At first light there was no one in the pub, mostly because it wasn’t open yet. The problem is that I was going crazy with so much paperwork that I had pending.

I leaned against the bar, snorted and took my glass of beer to take a sip. Suddenly the door opened, and Sunset graced me with her presence.

"Good morning, boss… boss? Oh my gosh, Bourbon you look awful…” Cool, just what I needed to start the day.

"If this is your idea of a compliment, Sunset, don't expect a pay rise." I replied without hiding my disgusted face.

“No, really, you don't look good, have you showered this morning? And what are you doing drinking so early?” Fuck, so many questions in a row…

“Sunset, you sound just like my mother… No, I haven't showered, and I drink because I feel like it. Well, and because I'm stressed.” I snorted and put my hands on my face. "This is bullshit."

Sunset sat next to me and touched my shoulder. "Don't worry, I'm not going to read your mind, ok? What's wrong with you?"

“Well, I'm doing the calculations and, although we don't lose money, we need something if we want to have a good profit margin; on the other hand, they’ve asked me for help to find a janitor for the building.”

"And why do you have to do that?"

"The Hell if I know." I asked tired. "Our neighbors are all lazy feckers, Mallacht na baintrí orthu." Sunset gave me a weird look. "Sorry, when I'm really pissed of I tend to bring up my Lyrish blood."

“Don't worry it's kinda funny." She chuckled. "Anyway, about the pub, what do you intend to do? Are you going to fire me?” Sunset asked me that worried.

“No Sunset, how am I going to fire you? I can't run this place alone. You’re starting to be indispensable here…” She smiled at me.

"Hey, we have kitchen, right?" I looked at her surprised and nodded. “Then, how about we start serving meals? People would have more options to ask and they would spend more money.”

"Well, we’ve served sandwiches and so before... but it's still a good idea to start serving more elaborate dishes." I said thoughtfully with my hand on my chin. "It reminds me of a pub in Gallopway that served hamburgers and haggis so good to die for." I gestured to indicate how delicious the dishes of that place were.

"I don't know what that last is, but otherwise it sounds good." If only you knew...

"Perfect! Now we just need someone in the kitchen… and still I need someone for the janitor job.”

Suddenly a lanky guy with a careless ponytail and dressed with a simple shirt and a pair of jeans entered the pub.

"May I help you?" I asked as I take my place behind the bar.

"Yes, I'm looking for Bourbon Maverick, they told me I could find him here."

"Well you found him, I'm Bourbon Maverick, what do you need?" I asked intrigued to see what this peculiar guy wanted.

“I came for the job of janitor of your building, I have experience and I’m a har worker.” From the bag he carried he took out some papers. "Here’s my curriculum."

"Boss, I need a new laptop, can you try again?" Asked me Sunset surprised.

I looked over this guy's curriculum and yes, he had worked in many places. "Well... it seems that you have experience." There was something about this guy that gave me goosebumps, not that I was thinking of him being a serial killer or something, but yet suspicious, as if I had seen him before, but honestly, I didn't feel like beating around the bush. “Look, since I have full authority, you're hired. Give me a minute, I'll accompany you to the building and show you how everything works there."

"Great, don't you mind if I come from time to time to have a beer, right?" The guy asked.

“Of course not, better for me and my business! By the way, what's your name?” I asked.

"My name is Ponos."

Hours later, after making Ponos acquainted with the building, I went back to the pub to serve customers and go around the idea of getting a cooker. At the bar Rainbow Dash and Rarity were having a drink and talking with Sunset.

"So, how do you see the new janitor?" Sunset asked, leaving an empty tray on the bar.

"I think he's okay, he looks hardworking, but he has something strange... don't get me wrong, he doesn't look bad, but I think there's something I'm missing about him." Yes, he gave me a strange feeling, but maybe that was just my imagination.

"Bourbon, by the way, Sunset told us you need someone in the kitchen, why don't you hire Scootaloo?" Dash asked me.

“Scootaloo? Don't get me wrong Dash, but I would prefer someone with some experience.” I replied.

"Oh, come on, Scootaloo cooks very well, in fact, it’s she who almost always prepares the food in my house... she needs some money while she gets her degree in mechanics."

"But would she be available with her studies and stuff?" I asked out of curiosity.

“She studies in the morning from 8 to 12. The rest of the time she is free.”

I kept thinking for a second. “Well, she could be here for lunch and dinner…” Maybe she could do well, besides Scootaloo was trustworthy, come on, it was from our circle of friends after all. "Okay, I'll give her a try." Dash smiled excitedly. "But I expect responsibility on her part."

"Relax Bourbon, I'll tell her today in the afternoon so you can have her working here tomorrow." Dash looked at her watch and quickly took out her wallet to pay for hers and Rarity's coffee. “I'm going to the base, I'm late. See you guys later.”

Typical Rainbow Dash, the fastest one and yet always late.

“If they tell me that Rainbow Dash would end up being a drill sergeant in the air force, I would have laughed.” I commented more to myself than to others.

"Don’t worry darling, at first we were also surprised, but she always liked those things." Rarity commented.

Shortly after Dash leaving, Pinkie Pie came in. She smiled and greeted us very happy, as always, and asked me for a chocolate milkshake.

"Here you got Pinkie." I said pouring the glass.

"Thanks, Bourbon." She replied smiling.

“Pinkie! How are you doing?” Sunset asked approaching her friend.

“Hi Sunshim! Everything’s fine thanks. Today Gummy almost bites me but I could control him well.” She replied happily. That little caiman we found in the bayou became a good pet for her afterall. I still thought that it was dangerous, but also I had to admit he was very cute.

"And how about Cheese?" She asked smirking. "Since the party at the bayou you spend a lot of time together."

