Tales of the Ponyville Blacksmith

by Parodyman64

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Human, Anthology, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Original Character
Length: 66593

Well, I can't exactly say things have ever been 'normal' here in Ponyville, but it got just a little bit weirder after he showed up.

Well, I can't exactly say things have ever been 'normal' here in Ponyville, but it got just a little bit weirder after he showed up. 'Who?' Oh, the Blacksmith. Showed up in town a while back, and things ain't quite been the same since. Bit of a trouble magnet that one, but he don't seem to let it bother him none, so it can't be that big a deal.

A collection of short stories involving an old cartoon character of mine, Parody, and probably a few others as the story goes along.

Published 2018-12-15 15:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-09-28 18:01:28 UTC

Wake Up Call Part 1

Sunlight streamed into the room through the curtains, slowly rousing the plum mare. She groaned in discomfort as she woke, the light landing on her eyelids only served to make her growing headache worse. She shifted a little, moving her eyes away from the light. She sighed in content as the headache faded slightly, allowing her thoughts to wander.

She obviously had a hangover, but for the life of her she couldn’t figure out why.

Okay, so she clearly went drinking last night, and that’s why she had the hangover, but she couldn’t remember why she went drinking. Was it a party? A date? Boredom? Had she been sampling her own merchandise again? Possibly, not like anyone else was drinking it. She shifted slightly to get away from the light chasing her eyes. Either way it didn’t matter. Last night was last night; as for today, she was perfectly content with lying in bed for the morning. It was a Saturday, so she had nothing important to do. Well, she didn’t have to take her daughter to school. Couldn’t really remember anything else.

With that decided, she relaxed, and started to nod off. The window was open, leaving the breeze to gently blow over her coat, bringing in the fresh smell of the outdoors. Her body moved with the rise and fall of gentle breathing.

There was only one problem.

That wasn’t her breathing.

Her eyes snapped open as she became fully alert. Ignoring the stinging pain that action brought, she lifted her head off its resting place and looked down. She was met with a smirk and a cocked eyebrow.

“So, how was your nap?”

Berry Punch panicked.

Adrenaline coursing through her body, she threw herself to her hooves, performing what could only be described as a “panicked hoofy-dance” as she frantically stamped her hooves on the blankets underneath her in an attempt to get away.

The smirk dropped.

“AH! AGH! FU-! GAH! PLE-! NAGH! STAH! ERG! RAGH!”

The figure underneath her thrashed around under the covers, trying to get away from the rain of pain her hooves were bringing upon its body. Eventually the figure slipped off the bed, dragging most of the sheets with it, and crumpled into a heap on the floor.

Berry Punch collapsed onto the bed, hooves clamped over her head, eyes clenched shut, trying to ignore the pounding in her head as her hangover voiced its disapproval of her actions. As the aching dulled, she became aware of the strangled thrashing coming from the floor beside her. She opened her eyes and shifted to stare at the thing rolling around on the floor, making choked gasps of pain.

It was the town blacksmith, the human. He had moved into town a while back, and set up a forge, but other than that, she couldn’t remember anything else about him. Aside from placing a couple of custom orders, she never really interacted with him. She didn’t even remember his name. What was it? It had been something goofy sounding…

“AUUUUUUGH!”

Snapped out of her thoughts, Berry’s ears folded back as she winced away from the loud noise, before turning to look at the blacksmith as he propped himself up on all fours, coughing and groaning in pain.

“AAAHHHHAHAHAHAHOW!” He stabilized himself on his hands and knees. He coughed a couple more times before looking up at Berry with a pained expression. “Was any of that necessary?!”

As she struggled to respond, Berry’s frazzled mind could only summon up one thought. “What were you doing in my bed?!”

The blacksmith pushed himself up onto his knees. He let one arm drop to his side and used the other to point at her. “I think a better question is ‘what are you doing in my house?’”

“Alright. What are you doing in my house?!”

He gave her a patient glare with a strained smile before gesturing around the room. “Does this look like your house?”

Berry’s mind slowly wound down as she looked around the unfamiliar light blue walls surrounding her. None of the furniture matched her room, and the open window wasn’t in the same place as hers. She looked back at the blacksmith.

He gestured to himself. “This is my house.”

Berry furrowed her brow. “What am I doing in your house?”

He threw his hands into the air. “I don’t know! That’s why I asked!” Berry winced as his outburst sent him into a coughing fit. As it settled, he looked back up at her. “I was just relaxing on my couch when the door slammed open and you drunkenly stumbled inside. How did you mess that up anyway? You live on the other side of town.”

That was a good question. Berry Punch sat there and wracked her brain, but try as she might, she still couldn’t remember anything about the previous night.

“Must’ve been quite the night if you remember none of it,” he coughed. “Anyway, I really didn’t feel like dealing with a drunk pony, so I just went to bed early and tried to ignore the sound of you rummaging around downstairs. Fat lot of good that did, ‘cause about an hour later you stumbled into the room and flopped onto the bed. No sheets or nothing. Just a jump and a flop.” He gave her a smirk, “For a moment there, I was afraid you were going to break my ribs.” He started laughing, only to have it change into a violent coughing fit. Berry’s eyes widened in concern as he collapsed back onto his hands and coughed up a bit of blood. “Little did I know, you were just waiting to do that in the morning.”

Berry stared at the blood on the floor before shifting her worry onto the blacksmith. “Are- are you okay?”

He looked up at her with a disbelieving stare. “Am I okay? You river danced on my ribcage! What do you think?!”

Berry flinched back, ears folded against her head. “Was it- was it really that bad?”

He stared at her for a moment. “Was it really that- you’re wearing steel shoes! I would know! I made them! Gagh!” He collapsed back down. “What does a winemaker need steel shoes for, anyway?”

“I… uh…” She struggled for a response before looking down at her hooves and blushing lightly. “They’re… to impress a stallion.”

The blacksmith sat back in silence before smirking. “Well, steel is nice and all, but I must admit I’m more of a polished chrome guy myself.”

“What?” It took Berry a moment to realize what he meant. “No! They aren’t meant to impress you!”

He quirked an eyebrow. “You sure? ‘Cause you seemed awfully eager to show them off while you were stamping on my sternum.”

She winced and looked away. “I-I-”

“Then again, I guess that makes sense,” he continued. “Bit of an odd move to try and impress me with something I made.”

Berry blinked. “You made?” She turned back to him. “What are you talking about? I bought these from Caramel.”

The blacksmith rolled his eyes and began shuffling on his knees towards the bed. “And who do you think he got them from, the smiths in Canterlot?” When he reached the bed he sat up and grabbed her hoof.

“Hey!” Berry tried to pull away. “Let go!”

He turned her hoof so that she could see her shoe, before pointing at a mark engraved on it. “That’s my brand. I made these.”

He let go and toppled backwards onto the floor as she pulled her hoof away. She gave a glare at his prone form before looking closer at the mark on her shoe. It looked like a mixture of a ‘p’, a ‘6’, and a ‘4’.

The blacksmith sat up. “Look, I’m proud of my work and all, but that doesn’t mean I want my brand bruised into my body.”

Berry grimaced. “Look, I’m really sorry. I-I panicked, and-”

The blacksmith shook his head and waved her off. “Eh, it’s whatever. Don’t worry about it.” He shifted around and slowly got to his feet. “Ugh. I’m just gonna go see about fixing any broken ribs I might have. Then I’ll worry about breakfast.” He began to walk towards the door. “Since you’re here, feel free to join. But, before that," He turned and pointed at her, “you reek of alcohol. Shower’s across the hall.” With that he walked out of the room.

Berry Punch sat on the bed for a couple minutes, trying to wrap her head around everything that had happened, only stopping when her musings made her headache even worse. Sighing, she put her head in her hooves and massaged it to try and dull the pain. Maybe a hot shower was what she needed to clear her thoughts. Berry’s nose twitched as she finally got a whiff of herself.

“Bleagh.”

Definitely needed a shower.

He didn’t have any shampoo.

Well, okay, that wasn’t fair. He did have shampoo, but she wasn’t sure it was meant for ponies. It certainly wasn’t anything she liked. No raspberry scented mane-n-tail. No fruit punch coat conditioner. Just a boring, bland smelling bottle that looked like it came from the bottom of the discount bin at Barnyards and Bargains. That and a stupid, slippery bar of soap that she definitely didn’t slip on trying to climb into the awkwardly shaped tub.

Stupid soap.

Without any way to clean herself properly, Berry Punch just sat under the too tall shower, letting the hot water flow down her head, to her neck, and then to the rest of her body. The hot shower and steam dulled her headache enough to finally allow her to think clearly.

Parody.

That was his name.

It had been in the newspapers a while back. Up in Canterlot, something had happened between the princesses and an unknown creature. She didn’t know what exactly. The papers included a picture of one of the castle towers with a hole blown in the side, but never specified any further. Then, about a week later, Parody showed up in Ponyville. He bought a plot of land, built a house, and made himself the town blacksmith. That was all she really knew about him. She saw him every now and then in town, but the only time she actually interacted with him was when she ordered some custom wine racks. It didn’t help that his house was on the other end of town, about an hour’s trot away from hers.

He had a good point; how did she mess that up?

She shook her head, mane dangling in front of her face. It didn’t matter right now. She tilted her head back, letting the water run down her face. What mattered was what she was going to do from here. Her stomach gave a low rumble. Breakfast seemed like a good place to start. Getting some food in her would probably help her hangover. She sighed softly, letting the water run over her.

She’d figure out her day from there.

Berry Punch stepped out of the bathroom, giving the soap a backwards glare. She was dry, but her mane was an absolute tangled mess. It had taken five minutes and several broken teeth before she gave up and accepted that Parody’s comb wasn’t going to help. She’d just have to deal with it until she could use her brush back at home.

As she trotted down the hall, she heard Parody’s voice drift up from downstairs.

“-ow that I can. It’s not a matter of if I can, it’s if I will.”

Curious, Berry slowed down as she approached the staircase.

“Well, unlike usual, I have a guest over. I’d rather not risk burning the house down while someone other than me is inside it.”

Hovering at the top of the staircase, Berry waited to catch more of his conversation.

“Look, I’ll come up with something, just give me a minute.”

Berry waited a few more moments. When she realized Parody was done talking, she began to trot downstairs

Parody was in the kitchen, hands on his hips, staring at the stove. He spared her a glance. “Hey,” he nodded his head to the table, “got a hangover cure for you on the table. Probably tastes awful, so, y’know, watch out for that.”

She slowly nodded as she walked past him to the table. She picked up the glass of green sludge that rested there and began drinking it.

“Well, at least you smell better.”

Berry’s face turned greener than the sludge before she dropped the glass and rushed to the garbage can to vomit.

Parody stared at the pile of glass shards and sludge with a flat expression. He sighed, “And now I have to clean up broken glass. Awesome.”

“Ugh,” Berry Punch pulled her head out of the garbage can. She felt sick to her stomach, had the smell of puke in her nose, and all she could taste was bile.

At least her hangover was gone.

With her head no longer pounding, Berry was able to start taking in details about her surroundings, and she noticed-

“Your house is a mess!”

And it was.

Bits of scrap and unfinished projects were strewn randomly across the floor. The sheer number of tool racks and shelves holding junk almost prevented Berry from seeing the walls behind them. The floor was so cluttered that she was surprised Parody could even walk around at all. She couldn’t even understand half of the mess in front of her. There were bent pipes, plates of metal, and cobbled together pieces of machinery that she would never be able to guess the purpose of. There was even a wheel propped up against the couch. The only places that were mostly clear were the kitchen area and right next to the front door.

“Well, you certainly didn’t help, what with the breaking in and trashing the place.”

Berry winced and turned back to look at him. “Did I do that?”

His blue eyes rolled. “Eh, not really. It was already a mess before you showed up. You just made it a little bit worse.” Parody turned back to face the stove.

Berry Punch gave the mess one final look before turning and walking over to stand next to Parody. “So,” she said, looking between Parody and the stove he was glaring at, “what are you doing?”

“Trying to decide what to do about breakfast.”

“Thinking about what to cook?”

He shook his head, causing his long brown hair to shake a little. “No. I’m more debating on whether or not to cook.”

“… What?”

Parody turned and gave Berry a smirk, placing a hand on his chest, partially obscuring the cartoon face printed on his shirt. “Berry, I’m a man of many talents. About half of those talents I can never perform consistently.” He turned to glare at the stove. “Cooking is one of those talents.” He caught Berry’s disbelieving stare. “No, seriously. One day I could cook you a five star meal; the next, I’d be burning soup.”

Berry’s brow furrowed. “How do you burn soup? Soup’s like ninety percent water.”

Parody gave her a wide eyed stare. “That’s… almost exactly what my friend said.”

They both stood in silence for a bit.

“Anyway,” Parody said, “here’s how it’s gonna go. Either I turn on that stove and cook us some breakfast, or I turn on that stove and it, I dunno, explodes and kills us both.”

Berry Punch took several steps back and shot Parody a worried look. “What?!”

Parody shrugged. “Welcome to my life; population: two.”

Berry stayed rooted in place, looking between Parody and the stove with no small amount of concern.

Parody watched her for a couple seconds before gesturing to the door. “You wanna just eat out?”

She nodded.

“Alright,” Parody strode past her, his two-tone blue cape flittering behind him as he deftly wove around the clutter and out the front door. “Come on!”

Berry blinked a couple more times, then carefully stepped around the piles of junk and followed Parody outside.

As Berry Punch followed Parody down the street, she took the time to wave to and greet passing ponies. She didn’t know what the exact time was, but from the number of ponies on the street, she figured they had caught the early rush for Saturday market.

After looking at all the traffic, Parody turned to Berry. “Alright, as we approach the market, you’re gonna wanna stay nearby. Otherwise we might get split up and lose track of each other.”

Berry looked at all the brightly colored ponies around them on the street. Then she looked at Parody’s black shirt and pants.

“I don’t think I’d have a hard time finding you.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I guess I am taller than everyone else here, aren’t I?”

“That too.”

As they walked down the street, Berry continued to greet those they passed, making small talk with a few passing friends. Parody for the most part walked in silence, only speaking to a few ponies that trotted up to ask about the status of their orders. After finishing her conversation, Berry began to let her mind wander. Her eyes glanced around as she thought about her morning, and if there was anything she needed to take care of. She had a nagging feeling that she was forgetting something, but couldn’t figure out what. Maybe it was…

“What’s with all the ponies? Everyone got a place to be or something?”

Blinking into focus, Berry looked around. Sure enough, there were more ponies on the street than before, with even more on the way it looked like. Made sense.

“It’s Saturday market.”

“What? Saturday market? What’s so special about Saturday market?”

Berry blinked before looking at Parody. “Has nopony told you?”

Parody tossed his hands in the air. “No. No one tells me anything.”

“Saturday market is open market, which means anypony can set up a stand.”

“Wait, is that not normal? I thought ponies just rolled up into market when they had something to sell.”

Berry shook her head. “No. While ponies can sell stuff from their own shops whenever they want, they are only allowed to set up a stand in the market once or twice a week. Saturdays are the only days where everypony is free to set up their stands.

“You’re kidding. There’s a market schedule?” Parody pressed a hand into his face. “No wonder- Gah! So much wasted time.” He dragged his hand down his face before turning to Berry. “Does town hall have the schedules?” At her nod, Parody shook his head and began muttering to himself.

Berry giggled. “Anyway, I’m hoping the Apple’s have their stand up today. They didn’t yesterday, and I’ve been meaning to buy a basket of apples. I want to try making apple wine.”

“Not apple cider?”

Berry shook her head. “No, they’ve got the market on cider locked down. I want to try something new, so I’m considering adding apple flavoring to the wine I already make.”

“Speaking of which, how’s the wine business anyway?”

Berry sighed, “Not great. It’s a bit of a dry season right now; Nopony is buying anything for themselves. My only business right now is some of the local bars. It’s enough to get by on, but…”

“Not ideal?”

“Yeah.”

“Eh,” Parody nodded, “I know the feeling. You ponies don’t like to buy from a creature you aren’t comfortable around, and it took you ponies forever to warm up to me.” He shrugged, “Then again, breaking Pinkie’s nose probably didn’t help.”

Berry stopped to whirl around and face him. “You broke Pinkie's nose?!”

“Yeah, at my welcome to Ponyville party.” He furrowed his brow, “Weren’t you there?”

Berry Punch opened her mouth to respond, only to pause and look away as she tried to remember. “… I was… very drunk.”

Parody rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that figures.”

Berry scowled at that before turning back to him. “Why would you break Pinkie’s nose?”

Parody threw his hands up. “It was a reflex! She startled me!” He stared gesturing animatedly, “I was just minding my own business when all of a sudden she was in my face; so I punched her.” He punctuated by punching at the air in front of him.

Berry gave him level look.

He frowned, “Don’t give me that. When you’ve lived the life I’ve lived, then you can judge my fight or flight reflex. Until then, shut up.”

He turned forward and started walking. “So yeah, anyway, for whatever reason, it took you ponies forever to start using my services as a blacksmith. Just started working on my own projects when I got tired of twiddling my thumbs all day.”

Berry gave a soft laugh, “Sounds about right,” before trotting along after him. After a minute of silence Berry turned to Parody. “I don’t suppose I’d be able to interest you in buying some wine?”

Parody shook his head. “Nah. Not really in the mood. Besides, I've had some pretty bad experiences with alcohol.”

“Really? What happened?”

Parody snerked, “Well, admittedly, our first mistake was trying to brew it ourselves.”

Berry winced. It may have been her special talent, but some of her first attempts to make wine had been… less than successful.

“We were going for a mildly alcoholic beer; what we got was liquid death.”

“That bad, huh?”

“The black sludge was a pretty big giveaway.”

Berry faltered in her step. “Black sludge?!” It almost took effort to mess up that badly.

Parody nodded, “Yeah, It was this horrifying mess of curdled black slime that promised immediate alcohol poisoning with the smallest of sips...

“So naturally we drank it anyway.”

Berry had to suppress a gag. “Why?!”

Parody shrugged. “Why not?”

“Dying comes to mind.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t pleasant. If I had to describe the flavor, I’d say ‘concentrated regret.’”

Berry stared disbelievingly. “… You’re insane.”

“I’m getting better.”

Berry shook her head, causing Parody to laugh.

“Anyway, that’s my tale of woe. How about you? Got anything from your starter days?”

“Not really. As a foal I made juice. It wasn’t until later that I started making wine.” She gave Parody a wry smile, “I’ve messed up, yes, but I must admit, you’ve easily topped any mistake I ever made.”

Parody laughed, “Yeah, I tend to do that.” He spread his arms, “But hey, if you’re gonna mess up, you might as well go for gold; make it memorable.”

Berry laughed, “I guess.”

He walked in silence for a bit, before turning to Berry.

“So, a juice mixer and a vintner? You got your own vineyard?”

Berry shook her head, “No. I have a small garden for my own private stock, but it doesn’t produce enough to sell. I have to buy grapes elsewhere in order to keep up most of the time.”

“Huh, sounds expensive.”

“It works out,” she smirked at him, “can’t be much more expensive than having to order metals all the time.”

Parody shrugged, “Wouldn’t know. I don’t order metals.”

Berry stopped. “Wait, you don’t?” He shook his head. “Then how do you get your work materials?”

Parody shrugged. “Well, for the most part I mine it out myself. You ever notice how I’ll disappear for a week or two?”

“… You do?”

“That’s a ‘no’ then.”

“Sorry, I-”

Parody waved her off. “Nah, it’s fine. I’m not exactly a huge part of your life. Anyway, there’s this small tribe of Diamond Dogs up near Trottingham. Got a deal with them. I’m allowed free reign of their mines. I get to keep the metals I dig up, they get most of the gems.”

Berry stared incredulously. “And they’re okay with that? They didn’t just try to kidnap you and make you dig for them? I heard what happened to Rarity, and-”

“Okay, not all Diamond Dogs are savages,” He let out a wild smirk. “I mean, they did try, but I’m pretty difficult to contain.” He laughed. “No, see, Diamond Dogs are a bit like wild dogs or wolves: pack alphas, rule of the strong, stuff like that.” He made a fist. “All I had to do was beat my way up the chain of command, and suddenly my ideas are worth listening to.”

Berry scrunched her face.

Parody burst out laughing, “Hey, if it works, it works.”

She frowned, “So what, you just beat up a bunch of diamond dogs until you were in charge?”

Parody shook his head, “Oh, no, I’m not in charge; I didn’t climb that far. I’m just worth listening to. I mean, I still have to deal with upstarts, but it keeps things interesting.”

Berry put her head in her hoof and groaned. This conversation was giving her a headache. She needed to change the subject, but she needed to do so naturally.

“So, what’s the weather like today?”

Smooth.

Parody laughed, “The weather, huh?” He looked up at the partly cloudy sky. “Hmm, I don’t actually know. I never bother with a weather schedule. Here, let me just ask real quick.”

He bent down to scoop a rock into his hand. Standing back up, he tossed the rock a couple of times before reeling back and -“Hey, Rainbow!”- throwing it at a drifting cloud with a rainbow tail hanging over the edge.

Thunk

“OW!”

The tail disappeared and was replaced by Rainbow Dash, rubbing her head and scowling down at Parody.

“What the hay?! That hurt!”

Parody cupped his hands around his mouth, “Yeah, if only there was something you could do about that!” Rainbow began growling. “Anyway, what’s the weather look like today?”

“Rain for you!”

With that she took off, leaving a rainbow contrail behind her. Parody’s eyes trailed her as she disappeared, before turning to Berry with a smirk.

“Guess I’m getting rain today.”

Taking her eyes off the fading rainbow, Berry turned to stare at Parody. “What was that?!”

He shrugged, “Eh, we’re not on good terms.” He started off down the road.

Following, she continued to stare, her silent gaze demanding an explanation.

He blinked first.

Turning away, Parody sighed, “Ruin my day why don’t you…” He snapped back to face her. “Alright, look, you know how I said it took you guys forever to start actually using me as a blacksmith?” At her nod, Parody tilted his head in the direction Rainbow had taken off. “She was the first. She came to me one day and asked if I could make her a suit of armor. I was excited. It was my first big commission, and I wanted to go above and beyond. Forget bumping the lamp, I was gonna knock it from the ceiling.” He threw his arms in the air, “And why wouldn’t I? She’s Rainbow Dash: Hero of Equestria. She fights monsters, saves the world and all that. A suit of armor… It just made sense.

“I got started on it right away. Had to get body measurements from Rarity, shoe size from Caramel, and on top of all that, I had to track Dash down for some final measurements, as well as study the range of motion of her limbs; Real fun explaining that one. Once I had all that, I had to actually design it, and oh boy did that take a long time.” He started gesturing animatedly. “It needed to be aerodynamic, while also protecting her from damage, like a proper suit of armor should. It couldn’t just be a couple form fitting plates of metal, it had to be more than that. So I had Rarity tailor a gambeson while I worked on the chain-mail under armor, then I had to make the plate-mail. And all of that needed to perfectly blend defense and aerodynamics, while also looking good.

“And then when I had all of that done, I had to pay someone else to enchant it, because I completely wrecked the first set trying to do it myself!”

Berry tilted her head. “You enchanted it?”

“I had it enchanted, yes.”

“What with?”

Parody waved an arm lazily. “Eh, mostly standard stuff. Added durability, impact dispersion, something to regulate temperature so she didn’t die of heat stroke underneath three layers of armor, as well as some other enchantments to try to make up for the fact she’d be flying around with a bunch of metal strapped to her body.

“So, after weeks of work, I finally had the armor done. I even threw in a sword, y’know, to complete the set. So, I presented the complete product to her.” He sighed heavily before turning to Berry. “You know what she did?”

She shook her head.

“She wore it around town, showed it off for a day,” he scowled, “then hung it up and never wore it again. Can you believe that?!” He began gesturing wildly. “All that work and she doesn’t even use it?! Do you understand that?”

“Uh-”

“I mean, how would you feel if someone bought your most expensive bottle of wine, only to put it on a shelf with no intention of ever drinking it?”

Berry flinched back at the force of his voice. “… I guess I’d be a little upset, but how would I even know?”

Parody scoffed, “Well, I know because I confronted Dash and she told me such. She told me- to my face! - that she had no intention of ever using the armor for its intended purpose. Oh I loved hearing that! I think we were arguing for ten minutes before she finally shouted,” he spread his arms wide, “’Well what do you want me to do? Kill someone?!’ and I was just like ‘Yes! Please! Someone! Anyone! I don’t care, just use it! What other use would you have for a sword and armor?!’” His arms dropped, his posture relaxing as they approached an outdoor café. “’Course all that got me was an invitation to the castle from Princess Twilight, and a lesson on ethics and morality.” He rolled his eyes as he sat down at a table. “Waste of my time.”

Berry Punch hesitantly took the seat across from Parody, eyeing the crowd of ponies staring at him after his outburst. “Well, to be fair, you did tell Rainbow Dash to kill somepony.”

Parody rested his head on his hands and pouted. “… It didn’t have to be a pony.”

Berry was silent.

Parody sighed, “It’s just… I put a lot of effort into it, and just want her to actually use it.”

Berry wracked her head, searching for something to say. “… Well, you seem passionate about your work.”

“You don’t care.”

Berry winced. “No, I- I do. It’s just-”

Parody waved her off. “No, no, it’s fine. I get it. It’s not something you really care about. That’s okay. I can’t imagine I’d be too terribly interested if you started ranting on about the wine business, or about how the price of grapes is unfair, or something like that.” He chuckled to himself. “Besides, it’s my fault anyway. Social etiquette suggests not unpacking everything on the first date.”

Berry gave him a level glare, causing him to burst out laughing. She rolled her eyes and accepted a menu from an approaching waitress. She idly looked through as she waited for Parody to stop laughing.

His laughter dying, Parody began to shift in his seat before settling down with a wide grin.

Berry glanced up from her menu. “You done?”

“Yeah.”

Leaving his menu on the table, Parody began rolling his shoulders and stretching, joints popping as he did so.

Berry winced at the crackles and pops, the sounds bringing to mind something she had meant to ask earlier.

“Hey, Parody?”

He stopped, “Yeah?”

“I forgot to ask this earlier, but how are your ribs?”

“Hmm?”

“Your ribs, are they okay? You said something about checking to see if I broke any, and I was afraid that I did. After all, I-”

“Stomped on them with the force of an oncoming train?”

Berry winced and looked away, avoiding eye contact. After a moment, she worked herself up enough to ask, “How many?”

“Would you believe me if I said all of them?” As Berry’s ears lowered in shame, Parody laughed. “I’m fine, don’t worry. Wasn’t anything I would consider serious.”

Berry sighed in relief.

“Still hurt, though. So I would like to politely request that you not do that again, if at all possible.”

Berry shot him a look, but it didn’t have a lot of heat in it. She was glad he was okay. She never wanted to hurt him, she had just…

Panicked.

With that bit of guilt off her chest, she looked through the menu, but couldn’t take any of it in. With the guilt gone, all that was left was this nagging feeling she’d had all morning that she was forgetting something…

Parody suddenly sat up straight.

“Hey, total non-sequitur, but don’t you have a daughter?”

Berry blinked uncomprehendingly before jumping to her hooves and bolting down the street in a panic.

“RUBY!”

Author's Note

Alright, finally get this thing going. Only took me 13 months. Would you believe if I said this was supposed to be the first story?

Anyway, this little idea was an old story idea I came up with about a year and a half, maybe two years ago. For the most part, it's just going to be a fun romp with old characters of mine as I try to learn and refine my writing style. So, while it might sting, feedback is appreciated. I'm here to learn.

So as to not clutter the authors notes, I'll be making a blog post relatively soon to give a bit more context and explain what I'm going to be doing with this story.
(Edit) Here it is

Side note: I promise I had two reference pictures of Parody (one cartoon, the other a bit more realistic) but I have no idea how to put them in the authors notes. So I'll get around to that as soon as I figure it out.

Wake Up Call Part 2

Sunlight streamed into the room through the window, lighting up the lonely kitchen. A soft crunching sound from a carnation filly filled the otherwise empty room. Her horn alight as she lifted her spoon to take another bite of her breakfast. It was the same as yesterday, her favorite cereal, ‘Sugar Cubez’. It was sugarier than the name suggested, and her mom never let her eat it two days in a row.

It wasn’t like she was here to stop her, though.

Ruby Pinch sighed as she looked down at her bowl, watching the overly sweet marshmallow cubes swirl lazily in their pool of milk. Her eyes gazed blankly as her mind drifted along, wondering what she was going to do today. Probably go over to Dinky’s. She had been busy with homework all week, and they hadn’t played together since Sunday.

Aside from recess that is, but recess is part of school, so that doesn’t count.

Ruby let out another sigh. That would be for later; she didn’t feel like doing anything right now. Maybe she’d go lay on the couch. Maybe even doodle for a bit. It didn’t really matter, she didn’t have anywhere else to be since it looked like the trip to the park was cancelled.

Again.

Ruby grumbled to herself as she lifted up her spoon to take another bite.

The front door slammed open, causing Ruby to fumble and drop her spoon onto the table. Frantic hoofsteps ran across the floor until Berry Punch staggered into view of the kitchen, breathing haggardly.

“Mom?”

Berry didn’t respond. She just looked at Ruby with worry as she gasped for breath.

Before Ruby could ask her mom what happened, Parody slid into view behind her. He reached out with an arm, and in an exaggerated voice shouted, “Come with me if you want to eat!”

Ruby blinked and looked down at her cereal. “But I’m already-”

Parody lunged forward and slapped the bowl, sending it clattering to the ground, spilling cereal everywhere.

Ruby looked down at the mess on the floor before looking up at Parody, “… why?”

Parody gestured to the door. “Come on, we’re gonna go get food.” He turned and pushed past Berry, knocking her to the floor. She laid there and wheezed, unable to get up.

Ruby looked at her mom in concern. As she got out of her chair to go help her, Parody walked back into view. He rolled his eyes and shook his head as he picked Berry up by the barrel and tucked her under his arm. Once she was secure, he walked back out the front door.

Ruby gave the bowl on the floor one final look before taking off after Parody.

Ruby Pinch trailed behind Parody as he strolled down the street, still carrying a panting Berry Punch. She wasn’t sure what to think of him.

Some of the adults she had listened to had some mean things to say about him, but she couldn’t see it. He seemed nice enough. Sure he was weird, and he did just knock her cereal onto the floor, but he was funny. And just two months ago he came to the school and fixed up the playground for Miss Cheerilee. He even made them a new swing set, which was great because she never got a turn on the old one; Archer and Truffle always hogged it.

He even gave her a free toy when she asked for one. That was pretty nice.

…

Okay, so she only got it because she had pestered him for days until he finally caved and handed her what looked like a human covered in futuristic, glowy armor complete with “authentic battle damage” in the form of a large gash across the chest, obscuring whatever writing had been there.

She couldn’t tell if that was on purpose or not.

It was a nice toy. It didn’t really fit in with the rest of her toys, but she still had fun with it.

She liked to pretend it was an alien robot built to protect her pony princess dolls.

Ruby looked up at Parody. Speaking of aliens, maybe Parody-

Her internal musings were cut off as her mom started coughing. Worried, she darted over to her side.

“Mom, are you alright?”

Berry let out a couple more coughs before looking to Ruby with a weak smile. “Yes, Ruby, I’m fine. Just clearing my throat.” She coughed a couple more times before quieting down, her breathing back to normal. She looked up at Parody. “Can you put me down? I’ve caught my breath.”

Parody smirked as he shifted to set Berry on the ground. “Man, you should get out more if you’re this out of shape.”

A look of indignation flashed across Berry’s face as she turned to glare at him, but he had already continued walking. She huffed to herself before following after him with Ruby in tow.

They walked in silence for a couple minutes, quietly weaving around the other ponies out on the street.

“So, your name’s Ruby, right?”

Ruby looked up at Parody and nodded. “Ruby Pinch. How’d you know?”

Parody looked down at her with a quirked eyebrow. “Well, aside from you reminding me of your existence every day for two weeks?” Ruby let out a giggle. “‘Ruby’ was what your mom shouted when I reminded her you existed, so I kind of assumed that was your name.”

Berry Punch scowled at that and started to turn and chastise Parody for being insensitive, but before she could open her mouth, Ruby let out a little hum of agreement.

Berry flinched at her daughter’s indifference to the idea that her mom forgot about her. She wasn’t that bad…

Was she?

“Anyway, I’ve already talked to your mom about the wine business, so, uh… How’s school?”

Ruby giggled, “It’s alright. Recess is a lot more fun now that the playground is fixed. Ooh! And it’s even better now that we’ve got another swing set! I can actually go on it now!”

“You couldn’t before?”

Ruby pouted, “No, Archer and Truffle always hogged them!”

“That’s rude. Didn’t they ever learn to share?”

She stomped her hoof on the ground, “Ugh! I know! Let somepony else have a turn! I wanna swing too!”

Berry groaned, “Please don’t encourage this.”

Parody smirked, “What are you talking about? These are some very legitimate concerns. I thought you ponies were all about sharing.”

His flippancy was met with a tired glare.

He rolled his eyes. “Fine, fine,” With a dismissive wave he turned back to look at Ruby. “So, recess is fine. What about everything else?”

“It’s alright, I guess.”

“You guess?”

Ruby lowered her head and grumbled to herself.

Parody gave Berry Punch a quizzical glance.

Berry chuckled at her daughter’s frustration. “They’re starting pre-algebra.”

“Ah,” He turned back to Ruby with a smirk, “the letters getting to ya?”

Ruby stomped her hoof, “Math should be just numbers! Not letters!”

Parody laughed, “Well, if you think letters are bad, just wait until they start throwing in imaginary numbers.”

“What?!” Ruby stopped, giving Parody a look that was somewhere between fearful and frustrated. “Imaginary numbers?!”

“Yep!”

“That- Why?!”

He shrugged, “Sometimes you need to use fake to figure out the real.”

“… That doesn’t make sense! Why does math get stupider and stupider! Who needs-?”

As Ruby went on to rant about the stupidity of math, with little hoof stomps here and there for emphasis, Parody began to laugh in earnest. Berry shook her head at her daughter’s tantrum. Seeing that she wasn’t going to stop anytime soon, Berry shot Parody a glare before picking up Ruby and setting her on her back. As Ruby continued her rant uninterrupted, Berry gestured for Parody to take the lead.

As he walked by, Berry leaned over to him. “Look at what you’ve done. She isn’t going to stop anytime soon, and she’s going to exhaust herself over nothing.”

“Oh yeah? Watch this.” Parody leaned in close to Ruby. He put his hand to his mouth and stage whispered, “Hey, wanna know a secret?”

Immediately her rant stopped.

“Secret?”

“Yeah,” he beckoned her closer, “Don’t tell anyone, but you might be getting a guest lecturer sometime in the future.”

She gasped loudly. “You’re gonna be teaching us?!”

“Yep!”

Ruby began bouncing on Berry’s back. “What about? What about?” She stopped and narrowed her eyes. “It better not be about fake numbers.”

He laughed, “No, no. Just simple stuff. Mostly stories from home.”

Ruby went back to bouncing excitedly on Berry’s back.

Parody turned back to Berry. “And like that, it’s like it never happened.”

“Are you really going to be teaching at the school?”

“For a given definition of teaching. I’ve got a few stories I can tell that I’m sure they’ll find interesting.” He snorted in amusement. “You know, I actually offered to guest lecture at Princess Twilight’s School of Friendship.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. She turned me down. Said I wasn’t ‘friendly enough’”

“I can’t imagine why.”

He shrugged and gave a playful smirk. “Beats me; I’m plenty friendly.”

Berry scoffed and rolled her eyes, causing Parody to crack up.

After a minute of silence, Parody glanced over at Ruby, who was still bouncing in place on Berry’s back.

“Wow, you’re really excited about that, aren’t you?”

“Mhmm,” She nodded, “It’s gonna be so much better than some boring old lesson.”

“You sure? It’s just gonna be a history lesson.”

“An alien history lesson.”

“… Well, you got me there. I think aliens could make even calculus interesting.”

As they continued along in silence, Berry looked around at the busy street, trying to look past the crowds of ponies at the occasional shop lining the street. She didn’t think she needed anything, but it never hurt to keep an eye out for anything interesting.

Ruby broke the silence. “Hey, mister Parody?”

“What’s up?”

“Did you ever go to school?”

“Oh yeah. Lots of ‘em.”

Ruby made a face. “You went to more than one school? Why?”

Parody gestured outward with his arms. “Well, you know, to learn new things. Broaden my horizons. Meet new people.”

“Oh! Did you make any friends?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you make any friends? I’ve made lots of friends in school!”

Parody laughed and opened his mouth to respond, before freezing. His face slowly changed from one of playful mirth to deep contemplation. “Actually, I think I’ve made more enemies than friends.”

Berry snorted, “‘She turned me down. Said I wasn’t friendly enough.’”

Parody burst into laughter.

Ruby frowned, “… enemies?”

Parody shrugged, “Well, ‘enemies’ might be too strong of a word. I mean, looking back at college alone, I occasionally hung out with Corus, and Cinder was pretty chill, but Mr. Vires barely tolerated me, Lily and Nera outright hated me, and everyone else was mostly indifferent, but I don’t think they were all too fond of me.” Parody noticed Berry and Ruby staring at him. “What? It’s not my fault no one likes me.”

Berry gave him a flat look. “Are you sure about that?”

Parody responded by sticking his tongue out at her.

Ruby looked up at him. “I like you, Mister Parody.”

Parody smiled. “Yeah, but you’re a kid, and I give you free stuff.”

“I’m eleven!”

“… You’re a kid, and I give you free stuff.”

Berry flinched as Ruby stomped a hoof on her back and shouted, “You’re nice!”

“… Because I give you-”

Ruby hopped off Berry’s back and stomped over to Parody’s feet, pouting up at him angrily.

Parody met her glare with a neutral expression before shrugging. “Well, I guess I have no choice but to bow to your superior logic.”

Ruby nodded sharply, huffing as she turned around to walk down the street with her nose up snootily.

Berry smiled at her daughter as she followed after her. Parody trailed behind for a bit before speeding up to match pace beside Ruby.

“Alright, since you’re the expert here: How many friends have you made in school?”

“More than you, probably.” Berry shot at Parody, earning a playful glare.

“Oh! I’ve made lots of friends! There’s Aura, Pipsqueak, Featherweight, Twist. I sometimes play with Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, but they’re usually busy with other things. Oh! And there’s my best friend, Dinky!”

Parody tilted his head slightly. “Dinky? That’s Derpy’s daughter, right?” Berry nodded. “Good kid.”

Ruby bounced in place and nodded rapidly. “Yeah! Dinky’s the bestest friend ever! We always hang out at recess, and we play together all the time!”

Parody smiled softly. “Ah, the classic best friend. Someone you can laugh and have fun with.” Ruby nodded. “Someone you can always trust and rely on.” Ruby nodded. Parody’s smile shifted to a wide smirk. “Someone you can talk about all the cute colts with.”

Ruby nodded before realizing what Parody had said. Her face burst into red and she darted over to Parody’s legs. “Shh! Shh!” She looked around conspiratorially, “They’ll hear you.”

Parody exploded into laughter.

Ruby puffed out her cheeks and glared at him with the force of a plush bomb. “I’m serious! You don’t talk about these things!”

It was no use, however, as Parody’s laughter didn’t cease in any way. Ruby huffed and turned around to stomp down the street.

Eventually, Parody’s laughter died down. He looked up at Ruby. “C’mon, lighten up!” She huffed and ignored him. “Look, I promise none of them heard me.”

She didn’t turn around. “And how do you know that?”

Parody scoffed, “Oh, please, there aren’t any other kids around here. It’s a beautiful Saturday morning! If I were your age, I’d be at the park or something.”

Ruby’s posture suddenly slumped, and her ears folded back. “… Yeah.”

Confused at her sudden change in behavior, Parody and Berry Punch both looked at each other and shrugged, though Berry couldn’t help but feel as if it were her fault in some way.

After a moment of walking in silence, Parody turned to Berry. “So, Dinky’s her best friend?”

Berry nodded. “Mhmm. They met each other when they started school, and have been close friends ever since.” She smiled softly. “It was actually because they were such close friends that I got to meet Derpy for the first time outside of work.”

“Fast friends?”

Berry nodded. “Yes. She’s actually one of my closest friends now. She’s kind and reliable, and while she might not always get it right, you can always count on her to give it her best.”

Parody laughed, “Oh, I know. Derpy’s like one of two ponies that I’m legitimately friends with.”

Berry looked to Parody in surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah. Though I guess familiarity probably played a part in that.”

“Familiarity?”

Parody nodded with a surprisingly moderate smile. “Yep. Derpy was the first pony I recognized when I got here.”

Berry tilted her head quizzically. “You met her in Canterlot?”

Parody shook his head. “No, I met her back home.”

Ruby’s ears perked up as she turned around. “Really?!”

“Yeah.”

Berry gave him an odd look. “Huh.”

Parody blinked, before turning to Berry. “You don’t sound all that impressed.” He furrowed his brow slightly. “Do you not know where I’m from?”

Berry shook her head. “It was never in the papers.”

“No… but we did bring it up at my Welcome to Po- right, you were completely wasted; of course you don’t remember.”

Berry shot him a fierce glare.

Parody shook his head. “That’s still no excuse! Ruby brought it up like three conversations ago!”

Berry looked to Ruby.

“He’s an alien, Mom.”

Berry snapped to look at Parody. “You’re an alien?!”

“Yeah. I’m from a completely different reality. If you hadn’t been plastered, you’d’ve been there when we told everyone I was brought here by some magical cosmic coincidence that yoinked me out of my reality and into yours.”

Berry just stared blankly at him. He was an alien from another reality?

… That explained a lot, actually.

Ruby tilted her head. “How did Derpy end up in your home?”

“Pff, don’t ask me, I don’t know. No one ever admitted to it, so I assume it was just some genuine cosmic shenanigans. All I know is that I was at work and she just rounded the corner in front of me. Handed me a letter and a muffin.” Parody laughed. “I’d say you ponies get into some weird situations, but honestly? I’m in no position to judge.”

Berry blinked a few times. “So you and Derpy already knew each other?”

“Eh, not really. She didn’t recognize me when I got here, so that was probably another Derpy. Y’know, infinite realities and all that.”

Berry nodded slowly. “… Right.”

She had no idea what he was talking about.

Ruby Pinch bounced in place, excitement back in her eyes. “Ooh! What’s your home like? Where do you work? What do you do?”

Parody smiled. “You know, I would love to answer your questions.” He gestured at the building in front of them. “But we're here, so I won’t” He started walking towards the door.

“Oh come on!”

