The Human Pet

by RushyFiction

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Profanity, Violence, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mystery, Second Person, Bat Pony
Length: 160856

You end up in a land of sapient equines. Proceed.

You wake up in a land where magic is real and sapient ponies have built a civilisation. Being from a different universe, you have no understanding of their language or laws, but you're happy to have found yourself in the friendliest town there is. Good luck building a new life as their favourite... monkey thing.

Published 2018-12-26 01:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2025-01-18 00:27:20 UTC

Chapter 1

Ow. Light. Too much light.

You snarl a bit, feeling drowsy, waking up from a deep, long sleep. But this hard branch beneath you definitely doesn't belong in bed and neither do these crumbly leaves. Finally, your eyes adjust enough that you realise you're lying in the middle of the woods.

"What the fuck." you grumble, grabbing onto a nearby tree for support as you stand up. You're wearing your ordinary street clothes - a black jumper, denim pants, nothing special. You search your pockets and find the usual - phone, keys, wallet. The phone is dead, though. "Ah, shit."

Looking around, you note that the woods are beautiful - the trees are decked in gold and crimson, and the fallen leaves are clean and rather surprisingly, all undamaged. It almost feels like someone's dropped you in the middle of a painting. Having little choice, you start walking in a random direction until the woods part to reveal a beautiful farm up ahead. Huge red barnhouse, orchards up ahead, a mudhole for pigs and a lovely multi-storied house with a design based on barrels. Terrific, you can ask them for directions(and maybe to borrow their carpenter). Hearing the telltale clanging of tools, you head over to the barn and push the huge door open to slip in.

The barn is filled with bales of hay and there's a work station in the upper left corner, where a bright red(painted?) workhorse with a brown horse collar affixed around his neck is... hammering nails into a wooden nestbox. With his hooves. Hammering nails. For a few moments, you are completely transfixed by the absurd sight. The horse neighs a little and you decide it's best not to mess with the weird circus horse... yeah, that's gotta be it, circus horse... and just head for the house when the horse looks at your direction and the two of you freeze as you stare each other down.

Oh, fuck it, it's a horse, you don't have to worry. You walk away, only for it to start galloping towards you. Okaaaay, adios. You run towards the house as fast as your legs can carry. On the porch, you spot another horse, though a smaller one. This one's orange, with freckles and a mane that resembles hay... and a stetson on her head. Noticing the red horse chasing you, she grabs a lasso in her mouth out of nowhere, gets off the porch and starts waving it around, obviously aiming at you. What the actual-

Looking around in desperation, you notice a small work shed just a few meters away from the house and dash in, slamming the door shut behind you and blocking it with a heavy metal bolt. Turning around, you notice a terrified small filly with a strawberry red mane huddling in the corner behind a wooden crate, her eyes wide open and following every movement you make. She seemed cute and innocent enough, but after the two terrors outside, you weren't taking any chances. Circus horses could pull all kinds of weird shit.

Fortunately, the shed is well-stocked and you manage to arm yourself with a small hammer and a rusty crowbar. Not the most efficient weapons - you were hoping for a good old Evil Dead-style chainsaw - but they make you feel better anyway. Your actions seem to frighten the little filly even more and she starts wailing. "Whoah, whoah, chill out, I'm not gonna hurt you!" you exclaim, feeling that the horses outside probably would probably like you even less if you frighten their offspring. You hesitate for a moment before setting the crowbar down again and attaching the hammer to your belt before approaching the filly with your arms raised in a defensive posture.

The filly blinks, looking unsurely at you with her wet, adorably big eyes. You move slowly and smile. You had no idea whether horses respond to human facial expressions or not, but hey, never hurts to try. At the very least, she calms down and started making noise. It is the usual horse neighing and whinnying, but you feel as if it was somehow directed at you. For an animal, she is very focused. You hear the other two horses make similar noises outside and when they stop, the little filly replied to them. Talking? Were they actually talking? Animals didn't talk, you knew that. But this bunch-

WHAM!

The door explodes into splinters and you yelp in surprise, turn around and jump up, grabbing the hammer from your belt and holding it above your head, ready to strike. The two adult horses peer in from the doorframe and the smaller orange one starts making a lot of noise. You have no idea what she is trying to communicate - if that is what she is doing - so you keep silent and hold the hammer up. The filly slowly emerges from behind the crate and walks over to you, and you move aside so she could rejoin the adults. This one action seems to calm the horses a bit and the orange one begins to gesticulate with her left hoof, pointing at your hammer and then moving it over to the toolbox. Put the hammer down. Got it. You obey and drop it.

Then, the red horse picks up the filly and trots off towards the house. The orange one waves her hoof at you several times and heads out towards the road leading away from the farm. Follow me. Yes, ma'am. As you start following the orange horse down the road, you notice an apple tattooed on both sides of her flank.
This is one hell of a circus.

After a sweet long stroll through the countryside, which has the effect of greatly relaxing your tension even if you are still stuck in unknown territory with no memory of how you got here and why. All you can remember is heading home after a fairly miserable day at the office and then... nothing. Were you kidnapped? But if so, why were you stranded in the middle of the woods? And what's the deal with the horses?

Oh well. At least the weather is spectacularly good. The sun shines down on you from between the clouds, and a comfortable, gentle wind blows on your face. A small streak flashes across the sky and you look up. A trick of the eyes? No, now another streak flashes across and you can clearly see a cloud dissipate right in front of you in seconds. You stop and stare upwards. The streaks remind you of shooting stars, but it is the middle of the day. And there should be nothing that can just make clouds vanish like that.

An annoyed whinny from Apple Buttocks pulls you out of your confusion and you follow her onwards to the small town ahead. Ah nice, she's taken you back to her owners-

Several audible gasps from the townsfolk match your own. Horses! All horses, of every color of the rainbow and then some! Flying horses, unicorns, horses who deliver mail, horses who sell cakes, horses who ride on other horses! And you don't even know what the pink one's doing exactly, but you're fairly sure it's illegal in at least 99.9% of the world.

Before the situation can turn bad, your orange pal grabs onto you with her forehooves - the ends of which somehow magnetically clamp onto you, sure, why not - and drags you away from them and over to a gigantic treehouse. Inside of the treehouse is a vast library of books, a staircase that leads to the second floor and an emblem of the sun imprinted on the ceiling. What a place! As the orange one runs off to find someone, you take one of the books off the shelf and open it up to find nothing, but identical wavy lines. You check three other books to get the same result. "Tripping. Definitely tripping." You mutter to yourself. You made a mental note to check your fridge the minute you wake up. And then have some more, because this is the good stuff.

A clopping sound alerts you that Apple Buttocks is back with a brilliantly violet-colored unicorn, whose short, stylized mane is streaked with pink. "Whoa." You mouth to yourself. That mare would win beauty contests back home! Her jaw drops as she sees you. Her horn lights up - magic is real, didn't you get the memo? - and your whole body vibrates slightly. Whatever it did, it really seemed to get the purple unicorn excited, because she gets up on her back hooves and claps her hooves together, squeeing. Like, literal squeeing. It's too cute for words! No one's ever been that happy to see you.

Filled with warmer feelings towards her, you extend your arm in greeting. After sharing a glance with Apple Buttocks, the Lavender Lady raises her own hoof and lets you grab hold of it. You shake it slightly and nod towards the mare. "Pleased to meet you."

You now live in a land of sapient ponies. Super.

Chapter 2

Still holding onto your hand, the lavender mare leads you to a nearby sofa and practically shoves you into it. Then her horn lights up again, sending another jolt of vibrations through your body. You assume they are scanning for something, and whatever it is, it really gets their proverbial knickers in a twist, since for the next minute or so, the two mares make high-pitched whinnying sounds at each other. Also, a bunch of books fly out of the carved shelves and begin floating around, caught in the unicorn's magic as she looks up various pages. You observe the whole thing with awe until suddenly the farm mare grabs ahold of your jumper and shirt with her chompers and starts pulling them over your head.

You pull your clothes back indignantly. "Whoa-whoa, hey, little warning? The hell?" The two horses exchange glances and you very clearly see Lavender Lady shrug before her horn lights up again. Cue another set of vibrations running through you, but nothing happens except the unicorn seems to have a headache. Or a hornache, as that's what she's rubbing with a pained expression. Apple Buttocks rolls her eyes and motions upwards with her hoof. Why do they want me to take my clothes off? You hope it's just because they're curious about your physiology. Seeing as how they could probably impale you with magic if you piss them off, you begrudgingly remove your jumper, and then your shirt once the orange mare starts rolling her hoof in the universal hurry up, we don't have all day gesture.

Once your bare chest becomes visible, you're not sure whether the expression on the mares' faces is pity or wonder, but either way, you don't like the gawping or the fact that three quills are scribbling on floating pieces of parchment at the same time behind Lavender Lady. "Yeah, we're not all blessed with freakin' velvet fur." you grumble and grab the shirt to put it back on, but the unicorn stops you with an extended hoof and motions downwards at your pants with an innocent smile.

Haha, no.

You make a big X with your arms and put your shirt and jumper back on regardless. Fortunately, the horses don't seem too bothered by the concept of personal boundaries and instead, you watch as Lavender Lady takes on a thoughtful expression and floats one of the parchments in front of her face to make additional notes. After that fairly awkward experience, the tests become more mundane - samples of hair and saliva, a few photographs taken from every side of you, analysis of your reflexes et cetera et cetera. All of this leads you to believe that the unicorn is some kind of horse scientist.

Horse scientist... Christ, where the fuck am I? Some kind of Area 51 community?

You walk around the library, trying to spot hidden cameras, but you can't find any. The two mares have fallen quiet and are now merely watching you, apparently wondering what you'll do next. You extend an arm and randomly wave it back and forth, which immediately gets Lavender scribbling again. Seems like the ball's in your court now. You head for the door, only to stop as it starts to glow with purple energy in front of you and locks itself audibly. "Right... can't let the test subject out." You mutter, and start tapping against your pockets absent-mindedly as you think what to do.

It then occurs to you that your phone is still in your pocket and you pull it out, carefully set it on the ground so as to not frighten the two, and slide it over to Lavender, who has a clear look of awe on her face whilst the farm mare merely raises an eyebrow. The unicorn encases the phone in her magic and it levitates for a second before dropping on the floor. Trying again, the unicorn scrunches her face in concentration(looking unspeakably cute, one might add) and the phone levitates an extra few centimeters before loudly clattering on the wood again. Both you and Apple Buttocks watch Lavender with concern as she appears quite taxed by the effort, blinking and shaking her head as if she was dizzy.

She could manipulate everything else like it was nothing... but not my phone? And my clothes... she had me get them off. Was that just her being nice or was that earlier headache from her trying to do it herself?

After another whinnying conversation between the horses, Lavender opens the door for her friend to leave through and motions for you to follow her into the kitchen, leaving the phone on a nearby desk for now.

Now, if there is one thing that you are finicky about, it is good food. Not to snobbish levels, but you certainly prefer to know exactly what you were getting. So the prospect of being cooked dinner by a... purple scientist alien horse... doesn't exactly appeal to you. But it seems as if you don't have to, since Lavender sits down right beside you and makes a loud noise, before resuming her new favourite activity of gawping at you with a parchment and quill on standby.

You tap the table nervously. Butler horse? Any time noooow... oh God, what is that sound?! You get goosebumps all over your skin as the ugliest, squelchiest snarling sounds emanate from the central library room and the pitter-patter of tiny feet gets closer. You stand up and move away from the table as a small, fat, purple reptilian creature with slitted pupils and green spikes enters the room. To your horror, as soon as it sees you, it starts hissing and snarling so you grab a kitchen knife. It looks tiny, but hell, so are vipers and those come loaded with poison.

Trying to defuse the situation, Lavender makes the knife in your hand disappear and waves her hoof up and down, up and down in a relaxing motion. She then neighs at the reptilian thing, which hisses back. Realising that the mare was not frightened of the fat overgrown gecko thing, you slowly sit down again. It looks at you with an uncertain expression and then takes you completely off guard by doing the V sign with its fingers slash claw thingies. In spite of your fear, a grin emerges on your face and you repeat the gesture. On second thought, it does look kind of adorable in a chubby baby sort of way. "Hey... mister Gecko... you gonna be cooking dinner?"

Gecko blinks and looks at Lavender Lady, who shrugs him off. Without missing a beat, he climbs onto a stool to reach the oven, ties a frilly pink apron around his waist and starts handling the pots and pans like a pro.

"Okay then. I dig it."

Chapter 3

It becomes quite apparent to you why a little reptile is trusted with the cooking, when a bowl of salad is placed in front of you. Well, salad is a strong word: more like a mix of lettuce, celery, cucumber, carrots and literally nothing else. It is perfectly edible, but it hardly quenches your hunger. Fortunately you have other things on your mind, and you don't want to seem ungrateful to your hosts(especially the diamond-chomping alien lizard, I mean what the fuck are those teeth even made of) so you decide to think about food later and instead follow Lavender Lady back into the library as her... slave/butler/underling starts rubbing the dishes clean in the sink.

The two of you sit down on the red velvet couch in front of the fireplace, and the mare levitates a blue book over to you with her magic, eagerly anticipating your reaction. You shrug and open the book, but it's just more wavy lines. Seeing you shake your head, she taps her hoof against her chin in thought and then smiles again before levitating a quill and page over to you, enthusiastically waving her hoof. Write something. Okay.

You grab the quill from mid-air and ponder for a moment whether to write in the clearer printscript or wavy cursive, but eventually decide you might have a better chance of breaking through to the ponies with writing that vaguely resembles their own and jot down "Hello. I am a human." in italics. Lavender levitates the page back to herself, makes an intrigued O-face and then takes the page with her to the other side of the library to analyse under a desk lamp. At least five books jump out of their shelves at the same time to float around her for whenever she needs one. You leave her to her studying and sink into the red couch. The soft scribbling noises from Lavender's notetaking soon carries you to sleep.

"HISSSSSS!"

Or it would have, if the purple lizard hadn't made its presence known right in front of you. "Jesus, Gecko... don't scare me like that!" You mutter, and take deep breaths until your heartbeat calms down. Mr. Gecko taps on your knee to get your attention again and points sharply at the front door, where your first pal Apple Buttocks waves in greeting. Hm, maybe I did sleep. You rub your eyes clear and head over to her whilst she addresses the purple mare, who doesn't respond, completely engrossed in her work. The orange mare rolls her eyes and moves to rub the lizard affectionately on the head. He must be pretty young.

You squat down to - well, not exactly his level, but closer - and say: "Hey, I know you don't understand me, but... thanks, little fella... nice salad. Haven't had celery in a while. And... you're a pretty cool alien monster. In the nicest way. See ya." You stand up.

Mr. Gecko hisses something back to you with a wide-eyed look. You have no idea what he meant, but you decide he said: "Thank you, come again." That'll work.

As you walk out, you see the sun setting, casting brilliant red and gold hues in the sky and over the town. What a lovely place. Would be even more lovely if I had any fucking clue where it was... you think with some cynicism as the tiresome day starts wearing you down. Apple Buttocks leads you away from the town square on the same road you first came into, for which you're glad. You don't hate being the centre of attention, but when literally your every movement is accompanied with whispers and even yelps, it kind of starts to get on the nerves.

However, you're surprised when the mare doesn't head straight back to the farm where you'd met, but instead takes another road over the river, to a more private and very overgrown cottage at the very edge of town with very few neighbours. Makes sense, I suppose. Keeps me out of sight until they can send me home. You have a nasty feeling, however, that going home isn't in the cards for a while, given what a fuss everyone's made over your existence... and vice versa.

The orange mare knocks gently on the upper half of the double wooden door, and you hear a very faint noise from the inside. Your friend nods and opens both doors, motioning at you to step through. Alrighty then. You enter to find yourself in a delightfully rustic, but also extremely well-kept living room, decorated with a variety of bird-houses and wool carpets. There's also a frankly ridiculously large green sofa with matching armchairs around, a gigantic stone oven and a number of domesticated mice and rabbits about. "Holy shit." You mouth, awed by the sheer charm of the place.

All of that is dwarfed, however, by the winged mare who inhabits it. Like the filly at the farm, she's yellow(maybe a little paler), with a majestic pink mane that flows down over the side of her head and neck like a waterfall. She has a demure attitude, but looks at you with a welcoming little smile on her cute snout. You sit down on the floor in front of her, legs crossed, trying to look as unthreatening as possible to such a wonderful creature. "Look at you! You have to be the sweetest, kindest thing I've ever seen." You say, grinning.

Though she doesn't understand your words, the compliment reaches the pegasus and she holds her hoof to her lips, giggling. She also talks to you, but not in the loud whinnying and neighing way that every other horse does, but in a soft cooing that just melts all your pent-up worries away and makes you physically yawn. At that point, Apple Buttocks departs and your new number one best friend ever - even if you don't know her name - leads you to a large fuzzy round mattress on the floor, obviously designed for(and previously used by) some larger creature, but you're too tired and overwhelmed with kindness to even think of arguing. You take off your jumper and trousers and leave them beside the mattress, ready for a well-deserved nap.

However, Sweetheart isn't quite done with you yet and floats over your bed to pull the covers off of you with her teeth before dropping a toothbrush and a tube of paste on your lap. "Really?" You deadpan, but your resolve lasts for approximately three seconds after she engages the puppy eyes. "Okay! Okay! I'll brush my teeth." Fortunately for you, it seemed like the same sort of stuff as back home. Sweetheart stands guard until you're done and as you get back to your gigantic dog bed thing, she points at herself and then the stairs. I'll be up there if you, um, need me for anything. You nod in understanding and she grabs the covers again with her teeth to tuck you in. "You didn't have to do that." You smile. She pets you for a few moments, running her hoof over your head with the utmost care before heading to bed herself. But I wanted to.

Chapter 4

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

You slowly open your eyes, disturbed from your sleep. For a moment, you're confused, finding yourself in an oversized pet cot, but as you look around the cottage and see the beautiful birdhouses everywhere, memories of the sweet pink-maned horse return and you smile to yourself briefly. Even in your thoughts, she is cute as a button.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

Oh, yeah. That. "Alright, I'm coming!" You grumble, and stand up, flexing to get the sleep out of your bones before locating your pants from the floor. "Don't get your knickers in a twist..."

You pull the door open to find a little cross-eyed grey pegasus mare carrying a mailbag. She looks up to you and promptly drops the letter from her mouth in shock. You give her a friendly, unthreatening, non-evil monster from outer space smile. In other words, a terrifying, threatening, evil monster from outer space grin. "You know, you guys really are too adorable for your own good." You say, watching the slightly crazed-looking horse blink hard several times and rub her eyes to see if they were working properly.

As you move to pick up the letter, one of her golden eyes focuses on your fingers and she gasps, making you stop just as you got ahold of the letter. A slightly cold snout pokes against your digits, cautiously testing their flexibility. You respond by booping the curious horse right on the nose and throwing the letter on a small table next to a vase. She sneezes and rubs her hoof over her nose to get rid of the itchy sensation. Loving her childlike fascination with you, you wiggle your fingers in front of her and run them over her head, making her shiver and giggle. The mare pulls a muffin out of her pocket and, removing the wrapper, tosses it playfully at your mouth. To your immense satisfaction, you are able to catch it between your teeth. Taking a huge bite out of the delightful treat, you shout "HELL YEA!" to nobody in particular and thump your chest. It's goofy, but who cares, you fucking owned that muffin. In front of a horse lady, no less.

Still, she's got a job to do, so she waves you goodbye and flies off on a really skewed-looking trajectory. Desperately hoping that she won't crash into anything, you shrug and close the door before finishing off the muffin.

The first thing you notice, as you take in your surroundings, is the kitchen side of the house. It's stocked with the same kind of equipment you'd see at home, right down to the tools. It strikes you as quite peculiar that none of the tools are differently designed to fit horse hooves, but rather depend on magic so they could use them properly. Same goes for the knobs and dials that control the oven and stove.

To your delight, a single plate has been set on the kitchen table, with a delicious-looking slice of red, juicy salmon cooked to perfection. It's cold, of course, but you decide to gobble it up regardless. You're slightly worried that the plate isn't meant for you, but decide to put those thoughts aside as your hunger pains dissipate. Afterwards, you go through the extra effort of cleaning up the dishes. You're not usually very tidy, but you don't want to put your lovely host through any trouble on your part. There was a note left next to the plate, but like all the other 'text' in Horseville, it's just straight lines without any pattern that you can decipher.

As time passes by, boredom settles in. You'd love to spend some more time with Sweetheart, but she's out and about somewhere and you can't indulge in reading. You wander through the cottage and notice the incredible effort that went into making all the pet accessories around - even little stairs for mice to reach the upper floor. It seems that you were handed over to Horseville's equivalent of a cat lady to take care of. On the 2nd floor, you find Sweetheart's bedroom, which is as girly as one could imagine from seeing her - not exactly doused in pink, but still very frilly and hearts-y. You don't linger here for long, but notice several photographs of Sweetheart surrounded by five other mares, including the resident mad scientist Lavender Lady and your fruit-fetishising farmer friend Apple Buttocks. "What's the connection?" You ponder out loud. "Some kind of a club?"

Eventually, even playing with her incredibly well domesticated mice and birds grows wearisome and you decide it's best not to waste the sunlight and go out for a walk, maybe back to the forest where you woke up. After all, you'd been disoriented and confused when you first arrived - maybe you missed some clues? You grab your black jumper from the pet bed and leave it on a hanger attached to the door, hoping that if Sweetheart returns before you, she'll realise you've not vanished for good. As you pull the door open to go outside, however, you find that your feet are being restricted by a particularly angry-looking bunny rabbit, who emphatically points towards the interior of the house. Wait... he's not...

To test the creature's intelligence, you point to yourself and making a walking motion with your two fingers. And he shakes his head. Oh God, that thing can think! Is there anything that can't think?! Is the grass alive... as in alive alive? You shake your head and take another step out side, only for the rabbit to lose his temper and bite into you. "Ow! Goddammit, get off of me! I'm going to the forest, I'll be back later! Jesus!" You grumble and shake your foot to toss the bunny back into the house. He is a persistent foe, however, and grips back onto your foot with a death grip.

"Fine, you wanna come with me?" You snarl and extract him from your foot, trying to hold back a snort as the little thing tries to punch you in the face despite his limited reach. "Look pal, you and I both know you're not gonna stop me from leaving. So either you chill out or I'll leave you behind a closed door." For a moment, you feel as if you can actually see the gears turning in the bunny's head as he looks into the distance, but then he grabs ahold of one of his little ears and waves it around in an imitation of a white flag. "Right."

You close Sweetheart's door behind you and place the bunny on your right shoulder. "I'm glad we had this tal-OWWWWW!" You scream as the bunny bites down on your ear, hard, for just a second. You turn your head angrily and point a finger at the bunny. "You white-flagged me! White flag is sacred!" The bunny merely snorted and looked away in a huff, waving towards the forest with his paw. Get us moving already, if you must.

"Son of a-"

Author's Note

I guess I better start using this author box. I've noticed quite a few grammatical flaws in previous chapters, so I've gone back to fix those as well as replace all false usage of the word 'sentient' with the correct 'sapient'(thanks for pointing that out!).

Enjoy! I hope it's as relaxing for you to read as it is for me to write!

Chapter 5

You smile as the dirt path you're on leads you past the apple farm. Since you're no longer busy running or worried for your life, you take the time to gaze at the fields properly, admiring the vast expanse of healthy, strong apple trees, line after line of them, with luscious fruit growing on all. "Sweet." You murmur. It's unfortunate that your path takes you away from the gate and into the wilder-looking part of the countryside. Nevertheless, your smile stays on. You feel like a man on a mission. It's an incredibly small step towards getting you home, but it's a step nonetheless and just knowing that makes you feel better.

As you brush past the overgrown foliage, you decide to make some chit-chat and turn your head slightly towards your right shoulder. "So what's your story? I mean, somehow I doubt bunnies are as hard to find as humans are around here. So how come you're living with our beautiful host?"

The bunny makes a heart symbol with his paws. "You're in love with her?" You shrug. "Sounds complicated." Suddenly, you stop and pick the bunny off of your shoulder, looking him straight into the eyes. The bunny looks back awkwardly, slightly creeped out by the attention. "You understood me. I... I said something and you understood me. How does that work?"

You raise an eyebrow as the bunny starts to flippantly wave its paws around. "What does that mean?" The bunny puts one hind paw over the other in imitation of a human in deep thought and rests his elbow on his knee, tapping the other paw against his cheek. His eyes widened, and you could swear an invisible light bulb turned on over his head. The bunny starts to frantically point at his forehead and make rubbing motions. You squint, the lewd motion reminding you now of... "Horn... magic?" The bunny claps.

"Magic, great..." Thinking of Lavender Lady, you remember her trying to soothe her horn after the headache that performing magic on your phone caused. "But I don't have any. In fact, I think I'm pretty much immune to magic." You sigh. The bunny points at himself and then to you. "Me... you? I don't understand." The bunny repeats the motion and then points to his forehead before shaking it. "You... me... horn... no. No magic. That's it, that's key, isn't it?!" The two of you both grin as understanding is achieved. "You aren't magical either, or at the very least, you're closer to me than they are!" You cheer loudly, only to stop when you hear distant shouting.

Frowning, you turn around and spot two little horses galloping towards you from between the trees in the distance. Though it's hard to tell, you think one of them is the farm filly you encountered yesterday. But what could they want with- OOMPH!

You collapse as a big orange furry thing crashes into you, and trip on some metal pipe to boot, landing facefirst in dirt. As you moan and push yourself into a sitting position, you find your arms full of orange fur, namely that of another filly, whose head is protected by a bike helmet, which she then promptly discards, releasing an unruly quiff of light purple. The little rascal starts gently rubbing at your scrapes with her hooves, brushing off the dirt and avoiding your gaze in obvious embarrassment. The bunny(who'd fallen off of your shoulder in the crash) growls and spitefully hits the little horse on the hoof with his hindpaw, though it has no effect. "Hey, play nice!" You bark. "I'm sure it was an accident."

The bunny crosses his paws and huffs. You got the impression that he did this a lot.

By that point, the other two fillies finally made it. You were right: one of them was the little apple farm filly. The other had a delightfully snow white color and a curly two-toned mane, taffy in color. All three of them help to push you to your feet. The white filly also moves to pet the bunny, but he points his tongue at her instead and quickly runs up your leg and back to your right shoulder. Irritated at his behaviour, you flick his nose, making the little bunny yelp. "Chill out, or I'll stuff you in my pocket."

As you turn back to the three fillies, you see them neigh at each other nervously and point at you, clearly having some kind of a discussion. Finally, the apple filly steps forward and points back to the road where you came from, and then frantically waves her hoof in a "follow me!" motion before trotting off. Without warning, the other two bite down on your pants with their teeth and start aggressively dragging you back towards the farm and out of the forest. "Whoa-whoa-whoa, girls, what is this about? Hey!" Even the bunny joins in by pushing the back of your head to get his point across. "Ow! Jesus! This better be good."

Suddenly, a roar interrupts all of you, and the fillies quietly release your trousers as several shadows loom over them. Gulping, you turn around to face a surreal sight: a wolf built out of deadwood, yet still very much alive and not on any strings that you can see. As it snarls at you and the two fillies left beside you, you see its sharp, splintery teeth.

Pockets!

You pat your pockets and pull out your set of keys, dangling them in front of the creature. "Come get your nom-nom..." you mutter and try not to hyperventilate. In a desperate move, you throw the keys at the wolf, who snatches them in his mouth. Though irises are absent from his eyes, you can still make out a shocked expression on his face moments later, and the wolf starts to claw at his throat desperately, making coughing sounds. As it's distracted by its choking, you grab the orange filly's scooter and start pounding away at the wolf until it crumbles into a pile of broken branches.

Fortunately, it didn't take too long for Apple Buttocks and... erm, Mr. Buttocks(the red stallion) to find you, having been alerted by the little farm filly you assumed was their daughter. The other two fillies slipped out from your grasp and ran to them. You smile with fondness as you watch Apple Buttocks nuzzle them both and comfort the two obviously distraught girls and OOMPH!

For the second time today, you hit the ground from a strong punch to the chest, and this one actually kicks your breath out of you. Gasping for air, you see the red stallion loom over you with murder in his eyes. You try desperately to get up, but your body's still recovering from the hoof to the lungs and doesn't obey you. He raises his hoof again and all you can do is cover yourself with your hand. You close your eyes, ready to get the snot beaten of you.

Two sharp whinnies interrupts the stallion however, and you open your eyes to find that both the white and orange fillies have come to your defence, standing in front of the stallion defiantly and wildly gesticulating and making noise. After a few short minutes, the stallion backs off and you breathe a sigh of relief. Scooter and Snowy both nuzzle and pet your hair softly and you give them a bear hug, ignoring the stallion's twitching at the sight. Still, you're not one to push your luck so you put the two fillies down quickly and start heading back to Sweetheart's cottage, deciding that you've had enough adventures for one day.

Scooter and Snowy run ahead of you, however and block your path by grabbing onto your pants again and pulling you towards the farm instead. Not eager for another fight, you comply and let the fillies lead you through the gate and down into the middle of an apple grove, where a rickety treehouse rests on a particularly large tree. Inside, you find exactly what you'd expect to find from any treehouse - a couple of wooden boxes for chairs, a few pictures on the walls, even a chest of drawers filled with all kinds of junk. You are impressed by the lantern hanging from a rope in the middle of the house, however, as well as the pretty pink curtains on the windows. Heck, the windows even had glass put in, presumably the contribution of the older farmers.

You spent the rest of the day there, playing tag, hide and seek and some other games that you didn't really understand due to the lack of communication, but enjoyed nonetheless just because they did. Like Lavender Lady, they seemed curious about your physiology, and after donning identical crimson capes with a blue sigil awkwardly stitched in, they spent at least an hour fussing around with you, albeit more like girls than actual scientist. This fussing included - attempting to apply make-up on you(you responded by showing them your canines), trying to get you to speak horse, trying to paint pictures of you, trying to mimic your bipedal manner of walking and most amusingly of all, getting a piggyback ride much like humans would ride on ponies.

It was during this last game that you garnered some insight into their personalities - the white one you dubbed Snowy seemed fairly delicate, and loved it when you gave her ear scritches or played with her mane. On the contrary, Buttocks Jr played rough and enjoyed arm- er, hoof wrestling and chases. Your personal favourite, however, was Scooter's reaction when you tried to get her to fly. At first, you'd tried miming the movement of wings with your hands, but when that brought no results, you picked up the orange filly and raised her above yourself whilst holding onto her barrel and then started to walk around and wave her about, imitating flight as best as possible. Soon enough, the filly began to squeal in delight and her little wings buzzed like a bumblebee's so you let go, thinking she was ready to fly.

Turns out, however, that apparently she's not ready for that, though you were able to catch her just in time and patted her awkwardly, hoping she'd forgive you for that. The forgiveness apparently came 5 seconds in, as she immediately raised her hooves up and non-verbally demanded to be picked up again. So you did, and took her outside to minimise the chances of her getting hurt. There, the game continued until suddenly, Scooter disappeared from your hands in a blue flash. "Huh?" You mumble and look around. Something pokes the back of your neck. You turn around only to see empty air and the giggling faces of the other two fillies. Poke. You dash around, but still nothing other than apple trees.

Finally, a poke to the very top of your head. Okay now, seriously, what the hell? Rolling your eyes, you look up only to feel something squiggling between your legs, pushing up so that the ground falls away from you. At breakneck speed. You scream like a little girl and give the only thing between you and at least a kilometer of air the deathgrip. And then stare in immense shock as you realise you're holding onto multicoloured hairs on the back of a baby blue pegasus. Flying at what feels like supersonic speed.

The flight ends... mid-air, as the two of you drop down towards the earth like pebbles off a cliff and you're forced to squeeze your legs tight around the sides of the crazy flying horse to prevent being carried away by the wind. Oh God please, I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die... I am gonna die.

At the last second, the pegasus remembers to open her wings again, using them as a parachute to land softly. Softly being relative as you still crash into the greenery of a tree and then get to enjoy your body being scraped by the branches from at least 50 places. But hey, you didn't splatter. Finally, you end up falling into a soft, pink bed and stay there for a while, shivering. When you finally dare to open your eyes, you see the blue pegasus gazing at you smugly from the other side of the bed, her head supported on one hoof whilst the other hoof rests on her hip. The kind of pose that just says: Yeah, I'm pretty awesome, I know.

Fortunately, Daredevil's high-and-mighty attitude is quickly flushed down the toilet when Sweetheart walks in the door, blinking at the hole in her roof. You make an O-face as you realise that the blue pegasus dragged you back home and sit up, waiting for the two flying horses to finish chatting. Suddenly, the blue pegasus disappears into a rainbow blur that speeds out of the same hole she made coming in.

"Shit... the Flash has nothing on that."

Your heart sinks when Sweetheart turns towards you, her eyes full of disapproval and sadness. Yeaaah, she heard about what happened to us in the woods and- oh, wait... where's that snippy bunny?!

For a moment, you tense up, but then you feel something weakly tapping against your back inside your shirt and you pull it out of your trousers, letting the frazzled bunny drop out, his eyes glazed and his walk similar to that of a drunkard's. You look back at Sweetheart. "Errr, sorry?"

The yellow pegasus closes her eyes and takes a breath before pointing down the stairs with her hoof. I really hate to do this, but um, I think it would be for the best, if you took, um, a time-out? I mean, if you think so too.

You slump and walk out of the bedroom, feeling terrible. Still worn out from Daredevil's flight, you collapse onto your pet cot and decide to take a nap. Sweetheart carries her bunny to the kitchen counter and fixes him a fancy salad topped with a cherry. She also fixes you a few toasted cheese sandwiches with tomatoes and carrots for dinner. No juicy salmon this time. After finishing dinner and stopping her from washing any of the dishes, night falls and you head off to brush your teeth whilst Sweetheart slowly blows out all the candles. Once she's done, you feel her poke at your backside. You turn around and kneel in front of the little horse, who takes a bottle of antiseptic and a towel. She then puts her hoof into your hand and gives you a cautious look. This will hurt a bit, but it's okay. Trust me?

You nod and let her clean your scratches up. Personally, although there's many of them, you don't think there's anything worth this kind of treatment(none of them bleed ferociously, after all), but you let Sweetheart do what Sweetheart does. You especially enjoy the loving kisses she puts on the tiniest scrape before putting a plaster on them.

Finally, you're all patched up and you hug your wonderful caretaker. "Sweetheart? I know you can't understand me, but I have to go back to that forest. It's my best chance at finding a way home."

Sweetheart lets out a melancholy whinny, and hides her expression behind her pink mane.

Chapter 6

"Tsk-tsk-tsk..."

You rub your increasingly irritating stubble in thought as you look in the bathroom mirror. A week has passed since the incident in the forest and you've stayed close to Sweetheart since then to avoid upsetting her again, and also to get a better grip on your environment. Not that you had much choice - you suspect that Lavender Lady ordered her to keep an eye on you, as she's become rather glued to your hip and makes sure that either you follow her whereever she goes(usually the market, the library or just outside to tend to animals) or follow a set path whenever you feel like visiting the town on your own. With her tagging along, of course.

This doesn't bother you that much - after all, you are new and there's still plenty to see even with restraint - but you are starting to ponder over how you're going to deal with living here for the longterm. For starters, you're quickly growing bored of washing your clothes every two days, so learning how to sew clothes will probably be in your immediate future. Not to mention finding or creating a razor blade. And the sooner, the better.

You leave the bathroom and return to your cot in the corner of the room. Behind the cot, you pick up a small burlap sack that formerly housed seeds for Sweetheart's birds and now contains all of your few belongings, namely your wallet and jumper as well as a small coverless notebook with a pencil that Lavender Lady happily donated to you. Removing the pencil from between the metal rings, you start writing:

TO-DO LIST

*Get Scooter a new scooter.

*Return to forest for new clues.

*Breach linguistic barrier.

*Find a job(?)

*Check Lavi to make sure phone is intact

Of all of these tasks, by far the most problematic is your continued inability to talk to the ponies. Lavender had tried a pictographic approach with you, associating images with words, but since all the horse words looked like identical lines to you, no real progress was made. You had pointed this out to your bunny friend, and he affirmed your theory that the magic horse language was based on, well, magic and hence only magical creatures could read it. And vice versa, not only were your clothes and yourself immune to magic, but your words as well, making it impossible for them to learn.

No language, no easy way to get a job. No job, no money. No money, no tools. No tools... nothing. You are just stuck, without a clue as to how seriously the magic folks are taking your dilemma.

Poke poke!

But there is always a bright side, you think as you kneel down in front of Sweetheart, whose tiny little snout is curled upwards in a smile. She steps closer to you and brushes her cheek against yours, rubbing it up and down. Nuzzles. You didn't have those in your world and now you wonder how you'd ever survived without them. Wrapping your arms around the petite mare, you draw her into a deep hug, running your fingers through her short yellow fur. Your horse friend cooes at the sensation. "Yeah, I know. Fingers are swell."

Fortunately for you, it seems that despite their increased intelligence, the horses of Horseylvania or whereever the heck you are still retain some animalistic qualities, expressing fondness through physical contact. Which is lucky - you don't think you'd be able to resist giving the adorable little creatures ear scritches even if you tried.

You pull away from Sweetheart and look into her caring, compassionate, open eyes. She has no idea who or what you were, but you are a friend and that is all she needed to know. Your heart swells as you sense her unbiased affection towards you. "What did I ever do to deserve you, you little cutie?" You say and tickle Sweetheart's nose. She scronches her face and pushes you away playfully before unexpectedly taking flight. The pegasus hovers around you and before you can turn, latches herself onto your back by wrapping her hooves around your chest and starts tickling the back of your neck with her cold nose. "Aaaaaah! Okay, okay, stop!" You laugh and run around the cottage, trying to rid yourself of the giddy sensation in vain until the two of you land on the green sofa. You raise your hands in surrender as she finally releases her hold over you and crosses her front hooves smugly.

"I submit to Queen Sweetheart of Wonderland, long may she reign." You say and kowtow in over-the-top fashion. The little horse presents her hoof and you kiss it with a loud smacking noise. The two of you exchange glances and burst into raucous laughter together, collapsing onto the sofa. Suddenly, you feel a pressure on your head and fumble at your hair, pulling out a white bunny. "Heeey, Mini-Me, how ya doing?" You exclaim. "You wanna smooch the Queen too?" The little bunny turns red as a tomato and starts desperately wiggling to get out of your grip. "Relax, I'm just kidding."

You place the bunny in Sweetheart's lap and leave her to play peekaboo with him while you prepare dinner, thanking the heavens that the horses are vegetarians and not too difficult to prepare food for. As such, your fingers and her instructions have led you to becoming quite adept at preparing a variety of salads and other dishes for the many pets hanging around the cottage, one small way of paying back your stay here.

As darkness sets in, you settle down into your cot and drape the covers over your shoulders. With little in the way of entertainment value and no electricity, you've gotten into the habit of going to bed early. This evening, however, Sweetheart rouses you from your slumber and you notice she's holding a lit lantern with her teeth. She wants you to go somewhere with her.

Yawning, you put your clothes back on and follow the little horse into the cold darkness outside. Sweetheart takes you to the apple farm, but instead of going through the gate or heading right towards the forest, she heads left, towards a number of hills overlooking the whole town. Up there, underneath a pine tree, the two of you find an adult male deer, lying on the ground and unmoving. "Ah, shit." You groan, the instinctive wrongness of the situation rubbing you the wrong way. Fortunately for you, your caretaker's clearly got more experience in medical care than you do, as she immediately checks to see if the deer is breathing and then rests a hoof on his forehead.

The pegasus nods once to herself and then motions you to come closer before pointing at the deer, then at you and then back the way you came. "Y-you want me to carry him?" You say, pointing at the deer and then at your own shoulders. Your words don't reach Sweetheart, but your question does and she nods, picking up the lantern with her teeth again.

"Ohhh-kay, let's see..." you mutter to yourself, awkwardly wrapping the deer's legs around your shoulders and praying that you don't screw around with his insides or something. "Here we go, OHHH that's heavy, agh!" Mental note: get some exercise soon.

With herculean effort, you force yourself up and start trudging after Sweetheart. Though it feels like hours to your bony shoulders, you make it back to the cottage soon enough and lay the deer down onto your pet cot, where Sweetheart immediately starts tending to it with help from her bunny. From what you can gather, the deer had a fever or something of the kind, as she forces him to take some sort of liquid and then makes a cold compress for him. You scowl, upset at your inability to help her in any way. "Fucking useless..." You mumble under your teeth. Even the bunny knows more about medicine than you do... and can understand his owner.

You open the door and step outside to vent your frustrations, drawing in a deep breath of the icy midnight air. It's a gorgeous night - the galaxy shines above your head. However, you were never any good at recognising constellations - it was all a big pile of dots to you. Some of the stars shine so bright that you can't even decide which one of them's the North Star. "Arrrgh, for all I know, I could be in the Pegasus galaxy." You snort at your own lame joke.

A shooting star streaks across the sky, so fast that you're not even sure if it was real or not. But you decide to believe it was. "I wish..."

that I could go home.

"... that I could talk to them."

Author's Note

Next chapter: Rarity!

Also, if you've got suggestions, stuff you'd like to see Anon do or meet in the future, let me know and I'll take that into consideration. As I said in the description, this story has no end goal, and aside from some minor developments as Anon spends more and more time in Equestria, will be mostly oneshots.

Chapter 7

One morning, your blissful date with Morpheus is cut short by a tickling, soft sensation on your neck. Grumbling, and with your eyes still closed, you throw your arm in the general direction of the villanous dream interruptor and end up holding something silky. Your mind now intrigued, you force your one eye to open and you see a yellow and pink blur waving her hoof at your direction, and hear the soft cooing voice trademarked by your best friend. "Ohh no. It's way too early." You say and pull the covers back on yourself.

Not five seconds pass before you feel guilty enough to push the covers off again. You let out a huge yawn and rub your eyes until your vision clears enough for you to be able to look out of the window and realise it's only dawn. "Let me rephrase that: it's way, way, waaaaaay too early. What do you want, Sweetheart?" You know that if this was some emergency like the deer case a couple weeks ago, she would've gotten her bunny to wake you up - probably with a water can, if the maniacal laughter wouldn't tip you off already.

Sweetheart's nervous hopping in place alerts you that she wants to do something with you, but as usual, is too anxious to make you hurry up on your own. So, you head to the bathroom and wake yourself up by splashing some water to your face before dressing up properly in the same-old denim pants and the slightly torn and holey black jumper(the result of living in a rural area full of happy-go-lucky horses who all pull at you with their teeth if they want something).

"Alrighty, what's up?" You ask Sweetheart, tapping your hands against your pockets to show you're waiting for her to make the next move. She gives you that wonderful Mona Lisa smile she always does and leads you out of the door and into town.

As the two of you pass through the town square and try to return everyone's friendly smiles, you find yourself feeling very thankful to Horsetown for taking you in the way they have. Even with warning from Lavender Lady(and you aren't even sure how strong her authority is, given her... Dr. Frankensteinyness), you are surprised that they've accepted you seemingly without issue or prejudice. Clearly you are something that nobody around here had ever seen before, yet nearly everyone you interact with treats you not just with formal politeness, but genuine warmth. It is very different from what you were used to back on Earth, but you love it.

Observing the interactions of the horses on your daily walks(another huge change - back on Earth you'd never bother to go out), you notice that this isn't an isolated phenomenon - every sale at every stand takes at least a minute due to the following ritual - first, a wave of recognition from both customer and saleshorse. Then some chit-chat, some haggling over the prices, finally an exchange of goods and an exuberant farewell. Rinse and repeat with every single horse. It was enough to make a man feel guilty about ever going home! No wonder Sweetheart is so nervous about interacting with others. You feel almost lucky you don't understand them, as it gives you an excuse to wander off whenever you feel like it and not worry over whether or not you are being friendly enough in return.

Finally, the two of you stop in front of what looked like a gigantic pink circus tent with gold frills, but is clearly some kind of fancy store. "Sweet architecture." You comment to yourself. "This better be the greatest store in the galaxy..." Feeling Sweetheart's snout poke at your back, you walk in and find yourself bedazzled by the finery. The place is draped in the most expensive magenta curtains and wallpaper. Mirrors with pure gold frames hang on the walls. Clothes of every color of the rainbow and then some hang everywhere. And in the center of it all, a goddamn supermodel of a unicorn. She has fur as white as the prettiest cloud on a summer day, a majestic violet mane that cascades down her back and curls up on her right side, gorgeous lashes that demand your attention on her lidded eyes and confident smirk that only carry one message: Got you, darling.

Yes. Yes you did. Ohmergahd, I'm in love. So much love.

Both her and Sweetheart giggle at your obvious infatuation with the Goddess(she of course lets out a dainty, well-mannered titter behind her hoof) in front of you and exchange a couple of neighs. Using her magic, she levitates a nearby cardboard box over to you and motions for you to open it. Inside are neatly folded clothes - several wool trousers(black, lime green and maroon), matching cardigans, T-shirts, even underpants. Even a tuxedo! But by far your favourite article of clothing is a large black cape with blood-red lining and a silver chain that could hook it over your chest. In short, a legit Count Dracula getup. Briefly, you wonder how these clothes could've come into being, but then you remember Lavender Lady measuring you from every angle imaginable on your first day here. You grin widely and turn to the Goddess of a seamstress. "Did you make all of this... for me?" You ask, pointing at the clothes and yourself uncertainly. How much did all of this cost?

The unicorn repeats your motions affirmatively. You turn to Sweetheart, your jaw slack and pull out one of their bits from your pocket that you'd found on the street. Holding the bit up, you shake your head, your jaw slacking. The pegasus, catching your drift, pulls your hand down with her hoof. Oh, I didn't have to pay. She, um, she very much wanted to make those clothes for you.

At the very least, the seamstress has the decency to look bashful. So bashful in fact, that you totally forget about your moral outrage and grab all the clothes out of fear that she'd break down sobbing. "Hey, hey, look, I love 'em, see? They're awesome! I especially dig the cape. Please chill." The Goddess immediately perks up and blinks away her unused arsenal of crocodile tears. "Oh..." you mouth as the unicorn neighs a little and an overburdened little reptile comes into the room dragging a room divider. Is that guy just everyone's butler? You find yourself wondering.

The room divider is set up in front of you and the Goddess levitates the tuxedo and cape for you to try on. Well, you can't say you're not curious. You change as quickly as possible and step out from behind the divider to look at yourself from the mirror. The two horses clap behind you, clearly pleased with your appereance. You don't think it's perfect - not the clothes, but your own appereance - it really is time for a haircut and that beard needs to go. But the work this horse has done not only on figuring out the human style of formal clothing, but putting it all together so perfectly, especially for a creature who doesn't regularly wear clothes - is impeccable.

You flex your fingers towards the mirror, holding the side of the cape with your other hand to reveal the velvety red underneath and adopt your best Bela Lugosi accent. "Lizten to theeem... the chiiildren of da night! Whuat music they make!" Turning to the horses, you see they haven't been admiring your terrible acting skills at all, but have their snouts pressed against the window. "What's going on?" You ask and look out of another, only to gulp at the sight outside.

An entire squadron of grey and white armored horses with Roman-style helmets surround the store, all with their spears pointing forwards. None of them move a muscle, simply waiting. Sweetheart trots over to you and motions for you to go outside before nuzzling your chest to assure you of your safety. You release a heavy breath and pull the doors of the clothes store open. If I'm gonna die, at least I'll die looking kick-ass.

One of the horses, a unicorn, places his spear on the withers of a fellow guard and approaches you with a set of golden handcuffs levitating behind him. You feel Sweetheart's barrel rubbing against you and look down to see her giving the guards the evil eye. A large carriage dragged by pegasus guards lands behind the squadron and they make way to allow you and Sweetheart to get to it, their spears constantly on standby to poke out your liver.

Five hours later, you find yourself approaching a fairytale castle overlooking a mountainside city. The trip here was fairly uneventful aside from the awesomeness of being driven around in an airborne carriage. At least you got a better idea of what the world that you were in now was actually like. In a word, it was like a dream. Snow-capped mountains, colorful waterfalls, bright green valleys and hills. Judging from the pegasi that flew about moving clouds around and the regular horses you'd seen managing the grounds back in the town you lived in, they were all very OCD about their environment. Everything here is ordered with magic. The idea makes you a little uneasy.

The guards escort you and Sweetheart into the vast grounds of the castle, no doubt the centre of the kingdom, where your gaze passes over the many waterfalls and neatly trimmed lawns to focus on a bizarre statue. A bipedal creature composed of random animal parts, frozen in shock. An expression of the horses' suppression of chaos? Whatever it is, you like it. It certainly beats all the other bland statues of various historical figures that pepper the rest of the garden.

The castle interior, you suspect, was designed to overwhelm the peasants. Everything is BIG, every hallway, every door, every stained glass window, every staircase is gigantic.

Finally, you are waiting in front of a pair of grey doors. They look like any other set of doors in the castle, but you know this is the one as the guards take up positions on either side and the rest move behind you, forcing you forward with their spears. The guards on the side open the doors for you and close them as soon as you are inside. It is just you and Sweetheart now, standing on an impossibly long stretch of red carpet that leads to the red oval throne that seems kilometres away. Crossing your fingers behind your back, you start walking forwards so fast that Sweetheart has to trot fast on her shorter legs to keep up with you.

On the throne is a white horse - a PROPER horse, not the little ones you've come to know and care for. Unlike anyone else you've seen, she has both a horn and wings, making her a unisus(?)... a pegacorn(?)... a big deal, basically. The horse has a huge mane of cool colors - pink, two shades of light blue and emerald green. But the most spectacular aspect of her mane is the way it drifts around as if a little fan was hidden somewhere beneath it. Oh heck, it's the Horse Queen. Saddlebag the First. You force down a snicker in front of her Majesty Saddlebag, First of her name. And probably last. Shut up, brain.

The horse queen looks at you with a kindly expression, laced with curiosity. You appear as odd to her as she does to you. Sweetheart walks ahead of you and kowtows before the queen. You give a dignified bow. The two exchange gentle neighs. Unable to follow their conversation, you grow bored fairly quickly and start pulling on your handcuffs noisily. This renews the horse queen's attention and she unlocks the cuffs with her magic. You rub your wrist and bow again to show your gratitude. The horses then resume conversation, leaving you to awkwardly hold the golden handcuffs.

You wander away from the horses and instead look around the throne room, noting the historical events depicted on the stained window glass. One of them contains a colorless illustration of the same Frankenstein's Monster creature you'd seen in the garden. Probably some mythological devil then. Straying the horses away from their ordered lives...? Another thing you noticed was the recurring images of the sun and the moon. The two things they can't control? You assume. In one of them, there were also two ponies underneath the images, one of them appearing to be an exact replica of ol' Saddlebag. The other being a blue-maned horse with dark fur, and also both a horn and wings. That the King? You can't make out its gender on the glass.

Looking back on the painting of the bizarro creature, you notice the white and blue horses flying around him(the drawings are stylised, hence you hadn't realised what they were until now), attacking the monster with blasts from their horns. Two forces of order... restraining the disorder of nature.

The clopping of hooves behind you interrupts your thought process and you find yourself face to face with the blue horse you'd just been thinking about. To your surprise, she is not a male, but instead a strikingly beautiful mare - the paintings weren't kidding, she really did seem like the night sky come to life. Her fur and blue reminded you of the night's dark canvas, with twinkling stars dotted around her mane that waved just like the first Queen's. "Wow." You gasp. "You're beautiful, err... your Majesty." Suddenly remembering that you're in front of royalty, you squeeze in a late bow. The night Queen snickers, and places her hoof underneath your jaw to get a better look at your face.

Her crystal blue eyes force your attention and induce a sudden exhaustion into you. The last thing you feel is your legs giving up on you as you collapse onto the floor in front of the mare and into a deep slumber.

"Argh!" You gasp as sharp pain goes through your forehead, immediately cutting through your sleep. You see flashes of the blue mare despite your eyes being shut, and every time you do is accompanied by further pain. "Stop it! It hurts!" You try to shout, but you feel disconnected from your body. Sleep paralysis. You've had it before, when your mind becomes aware a few seconds before your body realises you're awake. Bile starts gathering in your throat as the flashes become unbearable, until finally, your eyes snap open and you find yourself gasping for air on the floor of the throne room. Sweetheart hovers over you, tears running down her face and letting out a loud whinny at the Queens.

Soon enough, a couple of nurse horses arrive and put you on a stretcher, but before you're taken away, you catch a glimpse of the night Queen, who stares at you with an apologetic, remorseful look in her eyes.

"Luna...?" You mumble.

Chapter 9

Clop clop clop!

Looking up from your drawing, you see the Princess of the Night making her way towards your bed, elegant as ever. Instinctively, you slip the notepad and pencil underneath your blanket. Not knowing the laws or customs around here, you're not sure you want to be caught doodling their enemies. Tensing up, you simply sit and wait to see what she wants of you.

You notice that the blue alicorn's horn is lit and soon see a large tray float towards you, carrying a plate with a dish cover on it, along with a glass of orange juice. You take a hold of the tray so that Princess Luna could release her hold over it and remove the dish cover.

"What the fuck?"

It's a simple TV dinner, consisting of fried potatoes and onions, a panfried chicken leg and a slice of rolled biscuit filled with whipped cream. It's sloppy - the chicken was previously smoked and the whole thing's dripping in grease - and thus looks absolutely delicious. In other words, it's a carbon copy of the same dish your grandpa made for you for the past twenty years.

Nobody could have replicated it that perfectly without knowing him. And the only one in this universe who knows him is you. Once all those thoughts finish rolling through your mind, you face Princess Luna's faint smirk with a slack jaw. A slight motion above her eyes catches your attention and you notice that her horn is still enveloped in a magical field. She clears her throat and your notepad levitates over to you, the image of the mismatched creature facing towards you. Controlling the pencil, Luna scribbles what is very recognisably a Hitler moustache onto his upper lip, before the page crumples up in front of you and spontaneously combusts. You give her a wry look as the burning paper makes its way into the trash can, leaving bits of ash over the floor. "That bad, huh?"

She snorts, with a look of disgust on her muzzle. The fact that she has an awareness of Hitler does not escape you. Evidently she was able to crack into your head to some extent, just like you were able to peek a look into hers to know the Princess's name... and taste her hatred for the Bizarro thing, which, as impossible as it seemed to you, was not just a thing of legend. Even now, as the two of you stare at one another, you sense her feelings towards you - caution, a slight tinge of awe and fear... fear?

Why would she be afraid of me?

Her cyan eyes captivate you. They are much like Sweetheart's... ironic really, as she's the one other horse- no, one other pony that you've had a connection with, although a very different kind. Sweetheart simply loves all living things that can love back. But with Luna, it's personal. It feels as if she poked a hole into your brain and peeked in, leaving something behind. And taking something along.

Those lovely, ancient eyes... they drop a little, breaking your unofficial staring contest. She winces and turns away, leaving you wondering what was so important about your mouth. Were your teeth too yellow for royalty or something? You thought they were fine last time you checked.

Eventually, Luna forces out a taut smile and bows apologetically before turning around and leaving. You look at the door for a minute, then pick up the notepad and pencil from your side and start sketching again.

An hour later, Sweetheart returns and hoofs you your clothes to signify the end of your stay in the castle guest room. You are relieved - it's not every day you meet royalty, and certainly not every day you get mindfucked. It's been a bit overwhelming and you're eager to return to your town and let the recent events sink in a little. Donning your fabulous cape again, you stroll down the castle corridors with your pretty caretaker pony by your side, feeling pretty good. Though you hate to admit it even to yourself, being twice as tall as everyone around you and the only human around gives you a serious boost of self-confidence, and you soak in the rather flustered looks of the guards as you pass them by.

As you reach the heavy doors of the castle, you are halted by a loud whinny and watch as all the guards prostrate themselves rather adorably in front of their beloved sun goddess. Apparently, princess Tia had come to see the two of you off. This time, however, she did not approach Sweetheart, but you directly. Using her magic, Tia levitates a present to you, wrapped in white paper and bound by a golden ribbon. Seeing her expectant gaze, you tear the paper open to reveal a polished, beautifully carved custom chess set with Tia's solar symbol imprinted on the back. That better not be her ACTUAL set...

Dumbfounded, you look up at the bashful alicorn mare and for a few brief moments, you wonder how best to thank her. Hugging royalty is a big no-no, you got no presents to pull out... so for the moment, you decide to simply imitate the ponies around you and kneel on one leg, holding your head as low as possible. The action leads to a mirthful chuckle from the princess. She trades a few parting words with Sweetheart and leaves, forcing her way through an army of patient secretaries and sycophants. Ah, the life of a leader...

Clutching the precious chess set close to your chest, you follow Sweetheart out the door and into the scenic gardens surrounding the castle. Once again, your eyes glaze over the delightful fountains and hedge figures and flower beds to focus on the Bizarro statue. Remarkable detail. Did Tia and Luna make this one themselves, maybe? Before you can spend any more time pondering over it, you feel Sweetheart tug at your shirt cuffs with her teeth and see her display two tickets tucked away in her wing between two feathers. Could we please hurry up? Um, if that's not too much trouble, of course.

You smile and follow her to the train station.

BOOM!

Good things always start with a boom.

You lie on the pavement, hoping that the whine in your ears will soon dissipate and bring back your hearing while you rub a mass of confetti off of your face. Just as you get it cleared out, though, you find yourself swimming in a sea of pink cotton candy and feel four hooves grip onto you so hard that you're pretty sure you're gonna start hallucinating in a few seconds.

"heeelp..." you choke out. Fortunately, the death hold on your body is released and with Sweetheart's help, you're finally able to get up and see just about every pony you've met so far having come to greet the two of you back home. Heck, even quite a few that you didn't. But none of the crowd were more excited than the pink ball of energy bouncing around you and chattering nonstop in a chipmunk voice. You ruffle her admittedly really nice fluffy mane to satiate the crazed mare a bit, but recoil as you see her irises grow three times bigger in a second whilst her body starts shaking. Suddenly, the mare grips onto you with all four hooves again, although thankfully in a more reserved fashion and you awkwardly pat her on the back. "Well, er... aren't you a cutie pie?"

Cutie Pie babbles on and smushes your face in with her hooves. Though you couldn't understand, it was pretty obvious from the noises that she was talking in a baby voice. Then it hit you. You were apparently adorable beyond belief. So much for the dark and dramatic human. On the other hand, free hugs! Fuck it. You grab onto Cutie Pie as well and start scratching the back of her scalp. An audible sigh of contentment is released and the pony rubs her face on to your cheek. Seeing the other ponies all head off in one direction, you try to follow them, only to have your legs suddenly turn way heavier, as if you were wearing wooden galoshes.

Or, you know, Scooter and Snowy, with Buttocks Jr trying in vain to climb up your back on top of them. Seems like they really missed having you around. I am hugging four ponies at once. And they are hugging me.

You crouch for a moment to let Buttocks Jr get onto your shoulders. And then, summoning all your reserves of strength, you rise. From near your head, you hear a very clear and almost human "yeeeeeeee-haw!" and take that as your cue to start moving towards the town. One step at a time. One... step... at a time.

"I fucking love this town."

Author's Note

I adore my grandpa, and the dish I described is still one of the most filling and tasty things I've ever had.
Though I wasn't being entirely honest when I said that's the only thing he cooks. There's also the vegetable soup, into which he literally drops an entire chicken leg, bone and all.

Chapter 10

*Get Scooter a new scooter

Alrighty then. You have not even begun to try and explain to the ponies that you'd like to find some way to earn money, but first things first. You and Sweetheart are out and about early as dark clouds are slowly building in the sky, with pegasi flitting all over the place, each adding their little speck of gloom as if in a really fancy Tetris game.

They already have enough gathered that a very slight drizzle of moisture reaches the town below, pleasantly tickling your face and neck. As for you two, you have gone to the market to pick up groceries and you're determined to buy something - anything - on your own for the very first time. That is why, before Sweetheart heads off to find carrots, tomatoes, seeds and other edibles, you point to yourself and then the apple stand managed proudly by Apple Buttocks and Jr. Sweetheart nods and pokes your knee with her snout with fondness before trotting away.

Seeing you approach from the distance(your height making you more visible than most), the farmer mare grins and waves her hoof. Her little red-maned filly beams as well and runs up to you, jumping onto her hind hooves like a really excited puppy. "Howdy, Apple B's!" You grab onto her left front hoof and tickle the underside of it with your fingers, causing her to giggle uncontrollably and try to pull it back in vain. "Nuh-uh, Red! Your hoof's mine now!" You shout and increase the speed of your fingers whilst also barely brushing them against the soft center of the hoof for maximum tickle power. "Vuduvuduvuduvuduvudu!" You babble until the filly finally shoves you onto the ground and reclaims her limb. With an evil grin she hops onto your tummy, knocking your breath out of you. "Oof!"

Without further ado, she plants her face onto your chest and blows a raspberry. Instinctively, your whole body cringes. "Hey!" You grab onto Junior's sides, but she swats your hands away with surprising strength(probably from farm work) and attacks you again and again until you stuff your hand into your left pocket to pull a handkerchief out for surrender. Only it wasn't there. I'm gonna haunt the shit out of that rabbit when I die. How were you going to signal your defeat now?!

Fortunately for you, the filly's mother catches onto your plight and as she wipes tears of laughter from her eyes, she bites onto the little one's tail and pulls her off. You dust yourself off and scramble back to your feet, giving the yellow mare a smile as she moves back to behind her stand. Junior still has the gall to run through between your legs though, nearly tripping you. She jumps onto a nearby crate, rubbing her left front hoof with her right bashfully and smirking. "Alright, you win today, but... ah'll be back." You say in your best Schwarzenegger before walking up to Apple Buttocks' counter and picking the three bits that Sweetheart lent you out of your pocket.

"Now, pay attention, double-oh... apple, cause we got business to take care of." The fact that nobody can understand the drivel coming out of your mouth may or may not be rotting your brain. "I want one of these." You point to a random box full of apples next to the mare. "I... want... one." You pick up the apple and put it in front of her. The farmer blinks and then pushes the apple forward with her snout, forcing you to catch it before it drops. "No! No, no." You put the apple back on the stand.

"I want to pay for it. This apple... how much?" You start slowly extending one finger after the other. "One, two, three, four, five...?" After you reach ten, you realise that she must not be understanding you, as the price seemed to be getting ridiculously high. "Okay, errr...?" You don't really like showing salespeople how much money you have, but you feel like you can trust the mare and it seemed to be the only option. So you drop the three bits onto the counter. "This apple..." you start extending fingers again. "Uno, dos, tres...?"

To your surprise, the mare visibly frowns and bites her lower lip as if she was mad at something... yet she still takes two of the bits, leaving the remaining bit and the apple for you. "Um... thanks?" You raise an eyebrow. She seems to be in a bad mood now, snorting out loud, so you back off, wave goodbye to the younger pony and bite into the fruit. It's sweet and your teeth sink into it effortlessly. "Wow." You mumble with your mouth full, letting the juices caress your taste buds. "Tha'ss a guud apple."

By the time you and Sweetheart are heading home, the gentle pitter-patter has become a full on shower and the two of you run through the streets, splashing through puddles and cringing at the cold raindrops.

When you reach home, you spit out the water running down your face and carefully remove your drenched cardigan, which now reminds you of a wet mop. "Note to self: order a legit coat." Oh wait, I have no money or job. "Yaaaaaay." You grumble sarcastically and hang the cardigan over the fireplace. Apparently the animals in Sweetheart's home are intelligent enough to get a fire going and you don't have to worry about fussing over matches. Sweetheart sets her saddlebags down into the kitchen and flops to the carpet in front of the fire to dry out. The bunny drags a pillow over from the couch to put under her head, at which she cooes and pulls him in for a hug.

Not wanting to interrupt them, you sit down onto your cot, replace your trousers and rest your back against the comfortably warm bricks of the oven. Before hanging the trousers to dry, you carefully extract your notebook from the pocket. Your worst fears are true: at least half of the book is wet and melted together, ruining your pictures. "Ah, damn it." Sighing, you place the book a few centimeters away from the cot so that it doesn't dampen it and leave it to the hot breath of the flames to suck the moisture out.

With your usual evening activity thrown out of the window, you reach into your burlap sack and pull out princess Tia's chess board. You lie down on the bed and set the board up in front of you on the floor. Now all you needed was somebody to play with. You look over at Sweetheart, but she took in the warmth of the fire so well that she's already gently snoring, and the bunny's asleep between her hooves. Your gaze travels up to the ceiling, where a blue hummingbird chirps quietly. "What about you, Tweety? You wanna play?" You say quietly. "Probably not."

You rest your chin on your arms and decide to rest your eyes a bit until an opponent makes him- or herself available. Uh-huh...

When you open your weary eyes again, you've somehow turned onto your back(wait, I fell asleep? When did I fall asleep? I was just thinking!) and you hear a faint whistling in your right ear. You sit up, turn to your side and realise that Sweetheart's moved over from the fireplace to the unused side of your large cot and draped a thin wool blanket from the couch over the two of you, with the bunny sleeping in the little hollow between her wings. What's she doing here?

Suddenly, the entire room lights up for half a second, followed by the loud rumbling of thunder outside. Even in her sleep, the fragile-looking pegasus adopts a pained expression and her hooves shoot out and grapple onto your arm, forcing you to lay down again at which point her face un-scrunches. "Mmmm..." Sweetheart hums in her sleep. You don't have the heart to wake her up in the middle of the storm, even if it does mean you'll both probably spend a restless night afterwards.

Yawning, you lower your head back onto the pillow and let the rapping of rain against the cottage roof drift you back to sleep.

Chapter 11

You wake up fully rested and eager to seize the day... in the early evening, and it's finally stopped raining. Everyone around you are still sort of hibernating through the crappy weather, so you decide to do your host a favor by making dinner for everyone. After a refreshing shower, you tiptoe your way to the pantry and dig a plateful of seeds out of a sack to fill in the feeders for the birds, along with some strawberries, grapes, apples and oranges to slice into a large bowl of fruit salad for the bigger animals(mainly rodents, and of course the pony). Preparing all of this takes about ten minutes of your times total. And everyone's still snoring. You roll your eyes and sneak back to your cot, making sure not to step on Sweetheart's wings and hooves, all splayed about. For a creature obsessed with being as inconspicuous as possible, she has somehow covered over half of your bear-sized cot. You sit down against the brick wall of the oven and can't help, but sneak a peek at the cute pegasus as she sleeps, her usually tidy pink mane frizzy and running down her face.

There was something comforting in the idea that even though these creatures clearly matched you in intelligence, they still possessed certain animalistic properties, such as enhanced loyalty to those they've claimed as one of their own and a far more intricate usage of body language. They certainly had a knack for making you feel wanted, even cared for. During that brief moment when Luna had done that... weird Vulcan mind meld thing with you, you'd even sensed it, that herd mentality, the need to stay close and support one another. Even their shepherds, the Princesses, were not alone. It was a far cry from the human pack mentality of judging one's value based on one's abilities and capacity to benefit themselves.

Only now you realised that Luna must've been able to sense your perpective as well. Hoo boy. You must've come across like the ultimate ass. Wait, no... these guys got reptiles as their butlers. What am I saying? They're probably trying to domesticate the shit outta me. "Doing a pretty good job too." You say out loud and poke Sweetheart on the nose, causing her to sniff a couple of times before smacking her mouth. "Wakey-wakey, Sweetheart. Dinner time." No reaction.

Time to bring out the heavy artillery. Without further ado, you place your hands on her sides and start running your fingers over her barrel in rapid fashion. Immediately, Sweetheart lets out an involuntary snicker in her sleep and starts kicking aimlessly with her hind hooves. You can't resist also poking at her usually slicked down chest tuft and puffing it up a little, making the little pony look even more crazed. Finally, her eyes snap open and she sits up straight so fast that you were worried about her spine. A crushed bunny drops out of her wings and staggers away.

Sweetheart blinks and then focuses on you. She squints. You gulp.

...

With a flap of her wings, the pegasus springs towards you before you can even twitch and latches herself onto you, gripping your neck with one hoof and rubbing the top of your head with the other. In short, she's giving you the noogie of your life and judging from the quiet, excited neighs, she's probably also giving an Oscarworthy maniacal speech. You let her have her moment of victory, but then she freezes, and only her ears twitch and turn towards the door.

Then you hear it too. Quiet whinnying sounds and the very gentlest of knocks on the door. Sweetheart quickly releases her hold on you and flies in front of the wall mirror. The bunny, already on the move, grabs a brush from the bathroom and tosses it to you. You quickly run it through Sweetheart's mane and do your best to correct the damage sleep has done to her whilst the pegasus checks her wings and then looks back towards you expectantly. You turn to the bunny, who stands ready with pencil and paper.

"Wings-check-mane-check-chest tuft..." you whisper as the bunny checks everything off the list. "-now check. Okay, she's good."

5 seconds after hearing the knocking, Sweetheart slowly opens the door in perfect condition to reveal a grim-looking Apple Buttocks and a cheerful-looking pink filly you've never seen before. To your surprise, this one actually has one of those strange butt tattoos. You've been wondering about those. Do they get them after a rite of passage or something? In any case, the filly makes an O-face as she looks up to you. She soon snaps out of it though, and whinnies something to Sweetheart, pointing at you. The pegasus bites her lip, considering something. This is followed by sharp neighing from Apple Buttocks, who seems to give you the evil eye, though you've no idea why(note to self: pears are the way to go from now on). Meek as ever in the presence of anyone outside of the ones living in her cottage, Sweetheart takes a step behind you and then pokes at your back with her snout, pushing you forward.

The pink filly snaps onto your hand with her teeth, though not enough to hurt you and start pulling you out of the cottage. As you are dragged away, you look back towards home with an uncertain look, but Apple Buttocks shuts the door behind you with her tree-smashing legs. Yikes. You are almost happy now that you don't understand them as it meant avoiding whatever beef is going on entirely. Playing with a filly instead seems far preferable, yep.

She really is a cute widdle thing though, with her mane of orchid purple dashed with white and that delightful, tiny gem-encrusted tiara perfectly perched on her head. The only thing that gives you pause really is the ferocity in those piercing blue eyes, as if getting you to where you are going is her absolute goal in life at this moment.

It turns out, that place of universal importance is the town's playground, which you'd pointedly avoided until now so as not to frighten any parents or heck, the kids themselves. The little filly, on the other hand, has no compunctions over leading you straight in. You see her wave her hoof at another fancy-looking filly with a pearl necklace, grey fur and a fine, silvery braided mane. Also glasses. You didn't even know ponies could wear those. The filly with the spoon tattoo waves back and trots nearer to bump butts together with the pink filly in some girly secret handshake thing, before pointing at you and winking for some reason.

As if their minds were made up on something, they both turn to look directly at you with identical lidded smirks, knowing full well you have no idea what just transpired.

Danger, danger, Will Robinson...

Chapter 12

You try to put the ill feeling you have about all this out of your mind. After all, they're just some kids. What are they gonna do, slip a banana peel under you? You resolve to have fun instead. You quickly run through games they might like to play and focus on one: what kid doesn't love horsie? So, you kneel down, rest your hands against the grassy ground and nod towards your back with your head. Childish minds think alike, and Princess Toothpaste Hair claps her hooves together in obvious glee at the idea before grabbing a hold on your shoulders and dragging her form onto you. Damn, I should work out more... ohh oh oh, my poor bonessss. You feel the frog of her right hoof absent-mindedly rubbing your furless neck, clearly curious about your different physiology.

You push up from the ground and move around a bit on your hands and knees until Toothpaste becomes confident enough to release her front hooves(whilst stilll gripping onto your sides with her hind hooves) and wave to the other colts and fillies, all gawping at what must be a pretty wild sight. Time to up the ante. You push your back up and get on your feet, which Toothpaste clearly did not expect judging from her sudden death grip on your neck. You manage to calm her slightly by holding onto her hooves(also because you kinda need to breathe), helping her onto a sitting position on your shoulders before standing up to full height. At this point, the kids are utterly transfixed on the filly on your back, who takes advantage of the situation by hollering something victoriously in pony language, having regained her confidence. Happy for the attention, she nuzzles the back of your neck and pats you on the head.

From behind the fence of the playground, you catch your three favourite fillies trot by. As the trio open the gate and walk in, they notice you near the swings and then freeze, looking up at the pink filly on your head with astonished expression. Scooter's face quickly scrunches up into really cute absolute fury and she whinnies towards Toothpaste, who defiantly rests her hooves and chin on top of your head. Snowy runs up to you and snaps her jaws onto your hand, which was covered in bite marks at this point. Using it, she tried her best to pull you down, clearly eager to be the one on your back. You carefully prise your fingers free and reassuringly run your thumb over the side of her velvety muzzle and cheek. Your rejection only made her pout, however and she also shouted something up to Toothpaste.

An indignant neigh bursts out from near your ear and all three of the fillies' ears droop in unison. You felt bad, but at the same time, kids gotta wait for their turn. After all, nobody owns you! You feel the silver filly drape her hoof around your calf, probably in support of her friend. This action seems to hammer the point home, as all three fillies' eyes water up simultaneously. Shocked, you immediately try to pull Toothpaste off of your back so you could calm them with a hug or something, but the pink filly throws her own little temper tantrum and holds onto you as tight as possible. For crying' out loud, kids, gimme a break! you thought as the trio scamper, obviously upset.

Losing your patience, you growl as wolfishly as possible, scaring Toothpaste just enough to go limp and letting you grab ahold of her hooves and pull them away from your neck before letting her drop onto the ground. Unfortunately, the action(and probably your alienness) is enough to make you taboo to pretty much every other foal around and they all disappear in a grand stampede much to the chagrin of the parents who run after them.

You scratch the back of your head. "Ah, fuck." Sweetheart's just gonna love to hear about this...

Going home seems like the best option, but for some reason, both Toothpaste and her spoony friend insist you go someplace else, the former again latching onto your abused fingers whilst the latter butted against your legs with her head. The sun is still quite a bit away from setting, so you allow the fillies to lead you away from the playground and down a few streets, probably to one of their homes. It's a better idea anyway - a more controlled environment and less of a chance of random ponies freaking out over you. The thought cheers you up a bit and you move faster, eager to maybe play some quiet board games.