I laughed at Sunset's comment. Certainly, it had been almost one month since that and, as expected, Pinkie and Cheese, the biggest party animals of Canterlot started dating. Cheese almost didn't come home, and Pinkie spent less time with her friends and sisters, but, in short, this is what happens when you just start dating someone.

"Things are going well, I guess." She replied without giving many details. That was weird, usually Pinkie gives twenty thousand details about the simplest things, and always in a very excited way.

"Oh dear, that doesn't sound convincing." Rarity said.

"What's wrong? You guys had a fight or something? Do you have problems?” Asked Sunset.

"No, no, we are doing well, there is no major problem." She replied with a smile and scratching her neck.

“Well, you don't sound convincing, the Pinkie Pie we know would give us all kinds of details about her life.” I replied.

"Yes, the usual Pinkie would always give details... but there's not much to tell either." Our pink friend replied.

"Oh darling, don't tell me you have been dating one month and you've already fallen into the routine." Rarity said worriedly.

"Yeah..." Pinkie replied nodding. "Into the sex routine..." At that the three of us looked surprised. “We spend all day… banging and banging. More than a relationship it seems that I’m living a porn movie.”

I said nothing because I was still analyzing the situation. Sunset went to attend some clients and Rarity let out a short laugh.

"Pinkie Pie complaining about too much sex?" Rarity asked rhetorically. "That would be as if Bourbon complained about going to an open bar."

"Hey!" I said indignantly, although I recognize that I lost some credibility with the pint of beer in my right hand.

“I don't know Rares, lately I see Cheese so… anxious. Sometimes when I see him, I don't know whether to kiss him or hang his coat." Pinkie said with a "you know what I mean" look.

“But that’s normal, all couples at the beginning don’t stop doing it. Am I right Bourbon?” Rarity asked me.

"Yes, of course, at the beginning of a relationship the hormones are revolutionized, and you try blow whenever you can; either that or he is a sex addict." I said that without thinking, and immediately regretted having opened my mouth.

"What did you say?" Pinkie asked worriedly.

“Err… I mean… shit.” Great, I had screwed up one more time.

“Oh gosh, what if it’s true? Maybe he doesn’t care about me and just want an easy sexual release.” Pinkie was starting to get stressed, and that was bad, very bad. "I’m beginning to think that he only loves me for my body..."

"Look Pinkie, don't tripping on, is Cheese Sandwich who we’re talking about, he loves you for how you are." I said defending my friend. The truth is that I couldn’t imagine Cheese as a sex maniac.

“Bourbon is right darling. Cheese has his peculiarities, like you, but he doesn’t look like a maniac.” Rarity inquired.

"I don't know, maybe you're right, anyway, Bourbon, you're a psychologist, how can you tell if someone is addicted to sex?"

“Well, let's see, I would have to make a diagnosis. Although, now that I think about it, I remember reading a test once in the Cosmopolitan to see if your partner was a sex addict.” Immediately my explanation gave rise to doubts.

"Boss, may I ask why you read the Cosmopolitan?" Asked Sunset who joined the conversation again.

“It was for college, I had to do a research about addictions, okay? I found that test and set it as an example to analyze symptoms.” Although it was true, that didn't stop Rarity and Sunset from laughing at me. I just rolled my eyes and took a sip of my beer.

As if he had been summoned, Cheese Sandwich entered the pub, there was no need to be a genius to know he was looking for Pinkie.

"Hey Bourbon, Sunset, Rarity." He greeted us regularly and immediately turned to Pinkie. "Hi Pinkie." He said and gave her a warm kiss on the cheek. “Hey, what do you think if I pass through your house later and have some tea and Pie? I thought about watching Notting Hill today.” Wow, that’s what I call a cheesy movie, at least for me… “Bourbon, I'm going to the restroom, can you get me a bottle of water please?”

"Right away." I replied as Cheese headed to the toilet.

"Notting Hill..." Rarity said. "You see? You don't have to worry about Pinkie, you're just going to have a romantic evening… oh, I wish I could have something like that.” Rarity sighed with a dreamy expression in her eyes, not realizing that behind her Cheese Sandwich was calling Pinkie's attention and making obscene gestures of what they would obviously do while or after watching the movie...

Rarity turned around when she saw Pinkie's surprise expression and Cheese began to hide quickly as if she were stretching.

"Uhm... Bourbon, do you still have that magazine by chance?" I nodded, the truth is that I kept it a long time ago with the rest of college stuff. "Would you lend it to me this afternoon? Pretty please."

At lunchtime I went home and saw Ponos in the hall.

"Good afternoon Bourbon." He said kindly.

“Hi Ponos, how are you doing? Do you adapt well to the building?”

“Yes, I have no problem, I already met some of the neighbors; like those beautiful girls, Lyra and Bon Bon, or that grumpy man and his wife, Cranky and Matilda…”

"Yes, they are cool when you know them, but don’t go trusting to much, in this building lives very strange people." I warned him, actually I was thinking of a certain chaotic neighbor.

"Hi Bourbon!" I looked back and saw a young woman with an adorable girl by her side.

“Derpy, Dinky! How are you today?” I asked glad to see them.

"Well, I just picked up Dinky from high school." Derpy suddenly noticed my companion. "Hey, who's your friend?"

“Oh, right, Derpy let me introduce you to Ponos, he's the new janitor of the building; Ponos she is Derpy Hooves, a neighbor and the local mailwoman, and she's her daughter, Dinky.”

"The pleasure is mine." He replied politely.

"Well, we're leaving, I have to make lunch. See you both!" Derpy said leaving with her daughter.

"Me too, hey Ponos, come to the pub later, I think I’ve got a beer with your name on it." I said as I prepared to take the elevator.

