A Hearth's Warming Mandible

by FanOfMostEverything

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Spike, Smolder, Slice of Life, Petunia Paleo, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 4081

One chance glimpse of a cutie mark makes for Smolder's most memorable (and first) Hearth's Warming

Smolder might have stayed in Ponyville out of solidarity with Gallus, but that didn't make the winter any more enjoyable for her. Indeed, if what she just saw is any indication, it's going to be horrifying.

She's right. Just not for the reason she expects.

Originally written for No Raisin as part of Jinglemas 2018.

Published 2018-12-30 17:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-12-30 17:10:01 UTC

Or, How to Make Your Party an Osteoblast

Smolder had learned many things in the moons since moving to Ponyville: The importance and martial applications of friendship; the sorry state of Equestrian education with regards to draconic puberty, or draconic anything else; the true, shockingly gentle nature of Fluttershy Wyrmshamer, though Smolder still never planned on making eye contact with her. She'd learned things about herself that she'd never known before, like her taste for raspberries—which had to actually be some form of squishy carnelian—or a willingness to help others that still shocked her every time she found herself coming to their aid.

That last one was how she found herself soaring above the School of Friendship on Hearth's Warming Eve instead of taking the long journey home, because she'd rather eat her own tail than leave Gallus alone. It was also how she'd learned her latest lesson:

Snow was the literal worst.

It was cold in a way the Dragonlands never were. It looked far tastier than it actually was. And worst of all, it just. Kept. Coming.

"Why?" she grumbled to herself. "If pegasi control weather, why make this?" She rubbed her claws against her forearms. The "scarf" thing Professor Rarity had given her did almost nothing against the chill. Every flap made her wings brush against far too many snowflakes, and the pinpricks of cold against the membranes were lasting longer and longer.

But she still stayed out in it. She needed the space. All the singing and hugging and everything else at the School was so overwhelmingly pony that Smolder half expected herself to start sprouting fur. And she couldn't head away from school grounds because...

Because. That was enough.

After what felt like a short eternity of her need for warmth warring with her need for sanity, Smolder spotted something out of the corner of her eye. Something sparkly against the deepening dark.

She might have been a friendship student, but she was still a dragon. She spun in midair, trying to track whatever had drawn her attention, only to lose track of it as quickly as she'd spotted it. But then her keen eyes spotted something on the ground as terrible as the sparkle had been enticing.

The chill Smolder had felt before was a balmy day in a caldera next to what she felt now. She performed a hairpin turn that would make Professor Dash proud and dove for the castle. The door might have been locked. Smolder hit it hard enough that it didn't matter.

She shouted the word before her brain had even realized she was inside. "SPIKE!"

Professor-Princess Twilight, whose title Smolder still wasn't sure about, appeared in a flash of magic. "Smolder? What's going on? I thought Pinkie was throwing you all a Hearth's Warming party."

Smolder walked around her, darting eyes seeking out a different shade of purple. "I needed some air. Where's Spike? Is he okay?"

"He's helping prepare for the big party tonight," said Twilight. Smolder's mind, huffing and puffing as it caught up to her body, registered the half-hung decorations and bare tree in the entry hall. The professor gasped. "Why wouldn't he be okay? Is there some hazardous biological process that happens to dragons shortly after a molting cycle?"

"He's fine for, like, five years." Smolder gulped. "I'm probably a higher value target."

"Higher what now?" Twilight said from behind her.

Spike glided down the main staircase. Smolder had to admit, he was getting pretty nimble on his wings. "Did somepony call me?" He winced as he looked at Smolder. "Were you out there in just a scarf?"

"That's not important right now!"

Princess-Professor Twilight moved back into view next to Spike, her face set in her usual lecturing expression. "Smolder, I may not know a lot about dragons, but I do know that keeping warm is very important for you during winter."

"Okay, fine, Professor Rarity can make me a whole wardrobe later!" Smolder pointed back out the door. "Right now, there's a dragonslayer in Ponyville!"

Pony and dragon both stared at her like she'd switched to Draconic midsentence. "A what?" said Spike.

"A dragonslayer! You know, scale harvesters? Hoard thieves?" They both kept looking at her blankly. "The kind of crazy ponies who dedicate their lives to hunting down dragons and ending them!"

Both drew back at that. "What?" cried Spike.

"Why would anypony do that?"

"How should I know?" Smolder paced about the hall. "All I know is what my parents told me before they kicked me out of the nest, and that was to steer clear of any ponies with skulls on their butts. And just a few minutes ago?" She pointed at her own hips. "Bam! Butt-skull! I came here as fast as I could."

