Delicious Cow Meat

by Mark Garg von Herbalist

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: The Movie, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Tempest Shadow, Rarity
Length: 1357

Tempest Shadow cooks steak on Twilight's grill.

Tempest Shadow cooks steak on Twilight's grill.

Now with an audio reading byStraightToThePointStudio

Published 2018-12-13 13:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-12-13 13:30:01 UTC

"It is like normal food. Only better."

One of the prime benefits of being an alicorn is increased height, which Twilight secretly enjoys being taller than Applejack since she was the tallest of the group. Another, is increased magical abilities plus the gift of flight, which she also enjoys. She used to hate flying because she could not control her wings and ended up crashing into more than her fair share of windows, and preening is still a chore for her, but Rainbow and Fluttershy have both insisted that it is perfectly normal to not have preening down pat. Most young pegasi spend the first ten years of their lives having their parents do it for them since their wings are so small. It is only when puberty hits that the -and Twilight quotes- “Freaking evilly painful wing spurt” happens. Then it takes teenage pegasi a little while to learn how to preen properly. Last on the list of amazing physical benefits of being an alicorn is increased senses; eye sight, smell, touch, hearing and taste, all these are increased exponentially. And today Twilight's five senses are going off the rocker!

Twilight Starla Sparkle is in her study, surrounded by scrolls and ink, doing the average paperwork for her kingdom and school when a certain smell comes in. It tingles her nose and makes her mouth water. Whatever it is, it has the smell of barbecue, a few spices and flame. An excellent combination that reminds her that she has a grill. And someone is using her grill. Without her permission!

Twilight's horn glows, and in a split second she disappears from her cool office and reappears in the warm outdoors next to Tempest Shadow, who is using her unstable magic to guide a spatula along the professional four burner char-broil grill, with all the nozzles and dials and gauges completely wrong! Twilight is actually surprised to see her since Tempest has been gone a lot and when she is not gone she is either in her room or at the palace gym (formally a study that Flash convinced Twilight to convert to a gym since nobody ever used it).

“Tempest, what are you doing?” says Twilight quickly, her eyes wide with panic and her body squishing against Tempest to look at the dials and gauges of the grill.

“Cooking,” says Tempest. She effortlessly pushes Twilight away from the grill. “Don't do that. That's dangerous.”

“'But I had all these calibrated to be perfect and you ruined it!”

“Yeah, calibrated for veggie kebabs, but these are not vegetables.”

Twilight cocks her head. “They're not? What are they?”

Tempest smirks. “Something better.”

Twilight cautiously approaches Tempest's side again, and when she looks at what is actually cooking her blood freezes and her eyes shrink to tiny little dots.

“Is... Is that...?”

“Yes,” says Tempest, nodding slowly. “This is steak. From Aloha Steak. It cost me a few bits and I requested they use the stealth packaging which cost a few bits more, but I regret nothing.”

“So that's what that strange package to you was last week.” A jet of flame suddenly shoots up, assaulting Twilight's ears with a sizzle and her nose with the delicious scent of cooked meat and spice. This, in turn, makes her gag and stumble back, looking for a trash can to ease the chunky poison churning in her gut. “But why would you eat steak?”

“Because it is like normal food. Only better.”

“Are you purposefully trying to creep me out?”

“How else am I going to have fun? I don't have an army, any more. I don't have an airship and Pinkie Pie is really clingy, so I can't really mess with her unless I plan my whole day around her. Which reminds me. How nosy are the ponies in this town and how well are the walls sound proofed?”

Twilight furrows her brow. “Why do you want to know?”

Tempest flips the steaks. “No reason. Do you want one?”

“No.” Twilight's stomach gurgles.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. I'll just grab a hayburger.”

“Those are unhealthy for you.”

“Says the one who eats bats and steak.”

“And rabbit.”

“Oh my gosh!” Twilight stomps her hoof. “Am I going to find dead animals in my castle?”

“Not anymore.”

Twilight's eye twitches. Her stomach gurgles again.

“There's enough for the both of us,” says Tempest.

“No! I'm going to get a low carb hayburger, salt free fries and a salad and a diet soda. You know, healthy food!”

Tempest levitates a can of beer and takes a big gulp from it. “Uh huh. Let me know how that goes.”

Twilight grinds her teeth, does a swift, sharp hairpin turn and is about to trot away when another pony trots up to her. Said pony being Rarity, who is wearing sunglasses, a sunhat, and a decorative saddle.

“Twilight, just the girl I wanted to see!” says Rarity. “I thought I heard talking back here and it looks like I was right to assume it was you and Tempest.”

“Hi, Rarity,” says Twilight sickly.

Tempest takes another sip from her beer and offers a quick wave to Rarity before resuming her grilling. Though, while Rarity returns the wave, she does so while giving Twilight a concerned look.

“Is everything okay? You don't look well,” says Rarity.

“No. Tempest is purposefully trying to make me sick!” says Twilight, glaring at said unicorn over her shoulder.

“Why on earth would you do that?” says Rarity, casting Tempest a condemning look.

“Don't believe her, she's delusional,” says Tempest.

“WHAT!?” cries Twilight with a cracking voice and wings snapping out and her body now facing Tempest directly.

Rarity sighs, gently moves Twilight's wing out of the way, and after taking a deep breath her harsh stare eases and she walks next to Tempest, offering her a sympathetic look.

“Tempest, darling, I know you are new to Equestrian culture, but...” Rarity sniffs and looks at the grill. “I'm sorry, but are you cooking steak?”

“Yes I am. Do you want one?” says Tempest.

“Absolutely!”

“RARITY!” scolds Twilight.

Rarity looks at Twilight while levitating a paper plate to Tempest. “Hm?”

“First the bat soup, now the steak! What's wrong with you?”

“Twilight, please regain some composure. It's not like I eat a lot of steak. It is more of..." Rarity waves her hoof like a crank. "Something for a special occasion.”

Tempest puts a small piece of steak on Rarity's plate. “Oh? What is the occasion?”

“There is no occasion this time. I was just dropping by to give Twilight a little something I bought from Manehatten, and you were cooking steak and I just could not pass it up. It smells delicious, by the way.”

“Thank you. I'm glad somepony appreciates my cooking.”

Something inside Twilight's brain fizzles and pops, and her eyes dim, her wings go limp and she turns around like a depressed slug. Then proceeds to walk away.

“Twilight, are you all right?” asks Rarity.

“I'm going to go to the moon to reassess reality. See you in a thousand years,” says Twilight.

Tempest and Rarity watch Twilight sulk around the corner, and when she is out of sight and earshot, Rarity looks at Tempest.

“So, why did you decide to cook steak?” asks Rarity.

“Because I was in the mood for some delicious cow meat. Also, I wanted to get back at Twilight,” says Tempest.

“And what did she do to deserve this?”

“She burned my invitation to the National Waifu Convention and tried to play dumb when I was doing her friendship lessons. But she doesn't know that Spike spilled the beans after some... enhanced persuasion tactics.”

Rarity narrows her eyes. “What did you do to my Spiky?”

“I threatened to burn his comics.”

“Oh, is that all? Those things are dreadful. I thought it would be something worse.”

“Grubber would have an unbearable hissy fit if I did anything more than what I did.” Tempest points at another piece of steak resting on the back of the grill. “Would you like another one?”

“Yes, please!”

-END-

Author's Note

I regret nothing.