Twilight sparkle is Really Mad nowby jakkid166ChaptersMask of Evila Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream warriorsBook of RevelationsLies and TrickereysUltimate battleMask of Evil"Bada bing," said Twilight sparkle as she put the finisheing touch on her bowl of soup broth. It was almost about dinner time, and she was preparing her favorite kind of soup: Soup. "Spike, it is dinner time!" she threw her words up the stairs at Spike. And then spike was coming down the stairs, but Twilight had left a bunch of books on the stairs so Spike tripped on them and hit his head on every all the steps and fell on the grond. "Come on Spike you have to eat dinner or else you will starve," said Twilight. "Fine," said Spike and he went to the table to dinner with Twilight. He put a bunch of salt in his soup because he is a dragon and dragons eat rocks. "This is good soup!" said Twilight. "Yeah it is," said Spike. "Its too salty though. You suck at cooking Twilight" "Fuck." said Twilight and she got mad. "Well if you dont like it then you can go to bed without dinner!" "Fine." said Spike and he went upstairs. He was still hungery though, and he wanted to eat something, so he had a idea. He puleld out his cell phone and dialed the Ponyville Pizza place. "Hello," said Spike. "I would like one large pizza with two sauce and one pepperoni. And also put diamonds on it because I'm a dragon and I eat diamonds." "Alright that will be twenty bits" the pizza phone guy said. So Spike went to the window and threw the bits out the window so hard they went to the pizza place and landded on the counter and the pizza guy put them in the register. "Okay cool your Pizza will be there in a half hour." "Sweet" said Spike and he hung up and played Mine Craft on his phone until the half hour was over. And then he heard a knock on the window "Who is it?" said Spike. "Its the pizza" said a voice from out the window. "Hell yeah!" said Spike and he went to open the window. But then he was SHOCKED to find it was not pizza, but a masked GUY was standing there! "Who the fuck are you?" said Spike. "I am the bad guy" the masked pony said. "I am here to kill you. Because I am a bad guy." "SHIT!" said Spike and he tried to broathe fire at him but he MISSED and the guy LUNGED at spike and pulledout a knife and the two rolled around on the floor but they didnt want Twilight to hear it cause Spike didnt want her to know he ordered pizza and the masked pony didnt want her to know he was trying to murder spike. But then he pulled his knife in the air and PUCNCHED spike in the face with the knife and he got stabbed! And he fell on the ground was motionless. "Perfect, the first step of my evil plan is in motion" said the Mask Dude and he jumped out the window and broke his legs. Later Twilight came up and saw Spike on the ground. "Oh NO!" said Twilight and she went to him "Speak to me spike!" But it was too late. He wasnt dead or anything, but he was asleep. "God dammit" said Twilight. "He was stabbed but hes still alive but sleeping instead of dead. He musta been stabbed with a SLEEP KNIFE instead of a KILL KNIFE!" and then Twilight got really angry and her mane turned into fire and her smile turned into frown and she looked kinda like she does in the story cover art but with fire hair. "I will avenge you Spike!" said Twilight. And she ran out the door and tried to find her friends to help her with the finding of the Masked Killer. First she went to Sweet Apple Apples. "Hey Applejack I need you to help me find the masked killer!" She said. "Alrighty partner what do you know about what he looks like?" Because lucky for Twilight, Applejack was, today, started up her own private investigator agency inside the barn. "I dont know anything about what he looks like because I never saw him," said Twilight. "Wow you suck." said Applejack. "Okay well lets find the others so we can track him down anyway." So next they walked to Cloudsdale and knocked on Rinabow Dash's door, but her house was made of Cloud so instead they accidentally walk through the door into her house and saw Rainbow and she was doing her castinetic exercises and she had on the radio was playing the song "Born to be wild". When they went in APlpejack fell through the floor and off cloudsdale and hit the ground. Because she doesnt have wings so she cant stand on clouds. "What the hell you guys?" said Rainbow. "Im busy right now! Why do you come in my house?" "Theres a masked killer on the loose!" said Twilight. And she use her magic to bring Applejack back up to the house. "Yeah what she said!" said Applejack. "You gotta help us catch him!" "Ugh fine" said Rainbow, and she weant to turn off her Radio but then the radio also fell through the fllorr because it doesnt have wings so it cant stand on clouds. "Now finally the last pony" said Twilight "Fluttershy." So they all went at Fluttershy house, and but then they had a feeling something was wrong! "Guys I think the masked killer is here!" said Twilight. "Ugh I am so tired of fighting bad guys today." So they all TORE the door off the hinges and went in Fluttershy's home, but no one was there. Except the masked killer. He was stealing lots of Fluttershy's money and stuff and her books and her couch and her TV and her carpet and her box of antique milk. "Shit!" said the masked man and he RAN FOR IT! "After him" said Twilight and the others! "Right I agree" said Pinkie Pie. And they all ran after the masked killer who they don't know who it is. a Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream warriors"Joh for goddammit sake he's getting away!" said Twilight. The six of them were walking to try and catch the guy but he was getting away too fast. "aaH Wait a mintue!" said Rarity. "Maybe we should try running instead of Walking." "Crap, good idea Rarity." said Twilight and they all started RUNNING and they started gaining up on the masked killer pony! "Krap theyre catching up on me," the guy said. "I will have to take da rastic measures." And so he stopped and turned around and said "PLAY BALL!" And he pulled out a baseball and threw it really hard at himself and then pulledout a baseball bat and hit the ball at Twilight and the others. "Ruh roh." said Twilight cause she saw tha ball was going so fast at them that it was even on fire in the air. So Twilight did a BACK FLIP outt the way of the ball and it only hit Rainbow Dash in the face so it was fine. And she got knocked out "In the what the fucking shit?" said Twilight "Playing Base Ball is illegal in Equestria. You are under arrest" "Pfft. Youre not a detective you cant arrest me." said the Masked Pony. "Poop yourself on the head" said Rainbow. "We know somebosy who IS a detective!" said Rainbow. "Applejack! Go arrest the masked pony." "Elrighty partner" said Applejack and she got her hoof cuffs out but it was too late. The masked pony escaped! "Rats. Aw dickapples I was too slow." said Applejack. "Now what do we do?" "Now we gotta track him down," said Twilight. "Luckely, I think we all know someone who can help us." "Who is that?" asked Pinkie. "I don't know." said Twilight and so they went back to Twilights house. But when they got there, Spike curled up in a ball and rolled down th stairs and went to Twilight and threw up a letter on her dinner plate. "Hey Twilight you got a letter," said Spike. "Thanks Spike" said Twilight and she opened it and read it. The letter said: Dear Twilight Sparkle I heard you need help defeating the masked killer in Ponyville. Come to my castle house in 6000 seconds and I will help you probably. From Canterlot "Damn!" said Twilight. She was worried, cause she knew th letter was urgent because the "6000" was writed in capital numbers. "Come on guys lets get to Celestia!" she said. So they all went to the train but it was out of gas so they had to push the train themselfs all the way up to Canterlot. Twilight and the others rode the train into Celestias throne room and got out. "Celestia we're here!" "Its about fucking time," said Celestia. "Now I will tell you how I can help you." "How can you help us?" "Princess Luna can go into the guys dreams to read his mind and find out where they are," said Cestia. "Luna go do that" "Okey dokey" said Luna and she opened the door into the masked pony's dreams and went into it. "Wow this guy dreams about weird stuff." said Luna. And there was all sorts of evil things being dreamed about, like Money and world dominotion and cloping fanfictions. ~ MEAN WHILE~ The masked pony was relaxing in his secret base imagining how he is goona take over the world. One of his hench men brought him up a glass of lemonade and he started drinking it while saying "thank you" to him which was very impressive to the henchman/ But then he realize something! He could see PRINCESS LUNA in his thoughts! "FUCK." I said. "I gotta get her out of here! And also I cant think about where I am or else she will know." ~ BACK IN MASK PONY'S MIND ~ Princess Luna saw the ground shaked and the sky spaked and she saw the sky was bright BLUE! "Wait a minute." said Luna. "Oh no, I am inside the pony's DAY DREAMS!" But then the masked pony starte controlling his dreams to make bad stuff happen. Rocks was falling from the sky at Luna and volcanoes was eruptang and the grass was growing way slower than its supposed to "Shit I gotta get out of here!" said Luna and she ran back to the door. But then a giant BOOT came out of nowhere and kicked Luna in tha ass and kicked her out the door and she went back in Celestias throne room. "Well?" said Celestia. "Where is he" "I dont know." said Luna and she fell unconscious. "Well that sucked." said Rarity. "The hell do we do now?" But then the masked pony ALSO came out of the dream door and was in Celestias throne room! "What the hell?" said Celestia. "How are you here?" "I am the masked pony in the masked pony's day dreams," said the masked pony who was from the masked pony's day dreams. "And because I am made of thoughts it means I have unminuted POWER!" he said and hebrought up a MAGIC BLAST and blew out one of the castles pillars with it. And the