." She put a hoof to my chest, tilting her head and giving me a kind grin. “Wait right here, it’ll only be a second.” I smiled back and, taking that as a sign of understanding, she took a step back and closed the door between us. I sat down, finally alone again. And for once I had a moment to collect my thoughts. “I still can’t believe this is happening.” I said softly to myself, letting out a soft, unsure chuckle. “I mean, I went to bed dreading going to school, but now here I am in Equestria. I don’t have to worry about stupid stuff like that anymore.” I gave a more mirthful chuckle before a pang of guilt shot through my heart. “Ah frick, I still need to turn in my part of the group project.” Thinking this over caused me to scowl, stomping a hoof on the ground gently as I realized how screwed I left them. Before I could continue wallowing in pity for those I had left behind for too long, the door in front of me opened. Apple Bloom smiled at me, though her face fell just a bit as she saw my continued wallowing. She pulled back a little, unsure of what happened in the few moments she left me alone. “Uh, we’re ready for you Anon.” I nodded gently, dipping my head lower in apology. “Hah, thanks.” I laughed nervously, fully aware that I’d screwed up and looked weird in front of her. Though it wasn’t the first time, and definitely wouldn’t be the last. Maybe not even the last in this next few minutes. Upon entering the room, I was immediately in front of two more sources of adorable. To my left was Sweetie Belle, the white unicorn filly who was noticeably taller than myself, who smiled kindly at me. "Hiya, I'm Sweetie Belle." She then gestured to the orange pegasus to her right. "Aaand this is Scootaloo. It's a pleasure to meet you Anon." “Really? We’re not doing game night so we can help out some dumb colt?” Scootaloo said, before quickly turning to me. “No offense.” “None taken.” Sweetie Belle bowed her head in apology to me anyway, then walked over to Scootaloo and placed a hoof on her shoulder. “Come on now, it’s gonna be fun. I mean, how long has it been since we had a pony to help?” Scootaloo grumbled to herself, crossing her hooves and sitting on the ground to pout. Sweetie took this as a sign of acceptance, then turned to face me. She smiled charmingly, and it disarmed me immediately. She could have plunged a knife into my chest, and I’d just let it happen. “So, I guess Apple Bloom filled you in on what we do here?” She asked. I nodded mutely, to which she giggled cutely. “Well then, we should probably get started before it gets too late.” She gestured to the window, and I could see that the sun was already nearly setting on my first day in Equestria. How late did Discord teleport me into Twilight’s castle? “Yeah, we should probably do something today.” Apple Bloom agreed from a bit away. Turning to look at her, I saw that she was fiddling with a little locker in the corner of the room. What she said next was muffled as she pulled out a small blanket, but she tossed it over her back and approached us to sit down. “We can work out ideas for you right now, then maybe we can actually do one of ‘em after school tomorrow.” Scootaloo groaned in response. “Ugh, why does vacation have to be over already?” Her pouting grew even worse as she flopped onto the wooden floor. Ignoring her, Sweetie Belle turned to me. “Did your parents enroll you in Ms. Cheerilee’s class yet? We could probably try a talent or two during lunch.” “Is he even old enough to be in our class?” Scootaloo asked, her voice muffled from her face being pressed to the floor. She lifted it just slightly enough to look at me. “How old are you, anyway? Twelve? Thirteen?” I blushed and stammered for a little bit. I hadn’t even considered how old they were, much less myself. They certainly seemed older than they were in the show, but I had no idea what that even was. Anywhere from six to thirteen, depending on the writer. “Don’t be mean!” Sweetie Belle chided Scootaloo as she sat down right beside her. “He’s probably sixteen just like us. Except, y’know,” she paused for a moment, looking over to me and then blushing, then she blocked her mouth from my view with a hoof and whispered, “Late bloomer.” Obviously I heard her. “I’m, uh, fifteen actually.” I muttered, nodding along with Sweetie Belle’s assessment for sympathy points. I sat down and bowed my head lower, a sad smile on my face. “I guess not finding my talent might have, uh, stunted my growth?” I let out a tiny sigh, nestling onto the ground to join Scootaloo in The Ground Party. Apple Bloom shot Sweetie Belle a look, then sighed along with me. “Well, that’s why you’re here. So we can help you out.” She smiled at me, brightening my smile remarkably despite my attempts to keep it sad and lonely. “See? All we gotta do is do our best, and we can get you your mark lickety-split!” “First we’ve gotta figure out what kinds of things he’d be into.” Scootaloo said, finally lifting her head from the ground to finally fully regard me. “You’re a unicorn, so it’s probably not gonna be anything cool and dangerous.” She looked closely at my soft, squishy body and chuckled a bit, pushing my shoulder with a hoof in a friendly way. As rude as that was, though perfectly fair as I definitely didn’t want to try racing Scootaloo or anything, the other two and I all couldn’t help but nod. Still, a light bulb appeared above Sweetie Belle’s head and she grinned over at me. “Are you good at any spells? Maybe your talent is something magic.” As if to demonstrate, her horn lit up with a green aura and shot out a few sparks that faded almost immediately. She smiled widely at me, proud of her little light show. Despite not being too impressed, as I’d seen Twilight Sparkle have an anime-esque battle with Tirek that put just about any form of magic to shame, but I still had to admit: “I’m, uh, not very good at magic.” I told them all, bowing my head again. Taking this as an opportunity for myself, I tried as hard as I could to light my horn as Sweetie Belle did. I couldn’t see it very well, but I did see a few flashes of dark green along with the strange feeling in my forehead. And then absolutely nothing. I felt a heaviness in my chest, more disheartened by my lack of skill than I thought I would be. “So yeah, maybe not.” I decided. “Maybe something smaller then.” Apple Bloom said, bristling gently. “How about hobbies? You got any of those?” “Well...” I hesitated. Obviously I had a few hobbies, but none that I would want to have define me. Video games were fun, but one stray one and I was suddenly the next Button Mash. But the girls were still staring at me, waiting for me to answer with something that could lead them in the right direction. I did my best to avoid all three pairs of