Author's Note

Wow... Where do I even begin? Maybe with an apology for taking so long that people who read the first chapter probably barely remember it? But reguardless, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed the crap that I've written. Another apology for taking so long and being out of commission for so long, life hasn't been easy nor kind and I've been focusing on trying to be happy and writing sometimes felt like a burden rather than a pleasure. But I'm hoping to write more and do more this year, but that will come in a blog I'll post in a few days. Thanks so much for taking the time to read! Next chapter will be a lot more feel-y and focused more on non-smut stuff. Then, we're going to pound town!~

Exploring One's Self

Warm. His bed was warm.

Though, not because there was another snuggled up behind him, in front, or even on top of him. No, the warmth came from the temperature of the room, along with the silky smooth blanket wrapped tightly around the yellow pegasus resting in said bed. Groaning as a dull headache throbbed his entire form, mouth tasting of shame, wine, and oddly a hint of peppermint. The pony stirred and became aware of the world around him once more, silently wishing he could just slip back into the realm of unconsciousness. But it was far too late to consider going back to sleep, birds chirped outside the window as the stagnant air in the room held a pungent smell of a stallion who had been cooped up for far too long. Blinking slowly, strands of pink mane blocking the eyes beneath from seeing out to the world. Sitting up with his eyes still closed, the tired pegasus rubbed tired and aching orbs with hooves much unsteady. Sniffing as his other senses finally started working once more, a small hint of something strong, something… Male, filled his short snout, and his sniffer quickly went on the search for the source.

Bed? It's there, but not it… Blanket? Smells just like me, like the spray from a waterfall with a hint of pine trees. A few more sniffs and snuffles, and the source seemed to be coming from himself? Needing answers, Butter’s face trailed down over chest and stomach before his nose met something wet and twitching. A shiver of pleasure running up his body as his half asleep mind became puzzled; but nevertheless, wanted more. Though neck strained and back bent, his body quickly found the limits of its flexibility as that same spongy object pressed against his lips. A soft whine stemmed from his throat that sounded much like a puppy whining for attention. The pink maned pony slowly opened his eyes, finally starting to awaken from the cobwebs of sleep. Yawning as the taste in the air filled his lungs and started a fire inside his belly . The blurry and moving object before his snout caught his eyes in a hypnotic trance. The deep cyan orbs following every twitch, slowly becoming more and more focused on the throbbing length that stood before him. A salty taste coated dry lips, which was quickly cleaned by a snaking tongue, absentmindedly lapping up to his nose that seemed to be filled with a familiar musk.

A deep groan as realization smacked the half asleep pegasus hard, head turning away from the one thing he had been trying to ignore for days now. That thing was… Well, it was his own dick. The pink tipped spire was achingly hard and ready for action, almost demanding it silently as steady dribbles of precum seeped form the tip and ran down the sides of the wrinkled yellow skin. It was burning for attention just like it had been every morning since Butterscotch had finally indulged in…

The Gloryhole.

Even the mere thought of what he had done in there made his little stallion rear in delight, spurting it's clear juice across the now soiled bed sheets. “Please go away.” Asking as nicely as he could, though the towering pillar never listened, only continuing its bobbing to the heartbeat that filled Butterscotch's head. Warm and sticky, chest fur matted together as more of the sweet liquid seeped from the tiny hole as it only seemed to taunt the obviously horny stallion. The orbs below ached almost painfully, tense and ready to unload their contents wherever Butterscotch pleased. But he didn't want to. Not here, not now. He only wanted the shame and guilt to go away, taking his new found sexual desires with it. But the throbbing penis between yellow thighs only made him feel more and more guilty about what he did and how he was a bad pony for doing it.

After that night, the shy pegasus barely went outside in public, lest one of those stallions recognized his muzzle, coat, or even the soft and tender voice that would surely come out when he spoke. They had to have seen him, they had to have recognized him, right? He was too forward, he spoke, he showed his mouth to that second stallion… The kiss. Shaking those thoughts from a mind caught up in a whirlwind of lust and anxiety, his attention turned back to the aching member before him. Another thing he gave up after that night was masturbating. Now, he would consider his sex drive to be ‘normal’, or at least as normal as it could be. But ever since he swore off touching himself, his little piper kept sprouting almost every hour, begging for attention. His mind filled with thoughts and fantasies that never seemed to leave, ideas of where to stick things pooled in his brain. It was maddening. And now here he was, whining and pouting, glaring at the throbbing dick that demanded to be pleased.

