Battle 01 - Princess Celestia vs Muten-Roshi (Dragon Ball)
The screen changed to a dark, empty room when suddenly two spotlight went on, presenting the hosts of the show: a female anthro bunny with fur, wearing a rather ‘revealing’ outfit, and… a red and grey alicorn?
“What the…?! One of the hosts is an ALICORN?!” screeched Twilight, nearly dropping of the couch. “How?!”
The rest of the group was just as shocked, but they were able to maintain at least some level of composure.
“A fellow alicorn,” said Celestia, starring at the screen.
“And a male no less,” added Luna, looking at the stallion in interest.
“Do you know him?” asked Cadence, intrigued as well. “I don’t think I have ever meet him before.”
“No, I have never met him either,” answered Celestia. “Maybe he’s from another mirror world?”
“That would explain it,” said Sunset. “But what is the deal with that bunny girl?”
“I’m torn,” stated Rarity, practically eating the bunny with her eyes. “On one hoof her attire is scandalous, but it matches her body and fur so well!”
“I’m more worried about Spike,” added Starlight, looking at the youngest member of their group. “Isn’t he a little bit too young for this?”
“Hey!” complained Spike, crossing his arms.
“I like it!” grinned Discord, getting a glare from the mares in the room. Shining wisely remained silent.
Crow: Twilight Sparkle.
Lully Pop: Son Goku.
Crow: Two heroes that saved their worlds on multiple occasions.
Lully Pop: And like every good hero out there, they started their journeys under the tutelage of one wise and ancient teacher.
Crow: Celestia, Princess of Equestria.
"Me?" asked a perplexed Celestia.
Lully Pop: Master Muten-Roshi, the Turtle Hermit.
Crow: I'm Scarlet Crow.
"Scarlet Crow? That's a nice name," said a blushing Luna, earning giggles from the others.
Lully Pop: And I'm Lully Pop!
- a huge screen appeared behind them-
Crow: And it is our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win... in a fight.
"So the princess is fighting?" stated a confused Starlight. "But why?"
"Now that I think about it, this kinda resembles some shows I have seen back at home," noticed Sunset. "Looks like this is about us fighting against opponents from other dimensions."
"Why should we ever do that?" asked Rarity, tilting her head.
"Who knows? But this should be entertaining."
"Other dimensions," mumbled Twilight, with shining eyes.
____________________
PRINCESS CELESTIA
BACKGROUND
Height: 7’ / 213 cm
Weight: Unknown (did you think we’re stupid enough to ask?)
Age: Over 1.000 years
Occupation: Princess of Equestria
Hobbies: Watching over her ponies, pranking, eating cake
"Eating cake!" laughed Discord. " They got that right!"
"You like prankes too?" asked an excited Pinkie, giving the princess a wide grin.
"Of course she doesn't! This is Princess Celestia we're talking about!" argued Twilight, huffing.
"Ahw," made the disappointed pink pony, before noticing Celestia giving her a little wink, cheering her up.
Crow: Over a thousand years ago, the three tribes of ponies lived separately. But after driving out the Wendigos with the Fire of Friendship, the leaders of the Earth Ponies, Pegasi, and Unicorns agreed to unify under a single country: Equestria.
Lully Pop: Aka Magical Ponyland.
Crow: Of course, rulership of this new country was a major concern, seeing how the three tribes had only recently stopped fighting. The leaders of the three tribes, along with the wizard Star Swirl the Bearded, searched across the land for the perfect candidates. So what better choice was there than two young sisters?
"You're so cute!" gushed Cadence, giggling. "So tiny and adorable!"
Lully Pop: Was that supposed to be sarcasm? With your expression it’s sometimes hard to tell.
Crow: In their defense, the young Celestia and Luna had several unique qualifications. As the only two Alicorn type ponies in the world, they had the distinct characteristics of all three pony tribes, making them a great symbolic choice for the new kingdom's leadership. For another, Alicorns lived far longer than your typical ponies, so they would be able to keep the kingdom stable.
Lully Pop: But they're not even in charge! They're princesses, not queens! That doesn't make sense!
"Don't say it," everypony said simultaneously.
"You guys are no fun," grumbled Discord, but smiled when Fluttershy offered him some cookies.
Crow: Well, there are two main explanations. The first is that the two princesses initially had ceremonial roles, and only became actual rulers after the three tribes were culturally unified. The other is that they hoped to appear more approachable to the masses. Take your pick.
"It's neither. They just tought they'll sound younger that way," grinned Discord, before getting body-checked by an angry moon princess.
Lully Pop: Whatever. While Luna had her own adventures, discovering zebra tribes and befriending manticores like any good princess should, Celestia developed a strong bond with Star Swirl, forged by their common obsession for knowledge and magic. He showed her the Tree of Harmony, a magical tree that is the focal point of Harmonious Magic in Equestria. And later, when a dragon stole the Crystal Heart from the allied Crystal Empire, Celestia was able to get it back. All she had to do was keep calm, burst into flames, and yell threats at the dragon until it fled in terror! Atta girl!
Rainbow blinked, slowly, as she raised her front left hoof, "Princess, I have only one thing to say," Rainbow answered slowly.
*PUMF!*
Starlight and Fluttershy jumped to the side a bit as Rainbow's wings shot up at attention, Twilight gaping at her while Spike and Trixie covered their mouths to contain a snicker, Applejack and Sunset gave her a blank stare while Rarity rose an eyebrow and Fluttershy blushed. Discord, Cadence, Shining Armor and Luna actually blinked while Celestia went wide-eyed, blushed, and her ears pressed back lightly.
"Yes, Rainbow?" Celestia asked awkwardly.
"No, that was it," Rainbow assured quickly, blushing despite her straight face.
"BWAHAHAHAH!" cue Discord and Sunset rolling on the floor and laughing their asses off. "Looks like another poor soul falls victim to you! HAHAHA!"
"Hehe...hehe...hehe," cue Luna struggling not to join him. "AHAHAHAHA!" cue failure. "Fret not, our multi-colored friend! Thy reaction is most appropriate." Luna smirked playfully before returning to laughing, leaving Rainbow blushing with an awkward grin.
Crow: The pivotal moment came one day when the two sisters woke up in the morning only to discover that the sun wouldn't rise. As it turned out, the sun and moon of this world needed to be moved via magic. And the teams of unicorns that had previously been dedicated to this task had been depleted of their magic. Even their mentor Star Swirl couldn't help.
Lully Pop: It was on that day that the two sisters, acting on instincts they never knew they even had, would raise and lower the sun and moon for the first time. And from that day onwards, Celestia would be Princess of the Sun, commanding the sun's movement for countless centuries.
"So that is how it went," hummed Twilight, taking notes.
Crow: There are countless reasons that Celestia was able to rule over Equestria for so many centuries. First, it's important to understand what an Alicorn really is. They combine the best traits and magical abilities of the three tribes into one being. Thus, it is important to understand what exactly each tribe of ponies is capable of.
"Yay, science," said Discord, looking bored.
"Yay, science!" cheered Twilight.
Lully Pop: Earth Ponies, despite lacking a horn or wings, have supernatural strength, durability, and stamina. For example, teams of four Earth Ponies were used to carry trains for hours on end, they can throw boulders across the horizon, pound rocks into powder with their hooves and drag two-story houses behind them with ease. And Celestia can humiliate them in a hoof wrestling contest, meaning she's at least on the upper end of the spectrum! Hey Crow, can you do the math?
Crow: Well, seeing how the distance between that one pony throwing the rock and the horizon is about 3.500 meters, and the boulder being thrown is about a meter across... that boulder could easily weigh around 3.000 pounds, considering how mafic rocks are usually heavier. For comparison, a trebuchet, which fired at a similarly high angle, usually fired rocks of around 150 or so pounds, and had a range of about maybe 300 meters. Kinetic Energy can be measured by using mass and velocity. Since a trebuchet throws 150-pound boulders at 300 meters, or 470 if you account for their arcs, within five seconds, that means trebuchet shots have around 300.000 Joules of energy. Applying the higher values of the rock throw suggests a value 2.700 times greater, 810 million Joules. That's a lightning bolt's worth of kinetic energy, and you know how much those have.
The only sound that could be heared was from Twilight, her quill practically flying over the scroll.
Lully Pop: (Awed) That's like having 200 pounds of TNT behind the casual tossing of a rock! Note to myself: don’t piss of the cute little ponies or they buck me to kingdom come. Innuendo intended.
"I was never so proud to be an Earth Pony," said Applejack, a small blush on her cheeks.
Crow: That's a good segue into Celestia's Pegasus abilities. Pegasi are capable of flight and weather manipulation, and the fastest flyers can go at speeds of over Mach 5! It's rumored that Celestia herself was the first pony ever to perform a Sonic Rainboom, putting her at over MACH 10!
Rainbow's wings shot up again, much to the mirth of the others.
Lully Pop: Last of all, Celestia has the spell-casting abilities of a Unicorn, including the standard telekinesis they all have. And this is where she really shines.
Twilight quicked in exictement, grapping a fresh scroll.
Crow: Ever since she was tutored by Star Swirl the Bearded, Celestia has eagerly learned new spells, something aided by her high magical reserves. Her spells include shields, pyrokinesis, teleportation, dispelling enchantments, and energy blasts. And her mental protections against mental attacks and manipulation are top tier, able to fend off the equally powerful Nightmare Moon for centuries without fail.
"That's one impressive list," awed Starlight, casting a glance to the sheepish looking sun princess.
Lully Pop: But Celestia also has some tricks you wouldn't expect. Like copying Nightmare Moon's shadow form, using fire instead.
Luna looked at Celestia. Celestia looked at Luna.
"Knock-off," huffed Luna, returning her eyes back to the screen.
Lully Pop: Or you know, Dark Magic!
Crow: Indeed. Celestia has enough mastery over herself and her craft to perform some basic Dark Magic with no negative consequences. It is mainly used for creating crystalline structures, which can either be used as ordinary heavy rocks or even form teleport-proof cages. This magic is similar to the abilities that Umbrum-Unicorns possess, like King Sombra.
"Dark Magic too?" Sunset poked Celestia's right front leg. "Why didn't you showed me all that cool stuff before?"..."
"Oh right, stupid question," blushed the orange unicorn.
Lully Pop: With all these powers under her hooves, Celestia has been kicking ass and taking names for centuries. She was able to defeat Nightmare Moon solo, defeated Queen Chrysalis and her entire Changeling race by herself and helped take down threats like Discord and Lord Tirek. All while managing a tight schedule of running a country!
"It wasn't easy, but well worth the effort," laughed Celestia, earning smiles from everypony around her.
POWERS and ABILITIES
ALICORN PHYSIOLOGY
Being an Alicorn, Celestia can fly and use magic
Possesses enhanced strength, speed and stamina (Applejack and Rainbow approve)
GENIUS INTELLIGENCE
Celestia is highly intelligent, able to retain a great deal of information and use it to her advantage
Highly knowledgeable in the arts of magic
MAGIC
Celestia can perform great feats of magic (Twilight's quill was catching fire at this point)
This includes:
TELEKINESIS - Moving objects with magic
TRANSMOGRIFICATION - Celestia can alter the appereance of objects and living beings
REPLICITATION - Celestia can create clones of herself
SPELLS - Celestia knows a high number of different spells with varying effects
MAGIC BEAM EMISSION - Celestia can shoot concussive blasts from her horn
DARK MAGIC - Allowing her to perform the same feats as an Umbram-Unicorn
FORCE FIELD - Celestia can create a force field to protect herself and others
TELEPORTATION - Celestia can teleport herself and others anywhere she wishes
DREAM SCRYING - Celestia can move through the Realm of Dreams
FLIGHT
- Like all Alicorns, Celestia can use her wings to fly the same as a Pegasus (Rainbow approves)
IMMORTALITY
- Even after 1.000 years, Celestia has never shown to age
PROPHETIC ABILITIES
MAGIC FORM (Luna grumbles)
OTHERS
Can reach the top shelf without help or telekinesis (everpony laughed at that)
Can eat cakes with 16 layers and more on her own (still laughing)
Moves the sun. And occasionally the moon. But mainly the sun!
Crow: During those centuries she not only gained wisdom, knowledge and patience beyond anything ever seen before, she also made it her passion to spread the Magic of Harmony across Equestria, creating a near-utopia. She maintained peace for over one millennium, improved relationships between the different races and became a goddess in all but name.
Celestia grimmaced. "I'm not to fond of ponies worshipping me. It makes me feel uncomfortable."
"Right, there were once churches dedicated to us," remembered Luna. "What happened to them?"
"I had to disband them. They started to act like zeleots," said Celestia with a grim expression. "Performing acts of violence and racism against non-ponies, all in my name."
Lully Pop: And between all of that, she still found the time to establish a school for super-smart unicorns and take on some personal students: Sunset Shimmer, Cadence and the most famous of all, Twilight Sparkle.
This got smiles from the said three ponies.
Crow: Which will become the absolution for her younger sister Luna. You see, 1.000 years ago Luna was overwhelmed by her own rage and sorrow, transforming her to the dreaded Nightmare Moon. Unable to stop her, Celestia used ancient artifacts, called the Elements of Harmony, which banished Luna to the moon.
Lully Pop: What’s pretty harsh for something that’s basically a five-minute temper tantrum.
"WHAT did she just say?!" fummed Luna, angry that her suffering was reduced to a mere 'temper tantrum'.
Crow: In order to use the Elements, she had to represent all six aspects of Harmony: Kindness, Loyalty, Generosity, Honesty, Laughter and Magic. Making her the only being in history capable of using them all on her own.
"I never really tought about it, but it is truely amazing," said Cadence.
Lully Pop: Yeah, even I wouldn’t be able to do that.
Crow: They would most likely turn you to stone the moment you touch them anyway. Even after giving up on the Elements, she continued to guide Twilight and her friends with her wisdom and experience.
FEATS
Ruled a kingdom for over 1.000 years (everypony approves)
One of the few Alicorns in history
Wielded the Elements of Harmony alone (everypony was amazed)
Mentor of Sunset Shimmer, Princess Cadence and Princess Twilight Sparkle (that got a smile from the three)
Can scare adult dragons away (*PUMF* - "Ouch! Damn it Dash!")
Powerful enough to control both sun and moon
Defeated Discord, King Sombra, Lord Tirek, Queen Chrysalis and Nightmare Moon
Dealt with whinny nobles for centuries (everypony laughed)
Lully Pop: She’s one super reliable pony!
Crow: It's a pity she usually ends up as the butt of the joke. Over the course of the last few years, she had rarely ever been able to defeat the major threats to Equestria, having to rely on her student’s circle of friends. In a few cases, certain gimmicks like anti-magic fields have proven to be effective against her.
"Ouch, that's harsh," stated Sunset, giving her former mentor a pat. "True, but harsh."
Lully Pop: Heck, even when she was fighting Queen Chrysalis during the Canterlot Invasion, she lost the beam struggle. Or that one time when she and her sister were abducted by weed. Evil weed, but still, weed!
"Urgh, don't remind me," grumbled Luna, gving Discord an evil glare.
Crow: Celestia has less experience in fighting as one would think, using it only as a last resort. She also prefers to banish or imprison her foes instead of, well, ‘removing’ them permanently.
"Did he just suggested to...kill them?" asked Celestia, shocked. That is the only thing she would never allow herself to resort to, no matter how high the stakes are.
Lully Pop: Which gives them ample opportunity to return for some good ol’ revenge. Usually after 1.000 years. Seriously, what’s the deal with that number?
"While I am also not too keen with the idea of...killing somepony," started Luna. "We should at least come up with other ways to deal with treats to Equestria. Dealing with them over and over again IS quite tiresome."
"The girls did a good job saving the world so far," aggred Shining. "But our foes only have to win one time to ruin everything we worked so hard to achive."
"And we had some pretty close calls in the last few years," added Cadence.
Discord, Sunset and Starlight meanwhile made themselves as small as posssible, starring at the ground in shame.
WEAKNESSES
Not as experienced in fighting as one would think
Usually holds back her full potential
Too forgiving
Over-relying on others
Cakes (Discord laughed, recovering from his previous mood, while Sunset and Luna sighed)
Crow: To be fair, a lot of Celestia's weaknesses seem to be more of a case of her holding back as it is of being weak. Sure, she was beaten by Chrysalis, but only because they were fighting in a location full of civilians and while the queen was supercharged on Love Magic. Furthermore, we know that Celestia seems to fear her full potential, afraid that she could become the counterpart to Nightmare Moon, Daybreaker.
Celestia, Luna and Starlight winced, while the other gave them curious glances.
Lully Pop: Which totally sounds like something an edgelord would come up with in order to sound cool. Kinda like you do.
Trixie giggled. "His color-theme is kinda stereotype, isn't it?"
Crow: (Annoyed) Shut up. It’s also implied, that some of her more, let’s say questionable decisions, like freeing Discord or giving all her magic away, were made on purpose. Because of her prophetic powers, she KNEW that Twilight would be able to find the Elements of Harmony and purify Luna. She KNEW she could overcome Discord, become an Alicorn and prevail against Tirek.
Lully Pop: I’m not sure if continuously wagering the future of Equestria just so that Purple Pony can prove herself is a failproof strategy. I mean those prophetic abilities of hers aren’t exactly reliable, or she would have known of the Changeling Attack. Wait, she didn’t know, did she?
Crow: I don’t think so…why?
Lully Pop: Do you think she threw the fight with Chrysalis on purpose? Hell, remind me to never play chess with her.
Twilight paused, before looking at her role model with wide eyes. "Was everything what happened so far..really just a...test?"
Now everpony was starring at Celestia, waiting for an answer. Celestia tilted her head in tought, before giving Twilight a comforting smile.
"My little ponies believe that a miracle is something unexpected, almost impossible. But over the centuries, I have found that in times of great need, the power of true friendship can make a miracle inevitable. Given time and opportunity, harmony can take care of itself. All I really needed to do was to ensure it’s not deliberately obstructed before it blossoms. I simply had faith in you, my dear Twilight." Celestia lookes around at the smiling faces. "I had faith in all of you."
Crow: Do you even know how to play? Anyway, mastermind or not, Celestia is a solar powerhouse. The fact that she remains in power after centuries, her name almost held in reverence, is proof that her faults are outweighed by her feats.
Celestia sings:
“You've come such a long, long way
And I've watched you from that very first day
To see how you might grow
To see what you might do
To see what you've been through
And all the ways you've made me proud of you
It's time now for a new change to come
You've grown up and your new life has begun
To go where you will go
To see what you will see
To find what you will be
For it's time for you to fulfill your destiny.”
____________________
Lully Pop: Come to think of it, you’re an Alicorn too, aren’t you?
Crow: Did you seriously noticed that just now?!
Lully Pop: I didn’t really care before, but you know… what I did noticed is that Celestia is still single!
"Oh my!" giggled Rarity, blushing and fanning herself. Luna and Cadence gave their fellow alicorn a playful shove.
Crow: (Facehoofing) Oh, sweet merciful gods above…
Lully Pop: Is she not your type? Or are you aiming for the younger sister instead?
Now it was Celestia's turn to grin, as Luna's face turned red.
Crow: Please stop.
Lully Pop: Maybe Cadence? But you know that she’s married, right? Wow, that’s kinky!
Crow: …
Lully Pop: Or maybe Twilight, but she’s a bit on the younger side. Do you have a thing for smaller girls?
Cadence simply giggled, while Twilight had a striking resemblence to a tomato. Shining himself looked murderous, while the others were blushing and laughing at the alicorns of the group.
Crow: Are you done yet?
Lully Pop: For now (Giggles).
____________________
Crow: Son Goku might be one of the greatest martial artists in existence, rivaling even gods. But he would never had reached that level without the guidance of Master Muten-Roshi.
MASTER MUTEN-ROSHI
BACKGROUND
Height: 5’5’’ / 165 cm
Weight: 97 Ibs / 44 kg
Age: Over 350 years
Aliases: Turtle Hermit, Jackie Chun
Hobbies: Eating pizza, video games and aerobic exercise videos
"Here comes her oppenent," said Sunset, blinking. "And it's an...old man?"
Rainbow perked up. "Turtle?"
Crow: Master Roshi is not only one of the strongest humans in his world’s history, he’s also the strongest fighter of his generation, once referred to as the God of Martial Arts. He is a wise and kind-hearted person who loves those around him like his own grandchildren. And while he openly enjoys life and its simple pleasures, he is willing to die for an honorable cause if necessary.
