The Godmare

by Skylarking the Stargazer

Rating: everyone
Tags: Fluttershy, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Comedy
Length: 13008

How was Fluttershy living at her own expense?

Sometimes, the quietest bunch out there are pulling all the strings.

What has she been doing before landing on a full-time job at the School of Friendship?

Partially inspired by MythrilMoth's comedy hit.

Published 2019-04-12 05:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-04-12 05:30:01 UTC

Friendship is Business

Author's Note

Warning: A cheap story with cheap comedy and some Godfather references, nothing too special.

With that said, no content of the MythrilMoth's story will be involved, as this stands on its own.

Friendship is Business

In the realm of the equine world, things are not always peaceful.

And no, it does not involve petty gossiping or family drama.

While the innocent civilians walk through their days, eager to see the face of tomorrow, the world trembles at the unknown corners stigmatizing the underworld. Nocturnal thugs' eyes are sharp as bats and owls when they dart for the chance to steal. Gamblers and drunks befoul the shadowy blocks with their nasty appearances, save for their unbearable lack of sanity as well as their indubitably unrighteous violence.

It can be anything, from the beat-down of street gangs to robbing their (cold) hard-earned cash, all the way to setting safe houses on fire over territorial disputes. Fights occur frequently from hoof combat to injurious explosives flaring like candle sparks in the dark. Even the homeless animals snarl in bitter hostility to stand their ground. What is only fair is the fact that there is no security around to keep their flanks in check. On the other hand, being left alone and helpless against angry mobs or criminal organizations feels no better.

In a pub located at the murky ghettos of Dodge Junction, the dim light barely illuminated the forthcoming dusk. It was quiet, with only a handful of ponies occupying the place on separate tables either drinking lavishly or discussing their future plans to seize the region. Yet, on the right end of the pub seated a group of the furriest yet most furious hench—critters of them all.

"So, how much can that tiny rabbit drink?" The pub's bartender puckered his lips at the white-furred lepus, who angrily growled back with a series of punctuated swearing. "Seriously, his size is about the length of his ears."

Motioning the bunny back to focus on the task at hand (which was no classier than a simple game of poker), a butter-toned Pegasus smiled back at the bartender. From the top was her Fedora hat wrapped with a gray hatband. Below the hat was a pair of shades latched through the mare's cherry-blossomed mane. Speaking of the mane, it was now behind her head, exposing her entire face. A jet black tuxedo sliced with white stripes, pinned with a bow tie and a rose in the upper middle, covered her body from shoulder to flank. The final piece of her attire was tucked with coffee trousers to her hind legs.

"Oh no, Mister Riesling, I may call him Angel 'bunny', but he's actually matured much earlier than his counterparts."

"Very well then." Riesling faced his back towards the little group as he was wiping a glass cup. "As my loyal customer, you've cost me quite a fortune with those carrots just for him alone. I know wine with carrot cake is a subtle pairing, but you simply can't place a wedding ring on raw vegetables."

"I'm terribly sorry for wearing you down, Mister, but Angel is quite a willful bunny. You really don't want to get on his bad side." Fluttershy said before drawing a card from the blue deck. A five-of-a-kind! But then her kind heart would weep for a disheartened raccoon, Smoky Junior, who sat across the table. Peeking through the window behind him, Fluttershy realized he's had a series of terrible hands since the beginning of their game.

"Oh Smoky Junior, are you feeling alright?" She placed a hoof over the raccoon's forehead. "You don't look so well ever since we started playing poker! You must be feeling bad for yourself, weren't you?"

"Or the fact that you had him 'playing' with your cigar took a toll on his health." Riesling retorted, flushing out a sigh. "Raccoons don't smoke."

"Don't worry, I'm well aware of my animal injustices, done to ponies of course." She patted Smokey's head and took back the wet cigar from his mouth. A beaver who sat next to Fluttershy grabbed her lighter and rekindled the cigar back to life, followed by a puff of smoke wafting through the air. "After all, we are no more different than our biological counterparts."

"Has anypony ever told you that you're a sadistic misequinist regarding no value of our kind at all?"

She tipped her hat at a water tank in which the fish were sleeping in. "If I were a misequinist, I would be garroting professionals like yourself by the counter, Mister 'Luca Braising'."

"That's not my point—" He unintentionally grabbed a thick piece of wire cord from the shelf, followed by an eye roll. "And my full name is Lucrative B. Riesling, I would very much appreciate it if you don't use my nickname like that in public."

Suddenly, the pub's door was blasted open. Two rows of armed stallions trotted in and locked their mana-charged rifles at the defenseless ponies. Ponies looking from the outside took their chances to make the run as gunshots blared the place into Luna's world itself, leaving only a single candle beside Fluttershy's group untouched. As the rambunctiousness fell to dead silence, a single shadow, revealing itself to be a robed stallion, stepped in with a flashy grin across his face.

"Alright boys, looks like this place'll be ours in five minutes."

In five minutes, the robed stallion's body was bundled with a rope as he rolled on the ground beside Fluttershy. His henchmen were stripped of their armed goods and taken to prison by the Royal Guards.

"Well, that was easier than I thought." Lucrative Riesling said as he glanced at the unfamiliar stallion. "I've never seen this kid in the town before. But to be honest, he did make quite an entrance despite inexperienced."

Fluttershy giggled. "How very unfortunate of him to stumble upon your bar, Mister Riesling. Some poor souls out there really don't know the price to pay"— She began chewing another cigar— "I'm terribly sorry for the mess I've made to nurture him."

"I would awfully like to suggest that you replace that word with something more realistic. We're not in the place of those happy-go-lucky ponies where 'friendship' solves everything with ease."

"Oh, I definitely meant nurture, Mister." With her hoof signal, Angel and the Smoky family surrounded themselves around the stallion and tugged his cheeks in all directions.

"Now then..." Fluttershy smiled down at her new victim, promptly hoofing his nose in a circular fashion. "What can I do for my seventeenth customer this year?"

"Ye kan kith mfy hulank." The stallion responded hostilely, feeling his muscle tearing apart on all sides.

She brought a hoof to her ear and leaned closer to him. "I'm sorry, could you speak just a teeny bit louder? I think you said something about 'kissing your flank' in ancient Ponish?"

"Afdahisbfdihtits!"

"Aw, poor thing!" The mare continued hoofing his nose back and forth. "Maybe I should bring him to my nurture chamber."

Drenched in cold sweat, the pinned stallion exchanged looks with Riesling, only to be responded with the bartender's features wincing and head shaking. Naturally helpless, the newcomer of Dodge Junction stared into Luna's crafty nightfall in dismay, praying to the stars.

Fluttershy's "nurture chamber" is no different from most of the mafia's malicious methods. From the white room to Cinchinese water torture, the victim suffering in that atmosphere will forever regret being born at all. There'll be no escape for him, as he shall grimly accept his fate. Under a dark long tunnel that led to only more darkness, the stallion's eyes trained on the dim atmosphere held by a single cigar on a certain mare's lips.

"So your name is Cartlo Rissing, a member of the Rising family before legally changing your surname to 'Rissing'?"

Slowly, he nodded as if the hot air pinned him to the ground. "I would always tell my parents that oysters are neither pearls nor seashells, but that's only a partial reason why I cut ties with them."

"So did you want oysters or seashells from them?"

"How's that relevant to why I'm here?"

"Every piece of detail matters when it comes to interrogations. I learned it from a pink party friend of mine."

"Okay okay, fine. I wanted seashells and pearls, but they keep giving me oysters because they can be sold consistently at a high price, but I just wanted pearls and seashells for my collection. So we argued over it, and yes it sounds stupid but that's exactly what happened."

"Do you hit on your wife?"

"I'm not hungry yet—" A cringe. "What?"

"I asked you if you abuse your wife daily."

Avoiding her meticulous gaze, Cartlo blankly shook his head, as if he didn't even know whether he was single or not.

"Just making sure." Fluttershy took out the cigar from her mouth. "Sorry, it's hard speaking clearly while chewing on this big boy." She signaled two moles emerging from below and was brought a fresh piece of another cigar. "Don't be scared, Cartlo. It will be all fine, just tell me more about yourself and why you've tried dealing with me."

Cartlo Rissing's hooves fidgeted and spazzed in the most abnormal manner until Fluttershy offered him the cigar and had it ready before placing it into his mouth.

"T-thanks..." He sniffed. "Thank you, Donna Fluttershy..."

