Oh, Canterlot! The center piece of good ol’ Equestria. If the world were an oister it would be the perl at the bloody core.
“Give me all your fucking money!”
Well, nopony’s perfect.
Things could have been going better for Doughnut Joe, he could be at the wedding. Serving his delicious confections, or meeting his aunt at home for danishes and tea.
But noooo! He now had a knife to his neck and sack being shoved in his face.
The stallion in front of him had a mask over his muzzle and a rag taped over his cutie mark. His eyes blazing with fury as he stared down the doughnut salespony.
“I already told ya’! I ain’t had no customers all mornin’, everypony is at the royal weddin’,” Joe pleaded quickly. He was starting to regret keeping the store open, not only because it made him vulnerable to robber mc’ knife here. It also made him miss the biggest marriage of the century.
The masked pony narrowed his eyes and hit Joe on the side of the head with the handle of his knife. “I know you have shit in the back! Get your ass back there and give me everything you have!”
*jingle*
At that moment a black earth pony walked in almost unphased by the situation before him. With a big smile on his face he trotted right up to the counter, and simply said, “One uh the usual mate with jelly fill.”
“O-of course m-mister Sneak.”
And with that Joe quickly ran into the back with some pep in his step. Meanwhile, the masked stallion glared at Sneak Thief. Holding the knife directly in front of his face.
“Who the fuck are you?”
Sneak grinned at his new favorite political speaker with a lax expression, and slowly planted himself in a chair at the counter.
“Where are my manners. Names Sneak Thief although most just call me Sneak.”
He grabbed a soda from over the counter and bit off the cap before taking a sip.
“You know I got a question for ya mate. Just how desperate you got to be to rob a bleeding doughnut shop?”
The would be robber growled at Sneak. Putting the blade up to eye level with the dark stallion.
“Just who the fuck do you think you a-“
*Burp*
Sneak let out a loud belch in the other stallion’s face. Then leaned back in his seat.
“Sorry, just can’t keep um down anymore mate. Doc says I got gas issues, you know how it is.”
The masked pony finally had enough of this stallion and thrust his blade straight at Sneak Thief’s neck.
Only to be confused when he suddenly dissolved into a puff of black smoke.
“What the fu-“
“Oi, stupid.”
The robber had no time to turn around as a table came smashing down on his head. There was a loud cracking sound as he fell to the floor his knife falling with him.
“*Tsk* That is going to be a sad face to wake up to,” Sneak said happily as he reached into the stallion’s saddle bag and fished out a bag full of bits.
After handling his business with the unconscious pony he looked at a thoroughly stupefied Doughnut Joe and chuckled.
“How much I owe ya mate?”
Joe broke out of his daze and said quickly.
“It’s on the house mister Sneak.”
Sneak snatched the glazzed doughnut from Joe and casually trotted out the shop into the street.
Yep, good ol’ Canterlot as always.
Sneak shoved his snack into his saddle bag and teleported to the top of the nearest building. He definitely didn’t want to be there when the guard arrived. He’d ruin his lunch if he got into to much trouble.
Such is the way of the city’s greatest thief. The first and only earth pony with the ability to teleport. That’s why they called him “The Blink” with his way of disappearing without a trace.
“So, what do we have for the pickins today eh?”
He stared out at the hundreds of ponies walking amongst the streets and homesteads. He was thinking of robbing the wedding today, but had decided against it seeing as Shinning Armor was the groom.
That would not end well at all.
While, Sneak and Shinning had butted heads in the past they both knew their limits. In fact, If Sneak didn’t constantly have a bounty on his head he’d actually consider having a drink with the captain.
So now he had no one to play with, and nopony challengeing enough to rob.
’Fuck’
He frowned slightly and pulled out his doughnut for some bored stress eating, but just as he was about to take a bite...
*Shatter*
The giant dome around the city broke into a million pieces. A large number of dark figures descending from it’s wake.
Sneak watched in silent curiosity as they got closer. Seeing all the ponies below running and screaming in panic.
He sighed sadly while staring at his doughnut.
“Soon,” he said before putting the pastry back in his bag.
He barely had time to dodge the green magic bolt that almost hit him directly in the back of his head. Before facing one of the figures that had landed on the roof with him.
*hisss*
What he saw was an insect like creature with a pair of cold blue eyes and long white fangs. Its horn glowed bright green with power as it charged up another spell.
“Wow you’re an ugly motherfucker aren’t ya?”
The creature let out a screech and fired another bolt at Sneak, only for him to dive out of the way again.
“That really all you got?”
The changling’s body was briefly ingulfed in flames after this comment, and, to Sneak’s surprise, their were suddenly two earth ponies on the building.
“That really all you got?” Sneak’s doppelgänger repeated in his exact voice, grinning.
“Cute. But can you do this?”
With that said, Sneak disappeared and blinked right next to the clone. Bashing the side of its head in the his right hoof.
He almost laughed at how easy it was before stating.
“I really should stop beating myself up about things.”
This victory was cut short, however, as he noticed the large number of drones that had surrounded him.
“Ehe. No hard feelings right?”
*hisssss*
“Good to know.”
Sneak got ready to blink again as they began to close in. Only for what looked like a copper stallion to crash straight through the bottom of the roof screaming.
“Tally hoooo!!!”
He went up for about two seconds and then came falling back into the hole from whence he came.
Both Sneak and the changlings were confused by this.
Sneak then noticed the new exit, who ever the fuck that was, just made for him and sighed.
“Fuck it.”
He then lept into the hole in a canon ball position.