“I-If I do this for you, will you go away?” Cyan eyes stared into the eye of his member, as if one was looking at another pony. A spurt of pre that pooled with the rest seemed to be his answer. A defeated sigh before the little pegasus curled up in a small circle and held his cock between still waking forehooves. Slowly stroking the slickened length, Butterscotch resisted the urge to shiver, only giving the fat tip a squeeze. If there was one thing he liked about his own dick, it was the amount of fluid it liked to produce. Helping hooves, wings, and the occasional bed, keep moist and preventing any harm from happening to his sensitive member. The warm spurts touched the sheets, his chest, and even spots on his own chin and lips. A soft groan of pleasure filled the otherwise quiet room when he finally reached the thick ring and started back up.

A soft wing took over, feathers gliding up and down, getting more wet and sticky by the moment as he expertly teased and pleasured himself. Hooves reached down to grab his own thighs, pulling hips even closer. The tip jumped as another spurt touched the whining pegasus' neck, lips parting to pant in pleasure. Toying with the delicate orbs below the pink and yellow shaft, Butter could feel them starting to churn, desperate to lose its load quickly and inside of something. And it was only when his own breath tickled the flaring tip that an idea crossed his mind. A dirty idea. An idea so naughty yet exhilarating that he almost came right then and there at just the mere thought of it.

Could I cum inside my own mouth?

With not a second to waste, the looming orgasm was not to be denied this morning by thinking and not doing. Thrusting his hips towards his own face and with his maw wide open, uncomfortably but oh so naughtily, the gentle stallion that loved animals a little too much, buried the first two inches of his stallionhood inside. His jaw stretched painfully, the weird angle not helping in any way as his teeth scraped against the sensitive flesh and his tongue quickly moved in to try and lick the burning spots. But the moment that tongue touched the flat tip of his dick, everything went white. Vision blurring as if the flash of a camera kept going off right in front of his face. Body tingling as if millions of little electric ants had bitten his hide as hips tried their best to thrust despite the weird angle.

Though all of that was pushed aside when inside his own small mouth, his cock swelled for the last time and the blissful tingles of a long overdue orgasm overtook. It was way too much, the first rope shot up to the roof of his mouth and splattered toward the back of it. The second followed even before the first one had rested, going much in the same place as it awaited the rest. Third, fourth, fifth, all of them large and mind blowing, but the tiny space in his mouth filled and threatened to suffocate the poor pegasus. So, he swallowed. His own jizz was quite thick today, tangy while only being slightly bitter on his taste buds as it cascaded down his throat and into the waiting stomach below.

It was like a knot in his stomach was finally untangled, as if he finally stepped back from the edge of a dark hole and just flew. With a hefty weight of his shoulders, Butterscotch finally relaxed and gave into the pits of pleasure, melting away from reality as the only thing that mattered to him right now was caught tenderly between his lips. Tail swishing in happiness, only further tangling up the sheets that desperately needed a wash at this point as they were well coated in pre and sweat. Butterscotch greedily gulped down his own sticky gift, hiding it from the world as if it were a secret. And to him? It was. This was his penis, and his cum that filled the small muzzle wrapped around it. What seemed like hours, but probably only lasted a few seconds at best, the pony relaxed and his flare popped from his mouth with an abrupt pop!

“Owwww….” Tenderly holding the edge of the ridge that got caught on his bottom teeth, Butterscotch panted, swallowing any remains of the dirty deed that lingered in his mouth.. I can't believe I just did that… Sweet Faust above that felt so, so… Naughty~ Face flushed red in shame, he opted to lay there and just bask in the sweet euphoric feeling of a long overdue orgasm. But he knew he lacked the luxury to just lay there in bed all day, as more than a few animals depended on him getting up. “A quick shower to wash away my um… M-My, fluid. And I’ll be ready to start the day.” Sitting up with a new found vigor, his hoof landed in a cold pool of thick fluid. Wincing, quickly pulling said hoof from the soiled sheets, knowing that a load of laundry would need to be put on before anything else.