With a motion towards herself, Fluttershy and Cartlo's interaction caused an "indirect" lip kiss, or better put, a cigar kiss. This behavior usually signals genuine and sincere friendliness. With a faint grin, the stallion began to lose the grip of the hostile atmosphere around him...

Until he instantly spat it out, frowning awkwardly. "This is nothing but disrespectful."

Fluttershy nodded wholly. "Indeed. Now you know you're nothing but incompetent and weak with a puff of smoke, you will be punished with asphyxiation."

"So you're going to, tickle me?"

"Not me, of course." She gestured to Angel, the Smoky family, the two moles, and a couple more bunnies who dug their way to the underground. The last interaction between Cartlo Rissing and Fluttershy was a casual wink and tremendous sweating off his rugged muzzle.

Screams could be heard barraging through the tunnel as the mare hummed her way up into her cottage.

"You WHAT?!" Princess Twilight Sparkle yelled across the cutie map table. Her echoes left cracks in her castle's crystal structures. "You tortured another pony?!"

"I nurtured him, Twilight."

"By your standards?! That's a freakin' torture chamber like any other underworld punishment!" The alicorn's eyes bulged and swelled while hoofing her head, lost in thought. "Sometimes, I can't believe I'm friends with Madonna of an animal gang..."

"Donna. I'm called a Donna." Fluttershy corrected her.

"Calm down, Twilight." Pinkie Pie tittered with a couple of snores. "At least Fluttershy released him while he was half dead. Now Cartlo Rissing works at a local newsstand doing good for everypony. Nurture sure helps the future!"

"Yeah, Fluttershy totally nailed the situation in my book." Rainbow Dash joined in the conversation. "That crazy kid attacked her and her friend's bar first! She had every right to do whatever she wanted with him."

Huffy, Twilight shut her eyes to recollect her thoughts. "So the one pacifist who avoids all conflicts and accurately represents the Element of Kindness, makes her living by harming ponies?" She slammed the table. "Which is tickling them?!"

"Uh, that shouldn't be what you're concerned about right now," Spike murmured.

Fluttershy chuckled "Don't worry, Twilight. I don't conduct any of these acts toward my students even when they disobey me. I give them enough room to rebel, before feeling the matter being crucial at hoof."

"That sounds no more different than gosh darn tyrant in mah book," Applejack commented.

"To be honest, Applejack," Rarity retorted at the farmer, "Fluttershy seems to handle the students better than any of us, considering how much the students appreciate her way of teaching... which leads to her getting the Teacher of the Month award every single time."

"It's true," Spike pointed out, "Fluttershy is very lenient to the students, I wouldn't say she's doing any harm to them at all."

"On one of my escape room quizzes, I remember Yona responding to a sad-faced puppet on whether to see someone as a lost cause or cheer them up, she put down 'remove them from your life, it'll only shame Yak's honorary traditions'."

"Same went for me, Pinkie. Ocellus and Sandbar were constantly bombarding me with questions on how tense it is working with celebrities like Sapphire Shores, Fancy Pants, and Hoity Toity, and how I should"— Rarity gritted her teeth — "'take care' of them if they don't cooperate."

"Uh-huh!" Rainbow nodded. "Smoulder once pounced on one of my students and tried to knock him out because he refused to engage in this pyramid scheme involving weed, kinda like what Pinkie was saying about what Fluttershy did to Carlo Rizzi—"

"It's Cartlo Rissing." Fluttershy interrupted her.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. You get my point."

"You let your students do...?" Twilight's left eye irresistibly twitched. "Weed?"

"For Equestria's sake, no they ain't high! It's just plain weed grass! I don't know why they chose it or what they're up to with it!"

"Good, because for a second I questioned your teaching abilities. But a pyramid scheme is downright illegal in any part of Equestria, let alone you're letting it happen in our classroom."

"Annnnnd there goes my Teacher of the Month award." Rainbow Dash grumbled.

"And a healthy cut off your salary as well."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever, I still got other jobs to cover my insurance and mortgage. My mansion needs to be big enough to fill my awesomeness, ya know?"

Fluttershy resumed back onto the main topic. "If someone like Cartlo Rissing can't follow his family's traditions, what's the use of them other than getting in the family's way?"

Everyone, minus Pinkie Pie, darted at her with widened eyes.

"Ohhhhh! So it was you who taught them those hateful lessons." Pinkie tittered again. "You almost got me there!"

"I'm sorry to say this Fluttershy, but I'm disappointed in you." Twilight's gloomy eyes fled the table. "What you've done for Equestria and your friends are more than heroic, but that doesn't make it right to hurt other ponies through physical force. And what's worse is that you're teaching those methods to our students!"

Pretending she was utilizing a cigar, Fluttershy blinked at the emotional alicorn with a blank poker face. "Friendship is business."

Twilight's left eye could be seen twitching again. "Um, what's that supposed to mean?"

Her poker face remained stagnant. "Friendship is business."

"Come again?"

"Friendship is business."

"Alright stop, I didn't mean for you to repeat it thrice." She sighed. "But Fluttershy, we've been through all sorts of adventures together, and every solution we came across for all the ponies around Equestria was to establish a peaceful foundation between them! Even the Hooffields and McColts who stood ages warring each other, we brought an end to their pointless bloodshed. We've used the same essence of power to defeat countless foes and reformed half of them! Now we even got one of them living with us!"

"It's nice to see you too, Twilight." Starlight Glimmer's monotone voice sent shrills down the princess's spine.

"O-oh hey Starlight! We're just talking about—"

"Yeah, I was listening to you the entire time." The unicorn stood by the hallway door while wiping her face with a towel. "Cozy Glow, before her incident, once came to my office and said she formed a 'family tree' with two other fillies."

"And with Cozy as the 'Donna', right?"

"She tried to make them do her dirty work in class."

"That's quite a good way of saying manipulation and enslaving!" Twilight forced an awkward grin, only to leave Starlight slamming the door on her. Groaning, she fixed her gaze back onto the mafia mare. Rarity could not help but whisper to Spike.

"Small talks like these are terribly awkward and ill-mannered."

"As I was saying, Fluttershy. Friendship is something that ponies have to work for in order to be rewarded with. It brings tension to neither sides, only stability and happiness."

"But that's exactly what a business does."

"No it doesn't!" Twilight immediately raised her voice. "In a business, everypony goes for the money. Sure there are amiable moments here and there, but when an impasse comes nopony would care because their avarice is at stake!"

Peering across the table, Twilight noticed two flat pieces of gold being tossed in the air before landing on Fluttershy's hoof.

"Um..." She blinked. "What are you playing with?"

Fluttershy smiled wryly. "Your bits. Well, they're mine now, excuse me."

"W-what? Hey! Give those back!"

After handing the bits back, Fluttershy naturally grimaced at the issue. "This is what happens when you leave your windows half opened every Tuesday morning. I told my feathered friends and they 'bit' it in."

Many feet above her head were sparrows and pigeons chirping and waving to Fluttershy while sticking their tongue out at Twilight. At the second hoot, the birds quickly fled into the sky from Owlowiscious's sounding wrath.

"H-how did you know that?" Twilight stammered, unsure if she's ready to hear more.

"She did expose my schedule to you all just a couple of weeks ago." Rainbow Dash shrugged while slouching on her seat. "Now I have to readjust by starting all over again."

"By readjustin', ya mean yer hooficure sessions on weekends?"

"That's it, robbing chicken eggs from Sweet Apple Acres gets on the list."

Applejack's nostrils fumed. "Don't you dare, sugarcube."

Ignoring the side chatter, Fluttershy continued. "Both Applejack and Rainbow Dash are the type of mares who would charge in by themselves without thinking for their family members when impulsiveness overtakes them, only to be lured in an ambush and end up outnumbered. That is the conclusion I can draw based on the amount of keen observation I've made through the past years we've spent together." She stroked her mane, avoiding their dumbfounded glares. "I know each and everything you girls do, that's how I'm able to plan my things accordingly. Otherwise, I wouldn't lack an excuse to hang out with my friends."

"But why did you take my bits, Fluttershy?" Twilight firmly asked.

A deep breath. "Well Twilight, it just goes to show how much precious valued goods matter to us. Yes, we may be close friends, but even when something doesn't go right for us personally, we will voice it out in displeasure."

"But the expense is small, Fluttershy!" Twilight retorted, "Anything that goes wrong in a mafia involves violence and immoral acts."