The fillies lead you past all the houses though, and towards a giant wall of hedges surrounding what could only be called a mansion... though it still had a thatched roof, you noticed with a little snicker. The pink filly opened the metal main gate non-chalantly and extended her hoof towards the large building, essentially inviting you in. You duck your head and pass through the gate, which Spoony closes behind you. Rich kids. You should've figured from the fancy jewelry. No wonder she asked Sweetheart to let her play with me... the rich love the exotic. And I'm as exotic as it gets around here.

A pair of butler ponies open the doors for the three of you, not blinking an eye at your... well, everything. You wiggle your fingers at them to try and incite a reaction, but not even a twitch. "Damn, you guys are good. Jeeves, eat your heart out. Hah! Ahhh..." you shake your head in amusement at the utterly bizarre circumstances you're in. The fillies run off and you chase after them through the labyrinthine and extremely overdecorated corridors in the mansion. God, this place! Ruby red rugs, various paintings of ponies in heroic positions, a fucking set of pony armor... eventually though, you do find yourself in the pink filly's bedroom, which you recognise by the masses of toys gathering dust everywhere. Chests of them. There's also a vanity mirror, the shelf in front overburdened with all sorts of complex make-up paraphernalia that you don't even begin to know how to use.

The bed(which is a twopony one with bedposts and curtains, of course) is littered with various teddy bears and other plushes. Toothpaste and Spoony happily jump onto it and you awkwardly sit down at the edge. You're not allowed to mope for long though, as the pink filly happily jumps on your lap and pushes you down onto the bed, snuggling onto your chest while Spoony very tenderly strokes your hair. Even with Sweetheart's perpetual kindness, you're not used to that level of care and kind of melt into the bed, scratching the pink filly's back.

You wake up to find yourself confused and alone in the dark, still lying on the bed. Rubbing your face, you get up and open the door, blinking from the bright light coming from the lamps. That shit looks electric... or maybe it's just magic.

Noticing your own reflection on the windows, you wince. Sweetheart's so freaking out right now... damn it! Never be led astray by filly cuteness again, it's just not healthy! Kinda like Coke, oh GOD I'd give give anything for a can of caffeine right about now, I should look into more of their stores, maybe they've got something like that.

A butler pony passes you by as you wander around. You give a curt nod, only for the pony snap onto your goddamn fingers again! and lead you rather roughly down to a fancy dining room. It's got all the fancy - marble floors, crystal chandelier, a long-ass table that'd make Citizen Kane jealous and a quiet family of probably really unsatisfied ponies sipping soup. There were three of them - an adult pony with a slicked mane and a holy-shit-is-that-really-a-dollar-sign-on-a-tie, an immensely tired-looking mare with a diamond ring tattoo and your friend Toothpaste. Her mansion, got it.

The miserable atmosphere is livened up a bit as she notices you approach and jumps off her chair squeeing, much to the displeasure of her parents. The filly shouts an order to the butler pony who brought you in and then nuzzles your knee. Feeling very awkward, you pat her on the head and stand around, waiting for the butler to return with a chair and hopefully some grub.

After about a minute, he does, but not with a chair. Instead, there's a silver platter on his back and on it, ... a...

Your eyes bulge.

A...

mother...

fucking...

dog...

bowl.

...

You don't even know what to say, so you glare down at the pink filly as hard as humanly possible, with your jaw still slack. She either doesn't receive the message, or completely ignores it, smiling blandly back at you and then running along back to her parents as the butler gently sets the generic blue dog bowl down on the floor, bows and leaves, closing the doors behind him.

"Okay, fuck this, I'm out." You grumble and head for the doors. You hear the rich stallion behind you shout something and soft clops behind you as Toothpaste runs after you. In a swift moment, you turn around, leaving her teeth to snap down on no fingers at all. "No!" you say, pointing at her. "Sit!"

The filly blinks, and you roll your eyes. "Worth a try. Anyway..." you mimic the motion of holding a knife and fork and cutting a slice of something. Finally, the filly seems to realise the point, but to your extreme surprise, she shakes her head angrily and points back to the dog bowl. Damn, that is a filet mignon in there. Could just- what the fuck brain, shut up!

Seeing the confrontation, the parents trot into the corridor and dispense some sharp whinnies at Toothpaste, who immediately cowers and hugs onto your leg. "Yeah, that's right. Not your pet. Now let me go, please." You throw your leg about a bit, but the filly holds onto it as if her life depended on it. Jesus. Fortunately, a pair of butler ponies arrive and somehow effortlessly pull the now crying and thrashing filly away. One of them, holding her under one hoof, limps away towards her room. "Thanks, I'll just-whoa!"

The other butler pony knocks his butt into you, taking your breath away and landing you on his back. You're forced to hold on as he downright gallops through the corridors and through a kitchen until finally arriving at a large window, which he kicks open with a hind hoof before arching his back so suddenly that you tumble off the pony's back, through the window and down a floor before crashing into a huge, open trash bin filled with black plastic bags. You lay there for a moment, taking the whole thing in when another stuffed bag lands on your back, effectively pinning you into the bin upside-down.

"Ow..."

Author's Note

Experimenting with style here slightly with that picture. Say, is there any way you can upload your own photos directly from the computer? Because I really would have wanted to make that pic a bit smaller(and no, I wasn't gonna bother with doctoring it and then uploading it someplace else).

I really wish I could've come up with a better nickname for Silver Spoon than Spoony.

Chapter 13

The cold metal of the trash bin digs into your back. The plastic bags filled with what feels like all the heaviest, pokiest things they could stuff in there pin you against the bin. Oh, and you're upside down with barely enough space to breathe, and blood starts rushing into your head, making you dizzy. It's dark, it's grimy, it stinks to high heaven and you're slap bang in the middle of it.

"Fuck."

You try to wiggle, or push the bags off of you, but because when you fell, like half of the bags in the whole bin slid down onto your back and made it impossible to move them. Not to mention, you have nowhere to wiggle anyway, seeing as you are upside down.

"HEY! HELP!" You can't even tap against the metal. "CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?!"

You sigh. "Oh go along, Anon, go on and play with this cute filly you've never seen before, what could go wrong? Fucking shit... okay, okay, okay, think..." You are still on the grounds of the rich pony family, so the likelihood of anyone noticing or even hearing you was extremely slim. It seemed to be very late now judging from the faint glow of the moonlight, so Sweetheart would be out looking for you. Yeah, that made sense... unless Toothpaste had told her you'd be staying overnight! Oh God, please no... don't think that, gotta keep up the optimism, she'll find me. Though if she knew we were at her place, wouldn't she be here already...?

You make a mental note to be more cautious in the future. The ponies were ridiculously easy to trust because of their disarmingly cute antics, but of course there would be some who would take advantage of you. I should probably also get an emergency kit or something. You know, in case I end up trapped upside down in the trash. Not that a pocket knife could push a truckload of bags off of me... but it sure would make me feel better. Maybe I should just carry a crowbar instead and whack those dumbasses when they try to feed me filet mignon in a dog bowl... God, I'm hungry. Your stomach gurgles.

Time passes incredibly slow, though you are unable to fall asleep because of the uncomfortable position you're in, and the sheer iciness of the bin's metal side against your back. Instead, you become more and more frustrated and delirious. "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer, take one down, send it through an interdimensional gate, 98 bottles of beer on the waaall..." you shiver and cringe at the chill going through your bones. It was definitely getting colder outside, and your nose was starting to run like a tap, forcing you to sniffle constantly. Damn, I hope I'm not gonna get sick from this.

You felt miserable.

CLUNK!

"Huh... whuh?" You snap out of your feverish half-sleep to find yourself lying on the cool, moist grass next to an overturned bin. The sudden change in sensations overwhelms you a bit, not to mention all the blood that's pooled into your brain has given you a headache worthy of a hangover. "Ohhh, my head..." You lie there for a moment, rubbing the cold dew over your forehead. "That hurts... ah, horse apples!"

Curiosity eventually overwhelms the pain, however, and you struggle up. To your surprise, you see Toothpaste sitting next to you with a bashful look in her eyes, gingerly touching your shoulder with her hoof as if she was afraid you'd run off at the sight of her. "Did you get me outta there?" You asked with a little smile. "Thanks." To dispel her fears, you picked her up and brought her to your chest, which she hugged blissfully. Sure, she was technically the reason you ended up cramped in there for hours, but you can't hold a grudge against a little girl. Especially when she rubs her tiny little nose against your shirt and looks up at you with those happy, shiny blue eyes.

You scratch her head and run your fingers through her luscious purple-white mane, making her giggle a little. Whilst doing so, you notice something is missing. Looking around, you see the diamond tiara glint against the moonlight next to the heap of plastic bags lying on the ground and take it, weaving it through her mane to make it stand perfectly upright on her head again. "There." You say and rub the back of her ear.

Not wanting to keep Sweetheart waiting any longer, you stand up. The little filly realises you're leaving immediately and lets out a quiet little whine, pawing at your feet with both hooves. "I'm sorry, I've really got to go ." You hate leaving her like this, but what else is there to do? You check your pockets, but there's nothing there other than your coin, notebook and pencil-ohhhhh...

It's not much, but you want her to have something, so you pull out the notebook and doodle a stick figure version of yourself with a quadruped figure on your shoulders, front hooves victoriously upright and a tiara on her head. You give the picture to Toothpaste, but to your dismay, it only leads to choking sounds and her eyes watering up. The pony tries waving you goodbye with a shaky hoof and you sigh. There just is no winning sometimes. You give the little filly a final hug, as tight as you can, and stroke her back to make her feel better.

And then you go, leaving the filly to return to the house with her head low, gripping the picture you gave her.

"F-f-f-fucking c-cold..." you grumble at the cold winds blowing about. You don't get it - yesterday was summer weather, now all of a sudden we've skipped to November? At any rate, you moan with relief when you finally spot the lit windows of Sweetheart's distant cottage. You rub your hands together and limp on, your body still aching from the bruises you got from that nasty fall out of the 2nd floor window. Christ, what a day.

Tea, definitely hot tea, but not too hot... fried potatoes... nice, cosy mat... next to the fireplace... fireplace... fireplace... you pictured the flames licking the crackling wood and moved on. Very close now, nearly there... these were already Sweetheart's own grounds. All you had to do was pass by the pond and you were at the front do-

"WHOA!" you shouted as a particularly powerful gust of wind forced you to the left and made you trip on a rock, and roll down straight into the waters. "AAARGH!" you shriek and crawl out until you can get back on your feet on the road, your lower half covered in mud and dripping water. The door to Sweetheart's cottage slams open, revealing the pegasus you've been dying to see.

Seeing you in such a sorry state, she gasps and her wings flutter to life, enabling her to fly to you in a matter of seconds, pick you up and drop you at the front door. Inside, it was exactly as you imagined. Sweetheart, knowing the oncoming weather, had started a fire and the cottage was comfortably warm. Paying no heed to common courtesy, Sweetheart latched onto the back of your drenched trousers and pulled them down. "Whoa!" You say and press a hand against her head. "Hey, hey, I got this." She nods absent-mindedly, and to your surprise, takes flight again, speeding into the kitchen with no time to waste. You find an old nail in the wall next to the oven and above your mat and hang your trousers on it to dry. Some of the water drips on your mat, but you pay it no heed. This close to the fireplace, it'll be gone in no time.

Tired and irritated, you don't bother putting on another pair and instead simply pull the covers over your legs and plant a pillow against the wall to relax on your mat. Sweetheart has other ideas, though. You hear her clanging a spoon against a pot in the kitchen, that being her signal that food is ready. Nobody else responds, so you figure the rest of them have eaten already.

To wear pants, or not wear pants, that is the question. You really wish you had pajama pants right now. The Goddess who works at that clothes shop could probably get you a pair, but you're too prideful to go asking for more clothes. Fuck it, they're all naked, I still have my underpants on. No biggie.

You crawl out from underneath the covers and drag yourself into the kitchen and on a stool, where Sweetheart has prepared a bowl of vegetable and fish soup. Hungry and in need of warmth, you empty the bowl fairly fast and before you can even get up, she's already snatched it off the table and scrubbing it down in the sink. You rest your chin against your hands on the table and drowsily watch her. That mare's just too good, no two ways about it; yes sir.

Soon enough she's by your side and her wing pushes your arm down to her back, so she could support you back to the mat. By this point, you've mostly mentally shut down and just wait for the moment you can go to sleep. You sit back to where you were before, with the pillow propping your back up against the wall and Sweetheart starts rubbing a salve into your bruises. Your eyes lazily drift across the room and you notice your bunny friend hopping towards you. "Mini-Me! Hope you've been having... a better day than me..."

The bunny blinks as he sees your haggard appearance and then runs up to you. You think he's just gonna come and cheer you up, but instead, he jumps up and climbs onto your hanging trousers, dragging himself up until he reaches your pocket and pulls out something golden... your last bit! You frown, too tired to be really concerned, and mostly confused. The bunny hops down and runs off with the coin. "Sweetheart..." you whine. "That bunny's stealing my caaaash."

Sweetheart looks at the bunny and makes an O-face before running off suddenly and coming back with a large drawing pad, which she drops onto your lap. On the pad are three images separated by lines, just like a newspaper comic strip. The images are crude, but look stylised, suggesting some skill. The first picture is of a bipedal creature, clearly you, handing three gold coins over to an orange quadruped with a Stetson hat - Apple Buttocks. Above the two is a green check symbol. The next picture is identical, except the mare you're giving the money to is Sweetheart. Also a green check symbol.

However, the final picture is of you giving money to a stallion pony you've never seen before - green, with a black mane and question mark tattoo, and above him floats a big red X. "Sweetheart, who's this?"

Sweetheart shrugs and rolls her hoof in the air in a vague gesture.

"Me giving money to Applebutt... okay. Me giving money to you, okay. Me giving money to... I don't understand."

The bunny gets your attention by tapping on your knee angrily. You look down on him to see him run around in a circle with his paws up, as if trying to hug everything. "Me giving money to... everyone?"

He stops and points at you emphatically. That's the one! "It's bad if I give money... to anyone other... than Sweetheart or Applebutt?" Suddenly, the logic hit me. Those rich snob ponies, for example... "Of course it is! I don't know anything about this place, the money or the prices. Anyone could take advantage of me." You slap yourself on the forehead for not realising this sooner. "She's not mad at me at all, she was worried. Urgh, I'm an idiot." The bunny nods.

With your wounds nicely cleaned up, Sweetheart kisses you on the cheek and then points to the bathroom. "Oh, come on...!" You drag yourself out of bed again, somehow, to go brush your teeth. And have a nice, hot, indescribably wonderful shower. Hay-flavoured shampoo never smelled so good.

Author's Note

Just to make it clearer: there was nothing going on between Applejack and Diamond Tiara. They just happened to be there at the same time for completely different reasons.

And yes, I did accidentally upload the chapter early before proofreading. (but hey, extra exposure!)

Chapter 14

During one sunny morning, Bubbles the friendly mailmare hoofs you a letter, with a wax seal showing off a pink six-point star that you immediately recognise as Lavender's tattoo. You raise an eyebrow. Why would she send Sweetheart a letter? She can't be that lazy. Or is this some kind of "official business" thing?

Your pondering is cut short when Bubbles' blonde mane pops out between you and the letter you're holding, followed by her wonky eyes, one of which focuses on you, expectant and delighted. You smirk and lower the letter to your side, using your right hand to scratch the top of Bubbles' scalp as she hums, away in a world of her own. She is very sweet in her own oblivious and innocent way, and the two of you had developed a bit of a deal during her occasional letter deliveries - you shower her with attention and she gives you free chocolate muffins(how they never get smushed up in that tight mailbag, you will never know). Apparently your fingers are so good that she once brought another pony with her - a brown stallion with a green tie and an hourglass tattoo - and practically forced his head under your tickly appendages. Dude gave you a banana instead. It was kind of insulting, but also a good source of potassium.

Munching on your latest muffin, you take the letter upstairs to Sweetheart's and gently tap on the door with your knuckle. You hear a single, very faint nicker through the wood. Silence was "no", so you open the door to see the kind pegasus mare reading a book in bed and absent-mindedly chomping on a slice of toast. The last of several, if the crumbs on her chest fluff are any indication.

She turns to smile at you and waves hello with her hoof. You toss her the purple letter, which she neatly catches between the frogs of her front hooves and leave her to enjoy the rest of her breakfast. By the time you're midway down the stairs, however, you hear a loud clamping sound from above, as if something heavy fell on the floor. Like a pony. You turn around to find Sweetheart flying towards you whilst rapidly brushing the crumbs off of her chest. In a second, she's gripped onto your sides and whinnies loudly at the bunny, who somehow manages to kick the door against the wall with a single hit as the pegasus carries you out. Damn.

Unwilling to just let Sweetheart carry you the whole way, you start struggling in her grip. She releases you and motions for you to jog beside her instead. You notice she's still holding onto the letter as well. Together, the two of you sprint to town and head straight to Lavender Lady's gigantic, sprawling treehouse. You frown in confusion as you observe a large cluster of stormy clouds gathered over the library, raining heavy splatters of water down on it. Leaving aside the ponies' control over weather, the clouds looked extremely out of place in what was otherwise a lovely morning for the rest of the surrounding area. The flashes of thunder visibly frighten Sweetheart, who squeaks at the sounds and hides her face behind her hooves, shaking slightly.

You rub her back soothingly to try and quickly calm her, as evidently there's some sort of hurry, which seems to give her enough self-control to poke you with a hoof, and then point towards the library. "You want me to go in there?"

Sweetheart nods towards the letter now concealed between her wing and side and then pokes you again. The letter was talking about... me?

"Uh... what about you?"

The mare scrunches her eyes shut and shakes her head wildly, pointing at you and then the library again before turning around and running back towards home as fast as possible. "Jeez... well, this oughta be fun." You mutter, laughing nervously. A bolt of lightning crashes into the ground next to you, smearing you in dirt.

"... hoo-oh-oly shit..."

Whimpering, you tip-toe closer to the door, the cold raindrops making you twitch. You pick up a fallen branch and touch the door with it, just to make sure it's not gonna explode or something. Magic lightning, who the fuck knows? It helps to take precautions. Finally, you pull the door open. The library is empty and in a unique state of disarray, with towers of books just sitting on tables and armchairs, abandoned.

Something foul reaches your nostrils and you sniff in the air, trying to recognise the smell. It was oddly familiar... and very out of place in your current environment. Ozone. Heavy ozone.

That's weird, I didn't smell that much outside, and you got lightning up the ass out there.

You watch with a wide-eyed stare as Lavender's reptile butler casually walks up from a flight of stairs in a dark, creepy tunnel leading down into the basement, dressed in a small brown coat and holding a miniature torch to light the way. His green back scales poke out a little from under the coat, probably designed for a pony, giving him a humpbacked appearance.

Noticing you, the reptile hisses something in his strange language and hands the torch to you so he could go and fetch something from the kitchen. You gingerly hold the little torch ahead of you, hoping it doesn't drip something on your hands and carefully move down the stairs, step by step. Soon enough, you begin to hear whirrs and clicks and sparks... the almost forgotten sounds of complex machinery at work.

Your jaw drops as you walk into a large laboratory space, filled to the brim with heavy, glowing equipment. Huge wires and cables cross the room like a spiderweb. In one corner, an aquarium of boiling water holds a whirly, bright orange metal contraption of unknown purpose. In another, two gigantic light bulbs flicker with uncertainty. The centerpiece of the room is a huge white table that holds what may have once been your smartphone, minus screen or any protective casing.

Amidst all of this is Lavender Lady, dressed in a white frock and looking haggard, as if she hadn't slept since... well, since you originally gave her the phone. Her mane is frizzy and so charged that she resembles Einstein, and she has heavy bags under her red, fevered eyes that unwaveringly analyse the dials, the results of which are scribbled into a very long roll of paper that idly floats beside her.

"Lavi?"

Hearing your voice seems to break the pony out of her stupor as the roll of paper immediately drops to the ground and she blinks dizzily before clopping her hooves together excitedly as she recognises you. "This is, uh... hell of a place you got down here." The unicorn forces you to sit on a stool and put the torch onto a metal ring attached to the wall, far away from any sensitive equipment and whinnies loudly. You hear a faint hiss from above and soon the pitter-patter of Mr. Gecko's little legs gives way to the reptile, carrying three sandwiches with large flower petals squeezed between the bread.

At least it's not hay. you think as you bite into the sandwich. It's like eating cabbage leaves. Not really your thing, but better than nothing. As you munch on your breakfast, Mr Gecko takes up Lavi's former position reading out the dials whilst the unicorn starts teleporting all over the place, prodding each and every one of her machines- is that a plasma globe? Show-off... in preparation.

Finally, the mare pops into existence right next to you and squees loudly. Yeah, she squeed. That noise is recognisable in any culture. She trots to a huge square-shaped lever in the wall behind you, places her front hooves on it and waits for a few seconds until hearing the crack of thunder penetrate the noise already made by her extravagant devices. With a swift motion, Lavender Lady rests all of her weight on the lever and forces it down.

“whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…!!!” the machines around you whine as the charge builds up. Many of the wires around the room turn from a dull grey to a vibrant red color and then snap loudly. Sparks shower on the three of you from damn near everywhere. Both of the giant light bulbs in the corner shine brightly and shatter, spewing molten glass about. However, all three of you stare at your phone instead, which starts buzzing against the table.

Responding to a loud whinny from Lavi, the reptile uses a ladder to pull down a huge projection screen the size of a fancy banner whilst she thumps her hooves against a washing machine-sized console screeching in protest from some kind of pressure. This causes a projector above the door to the basement to blink on and display a... charging battery symbol with green liquid inside…

Lavender Lady jumps off of the console, staring up at the image right alongside you in awe, before thrusting her front hooves up in the air victoriously, balancing on her hind hooves. And for the first time, you don't even need a translator to understand what she's saying.

It's alive! IT'S ALIIIIIVE!

Author's Note

In case this and previous chapters haven't tipped you off yet, I'm a massive classic horror movie fan. Actually just completed the Hammer series of Christopher Lee Dracula films recently.
I'm sorry if my description of Twilight's laboratory was lacking, physics is not my strong suit and I just don't know technical terms very well. So I tried to focus on the atmosphere of the scene instead.

Are there any people out there who hate "Daring Don't"? Watched that episode yesterday and it was *simply* dreadful. :raritydespair:

Chapter 15

Apparently, getting your phone to function had been such a driving force for Lavender that with her task accomplished, she promptly faints, forcing you to catch her in your arms. You adjust your hold, pick up the little pony and run upstairs to get her some air. The round library room is now no longer empty: that blue daredevil pegasus with the technicolor mare is lounging on a pile of books, reading casually.

Seeing Lavender in your arms, she rolls her eyes, leaves her page bookmarked and flies out of the nearest window. You want to see where she's gone, but decide that caring for the passed out pony is the more pressing matter. You notice a messy bed on the second floor and quickly sprint up there, your large feet jumping over every other step. There, you gently lower the purple pony on the mattress.

"Okay, uh... think, think, think!" You rub your temples. Medical emergency, medical emergency, what do you need in a medical emergency? Those salt sniffy things? Fuck that, where the hell am I gonna find one of those? Uh... glass of water! That's better! "Glass of water, glass of water..." you mumble, hurrying back downstairs and into the kitchen, where you grab the nearest cup, fill it with cold water and return to the bed. Lavender's not moved.

You bite your lip. Check for breathing...? "Oh, shit!" You lick a finger and hold it over the pony's mouth. Sure enough, a cold wind blowing out of her muzzle hits your finger almost immediately. So she is just unconscious.

This pony needs you. This is it, this is real. THINK! Think, think, think! You slap your forehead and curse your lack of expertise in treating someone. Maybe I should adjust her head or something... NO, you idiot, that's for gunshot injuries. I think. Something to do with bleeding, anyway. Fainting, fainting, what do you with fainting... ? Fuck if I know.

Feeling a tugging on your pants, you look down to see mr. Gecko. He points at Lavender and then gives you a knowing smile and a thumbs up. "She's fine?" You release a pent-up breath. "Ohhh, thank Jesus... fuck!" You sit down next to the bed, grab the glass of water from the nightstand and take a big gulp. "... sorry, Lavi." You leave the half-empty glass next to her.

As you wipe the sweat off of your forehead, mr Gecko smartly opens up a window, and you notice something blue whizz by, similar to a shooting star. Curious, you stand up and peek out of the window. To your amazement, you see that same blue streak disperse the storm clouds above the library like fancy laundry detergent in a commercial.

Feeling slightly responsible, you decide to stay in the library for the rest of the day and help the little reptile clean up the mess left behind in the laboratory. Fortunately, aside from the broken equipment, there really isn't much to do as some sort of magic erased all the natural filth that would build up over time. You also can't help him restock the library due to your continued language barrier so instead, you take advantage of the contents of Lavender's fridge and make a huge plateful of fluffy pancakes for the three of you.

After taking your two on a separate plate and sprinkling an unhealthy amount of white sugar on them, you return to the snoring unicorn's side and pull out your notebook(now somewhat mucky and deteriorated after your little dip into Sweetheart's pond the other day).

*Check Lavi to make sure phone is intact. ✓

You also add a favor to Lavi in addition to the favors you still owe to your host, your frenemy the bunny and that fabulous dressmaker pony.

Skipping a few pages ahead, you start a new drawing and at the same time, roll up your first pancake and munch on it, enjoying the gritty sugar. First, that slightly curled snout... those cute ears... the crooked horn... the deer horn... the sharp tooth... "Come to papa." you mutter under your breath. This is definitely gonna be the one you nail.

It isn't.

You've never had an artist's obsessive eye, but even you can feel a certain... offness about your attempts at depicting the hated bizarro creature. One drawing's too childish, the other too complicated and unappealing, the third's just, well, dull. Thinking back to the beautifully carved statue you saw back at the castle, there was a giddy bounciness to it, if that was possible with a figure comparable to Hitler. You then realise how dumb your train of thought is and derail it there and then. I've got better things to do than draw fucking goat-snakes anyway.

What else to do?

You'd left your chess set at home and you didn't think rummaging through someone else's drawers to find another game would be the most polite thing to do. "How did people survive in olden times? ... Oh yeah, lots of stabbing."

The thought of a violent encounter reminds you of the last one you had, your near-fatal fight with the magically animated wooden wolf, as well as one of the tasks you've listed in your notebook.

*Return to forest for new clues.

Notably unchecked.

"Gotta do it smart this time, Anon-boy. Not gonna waltz into the evil cursed woods like an idiot." You were hoping to find a job and earn some real money to buy the things you needed to make the trip, but after your visit with the princesses provided definitive proof that the supposedly most powerful ponies in the land couldn't properly access your mind, you'd decided otherwise. Heck, even your attempt to buy things independently had been proven idiotic.

The simple fact was that you didn't belong. Maybe I should just quit playing pet, grab all the tools I need and skedaddle.

But what then? You could probably track down the place you landed in the forest (provided you made it there in one piece), but the chances of finding something there were still minimal.

"Stuck." You affirm to yourself. "Stuck like the bloody pig from Lord Of The Flies."

A moan from your violet companion interrupts your miserable thoughts. Lavender Lady lifts her head from her pillow and looks upon you with bleary, unfocused eyes which then snap wide open as she remembers what happened. Without warning, she jolts upwards into a sitting position and you grab onto her shoulders. "Whoa, hey, hey, chill! Chill-chill-chill! It's okay, phone's working, we're good."

Your words may not reach her, but their meaning does and she slowly relaxes back onto the mattress, rubbing her face. You let her recover and jog back downstairs to the kitchen to get her some of the pancakes you made, but when you make it downstairs, you find the plate already glowing in a purple haze and floating in the air, followed by a jar of honey. They fly by you and up to the second floor.

Damn. Either her magic's way more powerful than I thought... or she's got great nostrils.

Feeling a bit useless now, you follow the food up the steps and smirk as the pony gleefully catches the plate between her hooves and slips one pancake off with her teeth. It reminds you that you still haven't finished your own and so you roll up the second pancake and sit down on the back end of her bed to enjoy it. "Mh. I oughta get a gold medal for these. What do you think, Lavi? Gold medal?"

"Mmmmm!" The unicorn hums appreciatively and strokes her velvety belly with her hoof.

"Yeaaaah! Gold fuckin' medal."

Once both of you had finished your delicious breakfast, you rest your back against the wall, right next to the window and fall to silence. It wasn't uncomfortable dead air as it sometimes could be with these ponies, but rather basking in the satisfaction of success. You had your phone and Lavender had an awesome alien gizmo to play around with.

But siesta comes when siesta comes.

So for a while, the two of you just lounge. Eventually, you sneak a peek at Lavender, who's been looking at you this whole time. Caught, she blushes and looks away. The little unicorn's front hooves are folded on her chest, under her chin in a rather demure position. Once again, you are struck by the charm of these delightful little ponies, their... openness and simplicity when compared with the spiderweb of human society. Sure, you knew not all ponies were kind and sweet and honest, but they were still straightforward in their behaviour, lacking the manipulative cunning of a predator race.

Here is this unicorn and she's happy to just sit on this bed with you, an unknown alien, just because you seem nice.

She deserves boops.

You press on Lavender's snout, slowly, making her go cross eyed. The offending hand glows purple and vibrates slightly, but is otherwise unaffected. She grasps your hand in her hooves, still encased in magic and studies it intently, holding it close to her face. As she does this, your eyes drift across her living space and you notice a grubby-looking old cardboard box on the verge of collapsing, crammed away into a corner behind the bed and a flowerpot. It's an old collection of what must be Lavender's childhood toys - wooden cars, colorful plastic mini-ponies, that sort of thing. But what really gets your attention are the word-spelling blocks, those old wooden cubes with letters printed on each side.

Written language may be somehow encrypted to you, but individual symbols...!

You pull your hand out of Lavender's grasp and kneel down right next to her to pull one of the worn blocks out of the box. The unicorn gasps as she realises what you're doing.

Moving to the window, you hold the cube in the light and focus on the symbol. Your theory is proven correct - to an extent. Separated from all other letters, the symbol is indeed more than just a wavy streak. In fact, it's quite complicated, with several interconnected lines and dots. The problem is that somehow, the symbol shifts in front of your very eyes like a lenticular picture, never staying constant long enough for you to get a fix on what it looks like exactly. Every time you focus on one aspect of it, the rest squiggles around. You turn the block to its side, revealing... the same. The same thing on all sides. Or at least that's what you see. Feeling your eyes hurt, you bitterly toss the block back into the box.

So much for the pony alphabet.

And now you're getting another bloody headache! Feeling tired, you lie down on the floor. The unicorn joins you, hopping off of her bed to flop onto her belly next to you. She also lends you her pillow, which you appreciatively accept. Lavender rests her chin on your chest, making note of your facial reactions. You don't feel offended, though. Comforted, more like. And after fixing your phone, you felt the slightly wacky unicorn was welcome to most everything. You close your eyes and let the pain in your head slowly subside.

A rogue hoof boops you.

Author's Note

Updated the chapter titles a little so they'd be easier to keep track of and give you a little
tease at what pony Anon's gonna chill with in the new chapter. Yay or nay?

Chapter 16

Dressed in your fine silky cape over the tuxedo shirt and black trousers, you relax on a park bench, one leg over the other. Beside you on the right are a splayed-out set of cards that Lavender had given you from her old toy box, which you now use to play a game of poker against your friend, Lord Bunnystorm the Third. It's a bit of a lonely time for you, since the rest of Horsetown is celebrating their equivalent of Valentine's Day. Red paper hearts hang everywhere, soft violin music emanates from every other establishment and all the transparent little ponies look unusually awkward. All are busy-busy-busy trying to look their best for their special someones and Sweetheart is no exception, having ushered you and your rabbity pal out of the cottage to be on your own for the first time so she could clean the house.

As you play, your ears catch a bit of childish guffawing coming from up the road and you see to your delight that your three favourite fillies are strolling down the road, deep in conversation and without a care in the world. You haven't seen them since that awful incident with the snobbish pony family and you're eager to make up for whatever happened to get them upset.

You whistle loudly to get their attention and the three fillies turn simultaneously in your direction. They freeze, staring at you - or rather, around you - with wary eyes, as if making sure you're alone before stepping further. There's a slight tugging on your back as Bunnystorm III runs up your back and onto your shoulder to bite your ear, thirsty for your attention towards the poker game. Without turning around, you flick the self-absorbed little thing on the nose, making him lose balance and tumble down onto the cards... thus ruining the game anyway.

Seeing Sweetheart's pet with you, the trio's fears are dispersed and all three gallop to you, squealing in happiness. Snowy jumps up to your lap, almost resembling the stereotypical villain's white cat for a moment, and rests her back and head on your belly, looking up at you with a sweet, innocent smile. You give the little fluff ball a tight hug, leaving her tiny hoovsies to hang over your comparatively huge arms. Meanwhile, Scooter hops up onto the bench with a boost from her wings and smushes her face into the soft flesh of your neck underneath the short beard you'd grown during your stay, nuzzling you vigorously. As for the little apple filly, she gathers up the deck cards that had spilled everywhere so you wouldn't lose them, stuffs them in your pocket and then lies down onto the bench with your thigh for a pillow. Instinctively, your hand starts brushing through her strawberry red mane, tickling the ears from time to time.

On the other side of the bench, Bunnystorm III glares at the sight and makes exaggerated choking noises.

Both sides wanting to make up for lost time, you let the fillies lead you back towards the center of the town to the flamboyant candy shop, cleverly designed to resemble a gingerbread house. You'd seen it often during your walks around with Sweetheart, but having no money and not wanting to waste hers, you'd ignored the mouthwatering, warm baked goods in the windows and the smells... the smells! Smells like Belgium! Smells like better than Belgium!

This being Valentine's Day, the shop is decked out in red - the curtains are red, heart-shaped ornaments hang everywhere and even some extra round tables have been brought out with candles on each and every one, just to snag a few more customers from the restaurants. You recognise the huge, scary red stallion from the apple farm sitting behind one of the tables, engaged in an intimate conversation with a dark purple mare you've never seen before. To counterpoint the lovely atmosphere of that scene is another table, with two bored-looking mares either without partners or just not enjoying their time. One is a minty green unicorn with a spiky mane, whose golden eyes widen and immediately turn away as she sees you looking at her. The sound of her conversation with the other mare(a yellowish white regular mare with pink and dark blue curls) becomes significantly more energetic and hushed.

Out of politeness, you stop peeking at the customers around you and follow Snowy to one of the tables. Meanwhile, Scooter and Applebee Jr trot up to the counter, where the bubblegum pink, eternally enthusiastic force of nature you'd dubbed Cutie Pie is manning the cash register. You sense that the conversation shifts towards you, mostly because the pink mare immediately looks straight at your table and then does a pirouette. Without missing a beat, she grabs a dozen or so random muffins, pie slices and biscuits, juggles all of them and drops them all pitch-perfectly into a brown paper bag. You jaw-drop. Did that pony swallow a whole circus or something?
You look at Snowy to see if she saw that, but the fussy little filly is busy using her magic to toy with a rubik's cube.

The other two fillies rush back to your table with the bag and two milkshakes on each of their backs. You've never been one for milkshakes, but you politely take yours anyway and sip. It tastes like melted banana ice cream, with just the right amount of sweetness. The bag appears to be solely for you, as Scooter drops it from her mouth directly onto your lap. It's an eclectic variety of treats, showcasing what the shop has to offer. As you look up, you see Cutie Pie beaming at you with a million dollar smile, so eager to see your reaction to the food that she pulls a small telescope out of her mane, which somehow extends all across the shop until about five centimeters away from your mouth.

You blink and immediately plunge your hand into the bag, feel around and come back out with a chocolate chip cookie. You bite into the cookie.

That's no cookie... that's God.

It's recently baked, still warm... and so soft it's almost like eating a brownie. It's a cliche, but the cookie does basically melt in your mouth within moments as you chew it. Cutie Pie stifles her happy giggles behind her hoof and the telescope snaps back into its small size within a second and disappears.

After satisfying a drooling bunny with a blueberry muffin bigger than him, you rest your right elbow on the table and your chin on your palm, and let the fillies' conversation turn into background noise as your mind drifts away. As usual, the subject of your inner dialogue is your future in Ponyland.

Maybe instead of getting a job at somebody else's place, I should sell stuff. Yeah, that could actually bring in legit bucks. Artworks by the alien from another dimension! Could get Sweetheart to manage the financials and all. Shit, if things work close enough to my world, I could be a millionaire. Ain't no Picasso gonna compare with E. T.

You grin, daydreaming of a mansion where you swim in cash Scrooge McDuck style as maid ponies cater to your every whim until something irritates your eyes. You frown and look around. Apparently, you're not the only one. The fillies all look confused, as does Cutie Pie at the counter, rubbing her chin. What was it? What just happened?

The lights flicker again, very slightly, but just barely noticeable enough that the room becomes a few degrees darker for a moment.

What the fuck? I thought these lights were magic. Magic doesn't flicker…

The doors behind Cutie Pie's counter(that presumably lead to the kitchens) burst open and two stallions are thrown out with force, collapsing on the floor between the tables in a heap. The two are near-identical twins with striped shirts and manes, and boater hats on their heads. The only feature distinguishing one from the other is that one has a red moustache on his snout.

Two more ponies walk out of the kitchen - an orange stallion with an extremely long chin and a blue, slightly chubby mare with a very fluffy pinkish red mane. Judging from their attire and tattoos, you'd guess they were the owners, possibly even Cutie Pie's parents. In any case, both are fuming, and the orange one is holding on his hoof what looks like the lovechild of a blender and a toaster, with knives, forks and spoons sticking out in random direction. Also blinking LED lights. The thing is blowing out plumes of smoke, and as the stallion holds it up, one of the forks falls out and clatters to the floor. With a throw that would make a baseball player jealous, he tosses the device at one of the stallions' head, shattering the fragile object into pieces.

Yikes. Glad I'm not them.

Humbled, the two stallions awkwardly pick up the remains of their machine and sit behind the same table as Minty Fresh and Curly, who look so red and mortified that you could fry an egg on their faces. That explains where their dates were... man, Valentine's Day is a diiiiick. Mr. Applebutt snorts loudly, as if to simply make his displeasure towards the genius twins clear. You sip your banana milkshake and try to focus instead on the cute game of armwrestling now going on between Scooter and Applebee Jr. The two clench their jaws like heroes out of an action movie. The hooves snap together, and the two stare each other down with dark grins on their faces, each confident in their victory.

Your gaze drifts down at the stuffed bunny, who has a mischievous look on his face and motions towards the two fillies with his eyes. You wink. Suddenly, the bunny releases a loud burp, catching both Scooter and Applebee off guard and letting you lightly easily squeeze their hooves against the table, still holding onto one another. "Bam! Anon's the winner!" you declare, cross your arms and turn your back on the two in a flamboyant display of ego. A slight chill goes over you as you can just straight-up feel their eyes furiously twitching behind you, plotting revenge. I may have made a critical error. Snowy giggles at the sight, not even looking at her cube anymore, though it manages to complete itself regardless, at which point all sides drain of color, leaving the cube monochrome. It drops into Snowy's saddlebag. You peek over to get a better look at the thing, but something soft and wispy passes over your arm, disrupting your thoughts. To your surprise, you are faced with Minty Fresh's backside sauntering away from your table to the toilets. You roll your eyes and brush off your arm. Sure, lady, never mind the monkey sitting here... just throw that tail wherever you feel like, who cares if I have to start picking hairs off of my clothes... Looking back at her table, you see poor Curly rubbing her hoof into her forehead as the two stallions try their damndest to impress her with cookiecutter magic tricks.

You pick up Bunnystorm off the table and place the overfed rabbit into your breast pocket. "And this, my voluminous pal, is why we don't do Valentine's Day."

FLASH

An impossibly bright lime green light fills the little cafe in a second, blinding everyone. You collapse onto the floor, rubbing your eyes until some semblance of blurry vision returns. "What the fuck was that?" You shout angrily. Shapes dance around in your hurting eyes. You stand up and finally, you can see the interior of the store again. Just about everyone is shocked - the wonder twins are hugging one another, the huge red stallion rushes past you to the three fillies and the three owners of the store stare right out of the windows, shell-shocked.

"What? What is it-?" you turn around and your brain stops functioning for a moment.
It's gone. The entire town outside has disappeared without a trace as if it never existed, and the candy store stands on a grassy hill, all alone. Well, not quite alone. A vast number of gray-green eggs seem to be abandoned all over the place without any sort of order. Some are in piles, some are alone, some are upright, others lie on their side in the dirt. If it wasn't for the fact that the landscape was still the same, you'd have thought the building itself had teleported. But then, that'd be silly, wouldn't it...?

A riot breaks out in the store and before you can say "hey, wait...", half of the customers trample you down rather painfully, all running for the exit. As they dash through the opening however, a transparent green-tinged field of light blocks their way and every single pony bounces back in. Minty Fresh pokes at the unyielding magical wall, bemused. A force field? You rush to the closest window and sure enough, a magical bubble has encased the entire candy store.

Realising that they're sealed in, most of the ponies, to put it bluntly, lose their shit and start screaming and running all around the shop, making a mess of things. Jesus fucking Christ, these ponies... You climb onto the counter and shout "SHUT UP!" so loudly that your voice breaks. Though you couldn't possibly shout louder than the ponies, your alien language at least catches their attention and they all go quiet.

One of the two nitwit twins points at you and yelps something, throwing a glass bottle in your direction with magic. "Whoa-whoa, hey!" you duck behind the counter. "Hey-hey, that shit's got nothing to do with me!" you declare desperately. Fortunately for you, it seems like the owners have a "no murder" policy, as they step in front of you, front hooves flinging up in the air like proper Earth horses. You peek out from underneath the counter, only for your vision to suddenly be obscured by something black and velvety. You pull a black bowler hat off of your head and blink as you see a suave-looking Cutie Pie in full Sherlock Holmes regalia smiling at you - the deer stalker, the pipe, everything. How? What even the-?

Despite her absurd appearance, Cutie Pie holds the trust of the group as they all sit down following her instructions - the apple farmer and his purple companion hover over the fillies, the rest are in pairs. Cutie waves you over to her and pulls a sheet out of her mane with small, but recognisable images of every pony currently sitting in the store in a neat list, with question marks next to each and every one.

"Of course... we're the only ones left. Whatever happened out there... had to come from here. Or because of someone here." you think out loud. And now it was up to you and Cutie to figure out who it was.

Bloop bloop bloop.

"I want a bubble pipe too."

Cutie Pie instead pulls out a magnifying glass from her mane and waves around the store with a hoof. You search the store, and I'll question the ponies!

You give a thumbs up.

As Cutie gets the ponies to reorganise the tables for a proper interrogation, you head off to the kitchens to snoop around. To your surprise, it's a complete contrast to the symmetrical, beautifully set up dining area. Pots and pans are lying about everywhere, flour is spilled all over the workstation, and there's a toothless alligator sitting in the sink.

"Huh." For the sake of kids everywhere, I hope that this is those twins' doing…

You take a deep breath and splash some water onto your face. As the water drips down from your chin, you stare at your reflection. "Okay, Anon, no biggie, the entire fucking town just disappeared. ... You can do this. Things'll work out. Just figure out what's going on, things'll work out. You can do this. You can... do this." You nod to yourself, and start sweeping through the whole room with as much patience as you can muster, but find nothing that jumps out as being "magical"... except maybe the cupcakes. Sweet-ass baking. "Hey, Mini-Me..." you say, picking the little bunny out of your pocket and lowering him to the ground. "You think you can sniff through the place with your magic nose, see if you can find anything?"

The bunny nodded. "Right on. I'll check the living quarters."

Before you go, however, you pick up a long, thin kitchen blade that you slide through your belt, leaving it concealed behind your heavy cape. In the dining room, you come across a bizarre sight: Cutie sitting behind the interrogation table, talking very excitedly... to nobody. After a few moments, she jumps up and sits on the other side of the table to babble on just as happily. At the same time, the farmer stallion is busy in the corner, instructing the three fillies about something, the inventor twins are trying to put their insane blentoaster back together, and Minty Fresh and Curly non-chalantly walk past you and into the kitchen.

Clenching your jaw, you turn around and pull them back by their tails. The two look back at you, then at each other. Minty lets out a high-pitched whinny and her magic starts to glow around your arms, clearly trying to force you to release them. Instead, you pull them back into the dining room and stand in front of the kitchen doors, trying to shoo the two back to their seats. "Back. Off. You - suspects. Me - detective. Comprende?"

The two ponies look at you as if you've grown a new head.

You groan and rub your face. "I hate being me." You feel Minty pawing at your feet and you squat down to her level. To your surprise, she starts petting your head with a patronisingly friendly expression as Curly blatantly tries to sneak back into the kitchen. You try to stand up, but Minty hugs onto you with a death grip and you roll onto the floor.

Cutie Pie squees from somewhere and jumps onto the two of you. "Oh, come on!" you whine. "Is this really the time?"

Your heart sinks as you hear joyful whooping from the three fillies before they join the pony pile. At this point, it's a big mass and of hooves and snouts, and you're able to crawl out from underneath it and dash to the kitchen, where you find Curly looking through shelves of ingredients and writing things down. "GOTCHA!"

The pony shrieks, taken off guard, and drops onto the floor with a guilty expression, quickly ripping the paper up. Pretty pissed off now, you grab her by the nape of her neck and drag her out of the kitchen to the dining room, where the ponies are slowly untangling. Without much gentleness, you toss Curly amongst them and then sharply motion at the other ponies to move closer. "Alright, that's it, everybody to the floor. EVERY-FUCKING-BODY TO THE FUCKING FLOOR!"

After about five minutes of red faced shouting and you baring your canine teeth, you've managed to move all 12 ponies together, all of them now staring up at you as if you were a kindergarten teacher. You grab Cutie Pie's sheet off of the table and roll your eyes, seeing her own picture at number one. You add a little check next to her face and give the sheet back to her.

"All of you..." you motion a circle surrounding them all. "Stay. Here." You point down to the floor. "I..." you point to yourself. "Will have a look around." you motion a smaller circle with your index and middle fingers moving back and forth. "Cutie..." you pat her deerstalker-covered head. "is gonna ask questions." you tap the sheet in her hooves. "See? It ain't rocket science. Just good old fashioned A to B to C. If old-ass Pythagoras could figure it out, so can you."

You draw in a deep breath. "Alrighty then."

Nothing.

You'd searched everywhere - every bookcase, every book, every corner, every drawer, every damn toiletbowl. Frustrated and worried sick about your pony friends, you take a short break to splash some water on your face and clear your head.

Your breath hitches as the reality that you may soon have to fight for your life actually hits you. The ponies that you could trust - namely Lavender, Sweetheart and even Applebutt - were all missing. But you were not. Was that significant?

Does... whoever did this want me? Want to imprison me? I am an alien…

If that is the case, and some monster from outside had simply taken over the world and locked you here, then there's no hope that you can see. Even in your own world, you're not exactly a boxer and against tough hooves, you couldn't possibly hold out for long. But who even cares about hooves? These crazy creatures had magic that could zap you from here to pony Heaven!

What could I possibly do that could hold up against…

Against…

You rush out of the bathroom and back into the shopkeepers' living room, open the nearest window outside and extend your arm as far as you can go. Immediately, the green field becomes active, but to you, it's not a barrier at all, merely a mist that your arm passes through with nothing, but a tingle. It does, however, force back your pony-made shirt sleeve. I can leave! I can go!

Knock-knock-knock!

Your heart sinks as a pony hoof taps against the door to get your attention. The moment you reveal that you can leave the store, the ponies would no doubt be convinced that you are responsible for what's happened here. Guess I'll have to take that as it comes…

You open the door, revealing the room's actual owner, the slightly chubby blue mare whose swirly red mane makes her look like a cupcake. She looks up at you with meekness and points downstairs, vaguely towards the group, before rubbing her stomach in an indication of hunger. It then hits you that the group are actually asking for your permission to eat.

"Uh... yeah, yeah, that's not a bad idea." You nod with a gentle smile to try and defuse the tension and follow the mare back to the ground floor. As you're walking however, you hear the sound of glass breaking and rush past her to see one of the nitwit twins fly through the air and crash into one of the tables, breaking it under him. The aggressor is the apple farmer, whose usual serene, leafgreen eyes are now glowing with a stern fury. His nostrils flare and his hoof raps at the floor as if he's a bull about to tear the pathetic, lanky stallion to pieces.

"Hey!" you shout and the farmer's angry face immediately snaps up to look at you. His sudden switch in attention catches you off guard and you gulp. "P-please... let's just settle down and..." your words are interrupted by the stallion's deep voice neighing loudly, his frown deepening. Scooter, Snowy and Applebee all run to your aid and stand between you and the fearsome red pony, all three whinnying loud, furious protests. Scooter's fragile, tiny wings even flare up in an instinctively protective manner, even if all they cover is your left knee.

The stallion merely raises an eyebrow, and gives you a suspicious glance. It's not until his purple mare friend with the daffodil tattoo joins the little fillies and neighs sternly at him that the farmpony settles down and with a single snort, sends the other twin sitting near him running off to help his brother up. You release a breath and nod thankfully at Daffodil, who matches it and ushers the fillies to their seats.

Cupcake and Other Cake trot out of the kitchen, a tray of food on the stallion's back. It's not much - just a few bowls of salad - but it's decent. At least you don't have to eat sweets exclusively. Your bunny pal jumps off the tray and onto your shoulder, tapping against it with his leg and pointing at the kitchen fiercely. "You found something? What is it?"

As the others take their bowls, you push open the kitchen doors. Bunnystorm directs you towards the oven, where you see a bowl of unfinished brown dough having been left. You scowl and peek through the oven door just to be safe, but there's nothing there. "... we are not making gingerbread." The bunny bites your ear and cannonballs from your shoulder into your breast pocket, pouting.

Fucking useless...

A blissful moment of silence descends over the tired group as they eat. You sit down next to Cutie Pie, who for once isn't leaping around, but is in deep thought, her hoof rubbing her chin and tail flicking here and there randomly. "Hey there. Whatcha got?"

Cutie slides her sheet with all the doodles of everypony's faces towards you, and you notice that circles have been drawn over four of them: the filly Snowy, Minty Fresh and the twins. It hits you a moment later. "Unicorns... the only ones who can do magic." You eye the sulking pair of stallions as they huddle over their food.

She taps at your magnifying glass. "Oh! Yeah, I, uh... how do I say it..." you rip a piece of paper from your notebook and quickly draw the building, the shield holding you in and you, half-way through.

The pink pony's eyes expand as she realises you can leave. Suddenly, she hops up on a table, getting everyone's attention and pulls out an entire smorgasbord of musical instruments. The crowd is so enthralled that nobody notices her wink at you, or you nodding and quietly slipping away to the kitchens, and through there, the back door.

You try to step through the green energy field, but all of your clothes pull you back sharply. Evidently, the ponymade material is vulnerable to their magic as well. Grumbling, you remove your cloak and carefully hide your knife under it, before removing your trousers, your shirt and... "No, Anon, let's not pick the old, comfy underpants today. Let's go with the ones you gotta tear off. Fucking hell..." You leave the clothes in a neat pile next to the door. Your bunny pal's head pops out of a pocket, with a confused look. "Sorry, Mini-Me. Solo quest. You wanna handle that shit for me while I'm gone?" You nod towards the ponies still watching Cutie Pie's madcap dance.

Bunnystorm looks at them, turns back to you and his ear flattens against his head in an approximation of a military salute. "Attaboy. And no gingerbread dough!" You admonish him. The bunny just rolls his eyes at you and runs off.

You stand in front of the door in your birthday suit. Okay, this is stupid. This is dumb! There HAS to be a better way to do this! "Fuck!" You pass through the barrier unmolested and take a deep breath of fresh air. Surprisingly, however, the air is quite foul, likely from all the smelly huge eggs lying about all over the place. Deciding to move out of sight of the windows, you follow the road up to the apple farm to see if that's still standing. Your bare feet awkwardly hobble over the prickly pebbles and the wind goes right through your bones, forcing to hide your hands under your armpits for additional warmth. You start humming Camptown Races to distract yourself from the cold.

Eventually, you make your way to where the gate was judging from the shift in the road, and get a good look around. All pony-made structures are gone - the fences, the gate, the barn et cetera, but the orchard's still there. Like every other place you'd seen, the place was swarming with eggs, some of them even in the trees. It gave you the impression that they'd been dropped here without much care. Well, of course they were, they got teleported here.

You make your way to the orchard and crawl into a bush to get away from the worst of the weather, which, now that the ponies were absent, seemed to be going haywire. Inside the bush with you is one of those eggs, which gives you a great opportunity to make an examination. They are a pickle green color, with dark, etched swirls surrounding the egg. Honestly, if they weren't huge, and a bit slimy, you'd mistake them for easter eggs. "Where there's eggs, there ought be moms. Where's your mommy, kid?" you say out loud to the egg. The egg lies there silently. Out of curiosity, you sniff your slick fingers, and recoil. "Ohhhh, that's some... alien egg. Christ." Fitting with the pickled-look, the egg stinks of something distinctly vinegary.

Without warning, the smell seems to affect your head a little, as you become disoriented and lie on the ground to get your bearings straight. Instead of helping however, your vision starts tumbling all over the place and a sharp pain hits your forehead. You'd yelp out loud if you could, but you are paralysed. A small part of your brain that still works recognises the symptoms and cheers in spite of how horrible you feel.

Luna!

Author's Note

Whodunnit?
Whodunnwhat?
Whodunnwhy?

Chapter 17

Your mind feels like a little puddle of oil floating on an immense, blue-and-black sea. The waves flow in from every direction against nature, forcing you to stick together, keeping your mind from being dissolved in her immortal existence. But though you may not disappear entirely, you are, right now, a part of her.

You are Luna, Princess of the Night and co-ruler of Equestria. You find yourself standing on four pony hooves in a wet, cold cave with only the horns of the unicorns illuminating the place and revealing the decayed webbing and chunks of biological glue strung about, indicating it to be the former home of a large insect race. You see her... your(?) little ponies huddling closely to one another, reverting to their herd mentality when faced with a situation they struggle to adapt to.

Understanding starts to drip into the oil puddle that makes up the tiny human mind swimming in Luna's immortality. Information. Every single thing you learn hurts and takes the puddle one step closer to disintegration, but you know that imbuing that puddle with this knowledge is of the utmost importance, for that puddle is your one chance of escape, the variable that your enemy could never have predicted.

The Changelings are an insectoid branch of the equine race.
They are protected by a nigh impenetrable chitin armor.

They feed on other ponies' love without consent.
They need love as fire needs wood.

They are shapeshifters, and expert liars.
They are most likely to take the appearance of someone with a devoted partner or followers.

You see images flashing through your mind - the ferocious Changelings descending on Canterlot like angry wasps, a white stallion with a mane of various shades of blue, familiar lime green eyes and a dopey grin on his face.

The Queen with the crooked horn, standing over you with a victorious smirk, her seaweed-like mane flowing down her face and covering her right eye. Her hoof, riddled with holes, rises to strike down on you…

"SHIT!"

At the last second, you roll out from under Chrysalis' hoof, which rams into the ground, leaving a noticeable dent in the earth. You gasp as you can suddenly sense the bizarrely hot rain pouring down on the two of you, the grass underneath your feet and the stifling lack of air. You're back in your own human body, and not a moment too soon.

Chrysalis' horn lights up and your throat glows green, but is unharmed. Visibly confounded, she speaks, and her voice sounds completely different to the high-pitched horse-like sounds made by your friends. Instead, clicking and sawing sounds emerge from the Changeling Queen's throat, bringing to mind gross, overgrown crickets and spiders. You back away and desperately look around for anything resembling a weapon, but can see nothing apart from giant trees and feeble bushes. Meanwhile, the Queen lowers her head and charges at you like a fierce bull.

You barely dodge her and grab ahold of her horn, which starts flickering erratically with green energy. Chrysalis flails around on her hind hooves, trying to turn around and gut punch you, but you grip onto her horn, inadvertently pulling you onto the Changeling Queen's back. You force your knees against her sides as tight as possible to not be thrown off as Chrysalis bolts.

"Whoa-hoa! Whoa!"

And there you are, riding your first pony through the countryside.

For about 10 seconds.

Chrysalis throws her head back, knocking you on the nose, and causing you to slip off and fall onto the sharp pebbles on what used to be the town centre. "Aooowww... pretty sure I'm never having kids now..." you groan, holding your tortured balls. Before she can poke some holes in you as well, however, you thrust up your foot and slam it straight into her jaw, which makes her howl in pain and gives you the time to get up and run, dodging the eggs as best you can. As you run past them, you can feel the sweltering heat that they emanate even in what feels like molten lava pouring down incessantly from the clouds.

Must be close to hatching.

Chrysalis spits out a tooth and pursues you. Using her magic, she piles the eggs around to form a barrier preventing you from getting past the town line. You turn around to see her walking towards you slowly and chuckling, clearly eager to take as much pleasure from killing you as possible.
"Okay... alright..." you growl at her. "Fuck, this is gonna hurt."

Giving up any notion of holding back, you lunge at the bugpony, whose thin, malnourished form collapses under the sudden pressure. The two of you roll on the muddy ground, your arms clamped around the wriggling Changeling and your teeth biting into her exposed, soft neck as hard as you can. Chrysalis screeches in pain and bucks you in the stomach with her hind hooves. While you gasp for air on the ground, she gallops off and you're left lying in the middle of the town square, the near-boiling hot rain splattering uncomfortably on you.

Oh, it hurt.

You throw up, cleaning your mouth of a glob of slimy Changeling blood as well as all the treats you enjoyed this morning. Rubbing your mouth clean, you peel off a chunk of dried blood from your upper lip. That mental contact must've done quite a number on me. Shit, I'm not gonna have an aneurysm, am I? "Fucking hell..."

You get to your feet, feeling the ugly bruise swelling up on your chest. "Owwwww... ow, fuck. Fuck-fuck-fuck..."

As you slowly stagger towards the sweets shop through all the eggs, you see that that all the windows are strangely covered up with curtains and there's no sign of life to be seen. How long was I out anyway?

You make your way to the backdoor, only to find it locked up so you start rapping on the door. "Hey! Let me in! HEY!" Becoming increasingly upset, you start pounding. "HEY! OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR! COME ON!"

No response. You plod to the front door, only to find the same result. The door was shut and when you pressed your ear against it, you could hear no sounds coming from within the shop.

You eye a loose brick on the stairs leading up to the main door and after a bit of a struggle, dislodge it. "OPEN THE DAMN DOOR OR I'LL... oh yeah, no English." You shake your head and, praying that the shield only works one-way, toss the brick at the window right of the door. Thankfully, it smashes right through and you're able to snake your arm in-between the broken glass and unlatch the window. When you pull your arm back, however, your victory makes you just careless enough to scrape it against the still-hanging shards, leaving an ugly red gash bleeding out like nobody's business.

"FUUUUU-UUUCK!"

You pull the window open and carefully step in, but no care in the world could account for all the minuscule bits of glass that tear little scratches all over your leg on your first step alone, or the rather larger shard that digs into your right sole. "Shit!" you whine and cry a little involuntarily. Limping heavily into the shop and dripping rainwater, blood and sweat everywhere, you find most of the ponies asleep, no doubt from the absolutely stifling atmosphere.

The fillies were resting on a mattress in front of the counter, and the apple farmer's girlfriend was with them. Behind the counter, Cupcake and Other Cake are snoring too, with the pudgy blue mare's head resting comfortably on the orange stallion's shoulder. Minty Fresh and Curly are still sitting behind tables, their chins on their hooves and their others hooves touching together. It would've been a sweet sight, had it not been for the fact that all eight ponies were glowing green and, judging from the fact that they couldn't hear you smash in, in a magically induced sleep.

But where's the-?

Sharply, your mind is disconnected from your body. Vaguely, you realise that you're collapsing onto the floor and a blurry, giant red shape hangs over you. Are you moving now? It's almost like sleep paralysis. You try to talk, but you're not sure if anything's coming out of your mouth or not. It occurs to you that the scenery has changed. You're moving now... are those stairs? Why does my head hurt?

Even that semblance of vision is lost as you're sent rolling down the stairs, turning your vision into a whirlpool until you finally hit your nose against a painfully hard, but blissfully cool concrete floor and black out completely.

Author's Note

Got a bit of action in there! So who's shipping Anon x Chrysalis? Just me? Ok...

Next chapter we come to the end of this little adventure and resume regular fluff for a while. Some ponies haven't got their ear scritches and coochie-coos yet and are getting awfully grumpy...

Chapter 18

Pain and cold are never the best things to wake up to. You are still lying on the dusty floor of the Ponyville candy shop basement and feel like a steamroller has driven over you. The bruises left by Chrysalis throb painfully, and the scratches left from all the broken glass make your arm and legs stiff and difficult to use. Nevertheless, with some perseverance, you're able to push yourself up to a sitting position against the wall, letting loose a hacking cough once you manage to do so. It's only then that you notice you're not alone in the basement. Two light yellow unicorns are there with you, quietly staring at you, clearly scared. You recognise them as the twin troublemakers you met earlier, only this time their stripy shirts have vanished and bizarre stone locks are attached to their horns, which you assume has something to do with diminishing the horns' magic.

"Hey, fellas." You mumble and hold your hands up. "It's okay, I won't hurt ya." You then realise that one of their shirts is wrapped around your right arm, specifically the deep gash where the glass really dug in. The other shirt has been ripped in two and tied tightly around your feet to keep them from bleeding out. "Did you guys do this while I was asleep? Guess I was wrong about ya."

The unicorns merely blink at you and exchange hushed whispers. You leave them to their conversation and try to come up with a plan. Obviously, you and your compatriots have been locked in. I need a battle plan. But nothing about this makes any sense! This isn't what Changelings do! Though Princess Luna had managed to use her strange magic to show you everything she knew about these creatures, their behaviour still didn't add up.

Well, if you don't know what you're doing, go back to the beginning. That's what momma Anon always told ya.

Flash... boom, no more Equestria. And all these eggs... the temperature outside was unbearably humid, so Chrysalis was using the pony-controlled weather to turn the land into one giant incubator... for her new army.

Wait, what was it I saw in Luna's mind...? The memory of it was vague, like a dream, but with some concentration, you were able to pull it back. Ponies... in darkness, in caves. Filled with all sorts of bug shit. One little flash, and everypony was trapped deep down below, yet the land was filled with eggs... she switched it around. The entire world. With a spell. One spell. You rub your skull, trying to make sense of it. Why would Chrysalis care where her eggs are hatched? Unless she couldn't hatch them down there, but those nests have always been the Changelings' home, so... bah, that's not important! How do we reverse this, Anon-old boy?

One spell. It took one spell to do all this, so it has to be one spell to reverse it. Just gotta get a unicorn…

You eye the huddling pair across the room from you with the magic nullifiers clamped on their horns.

Is this why they're down here? No, that doesn't make sense. There were other unicorns upstairs. And why are we all still here anyway? My... anti-magic thingy isn't that powerful. It never affects my surroundings. Chrysalis wanted this place to stick around. But she doesn't need me, she tried to kill me.

Memories of your return to the candy store start coming back to you. Everyone unconscious, bathed in green Changeling energy... but not the twins.

They need love as fire needs wood. Unless those cupcakes really are some serious Walter White magic, they need the ponies, not the shop. So what's so special about these ponies, EXCEPT for the twins?

You squint as the unicorns neigh at one another, angrily waving hooves about over a sack of granulated sugar.

Why take this place...?

Your mind flashes back to when you first entered the shop... you don't even know when. The place was decked out in red hearts, Cutie Pie offering you free candy, the apple farmer and the purple mare staring into each other's eyes lovingly, all celebrating…

FUCK YOU, VALENTINE'S DAY. FUCK YOU. It's love! These two unicorns were shit-heads, they can't supply anyone with love! So okay, this whole place is a battery, all fixed up with lovey-dovey ponies. But it couldn't possibly feed all those Changeling eggs out there. It has to be for something else. Something, something…

scratch

You frown. "Shhhh!" You hiss at the nitwit twins chomping on sugar. "Shut up!" The two look up at you in confusion.

scratch

"Where's that coming from?"

scratch scratch scratch

Using your left arm, you pull yourself towards the stairs leading up to the door. "Okay. Here goes." Leaning on your left hand, you push your body up to the first step. And the second. And the third. You wince every time you're forced to rest your weight on your cut-up legs, and snarl out in pain involuntarily. "Ohhh... you think you get to be in a nice little world full of snuggly ponies, but no, nooo, fucking overgrown fucking cockroaches gotta fuck you up! Oooh, let's use our fancy magic to screw everything up and then dump Anon in the piss snow that's left, that'll be fun! Owww..." you grumble to distract yourself from the pain until you're up at the door.

"Who is it?" You whisper.

The only response is the sound of grinding as a little golden key emerges from the gap between the door and the floor. You can't help, but grin. Grabbing ahold of the door knob, you pull yourself to your feet, forcing down the sensation of glass in your feet with gritted teeth. You unlock the door, revealing Sweetheart's white little bunny, with a smug grin and one ear bent in a military salute.

"Mini-Me!" You whisper gleefully. The bunny runs up your leg and chest to your shoulder, thumping his fist against your cheek playfully. "Good to see you too, buddy. We got a big-ass problem to mop up." You motion for the two unicorns downstairs to follow you up but they emphatically shake their heads, shuddering and moving out of your sight. "Get. Up!" You hiss at them. "Pfft, if you wanna stay down there..." You quietly close the door behind them and turn back to the bunny. "Do you know which pony here is the Changeling?"

The bunny shrugs.

You roll your eyes. "Great. Okay, best guess..."

You did remember the farmer was the one who nearly gave you a concussion and threw you down here to begin with... but your, or rather, Luna's memories of Chrysalis' M.O. suggested that she preferred to take the image of other mares. Someone with a devoted partner or followers.

And mr Applebutt had come here with that fluffy-maned purple mare you'd not seen before. The one who'd hovered around your favourite three fillies since this whole mess started, like a bloody tick.

As quietly as possible, you limp your way away from the door and the stairs leading to the owners' living space on the 2nd floor, to the back end of the store. There's no other movement that you can notice, no chittering bug sounds or the flutter of Chrysalis' membrane wings. You find your clothes still neatly set down next to the door, just where you left them. "Listen..." you tell the bunny. "I can't... bend down. Can you get my knife for me?"

Bunnystorm nods once and runs down your back and into your clothes, emerging with the long, sharp kitchen knife you'd borrowed. Unable to climb up your leg with it, he holds it up as high as he can. You wince and, leaning against the wall, lower yourself down enough to grasp the blade between your fingers and pull the knife out of your friend's paws. "Phew. Okay... okay." You take a breather and rest your head against the wall, suddenly feeling a bit dizzy.

You slowly orient yourself again and limp into the central room of the store, eyeing Daffodil-butt lying on the mattress, using part of the fillies' mattress as a pillow and apparently as comatose as everyone else. As you watch her chest slowly rise and fall in a regular rhythm, doubt starts creeping into your mind. Is it really her? I can't attack her without knowing for sure.

You intentionally buckle your knees(it being the only way you could get to kneel in your current state) and hold your slender kitchen knife at the mare's throat, breathing heavily. "I know it's-it's you." You stutter, waiting for the mare to spring to life and attack you. Who knows what other aces she might hold up her metaphorical sleeve. "I'm going to stop you."

They don't speak English.

"Oh... God." You pull the knife away from the sleeping mare and rub your forehead in pure frustration. "What am I doing?"

The cold steel blade at your throat answers that question. Your whole body tenses up and you tilt your head very gently to the right, breathing in short spurts. To your shock, Cutie Pie's sweet baby blue eyes look back at you, a victorious smirk on her pink muzzle. With her hoof, she reaches up into her frizzy mane and pulls off the Sherlock Holmes deerstalker to reveal a black, crooked horn glowing green.

You scowl and grab ahold of her knife, your anti-magic capability cancelling out her grip on it. “You know what? My feet REALLY FUCKING HURT!!” Cutie/Chrysalis' eyes widen as you thrust the knife forward in her direction, and she barely dodges your attack. Worn down by your injuries, you slide down to the floor and see your bunny friend skitter across the floor towards the Changeling Queen, baring his minuscule teeth. A moment later, the rabbit flies across the room squealing and crashes into a wall.

A series of loud thumping noises from the kitchen interrupt the fight. Cutie/Chrysalis hisses in displeasure and abandons you to rush through the kitchen doors, and you're forced to drag your beaten body after her, still clutching onto the knives. You push the doors open just in time to see the Cake ponies' oven melt away to reveal a strange large stone with lines etched all over, where magical green light shines out. It was something that you'd never seen before either in real life or the memories Luna had hammered into your head, but you guessed that the stone was related to the massive displacement spell cast over Equestria.

Chrysalis, having dropped her disguise, leans against the stone with her front hooves, the magic of her horn throbbing in rhythm with the stone. Her eyes are scrunched shut in concentration, and she pays no attention to you.

Right... this is it... you force yourself up to a sitting position and throw one of your two knives right at Chrysalis. It bounces off of the bugpony's chitin harmlessly with a clang, and she doesn't even react. Damn, I forgot about the armor. You crawl closer towards the Changeling Queen, holding a firm sweaty grip over your other knife. When you're finally sitting right next to the bugpony, you hold up the blade, ready to strike down at one of the soft, fleshy bits between the impenetrable cover.

However, a red hoof slaps your hand, knocking the knife onto the ground and sending a sensation of lightning across your nerves. You let loose a howl and hold onto your hand as the ferocious farmer stallion, still mind-controlled by the Changeling Queen, puts his hooves around you and easily throws your limp form across the room and into the opposite wall. Some fancy crockery tumble off the shelves, a cup shattering on your head. You’re officially down for the count.

The dazed red stallion blinks and rubs his face in a circular motion, having gotten a few drops of your blood in his eyes. Ever-so-subtly, his poisonous green eyes shift to a softer, deeper grass green and the pony tilts his head in confusion as he sees the mess in the room. Focusing on Chrysalis, the stallion's face contorts in righteous fury and he charges at the Changeling Queen, only to be forced to deal with a dozen different kitchen appliances being magically thrown in his direction to allow the cockroach of a pony to focus on the stone.

As the stallion tries fruitlessly to get past her defences, you regain enough of your mental faculties to pull yourself across the room with one hand, leaving a bloody trail behind. Just... have to... get to... stone... You only have one shot at stopping her. It appears that the farmer stallion realises this, as he starts neighing aggressively and, in a remarkable feat of strength, pulls out the kitchen sink to throw at the bugpony queen, distracting her even more.

Reaching the stone, you run your fingers over the blood running down from your head and squeeze your drenched digits into the glowing gaps in the stone.

FLASH

As the green blaze of light fades away, the first thing you see is Chrysalis, staring at the now-dead stone in utter disbelief before slowly turning towards you and giving you a look of utter hatred. You laugh in her face deliriously, ready to be crushed under her vengeful hooves, but the recovered farmer stallion's growl and the loud horse noises in the next room force her to reconsider and instead, the visage of the innocent Cutie Pie replaces her fearsome insect appearance. Before Mr. Applebutt can even lay a hoof on her, the Queen of Cockroaches dashes out of the window and disappears into the confused crowd.

Finally... can take a nap... you think as the room turns blurry and you slowly pass out for the third and last time today.

Author's Note

Resuming regular service next chapter!!!

Nah, in all honesty, all I really wanted to do was see how Anon would handle being thrown in the middle of a typical MLP episode, and the idea I came up with was doing a detective mystery sort of thing. Plotwise, the purpose of everyone else disappearing was to isolate Sugarcube Corner and have Anon try and figure out which one of them is the Changeling.

In hindsight, it'd probably have worked better as a story in its own right, but hey, live and learn. I'm glad for all the input I got on it regardless. Can't let a writer just go off the deep end like that, can we? :raritywink:

Chapter 19

You shiver underneath the covers, a sheen of cold sweat covering your forehead peeking out. Not only have your recent exploits physically incapacitated you for a while, but somewhere along the way, you'd picked up a helluva case of flu. Maybe it was that nap out in the rain. Or the one you took on the stone floor of the candy shop's basement. It occurs to you that you nap in many strange places.

Now, you are the sole resident of a large private ward in the ponies' hospital under an extremely strict quarantine. You couldn't really blame them - after all, you are a weird alien golem thing. But you couldn't help missing the friends you'd made an awful lot, particularly the fillies and Sweetheart. You are able to see them once in a while, with a plastic sheet between you and them, but it isn't enough for you, and you're sure it isn't enough for them either. Your communication is, after all, almost entirely based on hugs. Still, it's enough to at least settle your mind and make you wish your body just hurried the fuck up so you could get out of here. You've never felt so bad about being lazy in bed all day.

From the clopping of hooves and the squeak of wheels behind your back, you surmised that your one and only break from the monotony had arrived: the Nurse. Since you'd woken up here, the young white mare with a soft pink flamingo mane tied in a bun had been the one to look after you. You were too weary and ill to care why or how. Nurse is very kind, a true professional and you can tell she has a passion for helping others. Though your ape form must no doubt be strange and off putting to her, you never catch a wince or a quick eyebrow raise.

The day begins as always, with Nurse pushing in a cart-sized wheelchair. It's too big even for you, let alone the ponies - you assumed it was designed for one of those big horses, like the princesses, though you hadn't seen any since your visit to the capital. However, since you aren't moving much anyway, you saw no reason to complain.

Nurse moves the wheelchair to the right side of the bed, between you and the window that you're facing. Clamped in her teeth is a red ribbon, tied to a small cardboard box with three pink butterflies printed on, that you already know contains presents and food from your group of friends. You're deeply touched every time you see one. It's quite remarkable how deeply the little equines care for someone they consider one of their own. Nurse sets the box on your bedside table and then pulls the damp, hot comforter off of you, exposing you to what you feel to be the biting winds of Antarctica.

With Nurse providing her back as a support for your right hand, and your left hand gripping onto the bed's metal rails, you manage to push yourself onto the elevated wheelchair without having to use your injured legs too much. As you huddle on top of the chair, Nurse expertly pulls you away from the bed and helps you to the bathroom, leaving you there to manage on your own as she replaces the sheets.

"F-f-f-f-fu-u-u-ck..." you stutter, and grab one of the blankets for warmth before washing your teeth. Your reflection was a fright - all sticky hair, dark shadows under the eyes and a permanent blush. Because of your jittering, you actually manage to finish quite fast, eager to hide your hands under your armpits. Nurse appears at the door and cruelly pulls the blanket off of you, followed by your hospital gown as you get ready for a sponge bath.