whole castle starte RUMBLING! "Oh dammit" said Twilight "Now the castles gonna colapse. Everyone get out!" So Celestia picked up Luna andeveryone else and rolled them into a ball like from Katamari. And she rolle them out the door through the hallways and the ball started picking up also everyone else who lives or works in the castle and it became a huge rolling ball of Ponyies which Celestia pushed out the doors of the castle before it could collapse. And then the ball fell apart back into Ponies again. "Oh great." said Twilight. "Now that the masked pony has dream magic, he can do anything!" "No he cant I think he got killed when the castle collapsed." said Luna. ~ MEAN WHILE "Fuck" said the masked Pony. "Now that my thoughts got killed Im really bad at thinking now. I dont even know how to spell the letter F. I will have to wait until my mind heals before I make my next move in chess." Book of Revelations~CHAPTER 3: PART 1~ "Okay," said the masked Pony "It has been like 2 months so Im fine now. Anyway now its time for me to continue with my plan." But then one of the henchpony ponies breakdanced over to the masked pony (because they were playing music to celebrate their evil plan) and said "Hey boss I got you some plate pizza." And he held up a plate and it had pizza on it (the kind that you eat). "No," said the masked pony and he SLAPPED the pizza away and it fell on the floor and he picked it up and politely put it back in the box and close dit. "I do not like pizza, because I am evil." "Oh okay." said the hench pony and he danced away. "Alright," said the masked pony. "Its about time I start on the next parte of my evil plan." "What is the next part of the evil plan?" the masked pony asked himself "Thats a good question, me," he said. "I am going to STEAL the ELEMENTS of HARMONY!" "GASP" said YOU because you didnt expect that. ~ CHAPTER 3: PART 2 ~ "GRRRRR!" Shouted Twilight, because she was angry that she and her friends was still not able to catch the masked pony. She was so mad that she went to het kichen counter and pour herself a cup of Anger Coffee to calm herself down of anger, but it didnt work. "Fucking shit, what are we going to do now? I dont want to fight this masked pony because he sucks." "But what if he's takes over the world?" said Twinkie pie. "Evil people always take over the world, unless they decide to take over something else instead. Like the moon." "Pinkie is right," said Rarity. "We need to catch them or they might stab more ponies like they stabbed spike." "Yeah getting stabbed sucks." said Spike. "Fine" said Twilight "But how are we going to find him?" But then she wasent able to finish talking because there was a knock at the door. "What in the is it?" said Twilight and she went to the door and opened it. Who was standing there? It was Princess Luna, the princess of the Princess. "Woah Princes Luna!" said Twilight. "What are you here about?" "Thou must cometh with me Twilight Sparkleth." said Luna. "We art in deep shit now." "Shit okay," said Twilight. ~ CHAPTER 3: PART 3 ~ Twilight and whoever else rushed into the Hall of the Elements of Harmony where the Elements of Harmony are kept in the Hall. They troded their hooves on the carpet and looked around for suspicion, but did not find any. "Hmm," said Celestia who was there too. "I do not see anything going wrong here." "Yes but I heardeth the masked pony art going to steal thy elements," said Luna. "Because I havest a spy in his minions. We musteth remain vigilante." "Yeah and us too," said Rainbow. "Wait a minute I just heard a CRASHING SOUND!" said Twilight. "What" said the others cause they didnt hear the sound yet because Twilight was closer to it. But then THEY heard it too! "Shit, what was that?" said Rainbow and then all of them saw a window DESTROY ITSELF and the masked pony crashed through it. "Haha," said the masked pony. "I forced the window to commit suicide on itself so I could crash through it. Now I can steal the elements" "Not if I have anything to say bout it!" said Twilight. "And I do. Fuck you" "Shit," said the masked pony. "How did you all know I would be here?" "That is none of your damn business" said Celestia. "We are going to put you in prison once and for all." "Damn," said the masked pony. "I am going to have to use my full power." And the masked pony TOOK OFF HIS MASK! "Oh shit!" said Pinkie "He is revealing his identitty!" And then the mask was not his face and now everyone could see what he was now. a NOT masked pony! "Wait what?" said Twilight "I dont know who you are still I dont recognize you." "Thats because!" he said. "I was wearing TWO disguises!" And the guy RIPPED OFF HIS PONY COSTUME and everyone GASPED SO LOUD that they almost inhaled their throats. "Thats right," said him. "The masked pony, all along, was ME!" "DETECTIVE JAKKID166!" "Oh for FUCKS SAKE!" said Luna. "Detective jakkid! Wherefore art thou become a bad guy?!" "Because," said me. "I'm evil now. Deal with it. Idiot" "But jakkid," said Twilight, who was crying tears out of her pupils. "How could you become a bad guy? I thought we were all friends who go on cool adventures together and you solve mysteries." "I can explain it to you, in the best way I know how." I said. So I pulled out my laptop and opened a thing on it and showed it to Twilight. "What the hell is this?" said Twilight. "Just read it" "Okay." she said and she looked at what was written on the screen. Detective jakkid166 is the a Bad Guy now by jakkid166 “This bacon is very meat”, said Pricess Celestia. She was at her table in her Princess House and she took a bite of bacon because she wa eating bacon with me. On her plate was a bunch of breakfast food items like pancakes, eggs, grites, deviled eggs, angeled eggs, biscuiets gravy, jam, and a one grain of salt. She had a glass of full of Orange Juice and bacon. I looke down at my plate which was just filled with ten ppounds of bacon and said “Yeah it is. This be the first steppe in me introducing you on the journey of delicious human cusine. Tomorrow I will intorduce you to most high class italian restaurant in our world: Little Ceasars.” “Very good jakkid,” said Celestia. “So what is made of bacon?” “Bacon is of made from pig bacon. From the bacon part of the pig.” “WHAT!” said Celestia “This is MEAT? How DARE you” and she picked me up with magic and threw me out the window and I landed on the ground and did a cartwheel into my Detective Car. “Alright that was cool” I said. “Im glad Celestia is happy with my cooking. Now to go back to Ponyville” and I drove my car off Canterlot. Except I actually mis JUDGED my driving and I accidentally was goign toward the everfree FOREST instead of the ponyville forest! I tried to steer the car in midair but I accidentally do a drift and went the wrong way and I went through the trees leaves and landed in a tree. My car was hanging off the tree and I jumped out and landed in the ground. “God dammit” I said pulling out my phone. “My GPS doesnt work in the Everfree Forest. Now I have to find out the out of the forest the leg way.” And so I walked aaround in the forest and went around through trees and stuff but I knew I was still in the forest because the trees were still trees. But eventually I got to a tree that was a HOUSE! “Oh sweet” I said. “I didnt know Twilight had a house in the forest” So I went inside but something was weird. For some reason the house dident smell light Twilight. It smelled like TREE! “What is this place?” I said and I looked at the walls and they was wearing masks and the pot was in the room and the gun was in my hand. But then I heared a voice talking! “Hello detective jakkid166. I have a can of Ovaltine mix.” “Oh Zecora what are you doing here?” I said and I put my gun in my gun pocket. “This is my house. My computer has a mouse” “Oh okay. Hey can you drive me back to Ponyville? I have to get to Ponyville’s house before darkness comes or else I will die of night.” “Okay sure yes I can do that. Exercise is important otherwise you get fat.” “Sweet” “But first I have something to show you. It is a pot of something that is not ever was haven been seen by you.” I made sure my eyes was open. “Detective jakkid sees everything. Even what I do not see, I deduce from fact of life.” “Can you see that this potion is the color orange? It will make you into a better detective. Door hinge” I grabbe the potion out of her mouth and looked at it. “This will improve my detectiv skills to be even the BETTER greatest detective in the world?” “Thats right. Just like Phoenix Wright” “Alright fine,” I said and I drank the potion and ate the glass it was in too. “You idiot this is just orange juice” “No it also has potion in it. Give it like 3 years it might work then you piece of shit” “Okay fine” I said I was gonna leave and then I was doing that but then something happened. I felt a BONGING in my TORSO! “AAAAAGH!” I said and I starte coughing up smoke and ash and air and words like “ow” and “shit that hurts”. But then all of a suden I was okay. I stood up on my kneet and looked back at Zecora. “Are you okay Detective? You look like you went to college and took too many elective” But then I pulledout my gun and said “Put your HANDS UP!” said jakkid. And then Zecora tried to do that but she couldnt cause she has no hands. “This is a STICKUP” i said “Give me all your money and gold.” “Shit” said Zecora. “I accidenally put EVIL in that potion and I have set evil in motion!” But I was getting too nerves from being about to pointing a gun at her, so I grabbed her purse and ran out the door. I was running through the eferfree forest and got back to Ponyville and went in me house to look at my loot stash. I opened the purse and look at it, and what was inside was ANOTHER PURSE And so I opened that purse and there was a KNIFE! “Ah yes here we go” I said evilly. “It is time to begin my rampage of evil.” ~ END OF THAT STORY ~ "Fuck the what?" said Twilight. "Oh my god I am going to be very angry at Zecora." "Now then," I said and I pulled out my gun. "Time for you all to either give me the elements or die." "Curses," said