A Series Of Unfortunate Eventual One-Shotsby PettyPonyDearestChaptersPinkie Pie LOVES PoetryShe's a Peeping TomCan you please pass the salt?Discord x Pinkie "I love you babe, have some salt."Discord x Applejack: Please just go to sleep.Pinkie Pie LOVES Poetry"Welcome Pinkie Pie! To Poetry Night at Celestia's! Hosted by ME Discord and Princess Celestia!" An old father Discord records on home video. The white text and numbers within the video frame a plaintively even Celestia. "That's my girl, Celestia! Give her a hand folks, she's OLD you know!" Discord shouts, introducing the non-existent show. He snaps his fingers. It exists now! Wild applause from the audience, which is a bunch of different versions of Discord. Pinkie fires her party cannon! In her enthusiasm, she got caught up in the moment and celebrated Celestia's old age. She grins nervously at Celestia. Luna and Twilight, who have just witnessed all of this, clap with trepidation. They know not what to do. Celestia is tempted to end this night right here with the kind of delightful gore only alicorn magic can provide but with a little effort, retains her composure. Amidst the audience of Discords prattling in the background Celestia presses on. "I am here, Discord to judge the poetry contest, which you weren't inv-" DISCORD takes the stage! He is HAMMING IT UP to the introduction orchestra, who are Discords, and suddenly he's all [FRONT and C. He takes the sparkling blue stage, adorned with a cane and a spotlight. Several other Discord dancers in the background, they wear white tie and spatz, all in sequin! He sings a song about beauty, love, and loss with stunning choreography. Note to Discord: A sewer cover can be rigged to an air pump so that it can be jettisoned up to Discord via, a Co2 canister and a bike pump so that the sewer cover becomes his hat. Discord catches the sewer cover hat and is about to go for the big finish, when-) (LX#3 GEN/SPOT to BluesSPOT) Unforgettable by Nat King Cole starts playing, Discord sloooows it down a bit. (He approaches Celestia, ascending the stairs to the judges panel, ready to sing his heart out! Celestia is concerned where this is going. (The audience applauds, the Discords are all going crazy!) (LX#4 Blues to FocusSPOT) (The music sadly, slowly dies down, but the piano remains in the background twinkling softly)] Celestia's lips pull back into a sort of frowning smile, she suddenly found herself at a materialized judges podium amidst a Discord audience comprised of terribly unimaginative, slightly different versions of him. [The mood is set, the audience of Discord await in silent anticipation for THE BIG MOMENT. They wait for Celestia's answer as the orchestra swells then... STOPS dead. Discord snaps and materializes a mic with gusto. He is about to propose to his doll showtune style! A drumroll leading up to the vocal.] He checks his talons and says. "Something I thought terribly rude by the way. I mean where was my invitation?" Crickets. (But they kind of don't make noise, they weren't really co-operating because I fetched them from a different reality.) Feedback on the mic, Discord signals the Discord to pull back the gain, Discord grumbles and does as he is told. The Discords prattle in low whispers while Celestia evenly looks into the camera, when one of the cameraman Discords snaps at her to gain her attention. Celestia begins to speak but finds that no sound is coming out of her mouth. With a grin Discord taps the mic with his paw and rolls his eyes at her knowledge of showbiz. He has the mic. And he is "LIVE. " He says proudly! Celestia comes to the realization she is not "LIVE." and thus, remains mute until Discord deems fit. She sighs, her patience is being tested, but she's keeping it together. He hasn't ruined the night yet. "How dare you think I ruin your night! Hello future Celestia!" A crack in the calm. She forgot when Discord started saying that, but it was a long-ass time ago. He'd been setting up that punchline for decades ahead by saying it over and over for a whole year a century ago and intermittently since then...for the day of her poetry contest between a dozen ponies from Ponyville, herself, Luna, Twilight and Pinkie Pie. She hangs her head in defeat, this is exactly what she was trying to prevent. She had taken extreme precautions on changing the dates and times, endlessly, only telling the real date and times- "Pinkie told me!!" Discord interrupts the narrative and grabs Pinkie Pie from off-frame, and holds her in a big brotherly shoulder lock. "And isn't she just adorable ladies and gentlemen? I mean, what about all that pink, huh?? It's contagious!" The Discord audience applauds as Discord squeezes Pinkie's cheeks together. A second Discord holds the mic in front of her face. Feedback. Pinkie's cheeks are still smushed together by Discord. Then, she shrugs. "I owwy mewshend it tew him!." She marshmallows brightly. Celestia sighs. "Always account for Pinkie." She thinks and mentally takes a note for the next time and Discord hands her a notebook-she winces again. She hates it when he mixes her internal thought with reality and boy did he know it. He dips his shades and raises his eyebrows at Celestia. "Now, c'mon Celestia! The world is waiting, why wasn't I invited?" Discords gasp and Discord gestures towards Celestia with the Mic and waits for her to speak. The Discords watch in anticipation. With impressive restraint, Celestia eases her muzzle toward the mic. FEEDBACK, her ears lay back and she frowns. Discord frowns too. He taps the mic and signals the Discord to lower the gain again. He gives the Discord a demanding look, the Discord shrugs nervously. Discord gives one more lingering look at the Discord before smiling, tapping the mic and points it at Celestia. Celestia once again eases toward the mic and says. "I-" She is interrupted by a tiny bit of feedback. Discord growls at the Discord, Discord is afraid he will lose his job. Celestia blinks harshly but tries to start over and the soundstage echoes with her answer. "I have already decided to let you participate. I didn't invite you because I thought you wouldn't be interested and be disruptive to ponies who are here to showcase their poetry." The mic disappears and you can hear murmurs in the audience of Discords, "She has a point." Can be heard from a whispering British Discord, who adjusts his glasses. Discord sassily puts his hands on his hips, shoots a hurt look at Celestia and all of his materialized hims dissappear, along with the sound stage and crew. He snaps and puts on a beret."Hey, I can be cool." He says and snaps again. His mouth is a zipper, he zips it shut and paws the zipped-shut mouth to Celestia, she makes a face at it before accepting it into her telekinetic field. He snaps again and is mouthless and pleasant as a daisy, sitting cross-legged in a materialized folding chair. It reads "DISCORD" on the back. The zipper mouth smiles and Celestia frowns, puts the zipper mouth down and forces a second wind. "Now which pony would like to go-" Discord raises a talon. "Discord, why don't you go first." Celestia says with unsincere enthusiasm. He claps excitedly and happily rushes to the stage and then pauses as if he forgot something. He turns, runs to Celestia and extends his paw. She rolls her eyes and hovers him the zippered-shut-mouth and he runs up to the stage. She had decided not to complain about the room being occupied by a small stage with a microphone on it. "At least we have a nice one for the contest now." Celestia thought, as Discord ran up to the mic while unzipping his mouth. Still donning the beret, Discord snaps his fingers. The lights dim to a spotlight. He recites. "I dipped a pickle in wine, only to find that thine wine pickled my dill fickle, and dockling with your dongler was too pickling for my dingled dingler. Pringled by a can that widthly was not spiffly to slide but the dilly obliged too slippily applied. Thus this Ribbed, ribely robed wronger was trilled by size and triply measured the googlers pleasure, at least when the greenly rod 'rived. Fried, what was once wet and lithely bligh, slowly to stop and spit and sit when this slithery shaded sleuth slided idly by. Thus ends the story of one pickled dilly, so sillily dined, methodly dipped with wine." He snaps. Lights return to normal as he bows. There is a more than fair amount of applause and Discords teleports back to his folding chair, muzzle raised primly. Celestia was wary, she had never seen him do that unless he was about to win an argument but she applauded nonetheless and soon there was quite a noise from all present. Amidst the growing applause Pinkie drew in some heavy breaths while thinking. "Holy tomoly! I had never ever in a million bejillionest years, would ever break a Pinkie Promise so often! But Mama Pie, I accidentally broke my promise again and got all hot and bothered before I was even married to somepony!" POOF! "But hoooooeeeeeee! I had never even considered getting this wet to a poem containing a bitter or salty food, but wow, my pony parts are partyin everypony! My pussy needs pounding! I'm wet? You bet! I'd like to chew that Discord like a pack of Double Bubble Supreme on the third day of chewing it! If anypony is getting ready to pounce, it'll be this Pinkie's tushie! All aboard, cause my manifolds have got some