"Violence is only necessary when you have to protect your friends and family members, isn't that what we have done in the past against the Changeling invasion on Canterlot? Or when you've fought Tirek head to head with combined alicorn magic from the Princesses?"

"Yes, but—"

"But you had to. You had to protect us and as well as all of Equestria from tyranny and chaos. There is nothing wrong with that, it's perfectly justifiable. Just like I had to deal with my enemies and competitors, but it's only in a more... austere fashion."

Upon hearing that word, Twilight's features contracted. Her glare fixed upon the pegasus, attempting to defend her position.

"And by taking your bits without your permission, you lose a sense of comfort, as well as security, to be precise. That lack of wealth used for daily commerce becomes missing, and deep down you panic for yourself, regardless of who it was that took it from you. That intrusion becomes personal, and anger slips out. It works the same way in a mafia."

"Wow, Fluttershy's totally got you there, Twilight!" Pinkie exclaimed joyfully. "Even though I have no idea what's going on at all!"

"Well if Fluttershy's committing all of these 'crimes', then why didn't the royalties take any action?" Rarity asked. "Sure, they may not enough have time on their hooves to extract further information, but what mafias do are considered absolutely unacceptable in our civil perspectives."

Fluttershy beamed at the fashioning. "Well, two great minds think ali—"

"Don't you finish that sentence." Twilight furrowed her brows at the pegasus. "Now you're going to convince us mafias are civilized ponies despite breaking the law and doing more harm than good, right?"

Another deep breath. "Look now Twilight, I know you're still not used to my true identity, but at least I don't go around assassinating ponies by placing explosives in their vehicles, only to make it worse by unintentionally hurting their loved ones instead."

"Um, what now...?"

Fluttershy cleared her throat. "If I truly did not care for anybody, I would have brought my group into the drug business, which usually doesn't end well for any mafia organization."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Maybe I'll show you my cottage, on a more advanced basis."

"While it may not seem like much, but there are lethal weapons hidden within vases and under plants. If any heated action takes place here, the whole cottage will undergo a meltdown. Oh, and here are some secret closet rooms that lead to my explosive storage! It tricks ponies thinking there's cash on the surface had they ever found out, but little did they know this entire place will be blown to smithereens!"

The rest of her friends exchanged nervous glances as they followed behind her, paying extra attention to the new details that they have previously ignored around Fluttershy's cottage.

"My bedroom is all about fake IDs and painite gems in case we are pressured to make trades with Marexican drug cartels. Minor business in the black market starts in the wake of next month."

"What has she been up to recently?" Applejack whispered to the group. "Ain't none of this rotten cider jam she's ever mentioned when we go out together."

"Oh and also, Harry is my personal bodyguard. He roams the basement and occasionally emerges to fetch honey."

With that said, a giant shadow loomed over the seven figures. Harry the bear cracked his fists like fireworks set off at nighttime. A low growl could be heard through his clenched teeth. Slowly turning around to greet their new friend, the silence remained until gulps were heard plummeting down everyone's throats.

Fluttershy calmly held out a hoof, and immediately Harry limped his way towards her. "Don't worry girls, Harry's just received medical treatment from me earlier this morning because his jaw got dislocated by another bear for 'keeping too much heat in the air'."

"And that bear thought to hit Harry would've made it any better?" Twilight raised a brow.

"Yes, maybe and no."

"Which one is it?"

"Well, Harry's father got injured by a rival family. While he was resting in his den, Harry made sure nobody trespasses their territory, and not especially the den. The rival family's leader brought a friend, who was bigger and tougher than this poor thing, and... you know the rest." She placed a hoof on the insecure creature, gently stroking him as he groaned.

"What did you do in return?" Twilight asked.

"Well, nothing much, per se."

"Good, because I was gonna say—"

"I took care of their leader and his friend in their feasting cave. Now they're forced to move deeper into the Everfree Forest."

Rarity trembled upon hearing that. "I must say, darling, that was some déjà vu indeed."

Twilight's nostrils fumed ever so loudly. She was completely in lost of words. "And enacting vengeance upon others makes it any better? What if they retaliated with a full animal kingdom invasion?!"

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Twilight, we all know that won't happen."

"I'm not only talking about this instance, Rainbow. The problem here is that revenge only spreads hate! And as that hatred builds upon year after year, nobody will win! And only more grievance will follow!"

"Fluttershy, darling, listen to Twilight here." Rarity walked up beside the alicorn. "I know it must've been hard for you when being trampled on by other ponies in the public, but that does not excuse you to hurt anyone else back."

Fluttershy blinked. "But even us as friends, we would have arguments and fights from time to time. But eventually, time will heal it all."

"Business is fragile, a relationship formed in that way cannot be healed." Twilight retorted.

"And you're saying friendship isn't?"

Twilight was silent.

Fluttershy relaxed her features. "We've been very productive when it comes to developing a special bond, Twilight, that was why friendship came so smoothly between the six of us. Everything we've been through together was what brought us so close, but when we bicker and argue over the simplest of things, even a genetic family chain can easily break apart."

"But you can always redeem yourself and bring your friends together. A business, especially among mafias, can't!"

"And what about it? If you can't find harmony with that group, then try again with someone else. Again, it is no different from having friends. I do what I have to in order to protect my relationships. That includes my family, my best friends, my animals, and everything I've ever come across that is important to me."

Just as she finished her sentence, a series of heavy knocks were heard pounding on the front door. An urge to panic filled the stomachs of the Mane Six (Spike was panicking for food) minus Fluttershy, who got off her chair and calmly marched towards the door. As the knocks got louder, voices could be heard from the other side.

Calmly, Fluttershy trotted towards the door. "And this is the perfect opportunity to show you what I mean."

"Open up, mafia girl! This is the Vicenzo Stable demanding your presence!"

"This isn't a request, it's an order!" The second voice boomed. "You don't want to deal this mess with boss Vicecenzo, trust me!"

"No idiot! It's Vi-shen-zo. Not Vice-shen-zo, you dimwit! How many times must I say it?!"

"But that makes no sense, Bonne. Vincenzo is the proper mafia noun and since we're known for having ponies leaving the group because they get sluggishly lazy, so shouldn't it be 'Vice' then the 'cenzo'?"

"The boss literally explained us on the first day, Sarah. He shortened it to avoid tongue twisting."

"Ohhhh now that sounds more like it... What are we here for again?"

"I would very much like to rot in a toaster by now than standing here explaining everything to your sorry—"

The door creaked open. Inside was a set of cerulean eyes peeking at the new guests. "Um, is there something I can help you with?"

"Saving your flank might as well be your damn help, kid!" The gray coated stallion, better known as Bonne, fumed through his nostrils as Fluttershy stepped out. "You've been in debt to us for our armed goods!"

"We're bankrupted out of fortune! Not even millions of bits can put this up!" Sarah, the second stallion, followed with a metal scabbard to his side. "Your days are numbered, kid. Boss Vicenzo's patience resides on its final straw."

"And if you don't do what we tell you." He pulled out his blade and held it to the pegasus' throat. "This warning may as well be your last."

Inside the cottage, gasps and shrieks were heard from the rest of the Mane Six.

"They're gonna kill Fluttershy!" Applejack exclaimed in horror.

"We have to get out of there and stop them!"

"But then they'll just hold her as hostage anyway!"

"It's better than sitting our flanks here and doing nothing! At least it'll buy us some time!"

"Nah, we should just sit here and eat her food in the meantime."

"Exactly! We'll steal her food— Wait WHAT?!" Twilight furiously shook her head and shot a glare at the tiny dragon who was thrashing his claws through Fluttershy's refrigerator. "Spike!"

"What? Isn't stealing what mafias kinda do anyway?" His voice was muffled with a mouthful of crackers. "And besides, he's got it."

As the Mane Five watched him, Harry the bear stomped his way out the kitchen and towards the door where his caretaker was at. Gawking, they silently peeked through the windows to witness the miracle happen.

For the Godmare of course, it was just another day on the job.

Unwary (and quite unfortunate) to the stallions, two giant furry forelegs emerged from the door and grabbed them each on one claw. Roaring in hunger, Harry choked the living air out of the two ponies and sniffed them both to determine his next meal. As they could only watch their fates being sealed. Fluttershy hummed happily below the waggling henchmen who desperately cried for mercy.

"It is a fine day, ponies open windows. They leave their houses, only to see a hungry bear."

"Please! I take back everything I just said!" Bonne squealed. "I'd do anything to not get eaten by this monstrosity!"

