I Died and Was Reincarnated As Twilight Sparkle's Number One Assistant but All Of Equestria is Anthropomorphic and the Ponies Are Not Quite Like the Show.
A Sunny Day, but then I Die.
*BEEP**BEEP**BEEP*
The alarm clock blared aside my bed, stirring me from a very, very nice dream. I had almost rescued Princess Peach, we were so close to kissing, I could practically taste her lips on mine…
Oh wait, that’s my dog.
My I reached across my chest and turned off my first alarm clock, then turned to my second alarm clock. A rottweiler terrier was eagerly awaiting my attention, obviously pleased with himself for doing such a good job at waking me up.
“Hey Chucky,” I sighed out, reaching down to pat him on the head, “good morning to you too.”
I set about getting ready for the day. I put on my jeans and plain blue t-shirt, ready for another day at uni. I looked in the mirror one more time before setting off. What greeted me was the same 5’10’’ lanky body that I’d had since high school. Three years into college and nothing had really changed, except my hair was way too long. “Damn, I need a haircut…”
I trudged out of my room and into the rest of my apartment. It was a simple set-up, with the living room and kitchen running into each other with only a dining room table to set them apart. The bathroom was across from my bedroom, with the entrance to my apartment being to my right. A closet was the only other extra room in the place, but it wasn’t very big and was mainly filled with dog food for Chucky. All in all, a cheapish apartment for a broke-ass biology major. “Well, I shouldn’t have adopted Chucky if I was trying to save money,” I said as I started getting my breakfast ready. I glanced over my shoulder as I walked into the fridge. My pride and joy rested at the end of the living room area, a 27-inch flatscreen where I watched the single show that lifted my spirits like no other:
Kanokon.
Oh, and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
I finished preparing some eggs and grabbed my backpack. I bent down and gave Chucky another quick belly rub, “You be good little guy.” He barked at me and ran over to his bed, ready to do whatever dogs do in their freetime. “See you later!” I said, and walked out the door.
It was a wonderfully sunny day outside. There was a slight breeze, and I breathed in the smell of fall. I started off on my way, walking alongside a wall that separated my apartment complex from the house right next door. I came up to a crosswalk right outside my apartment complex at the end of the wall. I pulled out my phone and started scrolling through my calendar, “Alright...let’s see. I’ve got Calc 3, Anatomy 2, and then…”
Before I could finish my thought I heard a blaring horn. I looked up and realized that I had walked into the crosswalk without even checking both ways. A truck was flying straight towards me, the driver frantically honking and, before she had a chance to swerve,
*THUNK*
“Damn, and MLP just had a new episode,” was the last thought I had as I was flung onto the pavement and flattened out.
“....hehe”
I stirred. Everything was black, and my head felt foggy.
“...aww, he’s so cute!”
I vaguely felt something brush up against my body. It felt like a hand, but I couldn’t exactly figure it out. My hearing was just starting to come back to me. I felt warm, like I was relaxing in some super plush couch. I never wanted to leave.
“Heheh, aren’t you just the cutest Spikey-wikey!!”
What?
I finally managed to open my eyes enough for a blinding light to shoot right through them. I quickly shut them and turned over.
“Aww, Rarity! You woke him up! And it was almost my turn to hold him.”
That voice… Was that, Rainbow Dash? She sounded way too chipper.
“Gosh darn it Rainbow, you got to hold him for 10 minutes! Give us’all a chance too, ya hear?”
Okay, that was definitely Applejack. What is going on?
I tried turning back over to the light and opening my eyes. The first thing I saw were two gigantic orbs towering over my sightline. Just beyond that were two of the brightest blue eyes I had ever seen, with a horn peaking over them too. Wait… orbs with a face attached. Was I in somebody’s lap?! I opened my eyes even wider and saw those bright blue eyes getting closer as the orbs, which were definitely breasts, slipped out of my vision. I was held up by two hands and staring right into the face of none other than Rarity. Only she wasn’t fully a pony, the hands were a dead giveaway, but the fact that she had two hooves for feet and a tail told me she wasn’t fully a human either. And the pure white skin and distinguished cutie mark.