Shakily climbing out of the warm but also wet confines of his bed, Butterscotch stripped the linens before carrying them out the door and into the bathroom. Being thankful for wings to help hold the soiled sheets, it was easy to open the large door on the machine before stuffing them inside with a little bit of detergent. A quick press of a few buttons and the washer spurred to life, filling with hot and steamy water before the door shut with a small noise. The yellow pegasus sighed, feeling almost as if a weight was lifted up off his shoulders from doing dirty laundry that hadn’t been done for a week at best. As if he himself was washing any sins off his own body, but the sticky feeling that quickly started to harden in his chest fluff, made him know that he still needed to literally wash himself.

Raising a hoof up to brush some of the bangs from his eyes, Butterscotch glanced outside for a brief moment to see the morning sun starting to peek up above the forest, painting the dew covered grass with a subtle orange glow. The little dew drops reflecting the light, appearing as if millions of little flashes littered the lawn outside. Twinkling as a light breeze danced across the landscape, the blades bowed and moved to nature's beat, one that Butterscotch felt deep inside him. It was a brand new day and he needed to get out there and seize his life with his own hooves.

A deep breath, nostrils flaring as a smile worked its way across the stallion's slender muzzle. “Today is going to be a good day, I just know it.” Feeling energized and motivated to get out of the house, a wing pulled back the shower curtain and turned on the faucet to a nice mild temperature. I hope my animal friends aren’t too mad at me for neglecting them lately, I’m sure they’ll understand if I just tell them I wasn’t feeling good. With the shower on and warmed up, Butterscotch slipped in quickly and sighed as his mane, neck, wings and then the rest of his body quickly got drenched in the clear liquid. The matted clumps of fuzz on his chest quickly dissipating back to a normal, untangled mess. Wings spread slightly, letting the water work it’s way across and through the feathers to get most of the mess out of them before his muzzle went to work. Tongue, lips and teeth gently preened the large yellow apengage. Making sure every nook and cranny was clean of anything foreign, any broken or damaged feathers were removed to make way for new ones to grow back in their spots. Though they were quite soiled from his... Earlier activities; it didn’t take very long for his wings to both be cleaned and straight, mostly because he was very diligent with proper wing care. Once done and the few feathers that were removed were placed to the side for proper disposal later, Butterscotch picked up a small bottle and poured some of the contents across both wing tops, letting only a bit of water work the tan gel between the feathers for an extra healthy shine and better protection.

Next on the list was his mane and tail, thankfully both were already soaked and ready. With strands of mane sticking to his head, and down his face, Scotch grabbed one of the mane shampoos, before working it all the way through both his admittedly quite long mane and tail. A quiet groan of satisfaction left the stallion's lips to echo slightly off the tiled walls while his own hooves rubbed and massaged down to his scalp. Though not wanting to waste any more time; and after promising himself another bath later on, his mouth easily found his scrub brush and after some body wash was worked into it, he started to scrub. The bristles worked any dirt, sweat and anything unwanted from his normal pristine pale yellow coat. Though with the reach of the scrub brush no place was left unwashed, he made sure to be gentle on his more private areas, before he finally rinsed completely off. Making sure no soap suds were left on his entire body, Butterscotch turned off the tap and let out a happy sigh.

“There, that should be more than enough. Wow, I feel so refreshed~” Speaking softly to himself along with a quiet squee as hooves stepped over the edge of the tub and onto a small mat that soaked up the beads of water that dripped off his soaked form. Snatching a clean towel from the linen closet and wrapping it around his head to quickly dry off his mane, the pegasus glanced in the mirror. Sparkling eyes stared back at him, an accurate reflection of his own pure orbs of cyan. If there was one thing he really liked about himself was his eyes, the way they shined in the light, how ponies always complimented on them, even if he was a little shy about that, it made him feel good. It made him feel attractive, and he wondered how those stallions would’ve thought if they seen them while he was su-

Cheeks flared before he shook his head, kicking those dirty thoughts from his mind in an instant. “Focus Butters, you have little animals who need their caretaker. You can’t let that distract you.” A deep breath, chest puffing out slightly in pride before the pegasus continued to dry off any trace of wetness from his slender frame. Tossing the soiled cloth into the small hamper beside the washing machine, and after putting his brush through a slightly tangled mane a few times, Butterscotch left the bathroom and happily headed downstairs to start the day proper.