"Wow, he sounds like an awesome guy," said Spike, already liking him.
"He's a martial artist, and one of the strongest too?" Rainbow smiled. "Ok, that dude is already on my list of ponies I want to fight!"
Lully Pop: Enough with the sugar coating! The old fart is supposedly one of the greatest martial artists of all time, but he has one striking weakness. Well, two actually. (Lully grabs her boobs and squeezes them for emphasizes)
The view changed to show the old man chasing girls and being a pervert in general.
"Well, no one is without...short-comings, I guess?" Starlight tried to save his reputation.
"Somepony should teach this ruffian a lesson," huffed Rarity, clearly not pleased with Roshi.
A woman with blue hair slaps Roshi.
"Thank you darling," laughed Rarity, joining the others.
Crow: His skirt-chasing antics aside, Roshi is a master when it comes to the usage of Ki. Ki is a vital energy force all living beings possess. The stronger and more focused you are, the greater your Ki becomes.
"Ki? Sunset, do you know what that is?" asked Twilight her otherwordly friend.
"I have heard about it, but in my world it's more like a spiritual concept then a real force." answered Sunset. "That means he's probably from a completly different world."
Lully Pop: When he still had hair, young Roshi studied under the legendary Master Tomato…
Crow: Mutaito.
Everypony laughed at that.
Lully Pop: …and a kitty cat ! These masters of butt-kicking taught Roshi how to weaponize his Ki to perform awesome techniques.
"He was teached by a cat?" smiled Fluttershy. "How nice."
"I wanna hear about this awesome techniques," stated Rainbow, getting hyped.
Crow: It wasn't too long until Roshi created his own martial arts style, the Turtle School, which he perfectionated for the next 300 years.
"300 YEARS?!" yelled Sunset.
Lully Pop: Holy crap, how old is this geezer?
Crow: Well, it's a little vague, but thanks to either his old pet phoenix, which died due to food poisoning , or the mysterious Paradise Herb, he's just shy of 360 years old.
"Wow, he's nearly four times older then any human at home," stated Sunset, calming down.
"Forget that, how do you kill ah phoenix with bad food?!" wondered a confused Applejack.
"That poor bird," mumbled Fluttershy, getting a comforting pat from a equally distressed Celestia.
Lully Pop: Damn! I'm just impressed he can still get it up for the girls after all that time!
The mare's faces in the room collectively lightened up, while the three males coughed awkwardly in their hooves /claws.
Crow: That's... well, I mean, yes, (Whispering) I guess medically speaking, it is quite impressive.
Lully Pop: Anyway, his Turtle School, or Kame School, is not about hiding in a shell and waiting till the danger is over as I first thought. It includes everything from tricky pressure point combat to a phony Drunken Style, which, if you ask me, is just a missed opportunity to get wasted.
"Sounds like a very versatile way of fighting to have," commented Shining, making mental notes for later.
"And it's called Turtle School!" gushed Rainbow. "I wonder if Tank and me could learn it."
"I wanna learn the Alligator School with Gummy!" exclaimed Pinkie, just as excited as Dash.
Crow: As a grandmaster of all martial arts and hand-to-hand combat styles, Master Roshi is an outstandingly versatile fighter and tactician, able to quickly see through an opponent's skills and effortlessly change his own methods to suit the situation. At the same time, he is deceptively strong for his frail form, able to move at blazing speeds and move massive structures with his bare hands, all while at base power.
"Incredible, he really lives up to his title as the God of Martial Art," approved Luna, giving her sister a smile. "Looks like you're in for quite the fight."
"Seems like it," said Celestia absentmindly, following the feats Roshi performed on screen with interest.
Lully Pop: Roshi can use his Ki to increase his power even further to push past his physical limits, use it to fire explosive shots, go buff mode, stun foes with Thunder Shock Surprise, and even seal dangerous enemies away with the Evil Containment Wave.
"OH MAMA!!" yelled a blushing Starlight at Roshi's MAX form, getting a "What the actual buck"-look from Trixie, while the others said nothing, opting to slowly back away from her.
POWERS and ABILITIES
MAX POWER FORM (Starlight highly approves)
TELEPATHY
- Capable of reading the minds of others
HYPNOSIS
- Can put people to sleep by making weird noises and performing waving hand motions (everpony smirked at that)
THUNDER SHOCK SURPRISE (Rainbow takes great interest in that one)
Doesn't use it often due to its lethal nature
Produces 20.000 Volts of Electricity and blasts the opponent with it
Not only does massive damage to them, but also immobilizes them (usually in the air)
Also immobilizes Roshi until the attack ends
EVIL CONTAINMENT WAVE
Using immense focus, it traps the target and their soul within a bottle
Even a rice cooker works
Requires immense precision and discipline
Drains the life force no matter if it’s successful or not
Has trained himself so much that he can use it multiple times before it starts having a drastic effect on him
DRUNKEN FIST
"This Evil Containment Wave seems like an incredible useful skill to have, it would have made our lives so much easier," stated Luna.
"We should look for something similar," Celestia agreed.
Crow: Even with his advanced age reducing his natural stamina and endurance, while also reducing his overall performance, he makes up for it with his efficiency, both physically and mentally. His experience and intuition have also honed his natural instincts to the point that he became so aware of his surroundings, that he is able to move against any threat automatically.
Lully Pop: He can run 100 meters in 5.6 seconds, while suppressed and out of shape.
Crow: But once he gets serious, he’s so fast that it resembles teleportation for the untrained eye, he can create afterimages of himself and effortlessly dodge lightning.
"Whoa nelly," Applejack whistled. "Looks yah got yourself some competition Dash."
"Oh yeah?! Well watch me, I'll learn how to do it too, and then we'll see who's the fastest!"
Lully Pop: The old man can send people flying just by waving his hand and once punched Goku out of a stadium and into the city farther than the audience could see.
"Looks like he might be very useful during the applebuck season," said Spike, looking at the apple farmer. "Maybe you could ask him for help next time."
Crow: He’s able to easily read his opponent's movements and battle tactics, allowing him to move with minimal needed effort.
"The skill of an experienced fighter," nodded Shining, wishing he was that good.
Lully Pop: He once snatched bullets out of the air that are fired at him from point blank range. Average machine guns can fire up to six hundred rounds per minute, at a muzzle velocity of nearly 1.200 feet per second.
Crow: That means Roshi would have to react to the first bullet within five milliseconds. Additionally, each consecutive bullet would reach him just shy of seventeen milliseconds apart. The maximum distance between any given shot looks to be about three feet, which means he would have to be moving at 180 feet per second in order to catch them all.
"Hey, maybe he can fly when he moves his arms fast enough!" giggled Pinkie, ignoring the awed faces of the others.
Lully Pop: Ha! I guess that helps during lonely nights!
Once again all mares blushed, while the males shifted around uncomfortably.
Crow: (Facehoofing) Ugh! Anyway, spending all those years honing his talents, Roshi dedicated fifty of them to develop one revolutionary technique.
"Fifty years?" wondered Trixie. "What could he possibly came up with that took him half a century to pull of?"
Lully Pop: Say it with me!! KA-ME-… (Lully goes into postion)
Crow: …-HA-ME-… (Crow joins in)
"What are they doing?" asked a bewildered Cadence.
Lully Pop / Crow: …HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! (Both throw their hands/hoofs forward, copying Roshi’s stand)
One could probably hear the sound of the collective gasps and chins hitting the ground all to Yakyakistan.
"Sweet baby goat riding a motor boat to Mars!!" yelled Discord. "WHAT the HAY was THAT?!"
Crow: The Kamehameha, or Turtle Wave, is the signature technique of the Kame School. By focusing his Ki between his palms, he creates an enormous beam of pure energy, which annihilates everything it hits.
"No kidding," said a breathless Rainbow Dash, her wings once again at full attention, but this time it went ignored by everypony.
KAMEHAMEHA and MAX POWER KAMEHAMEHA
A basic but very powerful blast of Ki
When combined with Roshi's MAX form the Kamehameha can
Put out the flames on Fire Mountain and destroy both it and the Ox-King's castle
Destroy the moon completely
Take out waves of Frieza Soldiers
Lully Pop: (Excited) Hell yeah! He blew up a whole frigging mountain with it!
Crow: This peak resembled the Flaming Mountains which are located in China, standing up to 2.600 feet tall. With this in mind, we can find that to pulverize such a mountain, Roshi's Kamehameha must equal nearly four gigatons of TNT.
"That makes anything Tirek and I fired during our battle look like fireworks for foals," stated Twilight, her quill and scroll laying on the ground.
Lully Pop: But that's small stuff compared to the time he obliterated the entire moon in about five seconds! That's gotta be worth like what, a few thousand mountains…? Crow, how many mountains make a moon?
"He did WHAT?!" yelled Luna, getting out of her stupor, rattling the others.
"...I think I just peed a little," squeaked Spike.
Crow: Well, more like thirty-five billion, to obliterate the moon in its entirety, the Kamehameha must have struck it with a force akin to three octillion tons of TNT.
“Impossible…” muttered Twilight, as she slowly turned into a twitching mess.
Lully Pop: That are…twenty-seven zeros! Holy shit!
"That is...that is...awesome and terrifying at the same time!" commented an intimidated Sunset. "Like...like starring up at the face of God as he has Cthulhu in a chokehold."
Luna meanwhile joined Twilight on the ground.
“Ok, is that normal?” asked a concerned Starlight.
“No, but it’s quite fascinating,” answered Celestia as she poked her twitching sister with a stick.
Crow: But even with all his powers, Roshi's true talent lays in ensuring that his students grow further and further than himself every day.
"Just like auntie," smiled Cadence, helping her fellow alicorns back to their hooves as the others slowly recovered as well.
Lully Pop: By forcing his students to deliver milk up a mountain, plowing fields with their bare hands, working construction with simple tools or let them be chased by both sharks and bees, all while wearing a fifty-pound shell. Even by my standards, that’s hardcore!
Master Roshi: "But you are still within human limits! In order to become a master of martial arts, you must break the wall of humanity! That is the challenge!"
"Maybe we should implement that in our guard training," said Celestia, earning a terrified whimper from Shining.
Crow: Still, Master Roshi cares deeply for his students, to the point where he entered the World Martial Arts Tournament in the disguise of "Jackie Chun" to ensure they would lose the tournament, as he felt they might lose interest in the martial arts if they won it too easily.
"He really cares for his students, doesn't he?" smiled Applejack. "He treats them just like family." That got nods of approval from the others.
Lully Pop: And he won! Too bad he had to spend all the prize money to pay for all the food Goku devoured. (Laughing)
Everypony joined in, finally relaxing again.
Crow: Despite his apparent retirement from active fighting and acknowledging that his days as the strongest are long over, he still continues to train. He defeated at least 170 of Frieza's soldiers with only minor difficulty, and during the Tournament of Power he showed his resourcefulness by facing off against three opponents consecutively. Against Caway, he easily repelled her energy weapons and ultimately terrified her into forfeiting…
Lully Pop: Albeit it was mostly from his perverted advances.
Rarity grumbled at that.
Crow: … and his knowledge in magical matters allowed him to easily defeat Dercori with the Evil Containment Wave, to which he was not affected by its consequences, showing his increase in power. And against Ganos, his tactical prowess enabled him to effortlessly dodge and deflect all the younger enemy's initial attacks.
"Experience beats everything," nodded Luna.
Lully Pop: Even though Ganos was faster and stronger than him - with Ganos even noting that if he could just land one blow Roshi would be defeated - until he powered up enough to overwhelm Roshi and bash him around.
Crow: Despite this, he showed noticeable resilience, repeatedly getting back up. Once using his MAX Power and then proceeding to go beyond his limits, he was able to defeat Ganos and blast him out the ring with a MAX Power Kamehameha. Roshi's performance even earned him repeated praise from Beerus, the God of Destruction.
"God of Destruction?" everypony asked with wide eyes.
Lully Pop: Who can destroy entire galaxies on a whim! Kaboom!!
Silence.
"...I think I peed...again. Can somepony get me a towel?"
Without looking Discord snapped his fingers, a small set of towels appearing out of nowhere.
Spike wasn't the only one who needed a fresh towel.
FEATS
Destroyed an entire mountain (everypony was impressed)
Invented the legendary Kamehameha (everypony approves)
Caught a full clip of machine gun bullets (still impressed)
Obliterated the moon (Luna started to twitch again)
Defeated 170 soldiers of Frieza’s army
Won the 21st World Martial Arts Tournament
Defeated Krillin, Goku, Tien, Caway, Dercori and Ganos
Earned the respect of the God of Destruction (everypony was still shaken by that)
Can still get it up for the girls! (blushes, blushes everywhere)
Crow: Sadly, Roshi's frailty of age means his body can't always express just how powerful he really is.
Lully Pop: In terms of raw power and speed, most of his opponents outclass him by far, forcing him to fight with extra care.
"They're right, he's pretty old after all," noted Sunset, worried about the old martial artist.
"Not as old as the sisters! Heyhoo!" laughed Discord, before getting hit by a bowl with popcorn.
Crow: It is implied that Roshi is not as naturally skilled and flexible in the usage of Ki as his students. His skills in that regard are the result of years of training and experience.
Lully Pop: Also, using too much Ki energy can cause all sorts of problems, like when his master Mustachio died using the Evil Containment Wave. He is also too prideful to learn how to fly via levitation, since this skill was invented by his rivals from the Crane School.
"Wait, they can fly without wings or magic?" asked Trixie. "Is there anything they can't do with 'KI'?!"
WEAKNESSES
His age greatly reduces his performance
Not as natural gifted as his students
Can't fly (Rainbow doesn't approve)
Overusage of Ki can kill him (that got everypony worried)
Pretty girls (Rarity facehoofed)
Crow: Even though he may be well past his prime, this perverted but genius veteran still inspires others and demands respect from his pupils. There is a reason why everyone still calls him Master.
Master Roshi: “Goku...Krillin...You two were the ones who taught me that this old man still has a future and it’s too early to decide my limits. You’re the ones that taught me that by continuing to aim for higher heights. My students! Move well! Learn well! Play well, eat well and rest well! Enjoy your live merrily and to the fullest! The Kame Style is with you! This is the greatest, most powerful Kamehameha!”
____________________
Crow: The combatants are set! Who will prevail? The beloved Sun Princess of Equestria? Or the perverted Turtle Hermit?
Lully Pop: Let’s…get…ready…to…RUMBLE!!! (Lully makes different silly poses with each word)
"Twenty bits on the old man!" called Rainbow.
"What!" yelled Twilight. "Oh, you're on!"
____________________
The view changed to the throne room of Canterlot Castle, with Celestia sitting on her throne, reading Twilight’s latest friendship report.
Suddenly, a black-haired man with an orange outfit appeared out of nowhere, one hand on his temple, while the other was resting on the shoulders of an old man.
"Hey it's Goku and Roshi! But what do they want in Canterlot?" wondered Spike.
“-I don’t think that is such a good idea…and we’re already here,” started Muten-Roshi, before giving Goku a deadpanned stare.
“What? Who are you? What are you doing here!?” demanded Celestia, dropping the scroll to the ground.
“Hi! I’m Goku,” smiled the younger one of the two, giving her a friendly wave. “I heard there are a lot of strong fighters around here, so I came for a sparring match! Want to fight?”
"So he wants to fight and dragged his master with him," laughed Applejack. "Poor old guy."
“I’m Princess Celestia, Co-Ruler of Equestria, and no I don’t want to fight,” said a bewildered Celestia, obviously trying to make sense out of this situation.
“Oh well, if you don’t want to, I’ll find someone else,” relented Goku, walking off.
“You want to fight my little ponies?! I won’t let you disrupt their peaceful life’s just so you can fulfil your hunger for battle,” raged the alicorn, grapping the man with her magic. “Begone!”
With one mighty push of magic she sent Goku flying through the castle walls, his wailing form disappearing in the distance. Roshi meanwhile stood there, starring at the angry alicorn in disbelief.
"Oh my, Celesta is having a mama bear moment." giggled Discord, giving the sun princess a checky smile. "I'm somewhat intimidated."
Sighing, he put off his sunglasses, cracking his limbs at the same time.
“Was that really necessary?” he asked, putting his glasses away.
“I know ruffians like him well enough,” Celestia stated. “Brute force is the only language they understand.” She looked at the old martial artist.
“Do you wish to fight me too?”
“Don’t really want to, but after you throw my student through the air like that, I think I have to teach you a lesson.”
“So be it. If that is what you want then,” Celestia said, taking into the air. “I won’t hesitate to give you what you desire!”
"Here they go!" smiled an exicted Rainbow Dash.
FIGHT!
Her horn igniting, pieces of the destroyed castle walls came flying towards the old martial artist.
“Wow, Sunbutt. Overkill much?” Discord chuckled, smirking at the blushing princess.
Roshi closed his eyes, and struck a stance with his left leg out, his right slightly bent. His right hand out, palm forward with only his thumb resting on it while his left arm stayed retracted to his side.
The rocks came in on all sides, ready to smash into Roshi with enough force to reduce him to a smear on the castle grounds.
“Oh, I can’t look,” Fluttershy whimpered.
In a flash, Roshi’s eyes opened.
One chop to the first rock in reach, it shattered into dust. A fierce turn and a punch on another one and it too became nothing but a pile of dust.
“What the hay?!” Rainbow stuttered.
“Huh, would you look at that,” Sunset mused. “Looks like he got it handled after all.”
“Thank goodness,” was Fluttershy’s only remark.
Whirling around, one boulder after another was reduced to nothingness, till only two remained. Before they could even come in contact with Roshi, they were suddenly stopped dead in their tracks.
Celestia could only watch with a hanging mouth.
As did the spectators.
Roshi had just caught the two rocks, which were at least twice his size in height, and weighed possibly four times his own weight, in both his hands.
“Ah know he’s strong, but that fella is easily putting the entire Apple Clan to shame!” said Applejack, giving an approving whistle.
“I agree fair Applejack, this is indeed quite remarkable,” Luna agreed. “Sister, we should implement those ‘martial arts’ into our Royal Guard training.”
“Please don’t,” begged a bleaching Shining Armor. “We’ll die!”
Holding them up for a few more seconds, he finally allowed gravity to run its course, letting them crash to the ground once more.
Roshi’s expression remained impassive as he clapped his hand, shaking of the remaining dust, while Celestia continued to stare in utter bafflement.
“Close your mouth sister, it’s unbecoming for royalty,” joked Luna.
“Hm. I was expecting somewhat more from the one who sent Goku flying that easily. I assure you, you don’t have to hold back against this old man.”
“Ohh! Shots fired!” quipped Pinkie.
“Now it’s ON!” Starlight and Spike cheered.
A snort. An angered snort came from Celestia.
“Now then, let’s get serious. Shall we?” Her eyes started to glow white, the very air was shaking as Celestia gathered more and more magic around her. Suddenly, dozens of enormous rocks were levitating from the castle grounds, circling around the lone human, trapping him in a sphere of deadly projectiles.
Roshi scoffed. “Repeating the same tricks already? Is this all you can do?”
“Creativity was never a strong suit of our sister,” Luna smirked.
“Oh, hush you,” Celestia huffed, giving Luna a light shove.
The rocks Celestia’d been carrying in her magic suddenly split into hundreds of thousands of smaller missiles.
Discord nearly choked on the popcorn he was drinking. “Ok, I take it back. The first one was a love tap. THIS is overkill!”
Roshi’s eyes narrowed as he stared at the projectiles which still surrounded him.
“Huh, so not entirely the same trick,” he hummed. “This turns out to be more difficult than I expected.”
“Yet he’s not worried at all,” Twilight noticed, already sitting on the edge of the couch.
“Well, he’s a very experienced fighter,” Shining answered. “It’ll take a lot more to startle somepony of his caliber.”
“So COOL,” whispered Starlight.
“Not so sure of yourself anymore, are you?” Celestia remarked. “Have at thee!” With that the rocks were launched in Roshis direction, clouds of smoke rising into the air as some hit the ground while others made contact with their target.
“Ouch, that looks painful,” said Trixie, wincing.
Finally, when Celestia had finished her assault, she stopped and squinted into the smoky atmosphere that was below her.
When the smoke cleared everypony expected to see an injured and beaten Master Roshi. What they saw instead was a pyramid made from the two boulders that where launched at him earlier. It had a majority of the projectiles Celestia had thrown at Roshi imbedded in it, some going in deep, others not at all, and a couple laying scattered on the ground.