“Well good morning, my handsome little dragon!” Rarity said with a smile, flipping her hair. She put me down on my legs.
“...huh?” I looked around me. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were seated on my right and left side. They both had the same not fully pony, but not fully human, aspects as Rarity. Only while Rarity had gigantic knockers, half-hidden by shorts, Applejack had ripped thighs that looked like they could squash a melon into just seeds and Rainbow Dash’s tank-top stopped just short of abs that could shred steel with two wings coming off her back. I looked up from the ponies around me to see blue walls and just enough windows to let in light while not being incredibly sunny. There was a stage in the room as well. My eyes returned to Rarity.
“...uhh, Rarity. Where am I?”
Rarity laughed and gave me a slightly confused look, “Why Spike darling, where do you think you are? You’re in Carousel Boutique! Applejack and Rainbow Dash had joined me for a picnic and we were all coming back to freshen up, when suddenly I find you on my floor! Why, whatever were you doing there, darling?”
I shifted slightly, “I uhh… don’t know.” Okay, I had to process some things. Let’s make a list:
- I was hit by a truck.
- I am apparently in Carousel Boutique. Like, THE Carousel Boutique from My Little Pony.
- Half of the Mane Six are sitting around me right now.
- They are drop-dead gorgeous and apparently more human-like than I thought.
- I am in Spike’s body. Fucking, Spike.
That about sums that up. I’m glad I’m not dead, although we can’t quite rule that out yet. And being Spike probably won’t be so bad, I get to hang around the Mane 6. I might be alright with this. Yeah, I’m totally okay with this. There’s definitely nothing wrong with possibly being dead and now apparently being a character from a kid’s television show I happen to like. Yeah, shouldn’t be so bad. Right? So, first things first, how did I get here? Also, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Well Spikey-wikey, were waiting!” Rarity let the end of her sentence ring out playfully, clearly hoping for some kind of response to her question.
“I am not Spike.”
My statement of fact was taken as a joke. Rarity gave out a laugh and Rainbow chuckled a bit. “Heh, good one kid. And I’m not the fastest flyer in Equestria,” Rainbow stretched her wings out, showing off her wingspan a bit as Applejack rolled her eyes, “Now for real, why were you in Rarity’s place?”
“I don’t know. And I’m telling you, I’m not Spike.” The dead seriousness in my voice ruined the semi-playful mood that had been present.
There was a silence as Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash all got gradually more confused. “Umm… Sugarcube, whacha tryna get at?” Applejack asked. “Yes darling, whatever do you mean? Surely the green and purple dragon I see before me is the same Spikey-poo that lives with our dear friend Twilight?” Rarity turned her head at the end of the question.
I sighed, “Look, I’m really confused right now, but I’m telling you, I’m not Spike. I’m a human. Or well, I was. I think I died, or maybe in a coma, and now I’m in some kind of weird state where apparently you all actually exist. It’s very weird for me.” I looked out at their even more confused faces and wondered if I wasn’t blowing their minds a bit. Not that my own mind was any better off.
“Well uhh…” Rarity started, bur before she had a chance to say anything the door suddenly burst open.
“STAY THYSELF!” Luna burst into the room and ran straight at me. She pulled me into the air with her magic and held me in front of her face, squashing me against her bosom. The air was knocked right out of me by the force.
“Sister, please, calm yourself.” Celestia walked in after Luna. Her rainbow mane was billowing in a nonexistent wind, like it did in the show. She gracefully pulled me out of her sister’s magical grip and said, “I believe you have many, many questions. Come with me to Twilight’s library, we have some things to discuss.
I nodded in a daze and Celestia smiled. “Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, if you’ll excuse myself and my sister, we’ll be taking Spike for just a few hours. At least.” The trio nodded in affirmation, perplexed by the scene that just took place before them. Celestia did a bow and walked out while Luna simply turned around and walked out.
I followed them, still in a daze. “What’s happening?” I whispered to myself. Celestia must have overheard me, because she chuckled softly, stopped walking, turned to me and said, “My dear little human, you’re in for quite the story.”