Rainbow Dash and the Wild Hunt

by NorsePony

Rating: teen
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Adventure, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Original Character
Length: 5122

Rainbow Dash gets killed by some jerk in a storm cloud. Not a great way to start an evening, and it only gets more annoying from there. Turns out, that jerk and his hunters want Dash as their prey. It's kind of a bummer. But she's got other ideas.

Rainbow Dash gets killed by some jerk in a storm cloud. It's not the best way to start an evening, and things only get more annoying from there. Turns out, that jerk and his pack of hunters want Dash as their prey. It's kind of a bummer. But she's got other ideas, and anyway, what's the worst they can do to her?

Published 2015-05-31 00:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-31 00:50:02 UTC

Chapter 1

The storm siren shattered the peaceful Ponyville afternoon. All over town, the pegasi of the Weather Patrol heard it and leapt into action, leaving shopping unfinished, cakes unbaked, and flowers uneaten. Minutes later, they were all assembled in the West Field, gathered around the squat and skeletal wooden tower that housed the siren.

“Alright gang, there’s no need for a briefing,” barked Rainbow Dash as she hopped down from the control platform. She was right - everypony had seen the massive storm before the western horizon, pregnant with an ocean of rain and alive with lightning, and each of them could plainly see that it was scudding straight for Ponyville. “That storm is bad news. There’s nothing on the schedule about it, so we’ve got a rogue. You know the drill: reshape, reduce, redirect. We’re gonna steer it to the south so it will break up over Ghastly Gorge. Thunderlane, Bulk, take your squads and hit it from the north. Flitter, Cloudchaser, your squads are east, right in front of it. Slow it down to buy us time. Everypony else, assist where you’re needed.” The Patrollers variously nodded or saluted. A low buzz of nervous conversation broke out, punctuated by glances at the gray-black behemoth looming in the western sky. Rainbow Dash silenced it by clapping her hooves like a gunshot. She grinned at them. “Let’s go be heroes.”

Laughing and cheering, Ponyville’s Weather Patrol took to the skies and streaked west.

Two hours later, darkness had fallen. There was no more cheering. Rainbow Dash’s face was grim and exhausted beneath her storm-plastered mane. She saw a gap in the line and darted in to fill it, bucking hard against the cloud face, which was both infuriatingly resilient and lit from within by lightning inside the cloud. The whole cloud had the consistency of gelatin and simply rejected most of their efforts. The pounding rain swallowed sight, but Rainbow Dash could see half a dozen pegasi from her position, and not a one of them looked better than half-dead. During the battle, she had flown away from the cloud a few times to get her bearings, and their efforts were working - the cloud was changing course, but slowly, painfully slowly. They’d all drop from exhaustion before Ponyville was safe. There had to be a better way.

With a final impotent buck against the cloud, she pushed off and flew up. Maybe she could build a tornado above the cloud to suck off some of its moisture. That would make it lighter and easier to work with. Hopefully. It was a radical idea, but Ponyville was growing ever closer and the ordinary stuff wasn’t working. And she was too fatigued to be able to worry about how bad the plan was. The air over the cloud was clear of the mist and rain that surrounded it on the other faces. Rainbow Dash scowled up at the empty dome of sky, irrationally annoyed by its peacefulness. She skimmed above the miles of lumpy and ever-shifting cloud, scouting for the best place to try her plan. She was flying over the approximate center of the cloud when the vaporous hills parted and for just an instant, she caught a glimpse of— “Ponies?” She braked hard, peering down into the cloud, but the landscape had shifted again and she could no longer see what she had seen. Assuming she had seen it in the first place. “You are way too tired,” Rainbow Dash told herself. But hallucinations or no, this spot did seem suitable for the plan she had mentally dubbed Operation Make Things Worse And Then Fix It.