"Yeah! Put us down— Wait, that's just pathetic. We obviously didn't expect this freak show after all that tough talk. Now look at our situation, we're taking this L."

"I can see that, you buffoon!" Bonne spat while struggling to wrestle against Harry's overwhelming grip. "Stop being so pessimistic and help convince her to put us down!"

Sarah shrugged. "I mean, we kinda deserved it so..."

Once Fluttershy cleared her throat, Harry immediately lowered the two stallions to her height. As they withered to absolute submission before the supreme mare, Fluttershy pulled out a cigar and signaled the nearby blue jays to carry her a lighter. One of the jays flicked the metal wheel, sparking enough flame to light the cigar. After thanking her subordinates, Fluttershy brought the cigar up to their faces and engaged in warm contact with their cheeks.

"Holy Celestia that was freakin' hot! Whaddya do that for, squirt!"

The buttery mare giggled as she flipped her mane. Her cheeks blushing innocently as she spoke, "Oh Bonne and Sarah! Dishonesty is a no-no even among criminals, you see. It's just, Vicenzo and I are in good hooves. Last week I went out drinking with 'your boss' at a local pub, we had a long nice discussion about our upcoming collaborations to take down the Buffalo Wild Wings in Dodge Junction and then splitting our territory at San Franciscolt. We're also importing toxic buffalo seasoning from those lovely folks back in Appleloosa, my fellow Smoky raccoons would love to have needles to sting those naughty children out there."

"A-a-and what's your point?" The gray stallion stuttered with serious hyperventilation gassing inside him.

"If he mentioned anything about my debts to him, it should be your kidneys and brain matters." Fluttershy stifled her giggle. She grabbed the brown stallion's blade and replicated what he had done just now. The brown stallion's bulging eyes urged him to back away from the blade's edge.

Meanwhile, her friends slowly backed away from the windows, witnessing enough horror for the day.

"Well, I was worried about Fluttershy at first, but now it's scaled onto the other darn end."

"She wouldn't, right? Fluttershy would never do such a horrible thing!" Twilight panted with her hooves over her head as she watched her friend motioning the blade at the stallions. Her teeth chattered in a rabid frenzy. "What has this situation gone down to?!"

"Bonasera, what a lovely name! I must write a romance with him as the protagonist." Rarity remarked, leaning by the window as if she was watching a drama film.

"It's Bonne and Sarah, two separate names on two crazy stallions who were trying to come for Fluttershy's darn head! And how in tarnation is that any more important than a pony's life?"

"Bonesera."

Applejack flared her nostrils.

"Yeah, maaaaaaybe I should've stolen some food with Spike." Rainbow Dash flew over to Fluttershy's refrigerator and gobbled the crackers.

Fluttershy smoothly slid the blade back into the stallion's scabbard. "I wouldn't have minded if you two requested me for protection. I would've given you the justice you deserved. But next time if you need anything, just ask nicely, and we can form a nice friendship, don't always have to be debts. Pretending to be under a big name like Vincenzo makes you no better than those who left you ruined in shambles." She playfully pulled and rubbed the stallions' cheeks in a repeated motion. "And you didn't even call me The Godmare. Where's the respect in that, wouldn't you say?"

"B-b-be my f-friend?" Sweat trickled between the stallions' eyes as they lowered their gazes below Fluttershy's unamused expression.

"Godmare?"

Their skins paled to bleach. Motioning the each of them to her raised hoof, the stallions had no choice but to kiss it with their lips flipped open. They expected themselves to be put down and flee. Yet, they noticed, through a wink of Fluttershy's eye, that their rib cages slowly caved inwards as Harry gripped them tighter than their situation was just now.

"Good. Now you're all set!"

With that said, Harry flung the two ponies into the air like rag dolls and saw them soaring up and away until they blinked away into the endless blue. Fluttershy cheerfully waved to the tiny figures beyond her vision.

"Have a safe trip home!"

Sally's Tia-ra

Author's Note

A terrible name with a terrible pun makes a terribly weird ass chapter :trollestia:

Sally's Tia-ra

"But I don't understand, Princess Celestia!" Twilight Sparkle raised her voice. "Why are you so comfortable with Fluttershy being in the mafia? You are well aware of her situation right now, right?"

"Oh fear not, Twilight!" The alicorn chuckled lightly. "I have known about this all along."

She was really confused now. "What?!"

Celestia lowered her head to Twilight's ears. "It's a secret between the two of us. As long as I receive twelve slices of shortcake by the end of every week, Fluttershy is allowed to commit to her free will. I would've given her a salary myself, but then again, her brand is based on a notorious association rather than a private company dealing with legal commerce."

Unnecessary to know at any expense, Twilight was less than amused. "Really?"

Chuckling again, Celestia wrapped her foreleg around her. "Friendship can come in many ways, but business is still a business, my dear Twilight Sparkle. It may seem deluded because employers are so distrustful of each other to work toward their own goals. But rest assured, no matter what may happen, Fluttershy will be there to protect you and your friends at all costs."

Twilight, remembering the other day with the unknown guests Fluttershy has thrown out, helped herself with a faint grin. For the first time, she was glad that she could see the world in an alternative light, and she has her best friend to thank for that.

"Well, I hope you're right about that, Princess. Thank you."

"Anytime, my faithful student."

"But um, could you get your hoof off me now? I'm feeling kiiiiind of heavy."

"Ah yes. My apologies, Twilight." The alicorn's muffled voice barely reached the Twilight's ears as she walked down her castle with a mouthful of cake. "I was distracted by the fact that Fluttershy's baking skills were exemplary this week! She must've had Pinkie Pie's assistance this time around, considering her cutie mark is on each of the slice's side."

Twilight levitated a slice of the strawberry shortcake and examined it. It was whipped over with banana cream. A blood colored smile made of jam was present on its wider end. Sniffing the content inside, she noticed something strange. Using magic, she extracted the interior of the cake slice and noticed a white pill hidden in the dislocated crumbs. Following up, there was a tiny paper slip with written words on it on both sides. Twilight squinted at the slip as she flipped it back and forth, only to leave her beyond traumatized.

Disclaimer: I WANT YOU DEAD AND GONE! ONCE YOU EAT THE CAKE WE'RE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY OF ITS SERIOUS SIDE EFFECTS! HOPE THESE STEROIDS FROM LA FAMILIA DOS SADDLES WORK SO I DON'T HAVE TO MAKE YOU ANY MORE CAKES!

Pinkie Pie was definitely not involved with any of this.

"Uh, Princess Celestia? We might want to talk about this cake you're enjoying at the moment... Princess?"

When Twilight turned to her back, the hallway to the royal throne was loud enough even for a pin drop. The air filled with suspense as a white hoof poked out from the wall behind the throne, gesturing the young alicorn to follow.

By the time she entered through the hidden door, a furious glow revealed the dark room to be a library filled with (according to Twilight's biased assumption, which was then through her delinquent excitement) ancient books of forbidden spells—

"These are just cheap fairy tales dedicated to foals." She frowned.

Ignoring the patent statement, the elder alicorn nodded. "Indeed Twilight, come sit here with me."

As Friendship Princess steadily shuffled herself onto the seat, she failed to speculate any promising series of events out of this unexpected meeting. Celestia looked stern, probably because Twilight didn't exactly sit "with" her but instead, across from her on the round wooden table. It looked almost identical to Fluttershy's table in her kitchen.

Five minutes later, Twilight Sparkle nearly dreamed of magic sheep.

"Princess Celestia, if I may ask, what exactly—"

"Look. Listen here. No."

She lifted a brow. "I... beg your pardon?"

"That's not my name."

A calendar wrapped in magenta aura hovered onto the table. “Um, April Foals isn't here yet."

She began lighting a cigar in her hooves. "It's Sally."

"Did you not hear what I just said?"

A puff of smoke nearly overwhelmed Twilight as it entered her nostrils. "I'm Princess Sally."

She really couldn't be more braindead right now. Her beloved teacher's tone has completely changed. Twilight mindlessly stared at the white fur of the taller looking alicorn, as if she wasn't even Celestia anymore. Losing her patience, "Celestia" leaned on her left foreleg, soundly tapping the table with the other on. She brought over a trash can and spat out the cigar.

With a shaky breath, Twilight nearly avoided slamming the calendar. "O-okay... We can take another approach..." Her hooves trembled as she folded it together before tossing it to the side. "Who has been ruling Equestria for eons alone and together with her sister Princess Luna?"