greeeeaaasy sailors! Ooooh, also I bet Discord's cum is bitter so I can get rid of this weird craving for savory yummies." Feedback from the mic. Pinkie, amplified by the mic, says. "Woopsie! Pinkie forgot to think it and it got thunked out loud!" Twilight Sparkle nods her head, defeatedly. "Oh Pinkie Pie." Luna is more enthusiastic and silently, but intensely claps. Applause! The audience peaks here, they are ecstatic. Pinkie had said too much and her tummy ached. Discord, grinning like crazy, coyly looks over at Celestia and says. "You know what they say about pickles-" She has lost her cool. "That will conclude our poetry night." She's a Peeping TomDon't ask who I am in case ya ain't willing to know the answer. Prowler in the night, most assuredly. By day I'm the mare who likes a cup of tea when it's cold, a lunchtime snack when I'm cranky and on any spare time I might have, I have the overwhelming urge to appreciate the finer things in life. In case you would do something so selfish as to ask "Why would you do that?" I will correct you immediately, sir. I like a cup of tea when it's cold, sure. But I like an eye of glass when I'm hot. This is my Telescope, Tendy. I call it that because back when I was a little foal, I meant to say "Extendy." because of how it; Telescopes or extends, and yes I have acknowledged the allegory for the extending nature of a penis, but I have lady parts, and thus do not extend. Nevertheless. "Tendy." ending up sticking and here I am peeping on a night like any other night. I mean, who are you to deny me my special talent? My cutie mark is of a sunny smiley face being caught in the shower with a spyglass across it's equally cutesy cartoon tits. You tell me what I'm supposed to do when you got a cutie mark like that. I like what I do, I adore my special talent, it's like a great big hug for me. One around my clit. One around my waist, and another giving my pony ass the heimlich. What I'm trying to say is I don't get any recognition. Who is going to be the type of pony to say "Oh, there goes the town pervert, contributing to society!?" Well, lots of ponies, but very sarcastically. Listen, I have very good taste. Some people are good judges in like art and stuff, but I know every which way around town and down and up alley, when it comes to being a letch, sooooo...Do with that what you will. I'm not used to company. I am eating soup because it is Thursday. The time is 0800 hours. The location. Sunny Meadows Soup Kitchen, it is late in the hour. Thursday is the day that Fluttershy volunteers at the soup kitchen, which necessitates the dressing like a homeless pony, and not showering for a few weeks. But it is worth it. Soup kitchen peeping wouldn't be of consequence besides the fact that this particular kitchen's uniforms were designed by Rarity and I don't know if you know how pony peeping works, but usually, cause we're naked so often, sometimes seeing ponies with more clothes on, is how we get our harmonious falalas and gigglingest good jollies. Thank you Rarity, because of your poor understanding of what a soup kitchen was (Element of generosity? Really?) and your distaste for frumpy uniforms, I get to see Fluttershy in what is darn near, a bordering-on-lingerie-maid's outfit. Fuckin kill me. Right now, you do it. Here's the knife. Plunge into my chest with fury and don't stop till my pulse has ceased. Murder me with that knife right the fuck now. Because seeing Fluttershy, the uh SHYEST person I know, just go prancing around borderline lewd undergarments, is killing me a whole lot slower than you could with that knife my friend. Oh, and by the way hand me that knife I gave you, I'm not supposed to have it in here. I sip my soup. I wipe my mouth and get out Ol'Tendy. (I sometimes add the 'Ol'' when I'm feeling rambunctious.) "Dear Celestia's sweet-ass haunches, plot and ass crack right on my face, what am I seeing right now?" Peeks of gentle and soft yellow curves, teasing me with flashes of Fluttershy's sweet little butterfly. The yellow of her coat beset with alluring contrast to the black and white lace of the uniform, the black promoting naughtiness and the white making her ass look that much more marshmallow-y...as she turns and spills some soup. This is the real charity. The soup makes her garments cling. If my pussy were porridge it would be just right. My favorite things about peeping on Fluttershy: It's like watching a friggin vaudeville act from the 1940s, her pratfalls are especially revealing. She doesn't masturbate often...but when she does...The demureness of it all makes me feel dirty, and not much does anymore. She really does act like that all the time. Okay, now we come to Rarity. AGH! Alright moving on, there is no better way to enjoy a sunny afternoon, than to watch Apple family do chores. I like how she moves, it's like her face is so wrinkly that her face has eight vaginas. Just kidding, I've never clopped to Granny Smith...yet. We'll see how the year goes. Holy Luna's swiss cheese moon holes! Applejack, my toned southern goddess. Flex and make me question whether or not you the best in Equest! As tasty as Applejack's sweat is, (Don't ask me how) The reason I make the trek out to apple acres, especially during the Summer, is Big friggin Macintosh. Oh look, his muscles! Fie, how they ripple! Betwixt the rapture of pleasure, was mine pussy! Just grab those fuckin' iron wires, plug them into that early pony battery, clip the other ends to my raw midsection, and go medieval on me until I am a toasty dead, because the way Big Mac's cock swings when he finishes a particularly grueling session of Apple-Buckin (The second sexiest thing in the universe) is just shocking and frankly I should be fried for what perverted thoughts enter my innocent pony mind. I am but a mare, and the laws of indecency need not apply when sed laws haven't been written yet in ponykind. I am freedom. -In the glinting reflection of Tendy's glass pane; A valiant swing from Big Mac's pony dangler.- I am lasciouvousness. -SWING- I am touching myself. -BALLS OF NOTRE DAME- And I am currently enjoying a daisy sandwich that I kept from lunch. Would you care for a sliver of lemon cake? We all love Twilight. Go on. Admit it. She is as marryable as the dong is long. Who hasn't fantasized about a cozy night with Twilight Sparkle? Look I'm not saying this is universal, some freak out there might actually call himself normal while (Like someone who's a prude) -not touch the poniest of their parts furiously and most demandingly due to the severe amount of liquid that Twilight causes the common pony pussy to accumulate, without even so much as an annoyed glance at a grammar erroryouknowwhat- Forget it, marefriend. This goes beyond Equestria, there's got to be some weird species out there in some alternate dimension that clop to this broad. Just think about it, I mean rumors are, that a completely unknown species are seen wandering the halls in the castle at night. I'm just saying. A mare with an eavesdropping charm hears things. Oh look, she's refilling her inkwell! Watch this! Have you ever experienced the PonyTuber Yarko B when he doesn't know that the camera is on? That is what it's like to spy on Rainbow Dash. She flexes in the mirror. She masturbates in the mirror. She practices her speeches in the mirror. If it wasn't so arousing, it would almost be too embarassing for ME to watch at times. But the long-term reward, is soo worth the cringe. Ass and cracks, on where Celestia split my sac, now slit and slap slap slap. Just demolish me, make sure I am no longer breathing and that I will never see the light of day. Actually suffocate me, go on, choke the living shit out of my thick pony neck because when Rainbow actually has a mare over, she completely changes, and it is the MOST adorable thing you have ever seen. I have gone whole-hoof on this, mah friends. I was there, and it was beautiful. The incident in question were recorded in video for posterity's sake. I was crouching in a hot air balloon, disguised to look like a cloud, camera poised for the occasion; "Uh..Can I get you anything to drink? I mean do you, drink?" "I drink, a lemonade would be nice." Who tf is that thot???? NOTE: Find out who the bitch in the caramel coat was, her mane is outrageous from this angle. I gotta find who her stylist is. "Right, uh lemonade, because you drink right ...water right?" "Rainbow, are you going to get me that lemonade?" "Oh yeah, I was just going to get you that lemonade." "(Giggle)" Holy. Fuckin. Shit. Somebody call the police, just call them, say I am a dangerous criminal and get them to pound my ass with a nightstick until I bleed from my anus because, I caught that on camera my pony friends. Rainbow Dash - blush/Blunderdash, tape Vol 2. These are so frickin rare, I get nostalgic when I watch these because I discontinued production when I was a young mare, but they provide me the entertainment to cuddle up with a good herbal tea. Peppermint. My favorite. Just throw the tea bags on the floor if you don't want them in your cup. I'll pick them up later. OOooohh pass the popcorn! This is the part where Rainbow Dash tries applying make-up before going out, but decides against it. Dear Lord, what a gem! My tastes extend past Ponyville. I pack my cute little pony bags like everypony else, save for a few things. The