The concept of having one of the ponies clean you might've seemed more than a little strange in different circumstances, but you had little choice and now, you cannot deny you enjoy the natural warm feelings of safety and care that flood over you as Nurse's tender hooves work their way across your body, rubbing away the byproducts of your sickness. The combined heat from the water and her smooth, velvety body close to you drive away the fever cold just for a few blissful minutes. "T-t-t-thank y-you, Nurse..." you mumble, and close your eyes.

Back under the now-crispy and cool covers, you untie the string around the box and take off the top. Inside, you find an assortment of treats - unfortunately, as delectable as the slice of apple pie seems, you're far too sick to ingest food and so you place that on the box top you left on the bedside table, along with a few muffins, cupcakes and a random fistful of... fried grass? Who the heck fries grass?

You also pull out three photos, looking like they've been made with the pony equivalent of a Polaroid. The first one shows Applebee and Snowy squeezed into your old denim trousers, with Scooter balanced on their front hooves, wearing your T-shirt and trying to casually lean on a tree. They make one hell of a human.

The second photograph is a bit more classical - Sweetheart sitting on her lawn in front of her cottage, with all the various birds and rodents around her in the shape of a heart, all giving genuine smiles at the camera. The love they all had for one another, and you, shone through the image like a lightbulb suddenly turned on, and your shivering slowed down and stopped as you imagined going back there, and being welcomed home by your caretaker.

Home…

Is this it now? Are you accepting your stay here in this quirky little town, where trusting magical ponies run about your feet every day and love the shit out of everyone who falls into their spiderweb of friendship without expectations?

You watch as Nurse trots to your bedside with a cheerful smile and hops up to your wheelchair, where her eyes bulge out as she notices the freshly baked apple pie slice sent to you. You can't help, but snicker slightly as her tiny red tongue slips out of her mouth and hangs there, building up a bead of drool. You release your Nurse from the agony and hand her the pie.

Receiving confirmation from your eyes, Nurse takes a large bite and chews it, her cheeks comically puffing up and her sky-blue eyes rolling out of pleasure.

Yeah, you're staying. Showing these indescribably charming, wholesome ponies the love they deserve may be impossible, but it's a mission worth undertaking regardless. "I'll boop the lot of ya, I swear." you mumble and pinch Nurse's tiny nose. You hear a muffled squeak coming out of her throat behind all the pie, and she goes cross-eyed.

Satisfied, you let Nurse finish her unofficial breakfast and take a nap, knowing that sleep's the best medicine. As your mind starts drifting away, you hear a soft humming, briefly bringing you back. You force one eye slightly open, just a slit, but it's enough to see Nurse lower her hoof on your back, which she starts stroking slowly. Her mouth is open, meaning that she's not just humming, she's singing to you. You pout a bit, wishing you could understand the words. It sounded pretty... your eye closed shut again, enjoying the caress of the soft hoof across your back and the lovely voice of your Nurse.

In your hand, you hold the final photograph of a pink filly with a carefully styled purple-white mane, sitting on an expensive four-poster bed and holding up a messy watercolor painting of a sunlit field, where a brownish biped strolls with one of his limbs holding onto the hoof of a pink quadruped with a tiara-shaped object on her head.

Author's Note

Helloooooo nurse!

Chapter 20

Ever had one of those nights, where you suddenly emerged from your sleep as fresh as if you'd just gone jogging?

Well, no matter. Now you do. You find yourself staring at the clock in your dimly lit hospital ward, underneath a heavy comforter. For the moment, it seems as if your fever has passed, leaving you healthy and happy... and aching, and permanently scarred... kinda hungry.

Let's go adventuring!

You throw the covers off and pull your heavily-bandaged feet out of bed. Fortunately, your mobility has been slowly improving and so you're not forced to rely on the cumbersome wheelchair. Instead, you take the pair of long walking sticks left by your Nurse. Crutches would have been preferable, but obviously there are none around that would match your specific height, so compromises had to be made. In any case, you are just about able to hobble around, provided you didn't rest your weight on either foot for too long.

Using your elbow, you push the door open and carefully limp out into the eerily quiet, brightly lit corridor. You feel a mixture of guilt and elation - you had been going crazy sitting in your ward all day, but you do feel bad about disobeying Nurse. Still... surely a quick little stroll around the place wouldn't hurt anything? Maybe just a peek out of the first window you find and then back into bed? Yeah…

Trying to keep the noise from your support canes knocking against the floor as low as possible, you slowly amble towards the next corridor, only to pause when you the telltale squeak of something heavy swinging from metal. Frowning, you pause and listen until narrowing the source down to what looks like a closet door. You grab the knob and try to push it open, only to have your way obstructed by a steel cabinet. You peek in through the sliver and see a pony hanging by its tail from a shelf, flailing around, stuck!

You slam your body weight against the door, forcing it open just enough for you to be able to squeeze in. The ordeal hurts your feet like hell, but your curiosity overrides the pain for now. You're in some kind of a freezer room, filled with canisters of fluid, crates and packaged blood. You sit on one of the cabinets to ease your aching legs and look up at the trapped pony.

By the jawline, you estimate that it's a stallion, with dark grey fur, but much longer than you're used to, giving him a bit of a shaggydog look. His spiky, slightly unkempt mane is reddish brown. Most notably, his crimson red eyes have slitted pupils rather than the orbs you're used to, and his wings are leathery and batlike, far different from the other pegasi you'd seen. They're also wrapped around his body with bandages, preventing him from steadying himself. "Hello there." You say.

Shaggy swivels around and focuses on you. Even upside down, he's able to tell that you're nothing like he's ever seen before, and the pony freezes up. "It's okay." You rest the sticks against the cabinet and hold out your hands. "I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just here to help you down from there."

Since the room isn't exactly designed for your size, you can move under the bat pony and support him all the way up to the shelf corner his tail got tangled up in, enabling him to loosen it up and drop down on his four hooves. He looks up at you with his fiery red eyes wide open in pure amazement. They are probably frightening to his own kind, you figure, but to you, they seem like an awesome add-on to a fluffy ball of evil.

"There, that's better, isn't it? What are you doing, climbing shelves anyway?" You glance up to see the wrapped, stacked bags of transfusion-ready blood. Surely not…

The bat pony opens his mouth and you can see the vocal cords pumping rapidly in his throat, but not a peep reaches your ears. A distant memory from school drifts into your mind. Bats make ultrasonic sounds, which cannot be heard by humans. The same seemed to apply to this creature.

The sound of hooves clopping purposefully on the marble floors outside interrupted the two of you. Shaggy puts his hoof near his lips, motioning for you to be quiet. You nod and the two of you back into the shadows. There, you see the pony walking by stop at the door and shove its face through the space you left ramming through. It's Nurse, with a tense look on her face and a frazzled mane. You feel another pang of guilt. Please don't let her check the ward. Please don't let her check the ward…

She slides in through the crack in the doorway and immediately stops in front of the cabinets, noticing the sticks you forgot there. Shit! Shit! Shit!

You give up and limp out from behind the shelves, feeling awfully embarrassed. Nurse's eyes close to a squint, and you avoid her frustrated gaze. Using her mouth, she picks up your sticks and throws them in your general direction. Once you've caught them, she moves behind your back and basically headbutts you out the door.

Outside, she latches onto your hospital gown with her teeth and pulls you away from the supply room towards your ward, clearly not satisfied until she's got you back in bed. You manage a passing glance back at the supply room door, from where two red orbs disappear as soon as you spot them, with the door shutting behind the bat pony.

Back in the ward, Nurse leads you back to bed, where the two of you notice the bandages around your feet have turned red. Nurse has you rest them on a stool as she gets the kit from a nearby table.
"I'm sorry."

You know she can't understand you, but you want to say it regardless. Nurse looks up at you, her sky blue eyes gentle and concerned. She places a hoof on your chest. You hold onto it. "Hey, I promise I won't do that again."

Nurse uses her teeth to slowly unwrap your feet and gets a needle and thread to repair your stitches before bandaging them back up again and then helping you under the sheets. At this point, you've gone from feeling terrible to feeling like shit for keeping her away from well-deserved rest. But you don't really know how to make it up to her, so all you can do is just lay on the bed like an idiot and watch as Nurse wiggles out of the door with your long walking sticks clamped in her mouth.

As the door shuts behind her, you thud your head against the pillow in frustration and stare at the ceiling with a lump in your throat.

Can't even fucking apologise…

Not for the first time, a wave of anger washes over you as you ponder your inability to communicate effectively with the ponies. I don't really even know them. I can't know them. What's the point in being in the happiest place in the universe if you can't be a part of it? Do they even want me here? They seem to really like me, but maybe they're just scared of me. Except Sweetheart. But hey, what doesn't that mare like? And the fillies... but they're young. I'm just a big, cool thing for them until they find something new. A science project for Lavi…

You toss and turn under the covers, unable to shake off your bitterness. A tear wets the pillow. It's at that point that you simply force your brain to shut up, so you could get some sleep at last.

For the first time in your life, you know that you're dreaming. A sense of wicked glee comes over you as you manipulate your dream-self like a sort of puppet, floating around the ponies' town, all of them looking up at you with cute expressions of wonder.

You wiggle one of your toes, tickling all of them at once. It's hil-ARIOUS! Look at the little fusspots, all laughing. Why, it's almost as if your being there has made them happier! Best not tell the princesses, lest they get jealous.

Let's paint a pretty picture, shall we? Our canvas, the world. Starting with that bland blue sky. How we haven't gone mad with its constant blueness is beyond me. Oh well! Let's make it yellow. Shiny gold, that's more inspiring. And with little pink fluffs of cloud here and there. Yellow and pink, always a darling combination if you asked me.

And that eternally green landscape, I mean really! You'd think the artist was blind. Why don't we add some variety? Purple is far more fashionable, and if we vary the shades in matching squares, the little ponies can play chess whenever, wherever! Pretty and practical, that's me.

You snap your fingers and make it so. With the ponies busy-busy-bzzz like the worker bees they are, you skate your way up and down the hills in a melancholy mood. Though you're very proud of your redesign and cleverness, it doesn't help. You still feel lonely, fooling around in a toy landscape. It's been so so long since you enjoyed the company of an equal mind.

You grumble as someone rubs on your shoulder, pulling you away from that delightfully zany dream. "What?!" You snap, forcing your sleep sand-coated eyes to open. Seeing two curious glowing red eyes with catlike slits staring back at you, you recoil slightly on instinct before remembering the friendly bat pony you encountered earlier. "Oh... hey. How'd you get here?"

Shaggy merely cocks his head to the side and runs around in a circle before focusing on your hand and fingers. Dude's like a bored cat. With no shame, he latches onto your pinky finger and suckles on it slightly, running his rough tongue over your nail and then spitting it out again. His expression drifts to the ceiling, as if considering the taste.

"Uh... Shaggy?" You wave a hand over his eyes, getting his attention. "The fuck you doing here?" Shaggy just blinks. Great, he's about as responsive as a cat too.

With no warning, the bat pony hops onto the bed, right on your stomach("Oof!") and then beside you, so he can give you a hug. "Okay, hugging now... that's... yeah..." It was kinda nice to be the huggee for once though, especially given your foul mood earlier. He also rubbed the top of your head, which was also soothing.

Definitely don't get this treatment from cats... maybe I should call Nurse. But she did want me to stay in bed... I'll stay here til something bad happens. Yeah... damn, this cuddle is nice though... maybe he's just glad I helped him out of that shelf…

The rhythm of his breathing soothes you, until your nose wrinkles at a peculiar smell that you associate with the taste of…

Copper.

Bats.

Blood.

Teeth.

You throw yourself out of bed and onto the floor, crawling as far away from the bat pony as possible. The bat pony jumps out too, but motions for you to slow down with his hoof. He then points at himself, and to you, and then makes shakes his head. Does he mean... he's not gonna hurt me? What if he's lying?!

Realizing that you're not believing him, the bat pony's ears flatten onto his head, and he slumps a little. He looks so sad and dejected that you start feeling regret, but nonetheless, you still can't bring yourself to 100% trust the creature. With a doleful expression, Shaggy opens the door and leaves quietly.

You make your way back to bed, once again fully awake and resigned to the fact that you're just not destined to get good night's sleep tonight.

World-conquering insect ponies one day, snuggling bat ponies the other day... you snort to yourself out loud. "Oh well... what fun is there in making sense?"

Chapter 21

What if Sweetheart likes not having me around? I'm a burden who can't even talk.

What if... what if these ponies are not what I think they are? How do I know stopping the Changelings was the right thing to do?

Maybe once they learn enough about my world to make passage there, they'll stop indulging me and lock me up somewhere... take me apart to figure out how my anti-magic works…

what if-

Nurse's teeth latch onto your comforter and pull it off of you in one swoop. With a friendly smile, she then moves to the other side of the bed and points her hoof at the calendar, with an X marked on the current day. The day you go ho- the day you go back to that cottage you're staying in for now. Temporarily. You smile back politely, but your insides are all jittery.

The encounter with the Changelings had a bigger effect on you than you'd thought at first - as you'd sat on your bed these past two weeks, your lack of understanding when it comes to this world had come to clear focus and you just... worried. About everything. You can't help it.

What's going to happen to me? Am I just stuck here like this forever? Who can I trust, and why?

With a sigh, you lower your feet to the floor. Though communication with your healers was difficult, it seems that you're improving fast, now having to only rely on one wooden cane to move around as the deep cuts on your legs grew less and less bothersome. You pull the gown over your head and pull out your own clothes from the bedside drawer. They're the same white shirt and black trousers you'd worn the day of the invasion. Since you hadn't had the chance to put them back on after leaving through the bloody cockroach queen's magic shield, you had no idea how they ended up in the hospital with you, but here they are, Dracula cloak and all.

You manage to squeeze all the leftover candy into one paper bag to carry with you(nature abhors waste, after all) and exit the ward. Nurse sits on her haunches at the door, her fluffy pink tail flicking absentmindedly. She reminds you of a dutiful guard dog so much that you have to force yourself not to scratch her cheek. These are conscious beings, with agendas. Tone it down, idiot.

Awkwardly, you extend your hand in goodbye. One of her ears twitches in slight confusion as she gives you her hoof, which you slowly shake. "Um, thanks. For everything. Yeah." Oh, what's the point? They don't understand. To avoid further embarrassment, you just nod, turn around and limp away with your bag. This day was not off to a great start.

When you reach a corner, you look back, but Nurse has disappeared. Yeah, yeah, she's got a dozen patients probably. At least I'm out of her hair now.

You find yourself standing in front of the hospital, alone and increasingly uncomfortable. Ponies move about their business all around you, but you can just sense their short, curious looks in your direction. What's that giant monkey doing here, unguarded? I hope he's been fed. An image of that rich filly's butler pony serving you up a chunk of meat in a blue dog bowl flashed into your mind, and you dug your nails into the paper bag, ripping it slightly.

Looking around, you find all the benches occupied by at least one pony, and you don't want to upset them or draw further attention to yourself by sitting next to a patient. Can I sit down on the grass? What'll they think of me then? Uncultured? Abandoned? Feeling bitter and isolated, you do just that.

They sent nobody to meet me? How the heck am I supposed to find my way back to the cottage? For the first time, you question Sweetheart's competence as a... zookeeper, or whatever she does. Who just leaves an animal in unknown territory like that? Fuck! The fuck am I supposed to do now? Go sleep in a trench? In spite of your doubts, you'd come to see Sweetheart as someone you can count on, and the notion that you might've been wrong is so upsetting that you start rubbing your eyes to avoid crying here and now. "Shit..."

Suddenly, you feel a cold nose poking against your hands. You lower them to meet Shaggy the bat pony's concerned gaze. "The fuck do you want again?" you snap, seriously not in the mood for games. "Fucking weirdo..."

Being on equal level with you, Shaggy moves in to try and nuzzle your cheek, but you move out of the way and push yourself up with your cane, out of his reach. The bat pony's face sags in a frown. "I don't know what you're after, but I'm not your teddy bear, dude. So I'd reaaaally love it if you... you..." you pause as you see a familiar pink shape bounce in and out of your vision.

"No fucking way!" You shout and try to hurriedly limp back into the hospital, but the cockroach queen is faster than you and stops in front of you, a remarkably creepy grin on her face. No doubt back for revenge. "Stay away from me!"

You trip, and fall onto your hard candy. "Ow!"

The disguised pink pony's smile drops and she pulls on your shirt with her teeth, dragging you up to a sitting position. "What are you after?!" you whine, not wanting to have to fight for your life again.

The pony makes an O-face, and then slowly reaches for your right hand with her snout. You pull it away quickly. What's she gonna do, bite off my fingers? This seems to surprise her, and for a few moments, she just sits there with a depressed frown, as if unsure what to do now. Finally, she points her hoof at your hand, and then to her head.

Wha...?

You try and follow her by raising your hand, which is what she seems to want as she pushes her head against it, letting your hand pass through the light curls and feel around the warm, round forehead, all whilst looking at you expectantly.

What's so special about her head? I…

Your mind flashes back to that terrible day at the store, and the Changeling Queen, with her black, crooked, hard horn... concealed within a deerstalker cap.

"You don't have a horn." you say flatly, and drop your hand back to the ground, feeling more upset than ever. "It's really you... Cutie Pie." You smile faintly, but feel worse than ever for having upset her. Having gotten through to you, Cutie Pie beams and rears before giving your waist a properly tight hug. "Heh, yeah... it's good to see you too." You ruffle her mane.

Just as quickly, she releases her hold on you and takes your bag of candy for you, holding the straps with her teeth. The two of you follow the road away from the hospital and into the streets of the town, with Cutie Pie somehow managing to stick right ahead of your slow butt despite bouncing like a basketball on a sugar high. You look around nervously as you walked. She may not be the Changeling, but Chrysalis is still out there. And who's to say there weren't more of them? You realise how paranoid your thoughts are getting, but can't help feeling tense. It's like your first day in Equestria all over again. Everywhere you look, you see... alien. Alien people, alien way of life, alien sun, alien grass et cetera, et cetera.

You're out of the safety of the hospital now. No Nurses with the Hippocratic Oath here... if the Hippocratic Oath is a thing in this universe. Point is, it's every human for himself.

Sweat starts beading on your forehead as you and the thankfully oblivious Cutie Pie wander across the town centre and you see the candy store for the first time since the incident. It's in business - somehow, you hadn't expected it to be, but of course it was. I have to... I have to get knives. I have to get gear. I need to go back, to that forest. I need to find the portal home.

As you watch Cutie Pie's pink form bounce up and down, and up and down, your vision tunnels and you start to feel ill.

Your inner turmoil distracts you so much that when you finally arrive at your destination, you're taken a little aback to find yourself standing in front of the gate to the Apple Farm. You lean on the slightly faded white fence to regain your senses, breathing heavily. Somehow, the rustic charm of the place forces away your repellant thoughts, leaving you to admire the grandiose red barnhouse, the high hills in the distance and the fields filled with corn and apple trees.

It's perfect. Too perfect. Too ordered. Your memories are filled with far different images - the cold, the muddy, swampy terrain. Gnarled trees all bunched up together. A small barn with bland, peeling paint and foggy windows. Magic's really done them all a favor.

Meanwhile, Cutie Pie's really losing her patience with your hold-up, judging from the way she's vibrating in place as if charged with so much energy and hype that she simply cannot physically tolerate any more delays. So you walk back to her, at which point she hops over the gate and disappears into the barn with enough speed to make the Road Runner jealous.

"Cutie Pie!" You call after her on instinct. "Where're you going?!"

Not hearing any sort of answer, you push the little pony-sized gate open and hurry after her towards the barn as fast as you can. To the ponies, the barn doors would have been huge, but you manage to push those open with ease as well. At the same time as you enter, a projector over your head switches on, and a picture you'd never thought you'd see again is lit on the opposite wall - it's the image of a classic action film poster that you'd used as the wallpaper on your smartphone. At the same time, a pop song from your playlist starts playing from somewhere. That would have been shocking enough, but the barn also contains a long table covered in white linen and buried under pies and cakes and snacks and barrels of unknown liquid. A long purple banner hangs above the party scene, though as usual you're unable to read the blurry lines.

As you're still shocked by all this, six ponies emerge from behind various hay bales and support beams. Your mind races like a mile a minute as you put things together - two ponies with wings to attach the giant banner between two walls, two unicorns to finish repairing the phone and setting up a large table with cutlery and two earth ponies to cook a wide variety of treats and even a proper... roast... chicken.

"Oh my God..." you whisper, completely overwhelmed with a flurry of emotions - love towards them, a tinge of self-loathing towards yourself for doubting, surprise at how exactly all of this came together and some residual fear. You choke up and start shaking a little, not knowing how to even react to this.

Sweetheart trots out of the line of ponies and you sit down on the ground to be on eye level with her. Her hooves land on either side of you, letting the yellow pegasus pony reach over and rub her tiny, furry nose against yours in fondness. She pulls back with a gasp, however, when she notices the tears streaming down your face. Needing the contact, you pull the pony into a tight hug, burying your face in her flowing blossom pink mane and digging your fingers into her warm fur-covered back. You can feel her hooves wrapping around you as well, the pegasus sensing your need for someone.

"You do care about me! ... I care about you too. So much." You whimper.

Sudden warmth around you alerts you to the fact that the other ponies have surrounded you two in a group cuddle, with pink, orange and purple cheeks snuggling into your neck and two white hooves emerging around your stomach for a sneaky hug. Above this mushy pony-human mess floated the blue one with the crazy technicolor mane, folding her hooves and pouting.

Noticing her wings flapping, you look up and happen to look straight into her purple eyes. Watching you, her grumpy expression melts into a sort of nervous laughter and finally, she lowers down to pat you on the head a bit before beelining it to the snack table, where you and the other ponies soon follow.

Four of you sit on one side of the table, and three on the other. You're at the center, with Sweetheart on your left and Lavi on the right. Opposite to you is Daredevil, Cutie Pie, Applebutt and finally the Goddess; empress of lookin' good, as usual.

Using her horn, Lavi levitates a wooden mug of foaming liquid(beer?) and taps a spoon against it. You hold back a snort. Good manners, wrong place.

She then goes through some kind of speech, but as it is all horse sounds to you, you tune out and instead eagerly eye the chicken. Soon enough, all six ponies cheer and Lavi levitates a mug of the same liquid over to you as well. All of you clack mugs together and you're finally able to taste the ponies' concoction.

It is not beer. Instead, it's an incredibly smooth apple cider. You'd be disappointed, but for an apple cider, it tastes divine. Honestly, it's probably better than beer and you can't say that about many ciders. It goes down the hatch easy.

The ponies all giggle at the dopey expression on your face as you finally lower the mug. Lavi, correctly assuming you'd want to dig straight into the meat, levitates the chicken your way, changing the atmosphere from one of amusement to one of tense anticipation as it is obvious that none of them had ever seen a carnivore eat, with the exception of Sweetheart and, strangely enough, Daredevil(though she might just have a good poker face).

It amuses you to observe their childlike reactions as you tear a chicken leg off - Applebutt winces and turns visibly green in the face, the Goddess levitates a fan over and starts rapidly waving it back and forth and Cutie Pie calmly pulls out some confetti and wraps it around her eyes before blindly grabbing a plate and snacking on it. Lavi sniffs the chicken curiously. A parchment and quill float behind her back, constantly scribbling new notes as she familiarises herself with the meat.

Feeling adventurous, you cut out a chunk, no bone and offer it to her on your fork. The purple unicorn's mouth opens and closes several times, and she bites her lower lip. Finally, she takes a deep breath and snaps it off the fork, chewing it tentatively in her mouth. However, her eyes suddenly widen and she spits it out, gagging and rubbing her hooves over her tongue to desperately rid herself of the taste.

"Damn. Good thing we're not in Kentucky." You quip, smirking.

A loud clopping of approaching hooves interrupts the party. As you turn to look, the barn doors are enveloped in dark blue energy and open to reveal a dark grey-blue horse proudly wearing the emblem of a crescent moon on her chest and flank. Her blue, speckled mane floats in a non-existent wind around her and she carries a deep confidence unmatched by any in the barn around her.

In short, she is the Princess of the Night. As all others bow, you rise to meet her. Judging from her expression, she is pleased to see you and bows in respect. You reciprocate. Not knowing what else to do, you offer her a chance to join at the table, which she accepts, speaking in Equestrian to her subjects before sitting down on the ground at the end of the table, thus matching the height of the ponies on the seats. At a whinny, one other pony enters the farm, dressed in a formal, but comfortable set of armor around his barrel. It's Shaggy from the hospital. With his bandages gone, you can see his intimidating wings more clearly, though they still bounce against him, awkwardly stiff and clearly not fully recovered yet.

You lend Shaggy your own chair, much to his surprise, and scratch the bat pony's big flappy ear a little, resulting in an involuntary nicker from his part, much to the amusement of Princess Luna, who giggles behind a hoof. A red-faced Shaggy sits down next to Lavi and Sweetheart as you rest your rump on the other end of the table from Luna, who promptly fills a mug from one of the barrels and gulps it down without hesitation, daring you with her lidded eyes to do the same. "Oh, you're on, Princess." You growl playfully.

Boink.

Boink.

Boin-

"Stahp." You grumble. It's warm, it's nice, waking up is not high on your list of priorities.

Boink.

You try to wave it away, whatever it is. It's nice and cosy in all this... fur?

"Hmph?"

Against your better judgment, you force your crusty eyes open and see a bright white face looking down on you with knowing smugness. "Oh. Hi Queenie." You say to Princess Tia, ruler of Equestria. "What's up?"

You rub your eyes clean with your one free arm and quickly realise you're in a bit of a quandary. Not only are you not in a bed, but in a pile of prickly hay, you're also practically buried under moon pony. "That's funny. I don't remember going to sleep here."

Wait, why is Luna your blanket?

You look at the scruffy mess of blue and black wrapped around you, and back to Celestia. "Oh. Errr..." you move your mouth, but no words come out. "In my defense... I don't speak your language so I'll go back to sleep til the trial. Mhmh."

Author's Note

I'm not really a fan of inserting specific songs into the fic, since I know nobody will ever listen to them, so you can pick whatever pop song you like to be the one Twilight randomly picked from your phone - same with the film poster.

Chapter 22

You smile softly and cover your exposed neck with a blanket as the rays of the morning sun shine down on it. You don't get out of bed. Today of all days, that can wait.

For unbeknownst to your little pony friends, you'd kept track of time since materialising in this land. And although you didn't exactly remember which months had 30 and 31 days, you are fairly sure it is close enough... for your birthday.

From the kitchen, you hear the perfect sizzling sound of frying bacon intermixed with Sweetheart's humming. Ever since the party a while back, meat had made a welcome comeback into your diet, the ponies having somehow tuned themselves better to your needs. Sure, the fish kept you going, but after a while, you had really started to itch for a leg or a steak. And the presence of Applebutt's farm animals hadn't helped.

You stretch under the covers and finally crawl out to put clothes on, your mind demanding stimulation in the absence of the internet. Following the siren call of crisping bacon, you wander into the kitchen and ruffle Sweetheart's pink locks for greeting. "That smells... awesome." you exhale after a deep breath.

Sweetheart peeks up at you with a satisfied smile and nickers something in return. Within a few minutes, the strips of bacon end up in your plate with a salad. Not feeling like crunching through lettuce this morning, you sneak it to the bunny when Sweetheart has her back turned, only for him to throw it onto his plate... where the yellow pegasus would obviously notice the double serving.

Mentally sending poisoned daggers in the bunny's direction, you quickly toss a piece of bacon on his plate, greasing up his meal. Infuriated, the bunny grabs a strawberry and with expert precision, aims and hits your glass of juice hard enough to topple it over onto your precious bacon.

You hiss at the pain you feel in your chest and lunge at the rabbit, who skitters up your neck and starts choking you with your own collar.

"Ahem." Sweetheart clears her throat.

The two of you pause mid-fight, looking at the unamused pegasus with wide-eyed stares before pointing accusingly at each other.

"He started it!"

The two of you glare at one another as you find yourselves sitting on the dirt road outside of Sweetheart's cottage. You get up at the same time, huff and pointedly go in separate directions.

Eager to put the unpleasant encounter out of your mind, you wander down the road to the gate leading into the Apple pony’s farm.

Through it, you spot your three favourite fillies playing a game of tag in the distance. You push the gate open and stroll into the orchard of apple trees, weighing heavy under the delightful red fruit.

Harvest must be close.

Seeing you approach, the trio break up their game of tag and trot over to you. With her stronger farming legs, Applebee is the fastest and gleefully runs through between your feet several times. You sit down instead and soon enough you have all three fillies surrounding you.

Somehow, you end up lying on the ground and watching the clouds, the trio using your elbows and stomach as a pillow. Ever the persnickety one, Snowy inches close to your hand and stares at you upside down, her hoovsies folded on her chest, clearly wanting you to run your fingers over her ears again.

Obliging, you gently pinch the velvety flap and scratch the underside of it, making the white filly kick a little with her small hind hooves out of enjoyment and even mewl as you switch to petting her furry scalp.

This of course caused a fair amount of snickering from the other two fillies as they watched your ministrations. Embarrassed and blushing, Snowy quickly pulls away and whinnies at the two. As the fiery horse sounds from all three get higher and higher in pitch, you roll your eyes and pull out your notepad to doodle as you wait for them to finish.

Now, what was it...? Two wings, one batlike, the other with feathers. That long elongated tail... kinda like Lavi's critter, but a lot slimmer. Claws and paws and...

The sound of rustling alerts you to the end of the ponies' conversation. However, only two fillies are standing behind you, and both stare up. You follow their gaze to discover that Snowy's climbing one of the bigger apple trees, with a sort of furious intensity. A good climber or not, you're no fan of seeing her quite so high up, especially since she's one of the ones without the wings. Ohhh no.

"Hey! Get down from there!" You shout uselessly. Should I climb up there? She'd probably not like that, could make things worse... what do I do?

Snowy grins victoriously from between the branches, and tosses a few apples at her friends before blowing a raspberry. You look around like an idiot, trying to decide the best course of action. Of course, no mature ponies nearby. Applebee and Scooter stare up with worried faces, obviously telling the silly filly up there to come down.

Maybe I can just dash to that house, get a big pony here, and fix it. You hold out your hands. "D-don't go anywhere!"

Just as you take your first few steps through the house, however, the branch breaks with a loud crack and you hear the whistling sound of something heavy falling. SHIT!

You swivel around on the spot and start running straight back, to move under the filly and catch her in your arms. To your dismay, however, you're just not fast enough and she thuds against the ground onto her hind hooves, which twist a little under her. You stop awkwardly.

Snowy bites her lip, trying to save face, but her green eyes well up in a mixture of pain and humiliation. A loud cry soon bursts out, and the poor pony turns beet red. To your surprise, the filly limps away from her friends and instead blindly makes her way towards you. Going with it, you sit down and let her sit on your lap, resting her hoof on your crossed knee as well as bury her snout in your shirt, muffling the bawling pony. As you cuddle her, her friends quietly neigh and run off. You hope they went to find help, and not home.

Eventually, your stroking and petting calms the distraught filly down to hiccuping and slight shivers. In the absence of an authority figure, you finally pick her up by her barrel. To the pony’s credit, she doesn't fight you and instead takes a hold of your neck, rubbing her wet, swollen face into its crook. You carry her to the house and kick the door open with your foot, but the only one you find inside is an ancient, frighteningly thin green mare whose sleep you dare not interrupt. So instead, you put the tired and hurting filly down onto a pink sofa. You move away to look for anything that could help, but as soon as you do, Snowy starts pounding against the sofa with her front hooves to get your attention, with a pleading look on her face.

You sit down next to her and she pulls your neck down into an iron grip, forcing you to lie down on the sofa with her, your face smushed against her fluffy white chest.

By the time you wake up, the lengthy shadows suggest it's the afternoon. Somehow, Snowy has curled up on top of you and having such a satisfied nap that it'd be unethical to budge. Her hurt hoof is bandaged and resting on top of a small pillow on your legs. Next to the sofa, you find a wooden stool with three balloons tied to it: one yellow and two blue. On the stool is a lone pink cupcake, birthday candle and all, and a glass of chocolate milk on the side.

Deciding to leave questions for another day, you pick up the burning candle, think a little and then look at the bundle of cuteness softly snoring on you. "I wish you get better soon." You whisper and ruffle her curly mane before blowing out the candle.

Author's Note

Wrote this one for my own birthday. :raritywink:

Chapter 23

With curiosity, you watch as Sweetheart drags your Dracula cape over by her teeth, with a pair of green saddlebags already on her back. You take a hold of the cape and she pointedly pushes it up at you with her head.

"We going somewhere today?" You ask. In response, Sweetheart trots off and returns a minute later with your tux. "Someplace fancy, I take it?"

The yellow pegasus whinnies and rears a little, emphasising speed. Not wanting to delay her, you hurriedly change, clip your cape to your suit and follow your caretaker to town. She takes you to Lavender's tree house, where the other five mares she hangs out with are waiting outside, in front of what looks like a closed four-wheeled carriage. You raise an eyebrow, recalling your last trip on one of those. Oh, it was fun alright. Up until the Nightmare(you had to pat yourself on the back for that pun) drilled into your head.

Still, this one looks more ornate than the practical guard carriage, covered in gold livery and the same emblem of the sun that is on the beautiful chessboard the Sun Princess had gifted you.

As soon as the blue Daredevil notices you, she perks up, tosses her saddlebags in the carriage and flits over to you, latching onto your body with all four hooves to literally carry you inside the big box like a sack of potatoes. Daredevil's hooves are locked tightly around you though, unwilling to surrender what she's claimed, to the annoyance of Sweetheart, who gives the blue pegasus the evil eye as you two squeeze in.

There are eight red cushioned seats inside. One is devoted to all the saddlebags that the ponies are too lazy to put anywhere else. Two are for the blue Daredevil pegasus to lounge on, as Cutie Pie immediately takes up residence on your lap as you sit down and melts onto your chest, only to occasionally groan or hum as you absent-mindedly rub her soft pink belly with your thumbs.

Pulled along by four strong pegasi, the carriage takes to air, but rather than fly to the pony capital like last time, your journey takes you higher and higher, until your big box floats above the clouds.

A general mood of excitement permeates the carriage for reasons beyond you. Sweetheart's face is pressed against the cool glass window. Applebutt and the ravishing as ever Goddess are loudly chattering. Lavender is reading a book, but never turns the page. As for the Daredevil, she looks like she's napping, but you see her leg quietly thump against the hoof rest of the chair in nervous energy.

Amusingly, the only calm pony in the whole carriage is the usually hyperactive Cutie Pie, who is still as a mouse as soon as she gets in touch with your flexible fingers.

Finally, the carriage lands, so gently that you barely even notice apart from a subtle shift in weight. The ponies all scramble out with their bags and you follow after them. The sight that you're greeted with makes your jaw drop.

Clouds. Clouds everywhere. Houses made of clouds, roads made of clouds, friggin lamp posts made of clouds! Air so crisp and chilly that it could scarcely be anywhere, but high up.

And this isn't just any old town - you see proper mansions with pillars and fountains all floating around idly, and streams of liquid rainbow pooling in places. If ever there was a Mount Olympus, you're in it.

In excitement, you try to jump on the cloud, only to be quickly pushed back by Sweetheart and Applebutt, who hold up hooves in a "wait a sec" gesture.

So you stand there on the edge of the carriage and watch as Daredevil trots under you with a cocky smirk and wiggles her hips, the multicoloured tail whipping from flank to flank. "You are kidding me." You deadpan and look over at Sweetheart, who only gives you an encouraging nod. Great. I didn't need that cereal to stay in my stomach anyway.

You slowly sit down and manage to shimmy onto the blue pony's back. She, to her credit, manages the weight without much complaint. Not wanting to get in the way of her flying, you avoid the wings and instead rest your palms on her shoulders.

Unlike the other ponies, even Sweetheart, there's a slightly different texture to Daredevil's fur - it's light and airy, wind-whipped even, so your fingers practically pass through it and onto the skin below.

The pegasus turns her rainbow-maned head around and winks. Instinctively, your legs grip the pony by her barrel as she blasts off into the skies as if shot from a cannon. Unexpectedly, judging from the indignant cries of your friends.

Unlike the last time you flew on her, however, she isn't going for speed and instead circles around the cloud city, giving you a magnificent view of the opulent home of the pegasi. Because Daredevil wasn't just flying all on her lonesome - entire flocks of bird ponies flew in and about the city.

Because of the surreal sight, it takes you a few minutes to realise the rows of flying pegasi are actually moving in an ordered line, and you're in some form of heavy traffic, heading towards an arena resembling the Colosseum. Plastered on its side are large banners showcasing a pony sports team in flamboyant superhero poses, dressed in blue spandex and wearing... old fashioned pilot goggles?

You ponder over that for a moment, until a particularly carefree pegasus with a stringy, gelled black mane and a pale yellow coat flies by the two of you at high speed and cuts in line. As Daredevil loses her shit, you come to the obvious realisation that it's probably to protect them from the wind blinding them at high speeds. And that's the last thought you have before the blue pegasus rears in air to show off her boxing moves, causing you to topple into the vast nothingness below.

Feeling your weight at full force and then some as you fall uncontrollably, you scream loudly, your mind already cementing your death as an impending, impassable fact. Somehow, your flailing body manages to miss all the flying ponies and you wince and close your eyes, preparing to smash onto the magical cloud floor of the city. Instead, all that happens is that it gets a heck of a lot colder and then... your neck gets tugged on so hard that you choke. You open your eyes and see nothing, but the actual freaking ground far below you.

And the only thing keeping it from you is your cape... hanging on something inside the misty cloud that you can't see. You'd apparently fallen through someone's apartment and gotten your cape hooked on something non-magical. Wonderful news, if it wasn't killing you at the same time. You claw at your neck, trying desperately to squeeze space between you and the chain of your cape so you could breath, but it's too tight.

Before you can black out, however, you hear a ripping sound from top and then plummet once again... for a second, before you're caught in a pair of bright yellow hooves and dragged back through the clouds and into an uncomfortable metal tub, where you have a massive coughing fit, trying to regain your breath. The mare turns on the shower, drenching you in ice cold water. Thanks to this tough love treatment, you quickly regain your faculties and rip off the cape that nearly killed you in a fit of rage.

Seeing you're fine, your savior turns off the water and whinnies at you. Your jaw drops upon seeing her - the mare is breathtaking - like Sweetheart, she has yellow fur, but hers is more golden in hue. The truly remarkable thing is her mane, which starts out the same color as her coat at the roots, but gets progressively darker. It is also scruffy and untamed, giving the impression of an untameable streak of fire. That all, coupled with the mare's deep orange eyes, makes her seem like the best parts of flame come to life - fierce and unpredictable, but warm and gentle too.

"Whoa."

Right now, though, you're not exactly in her good books judging from her eye-rolling and increasingly angry voice. She seems to figure out you're unable to understand her, as she bites her lip and trots around the room in thought, finally stopping at a cabinet above the toilet with a smile to pull something metal out. Without warning, the mare gives you a firm push in the abdomen with her hooves, forcing you into a sitting position, takes one of your hands in her hooves and pulls it towards a metal pipe.

Click.

Handcuffed.

You look back at the mare, bemused. "I feel like I missed something... and I'm not sure I want to know what."

Author's Note

A warm thanks to y'all for the birthday wishes! :heart:

Chapter 24

Having chained your right hand to the pipes, Flamethrower rests her front hooves on the edge of the pipe and gives you a firm look over. Unsure of what to do, you simply sit there until the pegasus motions for you to get up and bellows out a sharp, commanding whinny that instinctually forces you to comply. Flamethrower jumps into the tub and sniffs you over with a suspicious look in her captivating orange eyes. Eventually, she seems satisfied and floats over to you to pat you on the head reassuringly before nodding and flying into the other room.

"What the hell?" You mouth. Probably one of those that thinks I'm an animal.

You look around, trying desperately to find a way out of your new conundrum, but quickly realise there's little to no chance of escape. Not just because of the handcuffs, but because of your continued inability to walk safely on clouds. For now, the metal tub is the only thing keeping you from smashing into the ground underneath the city. So you are stuck as flame pony's guest. Hearing the rustling of clothes, you move as far away from the pipe as possible and peek through the slightly ajar door, where you catch a glimpse of your captor pulling up the zip of a familiar blue spandex outfit with her teeth. The sports team from the advertisement!

She must be a fan or something. Would be nice if she got me some help before cosplaying, though.

Without further ado, the wild-looking pony speeds out of the window, leaving you alone. In desperation, you pull a pen out of your pocket, break the casing and fruitlessly jam it into the keyhole of the cuffs, but end up accidentally cracking the plastic container, spilling ink over yourself. "Bah! Fuck!" you exclaim and toss the ruined thing away, inadvertently causing it to disappear into the cloud. "... okay." You look around the bathroom incredulously. Who the hell decided 'oh yeah, we're gonna live in the fucking clouds where all our shit falls down to the earth when we're not looking?'

After washing the ink off as best you can, you pull at the pipe with your imprisoned hand, clanging the cuff against it. Seeing that the pipe extends into the cloud, you stand up in the tub and extend your arm into the white ceiling, directly above the pipe. At your touch, the cloud briefly flashes an odd pink color and the pipe immediately comes loose with a snap and hiss, your hand having apparently severed the magical connection holding it there. You drop the now leaking pipe onto the tub and pull the cuff off of it, leaving the latter idly hanging on your arm.

"I should be an escape artist." You mutter. Now what? Loose or not, you still had the itty-bitty problem of being stuck high up in the sky on clouds you couldn't walk on. Maybe if I can at least get out of here, I can find help.

Very carefully, you step onto the edge of the tub, praying that it doesn't flip and leap onto the toilet bowl. Once you regain your balance there, you reach over to the hanging towels and grab all of them so you can tie them together along with the rags of your cloak. You tie the makeshift rope to the lever controlling the toilet flush and climb down through the cold, wet cloud to the floor directly under you.

You find yourself hanging above a fairly opulent living room. Well, opulent to you, maybe. Given the Roman trappings you'd seen everywhere when you rode in on Daredevil's back, the giant fireplace, expensive-looking portraits of ponies in heroic positions, gold chandeliers and fluffy cloud armchairs were probably all par for the course. The winged ones are quite literally upper class, you realize.

Unfortunately for you, the only non-cloud substance in your immediate vicinity that you can land on is a glass reading table. Your raggedy cloak rips a little, nixing any ideas you might've had of returning to the bathroom upstairs.

You swear loudly and lower yourself as much as possible before swinging back and forth. "Okay... come on... I can do this." You mumble, feeling cold sweat on your forehead. Forwards. Backwards. Definitely on the next one! NO, wait, not ready yet! Okay, and... jump!

Letting the tied up towels go, you land straight onto the glass table with a loud thunk and stand tall, beaming and correcting your black bow-tie like... a... boss.

Crick. Criiiiiiiiick.

You freeze and, moving your head with the gentlest of motions, focus downward where you see slowly expanding lightning bolts emerge in the glass from under your feet. The table keeps creaking as your body weight sways on it, ready to shatter any second and send you falling through the cloud city to your death.

In a last ditch attempt, you try to jump off the cracking table and onto a shiny green carpet, though you're only able to grasp onto the edge, the rest of you dropping into another cold, unpleasant cloud. This one's a lot thicker than the secondfloor, however, and you end up surrounded by damp, thick mist, unable to see or even breathe very well. A magical force prevents the carpet from falling through the cloud with you, making it seem stiff and unyielding under your fingers. At least it helps you to hold on.

You hang onto the carpet for your life, not strong enough to pull yourself up. "H-help!" You finally sputter, not caring if you're gonna be sold to a zoo at this point. "Somebody... help! Help!"

Almost immediately, you feel a warm pair of hooves wrap tightly around your midsection to your immense relief. You release your grip on the carpet and let the pony pull you out of the cold, thick cloud and onto Flamethrower's carpet. As the hooves pull away, you get a good look at your savior and gape.

"What the heck are you doing here?"

Shaggy the bat pony just cocks his head to the side and looks at you fondly, as if his sudden appearance to save you was not ridiculously convenient at all. You notice a glinting silver medallion around his neck, with the emblem of the curved white moon on a black background, aka Princess Luna's butt symbol.

After a moment passes, he walks closer and sits down next to you to nuzzle your hand a little, with a wide smile on his furry face. Unable to resist the cuteness, you rub his back. "Yeah, I guess it's good to see you too. Well, it actually kinda literally is, since I was about to die and all..."

Remembering that you still need to find your friends, you stand up. "Hey, Shaggy, you mind giving me a lift?" You do mimic the Superman takeoff with your hands, hoping to get your point across... somehow.

The bat pony pointedly lies down onto the carpet like a sleepy dog, licking the sharp canines that jutted out of his mouth.

"Okay, no lift." Sighing, you relax next to him and absent-mindedly scratch behind Shaggy's pointy left ear on instinct. "Guess we'll just hang out here." As the two of you sit and wait, you pull out your worn notepad to doodle, only to realise you'd destroyed your pen. "Aww, man..." you whine. "And I just had to leave the cards home."

You drop the notepad on the floor, catching Shaggy's attention. The pony pulls it over to him with his hoof and opens it up, revealing your alien lettering. As his blood-red eyes widen, you wonder what they look like to him. Also indefinable lines? Or maybe blocks? No way to know. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but this word problem is really annoying." You quip.

Curiously, Shaggy lifts page after page, eventually opening up on your very first attempt at drawing that legendary creature of contradictions. Well, those are some good words. I'm really underappreciated as a poet.

The sight of the thing you'd nicknamed Bizarro seems to catch the bat pony off guard as he drops the pad on the carpet and immediately shuffles behind you, peeking out as if expecting the picture to come to life and start chasing him. "Now, now, don't be like that!" You pat the overly nervous bat pony's mane. "I know I'm not a professional, but there's no need for that sort of behaviour." Is Shaggy actually Luna's guard, or just some special case of hers who keeps following people around?

To prove there is no threat, you pick up your pad and go through the pictures, one by one. Shaggy doesn't appreciate it, however, and jumps off the carpet and onto the cloud floor, eyeing the drawn pictures. You roll your eyes at his childishness. Fortunately, the slam of a door interrupts your silent artistic stand-off and you stuff the pad into your back pocket as three winged ponies speed into the living room. All three of them are dressed in that same blue spandex and pilot goggles you'd glimpsed earlier, with drawn white bolts circling the hooves and a bigger one running down the chest. In the center was the fiery pony you were already familiar with. On the left was a stallion with a very deep blue mane color and a baby blue coat. The last one, a mare, had a slightly darker blue coat than the stallion, and a magnificently bouffant white mane that was whipped backwards much like Flamethrower's, giving you the impression of a polar opposite.

Speaking of the devil, Flamethrower whinnies loudly and points at you aggressively. The other two try to move towards you, but Shaggy blocks them off, rearing in front of you. As you'd noticed before, his words were all inaudible, but now his red eyes were angry and burning. You had no idea what the argument was even about, but at one point, the bat pony held up his moon medallion with the frog of his hoof, obviously invoking Luna's authority for... something. This quiets things down a bit and before you know it, Shaggy wiggles underneath your legs and stands up tall to take flight with you on his back. Surrounded by the sports pegasi, you fly out of a window, heading towards the marshmallowy Colosseum in the distance. Unlike your traffic jam experience with Daredevil, however, the winged ponies seem to instinctively move out of your way. And why wouldn't they? One's a fierce as fuck bat and the other's a bona fide alien with wiggly fingers.

You take a deep breath as the five of you approach the arena, not knowing what to expect when you got there. One of those days, Anon. One of those days. Again.

Author's Note

There's no rest for an Anon.

Chapter 25

In a surprising detour, Shaggy turns left from the arena and instead flies you over to a fiercely guarded hole in the clouds. Like the ponies around you and on the posters, the guards also wear goggles and spandex with a similar bolt design, but theirs is leaf green. Color codes. You think. This isn't just a sports team, it's a whole organisation.
Flamethrower and co salute to the guards, who respond and make no effort to prevent the group from passing. Inside the hole, you discover a large mountain with a flat plateau on top. The plateau is very obviously a training area of some sorts, containing flags, hoops and even a strip of asphalt; the first time you've seen any since your arrival. It's surrounded by an isolated little town of cloud buildings cut off from the rest of the city.

Shaggy lands on the plateau and you jump off of him. "Oh, sweet mother earth!" You exclaim and kiss the ground. "I am never ever leaving you again!"

A shadow appears over you and you turn around to see the bright orange face of Flamethrower, raising an eyebrow at your antics. "Sorry." You say sheepishly and stand up again. The pony snorts and pats you on the back.

The other two sports ponies fly off and leave you, her and Shaggy waiting in the middle of the plateau. Flamethrower takes advantage of the training area and performs some mid-air acrobatics. You're not really in the mood to watch, however, so you turn away, lie down on the grass and strategically place your tuxedo suit over your eyes so you can take a pleasant nap under the warm rays of the sun. Great minds think alike, so the bat pony soon joins you, using your stomach as a pillow for his furry head.

Enjoying the small gusts of wind made by all of Flamethrower's flying, you absentmindedly scratch Shaggy's scalp through his fluffy fur and feel yourself dozing off a little. Not enough to really fall asleep per se, but to drift into that between-the-worlds state, where you're just a happy floating little butterfly.

In the distance, you hear loud whinnying. At first, you forget where you are and picture a herd of wild horses in a field. But why am I napping in a field? Your mind ponders for a second, and the confusion is enough to force your eyes open, your body momentarily tensing up as it can't up with a good answer. Next to you, you see Shaggy, who paws at your cheek to wake you up properly and then you finally remember. The bat pony points over to the row of cloud houses next to the training plateau, where your eclectic group of friends have finally arrived. Your heart leaps as you see Sweetheart - the only one who can actually fly onto the plateau - heading towards you, reinstating your sense of security.

Despite her usually gentle demeanour, your caretaker is filled with energy as she gallops to you, circling around you so fast that you actually have to catch her in your arms. "Hey there!" you say with a grin, your palms flattening the adorable pony's ears back as you hold her head. "Missed ya. I guess you missed me too?" Sweetheart coos and wraps her wings around you protectively before nuzzling into your neck. As you cuddle, Lavender Lady's magic enables the rest of the group to teleport to the plateau as well, all of them relieved and amused at the sight.

Cutie Pie bounces over to the two of you for a group hug, kissing the top of your head with a loud smacking sound("MWUAH!") before resting her jaw on it. The Goddess, concerned over her work as ever, picks up the tux suit you left on the grass and sighs audibly with a head shake. When you finally manage to pop your head out of the pony pile, you notice that there's an absentee. The blue pegasus is not around, and it bothers you. You pull out your notepad, only to remember you destroyed your pen. Frustrated, you instead rip off a page and tear at it until you get a paper cut-out of a lightning bolt, which you present to Lavender.

Immediately understanding your question, the purple unicorn bites her lip and looks away with a slightly guilty expression before whispering something into Sweetheart's ear. The yellow pegasus immediately nods, releases you from the hold of her wings and holds up one of her hooves in a "wait here" gesture before flying away from the plateau.

As you wait, you notice a few of the ponies cheering on Flamethrower. So, she is a celebrity after all. Whose apartment I just happened to fall into. Where the one bat pony I know just happened to find me. Something doesn't add up here. Your luck was never this good. The only pony who doesn't go off to get autographs is Lavender, who sits next to you and sticks her snout in one of her saddle bags to pull out your smartphone of all things, though now encased in a metal apparatus with blinking lights of various colors, which in turn is attached to folded metal appendages that the unicorn stuck her hooves into, allowing her to hold up and operate the phone. Eager to show off her invention, she trots ahead of you and takes a photograph of you sitting on the ground, waving at the camera.

Giggling, she shows you the photo and then removes her hooves from the apparatus and gives the device to you before running ahead again. Although the phone is bulkier and very heavy now, you still manage to use the screen fine enough and capture Lavender in a lovely pose against the backdrop of the sports' ponies training area.

The unicorn immediately runs back to you to see her picture over your shoulder. You decide to fool with her a little and add a dog nose-and-ears filter to the image before she climbs up your back and sees it. Looking down, Lavender's eyes bulge and she recoils from the phone, screaming loudly and getting the attention of everyone else.

Oops.

After the hyperventilating pony is calmed down, you show her exactly how you pulled off the trick, making additional pictures of the Goddess with a golden crown, Cutie Pie with Groucho Marx glasses and Applebutt with a cactus on her head. Manipulating the phone with her apparatus, Lavender makes it immediately spit the pictures out and you're left gaping. "You turned my phone into a freakin' Polaroid?"

Eventually, Sweetheart returns to the plateau with Daredevil in tow. But she isn't exactly the same pony you've come to know and... well, avoid out of the same sort of primal fear one has towards extreme rollercoasters. The cocky attitude and confident grin are replaced with a downbeat shyness, hell, even her ears are drooping and despite not being her biggest fan, you feel terrible because you know she didn't drop you intentionally. As you approach her, the mare takes a few steps backwards, and it's only thanks to Sweetheart's coaxing that she's able to stay put and mumble something towards your shoes.

Wanting to show her you don't hold her responsible, you pull Daredevil into a tight hug before she can turn off. The pegasus freezes up as you stroke her soft blue back and then aggressively wiggles out of your grasp. With tears pouring down her face, she speeds off so fast you can see a brief rainbow trail behind her. "Damn it."

The rest of you, Shaggy included, are given VIP seats at a private box in the arena, which is thankfully built out of stone and holds you fine. It's not really clear to you what kind of sport the pegasi are playing, if any at all, as they seem to dash and whirl all over the place incredibly fast, in eloquent formations. It is some kind of display of acrobatics, and a very impressive one at that. You find yourself gasping and exclaiming "wow" over and over again as the pegasi drop from the sky, or use their speed to form clouds into elaborate shapes through air pressure, or join up to make pony pyramids, swirling hexagons, even an amusing version of Labyrinth with one of the ponies rolling around on the others as the marble, forcing the rest to quickly shift their locations to make sure the pony wouldn’t drop off.

It's all incredible, but you can't bring yourself to fully enjoy the show, knowing that Daredevil was not. And you had no doubt in your mind that she wanted to be here more than anybody. Neither can your friends, and so the day ends on a somewhat sour note. With Shaggy as your designated driver tonight, you and the other girls sans Daredevil make it back to your carriage and return home, all of you worn out by the worries and in your case, multiple near-death experiences. You glare towards the distant cloud city from your window. "Never going there again anytime soon, that's for sure."

Bzzt!

You look at the ponies, none of whom seem to have reacted to the strange, yet... familiar buzzing noise coming from within the compartment.

Bzzt!

Lavender's reading a book, Cutie Pie's napping, Applebutt has her muzzle pressed against the opposite window... you tune your ears to catch the source of the strange noise.

Bzzt!

To your surprise, it's emanating from Lavender's bag. You gently pull it out of the pile, getting her attention in the process, and pull out your modified smartphone. "What the hell? Is it low on battery?" You mumble and glance at the screen.

UNKNOWN NUMBER
ACCEPT CALL?

You grip the phone, staring at the screen for several seconds in total disbelief before your mind catches up with you and you slide the green button to the side. With two hands, you hold up the heavy phone to your ear. "... hello?"

Author's Note

Chapter 26

Business!

The way you see it, success depends on two things: originality and consistent production. As an alien to Equestria, you are the embodiment of the first. And as a dependent leech, you're pretty much the second too. Win-win!

After a few funny charades and illustrations explaining your plan, you manage to convince Sweetheart to help you sell your drawings and buy you painting supplies. You don't really consider yourself talented by any measure of the word - but with a bit of marketing, you don't doubt you'll have all the little ponies from here to Cloud City eating out of your hands. After all, who wouldn't want a drawing made by a bona fide alien hanging on their wall?

The very next day, when Applebutt drags her cart over to the cottage, you and Sweetheart are already waiting, your burlap sack full of finished paintings, empty canvases and the supplies you'll need to make a few on the spot. The farmer has her usual stuff on the cart - several bags of big, ripe, delicious-looking apples ready for customers, and a rickety wooden stand attached to the whole thing by rope, presumably meant for you two. You see Applebee waving at you from atop the bags on the cart, her mane tied up in a neat bow as usual. It induces a genuine smile out of you and you wave back before putting your sack amongst the others on the cart.

As you do that, Applebee mischievously jumps off of the cart and pounces onto your back. "Whoah!" You exclaim, nearly falling over. "Jesus!" Turning your head around, you reach over to scratch her soft yellow neck, making the filly hum at the attention she's receiving. "Heh, love ya too." After adjusting Applebee's position on your back a little, you follow the farmer mare as she pulls the cart away from the cottage and towards the town. Sweetheart follows you, giggling behind her hoof.

"One of these days I'll find something I'm actually good at." You sigh, squirming a little as you look at the paintings you've made thus far and just put up for sale. "And then keep drawing because what I'm good at probably ain't worth a penny."

It's a slow trickle at first - a few curious ponies, possibly tourists, who want something neat to put on their wall. The lack of attention for the first few hours (especially compared to Applebutt, whose applebags are emptying faster than your stomach after spicy wings) sours your mood a little and you're left kicking stones around until a hoof taps on your back. "Hm?"

You turn around to find a small grey mare with a golden lazy eye and a grumpy pout glaring back at you. She's out of uniform and without a mailbag, but you recognise her instantly. "Oh, hey, Bubbles. Listen, I'm really sorry I missed all those morning scritches." You reach out to ruffle her blonde mane, but she takes a step back and humphs loudly, turning pointedly away from you.
"Bubbles!" you whine.

"M-km!" The pony grumbles and flops down onto her rump, crossing her front hooves.

Well, if she's already here... you sit on one of the bags of apples, cross your legs and put your canvas on your knees to draw. As your pencil forms shapes, you start noticing Bubbles stealing glances in your direction, clearly curious about what you were going to come up with. As your gaze matches her eye, the pegasus whistles conspicuously, pretending her other eye is the good one. You smile and shake your head.

Not wishing to keep her waiting for too long since this one's on the house, you don't make the picture too elaborate. A little dash of paint is all it needs and you turn it around, revealing a cartoonish image of a biped and a grey pegasus sitting together on top of a giant dark brown muffin, with more muffins raining around them. "Right, this is your very own Muffin Planet. There's the Spring Of Black Tea, take note of the sugarcube boulder. And that's me... and that's you. And it's definitely chocolate. Now then, may I?" You extend a hand.

Bubbles giggles light-heartedly and closes the distance between the two of you. You gently rake your nails across her velvety grey cheek, retreading the same paths again and again, resulting in a slightly dopey-looking grin as a result of her criss-crossed eyes. It's funny. You muse. They think just like me, yet all of them are so open, almost needy for affection.

She stays your hand with her hooves and takes the initiative, smushing her snout inside your palm and then resting her chin on it, looking up at you with a carefree, trusting gaze. Or maybe I'm the needy one and they can all sense it like dogs back on Earth. Heh.

By mutual unspoken agreement, you pull each other into a tight, reassuring hug. And at that moment, it doesn't really matter that you can't speak or even really know or understand one another on a mental level - you are just two living beings clinging to this wild universe, reminding each other that whatever this madness all is, you're in it together. And you're both just a little less afraid.

One of the ponies who wanders into the town square is the Goddess of fashionistas, in the middle of a shopping spree. Seeing your ignominious little stand, she tuts to herself and trots over to the three of you. After an exchange with Sweetheart, the unicorn drops her two saddlebags to the ground and uses magic to pull out a large roll of paper and some scissors. She also levitates your largest brush and your can of purple paint over to you, pointing at the stand.

You glance towards Sweetheart for a second, and get to work after she gives you the affirming nod. It's makeover time! Painstakingly, you color the entire stand a glorious, attractive, deep royal purple as the mares work on an eye-catching sign. By the time you're all finished, the three of you start getting dirty looks from Applebutt, standing right next to you in front of her trusty, but comparatively unimpressive cart.

Entirely warranted too, as the Goddess, generous as all hell, also goes the extra mile by promoting your products. You watch as the white unicorn mare excitedly converses with the unsuspecting potential customers in the square, her cerulean blue eyes lidded enticingly in a brilliant use of feminine charm, her muzzle permanently crooked in an approachable, benevolent smile and her hooves emphasising every word she says. Oh yes, the Goddess knows how to sell. And what's more, she loves it. From every street attached to the square, curious ponies pop out, following her lead as if she's heading a procession and, with slightly dopey expressions, come to check your merchandise.

The strangest thing of all are the noises they all make as they join her lead. It's all horse sounds to you as per usual, but it sounds oddly... unified. More of a choir than a ruckus. You're also taken slightly aback by the absolute lack of scuffling and cutting in line in what's an increasingly larger crowd. Sure, they're ponies and you don't doubt there's a bit of that herd spirit in them, but your customers seemed extraordinarily well... choreographed.

Oh well. You shrug and whistle to a random tune in your head as you hand out your paintings like a well-oiled factory machine and observe the pile of shiny gold bits behind the counter only grow and grow as every cute mini-horse happily goes along with one, or two, or five paintings on his or her back, only to find themselves right at Applebutt's cart where the little yellow filly, sitting on a pile of cash, gleefully stuffs an apple in each and every passing pony's mouth as her older relative collects the money.

By God, we're gonna be richer than McDuck. You giggle inwardly and catch the Goddess's eye as she orchestrates the mob from the very center. The white unicorn mischievously winks at you and you wink straight back.

The entire operation comes to a screeching halt at a loud, extremely high-pitched whinny. The crowd stalls, making way for a most unusual sight: two fillies approaching your stand, one dragging an expensive-looking carved wooden table behind her. The poor, working spectacled filly looks rich enough - she has blue pearls around her neck and her glasses look expensive and chic - but the image is ruined by her need to wear an old oversized brown saddle, attached to the table she's dragging behind her with all the force she could muster in her underdeveloped muscles.

You aren't concerned with her at all though, no... you're worried about the bright pink filly with a familiar toothpaste-styled mane and tiara next to her. Last you'd seen her, she was sad and lonely. But now her eyes blazed again, fixed on you as if nothing else existed in the world. In her mouth is a red, silky sheet. Once the two stop in front of your stand, the exhausted grey filly collapses on the ground, heaving. Completely ignoring her, Toothpaste rears up in front of the table, motioning for you to help her on the table. Curious now, you get off the ground and move beyond the counter to grab the pink filly's sides and lift her up.

On the table, the filly gives you a thankful look and pets your hand a little before spitting out her silky sheet. She lays down onto the table, draping the sheet over the bottom half of her body and propping herself up with an elbow, her head resting against her hoof. As for the filly's other hoof, it drifts down onto her fluffy chest and side, caressing the contours of her body in a remarkably calculated fashion for her age.

The innuendo was clear to everyone: Draw me like one of your Earth fillies.

You gulp, staring down the wicked filly as she takes obvious enjoyment from blatantly flirting with you in front of the entire town. Terrific. First person to ever have a crush on me is a tiny pony. That's one for the grandkids.

Still, the customer's always right, so you pick up your last empty canvas, place it on the counter and draw a sketch of the coquettish filly, doing your best to ignore the wave of snickering passing over the ponies as they all stick around to spectate. Because of course they do. Feeling a little spiteful, you resolve not to just throw out any old drawing - the pretty filly wants a fancy portrait? Then the pretty filly will just have to lie there and be a good little model as long as you say. That's right.

Four hooves and a long, long, long tail and some wings - no, wait. No wings. But a paw? Surely there was a paw... you feel beads of sweat gathering on your forehead as your frustration with Toothpaste's antics and the tension from your unwanted audience causes your concentration to lapse. Memory and routine take a hold of your hand, and they have a different picture in mind. Draw the filly, not the princesses' statue. You think to yourself. Maybe I can compensate by drawing her as a feline. I already made the paw.

Alright then, it'll be a bit surrealistic, but whatever. Oh, but the tail! You hadn't drawn a proper pony tail at all, but the elongated snake form of the bizarro creature! And you were out of canvas now! Oh, what a cruel and unforeseeable fate! Defeated by the rather magnificent madness of the monarch of mischief- shut up, brain! What the fuck are you on about?! Behind you, you can hear Applebee snickering to herself as she sees what you've made of her enemy.

Feeling feverish, you hurriedly add a few background details to the painting and hand it over to the filly, and push her off as she tries to kiss your cheek in return, the lips only touching your palm.

Lightheaded and weak, you gulp down several tall glasses of iced tea in Cutie Pie's candy shop as Sweetheart rubs your back in obvious concern.

Damn, that was weird. I never go mental like that. How long were we out there selling? Sun probably fried my head like an egg.

Applebutt seems to agree with your thought process, as she plops down on a chair next to you and tosses her stetson on your head, letting her own golden straw mane loose and wiping her forehead. You tap at the large sack of gold on the table and she smirks victoriously and holds up her glass. You, Sweetheart, Applebee and the Goddess oblige, all enjoying the victory in spite of what you're now certain was a simple case of overheating. I've got the money now. With that pile, I should be able to buy what I need to do... what has to be done.

You pull out your worn notebook and re-examine your To-Do List.

*Get Scooter a new scooter.

*Return to forest for new clues.

*Breach linguistic barrier.

*Find a permanent job(?)

*Return favors to Goddess, Lavi, Sweetheart, Nurse and Bunny(extra carrots?).

"I can do this." You smile to yourself, the sack of gold on the table being almost a physical representation of your confidence at that moment. You pull the stetson off your head and stuff it on Applebee on your lap, whose small head practically disappears into it. As you both laugh heartily, Applebutt snags the hat off of her and firmly plants it back on you with a warning look. "Alrighty." You say submissively and tip the hat like a proper cowboy. The farmer finally cracks a grin of her own and mushes your cheek playfully. Your mood improving already, you boop her on the nose as revenge, only to quickly pull back as she snaps at it. "Whoa! Damn, remind me to never piss you off."

You turn away, only to quickly find yourself in Applebutt's chokehold as her hoof of steel noogies you on the head. "Ow-ow-ow-ow-okay, okay STOP!" you whine, flailing around as the table erupts into laughter. She finally stops when Applebee straight up slaps her off. You pout at the orange pony, who sticks her tongue out dismissively, and reward the loyal filly by scratching her slightly pudgy belly, causing her to melt onto your chest, idly poking at your chin with her hoof.

Early next morning, during school hours, you and Sweetheart(still unwilling to let you out of her sight) head to the trio's treehouse on the Apple family's grounds, with you carrying a large, brand new, flashy red scooter. Having wrecked Scooter's previous one defending the fillies from the magical wooden wolf in the forest, you hope this one would work for her and make up for the time she spent without having one.

Climbing up the steps to their quaint little base of operations, you smile as you see the interior for the first time without the distraction of three energetic fillies skittering around your feet. What a place! It’s full of old furniture, posters, toys scattered all over the place, crude drawings and posters of unknown pony celebrities. An oil lamp hangs from the ceiling. The place brims with the imagination and enthusiasm of young minds exploring the world around them.

Sweetheart watches with a pleased look as you rest the scooter against the old writing desk in the middle of the room, and leave a construction kit and a music box on it. You wouldn't dare leave your other two pals without presents.

The bell dings as the two of you enter the Goddess's baroque clothes shop with a bright red notepad wrapped in paper. Without turning around, the white unicorn calls back with a melodic voice. Not hearing Sweetheart's response due to her incredibly quiet voice, she simply turns around and smiles, realising it's you. As she trots over, you hold out your hand to scratch her head, but the fashionista holds it back briefly, and then very slowly sinks it into her mane, enjoying the sensation of your nails on her scalp without disturbing her hairdo.

You hand the pony your gift and watch as she eagerly tears off the paper with her magic.

At first, her face sags a little as she thinks you just gave her a notepad. But out of politeness, she opens it up, only to realise the pad's already been used. Every page is covered in your best attempts to draw the various human fashion styles you can recall, from rappers to monks to hipsters to Conan O'Brien. Overwhelmed, the mare summons a lavish red couch with an appropriately soft pillow to faint onto.

As you arrive in the Ponyville hospital estate, you and Sweetheart are rather amused to find the doctors all sleepily lounging about due to the lack of patients. All of them immediately jump onto their hooves at the sight of you and she's forced to spend a good few minutes settling the nervous ponies down and reassuring them that they're not here for their services.

Well, not their services anyway. You search through the entire hospital - offices, wards, closets, everything, until finally stumbling on her napping on a couch in a disused ward. It's an adorable sight - Nurse's ordinarily tidy mane is a mess around her head, her hooves are splayed all over the place and a bit of drool is dripping out of her mouth.

You were going to let Nurse know how much you appreciated all she did to you... but seeing her there at that moment, lazing happily, dreaming beautiful dreams, you cannot bear to wake her up. So even though you feel your heart pulling you back to her, hugging her and telling her what an amazing pony she is, and how sorry you are for ignoring all the wonderful things she did for you, all you do is stroke her mane a bit. "I'll be back soon, I promise." you whisper. "Just keep on being you." You kiss her on the forehead and leave the pony to her slumber.

One last trip, to Lavender Lady's library. You have thought long and hard about what to give a unicorn who seems to have everything, but fortunately, you think you do have something to fill a gap in her pillars of knowledge...

The door is answered by her strange reptilian servant, who hisses loudly to call the charming purple unicorn to see her new guests. Always happy to see Sweetheart, Lavender engages her in lively conversation and sits the two of you down on a comfortable duvet in front of the fireplace. You wait patiently for your caretaker to explain exactly what you'd come here to do.

It's not hard to pinpoint when it happens - Lavender's eyes widen and she holds a hoof up to her lips. But of course she's not opposed to the idea, having been the one who asked for it to begin with on the day you arrived. You didn't trust the ponies then. But by this point, you're willing to trust them.

So just as several empty scrolls and inked quills appear in mid-air next to the purple pony, you finally pull down your pants. "Alright, this is what my dick looks like." You deadpan. "And God help you if I ever find human porn around here."
Lavender’s quills begin to scribble unanimously.

Scribble scribble scribble.

Lots of scribble.

All the scribble.

Night falls on the beautiful land of Equestria, and Sweetheart's household finally goes to bed after a long and weary day. The birds are fed and napping, so are the rodents and the butterflies and the ants and of course Bunnystorm III, his stomach bulging from all the carrots you'd fed him as a reward for saving your life during Chrysalis' takeover.

Sweetheart, ever vigilant of her animals' needs, walks through the entire cottage one more time, checking on everyone's welfare before nuzzling you goodnight and sniffing you just to make extra sure you washed your teeth. You pat her pink mane and watch as the pony walks up the stairs and disappears into her own room. You lie down onto your cot and wait for a considerable amount of time, distracting yourself with idle thoughts. From the window, you can see Princess Luna's moon slowly drag across the sky. Since your phone is still in Lavender's possession, you have no way of telling how much time has passed when you finally get up again and sneak into the bathroom.

The moonlight shines in through the window and you catch a glimpse of your newly shaved face, making you grin a little. One of the many things you were finally able to buy was an actual razor blade of your own. You take your toothbrush and pilfer Sweetheart's emergency medical kit a little for a few bandages and plasters, just in case.

You return to your cot and pull out two modified saddlebags you bought for yourself, branded with green question marks in place of the usual cutie marks. Inside the bags are your supplies - a lantern, a tent, a sleeping bag, a compass, matches and a knife. Not having bought anything else to avoid drawing suspicion, you're also forced to check Sweetheart's pantry for canned goods, as well as some fruits and veggies. You feel terrible stealing from your own best friend, but you know she'd never let you go back after the disastrous first attempt.

She couldn't understand that this time won't be like last time. Because this time you know where to go. The woman who'd called you had been specific enough.

Holding your breath, you quietly slip out into the night and shut the door behind you before lighting your lantern and heading off into the darkness.

A feeling of misery clung to the carriage as the ponies and their alien friend all rode home after the Wonderbolts' air show. Pinkie Pie of course tried to cheer them all up with promises of free milkshakes when they got home, but with Rainbow Dash having disappeared after nearly dropping Skinny through the clouds, they all felt... incomplete. After all, they were the Elements Of Harmony. They belonged together, as upset as they were with Dash.

Applejack, in her own words, had "half a mind on callin' that cider-sniffin', butter-hooved flyin' crayon box's parents and lettin' 'em know whas' what." so they could at least get the pegasus to make things up with poor Skinny. They weren't even really sure if their beloved giant understood what had happened to him, given that he was perfectly happy to give her one of his warm hugs as soon as he saw her again, but what they could tell was that her inability to be near him had hurt the poor thing, and that was almost worse than dropping him from the clouds. Even Pinkie had fumed a little.

Still, as they all travelled home, physically and emotionally tired from having chased clues on Skinny's whereabouts throughout Cloudsdale all day(not to mention the ground below), everyone eventually tuned out. Pinkie Pie fell asleep, softly snoring in her seat. Applejack stared out of the window as if she could will Dash to reappear. And Twilight was reading one of her history books.

Suddenly, to her surprise, she saw Skinny twitch and look around in confusion as if he'd heard something. The unicorn looked at him for a little while and... he did it again and then reached over to her saddlebag. There was only one thing in there that he'd want, but... why? Unless there was some kind of telepathic connection between him and the Ponyroid?

Skinny picked it up and stared at its screen with a look of utter disbelief, before tapping it and holding it up to his ear.

"Err, Twilight?" Rarity piped up. "What in the name of Celestia is he doing?" They watched as he mouthed something - alien words, certainly, but to whom?

Twilight held a hoof to her chin in thought. "I believe he is talking with someone."

"Buuuut we're th' only ponies 'ere, ain't we?" Applejack asked, confused. "Or does he got a lil' critter in there or somethin'?"

The unicorn shook his head. "I checked that machine thoroughly. Or at least I thought I did. I'm not even sure how he can be doing... anything with it at the moment."

"Why, whatcha mean?"

"Well... I drained its battery recording the Wonderbolts! And so far, it has usually been completely inactive without power."

The ponies could only watch as Skinny finished speaking and hoofed the Ponyroid back to Twilight. True enough, the screen was black, and the machine was dead and quiet.

Author's Note

The scene of Rarity using the Song of Harmony(I believe that's what it's called when they all burst into musicals) was somewhat inspired by this scene from The Secret Of NIMH 2. I was humming it whilst writing, so I guess if you changed the lyrics, that'd be the song.

On another note, I've recently noticed a growing trend in the fandom for turning fanfics into books and opening up Patreons to write more, and I absolutely do not understand this. It seems incredibly shameless to me to ask for money for material that's technically illegally based off of someone else's work. What do you guys make of it?

Chapter 27

Thump-thump-thump!

"TWILIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!" The high-pitched scream threatened to shatter the windows of the tree library. Scowling and rubbing her sore, sleepy eyes, Twilight Sparkle rose from her disrupted slumber and trotted to the door.

Thump-thump-thump!

Using her magic, the unicorn pulled the door open and simultaneously held Fluttershy's hoof in place to avoid being hit by her nervous knocking. "Fluttershy, it's two in the morning. What's the matter?!"

"Oh... I'm so sorry for waking you up, Twilight, but Skinny's gone missing and I didn't know who else to come to!" Fluttershy said quietly, her voice laden with distress.

Twilight frowned. "Again? You should really consider putting a cowbell on him." She walked back inside, letting the pegasus in. A small dragon hopped down the stairs, still clutching his blanket.

"Twilight? Fluttershy?" Spike mumbled. "What's all the ruckus about?"

"It's nothing to worry about, Spike." The unicorn said reassuringly. "Fluttershy just, errr... forgot to bring back her book before the due date! So you can go back to sleep."

Spike looked at the two suspiciously, but his desire for a good night's sleep soon won over his curiosity. Shaking his head, he turned around and went back upstairs, mumbling to himself. "It's only three bits! How cheap can you get..."

As soon as he was gone, Fluttershy grabbed onto Twilight's shoulders. "Oh, I'm so worried about him! What if his paws get hurt, or he freezes? It can get really cold outside, especially in the Everfree Forest!"

"It's summer." Twilight deadpanned. "And what makes you think he went to the Everfree Forest?"

"Well, we bought camping supplies during the day, and they were all gone when I woke up! I wake up sometimes at night to check over my animals, you see, I can't really help it... anyway, I was just going to tuck Skinny in when I noticed he wasn't in his bed! And none of his things were around either! I don't think there's any other place he'd go to. He really wanted to see the place he landed to when he first got here."

Twilight's ears drooped as she realised Fluttershy was probably right. "Well... then he's... gone to the Everfree Forest!" She exclaimed in a defeated tone.

"Wha-... don't you think we should try and find him?!"

"He has a bodyguard, Fluttershy. Besides, going after him in Cloudsdale was one thing... but if he went out on his own accord, with supplies and a tent, then I don't see why we should drag him back." Twilight explained. She stepped closer to the worried yellow pegasus and laid a comforting hoof on her. "Princess Luna wouldn't have sent Crimson Star here if she didn't have faith in him. So if anyone can keep Skinny safe in those woods, it'll be him."

I'm so gonna get fired for this. A particularly hairy bat pony thought in increasing despair as he glided between the houses and flitted between the streets erratically. A month ago, Crimson Star had accepted the assignment from his Princess with a certain amount of glee - indefinite stay in Ponyville, all expenses paid? And all he had to do was look after that cute, affectionate giant monkey with the scritchy toes? Considering he'd nearly been caught stealing blood from the hospital just a week or so before, Crimson Star had practically hit about three jackpots at once. Or so he thought.

Just about the only drawback of the assignment that he thought of was having to switch sleep schedules to fit with all the daytimers, thus having to endure the sun's scorching, blinding rays way more often than he liked. But hey, it's not like the monkey would wander off during the night or anything, right? Right?

Crimson Star landed on the top of the Carousel Boutique, his furry hoof weaving around the spire for balance. He rubbed his tired, red eyes. It was night! Any self-respecting bat pony(or thestral, as mother kept reminding him) would be in his element. He sighed and scratched his head in bafflement, not catching a single biped wandering around, nor even the distinctive, slightly milky scent that distinguished him from the earthy smell of the ponies. "Okay, Crimmy, I'd say we're in trouble. Mmm. Heh..." He mumbled nervously.

The bat pony released his hold on the spire to fly off, only to trip on the pointy ornaments circling the top of the Carousel Boutique. "Whuh-! Ow! OW!" Bouncing off of the roofs of the second and first floors, he made it to the ground a dizzy, scruffy mess. "Stupid house..." At least nobody saw that...

"Tea?"

Horse-apples. Crimson Star winced and looked up at the owner of the Boutique as she daintily sipped from a floating cup, dressed in a fancy pink bathrobe and gazing down on the bat pony from her balcony with thinly veiled amusement.

Crimson Star burned red with embarrassment. "No, v-very kind of you, miss Rarity. Err... what're you doing up so late-ish? If you don't mind me asking, that is?"
"Oh, not at all." Rarity waved dismissively. "Simply couldn't sleep. What with all the stallions climbing over my roof..." She smirked.
The bat pony shrank a little. "Yeah, I am terribly sorry 'bout that. Was just lookin' around, tryin' to catch... err, nevermind."

The unicorn raised an eyebrow. "No, no, go on. Perhaps I might be able to help you. And I most certainly can keep a secret."

Crimson Star bit his lip. He really didn't want to let the fashionista in on him having lost track of Skinny, but she probably did know a lot more about the area than he did. Perhaps he really did have to take a bite out of the old humility pie today...

"Okay... well, Skinny's taken off and I just..." he sighed. "I can't find him anywhere. I don't even know where to begin looking."

Rarity pursed her lips. "Well, that is dreadful."

"Yes, miss." The bat pony lowered his head, looking so glum that it began to pull on the fashionista's heartstrings. Letting out an unhappy nicker, she shouted: "Oh, for Celestia's sake, will you please refrain from looking so downbeat! It does not suit those menacing red eyes of yours, not one bit!" Using her magic, she unlocked the door to the Boutique, and Crimson Star trotted in uncertainly.

Inside the Boutique, a light flashed on in the kitchen and Rarity levitated a cup of tea in front of the bat pony, and a map of Ponyville on the table. "Now then. Let us be reasonable adults and simply work this out, hmm?"

Crimson Star caught the steaming cup from mid-air with his hooves and blew on it before taking a sip. The sweet chamomile relaxed his nerves. "Thanks, miss. I was really losing it."

"Perfectly understandable. Where did you last see Skinny?" She asked. The bat pony scratched his red mane for a second. "Miss Fluttershy's cottage. I sleep on one of the branches. When the lights went out, I figured he'd gone to bed and, well, did the same, so to speak. But then about an hour ago, miss Fluttershy lit the place up and made quite a fuss. Heard her tell her rabbit that Skinny was AWOL, along with his things. After that, I scanned the surroundings and ran through the whole town, but I couldn't find hair nor hide of him so I climbed up your Boutique for a better look. And, er, lost my balance. And then, well, yeah..." Crimson Star's voice tapered off.

"We had our nighttime get-together under the cover of darkness." Rarity quipped. "But jokes aside, I do wonder why Skinny felt compelled to leave."

Crimson Star blinked, and shook his head free of distractions. "Huh?"

"Well, you said he left during the night. So the simple question is, where would he go and why? What place would he want to get to without anypony knowing?"

The bat pony wracked his head a little. "Someplace with valuables, maybe? I mean, night's usually the best time for thievery and the like."

Rarity rolled her eyes. "Skinny, a thief? Nonsense! Besides, he wouldn't take all his belongings and leave Fluttershy's money behind if he were a mere hooligan, would he?"

"... no, miss." That really made Crimson Star's gears grind. If the monkey had taken all of his things, he was planning on a longer trip. Where had he been? Cloudsdale? Impossible. Canterlot? Too far without a train. Where else...

"Oh no." The bat pony groaned, as realisation hit him.

Rarity hummed in agreement. "Ice cream for the road?"

"Yes, miss."

Crimson Star set himself down at the edge of the Everfree Forest, a few miles away from Sweet Apple Acres. By this point, the sky had slowly begun to light up, bringing forth one of those incredibly early summer mornings. The chill of the dew caressed the bat pony's hooves as they touched the grass. He fiddled absent-mindedly with the medallion he wore as identification of his being a Lunar Guard. He owned a set of armor of course, but that was back in his barracks at Canterlot - the assignment hadn't warranted dragging it along.

"Oh come now, it's just a forest... what would mother say?" Crimson Star chastised himself. "A scared thestral's no thestral at all. You're going in there, so just... go in there!" He reared proudly and clenched his teeth, but still didn't move from the spot. Maybe Skinny did try to go to Canterlot... surely he could at least visit the train station and check up on the first train leaving in an hour and a half...

The bat pony's nerves had already convinced him to turn around when he noticed the grass parting a few feet away. He frowned, until he saw a cute ball of white fluff wiggling towards him. "Angel?" He asked. The bunny had a box cutter tied around his back with a rope like the sword of a knight and was running along with a fierce expression, but stopped at Crimson Star's call. The bat pony cocked his head to the side, curious. "Hello! Are you going on an adventure?"

Angel proudly nodded and pointed towards the forest before rearing up and walking on two paws slightly to imitate bipedal movement. "You're off to find Skinny?" The bunny nodded.

"Tsk-tsk-tsk. Does miss Fluttershy know that?"

The bunny shook his head with a slightly guilty expression, and brandished the box cutter in front of Crimson Star, who melodramatically hid behind his hoof. "Oh dear! No, please! Don't hurt me! I won't ever tell a soul!"

Satisfied, Angel returned the cutter to its original position and Crimson Star, smirking to himself, stepped closer to the bunny. "But I say, such a brave fella like you shouldn't go into battle without a squire, should he? We share a common interest in the monkey, so why not join forces and find him together? You can track, can't you?" Angel nodded rapidly. "Of course you can! You'll find him in no time! And Princess Luna won't skin me alive... I hope. So what do you say? Your wits, my wings... sir?"

He lowered a hoof towards the bunny, who grabbed it with his tiny white paw. "Lead on then."

Author's Note

If you noticed the story disappear briefly, don't worry. It was just a dreadful case of butt dial.
In which case my phone did the unsubmitting from within my pocket. :applejackconfused:

Chapter 28

You twitch as you hear the peculiar, yet familiar buzzing sound emanate from somewhere within the pegasus-driven carriage. Again and again it buzzes and you give a passing glance to your pony friends, yet they seem utterly oblivious to the sound. Listening closely, you realise the sound is coming from Lavender Lady's saddlebag and start rummaging through it, which finally attracts everyone's attention. With curious expressions on their faces, they watch as you pull out your heavily modified smartphone, the screen glowing a message at you.

UNKNOWN NUMBER
ACCEPT CALL?

A million questions whirl through your mind, but you force them to the back of your mind and simply press on the green image and hold the phone up to your ear. "... hello?" you whisper, not believing.
"Hi?" An uncertain voice says back to you. You nearly drop the phone out of shock.

"Hello!" You repeat. "Can you hear me?!"

"I... I can! Fucking hell, I'm talking to you!" The voice on the other end gushes. It's a feminine voice, and a young, cheerful one at that. "You've no idea how long I've been waiting to do that! Do I sound good?"

You frown in confusion. "What? Who are you, where are you??"

The voice giggles. "I'm your best friend! Can't tell you where I am though. Not yet. Shh! You'd be mindblown! Say, you do like my voice, do you? Tell me you do!"

"I don't understand." You mumble, utterly dumbfounded.
The voice didn't seem deterred though. "Of course you don't! You've still got that nasty Mother Earth stink all over ya. That's why anything magic - like me - cannot touch you. Unless of course it's magic that's already inside you. Hint. Hint."

You rub your temples at the voice's riddles and try to focus on the important things. "How are you talking to me? There are no satellites in Equestria, no way this phone could work."
"Magic." The voice playfully replied. "I mean, come on, what did you think was the answer? Now be a smart boy, and ask us something you really want to know."

"... Why are you talking to me?"
One could practically hear her smile widen on the other end. "Mmm. Well, to be 100% honest, I'm talking to you because I've always wanted to. But, more importantly because I need your help. I'm a little... stuck, and I need a brave, gallant knight to get me out of my prison. You'll... suffice. Once we clean you up, that is."

You shake your head. "Clean me up?"
The voice on the phone hardened a little. "Ever since you came here, you've been a note of disharmony in this realm. You don't belong here, and until you do, you're no use to anyone. So here's the deal: I'll tell you how you can change yourself to fit in Equestria, to be part of its magic, and then you can get me outta jail. Interested?"

For a few moments, you simply sit there, thinking. You don't like the cut of this creature's jib, whoever she is. Nobody decent would be locked someplace where they have to call upon the actually least qualified person to get them out. But you're also craving for a chance to belong, and to talk and sing alongside the happy ponies in their rustic town. Even without being able to talk with them, you were able to defeat evil when you kicked that bug pony's flank. You could only imagine what you accomplish with them actually on your side.

"Alright. I promise. If you can give me a way to talk to my friends, I will set you free." You say.

The voice on the other side cheers. "Woo-hoo! Team! Okay, now listen very carefully, I will say this only once... do you remember where you first landed, in the forest, the Everfree Forest?"
"Uh... yeah. I think so. I've been meaning to go back there, but I have no supplies yet. I've got no money."

"Well, get on with it, cause that's where you're going! There's something in the forest, I'm not exactly sure what myself, but it's something veeeery powerful, something that could shatter the barrier between you and magic forever. You'll know it when you see it."
You nod slowly and breathe in. "Just... go to the forest. Okay. Okay, I can do this."
"I know you can." the voice says reassuringly. "I'll see you on the other side, Anon." The phone hangs up.

You shiver as the icy wind goes through you, and pull up the collar of your abused tuxedo jacket. In retrospect, it seems like a mistake not to have the Goddess fix you up a couple of regular old coats before this impromptu trek into the forest, but you really wanted to avoid arousing the ponies' suspicions and making them think you were wanting to go somewhere. So now you find yourself marching through the mucky swamp with a cardigan and a tux coat. Not exactly ideal clothes for a long walk.

Because of the closely intertwined tree branches and the moss hanging from them, the sun only reaches down here as occasional golden rays of light, signifying the oncoming dawn. You know that by now, Sweetheart will have definitely awoken. She's always up early to make breakfast for everyone. A pang of guilt and homesickness go through you.

You force those thoughts away, justifying to yourself that leaving just like that was the right thing to do. They'd never have let me risk my life again after that wolf nearly mauled me the last time.
In your mind, you're certain that you're right, but as you trudge through the miserable dank woods, you feel a sense of loneliness incomparable to all the times before. You've been distracted, misled and even downright toppled off someone's back, but this is the first time you feel like you've turned your back on the ponies. Ironic, given that you came here to find a way to talk to them.

Fortunately, it doesn't take you too long to find the little hollow between trees where you woke up, relatively close to the Apples' lands. You're not really sure what you expected to see, but to your dismay, there's nothing out of the ordinary around. Not even a cool black spot on the ground to signify your arrival from another dimension. Well, this is embarrassing. You think. The hell am I supposed to do now?

Looking around, you notice the ground is slightly tilted. Maybe if I got to higher ground, I could see something useful? It's not much, but you refuse to return empty-handed after going through all this trouble. Just as you set forth, however, your right foot trips on something and you unexpectedly find yourself kissing the mossy ground. "Damn it!" You kick whatever it was in a fit, expecting it to be a vine or something, only to find a recognisably hand(or hoof)made strap lying on your leg.

Your curiosity piqued, you throw it away from your leg and pull at the strap. Soon enough, something bigger comes loose out of the muddy spring muck and you take it to one of the slivers of light for a better look. It's a pony's saddlebag, and once you've wiped off the sticky leaves and grit, you see the light blue sheen of it. The bag is clasped with a metal purple star with a white outline around it. You recognise it immediately. This is Lavender Lady's. But what's it doing here?

It's identical to the pair of bags you saw her carry during your trip to Cloud City, the kind she housed your phone in. This one is torn, though... there's only one bag. And from the decay, it's obvious to you that it's been here for months. You open the bag up, only to recoil from the smell and general ickiness of rotten fruit, mixed with soggy parchment and a few dreary feathers that might've been quills at some point. It seems to have been left behind in a hurry.

You empty the filth onto the forest ground and stuff the bag into your own backpack. At the very least you can return it later. Despite the interesting discovery, however, you're still very much at square one, and proceed up the hill for a better vantage point.

Thankfully, the chilling doomladen atmosphere of the forest disperses somewhat as you trudged upwards. The woods become thinner and the sun's warm glaze more prevalent. It ain't winter yet!

You reach the highest point of the hill and stand there, observing the misty, murky forest around you. In the distance, the ruins of a once-elegant castle jut out of the otherwise miserable jungle. A wide grin forms on your face. That has got to be it. And the princess better not be in another castle...

Seeing the Castle in the distance is one thing. Getting to it is quite another. Once more, you're hit by just how much more gruelling adventuring is when you're the one doing it, and not a movie star hunk with a six-pack. The terrain of the Everfree Forest is incredibly treacherous - with swampy mud pits that swallow your entire leg in a second, sharp-edged rocks that leave horrible gashes and camouflaged vines that snake around your feet and trip you up no matter how cautiously you walk.

In addition to that, you also end up sweating like a pig from both the journey as well as the apparent greenhouse effect caused by all the thick, interwoven branches of the trees sealing in the warmth in the valley. It's as if you'd entered a completely different season. As a result, you soon discover that your supply of water is decreasing much faster than anticipated. Despite not having gotten much further, you sit down against the trunk of a tree and rest.
There has to be an easier path up to that castle. I should just- Your thoughts are interrupted as your feet sink into a pool, mercilessly filling your boots with icy, mucky liquid and ruining your second-to-last pair of socks. You giggle at the absurdity of all as you pull them out. "What the fuck am I doing? I should be at home eating ice cream with my pony, not fucking around in a swamp. Oh, bloody hell. Stupid, stupid, stupid..." you mutter.

Having replaced your socks, you pull on the straps of your saddlebags to temporarily ease the pain on your shoulders and keep on climbing downhill. It's a steep drop and you're forced to cling onto roots. As you ease yourself downwards, a strange slithering noise reaches your ears and you pause.
What the fuck was that?

A memory of the wooden wolf you fought here once flashes through your mind and fear grips you. Probably just the wind. Big forest, lots of leaves making noise-

Crack.

Oh shit, something's there.

You breathe out in small, nervous bursts, your ears piqued for any more errant noise. Suddenly, a bird streaks past you, shocking you enough for your sweaty palms to lose their grip. You scream as you drop twenty feet into the lake below. Panicking, and with no air in your lungs, you struggle underwater until you see the light shine above you and instinctively swim towards it, leading you to the surface where you gasp for air.

After getting your bearings straight, you try to make it to the shore, only for it to sink underneath you. Another mudpit! Fortunately, a loose vine extends into the water and you manage to drag yourself out through the soft bank of liquid earth, crawling onto solid ground at last. You breathe heavily, the adrenaline still flowing through your system and stare at your ruined clothes, horrified.
"Fuck this."

In a fit of rage, you throw your sopping wet saddle bags on the ground and then pull everything out to check the damage - of course everything is wet. You put all the non-canned food aside, not desperate enough yet to eat something contaminated by the lake's dirty water. The lantern is cracked. Brilliant. The matches... where are the matches?? Gone, that's where.
"So much for campfire." You mutter as you leave the tent, sleeping bag and all your clothes hanging on a huge gnarled tree standing next to the lake. Fortunately for you, the forest is warm enough to be nude in, but who knows what'll happen when the sun goes down...

Princess Luna made herself comfortable on a large round sofa. It was dawn, and she had finished attending to her duties. Well, almost. Every now and again, the nightmares of a few partygoers who were just now settling down pricked rudely at her consciousness, like crumbs in the tea after she dipped a biscuit in it.

Her intention was to enjoy a private hour or two reading a book, before retiring to her own dreams. Not a good, hearty, layered novel of gripping drama that she might display herself with in front of an ambassador nor a tome of Starswirl's to drape herself in mystery whenever Twilight Sparkle came by.
Luna was actually busy poring over a collection of the Power Ponies, specifically the arc in which Humdrum was split into five(well, it should have been six, fitting with the number of Ponies, but fortunately, Luna had pre-empted that decision by politely reminding the company that 5409 issues ago, six was established as a cursed number to Humdrum and splitting him into that number would likely result in the re-awakening of the Great Drake. Clever Luna!) and became a successful superhero team on his own.

Trashy, serialized feel-good pulp fiction - in other words, entertainment fit for a princess. She'd just gotten to her favourite bit(where the Mane-iac reveals her scheme to mine the Moon itself hollow and drive it around like a rocket) when her chamber doors blew open without announcement, revealing the stressed-looking figure of her sister.

"Manners, Tia." Luna chastised her without looking up. "We might've mistaken thou for an assassin and... zapped."

Celestia ignored the quip, and instead levitated a piece of paper onto Luna's lap. "I've received a letter from Twilight." Her voice hardened. "About Anon."

Luna bookmarked her comic and skimmed the letter thrust in front of her. "Dear Princess Celestia... ladi-dadi-daa... found Skinny missing... Everfree Forest... request further instructions. Well, it appears to be perfectly straightforward, sister. We recommend thou tell Twilight to post a few guards to the edge of the forest to await his return and go back to slumber."

The sun princess rolled her eyes. "She does not sleep during the day."
"Quite right; they haven't released the new Daring Do yet, have they?"

"Argh!" Celestia exclaimed in frustration. "Do you really think I'm here on a whim? Lest you've forgotten, the Everfree Forest is brimming with dangerous creatures that he could not possibly be prepared for. An immunity to magic does not protect one from sharp teeth!"
"But a Lunar Guard does." Luna retorted. "Lest thou hast forgotten Crimson Star."

A huff. "Indeed not. Had I sent my own entourage, the human would never have disappeared like that!"
"Whining isn't very becoming of thee, sister." Luna said, not appreciating the jab at her choice of guard. Their little ponies would've been appalled if they heard their private arguments, but she liked to ground her more popular sister and had no doubt Celestia liked to do much the same for her. "We made the decision together."

Unfortunately, it seemed her sister was only now bringing out the heavy artillery in this particular confrontation. "Look into his mind."

Luna scowled. "No."
"Lulu-..."

"We shall not!" The night princess shouted, and blushed. Her attempt to force Anon to dream so they could communicate had been... frightening, and one of the most strange experiences she'd ever had. Had she not known he was an alien and clearly lucid, she would've thought him to be insane. A simple, ordinary pony dreams of whatever's on their mind. But him... his dreams were mad and wild, filled with glass towers and metal birds, swords of light and... clowns. It was all there, all at once, and none of it made any sense. But when she slipped out, somehow she knew things about him and his place of origin as if she'd been given a Powerpoint presentation on his life.
"We've nearly killed him twice doing so!"

Celestia was not deterred and rammed a hoof onto the floor, making a loud clang as the metal shoe hit the marble. "We must know what is happening in the Forest! I cannot ask Twilight to blindly lead a search party into those woods, but you could find out where they are, and if they are in need of assistance!"

"Sister, if they truly be in need of assistance then it is likely not a good idea to incapacitate one of them. We will simply have to rely on Crimson Star's judgment on this matter, and wait." Luna savored the last words, knowing that Celestia was used to being the one keeping ponies waiting.

As expected, the day princess stewed a little and sat on one of the armchairs next Luna's sofa. Finally, she spoke up again, looking Luna in the eye: "I am still not convinced that sending Crimson Star to Ponyville was the right choice, regardless of whether we can trust him or not."
She matched her sister's gaze. "If thou art referring to his family..."
"I am."
Luna frowned. "It is not like thou to have concerns over someone based on where they come from."

The day princess sighed. "No, it is not. I have learned never to judge someone based on their appearance. And if you are confident in Crimson Star's loyalty, then so am I. But Anon is a wild card in Equestria right now. He, and everything around him, is unpredictable to me. I've only felt this way once before. It's troubling."

Luna knew exactly what she was talking about. As sisters, their minds often travelled along the same route. "Discord had a habit of making clear things seem unclear, that is true. But e'en the most conniving creature such as him cannot plot withal a brain made of stone."
"Discord's brain, stone or otherwise, has never frightened me. It's what happens to my little ponies whenever he appears." Celestia lowered her head mournfully. "Greed, fear and anger are part of the chaos he spreads. Those I fear the most. Especially from the ones most open to their influence... like Crimson Star's family. If Anon truly has some connection with Discord that we do not understand, then I fear Crystal Star would attempt to use it against us."

"And I fear she would not succeed." Without Celestia noticing, Luna had risen from her sofa and was now nuzzling her comfortingly. "As thou hast told me, sister - do not allow dark thoughts to overtake thy mind. Trust us when we say Crimson Star is the right choice to protect Anon. He may not be the most capable or the most convenient pony, but thou could not ask for a more steadfast guard."

Gradually, Celestia's breathing calmed and the usual serene 'throw anything at me Blueblood' expression returned. "Yes, you are so very right. I must return to my duties. And you must sleep. I will inform you if Spike sends anything else of importance my way."

Luna nodded, with a wry grin and said: "Please keep an eye open for mentions of the new Daring Doo book. Thither are many mental preparations to be made for such an occasion."
The day princess raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you one of the readers?"
"Not since I caught miss Doo dreaming about... carrots..." Luna's irises drew into pinpricks and her eyes glazed over. "So many... carrots... hehehe..."

Celestia blinked twice and backed out, magically opening and closing the doors behind her.

Having made a proper examination of your belongings as you set up camp, you're beyond frustrated to realise that in your eagerness to leave town, you accidentally bought a pony-sized tent without either you or Sweetheart noticing. So rather than put it up properly, you simply stretch it open wide and tie the ends to the trees around you to make a cover to protect you from the rain, at least.
On the other end of the spectrum, your sleeping bag's three times too big for you, so you curl up in there as the forest gradually descends into darkness around you. Sleep does not come to you easily, as the alien forest is full of strange sounds; creaks, cracks and hisses. Though you suspect the wind is at play here, you can't help but pull the large hunting knife from your saddlebags and grip it ever tighter as the noises continue to bother you evermore.

Wish I managed to get a fire going, that'd scare of any freak creatures... or maybe that's a bad idea, maybe that would draw them in. If they're not drawing in already. Hey, fresh meat on the menu! you try to quiet your own heavy breathing as paranoia starts to seep in and the memory of the wild wooden wolf that nearly killed you starts flashing before your eyes.
There could be a whole pack of them, and one knife, no matter how big, wasn't gonna do jack on a living pile of wood. Well, unless I get it down its throat...
For a brief moment, you are childishly confused as to why a magic pile of wood would need to breath anyway, when your train of thought is interrupted by a loud stomp.

That shit was real. You think in despair, your body drenched in cold sweat by this point. You slowly zip the sleeping bag open, holding the knife and ready to fight for your life at a moment's notice. Because of the foliage covering everything, the jungle is nearly pitch black, preventing you from seeing much. But you can certainly hear...

Stomp.

Stomp-stomp-stomp-stomp.

Sniff.

What the fuck is it??? What do you want?! Go away, go away, go away!! You think and crawl back into the sleeping bag for safety, deciding you'd much rather hide than fight something alone in the dark. Please, I don't want to die here, please, please...

You freeze as the stomping sound of feet against the crackle of dried up-leaves and grass reaches your tent. It's there. It's real. It's come for you. A surge of adrenaline erases the crippling fear and you feel ready to jump out and... !!

A horse whinny.

Without further ado, you crawl out of the bag in utter disbelief and are faced with two glowing red orbs right next to you. Sheer relief overwhelms you completely and you burst into mad laughter. "Shaggy!!" Tossing the knife aside, you lunge at the furred bat pony and pull him into a tight hug. "Man, I am so, so, so glad to see you!!!" Sensing your distress, Shaggy hugs you right back, his front hooves wrapping around your midsection and patting your backside. Having had no company since sneaking out of Sweetheart's cottage, you hold the pony close to you for a while, needy for reassurance that things are going to be okay.

You feel a little tugging on your collar and turn your head instinctively, which brings you into contact with another soft, furry thing, which slaps you for ramming into it with your head. It's Sweetheart's bunny! It's Bunnystorm the... whichever!! "Hey, man! You're here too?"

The three of you decide in unison to get into your huge sleeping bag and leave all decisions for tomorrow. Shaggy zips up the bag, presumably with his teeth and settles down next to you, the bunny sleeping over both of your heads' in the hood. As Shaggy's cold, wet nose accidentally pokes underneath your jaw, you giggle out loud, your emotions being all over the place right now. You pull the bat pony close again, inadvertently making him the little spoon and finally drift off to sleep to the calming sound of his breathing and the warmth he generates next to you.

Author's Note

Guess who's back? Back again... :twilightsheepish:

Mood music for this chapter:

Chapter 29

With a worn-out moan, Crimson Star forced his sleep-crusted eyes open. The heat being nigh unbearable, the bat pony wriggled out of the gigantic, empty sleeping bag. His thick fur was sticking out in various places, and was rather uncomfortable, dry and heavy on him at the moment. Crimson's poor head pounded, and a dizzy spell forced him to sit down and gather his bearings for a bit.

Outside of the incredibly crude tent/shelter thing Skinny had set up, he and Angel Bunny were having a miserable breakfast sitting next to the calm, green lake. The bunny was nibbling on a dry stalk of celery with a stare that could kill whilst Skinny was picking bits of unappetizing processed tuna out of a tin with his fingers, and devouring them even slower. Owing to the thick air and humid atmosphere this deep in the Everfree Forest, the alien was dressed in nothing more than undergarments and a dirty, yellowed shirt. He had a pensive look about him. Crimson felt like cheering him up, but a few priorities came first.

He got to his hooves again and trotted towards the lake. Angel took no notice of passing, and the alien casually ran his minotaur-like fingers over his back. Crimson had noticed that just like that temperamental race, Skinny's kind placed a great deal of importance on the touch of hands rather than muzzles, as was the way with most Equestrian quadrupeds. He appreciated the attention regardless and flashed Skinny as friendly a smile as he could conjure, before dunking his head in the icy waters of the lake.

By the Nightmare's fluffy ears, that feels good! He thought as the coolness wiped away the cobwebs in his head. Without hesitation, he unclipped the signature Lunar Guard medallion from around his neck and dived into the lake for a refreshing morning swim. Crimson could sense Skinny looking at him with trepidation.

He wasn't entirely wrong to do so either, for although the lake was certainly empty(as Crimson's bat-pony senses told him), the Everfree Forest was practically a hub for bizarre magical phenomena as a result of Princess Celestia and Nightmare Moon's legendary duel. There was no such thing as a safe swim here.

Crimson Star wasn't particularly worried about all that, though. Swim first, and ask questions later, that's my motto.

He splashed around in the lake without a care in the world to clean his fur, and lapped up enough water to drive away his headache. Once he was properly refreshed, the bat pony extended his wings and took to flight directly from the water, carrying himself back to the campsite, where he shook his body free of the excess drops right next to his two friends, who looked like they could use some proper refreshment too(though judging from their indignant cries, they didn't agree).

Crimson Star snickered a little, and sat down on the ground to replace his medallion. The bat pony's furry tummy was grumbling for food as well, so he took a deep sniff of the air, filling his nostrils with the vast variety of scents nearby: a massive overdose of thick vegetation and mud, the artificial fabric of the tent, the dead leather of Skinny's saddlebags, the spicier-than-usual musks of the unwashed alien and Angel Bunny... ah! There it was...

Sniffing again to make sure, Crimson trailed the smell to the sleeping bag, and found a few spotty apples and some squashed, ruined tangerines under it. Skinny must've lost these. Oh well. The bat pony licked his lips and picked up one of the apples. His sharp teeth slided into its flesh like a knife through warm butter, and he sealed the wounds with his mouth so he could suck the juice out. Within a few seconds, the fruit was a dry husk and Crimson discarded it to pick up another, repeating the process.

As he was a natural carnivore, they didn't fill him up much, but it was enough to keep him going for a few hours. What was I thinking, rushing in here without food? The only thing to eat would be the bunny, and explaining that to miss Fluttershy would be such a delight, wouldn't it? Crimson rolled his eyes and knocked his hoof against his head repeatedly in annoyance. Stupid Crimson, stupid, stupid, stupid!

The bat pony knew that his only chance of finding out what his alien friend wanted was by being patient, and following along. The risk in of itself was well worth taking, but without food or a clear end goal, the Everfree Forest became that much more dangerous.

As long as I'm still strong, I should take him back to Ponyville and- hey! Crimson stood up on his hooves and looked around worriedly. Where's he gone??? "Skinny? Skinny! Where did you go?"

His query was immediately answered by a strong pair of arms that wrapped around his abdomen so suddenly that the bat pony let loose a very un-stallionlike yelp. "H-hey! Skinny!!"

The alien sat down with the bat pony on his chest and held him tightly, with Crimson's hooves dangling over his arms helplessly. He towered over all ponies on account of his bipedal nature, and had a habit of making Crimson Star feel as if he was a little foal in comparison, especially when pulling stunts like this. Crimson didn't mind one bit though - Skinny was Skinny, and yearned for comfort like any good pony under the sun and the moon. Feeling left out, Angel Bunny abandoned his bitter plants and made a comfortable nest for himself in Crimson Star's mane, much to the latter's delight.

Together, they were content to sit at the shore of the lake for a while and wait... for something.

"You... have no idea how glad I am that you're here. It's funny - I hear a woman's voice for the first time in half a year and off I go running into the jungle without a clue. I don't know who she is, I don't know if she's trustworthy, I don't even know her name. I just know... I'm not alone. At least I think I do." You scratch Shaggy's left ear and also boop the bunny above him on his pink nose. "No, I'm not alone. I've got you, and you've got me." You smile. "But I have to find it. Whatever it takes. The key to unlocking the ability to talk to you, to truly be with you beautiful people... it's in that castle. It must be!"

It is the only thing you've dreamed of since you came here, to tell Sweetheart how much you appreciate her and her friends, to thank Princess Tia and Princess Luna for their graceful acceptance. You yearn to be part of this world, and though you've managed to learn a few things through Luna's strange abilities, you've never truly integrated.

Whoever the woman on the phone was, she has given you hope, hope that you can truly find complete happiness here, just so long as you can get to those ruins. Of course, there is also the matter of keeping your end of the bargain and rescuing the mysterious dame from whatever prison holds her, but as far as you're concerned, you hold all the aces. Once you're able to talk to the ponies, you can figure out who she is and what to do.

Shaggy squirms out of your grip and touches your chest with a hoof, as if trying to get you to hold you still. Both you and the bunny watch with curiosity as his ears twitch from one direction to the other, trying to catch some kind of disturbance. Something in the forest? You listen as well, even trying to hold your breath. It's not that the forest is eerily quiet - it's full of strange bubbling noises, the cries of mysterious birds and distant roars. You had acclimated yourself to all that, so you look towards the bat pony to recognise any potential threat he might pick up on...

THWACK!

... and watch as a slimy, gigantic tentacle bursts out of the jungle and right through your tent. Your heart jumps up to your throat and you, Shaggy and the bunny all scream loudly, and scamper. Unfortunately, you slip on mud in your panic and trip straight into the icy cold lake. Two dips in two days. It would've been rather humorous had you not been under immediate threat of a particularly Japanese demise.

You flail in the murky green depths, desperately trying to reach the surface, only for a pair of strong hooves to grab you underneath your arms and pull you out. With his wings flapping as powerfully as they can, Shaggy drags your heavy hide out of the water and onto the muddy surface, only for a tentacle to wrap itself around him in turn, and pull him off.

"SHAGGY!!" You scream.

As a Lunar Guard dedicated to the Princess of the Night, Crimson Star's training included handling unexpected situations - after all, villainy by its very nature meant playing with no rules, and often no announcement. So when an oversized cephalopod rudely interrupted the campers' morning, the part of sweet Crimson that once would have panicked and turned him useless now simply went to sleep, and the bat pony was able to analyse the situation.

Well, as soon as he had lunch. Without further ado, Crimson bit deeply into the luminous green tentacle wrapped around him, and dug around with his sharp canines to ensure maximum pain as he sucked the nourishing blood out. Rather tangy. Soon enough, either the monster reacted in pain or simply lost feeling, and Crimson dropped out of the tentacle's grasp and onto his rump. Out of nowhere, Angel Bunny dropped down onto his stomach. "Oh, hello!" The bat pony said, bemused. He placed his little friend on his back and stood up on his hooves, looking around.

"Now, where's Skin-?" Crimson began to say, but the bunny shoved himself against the bat pony's neck, saving him from another tentacle whishing overhead. "OH! Thank you, Angel!" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I had better take care of this first."

Crimson bit his lip, observing as the tentacle monster struggled to pull down a tree in some mindless rage. "Alright then." He murmured, and ran his tongue over his fangs. "Angel, I'm going to attack him. When I do, can you be a pal and annoy him a little for me while I do my thing?" Crimson felt the little bunny's soft paw pat against his head affirmingly. "Thanks a bunch. Now hold on!"

The bat pony took to flight, heading directly towards his opponent. Noticing his rapid approach, the strange swamp creature roared loudly and thrust his many tentacles randomly in Crimson's direction, forcing him to dash and duck with lightning-fast reflexes, courtesy of the many, many hours of flight training under miss Spitfire's perfectionist eye.

Weaving his way in-between, the bat pony latched onto the back of the aquatic creature's head and sunk his sharp fangs through its slimy, scraggly skin and into the warm flesh underneath. At the same time, Angel Bunny used his claws to climb up on top of its head and slap repeatedly at its eyes, aggravating and confusing the monster as Crimson drained its blood and weakened it.

As expected, the monster thrashed around in pain, more focused on the pain to it’s eyes than the increasingly numb spot on the back of its head. Angel Bunny, small and cunning as he was, expertly dodged each of its attempts to crush or grab the irritant like a fly always buzzing away right before one could splat it, and gave the monster's eyes hell. He even jumped off for a moment, only to snap off two sticks from a nearby tree so he could cruelly play drums on its eyes.

I should enlist that little fella Crimson thought, before being interrupted by a wandering tentacle that finally discovered him and wrapped around his hind hooves, forcibly tearing him off with a splash of dark blood and preventing him from hooking onto any other part of its body.

In blind fury, the creature's hold on Crimson grew so tight that he screamed, feeling as if his hooves were about to be snapped off. And the pressure only got worse until suddenly stopping. The tentacle turned limp and let Crimson crumple onto the ground with a muffled yelp. As he moaned quietly in response to his aching hooves, the bat pony saw the monster turn idle and slowly drag itself towards the pool. Attached to its side was the fluffy yellow feather of a dart.

Hoofsteps. Above Crimson stood a hooded zebra with compassionate blue eyes shining from the shadows, and a wooden pipe in her mouth which she promptly stuffed into a pocket on her cloak. "I have found many wonders in the Everfree, but I have yet to come across a bat pony." the zebra said with surprise in her tone. "If your hooves hurt, do not fret, while I make sure there's no further threat."

Crimson struggled to get his heavy breathing under control, and gasped: "There was a... a creature, with us... you wouldn't know him. He ran off. Looks like a monkey, with no fur."

The zebra put a hoof to her mouth contemplatively. "Looks like a monkey, with no fur. With a description like that, I can hardly err." Feeling her tail pulled, the zebra turned around and noticed Angel Bunny waving at her and pointing at some vegetables poking out of her stuffed saddlebag with a pleading look. "Angel? What brings you so far from Fluttershy? Oh, never mind, I shall find out why." She released the clasp on her bag and hoofed him a juicy cabbage before turning back to Crimson. "I will attend to your mystery friend. You two should follow that road..." she pointed at a dirt trail from the direction she came in. "... it will lead you to my humble abode."

Author's Note

Some classic incidental music for the battle sequence :twilightsheepish::

Chapter 30

The Night Court was in session. Absolute silence hung over the throne hall as Princess Luna presided alone. Not many ponies had cause to visit her at these dark hours, and thus most of her time was spent in the realm of dreams. If the ponies could not come to her, she had to go to them. But not this time, for Luna was scheduled to have at least one visitor tonight.

At the other end of the long stretch of carpet, one of the large doors creaked open and a small figure snuck in, closing the door behind him as quietly as he could, hyper-aware of any sounds echoing through the slumbering castle. Luna watched, with no small amusement, as the pony trotted shyly towards her, his hooves making muffled thumping noises on the carpet.

Despite being given a special appointment in tonight's court, a Lunar Guard such as Crimson Star was not announced by the royal chamberlain. These ponies were specially chosen to serve at the beck and call of the princesses, and were subject to absolute trust. Even the lowliest private could freely travel almost anywhere in the Castle.

Crimson stopped at the first step of the throne, and bowed deeply. His unclipped helmet nearly fell off as a result, but the bat pony smoothly pushed it back onto his head and looked up at his princess with curiosity shining through his blood red eyes. "You requested my presence, your highness?" He didn't understand why Princess Luna hadn't simply called him to any empty room or even her quarters as she usually did with guards if she wanted a word with them. Instead, a scroll had been sent to him specifically demanding an official appearance at the royal court... even though Princess Luna would be the only one there. He'd chalked it up to her old-fashioned tastes.

Speaking of her, Princess Luna was impassive as ever on the throne, her sparkling night sky mane wafting around her patiently. The serenity emanating from her calmed Crimson's anxiety somewhat. "Crimson Star. You reported to your unit's lieutenant an encounter with the otherworldly creature in Ponyville."
Crimson's left ear twitched. That's what this was about?? Had the Princess somehow discovered his attempted theft of hospital supplies?! "Y-yes."
"Your report made its way to us. In light of the recent Changeling invasion, we would like you to accompany us back to Ponyville to see the creature again, and afterwards stay there to keep him under observation."

The bat pony's jaw dropped. An extracurricular assignment?? For him, of all guards? Now he understood why he'd been summoned to the throne room like this, but... "Princess... ?"
"Your report did indicate you made contact with him." Luna pointed out.
"Well, yes, but... I'm just a Corporal... I don't have the experience..."
The princess was not swayed. "You will by the time you return. Since the creature cannot communicate, it's important to surround him with familiar faces. Unless you don't believe yourself capable of looking after him."

Crimson lowered his head in response to the veiled sting. "I will do as you command, your highness."

Princess Luna stood up and with a single flap of her mighty alicorn wings, levitated down the steps to Crimson's level. Her indigo feathers wrapped around the unassumingly grey bat pony's back in a maternal winghug. "Walk with us, Corporal."

With the alicorn's weight leading him, Crimson and Luna slowly made their way through the massive hall, the bat pony's mind nervously anticipating what his ruler might have to say next. Eventually, they stopped in front of one of the stained glass, and when the alicorn still said nothing, Crimson dared to look up.
On the window was a depiction of the legendary Mare In The Moon, its cold blue light juxtaposed with the warm orange of Celestia's sun.
"Sadly there are still many ponies across the land who would believe that I plot to overthrow my sister, and plunge the land into perpetual darkness. Those I do not fear. Nightmare Moon gave them great cause to be frightened of us, and of the night."
Feeling compelled to defend her princess, Crimson piped up: "They'll come around. I love the night, and I don't mind the day either!"

The princess smiled down at him. "And that is precisely why you're the right thestral for the job. For there is a type of pony I do fear."
Crimson Star's eyes widened in concern and surprise. "Princess??"
"Yes, Crimson. I do fear. I fear the ponies who want me to do all those terrible things. Who want the darkness to blacken out my sister forever." Her voice became stressed and her blue eyes glazed. "Who want me as I was back then - consumed by the worst of what I am. Nightmare Moon."
Crimson instinctively curled up a little as the princess's pupils shrunk and slitted momentarily. The alicorn closed her eyes, sighed wearily, and looked at the bat pony again, noticing his furry ears flattened against his head. "I know your family is among them, so before you go, I need to know if you're capable of choosing us over them."

She watched as the bat pony's eyes darted into different directions and he bit his lip, thoughts rapidly whirling through his mind. Soon enough, though, Crimson refocused on Princess Luna again and gave her a faint smile. "I've got your back, princess." He said honestly, and saluted. "That's my job."

Feeling cheerful, Luna bent down to nuzzle her loyal thestral thankfully. "We thank you, Corporal. It means more than you know. Now listen, and obey. Record, and do not interfere with the creature's decisions. We need to know what he wants, where he's from and how he's able to interfere with the flow of any magic. Keep out of his way, but protect him if he should come under any danger. Most importantly..." the mare's horn lit up, and a special, glinting half-moon necklace with a black string attached to it floated over to Crimson and tied itself around his neck. "... do not stop until we ourselves have given you permission. Until that time comes, Corporal, you will take orders from nopony. Understand?"

Awe-struck, Crimson held up the beautiful white stone of the moon necklace. "U-understood, princess..."

"Good. You shall now accompany us to the royal carriages. We hear Anon is being released from the hospital today, and we should like to see him again." As the princess trotted down the hall, Crimson paused, something rubbing him wrong about the princess's words.
"... Anon?"
Princess Luna froze.
With a confused expression on his furry face, the bat pony walked to her side, waiting for an answer. Luna sighed, and smiled. "Well, it wouldn't hurt telling you... Anon is the true name of the creature, which we absorbed from his mind during our attempt to observe his dreams. Let us keep this lapse in our concentration between us, shall we?" She playfully held her hoof up to her lips. "Shh!" Both of them giggled involuntarily, and Crimson nodded.
"Very well then. To Ponyville!"

Wincing as he rested his weight on his badly bruised hindhooves, Crimson pushed the slightly stuck wooden doorway to Zecora's hollowed-out tree hut open and then shut it behind him. Had anyone asked the bat pony, he would've cited good manners, but really, he just wanted to be absolutely sure he wouldn't have to deal with any other weird Everfree beasties wandering through. He'd had more than enough for one morning.

Being carved into a tree, the hut reminded him slightly of miss Sparkle's library, though instead of bright, clean shelves full of pleasant adventure books, the place was grimy, dim and filled with bowls of herbs and multi-coloured bottles. Seeing the zebra's bed tucked away in a corner, Angel Bunny leapt off of Crimson's back and hopped onto the bed, letting loose a satisfied sigh. "Angel! That's not your bed!" The bat pony chastised half-heartedly and collapsed against a wall.

Very soon, the door creaked opened again, revealing the enigmatic zebra carrying an unconscious Skinny on his back and some kind of mucky bag with her teeth. Spitting the bag on the floor, Zecora dragged the alien to her bed, where he tumbled into a heap, a random yellow feather oddly sticking out his posterior.
"What happened to him?!" Crimson exclaimed in shock.

"Your hairless friend was without his wits, I lost my patience and called it quits." Zecora said, and snapped onto the golden feather with her teeth, pulling the dart out and leaving it carefully on her bedside table."But of more importance is what I found abandoned on your camping ground."
She picked up the dirty bag she'd brought with her, tossing it to the bat pony who promptly examined it.

Crimson's eyes bulged as he recognised the pink cutie mark design on the clasp. "That's miss Twilight Sparkle's saddle bag! I don't understand... Skinny has his own, he doesn't need this. Why would he have it?"
Zecora smirked mischievously. "It is no use asking me - I've only just entered this story." She opened a cabinet and pulled out a rusting metal box with a red cross labeled on it. From it, she took out a tin of salve and some bandages, and began working on the bat pony's increasingly blue legs. "My list of questions outweigh yours... why don't you tell me what you're here for?"

"Ohhh..." the bat pony said, in confusion. "Now that I think of it, I'm not even quite sure." He giggled softly. "Well, my name is Crimson Star and Princess Luna assigned me to look after Skinny over there. He's a creature from another dee-mansion! Isn't that exciting? Anyways, he ran off into the forest and I tracked him down. But the strange thing is, he took camping equipment with him. He came here of all places in Equestria for a reason. I just wish I knew what that reason was. And I know what you're thinking! 'Well, why don't we just ask the chap?' See, according to miss Sparkle, whatever world Skinny's from, it has no magic at all so he's having a hard time adapting to this one. We can't understand what he's saying."
The zebra rubbed her chin in thought, and then turned back to Crimson. "First thing's first - I am Zecora. I live here and study fauna and flora." She extended a hoof and Crimson bumped it with his own. "The Everfree Forest holds many a secret. But I may know where he's trying to get." She pulled a cloth map off shelf and laid it out on a table carved out of a tree stump. On the map, she tapped at an image that reminded Shaggy of a chess rook. "Not far at all from where I found you lies the Castle of Two Sisters, remembered by few."

Crimson Star gasped, looking at the map in awe. "The Castle... ?" He knew about it, all right. Though Princess Celestia and the daytime ponies had instinctively buried the past and even now spoke of Nightmare Moon as little as possible, the bat ponies had kept the legends alive amongst them. To some of the most devout, it was even a place of pilgrimage. Crimson himself had never had any desire to see the decrepit ruins, though. "That can't be right. He's not spoken to anyone, how would he even know it ex-" he halted, as dots began to connect in his mind.
The Castle was important to Princess Luna. Princess Luna met Skinny in the dreamscape, and was able to exchange some information. "Okaaay..." the bat pony rubbed the back of his head. "I might have a clue as to how he knows about it, but still... what would an alien that doesn't talk, doesn't read, doesn't do any magic want from there?" Crimson pouted, and crossed his front hooves. "I hate missing puzzle pieces..."

Zecora shrugged. "I fear you only have one course - you must take this matter to its source. Seek out the Castle and you'll find what's got your friend in such a bind."

You've never felt as comfortable as you do right now. The gentle caress of a breeze refreshes you as you lie on the softest cotton mattress. It's so good that you want to stay there forever, but your curiosity starts making itself known and the content feeling slips beyond your grasp.

You open your eyes to a bottomless bright blue above you. After the past few weeks of a grey fall sky, you can't help, but form a huge smile on your face. It's perfect. Too perfect.
Sitting up, you realise that you're on a fluffy white cloud, one that can somehow hold your weight. "This is a dream, isn't it?" You mutter.

A light giggle behind you catches your attention and you turn around. "You got it!"
The delightful voice belongs to a creature that had already mesmerised you in stone, but was a true marvel in the flesh. A dark red reptilian tail connected to a slim and very elongated brown-furred body with limbs of every distinction - a green foot and a beige hoof, a lion's paw and a bird's claw. Atop it all, a mischievous grey mare's round face grinned a toothy smile at you as she combed her long white mane with sharp talons.

"Holy shit!"

The chaos creature scowled. "Well, that's a rude way to say hello!" She barked in a high-pitched, familiar voice.

You shake your head in disbelief and try to find the proper words. "I don't... understand...? Are you... from my phone?" Just hearing another person speak English again is enough to make you choke up a little.
"Mmm-no." She shakes her head, the mane whipping against her long neck. "I was never really on your phone. I just didn't want you thinking you were going crazy."
"... oh." is all your fried mind can come up with.

With a swift and flexible motion, the creature uncurls her snake-like body and you notice a pair of mismatched blue wings on her back as well, that carry her over to you. You stand up, the cloud still carrying your weight no problem. She holds out her paw for you, claws retracted. "I've decided to call myself Eris. You know, like in Greek mythology?"
"Goddess of discord." You answer automatically, remembering that lesson. Though you were no expert, you did enjoy history class. You take ahold of the paw, feeling the leathery pad against your palm.
"That's the one!" She taps you on the nose with her talon, and you instinctively let go and step back. Eris's mouth opens a little in an expression of awe. "Your nose hurts."

You frown. "... you poked it."
"Yup!" She nods enthusiastically. "And now it hurts. Just like it would if it were real. Oh, if only it was real... I've never been able to touch anything for real." Eris's perpetually cheerful tone sours. "But you'll fix that soon. Right??"

"I still don't understand. Are you the reason why my mind keeps looping back to the statue I saw? That body?" You motion towards her absurd anatomy.
"Not intentionally." Eris says, her long ears flattening against her head. "There's not a lot of space for two people in one head. This is why I had to talk to you now, even though I knew I'd scare the bejeezus out of you! I would've done it a lot smoother, but time's running out. I'm growing up so fast."
You hold up a hand. "You're not making anysense. Just... just start from the beginning. What are you, and what do you want of me?"

"I'm Eris." She says slowly, as if lecturing a child. "I'm..." She rubs her chin. "I'm not quite sure what I am."
A wave of irritation and confusion washes over you. "Well, that's just great." You sit down onto the cloud. "I'm just stuck in Heaven with a motormouth Frankenstein's chick."
To your surprise, she grins again. "Not a bad analogy, actually! Cause you did kinda bring me to life."

You blink-blink. "... What?!"
"You. And Princess Luna. When she crossed into your mind the very first time, that's when I... you know..." she waved her paw vaguely. "... started to be. In a little corner of your consciousness. Magic and un-magic equals chaos. Chaos... equals me! I guess you could say I'm your daughter. Or a split personality. Or both."

Eris plops onto the cloud in front of you unceremoniously, though her snake-like form still allows her to pull herself up to your eye level. "At the time I was just a teeny tiny thing. A little bit of self-conscious magic tucked away under that..." she pats your head. "... rough exterior. But by the time those big ugly bug things attacked, the princess was able to cross over much easier because I was there in your head, widening the gap, letting her magic in. I didn't understand why I was able to think in your head, or see and hear through your eyes and ears. But I knew I wanted to live too."

"Daughter...?" Somehow, you're able to concentrate through the extreme whirlwind of emotions and hold your hand up to touch Eris's prickly, pudgy grey-furred cheek. She closed her eyes. "You're making me feel this, aren't you? Just like you made me think the phone call was real."
"Mmhmm. The stronger I got, the more of you I could control. But it hurts you. I have to get out before, I dunno, your head explodes?" She chuckled without humor. "I didn't realise it would be so dangerous though... I'm scared. I don't know what's happening to you outside any more than you do. I just had to tell you in case something happened to us... had to let you know I'm in here."

Right now, you feel like a bubbling cauldron of every emotion - you're angry and terrified, belated and in shock. You hide your face behind your palms and groan audibly. Then you hop up again and start walking around, your fingers and hands twitching as you struggle to absorb the information.
"I'm sorry..." Eris quietly mumbles. "I didn't... I... it's a lot, I..."
You snort. "Yeah, yeah, you could say that. You could say that the magical tick daughter in my brain that looks like a kid's made-up superhero is not what I was expecting to be rescuing from the happy-go-lucky ponyland swamp! Ohh!" You melodramatically hold your palm against your lips whilst Eris deliberately avoids your gaze. "Sorry! My mistake! Zebra swamp! Because zebras, they live in fucking swamps now, haven't ya heard?!?! Have you fed your swamp zebra?? I hear they like freakin 20 foot tall Krakens!!" You take a deep breath. "I am so sick of this shit! I like ponies! Cute little things! But a guy goes a widdle little bit crazy when you get nothin', but sugar all day long, 24/7! So I picked up that phone and I was like 'yeah, awesome, kick-ass humans around! Finally, some normal conversation.' Ohh, but then I get this! The absolute cherry on the cake!"

You would have said more, but the chaos creature's yellow eyes well up, and she bursts into tears, breaking your rant. "Uh... no, don't... don't do that..." you mutter helplessly, like you would to a kid you've accidentally tripped up. Despite knowing that your surroundings aren't real, you decide to put logic and trust issues to the back of your mind and wrap your arms around the shivering snake-like creature. "Y-y-you don't-don't like me... I wanted you to like me..." she mumbled.

"That's not what I meant..." How the fuck am I gonna calm this down? "It's just a lot to take in. Like, a really big lot. Give me a little bit of time."
Eris hiccups a little and rubs her face against your shirt to dry her eyes. "I can't... there isn't much time... you have to wake up soon."
You take a deep breath. "You said you had to get out of me. How do we do that? Can I ask the ponies somehow?"
"The magical power source, it's very close now. You have to get to it."
"What is it?? What am I looking for?!"
She gulps before answering. "I don't know... it's powerful. I could feel it all the way from when we were in Ponyville. It's much, much stronger than I am. And it can break the barrier, make you all magic. Then maybe I can leave, or me being here will stop hurting you." Moving away from you, Eris pokes her head under hand, silently asking for some attention. You absent-mindedly weave your fingers through her long mane, the tips of your nails poking against her strange crooked horns.

"Why do you look like this?" you wonder out loud.
The question seems to perk the chaos creature up a bit. "The old statue in the castle was the first thing I ever saw in your mind. I figured... if I had to look like something, it'd be that. It was so strange. And I'm so strange. See the correlation?" She playfully bumped her nose against the palm of your hand.
"You mean, do I see why you decided to turn yourself into a genderbent minotaurusaurus or whatever this is? No, I think I kinda missed that." You joke.
Eris blows a raspberry.
"But..." you add. "it is kinda groovy."

You jump and stuff your fingers in your ears as colourful fireworks explode all around you. "JESUS! Little warning next time?!"
"I'm sorry!" Eris titters, clearly not sorry at all, and her body coils around you like some kind of oversized cross between a stuffed and balloon animal. "I wanna hug!"
"O... kay." you breathe. Your perception starts to dampen, and you get tunnel vision. "Eris!"
The chaos creature hugs tighter. "It's not me! You're waking up! I promise I'm real! I promise!"
As the world fades away, the last thing you sense is a vague feeling of being kissed on the cheek, but you're not quite sure.

Unlike last time, you wake up in a dim room, in no small measure of discomfort. Your legs are downright aching from being crammed in a bed that's far too small for you and your throat is extremely dry. Fortunately, the latter problem solves itself as you notice a cup and jug on the windowsill right next to you. You sit up, only to feel something soft angrily slapping against your stomach. "What the-?"
You rub your eyes and focus. That tail... unmistakable. "Bunnystorm the Third... you survived."
An ear perked up. Surprised? You giggle to yourself and scratch Sweetheart's bunny behind the neck. "Alrighty, we will get some sleep..."

You grab the cup and fill it up several times, until your thirst is gone.
At that point, your body focuses on its other pains, namely the legs, which you push out of the bed and stretch, as well as a strange piercing pain on your right buttock.
That damn crazy zebra. You realise. He did straight-up knock me out. Must've been the drugs that gave me that crazy-ass dream...
You pause for a moment, wondering whether you'll hear your so-called daughter's exuberant voice, but there's nothing other than the whistling of the wind outside. You appear to be in what looks like a cross between Twilight's hollowed-out tree library and Hagrid's hut from Harry Potter. Strange masks and bottles hang from the ceiling and the shelves are full of dusty books and strange African paraphernalia. From the windows, you see drops of moisture falling from a miserable looking sky. Heavy rainstorm.
The only lights in the whole place emanate from candles concealed inside glass jars, that have already mostly burned out.

Suddenly, you hear a short, curt whinny and the zebra you encountered earlier trots to the bed, sniffing you. He also shakes something below you. Following his hoof, you notice something directly next to your bed - a napping bat pony. "Oh thank God!" you exclaim and rest your head back onto the bed. Safe then.
Disturbed from his sleep by the zebra, Shaggy got to his wobbly hooves and boops you on the nose. You poke him back, and scratch his freckled face with fondness, making him giggle. "Good to see you too." Still sleepy, he releases the greatest yawn you've ever seen, followed by a smacking of the lips. You're pretty sure you would have seen his lung through his open throat had there been more light. As Shaggy lies back down on his mattress, the zebra steps over him and gives you a close examination with a magnifying glass.

"Hey, what's the big deal? Never seen imperfect skin before?" You grumble at his square-jawed face. You wanted to be left alone to ponder over your bizarre dream, but the dude insisted on looking you over. "Can't you ask Lavender Lady for the notes?"
As he turned around, you spotted one of those peculiar symbols the ponies all have on their butts. But his was...
That's the sun from the Lion King. That is the fucking sun from the Lion King. I'm losing my goddamn mind. I'm in an asylum somewhere and none of this is happening.
You struggle to hold back a bout of maniacal laughter at the nonsense your life has become.
What if Eris is real, though? If she is, she could be making me see things right now.

As mister freakin' Rafiki returns with some kind of mixture, your eyes dart around, wondering what next hallucinogenic thing you're gonna see. Luke Skywalker has to be right around the corner, probably with a mini-Dalek on his shoulder.
Rafiki hoofs the steaming goblet to you. "Here goes leap of faith number 394."
You take a sip.
Black tea. Now this is real. "Thank you." You say gratefully. "Cool mohawk, dude." The zebra nods.

Being a product of freak weather, the rain stopped as quickly as it had started.
"We've got to move on." Crimson announced to Zecora, who was relaxing for once, and reading a Daring Doo book in a corner. "If the Castle is that close nearby, we can make it there before nightfall."

"With your hooves covered in bruises? I think not. I'd hate for all my work to be for naught." Zecora chastised without looking up.

The bat pony stubbornly stood up regardless. Zecora wasn't kidding - his hind hooves felt like painful noodles. Still, he could rest at the Castle, he decided. Don't want to get the princesses more worried than they already are. "I think we're still going. But it would probably be a good idea to let Ponyville know where we are."

Zecora put her book down, and looked at Crimson with worry in her grey-green eyes. "Listen to me, little bat pony. Now that we've guessed your destination, surely you could delay for a certain duration. Allow the Elements of Harmony to accompany your friend to see this journey through to its end."

He rubbed the back of his head bashfully. "That's probably the smart thing to do... but I am rather curious to see the Castle myself. I'd rather not delay. We're three toughies, we'll be fine."

Harrumphing, Zecora nudged a drawer open with her nose and pulled out a few tins of food and a wineskin of water, which she then pushed into Skinny's saddlebags. "Very well, I wish you luck... you've certainly got pluck." She also hoofed Crimson some fresh bandages. "This is not an idle jest: when you're tired, always rest. Otherwise you will not heal, and then the pain becomes unreal."

The three ate a lovely, warm, thick stew that Zecora cooked out of mushrooms and a little vegetable garden she kept, and soon enough were dressed up to head forward. Crimson still wobbled a little, but kept a brave face. As Skinny began following the road with Angel Bunny whistling a tune on his shoulder, Zecora muttered to him: "Be mindful at the Sisters' Castle. You may be in for quite a hassle."

Author's Note

So I gave Eris the R63 Discord a slightly different origin story... let her be Anon's devil on the shoulder for a bit :ajsmug:

Chapter 32

As you stand in the entrance hall with your friends, the faint, comforting orange glow finally dies out, replaced seconds later by the more eerie white of Princess Luna's moon. A morose feeling comes over you as you realise you'll either have to spend more time waiting, or wander around in the long shadows.

Hearing the old pony's hoofsteps echo from the first portal to the left, you follow the sound on a whim, and the noise of Shaggy's flapping wings follow right behind you. Moments later, you reach a wooden door left cracked open, with flickering light seeping out. You pull the squeaky door open and find yourself in what once may have been a scribe's chamber, but is now converted into the old pony's living place. In the middle of the room stands a stone brazier where flames dance happily amidst a cooking pot, giving the small chamber a homely feel sorely lacking in the rest of the Castle.

The scraggly blue pony himself sits casually on a pile of hay in the corner, looking through a newspaper with reading glasses on.

Since you don't know what to do now, you feel awkward, almost like an intruder. Well, she said you'll know it when you find it... but is it really a good idea to go prancing around the place in the dead of night?

Shaggy flies past you and sits down on a boulder to rest his wings. As his mouth moves, you assume he's talking to the other pony in the room in whatever ultrasonic language bats use. Your eyes fall on Sweetheart's bunny, looking bored and antsy on Shaggy's shoulder. Sweetheart really loves that silly thing. I should get them back together. Stop wasting time.

You nod to yourself and find a rusty three-pronged candle holder near the old pony and pick it up, gaining his attention. He throws the newspaper on his hind hooves and reaches into an olive green saddlebag behind his head to pull out several tapers. You smile and nod gratefully, and fill the holder, lighting the candles from the brazier. The bunny, noticing your actions, hops off of Shaggy's hooves and runs up your leg and back, tickling you. "Alright, what do you say, pal? You and me, like the old times? Of course, the old times were pretty bad... ah, fuck, let's just go." Leaving Shaggy to recuperate and talk with the other pony, you exit.

"I know it's in the Castle, it's close. I know that I'll know it when I see it. And I know that I'm walking around in the middle of alien ruins at like, what, 1 AM? 2 AM? Because spooky ghost daughter told me- did I tell you about the ghost daughter? I have one now. Looks like a furry grey noodle. Lives inside my head." You shake your head and laugh. "You know, maybe I've just gone completely insane and am now talking to myself in an asylum. There's a theory."

The bunny bites you on the ear, nearly causing you to drop your candles on the staircase you were on.

"OW! Okay, okay, you're real! Jesus..." Your voice trails off as the immensity of the Castle starts pressuring you. With nothing, but the feeble candlelight to give you vision, you feel as if you're surrounded by ghosts. You run your hand against the wall, hoping against all sanity that maybe you'll touch something that'll give you a clue as to what you're looking for. "Pah!" You hiss. "It could be any brick, anywhere! What the hell was she thinking...?"

Suddenly, your hand brushes against a coarse, soft material and you freeze briefly, before moving the light over to see your palm had landed against decaying, brittle books in a bookcase. You are inside a library, and the glow of the candles is reflected on the wet cobwebs wafting about. Cringing a little, you stick your hand into the web and rip it into shreds, moving between the shelves until you reach a table, setting the candle holder down there.

Out of idle curiosity, you pull out one of the ancient books and set it down on the table next to the light. As you open the book, it spews out a cloud of dust, forcing you and the bunny to hold your breath for ten seconds before actually examining the page. To your jubilation and shock, the words are in English!

"... 'use a slotted spoon to transfer to a plate lined with paper towels. Increase the heat to medium high, add the squash, and cook until lightly browned, 4 to 6 minutes...' hey! This is a cookbook!"

The bunny blinks in confusion.

"A cookbook! ... in English." Eris. She did say my resistance to magic wasn't as strong anymore.

You stuff the cookbook back on the shelf and pull out another tome, carelessly throwing the historical artefact onto the table to check the pages. "... 'if you're as grumpy as a cat, don't be surprised if you fall... prat... Let your smile be a ray, and always tell your neighbor... hey!' The fuck? ... 'By Princess Celestia for her sister Luna.' ... oh God..."

The bunny faints, plopping onto the table with a faint thud. A shudder passes over you. I should buy that poor night princess pony some flowers.

Rubbish pony poetry aside, you're still as clueless as ever so you take the candle holder and the bunny, and leave the library through a smaller doorway, which leads to yet another staircase going down and down and down by several temperatures. There, you find yourself in a corridor with rusting suits of equine armor lined up on each side. A gust of cold air blowing between the cracks in the bricks puts out the light, leaving you completely alone in the darkness.

A quiet chirruping sound inside your pocket attracts your attention. "... Buddy? That you?" You can feel him wiggling and jump out. "What're you doing? ... Can you see?" The bunny runs along the corridor, his little legs making soft patting noises. "... okay, I'm coming right after you!" you say unsurely and hold out your arms like Frankenstein's monster to avoid slamming into anything.

Unexpectedly, all of the suits start shining at once, blinding you momentarily. "Ah! What the..." You blink rapidly, trying to see what was happening. The golden, ethereal light seemed to emanate from within the suits themselves. In unison, they step off of their platforms. You feel as if you really ought to be running towards the other end of the corridor, but are paralyzed by sheer fear.

Together, they raise their spears, casting stripy shadows across the room.

RUN!!

As you bolt, you hear the blades whizzing by, one after the other. You throw the useless candle holder behind you, hoping it'll at least buy you another second. It clatters to the floor without touching a single spear. You dash straight into the inky blackness of the next area and trip, collapsing. "Dammit!"

You stand up, and to your complete confusion, despite having seen nothing but darkness ahead, you find yourself in the relatively well-lit great hall again, the moon bathing your surroundings in an eerie blue glow, just enough for you to see your way around. You rush back to the hallway where you left Shaggy and the old pony, but that entire corridor bursts into flames right in front of you, as if someone had lit a match on a pool of alcohol. You cry out and jump out of the way to avoid the fire. However, as soon as you fall back into the main hall again, the massive fire dies out as quickly as it had started.

Your jaw drops and you slowly edge back into the tunnel again. Woosh, the fire lights up again. A step back and it's gone. "Okay." you mumble out loud. "Not that way. Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, boss." You chuckle crazily. Something flickers at the corner of your eye, so you turn right, towards the thrones at the end of the hall. Two large, spectral ponies sit on them now, motionlessly, and too far away to fully make out aside from their long manes drifting in a nonexistent wind just as with Princess Luna and Princess Tia. You find yourself unable to hold back an embarrassing whimper of fear and the extremely powerful urge to run out of the Castle whilst you still can. "This is not happening, this can't be happening... wait... Eris! This you? Please be you..."

You don't get a response and the ghostly images on the other side of the hall do not disappear. "... shit..." you mouth. You draw your dagger just to feel safer and slowly start moving closer towards the ghosts, coiled to jump at any movement they might make.

And jump you do, but not from the ghosts, but because of the noise. The very unexpected melody and brass of... organ music? "What the fu-?" you mouth.

Carried by excellent acoustics, the eerie, fast music booms through the Castle. The two ghosts stand up on their four hooves and in perfect synchrony, walk down the steps of the throne platform onto the main floor. You hold the dagger in front of you in a futile gesture, but they seemingly ignore you. Instead, they pick up on the tune, and their bodies start swaying in rhythm, leading them to a joint, spectacularly choreographed dance across the hall.

With your back against the wall, you slowly move past them towards the other end where the music was coming from, praying the bouncy pony spirits won't notice you. Luck is on your side, though, and you manage to escape the hall and rush to the stairs unmolested.

Not seeing a thing anymore, you trip and roll painfully down the stairs and onto a moth-eaten carpet. Whilst rubbing your hurting chest, you use your other hand to feel out the contours of the carpet and realise it's one of those long royal stripes. You start crawling on its path and soon enough, are rewarded with a little dot of light in the distance, which grows into an illuminated organ. Most of the light is blocked by a shadowy pony figure whose hooves dance across the keys with a talent like you'd never seen before. The organ is flanked by a large candle holder on each side, with five candles each that serve to reveal more of the room to you. It is built out of a peculiar, reflective blue stone and the organ itself is surrounded by fine amethyst curtains that give you the impression this side of the Castle once belonged to the Night Princess.

Sensing your approach, the pony's hooves falter, cutting off the beautiful music. You hold up the dagger defensively, ready to fight for your life. In your panicked, tired mind, it's entirely possible that the music brought forward those terrible apparitions you've faced. But this pony breathes and reacts. He's real alright...

You yelp as the pony leaps up into flight, the dagger clattering on the floor out of shock. You run off, but he easily circles in front of you and shoves you onto the floor. You almost punch him in the face in panic, only to stop as you recognise the shining crimson-red eyes, filled with a mixture of childlike curiosity and concern. "Oh my God." You gasp, releasing what feels like a year of pent-up anxiety in one breath. As your body un-tenses and you drop to the floor, the bat pony lands and pokes at your neck with his freckled cold snout, nuzzling you comfortingly to calm you down.

In need of something friendly and true, you sit up again and wrap your arms around Shaggy's strong neck. The lack of hygiene avenues in the jungle has made his soft fur matted and a little grimy, but you don't care. The bat pony rubs his cheek against yours to emphasise his presence and the two of you sit there like this for a moment, letting you regain your faculties.

Crimson hadn't dawdled after Skinny and Angel Bunny wandered off to explore the deserted Castle. Even without full use of his hind hooves, he'd been compelled to have a good look at the place himself like any good thestral would. This wasn't just any old ruins - it was the site of the iconic battle between Princess Celestia and Nightmare Moon, where the dominance of the day over night was established for good.

As Mother often told him, things were never the same again after that. The bloodthirsty creatures of the night were feared, and supposedly only kept around at all by Celestia's pity. Many a petition came her way to have the thestrals removed from Canterlot, or even sent to the moon to follow their mistress. Gradually, of course, they subsided, but the mutual respect that had existed in Celestia and Luna's original shared rule was never regained.

Eventually, the bat had found his way to the organ. Unable to resist trying out a long disused talent, he'd played a tune or two from his colthood until Skinny found him, his eyes glazed over like a frightened pup. "Hey, Skinny. W-what's the matter??" the bat asked, nervous. "What happened?"

Sensing that the cold alien was looking for security, Crimson nuzzled into his cheek and tried to share body heat by covering his shoulders with his leathery wings. Gradually, his sharp, rapid breathing slowed and the bat sensed the tense digits wrapped around him loosen and becoming flexible again. "There, that's better. You're alright now. You're alright." He repeated.

The bat's ears caught the approach of loud, nonchalant hoofsteps and soon enough, Care Taker appeared from the darkness with an oil lamp. "Dinnertime is about to begin... sir."

Crimson nodded. "Right. There, you hear that Skinny? Dinner! Come on now, let's get something warm in your belly!" He patted the alien on the shoulder and took to flight again. The alien grabbed onto one of Crimson's front hooves like a foal, and followed behind him.

In their absence, Care Taker had set up a somewhat respectable dinner table in one of the smaller, better preserved towers. One of the old table legs was missing, replaced by a boulder, but it still felt far more royal than anything Crimson was used to.. Steam wafted off a blackened pot, waking up Angel Bunny, whose tiny nose began loudly sniffing from Skinny's bag. Despite the promise of warm food, Skinny grew agitated again, and kept slowing them down to peek through a crack in the walls, which opened up right down to the main hall and the cobwebbed twin thrones.

The old earth pony's icy eyes noticed Skinny's frightened demeanour. "Looks like the Castle isn't agreeing with him much."

"I just wish I knew what he was thinking." Crimson sighed as he set Skinny down on one of the creaky chairs. Angel hopped out of his bag and climbed onto the table, clearly hungry. The bat snapped him up with his teeth before he could burn himself on the hot pot. "I'ss hot, Angel. Wait." The bunny let out a cute groan and huffed.

"Well, maybe it's for the best." Care Taker murmured and began filling everyone's bowls with delicious hot stew, which they all eagerly began to consume. "Some things are best left unknown."

Crimson squinted and bit his lower lip. "Is that why you didn't want us in the Castle? Because there's things here that you don't want us to know about?"

Care Taker raised an eyebrow. "If there were, you wouldn't be here, sir." He said confidently.

For a while, conversation stalled and everypony ate in private, pondering over their own thoughts. Eventually, however, the boulder that Care Taker had used to prop their table up caught Crimson's eye. It wasn't just a lump of rock, but clearly carved into a round shape and etched with deep lines. "What is that?" Crimson pointed at the boulder. "I feel like I've seen that before somewhere."

"I should imagine so. That lump of rock over there nearly doomed Equestria about a month ago, when the Changeling Queen Chrysalis used it to displace the entire pony population underground. I don't know if you noticed." Care Taker explained in a dry tone. "I'm sure you lead a busy life." He glanced at Crimson's medallion.

The bat frowned. "The princesses took it here? What for? And what is it? We were all debriefed, but all they said was something about it being ancient, dark magic."

"Well, if they said that, I should probably keep my mouth shut." Care Taker quipped, letting the bat pony agonize for a few second, before snorting. "Buuuut the thing's dead anyway, so I guess it wouldn't hurt. That there is a Tradestone."

"A ...Tradestone?"

