Chapters The Iron Ho-Ho-Horse: Hearth's Warming By The Numbers
Author's Note
Hey folks! Just as a quick note, here, this story is a holiday special for my story The Iron Horse: Everything's Better With Robots! and so there's some context a new reader might not get. That said, I've added a bit of info for context if you're still interested. I hope you enjoy this, my fourth annual holiday story on this site!-The Hat Man
Three
Twilight looked down at the box that she’d just placed on the table. She looked up at the pony sitting across from her and bit her lip. “I… I want you to know that I understand.” She sighed. “I guess it’s a little selfish, but I’d really hoped that you’d spend Hearth’s Warming here in Ponyville with me and everypony else, Turing Test.”
Turing Test, the robot Twilight had discovered and practically raised like her own child, sat across from Twilight in the throne room of the castle. She was made of shiny titanium, her hooves gleaming brass, her mane a series of whitish polymer tubes, and her eyes glowing purple LED lights.
It had been over a year since the day Twilight had first laid eyes on Turing Test. She’d discovered the robot, taken her in, and made it her mission to teach her friendship, hoping to learn as much as she could about this strange new type of automaton in the process. It had taken a lot of time and patience, but eventually Turing Test had developed a deeper understanding of the world around her and discovered a bevy of new emotions as she learned what it meant to be a living being among organic ponies.
Even when it had been revealed that Turing was but one of many robots built as part of a strange plot to stage a coup on Princess Celestia, Twilight had never given up on her friend, and eventually they stopped her father, the brilliant scientist Cobbler Mustang, and reconciled with him.
Now, as part of a new, more democratic Equestria, Turing had become the Minister of Technology by popular vote. Twilight couldn’t be prouder of her robotic friend, though she did miss her now that she’d moved to Canterlot to be closer to her job and her father, who was still serving out his sentence for his crimes.
It was for that reason that Twilight had hoped that Turing Test would be joining all their friends in Ponyville.
“I understand completely, Twilight Sparkle,” Turing Test responded, her synthetic voice reverberating slightly against her metallic faceplate. “I too had hoped to spend Hearth’s Warming with you in Ponyville... along with a guest.”
“A guest?” Twilight asked. “Who?”
“Maud Pie.”
Twilight grinned. “Oh, that sounds like a wonderful idea!” Then she froze. “Wait… you said you ‘had’ hoped. Does that mean that you two are…”
Turing’s LED eyes shifted and then shrank once she understood what Twilight meant. “There is no need to worry, Twilight Sparkle,” she said, waving a metallic hoof dismissively. “Maud Pie and I are still in a relationship. I only meant that my plans with her have changed. In fact, my decision today is the direct result of a conversation I recently had with her.”
Twilight leaned forward. “Do tell!” she said.
“You are certain?” Turing Test asked. “If you are concerned, I am positive that Twilight Sparkle would be willing to accommodate us in Ponyville. Your sister Pinkie Pie is located there as well.”
Maud Pie nodded. “I’m sure.”
Turing lowered her ears, causing them to squeak on their hinges.
“I see.”
A gray hoof was placed on her shoulder.
“I know you’re disappointed,” Maud said in her calm, even voice, “and I’m sorry. But after all the time I spend away from home, it’s important to spend Hearth’s Warming with my family on the farm.”
“Could I not accompany you?” Turing asked. “I would greatly enjoy spending more time with you, Maud Pie.”
“I know… and I’m sorry,” she said, her normally deadpan voice revealing a hint of regret, “but we’ve only been together seriously for a little while. I’m just not ready to tell Mom and Dad about us yet. I will soon, I promise… but for now, I just want to keep things simple.”
Turing considered this. “I… understand. I truly do,” she replied. “And yet, I find it somewhat upsetting to realize that my hopes of spending time with you during my own holiday season will no longer come to fruition. I may also be feeling some guilt at being selfish… I do not want you to think that I am making an unreasonable demand on your time, but you know how much I treasure our time together, Maud Pie.”
Maud Pie rolled over in the bed, placing her hoof on Turing’s chest. The bed was almost as good as new, since Turing never used it herself, and it sat in a small, unadorned bedroom in the house she’d acquired upon becoming the Royal Minister of Technology of Equestria. Maud Pie had not complained about the cold, but the subtle change in her body language had told Turing Test that she was uncomfortable in the early winter cold, and so she’d offered her some tea.
Such visits were not necessarily rare, but just the same, Maud’s rocktorate work was keeping her busy, so every visit that Maud could spare to visit Turing was extra special to them both.
“I always enjoy our time together too,” Maud Pie said, a slight smile on her face. “But family is important, especially around the holidays. Even with Pinkie Pie bouncing everywhere, Marble Pie never getting a word in edgewise, and Limestone Pie finding something to complain about, we all enjoy a traditional family Hearth’s Warming together. Even when everypony is far apart, it’s nice to come together once a year in your traditional family home to think about what binds you together.
“In my family’s case… it’s mostly rocks.”
Turing Test tapped her chin as she considered this. “Our… traditional home,” she muttered. “My family. I see. Yes, perhaps you are right, Maud Pie. Perhaps I should make an attempt at this ‘traditional family Hearth’s Warming’ as well.”
Maud rose up to look her in the eyes, still wearing her slight smile. “I hope you have fun,” she said. “Speaking of which, I can think of something fun I want to do right now with you…”
“And then we—”
“Ahhhh, I don’t need to hear that!” Twilight shouted, covering her ears.
“—discussed all the rocks she’d studied in the previous week?” Turing finished, tilting her head at Twilight’s reaction.
“Oh… ohhh, right, ha ha…” Twilight laughed nervously. “Well, I’m glad you had fun talking about rocks with Maud, Turing.”
“We did indeed,” Turing said.
Twilight smiled and took a sip of her tea.
“Just kidding. We had sex.”
Twilight spit her tea out. “Turing!”
“Ha ha, Twilight Sparkle,” Turing said, her eyes mimicking a wink.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “So, after that conversation you decided to spend your Hearth’s Warming with your father?”
Turing shook her head. “Not exactly,” she replied. “To be precise, I intend to spend Hearth’s Warming with all of my immediate family. I’ve made arrangements with Princess Celestia to give my father a temporary pass so that I may accompany him to Mustangia. There we will spend Hearth’s Warming together with Auntie Bellum and my siblings.”
Twilight gasped. “Oh. My. Gosh!” she cried, breaking into a beaming smile. “What a great idea, Turing!”
“I am so glad you understand, Twilight Sparkle. I assure you, however, that I will spend Hearth’s Warming with you again in the future. After all, I consider you to be my family as well.”
“Aww! Well, I’m glad, and of course I understand!” Twilight said. “Plus, now I know why you wanted this.”
She looked down at the box she’d placed on the table. Turing Test opened it to examine the contents.
It was a small, metallic model of herself: her Hearth’s Warming doll.
“I have made arrangements with the Doctor to create more for my siblings,” Turing said. “We will display them on the mantle in the traditional manner. It should be a wonderful experience.”
