Immortality

by An Intricate Disguise

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Flurry Heart, Comedy, Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia, Dark
Length: 2536

Shining and Cadance aren't sure if Flurry Heart is immortal. They decide to test it.

Shining and Cadance aren't sure if Flurry Heart is immortal. They decide to test it.

Published 2018-12-11 22:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2018-12-11 22:30:02 UTC

Breathe, Motherfucker

It was a very usual day in the Crystal Empire. One of those days where all of the things that usually happened happened. Those days were the ones that everyone liked.

And yet, it was a day of confusion, wonder, and soon enough, discovery. Cadance and Shining sat at Flurry Heart's bed, watching their darling angel. Each of them was silent, aside from the toddler's coos, and after a while, it became clear that Cadance had something on her mind.

"Hey, sweetheart?" came the calm, loving voice of Shining's spouse.

"What is it, Cadance?"

"I..." she stalled momentarily, as if she was attempting to find the right words. "Flurry Heart is an alicorn, right?"

"Of course she is," came the almost deadpan response of Shining. It was an obvious question, after all.

"But that said, she was born from a unicorn and an alicorn..." Cadance seemed to lose her train of thought, as if she was about to add to it at any moment. "Are we sure that she's immortal?"

Shining looked between his daughter, who was happily perched in her crib, and his loving wife. "I don't see why she wouldn't be?" he paused to consider his words for a moment, tilting his head. "I mean, she probably is. Alicorns are always immortal, right? I think that counts for naturally born ones too, it must do."

Cadance seemed a little skeptical of Shining's thoughts. She proved it by 'hrrrm'ing to herself as if she didnt trust a word that he said. "How can we know?" she countered. "Flurry could be in constant danger of dying, but we won't find out until she actually faces mortal danger."

Shining stepped forwards, looking at his wife in quiet contemplation as his pride and joy continued to bang her hooves against the bars of the cot. "I'm sorry, babe... are you suggesting that we put our own daughter in harm's way just to test her out?"

"You can't tell me that you aren't curious," Cadance replied, looking deep into Shining's eyes and hoping to pick up his interest from wherever it laid. "Everyone wants to know what their kids can go through, we just happen to have one that might or might not be impervious to every threat ever invented. Well, depends if her unicorn side or her alicorn side wins out."

For a long time, Shining was silent, but he finally managed to work out a rebuttal.

"Alright, sure. let's find out. It'll prepare us better as parents if we know for sure."

Nodding to each other like the responsible royal parents they were, the two of them began to set up a suitable test.

Twilight Sparkle had been looking forward to visiting the Crystal Empire for a while now. She'd missed her brother and niece, as well as her favourite foalsitter, and was looking forward to spending some time with all of them! Princessly duties were stressful, no doubt, but Twilight had an unusual spring in her step as she made her way towards the castle, fresh off the train.

She was let in straight away, and knowing the layout of the place, made her way up to the nursery, expecting to find at least one of the three of them in there. She looked, but found nothing. That was odd. Shrugging, Twilight turned and headed towards the master bedroom, wondering if Shining and Cadance had decided to take Flurry in there for a cuddle and a nap.

What she found was rather surprising. She opened the door to see Flurry suspended in the air by Cadance's magic as she filled a large bath, whilst Shining was out on the balcony stretching his hoof. Flurry looked awfully confused, and it was mirrored in Twilight's expression. "Uhh... guys? What's going on here?"

Each of them turned to face Twilight at the exact same time, surprised by her presence. Had they not realised that she was coming already? She was due here today for the event, after all.

"Hey, Twilight," Cadance beamed, turning the faucet and finally finishing with the bath. "We're in the middle of trying to figure something out, you wanna help?"

Twilight heard 'make solutions to things' in her head and her tail started wagging like she was a science dog. "Do I?! What is it? How to solve chaos theory? The perfect mix of a maretini? Secrets to alicorn magic?"

"Uhh, the latter?" Shining ventured, coming back from the balcony, looking all limbered up. "We're trying to figure out if Flurry Heart is immortal."

"So you can protect her from danger?" Twilight offered, instantly seeing the line of logic. The pair of them nodded. "That makes sense. The sooner you know what she can handle, the sooner you know how protective you need to be. What was the plan for the experiment, then?"

"We were going to try putting her in the water," Cadance said, pointing to the deep bath, way too deep for a foal to wash in. "And then, y'know, seeing what happens."

