Chapters Author's Note
This story sticks to the canon comic with a slight divergence. Good reminder that despite some darker stories, overall what happens in the comic isn’t life or death stuff, it’s juvenile high school bullying. It helps to keep that in mind for this story.
Updated A/N:
Let Sleeping Dogs Lie
It wasn't snowing as Sunset walked to school, but it might as well have been. She hunched low against the biting wind, keeping her eyes down and wishing she'd put on a heavier scarf, something to push up against her face and hide behind. A sense of lingering pride—what little hadn't been wrung out of her already—hated looking so weak. Beaten down. But it's not as if she could have fought back, not as if she had any right.
She was just... so tired.
"Just one more day," she muttered as she came to the school entrance, straightening her back and gripping her books and Twilight's journal against her chest like a shield, before going carefully up the icy steps. After today was winter break and she could hunker down at her place and not have to go through this daily gauntlet. It might even be long enough for people to forget all about Anon-A-Miss, but doubtful. Still, she could handle it for one more day.
Or, perhaps not.
She ignored the glares and cold, darting glances, not listening to the fresh mutters. It at least wasn't as bad as her first days after her fall from grace, when people had literally seen her transform into a fiery, terrible creature. But maybe that was this felt worse: they were no longer afraid of her. And, of course, this time she cared. This time, she had lost so much more than a measly crown.
Somehow, this was far worse.
Go to hell where you belong, DEMON!
Her eyes lingered on that final word, in huge black sharpie across her locker's face. It was covered. It could have almost been mistaken for something sweet, like how friends would paper a locker for birthdays, celebrations or the holidays, but even before she could fully see it, she understood. When she was close enough to begin reading the words, she understood even more.
How do you live with yourself?
It was scratched and written onto the metal, but also with little colorful notes taped all over, covering almost every inch, in every kind of handwriting, in pen and pencil and blood-red marker, on full sheets of paper or ripped corners of lined paper.
Monster
I knew you couldn’t be trusted, written small and neat.
Her hands shook as she stared, the ambient sounds of a school growing loud and indistinct, talking and laughter and lockers slammed. She was never going to be forgiven, was she? Did truly no one believe her? She thought she had finally been making progress, making friends. Maybe she could finally prove that she could be a good friend.
Guess she was wrong.
Do us all a favor and just disappear
“Maybe she’ll finally take the hint,” someone murmured. Sunset spun around but she didn’t know who had said that. A few cold glares met her flickering eyes, like those of strangers. A shove came from behind, knocking her down and making her journal spill to the floor. The world around her grew quiet as her eyes fell on Twilight’s last words written to her.
“Sometimes all you can do is stay strong. Remember who you are. And find your family.”
Maybe that was the answer. It was right there in front of her. She hurriedly shut the journal and scooped it into her arms, struggling upright and hurrying out of that packed hall of icy looks and words, not stopping until she was alone with her back pressed against a wall, breathing hard as everything became shockingly clear.
All she had to do was disappear. She should have done a long time ago if she hadn’t been such a coward.
Morning classes passed in a blur as she spent the hours thinking through her strategy, the little details. She didn't need much, and if she timed it right then no one would notice she was gone until after the break, and then it'd be too late for anyone to find her. During the mid-morning break she took her chance, slipping away through the crowds as she snuck into the empty music room. She pulled out her journal, and idly flipped through the pages thinking of the memories of it, her last tie to Equestria. In her last class she had written a note to Twilight saying goodbye, and wrote a separate one for her friends that she had placed in the front, one corner sticking out so they’d find it. Twilight was their friend more than her; it seemed right that they should keep it.
She tried Applejack’s locker, then Rarity's, then the rest. All of them were shut tight. Rainbow’s locker gave a clatter as Sunset banged her head against it. Just her luck. She had hoped at least one would be unlocked; heck, she was pretty sure Pinkie Pie’s was empty, anyway. But they were probably more cautious with what was going on.
She began shaking the lock on one of them. “Ugh, come on, you stupid—“
“Um, Sunset?” a small voice called.
She jumped, turning to seeing three young girls huddled by the doorway: Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo. She groaned, dropping her hands. “This isn’t what it looks like,” she muttered, with a miserable glance towards the locker she had just been abusing.
“What were you doing?” Scootaloo asked, before getting elbowed by Applebloom.
“It's fine," Applebloom said, nervously putting her hands behind her back. “Actually, um, you haven’t figured out who’s behind the Anon-A-Miss account, have ya?”
“Wait, you don’t think I did it?” Sunset said, straightening up. “Wow, you must be the only ones in the whole school.”
“Well, that’s because…” Sweetie trailed off, twisting her fingers nervously.
“We know who really did it,” Scootaloo said.
“What? You're kidding! Who?” She stepped closer to them as hope flared hot and bright in her chest. If she could prove who did it, maybe she could clear her name, and turn in whatever bastards did this to her. Get her friends back.
“Yeah, the real Anon-A-Miss… is us,” Applebloom said softly.
Sunset stared as if it was some cruel joke, but none of them were laughing. None would meet her eyes. They looked honestly, bizarrely guilty.
“No. No, that doesn’t make any sense. Why would you… wait.” She looked more carefully at them as the pieces came together. Pointing to Applebloom, she said, “You were the one who told me Applejack’s nickname, over the phone that first night. And Sweetie Belle, you were at the slumber party that night. You… you got those pictures off my phone somehow, didn’t you?”
Sweetie Belle nodded, quite intent to stare at the locker baseboards.
“Scootaloo?” Sunset prompted.