Blinking for a good five seconds, the alicorn finally opened her mouth. "Princess Celestia."

"Good, we're getting somewhere. So now, what is Celestia's duty as the Princess of Equestria?"

"Meh, she raises the sun every day, deals with political meetings, signs social contracts, and meets school foals."

"And how does the rest of Equestria see her?"

Her eyes slowly widened. "She is their beloved and supreme ruler even though a local mafia wants her dead every time."

Twilight nodded delightfully. "Excellent! Now we— Wait, what?"

The alicorn's cheeks contracted and forced a bitter grin. "I was just playing along, but it got quite boring."

Twilight unconsciously chewed her lips as her eyes slung in all directions. She should've known something wasn't right the minute Celestia mentioned the twelve slices of shortcake! Hooves fidgeting and trembling, the alicorn applied a rough massage on her entire face, nearly dislocating her nose in the process.

Sally blinked, before rolling her eyes helplessly. "I guess it's better if I explain to you the entire story."

After an hour of explaining and tiresome questioning, Twilight now knew that Sally, or better known as Sally Frank "Freedo" Pentangelding, originated from a typical middle-class household in Canterlot and studied day and night during her educational career in School for Gifted Unicorns until she became a full grown mare. Her magic understanding and usages were exemplary to the point where it was worthy of being alicorn tier status. Not only was Sally powerful, but her in-depth knowledge of world history in and out of Equestria, elite cultural characteristics, and a political magnificence who often engaged in countless movements and organizations to learn and change the potentials of the equine realm. Her gifted abilities were more than eligible for her to take the position of the tall tale alicorn capable of rising the sun, Princess Celestia—

"So you're a fraud who has the AUDACITY to pretend to be her?! OUT OF ALL PONIES?"

Sally cast a spell and half enjoyed the sight of Twilight struggling with a zipper on her lips. Followed up was another spell which projected their speech volume only within the range of the secret library.

"Damn it Twilight, won't you shut up already?! I literally just said to not make a fuss about it. And I even had to clarify it three times during your constant interruptions: Princess Celestia is just a made up fairy myth that was told as a lie to all ponies so that they, or we for that matter, can unite together and thrive. It shouldn't even take half an hour to understand all that, let alone a full one."

"Y-y-you, you liar! What have you done to her?!" Twilight stammered in tears. "And I'm totally not pretending like I'm denying reality right here."

"Yeah sooooo sorry that I've just ruined your pathetic childhood, kiddo." Sally rolled her eyes in disgust. "You really think Equestria's that peaceful and happy-go-lucky place where a monarchy can be perfected. Congrats friend-gathering princess, you really do have the head of an egg."

The latter glowered at her, perhaps more shocked than vexed. Her violet eyes nearly tripped up Sally as if her breathing was impeded wholly. The elder alicorn returned with an amused look of her own, awaiting some kind of petty insult.

"Ironic you're calling me that yet you missed the detail of parliaments having influence over the royalty's decisions."

"Constitutional monarchy, wow we get it. You're a smart egghead, not just an egghead." Sally sighed in defeat. "Look Twilight, I'm not here for a stupid argument. The reason I told you my backstory at this shady place is that my life is at stake. My fate is bound to become one with all the others who preceded me as the role of the solar-powered chairmare."

Twilight furrowed her brows, she was not amused by her casual slang.

"Look I know I sound like a stressed-out college girl, or better put, you."

"None. Taken." She growled.

"But countless pony lives have been taken inheriting Celestia's throne for the slightest errors in decision making, I fear I will be gone sooner than I had expected. If I do make a decision that encumbers the minority, then they will come for my head."

"What?! But I don't get it, who are you referring to by they?"

"Okay okay look. I didn't mean it, alright? This is like my fifth day in office, and I'm already in some deep shake shacks. Every newly elected Celestia negotiates with a mafia group to ensure stability in the Equine realm without giving it to the criminal underworld, as well as occasionally donating bits to public services and organizations."

"Hmm... This sounds somewhat familiar..." Twilight rubbed her muzzle.

"And in return, we give the mafia a partial salary to ensure their own chances of survival against the other mafias. But if anypony was ever to be displeased with what that Celestia did, the linked mafia will secretly take her down by force."

"What?" Twilight no longer held the suspicion that Sally was disingenuous. "So you guys are basically their workhorses striving for absolute perfection?! Nopony can satisfy everypony else! W-why would they do this to you guys?!"

"Well to be fair, I tried prosecuting them in court, which failed miserably. I also tried teaming up with their a rival mob led by an infamous mobster and investor named Hystallion Roth, who once was affiliated with the mafia, but the following day... He got his ass hoofed over to the Federal Custody."

An immediate facehoof. "What a waste of my sympathy. That was clearly on you for being overly aggressive."

The fraudulent Sunbutt nodded. "Well, what else could've I done? Sweat my flank off to death every day thinking about death? Or have a final showdown to keep me in peace until I get a more reserved mafia group. I had my chance and I used it at the right time!"

"So then, how did you fail to get them guilty?"

"Well..." Sally scratched her head. Her multicolored mane was not waving in the air, but instead fell flat inches above the floor. "We kiiiiinda had the security remove all shreds of documented evidence before we got the gang to join our side. So when I tried pressing charges against her in court, there was nothing to prove that she was guilty of her crimes. Furthermore, who would've believed that a mafia family was composed of an innocent and emo looking mare with a bunch of animals as her friends? You know, they're pretty smart on that. It's not like you can openly murder somepony and say that 'my pet did it'—"

"Wait..."

Sally raised a brow, only to see Twilight's once grape lavender face ghostlier than a pale slab of metal.

"Did you just say it was a mafia made up of a mare and her animal friends?"

"Don't forget emo looking, that's the keyword." She winked. "But yeah, she had a pink mane and yellowish fur. Her cutie mark was a bunch of butterflies and stuffs like that—"

"You tried to CONDEMN FLUTTERSHY? You tried to eliminate one of my CLOSEST FRIENDS?!"

Sally rubbed her muzzle. "Well, if you want to put it in that context, then yeah sure why not—"

Her voice was broken off by a series of hyperventilation, Twilight's hind hooves stuck out from the table twitching once per three seconds. Whenever Sally pictured her having a panic attack, she would imagine her belly instantly huffing into a balloon and puffing out like a flat pancake, to which the "alicorn" immediately winced at such an exaggerated thought.

"You! You tried to hurt my friends just for your own benefits! The real Princess Celestia would never do such a thing!"

Sally rolled her eyes. "That's why she's not real, any sane pony who would believe such benevolent ruler exists is nothing but a big dunce who dropped out of college."

Twilight immediately climbed up her seat, her glare couldn't have been icier. "Was that another petty jab towards me?"

She shrugged. "Never said that, but if you have such a sloppy image of yourself then be my guest."

The Princess of Friendship slammed the table. "Listen, you impostor! I don't care what you have to say about her, but if you're going to openly shun her in front of everypony despite the numerous times she's saved Equestria and preserved our relationship with animals, then you'll have to get through me first!"

'Alright, that was cringe as hell...’ Sally rolled her eyes in disgust. "Just because her heroic deeds were exceptional and being close with somepony of an elevated social status doesn't exempt her from breaking the law."

"But she's never hurt anyone for unjustified reasons."

"It's right to act upon justice through violence?"

"If you consider tickling as violence then you're a pretty sensitive jerk."

Sally sighed. "Yes, Miss Sparkle. But tickling leads to asphyxiation, which can cause death."

"Do you think Fluttershy would actually enjoy watching somepony die like that?"

Sally face-hoofed. "Look, it doesn't matter, alright? All we know is that Fluttershy has disrupted order across Equestria and has gotten away with it many times." She blushed, reluctant to continue. "W-well although her shortcakes are q-q-quite lovely, she has gotten the notoriety of numerous locals from Dodge Junction and San Franciscolt. And as the new heir to this royal throne, I must make sure harmony must prevail even at the cost of my life."

"At the cost of your life?!” Twilight snapped again. “How are you even certain Fluttershy's coming for your head? You're just afraid of losing power after fighting through to obtain it!”

“She’s part of the criminal underworld, Twilight. Their influence over Equestria will continue to spread, and eventually corrupt this nation until there's nothing left.”

“But Fluttershy values friendship as much as any of us! And that is the ultimate source which drove us to like you’ve been saying, thrive in harmony! It was what's been taught to my friends and myself to save this world from the disassociation that tried to tear us apart again and again!”