Celestia "What do we do now?" "Hahaha", said me. But then Twilight RAN AT ME! And she TACKLED me and we both went flying out the window which is really high in the air and we were falling from really high up. "OHHHH NOOOO" I said "This is not good" To be CONTINUED Lies and Trickereys"TWILIIIIIIIIGHT" I screamed completely at her as we fell through the air of the canterlot toward the ground. "Detective jakkid I have you now!" said Twilight. "Only literally, because you are holding me." I said. "But you dont have me FIGURATIVLEY! Besides you have wings so its not like we in danger." "SHIT!" said Twilight and she got angry. "Jakkid you better surrender NOW!" "Or what buster" "Or else I will crash us into the ground and kill us BOTH!" "Thats what you think probably." I said and then I KICKED twilight away from me and we flew away from each other. She was gonna come after me but then she hit the ground of canterlot while I went off the edge. "NOOOOO!" screamed Twilight because she secretly dident want me to die because she knew it wasnt my fault I became evil. SHe ran to the edge of Canterlot and looked down and saw me falling but she didnt jump after me because she is scared of heights. I put my hands on my hips and looked up at Twilight as I fell and said "Hahaha, you think I am in danger but you are wrong. I AM the danger!" And I pulled out my gun and shot down at the ground a bunch of times so fast that the re coil slowed me down from falling and I lande on the ground safely. I made sure to jump out of the way of the bulets I shot while I was up there and brush my tie off and laughed, because I am a genius. "Heh. Fools" I said and I pulled the elemets of harmony out of my pocket. "I already had stolen the elements, so I went back to canterlot to PRETEND i failed to steal them so they won't know I have them!" and I ran off into the sunset laughing maniacly. "God damn it!" said Twilight who was actualy listening to what I was saying. "Now he has the elements but I dont know about it! How am I gonne find out that he has them?" and she thoughtabout it. "Aha ive GOT IT!" she said and she went back upstairs to the element room where everyone else does. "Are you fucking done yet?" said Celestia. "No," said Twilight. "He got away." "Wow you suck." "Also can you do me a favor" said Twilight "Tell me that jakkid has the elements of harmony." "Uh okay," said Celestia. "Jakkid has the elements of harmony" "WHAT THE FUCK? HOW" shouted twilight. "Dammit he tricked us" said Applejack. "But it didnt actually work so its fine I guess." "Well what now?" said everyone. "We need to find Jakkid's secret evil base!" said Celestia. ~ MEANWHILE AT THE SECRET MY BASE ~ "Haha," I said badly. "Now with the elements of evil I can enact my plan." and I saw a random guy walking by me and so I went to him. "Hey youre not a spy right?" "Uhhhh" said the guy. "Not right now." "Good" I said. "Now I can tell you my entire evil plan for no reason. You see, wihith the elements of harmony, I can able to make myself the GREATEST detective in the world!" "But you already are" "Yeah exactly, ill become even GREATER than MYSELF! If I have tha elements I can use them to unleash ALL villains that is imprisoned in Equestria. I can set free all those big villain places like Tartarus and Prisonville and the White House. And then when theyre free I can CAPTURE them again and become the gereatest hero in Equestria!" "But what if the vilains beat you?" said the henchman guy. "Pff I already beat the Twilight and her friends and theyre stronger than all the villains. Plus I have the elements so I can use those to beat the bad guys anyway." "But only Twilightandherfriends can use the elemets!" "You think I dident think of that?" I said "Watch." and I put all the elements into my blender and blended them up into a Element Smoothie. "Element Smoothie!" I said showing it to him. "Dont drink this." "Why not?" "Because IM DRINKING IT!" I said and I Chug It Down. "Shit" said the henchman and he watch as very dramatically, nothing happened. "Are you strong now?" "Yep!" I said "With element magic too. Watch" I said and I punched the wall off my base. But then the base starte rumbling like it was gonna collapse. "Oh crap that was a bad idea" I said and I ran and grabed the wall and put it back and it was fine. ~MEANWHILE, AT TWILIGHTS BASE~ "Okay," said Twilight at her map of Equestria. "This is the map of Equestria. He could be anywhere" "Who cares about that" said Applejack who also had a paper map of Equestira. "If his base is in the map then I can solve this." and she threw her map in the fire place "See now his place will get burned down." "Dumbass" said Twilight "Now come on if you people dont fucking help me we will never find jakkid's base." "Wait a minute!" said Rainbow and she pointe to the part of the map that said "Detective jakkid166's top secret evil base". "Maybe thats it!" "Maybe" said Twilight "Lets go check it out. Okay this map says his base's address is 6342 Evil Street." "Sweet" said Pinkie and she put the adress into her GPS. "Okay Twilight it says that is 60 miles away so it should only take like a two days to get there. But actually the normal road is closed so we gota take a detour on the Free Way." "Goddammit I hate taking the freeway" said Twilight. "Alright guys let's go." But then a guy BURST through the doors! "Who the hell are you?" said Rarity. "That's my spy who I sent into Jakkid's minions to find out infomation on him," said luna. "He is a change linge" "Yeah I am," said the guy and he turn back to a Cahngeling. "And I have IMPORTANT news to report!" "What is it" said Twilight who didnt care. "Jakkid has the ELEMENTS OF HARMONY!" "Yeah we already know that because we told it to ourselves!" said Twilight. "Tell us what we dont know" "Also he figuredout how to use the elements. And he DRANk them! And so now hes really powerful and shit!" "OH NO!" said Fluttershy. "Quick we gotta hunt down Jakkid fast," said Twilight. ~ MEANWHILE, AT TWILIGHTS BASE ~ The six of them all went to try and find where I was but they didnt know where I was so haha idiots. Wait a minute yeah they did cause they had the GPS. Oh crap "Come on guys lets fuckin go!" said Twilight as they was all running down the Equestria freeway. "If we make it soon we can stop for Taco Bell on the way back" "Sweet!" said Rainbow and they was motivated to go faster. But then some thing fellouta the SKY and CRASHED into the ground near them and almost hit them all It was a MISSILE! "SHIG!" said Twilight. "Hes throwing missiles at us!" And it was true, I was at my base grabbing lots of missled and throwing them at the Equestria Freeway so Twilight and her friends couldnt get to me. "Crap what do we do?!" said Rainbow "We gotta dodge the missles! But we dont know how many he has" "Wait a minute Ihave an idea!" said Twilight. When one of the missels was coming for her she grabbe it with her magic and turned it around. "OKAY GUYS GET ON!" and then she let go of tha missile and it flew back in the direction towards my base. Meanwhile I was throwing more missles still until I SAW THEM COMING RIGHT FOR ME "OH SHIT" I said and I ran back inside my base and locked the door. And then Twilight and the restofthem all crashed into the ground but the missle didnt explode cause it was a dud. "Alright!" said Twiright "Now lets go stop jakkid." TO BE CONTINUED Ultimate battleThe FRARPT (fluttershy rainbow applejack rarity pinkie twilight) group ran up to my front door. Twilight ran up and rang the doorbell. "Who is it" I said. "Its Twilight Sparkle. Im here to deliver a pizza." "Oh sweet pizza!" I said and I almost open the door but then I realize they was calling their bluff! "Wait a minute did you say youre TWILGIHT SPARKLE? You idiot you cannot trick me! My detective mind shits all over your pony brain" "Dammit!" said Twilight. "Okay guys it looks like we are gonna have to tepelort in." But then she looked at the door and saw it was locked so they couldnt get in "NO!" said Twilight. "NOW how are we gonna get in if the door is locked? We will have to find another way to get into th building." "But how?" said Rainbow. "I dont know," said Twilight. "Oh wait yes I do" And she pulle a bobby pin out of her hair. "It is time to lock pick, good thing I learned because jakkid bought me Fallout New Vegas." ~ MEANWHILE ~ "Sir the ponies are outside!" said a minion to me. "What are we going to do? They might get inside and kill you" "Dont worry," I said. "Oh okay." "Anyway," I said and I took the elements out of my pocket. "Load these into the Magic Cannon so we can blow up Tartus and set all the vilains free." "Alright," the henchman said and he took them and put them in the cannon. "It needs 15 minutes to charge properly though" "Shit!" I said. "Okay thats fine as long as we dont let Twilight and her friends get here before then. WHat are thye even doing anyway?" I went and looked at the sekurity camera of the outside and saw Twilight lock picking the door! "Fuck!" I said and I grabbe a stapler off the desk and starte shooting staples through the camera at Twilight. "What the hell?" said Twilight "Ow that hurts! Stop it" and they all ran away. "YEEEEEAH!" I said and I jumped into a chair and danced evilly. "Ive beaten the FRARPT team!" "Thats what you think." said the henchman and then he pulled out a gUN and pointed it at me! "What the hell are you doing?" I said to him "I am traitoring you. Because I was the spy the whole time, and im a changeling!" "No!" I said "You will not defeat my plans. My plans are too intelligent. They went to college" "Not," said the traitor. "Luckey for you, my orders from Princess Luna are to bring you in alive. Therefore I must capture you without killing your you." "Yeah well how you gonna do that idiot?" I said. "The element gun is charging and noting can stop it now. The vilains will be released and I am the only one who can stop them!" "Shit!" he said and he pulledout his walkie talkie. "Princess Luna he is a stalemate! What do I do?" "You must thinketh a solution," said Luna. "Every day we musteth all overcometh