Parody laughed. “Looks like you’ll just have to wait until I visit the school.”

Ruby pouted as she followed him inside, Berry absent mindedly trailing behind her. Once inside, Berry began to take in the surroundings.

“Sorry that it’s not the café from before, but this is a bit cheaper, and about as goo-”

“Hayburger? Really?” Berry said flatly.

“What’s wrong with Hayburger? Princess Twilight likes it, see?”

Berry looked over to where Parody was pointing and saw Starlight Glimmer, Spike, and Princess Twilight Sparkle sitting at a table in the corner of the room. Starlight and Spike were quietly nursing drinks with heavy bags under their eyes as Princess Twilight scarfed down food like a slob while rifling through some papers.

Parody waved, “Hi, Princess Twilight!”

The three froze before looking over at Parody. Starlight and Spike just shook their heads and returned to their drinks while Princess Twilight narrowed eyes as she stared at Parody. She slowly wiped her mouth with a burger before taking a bite out of it. After a few more seconds she broke eye contact and turned back to her papers, occasionally glancing back over at him.

Ruby looked up at Berry. “Can we eat here, Mom, please? We never come here.”

Berry opened her mouth to say no, that it was unhealthy and that they should either go somewhere else or go back home, but she caught sight of her daughter’s pleading gaze. She sighed, “Fine,” she turned to Parody, “but you’re paying.”

“I was actually gonna make Ruby pay for it.”

“What?!” Ruby frantically looked up at Parody. “But I don’t have any-!” Parody set a small bag of bits on her snout, cutting her off and making her go cross-eyed to look at it.

“There. Now go pay for our food.” He began to walk off. “I’m gonna go grab a table.”

“Wait!” Ruby called out, almost panicked. She turned her head to follow Parody, causing the bag of bits to fall off onto the floor. “I don’t know what you want!”

“Anything that doesn’t have hay in it!”

“Came to the wrong place for that.” Berry muttered as she picked up the bit bag. “Come on, Ruby. Let’s go order our food.”

“But what if I get him something he doesn’t like?”

“If he’s not going to be a grown up and order his own food, then he’ll just have to be a big-colt and deal with what he’s given.”

They ate their food in silence; Berry eating a simple hayburger, Ruby munching on some cheesy hay fries, while Parody slowly ate his salad, almost mechanically. Berry’s ear flicked as she felt a twinge of annoyance. She had specifically ordered the most basic salad for Parody as a way to get back at him for not ordering his own food, but he hadn’t reacted to it at all. He just stared forward unblinkingly. She glanced up at him. He was still staring forward at some distant object, paying no attention to his table mates, or even the salad on his plate. He hadn’t even put dressing on it, he was so focused on whatever he was looking at. Berry glanced over in the direction he was looking. She did a brief double-take at the object of his unwavering attention.

“Why are you staring at the Princess?”

He didn’t spare her a glance. “I’m trying to make her uncomfortable.”

Berry looked back at Princess Twilight, whose eyes flashed over to glance at Parody before flicking back forward, her ears lowering a notch. Her eating was much slower than it had been when they entered.

Berry glared at Parody. “Why?”

He gave a light shrug, but otherwise didn’t change his focus. “Feel like it.”

She looked back at the Princess, who quickly glanced at their table before lowering her head, ears almost folded against her skull as her measured expression began to break. She turned back to Parody. “That’s not a good enough reason.”

“Well get used to it, ‘cause that’s the reason for most of the things I do.”

Berry shook her head before turning back to face the poor pony who had begun to quiver under Parody’s gaze. The princess’s eyes flashed over to them. Her whole body gave a twitch before her horn lit up and with a BAMF she disappeared.

Parody clapped and threw his hands in the air. “Yes! Five minutes and fifty-seven seconds! New record!”

Berry just watched as Starlight and Spike slowly shook their heads before grabbing their drinks and walking towards the door.

“Gotta say, thanks for the help, Berry. With both of us staring at her, she cracked much faster.”

Confused, Berry turned to Parody. “What are you talking about? I wasn’t staring at her, I was-”

“Looking at her every time she looked over, so you might as well have been.”

Berry winced. She’d have to apologize for that later.

Ruby swallowed her mouthful of cheese-fries. “So, Mister Parody, what do you think of Equestria?”

Parody quirked an eyebrow. “What brought this on?”

“Well, you won’t talk about your world, so I wanted to know what you thought of ours.”

“Ah, well for starters, it’s not nearly as peaceful and relaxing as I thought it would be.”

Berry furrowed her brow. “What are you talking about? Equestria is a peaceful nation, and-”

“Are you kidding me?” He gave her a playful smirk, “It’s been almost non-stop shenanigans since I got here.”

“And how much of that is your fault?” Berry shot at him.

Parody’s expression didn’t change as he silently reached over and flicked her ear, causing her to flinch back and glare at him, before continuing. “Monsters, crazy ponies, angry ponies, ponies throwing me through walls-”

“What?!”

“Ask Luna. But yeah, it’s been crazy, and I didn’t come here for crazy.” He huffed and folded his arms. “Some vacation this turned out to be.”

Berry gave a slightly sheepish smile. “Well, I suppose Ponyville has always been a strange place…”

Parody rolled his eyes and smirked. “Oh, don’t even get me started on Ponyville. I don’t think I could have picked a worse spot to relax if I tried! Canterlot was a three on the weird-o-meter, Trottingham’s a five, and Ponyville is easily a twelve.” Berry opened her mouth. “Before factoring Pinkie.” Berry closed her mouth.

Ruby looked up sadly. “You don’t like it here?”

Parody laughed. “Don’t worry. This place is fun. And honestly? That’s good enough for me. I enjoy fun. I’m just whining that it isn’t as relaxing as I was initially hoping. I mean, look at today: I was expecting a lazy Saturday; Instead, I woke up to a rodeo!”

Ruby tilted her head. “Was Applejack there?”

Parody shook his head. “Nope. Just your mom. Thankfully.” Berry went into a coughing fit as she choked on her drink.

Ruby furrowed her brow. “I didn’t know my mom did rodeos.”

Parody laughed, “Oh, trust me, she wasn’t that good. All she did was smash my ribs.”

Berry coughed, trying to clear her throat. “I said I was sorry!”

“Sorry doesn’t fix bones.”

“You said you were fine!”

“Not the point.”

“Mom? Why’d you hurt Mister Parody?”

Berry winced, her mouth open as she struggled to find an answer. “I- he- uh…” Her head dropped as she slumped in her seat. “He startled me.”

“Startled you?! I said ‘hi’ and you gave me the standard greeting!”

Berry looked up, brow furrowed. “Standard greeting?”

“Gratuitous violence.”

“That’s not the standard greeting!”

“Then why was my welcome to Equestria being thrown through a wall?! Did I startle her too?!”

Berry struggled to find a response.

Ruby sniffled, eyes starting to water. “Please don’t leave, Mister Parody.”

“Why not? Don’t want to lose your source of free stuff?”

Ruby pouted up at him.

Parody leaned in, a smile on his face. “Don’t worry. I don’t think I’m going anywhere anytime soon.”

Berry raised a brow. “‘You don’t think?’”

Parody glanced at her. “Well, it’s not exactly up to me.” He turned back to Ruby. “Hey, you wanna go to the park? Will that make you feel better?”

She nodded, starting to smile.

“Okay,” Parody suddenly leaned in close, “Race you there!” He bolted away from the table, sliding over another as he stumbled his way out the door.

Ruby scampered off after him.

Berry jolted upright. “Wait! Don’t-!” The door closed.

They were gone.

Berry scowled at the door, growling to herself as she looked down at the mess on the table. She didn’t want to be ‘that pony’ who left their mess for somepony else, so she would have to clean this up before she left. She quickly started throwing everything onto the trays. The quicker she got this done, the quicker she could give Parody a piece of her mind.

The late morning sun shone brightly on the park, unblocked by any lingering clouds. A gentle breeze carried the screams and laughter of foals playing in the lush green fields. The shade casting branches of trees rustled, the sweet smelling flowers swayed, and the soft grass shifted under the rolling breeze. It was, without doubt, a beautiful day at the Ponyville Park.

It’s a pity that Berry Punch was in no mood to appreciate any of it.

Berry’s hooves stomped with each step as she stormed down the trail, eyes glaring at the focus of her ire. There, standing at the top of a hill watching a group of foals run around, was a tall figure dressed in black, his brown hair and blue cape flitting in the wind.

Hearing her approach, Parody turned away from the foals to look at Berry, a smirk growing on his face. “Hey! ‘Bout time you-”

“Who the buck do you think you are?!”

He didn’t flinch. “That’s a pretty hostile way to say ‘thank you.’”

“Thank you?!”

“You’re welcome.”

Berry’s eyes narrowed, her brow furrowing as her muzzle scrunched up, glaring death at Parody.

He rolled his eyes. “Oh relax will you?”

“Relax?! You ran off with my daughter!”

“What’s your point? Most kids do that on their own anyway.” He folded his arms. “Despite all my complaining earlier, this isn’t exactly a dangerous place.”

“I’m trying to be a good mother!”

He quirked an eyebrow. “By getting drunk and waking up in someone else’s house? Interesting strategy.”

That took the wind out of her sails.

Berry slumped, the heat of her anger replaced by the hollow, icy feeling of shame.

“Then again, I guess I’m no better. My lifestyle isn’t exactly conducive to raising kids, and I’m pretty sure I’m in the red on that anyway. I mean, I don’t even have kids, and I still-”

Berry’s head hung low, her thoughts turning inward.

He was right. What kind of parent isn’t even there for her own daughter? For Celestia’s sake, she had completely forgotten about Ruby for most of the morning. She didn’t deserve-

“Hey.”

Berry snapped out of her thoughts as something shook her. She looked up at Parody’s neutral expression.

He tilted his head toward a bench under a nearby tree. “C’mon.” He started walking over to it. After a brief pause, Berry trailed behind him.

He plopped down, one leg crossed over the other, hands behind his head as he looked out into the crowd of foals. “Ruby’s having fun.” He said as Berry climbed onto the bench, resting her head on her hooves. “I get the feeling she’s been wanting to come out here all day. Anyway, we were playing hide and seek earlier. I lost pretty badly. Turns out those kids are way sneakier than I thought. Who knew?” He sighed, “They’ve moved on to tag now. Decided to sit out of that.”

Berry shifted in her seat, uncomfortable as she searched for something to say. After a minute she sighed. “… I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

Parody dropped his hands. “Look, I get it: You don’t like me. Most people don’t. That’s fine.”

Berry looked out at the foals running around, chasing each other. She spotted Ruby, squealing as she galloped away from a lavender filly. “I just worry…”

“Come on, I can be responsible.”

Berry cracked a weak smile. “You’ll have to forgive me if you don’t exactly give that impression.” Parody started laughing as Berry shook her head. “It’s not that, it’s just…” She stopped, searching for the right words. She looked up at Parody. “Parody, am I a bad mother?”

“Well, you’re certainly not the best.”

Berry flinched back, ears folded against her head as an expression of hurt crossed her face.

Parody started laughing. “Look, if you came looking for comfort and reassurance, you came to the wrong person.” His expression dropped to a soft smile. “That being said, you’re far from the worst. For all your flaws, Ruby doesn’t seem to hate you, so you’ve got that going for ya.” He shrugged, “’course I could be dead wrong; I don’t exactly know you two. Fact of the matter is,” he leaned in close, staring directly into her eyes, “I’m not the one you should be having this conversation with.”

Berry looked back at Ruby, who was now chasing a gray colt. “… What if she hates me?”

“Then she hates you and that’ll be your problem to deal with.”

Berry tried to glare at Parody, but it didn’t have much heat to it.

“What? Do you really want advice from me?”

She slumped into the bench, head buried in her hooves.

He was right.

But how could she talk to her? After all she had done? After all she hadn’t done? All the little mistakes she had swept under the rug… were they really so little? Or was she lying to herself, too? What did Ruby think? Were they little to her? Or was each mistake another wedge that would drive them apart?

Berry’s eyes began to water. Why did she think she could do this? What made her think she had what it takes to be a mother? Ruby would be better off with somepony else, somepony who would actually be there for her. She sniffled, the soft rain further dampening her spiraling mood.

…

Rain?

Berry lifted her head from her hooves and looked out at the park. The sun shone brightly, the trees rustled in the wind, and the foals laughed and played. There was no rain in sight, yet she still heard the soft pitter-patter of rain and felt little splashes of water. In fact, it seemed to be growing heavier. Confused, Berry looked at Parody. He sat on the bench, arms crossed, with a smile on his face…

All while sitting underneath what was rapidly becoming a localized torrential downpour.

His hair was plastered to his face, trails of water streaming down to his chin. His soaked clothes clung to his body, and his feet idly tapped in the puddle forming underneath him.

Berry’s mind completely blanked. “… What?”

Parody’s smile tightened into a smirk. “The trick is to not give her the satisfaction.”

Unable to speak, Berry looked up.

Floating far above Parody was a dark storm cloud, with a rainbow-maned pegasus aboard glaring death down at him. The rain pouring out of the dark cloud grew heavier and heavier as Rainbow Dash’s furious expression hardened.

“She’ll give up eventually.”

Berry looked back down at Parody. She opened her mouth to ask if he was sure when thunder rumbled from the storm cloud. Berry drew back in alarm. “Is she going to shoot lightning at you?”

Parody leaned back, draping an arm along the back of the bench behind Berry. “Nah, she’s not pissed enough to try that with other ponies nearby.” He flashed her a wicked smirk, “Yet. That can easily be changed.”

Berry rapidly shook her head, causing Parody to break into wild laughter.

Thunder rumbled, causing Berry to look back up at the cloud. Rainbow’s face was further contorting in fury, and the rumbling and flashes of light from within the dark cloud made Berry think that Rainbow was quickly approaching the point where she would be willing to take pot-shots at Parody, regardless of any bystanders such as herself.

Fortunately, before Berry started running, a couple weather ponies flew up to talk to Rainbow Dash. She couldn’t hear what they said, but she heard Rainbow’s growl of frustration. She took to the air and kicked the storm cloud, breaking it and causing it to dump the remaining water on Parody, before flying off.

Berry coughed and spluttered, having gotten caught up in the splash of water dumped from the sky, while Parody just sat and chuckled as he watched Dash’s retreat.

Berry coughed and shook her head, trying to dislodge the water in her everything. She looked up at Parody, “Why do you antagonize her? You could get seriously hurt… Maybe even die if something goes wrong.”

Parody shook his head as he leaned back and clasped his hands behind his neck. “Nah, she won’t kill me.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Parody shot her a smirk. “Because then I win.”

Berry wasn’t sure what face she made, but judging by Parody’s laugh, it must have been pretty silly looking. “… What? What do you mean you win?”

“Pretty sure I count as ‘someone, anyone.’ So if Dash kills me, the means I get what I want, and she knows that.”

“… But you’d be dead.”

He shrugged, “Still win, though.”

Unable to form words, Berry just rested her face on her hoof.

After a few minutes of silently watching the foals chase each other around, Parody sat up. “Well, I should get going. I’ve got some work to do.”

Berry gave a soft hum of acknowledgement.

Parody pat her on the head as he stood up. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell the guard that you got drunk and assaulted me in my own home.”

Berry’s head snapped up, eyes wide as she looked at Parody in alarm. With everything that had happened, she hadn’t even thought of that. Seeing her expression, Parody began cackling madly as he walked away. Berry drew in on herself, watching him leave warily.

He stopped, “Oh, Berry?” He turned around and gave her a soft smirk as he pointed to her hooves. “Seriously though, chrome shoes. Think about it.” With that he turned and continued down the path, Berry eyeing him the whole way.

“Did mister Parody have to leave?”

Berry jolted in shock and whirled around to face Ruby. She had been so focused on making sure Parody was actually leaving that she had missed her daughter’s approach. She opened her mouth to answer, but a tightness in her chest took her voice, so instead she just nodded.

“Oh, okay.” Ruby looked at her hooves for a moment, before looking up. “Hey, Mom? Do you want to play with us? We’re still deciding on what to play next, but…”

Berry opened her mouth to say no. To say that she was too tired, that it was getting too late, to say that she needed to get back home, or any other excuse.

Excuse.

She closed her mouth and looked at her daughter, at the soft glimmer of hope in her eyes. She closed her eyes and sighed, a soft smile forming. “Sure, Ruby. I’ll play with you.”

Ruby began to bounce in place as Berry got to her hooves. “Really?!” At Berry’s nod she turned and scampered off towards the other foals.

As Berry watched Ruby gallop off, she felt the tightness in her chest return. She struggled to keep her desperation from showing as tried to fight through it.

Say it.

Say it!

Say it!

SAY IT!

“Ruby!”

Ruby stopped and turned around, confused.

“… I love you.”

Ruby blinked, before giving a soft smile.

“I love you too, Mom.”

Berry sighed in relief, all the tension in her body melting away. She didn’t hate her. She still had a chance.

“Now come on, Mom! The others are waiting for us!”

And she could start here.

Author's Note

Took me a while, but I finally got through the intro segment. Now that that's out of the way, I can start on some of the more fun chapters.

Stay tuned for the next chapter: Brown

Also, finally figured out the whole image thing, so here you go

A more realistic looking Parody:

And his original cartoon self:

Anyways, feedback is appreciated.

(As for the Derpy in Parody's world bit: That's a reference to an old story I wrote in a notepad that I never did anything with. It's mostly just brought up to explain why Parody has a fondness for Derpy.)

Brown

The room was filled with a gentle whirring as the white unicorn carefully moved the cloth along the sewing machine. She huffed lightly, soft bags under her eyes as she focused on making minute adjustments to the dress she was stitching together.

She hadn’t been getting a lot of sleep. She’d gotten a little too ambitious and taken on too many orders the week prior. Now she was a day behind and cutting into her beauty sleep in order to get everything done on time. She took pressure off the pedal and the machine came to a stop as she yawned widely. As her mouth clicked shut, the machine came to life again. Fortunately she had budgeted her time properly, and, as tiring as it was, she would have everything done by the deadline.

Everything was under control.

There was a sharp twang followed by the clinks and clanks of something falling to pieces inside her sewing machine.

Rarity’s eyes widened in horror as her purple mane frazzled. “No. No no no no no,” She frantically applied pressure to the pedal and was met with a crunching sound that made her immediately stop. “Nononononononono,” In growing desperation, Rarity picked up the sewing machine and shook it, the rattle of broken parts causing her heart to sink further.

Rarity sat down, her breathing becoming rapid. “No no no. What am I going to do?” She looked out at the rest of her workroom. “All these dresses! I don’t-! Time! I- I-” Beginning to hyperventilate, Rarity stumbled over to her red couch and flopped on top of it, trying to get her breathing under control.

She needed to calm down and focus; panicking would get her nowhere. Rarity took a deep breath. What were her options? She couldn’t sew with a standard needle and thread, there were too many orders, which meant she needed to get her sewing machine fixed.

Rarity let out a sigh, her breathing evening out as she stood up to fetch her saddlebags. She just had to go to Tinker Tool’s machine shop. She did repairs. She could fix her sewing machine. So long as the machine shop was open, everything would be fine.

The machine shop wasn’t open. This wasn’t all that uncommon; Ponyville was an odd place to set up a machine shop after all. There weren’t many customers, and Tinker often took up odd jobs around town whenever business was slow.

Of course, none of this helped out Rarity in any way.

She fought the urge to panic. This was a problem. Tinker would likely be out all day, so it was either try to track her down, or find somepony else to help. But, who else could she go to? There was Time Turner. He was good with odd inventions, but there was an equal chance he would just make things worse. Was there any other option besides spending half the day trying to track down an elusive pegasus?

Rarity sighed. There was somepony she could ask for help.

Or rather, someone.

Rarity turned to look down the street in the direction of Parody’s workshop. He would likely be able to help. He had some advanced technology that she was all too familiar with, so a simple sewing machine wouldn’t be too hard to figure out. She just wasn’t sure she was willing to talk to him yet, reluctant to turn to him for any kind of help after the “help” she got last week. But, she really didn’t have a choice, did she? Sighing, Rarity did her best to muster up the patience she would surely need when talking to Parody, before taking off down the road.

As she approached Parody’s house, Rarity’s ear flicked as she noticed the lack of noise coming from the building. Odd, usually he was up and working at this time of the day. Was he out too? Rarity felt her heart sink. She quickened her pace to the front door and knocked.

“Be there in a minute!” Parody’s voice called out from the second floor, calming Rarity down. She settled in place and waited patiently as she listened to him walk down the stairs and approach the door. It swung open, “Oh, ‘sup Rarity?” Parody leaned against the doorframe, a smile on his face, “Been a while. Honestly didn’t expect to see you this soon.”

“Yes, well, I’m afraid I have to ask-” Rarity blinked, before furrowing her brow, “Why is your hair red?”

His cheerful expression melted into a frustrated frown. “Ugh. It’s supposed to be brown.”

“I know that. It’s not, though.”

“I spent all morning trying to make it brown.”

“Then you failed spectacularly, because that is absolutely red.”

Parody hunched forward and sighed. “Alright, look, I couldn’t find brown, okay? I had to make do.”

Rarity blinked as a thought clicked. “Parody, wasn’t your hair already brown? I thought that was its natural color.”

Parody froze for a moment, before throwing his hands in the air. “Wow! What a waste of my morning! Gagh!” He paced around in a small circle before returning to the door. “Well, that’s how my day is going. How ‘bout you?”

“Not much better I’m afraid.”

“Yeah, I wanted to ask about that. I thought you said none of your orders needed any metalworking, did someone change their mind?”

“No,” Rarity shook her head and levitated her sewing machine out of her saddlebags. “I’m afraid my sewing machine broke.”

“Well, that probably makes sewing difficult.”

“Yes it does.” Rarity looked up at Parody and passed him the machine. “Will you be able to fix it?”

Parody reached out and took the sewing machine, shaking it side-to-side to hear the rattling parts. “Yeah, I’ll bump a few things back, take care of this now.”

Rarity shook her head. “Oh, no, I couldn’t ask you to put aside somepony else for me.”

He shrugged, “Yeah, well, Cherry Berry’s livelihood doesn’t depend on her getting a new propeller. I think.” He looked off the side and muttered, “Wait, what even is her job?” before shaking his head, “I’ll ask later.” He turned back to Rarity. “Anyway, I should have this done in like, an hour, so if you have anything you need to do, or just wanna take a break from working yourself to death… Certainly look like you could use a nap.”

Rarity smiled. “Thank you, Parody.”

He waved her off, “Yeah, no problem,” before turning and going inside.

As the door clicked shut, Rarity turned around and trotted off, thinking about what she was going to do for an hour. As tempting as it was, there probably wasn’t enough time for a nap. After giving it some thought, she decided to go and browse at the market, and maybe catch up with a few friends.

The market was surprisingly empty today, Rarity noted as she idly browsed a few stalls she passed by. There wasn’t anything she really needed, it was just fun to look. Her eyes glanced over the crowd of familiar faces before stopping on Applejack, who was at her stall with another pony. As Rarity approached, the other pony finished her business and left.

“Hello, Applejack.” Rarity walked around the side of the stall so as to not block any customers.

Applejack nodded her head. “Howdy there, Rarity. Been a few days, didja finish all them dresses?”

Rarity shook her head. “Unfortunately, no. My sewing machine broke this morning.”

“It broke?” Applejack looked concerned at Rarity’s nod. “Shoot, Sugarcube, are ya gonna be able to get everythin’ done?”

Rarity nodded and gave Applejack a smile. “I should be fine. I have Parody fixing it for me. Speaking of which, he should be done soon.”

Applejack shifted on her hooves. “Oh, okay.”

Rarity’s ear flicked as she noticed Applejack’s change in tone. She tilted her head, “Applejack, are you alright? What’s wrong?”

Her face twitched, “Nothin’.”

Rarity’s brow furrowed at the obvious lie. “Applejack-”

Applejack held out a hoof to stop Rarity, before turning to face an approaching pony. “Howdy there, Bon Bon.”

Bon Bon nodded as she reached the stand. “Hello, Applejack.” She shifted in place to readjust the heavy, grocery-laden saddlebags that adorned her back.

“What can Ah do ya for?”

Bon Bon eyed up the cart. “I’m looking to buy half a bushel of apples.”

Applejack nodded and started to maneuver a basket of apples onto the stand. “Sure thing, Sucarcube! I can getcha half a bushel of apples for seventeen bits.”

Bon Bon smiled, “Thank you, Applejack,” and turned to retrieve the bits from her saddlebags.

“No problem!” Applejack walked around the stand to help Bon Bon load the apples into her bags. “Say, what’s gotcha out and about anyway? Ain’t yer store suppose’ to be open right ‘bout now?”

“It is. As it turns out, Lyra didn’t go grocery shopping this week, which means I have to.”

Rarity tilted her head. “Do you know what kept her?”

Bon Bon shook her head as she loaded the last apple. “All I know is that it’s another silly project that she’s gotten really invested in.”

“How invested?”

“Invested enough that she skips her chores and forgets to eat if I don’t remind her.” Bon Bon smiled lightly. “What would she do without me?”

“Prob’ly starve.” Applejack walked back around her stall.

Bon Bon started laughing, while Rarity tittered to herself. She could understand Lyra, having had moments where she was just as invested in a project. Just this last week she’d had to cut back on sleep and eat lightly just to catch up.

Applejack shook her head, smiling lightly. “Whelp that should be everythin’. Ya got it all?”

Bon Bon nodded. “Yes. Thank you, Applejack.” She turned and continued down the line of stalls.

Rarity watched as Bon Bon trotted up to another stall before turning to the pony beside her. “So, Applejack, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

Applejack’s face twitched, her smile dropping as she looked away. “There’s nothin’ wrong.”

Rarity shook her head. “Applejack, Darling, you’re a terrible liar. Please, just tell me what’s wrong. Is it Parody?”

Applejack was quiet for a minute. “… Ah don’t like ‘im.”

Rarity raised an eyebrow slightly. “May I ask why?”

Silence.

“Is it because of what happened at his ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party? Because he apologized for that.”

Applejack snorted, “Weren’t much of an apology if ya ask me.”

“None the less, Pinkie forgave him. It isn’t our place to hold a grudge for her.”

Applejack shook her head. “That ain’t why I don’t like ‘im.”

“Is it because of what’s been going on between him and Dash?”

“Naw, Dash ain’t exactly innocent in all that. She picks just as many fights as he does.”

Rarity nodded, “Yes, both of their attitudes could certainly use an adjustment. As much as I understand his frustration, there’s no reason to let their feud go on as long as it has.” She shook her head. “So if that’s not what’s bothering you, then what is?” Rarity pondered for a moment. “Is it because he sided with Strawberry Sunrise?”

Applejack shot Rarity a glare. “Ah ain’t that petty. ‘Sides, unlike Miss Sunrise, he don’t actually hate apples.” She sighed and shook her head. “Ah just don’t trust ‘im; He don’t feel right.”

“Whatever do you mean?”

“Hold on,” Applejack turned to smile at an approaching pink pony. “Howdy, Cherry Berry! Ya sure seem like yer in a good mood!”

Rarity turned to watch Cherry trot up to the stall, positively beaming.

Cherry nodded. “Yep! My new propeller should be done now, so I’m getting some supplies for my flight this afternoon.”

Yeah, well, Cherry Berry’s livelihood doesn’t depend on her getting a new propeller. I think.

Rarity sucked in a breath through her teeth as she winced, hoping that Cherry wouldn’t notice her reaction.

She did.

“What’s wrong?”

Rarity’s face pulled back into a sheepish look. “You might need to expect a delay on that.”

Cherry’s smile dropped. “… What?”

“Parody bumped you back on the schedule.”

Cherry Berry’s flat expression slowly contorted into fury. Eyes twitching, she whirled around and stomped off in the direction of Parody’s workshop.

“Oops,” Rarity lowered her head, “I’ll have to apologize for that later.”

“To Cherry or Parody?”

“Probably both of them.” Rarity sighed, before turning to Applejack. “So, you were saying something about Parody not feeling right?”

Applejack pursed her lips, trying to find the right words. “He’s… uncomfortable. Somethin’ ‘bout ‘im just feels wrong. Off somehow.”

A small group of foals starting running through the market, laughing and playing.

“Off how?”

Applejack shook her head. “Ah don’t know. He just feels off.”

Rarity hums to herself. “Well, I suppose I can’t blame you. Parody can be… difficult to work with.” Two fillies break off from the group of foals, stopping to listen. “He’s uncouth, childish, and requires a great deal of patience. But… he is good at what he does.”

“Bein’ an idjit?”

Rarity tittered, “Well, we’ll just say he has many talents and leave it at that.”

They start to laugh, only to get cut off by a small voice.

“Why are grownups so mean?!”

They turned to see Ruby Pinch and Dinky Hooves glaring up at them.

Rarity gave a confused look. “What?”

Ruby stomped her hoof. “You grownups are always making fun of Parody and saying mean things about him! I’ve never heard him make fun of you!”

Applejack leaned back and shared a glace with Rarity. “Uh…”

Dinky chimed in, “What did he ever do to you?!”

Rarity winced. “Well, it’s just the way he behaves-”

Ruby stomped her hoof again. “Well I think he’s nice!”

Dinky hopped forward slightly. “Yeah! He’s friends with my mom! And he helps look after me when mom has to go on long trips!”

“Why do you get to say such mean things about him?!”

“I… uh…” Rarity faltered, stumbling for words as she looked around at the attention they were drawing from the rest of the market.

Applejack lowered her head, rubbing the back of her neck with a hoof. “Shoot, girls, ya’ll are right. Jus’ ‘cause he makes me uncomfortable don’t mean I get to make fun of ‘im.”

Rarity sighed. “No, no it doesn’t. I guess it’s just something else I’ll have to apologize for.”

“Ah reckon yer right.” Applejack turned to Ruby and Dinky. “Sorry you had to see that.”

Dinky smiled. “It’s okay. Mommy always said ‘so long as you understand what you did wrong, and strive to be better, everything will be fine.’”

Ruby nodded, “Yeah.”

Rarity smiled. “Wise words.”

Applejack opened her mouth to say something, but Dinky suddenly started looking around frantically.

“Oh no! They left us behind!” She started running down the street. “Come on, Ruby!”

Ruby started to follow, but paused to look at Applejack. “Oh, Applejack, can you teach my mom how to rodeo?”

Applejack blinked, “Why?”

“Parody said my mom wasn’t good at it, that she just ended up hurting him.”

Applejack and Rarity shared a wide eyed glance. “Uh, sure. Ah’ll see what Ah can do.”

“Thanks!” Ruby turned to scamper off after Dinky.

There was silence for a minute.

“So,” Applejack started, “Parody an’ Berry, huh?”

“Seems like it.”

Applejack snorted. “Don’t know how much help Ah’ll be.”

Rarity gave a soft laugh. “Well, I should get going. I have a sewing machine to grab, apologies to make,” She looked down the street where Ruby ran off, “and questions to ask.”

“Can ya’ apologize to ‘im for me?”

Rarity nodded, “Sure,” before trotting off down the street.

Trotting up to Parody’s house, Rarity could hear the banging sound of Parody working on something in his workshop. Seeing that the roller door to his workshop was open, she walked inside.

His workshop was a mess, but unlike the living area of his house, there seemed to be some level of organization to it. The floors weren’t cluttered at least.

“Hello, Parody.”

The hammering stopped as he gave her a look. “Did you have to sic Cherry on me?”

Rarity winced. “Sorry about that.”

Parody set down his hammer and began stretching. “I thought you ran your own business. Don’t you know you’re not supposed to tell them why something got delayed? You’re just supposed to tell them that it has and that you’re sorry. So long as you’re not already in a bad mood, you ponies are typically pretty understanding.”

Rarity shook her head and sighed. “I would also like to apologize on behalf of myself and Applejack for… calling you an idiot while we were in the market.”

Parody furrowed his brow, “Why?”

Not expecting to get confronted about it, Rarity sputtered, “Well, it’s just- the way you behave sometimes- and you don’t always make the best decisions, and-”

Parody shook his head. “No, I mean why are you sorry? I don’t care what you call me. I know I’m an idiot; it’s one of my more endearing qualities.”

Rarity stood there with a perplexed look. “Uh, okay?”

“I’m honestly more irritated that you told Cherry I bumped her back. The only way I was able to get her to calm down was to help her out today. So once I’m done with this,” he gestured to the propeller on the anvil, “I gotta take it over to her place and help her put her aircraft together. So thanks for increasing my workload today.”

“… Sorry.”

Parody shook his head as he walked towards the door separating his workshop from his house. “Ugh. God knows what would happen if she knew…”

Rarity tilted her head as she trailed behind him. “Knew what?”

Parody muttered something to himself before turning around in the doorway. “You know, given that you can’t keep your mouth shut, I’m not gonna tell you.” With that he turned and strolled through the door and into his cluttered living room.

“That’s fair.” She followed him into his house, wary of the mess on the floor. She thought to herself for a minute before smirking. “So, Parody, I heard something quite interesting in the market this morning.”

“Oh?” He turned around, brow quirked.

“Is there something going on between you and Berry Punch?”

He smirked and folded him arms across his chest. “And where did you hear something like that?”

“Little Ruby Pinch mentioned something about a rodeo. I do hope you weren’t hurt too badly.”

He unfolded his arms and shook his head, “Well, I’m afraid I’m not an insatiable gossip, unlike you. So, if you want the ‘juicy details,’ you’ll have to ask Berry herself.” He walked over to the kitchen table where the sewing machine rested. “Anyway, your sewing machine is fixed. Just a small break that knocked a lot loose.” He picked it up and passed it over to Rarity.

Rarity ran her eyes over the machine as she took it from him. “Thank you, Parody. I appreciate-” Rarity did a double take as she noticed one of Parody’s hands wrapped in bandages. “Parody, what happened to your hand?”

He held up his hand, looking at the slightly bloody bandages that wrapped around his palm. “Oh, this? After I put your sewing machine back together, I had to make sure it still worked.”

Rarity furrowed her brow, “… What did you do? Sew your hand?”

“That’s exactly what I did.”

“What? Why?!”

He shrugged, “Seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“What could possibly make you think that that was a good idea?!”

“Well, see, I started to think about crocheting and knitting, and how you can make all these cool designs,” he started to unwrap the bandages, “And I thought it’d be cool if I sewed a design into my hand, so I did.” He held his hand up to show her his palm. “Look, it’s a smiley face.”

Rarity looked. There was a bit of dried blood, but sure enough, there was a smiley face stitched into the palm of his hand. “… Didn’t that hurt?”

He turned his hand to look at it. “Honestly? Not really. Not too different than getting a tattoo. What really got me was the sensation of string being pulled though my palm.”

Rarity visibly shuddered. “Right. I’m sorry I asked.” She shook her head to clear her thoughts. She turned and opened her saddlebags, depositing her sewing machine and withdrawing her bit bag. “How much do I owe you?”

Parody waved her off. “Eh, just take it. I owe ya anyway.”

Rarity hummed to herself. “Not that I don’t appreciate it, but what makes you say you owe me?”

Parody shook his head and sighed, before lifting his hands. “Okay, look. I stand by what I said: It was funny, and I’m not sorry. That being said, I guess it did cost you a bit of money, so you can have this one for free.”

Rarity gave him a flat look, almost a glare, as she lowered her bit bag into her saddlebags. “I take it this is you trying to make up for the ‘photo shoot’ last week?”

Parody snorted, “Take it as you will, I’m not sorry. I just owe you.” He began waving her towards the front door as he walked back to his workshop. “Now go on! Get! I gotta finish Cherry’s propeller.”

Shaking her head, Rarity walked to and out the front door, stopping only to look over her shoulder. “Thank you, Parody.”

“Yeah, yeah,” He gave her a backwards wave as he walked through the door into his workshop.

Rarity lightly shook her head as she closed the door behind her and walked out to the street. “Uncouth, childish, and impulsive. He really is just a giant foal.”

As she trotted further down the road, the banging of Parody working resumed. Humming to herself, Rarity’s mind drifted along, growing lost in thought as she continued trotting.

She was snapped out of her thoughts by the voice of somepony she wanted to talk to. She turned to look at the side of the street and saw Derpy’s house. Spotting Derpy and Berry Punch chatting in the yard, Rarity walked up to them.

Derpy noticed her first. She waved, smiling cheerily, “Hi, Rarity.”

Berry silently turned to look.

Rarity nodded in greeting. “Hello, Derpy, Berry. Are you two doing alright?”

Berry shrugged, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Derpy nodded cheerfully, “Yep!” Pausing, she tilted her head. “How about you?”

Rarity sighed, “It’s getting better. I just got my sewing machine back from being repaired and I’m off to get back to work.”

Berry winced, “Oof. How long was it broken?”

Rarity smiled, “Fortunately just this morning, so I shouldn’t be too much further behind.”

“’Too much further behind?’” Berry took a closer look at Rarity. “Are you sure you’re alright? You look like you’re exhausted.”

Rarity’s smile tightened a bit. “I’ll be fine. I’ve had to cut a bit out of my beauty sleep, but it will be worth it once I get everything done on time.”

Derpy looked unsure. “I dunno, I’ve found that the number of mistakes I make delivering letters is inversely proportional to the amount of sleep I get at night. Are you sure you should be cutting sleep, even to get everything done on time?”

Rarity opened her mouth to respond, but stopped.

Derpy had a point. She was more prone to either making or overlooking mistakes when she was tired, and she’d have to cut out even more sleep to make up for time lost this morning. But she had a deadline. She had a limited amount of time to get everything done or risk disappointing several ponies that were counting on her. That was important, right?

Don’t you know you’re not supposed to tell them why something got delayed? You’re just supposed to tell them that it has and that you’re sorry. So long as you’re not already in a bad mood, you ponies are typically pretty understanding.

Rarity sighed before chuckling softly. “I suppose you’re right, Derpy. It would be poor form on my part to not only neglect myself, but deliver a subpar product as a result. I suppose a nap is in order. I’m sure my customers will understand the delay.”

Berry smirked raised a hoof as Derpy giggled softly. “There you go. Take some time for yourself.”

Rarity tittered lightly as she bumped hooves with Berry. Silence reigned for a moment before Rarity perked up. “Oh, Berry, before I forget: Is there something going on between you and Parody?”

Berry stared at her, a blank look on her face. Derpy started to twitch, before breaking out into laughter. Berry slammed a hoof into her face with an audible CLACK.

Rarity winced. That looked like it hurt.

She was wearing steel shoes after all.

Hearing hoofsteps, Rarity turned to see Applejack walk up, an unsure look on her face. She briefly glanced at Rarity before turning to Berry.

“Howdy, Miss Punch. Er, yer daughter said somethin’ ‘bout you needin’… rodeo lessons?”

Berry sat down as her other forehoof joined the first. Derpy collapsed onto the ground, her peals of uncontrolled laughter filling the air.

Applejack and Rarity looked at each other and shrugged.

Author's Note

Ever start up a YouTube series with your friends, only to look like an absolute idiot in the first 20 seconds?

Breakfast Banter

The late morning sun shone brightly as it crawled up the sky, obscured by a soft cloud layer, its rays of light casting a warmth that is offset by a soft, pleasant breeze that carried the smell of fresh produce and the dull chattering of ponies in the market area, coalescing into a gentle buzz in the background.

It was a delightfully pleasant morning.

The soft breeze rolled over the coat of a brown earth pony, causing him to flick an ear at the general chatter carried in the wind before returning his attention to the table in front of him. He sat at an outdoor table at one of Ponyville’s cafés, his table laden with a kettle of tea, some tea cups, a newspaper, and a small tray of English muffins. He yawned, bags under his eyes, before focusing on the newspaper he’d been reading.

FLOWER FAILING FIASCO

Critical Flower Shortage Caused By Unprecedented Dry Season

Earlier this week it was discovered, to the horror of many, that flower gardens all around Ponyville are turning up failing yields due to an unseasonal dry spell.

Fresh flowers are a popular item in Ponyville. They serve many uses such as: a delicious snack, a gift to a special somepony, a way to proclaim dating intent, a snack for a special somepony, or even a simple decorative piece. But these robust flowers may not be around for much longer as gardens continue to produce unsatisfactory product.

Local flower salesponies commented: “It’s awful! The bagonias are all three shades off!”; “It’s terrible! Those poor petunias are bent and withered under the sun!”; “The Horror! The Horror!”

The future is grim for a treasured product here in Ponyville.

“You know, I once gave Derpy an English muffin.”

Time Turner’s eye flicked up to look at the human who sat across from him. Parody sat slouched forward, elbows resting on the table, as he held an English muffin in his hand and gazed upon it, a look of deep contemplation in his eyes.

Time Turner winced. “Can’t say I haven’t made that mistake before.”

“She got so mad that she glared at me.”

“Mhmm.”

Parody looked at Time Turner. “I mean, like, with both of her eyes,” He turned back to the muffin, shaking his head lightly, “It was surprisingly terrifying.”

Time Turner nodded, “Derpy takes her muffins very seriously.”

Parody shook his head, “Don’t I know it. I had to get her a basket of muffins from Sugarcube Corner just to get her to stop staring at me.”

“Sounds about right.”

Parody sighed and set the muffin down, “In any case, I’m not making that mistake again.”

“Nopony ever does.”

Parody sat up and looked around the market area. “Speaking of Derpy, where is she? Usually I’d’ve seen her by now.”

“She’s,” Time Turner yawned widely, “out of town on a delivery.”

“You doing alright? You look awful.”

Time Turner sighed, “I had to watch Dinky last night.”

“Ah,” Parody gave a nod of understanding as his mouth curled into a smirk, “She run you ragged?”

Time Turner slouched forward, pressing his head into the table, “I don’t understand how you manage to keep up with her.”

Parody shrugged, “Eh, get a lot of exercise running from things back home, so I’m in pretty decent shape.”

“Lucky you,” Time Turner muttered into the table, before picking his head back up. “I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”

“I can tell. Pity I wasn’t around to help.”

Time Turner shook his head, “Amethyst is sick right now, so,” he stifled a yawn, “I would’ve been there anyway.” He blinked, before turning to look at Parody, who was sipping at his tea. “I actually wanted to ask you about that. What brings you back so early?”

Parody quirked an eyebrow as he set his teacup down. “Early? Are you kidding? That trip took way longer than I wanted it to.”

Time Turner furrowed his brow. “I thought your trips lasted a week or two; you were only gone two days.”

Parody picked up one of the muffins. “Oh, no, this wasn’t a mining trip; I was after a comb.”

“… A comb?”

He nodded as he bit into the muffin, “Yeah.”

There was a long silence as Time Turner sipped at his tea, pondering what to say next. “… Why were you after a comb?”

