Chapters GARGANTULON VS. THE SPACE DRACULAS
“Surprise!”
For anyone who knew Pinkie Pie (or, perhaps more accurately, anyone who Pinkie Pie knew), a surprise birthday party was something of an inevitability-- the surprise itself being in the where and when far more than the if . As far as Pinkie parties went, this one was a modest affair: she'd only brought a few dozen balloons and a single banner, and there were only six guests present, as opposed to the whole of Canterlot High.
“Hey, thanks guys.” Rainbow Dash said, and dumped her backpack to the floor as soon as she walked into her house.
“Happy Birthday!” Pinkie Pie practically pounced upon Rainbow Dash, pulling her into an enthusiastic hug. “Since your birthday's on a school night this year I figured we'd just have a small party 'cause most everybody else has got like homework to do and stuff and also I knew you'd be at soccer practice for awhile anyway which means we only have a couple hours to get the partying in before we'll have to go home but don't worry we can have an even BIGGER birthday party this weekend where everybody will show up and we'll get a bouncy castle and it'll be the best thing ever! I just didn't wanna wait 'til then because then you might think I forgot your birthday which would neeeeeeeever happen because if I did I'd be the worst friend ever! You'll forgive me, won't you?” Pinkie's blue eyes began to well up with tears of contrition.
“It's fine!” Rainbow Dash said, gently wriggling out of Pinkie Pie's grasp. “Actually ... this is perfect. Sometimes you wanna have a huge party, and sometimes you just wanna hang out with your friends, right?”
“Yay!” Pinkie Pie said, instantly optimistic again.
The rest of the birthday party played out as expected. The girls fell upon the offered pizza and cake with the locust-like ravenousness of teenagers, soon leaving little but crusts and crumbs in their wake. Idle gossip and cheery laughter echoed through the little suburban house. The gifts came next; a tailor-made jacket from Rarity, a book from Twilight, and so on. Finally, Rainbow Dash came to Fluttershy's present-- a thin, rectangular package.
“Feels like a DVD case.” Rainbow Dash said, giving it a little shake. She looked up at Fluttershy, and grinned. “You didn't get me The Songbird Princess this year, did you?”
“Oh! Um, no.” Fluttershy instantly turned her gaze downward to her shoes. “Did you want The Songbird Princess? Because, uh, I think I can take that one back if--”
“It was a joke, Fluttershy.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “I mean, like, I guess those nature documentaries you like are still kind of cool?”
“It's, um. It's not a nature documentary.”
“Yeah?” Rainbow Dash canted her head to the side. “Just what is it?”
“Open it and find out?” Fluttershy smiled meekly through the pink curtain of her hanging hair.
Rainbow Dash nodded, then neatly tore away a strip of wrapping paper-- only to let out a gasp as soon as she did. “No. Way. You didn't. You couldn't. This isn't--” hands trembling, Rainbow Dash scrabbled at the paper, tearing it away. “It is !”
“Just ... what is it, exactly?” Rarity ventured, taking a half step behind Applejack, just in case.
“Only the greatest movie I've never seen!” Rainbow Dash squealed, then spun the unwrapped DVD case around to show her friends. The cover showed an oil painting of an enormous centipede, looming large above a burning city. Bold red kanji listed the title in Japanese, and then the English translation below it.
GARGANTULON VS. THE SPACE DRACULAS
“Where did you even find it?” Rainbow Dash clutched the DVD to her chest. “This movie's never been released on this side of the ocean!”
“There's an Asian grocery store on the edge of town that sells movies, too. And, uh. I knew you liked those movies, and ... yeah.”
“This is the best birthday ever!” Rainbow Dash hugged Fluttershy, then glanced around. “C'mon you guys, we've got to watch this. It's gonna be so cool , you don't even know!” And with that, she took off to the living room at blinding speed, immediately crouching down to open up the load tray on her DVD player.
The rest of her friends followed (albeit with varying degrees of enthusiasm), and sprawled out on the living room furniture. After a few moments of fiddling with the remote to bring up the subtitle settings, Rainbow Dash scrambled back a few feet, sitting in the center of the floor like a child watching Saturday morning cartoons. Soon, the movie's title glowed across the screen, accompanied by a shrill, ear-searing monster-screech.
“Oh man.” Rainbow Dash said. “This is going to be awesome .”
“Now hold on.” Applejack said, furrowing her brow. “I thought Dracula was just one guy? How come the title says he's fightin' more than one Dracula?”
“Technically--” Twilight raised a finger into proper pontificating position. “The 'Draculas' could refer to the family of Count Dracula-- though it would be more accurate to call them 'Tepesh' in that case. Or ... maybe Tepeshes. I'm not sure how the plural goes. Maybe I need to brush up on my Romanian.”
“Or maybe you should remember this is just a movie, and we should really just relax.” Sunset Shimmer said.