“I did business with Fluttershy, I respected Fluttershy, but I never trusted Fluttershy.” Sally blew through her nostrils. “Mafias only care for what benefits themselves, they never see friendship and money eye to eye.”

“You’re wrong.”

Sally raised a brow and faked a smirk. “Enlighten me.”

“Mafias may be irregular to the societal norms, but they're nothing close to defects of the society. They have their own code of honor and traditions worthy of respect. Family and friends are their closest bonds that make their lives worth living. It’s like entering into the Everfree forest, there is only risk if you’re willing to step into an unknown boundary and associate yourself with a different way of living. But ponies like Fluttershy are fighting for their lives because the limited societal norms don’t suit them!”

“Woooow!” Sally clapped her hooves as she chewed on a mouthful of shortcake and sugary cookies. “Cool story, keep going.”

“Erm... to be honest, that’s all I had.”

“Lame.”

“Gee, thanks.” Twilight squinted at Sally’s horn for two seconds, then pushed her lips forward. “Say, what happened to your tiara? You know that’s a part of Princess Celestia’s common accessory, right?”

Sally slowly lifted her eyes upwards, but she had to fight off the uncooperative mane swaying into her gaze.

"I really wished my mane was floaty and 'celestial' sometimes." She grumbled to herself.

With one hoof on her forehead, she realized the barren spot of where the object that defined her royalty was supposed to take place. Shivering soon turned to excessive sweating, Sally Freedo bit her lip and averted Twilight's doubtful glare casting on her at the moment.

"Hail Celestia, full of grace, the Sun is with you. Blessed are thou amongst mares, and blessed is the fruit of thy sister Luna. Holy Celestia, mother of Equestria, pray for us sinners—"

Twilight Sparkle was informed of the ultimate truth: Turns out that Sally Pentangelding was, in reality, Fluttershy—

"Do I have to fall on a precipice in order to snap back into reality? Or would I be dead by then? Because I'm really, really, fed up with this identity-deception junk."

Princess Celestia held a hoof to her mouth as she chuckled. "Oh, don't worry my dear Twilight Sparkle. None of that was ever real in the first place. I do exist and I was your teacher this entire time. No clone could ever replace our special bond."

"Mmm, she's right Twilight." Fluttershy giggled. "Because if there really was a fraud who would outright lie to you like this, I would have had Al Neighri put her down."

Twilight's features tensed as she heard this. "Is he another hench-animal of yours?"

Her friend giggled again. "No, Al Neighri is an old-time friend of mine. He's a true workhorse who would do anything for those whom he was acknowledged by. I guess you can call him my 'bodyguard'."

"W-well then! I guess we have come to a resolution here! Celestia exists and Fluttershy isn't a mafia leader—"

"Actually, I still am."

She rolled her eyes. "Right, you still are. I should've known that it was you disguising as this "Sally" jerk, considering Princess Celestia chose you to act as herself in the Ones-versary theatre play."

"Um, but you did not, that was why the disguise worked."

Twilight scouted Fluttershy from top to bottom as she thought hard about the tone contrast between her and Sally. "Alright fine, you got me there."

A white hoof stepped in front of the two friends. Both Twilight and Fluttershy raised their heads to meet Celestia's gentle gaze.

"I have overheard the entire conversation, and both of you have made very sensible points on how this kingdom should be run under..." — she pressed her lips — "Unforeseeable circumstances."

"Forgive me for my rudeness, Princess Celestia." Twilight bowed to her elder counterpart. "But in my honest opinion, Fluttershy just might be an exception to the criminal underworld. I simply cannot allow blind justice to be done upon her deeds."

Celestia nodded as she absorbed her former prized pupil's words. "And exceptions I will permit, my dear Twilight Sparkle. A true light of kindness rests well within Fluttershy's body. Actions may speak louder than words, but the actions of the pony cannot always be judged by the naked eye."

"But Twilight, would you have committed to the same attitude towards Fluttershy had she tried to defend her position?"

"Pardon me, but are you trying to say I'm being b-biased right now?" Twilight asked impulsively.

"I cannot say 'yes' to that question, but it seems you have changed your stance on how the mafia culture should be perceived because of the insights our dear Fluttershy has offered to you. Would you think otherwise had it not been her, one of your closest friends?"

"So... Fluttershy's disguise as your impostor was to see how I would've reacted if one of my friend's life was at stake?"

Fluttershy gently nudged Twilight on her shoulder. "It's nothing personal, Twilight. It's strictly business. Please don't see this as an experiment being put on you." She raised a hoof to her chest and bit her lip. "Oh, I'm not even sure if I'm giving you too much peer-pressure anymore!"

Twilight shot her an unamused glare. "Are you done faking?"

Fluttershy revealed a tiny grin behind her mane of (forced) tears. "N-no..."

"The mafia culture can be quite strange sometimes." Celestia continued, "But no matter what the roles in society are, there is always an opportunity to know them better and keep them close."

"And keep your enemies closer..." Fluttershy murmured.

Princess of Business and Bodyguard

"What is your plan now, Fluttershy?" Twilight asked her friend as the two mares trotted into the Friendship Express on their way back to Ponyville. "Now that we're more aware of your true motives, we would be more than happy to aid you on your tasks at hoof."

"That is a good question, Twilight. I may have to check on my parents to see how they're doing, and maybe give them financial aid..." Fluttershy rubbed her muzzle before heaving a sigh. "Then there's my brother who won't stop wasting time wooing mares in pubs and his mane salon."

"Lemme guess, cheerleaders?"

Fluttershy nodded and adjusted her fedora. "My business partner, Mule Green, who owns half of the casinos in Las Pegasus, often had to beat Zephyr Breeze for disciplinary reasons." She sighed again. "I just don't think he's mentally capable enough to help run the syndicate."

With a wink, Twilight nudged her on the shoulder. "And that's when we come in! As your beloved 'business partners', we will help you grow your little group and guide Zephyr to the ways of a true mafia."

"Oh thank you Twilight. That means a lot to me!"

"Um... so about those high dosed steroids you gave to Princess Celestia..."

"Oh, those were real."

Twilight's eyes burst open with sweat trickling down her cheeks.

"Don't worry, Twilight. Her magic flowing in her veins will suppress the negative effect of the pills. We talked this through with a ninety-nine percent guarantee of her life."

The alicorn swallowed and smacked her lips. "Uhhhh, I hope you're right about that. But what did that have anything to do with luring me to believe your fairytale lies?"

Silence quickly plagued the room. Twilight Sparkle found herself deadlocked in a staring contest with her best friend, to the death. All of a sudden she realized that a lot of tiny details around them no longer seemed relevant to the intensity of their smothering atmosphere. Twilight knew she might have made a wrong move asking such an insulting question.

With a deep breath, Fluttershy glanced up.

"That's a good question."

"Great. Thanks for letting me know after keeping me in suspense."

"I guess the pills given to her were meant to still place you with doubts on my occupation." The pegasus scratched her head. "But I'm glad you still stood for me even when there were controversies, Twilight. You're a wonderful friend I could've never had better!"

The two mares shared a tight hug and nuzzled each other on the cheeks, signaling a recovery from their dissension.

As soon as they got off the train and entered the Ponyville square, the peaceful routine was evident in each and every pony's busy lifestyle blooming from the wake of dawn. With a deep sigh of relief, Twilight took her time observing the bustling town which she called home.

"From all that mafia conversation we had earlier, it feels alive to see these ponies' usual lifestyles."

Fluttershy passed off a tiny grin. "Why yes. After all, they don't have to worry about having their heads being pierced by metal leads because of wrinkled envelopes containing identity documents or dominating in an audition two bits short for a less worthy jewel" —

"Um, Fluttershy?"

— "or having a horse head scraped of fur on the forehead so they can help an actor get his role in a motion picture—"

"I think that's enough of shady businesses for the day." Twilight chuckled, winking. "Don't want too many ponies overhearing you, do you now?"

Shaking her head, Fluttershy closed her eyes. "Even if they do, they know better not to mess with ponies whom they don't know well enough. That is the basic instinct for survival: trust yourself before anypony else."

"Fluttershy, life isn't about dominance and survival, nor is it a calculative sequence. You have to carve a path out and make sure that everything will be alright in the end."

"That's what society wants you to believe nowadays, Twilight. We have arrived so far with our civilization that our minds become more complicated and intrigued by various new aspects of life. Little do they know, they forget the traditions that brought them together in the first place. Some ways of life should remain untarnished, and that is when they can be enjoyed at the highest quality."