“’Cause Berry freaking broke my old one.”

“… and?”

Parody spread his arms, “‘And’ what? Do you know how hard it is to find a comb in pony society? It’s all brushes with you people.” One arm gestured animatedly as the other reached between his back and cape to pull out an ornate comb. “I went to three different cities before I found one in a Manehatten salon.”

Time Turner tilted his head, looking at the long brown hair that flared out around Parody’s shoulders, “Couldn’t you have just bought a brush? You certainly have enough hair for it.”

Parody slumped slightly into his seat. “Honestly? If this thing breaks I might have to. Apparently, ‘specialty equipment’ is stupid expensive,” He flourished the comb, “This thing cost me about a hundred bits.”

“Considering you can buy a quality brush for fifteen bits here in Ponyville, you,” Time Turner yawned, “You should’ve bought a brush.”

Parody tucked the comb back behind his cape as he waved off Time Turner. “Yeah, well, I wanted a comb, so ha!”

Time Turner shrugged as he took another sip of tea. “I’m not the one who’s out a hundred bits.”

“… Whatever.”

Shaking his head, Time Turner returned his attention to the newspaper resting on the table.

ALARMING WEATHER DEFICIT

Budget Exceeded on Rainclouds; Where’s the Rainfall?

Weather ponies all over Ponyville are left scratching their heads as monthly precipitation levels continue to fall under scheduled marks.

Hearing the drumming of Parody's fingers on the table, Time Turner looked up to see Parody staring into the café, humming to himself, before standing up, “Hang on, I’ll be right back,” and walking into the café.

Time Turner watched as the door closed behind Parody before turning his gaze back to the newspaper. His attempts to focus on the printed words were interrupted by a large yawn and the subsequent need to blink tears out of his heavy eyes.

Temperature levels in Ponyville are rising as cloud coverage and scheduled rainstorms fail to meet expected quota. The Ponyville Weather Office says this is due to not having enough rainclouds for each month, but the Mayor’s Office claims that the monthly weather budget has been exceeded buying more rainclouds than any previous month.

As officials bicker, weather ponies believe this discrepancy to be attributed to missing or stolen rainclouds, as many report that cloud counting has been providing inconsistent results. This leaves ponies speculating who could be stealing government rainclouds for their own personal use.

Time Turner was startled out of focus when Parody flopped back into his seat with no warning, jarring the table slightly. He looked up at Parody, who smiled back at him as he wiped scalding coffee off of his face with a napkin.

“Sorry about that, saw Dash getting some coffee and decided to say hi.”

Time Turner watched the coffee drip down Parody’s face, leaving reddened skin behind. “Are you alright?”

Parody tossed the napkin onto the table when he finished cleaning his face. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He smirked, “I have no fur, so clean up’s as easy as wiping it off my face.”

Time Turner rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to act like having a coat is a bad thing; fur has its uses.”

Parody shrugged, “That may be, but I think I’d look stupid if I had fur.”

Time Turner smirked lightly, “Fur has nothing to do with it.”

Parody gave Time Turner a playful glare, causing both of them to burst into laughter, though Time Turner’s laughter was swiftly interrupted by a yawn. He slouched forward, attempting to blink out the tears that had welled up in his eyes.

Parody’s laughter trailed off, his mirthful expression melting away to a more neutral one. He studied Time Turner for a brief moment before sighing, “All seriousness, though, you gonna be alright?”

Time Turner sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know,” he yawned, “Derpy won’t be back until tonight, I’ve got an experiment running that needs my attention, and somepony,” he yawned again, wider and longer than the previous one, before resting his head on the table “… somepony needs to watch Dinky.”

“Should I?”

“Not supposed to watch her on your own.” He muttered into the table.

Parody waved an arm dismissively, “Come on, I’m sure I can keep her relatively uninjured for a day.”

Time Turner shifter to give Parody a flat glare. “‘Relatively uninjured?’”

Parody returned the flat look as he folded his arms across his chest. “I’m talking hospital trips, okay? Kids get themselves hurt all the time. I’ll keep her out of the ER, but I’m not taking responsibility for every skinned knee and bruised forehead.” His glare softened. “Look, I like the kid, and I certainly don’t want to make Derpy mad at me again; I’m not gonna do anything stupid, okay?”

Time Turner looked away, silent and indecisive.

“Time Turner,” Parody drew the pony’s attention back to himself as he leaned forward onto the table, “Look at yourself; you’re barely following this conversation. You’re in no position to do anything.” He drummed his fingers on the table, a contemplative look on his face. “Dinky’s in school, right?”

Time Turner slowly nodded.

“Alright, good. You go home, take a nap, and then work on whatever that little experiment thing of yours is. When Dinky gets out of school, I’ll take her to the park. There’ll be plenty of other ponies there, so it won’t just be me.”

“I don’t know.”

Parody rolled his eyes, “Fine, fine. I’ll think of someone else I can bring.” He shifted in his seat as he thought to himself. “Would it help if I brought Pinkie?”

“Honestly, I think that’d make it worse.”

Parody shrugged. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” He sat in silence for a minute. “Hmm. Well, Dinky and Ruby are best friends; maybe I should nab Berry?”

Time Turner smirked and gave a soft chuckle. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Parody’s mouth pulled into a wild smirk as his eyes danced with amusement. He put a hand to his chest as he leaned forward. “Why, Time Turner, I’m certain I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Time Turner furrowed his brow slightly. Odd response; most ponies would get flustered over such an accusation. He shook his head. Whatever. “Never mind. Do you think Miss Punch can handle watching three foals?”

“Probably better than I could.”

“I don’t doubt that,” he shifted in his seat and yawned. “That’ll probably work.”

Parody nodded in agreement.

They sat in silence for a bit.

Parody looked around at the café, “Hey, what are we doing here anyway?”

Time Turner glanced up at him in a flat gaze. “Well, I was eating breakfast. You sat down, poured yourself a cup of tea and started eating my muffins.”

Parody looked down at the mess of crumbs and his half-full teacup. “Huh, weird. I don’t even like tea. Or English muffins.” He glanced back at Time Turner, “Speaking of which, if you’re so tired, why are you drinking tea?”

Time Turner yawned, “Tea can help wake you up.”

Parody quirked an eyebrow. “Not this kind.”

Time Turner blinked before taking a quick sip of tea, allowing to flavor to wash over his tongue.

Chamomile.

“Horsefeathers.”

Parody burst into laughter. “Went autopilot and order the wrong thing?”

Time Turner just grumbled to himself.

As Parody’s laughter trailed off, he stood up and tossed some bits onto the table. “Well, I should get going. Gotta track down Berry before school gets out.” He smirked as he walked past Time Turner. “Try not to pass out on the way home.”

Time Turner gave Parody a tired glare before turning back to the table. He let out a yawn before shifting forward. He had a hard time opening his eyes. Parody was right; he needed to get back home and take a nap. His head rested on the table. He just needed a moment to rest his eyes.

Just…

A…

…

…

Author's Note

It's really cool how quick and fun writing can be when you're enjoying it. It's also really funny how sometimes writing just kinda does its own thing. I wrapped up the notes/rough draft of this chapter and I thought to myself, "So, I went into this with three jokes I wanted to make, and somehow ended up with Parody being a responsible(ish) adult. How did this happen?"

Anyways, I hope you don't mind shorter chapters, 'cause the next ones gonna be about the same length. Maybe. These things have a habit of running away from me, so who knows?

Every now and then I'll leave you guys with little cartoons, so here you go:
Welcome to Equestira, Parody!

Set Fire to the Rain

Sunlight crept in through the drawn blinds, giving light to the otherwise dim office, reflecting off the dust particles dancing in the air, creating a soft, sparkling lightshow ignored by the three ponies hunched over the desk in the middle of the room, their soft muttering filling the otherwise silent space as they scoured over a stack of files and paperwork on the desk.

The amber earth pony finished writing a name down on the list in front of her before spitting the quill back into an inkwell and sitting back. She re-adjusted her glasses as she quickly glanced through the list. “That should be the last one,” she looked up at the lavender-blue pegasus sitting in front of her.

The pegasus mare shrugged, bobbing her light-yellow mane as she finished stacking the files in front of her. “Got nothin’,” she turned to the pinkish-gray pegasus sitting beside her, “How ‘bout you?”

She shook her head, causing her cerise and green mane to shift as she stacked one final file. “Nope. That’s it.”

The amber mare nodded, causing her gray mane to sway. “Good,” She swept up the files and tucked them back into the town registry folder, before pulling an empty folder out of a drawer. “I’ll go retrieve the matching files.” The pegasi mares nodded as the earth mare stood up and took the folders over to the filing cabinet along the back wall. She tuned out the dull chatter behind her as she put the town registry away and began pulling various files to place in the empty folder, allowing her mind to wander.

There was still one pony absent from this meeting. When was she going to deign fit to show up? She was usually a very punctual pony, and it wasn’t like her to miss a meeting without any forewarning, especially a meeting as important as this.

Mayor Mare turned away from the filing cabinets as the door to her office opened, admitting a lavender alicorn.

“Sorry I’m late. Starlight, Trixie and I were practicing magic and a miscast spell trapped us on the ceiling for two hours.”

Mayor Mare gave her a nod, “Princess.”

“Mayor,” Twilight Sparkle gave a slight twitch at being referred to by her title, but said nothing, instead moving to stand to the side of the desk. Mayor Mare turned back to the filing cabinets as Twilight looked at the other two occupants of the office. “Hello, Cloudkicker, Blossomforth. I didn’t know you’d be here.”

Cloudkicker smirked, “Expecting somepony else?”

“I was, actually,” Twilight looked around the office, “Where’s Rainbow Dash?”

“Napping.”

That drew a look from Twilight.

Blossomforth nudged Cloudkicker and gave her a glare before turning to Twilight. “The next round of Wonderbolt training starts next week. She’s trying to get on a proper sleep schedule before then.”

Twilight nodded, “Okay. So you’re here in her place?”

Blossomforth shook her head, “No, we’re here for ourselves.”

Twilight tilted her head lightly and furrowed her brow.

Cloudkicker leaned on the desk and smirked. “Been a while since you met with the weather team, hasn’t it?”

Blossomforth shot her a look, “Kicky, be nice.” She turned back to Twilight. “I’m surprised you don’t already know this, but Dash isn’t Ponyville’s weather captain anymore. She hasn’t been since she joined the Wonderbolts.”

Twilight arched her brow, “Really? I hadn’t noticed.”

Cloudkicker shifted in her seat, her smirk fading to a soft smile. “Yeah, I don’t blame ya. I haven’t met a pony that works half as hard as Dash does. Officially, she’s only a member of the reserves; she doesn’t have to do anything outside of emergencies. But, well,” She looked Twilight in the eyes, “You know her, ‘Never leave a friend hangin’.’ She’s kept up weather work almost as if nothing’s changed. She even still takes charge out in the sky.” Cloudkicker gave a short laugh, “I guess the only thing different is that she doesn’t have to do paperwork anymore.”

Blossomforth nodded, “I’m sure she could have handled both and been just fine, but…” She looked at Cloudkicker for a moment before turning back to Twilight, “We didn’t think that she deserved to have her loyalty torn between two teams. So, as a team, we convinced her that it was alright to stand down and follow her dream.”

A sincere smile pulled itself across Twilight’s face. “That’s very kind of you to do that for her.” She looked between the two. “I take it her replacement is…”

“Both of us, Princess,” Blossomforth finished.

“Both of you?”

“Careful, Princess,” Cloudkicker smirked, “You’re inexperience is showing.”

“Cloudkicker!” Blossomforth hissed through her teeth as she gave the offending pegasus a hard nudge and a fierce glare.

“What?” Cloudkicker flinched back slightly, “I’m just saying she doesn’t know much about weather work.”

Blossomforth’s glare hardened.

As Cloudkicker flinched back, Twilight stepped in. “Blossomforth, it’s fine. Cloudkicker’s right. For as long as I’ve been friends with Rainbow Dash, I’m a little ashamed to admit that I don’t actually know a lot when it comes to the intricacies of weather work.” She turned and met Cloudkicker’s eyes. “In the interest of correcting this: what do you mean?”

Cloudkicker shot a brief glance at Blossomforth before straightening her posture. “Well, most weather teams have at least two captains.”

“Really?”

Cloudkicker nodded, “Weather needs to be maintained at all times, so the captains’ shifts are split evenly across the day, while the rest of the team has staggered shifts, so that there’s enough ponies for the job and nopony is worked too hard. Since Ponyville has two weather captains, we’re split into two shifts; I have midday to midnight.”

“And I have midnight to midday,” Blossomforth said.

Cloudkicker smirked, “Dash is the only pony I know who could pull off a solo weather shift. She’s able to do the work of ten ponies in a fraction of the time. When she was captain, most days she was able to do most, if not all, the work herself.” Her smirk faded into a fond smile. “Left a lot a free time for the rest of the team to pursue hobbies and ‘other interests.’” She waggled her brow, causing Blossomforth to roll her eyes. Twilight giggled.

As she reflected in thought, Cloudkicker’s face slowly shifted from a fond smile to a frustrated scowl. She shook her head and huffed. “And to think there’s a bunch of ground pounders that have to the gall to call her ‘lazy.’”

“Cloudkicker!” Blossomforth looked appalled.

Realizing who she was talking to, Cloudkicker wilted and gave Twilight an apologetic look. “… Sorry. Weather work is… Most ponies in Ponyville think managing the weather is just pushing a bunch of clouds around, but there’s so much more to it than that! And now that I’m in Rainbow’s spot, I don’t know how she did this on her own all day every day! The paperwork alone is killing me.”

“Ahem.”

Blinking, everyone stopped and turned to look at the forgotten occupant of the room.

Mayor Mare returned to her seat, placing a file folder on her desk alongside a paper list. She looked up at the gathered ponies before focusing on Cloudkicker. “I believe I speak for everypony present when I say we understand the frustrations of paperwork. However, I would ask that we now return to the subject at hoof.” She turned to Twilight, “Princess?”

“Right,” Twilight nodded, before straightening her posture. “Princess Celestia has agreed to expand Ponyville’s budget for this month so long as we catch the pony stealing the rainclouds.” She turned to face the weathermares. “Has there been any luck on that front?”

Cloudkicker’s mouth curled into an uncertain frown as she glanced at Blossomforth. “Eh, Kind of…”

Blossomforth turned to Twilight. “We’ve had ponies take turns watching over the cloud bank the last couple of days. The other night, Icy Rain reported a disturbance and overheard some muffled voices.”

“Voices?” Twilight furrowed her brow. “So there’s more than one pony stealing rainclouds?”

“Maybe?” Cloudkicker shrugged. “We don’t really know. Icy heard a name, but it was really muffled through all the clouds, so we don’t know exactly who it is; we just kinda know what their name sounds like.”

Mayor Mare pushed the paper list across the table towards Twilight. “Using the basic phonetic pattern of the name, we’ve gone through the town’s registry and compiled a list of ponies in and around Ponyville that are potential matches.” She slid the file folder next to the list. “I’ve taken the liberty of retrieving their files. I hope that this information will help with the investigation.”

Twilight gave the mayor a nod as she picked up the list and began to read through it.

Cranberry Crash

Holly Dash

Button Mash

Raspberry Bash

Mango Dash

Rainwater Cache

Silky Sash

Sassaflash

Balderdash

Campfire Ash

Lemme Smash

Bright Flash

Cold Cash

Muddy Splash

Freshwater Splash

Saltwater Splash

Secret Stash

Hidden Cache

Silver Clash

Once she was finished looking through the list, Twilight opened the file folder and began to skim through the different files. After a moment, she picked up the quill on the desk and began crossing names off the list.

Cloudkicker leaned over to look. “What are you doing?”

Twilight continued to read through the files, occasionally crossing names off of the list. “I’m further refining our search. While all of these names are phonetically similar, we’re looking for a pony who is stealing rainclouds, which means we’re looking for a pegasus. Not all of these ponies are pegasi.” She picked up a file to show Cloudkicker as she crossed off another name. “Raspberry Bash is an earth pony, so it couldn’t have been him.”

Blossomforth hummed to herself in thought. “There were two voices, though. Maybe he got help from a pegasus?”

Twilight paused. “Hmm. I hadn’t thought of that. The idea that it could be a non-pegasus with a pegasus accomplice certainly increases the number of potential suspects, which isn’t helped by only having one name.” She sat still for a moment, glaring deep in thought at the list before she shook her head and continued. “I’ll start with the pegasi listed. If that turns up nothing, I’ll go through the rest of the list.” She sighed, “I hope we get to the bottom of this soon. Daisy sandwiches just don’t taste the same slightly dry.”

Cloudkicker shrugged, “I dunno. I kinda like the slight crunch.”

Blossomforth shook her head. “That’s because you’re weird.”

Cloudkicker gave her a playful nudge as they devolved into giggles.

“Mares, focus,” Mayor Mare interrupted, “We need to solve this as soon as possible. It reflects poorly on the town if we can’t maintain a steady budget.”

“Right,” Twilight nodded, turning back to the files. As she finished going through the files and crossing names off the list, she noticed something. “Where’s Dash?”

Cloudkicker raised a brow. “I told you, she’s napping.”

Twilight shook her head and looked up. “No, I mean on the list. Her name is a phonetic match, why isn’t she on the list?”

Cloudkicker and Blossomforth gave each other looks before turning back to Twilight.

“Why would she be on the list?” Cloudkicker asked.

Blossomforth nodded in agreement. “Yeah. Rainbow Dash is the former weather captain. I would think that she of all ponies would know not to mess with the cloud stores.”

Twilight was silent for a moment, eyes closed in thought. Sighing, she opened her eyes and looked at the pegasi. “Even if something was provoking her? Don’t forget what happened at the Cloudsdale weather factory when Tank started hibernating.”

The pegasi winced and looked away. It was hard to forget that disaster. First winter was late. Then there was too much winter all at once, not only leaving a huge mess for ponies on the ground to clean up, but the impact left on the atmosphere and the weather schedule took weeks to normalize. All in all, it was “one hay of a clusterbuck.”

Cloudkicker looked back at Twilight. “Okay, I mean, she can be rash, sure, but surely she’d be aware what she’s doing.”

Twilight frowned in thought. “She might not be.”

“What?”

“Hmm.” Mayor Mare nodded, “Princess Twilight brings up a good point. Rainbow Dash no longer manages the weather budget, that task falls on you two now. If it really is Miss Dash, then it’s entirely possible that she is unaware of the damage she is causing.” She sat back in her seat. “Perhaps we were too quick to write her off.”

Both of the weathermares wilted.

Twilight nodded, adding “Rainbow Dash” to the bottom of the list. “I’ll talk with her first. If it ends up not being her, then she should at least be able to help me with the rest of this list.” There was a flash of magic, causing the files and other paperwork to disappear. “I’ll return the files once I’m done with the investigation.” Twilight began to walk towards the door.

Mayor Mare nodded. “Understood, Princess. I wish you well.”

Cloudkicker and Blossomforth waved.

“Bye, Princess.”

“See you around.”

Twilight gave a short wave as she walked out of the office. “I’ll be back as soon as I’m done.”

The door clicked shut.

Rooms are often given bright colors in order to make them feel bigger than they actually are. This works because lighter colors reflect more light, and as light bounces off the walls, it gives them a sense of openness.

Of course, none of this helps when one is a tired pegasus whose bright blue cloud walls are doing a tremendous job of reflecting all the natural sunlight streaming through the open curtains that she foolishly forgot to close earlier, and is too lazy to get up and close now.

Rainbow Dash curled up, pulling her blankets up over her head in a desperate attempt to get away from the brightness surrounding her in a way that didn’t require climbing out of bed. And as she embraced the darkness, her mind slowly succumbing to the weariness within, Dash felt happy.

The door to her room opened.

Motherbucker.

Twilight poked her head in through the door, the light from the hallway spilling in somehow further brightening the room. “Dash, are you awake?”

Dash pulled the blankets off her head, rolling over to squint into the light. “Twilight?”

“Sorry to disturb you, but,” Twilight looked hesitant for a moment, “we need to talk.”

“Alright,” Rainbow Dash climbed out of bed and did some stretches to wake herself up. When she finished with that, Dash trotted out of her room into the hall. “What’s up, Twi?”

They began walking down the hall. “Dash… Have you been taking rainclouds?”

Dash furrowed her brow as they trotted down her stairs. “A few. Why?”

As they entered the kitchen, Twilight gave Rainbow Dash a level look. “Are you sure it’s just been ‘a few?’” With a flash of magic, she summoned the budget expenditure and set it on the table. “Because I think you and I have different definitions for ‘a few.’”

Rainbow Dash gawked as she looked over the paperwork. “What the hay?! Did they raise the price of clouds or something?” Her eyes darted across the paperwork until they landed on the order manifest for clouds. “I didn’t take this many clouds.”

“Are you sure?” Twilight did her best to maintain a neutral expression. “You don’t handle the weather budget anymore. It’s easy to make these types of mistakes when you can’t see the immediate consequences.”

Rainbow Dash looked up with an almost stern expression. “Twilight, I was weather captain for years. I know how to handle the budget even if I don’t have it in front of me. I know how many clouds I can get away with taking.”

Twilight shook her head. “Dash, why are you even taking rainclouds in the first place?”

Dash said nothing, instead silently looking away.

Her silence spoke volumes.

Twilight sighed. “Are you two still fighting?”

Rainbow Dash frowned, “I don’t know what you’re expecting, Twilight.”

“I just don’t like seeing my friends fight.”

“Friends?”

Twilight glared at her. “You know what I mean. I don’t like seeing anyone fight, and you and Parody have been at each other’s throats for months.” Dash stayed silent, causing Twilight to sigh. “Eventually you two are going to have to apologize.”

Dash scowled, “Why should I apologize? I didn’t do anything wrong!” She crossed her forelegs.

Twilight shook her head, “Even so, this fighting has to stop. Especially if it’s going to cost the town.”

Rainbow Dash looked away. “Look, I’ll just buy my own rainclouds from now on.”

“Rainbow-”

Rainbow Dash whipped back to glare at her. “Twilight, I’m not going to apologize. Not to him. Not for something that isn’t my fault.” She sighed, her glare melting away. “Look, I leave for training next week. I’ll try to avoid him until then. Don’t need any drama following me into practice anyway.”

Twilight wanted to argue. She wanted to say that that wasn’t the way she should handle it. That letting this continue even longer would only make things worse.

But she didn’t.

Sighing, Twilight nodded. “Alright. Get some rest, Dash. I’ll see if I can convince Parody to leave you alone, at least for the week.”

Dash shook her head. “Nah, I’m already up. I’ll see if I can figure out who else is taking clouds.” Seeing Twilight’s deadpan look, she tapped the budget paperwork. “Trust me, Twilight; I’m not the only one. Now, do you have any clues, or am I gonna be flying solo?”

Softly shaking her head, Twilight summoned the list of names. “Mayor Mare, Cloudkicker, and Blossomforth compiled a list of possible suspects based on a disturbance overheard in the cloud bank.” She passed the list to Dash. “I crossed out all the non-pegasi, but Blossomforth pointed out that there were at least two voices, so there’s a chance somepony had an accomplice.”

Rainbow Dash read through the list, arching her brow. “And they all rhyme with my name, because…?”

“Those names are the best phonetic matches to the muffled name overheard by-”

“Alright, never mind.” Dash smirked, trotting out her front door. “Don’t worry, I’ll find whoever’s taking all the clouds and make sure they don’t do it again.”

Twilight gave her an unamused glare. “Need I remind you that you were also taking clouds?”

“Yeah, yeah.” With a flare of her wings, Dash took off into the sky.

Twilight watched her friend fly away in silence. Eventually she shook her head and took off herself, angling her wings so that she was flying towards the blacksmith shop.

She had a human to talk to.

With a swoop and a light stumble, Twilight landed on the road in front of Parody’s house. Taking a moment to compose herself, Twilight began walking towards the front door. She began to think about how best to talk to Parody. His feud with Dash was no secret, so bringing it up would require a great deal of tact. And patience, but talking with Parody required that anyway. Stopping at the door, Twilight took a deep breath and prepared herself for what was sure to be a frustrating conversation.

Her ear twitched, and she became aware of the sound of screaming coming from within the building. Her eyes widened in alarm as she realized it was Parody screaming in agony. Worried, she rushed forward and began frantically knocking on the door.

“Parody! Parody, what’s going on?! Parody!”

Immediately the screaming stopped. Ears straining for any clue as to what was wrong, Twilight heard the calm steps approaching the door before it swung open.

“Oh, hey Princess, what’s up?” Parody leaned on the doorframe casually. He was dressed in his usual black shirt and pants, two-tone blue cape and shoes, with his long brown hair shifting slightly in the breeze, parted to reveal the soft smirk on his face as his blue eyes sparkled with amusement.

He was also engulfed in flames.

Twilight gawked in horror, unable to tear her eyes away from the flickering flames that danced across his body. Charred holes forming in his clothes even as the ends of his hair curled and burnt. His skin slowly burned red from the heat. Her nose was overwhelmed by the overbearing smell of burning. Her already straining ears caught the crackling of the fire and the sizzle of Parody slowly being cooked.

She snapped out of it.

“Oh my gosh! Parody! You’re on fire!”

His smirk widened. “Believe me, I am aware.” He turned around to briefly look back inside his house. “I was actually starting to put myself out when you knocked.”

“What? Why didn’t you finish?”

He shrugged. “It’s rude to not answer the door when someone’s knocking. ‘Sides, it sounded like an emergency.”

Twilight stared dumbly at the flames that continued to slowly consume his body. “Parody.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re on fire.”

Parody quirked a brow. “Yes, I know. We’ve established this.”

She couldn’t believe she had to spell this out for him. “Go put yourself out!”

“Oh, okay.” After a brief pause, Parody threw his hands in the air and resumed screaming as he ran back inside.

Wincing as she recovered from the sudden verbal assault, Twilight followed Parody inside and found him running panicked circles in his kitchen, seemingly making no effort at all to put himself out. “Parody! Stop drop and roll!”

Still burning, Parody whirled around and thrust his hands in the direction of the mess that was the majority of his floor. “Where?!”

Twilight looked down at the clutter of scrap metal and unfinished projects that would make rolling around deeply unpleasant. Realizing that he needed her help, Twilight summoned up a powerful water spell and blasted Parody with it, slamming him into the wall with the sheer force of the panic fueled spell.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHGGUggblbglbglgblrblrbrlbgrblbgt!”

Cutting off her spell, Twilight watched a soaking Parody slump down to the floor, coughing up a copious amount of inhaled water.

He wasn’t on fire anymore, so that was a relief.

As the adrenaline left her system, Twilight took a step forward. “Are you alright?”

He rubbed his head as he stood up, dripping water everywhere. “Yeah,” He coughed, “Thanks for the save.” He started to wring out his hair. When that went nowhere, he gave a few futile attempts to shake off the water before looking to Twilight. “Hey, do you think you could…”

Nodding, Twilight’s horn lit up as she used magic to pull the water off of Parody and dump it down the sink.

Parody watched as the water drained away, “Thanks.” He turned to look at Twilight. “Hey, not to sound unappreciative or anything, but what brings you by, anyway? You never come over unless you need something.”

Twilight opened her mouth to respond and froze. “I… don’t know.” She raised a hoof to rub her head in thought. “You being on fire caught me so off guard that I’ve forgotten why I came here.”

“Hmph,” Parody smirked, “Well, I’ve got work that I need to do, so if you don’t have anything to say, you’d best get going.”

Twilight nodded as she turned to the door before freezing in place. She knew she came over to talk to Parody about something, and that it was important, but the fire startled her so badly that she forgot what it was that was so important. That seemed almost too convenient.

She turned around to stare at Parody and caught his grin. Her eyes narrowed, “You planned this, didn’t you?”

Parody’s grin widened as he quirked a brow. “Princess, are you insinuating that I set myself on fire to get out of a lecture?” He folded his arms. “That seems a little extreme, don’t ya think?”

Twilight stared at Parody, trying to get any discernible information out of his expression. Nothing. Nothing but that frustrating smile. She shook her head, “Never mind. I’ll come back once I remember what it was.”

Parody shrugged, “Got it. I’ll be sure to keep some matches on hand.”

Twilight shot him a glare as she walked out the door. Trotting towards the street, she turned her thoughts inward. Why had she come over? It was important, and… it was for a friend. That was right. But who for?

Twilight’s attention was suddenly drawn upwards as a rainbow contrail arced across the sky. It was probably Rainbow Dash doing something-

Rainbow Dash!

Remembering why she came over, Twilight turned around and walked back through the door. “Parody, I just remembered what I was-” She stopped when she saw Parody holding a lit match up to his hair.

Noticing her arrival, Parody turned and gave Twilight a smile. “Hey.”

Twilight’s face curled into a distinctly unamused expression.

Parody rolled his eyes as he leaned in and blew out the match. Tossing it aside, he turned to face her. “Alright, what’s up?”

Twilight took a deep breath and let it out slowly in an attempt to rebuild her patience. “I need you to leave Dash alone this week.”

“Alright,” he crossed his arms, “why?”

Twilight managed a stern expression. “She has Wonderbolt training next week that she’ll need to focus on, and she doesn’t need any of your fighting dragging her down.” Her brow furrowed. “This is important. Do you understand?”

Parody met her gaze with a neutral expression before rolling his eyes. “Fine,” He smirked, “But only because you asked so nicely.”

Twilight raised a brow. “Really?” That was too easy.

He gave a dismissive wave. “Yeah. I’m running low on materials anyway. I’ll wrap up work today and take off tomorrow. Then none of you will have to deal with me.”

Twilight struggled to not rise to the bait. “If that’s what works best.”

“Yeah.” He looked at the door separating his living room from his workshop before walking towards it. “Whelp, I’ve got some things I need to wrap up. Hey, if you see Derpy, let her know I’ll be out of town for the next couple weeks.”

Twilight nodded, “Okay.” She started to walk towards the front door, but stopped just before it.

Then none of you will have to deal with me.

Her mouth twitched.

You never come over unless you need something.

“Parody,” She started to turn around, “I-”

“Princess,” Parody cut her off with a soft smirk. “I really need to be getting back to work.”

Twilight averted her eyes. “Right,” she sighed, before walking out the door. “I’ll leave you to it.”

As she trotted towards the street, the familiar, creeping feeling of failure and defeat started to build up within her before she stomped it out.

It wasn’t her fault. She was trying to be his friend, she really was. He was just so…

Frustrating.

When she reached the street, she turned around and looked back at Parody’s workshop as the sound of Parody rummaging around emanated from within.

She remembered the frustratingly silly human she met in Canterlot, the fascinating conversations they had on the train ride to Ponyville, the creeping curiosity and longing to learn more. She shook her head as she started down the street. She sighed. One day, they would be able to be friends.

One day he’d be able to see that.

Rainbow Dash glared at the ponies cowering before her: an earth pony stallion and a pegasus mare. “And I’d better not catch wind of you two stealing anymore rainclouds, got it?”

Raspberry Bash trembled on the ground, hooves over his head. “I’m sorry! I just wanted to make sure my raspberries were watered- I-I didn’t think it’d be such a big deal!”

Rainbow Dash turned to glare at the pegasus. “And you! You’re part of the weather reserves. What’s your excuse?”

Rainwater Cache shivered as she tried to make a placating gesture. “It was just a few clouds! I didn’t think they’d be missed!”

Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Well sit down, because I think you need a refresher course in basic meteorology.” She turned to Raspberry Bash. “You too!”

Both ponies whimpered.

Author's Note

Remember when I said this was going to be the same length as Breakfast Banter?

Yeah, it quickly got away from me. I have to thank MustangII and Nobody Nick Particular for that. Their comments last chapter got my mind spinning which resulted in the first and last scenes of this chapter, which pretty much doubled its length.

So, thanks for the inspiration.

Anyways, I hope you guys continue to enjoy this story. Hopefully I can get some work done on the next chapter during spring break, but it's a longer one so it'll take a while.

The Catapult Fiasco

The open window was a beacon, a gateway with which one could get a glimpse of the outside world. A majestic painting on a living canvas. The vast sky was colored a brilliant blue, contrasting the white clouds that lazily drifted, forever wandering with no goal in mind. Vivid birds flitted about in the field of apple trees, chirping songs to each other as if they had nothing better to do. A gentle breeze blew by, carrying the sounds of rustling leaves and birdsong, blowing the curtains open wide in an inviting gesture, sunlight cascading through to brighten the room, revealing the three fillies within. A white unicorn sat with a yellow earth pony looking over a small list while an orange pegasus lay splayed out on the floor. It was a beautiful day that possessed but a single flaw.

Scootaloo huffed, “I’m boooooooooored!”

Apple Bloom sighed, “We know, Scootaloo.”

Scootaloo rolled over to look at her friends, “Are you sure we don’t have anything to do today?”

Sweetie Belle gave her a look, “Yes, Scootaloo, we’re sure. It’s a Saturday, so we don’t have school, no pony needs our help with their cutie marks, and we have no other plans for the day.”

Scootaloo just leaned back and groaned.

With a shake of her head, Apple Bloom turned to the prone pony, “Well, since we got nothin’ better to do, ya’ll got any ideas?”

Scootaloo was silent for a moment before releasing a wistful sigh. “You know, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I miss when we were blank flanks.”

That drew some surprised looks.

Apple Bloom arched her brow, “Alright, ya’ll are gonna hafta explain that, ‘cause we spent ages tryin’ to get our cutie marks.”

Scootaloo smiled and turned to face her, “I know. All those crazy adventures we went on, all those dangerous stunts we pulled to try and get our cutie marks,” looks back up at the ceiling, “I didn’t think about it then, but, it was fun. There was always something new to try, and we were never bored.”

“‘Cept when we were grounded on account of one a them stunts of yers.”

Scootaloo laughed, “Yeah.” She went silent for a moment before letting out a soft sigh. “I’m just realizing how much I miss that.”

Sweetie Belle smiled, “It’s like adults always say, ‘you never know what you have until it’s gone.’”

“Yeah.”

Apple Bloom scoffed, “Who said anythin’ ‘bout it bein’ gone? We can jus’ go an’ do some crazy thing for fun, we don’ have ta be lookin’ for our cutie marks.”

There was silence for a moment before Scootaloo scrambled upright. She turned to Apple Bloom, a smile plastered on her face, “You know what? You’re right! We don’t have to be looking for our cutie marks to have fun!” She turned to Sweetie Belle, “Do we still have the old list of crusading ideas?”

Sweetie Belle shook her head, “No. We threw that out once we got our cutie marks. We didn’t think we’d need it anymore.”

Scootaloo was undeterred. “Then we’ll just have to make a new one!”

Apple Bloom hummed in thought. “How ‘bout we focus on today first. We can worry ‘bout a list another time.”

“Okay.” Scootaloo shrugged, before turning her thoughts inward. Her brow furrowed as she concentrated, contemplating deeply what she wanted to do. Her mind lost in an endless sea of ideas, each one more extravagant, more outlandish, more dangerous than the last.

No.

As much as it pained her, she had to start smaller. But starting small didn’t mean it had to be any less awesome. Small and awesome, like herself. That was what she was looking for. Drifting along in her ocean of thought, Scootaloo kept her mind’s eye open for any possible ideas that matched what she was looking for. Suddenly-

Scootaloo clopped her hooves together. “I got it!”

Knowing how her friend’s mind worked, Apple Bloom shot her a questioning look. “Is it something dangerous that’ll definitely get us into trouble?”

“We’re gonna need a catapult.”

“Yep.”

Sweetie Belle furrowed her brow, “What are we going to do with a catapult?”

“Throw stuff around,” Scootaloo shrugged, “What else do you do with a catapult?”

Apple Bloom grinned at Sweetie Belle. “She’s got ya there.”

Sweetie Belle giggled, “Alright. Silly question.”

Scootaloo laughed, “Yeah, I figure we’ll just throw some rocks across one of the empty fields on the farm.”

Apple Bloom turned back to Scootaloo. “Hmm. Sounds a little dangerous.”

Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “We’ll make sure nopony’s in the way first!”

A thoughtful look crossed Sweetie Belle’s face. “Hey, Sooctaloo? Where are we even going to get a catapult in the first place?”

Silence.

“Uh,” Scootaloo shot an unsure glance at Apple Bloom who shrugged.

“Ah guess we could ask around. See if we can’t borrow one from somepony else.”

Scootaloo nodded, “Works for me. We’ll start with your sister.”

“Fine.”

As they began to leave the clubhouse, Scootaloo paused. “Hey, girls?”

The other two Crusaders turned around. “Yeah?”

Scootaloo smiled and held out her hoof. “For old time’s sake?”

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle smiled.

The three fillies formed a circle and placed their hooves in the center, before throwing them in the air.

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CATAPULT USERS, YAY!”

“No.”

Apple Bloom gave her sister the best pout she could. “Come on, please?”

Applejack shook her head. “There ain’t no way Ah’m lettin’ you girls run around playin’ with a catapult.”

“Aw, why not?”

Applejack turned away from the cart she was loading to give her a look. “’Cause it’s dangerous, Apple Bloom. Ah don’ wanna see ya get hurt.”

Apple Bloom frowned, “Ah’m not a foal!”

“An’ yer not a mare, either.” Applejack gave her a stern glare before sighing, “Look, Apple Bloom, Ah’m sorry, but Ah can’t let ya go playing with dangerous weapons. What would Granny say if I let ya get hurt?”

Apple Bloom said nothing, instead just looking to the side.

Applejack placed a hoof on her withers. “Ah’m only lookin’ out for ya. Ya understand that, right?”

Apple Bloom sighed, “Yeah.” Shaking free of her sister’s hoof, she trotted away.

Applejack gave her a worried glance before returning to work.

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo turned to face Apple Bloom as she approached. “How’d it go?” Sweetie Belle asked.

Apple Bloom shook her head as she kept walking down the path. “Nothin’.”

Scootaloo trotted after her. “What now?”

Sweetie Belle followed behind. “Well, we could always ask Rarity.”

“Absolutely not!”

“Oh, come on!”

Rarity gave her sister a stern glare. “Sweetie Belle, you are far too young to be playing with dangerous weapons like that.”

Sweetie Belle stomped her hoof. “I’m not a foal!”

“But you aren’t an adult.” Rarity shook her head, “Honestly, where did such a ridiculous idea even come from?”

“… it was Scootaloo’s idea.”

Rarity glanced out the window at the orange pegasus. “Well, that would explain that. That filly takes after Dash far too much.” She turned back to Sweetie Belle. “You girls have done a lot of crazy things, but I’m putting my hoof down on this. No weapons.”

“Ugh. Fine.” Sweetie Belle dragged her hooves as she left her sister’s boutique.

Scootaloo caught a glimpse of Sweetie Belle’s expression as she approached. “No luck?”

“No luck.”

Apple Bloom hmmed. “Is there anypony else we could ask? Maybe somepony that don’t mind a bit of danger?”

“Hmm. Sounds like fun.” Rainbow Dash glanced over the Crusaders. “But, I’m afraid I don’t actually have one.”

The three fillies groaned.

“Aw, really?” Scootaloo looked up at Rainbow Dash.

Dash shrugged. “Yeah, sorry about that.” She gave them a smirk. “Hey, try asking Pinkie. She built a Party-Pult a couple weeks ago; see if you can borrow that.”

The Crusaders shared an excited look before bolting down the street towards Sugarcube Corner.

“Thanks, Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo called over her shoulder, “You’re the best!”

Rainbow Dash smiled, “I know.”

“Sorry, girls,” Pinkie gave the gathered fillies a rueful smile. “I had to dismantle it.”

“Oh, come on!”

“Really?”

“Why?”

Pinkie shrugged. “Court orders. Turns out ponies can only legally possess two siege weapons.”

Scootaloo groaned in disappointment, “That’s lame.”

“Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.” Pinkie reached under the counter and pulled out three chocolate chip cookies. “Would cookies make you feel better?”

Apple Bloom looked at the proffered cookies. “Well, Ah’d be a fool to turn down free cookies.” She, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo accepted the cookies and sat down at a booth. As they ate their snack, their minds wandered, seeking a solution to the continued absence of a catapult to play with.

Apple Bloom looked across the table. “If we can’t find anypony to give us one, maybe we can just build one ourselves.”

Scootaloo quirked her brow. “Do you know how to build a catapult? ‘Cause I don’t.”

Apple Bloom shook her head. “Can’t say that Ah do.”

Sweetie Belle looked up, “Maybe we could go to the castle library. Twilight’s bound to have something in there that could help us.”

Apple Bloom nodded, “That could work.”

The castle doors slammed shut behind them.

Sweetie Belle turned to face her friends. “In retrospect, we probably shouldn’t have mentioned why we wanted to know.”

Scootaloo glanced back at the towering castle doors. “I don’t know whether I should be frustrated, disappointed, or proud that she’s learning to not trust us.”

Apple Bloom shook her head. “Come on, we got a couple more options.”

Sunlight beamed across the crowded market square, lighting up the cheery faces of haggling ponies. Open market was in full swing. The dull roar of background chatter filled the air as ponies milled about the various vending stalls. Sweet smells swirled about the air, bringing hints of flowers, fruit, and baked goods. There was a whisper of laughter carried in the breeze as foals scampered about, laughing and playing as they dodged around the legs of the adults.

“I can’t believe nopony’s willing to trust us with a catapult!”

Apple Bloom turned away from watching the crowd to give an arched brow to the pouting pegasus sitting on the bench beside her. “Really? ‘Cause Ah can. We ain’t exactly got a responsible reputation goin’ for us, even with our cutie marks.”

Scootaloo’s scowl deepened as she gave a frustrated huff. “But it’s not even that!” She threw her hooves in the air. “It’s not ‘Oh, you girls get into trouble all the time!’ It’s all ‘Oh, that’s too dangerous,’ or ‘You’re just foals!’” She slouched back into the bench. “We got our cutie marks! We’re growing up! Why won’t anypony take us seriously?!”

Sweetie Belle turned away from the market, grinning. “Girls, I think we’ve been going about this the wrong way. What we need is somepony with the craftsmareship skills and know-how to build a catapult, and enough moral grayness to have no problems giving siege weaponry to a foal.” She turned back to the crowd, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo following her gaze.

The Crusader’s eyes followed the blacksmith as he stepped away from a stall and began walking across the market. They turned to each other and shared a grin.

“No.”

“OH COME ON!”

Parody gave them an incredulous look as he leaned on the entrance to his forge, “I’m not building you a catapult.”

Scootaloo stomped her hoof, “Why not?!”

He shook his head, “What makes you think I’d build you a catapult?”

“You’re you.”

Amused, Parody put his hands on his hips and smirked, “Well, good to know you think so highly of me. What do you even want, anyway?”