Twilight took a moment to connect the dots in her head. "So, the hypothesis is that Flurry Heart is immortal. If she is, she'll sink and survive, right?"

"Pretty much," Cadance nodded, bringing Flurry closer. "I'm actually pretty excited to find out. I already know my girl's talented, but if she's immortal too? Hah, the other moms at kindergarten aren't going to have anything on me."

Twilight narrowed her eyes at that. "I think the fact that we're accruing scientific knowledge matters a little more than who's the best mother, but your motivations are your own. Anyways, yeah! This sounds like a fair test. Let's try it!"

"So..." Shining ventured, looking between the three would be scientists. "Who's going to put her in?"

"I'll do it!" Twilight smiled, taking over Cadance's magic with her own and floating her over. "I haven't had the chance to hold her in a while."

"That's okay, Twilight. We trust you'll be responsible with her," Cadance smiled, waiting for Twilight to do her cutesy baby talk routine with Flurry for a little while and get a few giggles from her before placing her over the tub.

"Okay. First test to see if Flurry's immortal. Time is?"

"11:56," Shining replied, used to how they used to run tests at home.

"Alright, get a pen and pad ready," Twilight instructed, and Shining floated both over to her. "Starting... now."

And with that, she dropped Flurry in the tub. The small filly sank to the bottom, and all of them watched with baited breath to see what would happen next. Then, after about ten seconds had passed, Twilight furiously scribbling notes the whole while, she kipped up and rose to the surface, floating around the tub and kicking her hooves.

"Oh my gosh..." Cadance mouthed, realising something right that moment as she watched her baby almost drown to death without anyone intervening. "Flurry can swim!" she announced, breaking into a huge smile and patting her daughter's wet mane. "Mommy's so proud of you!"

"That's great!" Twilight smiled, overcome by auntly instinct, but then frowned straight after. "But it kinda messes up the experiment. If she can swim, then she can't drown, and then we can't know if she's immortal."

Cadance was the one to answer her. "I mean, we could always try forcing her head under?"

"That's a bit strong, dear," Shining answered, and even Twilight was forced to nod.

"You're right," Cadance admitted, looking a little ashamed. "We're not monsters, after all..."

"Wanna try throwing her off of the balcony instead?"

"Sure!"

With that, Shining Armour picked up his wonderful daughter like a little baseball, grateful for his earlier stretching, took a little run up, and then hurled her off of the balcony.

The three of them watched her descent with curious eyes, all perched next to each other, waiting for either a splat or an unharmed filly that would cause a huge crater in the earth.

What they got instead was something entirely different.

"Oh my gosh, Shining! Flurry Heart is flying!" Cadance all but screamed, overcome with motherly pride. "That's it, dear! Keep doing that, you're a natural!"

"Didn't we already know she could fly?" Shining asked, eyebrow raised at his wife.

"Oh, shush. I drink a lot. Keep it up, dear!"

Twilight budged between the two, looking slightly irritated by the turn of events, even if she did have to break a grin at watching her niece soar around the castle. "Um, guys? Aren't we forgetting what we're meant to be doing here?"

"Y-yeah, I know, but I just want to watch a while longer," Cadance smiled, chest swelling. For a little while, the three of them simply spectated. Flurry Heart really was an amazing pony, the best they could ask for.

"So, shall we try to knock her out of the sky?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Celestia had travelled all the way from Canterlot for the event today. It had been a long and tiring journey, but she was looking forward to seeing her grand-niece today. It had been quite a while, after all, and there was something about Flurry that always served to cheer Celestia up when she was in a bad mood.

Imagine her reaction when she saw Flurry flying around the sky, barely dodging lethal magic beams as Twilight, Shining, and Cadance shot them at her. They were shooting enough force at her to level a building, and she was barely holding on. One more shot, and they might kill the poor thing.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Celestia cried, rushing into the air and grabbing Flurry, holding her to her chest and shielding her from the oncoming magic blasts.

"We're trying to test if Flurry's immortal!"

"To see how to best keep her safe!"

"And I'm helping!"

Celestia looked between each of them as if they were fucking retarded, because they were. She sighed, drawing in a long breath. "Honestly, Cadance, Shining, I would've expected this from the two of you. But Twilight? I thought you had a little more brainpower than this. If you find out that Flurry Heart isn't immortal, you'll KILL her!"