the problems of thy life. Shit's fuck, yo" "Youre right!" said the guy and he hung up. "Detective jakkid I will beat you no matter what it cost! Also my name is Nick Currant by the way." "Hmm," I said. "That is very interesting, but also fuck you." and i pulled out my OWN gun and we were at gun standoff! "Bastard!" said Nick. "I see we are evenly match. We shall duel, and whoever gets killed dies." "Very well" I said, and we both JUMPED away from each other and shot bulkets at each other from our guns! But because we was evenly matched we kept shooting at each other and my bullets kept hitting his bulets in midair so nether of us got hurt. "Aha," said Nick "You have gun, but I have another trick up my pocket!" and he pulled a TASER out of his sleeve and he gave it to me and I tased him with it. "Fool," I said but then the taser shocked ME instead! "SHIGHIGHWIHTIWIWU" "Haha it was a trick!" shouted him and he pointed his Arresting Not Lethal gun at me. "Any last words before you go to jail jakkid?" "No." I said. "Wait shit that was a last word." And then Nick shot his gun at me, BUT the BULLET JAMMED IN MIDAIR "NO!" he said and I SPUN KUCKED the gun so hard it bounced off the walls like 8 times and shot arresting bullets everywhere. and then one of the bullets hit Nick and he got arrested and put in handcuffs. "See," I said "I told you you cold not have beat me. I thus beat you with pure skill. Thus is detective skill." "Dammit..." Nick said "Twilight and her frends will stop you!" "Wrong," I said. "No im not." "Yes you ARE!" I said and I open my walkie talkie "HEY one of you henchmen guys take Nick to prison! The access code to the entire base is 672312190" "What the fuck Jakkid how are you talking to me" said Luna. "Wait shit wrong number." I said and I dialed the real henchmen number but then i realized. "OH SHIT!" ~ MEANWHILE ~ Twilight was picking staples out of her hair. "Dammit girls what do we do now?" "I dont know," said Fluttershy. "Detective jakkid really piss me off! We need to piss on him instead. Metaphoricaly" Twilight was mad. She had veins sticking out of her head "Fuck! I am so mad right now that I am even frowning. I am going to fucking kill Jakkid if he doesnt surrender or turn good again." But then Princess Luna walked up to them. "Hey you Twilight and whoever else! Guess what?" "What?" said them. "I got the secrete code to Jakkids base." "Oh sweet!" said them and they all ran to the keypad at my base's secret entrance no one knows about. Even I dont know about it "Okay whats the code?" said Twilight. "I forgot," said Luna. "Okay well lets try this" said Twilight and she put in a random number. "Sweet it worked!" the door unlocked. Meanwhile I was lookin at the charging ray which was 80% done and I said to Nick "Haha. You are about to fail. Now you cannot stop me from saving Equestria" "Asshole!" said Nick "How cold you do such an evil thing?!" "Because im evil, dumbass" I said. "It is now at 90%. Almost done. Good thing I payed for Google Fiber." But thena different henchman ran up to me and said "Detective evil! I have good news and bad news." "Sweet!" I said "Whats the bad news?" "The bad news is Twilight and her friends has infiltrated the base." "Oh god damn it!" I said "Whats the good news?" "The good news is my boyfriend propose to me," he said. "Oh sweet congrats. Anyway what was we talking about?" "Twilight is in the base." "FUCK!" I screamed and I punched myself in the face "Okay listen you henchman! Gather all the henchmen and lock down all doors and windows and toilets! Whatever you do NOT let Twilght and her frends reach this room!" "I understood!" said the guy and he ran off and sounded the alams. And all the doors shut closed like the door to the base and the dor to the room I was in and the door to the microwave which was cooking my popcorn so my popcorn burned. "Shit" said Twilight as doors was closing and locking around them. "We gotta run!" and she and the rest ranthrough the hallways as doors close around them. But then they got closed in! "Shit we are trapped between two doors!" said Applejack. "What are we gonne do?" But then the walls started CLOSING IN! "Hell!" said Rarity "We gotta do somethin!" "Wait lok up there!" said Pinkie "There is a vent in the floor above us!" "But how are we going to get up there? We need someone who can fly," said Rainbow. "I can use magic to lift you up to the vent and pull us up into it!" said Twilight. "Good idea!" and Rainbow grabbed Twilights hand and they all link together and Twilight lift them all up to the vent and she took out a flathead screw driver and try to unscrew it. "Shit!" said Twilight "These is philips head screws! I only brought flat head screwdriver with me!" "Twilight the walls are closing in more!" said Flut "Wait I got it" said Twilight and she use the screwdriver to file her horn down to the shape of a philip head screwdriver. then she stick her horn in the screw and spin around a ton and the gate was open. "Quick guys lets get in!" she said and they all went in the vents. ~ MEANWHILE AGAIN ~ "Hell yes," I said smogly. "The magic cannon is at 95% now. Soon, Nick, you shall see the birth of a new era of jakkid166." "Idiot," said Nick. "You may become a greater detective, but you also make everyone hate you!" "Everyone will love me when I defeats the villains!" I said. "Now shut up prick. I bet you sniff your own butt and think it smells good" "Yeah well im hungry. Cant you order some sandwiches while we wait or something?" "Actually yeah thats a good idea. What sandwich place you like?" Little did I know though Twilight and her frends were watching me through the vent of the room I was in. "What are we gone do to stop jakkid?" said Rarity. "If we gonna infiltrate him, we need a disguise" said Twilight. Meanwhile I was ordering Firehouse Subs on the phone and I hung up. "Hell yeah I cant wait for me pastrami sandwich." and I turne on my radio and put a CD in and started playing David Bowie music. "You suck," said Nick. "Why dont you join me? We can fight vilains together and be the true duo of power and power!" I said. "We can be heroes. Just for one day" "Never," said him. But then the VENT OPENED AND SOMETHING FELL OUT It looke to me like a realy tall guy in a big tranch coat. "What on fuck?" I said. "Who even are you?" "Uh," said the trench coat guy. "I am the sandwich delivering guy." "Oh hell yes!" I said and I grabbed my money. "How much does it cost" "One Magic Cannon." "Wow thats expensive, but its worth it for fire house subs." so I went to grab the cannon but then i realize something. "WAIT A MINUTE!" I said and I spunned around. "Cannons are not currency! What wold firehouse subs want wiht me cannon?!" "Uh," they said "They need it for shooting mayo on the sandwiches." But then I went and RIPPED THE COAT OFF and it was actualy TWILIGHT and her friends! "Hah!" I said. "You cold not fool me." "Dammit," said Twilight "He is too smart." 'You almost got me however," I said. "And it make sense. It was a complicated disguise." "Not realy complicated," said Twilight "More like detailed." "Or complex" said Nick. "Or sopisticated. Many words can fit for it." "Those all mean the same thing you twats" I said and I pulledout my gun. "It is done charging now. Dont move while I go to fire it!" "Shit," said Twilight "What do we do now?" "I dont know," said Rarity. "I dont know either," said Applejack "Me either" said Pinkie. "Or me," said Rainbow. "Not me either" said Fluttershy. "Nope not me either," said Nick. "Nor me," I said. "Well, fools, it is time to unleash the new era upon tha world!" I said and I SLAMMED MY FIST ON THE FIRE BUTTON! "NOOOOOO!" said Nick and he JUMPED IN FRONT OF THE MAGIC LASER! "ohhhh NOOOOO!" I said but the laser refleckted off the metal of his handcuffs and went towards ME! "OHHHHH NOOOO AGAIN!" I shouted and the laser HIT ME AND KNOCKED ME INTO WALL AND I HIT MY HEAD and fell unconscious (NOT DIED). "Noooo jakkid!" said Twilight and went to me and punched me in the stomach. "Speak to me jakkid!" "Cough," I said. I open my eyes and looked at Twilight. "Oh hi Twilight what are you doin here?" "Jakkid I think the element magic turn you back to good!" said Twilight. "What the fuck are you talking about" I said. "Wait. Oh SHIT i remember now. Damn I became evil? That sucks." "Yeah but its fine cause youre good now," said Rainbow. "Yeah haha cool glad that was resolved." I said. "Lets all go eat some fucking Ice Cream" But then a henchman ran in "Sir what is you doing?" "Im not evil anymore, so you are fired." "NOOOOO!" said the guy. "I NEED this JOB! Fuck you jakkid I will become the new evil guy!" and he ran to the cannon and aim it at me and he FIRED! But I jumpe out of the way and instead it hit the microwave "SHIT!" I said "I have my popcorn in htere! Everyone evacuete the building!" and the Micorwave started rumbling and started poruing tons of popcorn out of itself! I grabbed Nick and threw him onto Twilights back and us all ran outta down the hallways while popcorn was flooding the place! And then we finaly made it out and the henchmen escaped too and the building EXPLODED into popcorn and popcorn went everyfuckingwhere. "Yeah," I said as a popcorn landed in my mouth. "Looks like that place just got... popped." And then Celestia and Luna landed next to us and said "Detective jakkid I see you have return to normal now." "Yes i have!" I said "I am sorry for becoming evil, but it also wasnt my fault so Im actually not sorry." "Oh yeah good point." said Celestia and she made her horn glow and Zecora appeared next to us. "What the fuck?" said Zecora "I was driving my truck." and we heard a crash sound and sirens in the distance Luna gave Zecora a broom and pointe to the popcorn. "Zecora go clean up that mess you made." "Dammit okay fine," said Zecora. "Stupid princesses always whine." and she went to go sweep up the popcorn and probably also eat it. "Well jakkid im glad everthing is back to normal!" said Twilight. "Yeah I am too I guess. Now guys lets go back to Ponyville and do something." "Sounds good" they said. But as we walked away, I turne around for a brief moment and give the camera a Sinister Look... THE END