“It's not just a movie!” Rainbow Dash complained, even without taking her eyes from the screen, where 'scientists' (one could tell from the labcoats) waved hand-sized blocks of silver-painted plywood at a 'meteor' that appeared to be made from paper mache. “It's a Gargantulon movie! One I've never seen before!”
“Hey, lookit Rarity. It's got subtitles just like those fancy French movies you keep on tryin' to get me to watch.” Applejack said, trying to be helpful.
“That is ... technically true.” Rarity said, begrudging. “But that's where the similarities end. There's a stark difference between the deliberate artistry of some of the greatest auteurs to ever get behind a camera, and ... this.”
“Yeah, this is totally sweet .” Rainbow Dash said. “I mean, those fancy movies you like aren't even in color!”
“That's called an artistic choice, Rainbow.” Rarity huffed.
“Yeah, well, making your movie about a giant radioactive centipede is artsy too!”
“No it-- you know what, nevermind. It's your birthday, so I'll just let you enjoy your ... film.”
“Thanks!” Rainbow Dash turned her attention back to the TV, where a vaguely centipede-shaped puppet curled around a model building built from balsawood. “Woo! Get 'em, Gargantulon!”
The girls settled in to watch.
As the movie played, distractions arose. Sunset Shimmer started fiddling with her phone, while Twilight Sparkle pretended to read a paperback while stealing glances over Sunset's shoulder in order to spy on her social media activity. Pinkie Pie wandered off to bake another birthday cake (“just in case!” she said). Fluttershy hid behind the couch during the more violent scenes (which is to say, most of the movie), and Rarity and Applejack canoodled when they thought their friends weren't looking (which is to say, most of the movie).
Of the seven, Rainbow Dash was the only one to watch the movie in its entirety, taking in every frame as the Space Draculas of Planet Blood put forth their evil plot to conquer Earth, destroying any army that stood before them-- only to be swept away by the force of nature that was Gargantulon, the terror on a hundred legs.
Men in rubber suits wrestled. Miniatures were crushed. Puppets were burned.
Rainbow Dash watched it all.
The credits rolled.
Rainbow Dash began to cry.
She held her hands up to her face, staring at the television, stunned. She sniffled, sobbed-- loud enough to make her friends take notice.
“Uh. Rainbow?” Applejack gently but firmly eased Rarity out of her lap. “What's wrong?”
“They did it. They really did it.” Rainbow murmured, shell-shocked.
“Did what?” Pinkie Pie leaned through the doorway, bearing a platter with a freshly baked cake.
Rainbow Dash's harrowed eyes never left the television, even as the credits finished and the DVD returned to the title menu. Her lip trembled, and she spoke in a small, broken voice.
“They killed Gargantulon.”
GARGANTULON VS. THE SPACE DRACULAS
“All of the Space Draculas have combined into Mega-Dracula! Will Gargantulon be strong enough to fight it, Doctor Ishiro?”
“No, Little Johnny. Gargantulon is not strong enough.”
“It cannot be! Gargantulon is the strongest monster on Earth!”
“On Earth, yes-- but the Space Draculas are from Planet Blood. Combined, they are stronger than Gargantulon ... and Gargantulon knows it.”
“What?!”
“Look! Gargantulon is losing the fight-- don't you see? And-- ah, there it is! Gargantulon has let Mega-Dracula drink its blood!”
“But Gargantulon's blood is made of radiation!”
“Exactly. The radiation blood of Gargantulon will poison Mega-Dracula!”
“Then they will both die!”
“Yes, they will both be dead.”
“But Gargantulon is my friend!”
“Which is why he must die. He is sacrificing himself to defeat the Space Draculas.”
“Come back, Gargantulon! We love you! Come back!”
Rainbow Dash played the ending out in her head over and over again as she stared at the TV screen. “Come back ... “ she whispered, and pulled her knees up to her chest, curling into a multi-hued ball of sadness.
“Huh. Guess that's why they never released that one over here.” Applejack said.
“Applejack!” Rarity scolded. “Can't you see that poor Rainbow has been traumatized?”
“I'm sorry!” Fluttershy peeked up from behind the couch, on the verge of tears herself. “I didn't know it'd make you so sad! I promise!”
“It ... it's okay.” Rainbow Dash tried (and failed) to keep her voice from breaking. She didn't get up from her balled up position on the floor. “I just ... I just never thought this could happen.”
“I don't see what the fuss is 'bout a silly movie, is all.” Applejack said.
“Applejack .” Rarity gently smacked the farmgirl on the shoulder. “Didn't you tear up at the end of that singing cowboy movie we watched last week?”
“That's different.” Applejack crossed her arms over her chest and slouched a little in her chair.
“How so?” Rarity said, archly.
“They made Roy choose between his girl and his horse! That's the worst decision a singin' cowboy can make!”
“Oh oh oh! I know!” Pinkie Pie chimed in. “What if the singing cowboy went through the portal like Sunset Shimmer did, and then he could choose both !”
Rarity and Applejack stared.
