Lonely Depression

by StormLuna

Rating: everyone
Tags: Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Colgate, Alternate Universe, Sparkler
Length: 5910

Colgate has accomplished so much since graduating from the dental academy. She has her own practice, she has a nice house and she has financial stability. She knows that she should be happy but she isn't, she is downright miserable.

Colgate has accomplished so much since graduating from the dental academy. She has her own practice, she has a nice house and she has financial stability. She knows that she should be happy but she isn't, she feels like something is missing.

AU tag for OOC Colgate.

Published 2018-12-30 23:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-12-30 23:50:01 UTC

Another Friday Evening

I have pretty much everything I could ever dream of. Ever since I was a filly I dreamed of becoming a dentist and when I graduated from the dental academy back in 2006, I had achieved my first goal. When I was working in a large practice in Phillydelphia afterwards, I was a true tightwad when it came to my money so that I could achieve my next goal, opening my own practice. That goal finally became a reality in 2010 when I saved up enough to finally open my own practice in a smaller community, away from the hustle and bustle of the big city.

Over the years, I continued to save up until I could buy a good sized house in 2015. I wanted plenty of space and I also did that because my younger sister, Lyra, would be coming to live with me. Times have continued to be good, I am not only the best dentist in Ponyville, but I am one of the best in all of Equestria. I have customers from Canterlot, Appaloosa and even the Crystal Empire that come to visit me.

I have everything a mare could ever dream of. I am building up a good sized nest egg, I have a good relationship with my sister, I have a nice spacious house and my practice is incredibly successful. I know I should be happy beyond my wildest dreams but I am not. As time has passed by, I feel like I am descending into a depression. I don't know if it is the lack of ponies I am truly close to, the fact that maybe I work myself too hard or what but I just feel like something is missing.

It was Friday afternoon and the last appointment for the day had been completed. It was nothing out of the ordinary, a simple exam and a cleaning. You know, one of those that always makes for a good end of the week. I knew that would not be the last pony of the day to come in though and I was right when I heard the door open and then a jubilant voice, "Hi Bon Bon, it's so good to see you!"

"It's so good to see you too Lyra!"

It was Bon Bon. I'm going to admit, while my life seems to be dull and lackluster, I can't help but be happy for my little sister. I remember when I opened up here in Ponyville and hired her. I remember how it was mom and dad who wanted me to do that because she had begun to hang out with the wrong crowd up in Canterlot and wound up having to drop out of Celestia's school.

When I headed out, I saw the two out in the waiting room doing their traditional greeting, "Boop, bump, boop!" I had always thought it was cute how they'd boop their noses, bump their cutie marks and then boop their noses again. I can't help but wonder how Lyra would have turned out had Bon Bon been up in Canterlot. I am assuming that she would have succeeded and likely graduated from Celestia's school. That is all in the past now and all my younger sister can do now is move forward and be happy with what she has.

When the two saw me Bon Bon always gave me her normal greeting, "Dr. Colgate, it is so good to see you!"

"Just Colgate please, no need to be so formal."

The first time I met Bon Bon, I will admit I wasn't overly fond of her. When I first had her as a patient, she had such a scowl on her face that I was actually unnerved by it but things are different now. Not only does Lyra make her happy, but Bon Bon makes my younger sister happy and as long as she treats Lyra good, she's good in my book.

"So Bonnie, with the day being over what do you want to do?"

"I was thinking dinner at the cafe, my treat."

"That sounds great but next time, I'm paying!" She then turned to me and added, "See you later sis!"

When I first hired her and had her move in with me, her just running off like that would have angered me but these days, I'm fine with it. As long as she's happy, I'll be happy for her. Once I got everything locked up, I headed home. On my journey home, I walked past the cafe and saw many, many ponies out eating and enjoying one another's company. I am going to admit though, I do envy them a bit. I know that such envy is uncouth, I know I should be happy for all of them but I really can't be, it is just too depressing.

Once I got home, I plopped down on the couch, turned on the TV and groaned in frustration. I knew how it was on Fridays when Lyra ad Bon Bon hung out. I knew that she likely would not get home until after I turned in the night so I did the same thing I always do on Friday evenings, watched the news and prepared myself for another long evening, an evening completely void of anypony to talk to.

