What Diamonds and Rubies Can't Buy

by Trick Question

Rating: teen
Tags: Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life, Zecora, Narcotics, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Filthy Rich, Ruby Pinch, Spoiled Rich
Length: 3710

Diamond Tiara wants something for Hearth's Warming that money can't buy.

Diamond Tiara has a difficult relationship with her mother. She gets an idea for a Hearth's Warming wish from Ruby Pinch that may help, but it's something money alone can't buy.

For material goods, bits will do nicely. For everything else, there's friendship.

Written for the 2018 Secret Santa compilation as a gift for Meridian Prime.

Published 2018-12-29 11:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-12-29 11:10:01 UTC

What Diamonds and Rubies Can't Buy

As Withers removed the silver serving bowl, a scent of fresh blueberry waffles permeated the spacious dining room. He began passing them on gilded plates to Filthy Rich and his daughter, Diamond Tiara.

Spoiled Rich, Tiara's mother, stumbled into the room wearing a luxurious monogrammed robe. Her mane and tail were uncombed, a rarity for her.

"Would Madam care for some breakfast, as well?" the butler asked her.

"You should know better by now," hissed Spoiled. She walked to an alcohol cabinet at the edge of the room. Setting down a cocktail glass, she poured ten centiliters of vodka, then grabbed a small, dark bottle. "All I need this morning is the bark of the timber wolf, as they say."

"A black Horssian, already?" said Filthy, looking up from his newspaper. "Sweetheart, it's barely Dawn..."

"It's a morning drink, honey," she countered. "It has coffee in it."

"Coffee liqueur," said Diamond Tiara. "Two parts to five of vodka."

"Correct, though today I'm starting with a double." Spoiled stirred it with a swizzle stick, then downed the entire beverage in a single gulp.

"Wait. How do you know an alcoholic recipe?" Filthy said, turning to lift his daughter's chin by hoof.

Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes, then pointed them back toward her waffle to avoid making eye contact with her father. "I've had to make it for her before, okay?" She quickly began stuffing her face with food.

Filthy Rich clenched his jaw. "Spoiled, this is not acceptable—"

"Don't worry, the brat won't do it for me anymore. She told me off like, a month ago. It's just as well. I don't want my daughter acting like some kind of a servant," she said, and flashed a dirty look at Withers. The elderly stallion maintained perfect composure. "Or a pig." Spoiled slammed her hoof on the table next to Diamond, who struggled to swallow a huge mouthful of food.

Diamond scowled at her mother as she took a long swig of orange juice to wash down the waffle. "It was six months ago," Diamond finally said. "And I'm eating like a pig because I want to be anywhere other than this room right now, Mother."

"Fine! Be that way," she said right in her daughter's face. The alcohol bleeding from her breath made Diamond Tiara wince. "I'll just go back to bed and rot. I don't have any social gatherings today anyway."

Spoiled Rich stormed out of the room, and Filthy sighed.

"I'm sorry, honey," said Filthy. "She doesn't mean it, really..."

"She never means it, Daddy." Without another word, Diamond grabbed her saddlebags and headed out the door for school.

"Class, I'd like to start today by pairing you off with other students," said Cheerilee.

"Yes!" said Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, sharing a hoof-bump.

"Assigned pairings," clarified the teacher. There were several groans around the classroom.

"It ain't that bad. Think of it as an opportunity to meet somepony new," Apple Bloom said to Diamond.

Diamond Tiara placed a hoof over her face. "Ugh. I already know everypony here. I just don't like them."

"All the more reason to get to know them better!" said Sweetie Belle, grinning.

"I don't think you're gonna change her mind, Sweetie," said Scootaloo.

Cheerilee cleared her throat. "Diamond Tiara, I'm placing you with Ruby Pinch."

Diamond looked over at Ruby. The little filly was frowning, but quickly fake-smiled when she saw Diamond's stare.

"What? But, she's just a baby!" said Diamond.

"I am not a baby!" said Ruby, pouting.

"Okay, I'm sorry. You know what I mean. You're like, way younger than me."