essentials; toiletries, a few outfits so I don't have to be naked for the duration of my trip, a cute bow, a few quills for when I want to write poetry and the spyglass named Tendy. I've peeped on the greats. Shining Armor, a classic. Discord, surprisingly tame. Not many know this, but King Sombra swang low sweet-chariot all the way home before he turned evil. Celestia, I have kept a lock of your hair for as long as I have been alive. It never stops waving. So, of course it went into my pussy a couple of times, but if you use shampoo and conditioner, it'll be as good as new. I've even thrown that baby in the wash and dryer with some choice fabric softener a couple of times, completely fine. I could have brutally murdered every single pony that Luna did during her reign as Nightmare Moon, along with myself, by myself, with my bare hooves, because the amount of adorable moments of Luna's isolation on the moon, is like a really good show spanning thirty-seven glorious seasons. Unfortunately, I didn't see seasons 1-10, but I had a feeling she needed that time to hit her stride and really get into comedy. How was I listening to Luna on the moon? Look, it wasn't easy to sneak into the Starswirl The Bearded Wing, it was a...fuckin...cakewalk. I was peeping on Twilight one day (Because SHE WAS DRESSED AS A NINJA, SNEAKING AROUND HER STOMPING GROUNDS fuck that's hot.) and she just...left the door unlocked to the most secret spells in Equestria. Lo and behold, I found an ol' spell uncreatively called Hear As Far As You See.. and on a clear day? You can see forever, baby. Luna REALLY took the cake comedically. When she got back, she trolled ponykind by pretending to be downright (You'll excuse the expression) retarded. It was the most hilarious thing I had ever seen. A thousand year-old princess, with a dark past of plunging the world into a permanent night, said. "The fun has been doubled." Murder me. I don't care how you do it. Try sandpaper and lemons, really get in there and cause me great pain before I die a meaningless death because an immortal god with a sense of humor was a big, if not the biggest, flood-bringer to this pony-noah's, cuddly canoe. You don't meet a lot of ponies like me. But what a lot of ponies don't realize is that when the lights go out most resemble me. I know. Because I was there. I do it because I was born to do it. Don't ask unless you wanna know and don't scream at the glint of Ol' Tendy from the bushes. I am but, a mild-mannered pervert, seeking her jollies amidst the ignorance and bliss of pony folk. I am what you fear and yet I fear you have me mistaken. Now, carefully hand me that donut, I don't want to fall. Can you please pass the salt?"Cahn you please pahss the sawlt?" "I'm sorry, what was that darling?" "The salt, can you pass it?" A dainty giggle, she passes the salt. The southern belle sprinkles salt, bewildered. "Whut?" "Darling, we both know that I am a lady and that I would never stoop so low as to nitpick on the unnecessary, but do you really think I'm going to let that go?" She gently slices her lettuce. The third mare at the table remains quiet. She sips tea. "Whut awn urth arr ya'll talking a' baout? "Darling, you spoke like me just now, didn't you?" She reservedly munches her lettuce. "Eye whut?" She gnaws at her apple. "'Cahn you please pass the salt?' You said that, just like me when I'm, ahem... ohffecting a Cahnterlawht awksent." Two ponies make food noises. "Cayn ya'll please pas tha' sawlt?" "You heard it, darling, right?" She gesticulates at the mare adjacent, in response the adjacent's expression gets even and she sips reservedly. "Ah didn't do eny such thin-thang." The pony sly-ly sips. Thus, the accuser of the moments' hooves gently hit the table in accusation. "You were about to say 'thing,' wuhren't you?" "Eye didn'-" "Ah, there it is again, 'Eye' 'I'....isn't it? Oh shirley suhmpony caughwt that!" She points her hoof with flaming gossip 'Oh-oh-oh'-esque tone. "Ah meen, dag'nabbit, ya'll know whut I mean, raight?" She gestures of support from the remaining mare at the table, who remains silent. Feeling slightly betrayed, the accused, fiddles with an apple core. All the mares remain silent, amidst the clink of stirring tea. They nibble at their respective nourishment. "Whell, Iye think that-" "Eugh, for Celehstia's sake, I can always count on you darling."/"Whay to bayck ah gurl up, hoarsefeyhthers, mayorfrend!" They mumble in simultaneous annoyance. "Ohkay, Iy'll just be quiet then." A bunny, at her hooves admonishes her with a furious fluffy paw and sighs. "Oooowhh, yure right Iy apaulajayez, I shood be more issurtive. I agree, you did say 'Cahn you pass tha sawlt?." "Ya'll ar' kookier thenn' a wiy-yuld, huwngry pearuhspright." She chucks the apple core away then idly chews on a piece of hay. "Why-yuld?" Her wings twitch to attention. There is a silence. The bunny at their feet is liberal with the salt. "Don't you mean wah-yuld?" She muses with her magic betwixt a fork. The rhythmic clinking caused by the throes of 'Please-stop-you're-killing-me' amusement. A gentle giggle./ A hearty and unladylike chortle starts to crescendo. "Yew sed 'why-yuld' juhst liyke me."/"Ohehahu, huhuhu-darhuhhuh-ling, I'm so sor-hawh-hahahahah-suh-suh- s-hahahuorry. I jus-jus-huh-uhehehaahahuhuhuhuh fuh-hahahahahaha-ju-ju-usthuh-yoo-haaahaaa-ff-fffuuuuUUNNNNeeeYHAH.......HAH....HUH.......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHeeeeuuUUUHHHHAHAHAH!!!" The guilty party covers her blush in the shadow of her hat. "OH-whale-whh-whrur'ya'll sew cunsurnd abaot tha way ah talk, enyhaow." Amidst munching on lettuce, the bunny cocks an ear. The shier of the two ponies chews unceremoniously. "Dahling... I thawht it wuz rahtha sehksi." "Skesis??" The bunny corrects her with a firm-pawed bop on the head, a blush in response. "O-uh...sexy..me tewhuhhu." All ponies present sip amidst an idle crunching. Her hat conceals beguiled blushing. "Uhh-thu-thaynks, Ah gay-ass." The bunny, spewing carrot, cries with laughter. There is the sound of uproarious snorts and unladylike hilarity. Author's Note A little interaction piece. I wanted something simple that I enjoyed writing. I guess I would call it something like linguistic fiction. 1 2 3 4 ~~5~~ 6 7 8 Discord x Pinkie "I love you babe, have some salt."Drip. Discord smiles gleefully. -shivers- "Do the audience a favor Pinkie Pie, spare us the pretense. Take it..." -wetfrazzles- .. "Take it, and hold it above you Pinkie, it's pretty big after all." .. Pinkie Pie takes Discord's umbrella and shields herself from the rain. It is too late, Pinkie is one, wet pony. She thought herself liable to catch a teensy, weensy uber-squeensy cold. If there's one thing Pinkie knew, she was soaked to the bone, and she was blushing from Discord's gesture. Who knew that Discord, of all creatures, could be such a cutie patootie, Pinkie mused mildly. She couldn't be any more in love than when the 7th time Discord spoke her name. His voice oozed of sex and cunning. "Pinkie..." He whispered. His voice were Pop Rocks to her ears. To Discord, it was this; A time to really get some miles in on Pinkie's Pie. What a delicious little treat somone had left for him to slither to. Celestia and the others were getting careless and thus he could make a few mistakes of his own. But make no mistake on this; he had seduced far more resilient creatures than Earth Ponies. Discord could utter things that would make the common mare lose her sanity, and Pinkie would know, he nearly destroyed hers several times, just for fun. To Pinkie's delight. The mere thought of such destruction and energetic chaos turned Pinkie's tummy with yummies. "I could you know. Make you go crazy with arousal, it wouldn't be your fault at all. I'll tell Celestia that it was my doing, what's the worst that could happen? You're completely safe, my little pony. No consequences! How's that for a party Pinkamena??" He finishes with a slither, salivating for the kill. His paw is primed and reveal some idly threatening claws. He gently scratches Pinkie's chin, before before running them through Pinkie's 'curly whirlies.' His claws are agonizedly pressed against her torso. Making her squeal in delight. "Oops, I forgot about the rain." Discord coos , before dipping Pinkie into a kiss. The rain suddenly falls at the moment their lips connect. Draconequus and pony liberally sharing the taste of bittersweet chocolate betwixt their lips. Pinkie drips with perspiration and rainwater, which is consequently, chocolate milk. Discords beard trickles along Pinkie sides. The chocolate is everywhere, the air is moist with pheremones and with a reptilian sensuality he hisses. He wraps his tongue around Pinkie's neck, his venom dripping with want. Misshapen, his parts begin to erect, pulsing with virility, a hard white against the mess of chocolate and pheromones in the air. Pinkie's legs tinged with excitement, shaking involuntarily. "So how about it Pinkie." A Discord formed of chocolate rises and hungrily sticks a talon in Pinkie's mouth. She immediately began to suck and swallow the delicious, sticky, chocolate. "I know you want it." Another clone emerges, his member is erect and drips with spunk. The one and only Discord, whispers into her ear with voracity. "After all, this isn't our first time." Pinkie moans and pashes Discords talons