eyes, looking to my side as I stammered a little bit more. “I like t’read, I guess.” I said evasively, hoping that it’d give them enough to work on. It very visibly didn’t. All three of them shot each other looks in what was a very interesting looking game of telephone. Finally, after a long amount of silence, Apple Bloom cleared her throat. “Maaaaaaybe we should try thinking of things tomorrow.” She said as she stood. Looking out the window, we could all see that nighttime was almost upon us. She laughed softly. “I think AJ is gonna be mad if I’m not home for dinner.” Scootaloo stood up next, stretching her body from the uncomfortable position she was just in. The floor wasn’t very comfortable. “Well if you’re gonna go, I should probably get some training in before bed.” She extended her wings, flexing them and giving them a few test flaps. “That race on Sunday isn’t gonna prepare for itself.” And finally Sweetie Belle. “Well thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to spend some time with us for once.” Before Scootaloo could say anything in response, Sweetie Belle wrapped her hooves around Scoot and pulled her in for a tight hug. “It’s definitely been too long.” The hug lingered for a little bit, enough to make Apple Bloom and I just a bit uncomfortable. When Sweetie pulled back, I could see an absolutely massive blush on Scootaloo’s face. She took a step back, stammering and stuttering, before extending her wings and dashing towards the, thankfully open, window. While the other two were very used to this, I rushed to the window to see Scootaloo parkouring off of the balcony, then open up her wings. But not to take off flying, but to slow her decent so that she could immediately take off running. “ThiswasgreatbutI’vegottagoI’llseeyouallatschooltomorrow!” She screamed behind her as she ran off. Both Sweetie and Apple Bloom just shrugged and chuckled softly as I turned to them and gave them a questioning look. Neither of them bothered to explain, as they gave each other a more normal hug. Sweetie Belle gave a small wave to me. “See ya, Anon. It was nice to meet you.” With a gentle smile, she left the clubhouse through the actual doorway this time. And that left just Apple Bloom and I. I stood up, stretching my spine out similarly to Scootaloo before sighing and glancing toward the door. “I… should probably go too.” I said, not knowing where exactly I’d be going to. “Thank you for today though.” I smiled to her, then meandered slowly to the door. It’s not like I expected a hug or anything. I just hoped for one. Instead of a hug I just got a returned smile, though hers was a bit downcast. “Are ya gonna be fine getting home?” She asked as she walked to the door with me. “I know you’re new, so I could walk ya home if you’d like.” I laughed at her generous offer, then shook my head as I knew that that wouldn’t have worked out very well. “I’m sure I can get home on my own.” She scrunched her face at this, but still didn’t fight it any. We left the clubhouse together, walking down the stairs and enjoying each other’s silent company for the moment. As we reached the ground level, we both turned to face each other. “Well, I’ve gotta go home for dinner so… I’ll see ya after school tomorrow?” She asked, scratching the back of her head with a hoof as she waited for an answer. “Definitely!” I chipperly smiled back, maybe just a little bit too eager. My eagerness caught up to her too, as a wide smile stretched across her face. “Alrighty, have a safe walk.” She lingered for just a moment longer, then turned around to walk off to her home. I walked off into the trees for a few moments, breathing a short sigh of relief and counting my steps before turning back around and climbing up the stairs of the clubhouse. I quietly shut the door behind me, then went to the cabinet that I saw Apple Bloom rummaging around in earlier. Luckily for me there was a small pillow left, but there was absolutely no blanket to be found. She must have taken the last of them back to her home. But it would do. It wasn’t like I was cold anyway. I set the pillow on the ground and flopped down onto it, resting back down on the floor with an uncomfortable groan. While I would have loved a moment to collect my thoughts and muse on my first day in Equestria, the exhaustion of exactly what happened finally caught up to me and I fell asleep nearly instantly.
Chapter 1“Well it’s very nice of you to finally wake up. I know you don’t care, but we’re running on a tight schedule.” I hadn’t been awake for long, maybe a few moments, before hearing a sarcastic male voice that was right on the verge of familiarity. I would have responded immediately, but my bed was feeling strangely comfortable this early in the day and all I could do was nestle in deeper and grumble noncommittally to the voice. If this was the time for me to die, at least I would do it in the comfort of my own bed. At least I wouldn’t have to go back to pulling pallets at work. But just as suddenly as I had woken up, the bed under me just seemed to… disappear. One moment I was drifting back off to sleep and the next I fell very painfully to the unforgiving ground. “You humans really have no sense of hurry, do you?” Came the voice again, growing more and more familiar as it got more aggravated with me. And it seemed that the more he said, the more confused I got by whatever death scenario I was in. Only now was I inclined to open my eyes, shaking off the pain of the sudden fall and the rude awakening I’d just been subjected to. After clearing my eyes, I looked around my room to search for where the voice was coming from. That was when I realized something important: This wasn’t my room. My room may have been pretty unfurnished, but there was nothing around me. No furniture, no carpet, not even a single wall to contain this void. It just extended out as far as I could see which, to be fair, wasn’t very far without glasses. And that wasn’t even getting into the disembodied face floating by my head. “Oh shit, what?” I squeaked out as I crawled on my hands and knees to get away from whatever just appeared next to me. The face rolled its eyes, both with yellow sclera and red irises, though one iris was bigger than the other. He gave me a lopsided grin, one long fang poking out of his mouth as he sneered at me. “Well, that’s quite possibly the first time that trick has worked in years.” He added as more of his head phased into existence. His head was draconic, almost resembling a horse, and it was pointed with two antlers, one deer and the other some sort of strange goat. “Discord?” I asked under my breath, the two brain cells I had left finally putting aside their differences and piecing the puzzle together. I was obviously having another Horse Dream. The