Twilight chuckled. “I’m sure it will be. Have a happy Hearth’s Warming, Turing.” She got up from her seat and hugged her robotic friend.
“Ah. Hug initiated,” Turing said, embracing her in return. “Happy Hearth’s Warming to you as well, Twilight Sparkle.”
The Iron Ho-Ho-Horse: Hearth's Warming By The Numbers
Auntie Bellum stepped out onto the front porch of the Mustang Peach family manor. She shivered in the sudden cold and pulled her shawl around her.
“001?” she called, raising a hoof to the side of her mouth as she called out. “Where’d you get to, precious?”
After waiting for a moment and getting no response, she whistled for the house servants. In a few moments, some of the maids and butlers were at her side.
“You called, ma’am?” one of the maids asked.
“Yes,” she replied. “I do hate to be a bother, but these old bones are quite ill-equipped to go traipsing off in search of that grandniece of mine. I’d like you to please search for her. I saw her not ten minutes ago, so she must surely be in the orchard nearby.”
They all bowed. “At once, ma’am!” they all said, and immediately set out in search for her.
Auntie Bellum smiled as she turned to go back inside the house. She picked up the letter she’d received that day and gave it another look, smiling before she placed it behind her ear.
I don’t know what I’d do without the help, she mused. A rambunctious gal like 001 is almost too much to handle for an old mare like myself. Just so, I cannot wait to see how she reacts to this news!
***
Out in the orchard, the whirring sound of machinery could be heard alongside heavy hoofsteps. Weaving in and out of the rows of trees, a robot pony looked up at the branches overhead.
“No more, no more,” she murmured to herself in her squeaky synthetic voice. “Where dey all go?”
She paused for a moment, tilting her head to the left and right as she mulled things over.
There were so many peaches before. The branches were once so laden with the fruit that they bent and drooped under their weight. The great machines piloted by our family’s workers swept through the lanes to harvest them by the thousands. Auntie would always save some to use in her recipes… but now they are gone. I cannot imagine why.
“Where you go, peeshy peesh?” 001 said to herself, lowering her head dejectedly.
Ah! she thought suddenly. Perhaps they are merely hiding! They may reappear if I call out to them!
“Come out, peeshes!” 001 shouted as she broke into a gallop. “Me no look no more! Olly olly oxycodone!”
She heard a sound behind her, as if something running through the grass, so she came to a stop and waited patiently. But then she saw it was one of the maids from the house, not the expected peaches.
001’s ears drooped. “You no peesh; you pony,” she muttered sulkily.
“That’s…” The maid shook her head, choosing, as she often did, to not ask what 001 meant. “Miss 001, I’m so glad I found you. Your dear Auntie is lookin’ for you! Just what are you doin’ out here in the cold?”
Ah, it seems Auntie wishes to see me! I will simply explain that I’ve been searching for the lost peaches so that I could cook them with Auntie. Perhaps this young maid can then explain where the peaches have all gone.
“Me no cook with Auntie long time,” 001 explained. “Me go look, but no peesh in twees! Where they go?”
The maid chuckled. “Well, we harvested them all, of course!” she replied. “An’ now that we have, there won’t be any more ‘til spring comes around again!”
“Why no?”
“Well… I mean, because it’s winter!”
‘Winter?’ That word is in our database… it only states that it is a portion of the year in which the weather becomes colder. Is there some connection we’re missing? Did the peaches go someplace warmer? That must be it.
“Chilly peesh go home!”
“Oh dear!” the maid said. “Are you cold, Miss? Yes, we should get you home immediately.”
Cold? Us? What nonsense! We will never understand the strange things these organic ponies say. Perhaps we should rebuke her… ah, but perhaps this would provide an opportunity to go home and ask Auntie Bellum. She is often more patient and understanding than the others. Perhaps after we talk to her, we can bake something!
001 kicked her forelegs excitedly. “Me go see Auntie, talky talk, bake tings!” she exclaimed. “Bake all the tings!”
“Oh, uh, well,” the maid said uncertainly, “I’m not sure if she was planning to do any baking. But she surely does love to bake with you, Miss, so perhaps she will!”
001 trotted behind the maid as they went back to the house. Once inside the warm house, the maid let out a satisfied sigh and called out “I’m back, ma’am! I found your grandniece for you!”
“Thank you, dear!,” Aunti Bellum called back. “ I’m in the parlor! 001, would you please come here?”
“Me coming, Auntie!” 001 cried.
“And I’ll go ring the outside bell to let the others know they can call off the search,” the maid said.
001 made her way to the parlor where she found Auntie Bellum sitting in her chair while the fire in the fireplace crackled.
“Ah, there you are, sugar,” the old mare said, getting up to greet her.
“Hi hi, Auntie!” 001 said, bounding over to her, her heavy hoofsteps pounding loudly on the wooden floor. She came up alongside her, nuzzling her with one metal cheek.
“Gah!” Auntie Bellum cried, pulling away. “Oh my stars, baby, you are ice cold!”
001 took a step back, her ears lowering.
Ah. Of course. Somehow I always forget things like that. Poor Auntie… I don’t know what it means to be ‘chilled to the bone,’ but I know that she doesn’t like it. My body must be far too cold after being outside.
“Me sorry, Auntie,” 001 said quietly.
“Oh,” Auntie said, biting her lip before putting her hoof on 001’s shoulder. “Forgive me, dear, it was just a sudden reaction. Auntie’s not mad, okay?”
001 raised her head. “Really no mad?”
Auntie smiled. “Not in the slightest. Now, since you are here, I—”
“Where peeshes go?”
Auntie blinked. “What?”
001 went to the window and pointed out at the bare branches of the orchard. “Where all da peeshes go?”
“Ohhh, I see,” Auntie said, smiling patiently. “I guess this is your first winter since being back up an’ about, huh? Well, 001, the weather pegasi come around this time of year to make it colder. The land needs this time to rest. It’s like all the trees have gone to sleep. Peaches take a lot of work to make, you know!”
001 tilted her head, her eyes shifting as she thought it over.
“Well, think of it like this,” Auntie Bellum continued. “You know how you have to recharge your battery sometimes and go into sleep mode? It’s a bit like that for the trees.”
001 paused, then nodded her head slowly.
Of course, she thought, it all makes sense now! Auntie is so good at explaining things so I can understand.
“Peeshy peeshes go night-night,” 001 said solemnly. “Okay, me get it, set it, not forget it.”
“I’m glad,” Auntie said. “Now then, dearie, what I wanted to show you is this.” She held up the letter. “It’s a letter from your Daddy!”
“Dada write us? What he say? He want more sammich pie?”
Auntie winced, remembering 001’s decidedly odd choice of pie filling she’d used in her Sire’s Day gift. “No, dear, he’s written to tell us that he’s been given a 3-day pass for Hearth’s Warming. He and your brother and sister are coming here soon!”
001’s LED pupils shrank. “Dada come here? Lil’ brudda an’ Turry Tess come too? We no go to Cantaloupe?”