“What?” Pinkie Pie said. “I can't be the only one who was thinking it.”
“Questions of inter-dimensional travel aside--” Rarity said, pointedly, “--the takeaway here is that, just as you were emotionally moved by your favorite movies, so the same happened to Rainbow Dash, and we should all have sympathy for her plight.”
“I've got tons of sympathy! And cake!” Pinkie Pie zipped over to crouch beside Rainbow Dash, a freshly decorated tower of sugary hedonism balanced on a platter. “I knew it was a good idea to make a backup!”
“I'm good, thanks.” Rainbow Dash lied as she lay on the floor.
Pinkie Pie blinked in blue-eyed bewilderment. “You ... don't want cake?” she said, the very concept alien to her. A moment later, her brain snapped back into gear. “Well, what do you want, huh? I can make anything for you! Pies, cookies, croissants, biscuits (either the breakfast kind or the British ones which are just cookies but fancy), doughnuts, eclairs-- anything to cheer you up!”
“I'm not hungry.” Rainbow Dash murmured. “I'm not ... anything, really. Just let me lie here.”
“Aw hell, this is just embarassin'.” Applejack said. “Lookit, I get that you're sad, Rainbow-- but this is a monster movie. Them things always come back for a sequel!”
“Um, actually?” Twilight Sparkle looked up from her phone. “I've been researching just that, and it turns out Gargantulon vs. the Space Draculas actually was the last Gargantulon movie. The studio went bankrupt shortly after release, which is why there was never a real American version of it.”
“I know!” Applejack said. “What if there's like, a reboot? Everything's gettin' rebooted these days, innit? Like I heard they're gonna re-do Blood River, only the rustler's gonna be a lady this time around. That means somebody's gonna make another giant worm soon, right? So Rainbow can just watch that'un and be, like ... untraumatized. Or somethin'”
“I mean, maybe?” Twilight Sparkle said. “I mean, it's only an obscure, decades-old flop-- somebody might try re-making it. In theory. But who would wanna do that?”
Rainbow Dash blinked, then sat up, turning around to face her friends-- and for the first time since she saw Gargantulon die, she smiled.
“That's it! All we have to do is call up Canter Zoom, and he can make a new Gargantulon movie!”
“I ... don't think Canter Zoom's going to be taking any pitches from us.”
“Why not? We saved his Daring Do movie!”
“Right. Which made him something of a hot commodity, and his schedule's pretty well booked.” Twilight dialed a few more search terms into her smartphone. “According to this, Canter Zoom is currently filming a period piece somewhere in eastern Europe. Something called The Life and Times of Flash Magnus.”
“Huh. How much do you think a plane ticket to Hungaristan or wherever is?” Rainbow Dash mused.
“More than any of us got, I reckon.” Applejack said.
“More's the pity. Historical epics have such wonderful costuming ... “ Rarity trailed off into a dreamy sigh.
“Gah, you guys are right.” Rainbow Dash ran her hands through her hair. “Canter Zoom will never make a Gargantulon movie ... which means we have to!”
“Hold on, we ain't even got the cash for plane tickets-- we ain't got a budget for a real movie.”
“To judge by those cardboard buildings, neither did they.” Sunset Shimmer said.
“Exactly!” Rainbow Dash started rubbing her hands together. “All we have to do is have Rarity make the costumes, and then we can do our own special effects with our cool magic powers!”
“That's ... actually not a terrible plan?” Twilight Sparkle mused. “I mean, the cameras we have on our phones are just as good-- if not better than the ones from over half a century ago. And the film editing software is surprisingly intuitive.”
“I do like a challenge ... “ Rarity rubbed her chin, then picked up the DVD case, examining the cover closely. “I mean, so much foam rubber ... it's quite avante garde, when you think about it. Why, it wouldn't be any more complicated than some of the outfits Songbird Serenade performs in ...”
“And I can do the catering!” Pinkie Pie said, cheery.
“It'll be just like that time we did that dance video! Only with giant monsters instead of street ballet!” Rainbow Dash bounced on the balls of her feet.
“I'm still not sure what that is.” Fluttershy murmured.
“Hey, could be fun.” Sunset Shimmer grinned. “At least, so long as I'm hanging out with you guys.”
“Hold up.” Applejack said. “Are we honestly gonna make our own monster movie, just like that?”
“Of course we are!” Rainbow Dash threw an arm around Applejack's shoulders. “It's what Gargantulon would want us to do.”
GARGANTULON VS. THE SPACE DRACULAS
“How does it feel?”
Rarity fussed over Rainbow Dash with her usual perfectionism, even though she wasn't working on one of her usual evening gowns. Instead, Rainbow Dash had squeezed into an apparatus of foam rubber painted and carved so meticulously that one would never think it'd once been an old wrestling mat. (That is, if one ignored the vaguely sweaty smell).