rest of the Draconequis’ body phased in at once as he snapped his talons right in my face, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin. “I’m impressed, you got it in under an hour. Maybe I’m underestimating humans after all.” I opened my mouth to respond, wanting to quip along with Discord, but he simply pressed his talon against my lips and I found I couldn’t open my mouth at all. “Now don’t go interrupting me after I just paid you a compliment. Like I said, we’re running on a strict schedule, as much as I despise planning, so just listen and try and follow along, understood?” I tried my best to mumble an agreement, which seemed to be enough for him. Discord gestured to the corkboard beside him, pointing towards a picture of him with a laser pointer. “This, as you obviously know, is me. Discord, Lord of Chaos, best villain in Equestria. And this,” he moved the laser to point towards a picture of me, “was you when you woke up. Are you following so far?” I looked at the photo of myself, curled up in my bed while ignoring the massive grey void around me. Discord was also in frame, giving a peace sign as he cockily grinned for the camera. I rolled my eyes, but nodded along with him and gave a muffled “Mhm”. “Good, moving on.” Discord then pointed to a picture of a small unicorn colt with a dumbfounded look on his face. “Do you know who this is?” The colt was light green with a shaggy, unkempt black mane and dark green eyes. I couldn’t say I recognized him at all, and I had, over seven years, built up an encyclopedic knowledge of every pony in the show. He quickly unpinned the picture from the corkboard and handed it over to me for closer inspection. I reached for it, only to see a green hoof in place of my hand. I looked down at my body to see that I had not only shrunk as Discord was talking to me, but I was now a spitting image of the small, soft pony in the picture he had shown me. “I…” I squeaked in a soft, childish voice without even realizing he was letting me speak again. Looking up at Discord in confusion, I was greeted with a bright flash of light as he snapped a picture of my face. He chuckled to himself as he shook the picture in his claw, sticking it back to the corkboard and smacking it with a wooden pointer in the shape of his claw. “This is you now. You see, I require help in pleasing the Purple Pony Princess of Friendship,” he gestured to a very unflattering picture, “Twilight Sparkle. You know her, correct?” “Yeah, but…” I said softly, clearing my throat a little as my voice was still unfamiliar to me. Slowly my confusion was turning into anger and I glared up at Discord, though it must have been less severe than I intended as he only snickered. “What the fuck am I even doing here? Where even am I? What the fuck could I bring to the table to help you, of all people, screw with Twilight?” To Discord’s credit, he gave my little outburst a lighthearted chuckle. “It’s wonderful to see you’re already getting into character with a tantrum, but let’s save it until showtime, alright?” After a beat, he then glared down at me. “And watch your language. I don’t know how you were raised on Earth, but I’m responsible for you now and I won’t have my child using rude language.” “W-wait, what do you mean by ‘your child’?” I asked, but then noticed he wasn’t even paying attention. He stared down at a watch he’d drawn on his wrist, then tapped it with a claw. “Would you look at the time. If you hadn’t been interrupting me all the time, maybe you would have known?” Clicking his tongue as he looked down at me, he gave a shrug. “Well, if you’re going to be my son you’ll need to grow a sense of improv and playing everything by ear. Now then.” He snapped his talons. I felt a weird pull on my body, and then suddenly I was sitting in a massive hallway crafted of the finest sparkling crystal. Shocked, I whipped my head around to look over my surroundings and out the window I saw a cosy hamlet, covered in snow. “Welcome to Ponyville!” Discord announced with glee as he ruffled my mane, then gestured to the large, heavy looking door in front of me. “Now, are you ready to meet your new mommy?”
Chapter 2As I tried to come to terms with the fact that I was really in Equestria, Discord continued to ruffle my already messy mane. “Now please, be on your best behavior. You only get one first impression, and the one you gave me was very poor as it is. No swearing, no references, no being rude, no stupid questions, no smart ones either, no…” He continued to list off rules and regulations for meeting Twilight, but they faded to nothingness as my breathing grew quicker and quicker. I still had no idea what was going on, and the more Discord told me the more confusing it got. And the worse the tightness in my chest got. I needed to get out of here, but my hooves were stuck to the ground. Literally. They were glued. Discord clicked his tongue, interrupting his lecure to berate me. “Oh come now, I’m trying to make sure your integration to Equestria is as quick and painless as possible, and you’re trying to run off on me?” He picked me up with his claw and paw, and finally I realized how small I was as he lifted me several feet off the ground. “You can go find friends to play with later, but this is important. How is Twilight going to meet you if you keep trying to avoid it?” I would have quipped sarcastically, but I was too busy kicking my hooves in an attempt to find purchase on some sort of surface while crying out in fear. Discord dropped me soon after, but thankfully there was a soft pillow below to break my fall. “Maybe what we need to do is slow down.” Discord said as he came to a rest on the ground, finally eye level with me without him picking me up. “What’s wrong, do you not like your new home? Is it too cold? I could turn the heat up for you.” A dial appeared in the air and, as Discord turned it up, I noticed that the snow outside began to melt. I instinctively turned it down before it could cause much panic, much to Discord’s dismay. “I just… what’s going on?” I asked, my voice still quivering from the fright I’d just endured. “You haven’t given me a straight answer since I got here, and I still don’t know why I’m a foal, or why I’m about to meet Twilight, or why I’m even here?” I stomped my hoof, which didn’t make as much of a noise as I wanted it to. “Just answer my questions and I’ll do what you want.” I didn’t have much room to debate, and we both knew this, but I had to do something. I had no other options. Discord breathed hard through his nose, as if he was disappointed in me. He took out a clipboard and, after adjusting his glasses, marked something down. “I did say ‘no stupid questions’, but I suppose I can make an exception just this once.” Even still, he looked me