“The varsity soccer team practices before we do, so when no one was looking I took pictures of some of Rainbow Dash’s papers,” she mumbled, hands clenched tight at her sides.
Sunset leaned back, the lockers giving a faint clatter as she stared at them in the growing silence. Of course. She hadn’t even thought of them, but they were the only ones who it could have possibly been. How had she let herself be so blind? Except it still didn’t make sense.
“Why would you do that? To your own sisters?” Sunset said, as that flicker of hope began to shift to belated fury. “What on earth were you thinking?! Do you have any idea how much they’ve been hurt? How much everyone’s been hurt because of that damn account!”
They flinched, Sweetie grabbing Applebloom’s arm as if Sunset might strike them.
“We didn’t want to hurt them. Not really,” Applebloom said, struggling to not shrink back. Scootaloo gave a little cough and glared at her. “Yeah all right, maybe a bit,” she admitted. “We, or, I mean, I... I was jealous.”
“Jealous? Of what?” Sunset repeated, dumbfounded.
“Well, Applejack was always spending time with you and her other friends, way more than they ever used to. She doesn’t ever have time for family anymore.”
“Same with Rarity,” Sweetie Belle squeaked, still half-hidden behind Applebloom. “We barely even talk anymore. She’s always doing stuff with the band now.”
“But that wasn’t the main reason. Not really,” Scootaloo said.
“Then what?”
“We wanted to hurt you,” Applebloom said quietly.
A chill ran through her, quite apart from the winter cold outside.
“Me. You did all this… to hurt me.”
“We didn’t mean for all this!” Sweetie said, tears in her eyes. “We just wanted to, I don’t know, to make you feel bad. Give you a taste of your own medicine after how much you hurt our sisters—hurt everyone! You were a bully for years. We know they forgave you, but they weren’t friends for so long because you drove them apart! I kept having to hear Rarity cry at night because of things you did.”
Sunset opened her mouth—whether to argue or to make some snippy comment about Rarity crying, she wasn’t sure—but she closed it again. It was, after all, entirely true. She had hurt them.
“Fine,” she said, the words thick in her throat. “You’re right. I hurt them, so maybe I did deserve—“
“No!” All three girls said at once, looking appalled.
Sweetie Belle swiped at her eyes and stammered, “We weren’t… we didn’t mean...”
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” Applebloom said, taking over. “It was fun at first, everyone thought it was hilarious. But then…”
“We didn’t think it’d get so out of hand,” Scootaloo continued. “We were going to stop after a few days but everyone seemed to like it, asking us to post more.”
“Then they started sending in other secrets, and everyone was so excited… we got carried away. It… it wasn’t supposed to be this bad,” Applebloom said, and the three girls lapsed into silence, heads bowed.
“I don’t understand, though. Why are you telling me this?” Sunset Shimmer managed to say, the swirl of emotions of that day once again chilling into numbness. Did they know no one would believe Sunset? Did they think they were safe? Except this wasn’t gloating—it was a confession.
“We’re tired of all these lies and secrets, of making everyone miserable. After today we’re shutting down the account. And…“ Applebloom took a deep breath, held it and then let out a gusty, defeated sigh. “And we’re gonna tell everyone the truth.”
“It’s been getting really out of hand,” Scootaloo added, with an almost conspiratorial air, finally looking up to meet Sunset in the eye. “At the beginning it was all dumb stuff: funny pictures or little jokes. We didn’t think it was all that mean.”
“I still think piggly wiggly is funny,” Applebloom muttered with a pout, before Sweetie Belle slapped her arm.
Scootaloo went on. “Then people started sending in other stuff, and people thought it was pretty funny too. And then they started sending worse stuff and it became a lot less funny. I mean, really bad secrets.”
“We didn’t post them!” Sweetie said quickly. “Not all of them, and none of the really bad ones. Just ones we thought people might find funny, or it was a secret that someone was hiding. We weren’t trying to hurt people.”
“But then some of them started getting mean and messaging us all the time,” Scootaloo said. “Then they started threatening us when we wouldn’t post their secrets.”
“An’ now someone keeps tryin’ to guess our password and hack the account. They haven’t yet, but if they get in and start posting those other secrets…”
“It’ll be bad,” Sweetie Belle said in a low voice, a haunted look on her face.
“So we’re gonna stop it. And we’re gonna tell everyone it was us. They’ll have to leave you alone then.”
“We saw your locker this morning,” Scootaloo said after Sunset didn't reply. She wasn't sure how. It was peculiarly strange to have them pity her now.
“That was awful,” Sweetie Belle whispered.
“Ah’m sorry Sunset.” Applebloom stepped forward, jutting out her chin. “And if you gotta be mad at someone, it’s me. I’m the one who started it. I got jealous of how my sister was hanging out so much with you, and I was the one who made the account.”
“I’m sorry, too,” Sweetie said.
“Me too. This whole thing was pretty messed up,” Scootaloo said.
Still without a word, barely breathing, Sunset heaved herself up and turned away from the girls, needing a moment to think. The answer was easy: let the girls spill the truth and shut down the account. There. Done. All laid out on a silver platter. The school would realize she was innocent. Her friends would talk to her again, things would go back to normal.
So why did she feel sick? Why did she hesitate?
Her gaze fell to the journal. With numb hands she picked it up and flicked to where she had last written, a farewell note to Twilight: thank you, sorry, I'll miss you...
There on the opposite page was Twilight’s words from last night, and it was these she sought out.
Sometimes all you can do is stay strong, Stay yourself, And find your family.
