Laws of Celestial Motion

by Liquid Truth

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Random, Princess Celestia
Length: 1035

Kepler meets the Princess of Nonsensical Planetary Motion. Said princess is highly amused.

There are many things Kepler was known for: mathematician, astronomer, and a great man. Calm, however, was not one of them. Especially when his life's work decided to do a barrel roll.

There are many things Celestia was known for: calm, regal, and caring. Also, for the few close to her, mischievous. Kepler was not one of them.

Any kind of criticism sophisticated, highly intellectual insults are welcome.

Published 2018-12-09 10:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-12-09 10:30:01 UTC

All Suns Move About The Planet

Beautiful.

I couldn't describe what I'd just seen by any other word. A sky so blue and clear, clouds so white and puffy, and rainbows so bright and vibrant I didn't think the ones back home are any match, even those made by Newton.

I'd spent the day simply adoring this world. Colorful sapient creatures, colorful nonsapient creatures, colorful sapient non-creatures, all the new. And, most fascinating of all, an entirely new field of force: Magic. Although, Einstein prefers to call it the Arcanic Field.

I knew he wasn't the creative type. But, really?

The two ponies who had claimed themselves to be the rulers of the land had very generously given me the opportunity to learn many things from their world, despite us not even giving them access to ours--such a shame, I hope one day that would change. The one who called herself Princess Celestia--Newton found it amusing--even guided me personally, thus why we were sitting next to each other, enjoying the view from her personal balcony.

As exciting as the day was, I'd promised my friends back home to come back by sundown.

Ah, time. If only one could extend it at will, one would be very happy.

And I am one very happy man.

Neither had I told them which sundown I would be coming back from or that it would be ours. An extra hour wouldn't hurt, they'd be annoyed at most. I knew the others would've done the same, especially Einstein.

I smiled and looked at the sun, still a couple of hours above the horizon. I glanced at the clock in the room, indicating that the sun had already set back home. Perhaps Equestria was on the planet's equator? That would explain the delay. Or maybe they tell time differently than ours? That would be very interesting.

"Kepler, would you like to see something interesting?"

I was broken out of my wonderings as the soft and regal voice of Her Majesty called. "Why, what is it?" I said.

Princess Celestia simply kept her smile and looked at the horizon, saying, "Sunset. I believe your kind also enjoy such things?"

"Why, yes. Any creature will find such beauty to be mesmerizing." I looked at the horizon, not so different from last I saw it. "But it won't be for a couple hours, I suspect," I said.

"If I recall, you are known the most for your laws of planetary motion?" she asked.

That question took me off guard. "Why, yes." I looked at her, trying to find any clue as to why she asked that. I didn't find it.

She didn't say anything. Instead, she focused over the horizon, right where the sun was. Then, she raised her wings, lit her horn, and--

I think my eyes popped back then. It was so quick.

But... how? That wasn't possible! I'd known, I'd proofed that!

"Another difference to your world, Kepler, is that ours have the sun to move about the planet, not the other way around." She looked at me and continued, "And it is moved by Yours Truly. Each morning, each evening. My title isn't just a metaphor."

And the moon rose.

I looked to my left, where, on another balcony from the tower across, two other figures stood: Princess Luna, Princess of the Night, and my friend Galileo Galilei.

How hilarious. They did that on purpose, to mock us. They did this to scrub our face with how wrong we are. How disrespectful!

"Is something the matter?" She looked at me as if she hadn't known what she just did.

"That... that's not possible! The only difference between our worlds is the Arcanic Field; gravity still works the same! It shouldn't have done that!" I looked at her, scowling. "What trickery is this?"

She didn't flinch one bit. That bastard.

"It's not a trick. It's simply how it works here."

Oh, now she's mocking me!

"Why, who dares! Release me at once!" I didn't notice when someone had taken hold of me, or when I pounced. Either way, something's calling my name and weren't listening to how angry I was. Anyone with a decent mind should have known not to mess with Kepler!

"Calm down, calm down!" A voice called. It sounded familiar, somehow.

And that's when I noticed I wasn't being held by only one. A quick glance confirms my suspicion, as two worried faces of Newton and Galileo looked at me.

I finally stopped struggling and released myself from their grip. Looking around, I noticed that two other princesses were present: Princess Luna and Twilight. Looking back at that thrice-damned Celestia, I saw her looking at me with all the dignity she had shown before.

Not a single strand of hair told me she was fazed by it all. Damned masked hypocrites. Always thinking how good they are by their ability to manipulate others. Yes, Machiavelli would agree.

"You did that on purpose," I said. "You want me to see my life's work crumble before my eyes!"

"Kepler!"

I turned around to see Galileo looking right back at me. "Calm down. Now, just think--"

"Calm down? Oh, I am so calm. I am so calm and not at all distressed by how she has just moved a celestial body! She didn't know what I've been through, fighting against the Pope to prove The Heliocentric Theory!"

Galileo looked at me unamusedly.

"What?"

Galileo sighed and said, "We've been through this, Kepler. This is another world; anything can happen. We just need to study it."

"And explain how the planet didn't move one bit when she moved the sun?" I looked at newton expectedly. "You! Your third law! That shouldn't be possible, right?"

Newton sighed. "I've talked about that with Twilight." He looked at the princess in question. "She told me how it is still a mystery to them, as well. No one knows how it happens or why it needs to be moved in the first place."

"But--"

"Come on, Kepler. Don't be so childish." Leo, that old fool, said.

I grumbled and jumped a few times in frustration. I screamed, ran, and smashed the wall with my head.