Mask of Evil"Bada bing," said Twilight sparkle as she put the finisheing touch on her bowl of soup broth. It was almost about dinner time, and she was preparing her favorite kind of soup: Soup. "Spike, it is dinner time!" she threw her words up the stairs at Spike. And then spike was coming down the stairs, but Twilight had left a bunch of books on the stairs so Spike tripped on them and hit his head on every all the steps and fell on the grond. "Come on Spike you have to eat dinner or else you will starve," said Twilight. "Fine," said Spike and he went to the table to dinner with Twilight. He put a bunch of salt in his soup because he is a dragon and dragons eat rocks. "This is good soup!" said Twilight. "Yeah it is," said Spike. "Its too salty though. You suck at cooking Twilight" "Fuck." said Twilight and she got mad. "Well if you dont like it then you can go to bed without dinner!" "Fine." said Spike and he went upstairs. He was still hungery though, and he wanted to eat something, so he had a idea. He puleld out his cell phone and dialed the Ponyville Pizza place. "Hello," said Spike. "I would like one large pizza with two sauce and one pepperoni. And also put diamonds on it because I'm a dragon and I eat diamonds." "Alright that will be twenty bits" the pizza phone guy said. So Spike went to the window and threw the bits out the window so hard they went to the pizza place and landded on the counter and the pizza guy put them in the register. "Okay cool your Pizza will be there in a half hour." "Sweet" said Spike and he hung up and played Mine Craft on his phone until the half hour was over. And then he heard a knock on the window "Who is it?" said Spike. "Its the pizza" said a voice from out the window. "Hell yeah!" said Spike and he went to open the window. But then he was SHOCKED to find it was not pizza, but a masked GUY was standing there! "Who the fuck are you?" said Spike. "I am the bad guy" the masked pony said. "I am here to kill you. Because I am a bad guy." "SHIT!" said Spike and he tried to broathe fire at him but he MISSED and the guy LUNGED at spike and pulledout a knife and the two rolled around on the floor but they didnt want Twilight to hear it cause Spike didnt want her to know he ordered pizza and the masked pony didnt want her to know he was trying to murder spike. But then he pulled his knife in the air and PUCNCHED spike in the face with the knife and he got stabbed! And he fell on the ground was motionless. "Perfect, the first step of my evil plan is in motion" said the Mask Dude and he jumped out the window and broke his legs. Later Twilight came up and saw Spike on the ground. "Oh NO!" said Twilight and she went to him "Speak to me spike!" But it was too late. He wasnt dead or anything, but he was asleep. "God dammit" said Twilight. "He was stabbed but hes still alive but sleeping instead of dead. He musta been stabbed with a SLEEP KNIFE instead of a KILL KNIFE!" and then Twilight got really angry and her mane turned into fire and her smile turned into frown and she looked kinda like she does in the story cover art but with fire hair. "I will avenge you Spike!" said Twilight. And she ran out the door and tried to find her friends to help her with the finding of the Masked Killer. First she went to Sweet Apple Apples. "Hey Applejack I need you to help me find the masked killer!" She said. "Alrighty partner what do you know about what he looks like?" Because lucky for Twilight, Applejack was, today, started up her own private investigator agency inside the barn. "I dont know anything about what he looks like because I never saw him," said Twilight. "Wow you suck." said Applejack. "Okay well lets find the others so we can track him down anyway." So next they walked to Cloudsdale and knocked on Rinabow Dash's door, but her house was made of Cloud so instead they accidentally walk through the door into her house and saw Rainbow and she was doing her castinetic exercises and she had on the radio was playing the song "Born to be wild". When they went in APlpejack fell through the floor and off cloudsdale and hit the ground. Because she doesnt have wings so she cant stand on clouds. "What the hell you guys?" said Rainbow. "Im busy right now! Why do you come in my house?" "Theres a masked killer on the loose!" said Twilight. And she use her magic to bring Applejack back up to the house. "Yeah what she said!" said Applejack. "You gotta help us catch him!" "Ugh fine" said Rainbow, and she weant to turn off her Radio but then the radio also fell through the fllorr because it doesnt have wings so it cant stand on clouds. "Now finally the last pony" said Twilight "Fluttershy." So they all went at Fluttershy house, and but then they had a feeling something was wrong! "Guys I think the masked killer is here!" said Twilight. "Ugh I am so tired of fighting bad guys today." So they all TORE the door off the hinges and went in Fluttershy's home, but no one was there. Except the masked killer. He was stealing lots of Fluttershy's money and stuff and her books and her couch and her TV and her carpet and her box of antique milk. "Shit!" said the masked man and he RAN FOR IT! "After him" said Twilight and the others! "Right I agree" said Pinkie Pie. And they all ran after the masked killer who they don't know who it is.
a Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream warriors"Joh for goddammit sake he's getting away!" said Twilight. The six of them were walking to try and catch the guy but he was getting away too fast. "aaH Wait a mintue!" said Rarity. "Maybe we should try running instead of Walking." "Crap, good idea Rarity." said Twilight and they all started RUNNING and they started gaining up on the masked killer pony! "Krap theyre catching up on me," the guy said. "I will have to take da rastic measures." And so he stopped and turned around and said "PLAY BALL!" And he pulled out a baseball and threw it really hard at himself and then pulledout a baseball bat and hit the ball at Twilight and the others. "Ruh roh." said Twilight cause she saw tha ball was going so fast at them that it was even on fire in the air. So Twilight did a BACK FLIP outt the way of the ball and it only hit Rainbow Dash in the face so it was fine. And she got knocked out "In the what the fucking shit?" said Twilight "Playing Base Ball is illegal in Equestria. You are under arrest" "Pfft. Youre not a detective you cant arrest me." said the Masked Pony. "Poop yourself on the head" said Rainbow. "We know somebosy who IS a detective!" said Rainbow. "Applejack! Go arrest the masked pony." "Elrighty partner" said Applejack and she got her hoof cuffs out but it was too late. The masked pony escaped! "Rats. Aw dickapples I was too slow." said Applejack. "Now what do we do?" "Now we gotta track him down," said Twilight. "Luckely, I think we all know someone who can help us." "Who is that?" asked Pinkie. "I don't know." said Twilight and so they went back to Twilights house. But when they got there, Spike curled up in a ball and rolled down th stairs and went to Twilight and threw up a letter on her dinner plate. "Hey Twilight you got a letter," said Spike. "Thanks Spike" said Twilight and she opened it and read it. The letter said: Dear Twilight Sparkle I heard you need help defeating the masked killer in Ponyville. Come to my castle house in 6000 seconds and I will help you probably. From Canterlot "Damn!" said Twilight. She was worried, cause she knew th letter was urgent because the "6000" was writed in capital numbers. "Come on guys lets get to Celestia!" she said. So they all went to the train but it was out of gas so they had to push the train themselfs all the way up to Canterlot. Twilight and the others rode the train into Celestias throne room and got out. "Celestia we're here!" "Its about fucking time," said Celestia. "Now I will tell you how I can help you." "How can you help us?" "Princess Luna can go into the guys dreams to read his mind and find out where they are," said Cestia. "Luna go do that" "Okey dokey" said Luna and she opened the door into the masked pony's dreams and went into it. "Wow this guy dreams about weird stuff." said Luna. And there was all sorts of evil things being dreamed about, like Money and world dominotion and cloping fanfictions. ~ MEAN WHILE~ The masked pony was relaxing in his secret base imagining how he is goona take over the world. One of his hench men brought him up a glass of lemonade and he started drinking it while saying "thank you" to him which was very impressive to the henchman/ But then he realize something! He could see PRINCESS LUNA in his thoughts! "FUCK." I said. "I gotta get her out of here! And also I cant think about where I am or else she will know." ~ BACK IN MASK PONY'S MIND ~ Princess Luna saw the ground shaked and the sky spaked and she saw the sky was bright BLUE! "Wait a minute." said Luna. "Oh no, I am inside the pony's DAY DREAMS!" But then the masked pony starte controlling his dreams to make bad stuff happen. Rocks was falling from the sky at Luna and volcanoes was eruptang and the grass was growing way slower than its supposed to "Shit I gotta get out of here!" said Luna and she ran back to the door. But then a giant BOOT came out of nowhere and kicked Luna in tha ass and kicked her out the door and she went back in Celestias throne room. "Well?" said Celestia. "Where is he" "I dont know." said Luna and she fell unconscious. "Well that sucked." said Rarity. "The hell do we do now?" But then the masked pony ALSO came out of the dream door and was in Celestias throne room! "What the hell?" said Celestia. "How are you here?" "I am the masked pony in the masked pony's day dreams," said the masked pony who was from the masked pony's day dreams. "And because I am made of thoughts it means I have unminuted POWER!" he said and hebrought up a MAGIC BLAST and blew out one of the castles pillars with it. And the whole castle starte RUMBLING! "Oh dammit" said Twilight "Now the castles gonna colapse. Everyone get out!" So Celestia picked up Luna andeveryone else and rolled them into a ball like from Katamari. And she rolle them out the door through the hallways and the ball started picking up also everyone else who lives or works in the castle and it became a huge rolling ball of Ponyies which Celestia pushed out the doors of the castle before it could collapse. And then the ball fell apart back into Ponies again. "Oh great." said Twilight. "Now that the masked pony has dream magic, he can do anything!" "No he cant I think he got killed when the castle collapsed." said Luna. ~ MEAN WHILE "Fuck" said the masked Pony. "Now that my thoughts got killed Im really bad at thinking now. I dont even know how to spell the letter F. I will have to wait until my mind heals before I make my next move in chess."