Rainbow peered out from the mandibled maw of Gargantulon, while a pair of bulbous, multi-faceted eyes stared into space above her forehead. She held her arms up in front of her chest, long primary claws hanging downward. Rows of smaller legs went down the front of Rainbow's costume, leading down into a long, segmented tail that stretched out behind her like a body horror bridal train. The whole apparatus was covered in a fine coat of Vaseline, giving it a sickly, organic shine.
Rainbow Dash only smiled. “It's perfect . Kinda hotter than I thought it'd be.”
“Just for clarification--” Rarity tilted her head to the side. “By 'hot' do you mean you'll need to stay hydrated, or do you mean stepping into the shoes-- er, claws –of your favorite movie monster has given you a renewed sense of power which in turn has awakened some hithero unknown desires within you that cannot be satisfied by anything but crushing a city beneath your feet which in turn will lead you to going to some particularly ... odd chatrooms in unsavory corners of the internet?”
“Uh. The first one?” Rainbow Dash said. “I've got a water bottle in my bag if it gets bad.”
“Oh, whew.”
“... what was that other stuff about?”
“Let's just say I have received some commissions with very ... specific requirements, and leave it at that. Nothing too scandalous, thankfully, but there is such a thing as too much information, no?”
“Ooooo-kay?” Rainbow Dash said. “But nevermind that! We've got a movie to make! C'mon, Pinkie said she'd be done with the set by the time I got into costume!”
Rainbow Dash moved as quickly as she could inside her monster costume, waddling over to the far corner of the basement. A large green sheet was pinned to one wall, while an intricately detailed cityscape in miniature stretched out across the floor.
Pinkie Pie crouched in a corner, applying last-minute detail to the sloped roof of a tiny Shinto temple. As Rainbow Dash and Rarity neared, she glanced their way, beaming. “Oh, hi guys!”
“Wow Pinkie, this is great!” Rainbow Dash rubbed her claws together in anticipation. “It looks just like Tokyo!”
“Tokyo? Tokyo!?” Pinkie Pie's cheery expression dropped. “You didn't say it had to be Tokyo! I made a scale model of Kyoto instead! I've ... I've ruined everything! I'm so, so sorry!” Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes as she threw herself to the floor before Rainbow Dash's feet. “I'll do better next time, I promise!”
“Whoa, Pinkie, it's okay!” Rainbow Dash flailed her foam-rubber claws in dismay. “It's more than okay! It doesn't matter what city it is when it looks this good!”
“Really?” Pinkie Pie bounded back to her feet again, tears stopping as if she'd turned off a faucet. “You mean it?”
“Of course I do! I mean, I'm just going to smash the whole thing anyway, right?”
“Right!” Pinkie Pie said. “Which is why I made everything out of marzipan and/or fondant! You can literally eat the city, just like Gargantulon would!” To prove her point, she snapped the very tip off of a tiny radio antenna and popped it into her mouth.
“Sweet!” Rainbow Dash said. “Literally! So we've got my costume done, and we've got the set done-- Twilight said she had some models we could use--”
“Only if you promise to be careful?” Twilight Sparkle clutched a vintage action-figure-carrying-case to her chest. “These are my brother's old toys-- they're collectible! I don't want anything bad to happen to them.”
“Just keep them out of the way of Pinkie's explosions, and they'll be fine.” Rainbow Dash said.
Twilight nodded, if hesitant, and then opened up the carrying case to start sliding just-under-four-inch tall soldiers and pilots into their respective tanks and jets.
“So we've got our city, we've got the soldiers-- who's got the camera?”
“Um. Me?” Fluttershy stepped out of the corner she'd been standing in with ninja-like silence and held up her phone. “I, um, I'd rather not be on camera, if that's okay.”
“If you insist.” Rainbow Dash shrugged, though within her costume it came off as more of a wobble. “Just make sure you get really low camera angles so it makes me look all huge and awesome.”
“Got it.” Fluttershy nodded, and then looked around. “Should I, um, start recording?”
“Not yet! I mean, I get to be Gargantulon (obviously), but I need another monster to fight! That's how these movies work.”
“Applejack should be ready any moment.” Rarity said with an artist's certainty.
“I ain't comin'.” Applejack's muffled voice came from the direction of the bathroom.
Rarity's face fell. “Of course you are, darling.” She said. “You know how hard I worked on that outfit ... “
“Ain't. Comin'.”
“Ah. Excuse me.” Rarity said. She pulled a hairpin from behind her ear, made short work of the lock to the bathroom door, and then ducked inside. Angry murmurs went back and forth within the bathroom, until Rarity finally pushed Applejack out into view. The farmgirl had traded her usual denim and flannel for a neck-to-toes jumpsuit of silver and red spandex, adorned with little blinking lights along the outside of her arms. Applejack's unruly blonde hair had been tucked away into a grey hood, and a blank-faced grey mask was pushed up on her forehead.
“Behold!” Rarity said with no small degree of fanfare. “The Mighty Androidica!”