Her family, her friends… she would never be able to find it if she stayed there, and no one would ever trust her, no matter what she did. There wasn’t anything left for her there. Now she knew, and she couldn't keep pretending otherwise.
“It’ll be all right,” she said softly, more to herself, before turning and holding out the journal. “Just… do me a favor, okay? Give this to... to your sisters. Wait until after school.”
Applebloom reached out like she was being offered a tarantula. “What is it?”
“Doesn’t matter. Just give it to them once school is over. They’ll know what it is.”
“What about us? Aren’t you mad?” Scootaloo asked, as the two other girls peered curiously at the hardcover book. “After everything we did? Aren’t you going, I don’t know, shout at us or something?”
“Nah." Sunset shrugged. "I already made my decision. It’ll be fine. You said you’re going to shut down the account today?”
“Yeah, right after school,” Sweetie Belle said, looking unnerved by Sunset’s relaxed response. “We already made the final post saying it was us.”
“Don’t bother,” Sunset said with a wave of her hand, surprised at herself but too numb to care. “As long as you stop it, and stop spreading rumors, I don’t mind. We’ll keep it between us, how about that? Someday you should tell your families, at least your big sisters, but for now let sleeping dragons lie, I think the saying goes.”
“Wait, what?” Applebloom yelped, while the others gaped at her. “But then everyone’s going to keep thinking it was you!”
“By this afternoon it won’t matter. By then I’ll be far away. It won’t hurt me anymore.”
“Far away?” Scootaloo said, looking uneasy. “Why? Are you going somewhere?”
“Don’t worry about it. And...” Sunset paused, closing her eyes for a moment and then looking squarely at them, no longer just the awkward little sisters of her friends, but fellow students. “Look, I’m sorry to you three as well. I don’t think I ever went after you directly, but I know my actions hurt a lot of people. I know I hurt your sisters. I understand if you’re still mad.”
She bent over and picked up her backpack, ignoring the shocked faces of the girls. Maybe some things can’t be forgiven, she thought. But if anyone knew what it felt like to be forgiven, it was her. She turned around to go and felt a hand grip her sleeve, holding her back.
“Sunset, I…” Applebloom said in a small voice, still clutching her sleeve, “I really am sorry. Honest. You don’t gotta do this.”
“Don’t worry about me. Take care of your sisters, okay?”
The warning bell rang, and she calmly walked to the door, having no intention of sitting through another class ever again at that school.
“Sunset?” Sweetie Belle asked in a quavering voice, making her pause. “Are you going to be all right?”
Sunset Shimmer gave a short nod, a hint of a smile, and then she closed the door, leaving behind three miserable, terrified girls.
Author's Note
“We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.”
This should have been done a month ago
Deep, Dark Woods
“Though the winter brings all its cold and storm ,” Sunset murmured to herself, glancing up through the dark branches overhead, the snow drifting down from dark gray clouds. “The glow in our hearts keeps us warm …”
The words had surfaced up through her wandering mind as she walked deeper and deeper into the woods, an old familiar song from when she was a filly. Perhaps it was because this place felt so eerily like home. The world around her was wonderfully quiet, just her soft footsteps and the almost silent hush of falling snow.
Despite the biting cold and the fast approaching night, she found herself content, almost eager. She had no real plan, much like when she had first arrived in that strange world. After leaving the journal with the younger girls, Sunset had snuck out of school to her apartment, grabbed her most important possessions, stuffed them into her school backpack, and left the key under the mat. If she was lucky, no one would notice she was missing until after winter break was over, and by then she planned to be too far away to find.
A fresh start.
That promise kept her moving forward along the narrow road, half-buried under wet autumn leaves and old gray snow. It must lead to somewhere, she reasoned, and figured if she found a farmhouse or shack along the way, she could stay there for the night. Eventually she must come to a city or a town; the road must lead somewhere. She wasn’t particular—as long as it was where people didn’t know her.
When Sunset heard the truck rumbling up behind her on the winding little road through the woods, she actually thought she was in luck. Maybe she could catch a ride to a new town, or maybe find a warm bed for the night, even a warm meal. She hadn’t expected Applejack to lean out the window, waving her hat and shouting her name. Sunset stopped, glaring as the truck lumbered to a halt, brakes whining before Applejack burst out the driver’s door.
“Sunset Shimmer, there you are! Where‘ve ya been, we’ve been looking everywhere for ya!” Applejack shouted, hurrying towards her with both relief and annoyance.
“What are you doing here?” Sunset said, clutching her hands into tight fists. After the wonderful sense of calm that had stayed with her all afternoon, this sudden rush of anger sat heavy in her stomach.
“I’m here looking for you, of course.” Applejack peered up at the darkening clouds, blinking against the snow in her eyes before brushing them away. “Come on, I’ll give ya a ride home, everyone’s been awful worried—“
“I’m not going anywhere with you,” she said shortly, just managing to hold back the fury that was building within her.
Applejack frowned at her, puzzled. “Well ya can’t walk back in this weather." She glanced at the dark road ahead. "Where do ya think you’re even going?”
“It doesn’t matter, it’s none of your concern.”
“Wha… Sunset we were all worried—“
“Oh, don’t give me that crap!” she spat, and oh yes, there was the anger. “It’s too late to pretend, so just stop!”
Applejack had the gall to look hurt, and Sunset felt a small twinge of guilt. However, it helped that she also looked annoyed. “I’m just trying ta help—“
“Well I didn’t ask for your help!”
Applejack’s shoulders stiffened beneath her heavy jacket but didn’t say anything, and Sunset suddenly wished she would so she could keep shouting. But instead Sunset took a deep breath and then let it out slowly, felt some of the tension slip away. Somewhere within her must be some of that calm from earlier, she just had to find it.