"I'll sign it up for that." He replied.

Once in my place I was preparing food when Big Mac entered through the door.

"Howdy Bourbon." He said.

"Hi Mac. Is everything fine in the store?"

"Eeyup." He said while picking an apple.

“You spent so much time out of home lately.” I commented trying to start a conversation. “Since the party at the Bayou I feel you livelier.”

Big Mac just smiled and shrugged.

"Is there anything new in your life, perhaps?" I asked smirking.

"Nope." Something in that 'nope' made me suspect that I was lying.

The truth is that Big Mac had been going out more since we returned from the fais do do in Gator's village. He was no longer thinking so much about Sugar Belle and was not constantly depressed. I didn't care about the reason, if he was better, it was the only thing matters to me.

After finishing his apple, Big Mac left to open the store again. And I prepared to return to the pub.

That same afternoon I was behind the bar as usual, Berry Punch and Flash Sentry kept me company and I could see Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich sitting at one of the tables. I lent Pinkie the magazine with the test and went to the table with them drinks, and pretended to clean an empty table, since basically the only thing that interested me was to see how Pinkie posed to Cheese his possible addiction...

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm craving for some pie..." Cheese leaned down to kiss Pinkie, but she backed away.

"Cheese, Cheese, can't we stay here for a while, preferably dressed?" Pinkie asked. "We could drink our beers and talk about things... about sex."

"What's going on?" Cheese asked worriedly. “Aren’t you satisfied? Don't we do it enough?”

"Are you kidding?" Pinkie exclaimed. “If I sat in a freezer, I would melt the ice…” I barely could hold the laugh and Cheese looked at her suspiciously. “No, what I mean is that I want to chat, about sex and stuff, ok?"

"Well, okay, let's talk..." Cheese said without giving it much importance.

"Yes, for example..." Pinkie looked sneakily backwards because the magazine was hidden there. "Do you need increasing variety and frequency in your sexual relations to feel the same level of excitement and relief?"

Cheese was perplexed at the question, and it was not for less... I had already forgotten how those questions were. "Huh? That's a random question… well, I don't know, yes, I guess… it depends.” He said while scratching his neck thoughtfully.

"So, A. I mean, yes!" Pinkie said getting nervous and trying to read the second question.

“Well, we have already talked. Do we smash?” Said Cheese trying to bow again. I was beginning to think that he was indeed hotter than a forge...

"No, no, wait... I have another question, it's something I've been going around for a long time." Pinkie said hiding to read the magazine. “Have your sexual needs led you to practice sex in places or with people with whom you would not get involved in normal circumstances?”

"Uh... you don't say that for yourself, right?" Cheese replied laughing. "Pinkie, you're acting very weird, even for you..."

“Weird me? Cheese, don't change the subject, just answer one of the four.” Pinkie turned to read the answers. "Yes, no, sometimes or only when I drink."

"What the hell are you talking about Pinkie?" Cheese looked out of the corner of his eye at the magazine Pinkie hid under her rear. "What are you hiding there?"

In a playful way at first Cheese pounced on Pinkie to take the magazine away from her, Pinkie resisted but couldn't prevent him from getting it. Cheese's expression changed radically when he realized what it was...

"Find out if your man is a sex addict..." Cheese facepalmed in frustration, snorted, grabbed the magazine rising suddenly and stood up to his girlfriend. “What is this Pinkie? Sex addict? Is this how you see me? Like an obsessive, a sick person?”

"Well Cheese, don’t be like that... what I mean is..." Pinkie was between the sword and the wall. "I don't know... it's that sometimes you look like Benny Hill on Viagra."

“Very well, let's clarify this. Bourbon!”

"Uh, yes?" I replied as I stop cleaning the table, or I should say pretending. "Bring me a pen, please." I went to the bar to take one and gave it to Cheese, who turned to Pinkie again. "I'm going to do the test, and I'm going to show you what is obvious to everyone but you..."

I went back to the bar to talk to people and continue serving drinks. Ten minutes later, Pinkie and Cheese approached, and he showed a dejected expression, like that of one who is told he has cancer...

"Obsessed... I'm a sick man!" He said, suddenly putting the pen on the bar and facepalming, it seemed he was going to cry at any moment. "Of course! I haven’t taken the gun for so long, that now I don't think of nothing else but shooting. Look at this, all A’s!” He said pointing to the test he had just done.

"Come on Cheese, don't overdo it." Pinkie said trying to cheer him up. "Look, here you put a B."

"But if I'm honest, it's an A, 'with her and her sister'." Pinkie stared at him, puzzled, but my expression was not far behind... "Well, it's over, from now on I'll be a man, not an animal controlled by his impulses.”

"Of course, and I'll help you, honey." Pinkie said smiling and stroking his cheek. "By the way, just one last question, with which of my sisters?"

"Ok, I don't need to know that!" I said retreating quickly to serve other clients.

Later that night Ponos, Zephyr and Filthy Rich arrived. Ponos showed up and chatted with them a little bit until he went to the toilet.

Just a moment after, our particular walking chaos appeared...

"Good evening, gentlemen." Said Discord.

"Hi Discord, how did you not come all day?" I asked, surprised.

"It was a hard day at the university."

"Hard day? You?” Asked Zephyr laughing.

"Yes Zephyr, it is what you have to do when you have a job, do you remember what that is?" Everyone present laughed at Discord's comment; Zephyr Breeze was certainly not the best person to talk about laziness or not taking responsibilities.

Ponos return from the toilet with his hands a little wet and returned with us.

"Bourbon, you have run out of paper to dry hands." He said, but suddenly he realized that Discord had taken his place. "Excuse me friend, but this was my stool."