Colgate's Admission

I woke up the following morning in the same kind of mood that I did every Saturday morning, frustrated. I knew that when I got downstairs that Lyra would be waiting there impatiently for me to fix us breakfast. Now yeah, I didn't mind doing it but one small part of me wished that she would simply settle for a bowl of cereal or that I would get off my flank and teach her how to cook. Like it had been for quite sometime though, weekend mornings in general weren't exactly the time I was most focused.

When I arrived in the kitchen, sure enough, Lyra was there with the same smile on her face that she always had.

"So sis, what's for breakfast this morning?"

"Same thing as always, bacon, eggs and oats."

One thing I had noticed was that as time progressed, she had been paying more and more attention to my eyes and facial expressions. I knew that she likely did this out of concern but it was starting to irk me some. After many weekends of her staring at my facial expressions, she finally spoke up, "You ok sis? You look a bit sad."

"Yeah I'm ok, I'm good."

Throughout my whole life, I have been good at hiding my emotions and masking them but I think that Lyra has lived with me long enough that I could no longer hide it from her. "You sure about that sis? I know how you are, I know you think it is a liability to show emotion but I can see it in your eyes. I can see that something is wrong."

That was the moment that I finally decided to be honest with her and open up. "Lyra, I'm going to admit, I am feeling depressed. I am successful beyond my wildest dreams and I should be anything but depressed but I am."

I could tell that Lyra was in a state of shock when she heard me admit this. I am pretty sure that she was thinking that I was merely sad but when I stated I was depressed, I could see the concern build up in her eyes. I was really hoping she would just let me get away with that but I knew she wouldn't.

"Sis, why are you depressed? You have accomplished everything you've wanted ever since you were a filly and then some!"

"Ok, I'm going to admit it, I'm lonely! I see what good friends you are with Bon Bon and I wish I had a friend like that."

I am guessing that was something that my sister never once imagined she would hear from me because she went as far as to do something that I had warned her on many occasions not to do. She knows how much I like my personal space but she embraced me. Yep she embraced me and for the first time in ages, I did not shy back, I allowed it.

"Really sis, you're lonely?" Her tone became more sympathetic as she continued, "I'm sorry. I really wish...." She stopped in mid-sentence and continued, "I've got it. We could take a sisters' trip to the market! I'm sure you could meet some ponies there!"

That was something that I really wish she had not brought up. I was already in a less than stellar emotional state but the very thought of going out and actually meeting ponies terrifies me. I know it sounds silly given that I work with the pubic and do get along with a majority of my patients. Thing is though, there is a huge difference between dealing with ponies as their dentist and just simply mingling out in the market.

"G-go out and mi-mingle?" I asked, "But you know how paranoid I get in social situations."

"Sis, we'll go together and if you get to where you freeze up, I'll be there for you."

"Alright, let's get going."

I knew that Lyra had good intentions and truly wanted to help me make a friend but I still went into this with dread. I couldn't help but wonder "What if nopony likes me? What if ponies see me freak out in a social situation and decide to go to another dentist?" I will admit, I really wished that I hadn't brought this up to Lyra. Yes I wished that I had a good friend but doing what it took to actually make a friend seemed more terrifying than the loneliness did.

A Forced Conversation

Once Lyra and I left the house and began to head towards the market, she could tell that I was nervous. She saw how much slower I was going than her and eventually called out, "Come on sis, everything will be fine."

"Alright Lyra, I'm coming."

I finally started walking at a pace that was the same as hers and once we got to the market, I could already feel myself beginning to sweat I was so nervous. I then realized that the only way I would ever make a friend was to face my fear of simple social anxiety outside of the work place. As we approached the center of the marketplace I began to look around, wondering who I should at least try to mingle with. Apparently though Lyra had already decided that for me as we headed towards the flower stand.

"Come on sis, I know who might be a good friend for you!"

"Coming Lyra."

I couldn't help but wonder why Lyra would be leading me there because it seemed like the three mares who ran it seemed so extroverted and positive while I am a reserved introvert who would not exactly be able to mesh with somepony like that. Once we arrived Lily greeted my sister in her normal manner.

"Hi Lyra, it is so wonderful to see you today!"

"It is going wonderful." She then motioned for me to come up and continued, "You've met my sister haven't you?"