of all chocolate, only nodding her head in approval. "Mmhmm." She marshmallows brightly amidst the gentle sucking of his digits. "So how did that beginning go again? Was it, I dipped a-" He penetrates her cocoa frosted, wet pussy. Her juices were flowing. Where her arousal and the chocolate met, Discord slipped in with a sweet and slimy slick. He leaves his mark on her with his saliva, and it gently steams. Amidst the heat, Pinkie is crazy with pleasure. They begin to buck amidst a rhythm of a ticking clock and his pulsating member stimulates her inner walls. Her labia is soaked and coats him with her ponyhood. All because of a poetry contest. Discord, you sly anything-but! Discord x Applejack: Please just go to sleep."Do ya'll think I need to get back and just do my chores real quick?" "Oh. My. God..." Discord rolled over plugging his ears with tiny apples. "Whut?" Applejack shot back, a little hurt. "You. Have been chattering. Endlessly... about your chores for the past forty minutes. We are suspended in dis-reality, do you really think it even matters what an apple is - let alone when you 'buck' it ...In this place? In my realm?? We're outside of time, so please for the love of whatever deity is canon, take a break. I'm trying to sleep." "..." "Oh, what now?" Discord sharply turns to Applejack, but he softens when he sees a tear drip past a light frown. "I was... just trying to be honest. I'm sorry." Crossing her arms, she attempts a brave expression but her tears grow liberal and she has to wipe them away. "Oh...Applejack..." Discord runs an affectionate talon through her lofty, messy locks. "Being honest doesn't mean you have something of value to say." He claps, and the lights go out. Applejack claps and the lights go up. She sniffles and gets out of the bed. "Eye haven't uh-.... fluffed mah pillow,... hold on..." She takes her pillow, which is apple-shaped, to the bathroom and shuts the door behind her. __ Discord claps and the lights go off. __ Discord claps again and the lights come up. __ "You make me sick, you heathen." "Not listening-" "How could you make Applejack cry like that? Don't you have any manners, dingus supreme??" Discord shoots at Discord, with distate. Discord scoffs at that, but Discord continues anyway. "You just showed that little simpleton what is what like to experience Nirvana, did you honestly expect her to shut up after showing her a deeper understanding of reality? Shameful, I must say-" "Oohhhh, what do you know? You're also the version of me who believes in a flat reality-" "Go make her happy again, you old scrooge! I'm not going to tell you again. You brought her here! Be the hostess with the most "Ess." Old Boy, and for the last time there is strong evidence. " Discord scoffs at Discord, and Discord poofs away with a flamboyant snap leaving Discord alone with his thoughts. He taps a paw and talon together as he shamefully strides to the bathroom door. He adjusts his eyes a bit, breathes on them, and wipes them with his fur. Finally and with reticence, he knocks. The door limply swings open and he immediately frowns. "You're working in here?!" "I was just deciding which orchards to do first when I-Guh!" Applejack panicked-ly stammers. She throws the apple-shaped pillow over her work, sending tissues everywhere. "No! They were all arranged by-Ohhh horsefeathers! I think Twi, may be rubbin off on me.." She had placed tissues in four squares and were sorting which orchard had the highest bucking priority by having the most tissues stacked in their respective quadrants. Her labor was for naught, Discord prattles as he swishes them about in a hissy fit. "Unbelievable! You're still thinking about work??" Discord snaps and all the tissues disappear but one, which he examines in his talon. "What is this?"0 "Oh, that one, that's just a heart." Applejack makes a face and picks up her pillow, blushing a bit. "Oh." Feeling a bit ashamed, Discord silently folds the heart and tucks it away into an adjacent reality. "I'm-" "No hard feelings, I'm all right, honest I am. I'm still right glad I came over. Delighted, ackshlly." Discord pokes her nose and frowns in an apologetic manner. "Big mouths are smart mouths, I should know, I'm smarter than your whole species combined." Discord pops a flower into existence and tenderly extends it to Applejack. She grins and accepts it. "Shucks, thanks, I think." "Thank you. Shall we go to bed?" "Yeah.." She adjusts a stray hair as she bashfully adds. "Also I, - also I thought you were gonna be you know... more uh...lovin -ahem-" Grasping her little apple pillow to her heart she continues with a sudden light in her eye. "Eye mean, I ain't never felt anything like that in my whole life! Nothing ever felt so, just darn good and uh...And it was just the...well it was darndest thing is what it was, I mean I didn't think a pony like me could...- Well, anyway it was grand. Uhhh, just uh...just... ...thought I'd let ya'll know bout' how I felt, is all. Also, I got a gut feeling that... That I should just go home and do mah nightly chores real quick-" Discord snaps. "They're done." He says, now dressed in overalls. "You mean the-" "Bucked, sorry." He kicks a convenient tree. "-and the-" "Tucked away, fast asleep, she'll get a B-minus from Cherilee in the morning." He eases into her, hooking his digits underneath his suspenders. "I tried to help her, but she wouldn't listen to my advice." "What about the-" "Graded, from most to least likely to crack." An interrogation lamp swings and reveals a row of jars and a policeman Discord. Applejack chuckles brightly as she fiddles with a button on Discord's over-the-top overalls. "Well, uh...thanks. Mighty sweet o' you... Well...I guess that means I'm hitched up for the long haul!" She says, beaming as she climbs into bed and flops down trying to get comfortable. Discord looks over with utter disgust. "Oh crap-" "Whut?" She fluffs her pillow one last time before resting gently on her side to shrug at Discord. __ Discord claps and the lights go on. __ Applejack immediately finds herself in a wickedly passionate embrace and her breath escapes her for a moment. "You really are special, aren't you?" He seductively hisses into her ear. A tiny moan escapes her lips as she replies. "Well you made your bed pardner, now sleep in it." __ She claps and the lights go off. __ Discord chuckles as he nuzzles her affectionately. "By the way did ya'll remember to clean the-" "Shut up and kiss me mortal." Their lips meet and their brains slowly light up with primal reason. Discord's body slithers around hers and it reeks of pheromones. She shivers appreciatively. Applejack delicately bucks her hips to the sensation building in her body and while wantonly gazing into his eyes, giggles and playfully punches his bear arm. "Well shucks, I didn't know ya'll could go again... Look uhm..." Increasing the rhythm of her hips, she pins Discord and grinds against his arousal with readiness and he grunts with a burning timbre. "Look uhm... you're a nice, uh.. Draconequus? Am I saying that right?" She grinds into him and he groans with want. She pulls him in for a violent kiss, which lingers delicately. "But I seriously think ya'll have me overestimated! Also, I mean...Well, y-y'all don't have to do that for little ol' me,-I know I ain't the purt-" He interrupts with a kiss and readies his member. "You really are a fool aren't you? I've been around long enough to know worthiness when I see it. Because who, tell me, who would share the bed with the bringer of chaos, if they weren't completely and utterly...Honest with themselves. Who is more worthy than those honest enough to take what they want?" "I love you more than I do, buckin'" She whispers with gentle promiscuity and he twitches with urgent responsibility. Discord embraces Applejack and prepares her for eventual nirvana. "Chaos, is one thing. But your thang, is quite another, my dear." They both laugh and revel in each other's playful bliss and physical promise and tease each other with the intent of release. He pushes into her desperately and her moans ring southern belles. And while they soak in the silk of each other's flesh, their bodies tense with erotic restraint and they fill their respective sex with a dripping anxiousness as they prepare to cum and experience the universe all at once. A small grunt leaves Applejack's lips as she reaches climax. She moans reservedly as her sex drips of Discord's pulsing arousal, and they travel towards new dimensions. They who have experienced the world together leave all others behind because they prefer eternity with another someone, instead of somebody. For there is no one more appreciative of Honesty, then Discord itself. Because if you're doing it right, Honesty will cause Discord, but become trust and that is in a sense. Chaos Incarnate. He impregnates her gently, ceasing all rhythm to soothe her inner walls with a thick, gooey cloud of his semen and her insides scream in orgasmed response. They collapse on each other as the universe pieces itself back together. They pant and laugh, then grow silent for a moment. Applejack coyly sways, then brightly smiles as she gently slaps her lover's chest. "So uh, up for another one of those, pardner?" Applejack chimes, she gently bobs on Discord's lap. "Only if you'll let me sleep afterwards." Discord says, obligingly. The night echoes and bounces back and forth to lull them into a grateful sleep. "I love you, you silly creature."