Care Taker nodded. "And rather ironically, it's not dark magic at all. But it is ancient. Even older than the princesses, in fact. If you remember your history classes, you'll know that back in the day, Equestria wasn't exactly all rainbows and sunshine. It was an untamed wilderness much more like this forest. Magic was..." he paused for a moment, searching for the right word. "... different. But the old pony tribes still managed to survive, and legend has it that a lot of that had to do with the Tradestones.

See, the tribes, they'd made their homes a great distance away from one another, but they still needed each other's help from time to time. Food, tools, the occasional roll of toilet paper... now, teleporting all that across Equestria is a bit of an ask for any unicorn. That's where the Tradestones come in. Instead of taking something and just sending it somewhere else, they switch - tit for tat. For example... a field of pumpkins for a load of cider barrels, a library of books for an art store of paintings... or the entire population of Equestria for Chrysalis's many-many hibernating Changeling eggs."

Crimson gaped at the possibilities, but as a guard, one appeared at the forefront of his mind: "Chrysalis has an egg for every pony in Equestria?!"

"Possibly double, or triple." Care Taker said without much fear in his voice. "Celestia only knows how many she can pop out a year, but it's all useless, because they'll never see the sun and there's not enough active Changelings to make sure they're warm. Still, a lovely thought to take to bed." The old pony laughed. It was a hacking, malevolent sound.

"How can you know all of this? This should be common knowledge amongst the guards!" Crimson complained.

Care Taker squinted, focusing on Luna's necklace that was still prominently shining on the bat's fluffy chest. "Tell you what. I will answer any questions you might have about me if you explain why Princess Luna would give an obviously inexperienced guard such as yourself authority only second to herself."

Crimson blinked. "I dunno." He said dumbly. And that was the end of that. Nobody said another word until Angel Bunny began excitedly hopping at the window.

His muscles taut, Skinny was the first to stand up and take a look, and to Crimson's dismay, all color drained from the alien's face. The bat and Care Taker followed suit, the former feeling massive trepidation building. What now?

The window opened up to the old, overgrown courtyard, illuminated by the bright, moving light of a unicorn's horn. The light revealed the Elements of Harmony sans Rainbow Dash, galloping towards the Castle.

"No, no, no, NO!" You shout, fury building inside you. How dare they come now?! You knew exactly what was going to happen. The sweet ponies were going to whisk you back to their town. Of course you couldn't resist them, particularly Sweetheart, who was probably worried sick to death... or maybe not, given that you stole food. They'd never let you out of their sight again, not knowing just how close you came to finding a way...

There had to be another way!

You focus on some debris on the ground, particularly a large, nasty-looking chunk of the brick wall. Maybe if you were to knock yourself unconscious, you could talk to Eris again? She could sense the power, tell you where to look at least. You feel so madly desperate that it's worth a shot. Before Shaggy or the other pony can even notice, you pick up the large rock, hold it over your head and let your grip slip...

"OWWWW! SON OF A BITCH!!!" You scream in pain, holding your head. "FUCK FUCK FUCK!!"

You curl up in pain, barely noticing Shaggy and the other pony rush to your aid. For a brief lunatic moment, you ponder what those two must think of you at this point. They drag you over to a wall. The old pony latches onto an oil lamp from the table with his teeth and holds it near your head to let Shaggy check your head wound. As the former hovers over you, you get a good look at his neck and notice a chain wrapped around it, concealed under his blue tie. The throbbing in your pain suddenly increases, causing you to groan through closed teeth. But it's not the pain of the wound. It's a headache, the same headache you've had damn near every other day since Princess Luna broke into your mind and brought Eris to life by accident.

Your eyes snap open as you realize that what you've been looking for hasn't been the Castle at all, but rather this pony who just happened to be here. And the necklace he hides...

With a savage strength that surprises even yourself, you grip the pony's neck and pull the chain hard as you can, revealing...

Aside from the more-than-fit Applejack, the Elements all gasped for air as they slowed down in front of the doorway to the Castle.

"Phooey!" The farm mare said chipperly, a wide smile on her tanned muzzle. "Ah'aven't felt sweat like that on mah back since the last Running Of The Leaves."

In direct contrast, Rarity shivered in the throes of overexhaustion. "This-s-s s-sort of e-e-extravagant pace should be banned! N-not one thing's worth this much trouble, let alone a maverick monkey!"

Fluttershy was quicker to forget her own tiredness. "Ohh, I do hope they're okay. They've been out here for days now. I, I just don't know what I'd do if something happened..."

Applejack patted her on the back. "Don'tcha worry 'bout nothin' there, sugarcube. 'Ah'm sure they're all in one piece, nappin' in hammocks and the like. We prolly went through more hail and thunder gettin' here than those three!"

"I hope you're right..." Fluttershy said unsurely.

Twilight stared at the doors with a firm expression. "Well, we're about to find out." She walked up the stairs and pushed her weight against one of the doors, but they did not open. "That's odd. Someone's locked them from the inside. Hang on." Using her magic, Twilight took control over the large plank holding the door shut and pulled it off, causing the doors to slowly open with a creak.

In the main hall stood Skinny, with his funny... hands... behind his back in an authoritative pose. Beaming, Fluttershy trotted ahead of the group, only to falter when she noticed a familiar metal necklace hanging on his neck and glinting with a red light. She stopped, and Twilight stopped beside her, gasping out loud:

"The Alicorn Amulet!"

Chapter 33

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 34

You stand in the middle of a concrete street, and deeply breathe in the faintly noxious fumes of the cars whizzing past you. As you watch them hurry off to work, exercise, meet a relative et cetera et cetera, you smirk. Busy bees, us humans. But then again, you could hardly judge, because you do have an appointment of your own.

The traffic lights signal green for you, so you cross the zebra and examine the dilapidated series of buildings in front of you. Nothing particularly distinctive about any of them - it's all a mishmash of neon, bricks and vapid advertisements, but there's a kind of junk food comfort to them. You know you fit these drab surroundings much more than the idyllic scenery of Equestria. The ponies' welcoming hooves are a home to your heart, but that grey, downcast street outside your old apartment window is home to your mind.

You fixate on a coffee shop. You've never been there. On a whim, you walk up the steps and push the door open. The interior, to your surprise, matches your memories - not of this place, of course, but a colorful diner you'd seen in a film. Vague alien shapes surround you - you don't remember what kind of people... or aliens... inhabited the diner. You sit down on one of the window seats and pointedly raise an eyebrow towards your companion, already coiled up on the opposite chair like the overgrown fluffy snake that she is. Eris chews her long white mane absent-mindedly, only spitting it out when she realises you're there. "Anon!" She chirps. "Whatcha think?"

"It's cute." You roll your eyes, but the snark is washed away by a genuine feeling of gratefulness. "I really appreciate it." The praise makes Eris smile, and her fuzzy ears twitch on top of her head. "But I am wondering why you're still in my head. I thought you wanted me to get the fancy necklace so you could get your own body?" you ask.
"Pfft!" Eris pouts. "What do you mean, my own body? I'm in my body." Using her lion's paw, she motions vaguely at the surroundings around you. "I belong here. With you. We're a team, yeah?"

You feel a sense of trepidation. This is going to be difficult. "But I don't understand. You were outside my body. You showed me that the fire in the Castle was fake. That Care Taker made it up."
A wide, self-satisfied smirk spreads across Eris's long snout, and she snickered. "Well, thanks to that magical doo-dah, I've become a bit of a backseat driver in here. Sorry." She burst into actual giggles. "What I did was manipulate your... well, our perception a little. I imprinted an image of myself onto your eyes. Like a waking dream. Kind of like Care Taker's fire itself, now that I think about it."

Eris stares down onto the table in front of you, and you follow her line of sight to find a chilled, fizzy glass of Coke there. You gulp it down without hesitation, indulging in the crispness of the drink as it goes down your throat. "I can make anything real to you, if you want."
Now it's your turn to laugh, confusing the poor girl. "That wasn't real though. You're stronger, but you're still living in my memories. You made me taste Coke, because I have already tasted it. And you look like..." you wave your hand towards her furry face "... this... because I saw that statue in the Princesses' garden."

The words sour her mood, and a strong blush comes over her grey face. "Yeah, well, so what?! There's nothing wrong with being what I am! And I'm the only one of us who can do magic, mr 'I'm So Cool Cause I'm Real'. Ooh, look at me, I can drink Coke! Hey, she just said she can manipulate my very understanding of reality, but hey, I drink Coke!!" Eris shouts, her claws scraping thin lines into the table.

You hold up your hands defensively. "Hey-hey-hey, chill out now. I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to say you're not real. I mean, it's weird, but... I'm glad you're here."
Eris starts chewing on her white locks again, avoiding your gaze. "... you are?"
"Mm-hmm. There's a lot going on in my life right now... it's nice to know there's someone who can, well, kind of see things from my perspective. You're in my memories, you know that this world isn't like the world I came from. And... I have... difficulties dealing with that sometimes. I miss things... being less perfect. I miss not having to be the best that I can possibly be to live up to what these ponies expect from everyone. But you're not like that. At least not all the way."
Eris frowns, and cocks her head to the side. "Well, that's silly."
"I mean, I guess-" you start, but she interrupts you. "How can you not be best? I mean, you never want anything bad to happen, so it's not your fault when it does!" Eris declares passionately, and crosses her arms in a victorious pose.

You blink. "I don't think that's how it works."
With a white flash, Eris disappears and then reappears sitting on top of you. "Hug!" She wraps her long, soft coils around your chest and nuzzles carefully under your neck to avoid poking you with her horns. "The good thing about dreams is that you decide." she says, rubbing your cheek playfully with her paw.

With a gentle smile on her face, Nurse Redheart strolled down the corridors at a slow gait, with soft steps, careful not to wake any of the patients during her night watch. Despite working the night shift, her smile was genuine - unlike, say, the infamous Cutie Mark Crusaders, Redheart had realised her purpose at an early age and lived it. She was all about making ponies better. Patching them up, talking to them when they were lonely and, like tonight, making sure no harm came to them during the dark hours.

Dedicating herself to the wellbeing of others was tiresome, but Red saw its benefits. She met all kinds of ponies in her line of work, and even other species at times. Most recently, there was the sweet ape-like alien from another world that the Elements of Harmony dubbed 'Skinny'. Not to mention the first thestral to visit Ponyville in a long long time. Red couldn't lie, she'd felt a degree of trepidation when tasked with looking after a member of the notoriously furtive and brusque bat pony race, particularly a guard. Fortunately, Crimson Star proved to be a particularly bright and cooperative patient. Or so she'd thought, anyway.

Red peeked through the window of a specific ward and her eyes widened as she saw the doctors hadn't been lying. Crimson was indeed back in his bed, although now with badly bruised hindhooves instead of wings. Being extra careful not to make the door squeak, she gave it a light push and brushed through the opening into the room to get a look at his chart. However, the white pony immediately cursed under her breath as she realised she'd neglected the bat's enhanced hearing. The minute she walked in, his dark fuzzy ears twitched noticeably. The nurse froze, but it was far too late - Crimson's guard training set off an internal alarm of sorts and she found herself staring at two bloodred orbs with slitted irises.

The bat gave a wide sharp-toothed grin. "Hello, nurse."
She released a breath she didn't realise she was holding.
"I'm sorry to have woken you up. I just came to look at your chart." Redheart said carefully, and pulled it out of the socket at the end of Crimson's bed. "Injury sustained from a confrontation with an unspecified 'squid monster'?"
Crimson shrugged apologetically. "The Ever-"
"The Everfree Forest, right." She finished for him, vaguely gesturing with her hoof. No questions had to be asked. Besides, she had a different topic in mind. "Crimson..."
"Yeah?" The bat asked, an obliviously innocent look on his face that pulled at the nurse's heartstrings.

Charm off. Interrogation time.
Redheart bit her lip, but decided to just jump into it. "I hate to ask this, but there's a problem and it needs to be addressed."
"A problem?" Crimson's features drooped, and one of his ears slowly perked up to attention.
"Yes. Now, I want you to know that I don't mean to be disrespectful about this. I just want you to hear me out, because I think you're the only one that can answer this."
When the bat didn't reply, she pushed on. "The last time you were here, when your wings fractured, there was an issue with the supply room. Two packages of donor blood went missing. At the time, I was maybe a bit suspicious, but I didn't say anything because, well..." She rubbed the back of her head nervously, and began to breathe heavily. "I suppose I didn't want any trouble with the Guard, or with... with other bats. But the good news is, I found the packages two days after you left. Just by accident, I... I saw them stuffed into the trash. They were empty, just plastic. But everypony had said the blood hadn't been in use, so I got curious. I checked them. And there were two puncture marks on both."

For a moment, silence hung in the ward. Crimson frowned, and then nodded. "I took them."
The immediate admission surprised Red so much that she actually took a step backwards. "Wait, you-... really?!"
Crimson lowered his head mournfully, immediately defusing the tension building up in the white pony. "I'm sorry, Nurse Redheart. I didn't think anybody would notice so soon... I just had to...."

She sighed. "That anti-bloodsucking law has been pretty hard on bats, hasn't it?"
"No!" Crimson shook his head rapidly, making his fur flap around on him. "The potion Princess Luna worked out nourishes us, so we don't have to feed on other living animals anymore! We're fine, we're just... my mother..."
"Your mother...?"
Crimson closed his eyes. "She wants me to be a proper thestral. To feel like one. And a proper thestral drinks blood. So I had to get some, somehow."
Redheart frowned, recognition gleaming in her eyes. "Wait, is your mother... Crystal Star??" The thestral matriarch had attained a certain degree of infamy in Canterlot circles by publically representing the more vicious night time ponies who still longed for Nightmare Moon's rule, over 1000 years after her defeat. After Princess Luna's return, a flame had been lit in their greedy hearts again, and nothing could convince them that Celestia wasn't still holding her prisoner somehow, a mockery of the queen they dreamed of.

"Yeah." Crimson admitted. "And I'm a Lunar Guard, I know. You should've seen Mother when I told her about the potion. She only stopped yelling when she physically couldn't." He snickered, only to remember why they were having this conversation. "I won't do it anymore, I promise. And if you want to send a letter to Canterlot, that's okay. I understand. You know, I've never been in a prison before, it'll be quite interesting." He stared wistfully at the ceiling.

Redheart stared at the thestral, feeling split. On one hoof, Crimson had stolen blood from ponies who could have very well been in trouble without it. But on the other, she really didn't think he'd meant any harm. And he did promise...
Finally, after pacing back and forth for a while, she came to a decision and smirked.
"If you make up for it, I won't give you up. So, as soon as you get better, I want you back in this hospital ready to fill two bags, are we clear?" She announced in an authoritative tone.
Crimson nodded on his bed. "Yes, ma'am."
"And don't think I won't be checking hospitals in other cities. I don't want to hear about this sort of thing happening again. Our patients may need that blood to survive. A Lunar Guard can't be this short-sighted! Now off to sleep." She turned around and headed for the door, pleased with how she'd handled the situation.
"Nurse?" Crimson called after her.
"Hmm?"
"Good night. And thanks!"
"Sleep tight, Crimson."

Sipping a smoky herbal tea, Zecora watched with no little amusement as the door to her hovel practically flew off its hinges, revealing a red-faced, scowling old earth pony who threw a pair of heavy black saddlebags onto the floor with a loud metallic clunk to give his poor back a break.
"Judging from your face's hue, I see things did not go well for you." She muttered, and stood to fill her kettle again.
"Well?" Care Taker intoned sarcastically as he sat down on the opposite side of the table. "It was a disaster. Tourists, you said. The occasional bat colt or filly. Perhaps once in a blue moon, an odd adventurer with dreams of glory. Now, unless I fell asleep in the middle of that conversation, that list did not include Lunar Guards from the cult of Nightmare Moon armed with furless monkeys drawn to magic like a Changeling drawn to love!"

Zecora rolled her eyes at the cynical old pony's whinging. "Perhaps for you, some tea of lilac, lest you have a heart attack."
"That would probably be the highlight of the day." Care Taker muttered. "... but tea would be nice."
She sat down again. "While it boils, I must insist you tell me all of this... cultist?"
Care Taker nodded. "He was wearing a sigil of Nightmare Moon around his neck, the same type that she used to give out to her inner circle. Which we only remember because some of their crazy descendants are still wearing them. The night of Canterlot is thick with bats who want what Moon promised them. And you know that with something as powerful as the Alicorn Amulet, they're liable to get it."

The zebra shaman tapped her chin. "I am not convinced that Crimson Star has led us into the trouble in which you think we are."
"Crimson... Star?" Care Taker said slowly, his expression becoming increasingly grave. "As in the son of Crystal Star? Well, that's good news. We're not in trouble, we're dead. The moment Crystal Star learns that her son has access to the Amulet, she'll be coming for it and I doubt she'll be alone."
"You have little faith, I see, in the Elements of Harmony." Zecora pointed out, and poured the steaming hot lilac tea into a small porcelain cup in front of Care Taker, who gladly took it and warmed his hooves.
"Oh, I have faith... I'm just not a one trick pony." He clacked cups with Zecora.

Chapter 35

You're brought out of a deep, satisfying sleep by some kind of disturbance on your face, your lazy brain cells taking far too long to realise what the neurons are shouting at them. You open your eyes and your line of sight is filled by a large red feather hanging over your nose, tickling it. It goes away, only to be replaced with Eris's elongated snout leading up to her bulbous, fiery red eyes. "Morning, sleepyhead. It's 8 AM. And I'm bored. Fire your brain up. Do something!"

"You gotta be shitting me." You grumble, rubbing your face. It's too late though - Eris has made sure your sleep's gone away and then disappeared back into your subconscious to let you get on with your day like the minx that she is. You sigh and snuggle up under the covers for a few precious minutes more.

"Dogs should never complain about their beds. This is the best." You mumble and stretch cozily, draped across the familiar grey round mat on the floor of Sweetheart's living room. Your body, still aching from a weekend spent in a forest, begs you to return to lazy slumber, but curiosity prevails.

You are just far too eager to get to know these ponies better, so you crawl out from under the covers, make your bed and take a quick dip into the bathroom to get cleaned up for a visit to-

Dawn...? No, that wasn't right. Something to do with the sky. Lavender, whatever.

to Lavender Lady's library. Names were never your strong suit.

You stop at the door, greeted by an endearing sight - sometime after you'd gone to sleep, Sweetheart had moved one of her green armchairs in front of the doors and curled up to sleep on it.

Making sure nobody leaves the house. Oh, you kind little thing.

As you watch her back heave up and down in patient sleep, you remember that you do in fact want to leave the house right now though. You glance at the windows. They're more than big enough, but the frames don't leave enough wiggle room...

Actually, no. Enough sneaking around. I can wake her up.

You move a hand towards her, only to feel a strong sharp pain on your index finger. Angel had latched onto it with his teeth. Climbing on your palm, he points at Sweetheart and mimics sleeping. "No, I'm gonna wake her up." You say with determination.

Red-faced, the furious bunny pulls a friggin box cutter out of his freakin tail. "Shit!" You yelp and drop the bunny as if he was a hot potato. However, when you spin around to try and find him again, Angel has completely disappeared, much to your confusion. At least it was until you turn back towards the chair and notice a pair of curious cyan eyes wide open.

"Oh." You mutter. "Er, sorry."

Sweetheart smiles. "It's ok." Now that you're thinking more rationally, it occurs to you how similar her 'human voice' is to the basic horse noises you'd heard before the Amulet. You can just about hear the same breathy, caring gentleness. "I got a full night's sleep."

The yellow pegasus hops off the armchair and shakes her entire body to clear out the sleep, her long pink mane slapping side to side. You take a knee to be on eye level with her. "I wanted to go and see the, uh... the purple one."

Sweetheart conceals a giggle behind a hoof. "You mean Twilight."

You snort and nod apologetically. "Yeah. Twilight. You guys have such cute names."

"Oh, but that's a must! After all, we ponies are cute." She flicks her mane to the side and brushes one hoof up and down against the other in an exaggeratedly adorable pose, causing you both to break into laughter.

Sweetheart stops first and pokes her hoof against your stomach, eliciting a betraying rumble. "Just as I thought. You're not taking one step out of this house until we get some breakfast in there!" She says in a sing-song voice and trots to the kitchen. "And after that, I'll take you to see Twilight. I mean, if you'd like that."

You follow her and sit down on a stool as the pegasus pushes herself up on her hind legs and fusses over a counter. "Definitely. Listen, Sweetheart-" you catch yourself. "Ohh, I mean, uh..."

You fail to finish as a distracted Sweetheart loses her balance, forcing you to rush over there and catch the little pony in your arms. An upside-down yellow face blinks. "Hey-hey, you gotta be more careful." You chuckle, and put her back on the floor. The pony hides an embarrassed face behind a wing.

"Yes, I should be. Um, thank you. For, uh... well, for catching me and, uh... you know..." She stuttered and vaguely gestured with her hoof, clearly desperate for you to take over the conversation.

"It's what I called you, when I couldn't talk to you. I mean, I had to come up with some names in my head to keep track of everyone. And I thought you were sweet. Are sweet. So, it... stuck."

The two of you sit down on the floor now, having forgotten breakfast entirely. "We actually did a similar thing for you." Sweetheart admitted. "We called you Skinny. I hope that doesn't offend you."

"No, not at all."

She picks up one of your hands with her hooves, and traces the frog of her hoof across the thin hair on the back of your hand. "When you got here, I wasn't quite sure if you were supposed to be the way you are. I'd never seen a creature quite as furless as you, except foals." She pauses at your digits. "What are these called? They're not quite claws..."

"Fingers."

"Fin-gers..." she rolls the word on her tongue. "They're very flexible. Your kind must be very able."

You laugh nervously. "Right, let's go with that."

Holding the fingers clumsily between her hooves, Sweetheart slowly pulls your hand up and over her head, where you instinctually scratch behind her pointy left ear. The pony hums in contentment and closes her eyes. "Mmm... a little more? Just a little?" You keep scratching and watch with no small amusement as Sweetheart's fluffy pink tail thrashes back and forth from the sensation. "Please? ... More?"

You eventually go for both ears, eliciting a barely veiled squee out of the adorable creature, who by this point is struggling to remain still, fidgeting under your hands like an overexcited puppy whilst you giggle uncontrollably at her plight and move to tickling her tummy, back, and hooves. "Stop, you-! St-o-o-OO-p!" Sweetheart laughs. Finally, you leave the shaking mess of a pegasus recovering on the floor and pull out some stuff from the kitchen to make breakfast for both of you.

After eating, you finally leave the cottage to go to town and see Twilight. No sooner had you passed Sweetheart's mailbox however, than you crumpled onto the ground under the sudden extreme weight of what you first think of as an overgrown pigeon.

"Gotcha!" Bubbles cheers, standing over you with sunny yellow bangs hanging over her radiantly smiling face and goofy mismatched eyes. Feathered wings flap against grey sides victoriously. You boop the silly pony on the nose, and she lets you stand up.

"Derpy! That wasn't very nice!" Sweetheart says abruptly and trots over to the two of you to help pat the dust off of your trousers. She takes a defensive position between you and the grey pegasus.

You hold your hands up. "It's okay! It's fine."

Bubbles's jaw goes slack. "Whooooa! You have brains?" Unnoticed by either, Sweetheart facehoofs.

"Yes!" You grin. "Yeah, I-I'm intelligent. I'm Anon." Instinctively, you hold out a hand to shake it. Bubbles simply waves her hoof, ignoring or not noticing it. "Hi intelligent Anon! I'm Derpy!"

"Hello... Derpy." you say awkwardly, but she doesn't seem too bothered.

"Helloooo!"

"Anyway, I was just taking Anon to see Twilight. Now that we can actually talk to him, we should be able to find out more about where he's from."

Bubbles gave Sweetheart an odd look and blinked. "Why don't you just ask him? Intelligent Anon, where are you from?"

"I'm from-" you start, but the grey pegasus interrupts: "Is it the Moon? No, wait, the Sun! You see all kinds of crazy things after you look at the Sun." She pauses briefly, and then a huge wide smile spreads across her face and she hops in place victoriously. "No, I know! I know! You're lost! You're from the place where all the lost things go! Hey, have you seen my socks?"

"I'm from Earth!"

The revelation only seems to confuse Bubbles further as she lowers her head to stare straight the ground and taps against it with her hoof. "Are there any more Skinnies down there?"

Sweetheart smiles indulgently and puts a hoof on the grey pegasus's shoulder. "I think he means he's from a place called Earth."

"Oh."

"Why'd you hop on my back anyway?" You ask.

Bubbles perks up again, only for her ears to droop. She holds a hoof up to her lip in thought. "There was something I had to do. Or ask for."

"Letters?" Sweetheart suggests helpfully. The grey pegasus shakes her head frantically.

"No-no-no! It's not my shift! It's Monday! Monday is fun-day, that's how I know it's not my shift! Ohhh I forgot! I hate forgetting!" She stamps against the ground and looks so sorrowful and near to tears that you feel compelled to kneel down and give the little eccentric thing a hug. "Hey, it's okay. I'm sure you'll remember." You say as you pat her on the back. As you do, you hear her gasp.

"I know!!" Bubbles pulls away from you and then pushes you against the ground with a mischievous grin.

Sweetheart scowls. "Derpy, stop it!"

"You were supposed to scratch my ears!"

For a few moments, there's a dead silence between the three of you. Finally, Sweetheart raises an eyebrow, smirking. "Is. That. So?"

Having not expected this reaction at all, you're somewhat baffled. "Uh, well, you know, we, uh... we had a thing."

"A thing?" She pressed on.

Bubbles joined in. "Yeah, a thing! What about the thing?" She gasped. "Did you have a thing?! Have you been thing-ing behind my back!?"

"What?!" you cry confusedly.

"Yes, we do have a thing as well. And as host of the house Anon sleeps in, I believe it's within my rights to claim exclusive rights to... the thing." Sweetheart proclaims. "Um, if you're ok with that."

Bubbles's face turns red. "No, ma'am! Indeed, no ma'am! I've a whole week of scritches to catch up on and nopony will stand in my way!"

"Ok, what is going-" you try to interject, but are cut off by Sweetheart. "Then I propose we join forces and conquer the thing, one for all and all for one!"

Bubbles and Sweetheart slap their hooves together and then rush to your sides, left and right respectively, both staring up at you. Sweetheart flutters her eyelashes. "Anon..." she breathes, nuzzling onto your right calf. "You won't mind if we walk you to Twilight, will you? After everything you've been through, we wouldn't want something else to happen to you."

"Mm-hmm!" Bubbles added. "And, uh, if you can scritch our undeserving brains out while we're taking you there?"

Sweetheart facehoofed again. "Subtlety is a lost art." She muttered under her breath.

And so it came to pass that you walked to town with two gorgeous mares attached to your hip, and your hands constantly rubbing their ears, skulls and necks as they moaned in pure ecstasy in a rather provocative and inadvertently attention-seeking manner.

You knock politely on the painted red door. Inside, you hear a muffled squeak and then the pitter-patter of tiny feet leading up to the door, which opens up to reveal the odd little lizard guy that Twilight hangs out with. "Yup!" He yells over his shoulder. "It's Skinny!"

"Distract him!" Twilight yells from the other side of the library. Little Mr. Gecko rolls his eyes and turns back to you. "Hey, can you really talk to us now?"

You nod. "Yup, sure can." Gecko's slitted green eyes widen up massively - they really are huge and he lets out a little awed "ohh", showcasing his sharp teeth. "That's so cool - I only wish Owlowiscious could suddenly talk." He grits his teeth and balls his claws into small fists. "Would be a real help, just saying!" Shaking off his annoyance, Gecko extends his paw. "I'm Spike, by the way."

You shake it. "Anon."

"That's a weird name... um... Anon, what are they doing?" He points at Sweetheart and Bubbles who are desperately nuzzling at your fingers to squeeze a few more scritches in. You pull your hands away. "Guys, cut it out!" you hiss.

The two ponies whine and make puppy eyes at you, but loyal Spike quickly pushes you into the library. "Twilight needs to ask a few questions from him, you can come by later in the evening, okay? Okay?" He watches fearfully as the two pant in your direction. "I'll take that as an affirmative."

He shuts the door and then glances briefly at his paws. "Uh, just go downstairs, you'll find Twilight in her lab."

"You're not coming with me?" You ask.

Spike still stares at his paws. "No, I... got an experiment to try out." The lizard pulls the door open again and sneaks out.

You shrug and go downstairs to the same old dungeon where Twilight brought your phone to life. There, you find the purple unicorn energetically pulling straps through metal holes attached to the slab in the middle of the room. You notice the dirtied light blue saddlebag you found in the forest on a pedestal, under a plastic case.

Twilight jumps as you walk in.

"Whoops. Didn't mean to scare ya." You joke.

"Oh, hey Anon! Um... why don't you lie down and we can get started?" She motions towards the strap-covered metal slab with a grin worthy of the most talented used car salesman.

You raise an eyebrow. "Not even for bacon." Before you can walk out, however, the purple pony zips past you and rears up, pawing at you pleadingly.

"Okay, okay! We can leave the experiments for later! What I actually really want to do is just, well... talk to you! A whole new species, with memories from a completely differently designed universe! Alien sociological developments! New laws of physics! Embodiment of anti-magic! You'll change Equestria as we know it, and I, Twilight Sparkle, am here at this point, in this time in history to record it all for countless generations to come! Eeeeeeeeeee-!"

Mid-squee, she faints onto your slippers and you are left standing awkwardly over the unconscious mare.

Leaning against you, Eris frowns comically. "Well, this'll be a hoot to explain. Should we steal her vital organs?" She brandishes a shining scalpel. You pluck the nonexistent blade from her paw.

"No, Eris, we're not gonna steal her vital organs! Why would you even think that??"

Eris shrugs. "I dunno, it's something people do on your planet?"

You stare at her for a moment with a bemused expression. "Yeah, they also eat cheese. Doesn't mean we should. And if you have to check out my memories all the time, switch to Harry Potter or something. Jeez."

The mismatched girl huffs and disappears.

Crouching down, you try to pick Twilight up, only to notice a card attached to a thin string around her neck, with handwriting on it.

Say 'I burn books' and she'll be fine - Spike.

"Uh... I burn books?"

Twilight gasps and jolts upright. "MY BOOKS!!" Before you can stop her, the unicorn wriggles up to her hooves and rushes up the stairs. Holding back laughter, you follow her back to the library, where you find her frantically checking over every shelf, muttering titles under her breath.

"Thank Celestia, they're all right." she finally says, wiping sweat off her forehead. "I must've had the worst dream EVER."

"Sorry. Um... we were gonna talk?"

Twilight widens her eyes. "Yes! Yes, of course!" Her fluffy cheeks puff up as she gives you a beaming smile. Trotting back to you, the purple pony motions for you to sit down on one of the large steps that lead up to the second floor. "I mustn't get ahead of myself. You're the one who's probably all confused. I can't imagine what you must feel like, stuck like this." She frowns compassionately and pats you on the shoulder. You grasp the hoof thankfully, and your fingers briefly brush against the skin under Twilight's layer of fur. It somehow makes her feel less alien.

"Hey, I think I made more friends here in a month than I did in a few years back home." You joke.

"Well, that doesn't surprise me." Twilight uses her magic to levitate a blackboard over to you two, and draws a star surrounded by a butterfly, lightning bolt, apple, crystal and a balloon. "Our land of Equestria is rich in magic, which allows us to maintain harmony over all living things. Me and my friends represent and stand for that harmony. So, it'd be kind of a miracle if you didn't make friends here!" She smirks.

You decide to get the biggest thing off your chest first. "Twilight... do you know why I am in Equestria?"

The purple pony's ears droop. "I'm sorry, I have no idea what brought you here. Your body simply absorbed all the magical scans I tried to do. And nobody found anything out of the ordinary in the Everfree. I can only speculate..."

"Okay." You shrug. "Speculate."

Twilight takes a deep breath and sits down next to your knees, looking at the floor. "Well... since your world doesn't produce any magic, then someone here must've opened a portal. And you simply fell through it. But to create a portal to another universe, not to mention a universe that according to our laws of nature might as well be fiction... it's unthinkable."

"But I'm here." You point out.

Twilight snorts. "Aaand I'll probably spend the rest of my life figuring that one out. But hey..." She nudges you. "I love a challenge."

Instinctually, you reach over to pet her head, only to remember seconds later that she's a sapient being and not a dog. "Oh! Sorry... force of habit."

"What's the matter?" Twilight asks, innocent curiosity shining in her deep violet eyes.

"I shouldn't have done that without, er, asking you first..." you mumble under your breath.

The purple pony cocks her head to the side. "You don't need to ask anypony's permission just to pat them on the head." She says slowly, as if talking to a child, though with good humor. "In fact, we ponies like to keep close and remind ourselves of how much we appreciate each other. Probably left over from the old days, when we were a herd race." The pony bumps her nose against your hand. "You doing the same was our first real indication that you were like us, in a way. "

The thought reassures you, but you know something still needs to be said: "It's more than that. Ponies exist in my world too..."

Twilight squeaks loudly before you can continue. "They DO?!? Tell me everything! No, wait...!" She uses her magic to levitate several stacks of paper, inkpots and quills over to her, controlling all simultaneously. "Ok, go!"

"... as I was saying, there's ponies in my world too. But they're not like the ponies here. They're not... brainy. They're kinda like dogs, they don't talk, they're just... doing whatever we need them to do."

The unicorn frowns. "What does that mean?"

A few beads of sweat form on your forehead. "Uh, well... it means we have them around. Like pets and workforce and... sometimes we..."

don't say eat don't say eat don't say eat

"... breed them, and..."

Twilight turns very red very quickly.

you motherfucker

"NOT IN THAT SENSE! I mean, we, uh... we-we... oh sweet Jesus..." you facepalm. "We keep them around as familiars, basically. Okay?"

"... I think I know what you mean..." Twilight says slowly, avoiding your eyesight. "Tell me other things about your world. Is there a government? How advanced is your science? How many races? How long is the day? How..."

She rambles onwards and you try to answer her questions to the best of your ability... which, to be fair, isn't all that much.

The 'interrogation', which lasted five hours and 23 minutes, and included details about your bank account and the precise recipe for a boring human potato salad, ends with Twilight's most important question: "Do you like books?"

"Huh?"

"Books!" Twilight exclaims, her eyes shining brilliantly. She gallops to the shelves, looking at the various spines with an adoring expression. "Containers of knowledge, records of wisdom throughout the generations, educators of the young and the old!" She turned back at you, a wary look on her face. "You... do have books, right?"

You laugh out loud. "Yes, Twilight, we have books. And yeah, I do like them. Actually, one of the worst things about being cut off from home is I don't have any of my favourites with me. My grandpa kept his whole house full of them, every wall was lined with shelves. I once built a fort out of them when I was a kid. Boy, did I get it..."

The purple unicorn moans a little. "Oh, human books... that would be the crown jewel of my collection." She smiles wistfully for a moment, before adopting a more stern look. "Well, the library is open to you at all times..."

"That's brilliant, I..."

She interrupts your cheer. "... on ONE condition."

"Ah."

Twilight stares at you piercingly and pokes the Alicorn Amulet through your shirt. "You have to let me run some tests on the Amulet, and see what kind of an effect it's having on you. Just because magic is not innately part of your nature doesn't necessarily make you immune to its darkness."

You sense a scowl stretch on your face. "You'd have to get it off my neck first. I didn't go all this way just for you to confiscate it."

Clearly, the pony doesn't like it, but she tries another approach: "Why did you go? Did you know it would be there?"

"I think that's between me and Princess Luna. She, uh... she did something to me, and I just want to talk to her first. But I'll tell you right after I know, okay?" You pat her on the head again, reassuringly, and scratch the pony's ear, which makes her head twitch around in confusion.

"Oka-whohh, what is that, what're you doing?! It feels so.."

"I am giving your ears the pet treatment, miss 'we're a herd race'."

"Oh-oh-oh, I d-did not, oh, I did not expect t-that..." she stutters between bouts of tickling that makes her tail whip the ground aggressively. "Wow, those things are wild!"

"I can't help it. This place puts Disney to shame. And Disney has Star Wars!"

"Implying...?"

"You guys are... addictively adorable, ok? Like, really cute!" You finally confess.

The purple unicorn blinks, and her furry face scrunches up in confusion. "Huh? How am I cute?"

"..."

By the time the disc of the sun starts to sink below Equestria, you and your best book pal have disappeared into the Castle Of The Two Readers aka a proper book fort that snorts down towards all inferior book-related construction works.

Together, the two of you are cozily lying on pillows with nothing, but Twilight's magic both holding the book and illuminating it. You have an arm wrapped around the smaller creature's withers. As it happens, you find yourself absolutely fascinated by the wondrously weird history of Equestria's development and happily feed into the unicorn's fiery love of knowledge and understanding of the universe around her.

She does, naturally, make sure however that you tell something of Earth to balance things out and so you do, passing along tales of humanity's tumultuous development and scientific accomplishments, though you self-consciously omit the more gruesome details. Because somehow, you feel in your heart that there are no adults in this land beyond Celestia and Luna.

"... write a letter?"

Having briefly zoned out, you jump slightly. "Hm?"

Twilight rolls her eyes and boops your nose. "Every colt. Every time. Eventually, they all lose track of what I'm saying. I really should sue someone. I was saying, you should write a letter to Princess Celestia."

"I guess. She probably deserves an update or... something?"

"Yes, but that's not what I meant. Me and my friends, we have this custom of keeping the princess informed of things we learn. She says it helps us compartmentalize things and that's certainly true, but between you and me, I think she just wants to re-experience life from our mortal perspective."

You let that sink in. "But I'm not a pony. What will I say? 'Hi, I'm an alien creature and I learned a shit ton of history today?'"

"No, you-"

Before Twilight can finish the sentence, your entire castle collapses on top of you and for a minute, there's nothing but books and fur in your face. You hear Twilight whining above you. "Spiiike!"

Finally, scaly claw hands dig you out of the pile. Spike's slitted green eyes gleam amusingly. "You let Twilight talk you into the fort, didn't you? That's ok. We all go through the fort at some point."

You ruffle your hair to try and get it back under control. "No, no, it was my pleasure." Before the pony can protest, you pull her out of the pile by her sides and set her back down on the floor, making her blush slightly at the foal-like treatment. Fortunately, she has a convenient distraction. "Right, little dragon! Since you decided to mess up my ordered, categorized and numbered book fort, you get to clean up. And who put this card around my neck? Skinny?"

"He's a dragon?" you squeak rather louder than you should have.

Both of them stare at you. "You know dragons?!?" they both yell back.

"Uh, well, they're only myth, but..." you pick Spike up, staring at the miracle. "You are a dragon. Dragon. You. Dragon. I'm holding a dragon. I am holding a dragon."

Spike gives Twilight a fearful look. "Twilight, help. I think he's losing it!"

Using her magic, the pony pulls Spike out of your hands. "Get to work, Mr.Myth."

"Alright, alright! Anyway, I just wanted to say, Fluttershy's come to pick Skinny up."

Noticing you still staring at the freaking dragon, Twilight huffs and latches onto your pants with her teeth, pulling you towards the door. "Come on now, we'll talk all about it tomorrow."

You're finally drawn out of your shock and when the unicorn opens the door to reveal not just Fluttershy, but Derpy as well, both of them giving you Oscar worthy shining grins. Their wings flap a little simultaneously.

"Uh, hey girls!" Twilight greets them, somewhat bemused. "How are you?"

"GRRRREAT!"

"Oh, we're feeling very good, Twilight. We're just here to take Skinny home. If that's ok with you, of course."

Twilight raises an eyebrow, staring back at you. "Yeah... of course. Just... think about what I told you. About the letter."

You nod and step outside, where the pegasi immediately resume their morning positions like trained bodyguards.

The three of you travel over hill and over dale, back to Fluttershy's sweet little cottage over the stream. Celestia's setting sun casts a brilliant golden glow over the whole land, and you've never felt happier being there.

"How was your day at Twilight's library, Anon?" Fluttershy asks sweetly.

"Yea! Did ya read about muffins?!"

You chuckle. "Ohh, I read about a lot of things. She's helping me figure out how this world works and what I should do next. You know, like getting a job. Although to be honest, those pictures I've been drawing are still selling like wild. Seems like everyone-"

Derpy taps you on the knee and you look down at her crossed eyes. "Everypony! Grammar brings you glamour!"

"Of course. Thank you, Derpy! Everypony in Equestria seems to want one."

"I'm glad you're doing so well." Fluttershy smiles. "What did she say about the Amulet?"

You feel a twinge of irritation. Always about the goddamn Amulet.

"We agreed to chill out on the Amulet until I've spoken to Luna. She got into my head, and uh... I'm still not entirely sure what exactly she did in there. So if anyone knows what should be done about the Amulet, it'd be her."

"Oh, okay."

Oh, now it's just 'okay'. Yeah, now that you know somebody trustworthy will take care of it... You take a deep breath and force the feverish worries from your mind. Fluttershy is right. You really don't know what this thing is.

But until we see Luna, the Amulet stays on. They're all so worried, I wouldn't be surprised if one of them did try to steal it.

"Anon?"

"Hm?"

Fluttershy pulls on your sleeves with her teeth. "We're here, Anon."

You look up and sure enough, Angel Bunny is at the front door waiting for you, and desperately trying to conceal a box cutter in his tail. Derpy's boyfriend, the brown-furred stallion with the hourglass mark is taking a nap against Fluttershy's fence, snoring lightly.

Derpy wakes him up by raspberring on his stomach, and the stallion lets loose the most British yelp you've ever heard. "Derpy!"

The grey pegasus chuckles. "This was a fun day!" She declares definitively, and bumps noses with the stallion. "Did you have a fun day?"

"Weeell, relatively speaking... the day's just gotten started" Suddenly, the brown stallion ducks under Derpy, picking her up on his back and gallops away with her squealing in joy. "Allons-y!"

"Those two are very sweet together, don't you think?" Fluttershy says with a fond look in her eyes.

You turn towards her slowly. "Why the hell is Doctor Who a pony?"

Dear Princess Luna (and Celestia)

First of all, congratulations, because your land is AWESOME. I thoroughly love what you've done with the place. Your student Twilight Sparkle has been filling me in on its history and I'm just full of respect for you ponies.

Actually, I guess I should've started mentioning how I'm able to talk and write pon-ese now. When Princess Luna used her dreamwalking magic to try and enter my mind, it caused some kind of a weird thing to happen where there's another entity living inside me. I know it sounds crazy, but maybe you guys know what it's all about? She can sense magic and she pointed me in the direction of this thing called the Alicorn Amulet, which I hear is super evil, but it's okay. Hand on my heart, I am not turning evil! No plans to take over Equestria or anything.

Ok, now that I got that out of the way, Twilight also said I should write this letter to tell you about what I've learned since I arrived. But I don't think I've learned anything or changed at all since I came here. What I've seen is a land and people that are so much better than anything I could imagine back where I came from. And I admire that, but I don't see myself as part of it. I don't know why I'm here and I don't think I deserve to be here. I just hope I never have to wake up back home.

Yours respectfully,

Anonymous.

P.S. I love the chess set you gave me.

"Hello, welcome to Cut & Karat, where the jewels shine to make fiancees smile! Oh... oh!" The middle-aged grey mare's eyes widen as she takes in the unusual furless customer in front of her. "Why, hello, mr hyooman, sir! What can we do for you?"

Using his unusual spidery appendages, the hyooman tugs at his shirt collar, and pulls out a glinting ruby-encrusted necklace made of a foreboding dark alloy. "Hello. I'm here for a replica."

Chapter 36

Winter frost has finally fallen on Ponyville, thanks to the typically methodical and precisely coordinated pegasi. With farmwork taking a backseat and the winds too sharp for casual flying, the ponies began to simmer down. Which isn't to say they became quiet and withdrawn, but rather their buoyant personalities were subdued to "human on espresso" level.

Following an invite from the perky party pony Pinkie Pie, you and Sweetheart have gone over to Sugarcube Corner(closed whilst the majority of the family were seeing relatives for their equivalent of Christmas). There, in the warmth of baked goods, the three of you hang out upstairs in the living room. You and Sweetheart, stuffed with muffins, cakes and other sweets, are sprawled out on the couch. She has already dozed off to sleep, using your leg as a makeshift pillow. You can't resist occasionally running your fingers over her fluffy sunny yellow ear and cheek, eliciting a few sleepy hums.

Your other hand is occupied with the chess game set up on the table between you and Cutie Pie. It is the same delicately carved and toothpainted(that is, the painters did not use magic, but rather their mouths, which is considered quite the artistry here) game that Princess Celestia gifted to you following your initial arrival to Equestria. The pieces were different, but you'd adapted admirably. You frown exaggeratedly as Cutie takes her king and jumps to the other end of the board with it. "You can't do that!" You cry out. "It's against the rules."

Cutie huffs. "Think outside the box, Skinny. It's the only way to move forward in life!"
It takes you a good few seconds to process that. "Cutie..." (she'd insisted you call her that ever since she found out it was her nickname - apparently it made her feel 'super gooey and cozy like cinnamon buns frosting, specifically the yellow kind') "... if we all thought outside the box, nothing would ever get done."
Her pink fluffy grin widens. "I know! But I am, and that's why I'm unequivocally... the winner." She beams a thousand-dollar smile that almost, almost tempts you to crown her chess princess.

But not quite.

You take the king and move it back. "Noooo." you whisper melodramatically.
The pink pony's eyes narrow, and she pulls a frosted donut out of her incredibly curly cloud of mane, sticking it near your nose. "Sense the sugary goodness... it can aaaaaall be yoooouuuurs if you concede this victory...."
Who could resist a Pinkie Pie confection?
The king moves back to where it belongs and you chomp down the donut. Everybody wins.
"This was so much fun!" Cutie declares in a squeaky voice, hopping around. The sudden loud noise makes Sweetheart briefly fly up to the ceiling in a fright, before flopping down confusedly into your arms. Her fuzzy yellow face blushes a deep red as she realises what happened, and her ears pin themselves against her head. "Eh, hehe..."
You stifle a giggle, and poke your nose against hers fondly before letting the small embarrassed pegasus drop to her hooves.

"What else can we do?!" Pinkie exclaims, completely ignorant of the little moment. "I was going to the spa in the afternoon, Skinny, do you wanna come? I mean, between you and me, you look like you could use a little fixer-upper after crawling around with worms and tentacle monsters all weekend."

Sweetheart rubs her hooves together awkwardly. "Actually, I've got to get back to feed the animals... I didn't realise I'd slept so long." She titters. "Anon makes quite the pillow." The yellow pony looks up with adoring eyes.
"Pssht!" Cutie makes a dismissive gesture. "I'll look after Skinny! Right, Skinny?" She nuzzles the palm of your hand.
Sweetheart blinks. "I suppose that'd be ok... but please make sure nothing happens to him."
Cutie gives her a military salute, and you shrug. "Sure. Spa. I can do that."

Apparently unable to stop bouncing, Cutie hops alongside you all the way to the other side of town, where indeed two vaguely Asian-looking ponies with inverted fur and mane colors(blue and pink, respectively) run a relaxation health spa. The place is extravagant, its burgundy exterior more reminiscent of a small castle or mansion than the more conservative thatched-roof pony dwellings around it.

"So, what exactly is gonna happen in there?" You ask cautiously from your cheerful companion. The pink mare smiles widely.
"Only the most super-duper chill-out experience of your LIFE!" She exclaims, throwing her bushy cotton candy mane about. "Aloe and Lotus have the soooooftest hooves in Ponyville, and they'll turn you into jello in 15 seconds flat!" Without further ado, she pulls an oversized timer out of... somewhere... and taps the button on it. "Starting... now!"

Suddenly, Cutie headbutts you and it's at that moment when you truly get a sense of the reserved strength all earth ponies hide as she somehow manages to be strong enough to fling you through the spa doors. You scrunch up, bracing for impact, only to find your landing cushioned by two sets of mattress-like hooves. You're not sure whether they've been informed about your arrival or not, but with lightning speed, you find yourself stripped down to your underpants and lying on two massage tables(accounting for your greater height).

Before you can so much as squeak, Aloe and Lotus put their hooves on you and it is... unspeakably good. Clearly experts of their craft, the pony sisters handle your muscles as if they're clay. On the bed next to you, Cutie Pie taps her hoof impatiently, though her voice carries humor. "Hey! What's a girl gotta do to get some service around here?"
Snapping out of their enthusiasm, Aloe and Lotus share a brief mental tug-of-war over who gets the cool alien and who has to look after a boring old pony, and eventually, one of them(you have no clue which is which) concedes.

As you enjoy the massage, Cutie sneaks a peek at the Amulet chain still around your neck. An idea pops into her head. "Ooh, have you tried the barrel bath here, Skinny? It's super fun. There's a bubble bottle too!"
"A bubble bottle?" You mumble sleepily, having nearly dozed off under the treatment.
Cutie nods extremely fast. "Yup-yup-yup! Just one little squirt of magic and BOOOOOM!" she spreads her front hooves wide. "Bubble City!!"

"Suuure... we can do Bubble City..."
You regret the decision as soon as you say those words, as the masseur takes her heavenly hooves off of your back to go set up the large wooden barrel. You push your lazy ass off the table and rub your chest. Even though it is exceedingly warm inside the spa, the Amulet is still cold to the touch.

Suddenly, you feel something tapping on your neck and instinctively jump off the table. There, splayed out on the table is Eris, chewing on one of her talons. You're about to tell her off for scaring you, only to remember you're in a room with three other ponies.
"Hiiiiii!" Eris waves. "Whatcha doin?"

You ignore her and move towards the bath, watching the water rush in from the tap and trying to ignore the untimely appearance of your strange spirit daughter. "Non?" Her little wings flapping, Eris floats over to you and starts poking you, singing obnoxiously: "I'm here I'm here I'm here I'm here I'm here I'm here..."

"Anon?" Pinkie gives you a worried look, obviously noticing the pensive expression on your face. "I said the bath's ready."
You take a deep breath. "Right."

All three of you sink into the hot, steamy waters inside the barrel. It's almost scalding, and makes you feel like a boiled lobster. "Oh, that's nice." you mutter.
"Did I mention I'm here?" Eris purrs. "Let's get outta here and play somewhere! I checked that last memory of yours and I wanna try chess, pleeeeease? Pleasie-weasie? Non? Helloooooo!" She blows air into your ear. Unable to do anything else without alerting Pinkie, you simply scowl at her.

Meanwhile, the pink pony plays submarine, her usually curly mane suspended in the water, giving her a rather ethereal appearance. Popping out, she spits a nice stream out of her mouth, giggling afterwards like a schoolgirl. "What's the matter, Anon? Don't you like the bath? OOH! I forgot! The Bubble Bottle!"
Cutie grabs a green bottle from the side and spurts some liquid into the bath. Within seconds, massive amounts of foam start spreading, to the point where you lose sight of her.

But not Eris, who takes to dancing the cancan in an effort to gain your attention. It wouldn't be so bad if she also didn't have background music. Fucking magic...

"Anon?" Cutie's voice asks somewhere in the world of foam. "Where aaaare youuu?"
You squeak as she blows a raspberry on your stomach underwater, before emerging. "THERE you are!"
Seeing you unamused and tense, she raises an eyebrow. "You know, I've seen a lot of strange stuff in my time, but I've never seen bubbles make anyone crankier."
Cancan music blaring in your ears, you breathe heavily, wishing for Eris to just end her weird sugar high already. Did she skip all my memories about manners?
"I'm fine." You mutter.

Cutie pouts. "Are you, though?" She pokes the Amulet, and you slap her hoof away. "You've kinda been on edge ever since you started wearing jewelry. And it's made me wonder..."
You interrupt her. "Pinkie, can I trust you?"
"Abso-tootly-lutely." She pulls a nurse's cap out of the water and plants it on her head. "Doctor-patient confidentiality, GO!"
"Ok. Eris, SHUT UP AND GO AWAY!! ... NOW!"

Shocked to the core, the dancing girl drops out of the air, though she materialises an imaginary mattress to fall on. "... A-Anon?"
Seeing red, you snarl, enjoying the dead, gratifying silence in the room. "I don't want to play with you. I don't want to see or hear you. Just-"
Eris vanishes in a white flash.
"Yeah. That. Good." You turn back to Cutie, who's been taking notes on a professional pad. "Look, I know this is gonna sound crazy and maybe I am just losing my mind, but... there's somebody else living in my head."

The pink pony blinks. "Like a poltergeist?"
You shrug. "I guess... something to do with Luna splitting my mind open. Me and magic didn't mix well... maybe I have a tumor, I didn't even think of that! Anyway, ever since then I've been seeing this... girl. And she looks just like that statue at the castle. The one that's made up of all the different parts of other animals."
"You've been seeing a girl in your head that looks like Discord?" Cutie asks.
"Discord?"
She nods. "Discord."
"What's a Discord?"
Mulling for a few moments, Cutie then reaches into the water and pulls out a dictionary and reading glasses. "Discord... Discord... ahh, here we are! Discord. Meaning one: the mischievous spirit of disharmony. Meaning two: Granny Smith when someone eats the pie she left out to cool." She shudders dramatically and throws her glasses and the book back into the foam. "Never. Touch. The pie."

You rub temples. "I'm definitely losing my mind."
"Pfft. No, you're not!" Cutie exclaims. "Crazy ponies don't think they're crazy. They think it's normal to eat cheese. And I swear, if I ever marry someone who eats cheese, I will touch Granny Smith's pie!" She shudders again. "But that'll NEVER happen. Nuh-uh."
"But you tell cheesy jokes all the time." You point out.
Cutie gasps. "I do? ... I do! I'm DOOOOOOOMED!!" she shrieks and splashes into the water. A few seconds later, she shows up again. "Anyway, you were saying?"
"Yeah, I just... I guess I just don't know what to do with all of this..." you gesture vaguely. "I just want things to get back to normal, but it's not gonna happen while I have mischievous spirits of disharmony dancing the cancan in my brain. Or when ponies think I'm gonna take over the world just because I'm wearing a necklace."

Cutie snorts. "Silly colt. Ponies don't think you're gonna take over the world just because you're wearing a necklace! They think you're gonna take over the world because you didn't mention the cancan-dancing mischievous spirit of disharmony in your brain OR why you went to the Everfree Forest OR how you found the Alicorn Amulet OR why you don't have any fur! You know what would solve all of these ORs?"
"Enlighten me, wise one."
"A great... big... PARTYYYYY!!!" she exclaims, splashing water again. "We'll call it the 'Welcome-The-Hyooman-And-Celebrate-His-Birthday-And-Listen-To-Him-Explain-What's-Going-On Party!!"
You pause. "... huh. Now I do feel kinda silly."
She boops you on the nose. "But better, right? You don't hafta worry about things in Ponyville, we got each other's back! We'll figure things out, cause we like you and we want you to like us too."
"Aww, that's a nice thing to say." You grin.

Cutie nods with a self-satisfied smile. "And now, until this spa session is over, you gotta give me ear scritches."
"I what now?"
She rolls her eyes. "You don't think healthcare is free, do you? You owe me at least two hours in scritches, plus interest."
"... I can live with that."
"That's the spirit."

Twilight Sparkle hummed cheerfully as she trotted through her library, levitating a select few textbooks behind her in a magenta glow. On her work desk underneath a window shining light was a cluttered mess of papers, a microscope and chalk. Next to the desk was a blackboard with calculations scribbled on it. Excitedly, the purple unicorn floated one of her books in front of her snout and began magically turning pages to find what she was looking for.

"No... no... ooh! ... no." she mumbled under her breath, the delicate ears springing up and drooping in synch.

Spike had gone to hang out with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, which left her alone and solely responsible. So, when the creak of the library's doors alerted her to the presence of another pony, Twilight sorrowfully put down her research and trotted downstairs with her most inviting customer smile on. Might as well try to get someone to read if I can't!

The smile dropped instantly as she recognised the aging pony in the black suit. "Care Taker! What are you doing here?!"
Twilight hopped off the stairs and got into a vaguely defensive posture.

"Ma'am." Care Taker nodded politely, ignoring her distress. "I was hoping to have a word. I didn't really have time for idle conversation back in the Castle, but now I'm here. And I could use your help."
Twilight narrowed her eyes. "Who are you?"
"When you asked Zecora to guard the Alicorn Amulet, she trusted it to me. That is who I am. To you, I will have no further significance."

The purple unicorn shook her head, her inquisitive nature bubbling to the surface. "You don't wiggle out of the question that easily! I want to know exactly why she picked you. What have you got to do with the Amulet?"

Care Taker's lips curled downwards. "She picked me because I lack two things: a horn and anything better to do with my time. Now, are you going to keep asking wasteful questions or shall we get on with why I'm here?" The ice in the old pony's eyes restrained Twilight's curiosity for the moment.

When she simply nodded, Care Taker took a moment to compose himself. "Your friend, whatever and whoever he might be, did not just find one of the most powerful dark objects known to Equestria by accident. It would be better for everypony's safety if we removed the Amulet."
"Shouldn't you be telling this to him? The Amulet can't be taken off by anyone besides the wearer. Trust me, I know." Twilight argued.

The old pony's eyes bored into her. "I'm sure you do. Which is why it'll be your task to convince him. You already have his trust. You have the experience. And you have magic, to protect us if something should go terribly wrong."
"The Princess will decide-!"
"The Princess will decide!" Care Taker mocked. "Yes, well, let's just leave all our troubles for her to deal with. Perhaps you'll delegate dusting this old bookshop to her as well? She might just find the time between raising the sun and keeping the peace between nations. If you're lucky, you might squeeze doing the laundry into her afternoon. No. Leaving the Amulet in the hands of a literal alien is far too risky for my liking."

Twilight finally had enough. "Lucky for you, you don't make the decisions around here." She hissed. "You're welcome to leave Ponyville at any time. I think the next train goes at 4:30 PM."
Seeing that he'd pushed her too far, Care Taker bit his lip. "Alright. You're the Element of Harmony, not me. So I'll trust you. If he is harmless and all of this has a good explanation, then... well, lovely. But if you notice anything offputting, anything at all about your friend..."
Twilight interrupted. "Then me and my friends will handle it."

The two stared each other down for a few moments, then Care Taker relented and turned around to leave.
"Wait." Twilight said firmly with authority that she didn't even know she had. The old pony stopped and turned his head over his shoulder. "Honestly, why did Zecora get you to guard the Amulet?"
"... I didn't want to see it affect anyone else the way it did Trixie Lulamoon. She is family."

Crimson Star soared through the chill and darkness of the Canterlot mountains, within the mountains to be exact. This was an extension of the capital city that few ever discussed due to its intrinsic connection with the feared nocturnal aspect of pony society, and it was known as Nightsteed.

Like Canterlot and its unicorns, Nightsteed carried the upper class of thestrals. You'd find no mangy, chip-toothed menials here. The majority of the population were either descendants of Nightmare Moon's army or obscenely wealthy enough to fake it.

What the city itself looked like was actually quite unknown, as the enormous cavern Nightsteed was in enveloped it in a perpetual, comforting darkness, broken up only by occasional specks of light - lanterns - for the benefit of rare daytime visitors. And even though foals liked to tell each other that the fearsome bats' slitted eyes pierced through the dark to snatch up their prey, they actually couldn't see their homes any more than the rest could. They used their ears more than their eyes.

Sound, as any nighttimer will tell you, is like water. It's fluid, but it has shape and molds to the location it's at. Through perpetuating sound, any self-respecting bat pony can construct an image of his immediate surroundings within his mind. As such, Crimson Star knew he was part of a line of 38 thestrals moving towards the east block, at least until he broke off to land at a particularly favoured restaurant. The interior, draped in exotic cerulean curtains that cascaded off the walls like waterfall, glinted with light from candles on each table. Part of the aesthetic, they also burned blue from a special wick.

In the center of the restaurant was a table, where she was waiting, standing out amongst the thestral couples by scent and posture and deep, round irises in her smoky eyes. Her bubblegum pink mane, usually tied up in a neat and professional bun, now flowed down her back. The frogs of her hooves rested against the table, as if she was about to leap off. She grinned as she saw him.

Crimson gulped and trotted to the table. "I'm sorry you had to wait, I-" he couldn't finish as Redheart pushed herself up, snaked a hoof around the back of his neck and pressed her lips against his. Caught totally off guard, the bat barely managed to balance himself against the table as Red lustfully ran her rough tongue over his sharp canines, exploring. Closing his eyes, the bat gave himself into the moment, enjoying the feel of her careful nurse hooves around him. It was only a moment though, and finally Redheart receded. Crimson opened his eyes to look at the beautiful pony.

It was Princess Luna.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!" Crimson yelped and toppled to the floor. Luna looked down at him with her usual worldwise eyes(the same color as Redheart's, he uncomfortably realised), and though she didn't open her mouth, words began to echo in the bat's head.

"Child of the night. Listen to the voice of Luna. Thou art dreaming. This is an unreality. Dost thou understand this?"

As he began to think, to really think for the first time since arriving in Nightsteed, Crimson knew she was right. He had no memories of leaving the hospital - or recovering at all for that matter. The restaurant around the two melted away in an instant, leaving nothing more than unclear nothingness around the two ponies. Using her magic, Luna levitated Crimson up from the surface and onto his four hooves.

"Judging from thy distress, we intruded at a bad time?"

The bat forced his rapid breathing to slow down. "Duty can call at any time, I suppose. Still... phew." He was about to pray that the Princess hadn't realised whose visage she took over, before realising he'd be praying to the very mare standing in front of her. So he settled for a weary frown.

"Dost thou realise why we are here?"

Her unexpectedly sharp tone flattened Crimson's ears onto the back of his head, and he shook his head, jittery all of a sudden. He really didn't know.

"We received a letter from the one called Anon. We did not receive thy report."

Crimson cocked his head to the side, confused. "But I sent it in post. It should be arriving at any time."
Luna raised an eyebrow.

"There is a small dragon living in Ponyville, with a direct magical link to our sister and ourselves. Anon is clearly aware of this, so we do not understand why our Guard is not."

He stared down at the vague surface he was standing on, wishing he could wake up and never have to go near the Princess again. "I... I hadn't thought of that. I'm sorry!"
Though he wasn't looking, he could feel Luna's gaze boring through him.

"Since this is thy first solitary assignment, and a stressful one at that, we forgive thee. But good resources are never to be ignored. Thou will give the report now."

Crimson blinked. "A-all of it?"

"Start from the beginning, and when thou hast reached the end, stop."

And so Crimson Star did. He told her everything - how Anon had disappeared into the Everfree without prompting, how he'd found him and protected him from the monsters within, how they had found Twilight Sparkle's saddlebag at the site where Anon arrived to Equestria and what they discovered within the Castle of the Two Sisters. Crimson explained in detail about the mysterious and taciturn Care Taker who harbored Queen Chrysalis's Tradestone as well as the infamous Alicorn Amulet, how Anon had taken the latter for himself, with supposedly good intentions but keeping a lot of uncomfortable secrets.

All throughout, Luna listened without any discernible reaction until Crimson spoke of an event closer to his own heart than any of the others. "When I first saw this Care Taker, he told me this medallion you gave me..." he held up the white stone wrapped around his neck. "He said it was a mark of N... N..." the bat paused briefly, unsure whether to continue.

"Say the name."

"He said it was a mark of Nightmare Moon's inner circle!" Crimson blurted out on command, and blushing fiercely. Luna squinted, and the bat could almost imagine her eyes slitted like in the old drawings his mother kept at home.

"It is so."

When she could see the fear and worry in Crimson's eyes, Luna's expression melted slightly and she gave the bat a reassuring smile.

"The Nightmare is over. She will never return. Thou wears the symbol of her trust, because it is now our trust. We own her, completely, and her existence will be made a force for good in our hooves. That we promise."

Crimson tried to return the smile. Though it was weak, it warmed the Princess's heart. "It did get me past Care Taker." He mumbled nervously. Luna extended herself down to the smaller pony's level and rubbed her elongated snout against his fluffy grey cheek comfortingly.

"And thou shalt pass by many more... in thy next assignment."

'But I haven't even recovered from this one!' Crimson wanted to exclaim. He'd been looking forward to returning to his routine Guard duties at Canterlot. When did he become the Princess's personal Daring Doo? "N-next... assignment?"

"It will be given when thou hast returned to the Castle in flesh. Bring Anon as well, to pass thy guardianship of him directly over to us. If he shall not answer to Twilight Sparkle, he will answer to us.

Chapter 37

On one particularly tranquil morning, you're woken up by a ticklish, wispy sensation on your nose. "Bah? Whassat?" you mumble groggily. You squint your eyes open and can see only pink. It takes a few moments to realise that Sweetheart had slowly woken you up by tickling her tail across your nose. You match gazes with the yellow pony's ocean-deep blue eyes.

"Good morning." Sweetheart cooes. One glance to the red-tinted window confirms that she's giving you a naughty half-lie.

"Good middle of the night, you mean..."

Sweetheart holds back a grin. "Oh, don't be like that. The sun is nearly up. I'd like you to see something."

Your interest is piqued now and you submit to the will of the horse. Standing up, you stick your feet into warm slippers and follow the pony at a lazy gait. Sweetheart hops up to a couch against the wall and taps the window behind it with her hoof. You peek outside. A haze of scarlet covers everything. Wait, what? You rub your eyes clean of dust and see that you were mistaken. Though the ground is red, it is merely a reflection of the rising sun from the white, pure...

"Snow!" You gasp. "It's...!" You struggle to get the words out. Sweetheart nods rapidly, her excitement matching yours. You touch hooves and hands together, getting the phrase out together: "It's snowing!"

Any notion of sleep is instantly forgotten as the two of you rush to the wardrobe. Sweetheart digs out your clothes from a basket whilst you hurriedly wrap a green scarf around her fuzzy neck. Not as easy as it sounds, given the mane and the moving and the occasionally flapping wing. The following five minutes are spent on grumbling as the pony insists on dressing you under so many layers that you feel almost like the Michelin Man. However, when you open the door, her instincts prove to be correct. An icy wind nearly blows you back inside the house. No matter, no matter. I've faced worse than this. Why, just the other week I fought a giant squid.

Another gust of wing.

Still, in the here and now, the cold seems worse.

You and Sweetheart stomp through the brightening snow. You hear quick swishing sounds up in the air and realise it must be the weather ponies high up, adding more and more snowdrift. You ask your companion.

"Yes." She grins. "It's very important to have a beautiful vista for Hearth's Warming Eve. It's the most precious day of the year, when all ponies and other animals get together to celebrate our... togetherness."

"Spoken like a true poet." You ruffle you ruffle the pony's mane and scratch her ear a little.

"Ooh! Heheh..."

You can't help feeling slightly unsettled, however, as the notion of such direct control over weather still astounds you. It had been one of the more prominent conversation pieces with Lavender a week ago, when you had one of your educational sessions with the perky unicorn. Equestria, you had been told, existed in something of a bubble where the normal, untamed course of nature had been bent to the citizens' will for the supposed benefit of all. But their power was negligible compared to that of the alicorns, who ruled the sun and the moon.

"That sort of power could corrupt anyone." you'd said, absent-mindedly rubbing against the Amulet underneath your shirt.

Lavender pointed a hoof at your fingers. "So can that. Princess Celestia has taught me that power doesn't really corrupt anyone. Corruption is a series of poor decisions. The trick is to know what decisions to make."

"No one is that perfect. The longer you stick around, the greater the chances of making the wrong decision. Not to be the bearer of bad news, but eventually, this perfect world has to go wrong. Murphy's law." You smirk victoriously. "Chaotic freedom is the answer. It's impartial. It's fair."

Lavender's eyes narrowed, and her ears flattened against her head as if sensing danger. "That's Discord's philosophy."

"... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you." You boop the pony to defuse the tension, making her go cross-eyed. "Ah!"

She rubbed her nose. "THAT is also Discord's philosophy!"

You groan. "I can't win here!"

Ding! Ding! Ding!

Although the chilly morning fog obscures your view slightly, you notice that the two of you have arrived in the park. You can see across the pond and over to the red schoolhouse in the distance, where the bell rings loud to invite all the little colts and fillies to learn the same things Lavender teaches you. Well, you are spared from calculus. She's not that cruel. You could just about see miss Cheerilee waving from the bell tower. Good old Cheerilee. You have fond memories of nearly murdering her with a kitchen knife at Sugarcube Corner, when you thought she was one of the Changelings. How time flies.

The adorable little mini-ponies crowd up in front of the building, and amongst them you spot your three favourites - Scooter, Snowy and Applebutt or -bee or whatever you called that one. With everything that's been going on, you haven't really had a chance to reintroduce yourself to them. As Scooter's round orange face perks up, looking across the pond, you realize you're about to have that opportunity whether you like it or not. Her tiny wings buzz with excitement, and the pony hurries to her, well, scooter, and dashes across the field with the other two balanced on her back, by Snowy's magic or sheer athletic talent.

Seeing the sheer unstoppable glee and tunnel vision in Scooter's eyes, you scream out loud: "FLUTTERSHY, DUCK!!"

Thankfully, the pegasus's survival instincts serve her well and she goes flat against the ground about 0.5 seconds before the mad trio fly through the space she was inhabiting and straight towards you.

"Oh no." is all you can say before you all fall into a pile of hooves, hands and heads. After about a minute, you manage to untangle yourself and confront three adoring faces staring up at you with eyes wide open.

"Skinny!"

"You're back!"

"You're talking!"

"Say something?"

"Yea, say something!"

After the quick succession of exclamations, you awkwardly wave a hand. "Hi?"

"Howdy!" Applebutt squeaks. "Ah'm Apple Bloom. And that there's... Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle! And together we are... errr... now hold that thought..." The trio quickly rummage through their backpacks. "just one sec... a-HA!"

All of them pull out reddish homemade capes branded with a logo of a pony wearing a cape. "THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!!!" they exclaim simultaneously and freeze mid-grin, clearly waiting for your reaction. You glance at Sweetheart, hoping for any clue as to what they're talking about. She pointedly ignores you, whistling to the skies.

"Well, it's as good as any religion, I suppose." You quip.

Sweetie Belle blinked. "Relivi-what now?"

"Aaaaanyway, why don't you tell me all about these... beauty marks, eh?"

Of course, you've already had the explanation from Twilight, but as it's so obviously a source of passion for the kids, you find it important to give them an outlet.

You sit down and the three fillies gather around, with Scootaloo perching herself up on your back(her small wings flapping for balance), Apple Bloom lying against your knee and Sweetie Belle claiming the most comfortable spot on your lap.

Scootaloo quickly turns out to be a talented storyteller, weaving together a tall tale of the trio's various adventures on their dramatic quest to make butt tattoos happen. Honest as the day is long, Apple Bloom deflates a few of the more fantastical stories by pointing out what actually happened in a slightly self-deprecating, embarrassed way. And Sweetie just enjoys your lap A.K.A, The Throne Of Belle(tm).

Eventually, Sweetheart saves your butt from freezing to death by reminding the little rascals that Cheerilee was expecting them.

"Awww, do we have to?" Apple Bloom whines. "Ah thought maybe we could get our cutie marks by being Equestria's first liable... liars... live... li...."

"Liaisons." The slightly more educated Sweetie fills in.

"Yeah! Li.... that thing to new alien life!"

Sweetheart pats Apple Bloom on the head. "I'll make sure you get a day with Anon. On the weekend." She boops the filly. "Off you trot. Liaisons have to keep time, you know."

"Okay... bye Skinny!" "Bye!" "See ya around, mr alien!"

You wave goodbye as the trio speeds back to school towards a slightly anxious-looking Cheerilee pointing at a clock mounted on the wall.

As you observe the spring in their step, a sense of strange melancholy comes over you. Until now, a part of you had attributed the ponies' kindness to your presence as a helpless stranger. But as you gained your ability to speak and function as an independent citizen, you found that you'd been wrong - practically everyone you meet welcomes you like family, or at the very least speak their mind without any hint of disingenuity. Every promise is honored, every need thought of ahead.

You'd loved their earnestness... at first. But now something feels off. Now you roll your eyes behind their back and accept their gifts with weary platitudes. Now you shrug off their questions over your wellbeing and put down any friendly recommendations with blatant egoism. And you know exactly why. Now that you wear the Alicorn Amulet that amplifies your mind, you can't possibly evade the truth.

Humans are predators - their natural instinct is to adapt their given environment to personal benefit, to turn the land into nests and other animals to food. That inherently demands a certain degree of moral callousness, because you're taking something away from others.

Ponies are herd animals - their understanding of survival is to support one another unconditionally, so the group can benefit as a whole. That's what makes them kinder... and weaker.

You feel as if you can never be as good as them because of what you are. And at the same time, you feel stronger and smarter than they are. On your worst days, you think that maybe they know it too. Maybe they like having you around because it reminds them of how much better they are. How they'll never be so disgustingly lax or uncaring. After all, you don't have meals cooked ready for every stranger who walks through the door. You don't surprise people with presents. You don't think ahead about everypony's feelings. No doubt they're all massively offended. No doubt you're a big joke...

"Hey, Anon?"

And then you look at Sweetheart beckoning you with a warm, safe look in her eyes and all is forgotten. For now...

You walk back to her. "Yeah?"

The pony's ear flicks around with uncertainty. "Can you feel that?"

"Feel what?"

She shakes her head. You wait a few moments, and then understand what she means. There's a very faint vibration coming from the ground.

"Over there!" Sweetheart points to the horizon, where you see a pink dot bounce up and down. "That is definitely a Triple Sundae."

"Is... that a pony?"

Sweetheart giggles. "No! A Triple Sundae is what Pinkie eats when it's a complicated emergency. It gets her, well, slightly more hyper than usual."

"... How much is slightly?"

"ANOOOOOOOOOOON!!!" Cutie Pie screams across the park.

"... a little?" The pegasus blushes.

Half a minute later, Cutie(dressed in a baby blue beanie and matching stripy scarf) finally bounces over, seemingly on the verge of a nervous breakdown. "You have to...!! But I can't!!! But you have to!!!!!! BUT I CAAAAAAN'T!!!!"

Defeated, she flops down to her backside and starts crying, two large rivulets flying out of her eyes. You hug her instantly, rubbing her scruffy wet back. Cutie hiccups on you. "Hey-hey! What the heck's going on?" You ask in as soothing a tone as you can manage.

"I-I can't say." Cutie mumbles. "Ohhh, but I have to. It's so hard."

"What's hard?"

"YOU!" she squeaks.

You pause for a second and frown. "Wait, what?"