Summoning up what reserves of energy she had left, Rainbow Dash began making a tornado. Flying in a circle, fast enough to be a blur, she felt the air growing hot around her, then the welcome coolness of the cloud’s moisture being drawn up into the whirlpool. Above her, a wall of angry air grew taller by the second, like the product of some enraged potter. Below her— below her, an eight-legged pony stared up at her with wrathful eyes. The tornado had drawn off a chunk of the cloud, revealing him. His hooves glowed blue-white, then he lifted one leg and lightning arced, striking her in the chest.

Rainbow Dash convulsed, her muscles clenching uncontrollably. She smelled her skin sizzling and felt hot on the inside, like she’d instantly developed the worst fever she’d ever had. It took almost a full second for her to realize that her heart wasn’t beating. She felt an empty, falling sensation in her body like she’d held her breath for too long. She found that she was falling, plunging through the cloud. It felt like ordinary cloud now, and the inside of it was strangely white, and growing brighter all the time.

She was dead before she hit the ground.

Her body rolled limply into a storm-wracked hollow underneath an uprooted tree. She found herself standing next to the fallen tree.

“Okay, this is weird,” she said, looking at her own corpse.

“hail, mighty warrior. be you hunter or be you prey?”

The voice boomed with the force of thunder, making Rainbow Dash wince. She looked up at the same eight-legged pony she had seen in the cloud. He towered over her, at least a head taller than Princess Celestia. She stomped up to him and poked him in the chest. “Hey! You complete jerk! You killed me!”

“to fall in noble battle is no shame. you led the fight against my host, and your soldiers inflicted casualties. a more worthy foe i have not met in centuries. you have caught my interest, small one. i ask again, be you hunter or be you prey? i give you the honor of choosing.”

“Wait, wait, wait a dang minute here. You’re some kind of hunter?”

“i am the hunter.”

“And the whole ‘monster storm’ thing is what—” The words caught in Rainbow Dash’s throat as she turned to gesture flippantly up at the cloud. It was no longer a cloud, but an army, uncountable thousands of creatures of every description, all bearing spears or clubs or horns, and all following the eight-legged pony.

“my host! the mightiest warriors, gathered for a bit of sport.”

“I see. Talk me through this prey thing, would you?”

“i ride across the countryside with my host, seeking a worthy prey. when suitable prey is found, we chase it, wear it down, and kill it. it’s all great fun.”

“So what’s in it for the prey?”

“worthy hunts are remembered in song, story, and toast for as long as the world spins.”

Rainbow Dash nodded in spite of herself. “Gotta be honest, that does sound pretty sweet.” Behind her, Ponyville was perilously close to the Host’s path. She thought for a second, then said, “So you follow the prey, right?”

“i believe i just explained—”

“Great. I’m the perfect prey for you, then.”

“excellent! my host! we have found—” His sentence, train of thought, and consciousness were interrupted by a pair of hooves kicking the back of his head, traveling half the speed of a Sonic Rainboom and accelerating. He faceplanted into the muddy earth, tearing a rut several yards long. The Host roared in furious outrage, but all that was left of Rainbow Dash was a rapidly-dimming rainbow trail and, in the distance, a shockwave.

The eight-legged pony rose up from the mud, all furious anger and affronted dignity. His long nose snapped itself back into joint with a damp crack. A flinch of one eyelid was his only reaction to the pain. “oh, i will enjoy seeing this one broken. my host! to the hunt!”

A cheer went up from the Host like a vicious surf battering jagged rocks. The motley assembly of creatures from every species brandished their spears and clubs and blew their horns with a crack of thunder. They wheeled and followed their master’s pursuit, pounding through the air at a supernatural gallop.

Rainbow Dash arced toward the ground and skidded to a stop in a stand of trees, panting hard. Which seemed kind of unfair, all things considered. It wasn’t like she needed to breathe anymore, but being awesome still made her winded. Not cool, death. On the plus side, dying seemed to have taken away her earlier fatigue. Her ghost-body was as fresh as a daisy after a good long nap. She would catch her breath here, well away from Ponyville, and then when the hunters showed up she’d just outrun them again. It wasn’t what you’d call a plan, but it was something to do.

“Rainbow Dash.”