"I think it would be instructive for you to spend time with a pony you could help mentor, Diamond. You've talked about wanting to do that for a while now, haven't you?" asked Cheerilee.

"Yeah, I'm just... okay." Diamond stood up and walked over to Ruby. "At least you have a cool name, I guess."

"Thanks," said Ruby, smiling—warmly, this time.

Cheerilee paired up the remaining students, then directed them to draw Hearth's Warming cards for their families. Diamond and Ruby set to work.

"Here, let me have that crayon," said Diamond Tiara, as Ruby Pinch tried to color in her mother's legs. "You're doing it all wrong."

Ruby spat out the crayon. "I don't want you to do it for me. Can you show me, instead?"

Diamond sighed and illustrated on paper with her buff crayon. "Here, see how I'm filling in Daddy's legs? I put the forelegs close together and the hind legs close together, so it looks like he's a horse and not a comb."

"Ohh, I see. Thanks," said Ruby. "I can only draw Mommy because she's my only parent."

"I wish I didn't have to draw my mother," mumbled Diamond. "I'd rather stick with Daddy and call it a day."

"Don't you think she'll wanna see it?" asked Ruby.

Diamond Tiara snorted. "Pfft! I'll be lucky if she even looks at it a single time after Daddy puts it on the refrigerator."

Ruby frowned, but said nothing and returned to coloring.

"So what do you want to get for Hearth's Warming?" asked Diamond. "I always get a pile of toys twice my height," she bragged.

"Wow, that's a lot of toys! Um, I don't know. Mommy usually gets me a nice toy."

"One toy? Oh, right. I guess we're not all rich," said Diamond, with a huff. "Huh. I never really thought about what that must be like. If I only had one gift, I'd have to think a long time about what I wanted. That must be awful."

"It doesn't really matter," said Ruby. "Toys are okay, but I mostly like to play with my friends. Besides, two years ago I got the best Hearth's Warming present ever! It's the only thing I've ever really wanted."

"Really?" Diamond's eyes lit up like a fireplace. "That sounds amazing! What kind of a toy was it?"

"It wasn't a toy," said Ruby Pinch, shrugging. "I got Mommy to stop drinking."

Diamond Tiara sat there staring at Ruby, her mouth open wide but no sound coming out.

"Are you okay, Diamond?" asked Ruby.

"But that's..." Diamond started, her eyes darting back and forth in thought. Then she smiled. "Ruby, you're a genius! I can't believe I'm saying this, but that's a great gift—and it's not even a toy!"

Ruby giggled. "Yeah, it is."

"So, how much did it cost?"

"Huh?"

Diamond motioned rapidly with her hoof. "You know, to get her to stop drinking. Like the bribe, or the personal trainer, or whatever you used. How much did it cost you?"

"It didn't cost anything?" said Ruby. "I mean, it came from Mommy."

"Oh, right, of course. But do you know how much she spent on it?"

"I don't think she spent anything. She just wanted to stop, because if she didn't stop, she was gonna lose me," said Ruby. "And Mommy loves me more than drinking."

"Huh," said Diamond, furrowing her brow. "She just wanted to do it, and like magic, she stopped?"

"No, not magic. Mommy's an earth pony. And it was real hard," explained Ruby. "There's a group she goes to, the Eks Dee See, Ex-Drinker's Club. They all help each other not to drink."

"She wanted to. Well, that doesn't help me. Mother doesn't want to stop drinking," said Diamond Tiara.

"But she loves you, and your daddy, right?"

"Me? I doubt it. Maybe for him, but I dunno," said Diamond. "Still, I have a ton of bits! There has to be somepony I can pay, or something I can buy..."

"At the XDC they say a drinker's gotta want it a lot in order to stop," said Ruby.

"I have to make her want to stop? That's impossible!" Diamond slapped a hoof painfully against her temple. "But I have so much money. Money can do anything, right?"

She felt a tug around her waist, and noticed Ruby was hugging her.

"I'm sorry about your mommy."

Diamond Tiara felt very strange inside. It felt like she was going to cry, but for once, it wasn't because she hadn't gotten her way. This was unusual. She was going to cry because something was sad. What was sad?