Cutie jumps off of you. "There's a very-veeeery important secret and I have to keep it, but... ohh, I have to help and I can't think of another way. It's driving me BANANAAAAS!!"

You rattle that around your coconut for a second. "Well, if you have to help, you better say it."

"But it'll spoil the surprise!" She complains.

"Is it an emergency?"

She nods, her lower lip drooping in sadness. "Yeah..."

"Then it's probably worth it."

She sighs deeply. "I guess so... oh, alright! We're gonna have the 'Welcome-The-Hyooman-And-Celebrate-His-Birthday-And-Listen-To-Him-Explain-What's-Going-On Party tonight!! There! I said it! Surprise is OVER!!" The pink pony pulls a fully inflated balloon out of her beanie and steps on it. The loud bang frightens Sweetheart so much that she flies into a pile of snow. "Whoops."

"And what's the emergency?" You ask, dragging the semi-conscious mare out.

"Well, you remember Rainbow Dash, right?"

"The wacky blue one?"

"Yea-yeah! She's so sad! It's so sad!" She threatens to start crying again, so you boop her quickly. It's like an instant emotional reboot. You don't know how or why it works, but it works. Cutie shakes her head around, which seems to clear the depression a bit. "I thought maybe the party would cheer her up a little, but she won't even open the door to let me invite her! I thought maybe... if you talked to her..."

You raise an eyebrow. "Why me? I barely know her."

"Well, you're the reason she's so mopey. Ever since we all went to Cloudsdale to see the Wonderbolts and she dropped you through the clouds without even noticing, she's been cooped up in her house. I think the fact that she let you down really upset her. She is the Element of Loyalty, after all..."

Sweetheart, rubbing a slightly reddened nose, had a suggestion: "Anon, why don't you go see Derpy? I think she was going to go to Cloudsdale today. She could take you along. I think she'd like the company."

You agree. It was an innocent mistake and if she's beating herself up over it, it's definitely your duty to put things to right.

"GREAT!" Cutie exclaims, her characteristic cheerfulness immediately restored. "Then I can start baking cookies for tonight!"

Crimson Star was bored. With a vacant stare, he flipped the red and blue coins of the Connect Four game in front of him, one of the few sources of entertainment provided by the hospital's mess facilities. The first few thousand games had been quite fun. At least I know I can always retire and play the tournaments. Are there Connect Four tournaments? He made a mental note to check, knowing he'd forget the mental note for good in about five seconds.

Around him, the other patients shuffled about their own business, some bored like him, others dying, a few on a mystical journey of discovery. Crimson was beginning to feel as if he'd spent half of his life here. First it'd been the wings... he'd travelled to Ponyville as little more than a tourist, eager for a change of pace after several years of marching up and down the Canterlot castle walls. Ponyville had a reputation for being tranquil so he'd let down his guard, only to be bombarded by a veritable sonic punch from Pinkie Pie's oversized megaphone as the latter was sending her friend off to the Wonderbolts Academy. It completely deafened his sensitive hearing for a few days and threw him off-balance into a tree, severely spraining his wings. To be fair, she did agree to give him free cake for life now.

To be unfair, it began the most tedious, drawn-out period of his life, as he had to spend a month regaining his ability to fly. And now, a few blissful free weeks later, here he was again, this time with crushed hooves that took several potions just to save. Of course, the recovery time would be even longer and his mobility lesser. Crimson's jaw rested on the table and he began trying to reach the tip of his nose with his tongue.

On the other side of the mess hall, the ever-punctilious Nurse Redheart carried a tray of various medical tablets on her back for the different ailments endured by her patients. As she was sharing them around, her shining blue eyes caught the bat's scarlet ones. She only saw the despair for a fleeting moment as Crimson's mood visibly rose upon realising she was there. He waved a fluffy hoof. Redheart trotted over. "Don't you smile at me!" she chided. "I saw that gloomy look."

Crimson pouted. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Horse-apples. You had the face of an earthworm who survived being run over by a cart only to be billed for smearing the wheel with its innards." Red quipped. She shook her posterior, rattling the tray. "Pills."

"Oh! Right!" Crimson picked out his medicine and swallowed it under the Nurse's careful observation. "Thanks..."

She raised her eyebrow. "Am I gonna get an answer or will I just stand here til Celestia dies of old age? What's with the general droopiness? I told you that business with the blood's behind us now. I don't want you to beat yourself up over it."

Crimson shook his head. "No, no, I'm not beating myself up over it. Psst!"

He motioned for her to come closer and whispered: "Real talk - I'm just bored to tears! I mean, I appreciate that you fixed me up, but I think that if I don't get out of here soon, I'll go mad as a parasprite!"

Redheart blinked. "But... parasprites aren't mad. They're just-"

"You see!?" Crimson hissed dramatically. "I'm already losing my mental faculties!"

For a few moments, Redheart simply deadpanned at Crimson. Eventually, the bat cracked up and blushed.

"Well now..." she said slowly, as if savoring the moment. "There is... this." Redheart pulled a small pink card out from under her hat. "It was given to me by Pinkie Pie this morning. Read it."

Crimson took the card from her and read it. "As a member of the friendshippiest town of friendship this side of Equestria, you are hereby invited to a Hearth's Warming Eve party at the town hall tonight, in honor of Mr Skinny figuring out how to use his larynx properly. One guest allowed."

"As I understand, Pinkie's given the cards to just about everyone in town who isn't sick." Red explained.

"But you'll take me?" He asked, ears slowly perking up like a balloon filled with hope.

Redheart smirked. She set the tray down on the table beside them and sat down next to Crimson, resting her head against her hooves. "I might consider it. But, hmmmm... that depends..."

"On...?"

She poked his nose emphatically. "Good. Behaviour. No leaving the wheelchair, no exertion and most of all, no heroics."

"What if I have to rescue fillies from a burning house?"

"Second-degree burns give the hospital money." She laughed, only to halt as she realised an unamused doctor stood behind her. Crimson pretended to be invisible. "Errrrrrr... just a little joke, doctor!"

"Extremely little, nurse." The doctor mumbled, and moved on.

You and Sweetheart meet Bubbles at the town square, where she's ordered a carriage in much the same fashion as one orders a taxi, only with letters instead of phone calls. The blonde-maned mailmare is dressed in a figure-hugging blue uniform with matching leg warmers on each hoof and a brown satchel over her shoulder. She moves in to nuzzle your stomach. As the pony's snout gives you a friendly poke, you scratch her behind the cheek and notice the sheen of cold sweat that covers her cloudy grey fur.

"Are you sure you're not overdoing it?" Sweetheart asks her in a concerned tone. The other pegasus brushes it off.

"Mail's gotta come through... besides, this is the only time of the year when I get a cup of cocoa instead of an earful when I crash through someone's house!" she giggled, before shivering slightly. "But I am a bit tired, that's why I'm taking the carriage."

You shoo her inside the carriage. "You'll be a popsicle if we don't get going!"

"Anon..." Sweetheart mumbles. Her usage of your real name catches your attention and you look down. One blue eye peeks out from under a snow-covered pink mane. "Be careful up there. It's a long drop down. I know Twilight gave you the cloudwalking potion to drink, but... it's windy. I'm sorry, I think I worry too much..."

You snort. "Where would my ego be if you didn't?"

"Huh?"

Shaking your head, you pat hers. "Nothing, nothing. I promise I'll stay away from ledges, watch out for any unexpected gusts of air and come back down as soon as possible. So your darling head need not worry."

She sighs, the pointy ears wilting uncertainly. "Just... just make sure Rainbow Dash is alright... I shouldn't worry..."

You watch as she trots away. An inner conflict bubbles within you, an oil-and-water mixture of pride wanting you to get on the carriage and go, and self-disgust wanting you to stay. No, there was no excuse for treating her that way. Even if she is a simple pony with simple ideas. She's so much more. Why do I-? "Fluttershy!" You call out as loud as you can. In the distance, you see the blurry yellow outline pause.

"Wait a moment." You tell the driver and run through the snowy winds to her. The pegasus's expression is impassive, but you can tell she's upset. Her optimistic little smile is missing. "Skinny, you should-" she starts, but you cut her off, kneeling down to be on the same eye level. "I'm sorry. I didn't... I had no right to talk down to you like that. I'll be back as soon as possible and then... I'll, uh..." Make it up to you? Buy you something nice? Take you out for a hayburger? All the options popping into your head seem trite and unworthy.

Finally, you say: "I'll tell you something I haven't told anyone."

I think I'm going crazy.

"Ohh." Sweetheart cooes. "Okay. I'll see you at the party." She pats your arm comfortingly with her hoof, and you stroke her back, feeling your hand brush against her wings. "You shouldn't keep Derpy waiting!" The pegasus chides. Nodding, you stand up and get back to the vehicle. Sweetheart's smile is back, but you can't tell if she's just putting it on out of decency or not. Probably is. Probably loathes the sight of you now...

The door to the small pony carriage shuts, and the bridled professionals take off. You barely feel a thing as you're lifted up into the drift of snow from the skies.

"Are you ok?" Bubbles ask, her cute cross-eyed gaze suddenly piercing. "You seem... different. Is that Amulet getting to you?"

"Do I suddenly want to take over the world?" You chuckle mirthlessly. "Errrr... no. No, it's probably one of the other things driving me up a wall."

Bubbles frowns. "What other things?"

You start counting on your fingers. "Well, let's see now... where were we...? Uh, Princess Luna psychically impregnated me with a wackadoodle ghost daughter, I'm still recovering from the insect invasion, some crazy rich filly from the school has a crush on me, the royal government sent a giant bat to watch over my shoulder... and it's winter! I hate the cold." you grumble.

"Wow, that's a long list." Bubbles says after a short pause. "I never knew there could be so many problems. Have you considered collecting them?"

You rub your forehead.

"Well, I really hope you figure things out." The grey pegasus snuggles up to you, still cold from the mail run. "I know you didn't mean it, but you did sound a bit mean when you were talking to Fluttershy. Like you cared more about how she made you feel than how she does."

You smother a look of disgust. "That's not true."

"Good." Her voice is muffled by your coat. Well, at least she dropped the subject. But it soured your mood even further. By the time the carriage got to Cloudsdale, you felt irritated by the fact that you had to come here in the first place. What was Rainbow Dash's deal anyway? She dropped you by accident and then went off to whimper for months? Sometimes, you find yourself wondering how these ponies even function. Bubbles flies off to her own destination, after trying and failing to elicit more scritches out of you.

You take a deep breath of the winter air and try to clear your head. The view of the pegasi town is quite magical, actually. Whole streets built out of steam! Rainbow fountains here and there! The design of the buildings have a distinctly Roman feel to it that you hadn't seen anywhere in Equestria. It's quite wonderful, and the beauty of it blows away the petty haze of selfishness clouding your mind. I have to stop forgetting how blessed I am... I seem to do that a lot.

So what if there are problems? You know that with the Elements of Harmony with you, nothing is insurmountable. Shaking the irritating thoughts from your mind, you start to look for where you might find Rainbow Dash. As you might have predicted, your unusual appearance draws many slack-jawed onlookers just as it did the last time.

Fortunately, Cloudsdale is fairly small compared to Earth cities, and you quickly notice what you were looking for, a large building that you'd definitely been to before...

The designs in Cloudsdale stand apart from the fairly standard buildings in Ponyville and Canterlot. For one, they're of a fancy Roman design - presumably clouds make for easier construction material and more artistic extravagance - and for another, they have no glass windows. Instead, pegasi are supposed to fly in and out of specific portals high up on the sides of the house, which essentially function as both doors and windows. The actual door, which is what you're trying to use, is obviously intended for grounders only.

You press down on the doorbell button. Before you can even tell what's what, a golden hoof drags you in, shuts the door behind you.

Click!

Looking down, you see a pair of handcuffs on you, with fuzzy orange padding. And behind them, the adorably stern-looking yellow face of Spitfire, alias Flamethrower, leader of the Wonderbolt sports team and once again your host in Cloudsdale.

"You know, this thing with the handcuffs has to stop."

Hearing your voice stuns Flamethrower, and she takes several steps back, her well-groomed wings buzzing uncertainly. "Pets don't talk." she finally says, in a voice that's gone slightly hoarse from a decade of command.

You smirk. "The rumours of my domestication have been greatly exaggerated."

Flamethrower squints, not sure if she can trust you or not. She notices the Alicorn Amulet hanging from your neck and draws herself into a fighting stance. "Why are you wearing... that?!"

"What, this?" You hold up the Amulet. "You know what this is?"

The yellow sports pony rolls her eyes. "A circus pony cuts off the happiest town in Equestria and starts her own dictatorship, and you think we just turned a blind eye? Ponies in certain circles have been running theories on what that... thing ... is for months! So I gotta ask you... do you know what this is?"

"Well, of course I do." You reply, keeping an enigmatic smirk to infuriate the cute pegasus who thinks she's being so tough and intimidating. You really do love them sometimes.

"What is it then?"

You pout. "That would be telling. Suffice to say that unless there are any valid claimers... it's my property now. See, it's the only reason that I have the magic to be able to talk to other ponies. And since I have no natural magic of my own, it's incapable of corrupting me."

Flamethrower scoffs. "I wasn't born yesterday. What do you want from me? I won't help you do something evil! Like... burglary or whatever!"

"Oh no, no, of course not. We can start with simple wallet snatching." You snark back. "I'm here because you happen to be Rainbow Dash's current employer, correct?"

She fidgeted a little. "Perhaps. What's it to you?"

You get down on one knee to be on eye level. Hers are as fiery and dominant as any you've ever seen. The orange gleam in them is almost volcanic. They are the eyes of a born winner. It's fortunate then, that you enjoy a challenge. You stroke a finger against the velvety fur of her cheek, reaching up to her ear. Caught offguard, Flamethrower blinks rapidly, her body processing the gentle sensation. Not quite the ministrations of a lover, but more than the clumsy hoofpat of a friend.

"W-what are you doing?!" she demands. Was there a slight squeak in her voice? There soon would be.

"I want information." You drawl, running the edge of your nail up and down the sensitive ear of the pegasus and then wrapping your fingers around the top of it. Her breath hitched slightly. In your experience, a pony can never resist petting. It seems instinctual. As is yours... to dominate.

Showing some defiance, one of Flamethrower's hooves touches the blue Wonderbolt suit that she'd discarded on a nearby couch. It appears to remind her of her authority, as she shakes her head away from you. "Wha- who the hay do you think you are??"

"A friend. From far away." You say warmly. "I've been working with the Elements of Harmony down in Ponyville to habilitate myself to Equestria. So you see, I'm no trouble at all. No trouble. I'm a friend. Can we be friends?"

A distrustful frown remains on her fuzzy little face. "Err... I guess..."

"Anyway, as I was saying..." the hand returns to caress Flamethrower's head, your fingers running through the fine, wind whipped mane. "I'm looking for information, ya little cutie."

You can tell that the Wonderbolt leader, used to being in control, is struggling to maintain dignity and composure as your spidery appendage weaves and scratches across her neck and ears, leaving behind streaks of fillyish euphoria. Also, it tickles.

"Why-why a-a-a-a-re you do-doing t-t-that?" She stutters in-between bouts of pleasure. "What are those things??"

You move back a little. The sudden loss of stimuli causes a shudder to go through her entire body. "What, these? Hands. And fingers! You can call them little Wonderbolts, if you like." You grin wolfishly.

She blinks, totally disoriented. "M-Must I?..."

"Well, it's your choice. You're a free mare. As free as a mare can be. Tell me... free mare..." you emphasize the last two words as your fingers dig trenches through the fur directly on Flamethrower's back until your middle digit finds a particular dint, the rubbing of which seems to control her facial muscles as one might play an instrument. "... where can I find Rainbow Dash?"

"I... haven't... seen... her..." Flamethrower forces out, gritting her teeth.

You pet her head gently. "Come-come now, you can do better than that. You're her boss, you must've at least visited to check on her."

"Nooo... I..." Her resolve to withstand the massive quantum of solace you're inducing within her begins to falter, replaced by drooling submission to hugs and pets. You smirk.

"It's rather good that no bad guy around here has ever figured out how addicted you all are for friendship."

Flamethrower growls. One final attempt at defiance. "I am not-!"

"Shhhh." You cover her mouth with a fingertip. "Of course not. Which is why you'll tell me the location. If you do, I'll walk right out and you can start planning a defence for my abilities, right?"

"Umm..." She hums uncertainly.

"After all, you are so clever and independent, right? Leader of the Wonderbolts!"

The yellow pony nods proudly. "I am the leader! I'll find a way to stop you! Just you wait! ... As soon as we're done here, right?"

You grin maniacally and smush her cheeks. "Right."

After about another half-hour of cuddling, tickling and other such things that would've destroyed Flamethrower's reputation had anyone seen her, you are uncuffed and with the address to Daredevil's palace in the clouds. According to the Wonderbolts' captain, she moved the building behind a cloud hanging perpetually over a mountain near Ponyville, completely concealing it until now.

Fortunately, getting there from Cloudsdale turns out to be less hassle than expected, as some character called Daring Doo gleefully carries you there in exchange for an autograph and a button from your coat to keep as a souvenir. Well, no use being a celebrity if you can't get some perks from fanfillies.

And so, you find yourself standing in front of the door in front of Daredevil's home. You hide the Amulet under your jumper, just in case. Then, you reach for the door, ready to tap out of muscle memory, only to remember that it's not a solid surface. "Miss Rainbow!?"

It's barely audible, but there is a response, a muffled and inconsolable "go away!". It breaks your heart.

"Miss Rainbow, I'm not leaving until you open the door."

There is no answer this time. Sighing you sit down against the immensely comfortable wall of the house and wait. If it wasn't for the bitingly cold winter air, it would've been more than comfortable enough to take a long nap. But since it's not, you snap in about four minutes. "Rainbow, please? It's cold... and there's no other pegasus who can fly me down! I'm freezing!"

A few moments later, the door finally creaks open in an ominous fashion. Since it's made of cotton candy and love, you're not sure how it manages to do that, but it sure gives you the willies as you enter the dark living room, composed almost entirely of stormy rain clouds. It's a disaster zone. Deteriorated food packaging is littered across the floor alongside smelly cider bottles. Dozens of tattered books are peppered amongst them. The rain within the clouds gives off an unpleasant moistness to the room.

And then there's Daredevil, standing in the middle of all this.

If you hadn't known this is her home, you wouldn't have recognised her. The beautiful sky-blue coat is now bleached and dull, layered with dust and other crap. The mane is at least three times as long as usual and its previously segmented colors are now all mixed up in a disordered, eye straining mess of wiry strands. The once-cheeky magenta eyes, which used to dance around playfully, are now fixed on you with a tense gaze that could burn through your head.

"What are you doing here!?"

Well, at least the forceful, scratchy voice is still there.

"Who in the name of Equestria allowed you to come back up here??" Daredevil demands. "Was it Twilight? I bet it was Twilight!" Her front left hoof rams into the floor, poking a little hole into it. "She's got no sense of responsibility!"

You try to interject: "Actually..."

It doesn't work.

"-I mean, who does she think she is?! Just cause she has magic and can teleport herself anywhere she wants doesn't mean that everypony else can too!"

In a split second, Daredevil speeds to the door, peeks out and shuts it. "Just as I thought! Not even a guard! Is she begging for an accident to happen?!" She whirls back at you and you gulp, facing her furious magenta glare. The pegasus walks up to you and pokes you in the stomach aggressively. "One false step up here and you'll be back on your precious ground faster than a... faster than a sonic rainboom!"

"Rainbow Dash..."

"Stay right there!" She zips to the door again and pokes her nose out. "I'm gonna find somepony to take you down. Somepony strong. Uhh..." Daredevil looks back and forth, clearly unwilling to leave you alone.

"RAINBOW DASH!"

The blue pegasus whips her head back defiantly. "WHAT?!"

"Hi. I'm Anon. Nice to meet you."

She waves her hoof non-chalantly. "Yeah-yeah. I figured they'd find a way for you to talk eventually. Although those chimp sounds were pretty cute..."

Chimp sounds???

You shake your head loose of the thought. "Aren't you gonna ask why I'm in your... weird cloud palace?"

"The Cloudominium."

"Whateverum. Point is, I'm here to visit you."

Daredevil frowns. "You can't."

"Why not?"

"Because, errr..." she scratches her head with her hoof, trying to think of an excuse. "I just woke up! And, I... have an appointment with the Wonderbolts. So, um, gotta get going, heheh."

You indulge her by seeming impressed. "Wow, cool. You know, I just came from Spitfire's place. I'm sure she'd be happy to see you. We can go together."

Daredevil's jaw drops, and she starts chuckling guiltily. "Oh! Uh... um... we can't do that! I'm, err, I'm training right now and I can't carry you. It might mess with my muscles! Yeah..."

Her muscles have noticeably atrophied since your previous meeting, and she's clearly gained some weight. You raise an eyebrow.

"Pinkie sent me. She said you were having a hard time getting over the fact that you dropped me, and she wants you to come back to Ponyville."

The blue pony facehoofs to cover a pained expression. "I'm FINE! I'm sorry that I dropped you. And I'm too busy to go down to Ponyville, okay?! I don't need to hang out with my friends all the time! I don't follow them around everywhere they go, so you can tell them that they don't need to stick their snouts into my business either! I've never... been... better!!" She huffed.

You shrug. "Okay."

Daredevil's expression quickly changes from frustration to utter confusion, and her ears flick about uncertainly. "Huh??"

"You're okay. Got it. Sorry to bother you. If you could just take me down now...?"

"W-what? No! I've got to... I must..." She turns to the door again, vainly hoping that a pegasus would randomly fly by her hiding place. "Somepony had to bring you here! Who was it?!"

"Well, that would be Derpy. And I told her you'd be taking me back down, soooo... don't think she's coming back." You smile.

Daredevil starts to visibly sweat.

"But... somepony has to..." she whispers. Her ruffled wings flap against her body, throwing out a few feathers in the process. For a moment, you're afraid she actually will take off. However, the pony's paranoia for your wellbeing prevails and she relaxes again. "Why are you so dumb?!" Daredevil snaps, her voice cracking.

"I beg your pardon?"

"No pardon! You came up here knowing that..."

You play the idiot, knowing that she'll have no choice but to admit to the truth now. "Knowing what exactly?"

Even under the grime and fur, you can see Daredevil's face reddening, especially her nose. "That you'd have to... to..." she grits her teeth. "Go back down again!"

You fold your arms. "Yes. I was rather hoping that the fastest, bravest, toughest pony in Equestria would give me a helping hoof."

The blush spreads up to her ears now, and you're slightly worried that steam will start blowing out of them. Daredevil curls up into a catlike pose you've never seen her in before, hugging herself with her wings. When she speaks again, her voice is at Sweetheart decibels:

"No..."

You frown dramatically. "No? It'd only take a few minutes. And besides, without your help and with no one knowing we're here, I won't get down at all. You'd be keeping me prisoner. Now that wouldn't be very loyal... would it?"

Daredevil bites her lip, shaking. As you let her think, you sit down on the cloudy floor, pointedly near the hole she kicked into it. "Whoops! Nearly stuck my leg through there!"

A nerve pulsates on her forehead. The pegasus's mouth opens and closes several times, without a sound coming out from a choked-up throat.

Finally, she slouches, as if she'd simply run out of energy to fight herself. "I can't take you down." Daredevil says in a serious monotone. "I dropped you before and I didn't catch you. I didn't even notice you falling because I was too busy thinking about myself." Her breath hitches up, and the big doe eyes well up. "You could have missed every cloud..."

You kneel down and pull the sad pony into a hug just as she breaks down completely. "Hey-hey-hey..."

The unkempt fur is coarse and stringy under your hands, but you ignore it as Daredevil cries out her pent-up self-loathing directly into your side. "It's okay, it's fine-"

"Iss no' okay!" Her protesting voice is muffled underneath your jacket. "Ahm the El'm'nt of Lyalty!" She pulls her head out again. Glistening streams of liquid reveal the original bright blue on her face. She sniffs loudly. "I dropped a friend I promised to look after right out of the sky. That's not just uncool, it's like the most loser thing that anypony could ever do!"

She rests her weight against you, having given up on any pretense of dignity. "They should just give my element away."

"I don't think that's how it works." You say, idly stroking her head.

"But they should!" Daredevil insisted. "I can't let what happened to you happen again! I'll stay up here forever if I have to!"

Growing tired of her self-pity, you turn the pegasus around. "Are you even listening to yourself? You're so loyal you're beating yourself up for being unloyal! If you were, you wouldn't give a rat's ass! Comprende?"

Daredevil blinks. "Not really. You talk weird."

Give me patience...

"My point is... that nobody who is unloyal would care about other ponies."

"Yeah! And I-"

You cut her off. "You dropped me by accident, Rainbow! You were distracted. It happens. It doesn't mean you care more about yourself than you do us, and nobody thinks that you do either. If you were half as bad as you think you are, we wouldn't be having this conversation. And I think your glowy necklace thing might've... I dunno... given us a head's up about you not being loyal anymore? Clearly it still thinks you are!"

The rusty cogs turn in Daredevil's brain. "B-but... I shouldn't have dropped you."

"No, you shouldn't have. Are you sorry?"

She nodded slowly. "Yeah... I'm very sorry."

Finally!

You press your index finger against her nose for a good, long boop. "I forgive you. We're good."

"We're... good?" Daredevil slowly says, testing out the words in her mouth.

"Yeah, we're good."

The blue pegasus beams from ear to ear, her wings and ears slowly flaring out. Moving too fast for your eyes, she bursts out through a window, filling the sky with rainbow streaks as she dashes around the mountain, squealing in joy. "WE'RE GOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!" she bellows out to Equestria before flying back in at near supersonic speed.

Oh, not agai-

The pony crashes into you and the two of you roll across the floor uncontrollably, stopping with Daredevil standing above you. "Thanks. You're a peach." She says, and nuzzles her nose against yours.

Unfortunately, your nose picks right that moment to sneeze.

"Ugh! Way to ruin the moment, dude!" She snarks, climbing off so you can stand up.

You roll your eyes. "It's your fault, you need a shower."

"Oh. Yeah." Daredevil looks down, and giggles awkwardly as she realises the state she's in. "Be right back!"

With another spurt of faster-than-light speed, she completes a month's worth of housekeeping, restoring the dreary raincloudy room to a pleasant fluffy white, and disappears to what you presume is the shower room as it's shortly followed by tone deaf humming and the drizzling sounds of water.

Waiting for the hyperactive pegasus to finish, you wander around her living room for a bit, but frown uncomfortably as you feel a headache coming on. "Oh well, it's been a long day..."

You sit down and rest on her couch for a bit, but somehow, the pain seems to get worse and worse.

This isn't normal.

A white light blinds you, as a high pitched noise drones in your ears. You grab hold of your head just to feel something... anything... but somehow that hurts even more. You feel as if your head's about to split. And then you see her. You're not sure anymore if your eyes are open or closed, but you see Eris, clearer than anything you've ever seen as if she's burning herself onto your retinas.

She is absolutely still, her grey face scrunched up in fury and her red pupils trained directly on you. Her voice feels like someone stabbing a needle directly into your skull.

"NOT FAIR! NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR! WHAT DID THAT STUPID BLUE MOUNT DO TO DESERVE THAT?! IT'S NOT FAIR!

Although the petty, possessive screaming continues, it becomes almost inaudible to you as you begin to pass out. Only vaguely do you feel the tone shift to a more caring, concerned one right before you completely slip away...

"Anon, wait...!"

"Anon?"

You flail instinctively in a state of semiconsciousness, nearly whacking Daredevil with your wrist. "Hey! What gives?"

As the pounding in your head subsides, you open your eyes to see the concerned blue mare staring down at you. You're on the floor, having slipped off the couch during... whatever the fuck that was.

"Uh... I must have fallen asleep." you mutter, and rub your eyes.

Daredevil is not amused. "Really? I cry on your shoulder like a little filly and all I get is 'I decided to take a nap on the floor'? You'll have to do better than that, Skinny."

You nod bashfully. "Sorry. I'm just... used to hiding how I feel. This place... all of it, all of this crazy world... goes to my head sometimes. Look, the reason... the reason I fell down is this."

Daredevil gasps as you display the Alicorn Amulet.

"Now, don't panic!" You bark. "It's not like Trixie. I found this a few months after I went to Canterlot to see the Princesses. When Luna tried to read my mind, she changed me. All that I am. She forced so much magic into my body that I acclimatised, became a new being. Not quite pony, but not human anymore either. And not alone. Something else happened.

"And what's that, exactly?"

"It might be a little hard to believe, but it created a new person inside my head."

Daredevil thinks for a few seconds. "I've seen weirder. Go on."

"Well, this new person could detect magic and she pointed me towards the Amulet. It has enough magic in it for her to manifest, and for me to talk to ponies. But since I don't have any magic myself, it can't corrupt me."

"Can it corrupt her?"

You stare back at her with a deer-in-the-headlights expression.

"That... is a very good question..."

With her confidence restored, Daredevil agrees to carry you back to Ponyville. The sunset vista is mesmerising. Celestia has obviously put everything into her work - the sky dazzles with blood red and the most delightfully vibrant orange - but the effort is wasted on you, as your mood seems to plummet the closer you get back to town.

And it's her fault. That pony ruler. Ce-les-tia. You know that without her help, there's no way to control Eris. But if she's not contained, she will most likely split your head open the next time she pulls a stunt like this. There's no choice here: you must ask the Sun Princess for help. You must debase yourself in front of her - you, a human of greater intellectual superiority than any of these silly, affable creatures, have to ask the queen of the sheep for help in basic survival.

Which means risking the Amulet, and through that everything you've accomplished to create your own independent existence here.

You barely abstain yourself from tearing out some of poor Daredevil's fur. It's not her fault, of course. It's this place and its magic of friendship... like an invisible chain around your neck. Can't live with it, can't live without it. To be in Equestria, you have to follow terms, conditions. All helpfully dictated to you by creatures who would believe you if you told them that pants can grow wings and fly.

Ponies are charming. But you will not have them govern over you!

You see from afar that a crowd has gathered around the town hall - more than half of the Ponyville residents, including the Elements of Harmony. All of them cheer at the sight of their beloved weather pegasus, who basks in the glory and pulls off a few safe routines that don't include risking your position on her back but still elicit the customary "oohs" and "aahs".

She lands right in the middle of a circle formed by her five friends, all of whom rush to her to tell her how much they missed her, care for her and hope she feels better now.

"Don't worry!" Daredevil giggles. "I feel like I could take on the whole of Equestria, and it's all thanks to my big hunk of a friend over here!" She pats you on the back. All eyes turn on you, and you smile uncomfortably under their adoring gazes and accept the praise with curt nods.

What happened to that man that she's talking about, that smooth-talking bastard who made this pegasus all happy-go-lucky again? Doesn't sound like me at all.

You're distracted by Sweetheart tapping gently on your knee, and sit down to her level. There's a pensiveness to her gentle face, but a confidence also. Her voice is actually audible through the crowd's noise. "You were going to tell me something...?"

I was-? Ah yes, that I'm going crazy. Well, true as that may be, I won't tell her that.

"I'm moving out."

Sweetheart freezes, her pupils shrinking to pinpricks. The rest of the crowd, eager to push inside the hall to begin the feast, do not notice. You are pushed along and lose track of her, but you know you may have permanently severed your relationship with the yellow pony.

As you enter the hall, you find your gaze wandering over the multitude of happy ponies sitting down at various tables, chatting away over a variety of mundane subjects. You notice Shaggy waving at you. He's sitting in a wheelchair, with your favourite Nurse by his side.

I wonder what they'll all think when they find out. This might be the thing that finally makes them hate me for good. Maybe some part of me is trying to tell me something. Maybe I'm not supposed to be in Ponyville at all. Maybe-

"Skinny!" Daredevil pipes up next to you, her purple eyes filled with a mixture of concern and, you can tell, genuine loyalty to you. "Are you okay? You're looking kinda freaked out."

For a brief moment, you forget all of those thoughts, because the loyal eyes and the experience you two shared at the cloud house elicits something deeper and more instinctual out of you. "I'm... I'm... very tired. Confused."

"Yeah, it has been a crazy day." The blue pegasus chuckles. "Hey, listen, nobody's gonna blame you if you take a nap and let me and Twilight do the talking. I'm sure Fluttershy'll be happy to take you home. Hey, where is Fluttershy?" She tries peeking over the crowd, but fails to find her.

You bite down on your lip, feeling ready to burst into tears and confess everything there and then like a toddler. But what's there to confess? That you're just an awful person who likes burning bridges and warming your hands over the fire as they go?

But I'm not. I know I'm not.

"I think I'll go for some fresh air."

A set of snow clouds hangs over Ponyville, adding a proper festive snowdrift - probably ordered by Pinkie for your party. You brush some fresh snow off the bench outside of the hall and rest your rump on it, hoping the chill winter air will restore some clarity. As you idly observe the surroundings, your eyes fixate on a single set of hoofprints leading away from all the mess caused by the townsponies. The set of tracks leads to the road leading to your... no, Sweetheart's cottage. You don't live there anymore.

Your attention is drawn to a rustling sound in the nearby bushes. "Who's there?" You call out in a low voice. You're not really interested - it's just that you have no desire to be watched either. You groan mentally as you see a familiar tiara appear above the leaves. The pink filly trots out with a bashful look on her face. "Your name's Diamond Tiara, isn't it?"

"Yeah... I didn't want to go inside. Most ponies there don't really like me much." She slowly edges closer to you and sits down on the park bench, imitating your way of sitting. It looks amusingly lazy from a pony.

You snort. "Well, I imagine I'll know how you feel soon."

"What? Why?? Everybody loves you like... like money and chocolate cake!" Tiara exclaims, trying to think of the most popular things she can. "Even those stupid Cutie Mark Cwusaaaaaders..." she draws out the last word in mocking annoyance.

Oh, wonderful. I can't explain myself to myself, but now I have to explain myself to a child.

"I don't. I don't love me much at all. How could I? The deck is stacked against me. Everyone around here is perfect to a degree which I could never hope to come close to. Even when they're mean or silly or rotten to the core. Since the day I arrived, I've been looking for the zipper, for the catch! Perhaps the princesses are keeping you like this. Maybe it's some freak form of evolution, I don't know! It doesn't matter anyway. All that matters is that it's a perfect world and I have nothing to strive for in it. Why should I? Everyone's perfect, everyone accepts me for exactly the sort of person I am, flaws and all. I actually have to create horrible problems to fix so that I could feel alive! So that I could feel like they want me to become better!"

Diamond Tiara stares at your rambling blankly, and you can tell that none of this is reaching her. You sigh. "I'm sorry. I know you probably just wanted to hang out with me."

"It sounded really important. I wish I understood it." she said politely. You smile slightly, and caress the filly's cheek.

"Thanks. That means a lot to me."

Her blue eyes briefly glance at the door to the hall before returning. "Actually, I just wanted to ask one thing."

"Shoot."

"Shoot what?"

You roll your eyes. "Me. No, nevermind, just ask."

The pink filly chuckles nervously. "Can we go out on a-"

"No."

"Aw, come on!"

Well, that was embarrassing.

You sneak back inside just as Lavender Lady appears to be about halfway through boring the audience with a long lecture regurgitating facts you told her about humanity. "... and then Steve Jobs, a truly terrible villain, introduced a kompooh-ter that still strikes fear into the hearts of human foals everywhere, the MACINTOSH!! Thus beginning a conflict between the foul Macintosh and the noble PC that continues on to this day... OH! Skinny! Over here, over here!"

With little choice, you join her on a podium stage at the other end of the hall. Lavender motions for you to come down to her level, so she can whisper in your ear: "I was just about to explain about the Angry Birds app and lead into how Eris used your phone to make contact. Go!"

"... right."

You stand up again, facing the expectant crowd. "Umm..."

The doors leading outside are slammed open, immediately drawing everyone's attention in the opposite direction. "...phew." You mutter inaudibly.

Silhouetted by the moonlight is a female thestral guard, wearing an armor very similar to the kind that Shaggy donned. She was somewhat more rugged, however, with a noticeably chewed-up left ear and a series of red stripes marring the dark blue fur on her back. She also had a long blue mane, with a yellow streak going through it. The mare seemed to be completely undisturbed by everyone looking at her, and instead analysed the room.

"Lighthouse!"

Shaggy rolled his wheelchair over to the mare excitedly, with a somewhat grumpy-looking Nurse trotting behind him. "What the hay are you doing in Ponyville?"

"Corporal Star..." she drawled in a friendly tone. "Have you been falling off trees again?"

He giggled. "No, squids. But really, why are you here?"

Lighthouse nods in your direction. "Princesses want this... thing... in Canterlot yesterday. Something about the fate of Equestria, and doomsday... and I stopped listening there. Ooh, cider!" Ignoring protests, she grabs a half-filled cup from the table and downs it in one gulp. "Shut up... the drinks are free, aren't they? I'm in a hurry."

She turns back to Shaggy. "You better get him prepared. They'll want him on the first train that goes at dawn. And you."

You smile to yourself. And so the master summons the dog...

Author's Note

Chapter music :ajsmug:

Chapter 38

As the sun rises over the glistening, snowy fields of Ponyville, you find yourself roaming across town, still fuelled by the excitement of last night. It's a matter of hours until the first train goes to Canterlot. Returning to Fluttershy is out of the question. Her chicken coop was becoming rather demeaning anyway. You'll probably send for your belongings... if you have any. Well, even if you do, it hardly matters. In Equestria, you can have anything. You have the dimwitted ponies eating out of your hands, after all. Some have even taken a fancy to you! And why wouldn't they? After a lifetime of smelly horses, you must be a sight for sore eyes.

The streets are deserted, save for a weather pony here and there. You float across the road in a state of euphoria. Are your feet even touching the ground? You're not sure.
"Anon?"
You turn around to see Eris's languid form standing in the middle of the road, silhouetted against the pink sky. "Yes, what can you do for me?" You smirk. "Now let me guess: you're here to apologise for nearly blowing my brains out. Well, there's no need. I forgive you."
The draconequus scowled. Because of her mismatched appearance, one sharp tooth stuck out of her mouth, almost defiantly. "I have feelings, you know. I'm alive!"
"You're also desperate." You sneer, unwilling to burden yourself with the emotional woes of this magical freak. "And scared. Nearly giving me a brain aneurysm made you realise that if something happens to me, you're toast. Or perhaps not. Perhaps that is what you want... it's the Amulet, isn't it? It's controlling you. You're magical and I'm not. So when I die, you will have its full power and my body to use it."
She looks aghast. "That's not at all-"
"Be silent." You command. The ruby eyes on the Amulet flash slightly, and Eris stops talking. "In a few hours, I'm taking the train to Canterlot. There, the Princesses will remove you. What happens to you after is their business. Until then, out of sight... and out of mind."

Mournfully, the wild girl fades away into nothingness, leaving you alone on the road. You stroll ahead, your feet in rhythm with the imagined trumpets of servants. You're imbued with an overwhelming confidence the likes of which you've never known before. The Princesses, oh, the Princesses! You cannot wait to see them again, it's been so long. You're sure they must have missed you. With your alien knowledge and perspective, you can help them get this dreamy land of sheep running like clockwork. Industry and progress, and untamed weather for all! It's only fair. When these ponies have been tempered by drought and hunger and storms, they'll be indomitable. It worked once for the Crystal Empire, why not everywhere?
To you, it seems as if all the tools are right there in front of your nose, waiting... no, begging to be used. The perfect workers and the perfect shepherd. You wonder why the Princesses themselves hadn't thought of it. Perhaps they had, once. But the need to bring happiness and contentment to the masses had dulled them, and allowed entropy to set in. Well, you don't blame them for that. It's a difficult job, ruling.

You carry on dancing through the dawn.

POP!

The champagne poured into the glasses with wild abandon, much of it splattering against the floor. Not that any of the human men and women present in the hall cared, for the excitement and lust of the night had driven all into a frenzy that could not be quelled. Red-faced musicians blew out brassy jazz as if their lives depended on it, and the blue light of the moon shone in through the windows, mixing with the feverish yellow gloom of the electric lamps.
Somewhere, a woman yelped at a particularly unchivalrous touch.

Eris tiptoed awkwardly through the human crowd. "Watch it, darling!" Someone barked as hoof pressed against polished shoe.
"Sorry!" she squeaked, and hurried on. She wasn't quite sure herself where she was going, but anything had to be better than this. A claustrophobic pressure came onto her. She wanted some fresh air and silence desperately, but it seemed like the hall went on forever, with an ever-increasing amount of lavishly dressed aristocrats surrounding her, all indulging their darker natures.
It wasn't all infinite, however. She could see quite clearly into what had to be the center of the room, which held a beautiful red velvet throne. Anonymous sat there, dressed in a fine green suit like some parody of Peter Pan, and observing the proceedings with a detached gaze. He was drenched in sweat, booze and saliva, yet held a fixed grin on his face. Eris couldn't tell if he was aware of his surroundings. Occasionally, one of the many guests would come and bring tribute - a golden crown. All identical, all piled on his dripping hair.

"All hail the King!"

"Hip-hip..."

"HOOORAY!!!" The scream reverberated through Eris's skull. She clutched her ears, trying to force the noise out.
Somebody pulled her into a rough dance. Well, it'd have been an insult to call it a dance. It was more that she was thrown and dragged and pushed and slapped until she didn't know what was up and down.
"Dance, pretty one, dance!" Someone laughed.
Eventually, she was knocked onto the ground at Anon's feet, and a tray fell on her head, the glasses shattering against her large antlers and covering her with more of the same stinking drink that was practically wafting through the air at this point. Blinking through the burning liquid, Eris looked up. Anon hadn't reacted.
"Stop it!" She shrieked at him. "Tell them to stop! It's too much!"

"Out of the way!" The crowd shouted angrily. "We want to see the King!"
Eris was dragged up again, and shoved out of the way into the arms of aging lotharios who held her tight. "Calm down, princess. Here, give her something to calm her nerves, eh?"
The draconequus struggled, but despite her flexibility, she had little muscle strength and couldn't do much as the most vicious gentleman took a hold of her jaw with two hands and pulled it open. For a brief moment, Eris could feel the disgusting, bitter taste of his fingers, until another poured booze down her throat. The drink was so potent that stars exploded in her eyes. She stumbled back into the larger crowd, drowsily wandering about. If it wasn't for the rhythm and power of the raucous music, Eris might have dropped off. But something about that hypnotic song kept her going, kept her... dancing.

To dance! To sing from the top of the lungs, to scream your defiance to the heavens!

Eris felt alive!

Not free.

Just awake.

Grinning malevolently, the enlightened draconequus pulled a random passerby into a deep, passionate kiss and giggled as the smitten man hopped away. She now hoped to taste them all before the night was done, and in Anon's delightfully sullied mind, it never was done. When the battle's lost before it's started, why do anything but dance and mock all the winners out there?
So Eris kept on dancing. She wasn't sure how long she cavorted and frisked.
All she knew was that at some point, she realised she'd become so numb that she hadn't noticed it all slowing down and stopping. When she opened her bleary eyes , she was still inside the hall, surrounded by broken chairs and glass, instruments, abandoned balloons and confetti. The masses had disappeared, though Anon still sat on his throne. His head bobbed slightly, and a few of the crowns clattered onto the floor with a loud, dissonant clang, shocking Eris into falling onto the floor. She rubbed her head through a filthy, matted white mane. Behind Anon, Princess Luna emerged, bearing an expression of not inconsiderable disdain.

Though Eris had never met Luna, she recognised her from Anon's memories - the Princess's breach of Anon's anti-magical barrier had birthed her, after all. Their eyes met, and Luna snarled.
"Discord. My sister thought thy trickery was at work, and she's rarely mistaken." Her horn began to glow menacingly.

Eris held her arms out defensively and looked away. "No-no-no, I'm not Discord, DON'T HURT ME!!" she cried out. Nothing happened. She peeked an eye open. Luna's spell had dissipated and she had an eyebrow raised.
"No... perhaps not." Luna said slowly, considering her options. "What art thou, then? Some manifestation of the Dark Amulet, meant to lull us into false security? Or a mere phantom of this man's conscience?"
The draconequus stood up, balancing herself on the throne. She'd had enough of being pushed around. "I am not a mere anything! I'm a human be-" she stopped sharply, realising her faux pas.
"Yes?" Luna inquired.
"I'm a... I... I am." Eris stuttered desperately, searching for a word that she knew she didn't know. "I am! I am! I am!"

Luna squinted, using her centuries of experience to try and detect some falsehood in the young one's voice, but she could not find any. That did not entirely quell her suspicions, however. "Why art thou here?"
"It's bad manners to leave a party early." Eris sneered, but even as she said them, she knew the words were not her own, but of the drink. She forced out her real voice. "I can't leave. Anon is my father."
The alicorn glanced briefly at Anon's bleary-eyed face. "Indeed? And who might be thy mother?"
Eris could only fidget in response. Luna tossed away one of her metal shoes and placed her hoof right under Eris's chin, forcing her to look up into the Night Princess's eyes. The gentle blue shine of them calmed Eris's heart. She told the alicorn everything. Not just about her heritage, but everything that had happened to her since she was born, since Anon and Luna touched minds. The first moments of awareness, the development of a separate identity from Anon, the successful attempts at communication and the decision to model her physical appearance on Discord. Last, but not least, she told her of Anon's increasingly misanthropic behaviour.

The explanation disturbed the alicorn princess on many levels, and she could certainly not abandon the possibility that this was some kind of trap concocted by the Amulet, or maybe even Anon himself.
However, the alternative - that Eris was telling the truth - meant that she was alone. Desperate. Imprisoned.
Feelings that Luna knew all too well from her past. So she took a leap of faith and made a conscious decision to embrace Eris with trust.
"Listen. Thou art real. Thou hast said so. And since it is so, thou art never alone. Anon shalt be brought to Canterlot with all due haste, one way or another, and we will personally find a way to remove thy thoughts from his. That is our promise... as mother of thee."
"M-mother..." Eris stuttered, her voice cracking as she realised she was safe, that her mother would really look after her. Luna nodded, and sat down onto the floor next to Eris. The Princess felt as awkward as the draconequus, unaccustomed to expressing pure emotion.
"Come here, child." Luna whispered. Eris shuffled closer, until she rested against the alicorn's neck, and felt a large wing wrap around her into a protective cocoon. It was only a dream, thus not quite real, but the message it sent was clear enough. Eris nuzzled into Luna's dark blue fur. "Mother..."

Luna gasped as she suddenly awoke from Anon's dream. She glanced at the clock; 5 in the morning. Time to lower the moon. Her heart still racing, the Night Princess rose from her bed and held the moon in her magical grasp as she dressed. It was routine enough to be almost thoughtless. Somewhere else in Canterlot Castle, Celestia would be raising the sun. As soon as she was ready, Luna raced off to find her.

Slamming the doors of her private quarters open, Luna faced a surprised bat guard, who'd been keeping watch in the corridor outside for the past few hours. "Where is our sister?!" Luna demanded with her usual tact and volume.
The thestral shrugged awkwardly, barely concealing his shiver. Guards were not used to being addressed so directly. "I, uh... am not sure, your Highness. I've not seen her, errr, Highness for some time."
"Then find somepony who has!"
The guard bowed and fled, half-running, half-flying. To his credit, he returned within a mere minute with notice from a secretary who'd seen Princess Celestia head towards the hot springs.

The magical hot springs beneath the Castle were essentially a private bathhouse, accessible to only Celestia and Luna(and on rare occasions, Cadance). It was a place of contemplation, meditation and also for discussions that the sisters did not dare risk having anywhere less secure.
As Luna entered the vast underground chamber, she saw that her information was correct - Celestia was standing under running water, humming an ancient song to herself. The white alicorn was bereft of her usual adornments. Her wet mane hung limply around her shoulders and her fur bristled at places. It was Celestia as she wished to be seen by her family - the vulnerable, ordinary mare that she had once been, and in some ways still was.
"Hello, sister." She greeted Luna warmly, knowing that she was there without having to open her eyes. Luna wasn't quite sure what the trick was, except that perhaps she had become far too familiar with loneliness to not notice its absence.

"Tia... how do you feel about becoming an aunt?"
Celestia slipped and disappeared into the pool for five seconds. She emerged with a gaping jaw. "Details, Lulu! Details!" She squeaked, swimming towards Luna in an uncoordinated manner that would have given any trained guard a belly-laugh. "You haven't taken a stallion, have you?? By the stars, it's not the apple farmer... is it?!"
Luna rolled her eyes. "Don't be silly, Tia."
"... Well?! Do not keep me in suspense, Lulu!"

Luna swiftly conveyed everything Eris had told her. "It was but a dream, and we cannot be convinced of its truthhood til we hast seen Anon again. But one thing's for sure - Sombra's Amulet hast sunk its claws into the hyooman's thoughts."
"As we predicted." Celestia sighed, shaking her head. "It is not without reason that the Shadow Party have become ever bolder, ever more outspoken in their defiance of me. Crystal Star believes, I think, that her son will bring the Amulet to her."
Luna snarled involuntarily. "Then she hast made a gross miscalculation. Crimson Star is a stallion of good heart. He will not confuse his love of his mother for a good cause."
"Perhaps not, but it would be wise to fortify his loyalty to us regardless." Celestia noted. "This new assignment we've planned will put it to the ultimate test. Perhaps a promotion?"
Luna scoffed. "And be accused of favouritism? Don't be absurd. We will not shower our servants with presents to earn what they have already given freely. The plan will work. We... I just wish there was another way. After all, Crimson's loyalty to us is little different from the Shadow Party's love of Nightmare Moon."
"On the contrary, it's entirely different. We are real. Our love for our little ponies is real, and their love for us is real. The Shadow Party worship the ghost of a greedy mare who promised them - and only them - power. That mare is gone, and is not coming back." Celestia argued.

"Tia..." Luna said slowly, her old eyes full of doubt. "Can we really all live together? All ponies? All of us with such disparate ideas and wants and needs? The Shadow Party, they... their ancestors were mine! My guards! My friends! They want me to lead them, and I want to lead them. Perhaps I should just... take them away from Equestria, and..."

Celestia could not bear to hear any more and used her magic to push Luna into the pool. The blue alicorn could only let out an undignified yelp as she landed into the water, where her sister pulled her into a hug. "Tia...!"
"Shhh, come here." Celestia cooed into her ear. "I'm sorry, I had to wake you up. You seemed to be sleepwalking in somepony's nightmare still."

For a few minutes, the two sisters simply held each other in the warm water, drawing strength from company. Finally, Celestia spoke: "I will not have you go anywhere. Not ever. Not again. Trying to be Nightmare Moon and Luna at the same time would only drive you to madness, and I... I can't do this again. I just can't. I'd give up. Now hear me, sister, and hear me well - forbidding your thestrals from drinking the blood of innocent animals was the right call. It is difficult to see them suffer through this change, I know. But change they must. Don't placate them, Lulu. Don't let them hold up their old ways in pride. History has its place. But it is to be learned from, not worshipped."
"I'm sorry." Luna whispered. "I'm still... weak. I'm not what I was."
"Oh, you are." Celestia chuckled, wiping the tears away from Luna's eyes. "You are more like the old Lulu with every passing day."
Luna couldn't help smiling at that, despite her heavy heart. "Crimson will bring the hyooman here soon. Then we can finally start putting an end to all of this. I'm sure that he'll let nothing stand in his way."

"But this isn't a social call!" Crimson whined like a foal. After the party had ended, he had been appalled to discover that Ponyville Hospital hadn't cleared him for a return trip to Canterlot in spite of the Princesses' clear instructions.
Nurse Redheart rolled her icy blue eyes, and resumed reading his chart. "Doctor's orders. Celestia, Luna AND Cadance could come here all together and you'd still be too sick to move. Your hooves need time to recover. We have sent them a note."
"A note?!? Wha-what do we have magic for??? Can't we get someone to cast a heal spell or... something?" The bat gesticulated wildly.
"... have you any idea how much metaphysical effort would go into fixing broken bones and torn muscles and damaged nerves? We'd have a unicorn sharing this ward with you if somepony tried."

Lighthouse's big, lamp-like eyes danced back and forth, observing the argument with amusement whilst loudly crunching on cold chicken legs. Redheart twitched occasionally at the sounds.
"B-but it's the Princess! And it's Skinny! And it's like the only job on the field I've ever had!" Crimson insisted. "I can't mess this up!"
"You're not messing it up, you're healing from a crush injury! It's an inescapable little fact that your precious little head won't get around."
Crimson clacked his teeth in irritation.
"Why don't we just tie this jenny up already and get to the train station? Have one of our colts at the Castle do the paperwork later." Lighthouse suggested, malevolently chewing slower.
The nurse stiffened.
"Tempting, but no." Crimson joked. He patted Redheart's arm. "Don't worry, she doesn't mean it."
"Sure I do! We-"
The bat corporal booped his subordinate into silence.

Red was not amused. "That's positively the last time I'm letting visitors into this ward. Ever!"
"Oh, won't you talk to the doctor on my behalf? Pleeeeease?" Crimson pouted, and blinked rapidly in some ridiculous attempt to look cute. Lighthouse made gagging sounds.
"Even if I did - which would go against my every instinct - and even if he gave his consent - which he won't - you would still need to be under constant medical supervision for your entire duration. That means no, fluffbrain."

As Crimson's ears began to droop again, Lighthouse's nose focused on something that Redheart had set down on the table next to her boss. "Wow, will you look at that! A pink handbag! I wonder who it might belong to?" She said smugly, holding it in her teeth.
The nurse growled. "Give it back to me."
"No-no-no, wait! Look what's peeking out!"
Lighthouse dropped the bag and held a yellow slip of paper up with her hoof. "Why, I thought it was the intoxicating smell of a fresh train ticket! And to Canterlot, no less! I believe it's scheduled for tomorrow morning. Now, wouldn't it just be reaaaal lucky if it belonged to some medpony around these parts who might just be able to do a medical superwhatsit when we're reporting to the princess in Canterlot?"
"Me?! I am not qualified!" Redheart protested. She snatched the bag back from Lighthouse, who snorted.
"Wait here." She said before scampering off into the hospital corridors much to Red's frustration.
"What is that ridiculous pony doing now?" she asked Crimson, who could only shrug.

Within half a minute, the two of them heard a series of loud shrieks before Lighthouse returned, dragging the incredibly pale doctor into the room. "Now tell her what you told me." Lighthouse spat.
Shivering, the doctor tried and failed to stand up. "U-um, it's my... my medical re-recommendation that C-Crimson Star be allowed to enjoy some... some period of... fresh air. Promptly. A-and it would be a good idea if a nurse was with him at all times. I hear Canterlot is relaxing this time of year."
Lighthouse patted him on the head patronisingly and stuck a lollipop in the earth pony's mouth before finally releasing him. The doctor bolted without further ado.
"I don't believe this!" Redheart hissed.

The female guard leaned mischievously against Crimson's bed. "You know, when I was a foal, I used to think life was one tough gamble. But it's just about pushing the right buttons, really, isn't it?" She bumped elbows with her boss. "Be seeing you, sir."
"0800 hours, at the train station!" Crimson called out as Lighthouse left. The latter half-saluted, half-waved.

Red huffed, and stuffed her ticket back into her handbag. "The nerve! Wherever did you find that parasprite, anyway? She can't be a regular guard."
"Oh, Lighthouse? I didn't find her - Princess Celestia did. Well, actually, it's more like Lighthouse found her. She and her thestral colony tried to rob the Princess as she was passing through the Smokey Mountains. When they realised who it was, they were so scared that they volunteered to join the Night Guards before she got a word out!"
The nurse facehoofed.
"Hey..." Crimson stroked her back. "Don't let her get to you. She wasn't actually gonna hurt that guy."
She pushed him away, snarling: "I'm a nurse. Do you think I panic that easily?"
"Well, if it's about me coming along-"
Red glared at the bat strongly enough for him to shut up. "It is not about you. I resent having my hoof twisted behind my back while a lowlife masquerading in uniform laughs in my face! Is that what you did when you convinced me not to tell anyone about your theft? Push the right buttons?"
"Wha-? No! I..."
"It doesn't matter!" Red snapped waspishly. "I'll make sure you don't drop dead in Canterlot, Corporal. After that, you can go back to sucking ponies dry for all I care!"
She whirled around, leaving the ward and slamming the door shut behind her.

At an hour at which most reasonable earth ponies, unicorns and pegasi were asleep, the bat guard Lighthouse stalked the streets of Ponyville in search of the alien, Skinny. She was dressed in full armor and, as the great Shakespone put it, 'lent her eyes a terrible aspect' that warned the town's few awake inhabitants to stay the hay away. Being a thestral of the old school, Lighthouse enjoyed these little moments of intimidation. They reminded her of the fear she'd put into her victims back when she stole for a living. A completely unfounded fear at that, since Lighthouse had never killed anyone. And since Princess Luna's return and the subsequent introduction of the Moon Juice Potion, she hadn't even sucked blood.
But in spite of her aversion to murder, she did have certain standards. And one of them was that a proper thestral ought to be mad, bad and dangerous to know!

She'd started her search at the cabin of the Element of Kindness, Fluttershy, only to be told that the alien had moved out. It was at times like this that Lighthouse was glad of her ultrasonic hearing, since the yellow pegasus was hushed even by her extreme standards, and choked on her own words before Lighthouse could get anything more out of her. Well, it was none of the guard's business anyway. The only thing that mattered was that Skinny was not there. So where was he?

Lighthouse stopped at the marketplace, where she noticed a second Element, the one of Honesty. Being a farmer, Applejack was the only daytimer Lighthouse could see who didn't have bags under her eyes. In fact, she seemed rather cheerful, whistling a little country tune to herself as she set up an apple stand. She was also considerably more muscular than anypony around, including Lighthouse herself, who made a mental note to get a farm-themed recruitment campaign going when she got back home.
"Applejack."
The orange pony's eyes widened a bit as she took in Lighthouse's fearsome appearance. "Well howdy, mare! Fancy an apple?"
"Information..." Lighthouse said slowly. "And an apple."
"Information, huh? Ah ain't one o' Twilight's books fer sure, but if ya gotta real patient ear, ah can tell ya all bout birds 'n' bees." She smirked.
Lighthouse balked."I... just want to know where Skinny is!"
"Yea, I figured. Ain't nopony interested 'n the finer details o' apple farmin'. Birds and bees do 'n awful lot to help make these juicy fruits a delight!" Applejack pointedly chomped into one. "As fer Skinny, ah did see him, dancin' round the street like a grasshoppah! Think he was headed towards Roseluck's."

Lighthouse harrumphed, and expertly manipulated the spear in her grasp to stab Applejack's apple with the sharp end, toss it in the air and catch it in her teeth.
"What the hay?!" Applejack squeaked, before promptly shutting up as she observed the bat suck the apple into a dry husk right in front of her eyes.
Lighthouse spat it out, and licked her lips clean of juice. "You know, that isn't bad at all! I might come visit sometime." She winked at the farm mare(the latter of whom was still staring at her dried-out life's work in horror) and then set two bits on the table.
"Well, good luck with the sale, Applejack. Let me know if you ever want to do business with the night community. I can show you the ropes!" She giggled inaudibly, the thestral vocal range being much greater than that of the average pony.

As Lighthouse soon discovered, Applejack lived up to her title. Skinny was lying on a bench behind Roseluck's flower store(still closed at these early hours), drunk or simply unconscious. His hair was matted and stuck out at odd angles, his skin covered in the sheen of sweat, his eyes were sunken and his breath irregular. The man looked as if he'd partied for days in a row. There was no considerable scent of alcohol, however.
"Skinny?" Lighthouse asked, and shook him a little. "Mr. Hyoo-man?"
He smacked his lips, and slowly opened his eyes. Lighthouse withdrew a flask from within her armor and poured some water down his throat.
Skinny grunted in relief, and finally focused on the bat's face. He smiled, petting her fluffy cheek. "You're pretty. You're a pretty pony."

By the night, this one's headed towards the nuthouse! Lighthouse thought, thinking of her scars and bitten ear. She couldn't help smiling back, however, as the caress of the fingers was very therapeutic. It wasn't every day that the fierce thestral could think of herself as an object of affection. It was a feeling that, she had to admit, was mutual. For although the hyoo-man was obviously tired and somewhat delirious, there was true, heartfelt joy in his eyes from the sight of her and that, in return, made her happy of him. She couldn't fathom what had caused it, but at that moment it didn't really seem to matter.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
"No." He groaned, and withdrew his hand. "I'm losing."
Lighthouse blinked. "Losing-?"
The hyoo-man sprang up, causing her to lose her balance and topple onto the ground. When she looked up, she was astounded by what she saw. The wistful dreaminess of the man had entirely disappeared, replaced by an intense glare. He was stiff-backed, his head raised upwards in the demeanour of a ruler. In a strange way, he reminded Lighthouse of Princess Luna during her worst moments of stubbornness. "What's the time?"
"Um, uh, it's... it's 7:43." Lighthouse replied, and cursed her stuttering in her mind. What's gotten into you? You're in charge here!

Skinny smiled, but it was a cruel, scheming look now. "Then you'd better escort me to the train station, hadn't you?"
She felt slightly betrayed by the abrupt change in personality. Not that she was the cuddly sort at all. No, never. That was just her being... caught off guard. But she'd liked the way he looked at her. That content, happy gaze that she'd somehow elicited. He looked like a pretty hyoo-man that way.
"Alright, I'll escort you then." Skinny broke her train of thought as he roughly grabbed her hoof in an iron grip and led her away, forcing her to awkwardly walk on three hooves and balance on her spear.

No, Skinny wasn't a pretty hyoo-man at all.

"Where are they?" Crimson fidgeted, glancing at the clock. As promised, Nurse Redheart had brought him to the train station first thing in the morning, and the two of them expected to join up with Private Lighthouse and Skinny. However, there was only about five minutes left before the train departed, and there was still no sign of either. "We can't go to Canterlot without Skinny!"

"Oh!" Red squeaked, and pointed towards a large shape emerging from the train's cloud of steam. "There they are!"
It was a rather amusing sight, as Skinny was holding onto Lighthouse's right hoof and dragged her along as if she were an unruly foal. Red smirked at the thestral's obvious embarrassment, feeling a tinge of satisfaction after the disrespectful way she'd been treated by the private.
Crimson Star wheeled himself ahead of her to greet the two. "Morning!" He grinned. "I was starting to get real worried about you two. Looks like you tamed the beastie there, Lighthouse."
The private snarled. "Don't even say it. Can we just go, please?"
"Have you got everything you need, Skinny?" Crimson asked, noticing his lack of baggage.
The hyoo-man shrugged. "We are going to a palace, aren't we?"
Their conversation was halted by the whistle of the conductor, and all four hurried aboard, with Redheart helping to push Crimson's wheelchair on the train.

As the train began rattling away from Ponyville, a lasso whipped through the air and was flung towards the train's rear end, hooking itself onto a pole. The other end of the rope was held tightly in Care Taker's jaw. With highly trained precision, he allowed the train to pull him down onto the tracks, where his roller skates landed against the rails, allowing the pony to effectively hitchhike.

Care Taker pulled himself closer and closer towards the speeding train, finally reaching the door at the end of the final wagon. He paused for just a few seconds to breathe, and discarded the skates. "This looked so much easier in the circus." The blue pony muttered, before standing up. But instead of going through the door, he squeezed himself under the train itself, holding onto the metal frames for dear life. In this fashion, Care Taker slowly made his way to the third wagon from the front, where he pulled out a comfortable leather swing and attached it to either side of the wagon, allowing himself to rest comfortably in extreme danger.

"Time to see what you're made of, you lunatic..." he grunted. Something soft poked him on the shoulder. "Ehh?"
"Hello!" A small pink filly waved. She'd converted a school backpack into her own swing, and was swinging under the train alongside Care Taker. The filly had a finely combed mane of white and light purple, with an expensive tiara woven in. "Are you here to stalk Anon too?" She asked in an innocent tone.
Care Taker blinked. "Uhhhh, well, I suppose I am. Care Taker."
"I am Diamond Tiara! Candy?"
The old pony sniffed at the offer: "I don't take candy from strangers."
"Suit yourself."
Right as Diamond was about to pop one in her mouth, the train shuddered slightly, and the bag full of sweets flew everywhere. "Awww!"
Even Care Taker felt bad. "Orange flavoured? What a pity."
Diamond Tiara shrugged. "I guess I'll get my parents to buy me a new bag when I get back."
"Won't they miss you?"
"Nah, they're riding rainbows today. Uncle Opulent said there's a pot of gold at the end!"
Care Taker rolled his eyes. "Capitalists... well, I see you've already sawed in your periscope. Gaitlach rotary type, I presume, from that shape? Very good choice for espionage activity."
She smiled brightly at the compliment. "I got it from a bag of chips! It's really nice."
"Yes, yes..." the blue pony said. "Do you have 180-degree vision?"
"Um... it's foggy. Here, take a look!"

Care Taker peeked through Diamond's plastic toy. All he could see were faint green shapes and what looked like a... centipede? "Miss Tiara, this is a kaleidoscope. What's your interest in Anon, anyway?" He asked politely, whilst using a brace to drill a small hole into the wagon's floor.
Diamond perked up. "I'm going to find out which mare Anon has a crush on, get my daddy to drive them outta town, then replace them, marry the hyooman, and make many centaur and satyr foals!"

"That seems highly unlikely." Care Taker noted dryly, and tried to squeeze his periscope(disguised under a banana peel) through the gap he'd made. "Have you considered therapy instead?"
The filly stuck her tongue out. "That's what my therapist said. It helps her cope with my problems. And you?"
"I am convinced that Anon and his guard are at the center of a thestral criminal conspiracy to overthrow the Princess Celestia."
"They're too nice." Diamond waved dismissively.
"That's what Zecora said. 'A cute and fluffy bat can't be as bad as that.' I shall have to make my case in front of the Princesses themselves then. And hope that they'll not be blinded by this asinine obsession with friendship that everyone's going on about these days." Care Taker ranted. "You know, it all used to be so simple back in my day. Thestrals, changelings, all manner of night thuggery. You saw them and you kicked the croup out of them! It wasn't a matter of who you trusted or not, it was a matter of fact! And now we're supposed to welcome them with open hooves just because Luna had a change of heart after 2000 years? Pah!"
He peeked through the scope. "Ahh! Now we're getting somewhere. Yes, there you are, you hairless jackanapes! You simian saddle-goose..."

Diamond squinted at the grumbling old hinny, talking so poorly of HER Anon! The fillies who knew her best would have recognised it on the spot as her most venomous, conniving stare, the build-up to some terrible stratagem of the deepest cruelty. It was the kind of horrible look that came before their cookie jars mysteriously emptied.
"Can I see?" She asked angelically.
Care Taker muttered something and pointed the eyepiece in her direction.
"I can't reach!" Diamond complained.
Before the old pony could say anything else, Diamond Tiara pulled herself onto his swing, with one hoof still wrapped around her own. Just as she caught brief glimpses of Anon's delectable smile through the periscope, her other hooves busied themselves with unhooking the straps keeping the larger swing in place.
A satisfying, foalish scream was muffled by the rattling of the wheels as Care Taker fell out of his safety net and between the railway... though he was smart enough to hold perfectly still, letting the train pass him by.

"Howdy, all! Ah don't s'pose there's room for 'nuther pony in 'ere?"

Skinny, Crimson, Nurse Redheart and private Lighthouse, looking rather like tinned sardines in their small compartment, gave the bashful Applejack tired looks.
"What happened to the apple cart?" Lighthouse asked jokingly. "That must've been quite a sale."
Applejack chuckled. "Sure, sure. Nah, Granny Smith's got that covered. Turns out us Apples have inherited a piece o' land in Canterlot. Document arrived jus' this mornin', still smellin' of ink. So ah got booted off mah job to check it out."
"That so, huh?" Lighthouse said, imitating the farm mare's accent. The story sounded a bit convoluted to her, but she wasn't about to question the integrity of one of the Elements. Applejack winked at her. Lighthouse was about to question the integrity of one of the Elements when Redheart interrupted her.
"Hmph! Well, I for one am very happy to have you along. That being said, I really don't think there's any room here."
Applejack glanced at Skinny. "Well, ah beg to differ. Hey, Skinny! Mah friends have been talkin' mah ears off about how good of a... now wha's that word?... masseuse... y'all are." She tapped her stiff back. "This body of mine's seen 20-odd years of nonstop buckin' action. Ya think ya got what it takes to soften it up?"

The hyoo-man chose to indulge her. "Elementary, my dear Applebutt. Get over here."
Applejack grinned, and tossed her bags onto the rack above before stepping into the compartment. She tripped on a banana peel, which seemed to cover a pipe of some kind. "Ah! Horseapples!"

"Oof!" Diamond yelped as Care Taker's telescope knocked her on the head. Unfortunately, she lost balance, her hoof slipped out of the safety net of her small harness, causing her to drop onto the rails, where she was far too busy whining about the pain to try to stand up and be eviscerated by the train. Yes, unfortunate.
By the time she'd gotten over it, the rattling of the wheels had long ended. Care Taker trotted over to her, staring at the back end of the distant vehicle. "By Luna's dusty harness! Now I'll never catch up with them! And you...!"
Diamond gulped as Care Taker steadily approached her, burning fire in his eyes. Yet, he paused, and looked over her shoulder instead. She turned around, noticing a festival in the distance. Colorful tents, kites, happy ponies frolicking loudly in the fields. And...
"B-balloons?" Care Taker muttered.
The little filly's natural greed quickly overrode her fear of the ancient stallion. "Buy me one!" She commanded loudly. She quickly regretted the decision as Care Taker stared down at her with manic intensity.
"Buy you a balloon? Why, I'll buy a dozen! A million! A billion balloons! Say that three times fast!" He laughed. "Come along, come along. I've got a plan!"

"MORE POWER!!" Care Taker screamed from the basket.
Despite the beads of sweat forming on her forehead, the poor balloon owner concentrated even harder, using his magic for the simplest spell - manifesting hot air inside the hundreds of small balloons that the dynamic duo had stolen (in a feat of magnificently cruel daylight robbery) from little ponies at the party. Not that they cared, of course - Anon took priority over wailing foals. Now it was just a matter of speed...
"I'm trying my best!" He wailed.
Diamond Tiara snarled. "If you get us higher, we'll be able to catch stronger winds! Then you won't have to try!"
Driven by his fear of the terrifying filly, he complied and generated even more hot air, propelling their basket ever higher. Soon, Tiara's prediction came true as a gust of cold wind blew them towards Canterlot. The old pony grinned. "Mangy little beasts, I'm on to you! Come to me! Come to me, Canterlot!"
Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. "Why does everypony around me need therapy?"

Author's Note

Thank you all for reading!

The dream sequence of Anon's party was inspired by a scene in the 1967 drama The Prisoner, and the music from that can definitely fit in here. Enjoy!

Chapter 39

"What's the... 'Shadow Party'?" Redheart asked from behind a newspaper. To her massive discomfort, all eyes slowly turned towards her in a moment of equal, cruel humor amongst the group.
"What?? I don't get into politics!" She lamely defended herself. Not that she truly felt she had to, as Princess Celestia's strong rule meant that political parties were little more than advisors of different interests.

Both Lighthouse and Crimson Star appeared ready to answer the question, but to their surprise, it was Skinny who replied, in the same dominant tone that came so easily to him as of late:
"The Shadow Party is a political faction within Celestia's government which supposedly represents the rights and concerns of Equestria's less popular night owl citizens. Thestrals, Diamond Dogs, Centaurs, Chimeras..."
Nurse Redheart, ever concerned for the welfare of fellow ponies, narrowed her eyes. "Supposedly?"

"It is something of an open secret in Canterlot that the Shadow Party is also an advanced criminal organization dedicated to the memory of Nightmare Moon. The highest echelon of their membership is entirely composed of the descendants of Nightmare's original guards, all of whom privately claim to have been chosen by her in their dreams, to prepare Equestria for her glorious return."
Redheart's jaw dropped. She stuffed the paper away into her bag and leaned closer, her voice lowering into an instinctively conspiratorial tone. "But that's not possible! Princess Celestia would know about this!"

Lighthouse snorted from the corner. "'Course she knows about this, but what's she gonna do? Get rid of the Shadow Party and you give every bat out there an excuse to team up and wage war against the throne. They're already antsy! Nopony gives them respect, all the important things happen during daytime, they can't suck on others' blood anymore... and Luna's changed."
"The Shadow Party keeps them docile, to a degree." Skinny carried on, in the same supercilious manner. "It's their only legal guarantee that Celestia listens to what they have to say. Tampering with a powerful symbol like that could very well push things over into civil war. They'll see it as an attempt to subvert their standing in pony society even further. And before you ask, no, they have no qualms over their leaders' love for Nightmare Moon. Many still consider her to be something of an underappreciated heroine in those circles, because she never harmed her little ponies. So you see, the only alternative to the Shadow Party is to bring the night society as a whole to heel. Which would truly let everyone know who is running the show, wouldn't it, Shaggy?"

The black bat shrugged sheepishly, clearly hoping that attention would be taken off of him much like Redheart before him. He was no less unfortunate.
"Crimson Star here happens to know an awful lot about the Shadow Party, seeing as how his mother is chairman of the board and currently Princess Celestia's fiercest critic in Canterlot."
"Hey" Lighthouse barked at Skinny, baring her exceptionally developed canine teeth. "Why don't you leave him alone? He's got nothing to do with that."
Skinny rolled his eyes. "Don't be naive. How long has been in Ponyville now? Long before I got there, I know that."

Redheart looked towards Crimson, who was digging his chin into his chest tuft and trying to hide his face behind his wings. She knew Skinny wasn't lying. The thestral guard had been in the hospital for many months due to a severe wing injury.

"In fact, out of idle curiosity, I asked around and some ponies seemed to recall a clumsy little bat flying about on a particular Summer Sun Celebration. The one in which Nightmare Moon almost returned, if not for the bravery of the Elements of Harmony..."
Applejack, who had seemingly been ignoring the conversation until then, huffed. "That true?"

At this point, Crimson Star's face had become very true to the first half of his name. "Yes." He finally admitted. "My mother did send me there, in case... in case it happened. But I never believed her. I wasn't going to join! When Nightmare Moon appeared, I was as shocked as everypony else. I could see her looking right at me. The next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. I must have fainted and fallen into a tree."
"It's okay." Red cooed, rubbing her hoof against Crimson's wing to comfort him. "I believe you." She turned towards Skinny, a defiant glare shining through her blue eyes. "And I refuse to believe that Princess Celestia would condone the actions of criminals, no matter what political mumbo-jumbo she was up against. She protects and loves us, and if the night ponies can't behave, well then, too bad for night ponies!"
"Ah gotta agree with miss marshmallow o'er there." Applejack grunted, still lying on Skinny's lap. "The Princess plays by her rules. She ain't gonna bend just 'cause some fuzzy ne'er-do-wells got themselves wound up."
"Well, you could be right." Skinny shrugged. "Or perhaps, you're even more right than you realize."

