RISK: the game of World Conquest ...
Morning. Seated at her office desk, Twilight wraps up dictating the day’s agenda to her faithful assistant.
“… and send a warm thank-you note to Davenport for his generous donation of a velvet couch for the school’s library. I’m sure that will make late-night studying that much more a pleasant experience,” she says with a dreamy smile, thinking back to her days as Celestia’s student.
Spike’s quill dances with his frantic scribbling. As he finishes the last of the notes, he and Twilight hear loud banging coming from the doors.
“Open the door, Twi; mah hooves’re full!”
“That’s Applejack; Spike, get the door,” Twilight instructs her assistant.
Spike obliges and opens the door, as Applejacks bursts through on three legs while her free forehoof balances a large gameboard. Twilight’s horn brightens as an aura envelops the board, moving it to her desk while keeping it level.
Applejack breathes a sigh of relief. “Thanks, sugarcube,” she comments as Rainbow Dash flies in from behind her.
“So is she okay with it?” the pegasus eagerly asks.
“Okay with what?” Twilight responds, her focus shifting to the gameboard. “What is this?”
“It’s RISK, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash answers, “the game of World Conquest!”
“Risk?” Twilight instinctively asks in return as she inspects the board, which reminds her of a crudely-made cutie map. Various territories both in and outside of Equestria are parsed into color-specific sections, each holding batches of red and green cubes. A group of five dice lie at the board’s edge, along with a deck of cards bearing the word ‘Risk’ on their backs. “I’ve never heard of this game. And since when do ponies care about world conquest?”
“This game is a classic, Twilight,” Rainbow explains. “It dates back to before you came to Ponyville; I’ve owned this copy since I was a filly. Besides, who hasn’t dreamed of ruling the world at some point?”
“Well, me for starters,” Twilight responds offhoofèdly as she continues inspecting the board. “So what’s the point of this game?”
“Basically, you control an alien invasion force what come to this planet to conquer the world,” Applejack replies. “But really, it’s just a strategy game where the one who controls the whole board wins.”
“I think I’ll stick to ‘Shetlands of Catan’,” Twilight states. “But since when do you two play games like this?”
“It was my idea,” Rainbow states. “Just another example that shows why I’m the most awesome pony around,” she continues with a grin.
“We’ll just see about that,” Applejack responds in kind.
Twilight groans as she places a forehoof to her face. “This is another competition? Come on, you two, I thought we were over this?”
“Over what?” Rainbow innocently asks.
“There ain’t no ill will or anything,” Applejack adds. “Just proving a little point, is all.”
“Oh sure,” Twilight replies. “So why bring your board here?”
“Well we were in the library,” Applejack states, “until somepony started gettin’ all enthusiastic over a lucky die roll.”
Rainbow smiles as she blushes. “It was a big turning point,” she explains.
“Just a small hiccup in mah plans to wipe you out,” Applejack responds with another grin. “Anyways, we gotta head to our classes soon and need someplace where the board won’t get disturbed.”
“What? You can’t just leave all this out here on my desk!”
Applejack pleads her case: “C’mon, Twi. We need a secure point of neutrality, so somepony don’t get the wrong idea.”
Rainbow notes the steely-eyes in her direction. “What’s that supposed to mean?” She asks pointedly.
“Do Ah need to remind you of some of your past indiscretions?”
“Are you talking about … AJ, that was years ago. And I didn’t cheat then, any more than I would now!”
“If the horseshoe fits …”
“ENOUGH!!!”
Twilight’s shout quickly shuts up the two adversaries. “Fine, you can keep the board in here. Just … don’t go overboard. Again.”
“Thanks, sugarcube,” Applejack graciously states, with Rainbow Dash nodding in agreement. “Ah got a class to get to now; Ah’ll be back later so we can finish this.”
“I got some prepping I need to do myself,” Rainbow states as the two depart Twilight’s office, leaving the headmare and her assistant to themselves. Twilight studies the gameboard and sighs.
“On the plus side,” Spike offers, “you could get your work done in the library and try out the velvet couch.”
Twilight opens her mouth to responds, when Pinkie Pie bursts through the office doors. “Can you believe I have two tickets to the Buckball Championship and can’t even give a ticket away? What’s this world coming to?” She pauses upon seeing the gameboard spread out on Twilight’s desk. “Hey, what’s that?”
“It’s ‘Risk’,” Twilight deadpans, “the game of world conquest, being played by two ponies who can’t even cooperate on team-building activities.”
Rainbow Dash flutters into Twilight’s office, another school day now behind her. She hovers over the gameboard, slightly disappointed at the greater number of green cubes scattered throughout the territories when compared to the number of red cubes.