Opening her eyes, she looked more critically at Applejack, and back to the truck.
“How did you even know where to find me?” Sunset said suspiciously.
“We didn’t,” Applejack said, somewhat relieved to have an answer. “We’ve been searching everywhere for hours. Applebloom and her friends came to us at lunch in a panic, almost in tears and saying you were leaving and that they thought you were in trouble. They gave us your journal—“
“I told them to wait until after school,” Sunset muttered.
“Well we saw it and—“
“Wait, did they say anything else?”
“Uh… no? Were they supposed to?” Applejack said, looking perplexed.
“No, forget it,” Sunset murmured. So her friends all still thought her as Anon-A-Miss. Great. Just like she wanted, she reminded herself.
“Yeah, uh… anyway, we all agreed to skip class to go lookin’ for ya. Principal Celestia even caught us sneaking out but—“
“Why?” Sunset said, cutting her off again.
“Wha-seriously?” Applejack said, genuinely shocked. “Because we were worried! What in tarnation do you think we’d do when you run off and leave us nothing but a goodbye note? And we thought maybe you went back through the portal except you wrote to Twilight, too, something like, this’ll be my last letter .”
“That wasn’t meant for you,” Sunset grumbled.
“Well, what did ya expect us to do?”
“I expected you to leave me alone. Obviously.” She gritted her teeth and then added under her breath, “It’s what you were doing anyway.”
Applejack sighed, rubbing her forehead. “Listen here, we’re all awful upset about all this, but we’re not gonna sit by and let you run off to get hurt or worse.”
“Oh, as if you care!” Sunset said furiously, trying to clamp down on those emotions threatening to surge forth. “You all made it perfectly clear that I’m no longer your friend, so don’t act like any of you give a damn!”
“Well…” Applejack paused, biting her lip. “Yeah, we were all pretty angry, but we thought that—“
“You thought what? That I betrayed all of you? Well you know what, fine!” Sunset spun to face her, flinging her arms wide. “You’re right, it was me. I’m Anon-A-Miss. I’m the one who’s been posting those secrets of everyone. I betrayed you, and Rarity, and Fluttershy, and all of our friends. Okay? There. There’s your truth. So leave me alone.”
Sunset waited to see if the other girl would yell, or stomp away, or say something awful that she needed to hear—something that would make her hurt . Instead Applejack just stood there, frowning and not saying a word. Sunset almost wished she might hit her and get it over with, but she didn’t even do that. In a long low swoop the anger left, and Sunset felt cold.
Shaking her head, Sunset turned and continued down the long, empty road. After a moment she heard fading steps in the old snow, and when she looked back, Applejack was walking to the truck. She was leaving.
Good , she tried to tell herself. It was for the best. One more bridge burned. Now her old friends could be free of her with a clean conscious. There came the sound of the truck’s front door creaking open, then a few second later it shut with a bang.
Sunset stopped, staring at her boots, then let out a sigh. Now she really was on her own. Then she heard crunching footsteps again and was surprised to see Applejack hurrying towards her, the only difference was a thick scarf around her neck.
“What are you doing?” Sunset said angrily. “Didn’t you hear me?”
“I heard ya. But I ain’t about to let ya walk off into a snowstorm.”
Sunset gave a disbelieving huff. “Don’t be stubborn. It’s just a little snow, I’ll be fine. Just go home.”
“Nothing doing, sugarcube.”
When Sunset started walking again, Applejack kept at her side. It was getting darker, the clouds deepening to a deep gray, and the woods around them turning almost-black. Snow fell in soft clumps from the hanging boughs overhead.
“Ya wanna talk about it?” Applejack said after a dozen paces.
“What’s there to talk about,” Sunset grumbled, hitching her backpack higher. “You all think I’m a traitor. A no-good demon. Just like everyone else.”
There was a steady silence, and Sunset had to repress the urge to either yell or cry, and hurriedly swiped at the corner of her eyes where it burned.
Applejack finally sighed, a long drawn out sound that made her breath steam. “Honestly I don’t know what ta think anymore.”
Sunset didn’t know what to think, either. It was easier when she could leave in peace, knowing she was doing the right thing for everyone. It would have been better to be alone.
"It’s been pretty miserable without ya,” Applejack went on, her eyes low. “Things haven’t been the same. The whole’s school’s been feeling awful, but…”
“You’ll get over it,” Sunset snapped. “You’ll all be a lot happier without me.”
“Ya really think that?”
“Augh! Just stop. Stop with all this... this pretending, like any of it was actually real. As if we were ever really friends.”
“Hey, just cause we had a fight doesn’t change the fact we were friends,” Applejack said, affronted. “It don’t change the past.”
"That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”
“No, actually, I don’t.”
Sunset stopped and threw down her backpack to turn and look her straight in the eye.
“I’ll just say it, then. You were only my friends because you had to be. Because Twilight asked you. I was just a little pity project for you, and that’s all I ever was. The truth is…” She hesitated, her throat suddenly painful. “the truth is that none of you ever actually wanted me as a friend.”
“What?”
“And I get it,” Sunset went on, not daring to look at her, having never spoken these thoughts aloud. “I was horrible to you, you had no reason to ever be nice to me, but you were. And I know that you all suffered more for being close to me, I get it. You shouldn’t have your friends forced on you.”
“You think we only became friends with you because someone told us to? Really?”
“Come on Applejack,” Sunset said, not believing the innocent act for a second. “If Twilight hadn’t asked, would any of you had given me a second chance?”