Pinkie Pie LOVES Poetry"Welcome Pinkie Pie! To Poetry Night at Celestia's! Hosted by ME Discord and Princess Celestia!" An old father Discord records on home video. The white text and numbers within the video frame a plaintively even Celestia. "That's my girl, Celestia! Give her a hand folks, she's OLD you know!" Discord shouts, introducing the non-existent show. He snaps his fingers. It exists now! Wild applause from the audience, which is a bunch of different versions of Discord. Pinkie fires her party cannon! In her enthusiasm, she got caught up in the moment and celebrated Celestia's old age. She grins nervously at Celestia. Luna and Twilight, who have just witnessed all of this, clap with trepidation. They know not what to do. Celestia is tempted to end this night right here with the kind of delightful gore only alicorn magic can provide but with a little effort, retains her composure. Amidst the audience of Discords prattling in the background Celestia presses on. "I am here, Discord to judge the poetry contest, which you weren't inv-" DISCORD takes the stage! He is HAMMING IT UP to the introduction orchestra, who are Discords, and suddenly he's all [FRONT and C. He takes the sparkling blue stage, adorned with a cane and a spotlight. Several other Discord dancers in the background, they wear white tie and spatz, all in sequin! He sings a song about beauty, love, and loss with stunning choreography. Note to Discord: A sewer cover can be rigged to an air pump so that it can be jettisoned up to Discord via, a Co2 canister and a bike pump so that the sewer cover becomes his hat. Discord catches the sewer cover hat and is about to go for the big finish, when-) (LX#3 GEN/SPOT to BluesSPOT) Unforgettable by Nat King Cole starts playing, Discord sloooows it down a bit. (He approaches Celestia, ascending the stairs to the judges panel, ready to sing his heart out! Celestia is concerned where this is going. (The audience applauds, the Discords are all going crazy!) (LX#4 Blues to FocusSPOT) (The music sadly, slowly dies down, but the piano remains in the background twinkling softly)] Celestia's lips pull back into a sort of frowning smile, she suddenly found herself at a materialized judges podium amidst a Discord audience comprised of terribly unimaginative, slightly different versions of him. [The mood is set, the audience of Discord await in silent anticipation for THE BIG MOMENT. They wait for Celestia's answer as the orchestra swells then... STOPS dead. Discord snaps and materializes a mic with gusto. He is about to propose to his doll showtune style! A drumroll leading up to the vocal.] He checks his talons and says. "Something I thought terribly rude by the way. I mean where was my invitation?" Crickets. (But they kind of don't make noise, they weren't really co-operating because I fetched them from a different reality.) Feedback on the mic, Discord signals the Discord to pull back the gain, Discord grumbles and does as he is told. The Discords prattle in low whispers while Celestia evenly looks into the camera, when one of the cameraman Discords snaps at her to gain her attention. Celestia begins to speak but finds that no sound is coming out of her mouth. With a grin Discord taps the mic with his paw and rolls his eyes at her knowledge of showbiz. He has the mic. And he is "LIVE. " He says proudly! Celestia comes to the realization she is not "LIVE." and thus, remains mute until Discord deems fit. She sighs, her patience is being tested, but she's keeping it together. He hasn't ruined the night yet. "How dare you think I ruin your night! Hello future Celestia!" A crack in the calm. She forgot when Discord started saying that, but it was a long-ass time ago. He'd been setting up that punchline for decades ahead by saying it over and over for a whole year a century ago and intermittently since then...for the day of her poetry contest between a dozen ponies from Ponyville, herself, Luna, Twilight and Pinkie Pie. She hangs her head in defeat, this is exactly what she was trying to prevent. She had taken extreme precautions on changing the dates and times, endlessly, only telling the real date and times- "Pinkie told me!!" Discord interrupts the narrative and grabs Pinkie Pie from off-frame, and holds her in a big brotherly shoulder lock. "And isn't she just adorable ladies and gentlemen? I mean, what about all that pink, huh?? It's contagious!" The Discord audience applauds as Discord squeezes Pinkie's cheeks together. A second Discord holds the mic in front of her face. Feedback. Pinkie's cheeks are still smushed together by Discord. Then, she shrugs. "I owwy mewshend it tew him!." She marshmallows brightly. Celestia sighs. "Always account for Pinkie." She thinks and mentally takes a note for the next time and Discord hands her a notebook-she winces again. She hates it when he mixes her internal thought with reality and boy did he know it. He dips his shades and raises his eyebrows at Celestia. "Now, c'mon Celestia! The world is waiting, why wasn't I invited?" Discords gasp and Discord gestures towards Celestia with the Mic and waits for her to speak. The Discords watch in anticipation. With impressive restraint, Celestia eases her muzzle toward the mic. FEEDBACK, her ears lay back and she frowns. Discord frowns too. He taps the mic and signals the Discord to lower the gain again. He gives the Discord a demanding look, the Discord shrugs nervously. Discord gives one more lingering look at the Discord before smiling, tapping the mic and points it at Celestia. Celestia once again eases toward the mic and says. "I-" She is interrupted by a tiny bit of feedback. Discord growls at the Discord, Discord is afraid he will lose his job. Celestia blinks harshly but tries to start over and the soundstage echoes with her answer. "I have already decided to let you participate. I didn't invite you because I thought you wouldn't be interested and be disruptive to ponies who are here to showcase their poetry." The mic disappears and you can hear murmurs in the audience of Discords, "She has a point." Can be heard from a whispering British Discord, who adjusts his glasses. Discord sassily puts his hands on his hips, shoots a hurt look at Celestia and all of his materialized hims dissappear, along with the sound stage and crew. He snaps and puts on a beret."Hey, I can be cool." He says and snaps again. His mouth is a zipper, he zips it shut and paws the zipped-shut mouth to Celestia, she makes a face at it before accepting it into her telekinetic field. He snaps again and is mouthless and pleasant as a daisy, sitting cross-legged in a materialized folding chair. It reads "DISCORD" on the back. The zipper mouth smiles and Celestia frowns, puts the zipper mouth down and forces a second wind. "Now which pony would like to go-" Discord raises a talon. "Discord, why don't you go first." Celestia says with unsincere enthusiasm. He claps excitedly and happily rushes to the stage and then pauses as if he forgot something. He turns, runs to Celestia and extends his paw. She rolls her eyes and hovers him the zippered-shut-mouth and he runs up to the stage. She had decided not to complain about the room being occupied by a small stage with a microphone on it. "At least we have a nice one for the contest now." Celestia thought, as Discord ran up to the mic while unzipping his mouth. Still donning the beret, Discord snaps his fingers. The lights dim to a spotlight. He recites. "I dipped a pickle in wine, only to find that thine wine pickled my dill fickle, and dockling with your dongler was too pickling for my dingled dingler. Pringled by a can that widthly was not spiffly to slide but the dilly obliged too slippily applied. Thus this Ribbed, ribely robed wronger was trilled by size and triply measured the googlers pleasure, at least when the greenly rod 'rived. Fried, what was once wet and lithely bligh, slowly to stop and spit and sit when this slithery shaded sleuth slided idly by. Thus ends the story of one pickled dilly, so sillily dined, methodly dipped with wine." He snaps. Lights return to normal as he bows. There is a more than fair amount of applause and Discords teleports back to his folding chair, muzzle raised primly. Celestia was wary, she had never seen him do that unless he was about to win an argument but she applauded nonetheless and soon there was quite a noise from all present. Amidst the growing applause Pinkie drew in some heavy breaths while thinking. "Holy tomoly! I had never ever in a million bejillionest years, would ever break a Pinkie Promise so often! But Mama Pie, I accidentally broke my promise again and got all hot and bothered before I was even married to somepony!" POOF! "But hoooooeeeeeee! I had never even considered getting this wet to a poem containing a bitter or salty food, but wow, my pony parts are partyin everypony! My pussy needs pounding! I'm wet? You bet! I'd like to chew that Discord like a pack of Double Bubble Supreme on the third day of chewing it! If anypony is getting ready to pounce, it'll be this Pinkie's tushie! All aboard, cause my manifolds have got some greeeeaaasy sailors! Ooooh, also I bet Discord's cum is bitter so I can get rid of this weird craving for savory yummies." Feedback from the mic. Pinkie, amplified by the mic, says. "Woopsie! Pinkie forgot to think it and it got thunked out loud!" Twilight Sparkle nods her head, defeatedly. "Oh Pinkie Pie." Luna is more enthusiastic and silently, but intensely claps. Applause! The audience peaks here, they are ecstatic. Pinkie had said too much and her tummy ached. Discord, grinning like crazy, coyly looks over at Celestia and says. "You know what they say about pickles-" She has lost her cool. "That will conclude our poetry night."