“That’s ‘Canterlot,’ dear,” Auntie corrected her. “And yes, that’s right, 001: we’re gonna have ourselves a good old-fashioned family Hearth’s Warming!”
“Weeeee!” 001 cried, leaping about excitedly. “Evvypony comin’ here! We be like bees in a cod!”
Auntie chuckled. “Well, sweetness, I am glad that you’re excited. But on account of it bein’ Hearth’s Warming, we’ll need to get a present for everypony.”
“Pleasant?” 001 asked, tapping her chin. “Pleasant pheasant plucker!”
“The only question now is what to get them,” Auntie Bellum said.
“We bake someting good?” 001 asked.
But Auntie shook her head. “Actually, 001, I thought we might try something different this time.”
She went over to her chair and pointed at a basket filled with balls of yarn.
“What dose?”
“They’re balls of yarn,” Auntie said.
“Auntie got big balls? Me get big balls! We got da biggest balls of dem all!”
Auntie blushed and stifled a laugh. “Er, yes, dear,” she said, clearing her throat as she gained her composure. “Now, it seems to me, even in this modern age, that any young lady, robot or no, ought to know how to knit. I was planning to teach you sooner or later, and it seems that now’s as good a time as any to pick.”
“Knit pick?”
“Now listen, 001,” she said, locking eyes with her. “It’s a fine thing to buy a present, but to make somepony you love a present with your own hooves is one of the finest, most lovely things you can do. I want to pass on this tradition to you so you can give your Daddy a wonderful gift that’s all your own. Do you understand?”
001 looked down at the yarn balls and then back to Auntie Bellum.
I see now, she thought. If I make a gift by myself, then it will truly be something special. What a wonderful thing for Auntie Bellum to teach me. I’m so grateful! I must tell her! I must tell her how much I appreciate all her efforts in spite of the trouble I sometimes cause her. I must let her know how much it means to me that she accepts me as her grandniece despite being a robot. I must tell her! I must tell her that I will give it my all! I must say it clearly!
001 threw her hooves around Auntie Bellum, hugging her tightly. “Me do good job!” she exclaimed. “Me love Auntie! Me love you so much!”
Auntie Bellum smiled and returned the hug. “I know, precious,” she said quietly. “I know just what you mean.”
001 rested her head on Auntie Bellum’s shoulder.
Yes, she thought. Perfect.
The Iron Ho-Ho-Horse: Hearth's Warming By The Numbers
Cobbler Mustang grunted as he tried to close his overstuffed suitcase.
“Do you require assistance, Father?”004 asked in his deep, rumbling voice.
Cobbler shook his head. “Nothing personal, 004,” he said, “but given your strength, I’m afraid you might simply crush my suitcase.”
“Flattening your luggage would reduce the amount of space it would occupy on the train,” 004 replied. “Would that not be advantageous?”
Cobbler looked over his shoulder at 004, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.
“That was an attempt at humor. Ha ha, Father.”
Cobbler cracked a smile as he went back to packing the suitcase. He and Unit 004, the most recent of his robotic creations, were both in the wide, circular room at the top of the tower that served as his prison cell. He’d been there ever since leading the rebellion against Celestia and heading up the attack on Canterlot. Though he’d been defeated, he’d found solace in his newfound family, realizing his creations had minds of their own, and now worked to create new machines and provide expertise in the new technological movement that was sweeping the nation.
“Jokes, eh? Well, my boy, I must say that’s quite a novel development,” he said. “You’ve got a ways to go, but I suppose everypony’s sense of humor is different. Your sister Turing Test’s jokes are rather, um… unique , after all.”
004 tapped his chin. “Commencing second attempt at humor,” he said. “Father: how does one refer to a maize specimen that is unlike all others?”
Cobbler furrowed his brow. “I can’t say, son,” he said, turning to face him. “What do you call it?”
“A ‘unique corn.’” He then switched to his ‘U-mode,’ causing a metallic horn to extend from his forehead.
Cobbler winced, shaking his head. “Oh, 004,” he groaned.
“It is my understanding that ponies find the similarity of words and phrases to be a source of humor,” 004 explained, retracting the horn. “In this case, it is the similarity of the phrase ‘unique corn’ to the pony race known as ‘unicorn.’ I was told this joke by a colt who spoke to me on the street recently. He appeared to find it quite amusing.”
Cobbler rolled his eyes, but gave 004 a good-natured smile. “Yes, it was a very nice joke, son,” he said. “Maybe not the best I’ve ever heard, but I’ve certainly heard worse.”
004 raised his head. “Compliment accepted,” he said.
Cobbler made a face as he looked again at his luggage. “Maybe I should take a few things out,” he muttered. “But so many of these things are for the family.”
“We still have ample time to arrive at the train station, Father,” 004 said. “However, it may be wise to expedite this process in case of complications.”
“Yes, yes, I know,” Cobbler said. “Well, while I mull this over, how have things been going at your job, son?”
“If you are referring to my position guarding Cubic Zirconia’s jewelry shop,” 004 said, “then things have not been proceeding well.”
“Oh?”
“To be more specific, things have not been proceeding at all: I was terminated last week.”
Cobbler’s jaw dropped open. “What? Why?! And why didn’t you tell me?!”
“Ms. Zirconia stated that my presence, while a strong deterrent to potential thieves, was also a deterrent to customers. Therefore, she ended my employment. She expressed regret and thanked me for my service, but was firm in her decision. As for why I did not tell you…”
Cobbler’s gaze softened as 004 trailed off and looked away.
“Youngest sister expressed disappointment when I informed her of my termination. Though I have earned sufficient means to continue staying at my domicile, I still experienced an emotional response that I believe to be… shame.” He paused, narrowing his blue LED eyes. “003 has had great success integrating into society with organics. Though she sometimes encounters those who are hostile to robots and her high position in Equestrian society, she is still widely regarded. I, however, seem unable to form many friendships, and few ponies express willingness to employ me despite my abilities.
“I do not wish to be seen as a disappointment. Thus, I reasoned that if 003 was disappointed, then your disappointment would be greater. It was my hope that I would find employment again before you learned of my predicament.”
Cobbler frowned. “I see,” he said quietly. “And the Royal Guard? Have you had any luck with your application?”
“I am still on ‘the waiting list’ for consideration.”
“Dang it, boy, you’ve been on there for months!” Cobbler growled. “It sounds like the military brass is giving you the runaround! I’ll have Turing Test talk to Celestia and—”
“I must ask that you do not,” 004 said firmly. “Father, I wish to find success on my own. If ponies are going to reject me, then I do not wish for 003 to influence others to ‘force’ them to accept me. I wish to be more successful on my own.”
The old stallion looked at his only son, the towering mechanical stallion he’d designed to be the pinnacle of strength, and saw in him a vulnerability that he’d never seen before. He went over to him and placed his forehooves on 004’s broad shoulders.
“Now you listen to me, son,” he said, causing 004 to meet his eyes. “It isn’t your fault that ponies have trouble talking to you; it’s mine.”
