Celaeno loved her crew more than anything in the world. That much she knew. No prize or adventure could ever replace them. They couldn't be bought or sold. No amount of gold or gems would even come close. For as long as she could remember they had been together. She was absolutely loyal to them and nothing would ever change that, because to her they were more than just a crew. They were her brothers. They were a family, a family that unfortunately had come to never really talking to each other much, other than the little communication that was required for them to do their jobs. Celaeno could see it in their eyes, the light fading away with every passing day. It hurt, but it was their reality now.
Ever since the Storm King, things had been... well, they had not been good. That was for certain. They all felt as if their lives were not theirs anymore. They'd show up at whatever port it was that they were scheduled to go to, then they'd pick up whatever cargo it was that they were supposed to be hauling, and then maybe get yelled at by the dockmaster if they didnt load fast enough. Then they'd take off into the sky for days or weeks on end, sailing in a single direction, sometimes turning the wheel a little when there was gust of wind. Eventually, they would finally get to where they were supposed to go, and then unload their cargo, probably get yelled at again by that dockmaster as they did. Then they'd just set sail so that they could repeat the process all over again.
Life had become slow, monotonous, and boring. Everyday it was the same thing and every day seemed only more mundane than the last. It had all gotten so repetitive so fast and yet here they still were, slaves to the Storm King. There were a few times, every now and then, when they pulled into port that they were able to go off and have a drink together somewhere, but it wasn't right. Nothing about it ever felt right. There was no merriment. There were no tales of epic adventure told or laughs shared. Everything, even the drinks, had become bland and yet somehow left a bitter taste in each of their mouths.
Celaeno wasnt even sure how they were paying for those drinks. Were they slowly draining away the last of their treasures from better days on cheap cider or were they somehow finding a way to cram it into into their already slim budget? If the latter was the case, what supplies were they choosing to do without?
That was another thing about the whole situation that she hated. The Storm King barely paid them anything. It could hardly even be considered pay. It was much more of an allowance. At the end of every pay cycle, all they had enough for was supplies for the ship, and that was only if they pooled their funds. Every last gold piece they made went straight back to the Storm King in exchange for the most basic of necessities. Food without flavor. Watered down medicine. Clothes that wore out too quickly. It wasn't just hard. It was degrading. It was unfair. Celaeno jealously guarded whatever little pride she had left, but it wasnt much, and everyday she felt it slip just a little more.
Sure, they had a few valuable gem stashes tucked away in the cargo hold where the dock workers or Storm King soldiers wouldn't find them, but neither Celaeno or any of the other crewmates could ever bring themselves to sell them. They were valuable to them beyond just what they could be traded for in gold. They had worked hard for and earned those gems. They reminded them of who they were, or at least who they used to be. Sometimes they wouldn't have enough gold to restock their supplies and they would be forced to give up a few of these treasures. Somehow, seeing those objects go hurt more than any other loss.
They told themselves that it was in the name of survival, that if they wanted to make it to the next day then sacrifices had to be made. What was the point of making it to the next day though? Sure, they were surviving, but they weren't living. Was any of this worth it anymore? Those questions came up in Celaeno's mind constantly, but with how much territory the Storm King had taken over, it's not like they had anywhere to go. Not anywhere where they could be themselves at least.
Celaeno sighed an exhausted sigh as she stared down into her bowl. Pudding. Bird seed pudding... again. She was now sitting at the table, eating lunch with the crew in total silence. She would've done just about anything to have some fresh fruit just once. She heard her stomach growl suddenly. Gosh, she was so hungry. The Storm King only allowed for one break to eat during the day, but given their budget, one meal a day was all that they could afford. And so, Celaeno never complained. She kept her mouth shut, only ever opening it when she brought a spoon full of the bland food to her beak.
She took a few small bites, none of them even being large enough to fill her spoon. She was so hungry and yet somehow she just didnt feel like eating. She had to though. They couldn't waste anything. "Stop being a baby and just eat it," she told herself.