“How come I gotta wear the shiny tights n' Rainbow Dash's the one in the bug costume?” Applejack adjusted her costume in a less-than-ladylike manner. “Stupid thing's ridin' up like nobody's business.”
“Why, it's the contrast, darling! A literal force of nature put forth against the cutting-edge technology of a giant robot? The script writes itself!”
“Uh.” Sunset Shimmer raised a hand. “That's a good point-- do we actually, uh, have a script?”
“Who needs one?” Rainbow Dash beamed, rubbing her claws together. “I mean, me and Applejack can fight and smash up these buildings and then you guys can tape it and it'll be super awesome! I mean, like, the best parts of the Gargantulon movies are the monster fights anyway, right?”
“Yes, but ... don't we want people to care about why Gargantulon is fighting a giant robot lady?” Sunset Shimmer blinked for a moment, then added on: “I can't believe I just said that.”
“They'll care because it's awesome , duh!”
“But ... I thought we were making this because Gargantulon died in the last movie? Won't we need to explain why the giant centipede is back again?” Sunset Shimmer said.
“Oooooooh. Huh. Hadn't thought about that. I got distracted by the costume. But since you're asking all the good questions, you can be in charge of the script!”
“Wait what?” Sunset Shimmer said.
“It's easy! Just, like, put on a labcoat and talk about radiation and robots and whatever, and maybe point off camera and scream a little bit? Then we'll just edit it in between the parts where me and Applejack are punching each other so like people have a chance to go to the bathroom or whatever.”
“I'm beginning to think we're missing a few steps with this movie making thing.” Sunset Shimmer said.
“Pssh. We'll just fix it in post!” Rainbow Dash says.
“Do you even know what that means?” Sunset Shimmer said.
“Kinda? Like, you just mail all the footage to somebody who puts it all together for you. That's a thing, right?”
“Not really, no?”
“Then I guess we'll just have to do it ourselves! That's what we've been doing already, right?”
“But ... you don't know anything about movie editing.” Sunset Shimmer said.
“Not like that's stopped me so far!” Rainbow Dash beamed with enthusiasm, looking more than a little mad (a fact not helped by her googly-eyed mutant centipede costume). “Besides, what I do know about is Gargantulon! And everyone knows that Gargantulon cannot be stopped! If we just stand around worrying about all the stuff we don't know, we'll never get this movie made! Now get over here, Applejack, we've got a city to wreck!”
“Yeah, yeah.” Applejack grumbled as she pulled her mask into place. “It'd be a lot easier to move iffin' this getup didn't have high heels. Who builds a giant robot with high heels?”
“Where else was I supposed to put the rocket boosters?” Rarity huffed.
Applejack stopped in her tracks. “There ain't actual rockets in these shoes, is there?”
“No, I couldn't get the smoke color right.” Twilight didn't look up from sliding a tiny redheaded soldier into a tiny missile-tank.
“Less chatty, more smashy!” Rainbow Dash rubbed her claws together in anticipation, and looked over at Fluttershy. “Ready with the camera?”
The pink-haired girl pulled out her phone and lowered herself into an awkward crouch, pointing the camera up the length of Rainbow Dash's costume. “Like this?”
“Perfect! You recording?”
Fluttershy nodded.
Rainbow Dash pulled black cloth down over her face.
And then Gargantulon attacked.
Even with Fluttershy recording, the next few hours were a blur.
There was no Rainbow Dash-- only an enormous (well, enormous-in-scale) centipede, scuttling through the streets of Kyoto (or possibly Tokyo). Gargantulon crushed buildings, toppled power lines, and swept aside the highly trained special missions force that rolled out to face it. Not even Androidica, the enormous (and conspicuously high-heeled) mecha, could stand up to Gargantulon's many-legged might. Gargantulon stood in the center of the smoldering, caramel-scented ruins and let out a keening screech of victory. Then another. Then a third, for good measure.
“Um.” Fluttershy held her phone in front of her like a shield. “... is that it?”
“Huh?” Gargantulon pawed at its face for a moment, pulling away the black cloth inside its mouth to reveal Rainbow Dash's face once again. The blue-faced girl looked around at the to-scale devastation surrounding her, as if beholding it for the first time. “Yeah, I guess that's it?” She panted.
“I ... certainly hope it is.” Sunset Shimmer managed, even as Pinkie, Rarity, and Twilight hid behind her, trusting in the armor-like properties of their friend's leather jacket.
“Cool!” Rainbow Dash said, and started wriggling out of her centipede-monster costume in a vaguely perverse imitation of an arthropod's natural molting. She left the Gargantulon costume on the floor, then wiped her forehead off with the hem of her t-shirt. “Who knew wrecking stuff would be such a good workout?”
“I ... don't think anybody did.” Sunset Shimmer said.
“We done?” Applejack sat up from where she laid in the shattered remains of a marzipan-crafted power plant. “Iffin' Rainbow Dash gets to take off her weirdo monster costume, so do I, right?”