Oh, that's right. She was sad.

She swallowed the feeling and disengaged from the hug. "Let's just... draw our cards, okay?"

"Zecora! Wait up!" Diamond Tiara galloped toward the zebra shaman, nearly bowling into her in the middle of Market Square.

"Have my greetings, Diamond filly," said Zecora, "What makes you run oh-so-silly?"

"Zebra, I am going to make you wealthy beyond your wildest dreams." Diamond narrowed her eyes and grinned.

Zecora chuckled. "My wildest dreams? I am afraid, I've no desire in getting paid."

"Ugh! I don't have time to explain money to a foreigner. Look... I'll get you something you can use, okay? Whatever you want."

One corner of Zecora's lip turned down. "You're a sweet lass. I'll let that pass," she said.

"I just need something to make Mother stop drinking. Don't you have some kind of a voodoo potion or something?"

The zebra's face softened. "Hmm... I do have a potion that, will cause all booze, to taste quite flat," she said.

The little filly reared up and rubbed her hooves together. "That's great! So, I just slip it into her food when she's not looking, or something?"

Zecora sighed and gently placed a hoof on Diamond's shoulder. "Child, tricks are not a fix to sin. True changes must come from within."

"Within?" said Diamond Tiara, grimacing. "Argh, that's the problem! She doesn't care, but I need her to stop! Look, you're smart. Just tell me what I need to buy."

Zecora sat down on the dusty earth so she could look the foal in the eye. "Money is nice, and mends some hems. Yet, it cannot solve all problems."

Diamond Tiara's eyes began to water. "Please?" she said. "I mean, I'll give you my whole allowance... even my Hearth's Warming gifts! And trust me, I get a lot of gifts. You don't have any idea what you're missing."

Zecora ignored the offer. "In places where your bits may fail, perhaps some effort may prevail?"

Diamond sniffled and rubbed her eyes with a fetlock. "I hate effort. The whole point of money is so you don't need to work as hard."

For several long moments, the only sound was the background noise of ponies haggling in the marketplace.

"Okay," said Diamond Tiara, gritting her teeth. "Just tell me what to do."

"You'll need hard work to pass this deed, but friends are your most crucial need. Think carefully, my little foal: who could help heal your mother's soul?"

Diamond hummed in thought. "You know, I think I do know somepony. But I'll need Daddy's help, too..."

When Spoiled Rich arrived in the dining room before breakfast, her daughter and husband were already there. Filthy had a guilty look on his face, and Diamond Tiara looked positively exhausted.

"Where's your tiara, daughter?" asked Spoiled, her muzzle wrinkled up in confusion. "I can't remember the last time I've seen you without it on."

"Sorry. I had errands to run," said Diamond. "It was easier to leave it behind."

"Well, don't make a habit of it. You don't want ponies to forget you're in a class above them, you know," she said, hoofing at her golden necklace.

"I'd rather be known by my actions," said Diamond.

Her mother rolled her eyes. "Ah, yes. That whole 'philanthropic' kick of yours. As good a way to buy respect as any, I suppose," she said. "Rich, do you know where my bourbon decanter went? It's missing from my room, and I can't find Withers. He'd better not have nipped it."

"He'd never dare," said Filthy Rich. "But, um, about that..."

"Never mind, I'll just grab—" Spoiled stopped dead in her tracks, stunned by the sight of the barren alcohol cabinet. One of her eyelids twitched rapidly. "Darling husband... where, exactly, did all the alcohol go?"

"There is none," he said.

"That is ridiculous. We have tons of the stuff. I brought in a case of bourbon just yesterday," she said. "Where is the gin? Where is the rum?"

"There is no more alcohol anywhere in the estate," said Filthy, his ears drooped down.

"What?" said Spoiled, rearing her head backwards. "Is this some sort of a sick joke?"

Diamond Tiara took in a deep breath. "I'd like you to try going a day without drinking, Mother."

"Ha! I'm sure you'd love to torture me, but playtime is over. Shouldn't you be at school, anyway?"