“No, Father, I do not blame you—”
“Whether you blame me or not hardly matters,” Cobbler said. “My engineers and I originally designed for you to be a soldier. We designed you to be big and strong and to strike fear into the heart of the enemy. It never occurred to us to make you, ah… approachable. But now I do believe that it’s coming back to bite you in the flank. I’ve been considering your position and come to the conclusion that your troubles might stem from the fact that the Guard worries that you’ll intimidate your comrades as much as the enemy. It’s high time I acted like a father and made up for my past mistakes.”
He adjusted his coat and went over to one of the suitcases he’d already packed. He opened it and took out a present that he’d wrapped. It has a tag on it that said “To: 004 / From: Daddy.”
“Since I need to make room in my suitcase anyway, I might as well give you this present early,” Cobbler said with a smile on his face.
004 held up the present. “This is a present.”
“Well, obviously, boy,” Cobbler said, rolling his eyes.
“Father… you gifted me my LED eyes, similar to 003 and 001, but this… this is my first Hearth’s Warming present.”
“Well, the first of many, I might hope,” Cobbler said.
“As do I. However,” 004 said, his eyes fixated on the present, “is it not customary to open such gifts on Hearth’s Warming day?”
“Ain’t no laws against opening a present or two early,” Cobbler chuckled. “And in this case, I truly want to give this to you now.” His expression softened. “Please, son. Let me do this for you.”
004 looked to his father and back to the present. “Understood,” he replied. “Now commencing unwrapping.”
004 swiftly tore open the wrapping and looked in the box. There was a mechanical component inside that was small enough to fit in a pony’s hoof.
“Scanning…” 004 said. “Identified: this device is a component used in the construction of myself and my siblings. It is a vital component in our synthetic audio systems colloquially known among the engineers as the ‘voice box.’”
Cobbler grinned expectantly.
004 only tilted his head to the side. “I do not understand, Father. This unit’s voice is functioning perfectly.”
Cobbler smacked his forehead. “No, son,” he sighed. “It’s a new voice for you. You’ll still have the option of your current one, but… well, frankly, your voice right now was designed to scare the pants off ponies.”
“Ah. I cannot measure its previous success as few ponies I encounter wear pants. Perhaps it is effective at a wide range?”
“My point is that this voice box right here will make you sound a bit more, ah, amicable,” Cobbler explained, “instead of like a demon gargling gravel. No offense.”
004’s eyes shrank to pinpricks. “Then perhaps fewer ponies will find me… frightening?”
“That’s the hope!” Cobbler said. He gestured to his toolbox that he’d placed on his workbench. “It shouldn’t take long to install if you’d like to try it out.”
004 was silent for a moment. Then he went to his father and, gently as he could, embraced him with his massive titanium forelegs. And in his rumbling voice, he managed to whisper, “Father… thank you.”
***
Turing Test stood patiently on the train platform in Canterlot, waiting until she heard the approach of several hoofsteps. She then turned to see the Royal Guards escorting Professor Cobbler Mustang, her creator, with her youngest sibling, 004, in tow.
“Good morning, Minister Turing,” said the lead guard. “I trust you are in good health?”
Turing Test used her LED eye to mimic raising an eyebrow.
“Er, right,” the guard said, blushing slightly. “Sorry, force of habit.”
Turing Test shook her head. “It is all right,” she said. “I see that you have escorted my father and brother here. Did you encounter any problems?”
“No, Minister,” he said. “It was a perfectly ordinary trip here. Now, before I leave him in you and your brother’s care, you understand that you are responsible for making sure that he does not escape and returning him to Canterlot in three days’ time?”
Turing nodded, placing a hoof on her chest solemnly. “You have my word,” she said. “Even if he is my father, I will not shirk in my duties or break my promise to Her Majesty. I am simply grateful to Princess Celestia for issuing my father a pass in recognition of his good behavior.”
“Very good,” the guard said. He passed her a scroll that contained the official notice of transfer, and she signed it.
“All right, Professor Mustang,” the guard said. “You are now in the care of your daughter and son. Please stay out of trouble and have a happy Hearth’s Warming.”
“Thank you kindly, Lieutenant Galea,” Cobbler replied, giving him a warm smile as he tipped his top hat to him. “Give my regards to your family as well.”
Lieutenant Galea returned the smile and saluted Turing Test. “He’s in your hooves, Minister. Please enjoy your holiday.”
With that, he and the other guards departed.
“My my my,” Cobbler said, “they certainly made quite the fuss about bringing so many guards to escort one old stallion to catch his train. I’d think it was quite clear that I’ve no intention to escape. But never mind that… it’s good to see you again, sweetheart.”
He embraced Turing Test, who hugged him in return.
“I am very happy to see you again as well, Father, and you as well, Brother,” she said. “But perhaps I should clarify, Father: the guards were not to prevent your escape, but for your protection.”
“Oh?” he asked, furrowing his brow. “Well, I suppose I am not particularly well-liked by many of the Canterlot population… not that I blame them.”
He looked around and noticed a fair number of ponies on the train platform whispering and giving him suspicious or even outright hostile glances.
“That may be true,” Turing said. “But, in truth, the greater threat may be from former members of TechQuestria.”
Cobbler frowned. “Ah. I see.” He heaved a sigh. “So, some of the more violent members of TechQuestria who fled after our surrender still hold some grudge against me?”
“That is undetermined, Father,” she said, “though it is a concern. You see, there have been some sightings in Canterlot recently of strange devices that resemble TechQuestrian drones. There is a chance that a remaining faction of TechQuestria that still intends to carry on the rebellion is carrying on reconnaissance. I have personally caught sight of such machines on two separate occasions, though my attempts to chase down and capture one were fruitless.”
Cobbler stroked his chin. “That is most disturbing news,” he said. “I will keep my guard up, but you two should most certainly do the same. Even if you are robots, you are not invincible, not least of all to ponies with potential knowledge of your workings.”
“I assure you that I will exercise caution, Father,” she said. “I am certain that you will do the same, will you not, 004?” she added, looking over to 004 expectantly.
004 looked to Cobbler, who nodded and gave a grin.
“I will indeed, Sister,” he said.
Turing froze. “Oh. 004, your voice! It is noticeably different from before!”
004 nodded, noticing the proud grin on Cobbler’s face. “You are correct, Sister,” he said. “Father determined that my previous voice was far too intimidating to most organic ponies, and he therefore gave me an early Hearth’s Warming gift of a new voice that was more acceptable. Do you approve?”
004’s voice was still low and masculine, but now rather than sounding like an electronic snarl, he had a distinguished baritone that sounded almost natural, were it not for his robotic cadence and the reverberation from his metal faceplate.
“I am often a poor judge of pleasing sights and sounds,” Turing replied. “However, in my experience, I find your voice far more similar to voices organics seem to find pleasing. I believe it will be a positive change.”
004 raised his head, his eyes forming upward curves that indicated he was smiling.