Book of Revelations~CHAPTER 3: PART 1~ "Okay," said the masked Pony "It has been like 2 months so Im fine now. Anyway now its time for me to continue with my plan." But then one of the henchpony ponies breakdanced over to the masked pony (because they were playing music to celebrate their evil plan) and said "Hey boss I got you some plate pizza." And he held up a plate and it had pizza on it (the kind that you eat). "No," said the masked pony and he SLAPPED the pizza away and it fell on the floor and he picked it up and politely put it back in the box and close dit. "I do not like pizza, because I am evil." "Oh okay." said the hench pony and he danced away. "Alright," said the masked pony. "Its about time I start on the next parte of my evil plan." "What is the next part of the evil plan?" the masked pony asked himself "Thats a good question, me," he said. "I am going to STEAL the ELEMENTS of HARMONY!" "GASP" said YOU because you didnt expect that. ~ CHAPTER 3: PART 2 ~ "GRRRRR!" Shouted Twilight, because she was angry that she and her friends was still not able to catch the masked pony. She was so mad that she went to het kichen counter and pour herself a cup of Anger Coffee to calm herself down of anger, but it didnt work. "Fucking shit, what are we going to do now? I dont want to fight this masked pony because he sucks." "But what if he's takes over the world?" said Twinkie pie. "Evil people always take over the world, unless they decide to take over something else instead. Like the moon." "Pinkie is right," said Rarity. "We need to catch them or they might stab more ponies like they stabbed spike." "Yeah getting stabbed sucks." said Spike. "Fine" said Twilight "But how are we going to find him?" But then she wasent able to finish talking because there was a knock at the door. "What in the is it?" said Twilight and she went to the door and opened it. Who was standing there? It was Princess Luna, the princess of the Princess. "Woah Princes Luna!" said Twilight. "What are you here about?" "Thou must cometh with me Twilight Sparkleth." said Luna. "We art in deep shit now." "Shit okay," said Twilight. ~ CHAPTER 3: PART 3 ~ Twilight and whoever else rushed into the Hall of the Elements of Harmony where the Elements of Harmony are kept in the Hall. They troded their hooves on the carpet and looked around for suspicion, but did not find any. "Hmm," said Celestia who was there too. "I do not see anything going wrong here." "Yes but I heardeth the masked pony art going to steal thy elements," said Luna. "Because I havest a spy in his minions. We musteth remain vigilante." "Yeah and us too," said Rainbow. "Wait a minute I just heard a CRASHING SOUND!" said Twilight. "What" said the others cause they didnt hear the sound yet because Twilight was closer to it. But then THEY heard it too! "Shit, what was that?" said Rainbow and then all of them saw a window DESTROY ITSELF and the masked pony crashed through it. "Haha," said the masked pony. "I forced the window to commit suicide on itself so I could crash through it. Now I can steal the elements" "Not if I have anything to say bout it!" said Twilight. "And I do. Fuck you" "Shit," said the masked pony. "How did you all know I would be here?" "That is none of your damn business" said Celestia. "We are going to put you in prison once and for all." "Damn," said the masked pony. "I am going to have to use my full power." And the masked pony TOOK OFF HIS MASK! "Oh shit!" said Pinkie "He is revealing his identitty!" And then the mask was not his face and now everyone could see what he was now. a NOT masked pony! "Wait what?" said Twilight "I dont know who you are still I dont recognize you." "Thats because!" he said. "I was wearing TWO disguises!" And the guy RIPPED OFF HIS PONY COSTUME and everyone GASPED SO LOUD that they almost inhaled their throats. "Thats right," said him. "The masked pony, all along, was ME!" "DETECTIVE JAKKID166!" "Oh for FUCKS SAKE!" said Luna. "Detective jakkid! Wherefore art thou become a bad guy?!" "Because," said me. "I'm evil now. Deal with it. Idiot" "But jakkid," said Twilight, who was crying tears out of her pupils. "How could you become a bad guy? I thought we were all friends who go on cool adventures together and you solve mysteries." "I can explain it to you, in the best way I know how." I said. So I pulled out my laptop and opened a thing on it and showed it to Twilight. "What the hell is this?" said Twilight. "Just read it" "Okay." she said and she looked at what was written on the screen. Detective jakkid166 is the a Bad Guy now by jakkid166 “This bacon is very meat”, said Pricess Celestia. She was at her table in her Princess House and she took a bite of bacon because she wa eating bacon with me. On her plate was a bunch of breakfast food items like pancakes, eggs, grites, deviled eggs, angeled eggs, biscuiets gravy, jam, and a one grain of salt. She had a glass of full of Orange Juice and bacon. I looke down at my plate which was just filled with ten ppounds of bacon and said “Yeah it is. This be the first steppe in me introducing you on the journey of delicious human cusine. Tomorrow I will intorduce you to most high class italian restaurant in our world: Little Ceasars.” “Very good jakkid,” said Celestia. “So what is made of bacon?” “Bacon is of made from pig bacon. From the bacon part of the pig.” “WHAT!” said Celestia “This is MEAT? How DARE you” and she picked me up with magic and threw me out the window and I landed on the ground and did a cartwheel into my Detective Car. “Alright that was cool” I said. “Im glad Celestia is happy with my cooking. Now to go back to Ponyville” and I drove my car off Canterlot. Except I actually mis JUDGED my driving and I accidentally was goign toward the everfree FOREST instead of the ponyville forest! I tried to steer the car in midair but I accidentally do a drift and went the wrong way and I went through the trees leaves and landed in a tree. My car was hanging off the tree and I jumped out and landed in the ground. “God dammit” I said pulling out my phone. “My GPS doesnt work in the Everfree Forest. Now I have to find out the out of the forest the leg way.” And so I walked aaround in the forest and went around through trees and stuff but I knew I was still in the forest because the trees were still trees. But eventually I got to a tree that was a HOUSE! “Oh sweet” I said. “I didnt know Twilight had a house in the forest” So I went inside but something was weird. For some reason the house dident smell light Twilight. It smelled like TREE! “What is this place?” I said and I looked at the walls and they was wearing masks and the pot was in the room and the gun was in my hand. But then I heared a voice talking! “Hello detective jakkid166. I have a can of Ovaltine mix.” “Oh Zecora what are you doing here?” I said and I put my gun in my gun pocket. “This is my house. My computer has a mouse” “Oh okay. Hey can you drive me back to Ponyville? I have to get to Ponyville’s house before darkness comes or else I will die of night.” “Okay sure yes I can do that. Exercise is important otherwise you get fat.” “Sweet” “But first I have something to show you. It is a pot of something that is not ever was haven been seen by you.” I made sure my eyes was open. “Detective jakkid sees everything. Even what I do not see, I deduce from fact of life.” “Can you see that this potion is the color orange? It will make you into a better detective. Door hinge” I grabbe the potion out of her mouth and looked at it. “This will improve my detectiv skills to be even the BETTER greatest detective in the world?” “Thats right. Just like Phoenix Wright” “Alright fine,” I said and I drank the potion and ate the glass it was in too. “You idiot this is just orange juice” “No it also has potion in it. Give it like 3 years it might work then you piece of shit” “Okay fine” I said I was gonna leave and then I was doing that but then something happened. I felt a BONGING in my TORSO! “AAAAAGH!” I said and I starte coughing up smoke and ash and air and words like “ow” and “shit that hurts”. But then all of a suden I was okay. I stood up on my kneet and looked back at Zecora. “Are you okay Detective? You look like you went to college and took too many elective” But then I pulledout my gun and said “Put your HANDS UP!” said jakkid. And then Zecora tried to do that but she couldnt cause she has no hands. “This is a STICKUP” i said “Give me all your money and gold.” “Shit” said Zecora. “I accidenally put EVIL in that potion and I have set evil in motion!” But I was getting too nerves from being about to pointing a gun at her, so I grabbed her purse and ran out the door. I was running through the eferfree forest and got back to Ponyville and went in me house to look at my loot stash. I opened the purse and look at it, and what was inside was ANOTHER PURSE And so I opened that purse and there was a KNIFE! “Ah yes here we go” I said evilly. “It is time to begin my rampage of evil.” ~ END OF THAT STORY ~ "Fuck the what?" said Twilight. "Oh my god I am going to be very angry at Zecora." "Now then," I said and I pulled out my gun. "Time for you all to either give me the elements or die." "Curses," said Celestia "What do we do now?" "Hahaha", said me. But then Twilight RAN AT ME! And she TACKLED me and we both went flying out the window which is really high in the air and we were falling from really high up. "OHHHH NOOOO" I said "This is not good" To be CONTINUED
