Meeting the Parents Has Never Been So Life Threatening
“Are you sure about this Tavi? Dontcha think this is a little to soon?”
Octavia “My Parents Are Also Trained Killers” Philharmonica looked away from the road for a moment to give me ‘the look’, “Vee, we’ve been dating for almost a year. I think you’ll be fine, especially since my father has been talking all about you. Honestly, this is quite out of character for you.”
I sighed, laying my head against the leather seat of the 2015 lifted Jeep Wrangler with custom rims and wheels that cost a tenth of the car. Oh, and it’s green. Stole it off the last mafia boss we took down. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Gotta say, I was hoping they would be a little closer.”
After we had finally caught a break with dealing with the mafia the Academy (no not the Oscars, I wish) gave us some R and R. Octavia finally convinced me to visit her parents, who were known as The Cellists back in the day. One of the few couples that had survived the wave of killed wives or husbands for the tragic backstory. They had gone on to almost take over Canada single handedly. Now they lived peacefully north of the Crystal Empire, probably hiding from something.
“They’ll love you, I practically had to send them a cardboard cut out of you just to keep them sated.”
“Thanks?”
Octavia shook her head, “Nevermind, we’re here. You spent more time worrying than you spent preparing my lovely, so here is your trial by fire.”
“Trail by fi-”I looked ahead at the absolute unit of a log mansion we were driving up to. And there stood her parents, Symphony and Melody Philharmonica. Eerily similar names if you thought about how there was no way that their parents had planned for them to get married. “Sweet baby Luna they’re wearing ugly sweaters Octavia.”
The parental units of my girlfriend stood in the driveway in front of us, waving like they hadn’t jaywalked hundreds of times. We parked nicely near the garage, while I thought of as many escape routes as I could. Except they were cut of by the glare of the babe next to me. “If you do not get your fine ass out of this car I will be bouncing a mallet off it the next chance I get.”
I put on the ‘I don’t want to die smile’ and made my way to them. “Hi, Miss and Mister Philharmonica, thank you so much for inviting me to come.”
“Well, I had to meet my daughter’s girlfriend at some point,” Symphony said as he shook my hand. “Plus, a quaint little New Year’s Eve party was the easiest excuse anyway.”
I was tugged from the handshake into a hug where I discovered my answer to whether Octavia’s jugs were real or not. Fun fact: they weren’t fake. “Oh, Vinyl I have been waiting so long to meet you. My sweet Octavia has been talking all about you every chance she gets. And please, call us by our first names. I think taking down those nasty mafia cronies is enough to earn my respect, and Symphony over here has been itching to know all about it.”
I peeled myself away from Melody, “Of course, I’ll tell y'all all about it over some hot chocolate.”
Octavia and I pulled our stuff out of the Jeep and lugged it into our room. We received the tour of the mansion shortly after and with t-minus three hours until the party was supposed to begin we sat down to talk. We sat in the living room with the fireplace going after I had helped Symphony with getting the wood out of the pile in the back. Octavia and I sat across to her parents, and I had become way more comfortable with the situation since. Symphony had finally gotten my story of how we dealt with the mafia and we had moved on to the more generic questions as the sun set.
“I must say I am quite impressed with the things you two have accomplished in such a short time. Say, Vinyl I would not mean to impose on you, but by chance would you like to icee me in a spar?”
I coughed out a laugh, “I think you mean iso, but, uh,” I looked at Octavia, who shrugged in response. I’ll remember that. “Yeah, sure, whenever ya want.”
Symphony clapped his hands together, “Wonderful! Now, Octavia is always imperative that she keep your meeting shrouded in secrecy. However, I am sure you would not mind sharing that or when you two knew it was meant to be.”
Melody whacked his shoulder, “Please do not mind his shenanigans, he is the opposite of what his wanted poster states. He just finished his recordings of that thirteen days of christmas movies that Hallmark has.”
“I need a little balance in my life to even out all the whiners, especially the ones who always ask for mercy. I must say, they always peeve me the most. You will see you two, once you have put in some more hours in this profession.”
Octavia shook her head, “Father would you mind staying within a regular discussion topic?”
I chuckled, “Don’t worry about it Tavi, we’ve already come across a few of those. Anyway, I think Octavia is a little shy about admitting when she fell in love with me ‘cause of that meeting.”
“Vinyl please, you know I regret it every time I think of it.”
I wrapped my arm around her, “I know, but I’m just tellin’ the story Tavi. So, yeah, this fox over here was sent to kill me initially.”
“How romantic.” Said Melody, ironically. Probably.
“She’d been put through puppy school practically and tried the good ‘ol attack when asleep. But I wasn’t asleep when she got to me, and I busted her butt immediately. I wanna say I took pity on her, but honestly she was too pretty to kill.” Octavia blushed a bit, while her mom smiled adoringly. “I fixed her up and she was feisty for a bit, but warmed up to me as she healed up. I trained her the right way, then we began our long run of successful missions.”