"Yes, I see her every six months!"

Daisy added, "Of course I've met her, she takes care of my teeth!"

That is the way I expected them to greet my sister and naturally I did know the two but I couldn't help but notice something, the third mare who runs the stand, Roseluck, wasn't up in the front with the other two. She was in the back, hiding behind the other two and going through flowers, or pretending to anyway. That would change when my sister got her attention,

"Roseluck, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Uhm, yeah. What do you want to talk to me about?"

"You know my sister, right?"

I could tell that Roseluck, unlike the other two, seemed a bit more nervous. I wasn't really sure why though given that out of the three florists, she had by far the best oral health. I could sense a lot of anxiety in her voice as she approached my sister, "Um, yeah. I-I know her, she is my dentist."

I would become quite nervous when she asked her if she could take some time away and talk to me but would be relieved when she brought up that she couldn't take any time away from the stand. I would again become more nervous when I heard, "Go on Rose, go out and mingle!"

"Yeah, you need to mingle outside of the workplace!"

I wasn't the only one who was nervous, I could tell that Roseluck was nervous as well, especially so when Lyra actually grabbed her aura, picked her up and set her down right in front of me. I was shocked when she suggested, "Why don't you two go and get a bite to eat."

"Well, well, I really do have to get back to work soon." I heard her say.

"Lyra, she said she had to get back to work before too long."

Lyra would have none of it given what Lily and Daisy had said to her. Rose gave me a nervous look, which was immediately returned by myself. Lyra then actually grabbed both of us in her aura and carried us to a table and suggested we set down. I'll be honest, I never knew that Lyra's magic was strong enough that she could pick up two ponies and carry them. In most instances, I would have applauded her but in this situation, no. I simply gave her a glare before she continued, "Come on sis, it will be ok. I just think you and Rose could maybe be friends!"

Lyra began to walk off and I would have none of it. I grabbed her in my aura, pulled her close and whispered, "Was this your plan, to FORCE two ponies to simply talk to one another? Are you trying to force friendship?"

"No, I just know Roseluck is an introvert like you and maybe both of you could come out of your shells." Lyra replied. While we were whispering back and forth, I could see Roseluck giving us both a nervous look, looks which would be returned by myself. Lyra then took off and finished, "Look, I'll be nearby if you need me, alright?"

I simply nodded and she took off to a nearby table. Both Roseluck and I were just sitting there in an awkward silence, with nervous looks on our faces. I knew that I would never make any friends without speaking and wasn't sure if Roseluck would be the one to break the silence so I did, "So.....how are things going?"

The amount of time it took for her to respond seemed to take forever but I would be relieved when I heard, "Uh, they're going ok." Then another minute of awkward silence would return until she continued, "How about you?"

"I'm doing alright, just taking care of patients. What about you?"

"Just running the floral stand like always." She went silent for a minute before continuing, "What is up with Lyra? Why does it seem like she's trying to force us to talk?"

I knew exactly why but I was kind of, no make that really nervous, to tell her what my thoughts were so I lied, "I really don't know. Maybe she thinks both of us need to talk to more ponies."

"Maybe it is."

I could tell that this conversation was likely going to go nowhere if I didn't try to get her to interact more, anyway I could. "I think Lyra is doing this because I'm so introverted and I made the mistake of telling her that I wish I had a friend, a closer friend like how she has Bon Bon."

Roseluck looked down and I couldn't help but wonder if what I said was the wrong thing. I could tell that perhaps she is just as much of as introvert as I am and like myself, she is really good at hiding it in the workplace. That would be confirmed when she replied, "Well....well I don't know if I could ever be a friend like that. We, we barely know one another." she stuttered.

"I can understand that entirely."

I would become more nervous when she got up and panicked, "I can't do this! I just can't get to know somepony like this, I just can't."

She then took off back towards the flower stand, leaving me all alone. I couldn't help but think that even among introverts I can't interact all that well nor can I even get somepony somewhat like me to want to get to know me. I saw my sister heading my way and I was in no mood to talk to her at that moment so I took off. I galloped off towards one place I often went to when I needed time to think, the castle of the two sisters.