Professorcess Twilight smiled that smile she always got when somecreature did something especially friendshippy. "To make sure Spike was okay."

"Well..." Smolder looked away and scratched her crest. "I mean, this place has foot-thick walls and the inside's a maze. If Spike was safe, then I could definitely hole up in here for a while."

"I can assure you Smolder, I've never heard of a pony with a dragon slaying cutie mark outside of pulpy adventure novels from a less enlightened age."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Like ten years ago."

The professor kept going like she hadn't heard him. "And even if they were out there, I doubt they'd spend any time in Ponyville."

"What'd they look like, anyway?" said Spike.

"Uh..." Smolder bit her lip. "Well, I kind of flew for the castle when I saw the skull. Didn't really pay attention to the pony behind it."

Princessor Twilight gave her a knowing look and a condescending nod. "Uh huh."

Any heat in Smolder's cheeks was clearly just a delayed reaction to the cold. "Hey, what if that chancellor guy hired one?"

"Chancellor Neighsay may be somewhat misguided, and he may misunderstand the fundamental principles of harmony, and he may have flagrant double standards regarding EEA regulation compliance, and he—"

"Uh, Twilight?" Spike said, nudging her. "I think you're getting off-topic."

That? That was definitely a blush. "Right. My point is that while he is far from a perfect stallion, I highly doubt he would go so far as to hire an assassin for one of my students. Especially not when harming that student would provoke a reprisal not just from me and every other princess, but from Dragonlord Ember." Friendlord Twilight paused. Going by her frown, she didn't seem to think Smolder was convinced. That was likely because Smolder wasn't convinced. "Though I suppose you could always go and see for yourself."

Smolder took a step back. "What!? You want me to look for the dragonslayer?"

"Yes. Because I am certain that this is a misunderstanding, and I don't want any of my students to be afraid of the town they live in or the ponies they live with."

Spike puffed out his chest. "And I'll come with you!"

Smolder blinked. "You will?"

"Sure! You know, just in case there really is a dragonslayer. If there's anything I've learned from facing down the Squizard's hordes, it's the power of strength in numbers." Spike crossed his arms and nodded at his own apparent wisdom.

Smolder chewed that over for a few moments, then looked to Princess Purplesmart. "So... when did you and the other professors face the Squizard again?"

Twilight just laughed at that for some reason as her magic brought out a scarf and some other garments. "Oh, that one's all Spike's doing."

The dragon in question pulled them all on and charged out into the snow. "Come on! If our lead is a cutie mark, I know exactly who to turn to."

Smolder was still wrapping her head around three pony hatchlings younger than Sandbar assisting at the school, though she had to admit that as far as hatchlings went, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were a good fit for the job.

"A dragonslayer?" said Apple Bloom

Scootaloo's wings buzzed. "That sounds so cool!"

Sweetie Belle cleared her throat. "It would, if dragons were monsters and not standing right in front of us."

"Right. Totally what I meant."

After all, they were just as crazy as the professors.

All five stood in Sweetie Belle's room, which contained more pink than Smolder had ever seen before she'd been ordered to Equestria. "So," said Sweetie, "you say you saw a pony with a skull cutie mark, but don't remember anything else about them?"

Smolder crossed her arms and snorted out some smoke. "Kind of too busy fleeing for my life."

"That does make ya miss th' li'l details," Apple Bloom probably said. Smolder still harbored some doubts that she and her sister actually spoke Ponish.

"You girls thinking what I'm thinking?" said Scootaloo.

Sweetie Belle nodded. "I know she's still in town."

"Then what're we waitin' for? C'mon, Smolder. We're gonna show you there ain't nothin' t' be scared of!" The Crusaders scampered out of the room.

After a few moments, Smolder said, "So... can they read each others' minds or what?"

"I'm honestly not sure." Spike made for the exit himself, Smolder following suit. "Come on; Scootaloo's gotten a lot harder to follow. She doesn't leave nearly as large a trail of destruction these days." He waved at the adult ponies they passed. "Bye, Mr. Flanks! Bye, Mrs. Crumbles! Happy Hearth's Warming!"

"Happy Hearth's Warmin', Spike," said the mare who'd hatched Professor Rarity's egg. Smolder didn't care what Sandbar told her, the mare must have gotten the egg from somepony else.

After an awkward wave, she found herself back outside and following the Crusaders' Scootaloo-pulled sled.