"It's Saturday," said Diamond.

"Whatever," said Spoiled, waving her hoof to the side. "Your father has some of the finest wines in Equestria in the cellar, and he'd never part with them in a million years."

Filthy winced. "I sold them on short notice. At a staggering loss, I'm ashamed to admit. But I agree with our daughter, that—"

"No wine? Do you mean to tell me there's no alcohol of any sort on our estate? For Celestia's sake! Is there even any... beer?" she said, making a horrible face as she spat out the word.

"Not a drop," said Diamond Tiara.

Spoiled Rich shut her eyes tight, and made an angry squealing sound as she stomped with one hoof. "Marvelous! It's come to this, has it? Making your mother go out on a Winter's morning just to get a pick-me-up!" she said. "Of all the nerve. I'll get my coat."

"It won't do you any good, Mother. None of the shops that sell alcohol are open today."

Beads of sweat began to appear on Spoiled's brow. "That's impossible."

"No, it's true. I visited every store at the crack of Dawn and made sure they would stay closed," said Diamond.

Filthy Rich smiled and briefly petted his daughter's mane.

"This... can't be happening. This is insane," said Spoiled Rich. She turned to face her daughter and sat down on the floor, lowering her ears flat against her mane. "Baby, you don't understand. Your mother needs alcohol. I can't get by without it, I just can't. Mommy needs it to feel... to feel normal." Tears welled in her eyes.

"Come with me to the family room," said Diamond Tiara, and she left the dining room with her father. Spoiled sat on the floor for a few more moments, then trotted after her family.

"There's liquor in the family room, then?" Spoiled Rich stopped upon entering the room. A ring of tacky folding chairs were arranged in a circle, and on those chairs sat ponies. Princess Twilight Sparkle was here, as was Cheerilee, Diamond's teacher. The big red brute from Sweet Apple Acres was among them, and Berry Punch was there as well, seated with a little unicorn filly. There was a cream-colored earth pony who looked suspiciously familiar to Spoiled, and she held hooves with an aquamarine unicorn mare.

"Hi Ruby," Diamond said to the filly, giving her a hug. "Thanks for your help."

"Rich, what are these common ponies doing in my mansion? Not counting the Princess, of course," said Spoiled.

"No, please," said Twilight. "I'd rather be counted among my friends."

"Twilight isn't a member of our group, but I thought having her here might make this a little easier for you," said Cheerilee.

"And what, pray tell, is 'this'?"

"We're the XDC: the Ex-Drinker's Club. A group of former alcoholics who live here in Ponyville," said Cheerilee. "I usually run group meetings on Sunday afternoons in the schoolhouse, but your daughter convinced us to change our weekly meeting schedule this time."

"Former alcoholics? What... what does that mean?"

"Ponies who used to have trouble with alcohol," said Berry Punch. "You remember. I had some serious problems in my life, Spoiled."

"Oh, Berry. That's right. I remember attending one of your 'ragers'," said Spoiled. "Rather uncouth affair, but some of the liquor was palatable, at least. I haven't seen you in quite a while."

"I stopped drinking two years ago," said Berry.

A skeptical look crossed Spoiled's muzzle. "Stopped? Why?"

She looked down at Ruby Pinch and smiled. "Because I almost lost my daughter. The experience was enough for me to turn my life around." She kissed her foal on the head. "Second best thing that ever happened to me, next to having her."

"We're here because your husband and daughter are worried about you, Spoiled Rich. Your drinking damages your relationship with both of them," said Twilight. "This is a support group who can help you stop drinking."

"You mean you want me to drink less than I do," said Spoiled Rich, raising a brow. "Not that my drinking is any of your business."

"No, we want you to stop drinking completely," said Cheerilee. "We've talked to Filthy Rich about your habits. You're not drinking just to have fun, or to socialize. You drink because you're addicted. You drink to escape reality. You need help, both for your physical and mental health. Quitting entirely is the best solution."

Spoiled walked into the center of the circle and barked a manic-sounding laugh. "Quit drinking altogether! That's... hilarious. There's no other word for it. No, wait, there is one other word: Tartarus. You've stopped me drinking for a single day. One day I have to suffer through Tartarus because of that little..." she said, and pointed a quivering hoof at her daughter.