“We want a catapult,” Scootaloo stared up at Parody, “and we want ponies to stop treating us like foals.”

He quirked a brow, “You want to be treated like adults?” When they nodded, he shrugged and crossed his arms, “Fine. Just don’t come whining to me if you don’t like it.” He smirked, “Still not gonna make you a catapult.”

“But-!”

“Up bup bup!” Parody waggled his finger. “I’m not gonna build one for you.” He smiled, “But I’m willing to help you build one for yourselves. Sound fair?”

They nodded excitedly.

He waved them in, “Alright, come on in.” Once they were past him, he reached up to pull the roller door down. “Let me just close up shop real quick.”

As Parody closed the door, the Crusaders looked around the workshop. It was something of an organized mess. There were a bunch of tools and scraps scattered across the tabletops, and there were several stacks of metals up against the walls, but the floor was kept relatively clear. The Crusaders spotted a couple containers they didn’t know the purpose of, as well as a tall metal bucket filled with water that stood next to several furnaces of varying sizes, one of which was on and had two metal rods inside. Speaking of furnaces…

“It’s hot in here!” Scootaloo panted. The other two fillies nodded in agreement.

“Of course it’s hot in here,” Parody walked past her, pulling a thick leather glove over his hand as he approached the furnace. “I’m melting metal, what did you expect? Unlike mercury and cesium, steel doesn’t melt at room temperature.” He reached out and pulled one of the rods out of the furnace. “On that note, don’t touch anything.” He turned to dunk the rod in the water bucket.

Scootaloo looked around the rest of the workshop, distracted. “Why not?”

Parody paused for a moment. He gave Scootaloo a level look before reaching over and briefly tapping the hot metal against her back.

“GAUGH!” Scootaloo dropped to the floor, back arched, muscles tensed.

“That’s why.” He turned and dunked the rod into the bucket.

Tsssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom rushed to Scootaloo’s side as she writhed on the floor. Sweetie Belle turned to glare at Parody. “Why’d you do that?!”

A wry smile crossed his face. “I find experience to be the best teacher.”

Scootaloo held back tears as she turned to glower at him. “What the buck?! That bucking hurt!”

“Yeah, that was kinda the point.”

“Why?!”

“So you’d know not to touch anything.”

“You could have just told me!”

Parody shrugged, “Wouldn’t have really gotten the same point across.”

Scootaloo’s lips quivered as her scowl deepened. “Well it wouldn’t have hurt as bad!”

Parody rolled his eyes, “Fine,” he rolled up his sleeve as he approached the furnace. “If you’re gonna be a baby about it.” Reaching out, he pulled the last metal rod out of the furnace and turned around. The Crusaders flinched, but instead of approaching them, he lifted his arm and-

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

The Crusaders cringed back as Parody pressed the metal to his forearm. Their ears folded back as they tried to block out the sound of sizzling flesh, their noses twitching as the smell of burnt skin drifted over. Parody’s expression stayed neutral, but they could see his fingers tense and twitch.

After about fifteen seconds, Parody pulled the metal away and held his arm out, showing the Crusaders the blackened burn on his arm. “There. Happy?”

Scootaloo slowly shook her head, and in a weak voice muttered, “…no.”

“Good.” He dropped the metal into the bucket before looking at his arm. “Now, uh, I’m gonna,” he worked his mouth, searching for words, “run this under some cold water. Maybe get some aloe vera.” He shook his head, “Come on,” and began walking towards the door separating the workshop from the rest of his house, pausing only to pull something out of a container and toss it at the Crusaders. “Here.”

Sweetie Belle caught it in her magic, and looked down at it as they walked through the door. It was an ice pack, presumably for Scootaloo.

Parody gestured to the cluttered living room, “Alright, just hang here. I’ll be right back.” He walked through the kitchen and began to ascend the stairs.

Ignoring him, Sweetie Belle gave Scootaloo a concerned look as she placed the ice pack on her back. “Are you alright?”

Scootaloo sniffed and wiped her eyes. “Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

“Is the ice pack helping?”

Scootaloo nodded as she felt the stinging start to numb.

Apple Bloom glanced unsurely at the staircase. “Well, Ah can see why mah sister don’ like ‘im.”

Sweetie Belle sighed, “Come on, girls. Forget about the catapult; let’s just go home.”

Scootaloo shook her head violently, “No way!”

Sweetie Belle’s mouth gaped as she stared disbelievingly at her friend. “Are you serious?!”

Apple Bloom shook her head. “Ah gotta agree with Scootaloo. This is prob’ly our only chance to get a catapult.” A humorless smile pulled its way across her lips. “’Sides, we did go lookin’ for somepony irresponsible.”

“Yeah,” Scootaloo did her best to smile, but it remained unconvincing. “I just have to not touch his stuff, right? Easy.”

Sweetie Belle furrowed her brow, “Scootaloo! You can’t just let him bully you like that!”

Scootaloo winced, “I’m not! I just,” she looked down, “wanted to do something fun and awesome with you girls. It feels wrong to back out now.”

Any response the Sweetie Belle might have made was interrupted by the sound of footsteps on the staircase. The Crusaders turned to face the stairs as Parody walked into view. Their eyes bounced to look at his arm, but he had already pulled the sleeve back down.

Parody smirked when noticed their gaze. “Hey, Scootaloo, how’s your back?”

She gave him a light glare. “How’s your arm?”

He shrugged, “Meh, I’ve had worse. You?”

Scootaloo’s expression turned thoughtful as she remembered all the crashes and accidents she’d been in crusading with her friends. “… I guess.”

Parody nodded, “Good.”

“Good?!” Sweetie Belle stomped over to Parody, dropping the ice pack. “You need to apologize!”

Parody raised a brow, “Why?”

“You burned Scootaloo!”

“I was proving a point.”

“And that makes it okay?!”

Parody shrugged, “What, you want me to apologize for trying to keep you safe? That seems backwards.”

Sweetie Belle scowled, “How is that keeping us safe?!”

Parody rolled his eyes as he turned to look at Scootaloo, who now had Apple Bloom pressing the ice pack against her back. “Hey, Scootaloo, that hurt, right?”

Scootaloo shot him a nasty glare. “You pressed hot metal to my back!”

“For an instant,” Parody held his arms out in an open gesture, “Wasn’t nearly long enough to give you anything worse than a first degree burn.” His mouth pulled into a smirk. “Now, with that pain in mind, imagine what would have happened if you had absentmindedly picked that up with your mouth.”

All three fillies winced, Scootaloo especially, her mouth tensing as she imagined the searing pain of holding hot steel in her mouth.

Parody shook his head, a wry smile on his face. “I couldn’t tell you the number of times I’ve injured myself by not paying attention.” He turned back to Sweetie Belle, his wry smile melting into a light smirk. “Look, I get that you’re looking out for your friend, but I gotta be kinda firm with my rules.” He crouched down, “My workshop is full of a lotta dangerous tools, including a furnace that reaches temperatures in the thousands. There’s a reason why I don’t let kids in my workshop.”

Apple Bloom shot Parody a curious glance. “Then why’d ya let us in?”

Parody returned fire with a smirk. “You wanted me to treat you like adults.”

Sweetie Belle’s mouth pulled into a light frown. “Well, if that’s how you treat adults, it’s no wonder you don’t have many friends.”

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo gaped at her in shock.

Parody laughed.

“It’s definitely a contributing factor.” Shifting, he stood up, gesturing to the workshop door. “Alright, I’m gonna go finish cleaning up shop. You guys just stay here and-”

“Don’t touch anything?” Scootaloo interrupted, looking at the mess that was Parody’s living room.

Parody waved her off, “Nah, feel free. Just a bunch of scrap and unfinished projects. Nothing immediately dangerous. Just, y’know, try not to cut yourselves on anything.”

The Crusaders were silent as they watched Parody walk into his workshop.

The door clicked shut.

Apple Bloom turned to Sweetie Belle, “That was kinda mean.”

Sweetie Belle wilted, ears folding back. “I know, I just… I just don’t like seeing you girls get hurt.”

“Still…”

“Come on, Sweetie Belle,” Scootaloo trotted over and pulled her into a hug. “You’re a nice pony. I don’t like seeing you be mean to anypony.”

“Yeah,” Apple Bloom joined the hug with a teasing grin, “’sides, when did Sweetie Belle start throwing out insults?”

Sweetie Belle giggled before leaning into the hug with a sigh. “I’m sorry girls, I just… to be honest, I was never really on board with the whole catapult thing, but seeing Scootaloo get so excited made me excited too, but then you got… it just,” she looked up at Scootaloo, “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah,” Scootaloo drew back, a cocky grin on her face. “Hardly feel it. Besides, we’ve all had worse.”

Sweetie Belle shook her head, “That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.”

Scootaloo shifted, “It still stings, but I’ll be fine.”

Sweetie Belle relaxed, “Okay.”

They sat in silence, looking around the room as they waited for Parody to return. Apple Bloom’s eye was drawn to what looked like a complicated metal box with cylinders sticking out of the top.

The workshop door opened and Parody strolled through holding a large, rolled-up piece of paper. “Alright, let’s build a catapult.”

Sweetie Belle looked up at him as he approached, “Parody? I’m sorry-”

“Don’t be.” Parody waved her off as he walked past her. He stopped at the kitchen table and unrolled the graph paper onto it. Looking up from the table, he shot the Crusaders a smirk. “Now, you guys are in luck; I’ve already got a bunch of spare lumber out back. Had to do some repairs when I blew out one of my walls last week.”

Apple Bloom furrowed her brow in concern, “What happened?”

Parody gave a half shrug as he started to retrieve different measuring tools from around the room. “Was trying to cook some eggs.”

Apple Bloom blinked, “That explained nothin’.”

“Really? I thought that explained everything perfectly.”

The Crusaders sat in confused silence for a moment before Scootaloo burst into laughter. “You hear that, Sweetie Belle? He’s just as bad at cooking as you!”

Sweetie Belle snorted, “I’m not that bad! I might burn my food, but I don’t blow it up.”

“Hey, that only happens half the time!” Parody playfully defended as he walked back to the table. “Besides, it was the stove that exploded, not the eggs.” He placed his hands on the table, “Now, I think I’ve got everything we need, so we won’t need to run to the store.” He gestured for the Crusaders to join him at the table.

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo trotted over and hopped up onto the chairs to get a better look at the graph paper.

Sweetie Belle trotted up to her seat, but stopped before hopping up, a thought crossing her mind. Sighing, she looked up, “Parody? Can I ask a favor?”

“What’s up?”

“I know you have your rules and all, but… can you please give us verbal warnings? Before physical ones?”

“I dunno,” Parody’s mouth twisted in thought, “‘don’t do that, it’ll hurt,’ doesn’t quite have the same impact as ‘don’t do that, it’ll feel like that but worse.’”

“Please?”

Parody rolled his eyes, “Fine, fine, whatever. But if you get hurt ‘cause you didn’t listen to my warnings, that’s on you.” He patted the empty seat, “Now come on.”

Though a little wary, Sweetie Belle hopped up onto the chair.

Ignoring her trepidation, Parody picked up a pencil and a measuring tool and began sketching. “Alright, now the first thing you wanna do is…”

“Ah honestly thought that’d take longer,” Apple Bloom admitted as she gazed upon what they had created.

It was a large wooden catapult. A masterpiece of siege weaponry. Constructed out of the finest lumber, freshly made bolts, and some old rope Parody had lying around. It stood proudly under the sun, supported by the soft grass of Parody’s backyard. The arm slowly coiling back, like a viper preparing to strike, as Scootaloo happily cranked the wheel.

Parody smirked down at Apple Bloom, unaware of what was happening behind him. “Why? It’s just a catapult.”

Apple Bloom shrugged, “Ah’ve never built one. Ah just thought it’d take longer.”

Parody nodded to the side, “Well, I guess, to be fair, it isn’t entirely done.”

“How so?”

Parody gestured at the catapult, “I haven’t actually fastened all the bolts down yet. I wanna give it a weak test fire before tightening them all down.”

Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom briefly shared an unsure look. “Why?” Sweetie Belle asked.

Parody gave a short laugh, “Well, last time I built a catapult I somehow… inverted the firing mechanism?” He shrugged and began gesturing, “Instead of flinging the arm forward, it just flipped the whole thing over.”

Sweetie Belle furrowed her brow, “How’d you manage that?!”

He threw his hands in the air, “I don’t know!”

Apple Bloom looked up at him, “Didja jus’ put it together backwards?”

Parody dropped his arms to his sides, “Look, I don’t understand what I did wrong, but whatever it was, it’s why we’re doing a test fire before moving forward.”

Sweetie Belle leaned over to look past Parody, watching as Scootaloo continued to crank the catapult. “So, Scootaloo probably shouldn’t be cranking it that much?” She asked, eyeing the fraying rope.

Parody blinked, as if only now noticing that Scootaloo was not standing beside her friends. He whirled around and spotted her cranking the wheel of the catapult, blissfully unaware of the fraying rope about to give way beside her. He lunged forward, “Scootaloo! Stop-!”

Snap.

The catapult flipped over, catching Parody in the underside of his jaw, sending him flying backwards as the momentum of the flip sent Scootaloo screaming forward through the sheet metal wall of Parody’s shed. After completing its sick front flip, the catapult slammed into the ground and shattered, sending splinters and shards of wood flying every which way.

Parody lay flat on his back, hands clamped over his mouth as gargled laughter escaped his lips. He rolled over and shifted until he was on his knees. “Baghk!” He spat out a mouthful of blood. “Augh, I bit my tongue! Ow!” He slowly worked his way to his feet, rubbing his mouth and wincing as he worked his jaw. Noticing the sound of crying all around him, he began to survey the situation.

The catapult was in pieces. Shards of wood were scattered everywhere. He could even feel some of them embedded in his body. He glanced at his shed and saw the hole that Scootaloo had torn through, noticing the bit of blood along its jagged edge. He turned and saw Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle doing a pretty good impression of porcupines as they lay sniffling, covered in splinters.

Parody gave a soft chuckle, shaking his head as he pulled a large shard of wood out of his shoulder.

“Should’ve built a trebuchet.”

There was naught but misery within Parody’s bathroom. Quiet sniffles and muffled sobs echoed within the dimly lit walls as Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle pulled splinters out of each other. Parody sat cross-legged on the floor with Scootaloo pulled up onto his lap as he used a towel to try and stem her bleeding.

“Okay, I think I’ve slowed the bleeding,” Parody pulled the towel back and glanced over the cuts along Scootaloo’s body. “You shouldn’t need any stitches, but it’s probably for that best I just drop you off at the hospital anyway. Get an actual doctor to look at you.” He gently shook his head as he reached up and pulled a bottle off the sink, “Alright, let’s clean those out before bandaging you up.” He poured some hydrogen peroxide onto a rag and moved to start cleaning Scootaloo’s wounds. Just before he started cleaning, he paused and, after a moment of thought, rolled up his sleeve and offered his arm to Scootaloo.

She looked down at it in confusion. “What are you doing?”

He shrugged with a smirk. “I don’t know about here, but back home doctors often give patients something to either squeeze really hard or bite really hard to help deal with pain.”

Scootaloo’s ears folded back, “Is this gonna hurt?”

Parody laughed as he leaned over and began cleaning her cuts, “Oh it’s gonna sting like a bi-”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!”

Scootaloo screamed at the stinging sensation of disinfectant entering her cuts. She gritted her teeth as she tried to push through what felt like acid burning away her flesh. As she took in a deep shuddering breath, she looked down at Parody’s arm. Remembering what he said, she opened her mouth wide…

And clamped down as hard as she could.

“GAAAAH!”

It was Parody’s turn to scream as Scootaloo dug her teeth into his flesh as far as she could, the vise-grip growing tighter and tighter as he continue to clean out her wounds, his hand spasming as she ground on his nerve ends. The shared agony went on for what felt like an eternity until Parody finally pulled the rag off of Scootaloo’s body.

As her mouth loosened its grip, Parody yanked his arm back, sending both of them tumbling backwards. Scootaloo lay sprawled over Parody’s stomach, breathing heavily to try and recover from the ordeal, as he writhed underneath her, clutching his forearm.

Eventually, Parody propped himself up to glare down at Scootaloo. “Augh! Why did you bite me?!”

Scootaloo turned to Parody, still blinking tears out of her eyes. “That’s what you said!”

Parody opened his mouth to argue, but paused, looking up as if to review his words. “Ah, okay. I see where you got that from. Please, just,” he flopped backwards, “No more biting.”

Parody frowned as he held his arm up, inspecting the three bite marks on it.

“I think you guys cracked the bone.”

The Crusader’s winced as they trailed behind Parody on the way to the hospital. “… Sorry.”

Ignoring the gasps and looks of shock and horror from passing ponies, Parody sighed and shook his head as he worked his wrist. “That’s what I need: A broken arm to go with my broken jaw.”

Sweetie Belle looked up at him, “Is your jaw alright?”

He shrugged as the hospital came into view, “Eh, it’s not broken, but I can feel it clicking.” He opened the door and walked inside.

Wincing, the Crusaders followed.

Nurse Redheart shuffled a few papers before looking up from her desk to greet them. “Hello, how can I help yo- What happened?!” She couldn’t help but stare in horror. Parody’s clothes were tattered and stained with blood, and the fillies were wrapped in bandages, clearly injured.

Parody smirked and gave a half-shrug. “Eh, bit of a catapult fiasco.” He patted Scootaloo on the head. “Patched ‘em up as best I could, but, y’know, not a doctor. Figured it’d be best to have a professional look them over.”

Nurse Redheart shook her head to compose herself before stepping out from behind the desk. “Right, come with me.” She turned and led them down the hall to an empty room on the second floor. After motioning for them to enter, she left to fetch a doctor.

Parody looked down at the Crusaders as they hopped up onto the beds and got comfortable. “You guys alright?” All he got in response was some light grumbles. He started chuckling, “Don’t worry, I’m sure one day you’ll look back on all this and laugh,” He smirked, “I know I will.”

The Crusaders gave him an unamused look.

Voices from the hallway drew their attention to the door as Dr. Horse and Nurse Sweetheart walked in. Nurse Sweetheart’s hooves flew to her mouth. “Oh you poor dears.”

Dr. Horse put on a mask of professionalism as he levitated a clipboard in front of him. “What happened?”

“Catapult misfire. Scootaloo got it the worst,” Parody gestured at the orange filly, “She was flung through the wall of my shed. The rest of us just got blasted by wooden shrapnel.”

Dr. Horse started jotting down notes as Nurse Sweetheart moved to comfort the fillies. “What is your shed made of?”

“Sheet metal.”

Dr. Horse sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Any lacerations?”

Parody shrugged, “A few. Surprisingly shallow, though. Could’ve been worse, all things considered. Should check her for a concussion, though,” he smirked, “Being flung through walls tends to do that.”

Dr. Horse nodded as he jotted a few notes down. “And the other two?”

“Some light shrapnel damage and a bunch of splinters, but otherwise fine.”

Dr. Horse nodded and moved farther down the file. “And you?”

Parody waved him off, “I’ll be fine.”

Dr. Horse’s expression was level as he eyed the blood-stained human. “You’re covered in blood.”

Parody looked down and started picking at his shirt. “It’ll wash out. Maybe.”

Dr. Horse shook his head, “If you’re sure.”

“I’m not, actually. Bloodstains are pretty hard to get out of clothes.” At Dr. Horse unamused glance, Parody laughed, “I’m alright. Need to go let their sisters know what happened, anyway.” Parody glanced back down at his bloody shirt. “Hey, gotta restroom I can clean up in?”

Nurse Sweetheart looked over at Parody. “Down the hall next to the stairs.”

“Got it,” Parody moved to exit the room. He paused in the doorway and turned to gesture at the Crusaders, “Hey,” He smirked, “I had fun today. You three feel like making something else, hit me up.”

With that, he walked out of the room.

There was a soft shuffling sound as Nurse Redheart filed papers at the front desk. Her ear twitched at the sound of footsteps as a voice drifted down the hall.

“-ven supposed to tell them?”

Nurse Redheart leaned towards the hallway, trying to pick up more of the conversation.

There was laughter, “They’re gonna kill me! Not that that’s that big of a problem; I’d just rather put that inevitability off as long as possible.”

She blinked, putting a name to the voice. It was Parody talking.

“Alright. Any bright ideas?”

But who was he talking to?

Parody laughed, “That’s a terrible idea! Have you even met me?”

Nurse Redheart leaned farther, straining her hearing to try and catch more of the conversation.

“Then you should know how poorly that’s gonna go.”

There was a moment of silence before he spoke again, his voice just inside the entrance to the hallway.

“Fair enough. I’m just gonna wing it.”

Nurse Redheart watched as Parody walked out of the hallway. He was cleaner than he was earlier, but his clothes were still tattered and stained. She glanced back at the empty hallway before looking back to Parody as he walked to the front door.

“Oh, Parody.” She called out as she sorted through the paperwork on her desk.

He stopped, hand on the door, and turned around. “What’s up?”

“Do you have any preference for floral arrangements?”

Parody furrowed his brow, “… What?”

Nurse Redheart looked up from her desk, a smirk on her face. “For your funeral.”

Parody blinked, before bursting into wild laughter. As he laughed, Redheart couldn’t help but giggle with him.

As their laughter died down, Parody gave her a dismissive wave, “Nah, I’m not picky. Go with whatever looks best.” He pushed open the door and walked through. “Best make it a memorial service, though,” He called out over his shoulder, “Funerals require bodies.”

The door swung closed.

Nurse Redheart gave a confused blink at Parody’s words, before shrugging and returning to her paperwork.

“And so I told them I was putting my hoof down on weapons,” Rarity shook her head. “Honestly, the things those girls come up with.”

“Ah said the same thing.” Applejack let out snort, “Ah guess Ah was a fool to think they’d calm down now that they got their cutie marks.”

Applejack gazed out into the crowd of ponies. For saying it was Saturday market, things were rather slow. Of course, it could’ve just been her; the rest of the market looked busy enough.

“I thought the same.” Rarity gave Applejack a light smirk, “I guess with them, ‘once a Crusader, always a Crusader.’”

Applejack stared laughing as an image pooped into her head. “Great, now ya got me thinkin’,” She turned to Rarity, “Do ya think they’ll still be doin’ this when they’re as old as Granny Smith?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Rarity laughed, “If they haven’t stopped yet, they probably never will.”

“Wouldn’t that be a sight?”

They devolved into soft giggles as they imagined the Crusaders at eighty trying to pull the same shenanigans they did now.

As Applejack gave another cursory glance over the crowd of shoppers, she spotted Twilight and Rainbow Dash at the next stall over, talking with its owner. She couldn’t tell what they were talking about, but it seemed to be brief as it wasn’t long before they headed her way.

Applejack smiled gave them a quick nod as they approached her stall, “Howdy, Twi. Dash.”

“Hello.”

“Sup?”

“What brings ya over to mah corner of the market?”

Twilight smiled and gestured at the rest of the market, “We’re checking in with everypony to see how they’re holding up after last month’s weather issues.”

Rainbow Dash nodded, “Yeah. The weather’s fine now, but there’s been a few market ponies that needed a bit more attention to get back to normal.”

Twilight’s smiled faded into a look of light concern, “Have there been any issues at Sweet Apple Acres?”

Applejack shook her head, “Nope, farm’s jus’ fine. Didn’t even know somethin’ was wrong ‘til Ah read the paper.”

Rainbow Dash nudged Twilight, “I toldja, Twilight: The Apple Family is priority one for the weather team; they’re fine.”

Twilight shook her head and shot the pegasus a look, “We have to be thorough, Dash, you know that.” She turned back to Applejack, “I hope you don’t mind if we drop by later today, just to double check.”

Applejack shrugged, “Sure, can’t hurt. How’s everypony else?”

“So far, there hasn’t been any permanent damage to anypony’s farms or gardens. The flower ponies have already fully recovered.” Twilight smiled, “My daisy sandwiches are saved.”

They all laughed.

“Alright, alright, enough about us,” Rainbow Dash waved off Twilight before turning to Applejack and Rarity, “What’s up with you two?”

Applejack shrugged, “Not much. Market’s a bit slow right now, so Ah’ve jus’ been chatting with Rarity. Turns out most everypony already bought their apples for the week.”

“Whatcha talking ‘bout?”

Applejack sighed and shook her head, “Our sisters and their crazy antics.”

Rarity tittered, “You wouldn’t believe the things they’re trying to get into.”

Twilight smirked, “Does it involve a catapult?”

Rarity blinked, “How-?”

“They swung by the castle library to research how to build one.”

Applejack and Rarity shared a worried look.

“You didn’t let them, did you?” Rarity asked.

Twilight rolled her eyes and huffed, “Of course I didn’t; siege weaponry is far too dangerous for fillies their age.”

Rainbow Dash looked pensive. “Huh, I just sent them to Pinkie.”

Applejack shot Dash a glance, “They asked ya too, huh?”

“Yeah,” Dash shrugged, “Didn’t have one myself, but I know Pinkie has her Party-Pult-”

Twilight shook her head, “She had to dismantle that.”

Rainbow Dash pouted, “Aw, that’s lame.”

Rarity furrowed her brow, “Have they just been running around Ponyville asking ponies for a catapult?”

Dash shrugged, “Knowing Scootaloo? Prob’ly. Prob’ly won’t give up ‘til she’s asked everypony in town.”

Rarity frowned in worry, “They were far more serious about that catapult than I thought.”

Rainbow Dash waved dismissively, “Oh relax. Is there anyone in town that would actually give them a catapult?”

“Hey guys!”

All four mares froze, looks of alarm on their faces.

Oh no…

As one, they turned to watch Parody as he approached, arm waving wildly above his head, immediately noticing his tattered and blood-stained clothing.

… He didn’t.

Parody came to a halt in front of the stand, smiling widely. “Glad I could getcha all in one place.”

Twilight took a step forward pleadingly, “Tell me you didn’t.”

“I didn’t.” Parody looked past her at the others, “What are we talking about?”

Rarity eyed him in concern, “You look dreadful. What happened?”

Parody held up his hands in a placating gesture, “Alright, look, the important thing is: No one got hurt.” He snerked, “Okay, that’s an absolute lie; your sisters are in the hospital.”

“WHAT?!”

Applejack leaned over her stand, worry in her eyes. “What happened?”

Parody’s smile pulled into a smirk. “See, that’s a funny story. Definitely doesn’t involve a catapult.”

“What?!”

“Seriously?”

“You did…”

Applejack glared at him, a fierce scowl forming on her muzzle. When she spoke, her words came out slowly, “Are you telling me you gave mah sister an’ her friends a catapult?”

Parody scoffed playfully, “No, I didn’t give them a catapult. I helped them build one.”

Twilight shook her head, “That’s not any better!”

“Au contraire,” Parody held up a finger, “It’s a learning experience. Now they know how to build a catapult themselves.”

The four mares stared at Parody in open disbelief.

There was silence as Parody met their stares with a smile. Then it clicked. “Ah. I see why that would concern you. Rest assured,” he smirked, “I don’t they’re all that interested in siege weaponry anymore. Being flung through a wall has a tendency to make you lose interest in things.”

Rarity’s eyes widened, “Flung through a wall?!”

Parody shrugged, “Admittedly, that was just Scootaloo. She kinda got it the worst.”

Rainbow Dash flew into Parody’s face, causing him to take a step back and raise his hands in a half-hearted surrender, the smirk never leaving his face. “I swear, if she got hurt, I’m gonna pou-”

“She’s in the hospital. Of course she’s hurt. Also, that was her fault, not mine.”

“You gave her a catapult!”

“I didn’t give her anything.”

“Parody,” Applejack walked around her stand, looking up at him with worry, “Please. Mah sister. Apple Bloom. Is she okay?”

Parody shrugged, “Eh, pretty sure. Doctor’s checking her over now, but she seemed fine. Really, all she and Sweetie Belle got were a bunch of splinters.” He looked down at his arm, “Didn’t stop ‘em from biting me, though.”

Rarity furrowed her brow, “Biting you?”

Rainbow Dash huffed, “Probably deserved it.”

Parody looked up at Dash and, noticing she was hovering in his face, reached out and pushed her arm’s length away. He sighed and glanced at the others, “Alright, look, I don’t have time to play twenty questions. I told you where they are, go check on them yourselves.”

“Right,” Applejack nodded. She tossed an ‘out to lunch’ sign on her stand, “C’mon girls, let’s go,” and trotted off, Rarity and Twilight following behind her. Rainbow Dash started to fly after them, but was yanked back by her tail.

“Hold on.”

“Ow!” Rainbow Dash whirled around to glare at Parody, “What?!”

Parody crossed his arms, a neutral expression on his face, “I’m letting families know what happened. Scootaloo. Where do I go for her?”

Rainbow Dash kept her gaze level, “She lives at the orphanage.”

“Oh, that sucks.”

Her glare hardened, “Her mom runs the orphanage.”

“Oh. That sucks.”

“Parody!”

He threw his arms in the air, “What? I’m just calling it how I see it.”

It took all of Dash’s power to bite back her retort. Instead, she took a deep breath, “Do you know where it is?”

Parody rolled his eyes and waved her off as he turned and walked away, “I’ll find it. Just go.”

Rainbow Dash frowned as she watched as Parody made his way through the crowd of ponies until he was out of sight. She let out a huff before turning and flying after her friends.

At the sound of the door opening, Nurse Redheart looked up from the paperwork on her desk at the ponies entering the hospital. It was Princess Twilight and three of her friends. A light smile crossed her face. They must’ve just ran into Parody. “Should I contact the morgue?”

The four mares’ hearts sank, looks of horror pulling their way across their faces. What happened? Parody said they were fine. Did he lie?

“… no,” Rarity whispered, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

In an instant, all amusement drained from Readheart’s face. “W-wa-wa-wait! It’s not that!” Eyes wide, she threw her hooves out in frantic gestures. “It’s just- When he left, Parody joked that you were going to kill him, and I was- I thought-” She cringed back into her seat, ears flat against her head. “… I’m sorry. You’re here to see your sisters, right?”

Unable to form words, Applejack and Rarity just nodded.

“Room 207,” Nurse Redheart gave a weak gesture at the hallway before returning to her paperwork in a desperate bid to avoid eye contact, her ears still pinned to her head.

Silently, they entered the hallway, Twilight glancing at Redheart as they walked past, catching a glimpse of the remorse on her face as they made their way to room 207.

Opening the door, the four mares walked into the room, noticing that Nurse Sweetheart sat talking with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, while Doctor Horse stood in the corner with Scootaloo.

As Applejack and Rarity made their way over to their sisters, Rainbow Dash walked over to Scootaloo, “Hey, squirt, how ya feelin’?”

Scootaloo smiled, “Hi, Rainbow Dash,” She shifted in place, “I’m alright.”

Rainbow Dash hid her relief behind a laugh. “I knew it. Didn’t doubt you for a second.” She leaned in with a mock stern look, “You didn’t cry, did you?”

“N-no! Of course not!” Scootaloo straightened, puffing out her chest, “I’m strong!”

Rainbow Dash grinned, “Of course,” She held out her hoof, “You’re tough.”

Doctor Horse shook his head as the pegasi hoof-bumped. “She certainly is. Aside from some shallow lacerations and light bruises, she shows no signs of having been launched through a wall.”

Dash turned to face him, “So she’ll be fine?”

Doctor Horse nodded, “All three of them will be.” He cleared his throat and turned to address the room, “While I hate to separate you, there are a few more check-ups that we need to run. If you wouldn’t mind waiting in the lobby, we’ll have them out shortly.”

Applejack and Rarity nodded and said a few quick words before turning and leaving the room, Rainbow Dash trailing behind as they walked past Twilight, who had remained in the doorway. They walked down the hall in silence. As they reached the staircase, that silence was broken by the sound of panicked hoofsteps clambering up the stairs, preceding a pegasus mare frantically pushing past them. They watched as she turned and darted into room 207.

Rarity blinked, “Was that Scootaloo’s mom?”

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash nodded as they began to trot down the stairs, “Parody said he was gonna tell her what happened.”

Rarity glanced over her shoulder, “I can’t imagine she was very happy to hear about what happened.”

“Oh, she wasn’t,” A muffled voice called up from the bottom of the stairs, “She was very, uh, ‘vocal’ about her displeasure with me.”

Rarity tilted her head, “Whatever do you meaaaaaauuugh.”

Parody and Nurse Redheart stood at the foot of the stairs. Redheart shifted, an unsure expression on her face while Parody stood upright, arms folded, smirking despite the pencil stabbed through his cheek, trailing blood down his face.

“You know, there’s something backwards about a nun stabbing me in the face with a number two pencil.”

Rarity gaped, “Are you alright?”

Parody smiled a wide-open smile, showing that he couldn’t close his teeth around the pencil. “Oh, this?” He flicked the pencil, causing the watching mares to flinch as it jiggled. “This is nothing. I just need some bandages to patch myself up. Kinda used up all o’ mine on them,” he gestured up the stairs.

The mares just cringed, watching the pencil bob up and down as Parody talked.

Rarity gave a light cough, “Well, we’ll just, erm, let you get on with that.” She trotted past him, using all her willpower to look forward. The others quickly followed after her as Parody laughed and walked farther down the hall with Redheart.

In the lobby, the four mares grouped up and glanced at each other.

“Well, that happened,” Applejack noted.

They all shuddered.

Rarity shook her head, “I cannot fathom how he was able to keep his composure after something like that.”

Twilight glanced back down the hall, “I can’t believe somepony would do that to him.”

“I can.”

They all stared at Rainbow Dash in disbelief.

Noticing their stares, Dash frowned, “What? He’s frustrating.”

Rarity shook her head, “Rainbow Dash, Darling, we know he can be frustrating, but that’s no excuse to hurt him.”

Rainbow Dash looked away, “You wouldn’t know. He’s frustrating in a way that makes you want to hurt him.”

Twilight shook her head before trotting over and placing a hoof on the pegasus mare’s withers, “Rainbow Dash, please. We need to talk.”

“About what?” Came her terse reply.

“About you and Parody.”

Dash scowled, but before she could reply, Nurse Redheart walked into the lobby. Noticing the lobby occupants, Redheart gave them a sheepish smile as she climbed into her desk. “I’m really sorry about earlier. It was supposed to be a joke, and I just…”

“Well, ya gave us a right scare,” Applejack’s words caused Redheart to wilt, “but Ah reckon ya didn’t mean anythin’ by it. Jus’ don’t do it again.”

Redheart nodded, “I won’t.”

Rarity glanced down the hall, “How’s Parody?”

“He’s in the bathroom cleaning up.” Redheart smirked, “Have to say, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen that particular injury.”

Rainbow Dash let out a snort, “Yeah. I bet you see weird injuries from him all the time.”

“No, actually,” Redheart shook her head, “Parody has never been admitted as a patient.”

Rainbow Dash whirled around to stare at Nurse Redheart in disbelief, “Wait, he hasn’t?”

Redheart nodded, “Parody has never been a patient of this hospital.”

Rainbow Dash furrowed her brow, “How?! I broke his arm!”

“WHAT?!”

Rainbow Dash cringed back, looking anywhere but at her friends.

“Why would you do that?!”

“Land sakes, Dash.”

Twilight shook her head, expression firm, “Okay, now we really need to talk about it.” She walked back up to Dash, who lowered her head. “Rainbow Dash. If you’re going to be causing grievous bodily harm to others, we have to talk about this. Now.”

She didn’t look up. “I… I didn’t mean to. It just…”

Twilight placed her hoof on Rainbow Dash’s withers, “When did this happen?”

“… A couple days after I got the armor.”

Everypony winced.

That explained it. For about a week after the incident, things between Parody and Rainbow Dash were…

Bad.

Hostile.

The guards had to be called several times to break up fights between the two, both verbal and physical.

Twilight sighed, “So it happened during one of your fights.”

“We were at his workshop. It…” Rainbow Dash shook her head, “It got bad. There wasn’t a lot of space to move, and I ended up picking up his hammer and clobbering him with it.”

“And that’s what broke his arm.”

Rainbow Dash winced, “It wasn’t what I wanted, I just-”

Laughter rang out from the hallway, drawing everypony’s attention as Parody walked into the lobby, holding a towel to his cheek, “Nah, she was just pissed she wasn’t hurting me as much as she wanted.” His mouth curled into an insufferable smirk as he walked past them, flicking Dash on the nose as he made his way to the front door.

Scrunching her nose, Rainbow Dash scowled and moved to step forward, only to be held back by Applejack.

Parody stopped at the door, “Oh, real quick,” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pencil, “Anybody want a free pencil?”

The mares all stared at the chewed up pencil in disgust, eyes drawn to the blood and saliva that covered it. Rarity shook her head, “No thanks.”

Parody shrugged, tucking the pencil back into his pocket as he opened the door. “Your loss.”

Twilight stepped forward, “Parody, wait, we need to-”

“Sorry, Princess, but I’ve already used up my allotted free time today. I gotta get back to work.”

Twilight watched the door close with a huff, “Fine. I’ll worry about you later.”

Noticing Dash’s scowl, Applejack shook her head and placed her hoof on the cyan mare’s withers. “Dash, because Ah’m yer friend, Ah’m gonna say it to ya straight. This ‘thing’ goin’ on between you and Parody? Ya’ll need to let it go. Yer constant bickerin’ n’ fightin’ is destroyin’ both o’ yer reputations.”

Rainbow Dash blinked as she turned to Applejack, “What?”

Rarity gave a light frown and sighed, “Ponies talk, Darling…”

“And nopony wants to be around ponies who constantly get into fights with each other,” Twilight finished.

Rainbow Dash frowned, “So? Why are you telling me? Tell him! It’s his fault, not mine.”

Rarity softly shook her head, “I wouldn’t be so quick to say that, Darling. You are not as blameless as you think you are.”

Rainbow Dash’s heart sank. She took a few steps back, eyes darting between her friends, looking for a hint of support in their carefully neutral expressions. She found none. The sick feeling of betrayal churned in her stomach. “So that’s it?” Her voice quivered slightly, “You’re taking his side over mine?”

Rarity shook her head, “I’m not taking anyone’s side.”

“Horseapples!” Was punctuated by a fierce hoof stomp. “You just said it was my fault!”

Applejack stepped forward, “Calm down, Dash, that ain’t-”

“Why are you taking his side?!” Rainbow Dash whirled around, “You hate him!”

Applejack shot her a withering glare, “Dang it, Dash! No Ah don’t, and that ain’t what she meant!”

“Well what did she mean?!” Dash could feel her chest tighten, her eyes beginning to sting, “How am I supposed to take that?!”

A white foreleg looped around Rainbow Dash’s neck and pulled her into a gentle hug. She squirmed until she was able to turn and glare at Rarity. Rarity met her glare with a considerate expression.

“Rainbow Dash? May I tell you a story?”

Rainbow Dash was silent, but her expression softened as she turned away.

Rarity sighed, “Ever since I was a filly, I wanted to be a fashonista. When I got my cutie mark, I felt as if it were a sign of destiny. That I was on the path of a rising star in the fashion world.” A rueful smile crossed her lips, “It was then that I hit my first stumbling block: Nopony wanted to buy a dress from a filly, certainly not one who had just gotten her cutie mark. I was the designated designer for the school theater, but I wanted to design haute couture, not simple costumes.” She sighed dramatically, “But alas, it just wasn’t meant to be. A few years later I had all but resigned myself to a lifetime of designing costumes for fillies when I got my first true client.

“Now, Ponyville doesn’t have much of a high life, so imagine my surprise when Mrs. Rich herself asked me for a dress.”

Rainbow Dash turned back to stare at Rarity in disbelief, “Mrs. Rich asked you for a dress?”

Rarity tittered, “Filthy Rich’s mother, Darling, not his wife.” A gentle shake of her head, “Either way, it came as quite the shock. Mrs. Rich, one of the wealthiest ponies in Ponyville had come to me for a dress.” A fond smile, “She explained that she had seen my work at the school theater and decided to offer me a chance to prove to myself as a true designer. I had one week to design a dress for a small garden party she was hosting at the Rich family manor.”

An almost fierce look crossed Rarity’s face.

“I used every second.

“I poured my heart and soul into that dress. No fabric creased. No stitch out of place. I tore that dress apart and put it back together more times than I could ever hope of counting. I would not stop until it was perfect. My career in the world of fashion rode on that dress, and I was not going to get it wrong.

“Finally, the day had arrived, and the dress was finished. It was my masterpiece,” A warm smile pulled its way across her face, “And Mrs. Rich agreed. She loved it, even going so far as to invite me to the party as her guest to give me a chance to see the dress in action; to give me a taste of high society; to see and hear others compliment my work. It was the night of my dreams. When she invited me to the next one, I accepted in a heartbeat. Watching her wear my work filled me with such pride, and I wanted to see it again.” Her smile faded, “Only, she didn’t wear it at the next party. Or the next one. Or the next one. Or the next one.” She shook her head, “Finally, I asked her where the dress I made her was.” Rarity looked Dash in the eyes, “Do you know where it was?”

Despite the creeping feeling that she knew where this was going, Dash shook her head.

“In a closet, gathering dust,” Rarity sighed. “I. Was. Devastated. I locked myself in my room and cried and cried until I could cry no more.” She shook her head, “I almost gave up fashion that night, lying in bed. My foray into the world of fashion had failed. Was this my destiny? To have to go back to making mere costumes?”

Rarity went silent for a moment.

“And then a thought drifted through my mind: Had I ever stopped? What was fashion but fancy costumes, designed to draw out one’s beauty, to be swapped out regularly so as to not lose their impact?” A rueful grin crossed her muzzle, “For what high society pony would be caught dead wearing the same dress two events in a row?” She sighed, “It’s something that I’ve had to come to terms with. I don’t get to decide how my clients use the dresses I make them. A dress I make may only ever be worn once, though that’s no reason to give it anything less than my all. I’ve had to accept that, on some level, I am in the business of making costumes.” She turned give Dash a serious look, “But Parody isn’t.

“I understand that it’s what you wanted, but… You didn’t ask Parody for a costume. You, a known hero of Equestria, asked him for a suit of armor, and that’s what he made for you: A suit of armor designed specifically for you, to keep you safe from harm, even going so far as to pay out of his own pocket to have it enchanted.” Rarity gently shook her head, “To watch you treat it like a toy must have been beyond frustrating.”

Guilt pricked at Rainbow Dash’s heart. She hadn’t put any thought into what it must have took to build the armor. She asked for a suit of armor, and she got a suit of armor. That was how she saw it, but, was that wrong? Was she wrong? Was it really her fault?

…

No…

She scowled, “What, so that justifies everything? Am I supposed to just crawl to him and beg for forgiveness?”