On the ground.

If the deeper cold on her hindclaws wasn't bad enough, the stares made it worse. Ponies didn't look at her like she was a person, but like she was a thing, and that was when they dared to make eye contact. Mothers dragged their foals away. Pegasi left the street entirely. One stallion dove into a rain barrel as she watched.

Smolder found herself folding in like Professor Fluttershy on a bad day. She snarled and straightened up. Fine. Ponies should look at her in fear. They were supposed to be wary of dragons, for she was easily angered and they were highly flammable.

Then Ember's orders prickled her scales with the harsh sting of bloodstone, and she winced.

"You okay?" Spike said from her side.

"Fine. Just the cold." She rubbed her forearms, not just for appearance's sake.

"You sure? Friends talk about their problems, you know."

Smolder rolled her eyes. One essay on the importance of communication was two too many. "I know. It's..." She snarled. "I'm just worried about the dragonslayer, is all."

Spike gave her a look that, best-case scenario, was pity. "If you're sure—"

"I am. Worried about dying in the next couple minutes. And cold. End of discussion." Smolder brought her eyes forward, sending snow flying with every stomping step.

After a few moments, she glanced back down at Spike. He looked back uncertainly. Smolder balled her claws into fists tight enough that she could feel the points digging into her scales. He opened his mouth. She felt flame well in hers.

"We're here!"

Both jumped, Smolder puffing out a small fireball and sending a few onlooking ponies scattering. "Here" turned out to be a house much like any other in Ponyville, aside from the fence. A wreath hung on the door, and the cobweb windsock hanging from one edge of the roof was probably supposed to be a windigo.

Scootaloo knocked on the door, which was soon answered by a sea-green mare wearing several strings of pearls. Smolder never cared much for pearls; too greasy. "Happy Hearth's Warming, Mrs. Paleo!" said Sweetie Belle.

The mare smiled down at them. "Happy Hearth's Warming, girls. What brings you here?"

"Is Petunia home?" said Scootaloo

Apple Bloom drawled something that approximated to "An' was she near Princess Twilight's school earlier?"

"She's definitely home. I'm not sure where she was earlier. Honestly, the way she's been sulking since Professor Fossil made her go home for Hearth's Warming..." Mrs. Paleo trailed off when she noticed Smolder standing behind the Crusaders. "That's a dragon."

Spike waved. "Hi!"

"That's an actual dragon."

"Hey!"

Mrs. Paleo backed away, maintaining eye contact with Smolder for as long as she could. There was fear in those eyes, but also something more. "Honey!" she cried. "We have a situation!" Then she galloped further inside her house.

After a few moments, Smolder said, "Well, that happened."

"She can get that way sometimes," said Sweetie. "She called us in because she and her husband were worried about their daughter's cutie mark."

"I think you can guess why," said Scootaloo.

Smolder nodded. "It was a skull and two bones?"

Apple Bloom tilted her head. "How'd ya guess th' bones?"

"Mom left the door open," said a distracted voice. A blue pony hatchling, presumably Petunia, stood in the doorway and stared at Smolder as her mother had. But there wasn't a hint of fear in those wide eyes. They seemed a lot closer to Silverstream's when exposed to... well, just about anything.

"Um..." Smolder imitated Spike's wave. "Hi?"

Petunia gave a gasp that Professor Pinkie would be proud of. "Oh my gosh, actual Draco rex specimens! Two of them! And they're talking to me!"

"Draco what now?" Smolder and Scootaloo said simultaneously.

"The scientific name for dragons," said Spike.

Petunia nodded so rapidly that her mane nearly slapped her in the muzzle. "And the coolest dinosaur descendants ever!"

"Dragons came from dinosaurs?" Smolder knew of dinosaurs. Their fossilized bones were a delicacy in the Dragonlands. Which was to say that they tasted terrible, but it was fun to trick others into eating them.

"Lots of things come from dinosaurs, but dragons! Dragons are just as impossibly, awesomely huge!" After a moment, Petunia added, "You know, when you're fully grown."

Smolder scowled. "I'm getting there."

"I know! And you're going to experience so much! There are dragons that have seen empires rise and fall! Dragons who personally experienced the days before Discord! They're not just lying on gold, they're lying on archeological knowledge even the Pillars can't match!"

"Archeology and paleontology are Petunia's special talent," added Scootaloo.

"Uh... huh." Smolder looked to her fellow dragon. "Spike, help me out here. I'm not usually the one who deals with hippogriff-level gushing."