Lies and Trickereys"TWILIIIIIIIIGHT" I screamed completely at her as we fell through the air of the canterlot toward the ground. "Detective jakkid I have you now!" said Twilight. "Only literally, because you are holding me." I said. "But you dont have me FIGURATIVLEY! Besides you have wings so its not like we in danger." "SHIT!" said Twilight and she got angry. "Jakkid you better surrender NOW!" "Or what buster" "Or else I will crash us into the ground and kill us BOTH!" "Thats what you think probably." I said and then I KICKED twilight away from me and we flew away from each other. She was gonna come after me but then she hit the ground of canterlot while I went off the edge. "NOOOOO!" screamed Twilight because she secretly dident want me to die because she knew it wasnt my fault I became evil. SHe ran to the edge of Canterlot and looked down and saw me falling but she didnt jump after me because she is scared of heights. I put my hands on my hips and looked up at Twilight as I fell and said "Hahaha, you think I am in danger but you are wrong. I AM the danger!" And I pulled out my gun and shot down at the ground a bunch of times so fast that the re coil slowed me down from falling and I lande on the ground safely. I made sure to jump out of the way of the bulets I shot while I was up there and brush my tie off and laughed, because I am a genius. "Heh. Fools" I said and I pulled the elemets of harmony out of my pocket. "I already had stolen the elements, so I went back to canterlot to PRETEND i failed to steal them so they won't know I have them!" and I ran off into the sunset laughing maniacly. "God damn it!" said Twilight who was actualy listening to what I was saying. "Now he has the elements but I dont know about it! How am I gonne find out that he has them?" and she thoughtabout it. "Aha ive GOT IT!" she said and she went back upstairs to the element room where everyone else does. "Are you fucking done yet?" said Celestia. "No," said Twilight. "He got away." "Wow you suck." "Also can you do me a favor" said Twilight "Tell me that jakkid has the elements of harmony." "Uh okay," said Celestia. "Jakkid has the elements of harmony" "WHAT THE FUCK? HOW" shouted twilight. "Dammit he tricked us" said Applejack. "But it didnt actually work so its fine I guess." "Well what now?" said everyone. "We need to find Jakkid's secret evil base!" said Celestia. ~ MEANWHILE AT THE SECRET MY BASE ~ "Haha," I said badly. "Now with the elements of evil I can enact my plan." and I saw a random guy walking by me and so I went to him. "Hey youre not a spy right?" "Uhhhh" said the guy. "Not right now." "Good" I said. "Now I can tell you my entire evil plan for no reason. You see, wihith the elements of harmony, I can able to make myself the GREATEST detective in the world!" "But you already are" "Yeah exactly, ill become even GREATER than MYSELF! If I have tha elements I can use them to unleash ALL villains that is imprisoned in Equestria. I can set free all those big villain places like Tartarus and Prisonville and the White House. And then when theyre free I can CAPTURE them again and become the gereatest hero in Equestria!" "But what if the vilains beat you?" said the henchman guy. "Pff I already beat the Twilight and her friends and theyre stronger than all the villains. Plus I have the elements so I can use those to beat the bad guys anyway." "But only Twilightandherfriends can use the elemets!" "You think I dident think of that?" I said "Watch." and I put all the elements into my blender and blended them up into a Element Smoothie. "Element Smoothie!" I said showing it to him. "Dont drink this." "Why not?" "Because IM DRINKING IT!" I said and I Chug It Down. "Shit" said the henchman and he watch as very dramatically, nothing happened. "Are you strong now?" "Yep!" I said "With element magic too. Watch" I said and I punched the wall off my base. But then the base starte rumbling like it was gonna collapse. "Oh crap that was a bad idea" I said and I ran and grabed the wall and put it back and it was fine. ~MEANWHILE, AT TWILIGHTS BASE~ "Okay," said Twilight at her map of Equestria. "This is the map of Equestria. He could be anywhere" "Who cares about that" said Applejack who also had a paper map of Equestira. "If his base is in the map then I can solve this." and she threw her map in the fire place "See now his place will get burned down." "Dumbass" said Twilight "Now come on if you people dont fucking help me we will never find jakkid's base." "Wait a minute!" said Rainbow and she pointe to the part of the map that said "Detective jakkid166's top secret evil base". "Maybe thats it!" "Maybe" said Twilight "Lets go check it out. Okay this map says his base's address is 6342 Evil Street." "Sweet" said Pinkie and she put the adress into her GPS. "Okay Twilight it says that is 60 miles away so it should only take like a two days to get there. But actually the normal road is closed so we gota take a detour on the Free Way." "Goddammit I hate taking the freeway" said Twilight. "Alright guys let's go." But then a guy BURST through the doors! "Who the hell are you?" said Rarity. "That's my spy who I sent into Jakkid's minions to find out infomation on him," said luna. "He is a change linge" "Yeah I am," said the guy and he turn back to a Cahngeling. "And I have IMPORTANT news to report!" "What is it" said Twilight who didnt care. "Jakkid has the ELEMENTS OF HARMONY!" "Yeah we already know that because we told it to ourselves!" said Twilight. "Tell us what we dont know" "Also he figuredout how to use the elements. And he DRANk them! And so now hes really powerful and shit!" "OH NO!" said Fluttershy. "Quick we gotta hunt down Jakkid fast," said Twilight. ~ MEANWHILE, AT TWILIGHTS BASE ~ The six of them all went to try and find where I was but they didnt know where I was so haha idiots. Wait a minute yeah they did cause they had the GPS. Oh crap "Come on guys lets fuckin go!" said Twilight as they was all running down the Equestria freeway. "If we make it soon we can stop for Taco Bell on the way back" "Sweet!" said Rainbow and they was motivated to go faster. But then some thing fellouta the SKY and CRASHED into the ground near them and almost hit them all It was a MISSILE! "SHIG!" said Twilight. "Hes throwing missiles at us!" And it was true, I was at my base grabbing lots of missled and throwing them at the Equestria Freeway so Twilight and her friends couldnt get to me. "Crap what do we do?!" said Rainbow "We gotta dodge the missles! But we dont know how many he has" "Wait a minute Ihave an idea!" said Twilight. When one of the missels was coming for her she grabbe it with her magic and turned it around. "OKAY GUYS GET ON!" and then she let go of tha missile and it flew back in the direction towards my base. Meanwhile I was throwing more missles still until I SAW THEM COMING RIGHT FOR ME "OH SHIT" I said and I ran back inside my base and locked the door. And then Twilight and the restofthem all crashed into the ground but the missle didnt explode cause it was a dud. "Alright!" said Twiright "Now lets go stop jakkid." TO BE CONTINUED
Ultimate battleThe FRARPT (fluttershy rainbow applejack rarity pinkie twilight) group ran up to my front door. Twilight ran up and rang the doorbell. "Who is it" I said. "Its Twilight Sparkle. Im here to deliver a pizza." "Oh sweet pizza!" I said and I almost open the door but then I realize they was calling their bluff! "Wait a minute did you say youre TWILGIHT SPARKLE? You idiot you cannot trick me! My detective mind shits all over your pony brain" "Dammit!" said Twilight. "Okay guys it looks like we are gonna have to tepelort in." But then she looked at the door and saw it was locked so they couldnt get in "NO!" said Twilight. "NOW how are we gonna get in if the door is locked? We will have to find another way to get into th building." "But how?" said Rainbow. "I dont know," said Twilight. "Oh wait yes I do" And she pulle a bobby pin out of her hair. "It is time to lock pick, good thing I learned because jakkid bought me Fallout New Vegas." ~ MEANWHILE ~ "Sir the ponies are outside!" said a minion to me. "What are we going to do? They might get inside and kill you" "Dont worry," I said. "Oh okay." "Anyway," I said and I took the elements out of my pocket. "Load these into the Magic Cannon so we can blow up Tartus and set all the vilains free." "Alright," the henchman said and he took them and put them in the cannon. "It needs 15 minutes to charge properly though" "Shit!" I said. "Okay thats fine as long as we dont let Twilight and her friends get here before then. WHat are thye even doing anyway?" I went and looked at the sekurity camera of the outside and saw Twilight lock picking the door! "Fuck!" I said and I grabbe a stapler off the desk and starte shooting staples through the camera at Twilight. "What the hell?" said Twilight "Ow that hurts! Stop it" and they all ran away. "YEEEEEAH!" I said and I jumped into a chair and danced evilly. "Ive beaten the FRARPT team!" "Thats what you think." said the henchman and then he pulled out a gUN and pointed it at me! "What the hell are you doing?" I said to him "I am traitoring you. Because I was the spy the whole time, and im a changeling!" "No!" I said "You will not defeat my plans. My plans are too intelligent. They went to college" "Not," said the traitor. "Luckey for you, my orders from Princess Luna are to bring you in alive. Therefore I must capture you without killing your you." "Yeah well how you gonna do that idiot?" I said. "The element gun is charging and noting can stop it now. The vilains will be released and I am the only one who can stop them!" "Shit!" he said and he pulledout his walkie talkie. "Princess Luna he is a stalemate! What do I do?" "You must thinketh a solution," said Luna. "Every day we musteth all overcometh the problems of thy life. Shit's fuck, yo" "Youre right!" said the guy and he hung