Melody smiled, “How cute. You know Octavia, that was much like how your father and I met. Do keep close, many people are adamant at keepin couples like us apart.”
Octavia leant forward, “Is that so? Why?”
Symphony took over, “You two are able to bring forward a generation of assassins like no one else has seen. We let Octavia choose her own path, and I see it has benefited her greatly. But imagine if two assassins trained a child with the knowledge of their parents and skills at their disposal.”
“So you’re sayin’ that it’s genetics or what? I figure anyone can do that wannabe edgy backstory thing.” I asked, curious as to how we could be so special.
“It is more so about the connection. See, we found over the years, meeting the few and far apart families I found that it was the connection they had that made the child or children so adept at this profession.” Symphony stroked his beard, looking moto as a dude that just finished his eagle perch made out of fifty cal bullets.
“I see,” Said Octavia, “I think that may be a tad bit off in time for us. We still have some overseas visits to attend to. I heard that the one lady has been working a little faster on her computer device.”
“Oh, yes, I think I have heard of this woman. She is the one tha-” The doorbell rang, cutting off Symphony.
“Someone’s a little early.” Melody commented.
Symphony sat up, “Of course, I do wish we could have a normal day some time in the future. Vinyl would you be a dear and take the cover off the lamp next to you?”
“Sure pops,” I pulled the cover up to reveal that the lamp was actually an UMP 45. “Honestly, I’m not even mad that I didn’t notice it. Just very disappointed.”
“Pull the trigger.”
I looked to Octavia, who gave the ‘go on’ gesture. I pressed the trigger, which then caused the carpet and table to flip to reveal a plethora of weapons leaning toward the close combat kind of deal. Among the swords, throwing knifes, and other sharp things Symphony took an Astra Revolver (the only gun from the selection), immediately emptying it into the door. “Well alrighty then, what was that for?”
Symphony took opened the door to reveal a generic ninja with six holes in their chest. “It seems those Jamaican ninjas from our vacation a couple months ago.”
Melody sighed, “I thought we were done with all of them honey.”
At that moment the windows around us shattered, revealing the half dozen ninjas that rapled through. I went into survival mode, grasping a couple swords from the floor. I figured I mine as well challenge myself, instead of pew pewing them. I threw one like a spear missing the center of mass by a bit because of their trajectory in the air. It sliced into the one ninja’s shoulder, pinning them about ten feet above the ground.
As I sprinted to finish the job I yelled out, “Is this a kill or knock out kind of fight y'all?”
“Kill Vinyl, but if you would be so kind to keep one alive for questioning that would be the most favorable outcome.” Melody replied, ruthlessly throwing her knifes into the eyes of one of the ninjas. She then uppercut the ninja so hard they flew over her head, where she pulled out the knives mid air. The ninja landed with the same couple of knives in their heart.
I looked back at the ninja that had finally managed to get free of the sword. The escape had compromised their suit, or rather her suit as I could tell from what the tears revealed. And they now held it, great. “I’ll keep this one alive.” I yelled back, flipping my sword around a few times before slashing it.
“Oh, good, you actually want to live.” I said in response to the ninja blocking my attack. I held back to see if they were actually worth keeping alive, and their flurry of slices kept me on my feet. I figured I would end it a bit quicker since there were an unnecessary amount of ninjas pouring in. I slammed my foot down on the floorboards, making it break just enough to unbalance the ninja as they swung for the umpteenth time. I stabbed my sword down into their foot, then grabbed their sword and sunk it into the wall. They fell unconscious once I bounced their head off the hilt a few times.
I took the sword out of the wall, taking account of my surroundings. Symphony and Melody were back to back fighting off the flood of ninjas. They had found a rhythm in their time to kill, slicing and dicing with their knives and a few punches here and there with Symphony’s brass knuckles. Octavia was grinding away with her sword, slicing and stabbing with pinpoint accuracy. However, I wasn’t able to make a decision on what to do and my plan became the need to keep the other ninjas from grabbing my hostage once they noticed I had kept her alive.
“Sorry y’all, I can’t let you have her. Can’t waste a big breasted woman on some leather that covers everything. You need to use them as a distraction.” I said to the several ninjas that had decided to surround me, gesturing to my low cut top that had cleavage all the way down and my short cut jean shorts. “You need to use them to your advantage. Like so…”
I pointed my sword at one of the ninjas, pressing the button under the hilt and launching the rest of the sword at one of their heads. Before the furthest ninja had even hit the ground with the sword lodged in their forehead I moved to the closest ninja. The sword had become a knife with the large blade launched it had left a smaller one, which I then flung into the nearest ninja. They fell with a blade in their neck.
The ninjas had stopped flowing in, which was good. And that left me with three ninjas left. Two went for my head, the other went for my legs. Which let me jump up and scissor kicked the two going for my head. I crossed an item off my bucket list when I clapped my hands together mid-air in the kick to catch the sword that was coming toward me. I brought it down on my knee in a seamless transition to a superhero landing to snap the blade when I slammed my palm down on it.