“Yeah, we would have.”
“Be serious!” she shouted, wanting to hit something. “After everything I did? After how many people I hurt? Why would any of you befriend me after seeing me as a demon, as the girl who nearly destroyed the school. I tried to kill you !”
“I’m telling ya the truth!” Applejack said, hands clenched at her side.
“No. Really ask yourself,” Sunset said in a low harsh voice. “Think back and tell me you wouldn’t have done it differently. Really think.”
Applejack stared at her, breathing hard, and then closed her eyes. For a long minute there was only the soft sound of snow and wind, the woods darkening fast around them. Finally she opened her eyes.
“No matter what Twilight said, I would have tried to be friends with you.”
“Bullshit!”
“Just listen to me—“
“Like how you all listened to me, right?”
“Will ya quit jumping down my throat every second!” Applejack snapped, then breathed heavy for a moment, waiting while Sunset bit her tongue, before continuing, “Now, I can’t speak for the others, but back then I saw what others were doing to ya after the Fall Formal, even when you were trying to do better. I wasn’t gonna stand by and let them bully you.”
“But you’ll happily stand by and let me bully me now, is that it?” Sunset said, the accusation sharp and quick on her tongue.
Applejack’s green eyes widened, and Sunset could see the realization strike her.
Then Sunset had her own realization. These girls, her friends… they had already saved her, and not just once. They’d already tried, and suffered for it. Was she being selfish for wanting them to keep trying? Especially when none of them ever wanted to be her friend in the first place?
Sunset subconsciously rubbed her cheek, thinking back to the first day after the Fall Formal. Sunset had tried apologizing to another girl for something she had done, something cruel. But a few words couldn’t fix what she had caused, and the other student had slapped her hard—for days she would gingerly touch it and dwell on how much it hurt. It had been Applejack to defend her and help pick her off the ground. It had been the first kind thing anyone had done for her after that awful night.
She caught Applejack staring at her hand and dropped it.
Applejack looked away, but not before the look of pain crossed her face. “Sunset, I—“
“Don’t. I don’t need to hear it.” She sighed, pulling deep from her lungs, and the simple act of that left her feeling worn and empty. Without that hot anger, she remembered again how much it hurt to be losing all of them as friends. “You’re right. I shouldn’t keep expecting you or the others to save me. You’ve done enough. I... I'm trying to do the right thing, for all of you. It's okay. You don't need to do this anymore."
“That’s not… I know things were definitely crazy back then, but I swear I’m telling ya the truth. I wanted to be your friend, even after all that happened at the Formal, I wanted to give you another chance. It wasn’t pretend.”
Sunset grit her teeth, wanting to argue more, but she was also tired, and sick at heart, and the wind was blowing cold through the trees.
“Whatever. Believe that if you want, but it doesn’t matter. Because we’re not friends anymore.”
Applejack opened her mouth, but no words came out. She looked down at the snow, and Sunset felt a stab of guilt that surprised her. It was their own fault, she reminded herself. They’re the ones who ended it. They’re the ones who betrayed her and refused to listen, no matter her tears. Suddenly she wished she could be angry again. The pain was harder to bear.
Sunset turned away, unable to meet her eyes. “Just go home, Applejack.”
From behind she heard a soft, “Dangit!” and glanced over to see Applejack trotting back to the far-off car. The next minute she wasn’t surprised, although certainly annoyed, to hear the groan of the engine grow closer, pass her a little, and then stop. Not thirty seconds later Applejack was walking at her side again, looking thoughtful as Sunset fumed into her jacket collar, wondering how long she planned to keep this up.
“Ya wanna hear something dumb?” Applejack said lightly, as if they might be discussing the weather.
“No.”
“It’s kinda funny. This whole time, we, or I did at least, uh… I thought you didn’t want to be our friend. I thought you hated us.”
“What?” Sunset said, turning sharply to look at her. “Why would I hate you?”
“What kinda—of course you might hate us!” Applejack said, flabbergasted. “We were the ones who helped stop you at the Fall Formal and ruined all your big plans. If we hadn’t stood up to you then, well, maybe you would have won. Taken over the world or whatever. For a time, I really thought you were still mad about that. Blamed us and all.”
Sunset went quiet for a long moment.
“I actually never looked at it like that.”
“Really?” It was Applejack’s turn to be in disbelief.
“After the Fall Formal, I… I could barely feel anything. I was more disappointed and angry at myself. And never in my life had I felt so alone. I didn’t expect you girls to actually be nice to me. Almost afraid of it. But I never blamed you.”
It was odd, talking about it with Applejack out there in the woods. She had never spoken about this with anyone. It all seemed a very long time ago, or perhaps another existence.
“Really? Huh. I thought…”
“What?”
“Well, I thought you might still be angry at us, deep down, even after all we’ve been through. But then time passed and the Dazzlings happened, and still you were always there for us, even when the rest of the school thought we were crazy to trust you. But then when this whole Anon-A-Miss thing happened, I thought, well… maybe I’d misjudged you, and you really didn’t ever mean to be our friends. Like none of it mattered.” There was a pause, Applejack’s voice slipping lower, and she kept her gaze to the dirty snow at their feet. “I’ll tell ya, that? That hurt far worse than any stupid nickname.”
Sunset was quiet, thinking over that, and thinking how she knew exactly how that felt. To feel betrayed, like none if it had been real.
“So we both thought the other was just faking it, huh?” Sunset looked upward at the falling snow. “You’re right, that is pretty dumb.”
Applejack let out a snort of laughter, and the sound relaxed her a little. Just a very little.