Rarity pulled back from Dash, gently patting her on the withers as she withdrew from their hug, shaking her head, “No, Dash, I’m trying to help you understand that you both were hurt by what happened. Parody was understandably upset with you, but that didn’t give him the right to lash out the way he did. And the situation was made worse by you lashing back.”

“I lashed back because-”

“Because you didn’t understand why he was upset. Because you didn’t think you did anything wrong, and things only got worse from there. Rainbow Dash, I’m telling you this in hopes that if you truly understand what happened between you two that maybe things can get better.”

Rainbow Dash frowned and looked away, nose twitching, “… I doubt it.”

Silence.

Twilight shifted, deep in thought. “Hey, Rainbow Dash? What made you so sure Parody went to the hospital, anyway?”

Rainbow Dash shrugged, “’Cause he was fine the next day.”

Twilight furrowed her brow, “What-?”

Any further conversation was cut off by the sound of hoofsteps scampering down the hall. The mares waiting in the lobby all turned to watch as Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle scarpered out of the hallway, while Scootaloo was carried out on her mom’s back.

Twilight watched as the two free-roaming fillies darted to their respective sisters to be drawn into hugs as Applejack and Rarity whispered gentle reassurances, asking if they were okay. Twilight turned to continue talking with Rainbow Dash, only to catch her walking out the hospital door with Scootaloo and her mom.

Twilight sighed and shook her head.

Hopefully she’d have better luck talking with Parody.

Author's Note

Gah! What a monster of a chapter this turned out to be.

I write out all my stuff in a sort of notes/rough draft form in a notebook before typing them up. The previous longest chapter, Wake-Up Call Part 2, took up 14 pages of notes. Catapult Fiasco took up 21. I got through the first page of notes and the Word document was 1,300 words long and I just went, "oh boy."

Couple bits of cut dialogue:

Parody: "Why'd you come to me anyway? Pinkie's got a catapult."
"No, she had to dismantle that."
Parody: "Aw, really? That's lame.
Scootaloo: "That's what I said!"

He started chuckling, “Don’t worry, I’m sure one day you’ll look back on all this and laugh,” He smirked, “I know I will.”
"You're laughing now."
He shrugged, "Hey, just getting a head start. If I'm gonna be laughing later, I might as well be laughing now."

Man, this story kinda keeps writing itself. How much longer until I have to add the "drama" tag?

Anyway, I hope I'm still managing to weave an entertaining story. This is all learning and practicing for me,so let me know what you think.

Some bonus cartoons featuring Parody and Irish.

Funny note, in the first hospital scene, I call him "Dr. Horse," but in the second, I call him "Doctor Horse." I have no idea why that happened, but I left it in anyway.

Capes

“I bet I could outrun you.”

Those were fighting words if Dash had ever heard ‘em.

… Probably why things escalated the way they did.

Rainbow Dash mused to herself as rope was cinched around her wings, gazing out at the crowd around her. The evening sun radiated light over the market, the still, tense air did little to obscure the clatter and chatter of vendors selling the last of their wares to passing ponies perusing products who went about their business, casting the occasional glance at the developing situation.

“Ptah,” Applejack spat out the rope as she finished tying up Rainbow Dash’s wings. She took a step back to look over her work, “There, now ya won’t be tempted to cheat.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Dash rolled her eyes as she glanced at her opponent.

Parody stood off to her side, bouncing between a variety of exaggerated stretches, all while singing to himself. “Dadla da da da daaaaaa!”

“I don’t need to cheat.”

“Ain’t the first time ya’ll’ve said that.”

Dash’s ear twitched.

“Yer a competitive pony, Dash. We both are,” Applejack smirked and set a hoof on Dash’s shoulder. “Ya have a hard time holdin’ yerself back; that’s why we gotta do it for ya,” Applejack gave her a quick pat before removing her hoof and gesturing at Parody, “Now go on, ya got a race to win.”

Rainbow Dash smirked as they trotted in Parody’s direction, “So you think I’ll win?”

Applejack snorted, “Of course! Yer almost as fast as Ah am; there ain’t no way he’s outrunning you.”

“‘Almost as fast as you?’ Oh whatever!” Rainbow Dash slugged Applejack in the foreleg. They both broke into laughter as they approached Parody.

Noticing the laughing mares, Parody stopped humming. “Hey guys,” he continued to stretch, “All ready to go?”

“Yep,” Applejack gave Rainbow Dash a quick pat, “Got her wings all tied up an’ everything.”

Rainbow Dash made a show of trying to flex her wings, wincing as they chaffed against the rope. “There, you got your handicap,” she smirked, “Ready to get this over with?”

Parody scoffed, “I’d hardly call it a handicap. I said I could outrun you, not outfly you; I already know that’s a lost cause.” The three of them started laughing.

Applejack shook her head, “Whelp, Ah gotta go pack up mah cart,” She gave Parody a light punch on the arm as she passed. “Good luck, Parody.”

Rainbow Dash watched her trot away, “What, nothing for me?”

“Ya’ll don’ need mah help.”

“Traitor.”

Applejack looked over her shoulder and playfully stuck out her tongue.

Rainbow Dash shook her head and turned back to Parody.

He smirked, “Your friends side against you, Dash. No shame in backing out now.”

She rolled her eyes, “Whatever. You ready to lose?”

“Well, you seem pretty confident.”

Her mouth curled into a cocky smirk, “I’m the fastest pony in Equestria. I’m not worried.”

“In the air.”

Rainbow Dash flicked her ear in annoyance and she turned to face forward. “So where are we racing to?”

Parody shook his head and held up his hands, “Oh, no, nothing nearly so complex.” He began gesturing, “I figured we’d keep it simple: I have to run; you have to catch me.” He smirked, “Like tag.”

Rainbow Dash gave him a look, “I have to catch you?”

He nodded.

She smirked, “Easy.”

“Pff, if you say so.”

“So what do I get when I win?”

“Well, if you win,” Parody glanced upward as his face turned thoughtful, “Y’know what? We’ll just leave that open to further deliberation. Add some extra incentive.”

Rainbow Dash shrugged, “Works for me. Now let’s get this over with.”

“You know,” Parody crossed his arms, “I feel like you’re not taking this seriously. I’m faster than you think I am.”

Rainbow Dash scoffed, “I’ve seen you run. You’re not that fast.”

“Ah, but I wasn’t making full use of my experience in the field.”

“‘Making full use of your-’ what?” Rainbow Dash gave Parody a confused look. “What are you talking about? We’re running.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t learn some tips and tricks,” Parody laughed, “If my time running from monsters has taught me anything, it’s that being chased is an excellent motivator.”

“What’s that got to do with-?”

WHAM

Rainbow Dash staggered as her head snapped to the side. Regaining her balance, she lifted a hoof to her stinging cheek, blinking as her brain worked out what just happened.

He hit her.

She looked up to see Parody darting through the crowd of shocked onlookers. He looked over his shoulder and smirked, “Tag!” He started to cackle wildly as he made his way out of the market.

A scowl pulled its way across Rainbow Dash’s face as she bolted after him, pushing her way through the crowd. Bursting out into the street, her eyes darted around until she noticed Parody halfway down the street, sprinting. She took off after him, mouth curling into a vindictive smirk as she noticed how quickly she was gaining on him. He really wasn’t that fast.

Too easy.

Parody’s cape flickered against her nose as she caught up, putting on a burst of speed to close the remaining distance. Heart pumping, muscles burning, hooves beating against the ground, Rainbow Dash could feel her body preparing to pounce, to end this foolish challenge against her. She didn’t know what she wanted from him yet, but she would have plenty of time to decide while reveling in her victory-

In a single stride, Parody pivoted 90° and darted down another street.

Rainbow Dash scrambled to stop, hooves scraping against the cobblestone road as she tried to change direction. Getting control of her momentum, she looked up to see Parody smirking at her over his shoulder as he made his way down the street.

She could hear his laughter.

Gritting her teeth, Rainbow Dash bolted after him, weaving around the few ponies that remained on the streets. Legs pumping, breath heavy, Rainbow Dash closed the distance between the two. The road had a slight curve to it, but there weren’t any side streets to turn onto. Nowhere for Parody to go but forward, and she was gaining on him fast. It was only a matter of time before-

Parody leapt to the side with a twirl, causing Rainbow Dash to barrel past him, before running back down the road they came from.

Rainbow Dash skidded against the cobble road as she reared up to turn around, wincing as her wings tried to flare for balance and were stopped by the rope that bound them. Hooves slamming back down, she took off after Parody, who was already most of the way back down the road. Hooves clacking against the ground, Rainbow Dash once again closed the distance between them.

Only for him to turn down the next street.

Scowling, Rainbow Dash slowed down enough to make the tight turn before picking up speed, noting with frustration that in the time it took her to turn, Parody had already picked up a sizable lead on her. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears, breath heaving, as she again closed the distance between them, her eyes scouring ahead, searching for any roads Parody might turn down. Noticing an upcoming intersection, Rainbow Dash tensed slightly, waiting for Parody to make a move. This time she would-

He jumped to the right -she pounced- only to sidestep to the left, twisting out of Rainbow Dash’s way.

As she skidded on the ground, Rainbow Dash turned to glare at Parody, who was running down the other street backwards. Making eye contact, Parody gave her a wild smirk and held out his hands, extending his middle fingers, before twirling around to run forward, cackling all the while.

Rainbow Dash growled as she got to her hooves.

She knew what that meant.

It didn’t take long for her to catch back up to him, though this time Rainbow Dash kept a steady pace behind him. No sudden burst of speed for him to take advantage of. She would wait until she was sure he was turning, and then cut him off. No more unexpected surprises.

Only victory.

Coming to a sudden stop, Parody bent his legs and jumped, arching his back and flipping as Rainbow Dash ran underneath him.

“Aieugk!”

Rainbow Dash staggered to a halt, whirling around in time to watch Parody scramble to his feet, clutching his head, before taking off down the street.

“Shut up! It would’ve been cool!”

With a quick shake of her head, Rainbow Dash galloped after him. Once again, Parody’s cape flicked against her nose. Lungs gasping, heart pounding, she slowly closed the remaining gap, watching for anymore tricks. She would catch him this time.

Just a little farther-

Her world turned blue as she ran through Parody’s cape.

“Ack-pfth!”

“Olé!”

Not expecting the feeling of cloth over her head, Rainbow Dash recoiled back, causing her to stumble and lose her balance, sending her tumbling to the ground. After she stopped rolling, she groaned and lifted her head to look at Parody.

He stood off to the side, holding his cape out with one hand. He gave it a few flicks, “Toro! Toro!” before laughing and darting down an alley.

With a growl, Rainbow Dash scrambled to her hooves and ran to the entrance of the alley.

Parody sat on a wall at the end of the alley, propping himself up with his hands, his dangling legs gently kicking. He looked up at Rainbow Dash and, with a smirk, gave her a mocking salute before leaning back and falling out of view.

Rainbow Dash dashed after him, galloping down the alley, bounding up on a dumpster before leaping over the wall. Landing on the road, her eyes darted around looking for any sign of Parody.

A bird call whistle behind her caused her to turn around.

Parody smirked as he hung upside down, having never let go of the wall, legs dangling awkwardly by his head. He blew a raspberry before kicking up and pulling himself back over the wall.

Rainbow Dash felt frustration work its way through her system. She knew what he was doing. He thought that, without her wings, she couldn’t get back over the wall, and that she’d have to run around to the other side.

She narrowed her eyes as she crouched low.

Not this time.

With a quick run up, Rainbow Dash jumped up as hard as she could, wings flaring against their bindings, managing to hook her forelegs on the wall. Her back legs scrambling for purchase, she struggled to pull herself the rest of the way over.

Parody, who had been jogging down the alleyway, turned and did a double take when he saw Rainbow Dash. With an alarmed hop, he turned and began sprinting the out of the alley and into the street.

Rainbow Dash finished clambering over the wall and chased Parody out into the street.

She would catch him.

Even if it took the rest of the day.

The sun set over the Whitetail Woods, its final rays of light scattering amidst the gently swaying leaves. A gentle breeze blew through the air. The animals returned to their dens to rest.

All was silent.

The silence was immediately ruined by the two figures crashing through the woods. Growls, grunts, and laughter filled the air as they wove around the trees, bushes rustling as they were pushed through, twigs snapping underfoot, clods of dirt being torn from the ground and sent flying through the air.

Rainbow Dash trailed behind Parody as he ducked and weaved his way through the forest, steadily growing closer. Her breath was steady, her heartbeat in her ears, her legs sore, but she pressed on, eyes focused, wise to his tricks, watching his every movement, waiting for the right moment to act. Parody may have had a point about being chased being an excellent motivator, but he forgot one thing:

Chasing someone was just as valid a motivation.

Parody’s cape flickered and waved just beyond her muzzle. Her eyes were narrowed, expecting. Now would be the time for him to make a move, and this time, she was ready for anything.

She would not be caught off guard again.

“GAGHK!”

Rainbow Dash was caught off guard as Parody was suddenly yanked backwards into her. Unprepared, she slammed into him full force, sending them both tumbling to the ground. Groaning, Rainbow Dash lifted her head up and looked around.

What happened?

Looking back at the way they came from, Rainbow Dash noticed a piece of tattered blue cloth snagged on a tree. Shifting her gaze to Parody, who lay splayed out not far from her, she saw that, sure enough, there was a hole in his cape that had been torn away.

She huffed. Served him right.

Parody shifted, hands reaching for his neck, “Aughahaha, my neck. Augh.”

Rainbow Dash slowly got to her hooves. Now that the chase was over, and the adrenaline was beginning to fade, she could feel her exhaustion wash over her. Once on her hooves, she staggered over to Parody. At his side, she looked down at him.

“I win.”

Parody looked up at her, his mouth pulling up into a smirk, “You haven’t tagged me back yet.”

Her face set in deadpan, Rainbow Dash lifted one of her hooves and brought it down on Parody’s face.

Crack

“GAHGH!”

Blood spurted out of Parody’s nose as his head snapped back into the ground, hands flying up to hold his nose.

“Tag.”

Rainbow Dash watched Parody with a level glare, but as a bit of blood began to seep through his fingers, her expression began to soften.

Maybe that was too much?

Any semblance of guilt she may have been feeling was washed away as Parody began to laugh.

He sat up, propping himself up with one hand and holding his nose with the other. He glanced at Rainbow Dash, amusement in his eyes and a smirk on his mouth, “I deserved that.”

Rainbow Dash huffed, rolling her eyes as she swatted the back of his head and turned to walk away.

“KYAUGHC!” Parody’s whole body convulsed.

Eyes bugging out, he clasped at his neck. He flung one of his arms out, “Whoa whoa whoa! Watch the back of the neck!”

Rainbow Dash turned around, hoof lifting to swat him again, only to stop when she saw something she had never seen on Parody’s face before:

Genuine alarm.

She lowered her hoof, ears starting to fold back.

In everything that had happened, all their fights, the back and forth pettiness, the verbal sparring; for every scowl, every grimace, every reaction he had ever given, even when he was dropped to the ground bleeding, there was always a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. Even after their fight in his workshop, after he backed her into a corner and she swung his hammer into his arm, he just clutched his broken arm and made mocking comments about how scared and desperate she must have been. Good or bad, petty or serious, nothing she ever did seemed to stick, to incite any genuine reaction. It felt like everything she did was nothing more than a source of amusement for him. It was…

Frustrating.

It was so frustrating that there was a part of her that wanted nothing more than to knock that smirk off his face. For months, a part of her wanted to finally, just once, make him genuinely feel anything other than that ever present amusement. Now she had.

So why didn’t she feel good about it?

Teeth grit, Parody rubbed at his neck beneath his hair, “Yeah, yeah. Something got knocked loose, I noticed.”

His voice drawing her out her thoughts, Rainbow Dash turned to respond. Only… he wasn’t looking at her. “… Parody?”

Without looking Parody held up a finger. He rolled his neck and shoulders with a groan, “I’ll fix it when we get home.” Shaking his head, he got to his feet.

“Who-?” Rainbow Dash shook her head. That wasn’t important. “… You alright?”

Parody glanced at her, no discernable expression on his face. “… I’ll be fine,” he turned and began to walk back to town.

Rainbow Dash watched him walk away before turning to fly away. Or, rather, trying to, as her attempt to flare her wings reminded her that they were still bound. Sighing, she turned back to Parody, “Hey.”

“Hmm?” He stopped and turned around.

“You gonna untie me?”

He blinked, “Oh, right. Sorry.” He walked over and began to silently untie her.

Sorry?

That was a first. Rainbow Dash couldn’t recall a time where Parody ever gave a sincere apology. Even his apology to Pinkie felt more like an excuse than anything.

Finished untying the rope, Parody pulled back and began wrapping the rope around his arm. Noticing a drop of red fall out of the corner of her eye, Rainbow Dash looked up at his face.

“Parody, your nose.”

After coiling the rope, he slung it onto his shoulder. “Hmm?”

“It’s still bleeding.”

Parody rubbed at the trickle of blood before looking down at his hand, “Huh.” He pinched his nose with one hand and slid the other under his hair to rub at his neck before silently walking away, grabbing the tattered piece of his cape off the tree.

No exaggerated movements. No animated expressions. Just a sullen silence and a slow pace. She had never seen him so… subdued. It felt wrong.

… Was this really what she wanted?

Whatever the answer, the silence was making her uncomfortable. It was time to go. Opening her wings, Rainbow Dash crouched low, ready to take off-

His eyes bugging out, shock and alarm written across his face as he clasped the back of his neck, fighting through twitches and small convulsions across his body.

Rainbow Dash closed her eyes and let out a frustrated huff before folding her wings and trotting after him. They walked in silence for a few minutes.

Rainbow Dash looked up at Parody, “You sure you’re alright?”

He kept looking forward, “… Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Alright,” The silence and the subdued atmosphere were beginning to bother Rainbow Dash. Looking up at Parody’s expressionless face, she found that she liked silent Parody even less than normal.

She didn’t know how to feel about that.

Rainbow Dash sighed. She had to get him talking.

She just hoped she wouldn’t regret it.

“So, what did I win?”

Parody turned to face her, his brow raised, “‘Win?’” He looked back down the path to where they crashed, arms dropping to his side, “I’d hardly call that a win.”

“A win’s a win, so what’d I win?”

Parody shrugged, “Y’know what?” He turned back to her, mouth pulling up into a grin, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes, “I don’t even care. What d’ya want?”

“I can have whatever?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Rainbow Dash felt a smirk pull its way across her face as she decided to push her luck,
“Alright then, how about a shield?”

Parody stopped and stared incredulously, “… A shield?”

She shrugged, “Why not? I’ve already got the sword and armor, all I need is a shield.”

Parody was silent for a moment before he started laughing. Shaking his head, he threw his hands in the air, “Fine, fine, whatever. I’ll make you a shield. Shouldn’t be too hard.” He dropped his arms and began walking again.

“You’d better not just throw something cheap together.”

Parody shot her a look before rolling his eyes, “So, what’re you looking for? A kite shield? A buckler? A square shield? Isometric triangle? Some other random polygon?”

Rainbow Dash blinked. Apparently there was more to shields than she knew, “Just… go with whatever looks best.”

“Got it.” He shifted his focus forward as they continued walking.

She smirked, “And don’t forget to enchant it.”

“No.”

That one word was said with enough force that Rainbow Dash was taken aback. Her brow furrowed lightly, “Why not? You said I could have anything.”

“And I’m drawing the line there.”

“Alright. Well now I definitely want it enchanted.”

He stopped and turned around, “Well too bad. For whatever reason I was willing to put myself through that the first time.” He shook his head, “I’m not doing that again; especially not for nothing.” His expression was stern, the twinkle in his eyes gone.

She had pushed too far.

Even still, Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but scoff, “I didn’t think talking to ponies was that hard for you. Was hiring an enchanter really that bad?”

Parody clasped his hands together, a humorless smile on his lips, “Okay, couple things. Those enchantments? They cost far more than what you paid me for the armor. Second, that wasn’t what I was talking about.”

That didn’t sound right.

“Oh come on. It couldn’t have been that expensive. I’ve been to enchanting shops, and the prices are never that high.”

“Oh, it adds up. Trust me.”

Rainbow Dash shook her head, “What I don’t understand is why you even hired an enchanter in the first place. You always try to do everything on your own anyway, so why not that? Couldn’t be that hard for a ‘man of many talents.’”

He huffed, “You’d be wrong. I mean sure, simple stuff like making something glow is easy enough that even you could do it, but more complex and nuanced stuff like ‘keep this person from dying when they hit the ground at terminal velocity’? That’s a bit harder to do. Layering several of those together without negating any of them or destroying the object?” He paused, a distant look in his eyes. He tensed, his body seeming to shudder for a moment before he sighed and looked back down at her. “Trying to do it myself is the reason I had to remake your armor from scratch.”

Rainbow Dash blinked, “… You actually tried enchanting it yourself?”

Parody crouched down, staring into her eyes, “I did,” he started slowly shaking his head, “And nothing you could ever say will make me willing to go through that again.”

Silence.

Parody stood up and starting walking away, “If you want your shield enchanted, you’ll have to hire an enchanter yourself.”

“… Okay.”

“And honestly? You should be glad I’m even humoring you on this.”

“‘Humoring me?’” Rainbow Dash looked up into Parody’s smirking face, the twinkle back in his eyes. “What do you mean ‘humoring me’? I caught you; I won the bet.”

He shrugged, “Yeah, but you only caught me ‘cause my cape got snagged.”

Rainbow Dash glanced at the two-tone blue cape as it fluttered behind him, shaking her head at the cartoon image of a rubber duck printed on the fabric. “Why do you even wear that stupid thing?”

“Why wouldn’t I? It’s a symbol of accomplishment.” He turned around and flourished the cape, “Behold: The Skillcape of Awesomeness!”

Rainbow Dash’s expression was deadpan, “… ‘The skillcape of awesomeness’?”

“Physical proof of mastery. I maxed out my awesomeness skill; I can’t get any more awesome than I am now.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, “Please, I’m way cooler than you are.”

“Oh?” Parody raised his brow, “Then where’s your cape?”

She scoffed, “I don’t need a cape to know how awesome I am.”

He shook his head, “That’s not how that works. If you don’t have the cape, you haven’t maxed out the skill.” A sad smirk crossed his face, “Sad, really. I honestly thought you of all people would’ve had one by now. Guess some things just aren’t meant to be.”

Opening her mouth to retort, Rainbow Dash paused, biting her tongue at the last second. Taking a moment to calm down, she closed her mouth and scowled, “… I know your game, Parody. You’re messing with me. I know you are.”

Parody folded his arms, smirk dropping as he quirked his brow, “Really?” He shook his head and sighed, before gesturing at her flank, “You’ll believe in magical butt marks of destiny; physical manifestations of your realization of self-purpose, but you won’t believe in the gods bestowing capes as symbols of achievement to those who have attained mastery in a skill?” He shook head and began to walk away. “Talk about double standards.”

Rainbow Dash worked her mouth for a moment, trying to find a response. “… It’s got a rubber duck on it!”

Parody turned around and held his arms out, “What’s more awesome than a rubber duck?”

“… Me?”

“Then why aren’t you on it?”

“I don’t-”

“Dash, look,” He sighed, crouching low, his expression soft, his tone comforting. “I understand that this is difficult for you. You have a lot of insecurities,” Rainbow Dash’s face contorted in anger, “and you don’t like it when something challenges your self-image. But you’re just gonna have to accept this one,” His comforting smile pulled up into a smirk, “I’m more awesome than you. I have the cape to prove it.”

Rainbow Dash scowled deeply. Lifting her hoof, she pulled it back, ready to smack that smirk off his face-

His eyes bugging out, shock and alarm written across his face as he clasped the back of his neck, fighting through twitches and small convulsions across his body.

Growling, Rainbow Dash stomped her hoof and flared her wings, “Whatever!” before taking off.

She could hear Parody cackling behind her all the way back to Ponyville.

“This is it. Are you ready?”

“I was born ready.”

“You sure? This might be a little too awesome, even for you.”

Scootaloo looked up at Rainbow Dash to give her a cocky smirk, “Trust me; I got this.”

Rainbow Dash returned the smirk and glanced forward at the stunt she had set up for Scootaloo. They were up who knew how high, with a steep hill down to a loop-de-loop ramp that would take her over the lake and through several flaming hoops as fireworks went off.

It was the ultimate stunt.

“Well then, what are you waiting for?”

“Right,” Giving her helmet a quick pat, Scootaloo kicked forward on her scooter and began to roll down the hill.

Rainbow Dash took off and flew parallel to her as she made her way down the hill. When Scootaloo shot a glance at her, Rainbow Dash gave her a reassuring smile, “I’m with you the whole way.”

With a nod Scootaloo returned her gaze forward, tucking her body in to build up more speed.

Rocketing forward, Scootaloo cleared the remaining distance to the ramp, and with a lightning quick loop she found herself airborne. Fireworks went off as Scootaloo, with Rainbow Dash flying by her side, sailed through the flaming hoops. Halfway through the hoops, she kicked off her scooter, sending it tumbling into the lake as she spread her legs out, her buzzing wings and forward momentum carrying her to the other end of the lake.

As Scootaloo neared the far shore of the lake, a bright glow began to emanate from her back. A blinding glow; enough to force Rainbow Dash to stop mid-air and cover her eyes.

When the light faded, Rainbow Dash pulled her hooves away from her face and watched as Scootaloo fluttered gently to the ground, a cape folding across her back. It was light blue, with a dark blue trim and hood, and had an image of a rubber duck printed on it.

Rainbow Dash gawked at the cape.

It was identical to Parody’s.

Noticing the feeling of something on her back, Scootaloo turned around and began to hop around in excitement, “I got one! I got one! I gotta tell the others!” She hopped on her scooter and rolled off down the path, out of sight.

Snapping out of it, Rainbow Dash shook her head and took off after Scootaloo. She found her at the Cutie Mark Crusader clubhouse, excitedly showing off her cape to the other crusaders, who wore matching capes.

When Rainbow Dash landed, Scootaloo rushed over to hug her leg, “Thanks, Rainbow Dash. I never could have gotten it without you.”

Still unsure how to feel, Rainbow Dash managed a smile, “Oh, yeah. No problem. Hey, if you want, I can show you a few more tricks.”

Scootaloo pulled back a little, “… I dunno.”

Rainbow Dash’s smile faltered, “What do you mean?”

Scootaloo avoided meeting her eyes, “Well, it’s just, now that I’ve got the cape, there’s nothing you can teach me.”

Her heart sank in her chest, “… what?”

Backing away, Scootaloo looked up, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you helped me, but… well, I have the cape, and you don’t. You understand, right?”

“I-I-I don’t-” A sick feeling began to build up in her stomach.

Hopping on her scooter, Scootaloo gave Rainbow Dash a soft smile, “Hey, let me know when you finally get yours. I’m sure it won’t take you too much longer.” Kicking forward, Scootaloo scooted away, pulling her friends in the wagon behind her.

Stunned, Rainbow Dash just sat there, a sick feeling churning in her stomach. Her chest felt tight, and her eyes had begun to sting. Taking a moment to breath, she got up and flew after them, darting past a confused Princess Luna.

Flying over town, Rainbow Dash tried to spot Scootaloo amidst the crowd of ponies. She needed answers; she had to know why.

But she couldn’t find her.

Instead, her heart only sank further as she saw each inhabitant of Ponyville wearing identical two-tone blue capes. As she landed in the market to look around, the voices of crowd found their way into her ears.

“Has she still not gotten one?”

“You’d think she’d have one by now.”

“It’s a shame; she had such potential.”

“I feel bad for her.”

“Do you think she’ll ever get one?”

“I don’t know. If it’s been this long…”

Rainbow Dash folded her ears to block out the voices as she made her way over to Applejack. “Applejack, I-”

“Howdy, Rainbow Dash,” Applejack turned around, a fluttering movement on her back drew Rainbow’s attention to the cape she wore. As Rainbow Dash stared in horror at Applejack’s back, the earth pony leaned over to return the look, “Still nothing?” She gave Rainbow Dash a gentle pat, “Don’t you worry none; you’ll get it eventually. These things jus’ take time.”

Rainbow Dash swatted her hoof and backed away, mouth trying to form words, until she bumped into somepony.

“Hey, Crash. Listen…”

Rainbow Dash spun around to look into the eyes of Spitfire as she stood accompanied by several Wonderbolts, matching capes added to their usual uniform.

“We need to talk about your place on our team.”

Shaking her head, Rainbow Dash backed away. She tried to speak, but her mouth refused to form words. The tightness in her chest made it difficult to breathe, and the sick feeling in her stomach had risen to her throat, making her feel as if she was going to throw up. Her eyes stung fiercely as she looked around desperately at her surroundings.

Gone was the market, replaced by an endless crowd of ponies around her, their voices reaching her ears no matter how hard she pinned them to her skull.

“Is she the only pony in Ponyville without one?”

“I can’t imagine what that must be like.”

“I hope she’s okay.”

“How could she be?”

“It must be awful.”

The voices fell silent.

Rainbow Dash looked up to see that the crowd had parted to let Parody through. She silently glared up at him as he approached.

Standing in front of her, Parody shrugged and gave her a soft smirk, “You know, Dash, it’s perfectly fine being average. Not everypony is destined for greatness.”

It took all she had to find her voice, “… You’re wrong. I have done great things.”

Parody quirked his brow, “Oh? Where’s your proof?”

Her voice caught in her throat.

Parody crouched down, a soft smile on his face as reached out to gently cup her cheek, “Face it, Dash: You’re not as great as you think you are.”

She glared at him, tears beginning to trickle down her face. “… You’re wrong,” She managed to choke out.

Parody smirked, before standing up and walking away, the voices around her reaching an all new crescendo.

“I’m sure it won’t take much longer.”

“It wasn’t that hard.”

“Maybe something’s wrong?”

“It should have been easy for her.”

With voices crashing down all around her, Rainbow Dash stood upright and shouted after Parody.

“You’re wrong!”

“ENOUGH!!!”

With a strangled gasp, Rainbow Dash tumbled out of bed. She laid on the floor quivering for a moment, before propping herself up with a few choked gasps.

“… you’re wrong.”

After laying there for a few minutes, Rainbow Dash got up and wiped her eyes.

She needed to see Rarity

Tap tap tap tap tap

A rapid knocking on her window pulled Rarity from her slumber. She rolled over to try and ignore it, but the tapping continued. Growling, Rarity pulled off her sleeping mask and stomped over to open the window.

“What?”

Rainbow Dash looked away, “Hey, Rarity. I- I need your help.”

“With what? What’s so important that it couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”

“I need a cape. Like Parody’s, but better.”

Rarity blinked, “Why do you-?”

Rainbow Dash’s ear folded back, “Please, I- I can’t. Just- please.”

Rarity glanced at her alarm clock and shook her head. “Rainbow Dash, Darling, it’s two in the morning. I’m not-” She noticed Rainbow Dash’s eyes had a bit of redness to them. Upon closer inspection, she saw that there was matted fur on her cheeks.

Had she been crying?

Rarity let out a sigh before stepping to the side and beckoning Rainbow Dash in, “Alright, fine.” Rarity yawned and gave her a light glare as she flew in, “But you owe me.”

The rising sun peeked over the horizon, casting beams of light across the field of apple trees. A gentle breeze brought the sweet smell of morning dew, and carried gentle bird calls and the sound of rustling leaves. The air was chill, the grass was soft, and there was just enough light to begin working.

Applejack set a basket down next to a tree.

A perfect morning.

Applejack trotted over to a nearby wagon to retrieve more baskets. She didn’t have that many with her, as she was only going to be harvesting enough apples for morning market. Big Mac would take care of the rest of the apple bucking today.

As she set a basket down, Applejack felt the fur on her neck rise a little, as a prickly feeling of discomfort washed over her. It wasn’t severe, only just enough to be noticible, but there was only one person that could cause that.

“Howdy, Parody,” She turned to face the approaching human, “Yer up early.”

Parody shrugged, jostling the coil of rope he had slung around his shoulder, “Eh, I’ve been up a while. Had to get up at four for a project.”

“Hmm,” Applejack set down another basket, “… That was mean of ya, what ya did yesterday.”

Parody shrugged, “She got me back.”

“That don’t make it right,” She set down the last basket she was carrying and began to trot back to the wagon. “So what brings ya by?”

“Bringing you your rope back,” Parody tossed the coil of rope at Applejack.

With a flick of her tail, Applejack caught the rope, twirling it around before slinging it around her neck.

Parody lifted his hands and started clapping.

Applejack gave him a nod before turning back to her wagon to retrieve the last few baskets.

“So you guys just kick the trees?”

Applejack looked up at Parody, who stood at the base of a tree rubbing the trunk.

“Sure do. Why? Ya wanna give it a shot?”

Parody glanced between her and the tree a few times before removing his hand and taking a few steps back. With a final glance at Applejack, Parody lifted his leg and kicked forward.

Thwump

Whump

The tree didn’t move; the force of the kick instead sending Parody tumbling backwards onto his butt.

Applejack let out an amused snort as she began setting the baskets down at another tree.

Parody looked up at her, blinking owlishly, “… That is a solid tree.”

Applejack nodded as she set the last basket down, “That she is. Now, Ah don’t mean to be overly critical of yer technique an’ all, but Ah usually use both of mah hind legs fer apple buckin’.” To prove her point, Applejack turned and bucked the tree she was next to.

THWACK

Rustle

The tree shook violently as a shockwave traveled up its trunk, dislodging all the apples from its branches and dropping them into the baskets below.

Parody huffed, “Yeah, well, for all its many advantages, being bipedal typically means I can’t kick with both my legs without getting a face full of dirt.” He gave her a smirk, “We call it a dropkick for a reason.”

Applejack shrugged, “It’s alright if’n ya can’t do it. It ain’t fer everypony.”

Parody rolled his eyes and scoffed, “Well, now I have to.” He stared at the tree, a thoughtful expression on his face, before looking down at his hands. He glanced between the two for a moment before shaking his head and laughing, “Oh, this is gonna end poorly, I can already tell.”

“Ya gonna try punchin’ it?”

“Nah,” He turned around and began to get down on all fours, “Wouldn’t want to break your tree.”

Applejack quirked her brow, “Break mah tree?”

“That or my hand. Either way, bad idea.” Down on all fours, he shifted in place for a moment, before kicking backwards.

Thwump

“Gack-pftht!”

Again, the tree didn’t move, and the force of Parody’s kick served only to propel himself face-first into the dirt.

THWACK

Rustle

Applejack bucked another tree before trotting over to Parody, a slight smirk on her face, “Y’alright there?”

Parody turned his head and spat out a mouthful of dirt before looking up at Applejack, amusement written on his face, “That went exactly how I thought it would.”

“Then why did ya-?” Applejack was interrupted by a single apple dropping to the ground next to Parody’s head.

“… Almost exactly.” He amended as he propped himself up onto his knees. Grabbing the apple, he held it up and looked at Applejack with a serious expression, “This is mine now.”

Applejack shrugged and gestured for him to keep it, “Go ahead, Ah reckon ya’ll’ve earned it.”

Parody laughed as he stood up, tucking the apple behind his cape. He looked back at the tree for a moment before turning to face Applejack, a look of playful disappointment on his face, “Guess this mean I can’t add ‘kicking trees’ to my list of skills.”

Applejack snorted.

Parody walked around the trees, looking at the baskets of apples, “So, where are these off to?”

“Ah’m buckin’ ‘em fresh fer market.”

“Makes sense.”

Applejack glanced over at Parody, before taking a breath and doing her best to push aside her lingering discomfort. “If’n yer gonna stand there chattin’, could ya start loadin’ them baskets in the wagon?”

“Wow, you really choked that one out, huh?”

Applejack shot him a light glare before sighing, “Ah’ll be honest with ya, Parody, Ah don’t like talking to ya.” She shook her head, “It ain’t anything ya’ll’ve done, ya just… make me feel uncomfortable.”

Parody crossed his arms and gave her an appraising look, “Hmph.” He smirked, “Y’know, I get that a lot, acutally.” He looked down at the apple baskets and shrugged, “Anyway, don’t really have anything else going on, so, might as well,” He leaned down and picked up one of the baskets, “Oof, these are kinda heavy.”

THWACK

Rustle

“If it’s too much, ya can go home, but Ah gotta get this done, and Ah don’t need nothin’ distractin’ me.”

Parody rolled his eyes, “I said it was ‘kinda heavy’, not ‘breaking my back’.” He smirked, “It’s a basket of apples, not heavynanium,” He hefted the basket onto the wagon, “This just isn’t how I typically transport materials.”

“Uh-huh.”

THWACK

Rustle

They worked in silence for a few minutes. As Applejack started loading baskets into the wagon alongside Parody, she noticed him occasionally glancing up at the sky.

“What’re ya lookin’ at?”

He smirked, “You’ll see.”

Any attempt to inquire further was interrupted by Rainbow Dash landing with a stumble, her eyes baggy and her breath haggard. A cape settled on her back.

“That was fast.”

Applejack rushed to her side, “Land sakes, Dash! Are ya alright?”

Rainbow Dash ignored her friends worry, instead lifting a hoof to point at Parody, “Ha!” She panted, “I got one!”

Parody nodded in approval, grinning as he slowly paced around her, “I’m impressed.”

Taking a step back, Applejack examined the cape that adorned Rainbow Dash’s back.

The main part of the cape was the same cyan as her coat, while its trimming and hood were the same cerise as her eyes. It was held in place around her neck by two gold lightning bolt pins, and her cutie mark was stitched into the center of the cape.

Rainbow Dash puffed out her chest as a self-satisfied smirk crossed her face, “It looks even better than yours.”

Parody nodded his head to the side, “Well, that’s subjective.” He shrugged, “Still, it looks great on you,” his grin tightened into a smirk, “Rarity really outdid herself.”

Rainbow Dash started to nod, before blinking tiredly, “Wh-wha? How did you-?”

Parody just smirked as he reached out to adjust one of the gold pins holding her cape on. After that, he stepped back and unclasped his cape, swinging it around to hold it up for comparison. “I can see where she got the inspiration from, though I can’t help but feel she was limited by my design.”

Rainbow Dash blinked, “Your design?”

Parody blinked, as of only realizing what he had said, before looking between Rainbow Dash and his cape. “Oh, yeah. I,” his eyes gained distant look as gazed at the cape, “…used to draw this all the time as a kid.”

Applejack noticed a shift in tone, but before she could say anything he shook his head and continued, smirk having returned full force.

“Cyber was the first person to actually make one for me.”

Rainbow Dash furrowed her brow slightly, “Cyber?”

His smirk faltered ever so slightly, “He’s an…. old friend.”

Rainbow Dash felt a frown cross her face as her brow furrowed farther, “Wait, so your friend made your cape?” She stomped her hoof, “So I was right! You were lying!”

Parody rolled his eyes as he swung his cape around his back and put it back on, “Well, Cyber made the original one. I got this one from Entia, though, so it’s legit.”

Her eyes narrowed, “Is he your friend too?”

“I don’t think our relationship could have lasted this long if he wasn’t.”

Rainbow Dash’s face contorted in anger before she lunged at him, tackling him to the ground.

Applejack darted forward to stop the fight. She slowed when she heard laughter, and stopped when she saw that there wasn’t really a fight.

Rainbow Dash had Parody pinned to the ground and was stomping on his chest, though it looked like her exhaustion prevented her from putting any real force behind her strikes. Parody was on his back, laughing as Rainbow Dash tiredly stomped on his chest, making no effort to fight back. Growling, Rainbow Dash’s stomps grew weaker and weaker as she struggled to stay awake, until she finally passed out from exhaustion, Parody laughing all the while.

Applejack stood there, unsure. At the very least, she was glad that it hadn’t escalated into a fight, but… Something in the back of her head told her that there was something wrong about all of this. That something was off.

But it wasn’t clicking.

Parody rolled an unconscious Rainbow Dash off his chest and sat up. As the last of his giggles died down, he got to his feet, looking down at the sleeping pegasus, “Probably shouldn’t leave her passed out in a field.”

“Huh?” Applejack blinked, before shaking her head, “Right. Come on, we’ll bring her back to the house.”

“Got it. Alley-oop,” crouching down, Parody hefted Rainbow Dash up and slung her over his shoulder. Standing upright, Parody turned to Applejack and gestured forward, “Lead the way.”

As they walked to the farmhouse, Applejack kept sneaking glances back at Parody as he held Rainbow Dash, occasionally poking her side and making her squirm in her sleep. Something was up, she could almost feel it screaming in the back of her mind. She shook her head. Regardless, she had them both in the same place.

Maybe she could resolve this once and for all.

“Parody.”

“Yeah?” He gave Rainbow Dash another poke.

“We need to talk.”

“What’s up?” He turned to look at Applejack.

She leveled a serious gaze at him, “It’s about you an’ Dash.”

Parody glanced at Rainbow Dash, quirking his brow, “… Okay?”

Applejack sighed, “Look, Ah’ve already talked to Dash about it, but ya’ll need to let it go. This fightin’ an’ bickerin’ of yers ain’t healthy for either of ya. Ah get that ya’ll were upset, an’ rightfully so, but that ain’t no excuse,” she shook her head, “Ya’ll can’t keep goin’ on like this, ya gotta realize that.”

Silence.

“… Parody?” Applejack turned around and saw Parody mouthing something under his breath, not paying attention. “Parody!”

Parody blinked and snapped to look at Applejack, “Sorry, got distracted. You were saying?”

Applejack glared at him for a moment, before shaking her head, “Ah get that yer angry, but you an’ Dash need to-”

“I’m not angry.”

Applejack blinked, “What?”

Parody shrugged, “I stopped being angry months ago.” He turned and started poking Rainbow Dash again.

“Then what…” Applejack trailed off as she watched Parody continue to poke Rainbow Dash, making her squirm in her sleep, with a smirk on his face.

Memories flashed through her mind; all the times she witnessed interactions between Rainbow Dash and Parody. Shouting matches in the street; rain being dumped on his head; even flicking her nose in the hospital; one thing remained present throughout, even now: The amusement dancing in his eyes and the laughter in his voice.

It clicked.

“You think this is funny.”

Parody turned to look at her, “Hmm?”

Applejack glared at him, “You think this is funny, don’t you?”

His smirk widened as he lifted his hand and held his fingers together, “A little bit, yeah.”

“So that’s why ya ain’t let it go. Yer not angry, yer messin’ with her.”

“What? It’s funny.”

“Ah ain’t laughin’.”

Parody shrugged, “Well, thankfully, you aren’t the one I have to entertain.”

“Is that all this is to ya?” Applejack felt a scowl form on her face, “Some game for yer own amusement?!”

Parody rolled his eyes, “What do you even care? I’m the one getting hurt.”