“Excellent strategy,” Shining hummed in approval. “Instead of trying to dodge or destroy the rocks, he simply used the boulders to create an impromptu shield to block them.”
“That’s really quick thinking on his part,” Cadence agreed.
“Touchy, aren’t we?” Roshi’s voice came from within the large pyramid. The structure collapsed, raising more dust into the air, a second later Roshi came out, with only one or two scratches on his arms.
“How did you- that should have ended this fight!” Celestia yelled.
“Nope, that would have been too easy!”, sang Pinkie, jumping excitedly from one couch to another, till she landed next to the snacks. “Mhhmm!! Cupcakes!”
“But it didn’t,” Roshi stated. “Now princess, if you’re going to fight me, you better take this more seriously.” With a grin, he gripped both boulders tightly to the point of where his veins could be seen on either hand, before lifting them up, turning around and then hurling them in Celestia’s direction.
“And now it’s his turn,” stated Sunset, intensely starring at the screen.
Celestia’s horn glowed, and in an instant both rocks stopped. “That won’t wor-,” the alicorn started, when her eyes suddenly widened.
Using the boulders as a distraction, Roshi closed the distance between them with one mighty jump, preparing to land a hit on the startled princess.
With a yelp, Celestia dropped the boulders and teleported out of the way, just in time to evade the punch.
“Ahahahaha!!” Discord laughed, rolling on the floor. “Did you hear that?! What a cute little voice you have, my dear Celestia!”
Said alicorn blushed heavily, as others joined the draconequus.
“You should do this more often, maybe then you would finally find a suitor for yourself!” chuckled Luna, giving her sister a wide grin. “I’m sure they’ll love this side of yours.”
Reappearing a few feet above the ground, she glared at the martial artist. Roshi meanwhile landed in a crouched position, before standing back up and looking at the princess, chuckling all the while.
“What’s the matter? Afraid of getting close and personal?” he taunted.
“Attacking him head on is a bad idea, he has the advantage in close combat,” stated Rarity, giving a sideway-glance to Celestia. “No offense, your highness.”
“Non-taken, my little pony,” reassured the alicorn of the sun. “Attacking him carelessly is indeed not a tactic one should…”
Celestia’s eyes glowed with power, as she charged at Roshi, intending to simply run him over.
“…yet I’m doing it anyway,” Celestia deadpanned.
Taking a battle stance once again, Roshi prepared himself for the assault of the alicorn. As the princess came closer and closer to the old man, he slightly shifted his body, putting himself parallel to the alicorn.
“What’s he doing? At this rate the princess will skewer him!” screamed Rainbow, gesturing wildly with her hooves.
“Calm down Dash, that old fella surely has a trick or two up his non-existing hat,” reassured Applejack the frantic pegasus.
Indeed, he has. Mere milliseconds before ending with a new breath hole, he lifted his right arm, and cached the tip of Celestia’s horn with the tips of his thumb and index.
Silence.
“Holly shit,” stated Spike, as a ruby he was currently chewing on fell out of his open mouth.
“SPIKE!” chastised Twilight, looking at the young dragon in disapproval.
“What? An ‘I didn’t see that one coming’ or ‘well, that was unexpected’ doesn’t really express what I’m feeling right now.”
“…Fair enough, but don’t say that word ever again, mister,” Twilight grumbled.
Celestia blinked. Then blinked again. She struggled to get out of Roshi’s grip, but to no avail.
“Er…I didn’t mean it?” Celestia chuckled awkwardly.
Roshi simply grunted in response.
“My turn.”
With a burst of power, he changed to his MAX Form, startling the trapped alicorn (and making Starlight very happy), before lifting her in the air, her horn still between his fingers.
“Now you’re royally screwed,” stated Discord, patting a grimacing Celestia.
Using the alicorn as a new weapon of mass destruction, Roshi started to beat her into the ground. Literally. There were now Celestia-shaped holes in the floor and castle walls.
The group winced.
“Oh my,” whimpered the nearly forgotten Fluttershy, hiding under the couch.
Celestia’s eyes burned white with magical essence as the remaining rocks went flying in Roshi’s direction. The human rammed the princess one final time into the wall, before running on said one in the opposite direction of the projectiles.
“He can run on walls?!” Trixie asked in disbelief.
Celestia’s onslaught followed him all the way. It wasn’t until Roshi reached one of the sister’s thrones, where he placed a foot on it and launch himself straight forward in the direction of Celestia, …
“Careful, that one’s mine!” yelled Luna.
…swatting away any rock in his way as he closed the distance between him and the alicorn.
Celestia stopped her attack, time slowing down as Roshi grew closer and drew back his arm as if he were going to pierce through reality itself. But before he could land a hit, Celestia once again teleported out of the way, reappearing behind him and launching a beam attack.
“Boo! Cheap move princess!” Sunset complained. “Cheap move!”
“Sunset Shimmer! Do you WANT the princess getting punched?!” Twilight sneered, giving the orange unicorn the stink-eye.
His calm expression slightly stiffened when he saw her behind him.
“Smart,” he stated.
Quickly crossing his arms in an X-shape as he descended down towards the ground, Roshi tilted his body so they were in front of him. As soon as the attack was close enough to hit him, he quickly trusted both arms out to his side, dispelling the beam.
“Did he just PUNCHED a spell out of the air?!” asked a flabbergasted Cadence.
“Like a boss,” grinned Rainbow.
Landing on the floor, Roshi looked forward just in time to see another yellow blast shoot at him. It hit him square in the chest, knocking the wind out of him and tearing a hole in his shirt.
“His choice of clothes is hardly a fashion statement, but still. Please be more careful, princess.” grimaced Rarity, getting stunned looks from the others.
“Uhm, I will try?” said Celestia, unsure of herself.
“Come on! He was hit by that, and you’re worried about his state of dress?!” asked Shining.
“Clearly, you don’t know her well,” deadpanned Applejack.
Recovering and quickly making it to his feet Roshi jumped out of the way, evading a barrage of magical blasts.
“Yet he shrugs it off like a champ,” stated Discord, nibbling on a cucumber sandwich.
As the ground around him exploded, he jumped away to safely without a scratch. What he hadn’t expected was a swirl of magic surrounding him.
“What’s that?” asked Pinkie, tilting her head.
While distracting him with her attacks, Celestia had changed into her intangible form. Now surrounding Roshi and encompassing him in her magical form, she began spinning in circles, slowly picking up the speed around him.
“Oh look, dear sister has changed her form,” stated Luna, rolling her eyes. “Cheap knock-off.”
Roshi’s eyes narrowed as he waited for something to come out at him, but nothing did. It was then he realized what the alicorn was trying to do.
“His air supplies! You’re cutting it off!” said Sunset.
“Good move. Limiting his movement and putting pressure upon him without risking retaliation,” mused Starlight, analyzing Celestia’s new form.
“Perfect defensive and offense. Try getting out of this!” cheered Twilight, her eyes sparkling.
As if reading his mind Celestia picked up the pace, Roshi started to look slightly light-headed as it continued.
Drawing back an arm and giving one swift strike he hit the wall of fire and magic with his bare fist. Part of Celestia’s magical form blew out into the open, before quickly reforming with rest and continuing the cycle.
“Yeah, it’s no use. If you can’t teleport or create your own supply of air, it’s game over,” said Discord, glancing at Celestia. “I’m speaking out of experience.”
Roshi coughed and fell on one knee. He was seemingly starting to lose consciousness, his body obviously needed oxygen or else he’d pass out.
Time was running.
Managing to get up on his feet Roshi stumbled, stopped on a foot.
“What could he possibly do in a situation like this?” asked Rarity, slightly worried for the old human despite herself.
He gave another strike, Celestia’s spinning form blew away briefly, but not as large as it had before, quickly joining with the rest of her to continue cutting off his supply.
Things were looking grim. Roshi’s eyes started to grow lidded. He began drawing in more, longer, deeper breaths.
“One last time” he mumbled.
“Looks like he has a plan. Let’s see if it does the trick,” answered Trixie, munching on some fudge.
“Like Discord said earlier, the only way to survive this is either by teleporting out or getting a supply of fresh air,” mused Sunset, scratching her chin. “Another method would be to…”
Lifting his right hand up into the air, Roshi brought the side of his hand down on the ground with all the focused force he could muster.
It worked.
The force broke through Celestia’s suction, throwing the part of her intangible figure that touched the ground into the air. Before the magical energy had a chance to reform with the rest of the sun alicorn, Roshi clapped both hands together with such a force that she was scattered everywhere.
“…do this,” ended Sunset her sentence, somewhat lamely.
Falling to one knee and drawing in a deep breath, Roshi coughed viciously before relaxing.
He looked around to see parts of the mare’s magical energy form gather into one giant whirlwind of fire before completely reforming into a tired alicorn.
“You’re both reaching your limits. This fight won’t go on for much longer,” noted Cadence.
Both took their time drawing breath.
Finally, Celestia spoke. “You have...that much...power, yet you didn’t use it in the beginning?” she said between pants and an annoyed expression.
“Oh, the princess’s getting annoyed,” giggled Discord. “That reminds me of the fun times we occasionally have. Like when I turned all your beloved cakes to low-sugar ones and you fell asleep during day court due to the lack of your daily sugar rush.”
“She’s still obsessed with cake?” asked Sunset Luna, while the two were watching how a blushing Celestia repeatedly punched the laughing draconequus with the cushion of the couch, while the others were hiding behind it.
“You’ve no idea,” sighed Luna.
Roshi chuckled. “I’ve been holding back this entire time. You haven’t seen anything yet.”
Looking both crossed and offended by this statement, Celestia switched back to her energy form and divided herself, not once, not twice.
But eleven times.
“Wow, so many. Most unicorns struggle to create a single one, let alone maintain it for an extended period of time. To create so many…” noted an amazed Twilight.
“Well, it isn’t easy, but with enough practice you can do it too,” smiled Celestia, standing over the beaten form of Discord.
Roshi rose to his feet, his breath now caught as he faced TWELVE Celestia’s. Then he laughed.
“He’s…laughing?” asked a confused Fluttershy.
One of the copies of Celestia stared in confusion. “Why are you laughing?” she asked.
“In the face of your defeat!” another stated with emphasis as her hoof hit and cracked the ground beneath her.
Roshi’s ran a hand over his face, straightening his beard in the process as he stared at all twelve alicorns. “Because, I don’t need to hold back anymore if you aren’t.”
“Now he’s getting serious too,” said Trixie.
“About time,” grinned Rainbow Dash. “Let’s see some real action!”
Roshi took off in the alicorn group’s direction. A myriad of charged magical shots were sent his way but he was able to nimbly dodge most of them, ignoring the burning pain he felt when those that connected with him hit... just as he was about to punch one of the clones with an open palm all of them suddenly disappeared.
“Not again…,” sighed Sunset.
“It’s a legitimate tactic!” said Twilight, miffed with Sunset claiming that Celestia resorts to cheap moves.
“Sounds like the excuse one of those campers in a online shooter would make.”
“A what in a what?”
“Nevermind…”
He looked around. The room was empty, save for the rubble of the fight.
Feeling his body freeze as if wrapped by an invisible force Roshi found himself being flung right into the thrones. He went through one, …
“NO!” screamed Luna.
…and an audible crack and painful sound of skin landing on metal, sang throughout the room.
“Oh no! That looked like it really hurts!” yelled Fluttershy (well, if you could even call it ‘yelling’).
“Don’t worry, that happens to me all the time when I play with the Cake Twins,” reassured Pinkie the worried Pegasus. “It looks like 40% more painful than it really is!”
“That’s more than enough!!” argued Applejack.
“My throne!” whimpered a distressed Luna.
Landing on the ground and doing a few rolls, Roshi stopped and sat up. He looked up just in time to see two of the copies soaring towards him at full speed, forehooves out and ready to crush his ribs into powder.
Quickly standing up, running right towards the two clones, Roshi slid on his knees along the ground right under both Celestia copies and struck them firmly in the sides.
Both went down instantly, paralyzed.
“Two down, ten to go,” counted Spike.
Roshi got up and starred at them, shaking his head. “I don’t know what makes you keep thinking that fighting a martial artist up close is a good idea.”
“Burn!!!” yelled Discord, Sunset, Pinkie and Rainbow.
“How bout from a distance then?” the alicorn’s voice called, wrapping him in her magic before slinging him into the ground with all the force she could muster.
“She doesn’t take constructive criticism well,” smirked Luna, giving her sister a playful tap on her whiskers.
“Hello pot, met kettle,” deadpanned Celestia.
Roshi went right into the ground. Practically embedded in there, new lines of cuts were covering his body in the process, allowing a little blood to seep out.
“FIRST BLOOD,” said Sunset, in a deep voice.
“Why are speaking like that, darling?” asked Rarity, giving the fellow unicorn a curios look.
“No reason,” sang Sunset.
Not giving him the chance to recover, two of the clones dove on either side of him, landing on his left and right and then trying to strike him down with one of their hooves.
Bad move.
Roshi instantly caught both, much to the two clone’s surprise
“And she’s a slow learner as well,” laughed Luna, while Twilight gave her former mentor a reassuring smile.
There was a struggle. Both alicorn’s forehoof shook in the human’s grasp as they added all their weight into the blow. Only managing to get his hand down a few inches, before Roshi’s face grew stern and he pushed back with his own strength. Slowly pushing both mare’s forehooves away from him as he turned their shaking power-filled hooves towards each other.
“Such power,” purred Starlight, getting weird looks from the others.
Lifting both hooves till they were practically near either copy’s cheek, Roshi quickly released his grip on their hooves and watched the two alicorn copies punched each other into a K.O.
“Eight left.”
With that, using his hands for support Roshi jumped out of his own crater and watched as the clones all gathered back into a single ticked off alicorn.
Roshi grinned.
Discord grinned as well.
Then Celestia gave a complacent smile.
Discords grin fell. “Oh, that’s not got.”
“Why?” asked a bewildered Cadence.
“When Celly smiles likes this, you’d better run.”
“What are you so happy about?” Roshi asked as the alicorn landed a couple feet away from him.
“It’s over.”
Hooves shot out of the ground directly beneath Roshi surprising him greatly as two alicorn copies of Celestia emerged out of the ground and firmly wrapped their forelegs tightly around both of his own legs. But the most disturbing fact was that the eyes of both were glowing in a sick green, full of eldritch power.
Twilight gapped. “Dark Magic! You’re resorting to Dark Magic!”
“Drastic times call for drastic measurements,” said Shining, looking serious. “Still, this does seem like a little much.”
Roshi looked genuinely surprised. Both alicorns holding his legs firmly to the ground grinning at him devilishly.
“So scary,” whimpered Fluttershy.
“Don’t be afraid,” Celestia put one of her wings over the little pegasus. “I will only use this power to protect my little ponies.”
“So, is that finally it?” Celestia asked with a cocky look on her face, dark tendrils leaking out of the corners of her eyes.
“Any last words?” the alicorn asked as she created a multitude of copies that added up to at least twenty.
“Well, that’s a wrap,” said Applejack. “Congrats, princess.”
Roshi looked at the two alicorn’s tightly restraining him. Then he looked at the alicorns now waiting for him to speak, so they could finish him off.
He sighed. “This was fun while it lasted.”
“Oh, come on! You can’t give up that easily!” complained Rainbow Dash. “At least go out with a fight or a cool one-liner!”
Celestia’s copies all collectively smirked, and with a shout they all charged in unison towards the human.
Roshi closed his eyes, raising both hands up slowly into a practiced position.
“Wait a sec. This stance…,” remembered Sunset.
His eyes snapped open. The two alicorn’s holding him down suddenly lost their smirks, their eyes widening as they sensed a new level of intensity radiating off every fiber of this human.
Sunset smirked. “It’s…”
Flexing his fists, and placing both arms at his right side, Roshi managed to bend his knees just a bit despite the weight of the alicorns holding him down.
“Ka-Me-,”
The group jerked up.
“How could we forget about this!?” yelled Twilight.
“The signature attack of his school,” stated Luna, looking at the screen with wide eyes.
As the group of alicorns charged him, a sphere of pure energy formed between his palms, growing in size and intensity with each passing second.
“The move that annihilated a mountain,” said Starlight, mouth open in awe.
“And the moon,” whispered Trixie, leaning closer to the screen.
“Which he worked for over fifty years on,” remembered Applejack, lifting her hat to have a better view.
“-Ha-Me-,”
“His final trump card,” Shining and Cadence said simultaneously.
“Eep,” made a distressed Fluttershy, hiding deeper under Celestia’s wing.
“The…,” started Rarity.
“Ka-Me-…,” continued Rainbow, Spike and Sunset, imitating Roshi’s stance.
“Ha-Me-…,” Discord and Pinkie joined in, both wearing matching orange outfits.
The original Celestia’s eyes widened if fear, feeling the overwhelming power and pressure of the attack.
“Well, buck,” said Celestia, accepting what ever was coming for her.
“-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”
“-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” screamed three ponies, one dragon and one draconequus at the same time.
Celestia’s mouth dropped, watching as every single alicorn copy that charged into the beam were annihilated in an instant. The beam traveled further nearly hitting the sun princess, before vaporizing the wall and a good portion of the castle, slowly disappearing in the sky.
“Well, there goes the castle…,” said Luna, deadpanning.
Landing on the ground once more Celestia gathered her remaining copies, as they all turned to energy and rejoined with her.
“That…power. What…are…you?!” yelled Celestia, her voice shaking in fear and exhaustion.
“Me? I’m just an old man, who’s enjoys the smaller things in life,” stated Roshi with a grin, laughing sheepishly.
“Despite all his power, he’s still a humble soul,” said Celestia, nodding in approval. “There is much even I can learn from him.”
“Are you not upset about losing the match?” asked Sunset, starring at the smiling princess.
“No, there’s no shame in losing, especially against somepony like him.”
“Just an…you had a trump like that waiting and you didn’t pull it out till now?”
Roshi rubbed the bruises on his hands. “Never said it was a trump, did I?”
“Now he’s just milking it,” grumbled an annoyed Twilight.
Not wasting a second for Celestia to act or make another comment, Roshi appeared instantly in front of the alicorn. One swift tap to the neck and she fell to the ground instantly, falling in an unconscious state.
“Well that’s it. Good fight princess. Pay up Twilight,” said a smug Rainbow Dash.
“It’s finally over,” said Roshi, rubbing the back of his head. “I’m getting to old for this. Now, where is that fool Goku?”
“Right, were did he disappeared to?” wondered Spike.
A sudden rush of power behind him made Roshi stop in his tracks. Spinning in place, he faced the white alicorn he had knocked out previously. But she was not quite the same anymore. Her eyes were dark and golden orbs of pure malice, her irises were slit like a dragon’s. Her mane was a sea of flames, and she was radiating power. More than she ever had shown during the fight.
“Oh no,” whimpered Twilight.
“No, it can’t be…,” said Celestia with a grim expression.
“DAYBREAKER,” gapped the rest of the group.
Roshi charged at her, planning to defeat her before she had the chance to strike. But with a smirk and a burst of magic, he was trapped in her telekinetic grip.
“No! Master Roshi!” screamed Starlight.
“It’s over, you old fool. A mere mortal can never hope to match the mere might of DAYBREAKER!!” the newly named alicorn stated, chuckling. “Now, kneel before you queen and beg for mercy!”
“Come on, fight! Beating my sister is one thing, but don’t you dare to lose to that mockery of her!” roared Luna, nearly shifting to her Royal Canterlot Voice.
“Yeah! Don’t give up!” everypony encored the old fighter, even the ones who were previously cheering for Celestia.
Celestia herself was silently praying. “Please, stop me before I do something I will regret…Master Roshi.”
“Hmpf. I don’t beg,” said Roshi testing the limits of restriction.
“…WHAT did you say?” asked Daybreaker, her eyes narrowing dangerously.
Everypony smiled at his determination.
“I said I never beg. I fight!” roared Roshi, gathering his remaining strength.
“Well said. Spoken like a true warrior,” praised Luna, nodding in approval.
“Fine, if you don’t bow…then you DIE!!!” screamed Daybreaker, an enormous orb of red magic forming on the tip of her horn. And with that small speech, she fired it off, sending Roshi his death.
Yeah. NO.
Breaking out of his bonds just in time, he slapped the ball of destruction out of the way, leaving a nice large and round hole in the remains of the castle, before it finally collapsed.
Daybreaker blinked.
Everypony cheered, jumped in the air and started to hug each other. Celestia let out a sigh of relief.