over and continued to write down more notes. Getting suspicious, I walked on over to see what he was writing, only to see a very crass drawing of my former human form. “H-hey!” I squeaked in the few moments it was visible before Discord hid it. “That was classified. You only have yourself to blame.” The clipboard vanished into thin air and was instead replaced with a thin picture book. “But while you’re here, I think it’s time for a little story. It might be a little young for you even still, but I can tell it’ll be very informative.” I shot Discord a look, but he very clearly ignored it. He opened the book, and the first page depicted Discord sitting down on a bench, though the drawing wasn’t true to life as I counted eleven abs and a long, gloriously flowing mane. “You see, once upon a time there was a stunningly handsome, but lonely Draconequis. Lonely both because he was the only one of his kind, but also because he had no one who he allowed to get close enough to him.” “What about Fluttershy?” I asked. Both Discords shushed me. The Discord telling the story cleared his throat. “That was until he met a nerdy princess.” He turned the page, and the picture on the next one depicted a, thankfully, more normal looking Discord sitting next to a cartoonish depiction of Twilight Sparkle. The purple princess looked to be yammering on about nothing while Discord looked on with disinterest, rolling his eyes every now and then. “As annoying as Twilight was, and believe me her lectures on friendship can get annoying after the hundredth time, Discord still appreciated the effort. It wasn’t every day that ponies wanted to help him change instead of just running in fear.” He breathed out a sigh, but instead of continuing on that tangent he just turned the page. The setting was different, with Discord laying in his bed in the middle of the night. A thought bubble of Twilight was above his head. “It wasn’t long until Discord couldn’t get this dumb pony out of his mind and…” He trailed off, looking at his watch again. Somehow the time had changed, even if it was drawn on. With an annoyed grumble, he flicked through the rest of the pages quickly. “Let’s see, dates, parties, worry, marriage, inappropriate, inappropriate, severely inappropriate.” He kept flicking for another minute, creating new pages just for the joke, before laying one of the last pages out. It was simple, Discord with lit lightbulb above his head. “After learning that he and Twilight couldn’t quite reproduce, Discord was forced to improvise. So, the ever intelligent Draconequis came up with a plan.” He laid out the final page, which was just a thin mirror. I saw the both of us staring at the page, and Discord wrapped an arm around me. “I decided that if I couldn’t produce a child with Twilight, I would just make one of my own.” He looked over at me with a wide grin. “And that’s where you come in, kiddo. Does this all make sense now? Can we get it over with?” Discord wasn’t kidding, it really was dumbed down enough to help even myself understand it. I had some questions, but I had enough to work off of. “So, all I have to do is pretend to be your son and I can stay here in Equestria?” I asked. Despite how positive this deal looked in both of our favors, I was still wary of any hidden addendums to it. “You’ll have to be our son, but yes. That’s pretty much it.” For once, Discord gave a kind smile as he leaned in, waiting for my answer. With a soft chuckle, I wrapped my hooves around his long, noodly neck and gave him a hug. “Then I’m ready to meet Twilight, daddy.” I was all ready for a nice moment as our makeshift family formed, but it was quickly interrupted by a soft retch as Discord pushed me away. He looked at me seriously. “If you call me that again, the deal is off and I can find someone else.” I felt a pang of fear run through me as I jumped up and took a step back. “Sorry!” I squeaked, but then shook my head. “So, uh, dad. I think I’m ready to meet Twilight.” I scratched at the floor nervously, not really ready to meet the friendship horse, but I had to keep up an act until I cemented my place in Equestria. Discord nodded, but then he blanched as he seemed like he forgot something. He stood up, then floated above the ground as he tapped a claw to his chin. “Oh, that’s no good. I knew that I was missing something...” He turned to me with an apologetic grin. “I may just need to talk to Twilight about you before introducing you two.” Approaching the door, he snapped his claws and between us was suddenly a pile of comic books. “Entertain yourself until I get back. I won’t be long, I promise.” Without another word, he phased through the door and left me alone in Equestria for the first time. I looked over the comics for a short moment, noting that they all had ‘Property of: SPIKE’ on the front. Way to keep up the collector’s value, dude. With a somewhat miffed sigh, I ignored them in favor of approaching the door myself. I pressed an ear to the door and, when confused when I couldn’t hear anything, rethought my positioning and pressed my pony ear against the door. I still couldn’t hear anything. It was a very thick door. So I pushed the door open and hoped that no one inside would notice or care about the loud scraping sound it made. “What was that?” I heard a female voice, obviously Twilight’s due to how Strong it was, say as she was interrupted in saying whatever it was they were talking about. Discord was quick to respond with an audible snap which pulled me into the room and closed the door behind me. I was worried for a moment, but looking down at my hooves I could see that I was very much invisible. Perfect to get into all kinds of mischief, but all I wanted to do was stick around and see how this went. My future depended on it, after all. He waved away what just happened, giving off a shrug. “Probably just some wind. You know how it is, some wind just always gets where it doesn’t belong.” He glared pointedly at me. Twilight followed his gaze and, upon seeing nothing, just shrugged it off as Discord being Discord. “Alrighty then. So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?” Already she looked to be defensive while she sat at her desk. While Discord tried to find the best way to broach the topic of child rearing to her, I decided that I wanted to get a bit closer to the action. I quietly, and very stealthily, took two steps forward and ended up tripping on a stray pile of books, flopping on the ground and making a sizable mess of what few books were in the pile. Maybe not being able to see my own hooves wasn’t a good idea. Everyone in the room jumped, but Discord used his magic to lazily drag over a book that was in the middle of the pile, take a disgusted look at it, then toss it behind his back. “Well, I