“So we were never actually friends,” Sunset said. “That makes things easier. You can go home, now.”
“Dangit!” Applejack said, letting out a huff. “That ain’t what I meant and you know it!“
Sunset was about to speak—or, rather, argue some more—but was distracted by a pale light shining in her eyes and the rumble of another car careening down the road and honking.
“About time,” Applejack muttered.
Author's Note
Well… I managed to get this finished just within a year from my last chapter. Whoops. Thanks to everyone who commented and reminded me to keep going on this!
Recap: Sunset’s trying to run away after Anon-A-Miss confessed earlier at school. In the middle of the woods, AJ caught up with her and they had a bit of chit-chat, until a car comes down the road.
(Curious to see what people make of this chapter…)
The "Rescue"
Sunset Shimmer and Applejack watched as the car careened towards them on the narrow forest trail, yellow lights blinding.
“Uh,” Sunset said, taking a step back.
It wasn’t slowing down.
“Er,” Applejack said, a definite edge of worry in her voice, and took Sunset’s arm, pulling slightly.
The car definitely wasn’t stopping.
“Get down!” Sunset Shimmer shoved Applejack off the road, full body tackling her to where they fell hard on the edge of the trees, landing in a leggy, wet heap.
It wasn’t necessary—apparently—as the car squealed and skidded to a stop a dead body’s length away from where they’d been standing. Sunset sat up, blinking hard against the bright light, her heart pounding beneath her jacket. A back door burst open and Pinkie Pie sprang out before the car had settled to a full stop.
“Sunset Shimmer!”
“Wha-ah! Pinkie!” She gasped, wincing as Pinkie rushed forward and pulled her into an embrace. “Too tight!”
“Eeee, we found you!” Pinkie squeezed harder before letting her go, letting her stagger and catch her breath while Applejack slowly pulled herself to her feet.
“We came as fast as we could!” Rainbow Dash shouted, leaping out of the driver’s seat. She left the high beams on, far too bright against the prior darkness.
“Y’all nearly hit us!” Applejack said, dusting dirty snow from her jacket.
“I said we came as fast as we could,” Rainbow Dash said, crossing her arms.
Before Sunset could even register what was happening, or ask what the hell was going on, another car door opened.
“That is an understatement,” Rarity said, staggering into the snow while Fluttershy slumped out behind her, looking sick. “That was simply reckless!”
“Would you rather Pinkie behind the wheel?” Rainbow Dash said.
“No,” Fluttershy meeped, hanging onto the car door.
“Yeah!” Pinkie called out in the same moment. “Maybe I can drive back—“
“But what are you all doing here?” Sunset asked, before it could devolve any further.
“Uh, we’re here to rescue you,” Rainbow Dash said, one eyebrow raised. “Duh.”
“What?” Sunset’s eye twitched. The beautiful calm from earlier had vanished. “I’m not going back."
“Ugh!” Rainbow Dash let out a full bodied groan, her head rolling back. “Seriously? Come on! Even if you are Anon-A-Miss, this is crazy! We’re trying to make sure you don’t die out here like the Donna Party.”
“Well that’s your problem,” Sunset replied flatly.
“What?”
“I think you mean Donner Party, dear,” Rarity added quietly.
“And that’s the wrong kind of party!” Pinkie Pie said, bouncing at her side. “Because that’s cannibalism!”
“Yeah, well, we’re not doing that either,” Rainbow Dash said, her shoulders sinking as she watched Pinkie bob up and down on her heels.
“We might be getting closer to that if my car battery dies in this cold,” Applejack said, looking pointedly down the road where the old family truck waited.
“Speaking of, can someone else drive back?” Rarity said, raising a finger, and apparently ignoring the real problem.
Sunset didn’t know what to say, frankly; they weren’t supposed to be there. Maybe a rational person would have been relieved. Or happy. Her friends—her former friends—had come all the way out there to help her, even when they believed she had betrayed them. Instead of berating her, or abandoning her, they were just… acting normal.
“—I can totally drive us back—“
“You nearly spun out twice!”
It was like they were pretending everything was fine . As if they hadn’t abandoned her over something she didn’t even do. As if they hadn’t betrayed her…
Do us all a favor and just disappear!
“Everyone stop!” Sunset yelled, her hands slicing through the cold air and cutting through their pointless chatter, leaving a sudden, shocked silence as she stood there, fuming.
She was suddenly, alarmingly, bizarrely angry.
“I don’t know how you all got here—“
“I texted ‘em.”
Sunset glared at Applejack. “I don’t care what you’re all doing here. All of you just turn around, go back to your happy little lives, and leave me the hell alone!”
The dark forest fell to silence, or something like it, with the wind whipping through the black trees. She thought she had gotten over all of this. It was done, finished. It was friendships destroyed, bridges burned, smell of smoke and watering eyes, never looking back sort of over . She really thought she had come to terms with losing them as friends. Now here they all were, five on one, acting like nothing had happened, racing out to find her, and she hated it .
“Ahhh… what’s going on?” Rainbow Dash said finally, glancing around.
“Sunset, are you okay?” Fluttershy said, walking closer, a first aid kit held tight in her arms.
“I’m. Fine ,” Sunset bit out through gritted teeth, keeping her clenched hands tight at her side.
“Wow, you don’t sound fine, “Pinkie Pie chimed in. “Like, the total opposite of fine.”
“As if you care!” She was in absolutely no mood to deal with Pinkie’s cheerfulness, or Fluttershy’s kindness, or their pity, or sympathy, or any of it.