Fluttershy took a sniff of the fresh Ponyville air before continuing. "And then there's power, you know you need it when your job requires an assertive attitude, yet at the same time, you can never hate your enemies. It affects your judgment."

"How are you going to make another pony abide by your orders without illegally forcing them?" Twilight asked.

"Who said it has to be by force? Sure, they can say no to me if I were to make them do me a favor, but when they do, I'm going to make them an offer they can't refuse."

"Riiiiiight." Twilight rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I don't suppose we can see Pinkie Pie on the way. It's the weekend so she won't be out of Sugarcube Corner anytime soon."

"We can, even though everything seems too peaceful."

"Um, isn't that like, your forte?"

Twilight Sparkle was shoved into a corner of a grocery stand.

"Ouch!" She winced and cleared the dust off her fur. "Fluttershy! What was that for—"

But her friend was no longer in the open space. All she saw were ponies panicking and galloping to safety, maybe a couple of manarifle shots or two.

"Well then..."

Hell broke loose across the town as professionally dressed stallions swarmed the square and exchanged gunshots from every direction possibly imagined. The clattering of iron and knives and brash collateral wreckage of numerous grocery stands filled the air. By the time the square was devoid of civilians, the heated bloodthirst rattled across the area, which and every participant was aware of while they brawled. Soon came the roars of numerous animal species as they pounced on the stallions and had them trapped within their natural born, razor-sharp claws and teeth.

Twilight could not help but take a peek from the corner, already shivering at the most gruesome fates of the misfortunate victims coming from Fluttershy's little battalion.

Ten squirrels chattered and crawled through a stallion's clothing, poking his ribs and scratching his face.

"Stop! Please! This is too much, I tell ya! I ain't gonna be tickled to my death, come on!" He cried as tears gushed out from the critters' merciless tickling.

"That wasn't too bad," Twilight mumbled to herself before turning to her back, only to see Harry swiping away his foes into the stands before pounding his chest with a sounding bellow. Chewing her lips, Twilight cowered beneath her wings.

"Come on, Twilight! As the Princess of Friendship, what's your plan?! You gotta bring everybody together regardless of their differences without abusing your magic."

"Use your magic, Twilight!"

Even in the midst of a thunderous warzone, Twilight immediately turned to face the voice who contradicted against her will. "Whoever said that clearly needs to check in with a therapist—"

Her jaw dropped Celestia knows where as the oranges had before rolling across the open lane. Lying about twenty feet from her, was a yellow furred body covered with pink strips of mane by a wagon cart.

"No..."

She wished this was only a nightmare.

"No no no no no no no!"

Tears stretched into the air as Twilight thoughtlessly galloped to her best friend, who still held a smile even on the edge of death. The Princess of Friendship cast a barrier for themselves as she carried Fluttershy into a collapsed grocery stand filled with oranges.

"Noooooo!!!!!!" Her cries left a sounding trail behind her tail in the short time frame.

With her hooves on the pegasus, she began clutching her torso.

"Fluttershy, hang in there. Hang in there. Please!"

Fluttershy gently nudged her on the shoulder. "Twilight..."

"It's alright, Fluttershy! Don't speak another word. You have to keep breathing!"

"Twilight... I can't do this..."

"Yes you can! Yes you can!" Twilight gripped her friend tighter.

"How could have this happened...?"

Whimpering to herself, she raised her shaky hoof to feel Twilight's face. The Princess was beyond devastated to feel anything at all.

"It hurts. It hurts so much to know when everything goes wrong..."

A single orange rolled by Angel's side before he nibbled on it.

"I know it hurts. You can't deny the pain, but it doesn't mean you can't overcome it! Stay strong, Fluttershy! Please!"

"Pain is what we've been cursed with..." She croaked.

"Oh, I should've listened to you! I shouldn't have thought that Equestria was such a peaceful happy-go-lucky realm. You were right, the world is darker than I've known. I was too scared to face reality—"

Fluttershy stood up and stared at Twilight in the face. The alicorn was more perplexed than ever. Angel finished the orange and hopped right back into the raging battlefield.

"Twilight, I was trying to draw my enemies closer so I could capture them with a net my blue jays were prepared with."

Ten seconds of blinking later, Twilight finally cleaned her face and asked, "So you're saying I foiled it?"

Fluttershy hid behind her mane. "I can't, um, really say you didn't."

Irritated, Twilight dropped her friend and began gesturing erratically.

"Could you, I don't know, stop faking crucial moments so others who are trying to help you can figure everything out for once?!"

Fluttershy blinked. "But I was doing my own thing before you got in the way—"

"I was only trying to be a good friend?!"

"Try telling that to everyone out there fighting at the moment."

Twilight had no choice but to open her ears to the ongoing battle being executed between Fluttershy's mafia and the unknown rival gang. Bodies of shrieking ponies soared through the air and angry animals stampeded the ground. She was in a loss of words to describe the messy situation being showcased in front of her.

"Oh dear, what am I going to do to stop this?"

"You can always use your magic..."

"Pssht! That's the braindead solution for all unicorns. It's just another excuse to abuse our special powers over others. I'm nothing like that!" — she noticed Fluttershy's furrowing eyes — "Okay fine. I'll halt them."

With that said, Twilight emitted a lavender barrier and brought every participant in the shootout together in a giant crowd. With such powerful magic, it was unimaginable to find the situation any more difficult than it should have. Once they were netted by the blue jays, everypony and animal shot glares at the Princess for her tardiness. Without hesitation, Fluttershy walked towards the clasped stallions. The head honcho of the stallions was distinctive thanks to not only his top hat with a wrinkled button-down shirt but a meaty body that is worth the average size of two mares. Scents of alcoholic content were still fresh from the corner of his mouth.

Twilight could not help but point to the leader. "Are some mafia bosses just as brave-hearted as him?"

"Well, I mean like," one of the stallions shrugged, "it has worked in the past because ponies were always stunned by his crazy ideas like showing himself in front of everybody. It serves as a distraction while we as his subordinates surround the enemy from all sides."

"Callate!" The leader snarled at his henchpony. "I know not of cowardice but only asserting my absolute dominance!"

"Uh, no. You didn't assert jack crap besides getting us bamboozled," said another stallion.

"Tu madre!"

"Of course it hasn't worked." Fluttershy chuckled and removed the hat off the leader. "Because this is when karma bites you."

"Que?!" The leader exclaimed in shock. "Are you saying you used my plan to foil my plan?"

"You honestly don't look like somepony who has a plan if it's just throwing yourself out there at the risk of your entire mafia..." Twilight commented.

"I put myself out there to have your stallions in Ponyville outnumbered by my courageous animal friends from the Everfree Forest." Fluttershy pointed a hoof at the leader. "You stood no chance at all!"

Every stallion scrunched their faces and shook their heads. Fluttershy and Twilight exchanged confused glances before the former continued.

"Say whatever you want, Señor Dos Saddles. But if it was me, I would never enter the drug business and put my friends into risk like you. No offense."

"Wait a minute, Dos Saddles? Didn't you just give Princess Celestia those life-threatening pills made by them? I thought you two were in a friendly relationship."

"Um, well... I tried to be assertive and ended up purchasing those pills for the last time at a very low price." Fluttershy pouted.

"And damn right you cheated me out, little girl!" Dos Saddles pounded his hoof on the ground. "How did you even think you can get away with that?!"

Fluttershy blinked. "But I did."

"I'm already putting my life on the line just by standing next to you, Fluttershy!" Twilight began jerking her friend on the shoulders. "Why are you taking so many unnecessary risks just for one deal? And what's gonna happen next that just might kill us?!"

After giving that question a long thought, Fluttershy nuzzled Twilight on the cheeks.

"We'll be fine, Twilight."

"Say less, because that'll protect us at all."

"Don't you think you can get away with this, Donna Fluttershy!" Dos Saddles spat on the ground. "You will pay for refusing my request!"

"Because, um, dealing with somepony like yourself is safer than a dozen other drug cartels coming at me at once while spending a quarter of my people to protect your syndicate. So, um, I knew what I was doing."

The stallions behind Dos Saddles scrunched their faces again. Fluttershy, realizing what they were doing, could not have felt worse.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I couldn't have put the truthful words in any nicer way!"

"Earlier with Bonne and Sarah, you were pretty confident, weren't you?" Twilight smirked.