“Well, then,” Cobbler said, clapping his hooves together, “before the train comes, and if my ‘guards’ do not mind, I’d like to buy some snacks for the long ride. I see a concession stand nearby, after all.”
They both nodded and watched as he walked to the nearby stand.
“I am glad you approve of my new voice, Sister,” 004 said. “I also notice that you did not mention to Father the other possibility regarding the drone sightings. I am somewhat surprised he did not raise the possibility himself.”
Turing nodded. Lowering her voice as she leaned toward him, she said, “It is possible that mentioning my other hypothesis regarding the drones’ origin would either fill him with dread or with false hope. Given the elusiveness of the drones, however, I find it difficult to believe that they were piloted by any organic pony. Thus, they either utilized a fairly advanced form of automation or their pilot was not organic.”
004’s gaze did not move from watching Professor Mustang, but his voice also became more hushed.
“Then you more strongly suspect that it is our other sister,” he said. “Unit 002.”
Turing Test tapped her chin lightly, her ears twitching on their hinges. “I cannot rule out the possibility. But if that is so, then we must cease asking ‘Who’ and begin asking ‘Why?’ For what purpose would 002 be spying on Canterlot, and perhaps on us?”
“If she still carries a grudge against Father, then we truly must be on guard,” 004 said, meeting her eyes. “We have both been subjected to her manipulation before.”
“Agreed,” Turing said. “Still…”
When she didn’t continue, 004 asked “Still?”
“I merely wonder if her intentions are perhaps more benign than we suspect,” she replied. “It may be foolish to think so, but I maintain my hope that she will one day reconcile with our family.”
“That does not seem likely,” 004 said, turning his attention back to Cobbler. “However, many ponies do seem to believe in the possibility of ‘Hearth’s Warming miracles.’ Perhaps one will occur for us.”
Turing narrowed her eyes. “Perhaps,” she said, “but even were I capable of drawing breath, I would not hold it.”
The Iron Ho-Ho-Horse: Hearth's Warming By The Numbers
Cobbler, 004, and Turing Test all made their way up the wide alley lined on either side with ancient oak trees that led to the front door of the family household. 004 pulled a cart that carried Cobbler’s luggage and the portable generators for both himself and Turing.
“Ah, such a sight for sore eyes,” Cobbler breathed, looking all around him at the home where he’d grown up.
“Are your eyes sore, Father?” 004 asked. “If so, I would be glad to find you some medicine.”
“He is using a figurative expression,” Turing told him. “He only means that he is glad to see his home after a prolonged absence.”
“Exactly, Turing Test,” Cobbler said as they arrived at the entrance to the house. “Well, let’s not keep everypony waiting.”
He was about to step forward and knock on the double doors at the entrance when they both suddenly opened.
Auntie Bellum stepped out wearing her best green dress and smiled at them all. “Welcome, everypony!” she said. “Nephew, it’s so good to see you back at our family home. And I am ever so grateful to have my youngest grandniece and grandnephew here with us as well. I hope y’all will find it to your liking.”
She glanced over her shoulder and whispered “Psst. Sweetie, that’s your cue!”
001 leaped into view and shouted “Nappy Fart’s Warming, evvypony!” before breaking into song: “Deck the balls with balls so ballsy! Fa da da da—”
“Oh my goodness, 001, stop!” Auntie Bellum cried, clamping 001’s mouth shut. She turned to the others, blushing. “Dang it all… she got it right when we practiced, I swear!”
But Cobbler was already laughing. “Not to worry, Auntie,” he said, waving a hoof dismissively. “I’ve grown to appreciate 001’s… unique way of doing things.”
Auntie Bellum sighed and let go of 001’s mouth.
“Me give hugs okay now?” she asked.
“Yes, yes,” Auntie said, rolling her eyes. “By all means.”
“Yaayy! Dada here!” 001 shouted, running forward and wrapping her forelegs around Cobbler.
“Oof!” he grunted. “Easy there, 001, I’m not a young pony anymore.” Then he patted her on the head. “But it’s good to see you again, sweetheart.”
Turing Test stepped forward as well. “I am also glad to see you again, 001,” she said, lining up for a hug as well.
“Hihi, Turry Tess!” 001 exclaimed, going to accept the hug. “Me miss lil sissa. You still be Sinister?”
Turing looked to Auntie Bellum.
“She means ‘minister,’ Turing Test,” Auntie said.
“Ah, I see,” she said. “Then yes. And I believe my work is progressing well.”
“Speaking of progress,” Cobbler said, glancing over at 004, “why not greet your aunt and your sister, my boy?”
004 nodded. “Hello, Auntie and 001,” he said.
Both Auntie Bellum and 001 froze.
“What the… Cobbler Mustang, did you give him—”
“Lil Brudda talk diffint now!” 001 said. “Me like it!”
004 tilted his head. “You do?”
001 nodded.
“Well, I certainly do too,” Auntie said. “It just caught me off guard. Ain’t that just the loveliest surprise! But where are my manners… please come inside! We’ve got a fire in the fireplace and a fresh batch of mulled cider waitin’.”
The group of them went inside, ready to begin their family holiday together.
The Iron Ho-Ho-Horse: Hearth's Warming By The Numbers
Turing Test came down from her room (one of the many unoccupied guest rooms in the house) and passed by the parlor. She paused when she saw 004 standing there silently and staring at something.
“004?” she asked. “What are you doing?”
He turned to look at her and then pointed at the tall Hearth’s Warming tree erected in the middle of the room.
“Ah, that is a Hearth’s Warming tree,” she said. “It is traditional that each family—”
“Your information is appreciated,” he said, “but unnecessary. I am aware of what it is.”
“Understood,” Turing said. “I assumed you were confused by the sight, as you seemed to be staring at it in confusion.”
004 shook his head. “I was merely interested in the sight. It is a strange thing… cutting down a tree, placing it indoors where it does not typically belong, and then decorating it with colorful orbs…”
“Apparently 001 was even more confused,” Turing said. “Auntie Bellum informed me that she attempted to pick the ‘fruit’ from the tree and make jam from the glass ornaments.”
“I have resigned myself to not understanding many things about the habits of organic ponies,” 004 said. “Though I am learning to enjoy their company, they often act illogically and carry on traditions that make little sense simply because it is how they have always done it.”
Turing nodded. “You are correct. Maud Pie informed me of her Hearth’s Warming traditions and related how Applejack and her family were greatly confused by them. It seems such traditions are not even uniform from one family to another. Still, I find them intriguing.”
004 tilted his head. “Is that so? What is the reason?”
Turing tapped her chin. “I suppose,” she said slowly, “because such traditions and family histories are as unique as they are. Twilight Sparkle, for instance, exchanges a present with Spike the Dragon on Hearth’s Warming Eve due to an incident when the latter was young and impatient. Maud Pie’s family hides presents for members to find. Others build snowponies or go on exotic vacations.”
“Understood,” 004 said. “It sounds enjoyable.”
He lowered his head.
“004? Is something wrong?” she asked, putting a hoof on his shoulder.