Discord turned in surprise to look at Ponos, and when he saw him, I swear that the color vanished from his face. The same happened with our new janitor.

“Ponos? Is that you?” Discord asked.

"Oh fuck me..." Ponos said suddenly.

“You know each other?” I asked curiously.

"I'm afraid so..." Discord said.

"Yes... and very well indeed. This quirky guy is my father..."

Rich and Zephyr spit out what they were drinking and Sunset, who had just appeared, threw the tray out; Luckily it was empty.

"You... do you have a son?" I asked still perplexed.

"Didn't I tell you?" Discord said, playing the innocent.

"Usually he forgets about those kind of details..." Said Ponos, it was not necessary to notice too much that there was a lot of tension between these two.

"Here we go again with the accumulated hatred." Discord said taking another sip of his beer.

Ponos and Discord talked for a while. Ponos explained to his father that he was now working as janitor in our building, and of course, Discord told him that he now lived there.

"I can't believe you dad. When was the last time when you called home or something?" Asked Ponos.

"Do you think I wanted to talk with your mother? I didn't want to talk her in person much less by phone." Replied Discord.

"You've always been a selfish moron, you know that?". Ponos just took his look away really pissed of.

Watching these two I had a bad Deja Vu. I started to think about the relationship I had with my father and bad memories came to my mind once again...

"Look son, I know I had never been the NO.1 dad, and considering how your mother was, I did my best... but, if there’s anything I can do for you, tell me." Discord said. For the first time since I met him, I could see sincerity in his eyes.

"Well, now that you say it... it wouldn't hurt to stay in your place, at least for some time." Discord seemed to think about it, but in the end he agreed. It’s his son, after all.

"Ponos, welcome then." I said raising a beer and toasting with him and the others. "By the way, I wanted to tell y'all that this weekend I intend to do a comedy contest in case you feel like passing by."

"Oh, and may I join?" Discord asked.

“Eh… well, I don’t see why not.” I replied not sure of where this would lead.

"Perfect, well, sign me up, I have some great jokes in my pocket."

"Dad, you wouldn't be funny even if you jumped rope naked." Ponos replied, which caused us all to laugh.

"Oh what the Hell, I sign up too." Filthy Rich said. "I am the life of the party at company dinners with my jokes."

"Yes, because being the boss had nothing to do with that..." Discord said.

"What do you mean? Are you implying I’m not funny enough?"

"I'm just saying that I would laugh more if I had gonorrhea." Discord replied.

"Ew, Discord, that's gross!" I complained.

“You son of a… very well, let's make this interesting, this weekend will be a one-on-one, and then we’ll see who’s the true comedy king.” Filthy Rich paid for his drink and left very indignantly while Discord continued to provoke him.

"Dad, I don't know how you do it, but you really have the ability to be a pain in the ass for everybody." Ponos said. And he wasn’t wrong at all.

The next day Rainbow Dash entered with Scootaloo in the pub.

“Dash, Scoots, how are you?” I asked to those almost sisters.

"Hi Bourbon, I bring you Scootaloo to show her the kitchen." Dash said. "Well, I'm leaving, I have things to do."

Always in a hurry. Just like someone I know but I didn't think too much about that...

"Well Scootallo, are you sure you have experience in the kitchen?"

“Bourbon, I've been preparing my food since the age of fourteen, and at home, with Rainbow Dash, who do you think cook? Dash is awesome in lots of things, but when it comes to cooking she can’t even fry an egg.” Explained the girl.

"Good point. Okay, after all, this is not a preppy restaurant, as well as you know how to prepare hamburgers, sandwiches, chicken wings, etc. you know, pub food, it works for me."

"So, am I hired?" She asked excitedly.

"Of course, now, put on a bandana and an apron that I left you in the kitchen and you can start." I said indicating the way.

"Right away. Boss.” Scootaloo said winking at me and emphasizing the word 'boss'.

That same afternoon Discord, Zephyr and Flash Sentry served as subjects of experiment for Scootaloo's dishes.

"Bourbon, this burger is excellent." Flash said.

"And these nachos are the best I've ever tasted." Discord said.

"Thanks to Scootaloo, in the end she was a good signing." I said glad to have hired that girl.

"By the way Discord, how are you doing about the comedy contest?" Zephyr asked.

“Well, look, I'm going to tell you a joke: what do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.” We all fell silent.

"Discord, that was worse than hitting a father with a sweaty sock." I said at such a joke, to call it somehow. I barely realized that Cheese Sandwich had entered the pub.

"Oh yeah? Well, look at this: this is a man so horny that he wants to fuck a very ugly girl, and then…”

"Here we go again, sex, sex, sex ... is there no other subject?" Interrupted Cheese Sandwich indignantly. “This really gets out of control, does nobody think of the children? You are sick…”

“What in the hell is wrong with you? Have you been asked to play the Chicken Dance with the accordion again?” Asked Discord.

"No, it's just..." This man seemed very overwhelmed. "Bourbon, may I talk to you?"

"As a friend or as a psychologist?" I asked fearing what the subject was about.

“I prefer as a friend; you don't charge me that way." Boy, didn’t think so. "You know... I really think I'm a sex addict." Cheese looked clearly ashamed, and the other’s laughs didn't make his situation better.

“Please Cheese, sex addict? That's the natural state of man.” Said the chaotic philosopher, playing down its importance.

"Yes, that's like saying that Berry Punch is addicted to alcohol..." Maybe Zephyr didn't realize, but what he said wasn't so much nonsense; In any case, we decided to ignore him.

“Let’s pretend nothing happened here…” I said.

"Stop saying bullshit, I'm about to lose my girl..." Maybe Cheese was overreacting, but he really looked worried. "And all because I can't take sex off my head..."