She struggled for a moment, her arms seeming to grow heavy as she tried to force herself to eat. Still, her own limbs defied her. She balled her talons up, gripping her spoon so hard that they shook, before finally setting them on the table. She stared down in silent contemplation. She couldn't do it. She just couldn't do it.
On most days Celaeno just told herself to suck it up, and she did. She sucked it up and went about business as usual. Some days though... Some days were hard. Today had been one of those days. They had arrived in port to pick up their shipment on time, just as they always did. Half way through loading it though, they began to notice that the numbers weren't adding up. It turns out there had been an error with the shipping manifest and when she had taken it to the dockmaster, he acted like it was her fault.
"Bird brain" and "useless featherhead." Those were the two insults he had chosen to use this time around, right after accusing her of stealing. Mild in comparison to some other insults they may have been, but they still hurt, perhaps more even. Yes, she was a bird and therefore had the brain of a bird. And yes, she had feathers on her head. These insults felt more personal. They weren't just insults. They were an attack on her and her kind, her crew, her family, those she cared about most.
That big dumb lizard or fish or whatever he was supposed to be was the useless one, not her! Other than insulting her he did nothing to help fix the issue! It took her an hour and a half to figure out where the error was and how to fix it and because of it they were an hour and a half behind schedule, which meant that they were going to arrive at their destination an hour and a half late. That meant that the dockmaster there was going to give her an earful later on.
On top of that, Celaeno had nearly broken her arm after tripping over a bundle of rope that someone left out on the dock, only to get laughed at by all the dock workers. She had scuffed it up pretty bad too and it wasted no time at all swelling up. She lost a whole chunk of feathers from that particular spill and she could see it turning a dark purple. It shouldn't have been too big of a deal though. She had gotten hurt plenty of times before, but surprise! They were out of medical supplies, which meant she would just have to live with it for the next few days until they could restock.
Celaeno took a few deep breaths. She couldn't go losing her cool in the middle of lunch. Her sanity may have been slowly slipping, but she had to hang on. They would get to port, unload, and get chewed out for being late. Then she could have an hour or two to just rest. Until then, she couldn't break down.
She looked back to her food again. "Suck it up," she told herself, before reaching for a salt shaker. She gave the salt one single small shake. The cap broke off, dumping a small mountain of salt all over her pudding. In that moment, something inside her snapped like a twig that had been under strain for far too long.
She inhaled deeply as she felt rage build up in her system, her eyes going wide with anger and her pupils shrinking to the size of pinpricks. The look spread across her visage, fully engulfing in her hate for the situation she was in. With all the energy she could muster, she winded up her arm, preparing to swipe it across the table and fling the bowl against a wall. The feeling passed like a candle that had simply gone out. She just didn't have the energy. Instead, she got up from her seat and left the room with little more than a depressed sigh.
Grey. She was so tired of the color grey. Somehow, ever since she had been forced to give up who she was, it seemed as if the sky was just always grey. The long black streaks of smoke that the Storm King's ships left behind probably didn't help either. It was almost as if the weather felt exactly as she did, having been robbed of its once great beauty. Celaeno could not remember the last time she had seen a clear blue sky. Oh how she longed to see that again, if only once.
Celaeno just leaned against the railing at the back of the ship for a while, trying her best to collect her thoughts as she just stared down at the land below. "Get a grip," she told herself. "If you break down, they break down, and you can not allow that to happen." She sighed again, trying her best to hide her shaky breathing. From who, she was not sure. Perhaps she just didnt want to admit to herself that she hated her life now. It was true though. She hated hauling cargo. She hated the bland food. She hated the Storm King's merchandise and she hated the Storm King! A part of her wouldn't have minded if she just didn't wake up in the morning.