She's a Peeping TomDon't ask who I am in case ya ain't willing to know the answer. Prowler in the night, most assuredly. By day I'm the mare who likes a cup of tea when it's cold, a lunchtime snack when I'm cranky and on any spare time I might have, I have the overwhelming urge to appreciate the finer things in life. In case you would do something so selfish as to ask "Why would you do that?" I will correct you immediately, sir. I like a cup of tea when it's cold, sure. But I like an eye of glass when I'm hot. This is my Telescope, Tendy. I call it that because back when I was a little foal, I meant to say "Extendy." because of how it; Telescopes or extends, and yes I have acknowledged the allegory for the extending nature of a penis, but I have lady parts, and thus do not extend. Nevertheless. "Tendy." ending up sticking and here I am peeping on a night like any other night. I mean, who are you to deny me my special talent? My cutie mark is of a sunny smiley face being caught in the shower with a spyglass across it's equally cutesy cartoon tits. You tell me what I'm supposed to do when you got a cutie mark like that. I like what I do, I adore my special talent, it's like a great big hug for me. One around my clit. One around my waist, and another giving my pony ass the heimlich. What I'm trying to say is I don't get any recognition. Who is going to be the type of pony to say "Oh, there goes the town pervert, contributing to society!?" Well, lots of ponies, but very sarcastically. Listen, I have very good taste. Some people are good judges in like art and stuff, but I know every which way around town and down and up alley, when it comes to being a letch, sooooo...Do with that what you will. I'm not used to company. I am eating soup because it is Thursday. The time is 0800 hours. The location. Sunny Meadows Soup Kitchen, it is late in the hour. Thursday is the day that Fluttershy volunteers at the soup kitchen, which necessitates the dressing like a homeless pony, and not showering for a few weeks. But it is worth it. Soup kitchen peeping wouldn't be of consequence besides the fact that this particular kitchen's uniforms were designed by Rarity and I don't know if you know how pony peeping works, but usually, cause we're naked so often, sometimes seeing ponies with more clothes on, is how we get our harmonious falalas and gigglingest good jollies. Thank you Rarity, because of your poor understanding of what a soup kitchen was (Element of generosity? Really?) and your distaste for frumpy uniforms, I get to see Fluttershy in what is darn near, a bordering-on-lingerie-maid's outfit. Fuckin kill me. Right now, you do it. Here's the knife. Plunge into my chest with fury and don't stop till my pulse has ceased. Murder me with that knife right the fuck now. Because seeing Fluttershy, the uh SHYEST person I know, just go prancing around borderline lewd undergarments, is killing me a whole lot slower than you could with that knife my friend. Oh, and by the way hand me that knife I gave you, I'm not supposed to have it in here. I sip my soup. I wipe my mouth and get out Ol'Tendy. (I sometimes add the 'Ol'' when I'm feeling rambunctious.) "Dear Celestia's sweet-ass haunches, plot and ass crack right on my face, what am I seeing right now?" Peeks of gentle and soft yellow curves, teasing me with flashes of Fluttershy's sweet little butterfly. The yellow of her coat beset with alluring contrast to the black and white lace of the uniform, the black promoting naughtiness and the white making her ass look that much more marshmallow-y...as she turns and spills some soup. This is the real charity. The soup makes her garments cling. If my pussy were porridge it would be just right. My favorite things about peeping on Fluttershy: It's like watching a friggin vaudeville act from the 1940s, her pratfalls are especially revealing. She doesn't masturbate often...but when she does...The demureness of it all makes me feel dirty, and not much does anymore. She really does act like that all the time. Okay, now we come to Rarity. AGH! Alright moving on, there is no better way to enjoy a sunny afternoon, than to watch Apple family do chores. I like how she moves, it's like her face is so wrinkly that her face has eight vaginas. Just kidding, I've never clopped to Granny Smith...yet. We'll see how the year goes. Holy Luna's swiss cheese moon holes! Applejack, my toned southern goddess. Flex and make me question whether or not you the best in Equest! As tasty as Applejack's sweat is, (Don't ask me how) The reason I make the trek out to apple acres, especially during the Summer, is Big friggin Macintosh. Oh look, his muscles! Fie, how they ripple! Betwixt the rapture of pleasure, was mine pussy! Just grab those fuckin' iron wires, plug them into that early pony battery, clip the other ends to my raw midsection, and go medieval on me until I am a toasty dead, because the way Big Mac's cock swings when he finishes a particularly grueling session of Apple-Buckin (The second sexiest thing in the universe) is just shocking and frankly I should be fried for what perverted thoughts enter my innocent pony mind. I am but a mare, and the laws of indecency need not apply when sed laws haven't been written yet in ponykind. I am freedom. -In the glinting reflection of Tendy's glass pane; A valiant swing from Big Mac's pony dangler.- I am lasciouvousness. -SWING- I am touching myself. -BALLS OF NOTRE DAME- And I am currently enjoying a daisy sandwich that I kept from lunch. Would you care for a sliver of lemon cake? We all love Twilight. Go on. Admit it. She is as marryable as the dong is long. Who hasn't fantasized about a cozy night with Twilight Sparkle? Look I'm not saying this is universal, some freak out there might actually call himself normal while (Like someone who's a prude) -not touch the poniest of their parts furiously and most demandingly due to the severe amount of liquid that Twilight causes the common pony pussy to accumulate, without even so much as an annoyed glance at a grammar erroryouknowwhat- Forget it, marefriend. This goes beyond Equestria, there's got to be some weird species out there in some alternate dimension that clop to this broad. Just think about it, I mean rumors are, that a completely unknown species are seen wandering the halls in the castle at night. I'm just saying. A mare with an eavesdropping charm hears things. Oh look, she's refilling her inkwell! Watch this! Have you ever experienced the PonyTuber Yarko B when he doesn't know that the camera is on? That is what it's like to spy on Rainbow Dash. She flexes in the mirror. She masturbates in the mirror. She practices her speeches in the mirror. If it wasn't so arousing, it would almost be too embarassing for ME to watch at times. But the long-term reward, is soo worth the cringe. Ass and cracks, on where Celestia split my sac, now slit and slap slap slap. Just demolish me, make sure I am no longer breathing and that I will never see the light of day. Actually suffocate me, go on, choke the living shit out of my thick pony neck because when Rainbow actually has a mare over, she completely changes, and it is the MOST adorable thing you have ever seen. I have gone whole-hoof on this, mah friends. I was there, and it was beautiful. The incident in question were recorded in video for posterity's sake. I was crouching in a hot air balloon, disguised to look like a cloud, camera poised for the occasion; "Uh..Can I get you anything to drink? I mean do you, drink?" "I drink, a lemonade would be nice." Who tf is that thot???? NOTE: Find out who the bitch in the caramel coat was, her mane is outrageous from this angle. I gotta find who her stylist is. "Right, uh lemonade, because you drink right ...water right?" "Rainbow, are you going to get me that lemonade?" "Oh yeah, I was just going to get you that lemonade." "(Giggle)" Holy. Fuckin. Shit. Somebody call the police, just call them, say I am a dangerous criminal and get them to pound my ass with a nightstick until I bleed from my anus because, I caught that on camera my pony friends. Rainbow Dash - blush/Blunderdash, tape Vol 2. These are so frickin rare, I get nostalgic when I watch these because I discontinued production when I was a young mare, but they provide me the entertainment to cuddle up with a good herbal tea. Peppermint. My favorite. Just throw the tea bags on the floor if you don't want them in your cup. I'll pick them up later. OOooohh pass the popcorn! This is the part where Rainbow Dash tries applying make-up before going out, but decides against it. Dear Lord, what a gem! My tastes extend past Ponyville. I pack my cute little pony bags like everypony else, save for a few things. The essentials; toiletries, a few outfits so I don't have to be naked for the duration of my trip, a cute bow, a few quills for