"But Cheese, what exactly happened to you?" I asked, what Cheese started telling us about his last encounter with Pinkie...

Pinkie and Cheese were at home about to have a soup for dinner.

"Dinner’s ready." Pinkie said smiling with a singing voice and serving Cheese some soup on the plate. “And then the movie and popcorn. Do you see how we can have a great time without ending with my panties off?”

"You’re right." Said Cheese taking the plate his girlfriend offered him. "Nothing better than being both here, quiet, having dinner as a normal couple, and with nothing that reminds us of sex..."

Pinkie laughed at Cheese’s occurrences. “Of course, besides, what can excite you about this situation? Soup? You would be sick.” Pinkie said laughing.

However, something made ' click ' in the Cheese’s brain and suddenly he imagined Pinkie dressed like a maid, looking at him seductively.

"Watch out for the soup, it's very hot... just like me." Said the Pinkie Pie of Cheese's fantasy. "You want a taste?"

Cheese recreated himself with what his imagination made for him, but suddenly he faced himself against reality. “Cheese, is the soup hot or not? What's wrong with you?"

"Err, no, it's perfect." He said taking a quick sip.

Pinkie did the same, but once again something went through the boy's mind that made him see that gesture as something devilishly sexy. Pinkie licking the spoon and putting it in her mouth repeatedly made Cheese's mind wander too much.

“Cheese what's wrong with you? Why do you have that weird face?” Pinkie asked innocently.

"Uhm... is just..." Cheese looked nervously around him. "I just can't find my napkin."

Pinkie looked for something for him, but in Cheese's mind he imagined how his girlfriend subtly took off her panties and threw them to his face playfully.

"Could this be of use?” She asked as she took them out of Cheese's hands. "And get ready because for dessert there is a sweet pie, and I need you for the...cream filling."

Cheese at that time had a stupid face impossible to erase, everything around it was diffuse...

"Cheese, could this be of use or not?" Pinkie said holding a simple rag.

"I just don't want to stain your panties..." Cheese said still in a trance.

"What panties?" Suddenly Pinkie's face broke down and she got up very angry. "You're already having dirty thoughts!"

"No, I said pancakes..." Said Cheese, but there were no valid excuses, they had caught him. “Okay Pinkie, yes I was having dirty thoughts. Look, this is too much for me, I think I need help from professionals...”

“You’ll go whoring?! You're a bastard!” Pinkie yelled very indignantly, but soon realized she was wrong. "Oh wait, you mean psychologists and so... right?" She said laughing embarrassed.

Cheese left Pinkie's house for the pub. Maybe there he could clarify the ideas.

“Goddammit Cheese…” Said Flash Sentry. "You do have an overflowing imagination."

"What’s wrong? Have you never fantasized awake?” Zephyr asked.

"Well, not in that way..."

"Yeah, of course… I have a hard time believing it considering time you’ve been without being laid." Zephyr replied bothering Flash.

"What do you know about my sex life? You asshole. Have you thought about yours?" Flash was getting pissed off.

“C'mon guys! Are you going to listen to me? I’m feeling awful.” Cheese was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. "If I lose Pinkie because of this..."

"Come on Cheese, I think you're exaggerating." I said trying to cheer him up after a sip of my longneck. “Listen, I personally don't think you're a sex addict, but if you were, you have to keep in mind that I would have to diagnose it first; and also these types of addictions can become as serious as tobacco addiction or alcoholism, and therapies to treat it can last for months... even years.”

I know it wasn't very encouraging for my friend, but I had to be honest with him. Addictions are no nonsense, addicts are able to throw their lives overboard for not having self-control, each addiction is a disgrace to those who suffer and those around them, and this was no exception.

"Well, maybe it’s time to shine the Magic Lamp." Said Zephyr. We all look at him without understanding him. "You know, make the one-eye snake spit." Oh no, tell me he’s not thinking about... "Holy shit Cheese, wank yourself." Yes, he was thinking about it, and he even made the gesture of masturbating in case he wasn’t clear enough. "Think about it, if the rifle has no ammo there can be no war."

Discord and Flash laughed at Zephyr's comment, but Cheese looked like he wanted to kill him.

"Of course, Zehpyr, and we can get him into the zoo and let him blow off with the mandrels..." I said sarcastically.

"It's another option..." He said. I want to believe he said it jokingly, but, is Zehpyr Breeze who we’re talking about...

“What the fuck, dude, how am I going to do that? I mean, if I had to listen to everything you say…” Cheese commented apparently without giving importance to the suggestion of Fluttershy's brother. Or so I hope.

The next day, I dedicated myself in the morning to prepare the pub for the humor show, Filthy Rich was at a table taking notes with a face of extreme concentration. I brought him the glass of brandy he asked for and I decided to ask him what he was doing.

"Making accounts?"

“No, I'm planning jokes for tonight. Look, let's see what you think.” Rich handed me the notebook and I read some of those there were.

"Hey, Rich, can I be honest?"

"Yeah right."

“They’re bullshit, I mean, I would laugh sooner if I electrocute my balls rather with one of these jokes.” Likewise, my “sincerity” should work, but if you ask my opinion…

"Oh yeah? Then you've run out of tip!" He said angrily as I retired to the bar and he followed me.

“Don't think it’s personal, I don't really care if you win or Discord does; What I want is for the pub to fill up and people to have fun.” I explained.

"Yeah, but it would be very humiliating for me if Discord wins, understand that." Rich said sitting at the bar.

"Easy toff guy, as I saw that coming, I called two fellas I know to be a jury, so there will be a neutral opinion."

I cleaned a glass and suddenly as if we had summoned him Discord entered triumphantly.

"Good morning gentlemen, Rich, ready to see who’s the king of comedy?" Discord said haughtily.