"Why is it suffering?" asked Big Macintosh.

The question seemed to take Spoiled by surprised. She blinked a few times before speaking. "You, you think you're all better than me, don't you? You, better than me! Ha! The wealthiest and most well-connected mare in this podunk little town!"

"We don't think that," said Ruby Pinch.

The expression on Spoiled's muzzle shifted quickly from defiant to heartbroken, and she collapsed onto the floor and began to cry. "It's because you are better than me," she sobbed. Her husband walked over and sat down beside her, gently stroking her withers.

"This isn't about who's better or worse," said Twilight.

"Of course it is," said Spoiled Rich. "My whole life I've tried to convince everypony I'm the better mare. I have a rich husband, and social status that gave him a reason to take pity on me..."

"That isn't why I married you," whispered Filthy Rich.

"Now all I have to show for it now is a botched nose job and enough wealth to keep me pampered and drunk. If I don't have that, I don't have anything," she whined as the mascara began to run down her cheeks. Then she pointed at Big Macintosh. "That one plows fields for a meager living, but he has a large family and nothing but respect. If I had to use so much as a garden hoe for my livelihood, I'd starve to death." She pointed to Berry Punch. "And this poor sot is one of the least well-off mares in town, but even she has something money can't buy—a daughter who loves her."

"It wasn't easy to close stores that sell booze this close to Hearth's Warming," said Diamond Tiara. "I had to spend my whole savings."

"Your savings? You did that just for the off-chance I might stop drinking?" asked Spoiled. "Baby... are you trying to say you love me?"

Diamond paused and looked down at the floor.

"No."

"Diamond!" gasped Filthy Rich. The other ponies in the room cringed.

"I'm being honest," said Diamond Tiara.

Her mother stared off into space, tears dripping from her eyes. "No... I don't see why you would."

"I'm not finished," continued Diamond. "No, I don't love you, and I don't respect you, and I don't look up to you." She walked over to her mother and looked into her bleary eyes. "But I want to. I want to have a mother I can be proud of, and even learn to love."

Spoiled Rich pinched her lips together and nodded.

"Maybe I just wasted a lot of money for no good reason. Money is good for so many different things, but... it's so frustrating," said Diamond, frowning. "I can't force you to be sober with bits. All I can do is try to show you how much it's worth to me, that it's worth more than money or toys or anything else, and just hope you make the right decision."

"I'm going to fail, baby," whispered Spoiled Rich, sniffing as she matted her hooves and pelt with wet mascara. "I'm sorry. There's no way I can do this."

Diamond Tiara nodded solemnly. "I know that too."

"Then, why?" asked her mother.

"Nopony gets it right on their first try," said Berry Punch. "That's why you need friends to help you back on your hooves when you mess up. And we want to be your friends."

"We know what it's like to be where you are right now," said Cheerilee. "We can help you get better."

"How am I supposed to feel good about myself if I can't drink to forget what a failure I am?" asked Spoiled.

"By learning there's a pony in there worth saving," said the aquamarine unicorn mare.

"By learnin' to be a success instead of a failure," said Big Macintosh.

"And through the magic of friendship," said Twilight Sparkle. "That's what these ponies are willing to provide you with, if you'll let them."

"Oh, gracious. Where do I even start?" asked Spoiled, dragging one hoof across the carpet as she sat partway up. Her husband propped her up next to him, gently holding her.

"Why don't you tell us about how your dependence on alcohol started?" asked Cheerilee.

"If you think it'll help," said Spoiled. "I guess... Wow. Okay, I've already debased myself in front of everypony, so it doesn't matter what I say anymore, right? Well, then. My mother was a severe sort of mare..."

As she began to bare her soul, Spoiled Rich felt the unfamiliar caress of her daughter's leg squeezing her waist. Words she never realized she'd been holding back began to pour forth from her mouth like the sweetest poison spilling from a broken wine cask.

Worth every bit, thought Diamond Tiara.