“Not physically,” he replied. “However, this year has been a period of difficult change for me. When I was first created, my role was simple: to protect TechQuestria and defeat its enemies. While it was not a rich experience, I felt little to no confusion about my place in society. After my encounters with you and your friends, however, I began to question such matters. Now that I am free, I wonder what role I should fill and find it difficult to fit in with others. Though I do not wish to return to how things were before Father freed us, I do wish that I felt less out of place among others.”
Turing Test leaned against him, putting a foreleg over his shoulders. “I understand completely, Brother,” she said. “I often felt the same way when I lived in Ponyville with Twilight Sparkle. Others feared me or mistrusted me. It was difficult to make friends and find acceptance among organics. Though Twilight and my other friends were a source of great comfort, there were no others like myself that I knew of, and I often felt that nopony could truly understand my struggles.
“That is why, when I first met you, it was one of the happiest moments of my life.”
004 looked down at her. “It was? Truly?”
Turing nodded.
“Even though I attacked you?”
“Ah. That portion of our interaction was less enjoyable. But still, knowing that I was not alone for that brief moment when I first saw you was truly joyful.”
004 leaned down and placed his head against Turing’s. “Sister… thank you for informing me of this. Perhaps, as Equestria’s first family of robots, we may establish a new set of traditions that are all our own.”
Turing nodded. “That sounds like a wonderful idea, Brother.”
From the kitchen up the hall, they heard Auntie Bellum call: “Everypony? It’s time for dinner! I know most of y’all can’t eat, but I’ll not have tradition cast aside in my house!”
The two robots looked at each other. “It seems we have a new tradition to experience,” 004 said.
“Indeed so. Let us go, 004.”
The Iron Ho-Ho-Horse: Hearth's Warming By The Numbers
It was in the evening after dinner when Cobbler Mustang made his way out to the back of the house. He wore a scarf and carried a mug of mulled cider. His belly was full from the delicious meal that Auntie Bellum had cooked (with some not-too-unintrusive help from 001), and he wore a smile as he recalled the way his three robotic children all watched intently as he and his aunt ate.
I understand that they find eating food fascinating, since they can’t eat themselves, he thought to himself, but still, I wish they wouldn’t stare so!
Then he chuckled, remembering how 001, in an effort to join in, stuffed a napkin in her mouth and pretended to chew it, saying “OM NOM NOM” all the while.
He shivered in the cold as he followed the path behind the big house, the warm light from the windows casting long shadows from the trees surrounding them.
At last he stopped at his destination: the family graveyard.
He stopped by the graves, placing a hoof on each headstone as he took a sip from his cup, silently blessing each one of the departed.
One for Granddaddy… one for Daddy… one for Mama… one for Sweet Clementine...
He paused at the biggest grave, shutting his eyes. He swallowed, swearing that he would keep his composure.
No… it would not do to go back into the house all weepy-eyed. I will not ruin the festivities by dwelling on the past. After all, I have been blessed with a wonderful family, and I should be grateful.
He inhaled through his nostrils and opened his eyes.
Before him was the grave of Georgia Peach, his first daughter.
Even over a decade later, he could still remember her at every Hearth’s Warming. He remembered her snuggling adorably with a new teddy bear one year. Another, the time she knocked over the tree trying to put an ornament on a branch that was too high for her to reach and cried and cried about how she’d ruined the holiday. Another, when she got her favorite orange dress.
And the last one, when she’d still been healthy, and she’d given him a picture of herself and all her friends at her university greenhouse.
He placed a hoof on the grave and took a long sip of hot cider. “Happy Hearth’s Warming, sweetheart,” he whispered aloud. “I know a small piece of you lives on in your siblings, and it was your love that saved me from a wicked path… but still I wish you could be here with us in person.”
He sighed, his eyes dampening, but he kept his smile. “I love you, sweetheart,” he whispered, and turned back to the house.
When he returned to the house, he found the rest of the family in the parlor.
“Well, there ya are, Nephew!” Auntie Bellum said. “And will you look what Turing Test brought for us: new Hearth’s Warming dolls!”
Cobbler’s eyes widened. “Oh? Well, let’s see them!”
Sure enough, there on the mantle were the Hearth’s Warming dolls for all of them. Auntie Bellum’s and his own were traditional cloth dolls while each of the robots were metallic figurines.
“I had them made for us, Father,” Turing Test said, coming up alongside him. “Are they satisfactory?”
He grinned. “They are simply lovely, my dear,” he said, patting her on the head and ruffling the coils of her mane.
“I am glad you like them,” she said. “I will inform the Doctor that his efforts were appreciated. It is a shame that… ah…”
Cobbler raised an eyebrow as she trailed off. “What is it, Turing?”
Turing looked down at the box that she’d brought the Hearth’s Warming dolls in. Cobbler looked and saw that there was one left: 002’s.
“Ah. I see now,” he said quietly.
“I know that your relationship is strained,” Turing said, picking up the final doll. “Still, I had hoped that perhaps she might come at least for Hearth’s Warming. I suppose that such a wish was foolish.”
“Sentimental? Yes. Unrealistic? Certainly,” Cobbler said. Then he grinned at her. “But there’s nothing foolish about wanting your family to be together.”
“Then, shall I place it on the mantle, Father?” she asked. “I was uncertain if it would be appropriate. Though I wish for her to be here, it seems somewhat disrespectful of her own wishes to place her effigy here. Was I mistaken?”
Cobbler pursed his lips. “No, I think you’re right,” he said. “As much as it pains me that 002 thinks ill of me, I cannot blame her. When she cares to join us for Hearth’s Warming, we’ll let her place it there herself.
“Still, there is a spare spot on the mantle, and I think it’s been vacant for far too long… Auntie, children, would you excuse me? I need to get something from the attic.”
“Well, don’t take too long,” Auntie said. “I was going to read ‘A Hearth’s Warming Tail’ to the children just like old times.”
Cobbler left for a moment while Auntie got in her favorite chair with the book, and each of the robots dutifully sat on the carpet in a half-circle around her.
A few moments later, Cobbler returned with something in his hooves.
“Oh… oh, Cobbler,” Auntie said when she saw what it was.
Cobbler went to the mantle and put a new doll next to his. It was older, but in good condition, and only needed to have the brown yarn ringlets on its head untangled before he was satisfied.
“There we are,” he said, nodding approvingly.
“Iss Joja Peesh!” 001 exclaimed.
“Indeed it is, 001,” Cobbler said. “And though she isn’t here to say so, I am quite certain that she would want to be here in person.”
Auntie Bellum smiled warmly as Turing Test and 004 nodded in approval.
“Now then,” Cobbler said, taking a seat nearby, “where were we in the story?”
The Iron Ho-Ho-Horse: Hearth's Warming By The Numbers
Cobbler rolled over in bed, enjoying the warmth and softness he’d missed from his time in prison. Then he felt something cold and hard poke him in the muzzle.
“Mngh,” he grunted, still mostly asleep.