came to ask if you’ve given any thought into adoption.” He asked, sliding closer to Twilight and wrapping a claw around her. “I may not like the idea of filling out paperwork or anything like that, but I’ll be willing to make an exception for something like this.” Twilight grimaced. Oh no. “Well, about that.” Oh fuck. Twilight nuzzled Discord gently, placing a soft kiss against his cheek. “I’ve been thinking it over, and I don’t know if I want to go through with it at this point in time.” Sensing his unease as he looked over to me in shock, she just nuzzled him deeper. “All of my princess duties are already time consuming, and that’s not even getting into the whole ‘Savior of Equestria’ thing. I don’t think it would be fair to anyone to have to pick between my role or a foal. Not until I know I’d be able to spend an appropriate time on both.” Discord and I shared a look, his still shocked while mine very scared. And yet, as he looked down at Twilight, he couldn’t help but smile, though it was still very strained. “Are you sure? I don’t know about you, but I’d love to have a little bundle of chaos running around and getting into trouble. I could always take care of him while you do your duties.” Befitting Discord, he couldn’t resist laughing at that. And yet I was the child. Twilight simply shook her head. “That wouldn’t be fair to you, putting all your chaotic duties aside for a foal.” Discord’s laughter was uproarious at this point, but Twilight just ignored it. It was normal. Instead, she put a hoof on Discord’s paw. “I think we should both wait until we both have the time to spare before even considering adopting. Then we’ll need to somehow visit orphanages all around Equestria without being spotted, lest we get any paparazzi on our tails, then we’ll have to-” Discord lazily put a claw up, stopping Twilight’s rambling almost immediately. With a sad sigh, he pressed his lips against her forehead, right under her horn. “I respect your decision, Twilight. I just hope that, someday?” He looked down at her with a sad hopefulness, his eyes flicking over to me as, slowly, the door behind me opened without a sound. “Someday.” Twilight repeated as I tried to channel my inner Snake Plissken and get the heck out. “Just, probably not soon. The Princesses and I are still trying to track that huge influx of magic from earlier today.” I stopped in my tracks half out the door as Twilight continued, my ears angling to catch what was important enough to interest all four princesses. I heard paper shuffling, and Twilight giving an annoyed grumble. “I don’t even want to know how she knows this, but Cadance tells me it feels like very strong Necr-” “Well would you look at the time!” Discord’s voice boomed loudly, over whatever it was that Twilight was trying to say. “Flutters and I were going to have a little tea party and I’m already almost late to being early. I might not have enough time to set up.” I then heard a very wet kiss. “I love you, sweetheart, but I simply must go.” Without leaving any room for argument, he phased back through the door and grabbed be my the tail, moving me out of the way of the door as it slammed shut. Breathing out a sigh, he dropped me to the floor again, this time without any padding and causing me to cry out in pain. But I didn’t have much time to react any other way as I was instantly distracted by Discord pacing in front of me. The weight of what had just happened finally dawned on me as my chest tightened and I felt pangs of fear start to shoot down my spine. I quivered as I stood back up, looking up at Discord who had a face of shock and anger. “W-what are we gonna do now? Do I g-get to stay with you until Twilight comes around?” Discord looked down at me, and for once in the short time that I knew him personally, he looked lost. “I...don’t know.” He huffed, pulling out the clipboard from before and setting it on fire. “I need to rethink my plan. Wait here, I’ll be back.” Then he disappeared. And I was alone again. I followed orders for a few moments, waiting where he told me to in hopes that he would return with a new plan that would keep me in Equestria for the rest of my life, now extended by about ten years barring a non-natural death. Then moments turned to minutes as I began pacing the hallway, my breathing quickening as I prayed for any sort of answer. I didn’t want to run off into Ponyville proper just yet, as I knew that the moment I left Discord would reappear and look for me, but just standing around doing nothing was stressing me. I looked back over to the stack of comics, the first one in the pile being a Power Ponies comic, and shrugged a small bit. It was something to keep me distracted. Just as I laid down on the cold crystalline floor and began to peruse the sad backstory of the second Hum-Drum, I heard an increasing sound of a set of feet tapping against the ground, hurrying towards me before sliding to a stop audibly. “What the heck?” Came a voice from slightly down the hall, drawing my attention to a purple dragon standing not too far away from me. “Who are you and what are you doing with my comics? Those things are collector’s items, you know.” Spike told me as he slowly approached me, waiting to see what I would do. I stood up and jumped back. Spike was probably one of the main non-ponies I wanted to meet if/when I was whisked off to Equestria. And now here we were, and from his POV I was one of the weirdest thieves he’s met. Normally they leave before they look over their haul. I opened my mouth to respond with something to defuse the situation, but instead I just stammered and stuttered. “I, uh, well…you see...” And then I bolted the other way, knocking the pile of comics over with my hindlegs to throw Spike off his rhythm and prevent him from giving chase as I looked for an exit. “Hey, get back here!” Spike shouted as he started to give chase but, as I galloped away as fast as I could, sighed and instead disgruntledly picked up what I left him. I took the first left turn and, after a strong, weird feeling in my forehead and a bright flash of green, I found myself outside. But I wasn’t in front of the Friendship Castle, I hadn’t even passed through the doorway. Instead, I was in the middle of a large field of apple trees. Snow fell lazily around me as I shivered and shook, buffeted by a cold my small, unclothed body clearly wasn’t used to. “Uh, howdy.” I heard a childish and female voice from behind me. “Where in the heck did you pop up from?”