"That was because it was easy to be nice at the time. I didn't have to verbally attack the boys for their mistakes because they admitted to them."

"So, what do we do with this guy?" Twilight turned to face a vexed Dos Saddles. "Turning him to the Royal Guards sounds like an unequivocal solution—"

"Or we can make him turn into a good pony without having to face any punishments because of me."

"Sure, sure. Just bring forth the asphyxiation process." Twilight grumpily walked away from the crowd. "Because noooooo pony will lose their minds having to bear with you."

"They will thank me for doing them a favor." Fluttershy smiled innocently. "And then they'll cooperate with me."

Bonus: Don't Ever Prank With Anypony Against the Sisterhood Again

Author's Note

You're my reader, and I love you.

But don't ever take the chapter title as a reflective of the original scene again.

Bonus: Don't Ever Prank With Anypony Against the Sisterhood Again

A series of gallops were heard rumbling throughout the castle. Princess Luna's heart raced alongside her hoofsteps desperate to locate her sister's whereabouts. Several Royal Guards sped around her to ensure nopony else was in the alicorn's way of panic and rage.

"Sister! Sister! I'm coming! Forget my beauty sleep because of your silly emergency!"

"That was certainly uncalled for..." A guard whispered to the other running next to him.

By the time they entered the main throne room, Luna's fears came to life when the first thing she saw was her older sister on the ground, twitching and wincing helplessly. With a shriek, Luna leaped next to her sister's limp body and held Celestia's face to meet her own.

"Sis! 'Tia! Do not fret, for I am here! What happened to you?!"

"Lu... Lulu..."

"Oh 'Tia! Everything will be fine. If worse comes to worst, I shall be taking your position and bearing the responsibilities."

"You should've teleported over..."

Luna scratched her head. "That's, quite a fair point you made there..." Her burning eyes immediately darted to the Royal Guards, forcing them to back out of the throne room and wait.

"Don't blame our stallions, Luna... They're only doing their jobs..."

"Nevermind that, sis. Tell me what happened!"

"R-remember what I told you about deceiving Twilight with Fluttershy as an alternative copy of myself?"

Luna nodded at every word she said. "To teach her a lesson like always, yes of course I do."

"But I took this too far, and took actual pills from her."

"Who told you to take them so carelessly?"

"F-fluttershy did, the Godmare herself..."

Luna expression tensed as soon as she heard the infamous name and title. "N-no! She couldn't have!"

"I-I was a fool... I should've known she was coming for my head..."

"Sis! Hang in there!" Luna cried. "Canterlot needs you! Twilight and her friends need you! Equestria needs you!"

"Luna... Oh, Luna you sweet thing..." Celestia reached out to feel her sister's face. Tears could be felt running into her shaky white hoof. "Whatever happens, do not seek vengeance against your adversaries. I'm sure Fluttershy had a good reason to put me down once and for all."

"I promise I won't, sister. I promise."

"Good... That's my wonderful sibling..."

Luna grabbed Celestia's hoof and held it to her cheekbone. "N-no... 'Tia... Don't leave me..."

"I love you."

"At least... those shortcakes were delicious."

Luna blinked, her stoic frown remained hanging. Was she going to let her own beloved sister die right here and now? Then, the Princess of the Night asked the only question that she believed would be the best continuation.

"Art thou done faking?"

With a poof, Celestia reappeared on the throne seat, chuckling to herself.

"Although I didn't completely deceive you, it was certainly enjoyable to see how your reaction changed from one to the other."

"Yes, very." Luna growled with an eye roll. "After playing with my emotions and disturbing my beauty sleep."

"Drugs' side effects don't work on alicorns, Luna. You shouldn't have thought so much about it."

"Which was why you gathered those meathead stallions back there to pull this ridiculous prank just so I could believe you were dying?" Luna pointed a hoof towards the exit of the throne room where the Royal Guards were at. Their hooves trembled as soon as they realized they were mentioned.

"This is why Fluttershy is so dominant in her work field. Donnas like herself know how to deceive others with precise calculations and planning."

"Figures..." Luna grumbled. "Which means Equestria's safety is not what we guaranteed to be if there are intelligent foes out there."

"Which is why we are fortunate to have somepony like Fluttershy to be on our side, she knows her priorities and all she needed was to earn our trust so she can continue preserving stability for us." The elder sibling peeked at the nearest window as her pupils searched for the glinting sunlight. "And now with Twilight and her friends accompanying her, she will be guaranteed safe from any harm."

"It really is interesting to observe and analyze interpersonal relationships of different social groups, sis." Luna pointed out. "Even the slightest difference in expression can set off a dynamic flow of events that may forever shape what may come forth in the near future."

"Indeed, and for Twilight Sparkle to put herself between genuine amicable allies and neutral ambitious associates, it is a new territory of murky waters to explore. But I trust her to seek that equilibrium to a new level of understanding and delight—" She immediately looked up and stared at the Royal Guard with a notepad. "May I ask of your intention behind taking notes of our sibling moment?"

"Um, I thought it would be interesting to hear what you two usually talk about. So um, I'm going to keep this information to myself only."

"I'm sorry, Trident Hurl, but you just played yourself telling her all that." Another Royal Guard nudged the notetaking stallion in the shoulder.

"Oh I'm sorry, was I supposed to lie through my teeth and get busted afterward?!" Trident Hurl snarled. "You braindead, um, featherbrain eggplant!"

The other stallion, Musky Floss, raised a hoof to his chest. "First of all, I will rather be called a jalapeño than an eggplant. And second of all, it's quite ironic how your aggressive response just showed you have zero confidence in your communicative aspects of life."

"Shut up, bozo."

"Make me, puffy-cheeks."

Trident Hurl pulled out a handheld mirror and checked his face before furiously shaking his head and snapped at his partner. "You're probably an undercover for one of the mafia groups trying to crack the royalty down!"

Every Royal Guard in the room gasped at Musky Floss, who scratched his ears and shook his head. "Really, to believe something as stupid as that? Y'all really stooped down to a new level of dimwit-ness."

"Yes, because somepony as braindead as you would go undercover and expose himself." Trident Hurl stomped. "You're not even capable of being cunning!"

With that said, Musky fixated his appearance and reached for his tiny blade placed near his flank, before delivering everypony his sinister smirk.

"Or am I now...?"

Silence and apathy plagued the room as all the Guards began walking away from Musky Floss, leaving him with the annoyed princesses.

"Wasn't that good enough of an act as a suspect?!" He called to them as he scuttled off. "I practiced really hard for this, ya know?"

After the stallions left abruptly, the sisters were in peace once more. For once were they relieved to be in a safe space with trustworthy ponies to aid them with ruling the kingdom.

"Musky Floss talks when he should listen," Luna mumbled to Celestia, "it is no wonder he is the clown residing in the lower ranks."

The Sol Princess chuckled. "Not everypony has to be an exemplary model nor the apogee of their roles, Lulu. We need the entertainment out there to alleviate our stressful duties from time to time."

"It is exactly those kinds of entertainment that will make ponies lose their heads over nothing. Our realm consists of threats unknown to our society which, more often than not, spawn abnormally and beyond our expectations."

"Perhaps." Celestia closed her eyes. "Just perhaps..."

Celestia proceeded to leave her seat, only to fall over and roll down the steps, collapsing again. This time, Luna raised a brow.

"You really think I'm gonna fall for that again?"

"No Lulu!" Celestia nearly cried. "It's not the pills this time, but a stomachache. I think I ate too many of those shortcakes Fluttershy made for me."

"Yes yes, good luck deceiving anypony like that again. I'm not going to be shamed on by being fooled twice."

Celestia gave Luna a pleading look from behind. "But I'm your sister."

"Why does every sibling pull that card?" Luna grumbled with a headshake.

"Because it is an effective tactic that works every time, Lulu."

"Don't call me that now."

"What?"

"Lulu."

"Lulu."

"I just said don't call me Lulu."

"Of course, Lulu."

She facehoofed. "Now your psychological idea shall be deemed fruitless just because you said that. Now, if I may, my sleep schedule must be 'preserved' in order to perform my nocturnal tasks. Otherwise, there shall be a loss of emotional 'stability' among the unwell ponies who would drown in chaos and fear once the moon rises."

Celestia struggled to raise her head. "Luna, I'm not lying this time, I need freshly brewed chamomile tea to cleanse my inner contents."

"May the stars guide thy path... down the drain."

And with a smirk, Luna teleported back into her bedroom in snub of her sister's desperate plea.