"Don’t sing victory yet, also you don’t even have any jokes..." Said the millionaire.

"Au contraire, I have a list of great jokes right here." He said taking out a notebook similar to the one used by Filthy Rich.

"Let me se ..." I read two of the jokes, and he can't help laughing. The truth is that they were good. "Hahahah, Discord these are very good."

“Thank you, but I'm going to book them for tonight. Serve me a Lyrish Coffee while I go to the toilet.” He said retiring.

"Give me that." Rich took my notebook from my hands and began to read them. "Well they are good yes ... I think I'm going to make sure the competition." That said, Rich tore some pages from the notebook and put them in his.

“Rich, what are you doing? Are you really going to cheat?” I said indignantly.

"Everything’s fair in love and war." Suddenly he took 100 dollars from his wallet. "Here, I don't want to hear no word."

I accepted the bribe. Not that I liked the idea, but I had to pay bills. "Okay, but for the record, I’m not agree with this."

Filthy Rich quickly paid for his brandy and left. Discord returned without suspecting what he had done.

Soon Pinkie Pie and Rarity entered and sat at a table, which was attended by Sunset. Pinkie seemed between worried and upset and I had no trouble imagining the reason when Cheese came in and they left almost running.

"Pinkie, wait, I have to talk to you... shit." Cheese kept the word in his mouth and approached the bar. "Bourbon, can you give me a beer?"

"Right away."

"Or wait, better prepare me a Desperado, I need to forget..." Well, it was going badly.

"Cheese, do you remember that night in Mexicolt when you ordered one of those? If you throw up, I don't intend to hold your head." I laughed remembering that party, I was drunk too but cool enough to help him. "Ok, tell me, what happened?"

"Well, things with Pinkie don't get better, if even they get worse." Discord and I stared at him waiting for him to explain something else to us. "I don't know why I listened to Zephyr about shining the saber. Pinkie caught me in her bathroom."

I facepalmed and sighed.

“Begorrah, Cheese! what were you thinking listening to Zephyr? Don't you see that he only says nonsense? And in her bathroom?! Really?!” I replied thinking that my friend would have been somewhat smarter. I guess when you're desperate you make any nonsense.

"He's right, your problem has a chemical solution." Discord said.

"What?" Cheese asked looking at him strangely.

"You have to medicate yourself and ta da! Problem solved."

"That’s right! Bourbon, won't you have something out there that works for me?" Cheese asked as I put on a surprised expression.

"Yes, of course, and some opium pills if you are too hyperactive, and a good ole' snake oil if you want..." I said sarcastically. "Cheese, that's nonsense, also it's psychiatrists who prescribe these things, not psychologists."

"Well, I happen to have something around here." Discord said pulling out a bottle of pills without showing the label, which made me feel bad. "It's Androcur, with this you will lose all the livid."

"What? Are you fucking serious?” They both looked at me without knowing what I meant. "You can’t take that, it’s a very potent estrogen, it can cause you infertility and gynecomastia."

"The what now?" Cheese asked without understanding anything.

"You can grow tits Cheese!" Unfortunately, I said this too loudly and just as Sunset returned from the tables.

"Oops, I think I left a table without cleaning..." she said trying to avoid this awkward conversation. Not that I blame her.

"Bourbon, that's only if you overdo the dose." Discord said. "Take one and you will see that everything is better."

"What the hell, okay, I'm going to try." Cheese said taking the boat and taking a pill.

"Look, I don't want to know anything, I wash my hands..." I replied as I headed for the taps to pour me a beer. Something told me that I would need it.

When night came, I prepared to go down to the pub. I had left Sunset in charge while I dined a little with Big Mac.

"Will you come to the comedy show?" I asked my partner.

"Nope." He said.

"Seriously? Don't you want to see Discord and Filthy Rich being ridiculous?” I was surprised by his answer so I wanted to dig a little deeper.

"Nope. I'm tired and I'll stay here watching a movie, maybe I order a pizza.”

"Very well, whatever you wish." I had the feeling that Big Mac was hiding something, but I didn't want to think about it too much and went down to the pub.

The pub was full, and that already made my night. Sunset almost threw me up for being late while she was swamped with work. Sunset told me there were a couple of guys who wanted to see me.

When I saw them, I recognized them as the Brickwall brothers, the ones who were going to be jurors for Rich and Discord. Filthy Rich, who was going to act first, was trying to relax a bit, but Discord appeared arguing with Ponos.

"C’mon Dad, don't be paranoid, how can the jokes suddenly vanish?" Said Ponos.

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out..." Discord said more to himself than to his son. "Rich, I have a doubt, what are you going to open the show with?"

"I shouldn’t say that, Discord, I would break the mystery then..." Said the millionaire.

"I see..." Suddenly, Discord noticed Rich's notebook and couldn't get out of his astonishment. “And did you write these jokes alone or did you look for them in treacherousrat.com? You are using my jokes!”

"Well, your jokes... humor has no owner..." Filthy Rich tried to excuse himself.

“You filthy bastard. These jokes are mine.” Discord said indignantly, and it wasn't without reason.

“Look Discord, I'll explain it this way. It's capitalism for dummies; you have something that I need, if you don't sell it to me I get it in another way…”

"That is not capitalism, that’s pillage." Ponos tried to say.

“You shut up. Look Discord, order whatever you want, I invite you.” Filthy Rich went to the toilet while Discord showed him his middle finger and sat at one of the bar stools very pissed off.

For my part I went on stage after talking with the jurors and spoke through the microphone to start the performance.