She was suddenly pulled from her thoughts by the sound of feet against wood. Turning around she found her first mate, Mullet, standing behind her next to the wheel. He was one of Celaeno's first crew members, having been there ever since the beginning. If it hadn't been for her, he would no doubt be the captain. He certainly could have just taken off to go be one if he wanted. And yet he remained here, never expressing any desire to leave despite their current situation.
Mullet joined Celaeno at the rail, two bowls in his talons. He placed one down and took a large scoop out of the other, dumping the pile of salt over the edge and letting it fall to the earth, before handing the bowl to Celaeno. "You should really eat."
Celaeno hesitated, but eventually took it, still not being able to bring herself to actually take a bite, despite her hunger. "Thank you," she said quietly.
"Are you okay, Captain?"
Celaeno had stopped calling herself that a while ago. She may have been in charge, but she was no captain. Not anymore. A captain was not a puppet. A captain was... well, a captain. A true leader and someone who inspired others. Now she was nothing. Nothing, but a slave. "I'm fine," Celaeno finally answered.
"You dont seem fine," Mullet pointed out, resting a talon on her shoulder. "You know you can talk to us about anything, right?"
"I know," Celaeno answered. "It's just that..." She sighed. "Is this the way it is now?" she asked, gesturing out towards everything. "Are we really going to be doing this for the rest of our lives?"
Mullet only looked down, seeming not so sure of the answer himself. This silence told Celaeno everything she needed to know.
"I dont know what to do anymore, Mullet. I dont want to spend the rest of my life hauling cargo and looking back knowing that the best times are behind us. I dont want the rest of the crew to have to go on suffering like this."
"We'll figure something out. We'll... fix this," Mullet said, trying to sound at least somewhat optimistic. He failed terribly.
"How can you be sure?"
Mullet had to think about it for a moment. The truth was that he really couldn't be. There was no guarantee that all of this was going to end someday. There was no promise that this was temporary. He had to face the fact that this could very well be permanent. And yet, he refused. "Because we have to," he finally answered with stubbornness in his tone. Mullet had lived on a ship his entire life and he always said that he would die on a ship, but not like this. This was not how it was all going to end. Not for him and not for his family. "I just wish I knew how."
"Me too," Celaeno responded. The Storm King had been very clear and there was no indication that he was the kind to make idle threats. She had seen the lands that he had conquered and seen the ruin and despair that he had left in his wake. They did what he said, or they faced his wrath. That was the deal.
If anything ever happened to her crew, to Squabble, Boyle, Mullet, and Lix Spittle, she didn't know what she would do. She had lost so much already and they were the last thing she had in this messed up world. If she lost them, she would break beyond fixing. Her life would be over. She couldn't bare the thought, not after having been separated from all the others.
As Celaeno thought, she had been playing with her food, stirring the spoon around slowly and simply watching the seeds mix in with the paste as she reflected. Finally, she brought it to her beak. Bland. Of course it was. She had expected no different.
Things had gone quiet between her and Mullet, neither of them knowing what words to say, but Celaeno did eventually break the silence. "I need some time to think," she muttered, "to figure some things out."
Mullet nodded. "I'll leave you with your thoughts then," he said, leaving the railing and heading back inside. He stopped suddenly when his captain called his name. He turned, looking at her curiously.
"Thank you," Celaeno said. "I'll let you know when I'm ready to talk."
Mullet offered her a faint smile. "Aye aye, Captain." And with that, he took his leave, returning to the rest of the crew.
With Mullet gone, Celaeno returned to peering through the clouds and down at the land below. She absentmindedly stirred her pudding again as she thought. She so desperately wanted things to change, but was so desperately afraid of what would happen if things went wrong. If there was one thing she knew she was going to do though, it was hold on to hope for a better future. Because with all that had happened, and all that was lost, it seemed that that's all she could do. Hope.
Author's Note
I've been wanting to write some Celaeno for a while now, but never really knew what to write, so I came up with this. I just kind of wrote it on a whim too, after laying in bed and doing my best impression of a sack of potatoes all day. Hope you enjoy.