“Let me help!” Rarity said, if a bit too quickly. To her credit, she soon added on: “So you won't tear the fabric, that is. I put entirely too much work into that costume for you to rip it apart like some kind of marauding lycanthrope.”
“All that work n' you didn't think to put a zipper somewhere I could reach it?”
“Giant robots don't have zippers , Applejack. I had to hide it from the camera!” Rarity picked her way through the rubble and strewn-about action-figures so she could start fussing over Applejack properly.
“Speaking of cameras, did you get all that awesome footage, Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash said.
“I ... hope so?” Fluttershy said. “I ... just kept recording even when things started catching on fire.”
“Sweet!” Rainbow Dash pumped a fist. “You hang onto all that footage, Fluttershy-- I'm gonna go take a quick shower, and then we're gonna sit down and edit this movie and it's gonna be so awesome you don't even know!” And with that, the sweaty athlete-turned-kaiju disappeared into the bathroom. Moments later, the sound of running water and off-key humming of the Gargantulon theme song could be heard coming through the door.
Sunset Shimmer shrugged, then turned to the rest of her friends. “At least Rainbow's having a good time?”
GARGANTULON VS. THE SPACE DRACULAS
SOME WEEKS LATER ...
Rainbow Dash watched the city burn.
Years upon years of human achievement lay in ruins, swept away in a single evening. Every smoldering building and shattered piece of military hardware was a testament to the power, the fury of nature.
Or at least to the power and fury of Gargantulon.
The enormous centipede curled around the last standing skyscraper, as if saving it for later. Gargantulon paid no attention to its handiwork-- destruction was in its nature, its purpose. Instead, the radioactive beast turned its multi-eyed gaze across the mayhem it had wrought, and spoke.
“Hello, Rainbow Dash.”
Gargantulon spoke with a deep, smooth voice-- which both made sense for such a huge creature. Rainbow Dash blinked, then looked over her shoulder, as if to make sure Gargantulon hadn't been talking to someone behind her. As Rainbow Dash looked around, she realized she was on eye-level with the monster. She glanced down and saw her bare toes curling against cracked asphalt and flattened cars. Was the city tiny, or had she somehow grown?
It didn't matter.
Rainbow Dash crossed city blocks in a handful of steps,her wispy silken nightgown shimmering close against her skin. Faintly, Rainbow recalled the fact that she didn't actually own anything so frilly, but also that she could probably get one from Rarity if she asked. (Not that she had any reason to ask).
Rainbow stopped in front of the giant centipede, and Gargantulon swung its head down to look Rainbow in the eye.
“I am glad you are here.”
“Me too? I think?”
“When I died, I thought I would be forgotten-- but you remembered. You would not let me slide into oblivion. You alone remembered. You alone cried. You alone were the one who would bring me back from death itself. And I am glad you did, as there is something I now must tell you.”
“Uh. What's that?”
“I love you, Rainbow Dash.”
Gargantulon slithered around the skyscraper, leaning in close enough to Rainbow Dash so she could feel warm, faintly radioactive breath wash over her cheek. Trembling, unable to move, Rainbow Dash could only look upwards as Gargantulon opened its mandibles and--
“Rainbow?”
“Guuagh!” Rainbow Dash jerked awake. She flailed with all four limbs, tangled as she was in the blankets and errant clothing covering her bed. Rainbow panted for breath, then wiped a thin sheen of sweat from her forehead.
“Are you okay?” Fluttershy clasped her hands together and leaned forward, eyes wide in concern.
“Fine! Totally fine! I totally wasn't having weird dreams or anything, honest.” Rainbow Dash took in a deep breath, then turned to look at Fluttershy once more. “And, uh. Why are you in my house?”
“Oh! I'm sorry!” Fluttershy recoiled back, tilting her head down to hide behind her pink tresses. “Your mom let me in, and, um. I just wanted to make sure you didn't miss the big movie premiere--”
“Oh crap, that's today? ” Rainbow Dash flung herself out of bed, forcing Fluttershy to dodge out of the way for the second time. Strange dream fatigue forgotten, Rainbow Dash streaked (metaphorically and literally) around her bedroom, trailing dirty laundry as she did so. “I can't believe I forgot!”
“It's okay.” Fluttershy murmured, keeping her eyes averted from anything scandalous (for the most part). “I mean, I didn't think Pinkie could get a whole film festival put together so quickly, but I guess there are a lot of aspiring filmmakers in our school, right?”
“Well, just wait 'til they see our movie, and it's gonna give 'em a kick right in the aspiring, right?”
“If you say so?”
“How much time we got before the show?'
“It starts in about half an hour?”
“Got it. You wait here, Fluttershy, and I'm gonna grab a cold-- I mean a quick shower.”