He felt another poke followed by a series of several more.
“Ngah,” he grumbled before opening an eye. “What… what the…”
He looked up and saw a pair of green eyes glowing dimly in the dark.
“Hi, Dada!” 001 shouted as she stood over him on the bed.
Cobbler rubbed his eyes. “What the… 001? What in the world are you doing?”
“Iss Hartz Warming!” she cried, bouncing heavily on the bed. “Happy Hartz Warming! We go open presenz now!”
He looked out the window. It was still completely dark outside. He reached for the lamp and turned it on, seeing that the clock on the nightstand only read 12:01.
“001, it’s midnight!”
“Iss Hartz Warming! Dingle dells, dingle dells, my ding-a-ling!”
“Young lady, we…” he trailed off as he caught sight of something in his peripheral vision. Just as he turned his head, he saw a pair of heads duck back into the hallway.
“Turing Test? 004? Is that you?!” he shouted.
“Ah, yes, well,” Turing Test said, stepping into view. “Technically, Father, it is Hearth’s Warming morning.”
“Correct,” 004 agreed. “By definition, the day officially starts at 12 AM. Therefore, it is acceptable that we—”
“We are not opening presents now!” he shouted, sitting up. “Now all of you go to your generators, go to sleep mode, and we will open presents tomorrow!”
“Awwww,” 001 groaned.
“May we not open at least one?” Turing Test asked.
There was a thumping sound on the wall of the old house coming from Auntie Bellum’s room.
“What in blazes is all that racket?!” the old mare shouted.
“Nothing!” they all shouted.
“Darn right nothing! Everypony go to bed or I’ll start reciting logical paradoxes!”
The three robots’ eyes went wide and they instantly ran out of the room.
“Yeah, that’s right, I thought not,” Auntie muttered. “Darn robot kids today…”
Cobbler rolled his eyes and shook his head, but he found that he couldn’t keep the grin from his face as he lay down and went back to sleep.
***
“Hurry, Dada, hurry!” 001 exclaimed.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Cobbler said as 001 continuously jumped up and down on the way to the parlor.
Once they arrived, they found that Auntie Bellum had already taken a seat and poured herself a hot cup of cocoa. Turing Test and 004 were sitting patiently by the tree.
“Now, traditionally in this family,” Cobbler said, “we chose one of us to play ‘Santa Hooves’ and pass out the gifts.”
Turing raised a hoof. “I met him once.”
“What?”
“I met Santa Hooves once. He gave me a ride back to Ponyville when I was caught in a snowstorm.”
Cobbler blinked. “Well, I suppose that makes you the expert, then: Turing Test is Santa Hooves today!”
Cobbler retrieved a red Santa hat and placed it on Turing’s head.
“I will attempt to fulfill the role admirably,” Turing said, placing a hoof on her chest. “Now, what would be the optimal distribution of gifts so that nopony needs to wait for their next gift? If I may have a few moments to examine the gifts, their size, estimated unwrapping time—”
“Just pass them out, sweetie,” Cobbler said, rolling his eyes.
“Ah. Very well, then.”
The gift exchange went swiftly after that, even if it wasn’t as optimally efficient as Turing Test would have chosen.
Turing Test received some picture frames and some new records.
“Those are from musicians right here in Mustangia,” Auntie Bellum told her. “I heard you enjoy music, so I thought it might be something special.”
“It will be wonderful to listen to new music from the place of my birth,” she said. “I will enjoy them greatly.”
001 received an accordion.
“Ooooh, me get squeezy box!” she cried.
Auntie Bellum made a face. “All right, now who got that for her?!”
Turing raised her hoof. “I reasoned that, as a fellow robot, she might enjoy learning a new skill.”
“Well, yes, but you know she’s just going to make a racket—”
“Me play now!”
At first, the accordion made an awful wheeze, but after a few moments, 001 had managed to learn how to play a perfect scale. A minute later, she was playing “Sleigh Ride” on the thing and doing it perfectly.
“Incredible,” Cobbler breathed. “Who would have thought she’d be so good at it!”
“I have often found that, as a robot, I have a strong aptitude for memorizing songs and learning how to play instruments. Though we have many differences, it stood to reason that 001 would share that aptitude.”
001 was up on her hind legs dancing around the room as she played a merry tune. “Me love present, Turry Tess! Me play song for evvypony!”
004 received a snow globe.
“I know it’s not much, son,” Cobbler said. “But I had only limited time to buy you something, and I’m afraid I already gave you your voice, so—”
“There is a microcosm inside this orb,” 004 muttered as he stared intently at it. “The interplay of snowflakes within the liquid… a scene of utter tranquility contained in my hoof… it is fascinating.”
“...Well, glad you like it,” Cobbler said, giving a shrug.
“Open you present, Dada!” 001 shouted, shoving a crudely wrapped package into his hooves.
Auntie Bellum swallowed. “Now, um, please understand that she tried her best,” she said.
“Me do best,” 001 said, holding her head up solemnly.
Cobbler looked down at the package and unwrapped it. Inside was a purple sweater.
“Oh, I see! Well, I could certainly use a new sweater…”
When he unfolded it, he saw that it was far too bulky for him to wear snugly, one sleeve was too long, the other too short, and it had something strange stitched onto the front.
“Um, what does it say here?”
“She wanted to say ‘Dada’ on it, but I thought ‘Daddy’ might make you happier,” Auntie Bellum said. “I didn’t want to hang over her shoulder, but she, uh… I don’t think she spelled it right.”
“What Auntie mean? She say ‘Write da-dee,’ so me write dat!”
Cobbler looked at the sweater, holding it up. It did indeed say that: “DA-DEE.”
001 noticed the look on Cobbler’s face. Her ears drooped. “...Dada no like?”
Cobbler took one look at 001’s face and his heart melted. He put the sweater on and stretched out his forelegs to display it.
“Honey, I absolutely love it. Thank you.”
At that, 001 leaped up, kicking her legs into the air. “Me do it, Auntie! Me do it! Dada like, Dada like! Happy Hartz Warming evvypony! Blod gess us, evvy bun!”
“Indeed so,” Turing said, pulling 001 in for a hug. “Blod gess us, evvy bun.”
Auntie Bellum and Cobbler laughed so hard that Turing knew, come what may, they’d be saying that for many Hearth’s Warmings to come.
It would be just one of many new traditions.
The Iron Ho-Ho-Horse: Hearth's Warming By The Numbers
Turing Test went up to her room to put the gifts she’d received with her things while the others began to prepare breakfast together. 001 was already trying to learn a new song on her accordion and the music filled the house.
As she was turning to leave, however, she spotted something outside her window.
It was a tiny machine with a propeller: a drone. It was watching her with a singular camera eye. It did not retreat when she spotted it, but rather stayed there for a few moments before slowly pulling back and flying out over the orchard.
Turing’s ears lifted and her eyes constricted. Could it be…?
She grabbed something from her luggage in a small box and galloped down the stairs as quickly as she could, even running past her family.