An Unexpected Encounter

After Roseluck panicked and took off, I too took off. I was not sure what direction Roseluck took off to but I took off to the one place that I was pretty sure nopony would bother me, the Everfree Forest. I could not believe that my own sister would not only try to force me into a situation like that but would force another pony, one who also puts up a false front in the workplace, into the same situation.

Once I got into the forest, my gallop slowed into a normal walk. I figured that since almost nopony simply goes into the forest without it being a life or death situation, that I could slow my pace. As I slowed my pace to a regular walk, I couldn't help but replay the events of the day in my mind. Everything from me telling Lyra how I wished I had a close friend like how she had Bon Bon, to the trip to the marketplace and then her pretty much forcing Roseluck and I into a very awkward and uncomfortable situation.

How could I have been so dumb to reveal my desire for a friend to Lyra? Why couldn't I have just waited to tell this to a therapist or maybe Dr. Hooves since we are both in the medical field? I suppose I chose Lyra to tell this to because she is my sister and she does have a close friendship. While I highly doubt that I could ever grow that close with anypony, I will admit I'm a bit envious of her and her friendship with Bon Bon. I suppose that is what happens when one is an extrovert though, they develop many friendships and when they have a bestie, they are bound to act like that.

I reached the Castle of the Two Sisters much more quickly than I thought. Luckily I have the ability to teleport so I bypassed that rope bridge that I am quite certain will break one of these days if somepony has to cross it on hoof. Once I headed into the castle, it was the same as it always was, a chunk of ceiling would fall in one place, then in another. I certainly hope that the whole place doesn't eventually cave in because that is the one place that I can find solitude in.

Like always, I headed to that secret chamber that Twilight and her friends discovered when they headed out there once. I liked that place the most because not only was it the one place that wasn't damaged back when Luna turned into Nightmare Moon but it also provided protection from the elements. As I headed in, there was something in there that I had never seen before, another pony. As I entered the room I heard a voice, "Who's there?"

I saw a light coming from this pony so it was obviously another unicorn. I lit up my horn and noticed that it was a unicorn I had interacted with some, "It's just me, Amethyst."

Amethyst turned around and was shocked to see it was me, "Oh hi Colgate. I didn't expect to see you out here."

"Likewise." I gave her a curious look and continued, "So what are you doing here? Why did you come out here?"

"To seek solitude." replied Amethyst. "To seek solitude and be alone with my thoughts."

"Same here."

I noticed that she was reading a book and was likely not in the mood to talk so I decided to grab my favorite book and continue to read it where I left off the last time I was out there. I grabbed Celestia and Luna's old journal and quickly became absorbed in it, so absorbed that I would be shocked when I heard, "Colgate, why do you have to be here alone with your thoughts?"

This was something that stunned me. I know Amethyst well enough to know that she is as reserved as I am and generally isn't huge into conversations. I figured that perhaps if I talked with her, I could get some venting done and get things off my chest, "Well, this involves my sister and I. Somehow she was able to pick up on me feeling a bit down and I made the mistake of telling her that I wish I had a close friendship like she does."

"Oh?"

"Yes and she decided to drag me to the market to try and find me a friend. She then decided to force Roseluck and I into what was a very awkward situation. Needless to say, she ran off after not too long and I came out here."

*sighs* "I know your sister is an extrovert and thinks her ways will work for everypony but they don't."

After that we again got back to reading our books until I became curious about what caused her to go out to the castle, "So what about you? Why did you have to come out to seek solitude?"

*sighs* "I just needed it. Seeing so many ponies out and about and seeing so many close friends out together just frustrated me and I had to get away. I'm sure you know how that goes."

"All too well."

"I just feel jealous of them sometimes! I see so many ponies out there that are so close and I wish so much that I could have a close friend like that."

"Join the club."

I could hardly believe what I was hearing. Never in my life did I imagine that there would be another pony out there who thought the same way I did, a pony who actually knew what I felt like, a pony who knew what I was going through. Again their was a silence, albeit more brief until I heard, "Thing is, I'm scared to try and get that close to somepony like that. I see your sister and Bon Bon and wish I had a close friend like that. You know how it is, right?"

"To be honest Amethyst, I do wish I had a close friend but the whole nose booping and flank bumping they do, that really wouldn't be my thing."

"Nose booping and flank bumping?"

"Yes, nose booping and flank bumping. The two did it in my office on Friday and things like that, they're just not for me."