“Yeah, of course we care,” Rainbow Dash replied, frowning. ”We’re not going to sit by and let you run off in the middle of a blizzard.”
“We only came to help,” Fluttershy said, shrinking down behind Rarity.
“Well don’t!” Sunset shouted, stepping forward and feeling almost as much as a bully as they accused her of being. “You can’t just show up and pretend like you actually give a damn!”
“Sugarcube, calm down—“ Applejack had stepped forward, reaching out, but Sunset yanked her arm out of reach, her shoulders high and tight.
“Back off! You were the ones who told me we weren’t friends. You’re the ones who left me first!”
“Well, yeah, cause we’re angry at you!” Rainbow Dash said, exasperated. “Or we were. Or, like—I don’t even know any more! But that doesn’t matter!”
“We didn’t want you to get hurt,” Fluttershy said.
“Of course we don’t, silly!” Pinkie added.
“Don’t give me that crap! All this time you won’t talk to me. You won’t even listen to me. So don’t pretend like you actually gave a damn about me. I’m finally leaving, something I should have done a long time ago, and now you’re stopping me? You should be happy! After you all told me how much you hated me!”
“I never said that,” Fluttershy said, sounding close to tears. “I don’t hate you.”
“Don’t lie to me!” Sunset said, her voice cracking as it rose, her hands aching from how tight her fists were. “This is just what you all want! You all just want me to disappear !“
“Now you stop right there!” Rarity said in a trembling voice, clutching at the front of her jacket. She, too, looked almost in tears. “We most certainly don’t want this!”
“Yes you do!” Sunset shouted right back. “Back when you all abandoned me, I remember! I was begging for you to listen and none of you even tried . I remember, you said...”
She hesitated. What had they said?
Just disappear!
No… that hadn’t been them. She was thinking of all those notes and messages, the whispers and shouts and shoves of the other students. What was it her friends had said? That they wouldn’t believe her. They had accused her of being Anon-A-Miss, taking advantage of them and stealing their secrets, they had said…
“You said you didn’t want to be my friend anymore,” Sunset said in a much softer voice, and that pain was sharper and crueler than scratched words on a locker, or the lingering sting of a blow. The wind and snow swept around them in the surrounding darkness.
It was cold. She felt so stupid .
Suddenly she couldn’t stand to look at them. She hated how her eyes began to burn.
“Sunset…”
“Whatever. Hate me or don’t, I already made up my mind.” Sunset wrapped her arms around herself, and wished she sounded more convincing. “I don’t need your pity anymore, so just go home.”
“Oh yeah? And what about you, huh?” Rainbow Dash asked, crossing her arms. “Think you’ll be happy living in the woods?”
“I’m not going to be living in the woods,” Sunset said with an exasperated sigh. “I just want to go somewhere where people don’t know me, is that so much to ask?”
“It sounds lonely,” said Fluttershy.
“Yeah, cause that’ll be a real change for me. Miss Social right here.”
“Dear, we know you don’t want to leave, and you don’t have to,” Rarity said. “We can figure this out.”
“No, just... stop all this pretending!" Sunset said. "You don't need to keep doing this. Twilight isn’t here to make you babysit me and make sure I don’t turn into a demon again. No one is making you stay—“
“You’re right,” Applejack cut in. “No one’s forcing us, and yet we’re all still here.”
Sunset frowned, not liking what the answer might be. “I… look, if it’s just out of pity—“
“It’s cause we care about you!” Rainbow Dash said, glaring.
“But…” Sunset paused. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. They were supposed to be angry and disappointed in her. Not this. They had abandoned her first, so it damn well wasn’t fair to try and be her friends now.
“Dear, we’ve been searching for you ever since Sweetie Belle and her friends came to us at lunch in an absolute panic. They said that… that you might do something, well…” Rarity paused, staring hard at the ground. “We weren’t sure what you might do.”
Fair enough, she thought grudgingly, her lips twisting before she could come up with a rebuttal. Her response to not getting to be a princess was to create a brainwashed army to attack Equestria with tainted magic. Predictability wasn’t one of her charms.
“We were worried,” Fluttershy said. “We were afraid you might do something terrible.”
“Oh, big surprise,” Sunset said sourly, hating that they had good reason for it. “Did you think I was going to blow up the school again?”
“We thought you were going to kill yourself!” Rainbow Dash said, her voice cracking. Sunset stared, stunned into silence, as Rainbow Dash’s face twisted with anger and pain.
It was Applejack that continued. “Ever since ya left we’ve been out looking everywhere because, well…” She sighed, closing her eyes.
“We were worried,” Fluttershy said again.
“What?” Sunset said, feeling like the breath had been knocked from her. “No. Of course I… I wouldn’t…”
But that wasn’t quite true, was it? She had considered it in the past, although she had never told anyone. Nothing ever came of it, nothing except dark, spiraling thoughts. That the world would be better without her in it. That there wasn’t any reason for her to be alive. That ending it would make the pain and the humiliation, go away, the loneliness… but she had never made a true attempt. Not really .
“No,” she said again, voice a little stronger. “I promise, I’m not doing that. Not this time.”
Some of the girls reacted to that, a hint of something that didn’t need to be talked about. Not then, preferably not ever.
“Sunset—“ Fluttershy began to say, her voice wavering.
“Don’t,” Sunset said, much softer than before, holding up a hand, more so to give herself a moment to think. Things were becoming clear in her own mind, as the red fog faded. It sucked, though. Hot anger was far easier than the cold, numbing pain of losing them.