Chapter 3Swinging around to face the voice that just spoke, I spied a small yellow filly standing before me, wearing a cute pink scarf. Her red mane was tied up in a pink bow and her wide orange eyes stared at me curiously as she moved in a few steps. I stepped back just the same, to which she giggled mirthfully. “Aw, come on. I ain’t gonna bite. You’re new to town, right?” She said as she smiled widely at me. She then offered up her hoof. “I’m Apple Bloom. I dunno how ya snuck this deep into my family’s orchard, but it’s nice to meet you.” I blushed at her disarming smile, but I still shyed back a bit from her hoof. I had no idea to approach this. Discord hadn’t given me a name or a backstory or anything. I’d just have to fall back on my improvisation skills, as piss-poor as they might have been. I gently shook her hoof, cringing as I felt my own being crushed by her massive strength. “That’s more like it!” She said chipperly as she vigorously shook my hoof. Even as she stopped and pulled back, I could still feel my hoof shaking as I still cringed in pain. Ignoring this, Apple Bloom then gestured to me. “Now c’mon, don’t be shy. What’s your name?” Finally getting my hoof back in control, I put it down to let it get comforted by some cold snow. “I’m, uh…” I hesitated. I almost used my Human Name, but that definitely wouldn’t work. Not only did I want to distance myself from it, but it definitely wouldn’t work because pony names were just weird. I just decided to follow my gut and hope my thinkbrain could put together a good pony name for the rest of my Equestrian life. “Uh, my name’s...Anon.” Nailed it. There went any chance to be called Doom Savior or something cool. “Anon?” Apple Bloom shot me a questioning glance, then pressed her hoof against her mouth as she giggled gently. “Sorry, but I ain’t never heard a name like that around here. Where in the heck are you from?” “Manehattan?” I said the first non-Ponyville town name I could think of. I’d never been in New York before, but I hoped deep in my heart that she wouldn’t ask any questions. The way her eyes lit up was all I needed to know that I fucked up. “Manehattan? Aw shucks, my cousin lives there! Y’ever run into a little mare named Babs Seed?” I opened my mouth to respond, but I was cut off by her gesturing broadly. “You probably can’t miss her. She’s just a li’l shorter than me with an orange coat and, oh!, she’s always got her Crusader cape on.” From absolutely nowhere, she pulled out a small red blanket and threw it onto her own back, tying it around her neck with a little flair. She angled herself in front of me, displaying the little Cutie Mark Crusaders logo emblazoned in blue and gold. It was as cheaply made as I hoped it would be. “It looks just like this and-” Apple Bloom visibly realized something and, before I could hide it with my tail, looked to my flank. “Hey, wait a minute.” She approached me, getting a closer look as she squinted. I looked too, and thankfully my flank was as bare as hers was in the first few seasons. Barring a transparent one, I was right on schedule. She looked back up at me with a wide grin as she too figured that it wasn’t a transparent one. She took a step back and cleared her throat, standing up straight as she tried to act more formal. “Anon, I dunno how you managed to be a blank flank in Manehattan without Babs makin’ you a Crusader, but I’m about to change your life. Walk with me.” I nearly broke out into laughter as she said that, obviously something she learned from watching adults make their business dealings. But I followed along with her, only mostly being able to hide my grin. “Wait, where are we going?” “My clubhouse. Y’see, me and my friends are part of a group, the founders really, called the Cutie Mark Crusaders.” She grinned over at me, adding an eager bounce to her stride. “I dunno if you can tell, but we help other ponies like yourself get their talent and find their cutie marks. It’s, like, our talent.” I don’t know how, but her smile grew even wider. It was infectious. I couldn’t help not smiling back to her. Not only was she adorable when she was this enthusiastic, but I was already prepared for what she was about to ask me. “So what, are you trying to recruit me or something?” “Eeyup!” She replied chipperly. “I ain’t got full authority to add ya to the list, but I can’t see why the other two wouldn’t wanna add you.” “Maybe because I’m a boy?” I added noncommittally. I really just wanted to keep the conversation flowing. Apple Bloom shrugged. “Nah, that can’t be it. We’ve done colts before.” She shook her head, thinking it over a little bit before she looked at me with a confused gaze. “Hold on, how’d you know the Crusaders were all mares? I didn’t even tell you their names.” I could only chuckle nervously at that, scratching the back of my head and blushing. Sadly, only now getting used to walking on four legs, removing one from the equation only served to knock me off my balance. I collapsed face first into the cold snow, letting out a small, squeaky yelp as I fell. Distracted from my slip-up, Apple Bloom was quick to pull me back up to my hooves. And, in doing so, she looked at me with a shocked expression. “Anon, are you alright? You’re, like, super cold.” Of course I was cold. I’d just fell face first into a pile of snow. I didn’t pay her any mind as I shook the snow off of my face and mane, but it was when I brushed off my chest fluff that I noticed something. My hoof was shaking something fierce and, as I pressed it to my chest, I could feel my whole body quivering from the temperature. And yet, physically, I felt fine. I hadn’t even noticed until then, but I didn’t even feel the cold now that my mind was off of it. I tried to not let the shock show too much on my face as I waved it off. “Hah, I g-guess I didn’t notice how cold it was t-till now.” I had to at least act like I was freezing. “We better get ya to the clubhouse right quick.” Apple Bloom told me seriously. She gave me another once over, this time not stopping to notice how talentless I was, then scrunched her face. “I dunno what kinda ponies you’ve got takin’ care of you, but sis’d kill me if I went out in the snow without a scarf.” She placed a hoof on her pink scarf, as if to show off her winter preparedness. I frowned at the mention of caretakers, my head dipping a bit lower as I remembered how Discord abandoned me not too very long ago. Apple Bloom took notice, frowning along with me before looking down down at her scarf, a thoughtful look on her face. Before I could react in any way, she tore the scarf off of her neck, freeing herself to the unforgiving cold of the current snow flurry, and wrapped it around my own neck. She deftly wrapped it tightly, which I thought would be an impossibility with hooves. Then again, it was all she had. Accessory Get: Apple Bloom’s Scarf. +5 to cuteness, -1 to masculinity, +3 to bullyability My face lit up with a blush as I smiled down at it, then beamed back at the generous filly before me. “Hah, t-thank you!” I told her, a bit confused. “But, don’t you need it?” I looked her over again, and she definitely didn’t have any other winter wear. Her bow, while cute, wasn’t going to keep the cold away. Then again, it could do about as much as the scarf could. Apple Bloom stood proudly for a moment, holding her head high in the air. “I’m fine! I’m big mare, I can take a li’l snow storm.” I could already see her starting to shiver. “So, the clubhouse?” She nodded, trudging through the snow as quickly as possible in what I assumed was the direction of the CMC clubhouse. I followed closely behind, trying my hardest not to giggle too loudly.