Stopping halfway down the stairs, hooves just barely visible to anypony or anycreature that might be peeking up from the living room, the yellow pegasus took a deep breath and continued confidently down the rest of the wooden steps. A few chirps from the birds, a couple of chitters from some squirrels greeted the shy pony. They knew something was up with their caretaker, but yet none of them felt the need to ask as the smile upon his muzzle told the whole story. Whatever had happened, whatever might have been said to him was clearly in the past now. Not a single burden seemed to weigh down Butter’s shoulders, no strain on his mind, nor a wrench thrown in the gears of his heart.

“Good morning everyone, I’m sorry I’ve been so secluded the past couple of days.” Giving a weak smile, Butterscotch did feel bad but knew they would all understand. “Anyways, let’s skip the whole apology story, and get right onto breakfast, hmm?” With a chorus of cheering from the various critters of all different shapes and sizes, and even a mighty roar from Harry the Bear, who quickly joined the stallion on the trip to the kitchen to help out with preparations for all the hungry bellies.

Humming a quiet tune while almost dancing around to the various cupboards and closets, and once or twice to the refrigerator to gather all the necessary items for all the animals. “Alright, we have a veggie salad for the bunnies, dry pellets for the ducks outside…” Muttering silently as eyes and hoof pointed to the rest of the meals, making sure everything wa- “Oh! I almost forgot! How stupid of me to forget you, Harry.” Cheeks flushing a bit red in embarrassment as shy eyes glanced to the large brown bear in the room, Butterscotch quickly darted back to the fridge on quick hooves. Opening the door, nose scrunching from the cold air that blasted him right in the face before a hoof slipped inside and found it’s prize. Pulling out a thankfully thawed salmon for the hungry bear, Butterscotch held his breath before stepping back and offering it to the large creature.

Beady orbs eyed the silvery-pink fish, mouth quickly watering before his tongue slipped out to lick at quivering lips that wanted nothing more than to snatch it right out of Butterscotch's hooves. But he knew being grabby wouldn't get him anywhere, so with an outstretched claw, the bear gently took the fish with a small growl of thanks before shoving it greedily into his teeth filled maw.

Giggling light heartedly while walking on three hooves over to the sink to wash off any scales that might have stuck to them, Butterscotch smiled brighter than he had in many months. A quick rinse with some peach scented soap, the pegasus turned around and; with the help of Harry, placed all of the dishes down for the hungry animals that quickly dug in. “Oh my, I guess I've been neglecting to feed you all for the past few days. I promise to not let that ever happen again!” Just then, a small thumping noise came up from behind, a squeak and then tiny paws grabbed onto Butterscotch’s right wing, tugging rapidly.

Tensing for a brief moment, the sudden touch almost made the shy pegasus shriek out, but the small squeaks and ranting from a certain little bunny made him relax. “Oh, Angel! I-I know about that but…. Mmm hmm? Mmm. W-Well yes, but…. H-Hey! That’s uncalled for!” Both bunny and pony went back and forth for a short while, the small hangry hare and the backpedaling pegasus getting deeper into an argument before Butterscotch squeezed his eyes shut and took a sharp breath and let out a moderately loud shout. “Angel! Enough is enough!” The rabbit was speechless, blinking while his long ears splayed down at the very sudden; and quite loud for Butterscotch, noise. “Yes, I’m VERY sorry that I haven’t been myself lately, but that’s no excuse for you to use those kinds of words with me!” Hoof stomping down quite loudly for the normally quiet stallion, Butterscotch snatched the small white rabbit by the scruff of his neck and plopped him down upon the floor. “Now, say that you’re sorry, and I’ll give you breakfast. If not, then you can find your own food for today.”