“Ah care ‘cause she mah friend, an’ Ah don’t like seein’ her bein’ treated like this.”

“Come on, it’s just a bit of harmless fun.”

“Is this yer idea of ‘harmless’?” Applejack gestured at Rainbow Dash.

“Yeah,” he shrugged, looking at the sleeping pegasus, “Nothing permanent. Nothing that can’t be fixed later.” Parody turned back to Applejack, “Like I said, I’m the one getting hurt, if at all.”

Applejack gave him a level look, “Is that really how ya see this?”

“Yeah.”

Applejack closed her eyes and shook her head with a sigh.

Parody smirked, “If you’re that frustrated about it, go ahead and kick me. I don’t care.”

Applejack stopped walking. “‘Kick you’?”

“Yeah,” Parody stopped and gave his leg a pat, “Come on, you’ll feel better.”

Applejack shook her head, “Ah ain’t kickin’ ya.”

Parody shrugged, “Your loss. I’m told it’s quite satisfying.”

Applejack paused, giving him an almost concerned look, “By who?”

Parody’s expression turned thoughtful as he started to count on his fingers, “Uh…” After a couple seconds he looked up with a smirk, “Almost everyone I’ve ever met.”

“… That’s sad.”

He snorted, “It’s funny.”

Applejack took a deep breath before she shook her head and took a few steps toward Parody, leveling a stern glare at him. “Parody; Ah’m gonna ask ya nicely: Leave Rainbow Dash alone.”

Parody looked down at her with a raised brow, before smirking and leaning forward, “If you’ll permit me to be childish: You’re not my mom.”

Applejack gave him a withering look before turning to start walking down the path, “And what would she have to say ‘bout all this?”

When Parody didn’t respond, Applejack turned around.

Parody hadn’t moved. He stared forward, a distant look in his eyes, all traces of amusement wiped from his face, replaced with a measured expression.

“… Parody?”

He sighed, muttering under his breath, “… Doesn’t matter,” before stepping forward.

In a few strides, Parody closed the distance between them and flopped Rainbow Dash onto Applejack’s back before turning and walking away.

Caught off guard by the sudden change in atmosphere, as well as the sudden weight on her back, Applejack turned to watch Parody walk away. “Where are you-?”

“Gonna go take inventory,” he didn’t turn around, “See if I have to make another material run.”

The subdued response from the normally exaggerated Parody caught Applejack off guard enough that she didn’t respond, instead silently watching him walk away. It was enough that it took until Parody was out of sight for her to notice that the ever present prickle of discomfort had faded away.

It was a silent walk the rest of the way to the farmhouse.

Inside, Applejack carefully set Rainbow Dash on the couch, wrapping her cape around her like a blanket.

Rainbow Dash stirred, “… Applejack?”

Applejack gave her a gentle pat, “Get some rest, Dash. We’ll talk later.”

“… Mm’k.”

Applejack pulled the coil of rope off her neck and set it beside the couch before turning and trotting through the door to go back to work, wondering about what had happened.

The door clicked shut.

Author's Note

Edit: Switched this to embed because I should have done that in the first place.
Music Parody was singing/humming.

Well, this certainly took a while. School has this way of kicking you in the teeth and just killing all your motivation for anything.

Some cut/alternate lines:

She would catch him.

Even if it took the rest of the day.

The Rest of the Day Later

The sun set over the Whitetail Woods, its final rays of light scattering amidst the gently swaying leaves.

Parody huffed, “Yeah, well, for all its many advantages, being bipedal typically means I can’t kick with both my legs without eating shit.” He gave her a smirk, “We call it a dropkick for a reason.”

Honestly kinda preferred that last one, but wasn’t sure if I should put it in. Might switch them out, I dunno. What do you think?

And thus ends Act 1/ Arc 1/ Whatever I Never Consistently Refer To It With One Word 1. This is more for me, as there really isn’t an over arcing story in each act, it’s more of a way to organize what information is presented when in the story. Don’t want to have an Act 4 moment to happen in Act 2 because there wouldn’t be any context or explanation for it then.

I did want to bring up a couple things.

First, allow me to fix a mistake I made in my newness to posting content.

In a well meaning attempt to keep the initial author’s notes clean, I put important information in a blog post instead. That blog post (as of right now) has 66 views, whereas Tales of the Ponyville Blacksmith has 824. Looking back, I probably should have put some of that info in the main story. Allow me to fix that.

I did sort of prattle around a bit with that blog, so I’ll just grab the important info: What this story is meant to be, and what I want to do with it.

It’s a learning experience as I practice and refine my writing style.

I want it to be entertaining.

And it serves as a way to introduce the character Parody and his story.

For the most part, that’s what this story is for. Over the years, I’ve done a lot with Parody, and I wanted to introduce him in a more organic way, rather than enormous exposition dump.

Which brings me to the other thing I wanted to bring up: Since this story is a way to introduce Parody and his story, what have you learned? (On top of the usual what do you think so far?) I’ve been seeding bits of information about past and future plot points throughout the chapters with varying levels of subtlety, and I’m curious as to what’s being picked up on. And what’s being picked up on will have some effect on future chapters, make some adjustments to what’s being brought up when.

A silly example of this: There’s a plot point that’s been introduced, and whether or not anyone’s picked up on it will determine if Ruby and Dinky braid Parody’s hair in a future chapter.

To give you at least one question to focus on…

I put this in a blog post a while back, but I’ll ask again: What were Parody’s first moments in Equestria?

(I actually wrote out a short bit that I was planning to post when someone answered, but no one did, so it’s still sitting there.)

Anyways, sorry for taking so long with this one, and sorry in advance for the next chapter, ‘cause it’s gonna take a while too. Next chapter (no name yet) is Parody’s promised school visit, where he’ll talk about his home and history and stuff like that, and it serves as a bridge between Arc 1 and Arc 2. It’s going to be a pain to write, though, because (in keeping line with the writing style I’m practicing) there isn’t going to be a scene change/flashback. It’s going to be Parody telling the stories through dialogue, with meanderings, children asking questions, and losing track of he’s talking about all mixed in. I already know this is gonna be difficult, but it’s how I want to write the chapter, so…

Sorry in advance.

I hope you all are still enjoying the story, and I’ll see you whenever I figure this next bit out.

Chapter art:
Rainbow Dash's Skillcape

Heavynanium

Quassmundus: The Shattered World

The early morning sun streamed in through the windows, casting its light across the desks scattered about the classroom, reflecting off dust particles that gently swirled about the still air, dancing to the chatter and movement of early rising students making their way to their seats, creating little sparkles of light that swayed to a silent song, a beautiful display to all those who would watch their choreography.

This was all lost on Apple Bloom as she gazed idly out the window, her look of silent disinterest making it clear that her mind was elsewhere.

Noticing the filly’s uncharacteristic silence, Cheerilee approached her, “Apple Bloom, are you alright?”

“Huh?” Apple Bloom blinked and looked up, “Oh. Naw, Ah’m fine. Just… thinkin’.” She went back to gazing out the window.

“Thinking, huh?” Cheerilee looked at the empty desks beside her, “I noticed that you came in alone today.”

“Yeah. Scoots and Sweetie Belle had stuff to do this mornin’, so Ah jus’ came in early.”

Cheerilee nodded, “Mhmm.”

Apple Bloom sighed, “I dunno why, but it got me thinkin’: Much as we’d like to, we can’t spend all our time together.”

“The curse of growing up.”

Apple Bloom nodded, “Ah guess Ah’m just thinkin’ ‘bout what to do now. Part o’ me wants to find somethin’ to do when Ah’m all by mah lonesome, but…”

Cheerilee gave Apple Bloom a gentle smile, “You’ve been together for so long that you don’t know how?”

Apple Bloom gave her a somber nod, “Ah jus’ don’t know where to start. An’ Ah don’t want Sweetie Belle an’ Scootaloo to feel like Ah’m leavin’ ‘em behind.”

Cheerilee pulled Apple Bloom into a gentle hug, “You’ll figure it out.” Her smile was reassuring, and Apple Bloom leaned into the hug. Eventually, Cheerilee pulled back, enough to look down and give the filly a gentle nuzzle, “Let me know if you need help coming up with anything, okay? Though,” her smile turned into a wry grin, “with your track record, I don’t think you’ll need it.”

Apple Bloom gave a soft laugh into her chest, “Thanks, Miss Cheerilee.”

Cheerilee gave her a soft pat on the head, “Anytime, Apple Bloom,” before pulling away and making her way back to the front of the classroom. “Oh, and, Apple Bloom?” She looked back, a reassuring smile on her face, “Don’t worry about Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. They’re your friends. They’ll understand.”

Apple Bloom nodded before turning back to gaze out the window, a smile now on her face.

As the time drew closer for school to start, other students began to file into the classroom. Archer. Featherweight. Truffle and Twist walked in talking about baking. Aura. Pipsqueak. Ruby Pinch and Dinky were excitedly talking in hushed whispers, planning a sleepover for the weekend. Cotton Cloudy. Snips and Snails were talking about… something. As were Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

Eventually Scootaloo entered, a light frown on her face as she made her way to her desk.

Apple Bloom looked up, “Hey, Scootaloo. What kept ya?”

Scootaloo climbed into her seat and hunched forward, eyes focused on the far end of her desk, “Had to talk to my mom about something.”

Apple Bloom glanced at the clock, “It took ya that long?”

“Yeah.”

“… Was it a long talk?”

“No.”

Apple Bloom winced, her ear flicking back, “… Ya gonna be alright?”

“M’fine.”

There was silence.

Movement at the front of the classroom drew Apple Bloom’s attention to the lavender alicorn that walked through the door. This drew Cheerilee’s attention as well.

“Princess Twilight, welcome,” Cheerilee walked out from behind her desk to greet her. “I’m glad you could make it.”

Twilight smiled, “Thank you, Miss Cheerilee. I’m glad I could make it as well. I’ve found what little Parody has already told me about his world to be fascinating, and I’m looking forward to learning more.”

Cheerilee nodded, before tilting her head curiously, “I wanted to ask about that, actually. When we were planning this, Parody mentioned that he originally made the offer to you, and that you turned him down for not being ‘friendly enough’.”

Twilight drew in a deep breath and let out a sigh, “Is that what he’s been telling everypony?”

“I take it that’s not what you said?”

Twilight shook her head, “Only loosely. The School of Friendship is intended to be a place where youth of all species can study and practice how to foster and develop interpersonal connections, with a focus on understanding our differences and working with them to form lasting friendships.” She sighed, “As genuinely interested as I was – and still am – I did not think that Parody’s proposed lesson plan was suitable for that environment.”

Cheerilee nodded along, “So in a drastic oversimplification…”

“It wasn’t ‘friendly enough’, yes.”

“Speaking of Parody,” Cheerilee glanced at the clock, “where is he? Class is about to start.”

“Oh, he’s outside the door. He mentioned something about making an entrance. Just call his name when you’re ready for him.”

Cheerilee tilted her head, “Did he tell you what he was planning?”

Twilight shook her head, “No. He was tight lipped pretty much the whole way over.” She sighed and looked at the door, “I don’t know what I was expecting; getting any information out of Parody is both frustrating and difficult. The most I’ve ever gotten out of him were vague, off-hoof remarks that I lack the context to understand.” She paused for a moment, before turning back to look at Cheerilee, “I’m hoping that won’t be the case here. There’s something I need to figure out.”

Cheerilee paused and gave Twilight a look, “… I take it this is more to you than just idle curiosity?”

Twilight nodded, “A little bit. I’m hoping that if I learn more about his world, maybe I can figure out why he doesn’t want to go back.”

Cheerilee blinked, “He doesn’t want to go back?”

Twilight hesitated, “… That’s what I’ve been led to believe.”

“So he hasn’t said that himself?”

Twilight shook her head, “No, but… That first week I met him in Canterlot, in addition to getting to know him, I worked with some of the best mages and scholars to try and figure out how Parody came here and if we could send him home. I wanted to help him. I still want to help him. But, when we found no evidence of any dimensional incursion, we went to Parody to get his story to see if we had missed any details.” She seemed to sag slightly, “Not only did he not answer any of our questions, but he actually told us to stop, to not worry about sending him home.”

Cheerilee arched her brow, “He told you to stop?”

Twilight nodded, “He did. With nothing to go off of, the research team disbanded and everypony went back to their lives. I’m the only one still looking for a way to send him home, but… I’m starting to question if I should.”

Cheerilee hummed in thought, “You know, I never thought about it, but for somepony who’s been ripped away from his home and into an unfamiliar world, Parody’s pretty playful and unconcerned… Do you think it’s a coping mechanism?”

Twilight shrugged, “I thought that at first, but now I’m not so sure.” She sighed, “Whatever it is, I just want to understand so I can help him.”

Cheerilee gave her a warm smile, “You’re a kind pony, Twilight.”

Twilight allowed a smile to pull its way onto her face, “I try.”

“And I’m sure Parody appreciates your efforts as well.”

Twilight’s smile faltered, “… I’m not sure he does. I’ve been trying, but, I don’t think I’m any closer to him than I was in Canterlot. He still-”

Apple Bloom was snapped into focus by a white filly sitting down at the desk beside her.

Sweetie Belle smiled, “Hey, Apple Bloom.”

“Hey, Sweetie Belle.”

Sweetie Belle glanced over at the sullen pegasus, “Scootaloo, are you alright?”

Without looking up, Scootaloo nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Shrugging, Sweetie Belle looked back to Apple Bloom, “I saw Parody standing outside the door. Any idea why he’s here?”

Apple Bloom nodded towards the front of the classroom, “Yeah, Twilight an’ Miss Cheerilee were jus’ talkin’ ‘bout it; said he’s here to talk about his home world an’ stuff like that.”

“Huh. Neat.”

“Should be pretty interestin’,” Apple Bloom nodded. “What do you think, Scootaloo?”

Scootaloo blinked and looked up, before shrugging, “I dunno. It’s probably just some boring old history lesson. Can’t be that cool.”

Apple Bloom shrugged, “So ya’ll got anythin’ going on after school?”

Scootaloo shook her head, “No, not really. Why, got any ideas?”

“Ah figure we could play at the park after school. Jus’ somethin’ silly an’ fun.”

“Works for me.” Scootaloo glanced at Sweetie Belle, “What about you?”

Sweetie Belle shrugged, “Sounds fun.”

“Hello, girls.”

Blinking, the crusaders looked forward at the approaching Twilight. She was walking down the rows of desks, carrying a selection of notebooks, papers, quills, and an inkwell in her telekinetic grip.

She smiled, “How are you doing today?”

“We’re doin’ alright, Miss Twilight.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Twilight gave them a nod before walking past them to a desk set in the back of the classroom. As Twilight settled into the desk, the bell began to ring.

Cheerilee stood at the front of the classroom, “Alright, class, settle down. Before we begin today’s lesson, I’d like to announce that we have a guest speaker today.”

The class erupted into excited whispers as they turned to look at the alicorn sitting in the back of the class.

“Is it Princess Twilight?” Diamond Tiara asked.

Twilight shook her head.

“No, it’s not the princess,” Cheerilee turned to gesture at the door, “Class, I’d like to introduce our resident blacksmith, Parody; here today to talk about his home world.”

WHUMPH

The door rattled violently, and muffled cursing could be heard from the other side. After a moment of silence, the door opened, allowing Parody to peer inside, eyes focused on the door.

“So, turns out, door swings the other way.”

Cheerilee gave him an odd look, “Yes, it’s standard for fire safety that public buildings have doors that swing outward.”

Parody gave an amused huff as he staggered in, a slight limp in his gait, “You’d be surprised how many people forget that.”

A look of concern crossed Cheerilee’s face as Parody limped up to the front desk, “Parody, are you alright?”

He waved her off, “This is nothing.”

Ruby Pinch and Dinky waved enthusiastically, “Hi, Mister Parody!”

Parody grinned, “Hey, Ruby, Dinky, how ya doing?”

“We’re doing great!”

“We’re planning a sleepover!”

Parody crossed his arms, “A sleepover, huh? Sounds fun.” His gaze drifted off to the side, “Don’t really get to have those anymore.”

Dinky perked up, “Oh! You could come to ours!”

Parody laughed, “Maybe.”

Cheerilee leaned over, “Parody, are you ready?”

Parody’s smile tightened, his expression becoming one of a child who not only was caught with his hand in the cookie jar, but was now trying desperately to convince his parents that he actually didn’t have his hand in the cookie jar.

“’Kay, about that.” He began to gesture, “So, I had free days on either end of today, so naturally I managed to double book. I got something going on with Tinker Tool later this morning, so I won’t be able to use up all our allotted time.”

Disappointment made its way onto Cheerilee’s face, “Really?”

Parody lifted his hands in a placating gesture, “Look, don’t worry, it’s fine. I didn’t really have a proper lesson plan anyway, so it should still work out.”

Disappointment intensified.

“You don’t have a lesson plan? Parody, how long have we been planning this?”

Parody shrugged, “What do you want from me? I’m not a teacher, and there’s a lot to go over.” He shook his head, “Look, I didn’t know where to start, so I figured I’d just ramble on for a bit and let them ask questions, let them learn what they want to learn.”

Cheerilee sighed, “If that’s what will work best.”

Parody waved her off, “It’ll be fine,” before turning to face the class. “So, today we’ll be learning about imaginary numbers.”

“WHAT!?”

Parody burst out into wild laughter.

Cheerilee shot a stern look at the filly standing on her desk, “Miss Pinch, indoor voices.”

“But, but-”

Fighting through his laughter, Parody held out his hand, “Ruby, Ruby, I’m messing with you. Don’t worry.”

“Oh,” Ruby wilted, giving a sheepish smile as she sat back down in her seat.

Parody took a moment to get his laughter back under control. Giving one final snerk, he straightened his back and shook his head, gazing out at the classroom. “Alright. I suppose I should introduce myself, on the off chance that one of you has managed to forget who I am: I am Parody. I’m the resident blacksmith, and as you might have heard, I’m not from Equestria, or even this world.” He grinned, “Now, you might be thinking ‘wow, he’s a real alien. That’s so cool!’ And you’d be right; I am pretty cool.” The class giggled. “And before you ask: No. Unlike the comics, I am not here to conquer you.” His grin pulled into a smirk, “This time, at least.” There was more laughter from the class.

Parody crossed his arms, his smirk relaxing into a look of light amusement, “Now, all seriousness. I came here from a world called Quassmundus, and…” He tilted his head back to look up at the ceiling, “Oh man, where do I even start?” He paused, blowing air out of his mouth, before shrugging. “Okay, so I don’t really know where Quassmundus is in relation to Equestria, or anything really. I figure it’s either somewhere central in the rest of the multiverse, or it’s just constantly moving around.”

While the foals looked at each other in confusion, Twilight tilted her head, “How do you figure that?”

Parody worked his mouth for a moment, searching for what to say. “Well, when two universes bump into each other, they exchange information. And I’m not talking contact info. I’m talking concepts and ideas, sometimes even physical people and places.” He smirked and began gesturing, “Real wild stuff when you watch an entire city blink out of existence ‘cause it’s been shunted a universe over. Anyway, judging from the amount of stuff I find in Quassmundus that I know came from other universes, it has to be constantly bumping into things, which means it has to be somewhere where those collisions have a higher chance of happening.”

The class seemed to be lost entirely, but that didn’t stop Twilight from rapidly jotting down notes. “That’s fascinating. Do you know why that’s happening?”

Parody shrugged, “Probably has to do with the ongoing efforts to piece the place back together.”

The quill froze above the paper, allowing a drop of ink to fall and blot on the page. After a short pause, Twilight looked up at Parody, an unsure expression on her face. “‘The ongoing efforts to piece the place back together’?”

Parody opened his mouth to respond, but stopped, his brow furrowing in thought. “… Wow, that came up quick. I mean, I knew I’d have to talk about it eventually, but that was almost immediate.”

“What?”

Parody sighed, “… Do you know what ‘Quassmundus’ means?”

Twilight shook her head, “I can’t say that I do. Why do you ask?”

“Because that wasn’t always its name.” Parody paused for a moment before clasping his hands together, a rueful smirk on his face, “Well, kids, I hope you don’t mind stories with bad endings, ‘cause in order to understand Quassmundus’s name, you’ll need to learn about the most tragic event in its history: The First Entropy; or as it’s formally called: The Entropic War.”

A chill ran down the everypony’s spines.

“… war?”

“Yep. It was a devastating civil war amongst the novacreons,” His mouth curled upward slightly, “Apocalyptic, even.”

Archer raised her hoof, “Novacreons?”

“Immortal entities created by the gods to maintain the cycle of worlds, and generally keep things stable.” His mouth pulled into a wry smirk, “How ironic that they be the ones to ultimately do it in.”

Archer’s ears folded back, “… What happened?”

Parody shrugged, “Not sure, wasn’t there for that one. All I’ve got are stories, and according to them it was, well… it was bad.”

Twilight gave a solemn nod, “As all wars are.”

Parody let out a bark of laughter, “You don’t even know.” He shook his head, “They say that when elephants fight, it’s the grass that suffers. Well, these elephants fought so fiercely that the very fields they fought upon were torn asunder.” His mouth pulled into a dry smirk, “I mean, normal wars fought amongst mortals are devastating and all, don’t get me wrong, but wars amongst beings granted powers of creation? Demigods in their own right, capable of shaping reality itself?” He gave a solemn head shake, “It never stood a chance.”

Though he was afraid of the answer, Featherweight asked, “What never stood a chance?”

“Reality itself. It was torn apart. Our humble little universe fragmented into a miniature multiverse. A tangled mess of interconnected half-realities, barely held together.” Parody let out a snort, “The gods took one look at that broken mess and just threw their hands in the air and walked away. Guess they thought it’d be easier to just start over from scratch.

“But yeah, that’s how it got its name. Quassmundus: The Shattered World.”

A feeling of shock and horror descended across the classroom.

Dinky shook her head, “I can’t believe anypony would do that.”

Parody shrugged, “Everyone has a breaking point.”

Dinky looked up, her face scrunched up, tears welling in her eyes, “But, why? Why?”

Parody sighed, “Understanding novacreon history, the Entropic war and why it happened…” He shook his head, “That’s its own story. One I’ll have to tell another time.”

“Are you sure that’s an appropriate story?” Twilight asked.

Parody shrugged, “Probably not,” he smirked, “but this is the only place I’ll tell it. So if you want to know…”

Twilight gave him a stern look.

Sweetie Belle shook her head as she recovered from her shock, “So, if that’s why it’s called Quassmundus, then what was it called before?”

Parody scoffed, “I don’t know; no one wants to tell me. Vires says it doesn’t matter, Novus wants to ‘preserve its memory’, and Arkus, well…” Parody broke into laughter.

Sweetie Belle tilted her head, raising a brow, “What?”

“Arkus hates me.”

Ruby Pinch’s ears folded back, “Hates you?”

Parody smirked, “Oh yeah, he hasn’t been silent about it. Calls me everything from ‘interloper’ to ‘the physical manifestation of everything I despise about your kind’.”

Ruby wilted, “But, why?”

Parody paused, “… Right, you wouldn’t know him.” He cleared his throat, “Arkus Eirsson. Of all the gods that created Quassmundus, he’s the only one who stuck around to try and fix things. By default he hated me ‘cause of what I was. That only got worse when he found out I was friends with Entia. Since then, his opinion of me has not improved.” He laughed, “I have a feeling that if he could he’d either banish me or rend me from existence.”

“What?!”

“Really?!”

“Why?!”

“How could- what?”

Parody kept laughing, “Like I said, he hates me.”

Twilight looked at him with concern, “Doesn’t that worry you?”

Parody scoffed, “I’m not worth it. Dude’s been trying to piece Quassmundus back together on his own since the Entropic War. He doesn’t have time or power to waste on me.”

Twilight arched her brow, “Are you sure?”

Parody nodded, “Pretty sure at this point he’s the only thing holding Quassmundus together, so it’s pretty important he focuses on his role as divine glue stick. I mean, he’s so busy doing that that most people have forgotten he even existed in the first place.”

Dinky tilted her head, “They’ve forgotten him?”

“For the most part, yeah. I only know he exists ‘cause apparently we were worth yelling at in person.” He smirked, “I suppose I should be flattered.”

A frown crossed Dinky’s face, “That’s sad. They forgot all about him even after everything he’s done for them-”

“HA!” Parody barked, “He’s not doing it for them. He’s doing it for himself. Quassmundus is his, and if no one’s going to help him, then he’ll just fix it himself. Eventually.”

Dinky shrunk back, “… but doesn’t he care about them?”

Parody shook his head, “Not anymore. Pretty sure at this point he hates just about everyone and everything. A shame, too. I’ve heard that he used to be such a nice guy.”

“… That doesn’t sound very nice.”

Parody shrugged, “This’s all before me. Honestly? I got nothin’ against the guy, I just kinda think he’s a spoiled brat. You know the type. It’s like, come on, what do you care that I’m playing with your toys? You weren’t using them.”

Twilight raised a brow, “Are you sure you don’t have anything against him?”

Parody rolled his eyes, “Okay, look, I get that he has his reasons, but it’s real hard to get along with someone who thinks you owe him just for existing.”

Twilight balked, “What? Why would he think that?”

“He’s a real ‘sins of the father’ type.” He shook his head as if he were disappointed, “It’s like, seriously? Why? You said it yourself; I’m not even-” Parody blinked a few times, “… I feel like we’ve gotten off topic. What were we even talking about?”

“Quassmundus’s original name,” Sweetie Belle answered.

He nodded, “Right, right. Since Arkus hates me, and no one else will tell me, I know basically nothing about pre-Entropy Quassmundus. Sorry,” he shrugged.

Ruby shook her head, “But, why does he hate you? I don’t understand.”

Parody quirked a brow at her, “You still on about that?” He walked over to her desk and crouched down so he was eye level, “Look, I’m far from the only person Arkus hates, and he’s definitely not the only person that hates me. So don’t worry about it.” He gave her a gentle pat on the head.

“But-”

Parody stood up, “Alright!” He turned to the room as he made his way back to the front, “Anyone got any questions? I’ve completely lost thread of what we were talking about and could use a new starting point.”

Twist raised her hoof, “What happened to the nov- nova-”

“Novacreons?”

“Yeah!”

“Well, I’ll talk more about this at length if and when we cover the Entropic War, but to keep it short: The few that remained were stripped of most of their power, and then cast out and punished.”

Aura raised her hoof, “What’s it like there?”

“Oh, it’s an absolute mess.”

“… That bad?”

Parody scoffed, “The world’s broken on a fundamental level, what did you expect?” He gave a short laugh as his mouth curled into a smirk, “I mean, I guess if you were a regular inhabitant of Quassmundus, just living your life in one of the worlds, you really wouldn’t notice. But to an outsider looking at Quassmundus as a whole? It’s a tangled mess of realities with an era range of ‘schizo’; it’s all over the place. Look at one world and it’s medieval. Look at the next and it’s space age. And then the next one is both and they’re neighbors on the same planet. Like, one city is all castles and straw huts, and everyone’s got plate mail and carriages, and then fifty miles away you’ve got skyscrapers, and everyone’s rocking power armor and space ships, and you look at that and you can’t help but go ‘what is even happening?!’” A soft chuckle escaped his lips, “Let me tell ya, there’s no end to the bizarre combinations Quassmundus comes up with.”

Aura blinked a few times, trying to process everything Parody had said. “… That sounds confusing.”

Parody shrugged, “Well, like I said, from the inside, you wouldn’t really notice. Even the weirdest world quirks would seem normal to you ‘cause that’s all you’ve ever known.”

A contemplative expression crossed Twilight’s face as she briefly glanced over her notes, “… Parody, if that were the case, then how would anypony know otherwise? Are the inhabitants of Quassmundus even aware of its fragmented nature?”

Parody nodded his head to the side, “Depends on the world, really. The more advanced ones tend to pick up on it, and it’s generally buried in mythos somewhere. But yeah, like Arkus, the full story of what happened has slowly been forgotten over time.” After a moment of thought, he let out a snort, “I can tell you what they haven’t forgotten, though: The novacreons. Oh man, if they thought mortals hated them before, the Entropic War made that so much worse.

“And for your other question, ‘how would they know?’ Travel between realities, while uncommon, is possible. Natural weak points in the barrier between realities form in places of high friction, usually resulting in things like portals being formed… That or it just rips the reality open,” he shrugged, “Happens sometimes.” The class gaped in horror at the thought. “Pretty rare though.

“Some civilizations have figured out how to open targeted gateways to different realities, either through machines or magic, and some, like novacreons, are naturally able to traverse the barrier, albeit with some effort.”

While the foals stared uncomprehendingly, Twilight looked up from her notes, “So, you’re world has figured out dimensional travel?”

Parody’s brow furrowed as he pursed his lips slightly, “Eh, some of them. Kinda… Not really.” He shook his head, looking up in thought, “Oh, what’s a good way to put this?” He paused for a moment, “… Ah. Quassmundus is like a puzzle; the different realities are the pieces, all part of a greater whole. They may all be different and distinct, but they’re all still Quassmundus, so the barrier is… thinner, if that makes sense.”

Twilight nodded to herself, “I think I get it. Because each reality was once one and the same, they must have similar, if not identical, dimensional frequencies, meaning that, with the right spell, it would be easy to anchor the realties together and open a portal, because they, on some level, recognize that they are part of something greater and want to become whole again.”

Parody blinked, his expression blank despite the smile, “… Sure.” He briefly shook his head to refocus, “Also, walking through the barrier requires there be something on the other side to walk to. All this works in Quassmundus because everything’s all scrunched together at all times in a desperate bid to keep things from being scattered across the multiverse.”

Twilight jotted down some notes, humming in thought, “Does that mean that none of that would work here?”

Parody gave a half-hearted shrug, “I mean, it could. You’d have to wait until you’re pressed up against another universe; at that point it’s just a matter of finding the friction point.” He smirked, “Just keep in mind that once the universes separate, that’s that. Unless you’re strong enough to reel universes together, or are able to traverse the void between realms, there’s no coming back from that. Not on your own. So I wouldn’t advise it,” he shrugged, “Unless that’s what you want. There were quite a few novacreons that did that after the Entropic War; a one-way trip away from everything.”

Twilight opened her mouth to say something, before pausing, her face screwing up in thought. After a moment, she silently went back to her notes.

Parody turned back to the rest of the class, “Now, I realize that I lost most of you there, so, anything else?”

Snips raised his hoof, “Hey, Parody. You talked about what Quassmundus was like for everypony else, but what about you? You live there, right?”

The rest of the class winced at the insensitive question.

Parody was unfazed, “HA! Where do I begin? Crazy? Absurd? I don’t think words alone can convey the endless shenanigans that is my life.” He smirked, “I mean, it’s great, don’t get me wrong. It’s been fun and exciting. It’s just, y’know,” he leaned back on front desk, “nice to relax and catch my breath every now and then.” His smirk melted into a soft smile, which was immediately ruined when he broke out into laughter, “Wow, alright. Now that I’ve answered in the vaguest way possible, you probably meant that like ‘where do I live?’ and ‘where do I work?’”

Ruby perked up, “Ooh! Yeah! You didn’t answer before! What was your job like? Were you a blacksmith there too?”

Parody smiled, “Close. I’m an engineer for Perish Co.”

Ruby made a face at that. As did the rest of the class.

Parody started laughing, “Weird name, huh? Don’t read into it too much, the founders were just being silly. Wanted a word made up of letters from their names, and ‘perish’ was the first word they came up with.”

Ruby blinked a couple times as she gave her head a quick shake, “So, what do you do as an engineer?”

Parody grinned widely, his voice taking on a southern drawl, “I solve problems.”

“Problems?”

His grin widened, “Not problems like ‘what is beauty?’ Because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy.”

Ruby face twisted in confusion.

“I solve practical problems.”

Ruby was completely lost, “… what?”

Parody started laughing, his voice returning to normal, “I build things. Invent things. Lotta sciency stuff too.”

Apple Bloom perked up, ears swiveling forward.

“I’ve designed and helped design all sorts of crazy machinery and technology.”

Apple Bloom’s thoughts turned inward. It may not have been her special talent, but she had always like building things, and despite the fact that they had tried steal the farm, the Flim Flam brothers had made some pretty fascinating things. She glanced up at Parody, thinking back to the pieces of unfinished projects he had lying around his house.

Maybe.

Just maybe.

Twilight took a moment to shift through her notes. Finding what she was looking for, she hesitated for a moment before looking up, “Parody, you mentioned that this, Arkus Eirsson, doesn’t like you, correct?”

Parody blinked, “Okay, I guess were going back to this.”

Exasperation crossed Twilight’s features, “Parody, I’m trying to help you.”

He threw his arms up, “With what?! The lesson? Look, I get that I’m not the greatest teacher, but come on! You don’t even know the source material!”

“I’m trying to help you get home!”

Parody quirked a brow, “… Didn’t I tell you not to worry about that?”

Twilight shook her head pleadingly, “Parody, I know that you don’t consider me your friend, but that doesn’t mean I can’t help you.”

Parody held his hands up, shaking his head, “That’s not why I-” he sighed, “Ugh, fine, fine,” rolling his eyes and crossing his arms, he sat back on the desk, “What’s your point?”

Twilight gave him a grateful nod before looking down at her notes, “Alright, from what I’ve gathered, Arkus is the one responsible for putting Quassmundus back together, correct?”

Parody nodded.

Twilight continued, “Which would mean that Quassmundus’s frequent contact with other universes is the result of Arkus seeking out and performing these ‘dimensional exchanges’ in an attempt to gather anything that might help him piece a fundamentally broken reality back together…”

“Makes sense.”

Twilight looked up at Parody, “Is it possible that Arkus used one of these exchanges to nudge you out of Quassmundus and into Equestria? If he-”

Parody held up a hand, “Alright, Princess, I’m gonna have to stop you right there. The idea is there, and your logic is sound, but it wasn’t him. Trust me.” He smirked, “As much as Arkus hates me, I’m not worth picking a fight with Entia over. I mean, unless I’m actively tearing Quassmundus apart, I’m not even worth talking to. Like I said, Arkus is busy putting Quassmundus back together. Power not spent on that is wasted power, and he can’t afford that right now.”

Twilight opened her mouth to respond, but Parody cut her off.

“Look, Princess, I’m glad you’re all gung-ho about figuring this out, but you don’t have to help.”

Twilight frowned, “But I want to help. Why won’t you let me?”

Parody shrugged, “’Cause I don’t need it.” After a moment of silence, he turned to the rest of the class, “Alright, anyway-”

“Why don’t you want to go back?”

Parody blinked and gave Twilight an incredulous look, “What?”

“Why don’t you want to go back home?”

Parody sat in stunned silence for a moment, before his mouth curled into a smirk, “Don’t feel like it.”

“What-?”

“Now come on, Princess, don’t be rude,” Parody chastised, leaning forward to gesture at the room, “This is a class Q and A session, and you’re hogging it all to yourself. Let some of the kids have a turn.”

For a moment, it looked like Twilight would argue, but instead her expression softened, looking almost sorrowful, and she returned to her notes with a soft nod.

While the rest of the class glanced at each other in unsure silence, Ruby tentatively lifted her hoof, “Parody?”

“Yeah?”

“When we had breakfast together, you said that you made more enemies than friends, and you’ve been talking about all these ponies that hate you… Parody, do you have any friends?”

Parody laughed, “Of course I ha-” he blinked, “Wait. Have I seriously never talked about them?” He thought to himself for a moment before laughing, “Wow! Bet they’ll love hearing about that. ‘Hey bestest friends of my life, don’t mind me, I’m just over here forgetting about you entirely!’”

Ruby tilted her head and waited for him to finish laughing, “What were they like?”

A soft smile crossed Parody’s face, “Well, let’s see… We’ve got Irish; he’s snarky, and a little mean, but there’s some silliness in his heart. Neon; he used to be a bit of a hothead, but these days he’s more measured and collected. Zorkrow,” he snerked, “he’s all weird questions and bad puns. And Laidir; nice guy, but if you give him an opening for a dad joke, he will take it. Every time. It’s a reflex for him at this point; sometimes he isn’t even aware he’s doing it.

“Man, we’ve been on all sorts of adventures, experienced weird things, and…” he paused, his smile becoming fond, “You know, now that I’m thinking about it, with how crazy our lives get, it’s the more mundane moments that really stand out. I once walked up on Zorkrow lying face down in the dirt; when I asked him what he was doing, he just went ‘I am a landshark!’” Parody started laughing.

A soft smile crossed Twilight’s face as she looked up, “They sound like good friends.”

Parody nodded, “Yeah. There are more, but us five? We’ve been friends for the vast majority of our lives." He paused, his smile faltering ever so slightly, “I’d rather not think about where I’d be without them.”

Twilight gave Parody a sympathetic look, “… You must miss them a lot.”

Parody waved her off with a snerk, “Nah, I’m usually pretty good about hitting them with whatever I’m throwing.”

Twilight gave him a look.

Parody chuckled to himself as he shook his head, “You worry too much. You know that, right? This is hardly-” he drifted off, his brow furrowing, “Wait, what do you mean it’s-?” His eyes flick up into the corner of his vision before widening. He whirled around to look up at the classroom clock, “… uh oh.” Without warning he spun around and begun sprinting to the door, “Running late! Gotta go! Later! Bye!” Without slowing down, he burst out the door.

The class watched in silence as the door slowly closed. Before it could latch shut, Parody grabbed the door and peered in, looking at it. “Wow, you’re right; having that swing outward’s way better.” With that said, he pulled away and let the door close.

After a moment, Cheerilee sighed and began gathering her lesson materials, “Alright class, feel free to talk amongst yourself while I prepare today’s lesson.”

Sweetie Belle glanced at the others, “Well, I suppose he was right; he definitely isn’t a teacher. That was all over the place.”

Scootaloo sighed in relief, “Okay, good, so I wasn’t the only one who had a hard time following that.”

Apple Bloom smirked, “Ya sure it wasn’t ‘cause it weren’t ‘cool enough’?”

Scootaloo rolled her eyes, “Alright, so some of what he said was interesting, but he kept starting and stopping. It made it really hard to focus. And he kept going on about that Arkus guy; is he even important?”

Sweetie Belle shrugged, “Sounded like it.”

Apple Bloom tilted her head in thought, “So, what did ya’ll get outta that, anyway?”

“That Parody builds things and that he lived in a broken world,” Scootaloo replied.

Sweetie Belle wilted, “To think that a war could be that destructive… I can’t believe anypony would do that.”

Apple Bloom nodded in solemn agreement, “Yeah… Mah family out in Appleloosa got into a fight with the buffalo, but all they did was throw pies at each other. Weren’t nothin’ like that.”

Sweetie Belle shook her head, “What were they hoping to accomplish?”

Scootaloo shrugged.

“Ah don’ know,” As Apple Bloom shook her head, she noticed Twilight walk up to Cheerilee and focused on them.

Once at the front desk, Twilight looked down at the lesson plan and, using her telekinesis, began writing on the chalkboard.

Cheerilee gave her a grateful nod, “Thank you.”

Twilight smiled, “No problem. Thank you for letting me sit in on your class.”

They worked in silence for a moment, before Cheerilee glanced at Twilight.

“You were right.”

“You noticed it?”

Cheerilee nodded, “I’ve worked with foals long enough to know when one is hiding something from me. It was subtle, and I wouldn’t have noticed if I wasn’t looking for it, but it was there; there’s something he isn’t telling us.”

Twilight shook her head and sighed, “Whatever it is, it’s clear he isn’t going to tell me… I guess I’m just not close enough.”

Cheerilee nodded, “The question now is: Is this any of our business? If he doesn’t want to tell us, he doesn’t have to. That’s his choice.”

Twilight worked her mouth a bit before wilting, “… What am I doing wrong? I’ve been holding my hoof out in friendship, but he refuses to take it. Why?”

Cheerilee placed her hoof on Twilight’s back, “Don’t worry, Twilight. You’ll win him over eventually. Is there anypony that you haven’t been able to befriend yet?”

Twilight gave an amused huff, “There is… but I appreciate the sentiment. Thank you.”

Cheerilee gave Twilight a quick pat before pulling away and returning to the papers on her desk, “… Keep that hoof outstretched, Twilight. It’s one of your greatest qualities.”

Twilight stood in stunned silence for a moment, before nodding in thanks, a grateful smile crossing her face.

“Apple Bloom!”

The hushed shout and gentle shake snapped Apple Bloom back into focus.

“Huh, wha-?”

Scootaloo leaned over, “You alright?”

Apple Bloom blinked a couple times as her thoughts recollected themselves, “Oh, yeah, Ah’m fine. Just… thinkin’.”

“About what?”

Apple Bloom glanced up at the front of the classroom, “Parody.”

Scootaloo nodded, “Makes sense. Think he’ll be back some other time? Sounded like he had more to talk about.”

Apple Bloom shrugged, “Prob’ly. He said somethin’ ‘bout talkin’ to us about them novacreons and their war.” She looked at Sweetie Belle, “Maybe he’ll tell us what they were tryin’ to accomplish?”

Sweetie Belle cringed back a bit, “… I’m not sure I want to know.”

Any further comment was cut off by Cheerilee calling for the class’s attention. A quick glance forward told Apple Bloom that Twilight had already left, and that Cheerilee was ready to begin class. With a half-hearted shrug, she picked up her pencil and readied herself for the lesson.

The late afternoon sun hung in the sky as Apple Bloom trotted down the street. It had been fun playing with her friends at the park, you were never too old for classics like tag and hide-and-go-seek, but now she moved with purpose. For… not even 20 minutes, the burning question of what to do with her time when her friends were busy besieged her mind, tormenting her in the form of idle boredom. And in her time of need, an answer presented itself: Parody. Something about his endless tinkering harmonized within her soul. She knew she had found what she needed. So now she stood before his home, readying herself for the future. She could handle anything.

She lifted her hoof to step forward.

KABLAM

Apple Bloom couldn’t help but flinch back as the front of the house seemed to explode outward; bursts of flame erupting out of shattering windows, a plume of smoke chasing the door as it tumbled off its hinges. She winced, ears flicking at the painful ringing as she looked up at the thick cloud of smoke that billowed out of the door.

From within depths staggered Parody and a light green pegasus, both coughing violently, though Parody was laughing between each violent wheeze. The pegasus, Apple Bloom recognized her as Tinker Tool, the town mechanic, was covered in scorch marks and singed fur. Parody’s clothes were tattered, he was covered in burns, and glints of light reflected of bits of metal shrapnel embedded in his front, staining him red as blood trickled down his skin.

Parody turned to glance back at his house, “… That felt excessive.”

His voice snapped Apple Bloom out of her stupor, and she rushed forward, “Oh mah stars! Are you alright?!”