“Yaaa!” Dash jumped six feet in the air in shock and spun around. “Oh. Hi, Princess Luna.” She hoped she was pulling off the casual, not-surprised-at-all look.

“Indeed. Hi.”

“I didn’t know you could talk to ghosts.”

“When I noticed you had left the mortal coil, I forged a connection between us so that I could render assistance.”

“Waitaminute, I thought your thing was the sleepy woo-woo, not the deady woo-woo.”

“What.”

Rainbow Dash sighed with exaggerated patience. “I’m dead, not asleep.”

Princess Luna scowled at her, but said, “The two are similar enough for my purpose.”

“Well, cool for you, I guess.”

“You are the one for whom it is… cool.”

“You should probably never say that word again.”

“Yes, probably not. At any rate! I am here to assist you in your trouble with the Wild Hunt.”

“The who now?”

Princess Luna gave a patient sigh that was a twin to Dash’s own earlier effort. “The hunters?”

“Oh yeah, those guys. Who are they, anyway?”

“The Wild Hunt.”

“The who now?”

“Moving along before I am too sorely tempted. The hunters are led by Sleipnir, the elemental spirit of the hunt. He has weaknesses. There are ways to elude the Hunt.”

“That sounds good. And then what happens to me?”

“Then… you will be free of the hunters’ pursuit.”

“Yeah yeah whatever. But will I still be dead? I’m already missing my awesome bod.”

“I am sorry, but eluding the Hunt will not return you to life.”

“Eluding the who now?”

Princess Luna stared into the sky, silently counting to a hundred.

“You know what, never mind. You’re telling me that that eight-legged jerkface kills me and all I get to show for it is saving Ponyville from certain destruction and being a hero? Raw deal.”

Princess Luna cocked an eyebrow at her. “You say Sleipnir himself was the agent of your death?”

“He fried me, yeah. Zap, sizzle, blarg.”

“In that case, he has the power to return you to life.”

“Awesome!”

“But he will not do so willingly. You will have to coerce him into performing this service.”

“Okay. How do I do that?”

“Well… he is sworn to grant a boon to whosoever defeats him in single combat.”

“You mean all I gotta do is kick his tail around? Pssh, easy-peasy!”

“You will find no success. He is far more powerful than you.”

“Whatever. I already booted him in the back of the head once, and the far-more-powerful was on the other hoof then!”

“You struck him?” Princess Luna’s mane wafted faster in whatever ethereal breeze it wafted in.

“Yeah, no big deal. I’m pretty great.”

“Ooh, he will not be happy about that. Combat is an even more ill-advised plan with that knowledge.”

“Uh-huh. Good talk, Princess. I gotta go beat up some eight-legged jerk now. See you on the breathing side!” The last word Dopplered away on a rainbow trail.

Princess Luna pressed a hoof firmly to a spot right between her eyes, moving it in small circles. “Be strong, Luna. The annoying pony’s importance outweighs her annoyance. You can do this.”

“Hey! Slap-nerd!”

The Host of the Wild Hunt skidded to a stop in midair. Thousands of heads turned upward to look at Rainbow Dash, who hovered above them with her hooves on her hips. Sleipnir grinned nastily at her. “giving up so soon, prey?”

“Pssh, keep dreaming. I’m gonna kick your butt and then you’re gonna bring me back to life.”

Sleipnir’s mouth twitched up at the corners. A guffaw escaped him, and then the entire Host was laughing at her. Rainbow Dash scowled at them, individually and collectively. Sleipnir wiped a tear away from his eye. “hoo! thank you for the entertainment. you are welcome to try me, prey. i accept all challengers.”