He gave what was probably supposed to be an encouraging smile. "She's complimenting you."

"I know. That's the weird part."

A shout boomed out from inside the house amid rapid hoofbeats. "Get away from my daughter, you little—"

"Mom!" cried Petunia, scowling back inside. "You're embarrassing me in front of the dragons!"

Smolder blinked. Mrs. Paleo was back, this time with strings of pearls in a lot of different colors, all smelling of some very dangerous magics. Her husband probably stood by her, assuming there was a pony inside the very thick-looking suit of armor holding the very long, very sharp-looking sword in its mouth.

"Oh. Her parents are the dragonslayers." After a moment, Smolder's rage burned through the shock. "Wait, that's not fair! Her mom didn't have butt-skulls at all!"

Petunia seemed similarly peeved. "Honestly, every time I try to bring home an interesting friend, you two come out armed for ursa! I get it, you worry about me, but this isn't how to deal with that."

Mrs. Paleo kept looking back and forth between Petunia, Smolder, and her husband-golem. "But, sweetie—"

"No!" Petunia stomped her little hoof. "If Aunt Sweetie Drops can have a happy retirement, so can you!"

The armored pony tilted its head down enough to sink the sword into the snowy ground. "But..." The armor did little to muffle his voice. "But it's a dragon."

Smolder waved a claw, getting every Paleo's attention. "You know, I could've incinerated the two of you while Petunia was yelling at you."

Sweetie Belle shook her head. "Smolder. Not helping."

She snorted. "Whatever." One push off the ground and she was airborne, cold wings or no.

"Smolder!" cried Spike. "Wait!"

She did. Eventually. After blowing off some steam, which meant a few plumes of fire sent skyward and flash boiling the snowflakes. After the first one, she learned to keep moving so the even less pleasant bits of ice wouldn't fall on her.

Once she'd calmed down some, she landed... somewhere in Ponyville. Even after moons of living at the School, she had trouble telling one street from another in this town.

A faint noise of equine distress drew Smolder's notice to three mares huddled together behind a window in one of the nearby houses. The Dragonlord's orders stung her scales again. She tried waving at them. They gasped, two of them fainting immediately. The last threw the shutters closed then, going by the thump, followed suit.

"Don't mind them," Spike said as he landed by her. "That's how they react to everything."

Smolder looked down at him, raising an eyeridge. "Yeah?" She swept an arc about the street with a claw. "What about everypony else?" The few ponies out and about in the wintry night stared back, caught by fear and awkwardness.

"They're just getting used to you. I used to get looks like that back when Twilight and I first moved into the old library. I probably made it easier for you." Spike waved at the ponies, and they relaxed and waved back.

"Yeah, but you're barely a dragon at all." Smolder saw Spike wince at that and cringed in turn. "Sorry. You know what I mean."

"Yeah." Spike looked down and twisted a hindclaw into the snow. "Yeah, I do."

"It's just... I feel like I've already had to change so much just to get along with my friends. I'm even talking about my feelings." Smolder threw her claws to the sky. "What dragon does that?"

Spike looked back up, a smirk on his face. "One who wants to resolve her problems without setting them on fire?"

Smolder let him have a smile for that one. A brief one. "Fitting in in Ponyville... How much of me do I have to give up?"

"Why does it have to be giving something up? Why can't it be changing for the better?"

"Better what? Sure, it makes for a better pony. You're a great pony, Spike. You have a whole empire of ponies who built a statue of you out of food. But me? Sure, I'm supposed to 'bring friendship to dragonkind,' but what's that even supposed to mean? Dragons don't do friendship."

Spike shook his head. "That's not true! I've seen dragons be friends lots of time."

Smolder shrugged. "Maybe with you."

"I didn't mean me. I meant Garble."

"Garble? Garble has his head so far up his own..." Smolder thought about what Friendlord Twilight might do to her if she taught Spike dragon profanity and backpedaled. "What's he got to do with anything?"

"Garble has friends," said Spike.

She crossed her arms. "Uh huh. And he's actually Professor Fluttershy in a dragon costume."

"I'm serious! During the migration, during the Gauntlet, even just hanging out and lava boarding, he has dragons he spends time with." Spike ticked off each example as he mentioned them. "But he's still the meanest, rudest, crudest dragon I've ever met. If everything terrible about dragons rolled up in a single package can have friends, then surely some dragon better than him in every way can."