Parody perked up, “Oh, hey, Apple Bloom!” He laugh-coughed as he gave her a dismissive wave, “Don’t worry, we’re fine,” he pulled a chunk of metal out of his shoulder.

Tinker Tool cough-coughed as she gave him a light glare through her blond mane, matted, burnt, and ruined by the explosion, “Speak for yourself.”

“Lighten up, that could have been way worse,” he pulled a piece of shrapnel out of his leg.

Tinker winced as she rubbed at a burn on her leg, “That doesn’t help.”

Parody turned to Apple Bloom, “So, what brings you by?”

Apple Bloom blinked, “Erm, well, in class you mentioned that you were an engineer…”

Tinker scoffed, “Not a very good one.”

Parody smirked as he continued to pull shrapnel out of his body, “Don’t mind her, she’s just jealous that I got her thing working when she couldn’t.”

Tinker glared at Parody, “It. Exploded.”

Parody held out his arms, “Yeah, after working for five seconds. That’s five more seconds than you ever got.”

“… Maniac,” Tinker turned away and lifted her leg to lick at one of her burns.

Parody rolled his eyes, “Come on, you work with machines, you should know this: Failure is just as informative as success. We got it working didn’t we? Not we just have to work on making it not explode.”

Tinker merely shot Parody one final glare before turning and trotting away.

Apple Bloom watched her walk away, “… Is she gonna be alright?”

“Yeah, she’s just rattled.” Parody smirked, “Apparently, it’s scary being caught in an explosion. Who knew?”

Apple Bloom shot him a raised brow, wary.

He glanced down, “So, you were saying?”

“Well, ya said you were an engineer, an’ that ya built a lotta machines.”

He nodded, “Correct.”

Apple Bloom shrugged, “Ah don’t get to be around it a whole lot, but Ah’ve always found machines an’ stuff facinatin’.”

Parody quirked an eyebrow, “Your point?”

Apple Bloom looked up, “Can you show me?”

“Things I’ve made, or how to be an engineer?”

She shrugged, “Both, if yer willin’.”

Parody smirked, “Sure, I don’t see why not,” he pulled a particularly large chunk of metal out of his stomach, “You could be like my little engineering partner.”

Apple Bloom eyed the bloody metal, an inkling of doubt forming in her mind, “… Will it be safe?”

Parody lifted his arm to gesture, but hesitated, pulling it to his chest as a thoughtful look crossed his face, “… I can give you a soft ‘maybe’.” He shrugged, “Really, it just depends on what we’re doing. I mean, building a nuclear reactor is considerably more dangerous than building, say, a catapult.”

Apple Bloom flicked her gaze back to Parody, “Speakin’ o’ that, do ya think ya can do a better job keepin’ me safe an’ unharmed?”

Parody raised his brow, “I didn’t realize I had to; I was under the impression that adults could take care of themselves.” Before Apple Bloom could retort, he continued, “Fine. Bar’s pretty low, but I’ll manage something.” He smirked, “At the very least, I’m sure I can keep you alive.”

Apple Bloom could feel her ears folding back, “… That ain’t reassuring.” She could feel icy dread creeping in, “… What if ya can’t?”

Parody shrugged, “Then I’ll find a way to bring you back; can’t be that hard.” He smirked, “Look, don’t worry, you’ll be fine. And if you don’t feel fine, run. I don’t care. Now, come on,” Ignoring the mess that was the smoldering front of his home, he waved her over as he turned and began to walk around the house, “Now that Tinker Tool’s gone, I can get back to work on my car.”

Apple Bloom tilted her head, “Car?”

Parody nodded, “Yeah, I’m sick of taking the train all the time, so I’m building a car.”

“What’s a car?”

“Think of it as a self-moving carriage.”

Apple Bloom perked up, “Oh, like the Super-Speedy-Cider-Squeezy-6000!”

Parody stopped and turned to face her, an incredulous look on his face, “The what?”

“The Super-Speedy-Cider-Squeezy-6000. Some ponies named Flim an’ Flam tried to use it to take our farm. Ah remember it bein’ able to move without bein’ pulled.”

Parody stared at her a moment longer before shaking his head, “That’s a stupid name.” He turned and continued walking around his house.

Apple Bloom shrugged, trotting after him, “Ah thought it was alright; had a nice song an’ everythin’.”

As they came around into the backyard, Apple Bloom’s eyes landed on a bare-bones metal frame resting on cinderblocks, a mix of machinery, tubes, and wires on, in, and around it, including the complicated box with cylinders that she had seen sitting inside Parody’s house.

“… It don’t look like much.”

Parody threw his hands in the air, exasperated, “It’s not done yet; gimme a break! I just started putting it together.”

Apple Bloom winced, “Sorry.”

Shaking his head, Parody grabbed a bunch of wires and laid down on a wheeled board, before rolling under the car.

Only able to see his legs, Apple Bloom shifted on her hooves, uncertain. “… So, does Miss Tinker come here often?”

Parody’s laugh echoed under the car, “More often than she’d ever admit.”

Apple Bloom tilted her head, “Why do ya say that?”

“Well, she doesn’t like to admit it, but I’m better with machines than she is. So, if she runs into something she can’t solve on her own, she comes to me.”

Apple Bloom nodded, “So ya’ll’re friends?”

“… Nah, I don’t think we are.”

“Why not?”

Parody laughed, “Well, I can think of a couple reasons; I’m fairly certain she doesn’t like hanging out with her ‘fix-it’ button. But on my end?” He paused, “… I think it’s ‘cause I’m projecting.”

“Projecting?”

“Yeah. Had an old friend named Tinker. Sometimes, I forget that she isn’t the same person… I have to say though,” he rolled out from under the car to give Apple Bloom a smirk, “He wasn’t nearly as easily ruffled by explosions.” His face turned thoughtful, “Then again, he did lose one of his legs to one, so…” he shrugged, before rolling back under the car, “Eh, maybe she’s got the right idea… Hey, can you hand me a wrench?”

Blinking, Apple Bloom passed him a wench before settling in to watch him work, eyes burning with curiousity.

Author's Note

It had been fun playing with her friends at the park, you were never too old for classics like tag and hide-and-go-seek,

You ever get a bunch of High Schoolers to play Duck-Duck-Goose? Never let anyone tell you you’re too old for that game, ‘cause (while they were uncertain at first) we all had a blast.

I’ll be honest, I expected this chapter to take way longer to do, but I guess I had already put enough idle thought into everything that it was just a matter of finding the right order to put everything in.

Sorry if it felt super rambly, but, it kinda had to be.

Oh, and if it felt like Quassmundus was an excuse to have an infinite potential playground, that’s because it was. I’m finding that a lot writing is coming up with ideas, and then having to retroactively BS an explanation, especially since I came up with a lot of this when I was a kid. So I’m just justifying childish ideas and such. But hey, if I can salvage 10-year-old me’s red and black, every superpower power fantasy that was Shadowmaster, and turn him into an actual believable character, then I’m sure I can come up with something believable.

It’s kinda funny. A lot of Parody’s story is a collection of “this is what’s gonna happen” moments in my head, with a lot of “I’ll get to it when I get to it” for the details in between. Well, for a lot of the details and backstory for Quassmunduss, I had to “get to it” this chapter (So, some details may change when I actually write his story). For example: Arkus Eirsson existed as a character, but didn’t actually have a name until I started writing this.

So, I have an iffy relationship with names. Sometimes I’ll create a character, and then be completely unable to give him name for over four years, despite my best efforts. Other times I’ll be sitting on the toilet and go, “… Andreas Valto. Oh man, that’s a cool name, I gotta use that.”

My fall back is always, “If all else fails, use Latin.”

Quassmundus: The Shattered World

Quasso: Shatter (or something like that)

Mundus: World

Novacreon: Creator of Change

Novo (I changed the o to an a): Change

Creo: Create

Sure, I’m probably butchering the language, but it makes some pretty cool names for stuff, so screw it.

Cut Line:

He shrugged, “Really, it just depends on what we’re doing. I mean, building a nuclear reactor is considerably more dangerous than building, say, a catapult.”

Apple Bloom flicked her gaze back to Parody, “Speakin’ o’ that, do ya think ya can do a better job keepin’ me safe an’ unharmed?”

Parody scoffed, "That was hardly my fault."

Chapter art
Tinker Tool

Parodyman64 (Parody)

Irish122 (Irish)

Neon__Yellow (Neon)

Zorkrow (Zorkrow)

Lamh Laidir (Laidir)

Group Photo

Now, if I may ramble on a bit more,

“I don’t know what I was expecting; getting any information out of Parody is both frustrating and difficult. The most I’ve ever gotten out of him were vague, off-hoof remarks that I lack the context to understand.”

That was a bit of a meta joke, because that’s basically what I’ve done. I’ve seeded all sorts of information throughout this story, but because you don’t have to context for it, it means nothing to you, and then after the fact, now that it’s there, I’m slowly giving you the context needed to understand it all. Parody rambles, and often talks a lot of nonsense, so it’s the perfect place to hide something. Sometimes what he’s talking about means nothing, sometimes it’s important information that you’ll glance over the first few times. What I’m kind of going for here is this, “now I get it” feeling if you were to look back on earlier chapters, because as you learn more, certain lines may stand out more.

I’ll say this much: Somewhere in the first 7 chapters there’s a single line, one sentence, that if you look at what it implies, it pretty much explains everything about Parody’s behavior and why he acts the way he does, but without any context, it just looks like a throwaway line.

I’m hoping that as things are revealed going forward, you’ll remember different things and have “I remember him talking about that” moments.

On a similar note, I don’t think I really need to say this, but just in case…

Be sure to make your own assertions about Parody. Don’t blindly agree with what the characts say about him.

Different characters know different things, and they each have their own biases. (I’m not going to pretend I’m the best at it, but that’s what I’m trying to do.) I have to try and keep track of who knows what, and what they think about it. This means that the characters aren’t always right. Sometimes they are, sometimes they aren’t, sometimes they're only partially correct. Basically this is just a (probably unnecessary) reminder that you have more info than the characters.

Alright, now that you’ve put up with all my ramblings, here’s some bonus stuff.

Eventually I’ll write a sort of prologue/prequel story detailing Parody’s first week in Equestria, but until then, you can have this: Parody’s first moments in Equestria.

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGGGH!!!”

PHASHOOM

The tranquil silence of Celestia’s morning walk through the castle gardens was interrupted by her sister’s Royal Canterlot Shriek, followed by a blinding beam of light.

Celestia lifted her head from its ducked position, ears flicking as she tried to ignore the ringing in her ears, only to have to duck a second time as something streaked past and slammed into the ground in front of her, throwing dust in the air. The sound of shattering stone was barely audible over the ringing as she lifted her head, blinking the dust out of her eyes as she turned to look at the new hole that now decorated her sister’s quarters.

As the dust settled, Celestia turned her gaze forward.

A furrow had been carved into the dirt, leaving a trail of torn grass and uprooted flowers all the way up to one of the fountains, the side of which was broken, water trickling over the rubble and a groaning figure.

Celestia calmly trotted up to it, eyes sweeping over its form, looking for injuries. “Are you alright?”

There was a cough. “… Yeah, I’m fine,” came a male voice.

Her horn glowed a soft gold as she lifted the figure out of the rubble and onto his feet.

“Thanks,” he began dusting himself off.

Celestia glanced back up at her sister’s new window. “I see you’ve met my sister.”

The figure let out a laugh, “Yeah. I’m currently three for three on unicorns using violence to say hello.” He smirked, “I think she likes me.”

Right before Apple Bloom arrived:

“Come on, Tinker, we’ve been at this for hours.”

Tinker Tool didn’t look up, instead focus on the sheets of notes spread out on the floor before her, “I have to figure this out, Parody. Give me a minute.”

Parody gestured at the machine sitting on a small table in the middle of the room, “If you were just gonna ‘figure it out’ on your own, then why’d you even come over?”

Tinker shot him a brief glare before looking back at her notes, “Just, hold on. I need to make sure.”

For a few minutes, there was only the sound of pencil on paper as Tinker ran through calculations.

Eventually, Parody grew impatient, “Alright, this is going nowhere.” He stormed forward and turned the machine on.

Tinker looked up in horror, “What are you doing?!”

“Turning it on! What does it look like I’m doing?” Parody took a few steps back to observe, jotting down notes on a clipboard.

“But I haven’t made sure it’s safe! I’m still running the-!” Tinker watched with growing horror as the machine began to shake violently, emitting sparks and starting to glow from within.

It was going to explode.

With a panicked yelp, Tinker ducked and covered her head with her hooves, bracing for the worst.

At the sound of her yelp, Parody glanced up at the rattling machine. Silently, in a fluid motion that spoke of years of practice, he took a single step to the side, placing himself between the machine and Tinker, and lifted an arm to cover his eyes.

KABLAM

…

“… ow.”

As always, let me know what you think. It actually surprises me how much of an impact even the smallest comments have. (enough to make me feel bad for not commenting more often. I should probably fix that moving forward)

Edit: Also, apparently Scootaloo has parents now. Only took 9 seasons. I'm already doing my own thing, though, so I'm just gonna keep doing what I already had planned.

Sleepover

The curtains billowed gently, the soft breeze carrying away the lingering smell of dinner. The setting sun cast beams through the open window, lighting up the room with a gentle orange glow. A stray ray of light settled on the page of an open book, reflecting off the white paper into amethyst eyes. Childish laughter rang down from the stairs into the otherwise silent room.

A pink hoof turned the page.

Curled up on the couch, the mare tilted her head, disturbing her lavender-streaked violet mane as her eyes narrowed, trying to focus on the book in front of her.

But it was no use.

Worried, she glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. It was getting late.

“Where are you?” She muttered to herself.

Hearing the front door open, Amethyst Start turned around and watched Derpy walk in.

“You took your time. I was starting to get worried.”

Derpy’s mouth pulled into a sheepish smile as she avoided eye contact, “Sorry, Amethyst, I got held up at work.”

Amethyst sighed, “Well, that’s fine. At least you’re here now. Dinky and Ruby are playing upstairs right now, so they should…” her voice trailed off as she noticed Derpy avoiding eye contact. “… You’re kidding.”

Derpy’s smile fell as she glanced at Amethyst, “There’s a package I need to deliver out of town.”

“And it can’t wait until tomorrow?”

Derpy shook her head, “Priority shipping.”

Amethyst slumped, “Ugh. Did you talk to-?”

“Time Turner’s sick, and Parody said he was busy building a hot tub in his basement.”

“Parody has a basement?”

“Apparently.”

Amethyst shook her head and glanced at the stairs, mouth pulling into a light frown, “I’m fine watching Dinky on my own, but both of them? I’m not much of a foalsitter, I don’t think I’d be able to keep up.”

Derpy sighed, “I’ll talk to Berry on the way out. Either she can help watch them, or we postpone the sleepover and she comes to pick up Ruby.”

Amethyst turned to look out the window, eyes following a rainbow contrail as it arced across the horizon. “Can’t you ask Rainbow Dash to deliver it? It’d be like nothing to her.”

Derpy shook her head, “Even if she’s willing, I don’t like making other ponies do my job for me.”

Amethyst sighed, “They’ll be so disappointed.”

Derpy hung her head as she trotted out the door, “I know, but unless somepony’s suddenly become available in the last twenty minutes, we-” her voice cut out as she bumped muzzle first into Parody’s stomach.

He smiled down at her from just outside the door, fist poised to knock. “Hi.”

Derpy’s muzzle scrunched as her brow furrowed slightly, “Parody? I thought you were building a hot tub.”

His smile widened, “I was, actually.”

“… And?”

He shrugged, “The chlorine tank ruptured, and now my house is full of chlorine gas.”

Derpy winced.

Parody continued, “So, I need a place to stay while I vent my house.”

Amethyst set her book down and trotted over to the door, head tilted in curiosity, “Why, isn’t it harmless? It's used in swimming pools.”

Parody laughed, “Not in gas form it’s not. Put simply, that stuff will dissolve your lungs.”

Amethyst cringed back, “Really?”

“Yeah. There’s a long winded, scientific explanation about chemical reactions that explains exactly what happens, but basically: Unless you think being able to breath is overrated, you don’t want to inhale it.”

Amethyst glanced up at Parody, a hint of worry in her eyes, “… If it’s so dangerous, then how’d you get out? Weren’t you in the basement?”

He shrugged, “Peed on a rag and held it over my face.”

Both mares recoiled.

“Ew!”

“Eugh!”

Amethyst shook her head, “Why?”

“Urine contains ammonia, and ammonia neutralizes chlorine.”

Her nose twitched, “Ugh! I can smell it!”

Parody snorted as he held his arms out, “Well, I couldn’t exactly wash off in a gassed-out house.”

“I guess…”

Parody turned to Derpy, “Anyway, can I crash here for a couple days?” His mouth curled into a light smirk, “I need to be careful venting out my house. I’m pretty sure it would reflect poorly on me if some random pony dropped dead as they walked by.”

“… It certainly would.” Derpy looked up at Parody, “Well, we’d be glad to have you over. Are you alright with watching Dinky?”

Parody smirked as he placed a hand on his chest, “‘Am I alright with watching Dinky?’ Come on, you know me; I could never say ‘no’ to her.”

“That’s why Amethyst is here.”

“Tsk. Spoilsport.”

Derpy gave him a genuine smile as she made her way out the door, “Well, I’m glad that you can help out. It’s one less thing I have to worry about.”

“Yeah. Only took almost killing myself.”

Derpy faltered, casting a worried look back at Parody, a worried look that Amethyst shared.

Parody waved dismissively, “It’s fine. You learn some of the best lessons that way.” He looked down at his hand and gave it a quick whiff, “I’m gonna go wash up.”

Derpy gave him a reluctant nod, “Alright. Dinky and Ruby are playing upstairs right now, so-”

“Got it,” Parody gave a backwards wave as he made his way into the house.

Derpy glanced at Amethyst, “I worry about him sometimes.”

Amethyst gave her a reassuring nod, “Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on the foals.”

“All three of them?”

“All three of them.”

The pony princesses glanced at the terrain around them, a sense of unease hanging in the air.

“What manner of foul beast confronts us now?”

A giant dog slammed onto the ground in front of them, easily four times the size of the pony princesses. It glared down at them, the sound coming from its throat a mix between a roar and mocking laughter.

“I am Barks the Destroyer! My howls are so strong that they cancel all magic! Awoooooooooo! What now, pony princesses?! How will you fight me without your magic?!”

Ruby Pinch lifted a hoof to her chin in thought, ignoring the dolls in front of her in favor of looking at the stuffed dog in Dinky’s forelegs. Suddenly she perked up. Picking up one of the dolls, she called out, “We don’t have to!” before getting up and darting over to her saddlebags.

Dinky tilted her head, “What are you doing?”

Ruby nudged her way through her saddlebag, “Hold on, I just found this again. Aha!” Pulling out the armored human toy that Parody gave her, Ruby made her way back to the battlefield and set the toy before the stuffed dog. “Beware, Barks! For now you fight Defender Shield! Guardian of the pony princesses!”

Dinky blinked, “Oh wow! Where’d you get that?”

Ruby smiled, “Parody gave it to me.”

“What? No fair. He never gave me a toy,” Dinky pouted, causing Ruby to giggle, before leaning forward to peer at the toy in Ruby’s hooves. “What is it?”

Ruby tilted her head at the object in her hooves, “I don’t really know. Parody said it was an ‘elf,’ whatever that is.”

Dinky frowned in thought, “Elf? What’s an elf?”

“It’s an acronym, actually.”

Dinky and Ruby whirled their heads around to stare at Parody standing in the doorway. Excited, they got up and swarmed him.

Dinky latched onto his leg in a hug, “Parody! You actually came!”

Parody smirked down at her, “Yeah. Some things came up, and I’m actually gonna be staying here for a couple days.”

Dinky looked up at him, “Really?”

Parody nodded, “Yep. Works out too, since your mom had some last minute delivery come up and won’t be back until… later.” He shrugged, “Not entirely sure.”

Ruby smiled eagerly, “So you’re here for the sleepover?”

“Yep. So, whatcha up to?”

“We’re playing pony princesses,” Dinky said, “Wanna play with us?”

Parody smirked, “Sure, I’m down. How do ya play?”

Dinky detatched herself from Parody’s leg and darted over to the toys. “Here, you can be the pony princesses. I’m Barks the Destroyer, and Ruby is the princesses’ guardian.”

“Alright,” Parody sat cross-legged next to the dolls. His voice pitched upwards, “Surrender, Barks! You’re outnumbered! We princesses will fight alongside our guardian with our awesome magical might!”

Dinky shook her head as she picked up the stuffed dog, “Barks’s howl cancels all magic.”

Parody paused, his voice returning to normal, “… Because of course it does.” He turned to Ruby, who sat down next to him, “Alright, guardian, guess it’s up to you.”

Ruby nodded and picked up her toy, “Your reign of terror is at an end, Barks, for now you face the might of Defender Shield!”

Parody quirked his brow, “Defender Shield?”

“Yeah, that’s what I named him.”

He smirked, “Huh, that’s actually a pretty fitting name.”

“Thanks.” Ruby blinked, “Wait, did he already have a name?”

Parody shrugged, “Eh, I always called it A-03.”

Ruby scrunched her muzzle, “That’s a stupid name.”

Parody nodded his head to the side, “It’s more of a unit number than a name.”

Ruby shook her head, “No, it’s stupid. I’m gonna stick with Defender Shield.”

“Fair enough,” Parody shrugged, before chuckling, “Still, it’s kinda funny that that’s what you named it.”

Ruby tilted her head, “Why?”

“Because,” Parody leaned in to point at the toy’s torso, “‘defender’ is actually written on its chest.”

“Really?” Ruby turned the toy around to look at it.

“Yeah. I mean, it’s a little obscured by the gash along the front, but it’s mostly there.”

Ruby furrowed her brow, “I can’t read it.”

“That’s ‘cause it’s written in English, not Equish.”

Ruby and Dinky looked up at him, “English?”

Parody nodded, “Human language.” He rattled off a bunch of strange syllables, an unfamiliar language spilling from his lips. “Pretty common back home.”

“That’s really cool,” Dinky said.

Ruby blinked, before looking down at the toy as the dots connected in her mind, “Wait, so that means I-”

“Yeah,” Parody nodded, “It’s actually really impressive how that worked out.”

“Yeah!” Ruby gave him an excited nod before turning back to the toys, “Are you ready to surrender, Barks?! You don’t stand a chance!”

“Hah! Foolish ant! I am Barks the Destroyer! My howl cancels all magic! What do you have that the pony princesses do not?!”

“This armor that I wear cannot be damaged!”

Dinky set the stuffed dog down and tilted her head with a furrowed brow, “Really? Can’t be damaged?”

Ruby nodded, “Yeah.”

Dinky pointed, “Then what’s that gash on the front?”

Ruby looked down, “Uh…,” her face screwed up in thought, “… um…” She perked up, “Lava monster!”

“Lava monster?”

“Yeah,” Ruby nodded, “A big old meanie-pants lava monster! That makes sense, right?” She glanced at Parody for approval, only to notice the look of consternation on his face. “What’s wrong?”

He gave her a weird look, “What made you come up with ‘lava monster’?”

Ruby wilted slightly, “Um, well, I mean, lava is hot, right? And heat melts metal, so I thought, you know, that it made sense. Right?”

“… Yeah, it makes sense. I was just…” Parody shook his head, “Ah, never mind. Keep going.”

Ruby nodded and turned back to the toys, “Only the great heat of a lava monster can damage my armor! Your claws and teeth wouldn’t even leave a scratch!”

“Hehehehehehehe. Well, if I can’t crush the hard shell, perhaps I can rattle the soft insides!”

With that, the battle began.

It was a grand battle of epic proportions. There was no clear advantage between the two, neither able to get the upper hoof. For all his resilience, Defender Shield was unable to land any significant strikes on Barks the Destroyer.

As the battle waged on, Dinky noticed a distinct lack of input from the pony princesses. She looked over at Parody and noticed that he was just sitting off to the side, doing something on his phone. “Parody?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you not want to play?”

“Oh, it’s not that,” he shook his head, eyes on his phone, “it’s just that there isn’t much to do as a bunch of powerless princesses.”

Dinky and Ruby shared a wince.

“Sorry, I guess we aren’t used to playing with a third pony.”

Parody shrugged, not looking up, “It’s fine. It allows me to get some work done.”

Dinky tilted her head, “Work?”

Ruby trotted over, peering at the phone in Parody’s hands, “What’s that?”

“Hmm?” He glanced up, “Oh, it’s my phone.”

“Phone?”

He held it up for her to look at, “Just think of it as a useful device that can do a lot of different things.”

“Ooh,” Ruby leaned in closer, looking at the strange letters and drawings displayed on the screen.

Dinky trotted up to Parody, “So, what are you working on?”

“Well, since my hot tub idea fell through, I figured I should do something else with the basement; I’m thinking about turning it into a lab or something.”

“A lab?” Ruby looked up at him.

“Yeah,” Parody nodded, “I figure it’s a bit harder to blow out the walls of an underground bunker.”

Dinky glanced between Parody’s phone and the toys on the ground, “Should we do something else?”

Parody shrugged, “If you want.”

Dinky thought to herself for a moment before perking up, “Ooh, I know!” She darted over to her closet, “We can play a board game. That should be fun!”

“Really?” Parody slid his phone into his pocket, “Sounds counterintuitive.”

Ruby tilted her head, “What?”

“Never mind.”

Dinky trotted out of the closet, holding a box labeled Mareopoly.

Parody smirked, “Ah, Monopoly. A classic friendship breaker.”

Dinky and Ruby shot each other an unsure look, “…‘Friendship breaker’?”

“Yep,” Parody nodded, “While it could never compare to the likes of Mario Party and Mario Kart, Monopoly has earned its place as a friendship crushing game.”

“Uh…”

“Go ahead: set it up, and get ready to join the list of people that hate me; I’m a savvy businessman, after all.”

Amethyst’s ear twitched. She looked up from her book and watched Parody stomp down the stairs.

“Can’t believe I’m first out… Yeah yeah, I get it.” He plopped down on the couch next to Amethyst.

Amethyst watched as Parody’s pout slowly morphed into a look of amusement and he started laughing under his breath. He seemed calm; far calmer than she would be given what happened earlier. She shot him an unsure look, “You’re weird. You know that, right?”

“I do,” he smirked, “May I ask what brought this on?”

As Amethyst struggled to find words, she glanced at Parody’s face. “That!” She pointed at him, “Are you ever not smiling?”

Parody pouted.

“That’s not what I meant!”

Parody’s mouth pulled into a cheeky grin, “I like to find amusement in life. What’s wrong with that?”

Amethyst sputtered for a moment, before giving him a fierce look, “You almost died today! Doesn’t that concern you?!”

He shrugged, “No, not really.”

“Why? How does that not worry you?”

Parody smirked, “Couple reasons, but it’s like you said: I almost died. As in, I didn’t. What’s there to worry about?”

“What if you had?”

Parody laughed, “Then I probably would’ve been pretty late showing up, huh?”

Amethyst glared at him, “Is this just a joke to you?”

Parody quirked his brow, “Did you expect anything else?”

“What about Dinky?! How do you think she’d react if you died?”

There was no change in expression. “Probably pretty poorly.”

Amethyst’s glare softened, “She cares about you, you know? We all do. You’re part of the family.”

Parody’s mouth twitched. Sighing, he raised his hands in surrender, “Fine. Fine.” His mouth pulled into a soft smile, “You worry too much. You know that, right?”

Amethyst scoffed, “I don’t think I worry enough. Just… promise me you’ll be careful.”

Parody gave her a wry smirk, “You overestimate how much control I have over my own life.”

She shook her head, “I’m not asking you to control everything. Nopony can.”

“Oh, I know. I’m just saying that most people at least get to roll their own dice.”

Amethyst shook her head and stared Parody in the eyes, “Can you promise me you’ll be more careful?”

“I only promise to try.”

Amethyst glared, “Pinkie Promise me you’ll be careful.”

Parody laughed, “I’d rather not. To be honest, the idea of a pissed off Pinkie following me into the next life terrifies me.”

The glare didn’t drop.

Parody held up his hands, “Look, I’m just saying: If experience has taught me anything, it’s that trying not to die usually doesn’t stop it from happening anyway.”

Amethyst opened her mouth to speak.

Parody held up a hand to cut her off, “Amethyst, I’ll be fine. Trust me.” He smirked, “And lighten up. Life’s so much more boring if you spend it worrying about everything all the time.”

With a sullen sigh, Amethyst turned away to stare forward, lost in thought.

After a couple minutes of silence, Parody leaned over to look at the book in front of Amethyst. “So, whatcha readin’, anyway?”

“Huh? Oh,” she lifted the book to show Parody the cover of Daring Do and the Sapphire Stone. “I’m reading through the Daring Do series again.”

“Daring Do, huh?” Parody sat back, arms folded, “I’ve heard of that. It any good?”

“I think so,” Amethyst nodded, “It’s about a pegasus adventurer that searches for lost artifacts in ancient temples and fights bad guys along the way.”

“Dungeon crawling,” Parody grinned, “That’s always fun. Hey, are there actually any places like that in Equestria?”

“Why? Wanting to go dungeon crawling yourself?”

Parody nodded, “First chance I get.”

Amethyst just gave her head an exasperated shake, “Well, if you do… just, try not to get yourself killed.”

Parody smirked.

“Parody!” Dinky called from the stairs, “We finished playing Mareopoly!”

He turned to face her, “Who won?!”

Ruby’s grumbling could be heard over Dinky’s declaration of “I did!”

Parody gave Amethyst a grin, “A vicious business mare, that one.” He got up from the couch and, with a backwards half-wave to Amethyst, made his way up the stairs.

Entering the room, the three of them sat down on the floor. After a bit of silence, Parody glanced at Dinky.

“So, what now?”

“Um, hold on,” Dinky got up and darted over to a small bookshelf and retrieved a book: Slumber 101: All You’ve Ever Wanted to Know About Slumber Parties but Were Afraid to Ask. Sitting back down, Dinky started to flip through the book. “Ooh! Let’s play Truth or Dare!”

“Okay!”

“Works for me.”

Dinky nodded, “Okay, I’ll go first. Ruby, truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

Dinky grinned, “I dare you to stand on your front hooves for thirty seconds.”

Letting out a sigh, Ruby got to her hooves. After a moment to prepare herself, she shifted her weight onto her forelegs and lifted her hind legs into the air. Wobbling, she started counting in her head. At 28 seconds, she pitched forward too far and started to fall.

“Waugh!” Ruby tumbled forward into an outstretched arm. She turned to look at Parody, who had leaned forward to catch her before she hit the ground.

“You good?” He asked.

“Yeah, thanks.”

“’Kay.” Suddenly his grip tightened, and before Ruby could blink, she was lifted up and thrown across the room with a “Whoop!”

“Yaauugh!” Ruby screamed, legs flailing as she flew through the air, before landing on Dinky’s bed with a poff. Heart pounding, she bolted upright with a startled gasp and glared at Parody, who had doubled over in laughter. After letting her breathing even out, she spoke, “Alright, since you think it’s so funny: Parody, truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

Ruby pointed at him, “You stand on your forelegs for thirty seconds.”

“Okay,” Parody shrugged and got to his feet. Once upright, he crossed his arms and began counting. “One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi-”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m standing on my legs,” he gestured downward, “I’ve only got the two.”

Ruby puffed out her cheeks, “That’s not what I meant!”

Parody’s eyes widened in mock surprise, “Oh, you meant a handstand?” He held up his hands for emphasis.

“Yeah, that.” Ruby nodded.

He shrugged, “Okay.” Crouching down, Parody placed his hands on the floor before lifting his legs into the air. Dinky and Ruby watched as Parody’s feet rose higher and higher until they were pressed flat against the ceiling.

Realizing that having his feet against the ceiling would help Parody balance, Ruby pouted, “That’s not fair.”

“Life’s not fair; deal with it.”

Ruby continued to pout as Parody easily held his balance. After the required 30 seconds had passed, Parody decided to be showy and started to walk forward on his hands. He made it about four steps before his hands slipped out from under him, causing him to slam face-first into the ground before crumpling into a heap.

“Parody!” Both fillies gasped and rushed forward.

“Ugh…” With his face still pressed into the floor, Parody’s voice was muffled, “… Did I look cool?”

Ruby and Dinky glanced at each other before looking down at Parody.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Parody rolled over to lay splayed out on his back. He leaned his head back to look at Dinky. “Hey, Dinky, truth or dare?”

Dinky frowned lightly, “I don’t want to stand on my forelegs. Truth.”

“Perfect,” Parody smirked, “Do you have a crush?”

As images of a pinto pony flashed through her mind, Dinky’s face lit up red.

“Ha! That would be a ‘yes’.” Parody sat upright and turned around to give Dinky a malicious grin, “Well, I know what I’m asking next time.”

“E-erm,” fighting her blush, Dinky stammered, “Ruby, truth or dare?”

“Uh,” Ruby shot a glance at Parody, “… Dare.”

Dinky lifted a hoof to her chin in thought. “Chase your tail like a dog and try to catch it.”

Ruby slumped, “Really? Ugh…” She stood up and started spinning, running around in a tight circle. She made a couple bites at her tail, but her circles quickly became wobbly and unstable as she got dizzy. Eventually she tripped over Parody’s legs and tumbled into his lap.

Parody glanced down, “You alright?”

Ruby nodded woozily, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Good to hear,” Suddenly he clasped his hands around her barrel, “Alley-oop!”

Again, Ruby screamed as she was flung across the room onto Dinky’s bed.

As Parody and Dinky laughed, Ruby clambered upright. She shot Parody something between a glare and a pout, “Parody, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

Ruby grinned vindictively, “What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done at work?”

Parody furrowed his brow and frowned lightly in thought, “… Define ‘embarrassing’.”

“Uh,” Ruby gave him an unsure look, “Things that make you feel embarrassed?”

Smirking, Parody quirked his brow before chuckling, “Well, I don’t know about embarrassing, but I’ve done plenty of stupid things. One time, back at Perish Co, I stuck my arm in a blast furnace.”

The fillies cringed back. “Why?!”

Parody shrugged, “Reflex. Wasn’t really paying attention. Accidentally dropped something inside and absent-mindedly reached in after it.”

“… Wasn’t it really hot?” Dinky asked.

“Oh yeah. Didn’t feel great.”

Ruby and Dinky gave each other uncertain looks.

“Anyway, you’re up, Dinky. Truth or dare?”

Dinky winced.

Well, I know what I’m asking next time.

“… Dare.”

Parody smirked wickedly, “Go jump on Amethyst’s bed.”

“What?!”

“For thirty seconds.”

Dinky gaped, “But she’ll be so mad.”

“Then you’d better not get caught.”

Dinky wilted, ears pressed to her head, “…Do I have to?”

Parody shrugged, “I mean, no, but you’re out if you don’t.”

With a groan, Dinky got up and made her way to the door. Silently, she nudged her door open and peered out into the hall. No sign of Amethyst. As quietly as she could, Dinky crept out into the hall and towards Amethyst’s room, casting nervous glances over her shoulder the entire way.

Once at her objective, Dinky pressed her ear to the door. Amethyst was downstairs, of course, but you could never be too careful; there were spells like teleport after all.

Amethyst didn’t know any of them, of course, but still…

After confirming that the room was indeed empty, Dinky slowly opened the door and slipped in. Aside from a few papers scattered across a desk, everything in the room was neat and tidy, as one would expect from the former best organizer in Ponyville.

She approached the meticulously made bed. The sheets were pulled taut, the blankets were neatly folded, and the pillow was fluffed up. The surface was smooth, not a single wrinkle could be found. Dinky gulped.

She was so going to be in trouble for this.

With a little hop, Dinky clambered onto the bed, twisting and wrinkling the covers as she made her way to the center of the mattress. Once there, she let out a breath and took a moment to compose herself. With that out of the way, she started jumping.

Bounce

Bounce

It felt…

Bounce

Bounce

… Amazing.

Bounce

Bounce

The pristineness of the bed made it all the more bouncy. The meticulously made covers added just a bit of extra bounce that made all the difference. Dinky had never had this much fun jumping on her own bed. Her mind began to drift as she basked in bouncy bliss. She really needed to do this more often, Amethyst’s bed was just so much better than-

She froze as the reality of what she was doing suddenly came back to her. Her locked legs unable to catch her properly, Dinky tumbled into a heap on the now thoroughly ruined bed. She glanced around in horror.

“She’s gonna be so mad.”

Frantically, Dinky threw herself off the bed, but the damage was already done. The sheets were twisted and tangled, the covers half hanging off the bed, and there were small indents where Dinky’s hooves landed as she was bouncing. Panicking, Dinky’s horn lit up as she tried to fix the bed, or at least get it looking even remotely like it once did, before scampering out of the room.

Once in the hall, Dinky had to stop herself from slamming the door shut. She let out a sigh of relief before jolting upright suddenly. She glanced around nervously to check the hall. No sign of Amethyst. Good.

Dinky made her way back into her room, “Alright, there, I- EEP!”

Hiding just inside the room, Parody suddenly grabbed Dinky and hoisted her above his head before throwing her.

“Eeeek!” Dinky screamed as she flew through the air.

Laughing, Ruby and Parody watched as Dinky landed on her bed with a soft poff.

Heart still racing, Dinky glared at him. “… Parody, truth or dare?”

Parody smirked, “I ain’t afraid. Dare.”

A wide, vindictive smile pulled its way across Dinky’s face as she puffed up triumphantly. If he was going to get her in trouble with a dare, she would do the same. “Go steal a cookie from the cookie jar.”

Ruby gasped.

Parody snorted, “Easy.”

Dinky shook her head, “Don’t be so sure. You’ll have to get past Amethyst. I’ve never been able to sneak past her.”

Parody stood up with a little smile, “Then allow me to demonstrate my superior stealth capabilities.”

“Hey, Amethyst,” Parody gave her a nod as he casually walked by.

“Hey, Parody. What’s up?” Amethyst glanced up from her book.

“Eh, snack run,” Parody shrugged as he made his way into the kitchen.

“Hmm,” Amethyst nodded as she turned back to her book. As she read, gentle clinking sounds began to drift from the kitchen. She blinked, ears flicking to catch the sound, as she processed what she was hearing. “… Hey, wait!” She tossed her book down and bolted into the kitchen.

Parody stood there, staring at her with wide eyes. He had the cookie jar in one hand pulled to his chest, and was reaching inside with the other. He smiled, “…Hi.”

Amethyst scowled, “Are you stealing cookies from the cookie jar?!”

Parody’s eyes lit up with amusement, “Who me?”

“Yes you!”

“Couldn’t be.”

Amethyst glared at him, brow furrowing, “…”

“…”

“…”

Parody coughed, “You’re supposed to say ‘then who?’”

“Parody.”

“Yeah?”

“Put the cookie jar back.”

“’Kay.”

Parody reached up and placed the cookie jar back on the top shelf, then turned to leave. As he walked past Amethyst, he held up his hands and shook them to show they were empty.

Amethyst watched him walk upstairs and out of view before shaking her head and rolling her eyes. She made her way back to the couch.

“… Ponyfeathers! My page creased!”

Dinky wore the smuggest look as Parody walked in the door empty handed. “Did she catch you?”

Parody nodded, “Yeah, she made me put the cookie jar back.” He paused a moment, before his mouth pulled up into a smirk, “But she didn’t say anything about the cookies inside the jar.” He pulled out three cookies from underneath his cape and held them up.

“Wow…”

“You actually did it.”

Both fillies reached out to grab a cookie.

Parody pulled his hand back and popped one of the cookies into his mouth. “Mmm, these are pretty good.”

“Hey!”

“Wha-?”

Parody laughed and held the cookies above his head, “Hey, you said I had to steal cookies from the cookie jar. At no point did you say I had to give ‘em to you.”

Both fillies pouted.

“Besides,” holding his arms out haughtily, he continued, “I get the feeling that you guys thought I couldn’t do it. Now, bow before my superior ability, and I just might consider giving you a cookie.”

Dinky gave him a pleading look, “Can we please have some?”

Parody pursed his lips. “… Fine,” he gave in and passed the remaining cookies to the two fillies and sat down. “Ruby, you’re up. Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

Parody grinned, “Are you ticklish?”

Ruby froze, “… N-no?”

“Hey now, no lying.”

“I’m not!”

“In that case,” Parody stood up, “You won’t mind if I double check.”

Alarmed, Ruby began scrambling back. “W-wait! There’s no need- Stop! Wait, please!” Upon backing into the wall, Ruby gave in, “Alright, fine! I’m ticklish! I’m ticklish!”

Smiling, Parody leaned in close, “Good to know.” He gave her side a quick poke before returning to his seat.

Ruby glared at Parody and began think of all sorts of nasty dares for him to do as she returned to her seat, “Parody, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

Ruby faltered in her step. Truth? With all her dare ideas now useless, Ruby began racking her brain for any good questions to ask, but it was difficult. As much as she wanted ask him embarrassing questions, the way he answered her previous question made it seem like that would be a lost cause. Was there anything that she really wanted to know about him? The more she thought about it, the more she thought back to the day he came into school…

She knew what she wanted to ask.

Ruby gave a hesitant frown before looking up at him, “Parody… Does Arkus really hate you?”

Parody blinked, and then let a soft smile pull its way across his face, “Man, that really bothers you, doesn’t it?” At Ruby’s nod, he let out a soft chuckle, “Yes, he hates me. There’s a long list of people Arkus hates, but I’m easily in the top twenty. Top ten’s pushing it.”

Both fillies gave him a disbelieving look.

He laughed and shook his head, “Trust me: I earned my place on that list.”

Dinky shook her head, “But, you’re so nice! What could you have possibly done to make him hate you so much?”

Parody went silent, his mouth tightened into a frown. He worked his mouth for a little bit before sighing, his expression carefully neutral. “You ever do something that made a lot of people mad at you?”

The fillies were silent for a moment, before nodding.

“Yeah,” Ruby’s voice was soft, “My mom always told me that wine was an adult drink, and… I guess I just didn’t want to be treated like a foal. One night I broke into where she stored her wine and drank a bottle.” She paused, “I don’t really remember what happened after that, but apparently I broke almost everything in that room. I remember waking up in the hospital, and Mom was mad. Really mad.” She shivered slightly before shaking her head, “I’d never seen her that mad before. I was scared, but Doctor Horse told me that Mom was mad because she was even more scared. I was cut up pretty badly from broken glass, but they told me it could have been a lot worse.”