“You’re gonna regret it.” She jackknifed into a power dive, accelerating hard toward the massed Host and Sleipnir at its head. Barely a yard away from him, she added that little extra bit of oomph and broke through the sonic rainbow barrier. The shockwave tore through the Host, tossing them aside like leaves in the wind. Sleipnir’s long mane was tugged straight by the blast, but the pony himself didn’t budge. Rainbow Dash aimed her outstretched hoof at his right eye and braced for impact. Sleipnir’s leg became a blur of motion as he batted her hoof aside, sending her into a tailspin. The darkened world spun dizzily around her until she dropped out of rainbow speed and regained control, at least a hundred yards away. She grunted in frustration and zoomed at Sleipnir once more. She aimed high, steering right for the stupid nose on his stupid face. He raised a leg and blue sparks spread from his eyes, across his skin, to his horseshoes, which created a lightning bolt that arced toward her. Rainbow Dash backpedaled with her wings, jinking unpredictably through the air, dodging that first bolt and the subsequent shots. An instant away from striking Sleipnir, she dropped down closer to the ground with a triumphant grin, suddenly aiming for his legs. He had eight, sure, but breaking two or three of them should still put the hurt on him.

The grin disappeared as Sleipnir rotated ninety degrees in midair, causing her to pass under him without making contact. As she sped past, she caught a glimpse of his bored expression - but didn't have enough time to work up a proper sense of outrage at how not-seriously he was taking this fight - before she felt a painful yank on her tail as his tail wrapped around it and spun her around like a wagon wheel. The skin on her face and the blood in her head both rushed toward her nose, pulled by centrifugal force. The ground and sky kaleidoscoped around her as he continued to spin her, and she screamed.

A blast wave came from the tip of Sleipnir's tail as he gave it a final whip-crack and released her. The Host, who had just begun to climb back to their hooves and feet and claws and pseudopods and et cetera, were knocked flat again by it.

Rainbow Dash streaked through the sky in a ballistic arc, semiconscious and unable to control her course. Sleipnir watched her go, then tossed his head and bellowed, “my host! we ride!”

A groan arose some distance below him, from a small shape half-buried in the mud. “My lord, might we have a five-minute break?”

“damnit, jenkins.”

“Rainbow Dash.”

“Ugggh.”

“Rainbow Dash!”

“Ugggh!”

Princess Luna rolled her eyes and prodded the bruised but somehow not broken body of the smaller pony, who was laying in her own impact crater. “How in all the heavens are you not dead? Er— more dead? Twice-dead? Curse the living for making the language all about them and leaving the vitality-disabled without the appropriate grammar for such a circumstance.”

Rainbow Dash turned her head and weakly spat out a tooth. “Practice makes perfect.”

“Of course. How silly of me. However, I gather from your condition that your attempt concluded in approximately the manner which I anticipated.”

“Is that yee oldy fancy talk for ‘I told you so’?”

“Perhaps.”

“Well lah de dah for you.” Rainbow Dash struggled up to a sitting position. “Since you know so much about this guy, what should I do?”

“Iron is Sleipnir's primary weakness.”

“So, like, I should hit him with an iron? Does it need to be hot? Finding electricity out here is going to be kind of hard.”

“Not that kind of iron.” It was a strain on all of Princess Luna’s millennia of courtly training, but she managed to keep her voice level. “If one throws iron before him, Sleipnir will be compelled to stop and examine it.”

“That's a weird fetish.”

“It is not a—” Princess Luna forced herself under control. “It is not what you think. Sleipnir is always looking for new shoes.”

“What.”

“He has eight hooves! He goes through them with remarkable rapidity.”

“I guess that makes sense. Come to think of it, how do you know so much about this jerkhole?”

“I am a princess of Equestria. It is my duty to be knowledgeable about forces which may threaten my subjects.” Her mane waved, nobly.

Rainbow Dash only raised an eyebrow at her and waited.

“Oh, all right! Also we dated for half a millennium or so.”

“Aah! Aah! I knew it!”

“You knew no such thing!”

“I totally did! You lick your lips whenever you talk about him.”

Luna spluttered. “I— what— how dare you!” She turned away from Rainbow Dash's salacious grin, all affronted dignity, but after a moment she brushed her mane out of her eyes with a small, secret smile and allowed, “Well, he is an excellent dancer.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. Sort of. I'm… gonna stop thinking about it now. But boy, I bet you're a terrible poker player.”

“I will recoup my losses against Celestia any year now!”