She studies the board for several minutes, when she spots what she perceives to be a weak point in her opponent’s position. “Yes!” she quietly shouts out as she pumps her forehoof; her movement knocks a red cube off the board, where it bounces a couple times before coming to a rest.
“Whoops.” The pegasus swoops down and picks up the cubes. Surveying the board, she notices an empty territory and deposits the cube there.
“RAINBOW DASH!” She looks up from the board as a visibly-irritated Applejack storms up to her. “Ah should’ve known you’d resort to underhoofed means!”
“What’re you talking about!”
Applejack pays no mind to Rainbow as she confronts her foe. “Comin’ in here early, addin’ your pieces to the board.”
“My cube fell off the board; I was just putting it back!” Rainbow tersely responds, setting off a volley of accusations, contradictions, and harsh words.
“A likely story! This is the Runnin’ of the Leaves all over again!”
“You’re crazy!”
“And you’re a cheat! Ah’m takin’ Mount Aeris as a penalty, Dash!”
“The hay you are! What about your cocked die roll that gave you Griffinstone?”
“That was a legitimate roll, and you know it!”
“It was half on the six and half on the two!”
“It was mostly on the six; like, eighty-forty!”
“Uh, professors?”
AJ and Rainbow abruptly turn to the office door; their demeanors soften quickly upon noticing Sandbar and his non-pony friends staring at them.
“Is everything OK in here?” Sandbar asks. “We heard a lot of yelling when we passed by.”
“Oh that,” Applejack says, her eyes darting this way and that. “Yeah, you see, that was … uh …”
“Just-another-lesson-in-what-not-to-do,” Rainbow quickly asserts.
The students look at each other quizzically.
“Yeah,” the pegasus continues, “just like during our team-building activities. Another example of how not to act when among friends.” She smiles broadly at the students; AJ quickly matches expressions.
“Uh huh,” Gallus muses. “So this was all just an act for our benefit.”
“You got it!” Rainbow states.
“OK, but how did you know we were walking by the office?”
Rainbow trips over several ‘uh’s and ‘er’s, before Applejack addresses the students. “Now that is a real fine question, and one we’ll answer in due time, but right now Ah’m sure you all have assignments to complete, and the two of us need to get back to preppin’ and whatnot.”
Gallus turns to the others; Smolder gives a shrug and motions for them to simply continue on. Quietly, the students depart the area. AJ and Rainbow each breathe sighs of relief.
“That was … uh … some quick thinkin’ there, Rainbow Dash.”
“Yeah, and … nice save yourself, there.”
The two share a pause for reflection …
“I am not a cheat!” Rainbow re-asserts.
“Like Ah said before, If the horseshoe fits …”
“STOP SAYING THAT!!!”
The two stare each other down.
...
“Well if someponies can’t be trusted,” Applejack states, “there’s only one thing to do.”
“What’s that?”
“We finish this game, right here, right now. No more breaks, no more leavin’ the office unattended. Deal?”
“Deal!” Rainbow states with a grin.
“Fine … and as a gesture of good will, I’ll let you keep Mount Aeris.”
“What’s that supposed to …” Rainbow pauses, deciding it best not to continue belaboring her point. “Just pick up the dice and make your move.”
“… I do love that velvet couch in the library,” Rarity admits to Fluttershy as the two stroll towards Twilight’s office. “Velvet has such a unique feel, you know. If it were socially acceptable—”
“You’d make dresses out of it?” Fluttershy asks.
“Oh … have I regaled you with that fact before?”
“Maybe a couple times,” Fluttershy replies with a giggle. “By the way; Pinkie Pie gave me a ticket to some buckball competition. Do you want it?”
“Oh, good heavens, no,” Rarity replies. “I’ve never had much inclination towards physical competitions. Honestly, that sounds more like something up Rainbow Dash’s alley.”
“I would have asked her, but I haven’t seen her since yesterday morning.”
“Well, last I saw, she and Applejack were setting up some game in the library. You know how those two get,” Rarity states with a chuckle of her own. “I wonder who won,” she ponders as the two reach Twilight’s office. Stepping inside, the two are taken aback by the site of their friends standing over Twilight’s desk.
“Sweet Celestia, how long have you two been playing this game?” Rarity blurts out.
“As long as it takes,” Applejack replies with a tired smile. “But it won’t be much longer.”
“Says you!” Rainbow replies in kind.
Fluttershy walks up to the pair and inspects the gameboard, now predominantly covered with green cubes. “Goodness … have you two been up all night?”
“Maybe,” Rainbow replies, her eyes still focused on the hoofful of territories still under her control.