Suddenly, the three of them all stopped in their tracks, looking at one another as if to confirm.

"Oh. Wow, I totally forgot about that," Shining said.

"I didn't consider it either," Cadance admitted, sounding awfully guilty. "I was just so caught up in the idea of my daughter being able to do another wonderful thing that I became impulsive... I'm sorry, everyone. I'm a terrible mother."

"I'm awful too," Twilight added, looking to the floor. "I heard the word 'experiment' and leapt at the opportunity, I didn't consider what the ramifications could be. That was really immature of me, and I should have been thinking more clearly."

Celestia closed her eyes for a few moments, unsure how she ever coped with any of them. It was like dealing with toddlers, more so than the one she was holding. "Good, I'm glad you realise the error of your ways." Celestia put her hooves on her hips, going into full lecture stance. "Now, I do hope you realise that what you've done is awfully dangerous, and furthermore, that—"

"Uhh, Celestia?"

"Don't interrupt me, Twilight," Celestia responded, waving a scolding hoof at her. "Now, as I was saying. I came here for Flurry Heart's christening, and what I didn't expect to find was—"

"Celestia!"

"What?"

"You dropped Flurry while you were ranting!"

Celestia looked down to see a very twisted broken and unmoving alicorn child on the floor. "Oh... shit."

"My baby!" Cadance all but roared, rushing over to Flurry and attempting to bring her back from the brink, but it was no use. She was utterly still.

"Do you see what happens when the three of you act irresponsible?" Celestia shouted, attempting to put the blame on them, but no one was having any of it. "Umm... shit. This is a problem. How are we going to deal with this?"

"YOU KILLED MY BABY!" Cadance all but screamed as Shining attempted to console her.

"By accident! At least I wasn't trying to do it on purpose like you idiots!"

"You. Killed. My. Baby." Cadance repeated, eyes burning into Celestia as she clutched onto what was recently a living Flurry Heart.

"Oh, you'll have another," Celestia dismissed, waving her hoof. "You can lecture me on how terrible I am once you stop being the worst parent in Equestria, Cadance. For now, however, we need to deal with this without arousing the suspicion of the public. If we have to announce Flurry Heart dead on the day of her christening, people will assume us to be Tartarus spawn."

"...you killed my baby," Cadance repeated, a little more listless this time.

"Is she broken?" Celestia asked, head tilted. "She sounds broken."

"Don't worry," Twilight interjected before the situation could devolve further, preparing a quick spell. "I think I have a plan to deal with this."

The chapel was a beautiful piece of modern architecture. The priest was a lovely old pony, bit of a Goddess botherer though. Ponies from throughout the kingdom were gathered, watching as Princess Flurry Heart was taken up to the altar to be dipped in the holy water by the priest.

Or rather, as her corpse, hastily animated by Twilight, was brought up. Luckily, nopony seemed to have noticed the difference just yet.

"Now, do we all remember our lines?" Celestia asked, watching closely as Flurry was brought closer to the priest, who was about to pick her up. Luckily, they'd cleaned her up enough that she didn't look as if she'd sustained injury.

"You killed my baby," Cadance responded with a small tremor, hair askew.

"Yes, Cadance, but make sure you say it at the right time," Celestia answered. "Twilight, how are we looking?"

"Ten seconds until Flurryfall," Twilight responded, concentrating hard on her spell.

"Good, then we'll just watch from here."

As the priest finally took hold of Flurry Heart, Twilight made her corpse bite him in front of everyone. The moment it did, she took control of the priest's hooves, forcing him to push her into the holy water and hold her under as he shouted and attempted to move away in protest, looking as if he'd purposely drowned her for biting him.

The moment the spell ended, Cadance fired into action. "YOU KILLED MY BABY!" she shouted, pointing a shaking hoof at the priest.

"He did!" Shining added, throwing his hooves up and pointing at the crowd and then to him. "He's a murderer!"

"To the dungeons!" Celestia added, escorting a load of conveniently placed guards into the building and having them arrest the priest on the spot. Ponies were distraught until they saw that the murderer had been apprehended, then they cheered.

"We'll get you a new name," Celestia whispered to the falsely accused priest as the guards escorted him from the premises.

The priest looked awfully glad to hear this. "Good. I'm glad. Honestly, Celestia, if you were going to arrest me for doing something awful to children in the name of the church, you could've at least made it paedophilia."