Detective jakkid166 get Banned from Equestria
(this story is not canon)
I, the jakkid166, was in the excotic faroff land of my house. I opened my sink and pulled out some water and washe my face with it and I was clean for the day. I put on my detective tie and went ouside because I remembered I had a lunch time with Twilight scedule for the morning.
I got in my Detective car and threw the keys into the ignition from 10 feet away. I drove down the streets of Ponyville and almost didn’t hit any pony, and stopped at Twilight Spark’s house. I crashed my car and flewed out the windshield and in through Twilight’s window and landed in a chair at her lunch table.
“Detective jakkid!” said Twilight as she shoved food into my mouth. “Hurry up and eat because something is bad!”
“MMF MMF.” I said
“Yes but we also have to figure out the ass of what’s happening!” said Twilight.
“What is happening?” said Twilight. I mean me
“Its bad! The entire Ponyville has become mad of sex!” She said and she pulled a book off the shelf. “It is a bad phenomemomenomenon. I will have to research it”
“But what crime will I solve?” said me. Detective jakkid166 is a detective.
“You will have to go out and sex the ponies to solve there CARNAL URGES!”
“WHAT?” I said. “No, I will not do that.”
“Too bad” said Twilight and thnen she took all my clothes off and shoved me ouside and locked the door.
But then I realized something wasn’t good. I was MOSTLY NAKED! I had no clothes on exceppt my tie, which thankfully was covered up my Detective Dong.
“Holy shit” said a pony who lookeda t me. “That guy is really hot”
“FUCK” I said and I ran bnack inside. I put my clothes on over my skin clothes and went back to Twilights house and lockpicked the door and went inside but it was too late, the entire town knew of my nakedity.
Immerdiately, a pony ran at me and shoved her butt at me. “Please give me the big sex, Defective Jakkid, greatest detective of all time.”
“Its pronounced IN THE WORLD, you ass. And also no, I refuse to ever sex with ponies. I am not a furry”
I was lookeing at the Pony who was bented down at me, she was kneed down on the ground and showing her butt at me for some reason. And she was also naked for some reason. I didnt
“understand it,” I said. “Why are you doing this?”
“Give me the WANG!” said the Pony.
“I disagree” I said.
“No”
“That DOES IT!” I said and I pulled out my hoff cuffs. “Pony who is there, I am arresting you for public undecency!”
“Wait what” said the pony and they was arrested. I put them in my Detective Police Car and took them to the Ponyville police station which is actually just my house.
I took her and threw her in the jail cell in me house and went back outside. “Okay now I’ve gotta figure out how to go into hiding so I do not have to sex any ponies. But how am I gonna that?”
So I ran down the streets of Pony trying not to run into any ponies but it didnt work because everyone is a pony. But then someone grabbed me and YONKED me into an alley!
“Whatata the fuck!” I started doing a bunch of karate moves for self defense but then the pony who pulled me smacked me in the face and said “Detective jakkid shut up!”
“Oh ouch,” I said rubbing my cheek. Then I saw who it was: It was The Great and Powderful TRIXIE! “Oh hello Trixie what are you doing here?”
“I heard you need to go into hiding so you don’t get fucked by the ponies.”
“Yeah thats right”
“Yeah well I can turn you INTO a pony so no one will regognize you! A girl pony”
“Oh sweet” I said. “Once I become a girl pony, none of the girls will want to sex me anymore. It is foolproof”
And so Trixie shined her spell horn and did the magic and I felt my hands was turn into hooves and my clothes turned into no clothes and my head turned into a head and then I was a PONY! I was orange with a blue mane, and my cutie mark was a picture of the game Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
“Wow this sucks” I said “Thanks Trixie. How long is it gonna last?”
“Only three days” said Twirxie. “So you better solve the sex mystery of why everyone is so horny fast.”
“Sweet” I said and I ran out of the place back in to Ponyville. “Time to go back to Twilight see if the mystery is hystery.”
I backflipped into Twilights house and landed in her Kitchen where she was makin Mac and Cheese. But she didnt realize it wa me, because she was a pony, so she thoughte someone was space invading her house.
“AAAGH!” said Twilight “Wait you are a girl pony”
“Yeah thats right.” I said. “Twilight its me detective jakkid166!”
“Good” said Twilight “You see this was my plan all along.”
“What in fuck you mean?”
“Yes jakkid you see I made the horny spell on the town becaus e I wanted you to becom a pony so I could fuck you… because i am a LEBSIAN!”
“OH NOOOOOOO!” I siad but then Twilight jumped at me and I dodged out of the way and she went in her oven and I shut the oven.
“You can come out when you aren’t horny anymore,” I said but then Twilight teleported out on top of me and tried to kiss me but I smacked her outta da way with my hoof hand and I backflipped onto her head then kikced her in the head
But then Twilight got the upper hand and tackled Detective jakkid to the ground and she took hisTWILIGHT NFG STOP U DONT
She kisse him on theFUCKING NO STOP IT TWILIGHTjyou cantNO I DONT WANT TO SEX THE STORY
WG
And then jakkid said “Okay Twilight I will fuck youNOOOO GODAMIT I SWUCK STOP EDTING THE DOC
And then I was like “Twilight you are already dead” BUT SHE WASNT DEAD BECAUSE SHE WAS TAKING HIS PANTS OFF AND he was now in his bed and her was like “dam twilight you sexy mare”
and Twilight said “kiss me you pony who wearing clothes” and iNO FUCK STOP U GEI AM NOT DOING THISGVME THECOMPUTER
FUKCING NEVER MIND
NO
NO MORE
FUCKING SHIFDT GOTDAMMIT
THATS IT I AM DONE
I AM NEVER WRITING SEX STORYES AGAIN
EVERYTHING IS MOTHERFUCKER