up. "Detective jakkid I will beat you no matter what it cost! Also my name is Nick Currant by the way." "Hmm," I said. "That is very interesting, but also fuck you." and i pulled out my OWN gun and we were at gun standoff! "Bastard!" said Nick. "I see we are evenly match. We shall duel, and whoever gets killed dies." "Very well" I said, and we both JUMPED away from each other and shot bulkets at each other from our guns! But because we was evenly matched we kept shooting at each other and my bullets kept hitting his bulets in midair so nether of us got hurt. "Aha," said Nick "You have gun, but I have another trick up my pocket!" and he pulled a TASER out of his sleeve and he gave it to me and I tased him with it. "Fool," I said but then the taser shocked ME instead! "SHIGHIGHWIHTIWIWU" "Haha it was a trick!" shouted him and he pointed his Arresting Not Lethal gun at me. "Any last words before you go to jail jakkid?" "No." I said. "Wait shit that was a last word." And then Nick shot his gun at me, BUT the BULLET JAMMED IN MIDAIR "NO!" he said and I SPUN KUCKED the gun so hard it bounced off the walls like 8 times and shot arresting bullets everywhere. and then one of the bullets hit Nick and he got arrested and put in handcuffs. "See," I said "I told you you cold not have beat me. I thus beat you with pure skill. Thus is detective skill." "Dammit..." Nick said "Twilight and her frends will stop you!" "Wrong," I said. "No im not." "Yes you ARE!" I said and I open my walkie talkie "HEY one of you henchmen guys take Nick to prison! The access code to the entire base is 672312190" "What the fuck Jakkid how are you talking to me" said Luna. "Wait shit wrong number." I said and I dialed the real henchmen number but then i realized. "OH SHIT!" ~ MEANWHILE ~ Twilight was picking staples out of her hair. "Dammit girls what do we do now?" "I dont know," said Fluttershy. "Detective jakkid really piss me off! We need to piss on him instead. Metaphoricaly" Twilight was mad. She had veins sticking out of her head "Fuck! I am so mad right now that I am even frowning. I am going to fucking kill Jakkid if he doesnt surrender or turn good again." But then Princess Luna walked up to them. "Hey you Twilight and whoever else! Guess what?" "What?" said them. "I got the secrete code to Jakkids base." "Oh sweet!" said them and they all ran to the keypad at my base's secret entrance no one knows about. Even I dont know about it "Okay whats the code?" said Twilight. "I forgot," said Luna. "Okay well lets try this" said Twilight and she put in a random number. "Sweet it worked!" the door unlocked. Meanwhile I was lookin at the charging ray which was 80% done and I said to Nick "Haha. You are about to fail. Now you cannot stop me from saving Equestria" "Asshole!" said Nick "How cold you do such an evil thing?!" "Because im evil, dumbass" I said. "It is now at 90%. Almost done. Good thing I payed for Google Fiber." But thena different henchman ran up to me and said "Detective evil! I have good news and bad news." "Sweet!" I said "Whats the bad news?" "The bad news is Twilight and her friends has infiltrated the base." "Oh god damn it!" I said "Whats the good news?" "The good news is my boyfriend propose to me," he said. "Oh sweet congrats. Anyway what was we talking about?" "Twilight is in the base." "FUCK!" I screamed and I punched myself in the face "Okay listen you henchman! Gather all the henchmen and lock down all doors and windows and toilets! Whatever you do NOT let Twilght and her frends reach this room!" "I understood!" said the guy and he ran off and sounded the alams. And all the doors shut closed like the door to the base and the dor to the room I was in and the door to the microwave which was cooking my popcorn so my popcorn burned. "Shit" said Twilight as doors was closing and locking around them. "We gotta run!" and she and the rest ranthrough the hallways as doors close around them. But then they got closed in! "Shit we are trapped between two doors!" said Applejack. "What are we gonne do?" But then the walls started CLOSING IN! "Hell!" said Rarity "We gotta do somethin!" "Wait lok up there!" said Pinkie "There is a vent in the floor above us!" "But how are we going to get up there? We need someone who can fly," said Rainbow. "I can use magic to lift you up to the vent and pull us up into it!" said Twilight. "Good idea!" and Rainbow grabbed Twilights hand and they all link together and Twilight lift them all up to the vent and she took out a flathead screw driver and try to unscrew it. "Shit!" said Twilight "These is philips head screws! I only brought flat head screwdriver with me!" "Twilight the walls are closing in more!" said Flut "Wait I got it" said Twilight and she use the screwdriver to file her horn down to the shape of a philip head screwdriver. then she stick her horn in the screw and spin around a ton and the gate was open. "Quick guys lets get in!" she said and they all went in the vents. ~ MEANWHILE AGAIN ~ "Hell yes," I said smogly. "The magic cannon is at 95% now. Soon, Nick, you shall see the birth of a new era of jakkid166." "Idiot," said Nick. "You may become a greater detective, but you also make everyone hate you!" "Everyone will love me when I defeats the villains!" I said. "Now shut up prick. I bet you sniff your own butt and think it smells good" "Yeah well im hungry. Cant you order some sandwiches while we wait or something?" "Actually yeah thats a good idea. What sandwich place you like?" Little did I know though Twilight and her frends were watching me through the vent of the room I was in. "What are we gone do to stop jakkid?" said Rarity. "If we gonna infiltrate him, we need a disguise" said Twilight. Meanwhile I was ordering Firehouse Subs on the phone and I hung up. "Hell yeah I cant wait for me pastrami sandwich." and I turne on my radio and put a CD in and started playing David Bowie music. "You suck," said Nick. "Why dont you join me? We can fight vilains together and be the true duo of power and power!" I said. "We can be heroes. Just for one day" "Never," said him. But then the VENT OPENED AND SOMETHING FELL OUT It looke to me like a realy tall guy in a big tranch coat. "What on fuck?" I said. "Who even are you?" "Uh," said the trench coat guy. "I am the sandwich delivering guy." "Oh hell yes!" I said and I grabbed my money. "How much does it cost" "One Magic Cannon." "Wow thats expensive, but its worth it for fire house subs." so I went to grab the cannon but then i realize something. "WAIT A MINUTE!" I said and I spunned around. "Cannons are not currency! What wold firehouse subs want wiht me cannon?!" "Uh," they said "They need it for shooting mayo on the sandwiches." But then I went and RIPPED THE COAT OFF and it was actualy TWILIGHT and her friends! "Hah!" I said. "You cold not fool me." "Dammit," said Twilight "He is too smart." 'You almost got me however," I said. "And it make sense. It was a complicated disguise." "Not realy complicated," said Twilight "More like detailed." "Or complex" said Nick. "Or sopisticated. Many words can fit for it." "Those all mean the same thing you twats" I said and I pulledout my gun. "It is done charging now. Dont move while I go to fire it!" "Shit," said Twilight "What do we do now?" "I dont know," said Rarity. "I dont know either," said Applejack "Me either" said Pinkie. "Or me," said Rainbow. "Not me either" said Fluttershy. "Nope not me either," said Nick. "Nor me," I said. "Well, fools, it is time to unleash the new era upon tha world!" I said and I SLAMMED MY FIST ON THE FIRE BUTTON! "NOOOOOO!" said Nick and he JUMPED IN FRONT OF THE MAGIC LASER! "ohhhh NOOOOO!" I said but the laser refleckted off the metal of his handcuffs and went towards ME! "OHHHHH NOOOO AGAIN!" I shouted and the laser HIT ME AND KNOCKED ME INTO WALL AND I HIT MY HEAD and fell unconscious (NOT DIED). "Noooo jakkid!" said Twilight and went to me and punched me in the stomach. "Speak to me jakkid!" "Cough," I said. I open my eyes and looked at Twilight. "Oh hi Twilight what are you doin here?" "Jakkid I think the element magic turn you back to good!" said Twilight. "What the fuck are you talking about" I said. "Wait. Oh SHIT i remember now. Damn I became evil? That sucks." "Yeah but its fine cause youre good now," said Rainbow. "Yeah haha cool glad that was resolved." I said. "Lets all go eat some fucking Ice Cream" But then a henchman ran in "Sir what is you doing?" "Im not evil anymore, so you are fired." "NOOOOO!" said the guy. "I NEED this JOB! Fuck you jakkid I will become the new evil guy!" and he ran to the cannon and aim it at me and he FIRED! But I jumpe out of the way and instead it hit the microwave "SHIT!" I said "I have my popcorn in htere! Everyone evacuete the building!" and the Micorwave started rumbling and started poruing tons of popcorn out of itself! I grabbed Nick and threw him onto Twilights back and us all ran outta down the hallways while popcorn was flooding the place! And then we finaly made it out and the henchmen escaped too and the building EXPLODED into popcorn and popcorn went everyfuckingwhere. "Yeah," I said as a popcorn landed in my mouth. "Looks like that place just got... popped." And then Celestia and Luna landed next to us and said "Detective jakkid I see you have return to normal now." "Yes i have!" I said "I am sorry for becoming evil, but it also wasnt my fault so Im actually not sorry." "Oh yeah good point." said Celestia and she made her horn glow and Zecora appeared next to us. "What the fuck?" said Zecora "I was driving my truck." and we heard a crash sound and sirens in the distance Luna gave Zecora a broom and pointe to the popcorn. "Zecora go clean up that mess you made." "Dammit okay fine," said Zecora. "Stupid princesses always whine." and she went to go sweep up the popcorn and probably also eat it. "Well jakkid im glad everthing is back to normal!" said Twilight. "Yeah I am too I guess. Now guys lets go back to Ponyville and do something." "Sounds good" they said. But as we walked away, I turne around for a brief moment and give the camera a Sinister Look... THE END