“I'm sure you will,” Rainbow Dash said reassuringly.

“Hey, Slipknob!”

“that doesn't even work.”

“What?”

“it lacks sufficient phonetic similarity to my name to be an effective parodic insult.”

“Uh…”

Sleipnir sighed. “never mind. get the prey, my host.”

The brazen blast of horns and the throaty roar of pursuit went up from the Host, but before they could take so much as a step closer, Rainbow Dash said, “Not so fast!”

“‘not so fast?’ who even says that?”

“Hey! Shut up… you!”

“good one.”

“Look, can I get on with my dramatic revelation or what?”

“sorry.”

“It's okay. Anyway, take this!” Rainbow Dash threw a pair of brightly gleaming objects at him.

“ooh, iron!”

“Yes! I know your weakness! Now make me not-dead or I'll keep throwing things at you!”

“don’t say that like it’s a bad thing— wait, knitting needles?”

“Everybody needs a hobby!”

“and they’re made of aluminum.”

“They were cheaper and they last just as long.”

“aluminum makes absolutely terrible shoes. i am offended at the very notion.” He stepped over the knitting needles without another glance, his eyes sparking with fury.

“Alright then, I'm just gonna go now.”

“Knitting needles? Where did you even get knitting needles?”

“Look, everybody needs a hobby!”

Princess Luna rubbed between her eyes with the point of her hoof. She was rapidly developing a bald spot there. “Did I say iron? I distinctly remember saying iron.”

“Mmmmaybe.”

“Is aluminum iron?”

“Everybody makes mistakes, too!”

“Have you considered the many advantages that being dead offers? Free rent, your monthly food bill is far lower—”

“Hey, whoa there, Princess Pessimism. I'm gonna get him this time. I've got me a plan.”

“Oh, goody.”

“Hey, Guy With Eight Legs!”

“truly, you have reached the zenith of the art.”

“Oh yeah? Well, you’ve reached the zenith of the fart!”

Sleipnir just gave her a single, slow, blink.

“Shut up. Look, this has been fun and all—”

“has it?”

“—shut up, but I've been thinking that maybe it's time we got on with this chase.”

“you mean I put away my lightning, and you put away your knitting needles, and we try and kill each other like reasonable ponies?”

“Exactly. We don't have all eternity to run around slinging witty insults at each other.”

“is that what you think you've been doing?”

“I'm choosing to ignore that. So what do you say?”

“i say ‘host, to the hunt!’”

“Music to my ears.”

Rainbow Dash led the Host on a merry chase, glancing behind her frequently, controlling her speed to stay just out of range of their thrown spears. They pursued her until full night fell and Luna's moon pulled a white silk sheet over the world. In the silvery semidarkness, she careened between trees, hearing the crash and blow of their rough pursuit behind her. Finally, she burst out into clear air, a gently curving slot between forests with twin lines of silver running perpendicular to her flight. With a grin, she braked hard and touched down on the other side of the train tracks.

She didn't have to wait long before Sleipnir and his Host caromed out from the trees. Sleipnir came to a screeching halt, his hooves throwing up clouds of vapor as he skidded in midair, and the Host became a thousand-car pileup behind him as they tried to stop with equal alacrity. With a fine disregard for the groans of pain behind him, Sleipnir wafted gently to the ground and bent his head to inspect the rails. “beautiful. these will make fine shoes, and so many of them! my farrier will be busy for years.”

“Yeah, thought you'd like that. Those rails are the finest earth pony work. You should get in close. You know, really appreciate the quality.”

Sleipnir stepped forward to inspect the second rail even more closely than the first. “mmm, yes, they are, mmm, truly inspiring. their smell makes me tingle.”

“Gross. Anyway, I'm gonna hit you while you're distracted.”

“what—?” For the second time that evening, Sleipnir's stupid - yet abused - nose was drop-kicked by a pair of fast-moving hooves. This time, he staggered but kept his feet. “unforgivable!” he boomed. Sparks shot from his eyes - figuratively, because he was just that angry, but also literally, because he could shoot lightning. When the sparks reached his hooves, he raised a leg to point at Rainbow Dash and she rolled to the side, but there was no bolt.