Muttering angrily and tending to a flattened tail, Angel stood up on his hindpaws while tenderly rubbing his tiny rump. Black eyes met surprisingly sharp ocean blue ones, eyebrows narrowed and the stare off started. But the yellow pegasus was full of vigor and had a rushing sense of assurance that seemed to flow throughout his entire form, today he was strong. Today, he was not going to back down. With a huff of air through his nostrils, Butterscotch readjusted his stance and stood taller, not once breaking eye contact with the small rabbit.

It was a very abrupt change from the normally meek and weak-willed stallion that normally encompassed the epitome of submissiveness. Instead with a mighty stance and a strong will, the pegasus stood above the small rabbit that searched for even the smallest cracks in his fortitude. It soon became apparent that there weren't any weak spots to prod at, no holes in Butterscotch’s stare, and most certainly Angel was slowly dreadfully realizing that there was going to be no pushing this stallion over anymore. Though giving off a defeated sigh and a hasty apology with an added scuff of a hindleg on the wooden floor, Angel was proud. Proud that his owner finally managed to stand up to him, although bummed that he would actually have to ‘be nice’ now to get anything.

“That’s better.” Smiling happily and with a little wiggle of his flanks, Butter trotted into the kitchen to retrieve the final bowl from the countertop. Using his slender muzzle to expertly balance the bowl on top of it and turning in place to head back into the living room where Angel awaited with actual patience. A quick move down, the hoof made salad just the way he liked it, slipped from the tip of Butterscotch’s muzzle and slid across the floor right in front of the awaiting rabbit. “There you go, Angel. I really hope you enjoy it.” Moving to give his little white head a tender nuzzle, Butterscotch pulled back when small paws embarrassingly tried to push the pestering nose of his owner away. A blush standing out very obviously from his white coat, Angel muttered another thanks before finally indulging himself in the meal prepared just for him.

Happy now that all of his animal friends were fed and taken care of for now, Butterscotch relaxed and reveled in the feelings that welled up inside him. Heart beating hard and the wind seemingly just out of reach, it was an exhilarating feeling to be in charge of himself for a change. Glancing at the tall grandfather clock that stood in the corner of the room, his reflection looked back at him. It was like night and day from what he had been seeing the past week. There were no more sluggish shoulders, no more drooping in his neck or wings, the bags under his eyes were gone and the bright cyan eyes that stared back at him looked like they were filled with ocean water, shimmering and shining with life. Much unlike the dull orbs that had vacantly stared back before.

Another smile that actually showed his white teeth behind upturned pink lips preceded a small giggle to himself as his eyes wandered around the room before coming to rest on the calendar next to the door. “Oh, it looks like I haven’t been keeping up to date with this, have I? I guess I should cross off the days that have already come and passed. I don’t want to miss anything important.” With a small nod, Butterscotch crossed the room while making sure to dodge everything and anything that might be scurrying across the floor or flying through the air as most animals had finished their breakfast and seen no other need to stay any longer. “Oh, e-excuse me! Pardon~ Don’t mind me, just passing through!~” With a twist the pegasus made it to the otherside unsatched; as well as every creature, and took the red marker that hung from the wall in his mouth.

Alright, now…. What day is it? I planned the… U-Uhhh, that was Thursday. And that means today is… Looking at the empty boxes as they were crossed out with a red X one by one before something caught his eye. Reading it once, then twice, before reading it quickly about seven more times as his jaw dropped and dread filled his heart. “Oh no… Oh no. OH NO!” Panic soon shot up from hooves to ear tips, said hooves quickly bolting to the door and throwing it open. “I’m late! I’m so very late!” Though once the fresh air rushed in while the grass outside blew in the breeze, Butterscotch froze again. What if one of those stallions recognized him? What if somepony knows? W-What if EVERYPONY knows?!?! Considering turning tail and running back inside to hide under his bed, Butterscotch felt torn as he knew a promise hung in the balance. He had made a promise, so unless he wanted Pinkie Pie to rip him up a new crying hole, he didn’t have much of a choice.

He had a lunch date with Rarity at Cafe Hay. Out in public. In the middle of the day. It was the middle of summer, so surely ponies would be out and about all over the place. A whirling feeling of anxiety filled his gut, wings spreading only to cover his eyes as he cursed silently.

“Oh--- Ponyfeathers….”