“Good evening everyone, before I started, I wanted to introduce and thank the Brickwall brothers for coming today to play juries, even though they have their father in the hospital with cancer. Much encouragement guys!” All the people applauded the brothers who got up and thanked them with their hands. I went back to the bar to help Sunset serve when I looked at Discord, who had put on an accomplice look, as if he was up to something.

When Rich left the toilet, he returned to the bar to finish his beer ready to get the crowd, but Discord addressed him in an instant.

“Hey Rich, listen, I think I've taken things out of my mind. I wanted to wish you good luck, you have some great jokes. Above all, that one of the zodiacs…” He said the last thing in a low voice, but enough that Ponos and I would listen to him.

"Don’t worry Discord, it's time for the laughter to begin." Rich said as he went on stage.

"Dad, I know that look, what are you up to?" Ponos said.

"You’ll see…"

Before Rich started with “his” jokes, I went to the tables to serve drinks and snacks. Pinkie Pie and her sister Maud were at a table and Cheese Sandwich soon appeared with more than clear intentions.

“Hello Pinkie, hello Maud. Pinkie, can we talk for a second?” They both retired not too far, but enough to have some privacy. "Listen, I just wanted to explain to you that what you saw yesterday was not vice... well, I'm not going to say it hurt, but it was a kind of alternative therapy." I don't know if that was a very good explanation.

"I see, look, I wanted to talk to you too." Pinkie's tone was too serious, and that got me bad vibes. "Cheese, you see, I've been thinking about it, and we can't go on like this..."

"Oh gosh..." Cheese said bringing his hands to his face, but happy; I think he misunderstood her words. “How glad to hear that! I thought you were still angry. Don’t worry, from now on I won’t use my hands not even to applaud.” Yes, he definitely didn’t understand.

"No Cheese, I think you misunderstood me, what I mean, is that as things are going, I think we should just put things on hold for a bit..." Pinkie's expression was sad, but Cheese's face completely disengaged.

“But, Pinkie…” Cheese was devastated.

"Sorry Cheese..."

Pinkie returned to her table crestfallen, and I could swear that her hair was less bulky than usual, while Cheese went to the bar... I accompanied him as I imagined he would want something to drown sorrows.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I hope you feel like laughing!" Rich said from the stage, although people didn't wince. “Well, let's start, what do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows!

Please... I don't know if that was the one Discord had pointed out, but it was very bad. Rich got nervous because he didn't get anyone in the audience to cough even.

“Wow, this is a tough crowd, right? Don’t worry, here comes the main course. This one is for the jury, I’m sure you’ll like it. This is a guy who goes to the doctor and asks 'doctor, what do I have Pisces, Leo?' And he replies, 'Cancer, you fool, cancer'.”

Fuck, with that Filthy Rich did manage to get everyone's attention, and not in a good way. One of the Brickwall brothers almost got up to go after him, and the audience kept muttering. This was not going to end well.

“Uhm… yes tough crowd indeed; It looks like a shareholders meeting... Come on people! I want to see how you laugh! Specially the jury, you look like your father died…” Rich was still unaware of anything and the oldest of the Brickwalls was getting more and more angry.

"The orphans joke, tell the orphans joke." Discord said under his breath to Rich. And the millionaire paid attention to him.

“Ok, this is great. These are two gay brothers and one says to the other: 'brother, brother...” Rich tried to impersonate a homosexual in the most brazen way. " 'We are orphans, Daddy’s dead...'."

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. The Brickwall brothers rose to the stage and faced Filthy Rich, and the poor bastard didn’t understand anything...

"What happens? What's wrong?” He asked, surprised by the jury's reaction. "Oh my... don’t tell me that you’re gay..." There was no more time to respond, because the older brother punched him with such strength that knocked him down.

I ran out to take Rich from there before they killed him, and I hurried to calm down.

“Well… Filthy Rich ladies and gentlemen! Uhm... let's move on to the next and last comedian, with all of you: Discord!” I said about to leave the stage to take Filthy Rich to a safe place.

"Very good evening, how’d you doing?" Discord said tapping the microphone. “Well, I may not overcome my partner's nerve, but I will try; Have you noticed how many vegans there are today? If those vegans became zombies, they would surely say 'GRAAAAAAAIIIIIIIINS'. "

I had to admit, that joke was a little better, but he still failed to laugh out loud at the majority of the public.

After fifteen minutes that felt like three hours people were already getting fed up with Discord's bad performance, I kept hearing complaints, so I was obliged to tell him sneakily to leave.

"Yes, I better go now, I'm sorry, I only did this to have fun and try to help a friend, but it is very difficult to make people laugh with a life as miserable as mine..." He began to say, I was already desperate...

"The Morrigan takes me... and now he’s telling his sorrows..." I said pouring myself a whiskey.

“I was really good at figure skating.” At this there was a guy in the audience who started laughing like never before. "What’s so funny? Now I’m talking serious. I was the best entertaining the public with my stunts.”

"And did they really like that?" Said another guy from the audience.

“And if I fuck your mother, would she like that?” Discord answered bluntly, which started a good handful of laughs, including the type he insulted.

I drew his attention secretly and told him to continue, he just shrugged. "Time later I married a lady." People kept laughing at the bewilderment of the chaotic philosopher. "What happens? Do you know her?” The laughter continued. "After thirty years of marriage, my wife says we are at our best, we’re separated." Even I laugh with that. “Hey, it’s no big deal, it was consensual, she kicked me out and I said yes.”

People kept laughing with Discord, telling his life was the best he could do, it was as if all the bad memories of his horrible jokes had vanished with his own chronicles.

"I can't believe it... do you want me to talk about my sex life?" All the crowd said 'YEEEEES' in chorus. Discord just sat on the stool behind him and crossed his legs. "That's it." My stomach was hurting from laughing. "And they think it's funny... if you want, I'll tell you about the prostate..."