“Ha!” she mocked. “You're grounded by the rails, so you can't shoot lightning. And I think you'll also find that you can't move, because the electrical discharge will have magnetized your horseshoes to the rails.”

“i can't believe it. you're a master tactician and merely played at being an idiot in order to lull me into a false sense of confidence.”

“What? Psh, no. I'm just an expert at being struck by lightning. Wait, no. I mean… master tackythingy, that's me, yup.”

“i can't believe it. i’ve been duped by an idiot.”

“Yeah, who's the idiot now?”

“well…”

“Don't answer that. Okay, so I've got you trapped and stuff. So now, you're gonna return me to life or I'm gonna beat you up so much.”

“you seem to have forgotten something.”

“Oh yeah? What's that, Mister Smarty-smart?”

“my host.”

“Oh, yeah… That's a good point.”

“i quite thought so. my host, attack!”

“I can get you guys Wonderbolts tickets!”

“what?”

“Front-row seats, even.”

“come now, surely you can't be such a fool to think that my immortal host, these spirits of the hunt incarnate, would be swayed by such a bribe.”

A small voice piped up. “Actually, boss, that sounds pretty good to us. We haven't had a day off in three hundred years.” General muttering and assent came from the Host.

“what?! damnit, jenkins! your punishment will be torment unimaginable!”

The Host collectively shifted nervously, and took a half-step toward Rainbow Dash.

“Alright, alright. You forced my hand. I can get you free hay fries during the show, too.”

The Host took a step back.

“craven fools! get the prey!”

“Sorry, boss. I mean, it's free hay fries.”

A moaning whistle split the night. Rainbow Dash blinked thoughtfully at the sky. “Oh yeah. It's Tuesday.”

“what? what is it?”

“The Ponyville-Manehattan overnight express train leaving the station.”

“headed this way?”

“Headed this way.”

“oh jeez oh man you gotta get me free!”

“Oh yeah, sure thingwaaaait a minute. You gonna return me to life?”

“i swear it, by the old spirits and the new, by my honor and my name.”

“And?”

“and? and what?”

“And… swear that you’re a buttface who has a butt for a face!”

“what.”

Rainbow Dash made a show of cocking an ear toward town. “Do you hear that too? Or is that just me?”

“fine! fine.” He glared at her, his eyes flashing. “my hatred for you burns with the heat of all the fires of tartarus.”

“I’m waiting.”

“ugh. i swear…” Sleipnir’s mouth worked like he would spit. “i swear that i am a buttface and that i have a butt for a face.”

Rainbow Dash guffawed, and some titters came from the Host.

“hurry up, it’s getting closer!”

Rainbow Dash wiped tears from her eyes. “Oh man, that’s good stuff.”

She looked a question at Jenkins and the little hunter nodded. “Lord Sleipnir is honorable. He will keep his sworn word or die trying. Even if he does have a butt for a face.”

“damnit, jenkins!”

“Yeah, OK. Let's get you out of there. Come on guys, we'll all pull together.” There was a brief scrum of shuffling and positioning. “Jeez, don't hold him by the mane, that's gonna hurt. Don’t hold me by the mane either, dang. Put your pseudopods around my waist. Higher. Yeah, there we go. OK, everybody ready? On three!”

A few seconds later, Rainbow Dash picked herself up from the ground and untangled herself from assorted pseudopodia. “Well, uh, I gotta give you credit for how good a magnet you make there, guy.”

“i can think of more useful qualities. now hurry!”

“Yeah yeah, nobody likes a needy date. Let's try it again, everyone. On three. Ready? Three!”

“hurf!”

The train whistle sounded again. Sparks from its headlight could be seen reflecting from the leaves and the rails.

“Keep pulling! Don't give up! We can do this! Heeeeeave!”

The train rounded the curve, coming into view barely a hundred yards away, moving at its full traveling pace and running right at them.

“Stop pulling! Give up! We can't do this!”