“What the buck…?”
“Hah! What’s the matter Daywhiner?” taunted Rainbow Dash. “Getting nervous?”
“It’s not over yet, Dash. Ol’ Roshi is still weakened, while Daybreaker is in top form,” reminded Applejack, worriedly starring at the old martial artist.
Pulling herself out of Trixie’s embrace, Starlight looked at the apple farmer. “You’re right, this is not over. But what can he do? He’s at the end of his power!”
“Don’t worry,” said Shining. “That old stallion has still one trick left.”
Huffing, Roshi pulled a tiny bottle out of his pocket, opening it while keeping an eye on Daybreaker.
“Exactly,” smirked Celestia.
This however didn’t go unnoted by the corrupted alicorn. “What is this? What are you planning!?”
Putting the bottle on the ground, Roshi answered. “I plan to end this fight.”
“There you got your one-liner,” said Pinkie, smiling at Rainbow Dash.
“Not if I can stop you first!” roared Daybreaker, launching herself at the old man.
“Yeah, fat chance,” laughed Sunset. “Go get her geezer!”
“Too late!! Evil Containment Wave!!” yelled Roshi, as a giant green whirlpool appeared around Daybreaker, sucking her into its pull.
“No!” Daybreaker tried to escape, by flying, by teleporting, but it was all was for naught. She was pulled back again and again, until, with a final scream, she disappeared into the bottle.
“Caught a legendary!” laughed Discord, wearing a red and white cap, along with a blue west.
Corking the bottle, Roshi gave a satisfied hum.
“Got’cha,” he laughed.
K.O.!!!
As everypony cheered, Celestia gave a relieved sigh, before noticing a nervous Twilight.
“I’m sorry that you lost princess,” said the purple alicorn. “I really hoped that you would win.”
“I didn’t!” laughed Rainbow, who overheard Twilight’s last words. “I’m twenty bits richer!”
“Way to kill tha dang mood Dash,” deadpanned Applejack, throwing one of the remaining muffins at her.
“Don’t worry, I’m fine,” reassured Celestia, giving everypony a smile. “It’s not about winning but having fun after all.”
The view changes to Roshi’s kitchen, where he takes a beer from his fridge, while one can see the bottle containing Celestia/Daybreaker standing next to the beverage.
Meanwhile, a big-eyed Luna starred at the remains of Canterlot Castle, her mouth open in shock.
“Is he seriously storing me in a fridge?” asked Celestia, giving the screen an unbelieving look.
“Stop complaining,” whined Luna. “I’m left to clean up the mess you caused!”
“Hey look! There’s more!” noted Spike.
The screen changed back to the analysis room, showing Scarlet Crow and excitedly hopping Lully Pop.
Lully Pop: That. Was. AWESOME!
“Yeah, it was!” agreed Rainbow, flying circles in the air, still hyped by the battle.
Crow: Indeed. This fight was a close one. While Master Roshi has the advantage of both strength and experience, Celestia is more agile, and her vast knowledge of magic gives her a far more versatile repertoire of skills.
“Right, you were pretty even after all,” nodded Shining.
Lully Pop: Most of Roshi’s offensive attacks rely on close quarter combat, but since Celestia can simply fly and teleport away, or turn intangible, he struggled to get a clean hit on her. Even his signature attack, the Kamehameha, while powerful enough to defeat her instantly, won’t work.
“Yeah, spamming teleportation over and over again kinda ruins the fun,” smirked Sunset.
“Would you stop that!!” screamed an annoyed Twilight, earning a chuckle from everypony else.
Crow: But it wasn’t easy for Celestia either. While she possesses a wide variety of spells, most of them weren’t designed with combat usability in mind. They also need time to charge up, giving Roshi ample time to either prepare or interfere the spell, and can’t be used while maintaining a shield spell, so she had to choose between offense or defense.
“That’s a flaw we have yet to find a way around for,” agreed Luna. “Maybe we should focus our efforts to find a solution for this particular problem.”
“On it!” smiled Twilight, making a note for later.
Lully Pop: Besides, they would most likely lack in the power departement anyway, unable to cause lasting damage to him. I mean he took a barrage of death rays that could shatter solid rock to dust!
Crow: Don’t forget his moon-busting feat. He tanked attacks of similar magnitude and survived. While Celestia may be powerful, in terms of raw destructive power, she doesn’t compare to other foes he has defeated.
“True, compared to him, I’m lacking in strength,” mused Celestia. “Maybe I should start working out again.”
Lully Pop: Well, she could always use her magic to turn him in an actual turtle, but his keen senses and reflexes would make it nearly impossible to hit him anyway. He can dodge machine gun fire and lightning-fast attacks, so some relative slow beams are not much of a challenge to him. But couldn’t she just hold him down with her magic?
“Exactly, why didn’t you do that from the beginning, auntie? The match would have been much easier that way,” asked Cadence, looking at her fellow princess.
Crow: Yes and no. As far as we know, even Alicorns can’t perform telekinesis and attack at the same time. And while her ability to move the sun sounds impressive, it is not as much of a feat as one might think at first.
“WHAT did he just say?!” asked a shocked Twilight, glaring at the red and grey alicorn.
“Hush, Twilight, let’s give him a chance to explain,” said Starlight, trying to calm down her fuming teacher.
Lully Pop: What do you mean?
Crow: You see, light travels with a speed of 186.282 miles per second, and in our case, it needs 8 minutes and 19 seconds to reach the planet. So, we basically don’t see the sun itself, but rather the sun of eight minutes ago. However, each time Celestia moves Equestria’s sun, there is no noticeable delay between her casting the spell and the sun’s movement, implying that it is much closer to the world. That also means that it is much smaller than ours, and most likely magical in nature, since a natural sun of that size would burn up rather quickly. And remember, before Celestia took over, the sun was moved by a group of unicorns. An extraordinarily powerful unicorn like Twilight Sparkle struggled to lift a single Ursa Minor, who weights around 340 tons. Even if we assume that fifty unicorns were needed back then, that would sum up to ‘only’ 17.000 tons of force. And that is still a rather generous assumption of us. There is no question that someone as strong as Master Roshi could break out of her bounds.
Silence.
“Wow, that was a lot of math I definitely understood,” said Rainbow, giving a sheepish grin, while Pinkie was laying on the ground, numbers and small suns circling her head.
“He’s basically saying that our sun is much closer and smaller than others, so it doesn’t take THAT much power to move it. At least compared to other suns,” stated Sunset, poking Pinkie with her hoof.
“How can you be so calm about this!?,” yelled Twilight. “He just throw everything we ever thought we know on a huge pile and set it on fire!”
“Different dimension with no magic, remember!” smiled Sunset, looking at Celestia. “Are you okay?”
“I…am fine. I just need time to digest all of this,” said Celestia, straightening her mane, which now resembled Twilight’s during one of her, ‘episodes’.
Discord and Luna were still snickering at the face Celestia was making.
Lully Pop: And simply throwing or teleporting him away won’t count as a win. Using the rainbow orbs of peace was also out of question. Not only has Celestia severed the connection, making them unusable to her, it’s unlikely they would have done anything at all. There’re mainly used as a last resort to beat the villain of the week, and while he may be an old pervert, he’s not exactly evil or a treat to harmony.
“True, he might be a pervert, but he’s his heart at the right place,” agreed Cadence, leaning against Shining.
Crow: Master Roshi on the other hand had the perfect means to defeat the princess: The Evil Containment Wave.
Lully Pop: Which is not only inescapable once it has you, it can also trap beings far more powerful than Roshi himself, including other magic users like Piccolo.
“Still wish we had something like that,” sighed Luna.
Crow: Even resorting to the Dark Arts or falling from grace to become Daybreaker for a power-up would only delay the inevitable.
Lully Pop: Seems like it’s ‘light out’ for the princess.
Most of the group groaned, while others laughed.
Crow: (Grumbling in annoyance) The winner is…Master Muten-Roshi.
“So, what do you guys think?” asked Sunset, looking around.
“Headaches aside, we’ve learned a lot of things from this episode alone,” stated Twilight, sorting the notes she made. “Alone researching this ’Ki’ and upgrading everything we know about the sun will, takes weeks, maybe months!”
“I’m more interested in those martial arts we have seen,” said Shining, scratching his chin in deep thought. “Maybe Princess Luna was on to something. Implementing these into our guard training can only improve their performance, keeping everypony else safe.”
“We should also think of new ways to use our magic in battle,” Cadence added. “It IS kind of limited in its current state.”
“Who cares about that egghead stuff? Let’s watch some more fights! Preferably with somepony awesome! Like me!” urged Rainbow, eager for the next match.
Lully Pop: Next time on EvU…
The group suddenly heard a familiar chuckle.
“Wait, is that…?” started Starlight, looking back to the screen.
It now showed the statue of a familiar draconequus, as a crack formed along his figure.
“YES! It’s me! The one and only Lord of Chaos!” cheered Discord, wearing a jersey with a grinning face of himself, and waving small flags around.
“Make sense? Oh, what fun is there in making sense?”
“Congratulation Discord,” smiled Fluttershy, feeling happy for him.
“Ugh, why is he next?” complained Rainbow, falling back on her cloud.
Now the screen changed to show the empty sky, when suddenly a crack formed in the air.
“What the…?” asked a confused Twilight, nearly letting her muffin drop to the ground if it weren’t for Pinkie making a dive and catching it in her open mouth.
The crack opened, revealing a dark-red space with floating eyes.
“What the buck is THAT?!” yelled Trixie, diving behind Starlight.
A human-looking woman appeared out of the portal, giving both a smile and light chuckle.
“Let’s have some fun, shall we?”
“That is Discord’s opponent?” asked a shaking Spike.
“She looks like a human, but the aura she radiates,” shuddered Twilight. “She’s not normal.”
“That dress! That outfit! Simply marvelous!” gushed Rarity, clearly happy with what she saw.
“And leave it to Rarity to ignore everything else,” sighed Applejack.
DISCORD VS. YUKARI YAKUMO
“Yukari Yakumo, huh? Yet another strange name,” remarked Luna, starring intensively at the blonde woman.
“Well, don’t keep us waiting Twinkle Butt!” urged Discord. “Let’s start the next episode!”
“Okay, okay,” said Twilight, levitating the remote. “Next episode it is!”
Author's Note
Well, I went trough the chapter again, and corrected some errors and added a few new pictures. I also edited everything, I hope it looks better now. 
Anyway, this is the first time I actually tried to write something by myself, and in a foreign language too! (I'm german) 
I hope I will get better over time, I stil struggle to find the right words, but I'll give it my very best. 
Anyway, my hopes for this story: get over a 100 likes and write at least 20 chapters, even more if it goes well! 
Next battle is coming soon! 
Battle 02 - Discord vs Yukari Yakumo (Touhou Project)
Everypony was now starring at the screen, still hyped from the last battle, and curious of the next one.
Crow: Tricksters. They tear down your world till you realise what is really important. They might be your friends, but never assume that they’re your allies. Sometimes they’ll help you out of altruism…
Lully Pop: But most of the time, they just enjoy watching you squirm!
“Not arguing with you there, sugarcube,” said Applejack, giving Discord a playful shove. Discord just grinned back.
Crow: Like Discord, the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony.
“The one and only!” cheered said draconequus, while a fanfare could be heard in the background, and confetti fell from the roof.
“Hey, they're getting in Trixie's drink!” complained the show mare, before they turned into ice cubes. “Nevermind…”
Lully Pop: Or Yukari Yakumo, the Gap Youkai.
“She still gives me the creeps,” stated Spike, getting a consoling pat from Rarity.
Crow: Masters of both manipulation and reality-bending. I’m Scarlet Crow.
Lully Pop: And I’m Lully Pop!
Crow: And it is our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win… in a fight.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Discord
BACKGROUND
Height: Varies, roughly 9’ / 274 cm
Weight: Unknown
Age: Over 1.000 years
Occupation: Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, Honorary Cutie Mark Crusader, Ruler of Equestria (formerly)
Aliases: Purveyor of Pandemonium, Lord of Lawlessness, Earl of Turmoil, Bringer of Bedlam, Dizzy, Dipcord
Hobbies: Having tea parties with Fluttershy, irritating the princesses, pinching ponies' cheeks, stand-up comedy
Crow: Equestria. A peaceful and orderly society governed by two benevolent pony sisters: Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.
Lully Pop: However, things were not always all smiles and marshmallows, and considering the constant threat of villains trying to take over, it still isn't.
“True, I wonder if things will ever calm down,” wondered Twilight, tired of the constant battles.
Crow: Over 1.000 years ago the maniacal Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, only known as Discord, took over, and with his vast magical powers he warped the rules of reality as he saw fit, causing chaos and panic wherever he appeared.
“Oh come on, it wasn’t THAT bad,” argued Discord, getting evil stares from the royal sisters.
“You made my cakes sentient!” yelled Celestia.
“And…?”
“While I was eating them! Their screams haunted me for years afterwards! I couldn’t eat anything just slightly resembling a cake!”
“Oh hush, you made up for it in the following centuries, Princess Cake Butt.”
With a roar, Celestia jumped from her position on the couch on top of Discord, trampling him under her hooves. The others meanwhile retreated to the back wall.
Lully Pop: Honestly, I kind of love what he'd done with the place.
“See!” gurgled Discord, being in a chokehold, courtesy by a certain sun princess.
Crow: Lully, the world looked like a nightmare from Jackson Pollock on a sugar high! It was a dystopia!
Lully Pop: The clouds are made of cotton candy, the rain is chocolate milk and pies fall from the sky! How is that a dystopia! It's awesome!!!
“Yeah, it was!” agreed Pinkie, the only one ignoring the fight right next to her.
Crow: (Shaking his head in annoyance) His reign of terror however came to an abrupt end, when the royal sisters confronted him for one final battle. Backed up by the Elements of Harmony, they defeated and sealed him in stone, preventing him from using his magic. Though, he was still conscious enough to notice everything happening around him.
Discord: Being turned to stone doesn't keep me from hearing every word Celestia says. Though I must admit it makes rolling my eyes a challenge!
Lully Pop: Oh god... if Celestia knew that, just imagine of all the ways she could have tormented him!
“Yeah, like the pigeons weren’t bad enough,” grumbled Discord, rubbing his throat.
Crow: (Shudders) No thank you. But the imprisonment wouldn’t last forever. After 1.000 years, the sister’s connections to the elements were severed, and six new ponies were given the powers of these magical artefacts.
“The most awesome team of all times!” boasted Rainbow Dash, earning chuckles and nodes from everypony.
Lully Pop: But as luck would have it, this also weakened the seal on Discord's stone prison and he broke out, drowning Equestria in chaos once again.
Crow: Discord, now aware of the elements, used his new found freedom to make sure he would never be stopped again. By stealing and hiding the elements, as well as corrupting each of the bearers, he annihilated the only threat to his conquest of Equestria. Or so he thought.
Lully Pop: After recovering the elements and breaking out of his influence, they faced him in his own territory, and history repeated itself. Discord found his world rocked… again. I guess his freedom was pretty short-lived after all.
“That pun was terrible,” complained Discord, while the others laughed.
“I’m sorry we had to do that,” said Fluttershy, getting a small smile from the Lord of Chaos.
“I’m long over it, so I can take this in stride,” reassured Discord, patting her head.
Crow: However, this time his imprisonment wouldn’t last as long.
Lully Pop: A few months later Princess Sunny came asking the Mane Six to release Discord and try to reform him. Because, yeah, setting free the friggin’ Spirit of Chaos, is such a great idea!
“Why did you do it anyway, Celestia,” asked a befuddled Sunset. “I mean, she has a point.”
“I had my reasons,” stated the sun princess, blushing slightly.
Luna and Cadence giggled silently, while the others looked at each other in confusion, with Discord opening his head like a banana and scratching his brain.
Crow: One could cut the sarcasm in the air with a knife. Though surprisingly, with Fluttershy's kindness, and Discord being unwilling to lose the one pony who had ever wanted to be his friend, Discord abandoned his ways and turned over a new leaf.
Everpony smiled at that.
Lully Pop: At least for another couple of months, till that Tirek guy showed up.
Everyponies smile dropped.
Crow: By manipulating and tricking Discord, Tirek convinced him to join in on his own attempt to overthrow Equestria.
Lully Pop: But after Discord outlived his usefulness, he got the same treatment as everypony else: Getting his magic sucked out and be left behind, helpless.
“That was the time were I was at my lowest,” sighed Discord, getting comforting looks from the others. “Come to think of it, I never really apologized to all of you, did I?”
“It’s okay, Discord,” smiled Celestia, while the others gave sounds of agreement and encouragement. “We all forgave you. You are another pony now.”
Discord smiled tiredly, getting a group hug from his six best friends.
Crow: After Twilight Sparkle sacrificed her own magic to save her friends, and him, Discord finally learned the true meaning and power of friendship. Now truly reformed, he’s one of Equestrias strongest defenders and a good friend to his allies.
“See? Even they agree with the princess,” smiled Rarity. “You’re our friend now darling.”
Lully Pop: But even reformed he is still a massive troll!
“Aaaand the moment passed,” stated Starlight. “I agree with her tough.”
Crow: He is a mischievous, sneaky and wacky trickster who effortlessly pulls pranks on his targets through the use of his powerful magic, illusions, and hypnotism.
Lully Pop: He also has a huge sense of showmanship and drama, and enjoys cosplaying and isn’t to shy for cross-dressing! He laughs and amuses himself with his magical mischief, mostly at the cost of others. However, he has learned to consider the feelings of his victims and restraints himself. Most of the time.
“Hey, at least I’m trying!” grumbled Discord, crossing his arms.
Crow: Fortunately, after having his fun, he will usually switch everything back to normal. As the incarnation of chaos and disharmony, Discord processes great inclination to these two subjects. Every action, every move he performs is related to them in some way. And with his ability to bend reality itself on a whim, there are no limits to his shenanigans. He is capable of doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants.
“Come to think of it, why don’t you use it more often?” asked Twilight, giving the draconequus a curios glance.
“What do mean? He’s causing enough chaos as it is, we don’t need more,” said Spike, looking up to her.
“I mean he could solve so many problems, simply by snapping his claws!” answered the purple alicorn.
“That’s because chaos doesn’t work like that,” stated Discord. “If I’m not around, my magic will do what it wants, and that would do more damage than good. And even I can not be everywhere all the time. Besides, many ponies would lose their jobs, or start to depend on me to solve all their problems, instead of doing it themselves.”
“That… actually makes a lot of sense,” mused Luna. “Kinda strange since it comes from you.”
Lully Pop: Discord’s absurd abilities originate from his very nature as the manifestation of chaos itself. A fact confirmed by his appearance, I mean just look at him! Body of a snake, mismatched wings and horns, limbs from various animals and the head of a pony… donkey… or whatever. He looks like a nightmare for every zoologist!
“I resent that statement! I’m irresistible the way I am, the mares love me!” defended Discord, getting laughs from the others… and one blush.
Crow: He’s a so called draconequus, and as far as we know, the only one of his kind. His origins are completely unknown, the only thing we can say for sure is that he has been around for a very, very long time. Manipulating major events and causing chaos wherever he went.
“Did I mention that I meet Tirek back then when he was still the prince of the centaur kingdom?” asked Discord, absentmindedly grapping some popcorn.
“WHAT?!” yelled everypony, looking at him in surprise.
“Looks like everypony is capable of the Royal Canterlot Voice these days,” smirked Discord.
Lully Pop: Whatever he is, it makes him borderline omnipotent! A snap with his fingers and it happens! He has given bunnies giraffe legs, turned water into chocolate milk, clouds into cotton candy and can even control the sun and moon!
Crow: With his near unlimited access to magic, he can easily teleport himself and others over long distances, is fast enough to keep up with Rainbow Dash and perform his own version of the Sonic Rainboom. At one point he even travelled from the Horsehead Nebula to Equestria in mere seconds.
"Looks like you're not the fastest flyer in Equestria after all," teased Applejack her prismatic friend, who blew her a raspberry in response.
Lully Pop: He can also take apart his body like a puzzle, change his form and size however he wants, and stretch himself as if he’s made out of rubber. And he can do the same to others as well! Like the one time he snapped the horns and wings of the Mane Six away, or stole Celestia’s tail without her noticing.
"Don't remind us," said the group in unison, giving the chuckling draconequus annoyed glares.