“I hope that looked way cooler than that felt ‘cause ow.” I said to the ninja. They shrugged, tossing the hilt away and going straight for a roundhouse kick. I bent down to dodge it and clacked my heels together, letting the knives hidden in my sneakers slide out. I then swing my leg behind me and over my head, slamming my heel into their face.
Two to go.
One held back while the other rushed me. I went into my defensive stance, dodging a shuriken that the further ninja threw while I dealt with the nearest one’s punches. I let myself get pushed back by the flurry of fists while continuing to dodge the projectiles from the second ninja. They eventually pushed me into the kitchen, where I felt a lot better about my situation. I flipped backwards, landing a solid kick to McFistin de la Ninja and grabbing a pan on the rack that hung from the ceiling on my second flip that brought me higher. My immediate reaction after was to block Projectile Dysfunction’s next throw, then hitting the nearest ninja with it.
With them disoriented I held them up to have one of PD’s stars sink into the back of McFistin. “Oof, man that sucks. Here, I’ll help you out.” I said, pulling the star out and slicing their neck. I threw it back at PD, who easily dodged it.
Thunk.
“Hey! Watch where you’re throwing Scratch.” Octavia said in the other room, obviously distraught at me almost hitting her.
“Sorry Tavi, this dude won’t die. And I was getting impatient.” I replied, using the pan to block PD’s constant barrage. “Seriously man, where are you getting all these throwing things?”
In response they pulled out a large sword out of seemingly nowhere. They flipped around, kicking and showing off as some weird intimidation thing. I sighed, doing the same, but with a gold plated HK45 that held an extended magazine with another duct taped to the bottom of that magazine just to flex. I proceeded to unload the whole mag into the ninja.
I moved back to living room to find the others had dealt with their respective ninjas. “Well that was fun, same time next year?”
Symphony chuckled, “Sadly Mrs. Scratch, it seems that this was the last of them. Melody and I had killed most of this clan on a mission over in Japan. I must tell you about that sometime, quite an exciting time for the two of us. Anywho, these hooligans were the leftovers that wanted to be honorable I suppose.”
I looked over to the ninja I had left alive, the one struggling to dislodge the sword out of them. “Need some help?” I slammed the hilt down further, cringing when they screamed out in pain. “Alright, that was mean. My bad.”
Octavia came over and pulled the sword out, tossing it over on the couch. “Vinyl you need to let the poor girl rest. Now, please tell us your name.”
“Go to hell.” The ninja said with a muffled sniffle.
I pulled off their mask, “Listen here buckaroo, we’re about to do anything we want with you unless you help us out. And unless you wanna lose a limb everytime you don’t answer something, I would advise you to comply with us. It helped Octavia over here when she tried to kill me, so maybe try to help history repeat itself.”
Octavia cupped her hand over my ear and whispered, “Vinyl, it's Sweetie Belle.”
I did a double take, “You're right! I can't believe...who's Sweetie Belle?”
“Rarity’s little sister. She was supposed to be dead Scratch.” Octavia pulled me away from Sweetie Belle. “Something went wrong with The Crusaders on a mission and they had to pull out without her.”
I tsked, “Well alrighty then. Hold on, wasn't Scootaloo apart of that?”
Octavia nodded, “So was Applejack's sister Apple Bloom. Vinyl I must say, you were extremely lucky that you did not kill one of the Main Six’s sisters.”
I rubbed my neck, turning to Sweetie Belle, “So what're you doing with these ninjas kid? Aren't you supposed to be with your friends saving the world from gangs or somethin’?”
“My family’s dead to me! I'll never come back to the Academy! They abandoned me!” Sweetie Belle said, puffing from the pain of the wound.
“Well since you're just a ray of sunshine let's get you on the couch and I'll deal with you on the way back.” I said, grabbing Sweetie Belle and avoiding her swings. I chopped her neck, knocking her out. Placing her on the couch I continued talking to Octavia, “I've got an idea to deal with her at the Academy but we can figure it out on the way back.”
Octavia cocked an eyebrow, “Do tell.”
I plopped down on the other couch, “There's this one kid named Button Mash that's a genius at a new style of this assassin thing. I was thinkin’ of pairing them together, and I'm betting that they may turn up like us.”
“Of course you want that.” Octavia sat down next to me, laying her head on my shoulder. I planted a kiss on her forehead, wrapping my arms around her.
“I’m just wingin’ most of this.” I turned to Octavia’s parents who had also sat down, “So, about that hot chocolate.”
Author's Note
I hope you all enjoyed this peak into the Deadlyverse and what is to come. I wanted to do a good ‘ol one shot for OctaScratch that had the flair of Deadly Love, so here it is. If y’all have any questions throw ‘em in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer them.
Thanks for waiting patiently for me to post something again. I hope to be back eventually with more.