Chapter 4The remaining walk to the clubhouse didn’t take too long, just under a minute. As Apple Bloom told me during that walk, she was well on her way to a meeting before I teleported myself in front of her and scared her half to death. I still needed to figure out how I did that. As we both climbed the staircase to the clubhouse, I tried my hardest to use the horn on my head to grab an apple from a tree not too far away. I narrowed my eyes and strained slightly, trying to force all the grabby thoughts through my horn and force them around the apple. All I managed to do was give myself a headache. “Uh, y’all alright?” Apple Bloom stood at the top of the stairs, staring down at me with a concerned look on her face. I blushed, looking away as I realized she watching the entire time. “Uh, s-sorry” I scratched the back of my head with a hoof, my blush only growing stronger as my voice cracked while I said it. “I guess I’m just, uh, tired?” I tried to not bite back the groan at my terrible excuse as I plodded my way up the stairs behind her. Apple Bloom shot me another questioning glance, frowning as she watched me pass. “Well, I hope you can get some rest before this. It ain’t gonna take long.” She gave me a lingering look before brightening up just a bit and walking to the door. Upon walking closer, I could hear a two person discussion coming from inside, one voice a rough and gritty voice and the other a sweet and melodious one. Both voices quieted immediately after Apple Bloom knocked, and she gave them a moment to prepare themselves before she opened the door and entered. I moved to enter as well, but immediately she turned around to face me. “Jus’... give us a moment. We haven’t had a new recruit in a while, so I’ve gotta hype ‘em up a little bit." She put a hoof to my chest, tilting her head and giving me a kind grin. “Wait right here, it’ll only be a second.” I smiled back and, taking that as a sign of understanding, she took a step back and closed the door between us. I sat down, finally alone again. And for once I had a moment to collect my thoughts. “I still can’t believe this is happening.” I said softly to myself, letting out a soft, unsure chuckle. “I mean, I went to bed dreading going to school, but now here I am in Equestria. I don’t have to worry about stupid stuff like that anymore.” I gave a more mirthful chuckle before a pang of guilt shot through my heart. “Ah frick, I still need to turn in my part of the group project.” Thinking this over caused me to scowl, stomping a hoof on the ground gently as I realized how screwed I left them. Before I could continue wallowing in pity for those I had left behind for too long, the door in front of me opened. Apple Bloom smiled at me, though her face fell just a bit as she saw my continued wallowing. She pulled back a little, unsure of what happened in the few moments she left me alone. “Uh, we’re ready for you Anon.” I nodded gently, dipping my head lower in apology. “Hah, thanks.” I laughed nervously, fully aware that I’d screwed up and looked weird in front of her. Though it wasn’t the first time, and definitely wouldn’t be the last. Maybe not even the last in this next few minutes. Upon entering the room, I was immediately in front of two more sources of adorable. To my left was Sweetie Belle, the white unicorn filly who was noticeably taller than myself, who smiled kindly at me. "Hiya, I'm Sweetie Belle." She then gestured to the orange pegasus to her right. "Aaand this is Scootaloo. It's a pleasure to meet you Anon." “Really? We’re not doing game night so we can help out some dumb colt?” Scootaloo said, before quickly turning to me. “No offense.” “None taken.” Sweetie Belle bowed her head in apology to me anyway, then walked over to Scootaloo and placed a hoof on her shoulder. “Come on now, it’s gonna be fun. I mean, how long has it been since we had a pony to help?” Scootaloo grumbled to herself, crossing her hooves and sitting on the ground to pout. Sweetie took this as a sign of acceptance, then turned to face me. She smiled charmingly, and it disarmed me immediately. She could have plunged a knife into my chest, and I’d just let it happen. “So, I guess Apple Bloom filled you in on what we do here?” She asked. I nodded mutely, to which she giggled cutely. “Well then, we should probably get started before it gets too late.” She gestured to the window, and I could see that the sun was already nearly setting on my first day in Equestria. How late did Discord teleport me into Twilight’s castle? “Yeah, we should probably do something today.” Apple Bloom agreed from a bit away. Turning to look at her, I saw that she was fiddling with a little locker in the corner of the room. What she said next was muffled as she pulled out a small blanket, but she tossed it over her back and approached us to sit down. “We can work out ideas for you right now, then maybe we can actually do one of ‘em after school tomorrow.” Scootaloo groaned in response. “Ugh, why does vacation have to be over already?” Her pouting grew even worse as she flopped onto the wooden floor. Ignoring her, Sweetie Belle turned to me. “Did your parents enroll you in Ms. Cheerilee’s class yet? We could probably try a talent or two during lunch.” “Is he even old enough to be in our class?” Scootaloo asked, her voice muffled from her face being pressed to the floor. She lifted it just slightly enough to look at me. “How old are you, anyway? Twelve? Thirteen?” I blushed and stammered for a little bit. I hadn’t even considered how old they were, much less myself. They certainly seemed older than they were in the show, but I had no idea what that even was. Anywhere from six to thirteen, depending on the writer. “Don’t be mean!” Sweetie Belle chided Scootaloo as she sat down right beside her. “He’s probably sixteen just like us. Except, y’know,” she paused for a moment, looking over to me and then blushing, then she blocked her mouth from my view with a hoof and whispered, “Late bloomer.” Obviously I heard her. “I’m, uh, fifteen actually.” I muttered, nodding along with Sweetie Belle’s assessment for sympathy points. I sat down and bowed my head lower, a