Crow: He is able to manipulate minds, either by hypnosis or corruption. He can even outright take control of someone's mind, although he prefers not to. Discord also seems to posses near omniscient knowledge, since he knew all the strengths and weaknesses of the Mane Six as well as their names, without ever having met them before. He also knew about Twilight Sparkle's princess coronation and the "Winter Wrap Up Song", despite not being there, and he knew how Twilight felt about her role as a princess. But it seems to have limits, or else he would have known about the tatzlworm or Tirek’s betrayal.
"Well, knowing everything is boring, since it would also mean that surprising me is impossible. And I love surprises!" stated Discord, getting an enthusiastic nod from Pinkie.
Lully Pop: He can made doppelgangers of himself and others, who also have minds of their own, create ANYTHING practically out of thin air, including entire volcanoes and random objects, and while we’re on that topic, he can also animate them. Hey Crow, ever wanted to have a tea bagging teabag?
Crow: I can do without. Discord can also manipulate the very forces of nature, like disabling or shifting gravity, controlling space and time…
Lully Pop: (Interrupts) That dude can travel through time! No joke! He took Fluttershy and a bunch of fillies to a trip to the past and possible futures! On that note, he has stated that he’s unable to change past events.
"WHAT?!" yelled Starlight and Twilight, looking at the chaos spirit in surprise, and awe. "But how? When we travelled through time, past and future were changed because of our actions!"
"Your little table and my magic work differently," explained Discord, suddenly wearing a lab coat and drawing on a blackboard. "If I could change the past, I would never had ended up in stone in the first place. For me, everything that happened, happened the way it happened!" He smirked at his work, a sketch of a wide-eyed Twilight with an erupting head, and a mouth hanging comically open to the ground.
"While this may be very interesting, I must ask you to stop this," said Celestia, sounding serious.
"But princess! Imagine what we could learn...," started Twilight, before getting interrupted by her former mentor.
"No Twilight, nothing good will come out of messing with the flow of time," stated the sun monarch, giving her former student a warning glance.
Crow: He can also open gateways and travel to other dimensions, which would explain his otherworldly knowledge.
"That explains a lot," mused Sunset, "I always wondered how you were able to reference celebrities from my home."
Lully Pop: Discord can also create his own realities, like the chaos zone he calls his home or when he recreated the world of “Ogres and Oubliettes”!
POWERS and ABILITIES
CHAOS MAGIC
The source of his reality-bending abilities
Gives him near omnipotent powers
This includes:
NIGH-OMNIPOTENCE: Discord is capable of altering reality and manipulating the laws of nature
REALITY RESTORATION: Discord is capable of restoring reality back into its original state
SIZE- and SHAPESHIFTING: Discord can change size and form of himself and others
TELEKINESIS: Discord has shown enough telekinetic skills to lift massive objects with ease
HYPNOSIS: Discord has shown the ability to manipulate others and is skilled with hypnotic magic
TELEPATHY / OMNISCIENCE: Discord possesses vast knowledge about current and past events
TELEPORTATION: Discord is able to teleport himself and others over great distances
CREATION / MANIFESTATION: Discord can create objects, creatures and plants at will
REPLICATION: Discord can create copies of himself, others and objects
ANIMATION: Discord can bring any inanimate object to life (Everypony knows that fact all to well)
OBJECT POSSESSION: Discord can posses objects and appear magically in them as well (That one too)
PORTAL CREATION: Discord can open portals to different dimensions
GRAVITY MANIPULATION: Discord can alter the effects of gravity
TIME TRAVEL: Discord is able to project himself and others into future and past events (Twilight grumled at that one)
MAGIC IMBALANCE DETECTION: Discord has the natural ability to sense disturbances in magic
And much more
HIGH INTELLIGENCE
IMMORTALITY
Discord is over 1.000 years old, presumably just as old as, if not older than Celestia and Luna.
He has never shown to age
ENHENCED STRENGHT
- Discord is strong enough to lift trees and boulders with no visible effort (Applejack approves)
FLIGHT
Discord can fly using his wings
Can fly at supersonic speeds (Rainbow Dash approves)
Prefers simple levitation (Rainbow Dash is now disappointed)
Crow: And that are only his more well known abilities. As a near omnipotent entity, Discord possesses a nearly endless potential when it comes to the usage of his powers.
"Why, thank you," said Discord, smiling smugly, while the others rolled their eyes.
Lully Pop: Sadly, because of all his strength, he considers himself above the rest. It could be said that Discord suffers of a superiority complex, something that has lead him to find himself trapped in a rocky prison twice.
"Yeah, you're way to full of yourself," agreed Trixie, getting looks from the others. "What?"
"Nothing, nothing at all."
Crow: During most of his career he came of as a being too powerful for his own good, uncaring about how is actions impacted on others. It was all for his own fun and he seemed to enjoy using the ponies own virtues against them.
Lully Pop: Prior to his final reformation he was highly duplicitous, manipulative, uncompromising and unscrupulous, showing no hesitation in lying, tricking, playing filthy and diverse mendacious methods in order to achieve his goals. At times he also seemed to have a rather sadistic and cold-blooded side to him, such as when he was gleefully lying back and watching ponies struggling to get untangled from the Plunderseeds, and due to the fact that he constantly laughed at other's dismays. So it is no wonder that most ponies didn’t put too much trust in him despite his supposed reformation.
Discord visibly defleated, up to the point were he was just a puddle on the ground.
Crow: But after Fluttershy opened the door to said reformation, he has experienced betrayal, exclusion and even jealousy. By experiencing those extremes his world view expanded, he became more aware of his surroundings and others. And he found a friend in Princess Luna, whose own experiences helped him to overcome the mental barriers he put around himself out insecurity.
"You were indeed most adorable during that time," laughed Luna, as Discord solidified himself again, getting playful shoves from the gang.
Celestia meanwhile smiled to herself, observing the interaction of the friends, with slightly red cheeks.
Lully Pop: By challenging Twilight Sparkle he helped her to grow into her role as a princess, aided the Mane Six at unlocking their Rainbow Powers and helped saving Equestria from the changelings. Slowly, but steadily earning the trust of his new friends.
Everypony smiled at Discord, who tried to hide his blush by pretending to drink his glass of milk. Literally.
FEATS
Probably the most powerful entity in Equestria (Discord smiled smugly at that one)
Conquered Equestria two times
Outsmarted Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer (That got eye rolls from them)
Helped unlocking the Rainbow Power (Everypony approves)
Helped Twilight Sparkle to accept her role as princess (That got a smile from Twilight)
Helped in the defeat of Tirek and the Umbrum-Unicorns (Everypony approves)
Saved Equestria from the changelings (Discord and Starlight hoof/claw-bumped)
Immune to Fluttershy’s ‘Stare’ (That surprised everypony who wasn't there)
Lully Pop: Discord may be one of the most powerful magic users in Equestria’s history, but while his strengths are many, sadly so are his weaknesses.
"Hard to believe that he has any weakpoints besides the elements," stated Armor, remembering how helpless he and his guards where against him.
Crow: Attacking him head-on is destined to fail, as he can easily thwart any assault through his reality-warping power. However, he is vulnerable to the Elements of Harmony, which have successfully turned him to stone twice. Using the Elements also dispels all of his chaotic magic, returning things to their rightful shapes and places.
"The most overpowered McGuffin's of all time," complained Discord.
Lully Pop: His magic can also be cancelled by some anti-magic rock or can be stolen. And without his magic, he loses all his supernatural abilities. His magic itself is also rather unpredictable, like that one time where lost control over it because of his nightmares.
"Well, it's chaos after all! It wouldn't be if anypony had 'control' over it!" argued Discord in an attempt to defend himself.
Crow: He tends to be very overconfident and so assured of his own invincibility that he will not go all-out against enemies. In addition, his tendency to underestimate his opponents means that he can be taken by surprise, and be defeated before having the chance to react.
"True, that's how the princesses and we got you," agreed Twilight. "If you were actually serious, we wouldn't had a chance. Not that I'm complaining."
Lully Pop: Like when he was hit by the Harmony Beam a second time, or Tirek sucked his magic away. Also, while powerful his magic has limits and can be countered by others. Luna hit him with a sleeping spell, Celestia prevented him from stealing the elements again and Starlight managed to banish his body from school grounds.
Crow: During an astronomical event called “Cosmic Convergence” he was influenced by the released magic and become his polar opposite, Accord. And while intelligent, he is not immune to being manipulated, and fell for Tirek's proposition to become allies, not suspecting that he would betray him in the end.
"Urgh, that incident with Accord was such a mess," grumbled Rarity, getting a curious look from Sunset.
"Why, what happened?"
"Do you remember Starlight's equality plan?" asked Spike, ignoring the muffled protest of said wannabe dictator.
"I heard of it. Why?"
"Imagine that and amp it up to eleven."
Lully Pop: And while being nearly all powerful, he still got sick by a tatzlworm’s sneeze!
Crow: His biggest weakness however is that, if he exhibits only normal behaviour, he will slowly fade from existence. That shows that he HAS to be chaotic in order to survive.
"Wait, WHAT?!" yelled an alarmed Celestia, starring at Discord with barely hidden worry.
"Geez, calm down Celly," reassured the surprised Discord. "It won't happen again, so calm down."
"That explains a lot of your past actions," Cadence thought aloud. "If you don't act as you're supposed to do as the incarnation of chaos, you'll disapppear. That's... actually very concerning."
WEAKNESSES
The Elements of Harmony can turn him into stone ("Still calling McGuffin on that!")
His magic has limits and can be countered
Can be influenced by magic
Can lose control over his magic
Overconfident in his own powers (Discord smiled sheepishly)
Tends to play with his opponents
Can be manipulated by others
Fades away when he's not acting chaotic enough (That got everypony worried)
Terrible as a stand-up comedian (Everypony except Discord laughed at that)
Crow: Despite his short-comings, he has proven to be a massive asset for Equestria.
Lully Pop: But don’t try to fit him for a halo yet. He’s still the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, and shows it frequently. He saves and abandons ponies on a whim, keeps playing his pranks and loves to leave everypony guessing.
Crow: At least until Fluttershy reins him back in.
"Hey, did you heard that?" asked a grinning Rainbow Dash the draconequus.
"Hear what?"
"The sound of the whip!" hollered the pegasus, laughing her butt of, while Fluttershy meeped, blushing heavily. The rest joined in the laughter, with the exception of a grumbling Discord, and slightly drooling Celestia, who starred absentmindedly in the air.
Discord: Tirek tricked me into believing he could offer me something more valuable than friendship. But there is nothing worth more. I see that now. He lied when he said that this medallion was given as a sign of gratitude and loyalty. But when I say that it is a sign of our true friendship, I'm telling the truth.
____________________
Yukari Yakumo
BACKGROUND
Height: 6’ / 182 cm
Weight: Unknown (Seriously, we like to live, thank you)
Bust Size: G
Age: 17 (actually over 1.200 years)
Occupation: Stabilizes and monitors the Barriers of Gensokyo
Aliases: Mastermind behind the Spiriting Away, Border of Phantasm, Youkai that lurks in the Boundary, Youkai of Boundaries, Uncanny Smile, Demon that sleeps between Reality and Fantasy, Elusive and two-faced Youkai
Hobbies: Sleeping, trolling, drinking tea at the Hakurei Shrine
"And here comes your opponent," remarked Sunset. "Seems like she isn't human after all."
"But what is she then?" asked Twilight, readying her scroll and quill.
Crow: Gensokyo, also known as ‘The Land of Illusions’, is beautiful realm of fantasy, existing beyond the borders of reality. Both home and refugee to countless supernatural beings, ranging from cute little fairies to ancient gods.
"My, such a beautiful place!" gushed Rarity, admiring the view provided of Gensokyo.
"Wait, supernaural beings? Such as ghost and stuff?" asked Rainbow, tilting her head.
"G-ghost?!" whimpered Fluttershy, diving behind Discord.
"Apparently. Gods too, seemingly," answered Luna, intrigued.
"It looks so... peaceful," smiled Celestia.
Lully Pop: Most of the inhabitants are categorized as youkai and are actually pretty friendly, as long as you stay on their good side! If not, well, hopefully they are not too hungry!
"... Not so peaceful after all, huh?" remarked Discord, laughing.
Crow: And without a doubt, the most powerful one among them is no other than the Youkai of Boundaries, Yukari Yakumo.
"Here she is," noted Starlight. "So she's some kind of demon?"
Lully Pop: Wow, that chick has one nice rack! Plus, she still looks ripe for the picking, despite being over 1.000 years old!
“Great, so she’s a pervert too,” grumbled Rarity.
The three males (and one multi-colored mare) in the room silently agreed with Lully's statement.
Crow: Youkai roughly translates to either ‘mystic apparition’ or ‘mysterious calamity’, and refers to a certain category of demons. They are much stronger than any normal human can hope to be, and posses an extremely long lifespan, or are outright immortal.
"Fascinating, a whole new race," cheered Twilight, taking notes.
Lully Pop: There is also an endless variety of them, since practically anything has the potential to become a youkai: humans, animals and everyday objects. Some youkai were even born out of stories and legends!
"Anything can become like that? Even my Daring Doo doll?" asked an excitied Rainbow Dash.
"Seems like it. You have ah doll of Daring Doo?" smirked Applejack at the blanching pegasus.
"W-what?! No, it's an action figure!"
"But you said..."
"An action figure!"
Crow: They isn’t much known about Yukaris’s past and origins, even her closets friends have only limited knowledge about her back story. She seemingly appeared 1.200 years ago for the first time and has been a major influence to many events and incidents since then.
"Where have I heard that before?" said Cadence, raising a eye brow at Discord.
Lully Pop: And boy was she busy during that time!
Crow: As her status implies, Yukari is a legendary youkai on the same level as gods, highly respected for her wisdom and power. She is not only one of the oldest youkai in Gensokyo, she is also one of the strongest and most experienced of them. She was one who proposed the Great Hakurei Barrier, which covers Gensokyo, and separates it from the rest of the world, and is therefore tied to Gensokyo's creation.
"She rivals gods?!" asked a flabbergasted Starlight, reflecting the expressions of the others.
"And she created a whole new world too," noted an equally stunned moon princess.
Lully Pop: She is the only known youkai who can pass this barrier in order to access the Outside World. As one of its creators, she performs surveillance and safety administration, making her both the guardian and overseer of Gensokyo. Or that’s what I would be saying if she wouldn’t lay on her lazy blonde ass all day!
"Great, another Rainbow Dash," sighed a certain farmer, much to the annoyance of said mare.
Crow: Yukari is known for being a very, well, youkai-like youkai who sleeps all day and only lives for the enjoyment of life.
"Yep, that sounds familiar."
"Shut it AJ!"
Lully Pop: Yukari’s MO usually involves manipulating others to resolve her problems for her. And with ‘others’ I mean the shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei. Poor girl. She’s also one of the biggest troll’s ever, messing with anyone just for the heck of it.
"Sounds like Twilight and Discord," noted Spike, getting laughs from the group.
Crow: She rarely acts in a direct manner, except in particularly most serious of situations. In all cases, she rarely lets anyone know what her true aims or goals are, and sometimes these goals are extremely abstract too.
Lully Pop: She has a well-deserved reputation of being fickle, whimsical, and acting only in her own interest.
"Ouch, harsh much?" asked Sunset, wincing.
Crow: For whatever reason, Yukari takes it all in stride and does not seriously deny any of those comments. She seems to actively try to keep her more obviously altruistic actions a secret, such as her donations to the Hakurei Shrine. She possibly cultivates this image to ensure that people continue to fear her as a youkai. She could easily be either a villain or a heroine, depending on her mood.
"A lot like you do, darling," said Rarity, looking at Discord, who shrugged and grinned in response.
Lully Pop: If anyone is suited for the role of mastermind, it's Yukari. It’s rumoured that she started the war between youkais and lunarians, and then lost on purpose, to prevent an even more devastating conflict in the future.
"So she waged a war, to prevent another one?" asked a confused love princess. "That's an... interesting approach."
Crow: She possesses superhuman intellect, and especially surpasses in dealing with numbers. Even her servant Ran Yakumo, who was somehow able to formulate and prove an equation for figuring out the width of the ever-changing anzu River, said that her intellect is something that she is not able to comprehend.
"Now she sounds like Twilly," joked Shining, getting a huff from his sister.
Lully Pop: Yukari is able to solve over 1.000 variables in a second, process information with speeds similar to a supercomputer and outsmarted Eirin Yagokoro, who’s implied to be a Goddess of Knowledge.
Crow: It is unknown to what extent her amazing intellect goes, but it would be no mistake to think that it far surpasses that of any mortal.
"So basically a super-egghead," summarized Dash,earning angry glares from Starlight and her fellow purple mare.
Lully Pop: Her physical strength is what you'd expect from a youkai of her level. While the full extent of an average youkai's strength is never really specified, their bodily ability is typically very high.
Crow: Yukari is strong enough to casually stop a full-powered punch of Suika Ibuki, an oni who can create earthquakes with her steps and flatten mountains by mistake.
"Woah," whistled Applejack, impressed. "That gal sure knows how to work out, I can respect that."
Lully Pop: She possesses seemingly endless stamina, and move at relativistic speeds, allowing her to move and react at the speed of light!
"Another competitor for the title of the fastest," quipped Pinkie, offering Rainbow a consolation muffin.
"Why the buck is everypony in the show faster then me?!" complained the prismatic pegasus, angrily bitting into her treat.
Crow: As a youkai, she’s also next to impossible to kill. They are rather spiritual in nature than physical, making them more vulnerable to attacks based on faith, such as charms and words, then to physical damage or status ailments. Youkai are able to regenerate from any injury, as long as it has insufficient ‘meaning’.
"Meaning what now?," asked Spike.
"Basically, you need either devine aid or have enough faith in yourself to believe that you can hurt them," answered Celestia the drakeling.
Lully Pop: Yukari herself states that she has no weaknesses, and even ‘shooting, cutting, stabbing, hitting, or killing her is useless’. She can shrug off being cut apart, heal from being reduced to mincemeat, tank a small supernova, and resist the power of the Ghost Princess Yuyuko Saigyouji, who can invoke instant death to any living being!
"So she's immortal," stated an amazed Sunset.
"To think that beings of such power could exist!" wondered Luna.
"Ghost's have a princess now?" asked Starlight in confusion.
"Seems like it. And she has the power befitting for her status," added Rarity, as always fascinated with anything resembling royalty.
Crow: She is also able to survive the ‘Sword of Hisou’. A weapon capable to gather and accumulate the surrounding spirit and convert it into energy. Basically, it is able to cut and disperse the spirit itself, making it a deadly tool against even the most powerful of youkai.
"How can one survive that?" questioned Shining.
"No idea. But she can," smirked Cadence, giggling at the face her husband was making.
Lully Pop: She can resist mind control and attacks, blocking even Reisen, who can directly manipulate the electrical waves in the brain to cause hallucinations. She was also unaffected by Keine’s ability to eat and alter history, however that works is anyone’s guess…
"How can one 'eat' history?!" yelled Twilight, rubbing her aching head.
"By eating a history book of course!" joked Pinkie, laughing at Twilight's expression.
Crow: Yukari also displays great aptitude with shikigami, supernatural servants, bindin the powerful nine-tailed fox demon Ran and numerous lesser servants. As shikigami are at their strongest when following orders, Yukari must also be skilled at giving the correct orders to fully maximize their potential. In a interview Ran Yakumostated that despite sleeping most of the time, Yukari is capable of giving orders the instant she opens her mouth, and she uses complex equations to increase Ran's power indefinitely.
"Impressive," stated Celestia, knowing how troublesome it can be to keep her staff and guards in line.
Lully Pop: I wish I had a sexy fox servant, too. One who must follow my e-v-e-r-y command…
Rarity groaned at that, while the males had deep blushes, much to the chagrin of some mares.
Crow: (Facehoofing) Ignoring that, she is skilled in Onmyoudou, a form of magic which creates and manipulates barriers - presumably due to the overlap with her innate abilities.
"An entirely new brach of magic," drooled Twilight, while the others chuckled. "I wonder if I can learn it somewhere..."
Lully Pop: Here is where her power comes in. The ability to manipulate boundaries. Which is as scary as it sounds.
"I don't get it," said Rainbow. "Is she building fences or what?"
Crow: Depending on the circumstances of their origins, youkai posses varying powers and abilities. While some low-level youkai a barely stronger than an ordinary human, some are equal to gods in terms of ability and skill.
Lully Pop: Let’s see… the power to invoke instant death, manipulation of fate or subconscious, altering history, inflicting insanity, and so on. But hers trumps them all.