“oh, you guys are a bunch of as—” Sleipnir's sentence, his train of thought, and his consciousness were all interrupted by the bright and cheerfully gleaming cotton-candy colored grim reaper that was the Ponyville-Manehattan overnight express train. The train carried on without slowing, because driving through a fogbank is beneath the notice of the stalwart engineers of the P-M o. e. t., and to the fortunate and yet insensate eyes of the living, Sleipnir, Rainbow Dash, and the entire Host were nothing more than a mere cloud.

Sleipnir found himself standing next to his body. Or part of it, at any rate. “well, this is weird.”

“Tell me about it,” agreed Rainbow Dash. “So, uh, not to be rude or anything, but…”

“do not deal me the dishonor of doubting my word. i will keep my promise.” He reared up, reaching both front legs toward her. With his unique anatomy, he stood steady on four legs, with two dangling daintily. It was actually rather silly-looking, but Rainbow Dash wasn't going to say anything. Not right then, anyway.

Sleipnir gently touched his hooves to either side of her head and she felt a jolt of electricity. “Ouch!”

“it is done. return to your body and touch it, and you will wake, none the worse for the experience.”

“Oh.”

“you expected it to be—”

“—more dramatic, yeah.”

Sleipnir's long head nodded sagely. “too bad.”

“Fair enough. Well, it's been fun. Kinda. Ish. A little bit. On second thought, never mind, you're a total jerk and I hope I never see you again.”

“you took the words right out of my mouth.”

“See? That's exactly the sort of thing I'm talking about.”

Sleipnir shook his head and opened his mouth to retort, but his gaze shifted to something over her shoulder and his mouth just hung open.

From behind Rainbow Dash, a little voice said, “Hail, mighty warrior. Be you hunter, or be you prey?”

“jenkins? you have got to be kidding me.”

“Sorry, boss. You know the rules. The leader of the Hunt died, so the oldest member becomes the new leader.”

“i didn't die! we're already spirits! wraiths! members of the choir eternal! getting run over by a train is like twisting an ankle! for me!” He waved six of his legs in the air to illustrate his point.

Jenkins shrugged, a movement which made Rainbow Dash glad her ghost-stomach didn't have any ghost-food in it. “Look, I'm on your side on this one. I wish I could help you out, but rules are rules. So… hunter or prey?”

Sleipnir grimaced, but straightened to stand tall and proud. “hunter, of course, you traitorous little…”

“Ooh, sorry, no can do. Bylaw 102.6(b)(c) says, and I quote, ‘no member of the Wild Hunt who is rendered incapable of service by death, dismemberment, termination, vote of no confidence, ectoplasmic edema, ectoplasmic enema, ectoplasmic enemy, memory loss, post-revel hangover lasting more than one (1) year,’ you get the idea, it goes on like that for a while, ‘…will be allowed to resume service in the aforementioned Wild Hunt until the discharge of a probationary period lasting not less than ten (10) years or one successful Hunt in the role of prey.’”

“i hate you so much.”

“Be that as it may, rules are rules. So let's get going, huh?”

“damnit, jenkins! you… you… bureaucrat!”

“You kiss your mother with that mouth? My Host! To the hunt!”

This time, the order was met with a much louder and more enthusiastic volume of cheers and roars than Rainbow Dash had heard before. She shook her head as Sleipnir high-tailed away from the pursuing Host. “That's why it doesn’t pay to be a jerk.”

Author's Note

This story was written for the May contest at The Competitive Writers' Guild, with the prompt "Storms."

The idea for Rainbow Dash meeting and beating the Wild Hunt is actually a couple of years old, but I never got around to doing anything more than thinking about it. When I saw the contest prompt, I remembered the old idea and decided that it would be perfect. In a rare moment of clarity, I realized that I wanted to write something comedic to break up all the srsface stories I've been doing recently, and so this version of Rainbow Dash and the Wild Hunt is very different than the fighty action story that it was originally conceived as.

I hope you enjoyed it, because it was a lot of fun to write. : )