*sighs* "Well I can see where you're coming from, that is a bit strange."

The way Amethyst reacted to my statement seemed a bit odd. The way she sighed made it almost sound like she was disappointed that I wouldn't ever do anything like that. Then I thought to myself, "Come on Colgate, we're not even friends, just acquaintances! Why would she even be thinking such a thing!"

Again things went silent. Despite it being just a few minutes, it seemed more like it was hours. Things would again relax when I heard, "Colgate, I know we are only acquaintances but what would you think about maybe just spending time together and talking some, maybe becoming comfortable with one another."

"Sure, that sounds like a good plan to me."

That was something that shocked me and kind of made me a bit nervous, a pony simply wanting to hang out with me. I know it sounds odd that such a thing would unnerve me but it did. I figured that part of hanging out would likely involve maybe sharing some interests so I grabbed Celestia's old journal, sat next to Amethyst and questioned, "So, have you ever read the royal sisters' old journal?"

I could tell that she found what I did as odd at first but then once she took a look at it and began to read what I was, I could feel her anxiety begin to subside. Once she began to read it, she began to laugh over some of the antics the two princesses engaged in when they were fillies, the same things that caused me to laugh the first time I had read them.

Once she joined me in reading their old journal, we began to talk about the things they did. It seemed a bit strange because we suddenly weren't interacting like most introverts would, we began to interact how your average pony would. Now yeah, we weren't interacting the way extroverts would or the way friends exactly would, but the interaction was certainly different than anything I would have expected.

Darkness descended on the forest long before either one of us expected it. Once we did notice it, both of us were a bit surprised and I was the first to comment, "Dark already? Night arrived sooner than I expected."

"Well I guess time flies when you wind up getting lost in a good book."

"That it does Amethyst, that it does."

"So Colgate, think we should get going?"

"Yes we should." My stomach began to growl and I continued, "I'm getting hungry anyway and I'm not exactly in the mood for the berries that grow out here."

"Neither am I, let's get going."

We got up and exited the castle. Now many ponies are scared enough of the Everfree Forest during the day but apparently Amethyst has been here in the night and was no more scared of it than I was. We knew what we would need to do in the event we ran into timberwolves, just blast them apart with magic and rush away before they had a chance to regenerate.

Luckily our trip back to town was a rather uneventful one but it was once we got back to town that the unexpected happened, "Hey Colgate, what do you say we grab a bite to eat."

Now this was something that I wasn't expecting in the slightest. While Amethyst and I did have fun reading through Celestia and Luna's old journal and shared a few laughs together, I never expected her to suggest that. "Yeah, we can do that."

I wasn't exactly sure what to expect out of this but deep down I was thinking that perhaps Amethyst was interested in being a genuine friend, something more than just mere acquaintances.

Friends?

Author's Note

This chapter will involve a fair amount of back and forth dialogue.

Friends?

After what seemed to be a rather brief quick from the castle back to Ponyville, Amethyst and I headed to the cafe. The evening rush had hit a couple hours ago so there was no line of ponies waiting to be seated so we were seated right away. Talking about things out at the castle was one thing since we were talking about the antics of Celestia and Luna when they were fillies, just as we did on the way back but what we would discuss once we sat down for supper did make me a bit nervous. I honestly wasn't sure what that would be and I'll admit, I really hoped that Amethyst would be the one to start the conversation.

Once we got sat down I would be in luck as Amethyst immediately began in on the conversation, "So Colgate, before deciding to be a dentist, what did you do."

"I was a student up in Celestia's special school. I was really good with magic but I wanted to do something with my life other than magic work. I wanted to do something that would benefit everypony."

"You went to Celestia's school? I did too!"

Now that I think about it, I do remember seeing her up in Canterlot while I was in school, it was just a matter of me never knowing she was also in magic school. I suppose that is one thing where we could begin our discussion, "So Amethyst, did you like it?"

"It was ok but I really couldn't get into it that much. I had strong magic but it just wasn't my thing, especially once I discovered that I could cut and shape gems."

"I know how you feel. It was when I did a report on dentistry that I really decided I wanted to become a dentist and then applied to go to the Manehattan Dental Academy, which of course I got into."

"Graduated from and then achieved your dream."

"Yep, well after a couple of years working in a large clinic in Fillydelphia."