"What the buck could be stronger than all of those!" stated a flabbergasted Applejack.
"No idea, but the thought alone terrifies me," agreed Rarity.
Crow: Yukari is able to manipulate any boundary in existence, be it material, spiritual, conceptual, metaphysical and so forth.
"... She... can...," mumbled a wide-eyed Twilight, who would have fallen of the couch if it weren't for Starlight's quick reaction.
Lully Pop: She can manipulate boundaries. ANY boundary. If it’s a boundary, she can make, break, or otherwise tweak it. It’s probably the most broken goddamn power one could ever have, period. You want proof? She could easily bust open the Boundary between your face and Cthulhu. Wouldn’t THAT be a sight to see?
"I still don't get it...," started a confused Dash. "What's so special about that?"
Crow: Because everything in existence is defined by its boundaries, there is no limit to the possibilities of this power. Since the nature of all things is defined by its boundaries - for example, a lake can only exist as it is because there is a boundary between it and the atmosphere, the surface of the water itself. She herself explains that this ability allows her to control the boundaries between any and all things. This power includes the Boundaries between Instantaneous and Eternal, 2D and 3D, Life and Death, Master and Slave, Human and Youkai, Reality and Fiction. And that is only the tip of the iceberg.
"... Holy mother of Tartarus," gulped the rainbow mare.
"No wonder she's considered the same level as a god," agreed Discord, sweating... soda?
Lully Pop: Remember that Ghost Princess? She’s a friend of Yakumo and was once a human, but after her death she was turned to a youkai by her. She also altered the Boundary of Life and Death to create a connection between Gensokyo and the Nether Realm.
"She can turn others to youkai as well?" asked an amazed Starlight.
"Forget that," said Trixie, waving her off. "She basically opened a gate to the afterlife!"
Crow: She can use her abilities to trap her foes in stories and photos, deny abilities, erase something’s existence, warp reality and even make the transitions so subtle that she can bring someone into a different realm without them knowing.
Lully Pop: There’re countless stories about her either dropping someone in Gensokyo or influencing events in other dimension. All for shits and giggles.
"Sounds like something Discord would do," mused Cadence.
"Why, I would never...," began Discord, but was interrupted by Fluttershy.
"Treehugger," said the usually shy mare with a raised eyebrow.
"... And I'll be quite for now," ended the draconequus meekly.
Crow: She can also alter the boundary between such things as Filling Meal and Light Meal, making a simple cup of tea worth an entire meal, Excitement and Boredom, or Focused and Scatterbrained.
Lully Pop: The last one was a jibe to me, wasn’t it?
Everpony chuckled lightly at that.
Crow: Maybe. It is also hinted that she’s able to destroy boundaries, but doesn’t use this ability, since it could destroy reality as we know it.
"And here I thought it couln't get any scarrier," stated Sunset. "By the way, how is Twilight holding up?"
"She stopped moving a while ago, but she's still blinking from time to time," noted the only dragon in the group, pricking her. She jumped out of her stupor with a startled yelp, before glaring at her assistant, while the others were giggling at her missfortune.
Lully Pop: But we've only scraped the surface of her manipulation of boundaries. She can also create and control gaps, portal-like rips in space. She can use these to teleport, travel, snatch projectiles, and even attack with them.
"That's the creepiest thing I have ever seen," complained Starlight.
Crow: She can also uses the ‘eyes’ within the sub-space of her gaps to monitor everything in Gensokyo, the Outside World, and even other worlds too.
"Ok, I retract my previous statement: THIS is way creepier," shuddered the unicorn.
"Do you guys think she can see us too," asked Pinkie, silencing everypony in the room.
"Heavens, I hope not," stated Rarity, looking around her in discomfort.
Lully Pop: That’s not creepy at all! She can also cut hers and others bodies in half, like some kind of stage wizard. I tried that too… once… it didn’t go well…
Everypony was now looking at Trixie, who huffed in annoyance.
"Trixie hates you all."
Crow: That I believe. Her fighting style resolves around elegance and mocking her foes by showing of her superiority. Her weaponry includes a parasol, her fan…
"Boring!" groaned Dash.
Lully Pop: And a friggin’ train ramming in your face at full speed! Oh, and train signs, too…
"Better!" grinned the speedster.
Crow: But her primary means of offense are Danmaku. Described as ‘Bullet Curtain’ or ‘Curtain Fire’, or simply ‘Bullet Hell’, it is the ability to produce a great number of projectiles, the Danmaku, at once or in quick succession, and send them in the direction of your enemy.
"That's awesome!" cheered Spike.
"Wow, that's a lot like Twilight during the Canterlot Invasion, but 20 times cooler!" agreed Dash.
"That remembers me of those arcade games the other Rainbow Dash and me play all the time," stated Sunset.
Lully Pop: They can also be used in Spell Cards, which are essentially what makes the inhabitants of Gensokyo as destructive or hax as they are. In the case of Yukari, both.
"Spellcards?!" yelled Twilight, bouncing up and down in a speed that makes Pinkie proud.
Crow: It is specified that the Spell Card System was developed by Reimu Hakurei and Yukari Yakumo, and first used in the Scarlet Mist Incident. It is a duel system that allows the combatants to fight without worrying about dying or killing the other. The Danmaku used during this fight are non-lethal in nature…
Lully Pop: But still hurt like hell!
Crow: … and the primary goal is it to dodge and counter attack. The winner is usually decided by skill and performance. The Spell Cards – and the similarly working Skill Cards - themselves are usually pieces of paper bearing the descriptions of their respective spells, along with the possible approval of the shrine maiden, and are a combination of Danmaku and the respective ability of the user.
"Very interesting" said an intrigued Shining. "Those would be ideal for guard training."
Lully Pop: The ones based around Yukari are absurd due to her boundary manipulation, varying from names like ‘Bait Laced with Venom’ to ‘Yukari Yakumo’s Spiriting away’. Basically, it's a crap ton of beams and energy balls that head in your direction. And yet those are just two of her Spell Cards!
WEAPONS
DANMAKU
Literally means ‘Bullet Hell’ (Sunset, Spike and Rainbow Dash like this one)
A seemingly never-ending barrage of magic based bullets
Non-lethal if one chooses (Shining Armor was very interested in that one)
SPELL CARDS
- Combination of Danmaku and the user’s own abilities (Twilight is drooling)
PARASOL
FAN
TRAFFIC SIGNS (No one understands that one)
TRAIN CARS
- Primary modelled after a Nagano Electric Railway Kijimi 3500
POWERS and ABILITIES
HIGH INTELLIGENCE (Starlight and Twilight approve)
Can come up with ‘plans within plans’
Clever manipulator: Prefers to trick others into playing into her hand
Incredible smart, at the same level as a Goddess of Knowledge (Starlight and Twilight are jealous)
IMMORTALILITY
HIGH SPEED and REFLEXES
STRENGHT
Compares to oni, the physically strongest youkai (Applejack approves)
Oni can cause earthquakes, destroy mountains and shatter the moon (“Oh come on!” complained Luna)
HIGH DURABILITY and RESISTANCE
Can tank hits from miniature suns (That dumbfounded everypony)
Resistance to mental attacks and illusions (Amazed)
Resistance to soul attacks (Very amazed)
Resistance to causes of death and casualty (Still amazed)
FLIGHT
- Can fly at supersonic speed (Rainbow Dash highly approves)
ONMYOUDON (Twilight's drooling again)
A mix of science and occultism
Powerful magic, allowing her to manipulate and create barriers
Can boost the powers of her subordinates indefinitely
MANIPULATION OF BOUNDARIES
She can manipulate every boundary in existence (Everypony was very impressed)
Basically limitless in its application
Includes Manipulation of…
REALITY and FANTASY
TRUTH and FALSEHOOD
KNOWLEDGE and IGNORANCE
HUMAN and YOUKAI
LIFE and DEATH
INSTANTANEOUS and ETERNAL
MASTER and SLAVE
MATTER and ANTIMATTER
CREATION and DESTRUCTION
And many more
Can erase an object’s existence by destroying boundaries (That got everypony worried)
Hinted to create constructs as without boundaries, everything would exist as a single singularity
GAP CREATION
Portal-like distortion, usually in the form of a dark-red or black space with floating eyes ("Creepy!")
The eyes are a manifestation of what one can say is the image of ‘how desires are swirling around’ ("What?")
Used for teleportation
Used for observation (Super creepy)
Can summon objects, including antimatter, pillars, trains, stop signs and whatever she wishes
Can deflect and absorb attacks
OMNIPOTENCE (Discord approves)
OMNISCIENCE
Her manipulation of boundaries grants her unlimited knowledge (Twilight drools, again)
Does so mainly by shifting the Boundaries between Knowledge/Awareness and Ignorance
REGENERATION
Can recover from any physical damage if it lacks ‘meaning’
Shooting, cutting, stabbing, hitting and killing is therefore useless (Everypony was impressed)
SKILLS
Considered as strong as Suika Ibuki in hand-to-hand combat (Rainbow Dash and Sunset approve)
Skilled swordwoman (Shining Armor approves)
Skilled dancer (Rarity approves)
SPELLCARDS
Aerial Bait "Bait Laced with Venom" -
Multiple gaps open before firing Danmaku at high speed
Border Sign "Quadruple Barrier" -
By putting barriers and overlapping them, makes a nest-like web of severe energies
Barrier "Charming Quadruple Barrier" -
An amped up version of Quadruple Barrier, dealing more damage
Also has a vacuum effect as it sucks in enemies
Fantasy Nest "Flying Glow Worms' Nest" -
Gaps open and fire a barrage of Danmaku from behind Yukari
If the enemy tries to get behind her, they fire automatically
Abandoned Line "Aimless Journey to the Abandoned Station" -
Yukari opens a large gap, and a train screeches forth, running over the foe
Her favorite technique
Magic Eye "Laplace's Demon" -
A series of gaps open, revealing countless eyes
Upon seeing a weakness, they fire
Aerial Bait "Hyperactive High-Speed Flying Object" -
High speed lasers zip by, too fast to see usually
Gradually speeds up, bombarding the enemy at speeds that makes blocking useless
Barrier "Boundary of Life and Death" -
Starting off with low-tier bullets, Yukari speeds up her Danmaku
Eventually bombards the entire area with large orbs and multi-colored Danmaku, leaving no room for error
Sinister Spirits “Double Black Death Butterfly” -
Creates butterfly-like Danmaku that box the enemy in before scattering
Repeats on various sides, speeding up over time
And many more (Twilight is now a drooling and twitching mess, can somepony clean this up?)
Crow: Yukari is the extremely rare example of when ‘with great power comes no responsibility’ actually works, for her, and for pretty much everyone around her. Her near-godlike omnipotence makes her a force to be recognized with in any given situation, and the fact that due to her powers she has access to, as well as knowledge of, other realities and universes is a good reason to be worried.
"Gasp!I have to plan a welcome party in the case she comes to Equestria!" stated Pinkie, while the others were looking at each other in alarm.
Lully Pop: Good thing she’s a bit weird. Most of the time, she only uses her powers to troll random people. But still, it’s a fucking broken power. Yukari “Watch Me Give Your God a Wedgie” Yakumo is awesome.
FEATS
One of the strongest and wisest youkai in existence (Everypony approved)
One of the founders of Gensokyo (Celestia and Luna approve)
Maintains the barrier around Gensokyo
Can destroy Gensokyo and everyone in it (That got everypony worried again)
Trained Reimu Hakurei (Celestia approves)
Tricked Eirin Yagokoro, who’s hinted to be a God of Knowledge (Twilight was deeply impressed)
Defeated many of the strongest beings in Gensokyo, including youkai, celestials and lunarians
Can resist the ‘Sword of Hisou’
Can manipulate others to do her work (Applejack disapproves)
Mastermind behind several incidents, like the ‘Lunar War’ and ‘Dolls in Pseudo-Paradise’
Crow: Well, she has a few shortcomings, even thought I wouldn’t call them weaknesses. Her boundary manipulation has limits, or at least requires certain preliminary conditions in order to function properly.
"So even she's not perfect, huh?" said Applejack, leaning back.
Lully Pop: While powerful, there are a few opponents even she doesn’t want to face directly, like the oldest of the moon princesses, Watatsuki no Toyohime.
Crow: Though it’s unknown if she is actually wary of her or just too lazy to fight. And here lies the main problem when it comes to Yukari Yakumo: Her upper limits are completely unknown.
"Or she's just plain lazy," groaned the apple mare.
Lully Pop: Shit gets abstract fast if we're assuming Yukari is using her powers to its full effect. If you want to be particularly unfair, manipulation of the Boundary between Life and Death could very easily kill anyone without some kind of resistance to this ability. A blood-lusty Yukari is a very scary thing. Unfortunately for us, she uses her ability very rarely besides gaps, so it's hard to say exactly what limitations it has.
"That is actually very worrisome," gulped Starlight, while Discord was now sweating... chocolade buttons.
Weaknesses
Lazy and tends to not get serious (Applejack doesn’t like this one)
Toys with her enemies
Boundary has some limits (maybe)
Can be beaten in a Danmaku Battle
Don’t call her hag! (Everypony laughed at that)
If anybody asks, she’s 17! (Still laughing, but silently agreeing)
Crow: Since she’s usually either holding back or lets others do her work, she never showed her full strength, preferring to toy with her opponents. While there are some entities that COULD match her in terms of skill and power, like various high-level gods and Enma, even they are content to leave her on a VERY LONG leash.
"Even the gods are afraid of her," noted Sunset, shuddering.
Lully Pop: In other words, if Yukari’s involved, treat with caution! Or better yet, get the hell away!
“Dully noted,” Cadence agreed.
Yukari: "Making it so that people's bodies can be forcibly possessed... truly a deed of the devil. No, the pinnacle of all evil. Do I really look like someone who would commit such an act?"
Reimu: You do look like it! In fact, you're the embodiment of it! There's no way that you're not somehow related to this incident!"
____________________
Crow: The combatants are set! Who will prevail? The mischievous Lord of Chaos? Or the Mistress of Boundaries?
“What do you guys think?” asked Spike.
“This is not an easy one, since both are incredible powerful, but I think that Miss Yukari has the edge,” stated Luna, humming in thought.
“Discord got this,” disagreed Dash, grinning.
“Yeah, go get her Dizzy!” cheered Pinkie, with Fluttershy and Spike joining in.
Lully Pop: Let’s…get…ready…to…RUMBLE!!! (Lully makes different silly poses with each word)
____________________
The view settled to a small, lovely looking cottage, showing a certain Spirit of Chaos sprawling on a couch.
“I’m so BORED!” complained Discord, standing up and pacing around the room. “Fluttershy is visiting her family, Pinkie is visiting hers too, the princesses have one of those dull meetings again, and the others are still angry at me for giving the CMC that book about pony biology.”
“Don’t even THINK about it,” stated three of the mares, giving Discord a warning stare.
Chuckling at the memory, he continued. “Nothing to do, nothing to do,” he sighed. “And Fluttershy forbid me from spreading chaos in Equestria…in Equestria…”
He grinned.
"That can only end in a disaster," groaned Twilight.
"If I’m not allowed to cause chaos in Equestria, to another universe it is!" he proclaimed, before tearing the space in front of him apart and jumping through with a laugh.
At the same time, another tear opened over a beautiful little village, bordering an enormous forest, revealing the mad spirit.
"And now he's in Gensokyo," said Starlight. "That means Yukari isn't far away."
Looking around, he clapped in excitement, before raising his left arm. “Oh, this is going to be so much fun!”
Suddenly, he paused, still holding his claw up, still ready to snap.
"Huh?"
Chaos was erupting around him, the sky turning to all the colours of the rainbow, rocks and trees were floating around, defying anything known about gravity, and the clouds formed whirlpools, sucking everything under them in.
But he had not done anything of it. With an expression of befuddlement, he stopped floating and looked around.
"Hey, what gives?" he whined with all the grace of a grumpy child. "Things were totally normal a minute ago!"
"A lot can happen in a minute."
"There she is," smiled Pinkie. "And she already beat you to the punch!"
Alarmed, the Spirit of Chaos looked around, muttering to himself.
"Okay, why can't I find you?"
A giggle was the response. "Because you aren't creative enough ~."
“Wow, I never thought I would hear somepony saying this to Discord of all ponies,” stated Spike.
Now the draconequus tightened his lips, his expression faltering properly. "Hey, I'm plenty creative! Watch!"
He finally snapped his fingers, and the world was promptly thrown into even more chaos. The buildings were spiralling amalgamations of candy and cake, the streets were paved with soap and the plants had snapping maws rather than leaves.
"Oh come on ~," the voice teased. "You call that chaos? Here, let's leave the poor villagers alone for now.”
Behind Discord, a tear in space opened, revealing the eyes of millions of lost souls.
“Still creepy,” shuddered Starlight.
Yukari smiled as she stepped out of the portal and sat upon it, facing Discord, as if to study a new plaything. The chaos around the two meanwhile slowly faded away, returning things back to normal.
- Boundary of Chaos and Order –
“Huh, what might this be?” wondered Rarity.
“Looks like there adding these so we know what Yukari is doing,” thought Twilight aloud, scratching her chin.
“I see,” hummed the marshmallow mare. “How considerative from them.”
“I do not believe we ever met,” she said politely. “I am Yukari Yakumo, the Gap Youkai. Now, who may you be~?”
Discord laughed. “Why, hello there!” he started, suddenly wearing his orange suit, whirling a cane in his right paw, while tilting his hat and giving a dramatic bow. “I am the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, the Lord of Turmoil, Baron of Calamity and the Harbinger of Cotton Candy! I am the one and only draconequus, DISCORD!”
He threw another dramatic pose, while one could hear the applause of an invisible audience in the background.
Everypony chuckled at his introduction.
“Never change,” grinned Sunset, getting a wink and a laugh from Discord.
Yukari smiled, placing her fingers under her chin to rest on a gap just underneath her elbows.
“You’re an interesting one indeed. And I can sense a quite impressive level of magic coming from you.”
“Why thank you, it’s nice to finally meet someone who loves chaos as much as I do,” Discord grinned, snapping his suit away.
Celestia starred at the woman in barely contained jealousy, getting knowing looks from two of her fellow princesses.
“While we’re at that topic,” he started, looking at her innocently. “Why don’t we share a few stories over some glasses of chocolate milk and…”
In an instant, Discord teleported away, and for a good reason. A beam of light nearly struck him, and the gap that had fired it closed behind him. Yukari still smiled.
“What the…? What was that for?!” yelled Dash and Discord in unison, looking at the screen in anger.
“Please, don’t take me for a fool. I saw you go and use your powers,” Yukari stated. “I may appreciate some little mischief here and there, but your actions could be a threat to the barrier.”
“Looks like she is doing something by herself for a change,” stated Applejack. “Ah don’t know if ah should approve or not.”
Discord blinked. "Are you challenging me?" he asked.
"You are the intruder here. If anything… it is you who is challenging ME," countered Yukari, tapping her chin with a fan.
“She’s not wrong,” said Shining, getting a shove from his wife as Celestia looked at the screen in disdain.
He just stared at her for a moment before broking into a grin. “You? Just what are you going to do? Oh please, provide me some entertainment,” chuckled Discord, ready to snap whatever he thought needed into existence. “This should be amusing.”
Yukari's smile was hidden from him, but it twisted into of a mix of confidence and outright sadism.
“Here they go!” said Pinkie, jumping on Discord’s head, who ignored her as he starred intensively ahead.
FIGHT
Yukari aimed her parasol at the draconequus and fired first, sending three clear spheres of energy in his direction.
Discord just chuckled at that, and in a flash, he was wearing a baseball uniform and dashed at the orbs, before sending them flying with swings from a bat.
“Homerun!” cheered Discord, joined by Pinkie, Spike and Dash.
“Homerun!” cheered the chaotic spirit, before glancing around curiously, searching for his blonde foe, finding that she vanished from view entirely. With a smirk, he faced what was an obvious move - a wave of attacks from behind.
SPELLCARD – MAGIC EYE “LAPLACE’S DEMON”
“She plays cheap,” grumbled Applejack, not liking her style of fighting.
“Not everypony charges head on like you do, darling,” said Rarity, trying to calm the apple mare down.
Large white words appeared behind him as he dodged every single blast in slow-motion, laughing and whooping all the time:
'MISSED'
“You’re not taking this fight very seriously, are you?” deadpanned Sunset, raising an eyebrow at the Chaos Spirit.