“Turing?” Cobbler called. “Where are you going?”
“I will be back soon, Father!” she shouted back, and ran out the back door.
Using her keen sense of hearing, she followed the sound of the small drone as it led her out into the orchard. It was cold, and though it wasn’t snowing, a light fog had gathered among the trees, and soon the family mansion was no longer visible in the heavy morning mist.
Almost anything could be hiding out there, but she had her suspicions of who it could be.
She began to slow as she heard the drone humming as it hovered in the middle of a clearing among the peach trees. It wasn’t running from her, she was certain now; the drone had led her there.
The drone gently touched down and skittered away on tiny metallic legs. Just as Turing was about to follow, she heard hoofsteps sinking into the damp grass.
She could make out the shape of somepony approaching. Then, through the mist, she saw the dull glow of a singular yellow light.
And then she was sure who it was.
“002?” Turing whispered.
Her second eldest sibling strolled into view, the moisture of the mist collecting all along her slender titanium frame. She stared back at her with one unblinking yellow eye.
“Hello again, 003,” she said, her harsh, raspy voice echoing among the trees. She tossed her head back, clearing the long strands of her mane out of her face to see Turing better. “I see you followed my drone.”
“Sister!” Turing cried, rushing forward.
“No!” 002 hissed, holding up a hoof. “No hugs. I’m not here to indulge your sentimentality.”
Turing stopped in her tracks, her ears drooping. “Oh. Very well.” She paused, waiting for 002 to explain herself, but when she didn’t, she said “Then why have you come here, 002?”
“Heh. I wish I knew,” 002 said, rolling her eye. She began to march in a circle around her younger sibling. “Part of me considered that this might be an ideal opportunity to get closer to that old fool and take my revenge without the Royal Guard getting in the way… but honestly, I was perfectly content just cutting him out of my life and being done with him forever.
“Or maybe it’s just some urge leftover from that idiotic dead girl that still lives in a tiny corner of our brains that made me want to come back to this place at this time of year.
“Or… or maybe it was my best chance to see you without a bunch of organics around.”
Turing tilted her head. “You wished to see me? Did you not say that you were not here to indulge in sentimentality?”
“No, I said I wasn’t here to indulge your sentimentality. My sentimentality is a different story…”
Turing Test’s eyes shifted into upward curves to indicate that she was smiling. “I see. Then I hope you are as happy to see me as I am to see you.”
“Well, I’ve been keeping tabs on Canterlot. You’ve heard of the drones. Maybe seen a few? I’ve built quite a few in my spare time…”
There was a sudden rush of sound and suddenly Turing Test found herself surrounded. A great swarm of insectoid drones of all different shapes emerged from the trees and flew into view.
“You have been busy,” Turing remarked, looking around.
“Oh yes, very busy,” 002 said. “Thus, I needed their assistance.”
“Assistance? With what? What have you been doing, Sister?”
“Science,” 002 said curtly. “My own science. Not hindered by those meatbags back in TechQuestria. I’m no one’s assistant or flunkey anymore.”
Turing nodded. “I am glad you have found something to occupy your time.”
002 raised her head. “Yes. I have.”
The two were silent for a moment. Then, her voice strained, Turing said, “002… I… I was so worried about you.”
002 took a step back. “Me? Why?! I can take care of myself!”
“But you have been missing since the day you disappeared! I have not seen you in half a year! You gave no word or greeting, and I often wondered if perhaps something had happened to you!”
“What I do is my business! I don’t need to waste my time reassuring you!”
“But… but 002… you are my sister. And now, perhaps more than at any point in my life, I have come to appreciate how wonderful it is to have a family. I wish you could have joined us. If you would only come back to the house with me—”
“Not happening,” 002 said abruptly, shaking her head. “Maybe you can forgive the pony who tried to make slaves out of us, but I can’t. And among our siblings, you’re the only one I tolerate.”
Turing sat down heavily. “You… ‘tolerate’ me?”
002’s eye shifted. “That’s not… I mean…”
She heaved a mechanical sigh. Then she took a few steps forward and embraced her.
“Oh, fine,” 002 said softly. “If you really want me to say it, then I will… but my way.”
Turing looked up as the drones began to maneuver themselves into a new formation. The flying and crawling drones used the nearby trees to form a message out of their little skittering bodies, and this is what it said:
I ❤ U 003
“Ah… Sister…”
Turing returned the hug.
“Yes, fine… I cannot deny that I care for you, 003,” she said, pulling away. “For what it’s worth, I’m fine. I just do not wish for the company of others… especially smelly meatbags like the kind you associate with. I won’t say where I’ve been or where you can find me, but you may take comfort in knowing that I am well. And, in truth, I have realized that I miss you… to a degree. So… let me give you your Hearth’s Warming present.”
Turing Test tilted her head to the side. “A present?” she asked.
002’s eye momentarily brightened and a single drone flew down to her. It then folded up into an egg shape.
“I call this drone ‘Pigeon.’ It can record a short message if you ask it to,” 002 said. “It will then relay it to me and I can send it back to you. I would prefer it if you would keep your messages relatively free of frivolity, but at least you won’t have to worry.”
She picked it up and gave it to Turing. “There. Happy now, 003?”
Turing nodded. “Yes. Thank you, Sister.”
“Good. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll be on my way—”
“Wait!” Turing cried.
“Oh for the love of science… what?!”
Turing held up the box she’d taken from her room.
“And that is…?” 002 asked.
“It is your Hearth’s Warming present!” Turing said. “It is a new LED eye that will allow you to express your thoughts and feelings more plainly, like I and our other siblings do!”
002 looked down at the box. “Facial expressions… like an organic.” She scoffed. “Thanks but no thanks, 003… it will be a cold day in Tartarus before I start acting like a meatbag.”
“Tartarus is not particularly warm from what I understa—”
“You know what I mean!” 002 snapped. Then she heaved an artificial sigh. “Fine, you know what? I will take this present just so you don’t feel bad. Perhaps some day I will even find a use for it.
“Now, since we’ve exchanged gifts, may I please leave?”
Turing nodded. “Of course. Happy Hearth’s Warming, Sister,” she said cheerfully. “I hope you will join us next year.”
“Tch. Right. And maybe changelings will turn pastel.” As she moved back into the mist, she paused, looking over her shoulder. “...Happy Hearth’s Warming, 003.”
Turing Test watched her go, the drones disappearing with her into the orchard, until she was once again alone.
***
Back at the house, Turing Test went to the parlor. She went up to the mantle and made a little room next to her own Hearth’s Warming doll.
I suppose it is true that we are not a traditional family. But Maud Pie is right… celebrating Hearth’s Warming with family, creating new traditions, connecting with each other even when we live far apart… it truly is the best.
She placed 002’s Hearth’s Warming doll onto the mantle. She gave a nod of approval and turned back to celebrate the day with her family as they discussed the past and looked forward to whatever the future held in the new year.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HEARTH’S WARMING
AND THE BEST TO YOU ALL IN THE NEW YEAR!