Rainbow Dash showered and dressed in a matter of minutes, and then it was a short walk over to Canterlot High. Most Saturdays, the school was quiet and empty, save for the occasional team practice-- but today, it was something else entirely. The marquee at the front of the parking lot proudly announced the event:
FIRST ANNUAL CANTERLOT HIGH STUDENT FILM FESTIVAL
Pinkie Pie had turned the campus into a fair approximation of a movie premiere, down to the spotlights, the red carpet, and the photographers. Or, well, photographer, as Photo Finish rushed about, taking pictures for the yearbook as the inspiration struck her. A thoroughly stocked snack bar was there to dispense sugar and butter-based treats to the crowd, though for far less than a real theater's extortionary prices.
Fluttershy's rickety minivan was a far cry from the limousines favored by real movie stars, but it still got the job done. Rainbow Dash piled out of the side door, struck a quick pose for Photo Finish, and soon picked out Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle amongst the growing crowd.
“There you are!” Sunset Shimmer waved Rainbow Dash over. “We were afraid you wouldn't make it.”
“Pssh, like I'd miss this! Look at all these people! And they're all here to see our movie! Isn't that cool?”
“Theoretically?” Twilight looked up from the tablet computer which she clutched like a life preserver. “I mean, they could be here for any number of the other student films.” Twilight's glasses slid a fraction of an inch down her nose when she looked down to start scrolling through the schedule. “Micro Chips and Sandalwood did a nature documentary, Vinyl Scratch put together an experimental 16-bit techno-rock-opera-- her description, not mine –and my friends from Crystal Prep even filmed something they've titled Sadistic Machinations, which ... is kind of intimidating but Lemon Zest promised me it wasn't pornographic so I guess it's gonna be okay? Even though that seems like a really weird disclaimer now that I think about it. And that's just the films that people have been talking about-- there's a couple more on the schedule that are bound to be sleeper hits and--”
Twilight looked down at her tablet, and then up at a clock mounted on the wall. “-- they're about to start right now .” Her words came faster, higher pitched as the terrible epiphany hit her. “Sorry, got to get the projector warmed up!” she called out over her shoulder.
“I was wondering when she'd freak out.” Sunset Shimmer said with a bemused shrug. “Look, Rainbow-- I'm gonna make sure Twilight doesn't have a heart attack. See you after the movie?”
“Of course!” Rainbow Dash beamed, and strutted into the auditorium, already envisioning the applause and flowers and fancy gold-dude statues that would be showered on her upon the premiere of the newest (and also raddest) Gargantulon movie.
This was going to be awesome .
SOME HOURS LATER ...
The house lights rose.
The audience cheered.
Rainbow Dash smiled.
She had to.
After all, everyone else was doing the same. All and all, the film festival had been a success-- at least, it was to judge by the reaction of the crowd. On her way out of the auditorium, Rainbow Dash was greeted with smiles. Congratulations. Pats on the back. Fist-pounds. Everyone loved her movie.
It made them laugh.
At Gargantulon.
At her .
But ... that was something, right? She'd made them happy, if for a little bit. And that was the important part, wasn't it?
As the film festival wound down, Rainbow Dash slipped away from the crowds and the cleanup crews, taking refuge in the most comforting place she could think of: Canterlot High's soccer field. She sat down on the first row of the aluminum bleachers, and looked out on the empty field, lit only by the overflow of the spotlights from the main school building.
Rainbow remembered the countless times she'd run across the grass in front of her, the countless cheers and chants her friends and classmates had made-- and in retrospect, they sounded ... forced. Hollow.
“So ... Androidica was built from what was left of Androidicus, right? From Gargantulon Battles Robopsycho?” Someone said behind her. “That's a pretty deep cut right there.”
“Huh-- wha?” Rainbow Dash blinked, turning to look at the one girl who'd found her. It took her a moment to recognize the greenish pigtails and glasses, until her memory finally kicked into gear.“Juniper Montage? What are you doing here?”
“Looking for the director of the best Gargantulon movie in years. Which, uh, is the only Gargantulon movie in years, but that's beside the point.”
“Wait, hold on-- you like old monster movies?”
“Well, yeah? I mean, I like all genres of film, but the Gargantulon movies are just ... fun. That, and they've got a surprisingly relevant anti-capitalist message, what with Gargantulon's unstoppable hunger serving as a handy metaphor for the Japanese economy of the late sixties and early seventies.”
“You sound like my friend Twilight. All, like, brainy and stuff. You must really like Gargantulon movies.”
“Not as much as you do.” Juniper Montage sat down on the bleacher beside Rainbow Dash. “I'm not the one who made a fan sequel to a dead franchise most people have never heard about.”
“Lucky you.” Rainbow Dash sighed. “People think my movie's a joke.”
“You did the best you could, about a franchise you love. It's just that ... most people don't like the Gargantulon movies as much as you or I do. Heck, most people haven't even heard about Gargantulon. All they see is people in weird costumes slapping each other around, and ... well, they laugh.”
“But the people in weird costumes slapping each other around is the best part! It's not supposed to be funny, it's supposed to be awesome .”