Yukari was unimpressed. "For someone who claims to be creative, you take your tricks from others quite a lot. Someone might just sue you."
“Ouch, that hit a bit too close to home,” winced Discord, while Celestia fumed with anger.
“Did you expect to catch me that easily?” Discord questioned as his uniform changed to a gaudy-looking golden armor with a red cape, and the bat to a sword made out of gleaming silver.
Celestia got a dreamy look in her eyes.
Yukari smiled, whirling her parasol.
“No ~.”
With that, something distorted behind Discord, a gap filled with an unholy number of eyes and arms trying to claw at him. The draconequus maintained his focus on Yukari, but pointed his eagle claw behind him, firing a blast of red magic from it. The arms inside were struck, vanishing back within the gap as it closed.
“Holy Tartarus, that was eerie,” said Sunset, already having goosebumbs.
He grinned, seeing that Yukari had stepped back, unfolding her small fan just over her mouth, hiding a coy smile.
“My turn!” he laughed, before conjuring a giant cucumber with tiny white wings. Jumping on it, he charged at her, holding up his sword. “Here I come!”
“Trixie is unsure what is more stupid: This, or the time you summoned those damn pigs,” sighed the stage magician, giving the draconequus the stink-eye.
Yukari tilted her head in curiosity, smirking as she moved her hand in front of her. In that moment, a tiny gap formed just as the sword came down on her.
“Oh come on! That’s just cheap!” complained Discord, before warping his right arm. It stretched to seemingly impossible lengths, trying to land a hit from a different angle.
Once again, Yukari moved her left arm and summoned a gap to block the strike, but this time the sword itself changed form, going under the hole and swiping down, attempting to sever the hand. Just before it could, another slit in space opened above the entire limb, forcing him to stop his own momentum before he lost the blade in it.
“My, such good reflexes,” complemented the female youkai, pulling her dainty arm back, as Discord checked his peripheral.
A slit was right next to his neck. If his attack would have succeeded, he would've just ended up decapitating himself.
“What in TARNATION!” roared Discord, as he unleashed his inner Applejack, while everypony starred at the screen with wide eyes.
“T-that could have k-killed a pony!” stammered Starlight. “Why would she do that?!”
“I don’t think she cares much about the lives of others,” stated Luna, looking worriedly at her fumming sister. “I can understand that this could happen during the heat of battle, but to do this and be so nonchalant about it…”
He grumbled, clearly not amused as he snapped his equipment away, starring at the blonde in disdain.
“You’re quite the tricky one,” he stated, teleporting a few feet away. “Locks like I don’t have to hold back.”
“Looks like Discord is done playing around,” stated the still shaken Cadence.
“Understandable, after this nopony would hold back any more,” agreed Shining, eyes narrowing at the youkai.
“Get her!” demanded an angry Dash, patting a whimpering Fluttershy, who decided to hide behind her.
Yukari smiled at that, pointing her fan in his direction.
“Well then, let’s have some fun, shall we?”
“And yet she’s still messing around,” stated Spike.
With a snap, a giant hollow pumpkin, burning with eerie green fire, appeared out of thin air, ramming into Yukari’s belly at high speeds and carrying her across the sky towards the clouds. The youkai didn't seem bothered by this, as she simply swatted it away with her fan. A small eruption followed the impact zone, covering the ground with grey ash clouds.
“Yep, definitely done playing around,” said Luna, looking at the screen with wide eyes.
The draconequus used the distraction and teleported. In an instant, he was attacking Yukari from the side while wearing bright-red boxing gloves, only to be blocked by her umbrella. The youkai turned to him, a bit of amusement in her eyes as she put the fan away and seemed to grab the air. Discord quickly lifted his elbow and smashed it against her face, stunning the surprised woman before she could use any of her abilities and striking her in the stomach before she could recover, sending her flying to the ground.
“Yeah! Go get her!” applauded Pinkie, her formerly straight mane poofing out again.
Clapping his hands, an enormous wave of what appeared to be toxic-orange soda shot out of the surrounding clouds, crushing down on Yukari.
The Youkai Sage just straightened up in mid-air, waving her hand across her hair as she held up her parasol and opened it.
“Like a flimsy umbrella could stop that,” grinned Discord, enjoying the beat-down he’s delivering on screen.
The moment it hit, the ocean split into two, before blasting into the forest below, uprooting countless trees and covering everything with sticky juice for miles. While this was occurring, the youkai looked at her nails with minor disinterest, opening a gap just in front of the umbrella and had the wave swallow itself inside it.
“Forgot about her gaps already,” sighed Applejack, clearly disappointed.
When it cleared, Discord appeared right behind her, sending a stream of rubber snakes at her, trying to wrap her up.
“I appreciate the gift, Mr. Chaos Spirit,” Yukari smiled, then opened a gap right before him… and unleashed the rest of the wave, hitting him before he could teleport away, blowing him into the stratosphere and beyond. “But I’m afraid I have to send it back, purple is more my color.”
“You give purple a bad name with your actions!” yelled Twilight, getting nods from Spike and Starlight.
Discord was thoroughly drenched when he finally reappeared, shaking with rage as the soda on his fur vaporized due to the heat.
Suddenly he visibly deflated, sighing as he summoned a fire hydrant, cooling and cleaning himself, before returning his gaze to the youkai, who watched him with barely contained amusement.
“This is officially no longer funny,” he stated, drying himself with an obviously displeased white bunny, throwing it in a bin afterwards.
“Angel?” asked a bewildered Fluttershy, while the rest of the group giggled.
“I hereby forfeit.”
“WHAT?!” yelled everypony.
“Is that so?” Yukari began. “Good. It would get boring if I had to kill you with such ease.”
“She was really going to kill him…,” said Celestia suddenly, spooking everypony. Luna and Cadence were looking at each other in worry.
She suddenly raised her arm. “Or that’s what I would say... if you were the real one in the first place.” She seemed to grab the sky and pulled, removing several clouds behind her, revealing the true Discord hiding inside a floating shrub, with only his tail and a lone feather exposed.
- Boundary of Ignorance and Awareness -
“Urgh, so you’re good at playing Hide-and-Seek too,” groaned Discord.
“Now you’re cheating too,” complained Applejack.
“Well, excuse me. But if she’s not playing fair, why should I?” asked Discord, getting a grumble in response.
SPELLCARD - EVIL SPIRITS “YUKARI YAKUMO’S SPIRITING AWAY”
A blast of Danmakus and lasers struck the draconequus point blank, launching him viciously down onto the surface. The sounds of breaking bones could be heard even from Yukari's position, as she disappeared into a gap in reality.
“Ouch, she isn’t pulling her punches, is she?” winced Rainbow. “I knew how that feels.”
She warped near her opponent's flattened form. "I might generously assume that you simply like being beaten to a pulp," she mused. "But I think you simply aren't imaginative enough."
“Now she’s mocking him,” stated Rarity, while the temperature in the room started to rise slowly.
Discord recovered and stood up, looking fairly frustrated
Yukari smiled and dashed around, throwing her hand out. Her dainty fingers reached for the draconequu’s eyes, barely missing as he dodged and tried to counter with a punch. Yukari giggled at the futile attempt and lifted herself upwards, spinning across the air and placed her hands on either side of Discord’s face.
- Boundary of Life and Death -
The Spirit of Disharmony shuddered, before breaking out of her grasp. He ducked down and tried to slice the youkai with his left claw, which Yukari easily evaded.
Both broke apart, facing each other at a few feet’s distance.
“You saw it, did you ~?” Yukari questioned. “Your death?”
Her smile seemed…off. Uncanny, some would say. As if behind the curve of her lips was her sheer inhuman nature.
“Dear Faust, she is a monster,” shuddered Twilight, just as disturbed as the others. “Way worse than Nightmare Moon, Chrysalis and Sombra together.”
The Lord of Chaos was visibly disturbed, taking deep breaths as he tried to calm himself down.
“Is that fear what I sense? How delicious. Do I scare you?” Yukari teased, holding up her fan to hide a giggle. “If you give up now and submit to me, I might even spare you.”
“How can she enjoy this so much?” whimpered Fluttershy, diving deeper into Rainbow's cloud.
“Fear you? Submit to you? Don’t be silly,” Discord snarled, recovering. “I’m merely interested in your nature. It’s not something that should exist, yet it does. Like an illusion. What did you say you are? A Crap Youkai?”
Silence.
Roaring laughter.
Yukari’s eyes narrowed a bit, the lower half of her face covered by her fan to hide her expression.
- Boundary of Irritation and Serenity -
“Scrap Youkai?”
Cue more laughter.
- Boundary of Irritation and Serenity -
“Lap Dance Youkai?”
At this point everypony was rolling on the ground, laughing their collective asses off.
- Boundary of Irritation and Serenity
“Ah! Gap Hag!”
- Boundary of Anger and Serenity -
Silence.
"Oh shit, now you've done it," remarked Spike, starring with wide eyes at Discord.
"Language!" yelled Twilight.
“Anyway, that aura you posses, it’s not really here. YOU are not really here. You don’t truly exist,” he mocked, grinning cruelly. “You’re nothing more than a phantasm.”
A flash. A stab through her heart. The youkai’s eyes widened with shock as she looked down… the same blade Discord had used earlier in the battle, held by a second draconequus… had pierced her at last.
“I don’t have to fear or spare something that doesn’t really exist,” smirked the Discord in front of her.
"Woah Nelly!" stated Applejack.
"Now he's trying to end her too," noted Shining, getting the attention of the others. "Seems like she's pushing him to his limits."
A swing, and Yukari’s shoulder was completely cut open, blood seeping out of the massive wound. The Lord of Chaos approached her with ease; he was obviously assuming his victory was assured.
“I see… so you’re the type to talk big,” he mocked. Holding his paw out, he continued. “But once exposed, will fade into obscurity. A creature that is nothing more than a bad dream, a living nightmare - will be put down for good here.”
"He treats her as a monster now, not a person," said Sunset, starring at the screen. "He's technically not wrong, but this is still disturbing to watch."
Yukari blinked, growling as a gap opened to her side and fired several violet beams of light, the blasts homing in on the chaotic spirits… but they vanished. At that moment, the sword appeared out of a crack in the sky, piercing her belly.
“You’re not the only one that can manipulate reality,” Discord laughed, reappearing as a single entity in front of her.
“A dream you say,” Yukari muttered… and broke the sword with her hand. “Then I suppose I’ll just have to wake you up.”
"Looks like she's getting serious now too," remarked Cadence. "This doesn't bode well."
Her body was suddenly set ablaze as the remains of the sword exploded, confusion running across her face as she tried to retreat into a gap.
“Good luck with that, I’m a heavy sleeper,” grinned Discord, forming a giant sphere of magic between his palms. “Just ask Fluttershy.”
And with that, he sent the sphere in her direction, intending to end this fight.
Everypony was leaning forward, anxious about what would happen next.
Only for something to redirect the blast of distorted energy towards the ground below.
"What the...?!" yelled everypony in surprise, blinking.
When he looked up in confusion, it was yet another blonde woman, one with multiple white-tipped tails and a mob cap barely hiding her ears.
"Hey, that is cheating, no outside help!" complained Pinkie, holding a red card up. "Foul Play!"
“Ran, I don’t remember summoning you here,” Yukari sighed, opening her fan, while her wounds finally had time to heal properly.
“Forgive me, my lady. But I couldn’t just sit by idly. This creature is not worth your precious time,” stated Ran Yakumo, her most trusted shikigami. “Please let me handle this, my lady.”
"Well, I can at least understand her reasoning," stated the Element of Loyalty. "I couldn't stand aside either if I saw you getting beat by some punk."
Getting into a fighting stance, Ran looked at Discord with obvious disdain. “You’ll regret coming here and laying your filthy paws on Mistress Yukari, you cretin!
The Gap Youkai simply approached her shikigami and struck her over the head with her parasol.
“Kya!”
Stunned silence.
"Ok. What?!" asked a confused Trixie.
“My, it seems you’re malfunctioning a bit, do I need to do a hard reboot?~” Yukari asked, hitting the parasol over the fox demon’s head again.
“Owowowow! Lady Yukari-! Ow!”
"Is this really happening right now?" questioned a bewildered Rarity.
Discord could just watch. In fact, it was obvious that he actually wanted to sit down and enjoy the show.
"Don't just sit around there! Do something! This is an ample opportunity to finish this fight!" urged Sunset the draconequus.
“Well, I guess I will forgive you this time,” Yukari finally relented, opening a gap. “Your timely intervention did save me some trouble. Go home and prepare me some tea, I will need it after this is over.”
“Y-yes, Lady Yukari!” whimpered the bruised shikigami, getting up and quickly jumping into the gap, closing it behind her.
"Seems like she wants to finish this fight on her own after all," mused Shining.
Once she was gone, Yukari faced Discord, cracking her neck.
“Looks like I got a little carried away,” she stated. “Thank you for your patience. Now, let’s continue, shall we?”
"Here they go again," stated a worried Celestia.
“No matter what you do,” Discord began, snapping his claws. “It won’t help.”
The youkai turned in confusion, seeing what appeared to be an army of Discords surrounding her. Each one coming at her with a sword in hand, while the original was standing back. The youkai smirked and simply held her fan above her head.
SPELLCARD - YUKARI’S ARCANUM “DANMAKU BARRIER”
At that moment, two sigils - rings with patterns similar to a summoning circle - scattered apart and began to spew forth blue orbs of light, all tightly packed together, as the other ring fired pink orbs. The Discords saw the orbs flying forth, forcing them to scatter before being bombarded.
At that moment, the bullets stopped just short of hitting the youkai in the center and flew back again - resembling a beautiful duo-colored flower. The copies were overwhelmed due to the speed and sheer number coming at them, leaving them open for the next set that ripped through them like butter, reducing them to nothing.
"Wow, neither of them is holding back anymore," said Starlight, analyzing the the fight on the screen.
“That was merely Easy Mode, even a child could accomplish that,” Yukari teased the real Discord. "I am an Elder Youkai, and you are nothing more but a mere spirit. What looks like impermeable chaos to you is the tip of the iceberg for me. So, let’s amp it up to… LUNATIC.”
"Nevermind, she was still playing around?!"
SPELLCARD - PARADOX “PERPETUAL MOTION”
Discord realized that he was moving sideways. Trying to stop himself ended in failure, as he was now shifting back and forth.
Danmakus appeared randomly in the space around him and split into several more, forcing the Chaos Spirit to dodge without the ability to stop, wobbling back and forth through the barrage appearing out of thin air.
Suddenly, the air seemed to vibrate, as the wind was picking up, vaporizing any cloud in its wake.
The sky was still bright, the sun shining on him as Yukari appeared in front of him and landed a punch that launched Discord back - into the dark. The moon and stars were shining as if it was night time. In fact.
It was.
Both night and day were existing in unison. The sun and moon were shining bright as Discord floated under the night sky.
- Boundary of Day and Night -
"The sun...," gapped a stunned Celestia.
"And the moon too," added a similary surprised Luna. "She took control of both of them at the same time?!"
"And those don't fall under the same rules as ours," remembered Twilight, blanching. "J-just how powerful is she?!"
Without hesitation, Yukari flipped her hand upwards, creating a gapping distortion over the draconequus.
SPELLCARD - DECEPTION ARTISTRY “DARK SIDE OF THE MOON”
The gab unleashed glowing white magic circles in all directions and random distances, and a few black ones as well. The black ones unleashed sprays of blue lasers in Discord's vague direction while the white ones unleashed a considerably larger amount of lasers each, but in all directions.
Shortly after summoning this attack, Yukari leaned back to avoid a counter blast from a panicking Discord, before rising up and sitting down on a gap to avoid another one passing underneath her.
SPELLCARD - FANTASY NEST “FLYING NEST GLOW WORM’S NEST”
Finally, after what seemed to be hours, but were only a few minutes, the barrage of attacks stopped, giving Discord a chance to catch his breath.
"Trixie's eyes hurt," complained Trixie (duh!).
Looking around for his foe, he realized that she was gone again. While preparing for what was surely coming for him, his left arm suddenly vanished. Surprise ran across his face as he noticed this.
"Dear Celestia, what now?" asked Cadence in anxiety.
Yukari was right behind him, holding his snatched off arm with a noticeable bite in it. Her lips still clean despite this.
Everypony screamed in unison.
"Oh my non-descripted deities," hurled Discord, a stream of liquid rainbows streaming out his mouth.
Fluttershy and Rarity fainted, while the others were looking just as sick as Discord.
“The ability to manipulate reality you say?” started the Gap Youkai, throwing the rest away, as Discord’s arm regenerated. “Close but no cigar. My power is much greater than that, exceeding your limited understanding of what you call ‘reality’.”
As the draconequus turned… his head was reduced to nothing in a heartbeat. His body soon followed…
Everypony was starrring at the screen in pure horror.
“The Boundary of Form and Nothingness had befallen you. A tragic and abrupt ending, befitting for one like you. Dirt to dirt, so to speak,” with a smile, Yukari unfolded her umbrella… before a strike from behind cut through her body. Slowly, she began to lean forth.
"I can't stand much more of this," moaned Twilight.
Another swing… and Yukari might as well have been cut in half. The youkai’s eyes widened as she fell to the ground below.
As he watched the woman fall, the Lord of Chaos grinned.
“When will you finally learn?” he asked mockingly. “No matter what you do, it’s useless!!”
"Hello, somepony called Mr. Murphy?" tried Pinkie to lift up the mood, despite her hair being straight enough to cut wood.
At least that was what he said before the sky turned to a bloody red, and something leered down on him. It resembled an enormous version of Yukari’s right eye, that blinked at him. Whatever it was, it told him that the fight wasn’t over.
Rarity, who just got up, fell to the ground once again, in blissful unconsciousness.
SPELLCARD - AERIAL BAIT “BAIT LACED WITH VENOM”
And at that moment, from every direction, gaps formed in the space of sky, and a barrage of lasers bombarded the chaotic spirit like hail. Each beam moved too fast for him to react. Each hit looked like an uncontrollable explosion.
“Mr. Chaos Spirit, you mustn’t underestimate me ~,” Yukari’s voice echoed from the gaps, before she stepped out. “No matter how many times you try to kill me, the only thing you’ll ever achieve is to ruin my dress ~.”
"Dress?" asked Rarity groggily, waking up at the sound of her favourite word.
SPELLCARD - SPACETIME BOUNDARY “BORROWED TURTLE WAVE”
Yukari summoned a blue-glowing gap in front of her, showing a green landscape, a mountain and…Canterlot?
"Is that our castle?" asked Luna in trepidation. "What could she want from there?"
Suddenly, the castle exploded, as a bright blue beam shot forward, going through the gap and heading for Discord, who barely had the time to jump out of the way. The attack continued, until it hit a mountain in the distance, reducing it to dust. Discord gapped, before turning around and scowling at the smug blonde.
Everyponies jaw dropped.
"H-how?!" yelled Twilight, plucking her mane.
"That makes no sense, even for me," stated Discord in a rare moment of agreement with the youngest alicorn.
"That’s cheating!" he shouted, pointing an accusing claw at her.
"We're well past this point now," deadpanned Sunset, still shaking a little.
"I am a youkai," Yukari reminded him all too happily. "Being fair isn't in our job description."
"Yeah, that is what I thought."
SPELLCARD - SINISTER SPIRITS “DOUBLE BLACK DEATH BUTTERFLY”
“Oh come on!” complained Discord, flying away as fast he could.
“Neither is being nice,” she laughed.
Discord darted away with a yelp as the monstrous attack began. It started with hundreds of massive butterflies being flung all over the arena in a massive pulse, scattered around the space. Then, Yukari crossed her hands, and all the butterflies began a rotation in both directions to form a tornado of death, surrounding him.
Just as that happened however, something changed in the atmosphere… a burst of magical energy forced the lights away.
Discord lifted his right paw, ready to snap again, only to be suddenly pulled away by a massive red claw emitting from a distorted space behind him. Confusion was quickly replaced with shock as he saw Yukari waving her fan, sending what appeared to be blades from it. The draconequus focused ahead and a wall made of candy cones formed before him, deflecting the blades with ease.
"Looks like they're at a stalemate" said Shining. "Whatever they do, it cancels to actions of the other."
"Hey guys, Fluttershy is still unconscious," noted Spike.
"Let her be, this is nothing for her," answered Discord, worried about his first friend.