Once again, the audience shouted yes in chorus. In the end the night came alive, people laughed, and I filled the box. What else could I ask for?

The next morning everything was relatively quiet. Discord, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Sunset and I were chatting while the philosopher boasted of having won the contest. Soon Filthy Rich came in asking me for coffee in a take-away cup. He had an angry face as if he were an ecologist aboard a whaling ship.

"Oh, Rich, it's a shame... if it weren't because the jury had them father with cancer dying in the hospital you’d won for sure." Discord laughed.

"Come on Discord, don't go over with him, it’s not his fault that he looks like a panda." Rainbow Dash said laughing too. She wasn’t in the comedy show but we told her everything that happened.

“Seriously, I don't know why I still trust you. I will have my revenge on you, Discord.” He said while he picked up his coffee and paid me.

"Get in line then, my friend." The philosopher replied.

As Rich left, Big Mac entered with a box full of cider bottles.

“What happened to Rich’s face?” We just laughed knowing that Mac wasn’t in the pub last night. “Bourbon, do I put this in the storage room?” Asked Mac.

"Yes, fell yourself like home."

Big Mac went to the warehouse and then Cheese Sandwich entered, overwhelmed like the rest of these days and we were attentive so he could tell us his problems.

“I’m a walking disaster. In a matter of days I shit myself, my girl leaves me, and on top of that I’m so horny that I need to take this.” He said showing the pill bottle which Rarity took. "I really don't know what else can happen to me."

"Well, don’t know if it’s bad for you, but you're running out of laxatives." Rarity said laughing.

"What laxatives?" He asked as he picked up the boat again to read the label carefully. “Discord! Would you care to tell me what kind of pills you gave me?”

"Some that I had around." He said simply. I just facepalmed.

"Goddamit, this is... the best thing that ever happened to me!" Cheese suddenly said excitedly.

"You really like to shit don’t cha?" Dash said with a grimace.

“No, don't you get it? This means that I don't have a problem with sex, it was a placebo effect.”

“Placebo effect he says. Rather break up effect, because you really screwed it up.” I said emphasizing the situation. "Didn't I tell you it was all in your head and you were overwhelmed by nothing?"

"You're right, I don't know what could happen to me... I just wanted to keep Pinkie by my side." Said Cheese in a gloomy tone.

“With sex? Well, being Pinkie that’s better than taking her to the opera.” Said Rarity.

"And could you not have organized a party every day as you guys always do?" Discord commented.

"I don’t know. You see, the problem is that I became obsessed with not letting her down, make everything perfect for her. That she didn't feel like I was going to leave her, like when I went to Mexicolt to finish my studies and make money organizing parties…” Cheese was confessing his feelings, and although he didn't know it, it was the best moment. "Do you remember what we talked there, Bourbon?"

"I was drunk almost all that time, too much tequila." I said remembering how I became the wild rover down there. "But I do remember that you kept talking about a wonderful girl you met in Canterlot, and that you were looking forward to return to recover what you had left behind." I said with a mischievous smile.

"Yes, it might not be the most appropriate way to do it, but a man in love is capable of doing any nonsense. Specially for the prettiest, cheerful and loving girl in the world."

"And, does Pinkie know that?" Rarity asked.

"Now, she does." Said a voice behind Cheese. He turned around just to see Pinkie Pie smiling at him.

“Pinkie! How long have you been here?” He asked surprised.

"Long enough..." she said without taking her eyes off him. Those eyes were dreamy, the look of a girl in love.

"Well, I better go and leave you reconciling, because if I stay... it's going to be five dollars of mascara down the drain..." Rarity said as she left with a tear falling down her cheek. I smiled how this girl always got emotional with romance.

Sunset and I returned "to work" but still paying attention to the scene we had next to us. Discord grabbed a newspaper and did the same and Dash went to the toilet, I presume, because I lost her five minutes ago.

"So, you're in love... tell me, how is she?" Pinkie asked Cheese.

"Well, she's gorgeous, she's funny, sweet... and every day by her side is a crazy party." Cheese smiled hugging her by the waist.

Pinkie ran her arms around her boyfriend's neck and said “Yes, and she is also a very active girl, who has her needs…”

Then Pinkie kissed Cheese passionately as she ran her hands through her hair. He did not stay behind and began stroking her back until he went down to her butt.

"Ahem... why won’t you get a room?" I asked killing the mood.

"Oops sorry." They both blushed. "See you all, goodbye!"

When the couple left, I was alone with Sunset and Discord again.

"Thank goodness you stopped them, if you didn’t, I’m pretty sure they were making out over one of the tables." Discord said.

"Come on Discord... this is an ale house, not Coyote Ugly." I said as I left the bar on the way to the storage room to see if Big Mac needed help. “Besides, I think folks who come here are decent enough to know where they can and where they can't… FUCK!” I shouted, opening the door, but closing it immediately at what I had just seen.

"Boss! What's wrong?” Sunset Shimmer asked worriedly. “You look like you've seen a ghost."

“Sunset, did I get drunk this morning? Because I don't remember getting drunk this morning…” I said still trying to process what I saw.

“What the hell are you talking about, dude?" Discord said without understanding.

Suddenly, Rainbow Dash stifled out of the storage room trying to put on her shirt correctly.

"Uhm... I'm leaving, I should be in the base by now, see ya!" And as soon as she appeared, she escaped.

Shortly after, Big Mac came out, red as a fresh apple. He wasn't about to get away from me.

"You, stop right there, mister!" With my finger I told him to approach the bar. "Big Mac, would you care to explain me what the fuck was that before?"

"And this, my dear Sunset, this is Chaos Theory." Said Discord smirking.

Author's Note

I think things might be interesting after that