Lighthouse scowled something fierce. "Now, what's that supposed to mean? Don't give us this cryptic nonsense. If you have something to say, say it!"
So he did. "If the Shadow Party is capable of operating outside of the law, then it's more than likely that so is Princess Celestia. Everything you said is true. Celestia is far too enwrapped in cotton candy and friendship to allow any of her little ponies to suffer injustice. But she is an alicorn, capable of feats that most ponies can't even conceive of. I'm sure she's perfectly capable of eking out punishments to the real troublemakers whilst avoiding detection. Thus keeping the truly innocent night-timers oblivious. After all, it's not as if criminals are going to complain."

"But what about Princess Luna? I mean, if they know that Nightmare Moon isn't coming back and she is their rightful leader..." Redheart began, but Crimson cut her off.
"My mother believes that the story about Luna is a lie that Princess Celestia tells us to keep us weak. 'Drugged' is the word she used, actually. She thinks that Luna never existed until the Elements of Harmony defeated Nightmare Moon, and that Celestia brainwashed her to retain her own power."
"Horse-apples!" Applejack spat.
Redheart sighed. "Well, if she does, then probably other ponies do too. It's sad."
"It's not all horrible." Lighthouse said. "Ever since she came back, Princess Luna has worked harder than anypony I've ever seen, trying to get the more stubborn thestrals to change their ways, to see the merits of friendship between night and day."
"And how's that working out?" Skinny asked in an irritatingly cynical tone.
Lighthouse did not accept the bait. "Well, she's got ponies like me and Crimson in the Night Guard. She managed to carry through a law preventing thestrals from sucking the blood of harmless creatures. A law which, I guarantee ya, would've had them howling for Celestia's blood. She's made personal friendships with countless bat families ranging from here to Las Pegasus. Luna's a godmother to about 350 little foals right now, all because she's that desperate to get the next generation onboard with her. Why do you think she misses so many big events? It ain't cause she's napping in a hammock! Celestia deals with the here and now... Luna's the longterm thinker. And as much as I love running wild, anypony with half a brain can tell that there's gonna be a time when they won't remember what's it like to be afraid of the dark. That'll be thanks to Luna."

Left without the answer he'd wanted, Skinny resigned himself to petting Applejack. After all, as any pony would say, petting was what he was best at.

"How do you know all about this, anyway?" Lighthouse queried, the hyooman's peculiarly in-depth understanding of Equestrian politics not having escaped her attention.
"Oh... Twilight is a very good teacher?"

Chapter 40

Fluttershy didn't own an alarm clock, and had not since she acquired her cutie mark. Some of the first friends she'd made were the birds who lived at Cloudsdale - pigeons, eagles, crows and the like - and in exchange for grain and pretty things to decorate their nests with, they were more than willing to sing her awake (or in the case of the crows, caw loudly to ensure she makes her exams on time). The tradition had survived her move down to Ponyville. As a result of that, one of the few anxieties she never suffered from was being late.
This morning began conventionally. Mr and mrs Limefeather had stopped by her window during their morning flight, and they roused Fluttershy from slumber with a lovely combination of tenor and rhythmic glass-pecking.

"Oh, hello." Fluttershy cooed, and stretched her entire lithe body across the bed in one massive yawn. After being chastised by the missus for admiring the pony's fine yellow wings for a little too long, mr Limefeather flew off towards the horizon, leading their way back towards the rest of the flock. Fluttershy made her bed, and then sauntered down the stairs in good spirits. The living room was warm and inviting. Flames danced and crackled in the fireplace. The mice playfully chased one another. Outside, the chickens let out satisfied clucks, for their bellies were full. On the carpet in the middle of the room, Skinny and Angel Bunny were engrossed in the chess battle of the century, playing on the ornate set gifted to the former by Princess Celestia. The pair had decided to indulge in the vice of gambling, with an entire bottle of vintage apple cider standing between them as the ultimate prize. Fluttershy floated over to her colts - they weren't really, of course, but given their personalities, she found it easy to think of them as such - and kissed them on their heads. Skinny and Angel, still hyper-focused on their game, acknowledged her presence with typical stallion-like grunts and nods.

"Somepony woke up early today." She teased Skinny. The alien had been somewhat nocturnal in his habits when he'd arrived, but quickly adapted to the rest of the household's schedule. And now he'd woken up even earlier and done the morning chores. If this was a glimpse of days to come, the pegasus would not complain. She left the dynamic duo with their game and went into the kitchen to fix herself some breakfast. A light bowl of buckwheat, with a few sugarcubes for dessert. Fluttershy knew she was spoiling herself with the latter, but decided she did not care.

"Future Spike can always use a friend."

Afterwards, she went out to buy more produce, visited Harry the bear's cave for his daily check-up, collected leftover honey from the friendliest bee colonies and answered the requests left in her mailbox from ponies who were concerned over their pets (some for legitimate reasons, others needed to be convinced that their cat was not terminally ill, but simply too proud of his heritage to urinate on the funny pages of a newspaper).

Fluttershy's final errand of the day was to return an old golfing book to Twilight's library. Not that she had any personal interest in the sport, but it was an impeccable instruction manual on how to increase the strength and speed of one's swing, which came very useful indeed for dealing with puppies. Being somewhat less than athletic, Fluttershy was quickly worn out from playing catch. She was keen to learn ways to last longer as it made the pups ever so happy, and taught them to hunt of course.

When the pegasus stepped inside, she quickly realised she had made a grievous error. Twilight was in twelve different places at once, rushing from shelf to shelf, book to book, machine to machine. She was clad in her signature leather science coat, which she only wore for the most manic and dangerous of experiments.

"Oh! I see you're busy..." Fluttershy whispered. "I'll come back..."

Too late. Twilight came to a halt inches away from her, with a terrifying grin splitting her muzzle from ear to ear. "Fluttershy! JUST the person I was hoping to see! Spike's out of town, and I could really use someone to help me with my latest project. You wouldn't mind, would you?"

"I-I guess not..."

Within seconds, she found herself squeezed into a matching outfit, and holding vials and glowsticks in her hooves.

"Great!!" Twilight shouted gleefully. "I've been trying to wrap my head around this mystery for months now! What IS this?!" She pointed at a grimy blue saddlebag perched on her desk. It was surrounded by magnifying glasses, lights and buzzing electronic devices.

Fluttershy frowned.
"Um, that's your saddlebag, Twilight."

"YES! It's my saddlebag! It is EXACTLY my saddlebag. It is 100% my saddlebag." Twilight ranted in a sweaty frenzy. "But how!? My saddlebag's here!"
She rushed off and returned with a clean pair, the same ones Fluttershy knew she wore every day. "How can my saddlebag be both here... and there on my table?!"

"Maybe someone made another one?" Fluttershy suggested aimlessly, trying to be helpful.

Twilight furiously shook her head. "No! No! I mean, maybe? No! Nopony could possibly make another saddlebag."

"I'm sure Rarity knows somepony who specialises in bags."

"What??" The purple unicorn's voice cracked. Her long ears were twitching. "No! You're misinterpreting the data! We're talking science here! Not fashion! SCIENCE! With an S! THINK S! BE AN S!!"

"I'm not good at donkey impressions, Twilight."

"Alright, alright! We'll talk basics." Twilight reached into a cupboard and rolled out a blackboard. She drew a circle, a cube and a pyramid on it. "What do you see here?"

"Um. I see shapes."

"Right, and how many shapes are there in the world?"

Fluttershy shrugged. "A million?"

"... sure, let's go with that. There's a million shapes and a million saddlebags. What are the chances that two identical ones would exist near one another?"

The yellow pegasus frowned. "That's a false premise, Twilight. For one, you're assuming that this copy of one of your saddlebags was created by natural circumstance. For two, there are a number of identical shapes that exist near one another."

"It's an allegory, not a premise." Twilight growled through her teeth. "You are AGAIN misinterpreting the data."

"Perhaps I would not misinterpret it, if your method of conveying data was less fallible. It's only a suggestion..."

The purple unicorn facehoofed, and finally decided to simply show her two diagrams of saddlebags, which broke down their molecular structure, magical aura, design and history. "Now, there are some minor variations. The one Anon discovered from the Everfree Forest is four months older than my pair, and covered in a layer of filth. But that aside, it is not a reproduction of my saddlebag. It's the exact same one as this." She tapped her own. "The left bag, to be exact. It's got the anti-ink charm I devised, Spike's ketchup stains, the same physical makeup. For a while, I thought maybe this was some by-product of one of my projects gone wrong, like maybe I accidentally duplicated my bag without noticing. But I don't think I'm that clumsy. Do you?"

"Oh, uh... no? No, of course not." Fluttershy mumbled.

"Right! So all that's left to do is to twist the time-space continuum and throw it into a temporal orbit! Here, hold this." She gave Fluttershy something that resembled a big laser gun from one of the Power Ponies. "Don't drop it, or you might turn us three-dimensional!"

Fluttershy froze, not daring to move whilst Twilight casually rearranged the room, moving previous equipment out of the way. "Um... Twilight... w-why do we need to twist the time-space continuum?"

Twilight cackled. "To discombobulate the polarity, of course! Here, have some goggles. They won't help, but it's not a proper project without one!"

"R-right..."

The unicorn finally took the laser gun back from her and trained its sights onto the saddlebag. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!!"
She screamed. Fluttershy jumped and assumed a fetal position on the floor. Twilight smiled to herself, not noticing. "Always wanted to say that. Ok, here goes..."

A white beam of energy emitted from the barrel of the gun. It hit the saddlebag, and encased it in a glowing field. Fluttershy peeked out from underneath her hooves just in time to notice the bag start sparking green. "I-is it working? Or are we three-dimensional?"

"Not in our lifetime, no. But this... this is incredible!" Twilight gasped. "I hoped it would..."

"Emit green energy? That's very considerate of you, Twilight."

The purple unicorn used her magic to levitate a number of quills and journals over to her, and began to record everything she saw. "I was right all along! This bag IS my bag. It's just in another quantum field."

Fluttershy blinked in confusion.

"The bag time-travelled. Just like I did, when I tried to convince myself not to worry about my future self time-travelling back to warn me not to worry about my future self time-travelling back to warn me not to..."

"Yes, Pinkie told me. But she also said that everything temporal is temporary, and it made you lose your temper?"

"Right!" Twilight exclaimed. "Which is why this is so important. I could only spend less than a minute in another time zone. But I never tried bringing anything with me. Perhaps this is proof that only living things, powerful sources of magic have to go back. Maybe simple objects can be brought to another time and left there? Oh, this is SO exciting!" She reared up and clapped with her front hooves in an ecstatic glee. Then she gasped again, and fell onto her rump. "I must have sent the bag back myself as evidence!"

Fluttershy did not seem so happy. "Twilight, I don't think that is true."

"What? Why not?! I would definitely do that. Well, maybe not now, but when I've learned enough to go that far back in time. Future Twilight for da WIN!"

"Future Twilight left this bag here four months ago. That's how old you said this bag is, four months. Wouldn't that be right around when Skinny arrived?"

"I... I guess?" Twilight said slowly, rubbing her lower lip with her hoof.

Fluttershy's tone became harder. "And didn't Anon say he found it near the area where he first arrived to Equestria?"

"That's true..."

"And YOU are the Element of Magic, Twilight. If someone could find a way to open a gateway to another world, it would be you. Anon would have put up a fight. He might have torn it off your shoulder. Your future self would have no motivation to do that, and she probably would have left a note if she left it behind deliberately."

Twilight looked horrified as the implication sunk in. "It can't be...! I wouldn't... I would NEVER do that to him, not ever! Besides, if I was the person who brought him here, he'd have recognised me! He'd remember."

Fluttershy frowned. "Unless you performed a memory charm." However, then she slumped and sighed, the fight in her dissipating away. "I'm so sorry, Twilight, I didn't mean to accuse you. But the thought of us being responsible for his being trapped here is just so horrible."

"It's okay. I'd probably have had the same reaction. In fact, I am." Twilight switched off the laser device, grabbed the saddlebag in her magic and pointedly tossed it into the trashcan. She then did the same to her own bags. "Tomorrow, I'm gonna go to Rarity's and get a new set. I know she's dying to give them a makeover. If I don't have the bags, then I can't be the one responsible." It was a petulant, childish response and Twilight knew it. But she suddenly felt afraid, very afraid and it was the only logical thing she could do other than talking to Princess Celestia, which she intended to as soon as possible.

"That's a start, I suppose." Fluttershy shrugged. She flew over to Twilight and gave her a tight, reassuring hug. "Maybe we should keep this between ourselves for now."

Twilight nodded, shivering slightly.

By the time Fluttershy returned home, the match between Skinny and Angel Bunny had finished. The hyoo-man was chewing on carrots and muttering to himself. The bunny was drunkenly staggering around the place, clutching the cider bottle. Her arrival seemed to cheer them both up. Angel whooped and then fell asleep on the rug, his strength depleted (the remainder of the cider was swiftly collected by the mice).
Skinny picked the yellow pegasus up from the floor so fast that she squeaked, and began to dance around with her.

"Skinneeeeeeee-!"

The alien laughed hysterically and took her outside into the garden. He was not as strong as Harry the bear, but she liked that. There was no fear of being crushed, and she knew for a fact that he was holding her with all of his strength, rather than having to hold back. The big alien thing settled down underneath a cherry tree with her, letting the pony curl up into a messy pile on his chest. Fluttershy gazed up at his tiny eyes. They were drawn towards the sky and filled with an expression of absolute astonishment. She turned to look in the same direction, and saw a group of young pegasus fillies daring each other to perform flight tricks. They were too far away to hear, but it was obvious from their movements that they were trying to pull off the Rainbow Star. Well, of course they were. Every little winged pony with even the slightest bit of social life was drawn into trying it sooner or later. Even Fluttershy herself had been a part of three. The Rainbow Star involved dousing oneself in a pool of liquid rainbow, and then moving fast enough along with your four compatriots to compose a five-point star in the air. If the shape was geometrically correct enough, the latent magic of the pegasi would activate and combine, and a new rainbow would shoot out from the center of the star.

In short, it was a foals' game, no different from hopscotch or Simule Says. But for Skinny, who had been deprived of magic his entire life, it was the experience of a lifetime. His visible excitement (there may have been cheerleading involved) eventually caught the attention of the prideful fillies, who redoubled their efforts. Soon enough, they got it right, and the powerful beam of light shot through the sky. Of course, because of the lack of rain, it immediately dissipated. But Skinny was in such intense awe that he began to tear up.

As Fluttershy watched him weep, she felt somewhat embarrassed. Not of him of course. But of herself. Confident in her skill as an animal caretaker, the kind pegasus had not hesitated to accept him as yet another ward. She had not realized then that Skinny was no ordinary pet, not even an abused one. He was someone who had been deprived, not of food or water or dignity, but magic itself. The very soul of Equestria, which she and everypony else took for granted on a daily basis, was unknown to him. Watching him be so overwhelmed with emotion over living in this world was like watching a newborn foal. A self-aware child, who understood and could appreciate the very fact that he was allowed to be there.

Could she really take care of him? Was she worthy of being responsible for such an unfathomable innocence? She wasn't sure. All she knew then was that she wanted to preserve that feeling, that powerful love for Equestria coursing through him for as long as she was able. It was the first time she ever thought of having true foals of her own. That feeling of protectorship, of having a purpose to defend something that pure... it was addictive, exhilarating. She felt as strong as an alicorn.

"I'm moving out."

Fluttershy froze, her pupils shrinking to pinpricks. The rest of the crowd, eager to push inside the hall to begin the feast, did not notice. Anon was pushed along and lost track of her, but he knew that he may have permanently severed his relationship with the yellow pony.

Her walk back home was slow and empty and laborious. She felt like an utter failure. Anon was not to blame. Fluttershy remembered the effect of the Alicorn Amulet on Trixie very well... the great and powerful magician had terrified her to the point where all she wanted was to be hidden in her closet with her teddy. That the Amulet was able to warp Anon's innately curious nature into a disturbing nihilism was no surprise. But it was she who had ignored the signs. She believed his promise that the Amulet could not affect him, because it was the easy, less frightening way out. It meant that the hyoo-man was merely going through a phase, a slight and curable depression. It meant not having to deal with him as an enemy.

"Element of Kindness..." she said scornfully under her breath. "I'm the Element of Weakness!"

Even now, when she knew what she would have to do to try and get him back, she was scared. A woolly, stifling voice in her head told her that Anon was gone. No longer her responsibility. He could not hide his madness for much longer and when the truth came out, more powerful and capable ponies would take care of it. Nopony would blame her. Nopony but one.

Fluttershy took a deep breath of icy winter air. It was Hearth's Warming Eve. Was she really about to throw everything she'd learned about friendship over the shoulder, on this day of all days? That wouldn't make a very good story, would it? No.

As she thought these things, she wandered into the park. Another pony was sitting on a bench. An old earth pony, hunched over, and as blue as the weather. "Care Taker? Is that you?" Fluttershy asked.

The old pony took a moment to recognise her from their short meeting at the Castle of the Two Sisters.

"Hm? What are you doing out here? Isn't there a chimera or something you could be saving?"
His words, though intended as a mere jest, hurt her. Yes, I could be saving someone. She thought.

"Look, you'll catch your death of cold if you're just gonna stand there." Care Taker said.

Fluttershy sat down next to the old pony, which caught him by surprise. However, he did not argue.
"Can I ask you a question?" She whispered.

"I suppose so."

"Why were you guarding the Alicorn Amulet? Of all the ponies in the world, why did Zecora choose you?"

Care Taker frowned. There was a visible pain behind his eyes that surprised Fluttershy. His answer was carefully worded. "Well, she and I go back. She used to work for me. So, I worked for her."

"By watching over an evil amulet?" The yellow pegasus asked, shaking her head. "I can't believe Zecora would risk you like that."

The old pony smirked bitterly. "She knew I'd be the best qualified. I suppose she thought she was doing me a favor... I'm at the end of my wick anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm old!"

Fluttershy raised an eyebrow.

Care Taker groaned, unable to contain himself from the sweet young mare.
"Oh, alright! I used to run a circus, it's gone. That's how I knew our mutual zebra friend. She used to look into a glass ball and read the customers' hooves. Clever filly, Zecora. Could've quit with the rhyming though... anyway, where was I? Ah yes, the circus. Well, when it went, the respect my family had for me went with it. You see, we come from a long line of entertainers, my family. My father used to say 'magic comes from the horn, the dazzle from the blood'. When I lost mine, I became persona non grata in the eyes of those I'd raised to believe the same."

"That's horrible!" The pegasus exclaimed in shock.

"No, it's a punchline." Care Taker said. "I didn't mind. They were successful, and I was not. I shamed my lineage, so I contented myself with the knowledge that I'd made great and powerful foals, and that they had done the same. And then lo and behold! Trixie, my granddaughter... a villain. A monster. That Alicorn Amulet nearly crippled the fame and fortune that was hers by right!" He became red in the face. Fluttershy hadn't realised the depth of the old earth pony's pride. But now that she knew who he was related to, the source of Trixie's boundless ambition and self-image became far too clear.

"Zecora and I had kept in touch, as I said. She came to me. Told me what had happened. Showed me that infernal Amulet. She gave me a purpose, to protect everypony from its terrible effects, to ensure that what happened to my Trixie never happened again. It was the best reason to live I'd had in a while... I just hadn't counted on aliens from outer space." He snorted.

Fluttershy drew in a sharp breath. "Skinny only wanted the Amulet to be able to talk to us. I don't think he realised the sheer evil of it."

Care Taker turned to look at her. "You're using past tense, why?" When Fluttershy didn't answer, he began to laugh out loud. It was a boisterous, theatrical laugh that he no doubt once employed on stage. "He's turned rotten, hasn't he, your precious stranger?"
She nodded mournfully.
"Thought as much. And that moron Pinkie Pie organized a party for him! Oh, that's just perfect. Heh."

"I'm willing to do whatever it takes to remove the Amulet. I just wish I knew how." Fluttershy said.

Care Taker did not reply. He merely stood up, and dusted snow off of his frizzy blue coat.
"Do you plan to do something?" She asked.

He glared at her. "Yeah. I'll go home and take a bath. And then, I'll see what I can do about this stone in our shoe."

"Tell me what!" Fluttershy commanded. Her sudden authority surprised him, and somehow compelled the old pony to speak the truth. He sat down again.

"I have some contacts in Canterlot. Amongst the Shadow Party. For a while now, it's been known to me that somepony else has her eye on the Amulet."

Fluttershy's eyes widened. She knew the name, though she'd never had much to do with them. "The Shadow Party? You mean that batmare, Crystal Star?"

He nodded. "Crystal's son happens to be the royal guard attached to Avon, or whatever his name is. I don't believe much in coincidences, especially not of that degree. If she wants the Amulet, it's not unreasonable to think that she may have a way of removing it from an unwilling owner. All one has to do is tag along, find out what it is and then get to it before she does."

"And that's what you're going to do?"

Care Taker frowned. "No. I'm going to go home, order a hayburger and take a bath. But tomorrow at a reasonable time, yes. And I think I know how you might be able to help..."

Spike shivered and hid his claws under his arms as he forced his way through the thick layer of snow that had landed on Ponyville. "Ohh! Rainbow, why can't you be lazy at this time of year?" He muttered to himself.

The journey to Manehattan had been entertaining, to say the least. Spike had stayed with Babs Seed's family for a month, during which they had enjoyed a joint trip to a con celebrating the success of the Power Ponies' spinoff "The Mare DeLorean", climbed the Statue of Liberty and earned their associate status in the Manehattan mob. But that's another story.

Despite his many adventures, Spike was glad to be home. He missed the ordered schedule in the library, missed the cheap fast food (he was promised diamond-encrusted pancakes upon his return) and above all, missed his big sister. But before he could step in through the front door, he noticed a pile of trash that had accumulated into the backyard. Twilight, as might be expected, had become engrossed in some work again and had forgotten to wheel it away to waste disposal.

"What's this?" Spike spoke aloud, noticing a perfectly fine pair of saddlebags on top. "Twilight must have treated herself to new bags. Could have kept these for me... ah well." He stuffed the bags into his traveller's sack for closer examination later, and hurried inside for dinner.

The purple unicorn was lying on a couch in front of the fireplace, covered in towels. Cold droplets of water covered her body, and dripped onto the floor. Spike quickly realised she'd fallen asleep. He sat down next to her, waking her up.

"Spike!"

Ignoring how drenched she was, Twilight threw everything off and pulled him into a tight hug.

"Ahhh!" Spike squeaked, and tried to wriggle away to no avail. "Cold, cold, COOOOOLD!"

Twilight giggled. "I'm sorry, Spike." She rubbed her cheek against his. "But it's just tooooo nice to have you back."

"What have you been doing, rolling in the snow?!"

She smiled sheepishly. "Yup. I set the kitchen on fire. So I picked out the diamonds and squeezed them into storebought pancakes. That okay?"

Spike laughed out loud. "Yeah. I figured something like that would happen. Can I eat them all now?"

"Weeeeell..." They booped noses together. "... Go for it! Happy Hearth's Warming!"

"Happy Hearth's Warming, Twilight!"

Author's Note

Merry Christmas!

Chapter 41

The Grounded Gang, the Night Guard called them.

A thousand years ago when the rebellion of Nightmare Moon was cut short, Princess Celestia found herself struggling to cope with the countless fanatical thestrals still devoted to their absent mistress. Moon had promised them an eternal darkness. Such a generous deity would not be easily replaced. As part of her many efforts at mollifying the feral ponies in the shadows, Celestia retained the traditional Night Guard of Canterlot (including all rights and privileges that were granted to the station). What none of the loyalists expected, however, was that she also used this decision to her advantage.

Soon enough, the ranks of the Night Guard became filled with amiable, kind-hearted thestrals in awe of the princess of daybreak. They were not incompetent by any means, but hardly the sort of steely-eyed beasts of valour that Luna had preferred. In essence, they were the bat equivalent of Celestia's own guard: pretty, puffy and pally. It became quickly apparent that kind and fulsome personalities were rewarded in Canterlot, and those who insisted on living up to their ruthless and bloodthirsty ancestors would be left without power and office, save for the few important figures of the Shadow Party (an organization set up deliberately as a valve by which the discontented bats could vent their frustrations).

The Night Guard's vetting was not an absolute system either. There would always be a few troublemakers who slipped through for one reason or another. To avoid calling any undue attention towards Celestia's policies, these aggressive ponies were not dismissed. Instead, it became the Princess's unofficial tradition to assign them all into one squad.

The Grounded Gang. Named so for her cunning decision to keep them close at hoof.

This was yet another method by which she enforced the ideal of a charming, benevolent guard onto the thestrals: if you had become an officer, but showed signs of defiance and hardness, you could not expect an assignment beyond the city walls. The current generation of the Gang was led by Corporal Crimson Star. The son of a rich political agitator, Crimson did not inherit any of his mother's fierce tendencies, but was nonetheless kept under close observation for his questionable family ties. There were six other members, all holding the rank of private. One of them, a scarred female bat named Lighthouse, had grown up amongst a clan of thieves in the Smokey Mountains. Although frightened into submission by Celestia's might, Lighthouse's assimilation into high society proved... rocky, at best. She frequently skirted on the border between law and criminality, relying on her fearsome appearance and high rank to intimidate the ponies she disliked. It was precisely because of this continued feistiness and independence that the rest of the Gang trusted her implicitly, and by extent Corporal Star himself, who in her absence might have failed to gain their respect. But Lighthouse liked Crimson. And who Lighthouse liked, the Gang liked.

If anyone had seen her flying, they wouldn't have called it flying. But rather, an artist practicing a form of art as yet undefined. For a born criminal such as Lighthouse, mastery of the wings was a must. There would always be a need to hide, a need to fight and most importantly, a need to hunt. When the weather ponies of Canterlot brought out the scheduled rainclouds, she decided to play a little game to relieve her boredom. Lighthouse concealed herself directly under the cloud, so that when the drizzle began, she fell from the sky underneath the droplets of moisture, snatched a bird, performed a somersault and then floated back towards the castle upside down without the rain coming close to touching her. It would've made the Wonderbolts proud, had she been interested in joining. After discarding the husk of the dead warbler over Fancy Pants' mansion, Lighthouse came to a landing right outside the city walls, near a large boulder covered in moss and other sprawling plantlife. There were not many ponies alive who knew that underneath all the growth, the innocuous-seeming rock was covered in ancient runes and other markings signifying a powerful spell from the dawn of time. A spell that predated even the Princesses themselves.

Lighthouse approached the Tradestone and touched her two front hooves against it. A faint blue light began to shine from within the carved etchings as the dormant spell recognised her and activated, enveloping the thestral in its power. In half a second, she found herself where she wanted to be: deep underground below Canterlot Castle, in a cavern that served as the headquarters and private habitat of the Royal Night Guard. Resembling a small town, the HQ was composed of several barracks, a gymnasium, two stores, a hospital and even a large cafeteria (complete with chilled blood packs of varying type alongside regular dishes). Lighthouse took her hooves off the equivalent Tradestone, which was set in the center of the entire town. Another bat pony had just been teleported out to replace her guard of the city walls. Poor soul. Lighthouse, though, was free to enjoy the dawn within the comfortable darkness of the cavern before settling in.

The town, fondly nicknamed Ichorsville by its inhabitants, would've been pitch black to any daytime pony. There were only a dozen or so torches scattered around the place, casting the dimmest glow. It was enough, however, for a thestral eye to register. Their echolocating - and for the veterans, their muscle memory - did the rest. The darkness served a threefold function. It was useful for training, it helped to protect the military establishment from prying eyes and it allowed the bats to retain a semblance of home. Thestrals' unique abilities were a matter of personal dignity, and any oppurtunity to exercise them was taken. For example, Lighthouse only had to let loose a faint wail to form a mental map of her immediate surroundings, detailed right down to the crud on the floor. But it could also be used to detect veins of blood, find cover and disorient a foe. Such skills, alongside their natural sharp teeth and speedy wings, made the bats natural soldiers, and the most powerful military force in Equestria. They took a great of deal pride in their superiority over the daytimers. Arguably a little too much pride.

Lighthouse made her way to the town bar, seeking out her best friend and direct superior, Corporal Star. She found a party in full swing, a celebration of somepony's birthday. Projectors lit the room in multicoloured glow, and crazened bats danced through the air to the sound of Vinyl Scratch's greatest hits. Lighthouse frowned. Oh, she loved a good party, particularly as there had never been any in the Mountains where she came from. But she could plainly see that Crimson wasn't here. Meaning that he had once again snuck away from the crowd in favor of reading a boring book in a boring bed.
"Well, we'll see about that." Lighthouse hissed under her breath, and stormed out. The feral bat had made Crimson Star's social life something of a personal challenge, much to the latter's amusement.
When she returned to their shared barracks, however, she did not find him sipping tea and sifting through the latest edition of Fallout: Equestria as per usual, but rather stuffing his saddlebags for a trip.

"Sir? With all due respect, what the hay are you doing?" She asked.
Crimson's face turned redder than his name. "Well, I'm, I, uh... I have leave to go home for the weekend?"
"It's Tuesday." Lighthouse deadpanned.
"Um... well, according to my religion, Tuesday is part of the week... end?"
Lighthouse raised an eyebrow. "And what religion might that be?"
Her superior gulped. "The, um, the... the... the Sacred and-and Long... Lasting... Sun... of the Long Weekend?" He smiled desperately. "Which I just joined last week, which is why I haven't gone on Tuesdays before."
"Riiiiiight."
Not wanting to squeeze her own boss, Lighthouse came up with an alternative tactic for finding answers. "You up for a spar?"
Crimson's eyes darted from his packing to the door. "What, now?"
"Unless you're in a rush. I was going to have a spar and then go swimming, but if you can't, I could always personally escort you to the train station..."
"No! No-no-no, that won't be necessary! We can have a spar!" Crimson said desperately, clearly eager to be rid of her.
Lighthouse smirked.

A thestral spar wasn't what an ordinary pony might call a training exercise. See, the Night Guard never used newbie-friendly equipment. A fight was a fight. Theatrics - and strict rules, for that matter - were left for daytimers. Of course, nobody was allowed to actually die. Boot camp spars were under observation by veterans, and trained guards were considered skilled enough not to kill their opponent. Exceptions would find themselves in a comfortable lifelong retirement in the Canterlot dungeons.

Crimson and Lighthouse chose their weapons. The bat corporal favoured razor-sharp wingblades (wings being the most nimble of pony limbs). Lighthouse picked a spiked helmet, which made her resemble a unicorn. Speed was her friend, and she preferred not to let anything weigh down her wings. The faster she was, the easier she could skewer an enemy like the vicious furry hornet that she was.
"You look nervous, Corporal. I'm flattered." Lighthouse teased.
"I am concentrating. You're distracted. That's not a good quality in a fighter."
"I'm relaxed, you're tense."
The corporal struck first. He galloped towards Lighthouse and slashed with both of his wings at once. Lighthouse easily deflected the strikes with her helmet, and shoved Crimson away. She frowned. Crimson never struck first. He was a patient pony. But something was eating away at his nerves, and Lighthouse was determined to find out what. She took to the air, forcing Crimson to do the same. He made several more attempts to slash at Lighthouse, which the latter deftly avoided.

Lighthouse was an aggressive fighter by nature. She loved the thrill of it. But today, she chose restraint to lower his guard. Rather than try to overwhelm his attack, she went on the defensive, gliding out from between every swish of the blades like a slippery fish.
"I thought you wanted a fight." Crimson complained. "If you're looking for a dance partner, my lady, you've come to the wrong place."
Lighthouse bit down on a growl. The two of them circled each other in the air, waiting to see what move the other intended to make. Then Crimson landed on the floor, and sat down. He had caught on to Lighthouse's intentions. The latter dropped next to Crimson, assuming the battle was over. But there was a reason why only one of them was a corporal.
Crimson gave a mighty kick with his hindhooves, knocking Lighthouse onto her back!
She barely recovered fast enough to deflect the 'killing' blow of his blades. Roaring in fury, Lighthouse chased Crimson around the gymnasium like a bull who'd seen red. Crimson pulled off a backwards somersault, using the weight of his wingblades to his advantage. In the process, he latched the blades onto Lighthouse's helmet, pulling it off of her head.

Lighthouse scowled as Crimson landed on his hooves and casually tossed her helmet to the side. "You assumed that I let my concerns get in the way of my fighting." Crimson said.
"You changed tactics!"
"A prolonged feint. Which you fell for. If you hadn't changed yours to embarrass me, you might have won."
She approached Crimson, as if to gracefully accept her defeat, only to kick her own discarded helmet towards him, forcing Crimson to deflect it with his wingblades and giving Lighthouse the time to grab a spear from the weapons rack. She brandished it aggressively, trying to use the elongated wooden handle to hit Crimson's hooves and unbalance him.
"Cheater." Crimson said. "On the field, you might not get a second weapon."
"I guess I'll just tell the enemy I ran out of luck!" Lighthouse tried to hit his hooves again, only for Crimson to duck and sink his blades into the wood. He pulled the spear from Lighthouse's grasp and flicked his wings to the right, causing the spear to fly off into the wall.
Lighthouse ran to the rack again.
"Let it go!" Crimson ordered. She faltered. All her instincts told her to grab another weapon, to fight until she won. That was her style. But the batmare forced herself to remember that she was here for a different reason. She relaxed.
"What concerns?" She asked.
Crimson blinked. "What?"
"You said you didn't let concerns get in the way of fighting. What concerns?"
The corporal groaned, annoyed at his own slip-up. He pulled his wingblades off and delayed answering by carefully placing them back, as well as collecting the other weapons they'd used. But finally he answered: "I'm not sure I should say. It's strictly off the record, and I don't want to implicate you in anything."
"Implicate me?" The batmare laughed. "I was a professional thief not so long ago. What's the worst Sunny will throw at me? Some pompous unicorn judge? A few years in Canterlot's coziest cell? Spit it out... sir."

Crimson took her back to the quarters they shared with the rest of their squad. The others were on assignment - he had intentionally put them all on post in the hopes of slipping away - so they were alone. His saddlebags were still lying on the bed, almost packed. Crimson pulled a letter out from the bag and gave it Lighthouse to read.

"Dearest Crimson,

Celestia is about to celebrate a thousand years of thestral slavery under her burning eye. Now the tables will turn. The Nightmare has spoken to me in my dreams. It was just as you once described. She has told me that her powers have been returning, and that on the day of the Summer Sun Celebration she will bring back to us the eternal night. I've prepared the Shadow Party for her arrival. Our agents are ready in Canterlot, Cloudsdale, Manetropolis and all the rest.

But you have a destiny beyond even us. You and you alone are expected to serve her in Ponyville. Why she has chosen that place to return, I do not know. But it is your destiny to go there! Do not fail your true mistress! Be proud of the role she has given you and accept her every command without question!

Your mother,
Crystal Star"

Lighthouse stared at Crimson in disbelief. "Is she mad or something? Tell me you're not taking this seriously."
The bat corporal shrugged, and sat down on his bed, looking very much like a confused foal. "I did dream of Nightmare Moon when I was younger. They were the most vivid dreams I ever had. She told me... she told me to go to the Night Guard. I wanted to be an astronomer. I'd almost forgotten about that. But she said that if I went to the Guard, I could become whatever kind of pony I wanted to be. And I could find her. She wanted me to find her."
"But... but..." Lighthouse stuttered. "But it's crazy! She's been gone for a thousand years! Princess Celestia would... would..." her voice haltered.
"What is it?" Crimson asked.
Lighthouse's jaw dropped. "She sent her student to Ponyville!"
"The... what's-her-name, Sparkle?"
"Yeah, her! I saw her go! Ohhh..." The batmare gulped. "This is really happening. What the hay have I gotten myself into?!"
Crimson tried to pacify her. "You don't have to be involved, Light-"
"Oh, shut up... sir! You really think I'm gonna let you face THE Nightmare alone? They say one look from her could make a pony's mane fall out!"
For a while, the two friends sat together in silence, brooding over tomorrow.

Then, Lighthouse spoke again, and more softly. "Crimson?" It was the first time she ever used his name.
"Yeah?"
"If the Nightmare is coming... what will happen to the Princess?"
Crimson sighed wearily. "She'll fight, I suppose."
"Yeah, but should we help her?" Lighthouse asked. "She's been good to us. I mean, I know she's a bit of a ninny sometimes, but I don't want to see her... dead... or anything."
"We're thestrals. That means the Nightmare is our Mother. So she's got to be good. She was good in my dreams! Maybe this is for the best. We know the night is more powerful anyway..." Crimson knew even as he spoke that these words were not his own, but a recitation of his mother's thinkings, but they were the only way he could justify betraying Celestia. The truth was that they did not really know who was in the right. A lifetime of servitude to the Sun Princess had taught the bats that she was a benevolent, wise ruler. But Nightmare Moon was akin to a personal deity. A difficult decision laid ahead.

"Nightmare Moon!" Twilight Sparkle squeaked in fear and shock, staring up at the balcony in Ponyville's town hall. For there she stood, proud and tall, resplendent in her battle armor of old.
The Nightmare smiled cruelly. "Oh, my beloved subjects! It's been so long since I've seen your precious little sun-loving faces."
"What did you do with our princess?!" A pegasus barked bravely. She tried to fly up and strike the Nightmare, only held back from certain death by a friend's set of teeth latching onto her tail at the last minute.
The Nightmare laughed. "Why, am I not royal enough for you?" Her tone hardened. "Don't you know who I am?"
She matched gazes with Crimson Star, and the latter shivered involuntarily. Could she truly see the thestral underneath the glamour spell? Of course she could. A common potion from a common criminal might fool the common citizen, but not a special mare like the Princess of the Night. Lighthouse stepped closer to Crimson Star, their sides brushing together. It was a subtle sign of solidarity that Crimson appreciated.
"Remember this day, little ponies." The Nightmare said. "For it was your last. From this moment forth, the Night will last FOREVER!" She laughed maniacally, frightening the crowd with magical thunder before disappearing.

Crimson and Lighthouse ran out of the town hall, hyperventilating. They didn't stop until they'd reached a deserted park. The glamour spell melted away, revealing their true selves. "To hay with this." Lighthouse hissed. "We should get out of town, head for the mountains."
"Abandon everypony?"
"Buck everypony! Crimson, this is serious! This is real! There will be a civil war before the daytimers bow down to Nightmare Moon. All praise to her for the eternal night, but we shouldn't get involved. This will put targets on our flanks for the rest of our life!"
Crimson shook his head. "So will desertion, especially now."
"Do you really want to be the Nightmare's right hoof? Come with me, Crimson." She pleaded. "Forget them. There's a better life in the mountains. Hard, yeah, but we'd be our own masters..."

A dark blue cloud enveloped the pair, and then formed into the shape of Nightmare Moon in front of them. The bat guards gulped, and bowed. There would be no running now.
The Nightmare glared at Lighthouse. "Who is this callow foal that thinks herself a master? You live under my shadow, thestral, or I'll be rid of you in the light."
She turned away and placed her hoof underneath Crimson's jaw, forcing him to look up at her. Crimson found her eyes intensely hypnotic. They were slitted like a dragon's, and ten times as intelligent. They held the icy hardness of a killer, and the wicked pleasure of somepony who thrived on corruption. It was an almost painfully beautiful sight. Nightmare Moon could have asked anything of Crimson at that moment, and he would have done it.
"You remember me." She said. It was not a question.
"Yes."
"And you're wondering why I chose you."
Crimson nodded weakly.
The Nightmare flicked her head towards Lighthouse disparagingly. "I can sense you prize this mare. A trueborn fighter. You think she'd be the better choice, don't you? She frightens ponies, speaks her mind, never regrets a made choice. But she's a coward. Like most, she would rather fight for my sister and bask in her sun. What use is she to me? Or perhaps your mother, the fanatic who's lived and breathed my cause since before your time? No. She wouldn't raise a hoof to save me, because she wouldn't understand I need saving. I choose you, because you're mine. Not a brave upstart or an idealist. You're all mine, and I only love the ponies who are. Stand up."
He obeyed.
"Twilight Sparkle thinks she can destroy me, and she's right. There is a way. You are going to kill her before she can get to it. What do you say?"
"Y-yes, mistress."
The Nightmare smiled. "That's what I like to hear. I know you have it in you. I sense it. You're stronger than you can possibly imagine."

Lighthouse's eyes grew watery, as she and Crimson waited on the edge of the Everfree Forest for Twilight to appear. "Do you truly think you can do it? Murder an innocent pony?"
"She's the enemy of our Princess."
"Can you do it?"
Crimson wondered that himself. Isn't this what he'd spent his whole life preparing for? From the crib, his parents had taught him to love the night. In Canterlot, he'd learned to fight and obey. He was chosen! The chosen one! Crimson felt something in his heart that had never been there before. Something that the Nightmare had just planted. A swelling of ego.
"I... don't know." He said tentatively. "Before Celestia, thestrals drank the blood of other ponies all the time. Perhaps it's right. Perhaps the world is just a harsher place than we thought. Why are you so against it, anyway? You used to be a ruffian."
"I used to be a thief." Lighthouse was offended. "Not Joe the Knacker."
"But if it's what the Princess of the Night bids us, then it must be right... right?"
Lighthouse didn't have an answer for him. She had as much awe for the Nightmare as any other bat. The Nightmare was the mother of them all, their protector and ultimate champion. They belonged to her. Lighthouse felt guilty and ashamed just for thinking of defiance. But it was in her nature to question, and so she did. Everything was so much simpler with Celestia in charge. The ponies were heroes, and the bats were the scary heroes. She liked being the scary hero. Being part of a bloody revolution was just a pain in the flank.

Concealing themselves in the underbrush of the Everfree, Crimson and Lighthouse watched as Twilight Sparkle galloped towards the edge of the forest, unexpectedly accompanied by five other ponies. Five witnesses.
"Look, I appreciate the offer..." Twilight told them solemnly. "But I'd really rather do this on my own."
"No can do, sugahcube!" One of them replied. An Apple farmer by the looks of her. "We sure ain't letting any friend of ours go into that creepy place alone!"
The bats shared a meaningful look. They did nothing as the six friends bravely trotted into the woods.
"Well, now what?" Lighthouse asked once they were out of sight. "Do you want to kill all six of them? Maybe their families too?"
Crimson gritted his teeth. "I have to do something!"
"You'd better decide what that is and fast."
The thestral corporal stared into the depths of the Everfree for a few moments, and then slumped in defeat. "I've decided. I want you to go away, Lighthouse."
"What?!"
"You wanted to go the mountains. Go. You have my permission- oh buck that, I order you! Go and get away from this place. I'll make sure you're safe from the Nightmare."
Lighthouse was astonished. She hadn't a clue what Crimson Star intended to do, but the sincerity and conviction of his words convinced her. And of course, she was a survivalist. The batmare hugged him close.

Lost in a rare moment of melancholy, Nightmare Moon took in her surroundings. The Castle of the Two Sisters was no more than a decrepit ruin. She was touched by the many scribblings left behind by pilgrims in her honor, but more than anything, she felt a sense of betrayal and fury that Celestia didn't even have the decency to claim the sacred place. She'd abandoned their ancestral home like it was foul milk. She would pay for that... and more.

The Nightmare was shaken from her thoughts by the flapping of wings behind her. She whirled around. To her surprise, she faced Crimson Star. "That was fast. But I don't smell Twilight Sparkle's blood on your teeth."
Crimson stepped forward, and bowed. "Forgive me, my lady. But I believe there's a better way to bring back the glory of the night." He said. "If you call for a truce with Celestia, then I know she will honor it and share the throne. You could rebuild it all in peace."
Nightmare Moon scowled. "What do I care about your beliefs? You live to serve at my pleasure. Kill Sparkle now or serve at my displeasure."
"The war between night and day will tear Equestria asunder." Crimson argued. "And it's a war you're not guaranteed to win. If you insist on this path, then the only place you'll be safe at is the moon. You will return there."
The Nightmare raised her head pridefully. "I will, will I? You presume to give orders to me?!" Her horn began to glow as she summoned a devastating spell.
Crimson shrugged. "I am a Night Guard. If that's what it takes to guard you, then yes. I will not succeed, but fighting to shield you from what you will unleash is a worthier death than any I could hope for by cowardice, treachery or participation in this useless vendetta. Show me your steel, Nightmare Moon... unless you're scared of me." He revealed his shining wingblades.

Impressed by his daring, the Nightmare dispersed her spell. She couldn't help but respect his desire for an honorable way out. And it had been eons since she'd last fought someone without tapping into her immense powers... why not? With a bright flash, the Nightmare's horn became sheathed in metal. Crimson realised that she intended to use it as a sword.
"I fear no challenger." The Nightmare grinned viciously, pawing against the ground.
Being the challenger, Crimson struck first, his wingblades slicing through the air, only to be deflected by the Nightmare's mighty swing. Crimson fell on the floor. She smiled down at him, and thrust to kill.
Crimson managed to deflect her powerful attacks, just about. He quickly came to realise that his usual tactic of tiring or tricking his opponents would not save him. The Nightmare was no two-bit brigand, but a true warrior. Magic or no magic, her strength and experience far outclassed his. Running, ducking, blocking, rolling, Crimson kept himself alive. That fact alone surprised him, and he suspected the alicorn was perhaps not using her full abilities. It didn't matter. He wasn't there to win. Merely to hold her attention.

A powerful kick from the Nightmare's hoof knocked the wind out of him, and the bat crashed onto a stone chair.
"I believe that's my seat." Nightmare Moon said.
Crimson Star coughed up some blood. "I didn't see your name on it." He jumped off as the alicorn jabbed down at him, cracking the chair. "Oh dear. Looks like I got to sit on it longer than you did."
Nightmare Moon frowned. "Your puerile attempts to arouse my anger will not succeed. Defend yourself, thestral! I grow tired of this."
"Alright, my lady." He raised his wingblades. "Since you'll never die, I wanna ask... any message you want to send to the afterlife?"
"Yes. Tell them I'll keep up the supply." She prepared to attack again, but froze. A terrible realisation came over the alicorn's dark face, twisting its beauty into an ugly animal snarl. She turned to the bat. "Sparkle! She's already here! You tricked me!"

Screeching furiously, the Nightmare lashed out with her horn, shattering Crimson's wingblades... as well as his wingbones. Her focus was already on Celestia's apprentice, however, and she flew off, content to kill the errant guard later if he hadn't succumbed already. Crimson howled in pain, and curled up to die as expected. As the pain overtook everything, the bat chastised himself for forgetting to write to his sisters.

But Crimson Star had lived.

Lighthouse (like the proverbial bad bit that she was) had been unable to keep away. As soon as she'd seen the Nightmare leave the Castle, she had returned and fled with her corporal on her back. A cover story was agreed upon. Crimson had been on holiday, and was accidentally thrown onto a tree by Pinkie Pie's megaphone. Absurd, but routine by Ponyville standards.

The lie served to protect Crimson's reputation among his devout Nightmare Moon-worshipping family, as well as any daytime ponies who might question the presence of thestrals in the town.

"Prin... cess...?" Crimson mumbled, coming out from under sedation.
The white-furred earth pony tittered under her hoof. "No, silly. I'm Nurse Redheart. You're in Ponyville hospital. Don't worry, we'll take good care of you."
"Tha'ss nice..."
"Isn't it just?" Redheart smiled politely, and took a gander at the thestral's file. It was quite an exciting day of work, as the hospital hadn't treated a bat patient in 263 years. And that one had eaten three doctors before his earache was cured. Fortunately, these were more civilized times... she hoped, eyeing the fluffy pony with mild caution. "So how'd you end up in a fight with Nightmare Moon?"

Crimson blinked. Even in this exhausted state, some part of his brain realised that a common nurse should not be aware of this. "I don't know what you're talking about." He lied. "Only a fool would fight an alicorn."
"Then you're a very lucky fool." Red said. "According to the guard who brought you in, you crashed into a tree. But your injuries are not consistent with blunt trauma. A powerful weapon, yes, but not blunt. The wound is too finely cut. Which leads me to wonder what giant you were fighting while Nightmare Moon was on the loose. An overgrown diamond dog with a pickaxe? Fluttershy's bunny with a chainsaw, perhaps?"
"No one can know." Crimson insisted. "Please."
Redheart shrugged. "Well, I suppose we could file it under doctor-patient confidentiality..."
"Thank you."
"Of course, I'm not a doctor." She smiled deviously, tapping at her nurse's cap. "So it'll just have to cost you."
"I'm a guard. I could arrest you for blackmail." Crimson countered, tapping on the helmet sitting on his nightstand.
"I'd sue you for slander... mister grizzly-face."
"I'd wax your floors, miss wingless."
"I'd replace all your chocolate cookies with raisins!"
"I'd hover above you and sing country out of key!"
Redheart was horrified. "You wouldn't dare!"
"Twenty. Four. Seven." Crimson whispered playfully, enjoying the repartee. "But anyway, what do you want?"
She put the file away and sat down on a stool next to the bat's bed. "Information. I've always been so curious about your type of pony. I read my childhood copy of The Thestral Factor to shreds! Used to imagine myself wandering in those dark caverns, all teeth and curls, fearless and dramatic! But books are just books. I wanna know what it's like to live that way."
"Well now..." Crimson started, greatly flattered, only to feel Red's hoof closing his mouth.
"Nuh-uh! Not now, mister! When you heal! All I want now is for you to get a good rest. Absolutely no leaving this bed without my permission! When you have properly healed, though... maybe we could talk?" She batted her eyelashes. Crimson batted his in confusion.
"Um, sure?" The bat mumbled. He'd gotten so excited that he'd forgotten he just survived an alicorn duel.

"The Grounded Gang?" Redheart let the name slowly roll through her mouth.
Lighthouse smirked. "Thieves, killers, mercenaries, psychopaths... and Crimson. It's quite a team. I'm sure they'll like you."
The nurse gulped.

Upon the group's arrival to Canterlot, Applejack and Anon immediately left the train station for the Castle. Redheart was set to follow them, but Lighthouse stood in her way. "We don't report to Sunny." She said patronisingly. "The Night Guard lives underground in Ichorsville. There's no daytimers there, so if you wanna turn back, feel free."
Redheart bit her lip in thought. The bats could see that she was tempted to leave. Only Crimson could see that she was more tempted to stay. "Are you going to show the way or what?" The nurse said bravely.
"By all means." Without further ado, Lighthouse took to flight and picked Redheart up, flying above and beyond the castle walls with the squealing pony in her grasp. They landed in the forest underneath, next to a large stone covered in engravings. Redheart shook herself free of Lighthouse's hooves.
"What the hay??!" The nurse shouted.
"I thought you might wanna skip the hike."
"Lighthouse, when they say that you should think before you act, they mean that you should also ASK!"
"Nopony's told me to think before I act. Usually because I act before they think."
"How about I give you a bucking enema and see if you can do either?"

The batmare raised her hooves in defeat. "Don't get your knickers in a twist." She tapped her hoof against the old rock, and flied off grinning.
Redheart groaned. "What a hinny. Why'd she put me down here anyw-WHOA!" Magic from the boulder enveloped the nurse, plunging the world around her to darkness.
For a moment, she thought she'd gone blind and panicked. Then she remembered the thestrals' advanced eyesight. Only the slightest light was needed for them to see as clear as day. And the light was indeed so slight that Redheart's eyes were useless to her.
"Buzz off!" Crimson shouted behind her. Almost immediately, Red heard loud fluttering sounds all around.
"Crimson?" She asked tentatively, and heard his wheelchair squeak closer.
"Here. Sorry, I forgot you'd be blind."
"Who else was here?"
"I don't know, but it looked as if they were going to have fun at your expense."
Red heard Lighthouse sigh next to her. "A shame." The batmare said. "I like entertainment before dinner. Welcome to Ichorsville, Red!"

They went to the Grounded Gang's usual barracks, expecting nothing more than to be reunited with their teammates. To their surprise, however, the team wasn't alone. They were playing cards with a fifth pony. A large blue alicorn, whose flowing mane was speckled with stars. Her presence lit the room up so that even Redheart could see.
"Princess Luna!" All three exclaimed, and bowed.

Luna only had eyes for one. "Crimson Star!" She stood up, abandoning the game. "It pleases us greatly to behold thy return!"
"I didn't expect to see you here, Princess." He said. "I was going to check with the thestral doctors here before-"
"It matters not. Anon is with our sister now, and we wished to address the matter of your next assignment immediately, with the entire Grounded Gang."
"Next assignment?!" Redheart hissed the words as if spitting out venom. She and Lighthouse stepped in front of Crimson.
"You can't just send him out on a mission again!" Lighthouse shouted, for once agreeing with the white nurse. "He's been through hay and high water!"
"As a medic, I cannot allow it." Red insisted. Lighthouse growled fiercely, baring her teeth.

Luna chuckled, amused. "Thy friends are very loyal, Crimson. But they need not fear. I would not ask if it were not important, and what I ask will not be beyond my corporal's powers." Her horn lit up, and Crimson found himself encased in the Princess's magic. The stiffness in his hooves disappeared, and old aches in his wings ceased to be. He stood up from his chair, totally cured.
"I can move." Crimson said in awe. "I CAN MOVE!"
He flew and danced around the room, much to the delight of those in it, and finally landed in front of his princess, tall and proud and happy to serve. "Tell me, Princess! What's in the cards?"
"I had a full house, but I guess that's not happening now." One of the Gang grumbled behind her at the poker table.
Luna smiled sheepishly. "Well, Crimson, about your new mission: a few days ago, a letter arrived from your mother..."

Crimson Star facehoofed. "Oh no!"

Chapter 42

"I don't know, princess. You sure you wanna go there? Cause once you make that move, you can't unmake it."

The sun horse lets out a defiant whinny, and uses her snout to nudge a pawn two spaces ahead. She smirks knowingly, probably to unnerve you into making a mistake. You smirk right back. You know the chessboard like the back of your hand.

"Well, I hate to do this to royalty... actually, that's a lie. I take immense satisfaction from this."

Satisfaction is putting it lightly. There are some similarities between this world and your own. The rules of chess, for example, appear to be identical. And today you have a very special opponent: the Princess Tia herself. She has dropped by Sweetheart's cottage for a visit. Probably to check up on you, now that you think about it. You pick her queen off the board. Tia blinks curiously, as if mentally digesting the move.

"Whatcha gonna do now? I bet there's not anybody else who's beaten you at this. Who'd dare? Me, that's who. Anony of the mous, the legendary queen slayer."

Not being understood by anyone does have its advantages... you can babble any baloney you want. Tia picks up one of her bishops with her teeth and drops it near in front of your king, trapping it. Checkmate. The sun princess - being the ever so humble soul that she is - jumps up to perform what is unmistakably a smug victory dance. You stick your tongue out, but the truth is that you don't mind losing.

"Bah, whatever, I can never stay mad at you people. The truth is, Princess, that as much as I miss home, I don't think I could ever give up what I've found here."

Tia looks up, detecting the sincere content of your words through their tone. You stare deep into her deep violet orbs.

"You know who you remind me of, Princess? A doe. Ever seen one? No, of course you haven't. But they're these big, caring, beautiful creatures... but of course they aren't people, like you. With brains, I mean. And thoughts and aspirations and whatnot. But they have these big eyes full of heart. Never seen eyes like that on a man or a woman. Maybe I should have, but I didn't. Never thought anybody could be special like that. Now I see those eyes everywhere I turn, on everybody here. Everyone's special in Equestria. Makes me wonder what I'd see if I went back home. But I don't want to. I was never one for taking chances. I couldn't go back to not seeing these eyes."

To your surprise, Tia nuzzles you under the jaw. She knew.

"Hello, Sombra." Celestia said politely as she watched the hyooman fearlessly saunter towards her throne. Her face was totally without expression. Anon looked amused.

"Sombra? Is that some kind of pony swear?"

"It is the name of who I'm talking to." Her snout lowered a little, aiming towards the Alicorn Amulet proudly displayed on Anon's chest. "The memories are still yours, no doubt, but the voice and will of Sombra possess you."

"Let me guess - this is the part where you urge me to muster whatever inner strength I have left to surrender the Amulet to you? Come-come now, Princess, you're being transparent. I'm not a magical being, therefore this thing has no effect on me. I cannot cast spells or take over the world. It's just a glorified translator, that's all. But for you, oh, it must be jackpot. You're already an alicorn. With this, you'd have the might of two. No wonder you want it off my neck."

Celestia's eyes narrowed. "It is for your own good."

"There it is!" Anon exclaimed victoriously, jabbing a finger at her. "You're an excellent manipulator, Princess, and I admire you. You must be, otherwise you would not have stayed in power for so long. The Sun religion, the Shadow Party, your 'benevolent oversight' of every leader in the realm. You have made yourself indispensable. Your policy on having the weather controlled employs half the pegasi! But you didn't fool me! I'm like you, I see these ponies for what they really are - cattle, waiting to be herded! Waiting for someone to crack the whip!"

"Enough." Celestia said coldly. Anon took an involuntary step back, and cursed under his breath. He had not intended to show weakness. "I will wear the Amulet. Please hand it over."

Anon meant to laugh out loud, but to his surprise, his body was magically puppeteered towards the Princess as if he was held by invisible strings. "What is this? What have you done, you overgrown ass?!"

"I warned you. What you wear is no child's play. Since you do not have it in you to resist its power, I will pay the price that is needed to stop it from consuming your soul. I will wear the Amulet."

Concentrating heavily, Anon was able to hold his hand back from grabbing the chain around his neck. "No! No, no magic can force someone to give over the Amulet! You shouldn't be able to do this! You can't do this!"

Celestia gave him a sad smile. "I'm not doing this. You are fighting Sombra, not me. It's my powerful, immortal body he craves." She bared her neck towards the red gem eyes of the Amulet. They glinted with a hidden passion. Anon's arm shook heavily as he struggled not to let himself hand the necklace over.

"Celestia!" Anon growled. "Stop this! You cannot wear the Amulet, it's too much of a risk! Equestria depends on you!"

"My, my, is that chivalry I hear?"

Anon couldn't help himself. He pulled the chain from around his neck and held the Amulet up high, close to Celestia's face. Sweat poured down his forehead as he struggled - with all his might - to not hand it over.

"I will wear the Amulet." Celestia repeated calmly. "I will corrupt myself. The only person who can stop me is you. Reject Sombra and his power, and he will have no hold over either of us."

The chain shook in Anon's bruised hand, the links digging into his tight fist.

Chapter 43

"Crimson! Come look at this!" Redheart squealed excitedly, and ran ahead of him and Lighthouse towards the entrance of a travelling circus. "It's a circus, a real circus! I've never been to a circus! We should try out the rides before we move on to the shady side of town, yeah? Just a few? Come on!"

They had only just returned to Canterlot via Tradestone, and Lighthouse suggested catching an early carriage to the mountain - home to the thestral elite, the cream of the crop. Some of the caverns inside were so big as to be akin to palaces, containing their own little ecosystem and allowing the servants to raise a variety of exotic crops. But now, it seemed that the one earth pony in the trio wanted to spend the day frolicking rather than getting on with the job.

"We shouldn't take her." Lighthouse muttered to Crimson whilst Red scampered off to buy cotton candy. "She'll only get in the way."

"You're being cranky."

"I'm being reasonable. I mean, look at that stupid foalish grin. She has no idea what she's in for in the Caverns."

Crimson looked, and smiled. How could he not? The white mare looked positively ecstatic, especially when she turned to wave them over. He noticed that she had slightly crooked teeth, almost like tiny thestral fangs. Then Crimson noticed that he was about to topple over from a fierce push. "Hey! What gives?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but watching you drool over a daytimer isn't on the itinerary." scoffed Lighthouse, irritatedly puffing the bangs away from her large golden eyes.

"I wasn't drooling! It's just nice to see ponies be happy!"

Lighthouse ignored him and trotted over to Redheart, who was holding three pink cotton candy sticks. She was so besotted with the place that she had completely missed the conversation between bats.
"Should we start with the Haymaker, or do we dare the Cyclotron?" Red growled playfully, her ears flattening against her head. She hoofed the bats their cotton candy. "I read about that one, it's guaranteed to rattle you so hard, you'll be walking jello for the next three hours! But maybe you guys would prefer the Menagerie of Many Mystical Monsters?"

"I didn't know you were a fan of circuses." Crimson chirped. "No offense, but you always seemed kind of... uptight."

Red blushed severely. "You were my patient. And patients need a firm hoof to get better."

"Buuuuut?"

She shifted her weight from one pair of hooves to the other. "... I guess there's just a part of me that still wants to cut loose? I'm not a robot, Crimson. I have needs."

Lighthouse facehoofed. "Oh my gosh, you did not just say that."

Red blushed to Crimson's eye color. The latter merely blinked, oblivious to the accidental innuendo.
"Anyway..." She continued. "One of those needs is indulging in a bit of makebelieve from time to time. I love games. Board games, sports games, word games. And I used to see the Great and Powerful Trixie's show all the time, she had a real talent for making you feel like you were in a whole different world. A world where everything made so much more sense. It helps me make a better nurse, I even got some ideas from her on how to talk to the smaller foals and relate to them. So, it's ok if I read fairy tales a lot and play... act... them... it's mature, cause I'm doing it to do my job better and be a stronger adult."

"Are you trying to convince us or yourself?" Crimson asked sagely.

"I'm not convinced." Lighthouse muttered under her breath.

It seemed to Crimson that Nurse Redheart had revealed more than she intended to, so he tried to sound as sincere and calming as possible: "There's absolutely no rush to get to the Caverns... honestly, I'm not looking forward to it at all. I think we should spend the day having fun here and take the evening carriage. And you're definitely right. There's nothing more mature than taking care of yourself as much as you do your patients. Even if that involves playing Raponyzel."

"Actually, the Little Mermare is my favourite!" said Redheart, drawing in a sharp breath. "I always thought the underwater thing was kinda... cool."

"Right..." Crimson mumbled. His mother would sooner have clipped her own wings than read fairy tales to her foals. The bat corporal had never even heard of the Little Mermare. "Well, why don't you get us tickets for one of the rides while me and Lighthouse buy drinks to go with all this cotton?"
The nurse nodded excitedly and galloped off. As soon as she was gone, Lighthouse turned to Crimson.

"We are not taking her."

"You know, last I checked, I was your superior officer, not the other way around."

Lighthouse blinked several times. Had Crimson just pulled rank on her? Crimson never pulled rank on her! "Oh, you really do have it bad for this one. Sir, with all due respect, is there any reason you're dragging her along other than wanting her to see where you grew up? This is an official mission from the Princess..."

"It's my home, Lighthouse. We're just doing a little digging. You're making it sound as if I'm sending her into no pone's land."

"If it's just your home, why'd you send the entire team to camp outside of it until we leave?"

Crimson glared at her. "It never hurts to be cautious."

"Yeah, cause your mom is leader of the dratted Shadow Party! How's she gonna feel when you drag a daytimer into her home?? It won't exactly help us learn anything about what she's up to!"

"I don't have to justify my decisions to you." Crimson said firmly. "The real question is - are you coming? Because I will only take someone who trusts me."

If Lighthouse's eyes could've thrown daggers, they would have. She pawed the ground, seeming ready to adopt an attack posture. But she was loyal if nothing else. If the soft-hearted Crimson Star insisted on bumbling into trouble against all good advice, she intended to be there to say 'I told you so!' before saving him. And that bleach-furred daytimer if she could be bothered.
"Yes, sir, I'm coming." She said, with an undertone of bitterness. "But I'll be waiting at the carriage station. There's nothing I hate more than a spoilsport, especially if it's me."

"You're never a spoilsport." Crimson shook his head. "Besides, don't you wanna see me piss myself in the Menagerie of Monsters? They've got chimeras in there! Those snake heads really freak me out."

Lighthouse snorted in spite of herself. "I'll pass. Now go, you don't wanna keep a mare waiting."

"Hey!" Crimson hissed. "That's not... what it's like. I don't even think I'm ready for something like that."

"That explains a lot... well, you enjoy yourself, sir. Cause I bet it's gonna be a rough few days ahead of us."

Redheart frowned when she saw Crimson Star returning on his own, without drinks. Not that she minded being alone with him. Lighthouse had been nothing but a pain to her ever since they met. But she could tell that Crimson trusted the batmare deeply, possibly more than anypony else, and she had no desire to throw a wrench into that partnership regardless of her unfavourable perception of Lighthouse's character. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah." Crimson said in a clipped, unconvincing tone. "Light's not really a party mare, so..."

Redheart snorted. "Please don't lie to me, that's not your strength. That bat is probably the soul of every party from Canterlot to Yakyakistan. She just doesn't like me."

Crimson smiled awkwardly, and shrugged. "She's worried that you'll get in trouble if we bring you along."

"Will I?"

"Not if I'm there." He said, proudly puffing out his chest. Red deadpanned. Colts! "It's my mom we're talking about here. She can be a little fierce, but she's not gonna do anything to one of my guests. You're perfectly safe."

"Taking me under your wing, are you?" Red purred, before cracking up. "Sorry. I couldn't resist."

Crimson rolled his eyes. "You told me you wanted to have an insight into thestral life, so that's exactly what I plan to give you. And there's something you should know. I own the deed to our family cavern. Which means it's my home, my rules. I don't care who complains, there's nothing that can stop you from visiting whenever you want. I won't have it."

"Well, color me impressed. I had a feeling there's a feral side somewhere underneath that fluffy exterior. I think it's just a bat thing." Red smirked. "Sooner or later, you all find something to bare your fangs at."

The bat corporal stepped closer. "Trust me, Red, you'll know when I bare my fangs."

She did the same, getting close enough to look up at him. "Yeah? How will I know?"
He grinned widely. A few moments passed before Redheart realised he was quite literally baring his fangs. "You dork!" She slapped his chest, pushing him off.

"Ow." said Crimson nonchalantly, patting down his tuft. "I almost felt that."

Red saw... well, red. "You are gonna get it, mister!" She shouted defiantly and latched onto the bat's large neck, trying to reach up to noogie the top of his head.

"Hey-hey-hey, knock it off, we're gonna miss our ride!" Crimson complained.

The mare dropped down, but it was too late. The Haymaker had started without them, and their tickets were now worthless. "Oh, horse-apples!" Red pouted.

"It's alright, I'll buy tickets for the next one." He was about to leave, but Redheart called him back. "What is it?"

"Crimson... I just wanted to say I'm happy you're alright now. Your legs were pretty busted up. I was worried you might carry a limp for the rest of your life, if not worse. It wouldn't be fair on someone like you."

The bat shook his head. "I was always alright. Had you looking after me, didn't I?"

Applejack sunk into the red leather cushions of the local Saddlebucks, and ordered a peppermint tea. The barista gave her an odd look, but the farm mare couldn't care less. Why anyone in their right mind would drink coffee, she had no clue. Tartarus probably had tastier drinks to offer. It was only a cover, anyway. She wasn't there to enjoy their pretense of a menu. She was there to find out why she and the rest of her group were being followed by a bizarre duo from Ponyville.

Care Taker and Diamond Tiara sat on the opposite end of the cafe, at a window seat with a direct view to Canterlot Castle's doors. They were so enwrapped in their spying that they had failed to notice Applejack heading straight for their hideout after the bats went their way and 'Skinny' went his. To put it rudely, they were an incompetent nuisance and the farm mare had noticed their staring before she'd even said farewell to the others. And now she intended to find out what they were up to. Her fuzzy orange ears twitched in their direction.

"... Charlie-Tango-Alpha. What's your position?" The old stallion grumbled.

"I am standing on your head. Binoculars facing enemy base. Target has not yet exited." Diamond proudly recited. "But soon he will, and he will be all mine..."

Care Taker rolled his eyes. "I still don't think bipedals and quadrupedals mix well..."

"Up. Shut." the little filly hissed, and tugged angrily at his mane. Care Taker didn't care enough to banter further. A shame, as he might have revealed his own motivations. Applejack decided a more direct approach was called for, and trotted over to the pair.

"Well howdy fellas!" Applejack announced loudly behind them, frightening the wits out of both. Diamond Tiara fell off the stallion, collapsing onto the cushion with a scared 'eep!'

"Do you mind?" Care Taker growled before realising who she was. "Oh, miss Applejack. Heh. Didn't see you there."

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, you wouldn't, would you? Not with your noses pressed against the glass. What are you two up to? And you..." she looked down towards Diamond, who laughed nervously. "Aren't your parents concerned where you are?"

Diamond shrugged. "They're off, err, playing the piccolo with their band. In Vanhoover. Yeah."

"Uh-huh." Applejack turned back to Care Taker, and frowned. "I know you from somewhere. Weren't you running a circus some years back?"

He gritted his teeth. "What of it?"

"Well now, I couldn't help noticing there was a circus here in town. One would think you'd show up, give them a few pointers."

"I doubt they'd want any from someone who ran his business into the ground."

Applejack grinned mischievously. "But that's not what I heard. I remember now. You hired night ponies, like Changelings and thestrals. And then they robbed you blind. Bad luck."

"I asked - what of it?"

"Nothing, just making conversation... except for the fact that you're spying on me and other ponies. Two of whom are thestrals. Makes me think there's something more going on."

Care Taker glared at her. "Like what?"

"You're the spy, you tell me... or I'm taking this to the authorities. And since I'm the Element of Honesty..." she winked.

Diamond Tiara chose the moment to pipe up. "Uhh, what happened to your accent?"

Applejack blinked. "My what now?"

"Your accent! You know, the farmer voice! The gosh-darnits and the whatchamacallits!" She poorly imitated Applejack's regular voice, making both adult ponies laugh.

"That there, sugarcube, is just for the good ol' bit-spinning tourists." said Applejack, pointedly exaggerating her trademark southern twang. "But that's besides the point. I... I mean, 'Ah' want to know what... y'all... are doing here in this here establishment!"

Care Taker interrupted Diamond's inevitable tirade about enslaving Skinny for her own fiendish purposes. "I strongly suspect that 'Skinny' has come under the influence of the thestrals. Specifically Crimson Star, son of Crystal Star... of less than ill repute. As long as he wears the Alicorn Amulet, he will be vulnerable to the dark forces within Equestria."

"And you don't think the Princesses can handle it?" Applejack asked.

The old pony shook his head sadly. "I think they're far, far too optimistic to recognise what's brewing under their noses. If the Amulet reaches Crystal Star, we're all in deep trouble."

Applejack nodded. "You could be right."

Diamond stuck out his tongue. "You're both so stupid. Skinny would never give the Amulet to some ugly creepy night pony, he's smart and cool and has wiggly toe things." She waved her hooves in a vague imitation of Skinny's fingers.

The farm mare ran out of patience with her. She placed a hoof on Diamond's head. "You are gonna give up this sad obsession with Skinny, go back home, do your homework and find somepony as bigoted as you to have a crush on." She said, her green eyes flashing sternly.

"I'm gonna give up this sad obsession with Skinny, go back home, do my homework and find somepony as bigoted as me to have a crush on." Diamond repeated flatly.

"Attagirl. Off you trot."

Diamond Tiara jumped off her couch and ran out without so much as a goodbye. Applejack turned to Care Taker. "Why don't you come with me?"

"To where?"

"Back to the Castle. Skinny went in to face Princess Celestia, but if she won't be able to remove the Amulet from him, he'll be going into the Caverns next. Got an invitation from Crystal Star and everything. I think I'll tag along. You can tag with me."

Care Taker snorted. "As your date?"

The two earth ponies had to sit and wait no more than half an hour before they saw the unmistakable figure of Skinny stumble out of the gates. Applejack grinned widely and galloped over to him. Care Taker followed more cautiously. Partly because he didn't trust Skinny and partly because his appearance... unnerved him.

There were patches of grey at the alien's temples that Care Taker was certain had not been there when they last met in Ponyville. His arrogant gait was replaced by an awkward, shambling one. His eyes darted around nervously, only relaxing when the Element of Honesty nuzzled against his knee. "Hey, Applejack." Skinny mumbled.

"How'd it go?" She asked. "I see you still have the Amulet." Indeed, it was hanging around his neck, just as ominous as ever.

"Y-yeah... yeah. The Princess, um, wasn't too happy to see me..."

"Hah!" said Care Taker sardonically. "I wonder why?"

Applejack hummed as Skinny reached down to stroke her ears. "But I guess you held your ground, and couldn't let go of that thing?"

"Yeah..." Skinny replied, touching the Amulet uncertainly. "It's too important to give up. It's what let me talks to you." Seemingly tired, he fell to one knee. "Oof! Sorry."

"No problem, you rest on me now. I'm sure those sorry bats will be here soon... ish. And if not, we'll go find them in a while. But you rest now, you hear? You look like you've been through a lot."

"Yeah..."

Applejack grinned. "But you didn't give in."

Chapter 44

By the time the group reunited at the local carriage stop, it was already getting late and the sky shone a brilliant orange. Applejack had easily persuaded the amiable Crimson to let her and Care Taker accompany them to his family home, under the guise of educating the recalcitrant Care Taker to be more tolerant towards thestrals and other creatures of the night. They were waved goodbye by Princess Luna, but not Celestia, who had mysteriously taken ill after her encounter with Skinny. He, for that matter, stayed mum on the whole issue. The Amulet still hung ominously from around his neck, but his arrogance and haughty attitude were broken. Luna refused to provide any insight either, merely ordering Crimson and Lighthouse to put their faith in her sister and take Skinny to see Crystal Star.

The group travelled in an awkward silence, the cause of which none could decipher. Applejack once again took up a place on Skinny's lap like a mischievous cat. He seemed comforted by that. Care Taker stared sullenly out of a window. Redheart did too, although she was actually interested in the sights to come. Lighthouse read a book. And Crimson Star was deep in thought. He glanced at Lighthouse now and again, feeling increasingly guilty over their argument earlier. Crimson was still firm in his conviction that he had every right to invite Redheart to his family home, but the fact of the matter was that he and Light had never been through a serious argument until now.