Juniper Montage stared out across the empty, dark field. “Can I tell you a secret, Rainbow Dash?”
“Okay, sure, but it better not be about who you've got a crush on because I really don't know you well enough to go that deep.”
“That's ... oddly specific.”
“Look, I'm just keeping my bases covered, alright? I've seen enough movies to know that people start talking about feelings out on empty sports fields when it's all dark and stuff. Either that or they get murdered by mutant zombies in hockey masks. But that's usually at a summer camp.”
“Don't worry, you're safe.” Juniper Montage shook her head. “Look, it's like this. Your first movie was terrible--”
“Hey!”
“--because everyone's first movie is terrible. Like, you know my uncle, right? Currently helming the Daring Do franchise? I've seen his student thesis film. It's awful . Something about a talking hat helping a janitor reconnect with the world after he broke up with a ballet dancer.”
“Hold on.” Rainbow Dash blinked, confused. “The janitor broke up with the dancer, or the hat?”
“I can't remember. It wasn't very clear. Which is only one of the reasons that movie was bad.”
“How's that supposed to make me feel better?”
“Look at it this way. You've already gotten your terrible movie out of the way, and you're still a teenager. And heck, even then, what you and your friends managed to do with literally no budget is still pretty impressive. I bet if you wanted to, if you really studied, really practiced, really applied yourself, you could make a great movie.”
“About Gargantulon?”
“I'm ... not sure about that part.”
“Then what's the point?”
“There ... isn't one, I guess?” Juniper Montage shrugged. “But that's what makes it art. Art doesn't have to have a point.”
“Now you sound like my friend Rarity.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“So long as you don't try to give me a makeover, no.”
“Alright then.” Juniper Montage pushed her glasses further up her nose. “But still. I know it stings to have a movie flop ... but yours didn't even flop, y'know? People just ... interpreted it differently than you intended.”
“They interpreted wrong!” Rainbow Dash snapped, voice cracking even moreso than usual.
“Maybe they did. But there's nothing you can do about that now. Like ... once a piece of art's out there, it's just ... out there. For better or worse.”
“That's awful.”
“That's art.”
“Uuuugh.” Rainbow Dash rubbed at her face with both hands. “Then why even bother?”
“That's a good question.” Juniper Montage leaned back against the aluminum bleachers, sneaker-clad feet stretched out onto the grass. “Why did you bother?”
“I ... I dunno? Like ... somebody had to make a new Gargantulon movie, right? It wasn't like anyone else was going to do it.”
“And you had fun, right?”
“Well, yeah. I got to dress up in a giant centipede costume and break stuff.”
“So there you go. You made your movie for you. It's not like you got paid for it. Or even that anyone paid to watch it. It's just ... there, y'know? And in all likelihood, everyone's going to forget about your fan-film in a month anyway.”
“That's depressing.”
“That's art.”
“You keep on saying that.”
“It keeps on being true.” Juniper Montage took her glasses off and idly cleaned them on the hem of her t-shirt. “But ... even if most everybody did laugh at your movie, I just wanted you to know that at least one person knew where you were coming from when you made it.”
“Really? Who?”
Juniper put her glasses back on and stared at Rainbow, deadpan.
“Oh.” Rainbow Dash said. “Right.”
SOME MINUTES LATER ...
By the time Rainbow and Juniper made it back to the auditorium, cleanup efforts (as directed by a spreadsheet wielding Twilight) were well underway. A handful of students hung around in little clumps, waiting for rides, or just loitering around in an effort to prolong their evening's entertainment for a little while longer.
Juniper and Rainbow passed by the unmistakeable trio of Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo. The three of them clustered together on a bench, hunched over the glowing rectangle of Sweetie Belle's phone, so distracted that they didn't even notice the older girls walking by behind them.
“Hey lookit!” Scootaloo pointed. “Streamflix has got, like, a dozen of those Gargantulor movies. Cool!”
“You're just saying it's cool 'cause Rainbow Dash thinks it's cool.” Sweetie Belle said, skeptical.
“It's cool on its own, but the Rainbow Dash thing just makes it cooler!”
“Would y'all two stop fightin' and just hit play already? I wanna see what all this hubbub 'bout some monster movie's about. Still gonna be awhile 'til my sister's done cleanin' up, 'n she won't let us help out 'cause a last time.”
“That fire so wasn't my fault.” Sweetie Belle huffed.
“So pick a movie already!” Scootaloo tried climbing over her friend to poke at the screen.
“Fine, fine, we'll watch a weirdo monster movie this time! But which one?”
“How 'bout the first one?” Apple Bloom said. “Makes sense to start from the beginning, right?”
Decision reached, the shrill screech of Gargantulon soon echoed from Sweetie Belle's phone, followed by the bombastic horns of the Gargantulon theme song.
The three young girls went silent.
Juniper Montage raised an eyebrow.
Rainbow Dash smiled.