Taking note, Yukari simply waved her hand again. The claw began to crush Discord in its grip. But despite its mighty hold, the Spirit of Chaos didn’t make a sound. His gaze met hers, and he smirked… before melting away, running through the fingers like jello, reforming under the distortion.
"No one can get the upper hoof," agreed Starlight to Shining's previous statement.
The youkai seemed to grab nothing, clenching her hand on the air around her. The draconequus didn’t had the time to react as she seemed to pull… and in that moment, it looked like everything was sliced in two, Discord’s body was ripped in separate halves, and the clouds parting several kilometers away like butter.
"What did she do?" asked Trixie in confusion.
"She basically twisted dimensions, using one to cut through the other," explained Sunset, her mouth open enough to fit an entire wheel through it.
Just as he put himself together, Yukari stepped out of a gap behind him, a smirk on her face. Before he could move, she swiped her hand down, bitch-slapping his face with enough force to part the remaining clouds in the distance. The force of her backhand knocked Discord out of the sky, sending him plummeting to the ground with the speed of a falling meteor. The impact from his landing devastated the land below, terraforming the mountain range entirely.
"No mercy," whimpered Discord, while Celestia stood up and sat right next to him, laying one of her wings over him. This action didn't went unnoticed by the others, but no one said anything.
Stepping through another tear in reality, Yukari followed him.
“You know… it’s not too late to accept my offer,” Yukari began, noticing that his wounds are healing at a much slower pace. “You may even get another chance to spread havoc across another world.”
Discord stood up as his eyes met Yukari’s… and he responded accordingly.
"No...," started Discord, scowling.
With a claw through her chest.
"I'll never betray my friends again."
Yukari didn’t reply at first, blood leaking from her wound. Then she smiled.
"Tartarus, when will she finally give up," asked Luna no one in particular.
At that moment, the air around Discord started to tremble.
“As I stated before, I can feel your fear. I can literally taste it. And it’s… delicious,” Yukairi grinned wolfishly, licking her lips. “Play-time is over… I’m getting serious. Now, allow me to show you the difference in our powers.”
- Boundary of Mischievous and Serious -
"Not at all, it seems," gulped Twilight.
“You feed on fear you say?” Discord began, teleporting away from her.
A crack formed above the youkai, and large, scaled claws, each the size of a tree, forced the dimensional rift open as a near endless array of fire-breathing dragons poked their faces out. “Then you will starve!”
"Woah Nelly!" yelled Applejack. "You can do that?!"
"I never had to go all out like this," answered the Lord of Chaos. "But against someone like her..."
The dragons roared and breathed huge columns of fire, reducing the bordering forest to cinder in one mighty blast of heat. The dragons continued their haunting roars, as they stomped and rampaged across the remains of the mountain range.
Yukari was able to evade the blasts with ease, hovering in the air and observing the mindless beasts below her. Her eyes narrowed when the dragons went quiet all of a sudden, before raising their heads as one to glare at the woman.
"I won't hold back anymore."
Wings were battering when the fire lizards took into the skies, heading towards Yukari. The Youkai Sage simply sighed and raised her fan… and with a wave, a shockwave of otherworldly power was flying to the dragons at speeds they couldn’t even comprehend and reducing them to nothing in an instant. The horde kept coming, all too slow...
The youkai became the very last thing any of the dragons saw, before crumbling to dust the very next second later by her powerful attacks. Yukari didn’t even change the expression of utter boredom on her face.
“I am growing tired of your games,” as she said this, four violet colored lights fired and encircled her, before flying out and annihilating the remaining dragons.
"Even an entire army of dragons can't slow her down at all," whimpered Spike, getting a reassuring hug from Rarity.
"You smug little...," growled Celestia, scaring the others as the heat in the room skyrocket.
At that moment, six rings surrounded her, growing larger and larger. As soon as Yukari noticed them, they started to glow in six different colours: orange, lavender, white, pink, blue and yellow.
Discord appeared in a safe distance from her, growling. “My turn. Consider this OVER!”
SPELLCARD - SONG OF HARMONY “FRIENSHIP IS MAGIC”
"What in my name," started the sun princess, calming down in order to look at the screen in wonder.
Six gigantic, familiar shapes formed out of the circles, attacking the surprised youkai simultaneously.
The first darted back and forth and released blasts of red bullets in her direction.
The second released a hail storm of purple lasers in a vaguely aimed fashion.
The third unleashed Danmaku in a spiralling pattern around itself, before they started to spread towards its opponent like silk.
The fourth unleashed bursts of multicoloured Danmaku of peculiar shapes, looking like clouds of confetti.
The fifth made fast dashes straight for Yukari, leaving behind a spraying trail of all colours of the rainbow, that persisted where they travelled.
The sixth and final one would back away from Yukari at a slow pace, releasing pink and yellow Danmaku as if to feebly protect itself.
"That are...," Celestia began, mouth agape in surprise.
"Hey, thats us!" cheered Pinkie, her mane poofing out again.
Yukari simply gave a tired sigh as the attacks hit her all at once.
BOOM!!
A moment later, a wave of lightning erupted, the speed and pressure of the shockwave turning the entire sky a pale white for a split second as the mach cone breached the stratosphere and burned against the ground.
The mushroom cloud formed from this could be seen from orbit, scattering the clouds and turning them into storms in a moment before completely evaporating. When it finally dissipated, the once beautiful land was turned to a completely barren one. It resembled nothing but gravel, a newly formed crater the size of an island in its center, so deep that the magma chambers were seeping out. What was left of the mountains was breaking away into space.
"You know, since you are usually just messing around," gulped Rainbow Dash. "It's easy to forget how scary you can be if you want to."
Yukari herself… looked completely unfazed.
"WHAT THE BUCK!" screamed Celestia, shaking the entire castle.
"Not even a scratch," stated a horrified Discord, grapping the alicorn sitting next to him.
“I believe that was but a love tap compared to what I’m going to do to you. Maybe less than that even. Are you growing afraid of me now that you realize that your tricks won’t work on me?”
Discord starred at her in silence, then simply raised his left claw and snapped.
As he slowly walked away, Yukari was engulfed by darkness.
"What is that?!" asked a disturbed Twilight.
"Something I hoped I would never had to use," said Discord. "Chaos in its purest form: Creation and destruction.
Floating in an empty space, her body started to dissolve, as unseen forces ripped at her, devouring and annihilating her very existence. Despite this, she seemed completely calm, even as the flesh on her face faded away, showing a grinning skull. Holding up her left hand, she watched in curiosity as her fingers turned to dust before disappearing entirely.
"Why is she so calm?!" asked a bewildered Spike. "She's dying!"
“Not bad. Trapping me in a place that destroys everything within it, time and space included. It does hurt quite a bit,” Yukari spoke as if she was taking a stroll in the park, her single eye looking at the edge of the black mass. “If this continues I actually might cease to be.”
"Oh heavens, she is planning something," stated Rarity, hugging Spike even thighter.
She held the dainty fingers of her remaining arm out and squeezed them like one catching a fly between his fingers would do.
Discord stopped, eyes widening.
- Boundary of Reality and Fiction -
And the black space shattered apart, leaving the watching draconequus in a state of shock.
"No, nonononononono!!" gapped Discord, while Celestia throw her front legs around him, in the hope this would calm him down.
“Mr. Chaos Spirit. Please, if I eat anymore, I’ll grow overweight ~,” Yukari’s disembodied voice giggled.
"It's over!" moaned Discord, shaking in Celestia's embrance.
“You were quite fun earlier,” she complimented. “But you should know. You were dancing on the palm of my hand for quite a while. The fun had passed, and you’re making me a sadist,” Yukari whispered nonchalantly, as she watched Discord holding his right paw out.
A flash escaped his fingers, but nothing seemed to happen.
Starring at his paw in confusion, he snapped again.
And again.
And again.
"She took away his magic! Now he's completly helpless!" yelled Applejack, pulling her hat down at its sides.
As the Spirit of Chaos slowly raised his head in trepidation, he finally saw Yukari approaching, a smile on her face as red mist escaped from her still reforming torso. Her face was hidden in darkness… her mouth spread to a large predatory smile… showing of unusually sharp teeth… her eyes glowing with eldritch power… and then a multitude of bleeding eyes were meeting Discord’s horrified face.
“That actually hurt. You completely ruined me… my clothes are ruined too… so allow me to repay the favor!”
Yukari raised her hand… and snapped her fingers.
"Oh no...," whimpered Discord.
Before Discord could comment of that final act of mockery to him… a gap opened behind him.
“It seems neither of us can truly stay dead,” said Yukari, as her body returned to normal. “In order to finish you, I suppose I just have to erase you from reality altogether.”
MANIPULATION OF BOUNDARIES - ARCANIUM OF THE BATTLEFIELD “BOUNDARY OF UNIVERSE AND VOID”
A series of hands grabbed the draconequus by his throat, face, torso, and arms. The horror on his face only growing as he was pulled into the gap and dropped in the middle of nonexistence… a white flash.
And he was gone.
KO
"She erased him from existance. Just like that," mumbled Twilight, while the others were either silent in shock or crying slightly. Celestia still tried to soothe the draconequus, despite the tears running down at her face.
Fluttershy comes home, looking around and searching for Discord.
Yukari sits at a little table and finishes her tea, before entering a gap of hers,… only for a second one opening up on the screen and her emerging from it.
____________________
"What the buck!" roared Luna, shaking everypony out of their depression. And finally waking Fluttershy up.
Yukari: So I see you were the one observing me... rude.
Everypony starred at the screen in horror and confusion, but at least the the shock of the youkai appearing in the video distracted everypony from their distress.
"Oh my, what happened?" asked a confused Fluttershy, looking around.
"... Let's just say that Discord lost and Yukari took over the show," said Sunset lamely, while the yellow pegasus gasped before flying to the chaotic spirit and joining Celestia in comforting him.
Lully Pop: Son of a …! What the hell!? How did you get in here?
Yukari: Simple, boundaries ~.
Lully Pop: Damnit Crow! I thought you said you sealed this place!
Crow: Do you really think I could stop someone like her? I'm actually surprised she didn't noticed me sooner.
"So it's Mr. Crow who gets all this footage and information about us and the others?" asked Twilight, trying to calm herself down. "He must have similar powers to Discord and... Yakumo."
Yukari: Oh my ~. Trouble in paradise?
Lully Pop: SHUT UP!
Yukari: (Giggling) So, are we going to sit around and chat idly all day or is a review of the battle going to be in order?
"Don't act so smug!" yelled an angry Rainbow, getting sounds of agreement from the others.
Lully Pop: Urgh! Take it away, Crow! The sooner we finish…
Crow: This fight... was surprisingly one-sided. In fact, Yukari could have ended it any time she wanted. Since she has never showed her full strength, the upper limits to her power are completely unknown, but even without getting serious, she outclasses Discord in every way possible. But let’s take it from the top.
"If it was so one-sided, why do it in the first place," grumbled an still shaken Discord, slowly recovering between the two mares, who are still hugging him.
Lully Pop: For starters, both have very similar powers and abilities. Both are practically unkillable, can warp reality in their own unique way and are seemingly omnipotent. But while Discord may be a power of reckoning, Yukari IS reckoning.
Yukari: You flatterer ~.
Lully Pop: I hate my job…
Crow: Please stop antagonizing her, I’m the one who has to deal with her when she goes berserk. Anyway, Discord had no way of actually hurt her, since anything he could throw at Yukari could be easily redirected by her gaps, or be disabled and countered by her boundary manipulation. Direct confrontation is also a no-go. He may be stronger and faster than any other being in Equestria, but compared to the inhabitants of Gensokyo, he's average at best.
"Well, I guess that's true. Not like we could compete with century old gods," sighed Applejack, fluffing up her hat.
Lully Pop: Don’t believe us? Remember the strength of other youkai like Suika, who can topple mountains and destroy countries. Even they're intimidated by this granny. She can dogde laser barriages for a living, and can keep up with beings who can circle the moon in a few minutes without trying. So Yukari effortlessly dwarfs him in this category. And this is her still holding back!
"Kinda stinks that she never took him serious," stated Spike, understanding the feeling of not being taken seriously.
Yukari: (Yawns) What can I say? Taking things seriously is so tiresome.
Crow: Yukari was able to manipulate and outsmart gods, and due to her powers can easily obtain all the information she needed to overcome Discord. Using this in combination with her superior intellect, she can come up with hundreds of possible strategies to defeat him in mere seconds.
"Yeah, and yet the finished him of in the cruelest way possible," growled Rainbow, getting a curios glance from Fluttershy.
"Why, what did she do?" Everypony stiffened as one.
"You don't want to know, Flutters," Rainbow finally answered.
"Meep!"
Lully Pop: Yukari’s resistance to magic, mind control and illusions also means he couldn’t distract or affect her for too long, if at all.
Crow: Another matter of importance is their overall experience. Discord is more of a trickster than an actual fighter, preferring to manipulate or confuse his enemies into submission. Yukari on the other hand has no such restraints, capable and willing to outright kill her foes if she deems it necessary, to the point were even a massive loss of life is of no concern for her. She has challenged countless powerful entity’s, including deities, and came out on top.
"Heavens, that wasn't a fight, that was a stomp fest," sighed Rarity, releasing a disappointed Spike to fix her disheveled mane.
Lully Pop: And even if he gets over his inhibitions, he has no way of ending her effectively. Physical attacks are a waste of time, and even more creative approches would most likely be useless. How do you kill someone who can survive little suns and black holes being thrown in her face, and walk it off? Even if Discord tries to teleport her into a sun or another dimension, she can easily escape or warp her way out. Or simply negate the damage.
Yukari: It would ruin my mood though…
"You don't say..." deadpanned Luna.
Crow: It has been stated that the only way to stop youkai of Yukari’s magnitude, is to attack or purify their souls directly. Which is easier said than done. Even holy entities like gods or celestials, who are the natural counter to a youkai’s power, weren’t able to do so. The celestial Tenshi was capable of defeating several of the strongest youkai in Gensokyo with ease, but even after stabbing Yukari with the Sword of Hisou, she was still unable to kill her. And remember, this weapon is capable of cutting and destroying souls.
"Okay this is getting ridiculous, how do you even beat something like her!" yelled Starlight, throwing her front legs up in the air.
Lully Pop: So Discord was pretty much boned before the fight even began. The complete opposite goes for Yukari. It was never the question of who would win, but when Yukari gets bored.
Yukari: Things can get dull, even in Gensokyo. So why not enjoy some fun when it presents itself ~?
"Tia, calm down. You're scaring Discord," warned Luna her fumming sister, who's mane was starting to smolder. "And Miss Fluttershy too."
"Meep!" made the distressed butter pegasus.
Crow: Her ability to manipulate boundaries trumps Discord’s chaotic magic in every way possible. Yukari’s power is stated ‘to be capable of fundamentally undermining reality’ and ‘surpass the borders of reason and rationality’, while Discord’s still works under a specific set of rules and limitations.
Lully Pop: Unlike Discord, there are no effective counters or weaknesses to her power, and given enough time, Yukari can easily find a get-around. Like when she found her way to the moon, despite the lunarian’s effort to hide it by magic. Her magical reserves and stamina are also stated to be limitless, while Discord’s however have defined limits. That was proven on several occasions, for example when he was visible tired after helping the CMC after a day of crusading. And don't forget, all his powers are linked to his magic. Without it, he's pretty much helpless.
"Yeah, we saw that. Thanks for reminding us," said a strangely dark-pink colored Pinkie, her mane once again flat on her head.
Crow: Yukari on the other hand had plenty of opportunities to end the fight prematurely. By creating sufficient amounts of antimatter, or by simply shifting or destroying boundaries, she could easily become everything between a planet- to an universe-buster. There is no way Discord could compete with someone like her.
YUKARI YAKOMO
Stronger, faster and smarter
Endless stamina and magic
More experience and ruthless
Immortality trumps Discord’s
Her powers outclass Discord’s by far
Can counter everything Discord could throw at her
Better weaponry and combat skills
Could end the fight anytime she wants
Does not take the fight seriously
Does not use her full power
DISCORD
Unpredictable
His powers allows him to keep up with Yukari, to a certain degree
Weaker, slower and less experienced
Can be influenced by Yukari's manipulation
His magic and powers are inferior to Yukari’s
Has no means to defeat Yukari, or protect himself from her
Helpless without magic
"Come on Discord, you heard them. She basically a universe-smasher," Spike stated, trying to console the draconequus. "There is no shame in loosing to someone that strong."
"Wise words young dragon," agreed Luna. "Now get up, I refuse to believe that somepony who defied me and my sister for so long would fall into such a state by something this!"
Discord slowly freed himself from Celestia's and Fluttershy's embrance, cracking his neck, then took his head off and gave it a good shake before putting it back on.
"You're right," grinned Discord, getting cheers from the others. "No point in whinning. This Spirit of Chaos wont throw the towel that easily!"
Yukari: (Claps) You really did your homework on this. I applaud that.
Crow: Thank you. Since you’re here anyway, do you want to join us? I got a delivery of fresh tea and cake this afternoon.
Yukari: My, my, what a gentleman ~.
Lully Pop: Don’t give away my cake! So, once Yukari got serious, it was over in a FLASH.
Crow: …
The group: ...
Yukari: … Really?
Lully Pop: Ehmm… it ended with a SNAP? You got NOTHING to worry about?
Yukari: That… actually hurt. Have do you endure this?
Crow: You get used to it. Also, no cake for you, Lully. The winner is… Yukari Yakumo.
Lully Pop: Hey, wait for me! … Next time on EvU…
"Don't you worry, Discord! I'll give you cuddles, and read you stories, and tell you all about me! I was born on a Tuesday..."
“Pinkie, I’m grateful that you’re trying to cheer me up, but I’ll get over it,” stated Discord, sitting back between Celestia and Fluttershy.
“But I didn’t say anything! Gasp! Is there a second Pinkie? Do I have another sister?” answered Pinkie, bouncing back to her usual self, looking around excitedly. “Where are you?! I want to hug you, and then we can bake cakes and be best sisters ever! Well, beside Maud, she is…”
“Pinkie, calm down!” interrupted Twilight.
“Oh Celestia, give Trixie strength…,” sighed the blue pony. “Everypony, look at the screen.”
Everypony in the room now looked back at the screen which had changed to show a very familiar pink pony.
"Isn't this exciting? Are you excited because I'm excited I've never been so excited, well, except for the time that I saw you walking into town and I went [gasp] but I mean really, who could top that?"
“Seems that Miss Pie is next,” said Luna, dodging the overly excited pink hurricane jumping around the room in high speed. “We are worried who her challenger might be.”
“After this fight, I guess we all are,” agreed Cadence.
One could hear upbeat music, as Pinkies’ opponent came into view.
“Save the world?! You're going on world-saving missions without us?! I'm hurt! Sad! Maybe a little hungry. That last one's not your fault...”
A girl in pink clothes and orange hear appeared, smashing black-furred monsters with a gigantic hammer, laughing madly all the while.
“So this is her opponent,” stated Applejack. “She seems… enthusiastic?”
“Great, another pink airhead…,” sighed Trixie.
“She looks like fun!” laughed Pinkie, stopping in front of the screen.
“Of course you would say that,” smiled Sunset, chuckling.
“No more moping around! We gotta get your butt in shape for the big fight! It could be today. It could be tomorrow. It could be the most important fight of your entire life!”
PINKIE PIE VS NORA VALKYRIE
“Nora Valkyrie,” hummed Luna. “A strong name. We can expect much from her.”
“I just hope the fight is not such a buzzkill like the last one,” grumbled Rainbow, getting a new stash of snacks from the table before settling back on her cloud.
“Only one way to find out!” sang Pinkie, grapping the remote with her tail.
As soon as everypony got comfortable again, she hit the button, starting the next episode.
Author's Note
Yikes, that was brutal!
I completly forgot what a friggin' powerhouse a serious Yukari is. When I started the
analysis I expected things to be far more balanced.
For everyone who's not familiar with the Touhou franchise, here a few things you should know:
1 - Most of the characters are so OP, that it makes OnePunchMan or Dragonball laughable in comparison
2 - It practically invented the name and genre of "Bullet Hell"
3 - Basically the big sister of Undertale
4 - Lunatic-Mode is only for masochists
5 - Indirect responsable for thousands of broken controllers
For the few that have noticed, I scrapped the plan to make all fights non-lethal, simply to
make things a bit more interesting. So in future I'll mix it up a little.
So next fight is Pinkie vs Nora, see you soon!
Discord: Not so fast buster, I would like to have a word with you...
Oh, fudge...