“Maybe you should concede,” Fluttershy offers. “you must be exhausted, and it looks like Applejack has—”
“Just a brief wave of good fortune,” Rainbow counters. “Her luck’s gonna turn soon enough.”
Applejack laughs heartily at the comment. “Just admit defeat, Rainbow. Ain’t no shame in that.”
“It’s not over ‘til you own every territory on the map … and I still got plenty of red cubes on the board.”
“Sure thing, sugarcube … just keep tellin’ yerself that.”
Rarity and Fluttershy exchange quizzical glances.
“Well … I got a ticket to some buckball competition that I don’t see myself using. Do you want it?”
“Sure, just leave it over there,” Rainbow replies as she waves a hoof in some vague direction, her attention remaining on the game.
“Well,” Rarity states, “I have patterns to prepare for my class. Speaking of which,” she continues as she glances at a clock on the wall, “aren’t you supposed to be—”
Twilight barges through the office door, noticeably frustrated: “Applejack, you’re supposed to be teaching right now! Your students are just sitting in an empty room!”
Applejack looks up with a start. “Aw shoot, Twi, we must’ve lost track of time!” She rushes from the room, leaving Rainbow Dash alone with the game board. Seconds later, AJ returns to Twilight’s office; she proceeds to pick up the gameboard, careful to keep everything level.
“Applejack, what’re you doing?” Rainbow asks incredulously.
“Ah’m taking the board with me; can’t have you tryin’ to cheat again, right?”
“WHAT? But what’s stopping you from cheating?”
“Hey now, you know Ah don’t stoop to cheatin’!” AJ retorts as she walks out the office, boardgame in hoof.
“Then I’m coming with!” Rainbow states as she follows her adversary out the door.
Expecting a more traditional presentation about the benefits of honesty, or perhaps farming techniques that their professor often veers towards, the students are surprised to find themselves sitting around watching two of their professors conclude a boardgame in front of them.
Gallus raises a talon. “Uh, professors? What are we supposed to be learning from this display?”
“That when faced with adversity, some ponies stall for time!” Applejack answers without looking up from the gameboard.
“I’m not stalling,” Rainbow Dash counters. “I’m just … thinking about my next move.”
Applejack turns to the class. “Does that sound honest to y’all?” Her question draws a collective flat ‘meh’ from the class. “Darn straight,” she concludes before turning back to face her opponent.
“The truth of the matter is that Ah’ve run you out of Saddle Arabia, built a stronghold in Appleoosa, and have you teeterin’ on complete annihilation,” she asserts, cackling at her final statement
“I’m not beaten yet!” Rainbow defiantly declares. “I still have armies in Yakyakistan!”
Yona’s ears prick up at the mention of her homeland. As Applejack laughs at her opponent, she gets up from her seat and creeps closer to the front desk.
“Ya know what Yakyakistan is? It’s a sitting duck is what it is! A road apple, Rainbow!” Applejack states, causing ire to grow in the young yak. “Yakyakistan is weak; it is feeble. Ah think it’s time to put the hurt on Yakyakistan!” She picks up the dice for one last roll.
“Yona from Yakyakistan, professor no call Yakyakistan weak!”
“Easy there, sugarcube, we’re just finishin’ up this here game.”
Applejack’s dismissive reply pushes Yona to the edge:
“Yakyakistan is game to you? How ‘bout Yona come and SMASH!”
Yona leaps from the ground onto the game and proceeds to smash both it and the desk to splinters of wood and cardboard, as the two ponies gape in disbelief at the spectacle.
Evening time. The student six gather round and atop the velvet couch in the library as they recollect recent events …
“I take it they don’t have boardgames back in Yakyakistan,” Smolder comments.
“Actually, chess big part of yak culture,” Yona counters. “Some of best players in world come from Yakyakistan, like Yreka Yggdrasil. Yaks not have games that mock other cultures, though.”
“Kinda think that wasn’t deliberate on their end,” Sandbar comments.
“Would you play game featuring Chrysalis or Tirek?” Yona counters. “Or would seapony play game featuring Storm King?”
Silverstream winces at the thought.
“Still, it really wasn’t fair of professor Applejack to assign additional honesty homework to you,” Ocellus points out.
“True, but now Yona exempt from loyalty homework for rest of semester. And professor Rainbow Dash offer Yona ticket to Buckball Championship so, glass half-full,” Yona replies with a smile.
The group shares a chuckle over Yona’s observation.
“You know,” Gallus concludes, “I’m starting to think professors Applejack and Rainbow Dash weren’t acting on that field trip.”
Author's Note
In loving tribute to one of my favorite Seinfeld episodes.