"How did that go?"

"It was alright but my boss was very rude and unpleasant so I saved up for a few years and then finally opened up my own practice here in Ponyville."

"Why Ponyville?"

"I wanted a slower pace of life and also my parents asked if I'd go somewhere smaller and hire Lyra because she had began to hang out with the wrong crowd in Canterlot and had to drop out of Celestia's school."

"That is very nice of you, it sounds like your sister is important to you."

"Very much so, I would do pretty much anything if it was for her well-being."

At that point the conversation seemed to be going fine. With most ponies, I would not have revealed much of anything about my past nor would I have stated the reason I moved to Ponyville. With Amethyst though, I felt as though I could trust her to not go out and tell other ponies about all this, especially about Lyra and how she had began to hang out with the wrong crowd, having to drop out of magic school and why I hired her. I then figured I would learn more about her, "So what brought you to Ponyville?"

"Well like I said, I discovered I could cut gems very well and the jeweler was looking for ponies who could cut gems small enough to fit into rings."

"And obviously you were able to?"

"Yep." I could tell she became more proud as she continued, "Rarity may be able to find gems but I'm the one who can cut them." She then became a bit more irritated as she continued, "I also used to be the town's primary organizer until Twilight showed up."

Twilight, one pony that I was friends with at one time before she simply bolted. "Oh yes, Twilight. I was friends with her once until she simply took off, came down here to set up a festival for Celestia, made new friends and then forgot those of us up in Canterlot existed."

"I take it you aren't a fan of her?"

"Not really." Twilight was not exactly a pony I cared to discuss much, even though she did eventually make amends with me, "I mean she is ok but we aren't exactly close."

"Can I share something with you and you won't tell Twilight?"

"Of course you can, it's not like I talk with her much anyway and even if I did, I certainly wouldn't share anything with her."

"Ok. I'm going to admit, I am envious of her. I hate it how she came in, began organizing everything and suddenly the whole town seems to worship her and forget I even exist, they forgot how good I used to be."

"I can understand that entirely."

We had got so lost in our discussion that we didn't even notice that the waiter had arrived, "Ladies, what would you like to drink."

I ordered, "I would like a large cider."

"I would like a large cider as well."

Amethyst gave me a slight smile when we both ordered a large cider. Naturally I thought nothing of it but apparently she did. Now what us ordering the same thing to drink meant to her I'm not sure but apparently it was something. After the waiter left, again there was another minute of uncomfortable silence, well on my part anyway. While it felt like it was forever, it was roughly a minute before the waiter returned, "What would you ladies like to eat."

I ordered my usual, "I would like a steak, medium rare along with some hay fries."

"I'd like my usual."

"The same thing she's ordering Amethyst?"

"Yep."

Now that was something that shocked me. I always knew that I was one of the few ponies in town that actually ate meat but I honestly believed that I was the only pony who ate hers anything less cooked than medium well. Once the waiter left she gave me a smile, "You like yours undercooked too?"

"Yep, I do."

After that both of us gave the other an amused chuckle and I could tell that perhaps she was friendship material. We did seem to have a fair amount in common. Both of us weren't the biggest fans of Twilight, we both like to seek solitude in the castle of the two sisters and we both like our meat undercooked. I knew that as time passed, we would likely discover more things that we had in common.

Again there was a silence, albeit more brief yet not nearly as awkward. It was more of one of those silences you get when something is crossing your mind. That silence would be broken though when she extended her hoof to the middle of the table and asked, "Friends?"

I gave her a hoof bump and replied, "Definitely friends!"

Now that was something that I certainly did not expect, especially from a reserved pony such as Amethyst. The more I think about it though, the more I think that perhaps it wasn't so odd that Amethyst was the one to offer me her friendship. We do seem to have a fair amount in common, a whole lot more than Roseluck and I have in common. I normally don't believe in foalish nonsense such as fate but perhaps I can make an exception just this once! Maybe it was fate that I went to the castle of the two sisters.

One thing I am happy about is that I finally have a friend down here but I am quite sure that it will never end up in anything like what Bon Bon and Lyra has. Even if Amethyst and I grow closer, such behavior simply isn't our thing. Speaking of Lyra though, I can't help but wonder how she will react when she discovers that I made a friend, without her help!