when I want to write poetry and the spyglass named Tendy. I've peeped on the greats. Shining Armor, a classic. Discord, surprisingly tame. Not many know this, but King Sombra swang low sweet-chariot all the way home before he turned evil. Celestia, I have kept a lock of your hair for as long as I have been alive. It never stops waving. So, of course it went into my pussy a couple of times, but if you use shampoo and conditioner, it'll be as good as new. I've even thrown that baby in the wash and dryer with some choice fabric softener a couple of times, completely fine. I could have brutally murdered every single pony that Luna did during her reign as Nightmare Moon, along with myself, by myself, with my bare hooves, because the amount of adorable moments of Luna's isolation on the moon, is like a really good show spanning thirty-seven glorious seasons. Unfortunately, I didn't see seasons 1-10, but I had a feeling she needed that time to hit her stride and really get into comedy. How was I listening to Luna on the moon? Look, it wasn't easy to sneak into the Starswirl The Bearded Wing, it was a...fuckin...cakewalk. I was peeping on Twilight one day (Because SHE WAS DRESSED AS A NINJA, SNEAKING AROUND HER STOMPING GROUNDS fuck that's hot.) and she just...left the door unlocked to the most secret spells in Equestria. Lo and behold, I found an ol' spell uncreatively called Hear As Far As You See.. and on a clear day? You can see forever, baby. Luna REALLY took the cake comedically. When she got back, she trolled ponykind by pretending to be downright (You'll excuse the expression) retarded. It was the most hilarious thing I had ever seen. A thousand year-old princess, with a dark past of plunging the world into a permanent night, said. "The fun has been doubled." Murder me. I don't care how you do it. Try sandpaper and lemons, really get in there and cause me great pain before I die a meaningless death because an immortal god with a sense of humor was a big, if not the biggest, flood-bringer to this pony-noah's, cuddly canoe. You don't meet a lot of ponies like me. But what a lot of ponies don't realize is that when the lights go out most resemble me. I know. Because I was there. I do it because I was born to do it. Don't ask unless you wanna know and don't scream at the glint of Ol' Tendy from the bushes. I am but, a mild-mannered pervert, seeking her jollies amidst the ignorance and bliss of pony folk. I am what you fear and yet I fear you have me mistaken. Now, carefully hand me that donut, I don't want to fall.
Can you please pass the salt?"Cahn you please pahss the sawlt?" "I'm sorry, what was that darling?" "The salt, can you pass it?" A dainty giggle, she passes the salt. The southern belle sprinkles salt, bewildered. "Whut?" "Darling, we both know that I am a lady and that I would never stoop so low as to nitpick on the unnecessary, but do you really think I'm going to let that go?" She gently slices her lettuce. The third mare at the table remains quiet. She sips tea. "Whut awn urth arr ya'll talking a' baout? "Darling, you spoke like me just now, didn't you?" She reservedly munches her lettuce. "Eye whut?" She gnaws at her apple. "'Cahn you please pass the salt?' You said that, just like me when I'm, ahem... ohffecting a Cahnterlawht awksent." Two ponies make food noises. "Cayn ya'll please pas tha' sawlt?" "You heard it, darling, right?" She gesticulates at the mare adjacent, in response the adjacent's expression gets even and she sips reservedly. "Ah didn't do eny such thin-thang." The pony sly-ly sips. Thus, the accuser of the moments' hooves gently hit the table in accusation. "You were about to say 'thing,' wuhren't you?" "Eye didn'-" "Ah, there it is again, 'Eye' 'I'....isn't it? Oh shirley suhmpony caughwt that!" She points her hoof with flaming gossip 'Oh-oh-oh'-esque tone. "Ah meen, dag'nabbit, ya'll know whut I mean, raight?" She gestures of support from the remaining mare at the table, who remains silent. Feeling slightly betrayed, the accused, fiddles with an apple core. All the mares remain silent, amidst the clink of stirring tea. They nibble at their respective nourishment. "Whell, Iye think that-" "Eugh, for Celehstia's sake, I can always count on you darling."/"Whay to bayck ah gurl up, hoarsefeyhthers, mayorfrend!" They mumble in simultaneous annoyance. "Ohkay, Iy'll just be quiet then." A bunny, at her hooves admonishes her with a furious fluffy paw and sighs. "Oooowhh, yure right Iy apaulajayez, I shood be more issurtive. I agree, you did say 'Cahn you pass tha sawlt?." "Ya'll ar' kookier thenn' a wiy-yuld, huwngry pearuhspright." She chucks the apple core away then idly chews on a piece of hay. "Why-yuld?" Her wings twitch to attention. There is a silence. The bunny at their feet is liberal with the salt. "Don't you mean wah-yuld?" She muses with her magic betwixt a fork. The rhythmic clinking caused by the throes of 'Please-stop-you're-killing-me' amusement. A gentle giggle./ A hearty and unladylike chortle starts to crescendo. "Yew sed 'why-yuld' juhst liyke me."/"Ohehahu, huhuhu-darhuhhuh-ling, I'm so sor-hawh-hahahahah-suh-suh- s-hahahuorry. I jus-jus-huh-uhehehaahahuhuhuhuh fuh-hahahahahaha-ju-ju-usthuh-yoo-haaahaaa-ff-fffuuuuUUNNNNeeeYHAH.......HAH....HUH.......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHeeeeuuUUUHHHHAHAHAH!!!" The guilty party covers her blush in the shadow of her hat. "OH-whale-whh-whrur'ya'll sew cunsurnd abaot tha way ah talk, enyhaow." Amidst munching on lettuce, the bunny cocks an ear. The shier of the two ponies chews unceremoniously. "Dahling... I thawht it wuz rahtha sehksi." "Skesis??" The bunny corrects her with a firm-pawed bop on the head, a blush in response. "O-uh...sexy..me tewhuhhu." All ponies present sip amidst an idle crunching. Her hat conceals beguiled blushing. "Uhh-thu-thaynks, Ah gay-ass." The bunny, spewing carrot, cries with laughter. There is the sound of uproarious snorts and unladylike hilarity. Author's Note A little interaction piece. I wanted something simple that I enjoyed writing. I guess I would call it something like linguistic fiction. 1 2 3 4 ~~5~~ 6 7 8
Discord x Pinkie "I love you babe, have some salt."Drip. Discord smiles gleefully. -shivers- "Do the audience a favor Pinkie Pie, spare us the pretense. Take it..." -wetfrazzles- .. "Take it, and hold it above you Pinkie, it's pretty big after all." .. Pinkie Pie takes Discord's umbrella and shields herself from the rain. It is too late, Pinkie is one, wet pony. She thought herself liable to catch a teensy, weensy uber-squeensy cold. If there's one thing Pinkie knew, she was soaked to the bone, and she was blushing from Discord's gesture. Who knew that Discord, of all creatures, could be such a cutie patootie, Pinkie mused mildly. She couldn't be any more in love than when the 7th time Discord spoke her name. His voice oozed of sex and cunning. "Pinkie..." He whispered. His voice were Pop Rocks to her ears. To Discord, it was this; A time to really get some miles in on Pinkie's Pie. What a delicious little treat somone had left for him to slither to. Celestia and the others were getting careless and thus he could make a few mistakes of his own. But make no mistake on this; he had seduced far more resilient creatures than Earth Ponies. Discord could utter things that would make the common mare lose her sanity, and Pinkie would know, he nearly destroyed hers several times, just for fun. To Pinkie's delight. The mere thought of such destruction and energetic chaos turned Pinkie's tummy with yummies. "I could you know. Make you go crazy with arousal, it wouldn't be your fault at all. I'll tell Celestia that it was my doing, what's the worst that could happen? You're completely safe, my little pony. No consequences! How's that for a party Pinkamena??" He finishes with a slither, salivating for the kill. His paw is primed and reveal some idly threatening claws. He gently scratches Pinkie's chin, before before running them through Pinkie's 'curly whirlies.' His claws are agonizedly pressed against her torso. Making her squeal in delight. "Oops, I forgot about the rain." Discord coos , before dipping Pinkie into a kiss. The rain suddenly falls at the moment their lips connect. Draconequus and pony liberally sharing the taste of bittersweet chocolate betwixt their lips. Pinkie drips with perspiration and rainwater, which is consequently, chocolate milk. Discords beard trickles along Pinkie sides. The chocolate is everywhere, the air is moist with pheremones and with a reptilian sensuality he hisses. He wraps his tongue around Pinkie's neck, his venom dripping with want. Misshapen, his parts begin to erect, pulsing with virility, a hard white against the mess of chocolate and pheromones in the air. Pinkie's legs tinged with excitement, shaking involuntarily. "So how about it Pinkie." A Discord formed of chocolate rises and hungrily sticks a talon in Pinkie's mouth. She immediately began to suck and swallow the delicious, sticky, chocolate. "I know you want it." Another clone emerges, his member is erect and drips with spunk. The one and only Discord, whispers into her ear with voracity. "After all, this isn't our first time." Pinkie moans and pashes Discords talons of all chocolate, only nodding her head in approval. "Mmhmm." She marshmallows brightly amidst the gentle sucking of his digits. "So how did that beginning go again? Was it, I dipped a-" He penetrates her cocoa frosted, wet pussy. Her juices were flowing. Where her arousal and the chocolate met, Discord slipped in with a sweet and slimy slick. He leaves his mark on her with his saliva, and it gently steams. Amidst the heat, Pinkie is crazy with pleasure. They begin to buck amidst a rhythm of a ticking clock and his pulsating member stimulates her inner walls. Her labia is soaked and coats him with her ponyhood. All because of a poetry contest. Discord, you sly anything-but!
