T'was the week before ~~Pony Christmas~~ Hearth's Warming and all through the fields of Sweet Apple Acres, not a creature was stirring except for the faint sound of a keyboard typing followed by a cautionary shriek of horror.
....ok, maybe this won't be such a silent tale after all...
Nonetheless, this story begins in a familiar setting : a lovely, quaint farmhouse on said Apple Orchard where the Apple Family resides. Where if one listens closely, one can hear:
"Applejack! Are ya crazy! Ya'll know what happened last time!" spoke the littlest apple sibling, also known as Apple Bloom. Said filly in question was mortified as to what she was currently seeing: her beloved sister Applejack opening up FimFiction on her "Apple Macintosh" and proceeding to type.
"What in tarnation is that supposed to mean?" questioned the older sister with a defensive glare as she paused from what she was working on to look at the wide-eyed youngling.
"Are ya'll even thinking about writing another Fanfiction?" muttered Apple Bloom, her hooves trembling in fear on the creaky wooden floorboards of the bedroom. "Ya'll know how last time turned out" she spoke.
"Those ponies were just getting in the way of my 'creative genius' " muttered a bitter Applejack, thinking back to her original Fanfiction debut. "...and besides, Tumblr blocked my account, so now ah need a place to express myself" she admitted in truthful honesty.
"Applejack, your Tumblr got deleted because y'all drew pictures of Winona suggestively licking Twilight" Apple Bloom dryly replied, lost as to how her older sister even thought that was appropriate content.
"It was my pride and joy!" Applejack barked in frustration before turning her attention back to her laptop screen, "But that don't matter anymore, this will be my greatest masterpiece, just ya'll see" declared the determined farmer, causing her younger sister to worry even more than she already has.
"Ah'm going to need backup" the filly uttered slowly backing herself away from the disaster area.
One transition later.....
"So why'd you bring me here again? I was having the best nap of my life" spoke a tired and annoyed drake.
"Sorry, bout that Spike" Apple Bloom apologized, "but this is serious".
"Serious?!" Spike alertly woke up upon hearing that. "'Newbie Dash' controversy serious?!"
"Worse" Apple Bloom coldly replied. Her back somberly turned away from the dragon,
"Applejack's writing another Fanfiction" .
A dragon scream could be heard outside of Sweet Apple Acres, throughout the streets of Ponyville, traumatizing the residents of the town with it's blood-curling velocity. Ponies fled and hid inside their houses, children were crying, dogs and cats were cowering with fear. They knew an eventual disaster would imminently be arriving.
Spike and Apple Bloom ran up to Applejack's room, faster than either of them knew they could run and arrived upon their destination in a matter of seconds. It was just as Apple Bloom had described it - for there stood the element of honesty conjuring up writing that could make a jailpony melt in their place.
"Applejack! Are you insane!" cried Spike, hoping his plea could snap the older sister out of it.
"Oh! Hey Spike" Applejack looked up and replied casually. Spike's plea had failed.
"Why're you doing this? What are you after?" Apple Bloom asked, hugging Spike tightly in fear.
"Ah. Don't be silly. Ponies love my stories. Ah'm going to be rich!" Applejack assured.
"Applejack,..." Spike replied sarcastically, knowing this was his last shot at snapping Applejack out of her terrible ideas; "Your first story was so bad, and yet it was fortunate enough to get 7 likes, what money are you going to get from 7 likes?"
Applejack huffed in annoyance, her hatred of this so called "criticism" rising. "Why don't ya'll read what I have down so far? Ah'll prove to the two of ya, it will become the most successful story in FimFiction history!" she boldly proclaimed in an abundance of confidence.
Spike and Apple Bloom silently stared at each other for a good 10 seconds before they both busted out laughing, much to the larger pony's anger.
"Ya'll are going to beat the 'Twilestia' and the 'Flutterdash' stories out there? yeah right" cried Apple Bloom, continuing to cry out strings of laughter alongside the equally chuckling dragon before they both calmed down, gasping for breath.
"Yeah, no offense, Applejack, but even if your story is as good as you say it is, ponies eat up those stories, and for good reason too, they're romantic, comedic, and they have alot of heart to them" Spike explained.
"How's that different from my stories?" barked Applejack in annoyance.
"Applejack, your stories just have ponies shipped with each other for no good reason" Apple Bloom reasoned, "not to mention, they're usually awfully written and disturbing".
"Yeah" Spike continued, "your last story had Shining Armor marrying his daughter", he cringed out of pure disgust.