Dinky nodded, “I was staying over at Time Turner’s while my mom was away. He was working on something, and he told me not to touch anything, but I couldn’t help myself; I was too curious. I don’t know what it was that I broke, but I’d never heard him yell that loudly before.” She shook her head, “It was a long time before I was allowed back to his house, and it was even longer before I was willing to.”

The foals turned to Parody.

His expression remained neutral, “… It was an accident; negligence on our part, but of all the horrible things I’ve ever done, that was the worst.”

Ruby tilted her head, “What happened?”

Parody shook his head softly, “It’s better you don’t know.”

Dinky looked up at him, “Well, did you say you were sorry?”

“Sorry doesn’t fix everything.”

Dinky nodded, “I know, but… Mom always says that even if they don’t forgive you, you should always say sorry.”

Parody slumped forward with a long sigh, before looking at Dinky, a sad smile on his face. “I wish I could. I really do.”

The room was silent for a few minutes.

Parody snorted, before sitting upright with a smirk, “Well, with that mood killer, we should probably move on. What else is in that book?”

“Uh,” Dinky picked up Slumber 101 and flipped through the pages, “We could tell scary stories.”

Parody snerked, “Yeah, that’ll help.”

Ignoring him, Dinky got up and trotted over to her bookshelf to grab another book. Once back in her seat, Dinky opened the book and flipped through the pages. When she found what she was looking for, she rubbed her hooves together and grinned evilly. “Okay, I’ve got a story. It’s called: The Legend of the Headless Horse…”

“Bkwwwgh!”

Dinky gave Parody an odd look as he attempted to mimic lightning.

He shrugged, “Thought I’d add to the ambience.”

Shaking her head, Dinky returned to her story. “It was a dark and stormy night, just like this one.”

Parody glanced out the window at the clearly visible twilight sky, “But it’s not.”

Dinky grumbled a bit and rolled her eyes, “It was a clear, twilit evening, just like this one, and three ponies were having a slumber party, just like-”

“I’m not a-”

“Parody!” Dinky pouted, “I’m telling a story!”

“… Sorry.”

Dinky cleared her throat, “Three ponies were having a slumber party, just like this one…”

“… And just when the last pony thought she was safe… There, standing right behind her, just inches away was… The Headless Horse!”

“Yeeeek!”

As Dinky dramatically flailed her hooves to end the story, Ruby screeched and clung to Parody, who remained unfazed.

Settling down, Dinky grinned, though it was a little shaky. The story was just as scary to her as well. “Well, was it scary?”

Ruby nodded into Parody’s side.

Parody shrugged, “Eh, I’ve dealt with worse.”

“Worse?” Ruby asked shakily.

“Yeah, way worse. There’s plenty of things out there that are scarier than a mere headless horse. Like Fluora, she’s terrifying,” Parody shuddered. “Other monsters too.”

Ruby looked up at him, “H-how do you deal with that?”

“I dunno. Punch it in the face?”

“But, you can’t punch a headless horse in the face…”

Parody snorted indignantly, “You think I can’t?”

“Hmmph,” Dinky gave Parody a little glare, “Alright, well if you’re such an expert, you tell a scary story.”

Parody’s mouth pulled into a wild smirk, “You know not what you ask for.”

“Do you have something in mind?”

“Plenty,” he leaned back, “but what to tell...” Parody sat in thoughtful silence for a little bit before wincing. After a moment, he relaxed and let out a sigh. “… Yeah, I guess that works,” he muttered to himself before perking up, mouth pulling into a smirk. “Alright, how ‘bout I tell you the story of the Pumpkin Marauder.”

Dinky tilted her head, “That sounds silly.”

Parody snorted, mouth curling into an even wider smirk, “Oh, don’t let the name fool you, there is no silliness to be found in this tale. This story begins with a young man who had just lost everything. Barring a scant few friends, everyone he had ever loved was now forever out of his reach. Now, some people deal with grief in healthy ways. Others… Not so much. And while his friends leaned on each other for support, he secluded himself away; alone with his grief.”

Dinky frowned, “But, Mom always told me that friends help make that kind of hurt go away.”
Parody nodded, “She’d be right. While his friends healed, he grew worse; grief overcoming his heart. And when they tried to help him, he pushed them away, claiming he wished to be left alone. And while solitude is what he desired, they knew it wasn’t what he needed, so his friends never gave up trying.”

Ruby looked up at Parody, “Were they able to help?”

He shook his head solemnly, “He ran. If they wouldn’t leave him alone, he’d leave them behind. If they wouldn’t respect his wishes, then clearly they weren’t his friends.”

The fillies wilted. “But… they just wanted to help.”

Parody gave a light shrug, “He didn’t see it that way. His grieving heart clouded his mind, twisting his perception of the world around him. And it only got worse from there.

“Out in the world, he regarded everyone around him with deep suspicion and distrust. Even a simple greeting was taken as an invasion, an attack. So he pushed them away too. And when they didn’t stay away, he pushed back violently. As time went on, he kept getting worse, growing more violent as he lashed out at those who approached him. Eventually, on a distant farm, he picked up a scythe and cut down the family that had invited him in for the night, killing them.”

The fillies looked horrified, ears pressed to their skulls.

Parody glanced to the side before looking back at them, solemn look on his face. “Psychosis is a dangerous thing. You become detached from reality, and it leaves you chasing false rationale. Mothers have cast out their children, believing them to be fake. Gentle lovers become violent and accusatory, their minds full of twisted suspicion…

“And as the once gentle, empathetic soul looked down at the bodies at his feet, something clicked.”

Parody paused for a moment, glancing upward in thought, “Hang on.” He started to stand up. Once he was upright, he suddenly hunched forward, posture unstable. His breathing became haggard, chest heaving, and his movements were twitchy as he stared down at the fillies with manic desperation on his face.

Everything about him had the hairs on their necks standing up as they were filled with unease.

Soft, desperate laughter began to escape his mouth, “… You’re dead… you can’t bother me anymore…” The laughter picked up in volume as it became more erratic. “… That’s the solution, isn’t it?” As the laughter grew wild, Parody stood straight, manic glean in his eyes as he held his arms out. “I finally figured it out!” The laughter grew unhinged for a moment before he suddenly hunched forward, his eyes wild and desperate, his voice a whisper. “You can’t bother me anymore.” He collapsed to his knees, chest heaving, his broken laughter indistinguishable from sobs.

Amethyst barged into the room, “What the Hay is going on in here?!”

Parody’s posture immediately straightened, and he turned around to look at Amethyst with a light smile on his face, “Nothing. We’re just telling scary stories.”

Amethyst gave him an unsure look before shaking her head, “Whatever. Just do it quieter, okay?”

“Got it.”

After Amethyst closed the door, Parody turned back around and noticed that Ruby and Dinky had scooted back as far as they could, clutching each other in their hooves. He smiled, “Not a fan of the acting?”

Ruby found her voice, “… That’s horrible!”

Parody frowned playfully, “Really? I always thought I was a pretty good actor.”

She shook her head, “Not that, the story!”

Dinky nodded, shivering slightly, “That’s an awful ending.”

Parody shook his head, “Story’s not done.”

“What?!”

“It’s not?!”

“Not yet. Even though he had found a… ‘Solution’ for dealing with those that bothered him, he wasn’t done trying to hide away. He still just wanted to be left alone, and his mind had twisted to the point that he believed that all these strangers were after him personally. So, he tried to hide his face, believing that if no one knew who he was, they’d leave him alone.”

Dinky’s face screwed up in thought, “I guess that makes sense.”

A wry smile crossed Parody’s lips, “In theory, it’s seems like a sound idea. But in execution… He carved up a pumpkin with the scythe and put it on his head.”

Ruby furrowed her brow, “… But, wouldn’t that draw more attention?”

Parody nodded, “Unfortunately for everyone around him, a bloodstained man carrying a scythe and wearing a pumpkin is quite the attention grabber. His efforts to hide himself away only served to draw even more attention, which made everything worse. He began to lash out at anyone that dared speak in his presence, and as people refused to leave him alone, he came to the conclusion that their interference was an inevitability, and began to take… ‘Pre-emptive measures’; attacking everyone, regardless if they were bothering him or not.”

Dinky and Ruby sat back, horror written on their faces.

Parody continued, “His friends did eventually catch up to him. They wanted their friend back. But when they caught up, all they could do was stare in horror at the thing that wore their friend’s face. They tried to stop it. Whatever it was behind those eyes, it wasn’t their friend. Not anymore. It had to be stopped.

“At first, it seemed like a futile effort…”

“But?”

Parody let out a soft sigh, “This all started because grief tore at its mind. That never stopped. It tore and tore and tore until there was nothing left to tear. Under the strain, its mind shattered, its personality collapsed, and it fell into a coma. Their friend would never wake again.

“And that is the origin of the Pumpkin Marauder.”

It was silent for a moment.

“That-that’s awful!”

“How could something like that happen?!”

Parody smirked, chuckling under his breath, “Some say it’s still out there, with a manic laugh and a voice like crackling fire, striking down those that dare meet its eyes.”

Ruby gulped, “D-do you think it’ll come here?”

Parody huffed, an annoyed look crossing his face, “God, he’d better not. I’m no mood to deal with him.”

A pause.

“Wait! You mean it’s real?!”

Parody rolled his eyes, “Yeah. Unfortunately. To my eternal frustration, I’m the only person Marauder talks to. With everyone else, he’s all slashy slashy burny burny,” he scoffed, “It’s annoying.”

Dinky gaped, “Annoying?! You mean you’d rather-?!”

Parody held up a hand, “If you were in my position you’d understand. Anyway, what’d you guys think? Like the story?”

“No!” Dinky shook her head, “That was horrible!”

Parody shrugged, “Well, you asked for it.”

“What?!”

Parody smirked, “‘well if you’re such an expert, you tell a scary story.’”

Dinky frowned.

Parody perked up and clasped his hands together, “So, who’s up for another one? Wanna hear about the Monster Unicorn?”

His question was met with vigorous head shaking.

“You sure? It’s heart wrenching tale of bitterness and rage, hate and revenge.”

More head shaking.

“How about the shape shifter Amalga? Don’t worry, this one’s dead; Monster Unicorn got ‘em.”

Ruby collapsed forward and buried her head under her hooves, “No! No more scary stories!”

Parody smiled, “Alright, alright, no more scary. Hmm,” he place a hand on his chin as he thought. Suddenly he perked up, “Ah. How about a story about alien robot ponies that fight to protect Equestria?”

Ruby looked up, “Like Defender Shield?”

“Like Defender Shield.”

Ruby and Dinky glanced at each other before nodding eagerly. Anything was better than what they just heard.

“Alright, now for a trip back in time. Thousands of years ago, a spaceship arrived in orbit above the planet. The aliens aboard were proud and selfish, looking down on those they believed to be lesser species. But, as they gazed upon Equestria, their hearts melted, and they couldn’t help falling in love with ponykind. However, it was an era of monsters, and the future of ponykind was uncertain. The aliens wanted to help, wanted to step in, but they knew they couldn’t stay forever. So they decided that, in their place, they would build guardians…”

The air was still. The only sound being that of gentle breathing; the turn of a page. Amethyst sat curled on the couch, reading in silence. She let out a content sigh as she turned another page. There was nothing better than reading in silence…

Her precious silence was ruined as three figures came tumbling into the living room.

Staggering upright, Parody puffed out his chest and called out in a haughty voice, “Foolish ponies! You are naught but insects before my might! It was a mistake to challenge me.”

Dinky struck a pose and pointed at him, “Your reign of terror is over, Monster King!”

“Is it?”

Ruby posed next to Dinky, “We won’t let you harm Equestria any longer!”

Parody threw his head back and let out a deep laugh, “Well then, you’ll just have to stop me, won’t you? My children! Destroy them!”

As Parody threw his arms out, Dinky and Ruby started looking around and doing battle with imaginary opponents. Dinky was darting around in jagged lines, throwing the occasional kick at an invisible foe. Ruby was dancing around in circles, sticking her legs out and going “pew!” Parody crossed his arms and watched with a cocky smirk.

After a couple minutes, he let out a dark chuckle, “I suppose I underestimated you six. I’m impressed. But don’t think that means you can beat me, this just means I get to join the fight.”

Parody stepped forward to join the imaginary battle. Ruby switched targets, dancing around in circles, occasionally pointing at Parody and going “pew!” Dinky darted jaggedly under and around Parody’s slow, exaggerated strikes and batted at his legs before darting away.

This went on for a minute before Parody stood upright with a deep laugh, “I was wrong; you are quite formidable. But I grow weary of fighting. Keep your land; I’ll return another time.” With that, he walked out of the room.

“And stay out of Equestria!” Dinky called after him.

Once Parody was out of the room, Dinky and Ruby collapsed into giggles, which prompted Parody to walk back in, chuckling under his breath.

Amethyst tilted her head, “What was that all about?”

Parody grinned, “We were playing Sentinels.”

“‘Sentinels?’”

Dinky bolted upright, “Ooh! You need to tell her the story!”

“Another time.”

Amethyst smiled, “Well, it looks like you were having fun.”

“That we were,” Parody nodded, before looking down at Dinky, “So, what now?”

“Uh,” Dinky tilted her head, lifting a hoof to her chin, “I’ve got a bunch of paper and some pencils and crayons in my room. We could draw?”

“That sounds fun; let’s go!”

Amethyst watched with a gentle smile as the three walked back upstairs, chattering excitedly about what they would draw, before shaking her head and looking down at her book… which was no longer on the couch where she set it.

Blinking, Amethyst leaned over to look on the floor where the book had slid – pages down - while she was watching the action. Heart full of dread, she picked up the book and flipped it over to look at all the creased and folded pages.

“Buck!”

Music flitted about the room, accompanied by the sound of writing utensils scratching against paper. Dinky sat curled up next to her bed, drawing a picture of a red pegasus flying across the sky like a jagged red lightning bolt. Ruby sat to her side drawing a picture of an orange earth pony shooting blue beams of light out of its hooves.

Dinky glanced over at Parody as he reached over to tap his phone to change the song that was playing. It appeared that he had drawn a bunch of cartoons of himself. She leaned in to get a closer look. “… What’s up with your hair?”

He turned to her, brow raised, “What?”

She pointed at the page, “It doesn’t really look like you.”

“What?! You can clearly tell that that’s me!”

“Yeah, but…”

Ruby leaned over, “Your hair doesn’t stick out like that, though. It hangs down more.”

Parody threw his hands in the air, “It’s a cartoon! I’ve always drawn it that way!” He folded his arms and looked away, pouting, causing both fillies to giggle.

While Ruby went back to coloring her picture in, Dinky took a closer look at Parody’s cartoons. The first one was a picture of both her and Ruby riding on Parody’s back, with him pointing forward dramatically. Dinky smiled. The next one-

Dinky cringed. The next cartoon was a picture of Parody, twisted and mangled, splatted face first into the ground with a caption that read “parodyman64 hit the ground too hard”.

She looked up at him, “Why?”

Parody shrugged, “It’s funny.”

“How is that funny?”

“It looks silly, and it’s funny to think about the circumstances leading up to it.”

Dinky gave him an uncertain look. He seemed far too amused at a picture of himself severely injured. She shook her head and turned back to the other cartoons he’d drawn. There was a picture of him shouting about having a banana, one of him upside down in a chair, and one of him with wings leaping off a cliff. The picture was captioned “Moments before Parody realized he had no idea how to fly.” Dinky started to giggle, before she glanced back at the drawing of Parody splattered into the ground.

It looks silly, and it’s funny to think about the circumstances leading up to it.

Dinky frowned and looked up, “Parody, are you afraid of heights?”

“No, why?” Parody glanced over at what she was looking at. He laughed, a knowing smiled crossing his face, “Are there even any cliffs near Ponyville?”

“Princess Twilight mentioned something about the Everfree Forest being weird; there might be some in there. Also there’s the Ghastly Gorge.”

Parody waved her off with a smile, “Alright, don’t worry. I promise I’ll be careful to not fall off any cliffs.”

“Hmph. You’d better.” Dink turned away and started to finish coloring her picture in.

Once she was done with her drawing, Ruby glanced over at Dinky’s, giving her a few compliments, before leaning over to look at Parody’s cartoons. Dinky tuned out their voices until she was done coloring, and then looked up at the others. Ruby’s face was screwed up slightly as she looked between two of Parody’s drawings, and Parody was sitting back working on his phone again.

Shaking her head, Ruby pushed the cartoons away and looked up at Dinky, “Are you done?”

She nodded, “Yeah.”

“What do you wanna do now?”

Dinky tapped her chin in thought, and happened to glance at her makeup box on her desk. Grinning evilly, she nodded at the box. Ruby glanced over, and the same grin wormed its way onto her face.

Dinky turned to her soon-to-be victim, “Hey, Parody, we’re gonna do makeovers now, and you-”

“Okay,” Parody clicked off his phone and put it away, “Who’s first?”

Dinky faltered a moment. Not the response she expected. Still… “You are.”

“Alright,” he shrugged, “Lay it on me.”

While Ruby giggled, Dinky pouted, “You’re not supposed to look forward to this.”

Parody furrowed his brow, “Why not?”

“You’re a colt! Colts don’t like makeovers!”

“Who told you that?”

Dinky sputtered, “Th-they just don’t, okay?”

Parody shrugged, “Well, this one does. So get to it; I wanna be the prettiest unicorn.”

Ruby giggled, “But you’re not a unicorn.”

Raising his brow as if to challenge her, Parody leaned forward to pick up a spare piece of paper, rolled it up to a point, and held it against his head. “There.”

All three of them broke into fits of laughter.

As the giggles died down, Ruby went to fetch the makeup box, while Dinky started digging around her jewelry box. After sifting through her collection of bracelets and necklaces, she looked up at Parody, “I don’t think I have anything that fits you.”

“Eh, that’s fine; I’ve got some bling of my own.” He held up his left hand, displaying the ring on his middle finger.

Dinky tilted her head, “How long have you had that?”

“Whole time.”

“Huh. I never noticed.”

Parody smiled, “Well, that’s because, unlike Ms. Heartstrings, you actually look me in the eyes when you’re talking to me.” He pulled the ring off his finger and held it out, “Here, you can take a look.”

Dinky picked it up in her magic and began to look it over.

Ruby trotted over and set the makeup box down, “It’s real pretty.”

Dinky nodded.

It was a silver ring with a blue gem. The metal around the gem was shaped in a way that reminded her of swirling wind. There were also inscriptions around the gem, but she wasn’t able to read it.

“The Rending Gale Ring,” Parody said, “Ancient novacreon artifact. I got it from… somewhere…” his face screwed up in thought, before laughing gently, “Huh, I’ve had it for so long I don’t even remember where I got it.”

Ruby glanced his way, “Really?”

Parody shrugged, “It happens. Can’t remember everything.”

Dinky passed the ring back, and he slipped it back onto his finger.

Parody looked at the two fillies, “Skipping the jewelry for now, how we doin’ this?”

Dinky thought to herself for a moment, before glancing at Ruby, “Hmm. Ruby, you put on the makeup. I’m gonna braid his hair.”

Ruby nodded and picked up the makeup case. Parody shrugged and used his fingers to comb his hair back so nothing was hanging forward. Picking up a brush in her magic, Ruby half climbed into Parody’s lap and started applying makeup to his face.

Dinky grabbed a brush and started brushing Parody’s hair. Once she was sure it was smoothed out, she began to braid it. The room was silent except for the occasional short giggle from Ruby or Dinky.

As Dinky worked her way down Parody’s hair, she noticed light reflecting off of something on Parody’s neck underneath his hair. She lifted his hair up and looked closer, and was surprised to see something metal embedded in his neck. She frowned lightly and tilted her head, “What’s that?”

“What’s what?”

“This… metal.” Dinky reached out and poked it.

Parody tensed for a moment, “Careful, that’s my AI port.”

Dinky furrowed her brow, “… A… I port?”

“Okay, I guess it’s technically called a neural interface, but I don’t think that means anything to you.”

“Neu… what?”

“Here,” Parody brushed his hair to the side and pulled a glowing card out of the metal in his neck. He held it up in the light, “This is Indicium, my AI companion. Think of him as a second person that lives inside my head.”

Both fillies leaned in closer.

“You have another pony in your head?”

“That’s so cool!”

“Yeah, he helps keep me organized and stuff.” Parody twisted to the side so both Ruby and Dinky could see the back of his neck. He pointed at the embedded metal, “This is a neural interface. Basically, it lets me control certain machines with my mind.”

Parody tapped next to a thin metal slot in the middle of the interface, “This slot is my AI port. It’s where I keep Indicium,” he plugged the card back in, “Indicium says ‘hello’ by the way.”

Ruby leaned in next to the interface, “Hi!”

Parody winced and pulled back, “Hey, no need to shout,” he tapped his ear, “We can hear you just fine.”

As Ruby tilted her head in confusion, Dinky leaned in closer, “Wow…” She reached out and poked the interface.

Parody tensed again, “Careful, that’s plugged into my brain, so try not to jostle it.”

Dinky immediately pulled back, “Sorry!”

“You’re fine,” He rubbed at his neck, “I got it pretty secure, but I’d rather not take any chances.”

“So, what does he do?” Ruby asked.

Parody shrugged, “Like I said, he helps me stay organized. He remembers things so I don’t have to. He pays attention so I don’t have to. He keeps track of things, helps me stay on schedule… Kinda acts like a second set of eyes and ears.” He paused, “A metaphorical set of eyes and ears.”

“He helps with schedules?” Ruby giggled, “Better not tell Princess Twilight.”

“Oh, I won’t.” He went silent for a moment before rolling his eyes, “Indicium would like me to clarify that if I’m ever late, that it’s my fault, not his.”

As the three of them laughed, Parody shifted back into position to let the fillies continue the makeover.

“So what’s it like?” Ruby asked while applying makeup.

“What’s what like?”

“Having another pony in your head.”

Parody shrugged, “Well, it’s like having another person in my head.”

Ruby pouted and puffed out her cheeks in annoyance.

Parody laughed, “Alright, alright.” His mouth curled into a thoughtful smile, “I suppose it’s kinda like always having my dad around to clean up my room.”

“Your dad?” Ruby tilted her head.

“Yeah, that’s who I based Indicium off of. Not really a match, but it’s better that way: Just enough fatherly attributes to be nagging, but not enough to try and take his place.” He let out a soft chuckle, “I considered basing Indicium off my mom, but…” He made a face and shook his head, “No one wants their mom in their head all the time, real or fake.”

Ruby giggled, “Yeah, I think that would drive me crazy after a while.” She glanced up, “So, Indicium, what’s it like living in somepony else’s head?”

After a moment, Parody smiled, “He says it’s cozy, that there’s plenty of- Hey!” Parody playfully glared off to the side, “Seriously?”

Both fillies started giggling.

Parody smirked, “You see what I have to put up with?”

The three of them broke into a laughing fit.

After that calmed down, Dinky returned to braiding Parody’s hair. “So how’d you get it?”

“Hm? Oh, well, being a cybernetic implant, I had to have the neural interface surgically grafted to my brain.”

Both fillies made a face.

“Wait,” Dinky said, “you mean-?”

“Yep,” Parody nodded, “They had to cut me open and plug something into my brain.”

“Ugh, that’s…” Dinky shuddered at the thought.

“What? It’s just like surgery, only instead of fixing something that’s already there, it’s adding something new. Besides, think of all the cool things I can do with it.”

“Still…”

Parody glanced over his shoulder at Dinky, “I take it you’re not a fan of augmentation?”

“Huh?” Dinky tilted her head at the unfamiliar word.

“Kinda going in and changing your body to make it better. From simple stuff like steroids to promote muscle growth, to stuff like cybernetics and advanced prostheses. The idea of modifying the body to improve it.”

Unsettled as she was, Ruby still had to ask, “How does it work?”

Parody nodded his head to the side, “Well, most of it is stuff like chemical injections or grafting machinery on. I’ve even heard of people manufacturing stuff like viruses to have beneficial effects.”

Dinky couldn’t help but cringe, “Why would anypony do that?”

Parody shrugged, “Well, some people have to. For those who’ve lost a limb, it’s nice to get a prosthetic that’s as good or better than what they lost. For those who’ve lost an eye, are blind, or have some other issues seeing can get a cybernetic replacement that’s as good or better than normal eyes. People who have muscle deficiencies, or fragile bones or any number of problems can have that fixed through various treatments that would leave them as good or better than they otherwise would have been naturally. But that’s just the thing: As good…

“Or better.

“If all these augmentations are better than what we’re born with, then why not get them? Who says you have to lose your legs in a tragic accident? Just have your legs removed to make room for the robot ones and you could run forever and never get tired. Replace your eyes with ones that could see further and in greater detail.” Parody reached back and tapped Dinky’s horn, “Get a new horn that could channel even more magic than what you can now. All that and more.”

Dinky pulled back and rubbed her leg, “Would I even still be me?” She tried to imagine it, parts of her body replaced with bulky, blocky, metal parts; wires sticking out and glowing in random places. It looked… awful.

Parody shrugged, “Say you had a wooden boat, and over the course of a year you replaced each plank one by one until you had replaced every plank, and then you assembled all the original planks into another boat: Which boat is the original boat?”

Parody turned around to look at Dinky, “I can’t answer that; it’s something you’d have to decide for yourself. That line is in a different place for everyone, if it exists at all. I’ve seen people look down on anyone who has so much as a pacemaker, and I’ve seen people who go through so many augmentations that they’re unrecognizable. Only you can decide how far is too far. Only you can decide what ‘you’ is. Is it your mind? Your body? Both? That’s up to you.

“For me, I am my mind. Do whatever you want to my body, I don’t care, just leave my mind alone or else we’re gonna have a problem.”

There was silence.

As Dinky stewed in thought, Ruby spoke up, “… So, do you have anything else besides Indicium and that neural-thingy?”

Parody shook his head, “Nope.”

“Really?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for it - I think it’s cool, but it’d be waste. I lucked out with Indicium; most augmentations don’t carry over, so I don’t bother with ‘em.”

It went silent again.

Dinky spoke up, shaking her head, “… I don’t think I could do it. Just thinking about it feels… wrong.”

“Yeah,” Ruby nodded.

Parody shrugged, “That’s fine. It’s not for everyone.”

After a couple minutes, the fillies silently went back to finishing Parody’s makeover.

“Hey,” Parody spoke up, “Thanks for inviting me the other day. I haven’t gotten to do anything like this in a long time.” He smirked, “I mean, it was little more girly than I’d have liked, but my point still stands.”

“Hold still,” Ruby frowned in concentration, “You’re messing me up.”

Parody laughed, “Right, sorry.”

Dinky finished braiding Parody’s hair and tied it off with a small bow, “You’re welcome, Parody. We had a lot of fun too. Aside from your stupid story, that is.”

Parody rolled his eyes and glanced back at her, “You asked for it.”

“Parody!”

He snapped back to facing Ruby, “Sorry, sorry.”

After putting the last touches of makeup on Parody’s face, Ruby pulled back with a nod.

“Done? Alright, how do I look?” Parody stood up and made his way over to the mirror on Dinky’s desk. He gave his reflection an appraising look. After giving himself the once-over, he turned back to face the fillies with a grin, “Gosh, I’m pretty.”

Ruby and Dinky started giggling.

Parody turned back to gaze at the mirror, “Hey there gorgeous, where ya been all my life?”

They started giggling even harder.

“It’s strange, you remind me of someone I know. Have we met before?”

There were soft thumps as the fillies collapsed to the floor in laughter.

“You know, meeting you here in this place… Destiny must have brought us together.”

Their howls of laughter did not go unnoticed.

The door creaked open as Amethyst poked her head inside, “Hey, just checking in, is everypony alr-?” Upon noticing Parody she let out a snort as her cheeks puffed up with restrained laughter.

Parody turned to face her, striking a pose and placing a hand on his chest. “Jealous, sweetie?”

Amethyst burst into laughter and collapsed against the doorframe, tears beginning to stream from her eyes.

As Amethyst laughed herself silly, Parody turned to Ruby and Dinky and held a finger up to his mouth before quietly sneaking around Amethyst. As her laughter died down into giggles, Parody suddenly latched his arms around her barrel, and she let out a scream as he hoisted her into the air, legs flailing. As the Amethyst fought to break free, Parody twisted around and fell backwards back into the room. Once on the floor, he wrestled with Amethyst until he was sitting upright with her pinned in his lap.

Parody looked up at Ruby and Dinky with a wide smirk, “Alright, she’s next! Get her!”

The fillies giggled with mischievous grins as they lifted the brush and makeup kit. Amethyst squirmed in her prison and gave Parody an angry pout before resigning to her fate.

The sound of chirping crickets filled the empty night sky, the moon shining down from its position amongst the stars. The air was cool, perfectly pleasant for nighttime flying.

With the fluttering of wings, Derpy landed in front of her house with a stumble, her weariness catching up to her. With a heavy yawn, Derpy opened the door to her house and walked inside. She looked around, blinking tears out of her eyes, and noticed that nopony was downstairs. Had everypony gone to bed already?

As she trotted towards the stairs, Derpy’s ears perked up as she heard bubbly voices spilling down from the second floor. She made her way upstairs and over to Dinky’s room and peered inside.

They were having a tea party.

Amethyst, Dinky, Ruby, and Parody were all gathered around a small table with five teacups in front of them – Parody seemed to have two – and they seemed to be dressed for the occasion. Ruby and Dinky had some light makeup on and were wearing jewelry out of Dinky’s jewelry box. Derpy had to stifle a laugh when got a better look at Amethyst; she was completely caked in makeup and looked like a mix between a clown and a mime. She looked over at Parody. The makeup on his face softened his features, and brought out the blue of his eyes. His lips were glossy, and his hair was tied into a beautiful braid.

He glanced over at her and flipped his hair over his shoulder elegantly.

“’Sup?”

She couldn’t hold it in.

Derpy burst into laughter and almost collapsed to the floor. Tears began streaming down her face as her chest heaved violently.

Parody grinned as he stood up, “Alright, washcloth, c’mere, help me clean this up.” He walked over to her and started rubbing his face into her side, wiping makeup onto her fur. The tickling sensation only made her laugh harder.

“Are you sure you’re alright sleeping on the couch?”

Derpy and Parody were downstairs in the living room. Everything had been cleaned up and the fillies had been put to bed. All that was left to take care of was Parody’s sleeping arrangements.

Parody waved her off, “I’ll be fine. I’ve slept on far worse than a couch.”

Derpy smiled lightly, “I’m sure you have. Do you want me to grab some blankets for you?”

“No need,” Parody unclasped his cape and, with a dramatic flourish, swung it off his shoulders and tossed it onto the couch. “Viola! Instant blanket.”

Derpy giggled, “Truly, you are prepared for anything.”

Parody held his arms out, “It’s all experience.”

They both laughed.

As the laughter died down, Parody flopped onto the couch. After a moment, he turned to Derpy, “So, I was talking to Dinky about augmentation earlier.”

Derpy raised her brow, “Really?”

“Yeah, it just sorta came up. Not a fan, it turns out.”

“I think that most ponies would find the idea off-putting.”

“Yeah, but all the cool things you can get from it…”

Derpy shook her head, “It’s not always about the end result, Parody. A lot of ponies care about the journey there.”

“I know, I know…” Parody sat back. After a moment, he glanced over at Derpy, “In that vein, I gotta question for ya. Now, I should preface this with I would never ask you to change, but if you could, would you?”

Derpy lifted a hoof to her chin and looked up in thought.

Parody tapped his head next to his eyes, “I know your eyes have caused you problems, so if you had the option to replace them…?”

“Hmm. I won’t lie,” A wry smile crossed her lips, “I’d be nice to be able to fly around town and not be declared a public hazard.”

“HA!” Parody smirked, “It’s the strangest mix of insulting and flattering to have ‘you’ insurance, isn’t it?”

Derpy nodded, “Yes it is. It’d also be nice to not have to strain my eyes to bring ponies’ faces into focus. When I was a foal, I’d have taken that in a heartbeat, but now…?” She smiled at him, “I don’t think I would. After all, this clumsy, ditziness of mine, well, it’s part of my charm.” An earnest smile. “I may not be swimming in friends like somepony like Pinkie, but I think that makes the ones I have all the more special.” She paused and looked over at Parody, “It’s how we met, after all.”

Parody laughed, “Do you mean when you plowed into me as I got off the train, or the time you just wandered into a highly secure facility?”

Derpy laughed, “Does it matter?”

Parody shook his head, chuckling, “Y’know, between that and the time you woke up on an alien planet thousands of light-years away from your home, I’d be inclined to say that you get into almost as much trouble as I do.”

Derpy gave an amused head tilt, “I did?”

“Yeah; just sorta woke up and went ‘this isn’t my bed.’”

They laughed. When that died down, Derpy turned to Parody, “Would you?”

Parody smirked, “Bit of a waste, but it’d be pretty cool.” He stood up and held up his arm to look it over, “Imagine, something like a cool robot arm, maybe put a blaster on it.” He began playfully pointing around and going “Pew! Pew! Pew!”

Derpy giggled.

Parody glanced at her, smirked, and then lifted his arm to point at her, “Pew!”

“Gaugh,” Derpy clutched at her chest dramatically before collapsing to the floor and playing dead. “Bleh.”

Parody collapsed to his knees next to her and placed his hand on her. He spoke in a strained voice, “I know you don’t understand, but I had to do it. For Equestria… I’m sorry.” Solemnly, he stood up.

He pointed at her head, “Double tap! Pew!”

They both broke into laughter.

The living room was dark, a shaft of moonlight from the window was the only thing that brought definition to the open space. Parody was passed out under his cape, upright on the couch. It was quiet.

Muffled hoofsteps approached him.

Ruby and Dinky silently hopped up onto the couch and curled up, Dinky on his lap, Ruby against his side. Once comfortable, they gently drifted off.

Parody opened his eyes and looked down at them. His face shifted through a few expressions before he let out a sigh and settled on a soft smile.

“You realize it is likely that you gave them nightmares.”

Parody smirked, “That’s what they get for asking me for a scary story.” His smirk flattened, “’Sides, it was your idea.”

“…”

“…”

“I know that it bothers yo-”

“Did Entia put you up to that? He’s supposed to be leaving me alone.”

“If you want this to la-”

“I know, I know. I don’t mind, it’s just…” Parody slumped back, “Ugh.” After a moment, he closed his eyes and started drift off himself.

Ruby shifted in her sleep, nuzzling into his side.

Parody’s eyes snapped open. He sighed, “Hey, Indicium, can you-?

“Already on it. Goodnight, Parody.”

“Night.” As if a switch were flipped, Parody slumped back and fell asleep.

Author's Note

Amethyst had troubles going to sleep that night, and she had no idea why.

And so begins Arc/Act/Whatever 2. Act 1 was more about introducing you to Parody, and Arc 2 has a loose focus on his past.

Gah! That took so much longer than I thought it would. I went into this chapter thinking it was gonna be way easier than the last chapter, but no, I was completely wrong; it was way harder. Now, I had several people point out that I’ve never been to an 11-year old girl’s sleepover and that’s probably why I was having so much trouble; and I’m like “… Yeah, I know… I still didn’t think it would be this hard to write.” Sometimes when I write, words just flow onto the page. This time it definitely did not.

3 months… Ugh.

Also, this is another bit of proof that I just can’t do things short. I wrapped up the notes/ rough draft for this chapter and it was 30 pages long, an entire nine pages more than the previous longest chapter The Catapult Fiasco. Believe it or not, when I was envisioning this story, Breakfast Banter was the ideal chapter length, but I’ve only managed that once (probably for the best, though, looking at individual chapter view count).

But man, there was a lot of shuffling and rewriting when it came to this chapter. Before I go into some cut and alternate lines, I feel the need to clarify something: Arkus is not the person Parody wishes he could apologize to. I tried to fit this into the chapter somewhere, but it felt clunky every time I tried, so I just have to do it here. Sorry.

Cut line:

“Huh, I’ve had it for so long I don’t even remember where I got it.”

Ruby glanced his way, “Really?”

Parody shrugged, “It happens. Can’t remember everything.” He snerked, “Poor Nym. She was not amused when I told her I had no idea who she was.”

Dinky looked up at him, “Who was she?”

“Someone I hired, apparently.”

“Really?”

“I guess,” he shrugged, “She was adamant that I was the whole reason she came to Perish Co in the first place. I told her ‘that’s cool. I still remember none of that.’”

Ruby frowned, “That probably hurt.”

Parody laughed, “It didn’t do wonders for our relationship. I don’t think we were ever friends, but apparently being completely and utter forgotten stings regardless.”

I planned on using this, and wrote it all out, but then realized I had no easy way of transitioning out of it. So, here it goes.

Alternate lines:

Parody smirked, “Couple reasons, but it’s like you said: I almost died. As in, I didn’t. What’s there to worry about?”

“What if you had?”

Parody laughed, “Well, that would’ve been pretty inconvenient, wouldn’t it?”

Amethyst glared at him, “Can’t you take this seriously?”

He quirked his brow, “You’re talking to a guy named Parody, what are you expecting?”

“But, you can’t punch a headless horse in the face…”

Parody snorted indignantly, “You think I can’t? I’ll give it a face! I’ll make it a synthetic head and graft it onto its body! I’ll help it through physical therapy! I’ll teach it all the wonders it’s been missing out on! I’ll take it to dinner! And the moment it drops its guard, I’ll punch it in the face! Not only will I punch will I punch it in the face, I’ll punch its face in the face!”

Dinky and Ruby were taken aback.

Parody coughed, “Sorry, I, uh, got a little carried away there.”

Ruby tilted her head, “Could you even do that?”

“You can do anything if you put your mind to it.”

Dinky made her way back into her room, “Alright, there, I- EEP!”

Hiding just inside the room, Parody suddenly grabbed Dinky and hoisted her above his head before throwing her. “Kobe!”

Dinky made her way back into her room, “Alright, there, I- EEP!”

Hiding just inside the room, Parody suddenly grabbed Dinky and hoisted her above his head before throwing her. “YEET!”

Chapter Art:
Sleepover

To Adventure!

hit the ground too hard

Your Argument is Invalid

Moments before Parody realized he had no idea how to fly

And, since I brought it up, I can use it as an excuse to show off a piece of art I'm really proud of...
The Monster Unicorn

(I added another version of this on my DeviantArt where the monster is more opaque, in case it's hard to see)

The Rending Gale Ring

As for the inscription on the ring, it’s the novacreon script, and it reads Lacerans Procella, which roughly translates to Rending Gale.

Lacerans: Rending/ tearing/ mutilating

Procella: Squall/ storm/ gale/ tempest

(Looking it up, there are a lot of different variations of Lacerans, but this is the one I used [‘cause it was the first one I found])

In addition, Indicium was what I got when I translated “Index” into Latin.

Speaking of Indicium, he came up way earlier than I initially planned. The original idea was that sometime around the beginning of Arc 3, someone (probably Apple Bloom) would finally ask Parody who the heck he’s talking to.

When planning this chapter, I had the whole makeover scene worked out in my head (speaking of that, can you tell I have no idea how any of that works?), and I had Dinky braid Parody’s hair as a part of it, and I thought nothing of it. Well, I had my hair braided for the first time, and when I looked in the mirror, I realized that there’s no way Dinky would miss something sticking out of the back of Parody’s neck if she was braiding his hair. So, my options were “scrap the scene” or “wait and see if anyone questions Parody talking to himself, and use that as justification to move forward with the original idea.”

Well, option 2 happened, and that pretty much shaped how the entire ending turned out. Hopefully it wasn't too soon, but it's not like I can just cut off the ending.

Anyway, let me know what you think. I’ve been having fun writing this, and it’s a chance to work on improving my writing.

On that note, as much as I love working with Parody, I can’t really do anything with him that has any real emotional depth. So, to see if I’m any successful at doing that, I’ve begun working on another story. No promises it’ll be out with any sort of quickness, but It’ll be called Those We Let Fall.

Celestia never imagined she’d find someone so much like herself; who strove for all the same things… and made all the same mistakes.

We’ll see how well this works out trying to work on both stories in tandem, but I’ll keep the focus on this one for now. I’ll let you know when I make any decent progress with Those We Let Fall.

Bonus Story (I'll be doing these every now and then; short mini stories that I can't really fit into a chapter on their own. I'll probably write them in blog posts first to alleviate writers block, and then post them in the authors notes when I finish a chapter. If I end up writing too many of them, maybe I'll turn them into a supplement story, I dunno):

Ca-chunk

Ca-chunk

Ca-chunk

Ca-chunk

Letting out a sigh, Apple Bloom turned to stare at the hole in the clubhouse wall. “Ah still can’t believe that happened.”

“Really?” Parody leaned over to look in from the other side of the hole, “I can’t believe you’re still going on about that. You were there, what’s there to not believe?”

Grumbling, Apple Bloom returned to cleaning up the mess in the clubhouse, “Ah know, Ah know, it’s jus’… why?”

Parody shrugged before picking up another plank of wood and leaning back out of view. “Probably ‘cause it was funny.”

Ca-chunk

Ca-chunk

Apple Bloom glared at the hole, “How was that funny?”

“I didn’t say it was funny to you.”

Ca-chunk

Ca-chunk

Apple Bloom shook her head, “How would anypony find that funny?”

Parody leaned back over with a smirk, “Alright, Apple Bloom, I’m gonna level with ya; if we’re going to be hanging out, you’re gonna have to get use to this, ‘cause stuff like this happens all the time.”

Apple Bloom wilted slightly, “Really?”

Parody’s smirk widened as he grabbed another plank of wood, “Really.” Apple Bloom’s defeated sigh caused Parody to let out a bark of laughter, “Welcome to my life! Population: two.”

Apple Bloom just shook her head as she returned to cleaning the clubhouse.

Ca-chunk

Ca-chunk

Ca-chunk

Ca-chunk

Apple Bloom turned back towards the hole. “What is that, anyway?”

Parody leaned over, “What, this?” he held up the object in his hands, “It’s a nail gun. Instead of hammering in nails with a hammer, I can just shoot them in in one go.”

“Huh, that sounds pretty useful.”

“It’s a real time saver.” He held it out to her, “You wanna try it out?”

Apple Bloom looked at the trigger system Parody had grasped in his fingers before glancing at her hooves, “Ah don’t think I could.”

Parody lifted to nail gun to look at it, “Oh yeah.” He shrugged, “Eh, probably for the best. Wouldn’t wanna risk you nailing yourself to the wall with it.”

Apple Bloom cringed, “Can that happen?”

“Umm…” Parody leaned back out of view.

Ca-Chrrk

“… Yeah.”

Apple Bloom gave the hole an uncertain look, “Did you just…?”

Parody leaned back into view, mouth curled into a smirk, “Hey, can you pass me a hammer?” He gave his arm a couple tugs. “… Maybe a crowbar?”