sad smile on my face. “I guess not finding my talent might have, uh, stunted my growth?” I let out a tiny sigh, nestling onto the ground to join Scootaloo in The Ground Party. Apple Bloom shot Sweetie Belle a look, then sighed along with me. “Well, that’s why you’re here. So we can help you out.” She smiled at me, brightening my smile remarkably despite my attempts to keep it sad and lonely. “See? All we gotta do is do our best, and we can get you your mark lickety-split!” “First we’ve gotta figure out what kinds of things he’d be into.” Scootaloo said, finally lifting her head from the ground to finally fully regard me. “You’re a unicorn, so it’s probably not gonna be anything cool and dangerous.” She looked closely at my soft, squishy body and chuckled a bit, pushing my shoulder with a hoof in a friendly way. As rude as that was, though perfectly fair as I definitely didn’t want to try racing Scootaloo or anything, the other two and I all couldn’t help but nod. Still, a light bulb appeared above Sweetie Belle’s head and she grinned over at me. “Are you good at any spells? Maybe your talent is something magic.” As if to demonstrate, her horn lit up with a green aura and shot out a few sparks that faded almost immediately. She smiled widely at me, proud of her little light show. Despite not being too impressed, as I’d seen Twilight Sparkle have an anime-esque battle with Tirek that put just about any form of magic to shame, but I still had to admit: “I’m, uh, not very good at magic.” I told them all, bowing my head again. Taking this as an opportunity for myself, I tried as hard as I could to light my horn as Sweetie Belle did. I couldn’t see it very well, but I did see a few flashes of dark green along with the strange feeling in my forehead. And then absolutely nothing. I felt a heaviness in my chest, more disheartened by my lack of skill than I thought I would be. “So yeah, maybe not.” I decided. “Maybe something smaller then.” Apple Bloom said, bristling gently. “How about hobbies? You got any of those?” “Well...” I hesitated. Obviously I had a few hobbies, but none that I would want to have define me. Video games were fun, but one stray one and I was suddenly the next Button Mash. But the girls were still staring at me, waiting for me to answer with something that could lead them in the right direction. I did my best to avoid all three pairs of eyes, looking to my side as I stammered a little bit more. “I like t’read, I guess.” I said evasively, hoping that it’d give them enough to work on. It very visibly didn’t. All three of them shot each other looks in what was a very interesting looking game of telephone. Finally, after a long amount of silence, Apple Bloom cleared her throat. “Maaaaaaybe we should try thinking of things tomorrow.” She said as she stood. Looking out the window, we could all see that nighttime was almost upon us. She laughed softly. “I think AJ is gonna be mad if I’m not home for dinner.” Scootaloo stood up next, stretching her body from the uncomfortable position she was just in. The floor wasn’t very comfortable. “Well if you’re gonna go, I should probably get some training in before bed.” She extended her wings, flexing them and giving them a few test flaps. “That race on Sunday isn’t gonna prepare for itself.” And finally Sweetie Belle. “Well thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to spend some time with us for once.” Before Scootaloo could say anything in response, Sweetie Belle wrapped her hooves around Scoot and pulled her in for a tight hug. “It’s definitely been too long.” The hug lingered for a little bit, enough to make Apple Bloom and I just a bit uncomfortable. When Sweetie pulled back, I could see an absolutely massive blush on Scootaloo’s face. She took a step back, stammering and stuttering, before extending her wings and dashing towards the, thankfully open, window. While the other two were very used to this, I rushed to the window to see Scootaloo parkouring off of the balcony, then open up her wings. But not to take off flying, but to slow her decent so that she could immediately take off running. “ThiswasgreatbutI’vegottagoI’llseeyouallatschooltomorrow!” She screamed behind her as she ran off. Both Sweetie and Apple Bloom just shrugged and chuckled softly as I turned to them and gave them a questioning look. Neither of them bothered to explain, as they gave each other a more normal hug. Sweetie Belle gave a small wave to me. “See ya, Anon. It was nice to meet you.” With a gentle smile, she left the clubhouse through the actual doorway this time. And that left just Apple Bloom and I. I stood up, stretching my spine out similarly to Scootaloo before sighing and glancing toward the door. “I… should probably go too.” I said, not knowing where exactly I’d be going to. “Thank you for today though.” I smiled to her, then meandered slowly to the door. It’s not like I expected a hug or anything. I just hoped for one. Instead of a hug I just got a returned smile, though hers was a bit downcast. “Are ya gonna be fine getting home?” She asked as she walked to the door with me. “I know you’re new, so I could walk ya home if you’d like.” I laughed at her generous offer, then shook my head as I knew that that wouldn’t have worked out very well. “I’m sure I can get home on my own.” She scrunched her face at this, but still didn’t fight it any. We left the clubhouse together, walking down the stairs and enjoying each other’s silent company for the moment. As we reached the ground level, we both turned to face each other. “Well, I’ve gotta go home for dinner so… I’ll see ya after school tomorrow?” She asked, scratching the back of her head with a hoof as she waited for an answer. “Definitely!” I chipperly smiled back, maybe just a little bit too eager. My eagerness caught up to her too, as a wide smile stretched across her face. “Alrighty, have a safe walk.” She lingered for just a moment longer, then turned around to walk off to her home. I walked off into the trees for a few moments, breathing a short sigh of relief and counting my steps before turning back around and climbing up the stairs of the clubhouse. I quietly shut the door behind me, then went to the cabinet that I saw Apple Bloom rummaging around in earlier. Luckily for me there was a small pillow left, but there was absolutely no blanket to be found. She must have taken the last of them back to her home. But it would do. It wasn’t like I was cold anyway. I set the pillow on the ground and flopped down onto it, resting back down on the floor with an uncomfortable groan. While I would have loved a moment to collect my thoughts and muse on my first day in Equestria, the exhaustion of exactly what happened finally caught up to me and I fell asleep nearly instantly.