"They're a cute couple" Applejack tried to reason, but failed to do so as Spike and Apple Bloom froze in place and proceeded to give her the most fearful and shocked looks she'd ever seen.
"They're father and daughter!" screamed an incredulous Apple Bloom.
Applejack waved a hoof, calming the two down before softly speaking. "Look, ah'll admit my last story wasn't perfect, but ah know this story is better. Ah'm not asking for much, but please just give it a chance." Applejack begged, slowly causing Spike and Apple Bloom to empathize.
Spike took a long sigh, Applejack's plea causing an effect on him "fine" he winced. "Hit me with your best shot".
Apple Bloom silently nodded alongside Spike, secretly praying to Celestia above that this story was miraculously decent.
Applejack squealed in glee as she brought her laptop and motioned for her friends to sit down next to her, ready for her to tell them what would be a "tale of epic proportions".
"It all starts with Celestia and Granny Smith having three foals and..."
"No" both drake and filly replied in unison.
"What do y'all mean 'no'" Applejack questioned, irritated she had to pause her narration.
"Ah don't want to see my granny doing it with the princess" Apple Bloom spoke, face scrunched up in a horrifying thought.
"Yeah" Spike shook. "I don't want to see somepony I view as a mother do it with her granny; just the thought of it gives me the chills" he confirmed.
"How about a magical quest to recover the lost artifacts of Equestria and defeat Tirek?" asked Applejack.
This idea struck gold as Spike and Apple Bloom finally displayed an ounce of interest into her story.
"That.....actually sounds interesting....." spoke an honestly impressed Spike.
"How are the artifacts recovered?" questioned a fascinated Apple Bloom.
"Easy. Twilight and others shrink themselves down to itty-bitty size and go into Fluttershy's bum and...."
"NO" both drake and filly, again, replied in unison, their interest immediately vanished and replaced with visible sickness.
Applejack's pride vanished as well, her ideas, slowly diminishing, she decided it best to just throw her ideas at the wall.
"Starlight gets AIDS?"
"NO".
"Tempest becoming addicted to cutting off unicorn horns?"
"NO".
"Cadance enrolls to 'Hot Mom' academy?"
"NO".
"The Student Six have a 'make out' circle?"
"NO".
"The Cakes try to bury their fillies?"
"NO".
"Tank being cooked by Rainbow Dash?"
"NO".
"Luna huffing glue?"
"NO" .
"Sweetie Belle is pregnant......"
"..........................."
".....at age 6?"
"NO".
Finally out of ideas, Spike took this as opportunity to ask what was on his mind, "Can't we just go back to 'Kindness and Loyalty?' the story with actual writing and heart behind it?"
"No!" Applejack roared. "My story is clearly superior" as she proceeded to shed a few tears, much to Spike and Apple Bloom's displeasure - feeling sorry for being so harsh on their friend, but needing to do what was right.
"Ah, sis, it's not though" Apple Bloom replied sweetly, patting her older sister's shoulder in an attempt to comfort her.
"Yeah. Look, we can help you write a much better story, it can be your idea, and we can help you. Now please, delete that awful draft and we'll get you some ice cream" bargained a calm Spike, feeling sorry for being bitter and sarcastic earlier.
Applejack, finally calmed down, thought deeply for a quick second before smiling at the young duo in front of her.
"Ya know what, yer right. Ah'm awful sorry for making you read this" she said.
Spike and Apple Bloom proceeded to glance at each other with knowing smiles, they prevented the disaster from occurring and saved their friend.
"Let me just delete this and......" Applejack clicked on her laptop before she froze in place, grabbing the attention of the other two creatures in the room.
Feeling a shred of nervousness return, Apple Bloom walked up to her sister, "What's the matter sis?" she asked innocently.
"Ah accidentally submitted it...." Applejack whispered, unable to turn around and face the two.
"W---what?" Spike uttered, his whole body frozen while he turned into a ghostly, pale, white figure alongside Apple Bloom.
"Ah was clicking for delete, but pressed submit instead...." replied Applejack.
"........we failed....." peeped Apple Bloom, her irises shrinking to those of pins.
"......Tumblr, wherever you are, please for the love of Celestia, get her account back" begged Spike, the trio still as statues inside the cozy farmhouse as it continued to snow into the night.
Suddenly the trio heard multitudes of ponies of screaming from the direction of Ponyville, their work already causing mass destruction.
"Ya'll think we can provide new chapter updates for 'Kindness and Loyalty' to fix this?"