"That..." Smolder trailed off, letting the stupidity of the statement hang in the air before delivering the savage rebuttal that would tear apart Spike's whole argument. Then she realized she didn't have one. "I can't tell if that's inspiring or just really dumb."

Spike beamed. "That's how you can tell the magic of friendship is at work."

"... Yeah, same reaction."

"You guys!" Scootaloo skidded to a halt only for the sled to keep going, shoving her forward with a startled cry.

Smolder grunted as she brought it to a stop, then realized she didn't even remember getting ready to catch it. She cleared her throat and crossed her arms. "So, uh, what's up?" She then noted the third passenger on the sled. "Oh. Hi."

Petunia beamed and waved at her. "You left before I could give you the invitation!"

"Invitation?"

"Yeah! The Crusaders were telling me about how you're friends with a griffon and a hippogriff! It'd be so cool if you could all come to my house at Hearth's Warming for a party!"

Smolder tried to follow the pony's logic, then immediately realized her mistake. "Why us?"

"Turns out anything with feathers also comes from dinosaurs," Scootaloo said with no small amount of pride.

"The phylogenetics are kind of all over the place because of magic and Discord, but still! It's the closest I can come to actual dinosaurs for Hearth's Warming, and it'd be the coolest thing ever! So will you come?" Petunia made the big-eyed expression that pony hatchlings used to get what they wanted.

Smolder thought about why she was still in this snowy nightmare. "I know Gallus will be thrilled to hear that somepony actually wants to see him. He won't show it, but he will be. And Silverstream... that girl is just happy to exist." After a moment, she added, "Is it okay if we bring the rest of our friends? I mean, without Sandbar and Ocellus, the rest of us might drive your dad to break out that sword again." After another moment, "Well, Yona might do that anyway, but she'd probably enjoy getting challenged by a swordspony in armor."

"Not a problem! Mom and Dad said they were going to spend the day with Aunt Sweetie Drops anyway."

"Eventually," said Apple Bloom.

Scootaloo nodded, still disentangling her harness. "Bit of a friendship-slash-special talent emergency."

"We got it sorted out." Sweetie Belle pawed at the snow before adding, "Mostly."

Scootaloo snorted. "Come on, we've caused way worse property damage than that."

Smolder heaved a sigh. She found herself smiling at the crazy little hatchling. Specifically, the one who wasn't a Crusader. "Thanks. Really."

"What for?" said Petunia.

"Giving me a chance."

"Wow." Gallus paused to take a bit from his cupcake. "I can't tell if that's inspiring or just really stupid."

"It's ponies," Smolder said with a smirk.

Gallus nodded, matching her expression. "Both, then."

They turned and watched Petunia and Spike shriek with delight as they rode Silverstream like Professor Applejack's mechanical bull in the Paleos' living room. "Do you think she understands why Petunia invited us?" said Smolder.

"Better question: Do you think she cares?"

"This is so amazing!" Petunia cheered. "It's the closest I'll ever get to riding a Pterodactylus!"

Silverstream crossed her eyes trying to smile at someone on her back. "I'm not sure what that is, but I'm definitely having fun!"

"That settles that." Smolder raised her mug. "Happy Hearth's Warming, Gallus."

He met it with his. "Happy Hearth's Warming, Smolder."

Alice pranced her way back to her arctic home, where Aurora and Bori both smiled at her knowingly. Of course, the three reindeer did everything knowingly; that was one of the perks of being a spirit of Hearth's Warming.

"Was that really necessary?" said Bori.

"Trust me, I just made Ponyville that much merrier. To say nothing of the ripple effects it'll have down the line."

"As you say, dear," said Aurora, sorting several piles of gifts. "But honestly, this is how rumors get started."

Alice turned up her nose with a smile. "Not my fault my flight magic is all sparkly, and I just happened to buzz Twilight's castle. Besides, sometimes the best gifts are the ones the three of us can't make ourselves."

The knowingness of Bori's look doubled. "You're just saying that because we won't let you clone actual dinosaurs."

"Like I said, ripple effects."

Author's Note

No Raisin requested Spike and Petunia, but I couldn't think of anything that worked between them without some connective tissue in the form of Smolder. I fear she kind of took over the story, but Spike works better in a supporting role and Petunia doesn't exactly give my muse much to work with beyond "adorable paleontology nerd."

Also, I'm not saying every Ponyvillian is a forcibly retired secret agent, but I suspect the town's population noticeably jumped after Celestia shuttered S.M.I.L.E. Not that Agents Nacre and Staker ever actually existed.