Discord x Applejack: Please just go to sleep."Do ya'll think I need to get back and just do my chores real quick?" "Oh. My. God..." Discord rolled over plugging his ears with tiny apples. "Whut?" Applejack shot back, a little hurt. "You. Have been chattering. Endlessly... about your chores for the past forty minutes. We are suspended in dis-reality, do you really think it even matters what an apple is - let alone when you 'buck' it ...In this place? In my realm?? We're outside of time, so please for the love of whatever deity is canon, take a break. I'm trying to sleep." "..." "Oh, what now?" Discord sharply turns to Applejack, but he softens when he sees a tear drip past a light frown. "I was... just trying to be honest. I'm sorry." Crossing her arms, she attempts a brave expression but her tears grow liberal and she has to wipe them away. "Oh...Applejack..." Discord runs an affectionate talon through her lofty, messy locks. "Being honest doesn't mean you have something of value to say." He claps, and the lights go out. Applejack claps and the lights go up. She sniffles and gets out of the bed. "Eye haven't uh-.... fluffed mah pillow,... hold on..." She takes her pillow, which is apple-shaped, to the bathroom and shuts the door behind her. __ Discord claps and the lights go off. __ Discord claps again and the lights come up. __ "You make me sick, you heathen." "Not listening-" "How could you make Applejack cry like that? Don't you have any manners, dingus supreme??" Discord shoots at Discord, with distate. Discord scoffs at that, but Discord continues anyway. "You just showed that little simpleton what is what like to experience Nirvana, did you honestly expect her to shut up after showing her a deeper understanding of reality? Shameful, I must say-" "Oohhhh, what do you know? You're also the version of me who believes in a flat reality-" "Go make her happy again, you old scrooge! I'm not going to tell you again. You brought her here! Be the hostess with the most "Ess." Old Boy, and for the last time there is strong evidence. " Discord scoffs at Discord, and Discord poofs away with a flamboyant snap leaving Discord alone with his thoughts. He taps a paw and talon together as he shamefully strides to the bathroom door. He adjusts his eyes a bit, breathes on them, and wipes them with his fur. Finally and with reticence, he knocks. The door limply swings open and he immediately frowns. "You're working in here?!" "I was just deciding which orchards to do first when I-Guh!" Applejack panicked-ly stammers. She throws the apple-shaped pillow over her work, sending tissues everywhere. "No! They were all arranged by-Ohhh horsefeathers! I think Twi, may be rubbin off on me.." She had placed tissues in four squares and were sorting which orchard had the highest bucking priority by having the most tissues stacked in their respective quadrants. Her labor was for naught, Discord prattles as he swishes them about in a hissy fit. "Unbelievable! You're still thinking about work??" Discord snaps and all the tissues disappear but one, which he examines in his talon. "What is this?"0 "Oh, that one, that's just a heart." Applejack makes a face and picks up her pillow, blushing a bit. "Oh." Feeling a bit ashamed, Discord silently folds the heart and tucks it away into an adjacent reality. "I'm-" "No hard feelings, I'm all right, honest I am. I'm still right glad I came over. Delighted, ackshlly." Discord pokes her nose and frowns in an apologetic manner. "Big mouths are smart mouths, I should know, I'm smarter than your whole species combined." Discord pops a flower into existence and tenderly extends it to Applejack. She grins and accepts it. "Shucks, thanks, I think." "Thank you. Shall we go to bed?" "Yeah.." She adjusts a stray hair as she bashfully adds. "Also I, - also I thought you were gonna be you know... more uh...lovin -ahem-" Grasping her little apple pillow to her heart she continues with a sudden light in her eye. "Eye mean, I ain't never felt anything like that in my whole life! Nothing ever felt so, just darn good and uh...And it was just the...well it was darndest thing is what it was, I mean I didn't think a pony like me could...- Well, anyway it was grand. Uhhh, just uh...just... ...thought I'd let ya'll know bout' how I felt, is all. Also, I got a gut feeling that... That I should just go home and do mah nightly chores real quick-" Discord snaps. "They're done." He says, now dressed in overalls. "You mean the-" "Bucked, sorry." He kicks a convenient tree. "-and the-" "Tucked away, fast asleep, she'll get a B-minus from Cherilee in the morning." He eases into her, hooking his digits underneath his suspenders. "I tried to help her, but she wouldn't listen to my advice." "What about the-" "Graded, from most to least likely to crack." An interrogation lamp swings and reveals a row of jars and a policeman Discord. Applejack chuckles brightly as she fiddles with a button on Discord's over-the-top overalls. "Well, uh...thanks. Mighty sweet o' you... Well...I guess that means I'm hitched up for the long haul!" She says, beaming as she climbs into bed and flops down trying to get comfortable. Discord looks over with utter disgust. "Oh crap-" "Whut?" She fluffs her pillow one last time before resting gently on her side to shrug at Discord. __ Discord claps and the lights go on. __ Applejack immediately finds herself in a wickedly passionate embrace and her breath escapes her for a moment. "You really are special, aren't you?" He seductively hisses into her ear. A tiny moan escapes her lips as she replies. "Well you made your bed pardner, now sleep in it." __ She claps and the lights go off. __ Discord chuckles as he nuzzles her affectionately. "By the way did ya'll remember to clean the-" "Shut up and kiss me mortal." Their lips meet and their brains slowly light up with primal reason. Discord's body slithers around hers and it reeks of pheromones. She shivers appreciatively. Applejack delicately bucks her hips to the sensation building in her body and while wantonly gazing into his eyes, giggles and playfully punches his bear arm. "Well shucks, I didn't know ya'll could go again... Look uhm..." Increasing the rhythm of her hips, she pins Discord and grinds against his arousal with readiness and he grunts with a burning timbre. "Look uhm... you're a nice, uh.. Draconequus? Am I saying that right?" She grinds into him and he groans with want. She pulls him in for a violent kiss, which lingers delicately. "But I seriously think ya'll have me overestimated! Also, I mean...Well, y-y'all don't have to do that for little ol' me,-I know I ain't the purt-" He interrupts with a kiss and readies his member. "You really are a fool aren't you? I've been around long enough to know worthiness when I see it. Because who, tell me, who would share the bed with the bringer of chaos, if they weren't completely and utterly...Honest with themselves. Who is more worthy than those honest enough to take what they want?" "I love you more than I do, buckin'" She whispers with gentle promiscuity and he twitches with urgent responsibility. Discord embraces Applejack and prepares her for eventual nirvana. "Chaos, is one thing. But your thang, is quite another, my dear." They both laugh and revel in each other's playful bliss and physical promise and tease each other with the intent of release. He pushes into her desperately and her moans ring southern belles. And while they soak in the silk of each other's flesh, their bodies tense with erotic restraint and they fill their respective sex with a dripping anxiousness as they prepare to cum and experience the universe all at once. A small grunt leaves Applejack's lips as she reaches climax. She moans reservedly as her sex drips of Discord's pulsing arousal, and they travel towards new dimensions. They who have experienced the world together leave all others behind because they prefer eternity with another someone, instead of somebody. For there is no one more appreciative of Honesty, then Discord itself. Because if you're doing it right, Honesty will cause Discord, but become trust and that is in a sense. Chaos Incarnate. He impregnates her gently, ceasing all rhythm to soothe her inner walls with a thick, gooey cloud of his semen and her insides scream in orgasmed response. They collapse on each other as the universe pieces itself back together. They pant and laugh, then grow silent for a moment. Applejack coyly sways, then brightly smiles as she gently slaps her lover's chest. "So uh, up for another one of those, pardner?" Applejack chimes, she gently bobs on Discord's lap. "Only if you'll let me sleep afterwards." Discord says, obligingly. The night echoes and bounces back and forth to lull them into a grateful sleep. "I love you, you silly creature."