When Sunset looked at them again, she saw the shadows under their eyes, the hard, worried lines of their faces. They weren’t supposed to still care. She was supposed to vanish and they would all forget about her. Damn them, she thought, that coldness seeping into her gut.
“I know why you’re here, even though you still think I did it. Why you pretended to be my friend when I… when I really needed one.” She clutched her arm, her voice sinking.
“We weren’t pretending—“
“Enough. I get it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fucking pissed at you right now!” she shouted, glaring at them for a hot second before the heat fizzled into the cold air once more. She sighed. “But I also know you. You’re good people. You all gave me a chance when no one else would. And you’ll be a lot happier without me dragging you down. So just go home and forget about me.”
In a sharp moment she realized how much she would miss them. They were her friends, the first people to ever care about her. But they didn’t want her anymore. Maybe had never wanted her. It hurt .
Biting her lip, she shifted the heavy weight of her backpack, holding tight to the straps as if they might ground her, and turned to walk away hoping that this time, they wouldn't follow. She was angry. She felt betrayed. But she still loved them. What a damned fool.
“Wait,” Rarity said slowly, almost as if to herself, making Sunset pause. “Wait a minute, is that what this is about?”
“Huh?” Applejack said, apparently answering for all of them as they looked about, but didn’t get a response as Rarity held her fingers to her mouth, frowning thoughtfully. “Uh, Rarity, mind explaining?”
Finally she looked up, meeting Sunset’s eyes. “Is that what this whole... Anon-A-Miss debacle is about?” Rarity asked. “Were you testing us? To see if we were really your friends?”
“That doesn’t make any sense,“ Rainbow Dash said.
“And if so, I’m not sure if we passed,” Fluttershy remarked.
Sunset groaned, rubbing a hand over her face. It didn’t help that it did make sense, in an idiotic way. She could imagine herself doing something so stupid, selfish, and short-sighted, whether to punish them, or herself. It wouldn’t be the first time she had done something stupid, selfish, and short-sighted, like brainwash a teenage army.
“No." She shook her head, too tired to argue.
"Then...?"
They waited, and Sunset realized they were waiting for her. They were listening.
She looked up, meeting each of their eyes, and spoke the plain truth. "It wasn’t me,” she said slowly, holding each word. “I swear, I’m not Anon-A-Miss. I didn’t share your secrets, and I didn’t betray you.”
She paused, felt her eyes burn as she held her breath, hoping that this time, things might be different. “Please, believe me.”
“I believe ya,” Applejack said immediately. Sunset turned to her and met her gaze unflinchingly, as she gave a short nod.
“Me too,” Rarity added.
Pinkie chimed in, “Me three!”
“I’m sorry we thought it was you,” Fluttershy added.
“So now we just need to find the real one and clear your name,” Rainbow Dash said, grinning.
Sunset took a full breath in, and then let it out, staring at them. Just like that, they believed her. She probably should have felt relieved.
“Wonderful, I’m glad we’ve got that settled,” Rarity said, dusting fresh snow off her coat and pulling it closer. “And this is all well and good, but could we perhaps prove Sunset’s innocence from someplace a bit warmer?”
“Oh, yeah.”
Sunset had nearly forgotten where they stood. Rarity was right, it was cold, and only getting colder. Even in the shelter of the trees the wind was picking up, the snow no longer light soft clumps, but harder specks that stung the skin. Sunset turned away from the glow of the headlights to gaze at the path she was going down, dark and unknown.
Was this what she really wanted? To leave? To leave them ?
“Come on, let’s head back before this storm gets any worse,” Rainbow Dash said, walking back to her car and wiping snow off the edges of the windshield.
“Ooh, I’ll drive!” Pinkie Pie shouted, bounding over.
“No.”
“Sunset, ya coming?” Applejack asked, frowning at her. She hadn’t moved.
It wasn’t enough. Too little, too late. She could only move forward. It was the only option.
“I’m not going back,” Sunset said.
This was met with a muted metallic thud as Rainbow Dash banged her head against the roof of her car.
“Seriously? ”
“There’s nothing there for me,” Sunset said, gesturing at the way they had come. “No matter what I say or do, no one will ever trust me. Nothing’s going to change. I have to go somewhere new, somewhere people don’t know me as a demon.”
“You don't have to do that, things will change,” Applejack said. “You’ve been doing good, we’ve all seen it. And we’ll help ya get through this Anon-A-Miss nonsense and prove that yer innocent.”
Sunset shook her head, but wasn't so sure. Could that be enough?
“Dear, you don’t have to leave, and we certainly don’t want you to,” Rarity said, coming up to her other side and lightly laying a hand on her arm.
“Yeah, we can figure this out," Rainbow Dash said.
Sunset was losing what precious resolve remained. In it’s place was a growing awareness of how cold she was, and how tired. Her face and eyes burned, and her fingers and toes were numb. Earlier she had been so certain, everything had been simple, it was all figured out…
“You can at least wait ‘til after this storm blows over,” Applejack said, an annoying voice of reason.
“Just for the night…” Fluttershy said, after a moment.
“Pretty please?” added Pinkie Pie.
There was a long stretch of silence as Sunset tried not to choke against the tightness of her throat. She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes.
“Fine,” Sunset muttered, to the sound of sighs of relief and squeals of joy. A distant part of her knew she should be happy.
Soon she found herself sitting in the back of Rainbow Dash’s car, up against the frosted window and hugging the backpack in her lap, the cold weight of it seeping through her jeans. They drove through the winding forest road, slower than before, careful on the possible ice, as the dark forest rushed through her reflection. The snow was coming down harder.
She no longer knew what she wanted.