She'd arrived at the academy a year after him, rehabilitated by Celestia from a feral life. When they met, Crimson had been an aimless pony. Not unhappy, but lacking a sense of direction in life, as he had joined the Guard merely on a whim. And with a solid inheritance from his father, he had access to anything he could possibly want. It was Celestia's decision to raise her from squalor and the verve exhibited
daily by Lighthouse that inspired him to start doing the right thing whenever and however possible.

He smiled faintly, his gaze turning on the batmare's mane. It was cut short and dyed dark blue to match her coat. Partially for camouflage, and partially to deter unwanted attention for which Lighthouse had no patience. A single lock of honey remained of her original mane colour. Style or sentimentality? Crimson had never asked. She wasn't the type to talk about feelings and neither was he.

"Wow." Redheart whispered, breaking the deafening silence inside the carriage. "Why are there only red lights?" She pointed out through her window. They were flying directly above Canterlot's underground city, which was entirely unlit save for the occasional red street lamp and some bonfires.

Care Taker answered before anyone else could. "Thestrals don't need much light at all. Most of their navigating is done with the ears. Red light is the hardest to see at a distance, making it the most private."

"Let me guess - you learned our weaknesses in case it ever came handy?" asked Lighthouse warily.

"Only returning the favor."

Applejack cleared her throat. "In the spirit of mutual cooperation, may ah suggest you two knock it off?"

Both ponies looked displeased, but they weren't willing to argue with the Element of Honesty.

"Seems we're gonna be landing." mumbled Skinny distantly.

The sight was less than impressive for the daytimers, whose eyes could only discern vague shapes beyond the dim red glow of the nearest street lamp.

But all Lighthouse had to do was open her mouth and emit an inaudible ultrasonic screech, and the sound waves bouncing against all matter gave her a full three-dimensional map of their immediate surroundings. More specifically, Crimson Star's mansion.

"Is this really where you live?" she asked in awe. "It's like a fortress!"

"Yeah... come on, the gate's this way."

Redheart stuck close to Crimson, irrationally afraid of the dark. Care Taker did the same with Applejack. Skinny trailed after them. Lighthouse came last, nodding at the Grounded Gang, who had concealed themselves on the thick hedges covering the mansion's fence.

The group paused at the large metal gate.

"Well now," Skinny breathed. "Let's get this over with."

Much like the rest of the Caverns, the halls of Crimson's mansion were lit only by a spattering of candles, giving everything a dim glow. But from what could be seen, the interior was austere, bereft of carpentry or artwork.

A butler pony not dissimilar to Care Taker had wordlessly allowed the group in and disappeared without answering any questions. They didn't have to wait long, however. A very small thestral trotted out from the shadows, carrying a lantern.

At first glance, Skinny thought she was an albino before remembering the sheer variety of colour schemes that exist in Equestria. She had a beautiful white coat and mane, and red eyes that matched Crimson's. Her cutie mark was that of a glowing red disco ball. Upon seeing the bat corporal, her mouth dropped open.

"Crimson... ?" She whispered.

Crimson rubbed the back of his head, smiling nervously. "Hi, Soup." He turned to the others. "Uh, this is my sister, Super Star. Soup, these are some friends and, well, that's Anonymous. I'm sure you've heard of him..."

Greetings were shared, but Super Star seemed disinterested in everyone other than her brother. "What are you doing here?" she asked sharply.

"Well, I, uh... it's home!" he replied.

Super Star glared at him. "You're here to see mother."

He shrugged. "She sent a letter and..." his voice trailed off.

Scowling, the smaller bat pony turned around. "Well, come on then. You don't want to keep her waiting!"

Crimson pointedly ignored everyone's questioning looks, and followed Super Star upstairs where the butler pony stood guard in front of a double set of beautifully carved wooden doors.

"Soup..." Crimson started.

"She's ready for you." The white thestral said bitterly. "Good luck, baby brother."

Without another word, she disappeared into the shadows. Lighthouse clicked her tongue disapprovingly. Crimson merely sighed, and then nodded towards the butler. The doors swung open.

Crystal Star was sat on a sofa near a roaring fireplace, sipping something undoubtedly expensive. She resembled her son greatly, but lacked any of the warmth and cuddly spirit. And her husky, devious voice was as far removed from the bat corporal as one could get. "Ahh. The prodigal son returns. Dragging along some strays. "

"These are my guests." Crimson said stiffly. Lighthouse stared at him. In all the years they'd known each other, she'd never seen him be terrified.

"But they're not mine. Get rid of them."
Crimson was about to protest, but Crystal Star cut him off, addressing Lighthouse. "You. What's your name, young lady?"

Lighthouse's eyes widened. She was caught offguard by the attention. After a few seconds, she sputtered out her name.

Crystal smirked. "Charming. More muscle than mind, though, aren't you?"

Redheart and stepped in front of the group. "Excuse me?! I don't-"

"You are excused. Go. You have no business down here and I doubt you'll enjoy the sight of me educating my son any more than I will."

"Mother!" Crimson barked, trying to sound authoritative but failing.

The batmare ignored him and rose from the sofa, walking up to Skinny and rubbing around his feet like a loyal hound. "But you, well, you're something else, aren't you? You don't belong with this sorry bunch at all. I've been looking forward to meeting you. I'm sure we both have many ideas to share." Her eyes came to a rest on the Alicorn Amulet shining on Skinny's chest. "As the leading predator of one world to another."

Skinny stood defiant. "That's true. But what I have to say concerns the daytime ponies as well as those of the night. So if you want to talk, you'd better listen to your son."

For a few moments, Crystal and Skinny stared each other down, the batmare eager to find something in the human's eyes, perhaps the same cruelty that defined her. Whatever it was, she seemed to find it, as she broke out into dark laughter. "Welcome to the real Equestria, mr Anon. It's been waiting for you. Very well! You may all stay for dinner." She turned away. "Oh, just one thing. The mansion has been under renovation for some time and most of it is currently unsuitable for habitation. It's rather embarrassing, but we only have two bedrooms available. Super Star will see to your needs." Crystal returned to her seat in front of the roaring fire, sipping drink. The group was evidently dismissed. They hurried eagerly out of the room.

None were surprised to learn that the two suitable bedrooms were located in separate wings of the mansion or that Crystal had left instructions for Super Star to segregate the earth and bat ponies of the group. Applejack, Care Taker and Redheart were to sleep in some of the unused servants' quarters, whilst Crimson and Lighthouse were granted Crimson's old room upstairs. Skinny himself was to return to Crystal's office after dinner and take the couch there.

"The nerve of that mare!" Redheart hissed at her roommates once the bats were out of earshot (forgetting, of course, that the definition of 'earshot' was quite different for their kind). "If she thinks she can just push us around like that...!"

"Then she's absolutely right." Care Taker said dryly. "Crimson Star hasn't got the initiative to stand up to her. And that makes her feel safe. Which gives us the chance of working out her intentions."

Applejack didn't join in on the conversation. She lied down on one of the poor excuses for a bed, and concealed her face behind the iconic stetson. To the other two, she appeared to be taking a nap. She wasn't.

"Intentions? What's there to work out? She's obviously evil! I bet she has an underground lair and feeds daytime orphans to her piranhas!" Redheart squeaked, panicking.

Care Taker rolled his eyes. "Miss Redheart, we're already in her underground lair... but until we find the trap door to the piranha pool or the orphan cage, none of this holds up in court. Mind you, I wouldn't be surprised by either of those."

"So what are we hanging around here for? Let's go look!"

"If you want to get caught snooping around this mare's home, be my guest. I'm going to follow miss Applejack's lead. It's still a few hours til dinner." He sat down on his bed, groaning at the aches produced by an aging body. Once upon a time, Care Taker had been a flamboyant performer on the circus stage with energy for days... but those days were long gone. Now he was just another old pony with a chip on his shoulder.

He looked up, but the nurse was gone. Oh well. Perhaps she would find something useful. Care Taker put a nice cool pillow behind him and closed his eyes, ready to fall asleep.

"Ah sure wouldn't like to be in yer horseshoes." Applejack drawled from the other side of the room.

Care Taker rolled his eyes. "Really? I thought I was so appealing."

"Anypony doesn't stay'n touch with 'is family has a problem."

"That's none of your concern."

The farm mare scoffed under her hat. "That so? The Great'n Powerful Trixie lays waste on mah town - what, twice? - but it ain't mah concern. Maybe if ye'd been around educatin' her instead of chasing night-timers all around the world, things would'a been different. Unless o'course, yer family wants nuthin' to do with yah? I wonder why?"

His blood began to boil at the insults. "My family is defined by success." Care Taker growled. "All entertainers, all celebrities. And we're proud of that. I'm proud of Trixie. She earned her fame through skill and business acumen, not by being an overglorified Chosen One destined to redefine the meaning of life or whatever it is you get up to in Celestia's castle. You want to know why my family wants nothing to do with me?"

"Enlighten me." Applejack's angelic smile infuriated him. The stallion jumped off the bed, growling at her.

"Because I slipped! Because I led my business to ruin. Because I trusted night-timers in my circus. Nopony else would hire them! My family didn't want me to hire them! But I went and did the right thing. I knew it was bad for business. But hey, magic of friendship, right? And they- they robbed me blind! ME! Not even the customers, but me, me they robbed!" Care Taker looked pained, but his anger was too great to contain. "Ever since then, my business has been making Equestria understand what a threat these monsters are."

"Equestria looks real scared. Good job." Applejack said sarcastically. "But you know, maybe you're approaching this from the wrong end."

Care Taker breathed in deeply. "What do you mean?"

She removed her hat, emerald green eyes glinting playfully in the shadows. "Maybe instead of blaming Changelings for your troubles, you should've taken a gander at the mirror. Any leader who lets his guard down to such a degree is surely asking for trouble?"

"... how did you know there were Changelings?"

There weren't many places in Equestria that Lighthouse would consider out of her comfort zone - being a thestral, she had little to fear - but Crimson's bedroom was one of them. She almost laughed at the transparency of Crystal Star's intentions. Obviously, the older batmare had noticed that the one thestral travelling with her son was a female. Maybe not one of the vaunted upper class, but not a daytimer either. If they weren't here on a job, Lighthouse knew she'd clock the arrogant little fuzzball for her presumptuous attitude and snobbery.

Regardless, Lighthouse still felt incredibly out of her depth in the room where her best friend had been shaped and molded. He was so unlike her. Any room she slept in for a while would be decorated by no more than blades under the mattress and empty crisp packets on the bedside desk. Crimson's room was practically stuffed with memories. You couldn't escape them no matter which way your head turned. Posters of his favourite characters. Framed photographs of his sisters. Worn-down books and board games. Prized toys. She felt like a stranger and shuffled around awkwardly, unwilling to touch anything out of fear of ruining it somehow.

"Sorry about all that." Crimson mumbled, staring at the cheap rickety fold-up bed that had been added to the corner. "I can take this one."

"Oh, gee, would you do that for me, sir?" Lighthouse asked with faux amazement. "Thank you so much, I always wanted to sleep in your bed."

Crimson facehoofed. "Sorry! Sorry. I..."
Hearing sniggering, he looked up again. Lighthouse's eyes glinted with amusement.
"You're making fun of me, aren't you?"

"Always!"
And because this is weird as anything. She thought.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier." The bat corporal said, his jaw digging deep into his chest fur in shame. "I didn't mean any of it. I wouldn't do a mission without you. You know that, right?"

Lighthouse clicked her tongue dismissively. "It's fine, sir. You know, I'm almost happy you got mad."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You stood your ground on something. I wish it was something I could have backed you up on, but that was the first time I've seen you fight for something because you wanted to, not because you felt you had to."

Crimson slumped and sat down on his bed, looking embarrassed. "I don't really do a lot of wanting." He said slowly.

Who would with a mother like that? She probably browbeat all initiative out of him. Lighthouse suddenly felt very sorry for that little sister of his, Super Star. No wonder she was furious at the sight of him. He'd escaped this place. Physically, at least.
"Maybe you should. It's a world for everyone, don't you think you have the right to grab a piece for yourself?"

"I guess."

"No, horseapples to that! What do you really think?"

"I think..." Crimson began, and Lighthouse was pleased to hear a venomous tone enter his voice. "I think I don't want to be here."

She sat next to him, whispering into his ear. "What would you rather be doing? Be creative."

Crimson thought long and hard. What did he really like? Sure, he enjoyed being a Night Guard and he liked his entertainment, but what was he really all about, on his own? "I used to have this telescope." He waved vaguely towards a nearby closet. "It's in there, somewhere. Would be nice to dig it out sometime, look at the stars again."

"Do it. Do it right now."

The bat corporal chuckled. "We're on assignment, Light. We should go and talk to the servants, see what we can find out."
He was about to stand up, but Lighthouse put a hoof on his shoulder. Crimson stilled. There was an odd gleam in her eyes.

"No." She said firmly.

"No?"

Lighthouse shook her head. "No. You trust me, sir?" During that moment, she sounded so vulnerable and scared that Crimson had an odd inclination to wrap himself around her, even though he knew she hated weakness.

"With my life, of course I do." He said matter-of-factly.

"Then just for tonight, let you decide what you want to do. Not the Princesses, not the mission, just you."

Crimson frowned. Why was she bringing this up now? "This isn't a good time."

"No, it's the best time. It's risky. It's real." Lighthouse insisted. "I want you to feel what it's like to make your own choices, to be totally free."

"Well, what if I decide that the mission is more important? I mean, that's my choice, isn't it? Just because I'd rather be stargazing somewhere in a meadow a thousand miles from here doesn't mean I would actually do it."

The two of them looked into each other's eyes for a few moments. Lighthouse broke off first, her ears drooping guiltily. "Yeah, I guess..." She mumbled. Crimson wanted to hug her even more, but held off.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

She shook her head silently, forcing herself not to tear up. Lighthouse knew why she was in the Guard. She was there because it was the best she could do. No, not even that. The best she could do was survive. Only a chance encounter with Celestia had given her the oppurtunity to be more than a feral bat in the mountains fighting over scraps. But him? He was resilient, kind, charismatic... with near-boundless resources. Lighthouse could easily see the kind of thestral he would be if he only had the slightest desire to push himself beyond servitude. She'd always seen it, and cultivated it as best she could. But she knew he'd only pushed himself to appease her. That touched Lighthouse to the core, but it wasn't all she wanted. She wanted the fire and the hunger. She wanted Crimson's soulful eyes to blaze with a lust for life. She'd grown up within that blaze. Not amongst mementos and gifts, but conquests. And if she could only share that with him...
Share...

"Light?"

The batmare suddenly grabbed onto his neck, the force of her desire pushing Crimson onto his back. His yelp was silenced by Lighthouse's lips capturing his.

Redheart found Skinny sitting on a staircase, deep in thought. He held a worn leather wallet, and sifted through credit cards and unfamiliar coins, obviously nostalgic. "Hey, Skinny."

The hooman looked up, and smiled faintly at her. "Hi!"

She trotted up the steps and sat down next to him. Skinny's arm came to rest on her back, his strange fingers smoothly gliding across. It felt very comforting. "You should consider a therapeutic career. The foals would love you."

Redheart had intended to ask him if he knew where Crimson's room was, but decided otherwise, sensing trepidation building within him. She chose not to pry about it directly, knowing from experience that patients often needed support more than anything. So instead, she nuzzled into his side.
Her ministrations were more effective than she'd expected. Skinny's eyes welled up and he hugged the nurse. "Shh, shh, it's okay..." She cooed.

"N-no, it's not! I messed up bad. I always mess it up." He whimpered, tears dropping on the Alicorn Amulet. "Everywhere I go. My world, this world. Sooner or later, I always let go and become the worst version of myself."

"Skinny, hey, come on now." said Red soothingly. "You had no way of knowing how the Amulet would react with you. And you didn't want to hurt anyone."

He laughed bitterly. "Didn't I? I couldn't just be happy here. I had to nitpick every little thing, find some flaw, bring it down to my level. And I needed everyone to know how flawed they were. Or worse, make them flawed. Make them... make them suf..." Skinny couldn't even finish the sentence.

Red couldn't begin to understand the hooman. She wasn't even sure if she was talking to him or some new manifestation of the Amulet. As a nurse, it didn't matter much. He was in pain, and Red had no tolerance for that. "Listen, Skinny." She said in a stern, no-nonsense tone. "Maybe you really did do something horrible, something downright irredeemable. If that is the case, then how dare you sit here feeling sorry for yourself? Why are you sorry for you and not the ponies you claim to have let down?"

"I... I do feel sorry for them. But it's not their fault, it's mine. I-"

"Exactly! It's your fault. So fix it."

"There is no fixing it!"

Red put on her most piercing glare, the one that shamed every colt and filly into admitting they haven't brushed their teeth. "Then do something else! Something good. Something worthwhile. For them, for some other pony, for yourself. The more evil you do, the more good you owe to the world. Turn yourself around, Skinny. That's your punishment. Show all those ponies you wronged that you respect them enough to try being better than who you were yesterday."

The sound of a throat clearing interrupted them. Super Star was standing on the staircase right below them. "I hate to interrupt your little soap opera, but my mother has called for dinner time."

Chapter 45

You find yourself sitting in a darkened cinema hall, amidst rows upon rows of empty red seats. On the projector screen is an image of you doing the last thing you remember doing: heading off to dine with Crystal Star.

"Nachos?" Eris asks, sitting in the seat beside yours. She proffers you a box of familiar barbecue chips, the type you used to scarf down every time you went to see a movie... of course, that was back then.

"Eris! What's... what's happening?"

The chaos girl smiles deviously, holding up a video game controller in her lion's paw. "A little change of pace. I'm running the show now." Eris taps her toe against the L button. On the screen, your real self picks his nose. Eris cackles in glee at your expression.

You struggle for words. "Look, Eris... what I wanted to do to you was wrong, horribly wrong. I didn't mean it. Buuuut..."

Eris cuts you off. "Yes, yes, you were controlled by the Amulet, you weren't yourself... oh, and it's so horribly unethical to steal someone's body. Fuck off!"

You're taken aback. It's been a long time since you've heard Earth vulgarity directed at you.

"You forget, 'dad', that I'm in your head. You don't have any secrets from me. So I know for a fact that you did want me gone... you didn't like me. You thought I was just a nuisance!"

"Look, for pity's sake, you gotta admit, it's a little unusual to have a... a..."

Eris's snake-like body uncoils towards you, furious. "A what? A freak in your head?"

"That is not what I meant!" You growl.

"Good! Because I can be far more than just a nuisance!" Eris growls, threatening you with the controller. She is in tears.

Both of you slump back into your seats. Absent-mindedly, you bite down on a nacho, savouring the taste. Good old overpriced trash. "You didn't bring popcorn?"

"We hate popcorn." She mumbles.

"Eris... if you've seen my memories, then you know how important it is that I don't screw up this meeting with Crystal Star."

Eris gives you a sour look. "I can do a good impersonation of you." She snaps her talons, and transforms into a literal pig in a suit. "Look! I'm Anon and I'm a big greedy dum-dum who stabs his friends in the back! I get by on the charity of others and have made a lifelong career out of wasting good oppurtunities!"

"Are you finished?"

"Yes!" She snaps, transforming back into her usual Discord-inspired self. "I'm finished with being put in the corner. I'm finished being Player 2 inside this brain!"

You grit your teeth. "Well, maybe things would be different if you hadn't pushed me to find the Amulet!"

The chaos girl was lost for words. You continue: "What even is the problem? You know I was possessed! You know I didn't truly want to hurt you! All I wanted was peace of mind! Look, as soon as we get this done and go home, we'll get the alicorns to check our brain out and see if they can conjure up a new body for you! Piece of cake!"

"It's too late..." Eris's angry facade begins to crack.

You frown, sensing danger behind her words. "What? What are you talking about?"

She snaps her fingers. In a purple flash, you find yourself transported into an Aston Martin DB5, chased through an industrial complex by henchmen in multiple trucks. Worser still, a furry noodle in a tuxedo is doing the driving.

"I have something to admit!" Eris shouts over the noise of gunfire peppering the back of the car. She tries to distract the villains with the car's inbuilt oil slick. "We're running out of places to hide... from the truth!"

"What truth?!"

Eris reveals the ejector seat button on the gear shift knob. "That very soon, I'm gonna have to push this button. And throw your mind out of this brain... for good."

"You want to kill me!?"

"You're already dying... your brain can't handle the stress of two minds, and the Amulet made it so much worse. My magic's the only thing still holding it together. And perversely, I'm also the reason it's falling apart. I push this button now, you'll go before our brain decays beyond recovery. When that happens... we both die."

"Never liked Goldfinger anyway." You press the red button.

Rather than the oblivion you expected, the car simply screeches to a halt. Everything you see from the windows reverts to bluescreen. Eris looks at you, stunned by your action. "No, me neither." She mutters sadly. "Good thing it's just a movie, huh? Don't be stupid, Anon. I wouldn't let you kill yourself."

"If it'll save you...

"No!" Eris shouts emphatically. "I just... I had to know you don't hate me."

You laugh in disbelief. "I've barely gotten to know you! You want the honest-to-God truth? Yes, you can be annoying. Yes, I didn't ask to have a wacky snake goat in my head. But hate you? No. You made me find the Amulet because you needed to make your voice heard. I get it. And judging from the way everyone reacted when I told them about you, you're a miracle of life even by the rules of this world. I'm happy you exist! I'm happy I played a part in it. Even if it does end up costing me my head... at least someone with a lovely dark sense of humour will inherit it. These ponies are too sugary by a half."

Eris makes a disgusted face. "I know! Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 would be totally lost on them."

"Ha! When the cannibal cook serves Texas his award-winning chili...!"

"Oh no! Watch out for those crunchy teeth! I mean, err, peppercorns! Nothing to see here!" You both descend into maniacal laughter. Eris snaps her talons again, teleporting you to a favored dock where you once used to splash your feet in warm water. Both of you lounge in chairs, sipping iced Pepsi Max.

"This is nice." You comment. "I almost forgot what the elixir of life tastes like."

"See? There are upsides to you swimming in the subconscious for a while. You can rifle through all of it. Any memory you want. Any fantasy you want..." she waggles her eyebrows suggestively.

You close your eyes. "Dude. Boundaries."

"Hey, I've seen aaaall the sick shit you have in here." She throws up her arms defensively. "Nobody warned me your brain needs an X-rating!"

"... I'm guessing you're not gonna call me daddy then." You joke.

Eris snorts some of the drink out her nose. "Listen now, you deviant, sleazy, lazy, stupid son of a gun. What I'm gonna do is keep you alive, protected in the back of my mind. And I'll find a way for both of us to make it... if it's the last thing I do!"

"I still think you shouldn't risk yourself." You mumble under your breath.

"Probably not. But I want to. And you can't stop me." Eris declares confidently. "You ARE my daddy, and I'm gonna keep you safe."

Thanks to her abnormal length, she easily scoops over to your chair and nuzzles you, the thick grey fur of her cheek brushing softly against your exposed skin. You scratch the back of Eris's ears, eliciting a satisfied hum. Slowly, ever-so-slowly, the draconequus coils around you, forming a protective fluffy cocoon. "I'll keep you safe..." She whispers again. "Just let me take charge."

"Hello, campers!" Anon exclaimed cheerfully as he and Redheart arrived at the dinner table. Super Star had gone, presumably to fetch the other guests because only two ponies were sat: Applejack and Crystal Star. Both were visibly surprised by the shift in the hyooman's demeanour.

Anon clapped his hands together. "What's for lunch?! I love me some French fries. Never had them, by the way, but I know they're good."

"Dinner will be served when the others arrive." said Crystal. She sat at the head, in an old ornate chair. "I'm sure you'll appreciate our culinary skills."

"I'm sure I will. Wow, look at that!" Anon pointed over the mare's head. Hanging on the wall was a shining watercolour depicting many proud thestral warriors around the very same table. Anon nodded at an old red-maned bat. "Is that fine specimen Shaggy's- I mean, Crimson's father?" Crystal nodded. Anon smiled crookedly. "I couldn't help noticing you're sitting in the same chair. It's touching how you've held onto that. Isn't it touching, Redheart?"

The nurse pony gulped, still nervous around thestrals. "Y-yes, very lovely."

"Yeeees! Some mothers might have saved that place for Crimson, but you are clearly a mare truly attached to her husband. That warms my heart. I'm a sucker for a good romance." Anon swooned dramatically.

Crystal smiled coldly. Anon and Red stared at her small sharp teeth. The tension in the room was stifling. Finally, Applejack cleared her throat. "Shouldn't we all dive in? Food'll get stale."

As supper was being rolled out, Super Star returned, with Crimson and Lighthouse in tow. The pair looked disheveled and sheepish. "Well, splash me with greasepaint and call me Binky!" Anon gasped. "My boy Shaggy's growing up!"

They gave him a stare of fury. Super Star shuddered.

"Yes, well, I do hope miss Lighthouse has got the thrust of what we're all about here." Crystal Star's voice dripped honeyed poison. "Uncivilized barbarians have no place in the Caverns. I don't doubt my son finds a certain appeal in educating one, however."

The pair's unanimous glare shifted over to Crimson's mother. Anon had a goofy grin plastered on his face. Super Star hid her face behind a hoof. Applejack seemed bored. Redheart was ready to throw up... particularly when she saw what was for dinner. It was no more and no less than a steaming hot goblet of fresh blood.

"Now, ain't this just a tiny bit on the nose?" Applejack asked, her eyes lidded in annoyance.

"I agree." said Super Star, frowning. Crystal turned to her, mildly surprised that her daughter was questioning her. "These are our guests, mother. You know they find it sick."

Anon harrumphed. "I don't! A bit edgy, maybe." He lifted his goblet and shook it, swirling the red liquid inside. "I assume blood types and stuff aren't a thing in Equestria? Cause I'm A-positive that this would be considered an attempt at poisoning otherwise."

"I would never waste good blood." Crystal stated matter-of-factly, and drank. Anon shrugged, and followed her example. Slowly, the group began to consume their beverage. Red was the last to partake, closing her eyes and mouthing a silent apology for the dead before doing so. Crystal turned to her son. "I imagine they don't let you have this at Canterlot Castle."

Crimson shook his head.

"I thought not. Potions..." She spat on the floor. "It's a disgrace. Thestrals are predators. Conquerors. To reject that is to reject thousands of years of history. It's an insult to our forebears." No one had the gall to contradict her. Crystal commanded the room. "What do you think, Anon?" She asked. "I've wanted to meet you for a very long time. I've met all kinds of killers in my time. But in Equestria, they are sadly isolated cases, beautiful stifled flowers. When I heard you come from a whole garden, a world ruled by meat-eaters... well... you can understand my curiosity."

Anon smiled, his teeth bloody. "Oh, I know predators. I believe the first rule is - there can only be one alpha."

"True." Crystal said.

"I wonder... which one of us is?"

Chapter 46

"Excuse me, ma'am." Anon broke the uncomfortable silence. Crystal Star stared back at him, unblinking. "You invited us here. Specifically, you invited me. You sent a letter to Shaggy's- I mean Crimson's superiors at Canterlot Castle, to be given to him. And in that letter, you asked him to introduce me to you. I would very much like to know why you did that."

All heads turned towards the mistress of the house. Redheart licked her teeth, still red from the blood she'd drunk.

"Can't you hazard a guess?" She asked, nodding towards the Alicorn Amulet on Anon's chest.

"I can. Conscious predators are selfish by nature, they're concerned only with themselves and their own offspring. That means the only interest you can have in me... is what I can do for you. Unless you really do think of me as an alpha who has to be eliminated. Or perhaps it's both."

Crystal waved dismissively with her hoof. "Oh, I could never eliminate a specimen such as yourself!" She sipped deeply from her cup. The others politely followed her example. A bloody mustache was left on Super Star's pale upper lip.

"Well, I'm flattered. So what do you want?"

"Tell me about your world."

Anon rolled his eyes. "Not much to tell. My kind happened to evolve into the most intelligent beings on the planet. We removed our opposition. Then we spent a lot of time fighting amongst ourselves. Now most of us are too smart for that. So we just... rule."

Crystal hissed in pleasure. "It's just as I pictured! Ruthless, unyielding conquest, and then the savoring of the bounty!" She laughed. "I was born in the wrong place! It's this infernal... harmony... that stunted us all! That's why I want you here, mr Anon. I just know that a touch of your savagery would make it all go away. Especially when charged through THAT." She licked her lips, looking at the ruby eyes of the Amulet.

Redheart's eyes darted to Crimson, clearly wanting him to do something about his treacherous mother. Lighthouse was tense, ready to spring to action on her corporal's command. Even Super Star seemed uncomfortable, and kept stealing glances at her brother. But Crimson did not move a muscle.

"You're the final piece of the puzzle that will help us resurrect our rightful leader, the glorious Nightmare Moon!" Crystal closed her eyes in reverence. "Chained now by the false persona Celestia has created for her. But we have a found a way to undo the Sun Strumpet's deeds! All we need is power!"

Applejack shook her head. "Ah don't really see how Anon can help ya, with the shape he's in."

Anon frowned comically. "What about my shape??"

"Now, do try 'n' not take offense there, sugarcube. I'm sure yer tall and mighty where you come from, but here yer spindly and furless. Anypony could take you, if it weren't for the Amulet. And ah remember hearing something about the Amulet wanting to be worn by the toughest sonny there ever was!"

Crimson raised a hoof, as if he was still a student. "Uh, I don't. According to Twilight Sparkle's report, the Amulet turned ponies evil and it couldn't be removed unless you tricked them into surrendering it."

"That there is true on the base level." Applejack smiled patronisingly.

"You mean she left something out? That's not like her at all."

The farm pony scoffed. "Twilight don't know everything! What she dealt with was Trixie Lulamoon, that idiot Care Taker's granddaughter." She made a show of looking around the table. "Where is that darn pony, anyway?"

"Everyone enjoying their drinks?" Crystal giggled to herself.

Slowly, very slowly, the group realized what she meant. They looked down into their cups with absolute horror. Redheart tossed hers across the room, shattering a distant mirror. Everyone stood up, ready to fight. Everyone except Crystal and Applejack.

"You're a monster!" Lighthouse growled at Crystal. "What did you do?"

The female bat played coy. "Little old me? I did nothing. Applejack on the other hand..."

"Ah killed him." said the farm mare carelessly. "Tore out his esophagus. He was still flailing around when we filled the cups."

Crimson seemed totally discombobulated. "M-mother?"

"We're doing it, children! We're doing it now! Stand beside me!" Crystal Star shouted happily. Super automatically jumped to her hooves and joined her. Crimson turned to look at the smear of gore that Redheart's cup had left on the wall. He turned back and shook his head.

Applejack's eyes flashed a violent green colour, and she dropped her accent entirely. "Sombra, I know you're in there!" She growled at a terrified Anon. "Trixie was a powerful pony, and you felt safe with her, I know! But behold the strength I wield! This alien is not worthy of you! Compel him to surrender the Amulet to me! Compel him! Compel him!"

Anon clutched onto the necklace and tore it off his neck.
"No!" Lighthouse moaned. "Skinny, stop!"
He didn't. Instead, he thrust the Amulet into Applejack's greedy hooves. The farm mare laughed and her visage melted away in a spurt of green flame to reveal that of Queen Chrysalis.

"Get up!" You're pressing every button on the player 2 gamepad, to no avail. "Get up, it's the fucking Swiss cheese pony again! Dammit, Eris, move my ass!"

"I can't!" You hear a voice beside you. Eris is huddled up on the armchair beside you. She throws the player 1 gamepad away. "I'm sorry, I thought I could... I thought I had what it takes, but I don't, I, I, I... I'm so scared! Daddy, I'm scared! I don't want to die!"

"Hey!" You pull her into a deep hug, sinking into Eris's warm grey fur. "Shh. I got this one."

You grab the player 1 gamepad off the floor and press reset.

You stand up, finally in full control of your faculties again. Anon's back, bitches.

"I remember you." You say, pointing at the overgrown Queen Cockroach.

Cockroach cackles malevolently. "I'm flattered. You put up a good fight that day. Took a bite out of me, even... not that anyone could tell."

"Also rode on your back. And that I did tell."

"Silence!" Green magic yanks you against the wall. You feel it close around your throat, ready to suffocate the life out of you...

"Wait! I want him alive!" Mama Bat commands.

Cockroach snarls at her. "The Queen of the Changelings does not take orders! Do not forget, it is I who wield the Alicorn Amulet now!" She repairs the chain with her magic and locks it around her neck.

Mama Bat is furious, but has the wits to reason with her. "Think of what he is. He could still be useful to us. Kill the nurse if you want blood."

"No!" Shaggy roars, stepping in front of Redheart. His facade of confusion and fear has dropped. "I've had enough of this. I hoped there was still a way back for you, mother. And maybe there still is. But today, we will be enemies." The bat corporal pulls a hidden whistle out from underneath his thick fur and blows into it.

The sound, completely inaudible to everyone else, is deafening to thestrals. Four bats burst into the room: one from the window, one from the fireplace, two from behind paintings... somehow.

"The Grounded Gang!" Nurse exclaims in awe.

"Hah! Pitiful!" Cockroach's horn begins to glow again.

You grab the nearest cup (of don't-fucking-think-about-it liquid) and splash it all over the Alicorn Amulet, causing it to explode in the Changeling Queen's face, filling the room with smoke.

In the chaos, the Grounded Gang - professionals all - keep a cool head and rush you and Redheart out of the mansion. Once outside, you can hear furious screaming from within.

"How'd you do that?!" Shaggy gasps.

"Me?" You ask with the same fake modesty that his mother used minutes earlier. "Oh, I had the fake amulet made ages ago. Back when I was nuts. Knew it would come in handy. But it was Luna who thought to turn it into a smoke bomb. She has a wicked sense of humour, that one!"

"So where's the real thing??"

You bite your lip. "You really don't wanna know."

"Might I draw your attention to the dozens of thestrals heading this way?!" Lighthouse barks, her ears curling. "They've raised the alarm. Which means our chances of making out alive are becoming slimmer than Fleur de Lis on diet week!" A maniacal smile forms on her lips. "This is gonna be fun."

Chapter 47

"Lighthouse, put this around your neck and take charge of the civvies!" Shaggy snaps, hoofing her a glinting moon-shaped medal. "The rest of us are going up in flower formation, as far away from each other as possible."

The nurse is about to ask him why, but the Grounded Gang take to flight, leaving only her, you and the bat pony behind. "Come on!" Lighthouse hisses. She has the two of you hold onto her wings, thus guiding you through the pitch-black streets and down an alleyway. "Thestrals respond mainly to sound. The team will make noise, try to distract Crystal's henchponies. That leaves us a small window to get out, reach the Castle and warn the Princesses."

"How small?" You ask nervously.

She shoves you and Red behind some trash cans. Fearsome flaps sound out above seconds later. "Very small."

Crimson Star floated above the dark city, letting loose a loud ultrasonic battle cry. Inaudible to any daytimer, deafening to everypony else, this was an ancient alarm for the uninvolved to shut their doors, windows and gates while the warriors gathered. Or in his case, the enemies. In order to give Lighthouse, Redheart and Skinny their best chance at getting away, Crimson had ordered his team to separate, each of them drawing away as many fighters as possible. It was a borderline suicide mission, but 'them's the breaks' as they say in Manehattan.

When Crimson found himself facing around 20 batponies, he wanted to curse Manehattan and their sorry excuse for wit. How could Mother have so many followers?!

"Stand down, Star" one of them called out. "We're all thestrals here. Let's talk about this."

"You talk. I'm shy."

He gave a reasonable, pleading look. "This is all a bit over the top, surely? Why don't we escort you back to your mom? You two can sort it out. No one has to get hurt."

Crimson narrowed his eyes. He removed his wingblades - slowly - and made it seem as if he was going to hand them over. Only at the last second did he whirl them around, the flat side of the blade hitting the speaking bat on his kneecap. Screaming, he lost his concentration and reverted to a Changeling form. Oh, so that's how.

"Yeah, on second thought, I'm keeping these." Crimson quipped.

The humiliated Changeling clicked his teeth furiously. "You're a fool! We'd have kept you alive for your precious mother. But I think maybe you bumped your head on a stalactite trying to get away. Kill him!"

"Skinny! Skinny, you can't stop now!"

Eris blinked, finding herself behind some trash cans. "No. No-no-no-no, I'm not supposed to be here!" She panicked, staring at her human hands. She had relinquished all control to Anon, but something had thrown it right back to her. But it wasn't Anon who had done that, it couldn't be. She'd have felt the transition like she had on every other occasion. This was something different.

A white pony tugged on her sleeve. Eris recognised her as Anon's nurse. "C'mon, they'll find us if we stay still!"

"No, you don't understand! I'm not Anon, I'm not supposed to-"

Another pony - a feral looking blonde bat - separated the two and glared at her. "I don't care if you're Anon, Prince Blueblood or a pink sphinx... if we don't move now, we die!"

Eris gulped. She was able to stand and follow the ponies, but her heart - her and Anon's heart - was hammering away in her chest. What had gone wrong now?? She had no time to think, however, as their lives were very much on the line. The sound of clip-clopping hoofbeats echoed throughout the city. Crystal's troops didn't even bother to conceal themselves. It was more important to intimidate, to remind the trio every single second that they were about to be caught and most likely executed.

A bat pony suddenly dropped out of the sky, crashing on top of a parked cart. Eris and Red screamed. "Shut up!" Lighthouse begged. "We're almost there!" She was the only one able to see well enough in the dark to recognise that the dead pony was one of the Gang members.

Spotting glimmering eyes in the shadows around them, Lighthouse froze. They'd been caught. She analysed their surroundings. "Why have we stopped?" Red whispered.
Fruit store, apartment building, cafe, optometrist's, that crap bakery... the old disused metalworks plant!
They were near the backdoor, but it was shut with a heavy padlock. No problem. Lighthouse had been a good thief. Moments later, they'd slipped in and shut the door in the face of blood-stained Changelings. "They found us!"

"Oh God, oh no..." Eris whimpered. "Dad!" She slapped her head repeatedly. "Wake up! Wake up, wake up, wake up!"

"Shut up and find something to fight with!" Lighthouse ordered. "Both of you! And get upstairs! Find a good hiding spot."

There were very few doors or walls in the factory - each floor was one massive room filled with construction-related machinery, cobwebbed conveyor belts, rusting sheets of copper and iron. A crusher and an oven were so large that they spanned multiple floors, leaving enough space to see what was going on up and below. Eris grabbed herself a crowbar while Red scavenged a functional nailgun. Lighthouse stood guard while they concealed themselves behind a cupboard.

The glass ceiling shattered. Red and Eris were close enough to the wall to be safe, but Lighthouse only barely managed to cover herself. The shards ripped gaping holes into her wings. A dozen armored thestrals glide down onto the floor. Lighthouse flung the glass in their direction, but it bounced harmlessly off their platemail. Breathing heavily, she tried to grit her way through the pain and find her balance.

She expected them to strike, but instead they stood perfectly still. "Nightmare Moon's Chosen!" their leader moaned, staring at the moon-shaped medal on Lighthouse's chest. "A million apologies, my lady. We had assumed you were one of the enemy. We will take our lives now, if that is your wish."

Lighthouse cackled deliriously. "You stupid block-headed horse-appled daytiming timberwolf! What use are you to Nightmare Moon dead? Go and justify your inane existence by finding the targets."

They bowed deeply. "Yes, my lady. You'll be pleased to know that the treacherous Night Guards have been killed. S-shall I escort you to the hospital?"
"Out!" Lighthouse roared with all the strength she could muster, and the armored thestrals fled like scared pigeons through the broken ceiling.

Red rushed to Lighthouse's side. "These are serious lacerations."

"Really? Feel like papercuts." The bat soldier smiled. "Listen, there's a river not far from here. It feeds into the waterfall right outside Celestia's Castle. I saw some barrels here. You can ride in them."

"We can ride in them." Red said sharply. She pulled off her nurse's cap. The inside of it was kitted out with alcohol, bandages, needles, thread and various pill bottles, most of which went to use in stabilizing the injured bat's condition.

Lighthouse gave her an admiring look. "You'd give our medic a run for his money. He..." She halted.

"Don't think about that. You're in shock. Skinny, I could use your fingers here. Skinny?" The nurse tried feeling around with her hoof, but couldn't feel or see anything in the darkness.

"He's fainted. Must've been all the blood." Lighthouse said.

Redheart frowned, her face scrunching into a curious expression. "But he cannot see the blood."

You and Eris cower in the trenches inside a wooden shack, hiding from the constant rains of dust generated by the landing bombs. Both of you are dressed in appropriate 1940s military attire, clutching metal cups of gruel and covering yourselves with a tatty blanket. "We really have to stop meeting like this!" You shout over the thundering explosions.

"It's not my fault!" Eris barks back. A deflected bullet casing drops into her cup. "Oh, shoot... look, I didn't steal our body back, I swear!"

"Well, I don't have it, do I? Hand it over!"

"I can't, I'm not in control!"

You throw the blanket off and stand up, fuming. "Terrific! Simply terrific! It's not enough that I'm a co-tenant in my own brain, now our minds are bouncing around in it like marbles in a pinball machine."

"Watch out!" Eris shouts, and drags you back down, out of the way of passing bullets.

You barely notice, the rant still going. "I mean, what's the next step, Minesweeper? 'Sorry Anon, but if you put a foot wrong, you'll combust spontaneously'? Or maybe Solitaire? 'Hard luck, Nonny-boy! You now have fifty-two heads bouncing around on the floor!' Where does it end? Operation?"

Eris ignores your paranoid rambling. "I think it's just a symptom of your brain not knowing what to do with two personalities. We've switched around so many times that it's happening on its own." She tastes her gruel. "You know, I feel like gunpowder actually improved this."

You pinch the bridge of your nose, sighing. "Can we just please concentrate on having me in charge? Let's try and keep it together til we get back home."

"But that's what I've been doing. I never asked to take control. Maybe..."

"Maybe what?"

Eris looks up at you with sad, watery eyes. "Maybe your brain is merging us together? I mean... I was only ever really a copy of you to begin with. Well, a blank page that could see your memories anyway." The gunfire and bombs seemed to stop, and a ray of sunlight shined down.

"Don't be stupid! You are an individual! That's why you chose to look like-"

"But I stole this! I based my appearance on a statue in Celestia's garden!" Eris wails. "If I'm an individual, I'm not a very imaginative one."

You clench your jaw. "Who gives a fuck? I say you're an individual, and I'll be damned if I let us melt together. What are we, grilled cheese? Now concentrate!"

"Skinny! Thank Celestia you're awake! I was getting worried." Red whispered.

You sit up with her help, feeling unsure of yourself. Which one were you now? Anon or Eris? You couldn't remember. "How long was I out?"

"Only a few minutes. I patched her up as best as I could. But she's lost a great deal of blood. We need to get to that river now!" Red instructs you to pick up the tired bat pony as gently as possible, whilst leading the way down with her nailgun close at hoof.

"Look at you, Red." Lighthouse mumbles from your chest. "I misjudged you. Thought you were weak."

Red grins in spite of herself. "It's a mistake you'll live to regret. I promise you that."

As Lighthouse had said, there are several wooden barrels of oil to be found on the first floor. You empty their contents on the floor and, following the bat's instructions, use her flint lighter to set it ablaze. "Finally, I can fucking see something." Eris mutters cynically through your mouth.

The streets - now illuminated by the burning building - quickly fill with thestrals trying to stop the fire. The three of you rush through carrying a single barrel, knocking aside anyone trying to stand in your way in the last desperate bid to make it to the river. In front of the rushing water stands Chrysalis herself, smirking with her sharp teeth. Not even pausing, you throw the flint lighter at her, shattering the bug's teeth. Screaming, she reverts back to an ordinary Changeling. "A duplicate of the Queen? That's original." Red comments as she knocks the crying nuisance aside. "Sorry, friend. Better luck next time."

Red and Lighthouse wriggle their way into the stinking barrel, and Eris pushes it off into the river with your foot. Both of them laugh, high on adrenaline. Both of you watch as the barrel disappears into a tunnel in the rock wall. "Wait, dad? How are we gonna get out?" Eris asks.

"Oh."

You look around desperately for any chance of escape, and end up fixating on the toothless Changeling. She tries to fly off, but it's too late. You grab her by all four hooves and jump into the water. The bug flaps her wings with all her strength, occasionally bobbing you both out of the water, but your weight (thank God for Fluttershy's pies) always pulls you back. The current drags you both into the pitch-black tunnel.

"Le' go o' me, you luna'ic!" The toothless Changeling shouts, lifting you out of the water again.

You grip onto her hooves as if they're your lifeline... which they are. "Not until we've made it out of the waterfall!"

"WHA?! HOLY MO'HER O' WEB'H, NO!!"

You move faster and faster, and the roar of the water gets louder and louder, drowning out the Changeling's calls for help. She bobs you both out again. "Stop flapping, you stupid fly, you'll need the wing strength to land us!" You scream, though you're not sure she can even hear you anymore. "Oh, this was a dumb ideaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

"... aaaand that's how we got here." You finish your story, trying not to look at all the water you're dripping on the royal carpet. You, Red, Lighthouse and the Changeling cringe in front of Princess Luna. She bears a stony expression.

"So dost thou know of the evil scheme Crystal Star and Chrysalis have in mind?"

You blink, confused. "To... steal the Amulet?"

"That was the plan they made when they learned of its discovery, a mere few months ago. Thou cannot expect us to believe that a lifetime of iniquity was concocted with such foreknowledge." Luna explains patiently, as if to a child.

Eris raises your finger. "Uh... we learned they were evil? And they want to bring back Nightmare Moon?" Both of you smile nervously.

"No, as you humans say, shit."

Suddenly, the doors at the back of the reception hall slam open. Luna sighs and facehoofs amidst the guard's loud apologies. "Oh, what new madness is this?" She mumbles under her breath, before realising who just walked in. The princess gasps.

Silence fills the room as Shaggy limps forward. His dark fur is matted with blood, he's wearing stolen armour, fresh scars line his face and only a few flaps of skin remain of his right ear. He's also beaming.
"Princess! I'm happy to say I recovered some intel." The bat corporal's voice is distorted by immense exhaustion.

Super Star steps out from behind him, looking extremely bashful. Shaggy gives her a prideful glance. "She knows the whole deal. And she's willing to spill the beans."

Dead silence.

"I'm gonna take a nap now. With your... per... miss.." Shaggy faints.

Author's Note

This chapter was inspired by some great music I was listening to

Chapter 48

Crimson Star smiled as he woke, last night's deeds still fresh in his mind. The heroic last stand, a last minute rescue party led by his sister and the battle to escape the Caverns with their lives. For the first time in his life, Crimson was truly satisfied with himself.

And then he heard the snoring.

The bat's eyes sprang open and he stared down at his chest in total disbelief. Redheart's sleeping head rose and fell to his increasingly rapid breathing.

"How...? What...?"

Something shuffled on Crimson's right side. He gulped and turned to look. To his shock and embarrassment, Lighthouse was lying there, a look of contentment on her face. By now, Crimson was almost hyperventilating. He wasn't the type to invite a mare into his bed and then forget about it. But two?? That was beyond the pale. Had they been drugged?

"Wait a minute... this isn't the infirmary. This is my parents' bedroom. In the Caverns. Where I just escaped from. What the hay?"

Too embarrassed (and wary) to wake the mares, Crimson gingerly extracted himself from between their hooves. He noticed that he didn't hurt as much as he should have. All his injuries had healed, all the wounds turned into old scars. Obviously, a huge amount of time had passed and somehow he'd forgotten it.

In the living room, he was greeted by a maid he'd never seen before and addressed as General Star.

"General? When'd I become a general?"

To his surprise, the maid immediately replied: "After your valiant victory over the forces of your mother, Crystal Star, and her Changeling allies. That's four years ago now, sir."

"I, uh, I don't remember that." You confess. "I mean, I remember winning. But not the promotion."

She licked her lips nervously. "Um, you earned it. You're very brave and strong. If I may say so, sir."

Crimson shrugged. "I guess I did earn it. Thanks. But I'm still confused. Why are my memories gone? And those two up in my bedroom-?"

"It's not my place to speak of such thing." The maid demurely bowed. "Besides, I cannot help you with your memory, sir, I know nothing of medical matters! I'm beneath that sort of thing." Before Crimson could protest, she'd apologised and cringed her way out of the room.

He looked through the mansion for more clues relating to his current predicament. There were some things he did not recognise: a pair of golden wingblades mounted on the wall, shiny new armour behind a glass display, several portraits of himself in heroic poses. Crimson stared at a stuffed Changeling head with particular disgust. Then his eyes landed on a piece of jewelry sitting on a velvet place of honour on the mantelpiece. "The Alicorn Amulet!" He gasped. Was the cursed necklace behind it all?

"My love, you're awake." Lighthouse hopped down the stairs. "Red's gonna fix us some tea."

Crimson sank into an armchair, rubbing his temples. "Lighthouse! I need your help."

"Anything."

"Is this real? This place, and us here?" His voice sounded so scared that Lighthouse took notice. She trotted over and nuzzled the corporal."

"Silly colt. Of course it is."

He shook his head. "But I don't remember it. Any of it after the battle. After we got out from the Caverns with Skinny and my sister."

She began to stroke his wings. "That's okay. When someone's been through all that you have, these things are bound to happen. Why don't you wear your Amulet?"

"No! It isn't mine! It's dangerous!"

Lighthouse's yellow eyes twinkled with amusement. "Okay then. No Amulet."

"Maybe we should get a doctor?" Crimson suggested.

"A doctor for what?" Redheart entered the room, carrying a teatray on her back.

Lighthouse turned to her. "Our general says he has some memory loss. He doesn't remember anything after the battle."

"Ohh." She set the tray down and took his temperature. "Well, nothing seems to be physically wrong. I think you should relax. Enjoy yourself. If anything else happens, we can call the Princesses. Or any other expert you want. The whole of Equestria is at your disposal."

"The Princesses would be nice-" Crimson started, but he was interrupted by Lighthouse nuzzling under his neck.

"You don't need them. You don't need anyone at all." She hummed into his fur.

Red nodded, a pinball smile on her face. "YOU are the bravest, best pony who ever lived!"

"... I am?" Crimson asked sincerely.

"You aaaaare!" Both mares declared in unison. "We'll show you!"

"Here you are!" Red shouted triumphantly, and hoofed him a diploma from the cupboard.

Crimson raised an eyebrow and read: "To the bravest, best pony who ever lived. Keys to every city in Equestria... and the Castle?!"

"Some months ago, the Princesses officially announced that they're pretty hopeless at managing this tiny speck of land we call a home, and could someone really cool and snazzy handle it? Everypony voted you!"

He scrunched his fuzzy face in confusion. "Why? I mean, I was pretty awesome when I fought off the Changelings... and I suppose I have good looks and a winning personality... but ruling the whole of Equestria? That can't be right."

"You have leadership qualities!" They both said in eerie sing-song voices.

Crimson considered it for a moment. "But I don't know what..." He couldn't finish the sentence. If he admitted he had no clue how to rule, they'd surely laugh. "Well, what am I, a prince then? Do I have an office?"

"How does Supreme Emperor sound? And you definitely have an office! With big buttons and a swivel chair!" Lighthouse said.

"A swivel chair?? Well! That's something. I can't be Supreme Emperor, though. That's a bit pretentious."

Red shrugged and led him to a bed. The two mares presented him with grapes and ice-cold bloodpacks, which he accepted graciously. He was a war hero, after all. "You can change the title, if you want." The nurse suggested, patting his mouth clean.

"I think Administrator will do fine." Crimson said thoughtfully. "No, make it General Administrator. I'm still military, after all. Prince implies royalty."

The mares nodded, writing his words down.

"Hang on. Red, you didn't like me drinking blood? What changed?" He asked.

Redheart faltered for a moment. "The law was repealed. I may not have to like it, but I understand it as part of your thestral nature. I wouldn't be a good physician if I rejected biology. Besides, it tastes like iron." She licked her lips. "I always had a thing for iron. Iron taste, iron will, ironing..."

"Huh. Me too. Funny, that." Crimson frowned.

The two pony Princesses bowed as Crimson Star was carried into the throne room. He'd intended to walk in dressed in full military regalia, but the two mares had insisted that it would be inappropriate for a pony of his stature to walk. Crimson didn't really know the proper procedures, so he let them decide. He had to admit it made him feel superior to be carried. Especially when surrounded by fanmares who had obviously heard of his exploits. Everypony wanted his autograph, or even just his attention. It took all of Celestia's and Luna's guards to keep them contained outside of the Castle.

"Our husband, we welcome thee." Luna said.

Crimson fell off his carriage. "Husband??" He yelped as Redheart and Lighthouse picked him off the floor. "WHAT?"

"Dost thou not recall? We married Thy Greatness shortly after the battle at the Caverns." Luna said gently.

Redheart trotted up in front. "He's suffered some memory loss. Probably an after-effect of post-traumatic stress disorder."

Celestia gasped, and covered her forehead with her hoof in a dramatic gesture. "Oh, this is terrible news! We must see that our husband has all available care! I assume you've been taking care of him well on his holiday?"

"Well enough, your majesties." Redheart and Lighthouse winked at each other.

The bat pony jumped in-between the princesses and his entourage, shaking his head. "Ok, no, time out! What the hay is going on here?? I'd never do any of that! I mean, sleep with two ponies, and while I'm married? That is thoroughly immoral!"

"But a pony of thy stature can do anything!" Luna said slowly, as if talking to a foal. "Moral considerations do not apply to a being greater than the goddesses themselves. Truly, it is thy own will that establishes how a pony should behave."

Crimson growled furiously. "Okay, enough! Everypony, stop talking! I can't take this!" They all immediately shut up until he'd caught his breath. "Princess Luna, jump on one hoof."
She hopped around on one thin leg, as everypony else struggled not to laugh. All except Crimson, who was in no laughing mood. He ordered them all out. And they left. It was as if they were puppets, existing purely to obey him

He sunk into Celestia's throne (assuming she wouldn't mind) and tried to gather his scattered thoughts. Equestria, his to rule? Morality, his to define? He'd never aspired to power. But then don't ponies say that power is thrust on those who don't ask for it? "I guess that makes some sort of sense. And it'd be rude to reject authority. Might as well enjoy it. I mean, I'm a good pony, I think. I can name responsible ponies to the right positions. I'm a decent manager. What could go wrong?"

Crimson Star lounged happily on his personal yacht, the Crimson Star. This week, he'd chosen the Mane Six as his personal attendants and entertainers. The Princesses had assured him that Equestria was capable defended, and he looked forward to getting to know some of the most famous ponies in history. Although not as famous as him, of course.

The blue pegasus was particularly dazzling, pulling off display after display of fantastical sporting prowess. Pinkie bent down in front of him. "Donuts, sir? Made to your specificiations."

"Ahh, chocolate, my favourite!" Crimson exclaimed. He'd been receiving a most rejuvenating massage from Fluttershy. "I don't really like that they're filled, though. Try again, and bring some tea while you're at it, there's a good filly."

Twilight giggled. She was lounging next to him, wearing sunglasses. "Yeah, Pinkie, hop to it! Oh, and some lemonade!"

The pink pony descended into the cabin below, mumbling to herself. Crimson frowned. "That was rude. I forgot my manners. I should go apologise to her." He tried to stand up, but Twilight pushed him back onto his chair.

"Let it go! It's an honor to serve the General Administrator. Pinkie knows that. After all, it's your wisdom that keeps Equestria as happy and carefree as it is now. We haven't had any conflicts since that glorious victory in the Caverns!"

Crimson smirked. "Yeah, that was pretty good."

"Good? Good?!?" Twilight squeaked in disbelief. "It was the BEST! They teach it at school now. You changed the course of our history."

The bat pony blushed. "Well, I wasn't alone."

Rarity - who was lounging on the opposite side of him - tutted loudly. "Nonsense, DARLING! It was your victory, and you should own it! Where on earth do you think my business would be if I didn't promote my own success?!"

"Probably a lot closer to home." The purple unicorn narrowed her eyes. "Rarity, your business has become more cutthroat than a detective novel."

"So long as it's not my throat." Rarity squeed in malevolent joy.

"Girls, girls!" Crimson Star chided. "Can't we all agree on one thing? That everypony likes me? That I'm a handsome devil with eyes that make your hearts pump faster than a squirrel kicked in the nuts?"

Rarity and Twilight's eyes widened. "Deal!" They shouted and slapped each other's hooves together. "Applejaaaaack!" Rarity called. "Some air for the administrator, please!"

"Comin' right up, ma'am!" Applejack trotted over and used her hat to wave air over Crimson's blissful face.

Pinkie returned with the donuts, which Crimson quickly scarfed down. The other ponies did not take any. He presumed they had their own somewhere. "Why is no one talking?" He wondered out loud.

"Well..." Rarity said. "We were simply wondering if you have any grains of wisdom to pass down to your loyal followers?"

"Oh!" Crimson couldn't help but be touched, and puffed his chest up. "Yes. Of course! Wisdom!" He cleared his throat. "Err... never, and I mean NEVER, mix grain-based alcohol with grape-based alcohol. It's just a winning combination for a hangover."

The ponies applauded and cheered. Crimson grinned boyishly. "Huh. I never realised how smart I am."

Time went by, and the General Administrator (later known as the Supreme Emperor) began to forget that he'd ever been anything but the most adored and successful pony in history. No one ever suffered under his rule, and he never had a reason to feel bad about anything. Everypony he met claimed to have a much better and easier life since his ascension.

Sometimes Crimson would say or act in a way that he felt was unworthy of him. But even those events were praised as charmed eccentricities or even new fashions.

There was one particular time when he visited Ponyville. Having spent months (or was it years?) in the lap of luxury, the sight of the dilapidated Apple farm was a shock. Crimson turned to Princess Celestia and asked "Are the peasants - I mean, the less fortunate - doing alright?"

Celestia assured him that they were just fine, in the process of moving to a better establishment. He apologised for referring to the Apples as peasants, but the slip of the tongue became popular amongst the working class and soon enough, everypony he met called themselves peasants. It didn't sit right with him, so he issued a command banning the word. From that day forwards, every pony who wasn't him was a "worker". Amusingly, he never met anypony who'd used the word "peasant" again. They were probably too embarrassed to see him again.

Noticing that his every indulgence was catered to without complaint, Crimson gradually began to exercise his authority more and more for personal interests, such as converting all of Manehattan into an astronomical research centre. He'd obviously questioned the logistics of it, but Luna, Twilight and everypony else he trusted promised that it would be perfectly feasible, and his popularity remained so high that they could organise it within a few days. All anypony needed was his name to become a willing worker.

He enjoyed returning to his childhood pastime so much that he began to explore other possibilities. Half a continent converted into war games? Done. Ponyville redesigned into one massive spa? No problem. They all loved him so very, very much. There was no limit to their dedication at all. He began wearing the most ridiculous clothes and mane-styles that he could imagine, but all that accomplished was to make them popular until he changed his mind. He insulted them, spat into their faces, and they took it as an honour. He shut himself away for days, months, who knows how long. And every time he opened the door, they were waiting with slippers, hot tea and the finest breakfast choices.

"Who am I?" Crimson asked idly. He was sitting in the throne room. The throne itself was long gone. He'd decided to sit on Luna and Celestia instead. Luna was the back support, Celestia the seat.

"The greatest pony alive!" They sang.

Crimson whacked both of them with his hoof. "I know that! Idiots. I meant, who am I beyond all this? All of Equestria yields itself to me. There's got to be something else out there, something that doesn't. If I could just struggle, just a little. If I could make a decision that matters... maybe I'd remember."

"But there isn't anything else out there, my lord." Celestia said. "And if they were, they would know to love you."

Luna tried to nuzzle Crimson, but he turned away, not in the mood. "Perhaps the Emperor is looking in the wrong place. Perhaps it is not something out there that is worthy of conquest, but within."

"What do you mean?" Crimson asked.

"Thou sets oneself boundaries in the way thou lives. A code, a set of personal rules. By breaching them, by conquering oneself... thou wouldst perhaps find out who thy truly is?"

The bat pony's face furrowed. "I think I know what you mean. I'm capable of anything... but I haven't proved to myself I'm capable of anything. Even..." his voice faltered. "No, I shouldn't. It's not right."

"All is right to the Emperor." Celestia soothed him. "There is no wrong, not for you, dear Crimson. It's just a choice. You either make it or you don't. Not good, not evil, just... something to explore. But you'd feel such a thrill... doing something you feel is taboo to your nature. Call it a personal conquest of yourself!"

"I call it murder." He said flatly.

"You're thinking about it."

"There's nothing else to think about. I'm bored."

"So have fun..." Celestia tittered.

"Oh, Crimson..." Redheart cooed as she stood on the balcony of Canterlot Castle. She looked so kind and innocent, framed by the sunrays. Like a lamb... to the slaughter. She, of course, had no idea that the Emperor had chosen her to be his victim. For all he knew, she'd jump off the edge in his name. He didn't want that. He wanted to do the worst thing possible, so he could feel something. Anything. "It's been so long since we got to spend some time together. Of course, I know you've been very busy making such a success of yourself..."

Crimson watched her intently. He could jump ahead at any moment now, and push her over. He knew it would make his mother proud. Not that it mattered. None of them did. None of them had gotten as far as he had. And once he pushed her over, he'd defeat his own conscience, the last remaining thing that held any power over him. Crimson wondered what kind of pony he'd become. He'd probably be just like his workers - in total love with the Emperor. Only he happened to be, well, the Emperor. Life would truly cease to have a point then. It'd be one great big nothing. A machine that kept going until they all died out. And why? Because one pony wanted to have fun instead of doing the right thing.

"I still care..." Crimson mumbled.

Redheart smirked. "Why can't you just push me over the edge?" Her pony self disappeared into a puff of smoke and transformed into something far larger. Crimson Star had never met this creature before, but he'd seen the drawings, he'd seen the statue and he was familiar with the tales.

"Discord!" He gasped. "Guards!"

The male draconequus waved dismissively. "Oh, don't waste your breath. There's nopony here except you and me. There never has been!"

"I don't need anypony to fight you." Crimson growled. "Unless of course you fight dirty."

"Oh, always." Discord said matter-of-factly. "Temper-temper, my 'Emperor'. I'm not here to harm you. Quite the opposite, I've been putting in a lot of effort to keep you around. And now it's paying off."

The bat pony's one remaining ear flattened against his head. "Don't speak in riddles! What have you done?!"

"Do you remember that spectacular battle against the Changelings? The one that cost you one of your adorable little ears?"

Crimson nodded slowly. "It was the start of everything. Of my rise to power."

"Mmmmyes, well, forget about all that, because it never happened. Oh, the battle did. And you won quite valiantly. But ever since then, for the past three days and nights, you've been lying in a coma at the Canterlot Castle infirmary. Your friends have hardly left your bedside." He stroked his goatee as he spoke.

"... why? Why this dream? Why this false life?"

Discord's playful eyes gleamed down at him. "Because your own life was woefully inadequate for the task at hand. The task... of keeping you alive. You see, Shaggy - I may call you, Shaggy, may I? - you see, you've been made a selfless, self-sacrificial type. When you had to rise to the occasion, you did so without a moment's doubt. That... is what nearly cost you everything. You have no will to survive. You're ready to lay down your life for anyone, in any situation. But a body needs its will... so I had to make you one. As you withered in your hospital bed, I gave you a life where you could have a-ny-thing you wanted. Where you thought of nothing but yourself. And you did. You've pre-occupied yourself with yourself. Almost to the point of insanity. But it's brought you back."

Crimson stared at him in disbelief. "What I did... what I almost did... you tried to turn me into a monster just to keep me alive?!"

"No, no, no, no! If you'd have turned into a monster, you'd have betrayed your core self. You'd have let go as surely as if you were a hero. Now you're neither. You are what I'd always hoped you'd be in the end... a really, really nice pony. And when you wake up, you'll remember none of this. But in the back of your head, you'll always make sure to look after yourself as much as you do your friends and your family." The world around them began to disappear. "Oh, well, I guess it's goodbye. For now."

"Wait! There's one more thing I don't understand. The Princesses froze you! You're a statue. You're in the garden! How can you possibly be doing any of this?"

Discord smirked, and pressed a paw against his chest. "Spirit of Chaos, remember? Where I am and what I do is all relative."

Crimson could barely crack his eyes open from the amount of sleep dust that had gathered on them. But he could already feel Redheart hugging him. "Oh, Crimson... it was so touch and go for a while. Are you okay? How do you feel?"

"... like I've been to Tartarus and back." He groaned, and hugged her back.

Redheart tapped his shoulder angrily. "That's what you get for playing hero!"

Chapter 49

Once the gas had dispersed, there were plenty of recriminations from both sides. Crystal had the treacherous son. Chrysalis' spies had failed to inform that Skinny was no longer under Amulet influence. Crystal had not planned sufficiently to prepare for the daytimers' escape. Chrysalis had failed with her earlier invasion attempt. The only thing they agreed on was to send their loyalists to recapture the guests.

"You can do what you want with the rest," said Crystal dismissively, "but bring Crimson to me unharmed. He's my son."

"Of course." Chrysalis sounded polite and deferential. Crystal wasn't fooled for a second. The Changeling Queen may have been used to lying, but Crystal was used to being lied to, whether by business ponies or politicians. "Excuse me."

Crystal has recently allowed Chrysalis to occupy a wing of the mansion to use as a base of operations as she hid from Celestia. That is where she gave private instructions to her Changelings. What she did not realise was that the stone walls were thin enough for Crystal to hear every word if she tuned her ears just right. "Find them and bring the alien here by all means necessary!" The Queen commanded. "And if that foolish brat of Crystal's gets in the way, kill him and replace him. We can deal with the thestrals later."

So that's how it was going to be. Crystal immediately went to Super Star. "Chrysalis will not hold back from killing your brother. So you will have to stop them. Go with the Changelings. They will disguise themselves as bats and not take any notice of you. If they do, use this. If they find your brother, use it some more." She handed him a compacted flame-thrower. Heat was an immense weakness for insects. "Take him to Celestia and tell her the truth about what we've been doing."

"Won't that ruin the plan?" Super Star asked, overwhelmed by her new responsibilities.

"I have other plans." said Crystal ominously. "Now that I know Chrysalis cannot be trusted, it's prudent to let Celestia take care of her. Your job will be to convince your brother to come back to us. Now go! There's not a moment to lose!"

"Is this a joke? Some cruel punishment? Or the work of true evil?" You grumble, facing down an ominous pot of coffee at the Night Princess's breakfast table.

"Our hyooman friend regards coffee as his mortal nemesis." Luna explains to the guests without a hint of mockery in her voice.

It's true. To say you hate coffee doesn't even scratch the surface of your relationship with Satan's piss. "It stalks me. It mocks me. It has brainwashed humanity, and ponykind too it seems. Even when I was but a babe in my crib, its noxious fumes reached me. In school, the vending machines taunted me... there was not one soda machine, no! All the caffeine in the world, but you gotta drink this disgusting bitter slop to get it! Every morning, I'd wake to the sound of my mother's rattling espresso maker! When they lower me into the ground, they'll sip cappuccinos at the wake! Its tentacles reach everywhere! No escape! No escape!"

"Unlike soda, coffee has actual health benefits." Nurse Redheart reminds you, highly amused. "Which speaks to the high quality of whatever school you attended."

"The Dark Roast cult has gained another soul." You declare dramatically. "But seriously though, is there any tea or juice or anything that doesn't make me wanna slash my wrists?"

"Maybe we should get Skinny a chilled blood pack?" Lighthouse smirks. "He's got O-negative written all over him."

Luna tuts at the private. "We do not drink blood in Equestria. Not anymore. The Vampyre Potion has rendered the practice obsolete." Lighthouse sinks back into her chair. She isn't about to question the Princess, but you can tell she isn't happy about it. The potion - designed to provide thestrals with all vital nutrients, but lacking in the taste or thrill of an old-fashioned hunt - has received mixed responses even from the crown's closest supporters. Luna turns back to you. "Anon, we are here for a strategy meeting. You can start an anti-coffee demonstration later."

You sit down, muttering oaths under your breath. A war council has gathered around the circular table, consisting of Luna, yourself, Lighthouse, Redheart, Super Star and a pompous blue unicorn who insists on being referred to as the Great and Powerful Trixie. Fat chance. Wizard Hat she is.

The discussion opens with some concern over the competence of Luna's counsel.
"Aren't we just random ponies who got involved in this plot by pure happenstance?" A puzzled Redheart asks. "Where are the generals? The strategists? Military advisors?"

"Where is the need for them?" Luna sips some coffee, her eyes playfully glinting at you. "Our royal self is far more experienced and qualified than any general or strategist. Indeed, tis our custom to be advised by whoever happens to be around. Little ponies such as yourself are not warped by military training, and can proffer unexpected insights we'd never stumble across."

"The Great and Powerful Trixie agrees!" Wizard Hat chirps with authority, as if she has a PhD on proffering unexpected insights. "These no-good family-wrecking guanoheads shall know the wrath of our royal power!! ... err, I mean, your royal power, Princess..."

"Didn't you ditch your grandpa, like, decades ago?" snaps Lighthouse, whose patience for upjumped daytimers is matched only by her patience for raisin muesli.

If Wizard Hat could turn blue, she would. "It would take a bat to confuse a familial dispute with warmongering." She sneers. "As it happens, I'm familiar with your record. Thieving, wasn't it?"

"Makes us colleagues, I reckon." Lighthouse crosses her hooves and leans back with malevolent smugness. "At least I don't torture my victims with cheap magic tricks first."

"CHEAP?!" Wizard Hat's horn lights up, and a dozen bagels splat themselves against Lighthouse's face. "YOU LITTLE BUTTER-HAIRED MONGREL!"

"Alright-alright-alright! Ladies!" You hold up your hands defensively. "We're here to save the world, not descend into petty arguments."

The glares of death you get from both are enough to shrink you back into your seat. "You dare depreciate the seriousness of this accusation?!" Wizard Hat screams.

"You calling me petty?" Lighthouse yells.

Wizard Hat's eyes roll. "Oh, so eloquently put. Can you not at least mock his thinning fur, or that ghastly lump of a snout?"

You frown. "Ghastly lump? You mean my nose-? Arright, time out." You wrap your arms around both ponies - Wizard Hat is far too flabbergasted to even remember her magic - and set them down on your knees, your hands digging straight into their manes. You haven't scritched anypony in a while, but it seems the old skitterfingers haven't gone to rust yet.

"T-t-t-t-his is s-s-s-ooooo und-d-d-dignifieeeeed..." Wizard Hat mumbles, her voice stuttering like a Native American war cry.

"I'll g-g-get you for this, Sssssssskinneeee..." Lighthouse moans, in the process of turning into a fuzzy puddle.

You clear your throat. "Sorry, Princess, I seem to have incapacitated two of your advisors. I hope the rest of us will suffice."

Luna, you can tell, is putting a millennia's worth of etiquette training into retaining her composure. Only a stray bead of sweat on her head reveals that she is, in fact, sorely tempted to howl with laughter like a hyena and ask you to test your fingers on her royal ears. But of course, it is unladylike and also you're all in the middle of an apocalyptic crisis, so she relents. Instead, she produces an appropriate titter (hidden behind a hoof) and nods. "I have no doubt you will." But one day, she promises herself, those fingers will dance across the back of her head like Mare-zart.

A royal secretary produces a chart and spreads it out across the table. Though no one except Luna knows this, the secretary has obsessively color-coded each one of their current quandaries, with the more pertinent ones (possible Changeling invasion, Celestia's struggle with the Alicorn Amulet and George R. R. Martingale's refusal to write another 'Game of Thoroughbreds' novel) being in the warmer reds, while the less serious situations are icy blue (Lavender Lady's weird Gecko friend has apparently decided he was gonna serve Apple Buttocks for the rest of his life. Also, the Crystal Empire is short on mint teabags).

"Thank you, Power Point." Luna says kindly. "I will now outline our most pressing issues."

PROBLEM A

"It's become apparent that Crystal Star and her associates in the Shadow Party have aligned with our enemy Queen Chrysalis in a plot to plunge Equestria back into an eternal night, such as it was during the time of Nightmare Moon. Thanks to the additional information provided by Crystal's daughter Super Star, we now know that resurrecting Nightmare Moon is precisely their intention."

Redheart raises her hoof, a sheepish smile on her face. Luna nods her permission to speak. "This may be a stupid question... but when did Chrysalis start worshipping Nightmare Moon?"

"She doesn't." says Luna sharply. "And never has. We suspect she has fooled Crystal Star into supplying the Changelings with whatever they need to rebuild, in exchange for her support in restoring the Nightmare. This is, however, pure speculation. In order to restore the Nightmare, ancient Tradestones have been modified to transplant souls rather than people or items."

Wizard Hat blinks, her attention briefly diverted from your most expert ministrations. "A what stone? Trixie has never heard of such a thing."

"The Tradestones are ancient relics of an Equestria before we Princesses governed it." Luna explains. "They were used as a convenient exchange system between distant tribes and communities. Four are still known to exist. Two are in use in this very Castle, and impossible to tamper with. Another two were recently used by Chrysalis in her last invasion attempt. It is highly likely her knowledge of these stones is key to the alliance between Changelings and Thestrals. They were hidden away at the Castle of Two Sisters, but according to Zecora's latest report, they have been stolen."

Gasps emit around the table.

"Though the magic of the Tradestones predates that of us, we do know something of it. We know it requires an incredible amount of magic to shift their alignment. Such as that of an entire tribe, united by harmony. Evil ponies like Chrysalis and Crystal, however, can only hope to match this with something as powerful as the Alicorn Amulet."

"So that's why they wanted the darn thing so badly." You mumble to yourself.

Luna nods sagely. "Indeed. The Amulet would have given them the strength to rip half of my soul - the half they don't care about - and trade it with a weaker patsy, whom the Nightmare could easily dominate. She would then regain control of this body and bring about the end of the Equestria we know. But since this has not come to pass, these villains must find an alternative source of power."

"Such as?" Power Point asks. Everyone turns to look at her, and she blushes deeply. "Sorry, I know I'm not part of the whole... gang... thing..."

"Not at all, Power Point. Everyone are welcome to speak." The Princess' horn lights up, and another chair pops out from underneath the unicorn's rump and glides her over to the table. The secretary laughs nervously at the thrill of being included.

Luna continues, her calm yet commanding voice carrying over the council. "At present, we've no idea what other source of magical energy they have in mind. However, we must assume something like it exists, or this plan would never have come together in the first place. The Alicorn Amulet was merely a fluke they tried to use to accelerate their timetable. Any comments, suggestions?"

You notice that Super Star hasn't said anything since the meeting had begun... in fact, you haven't heard her say anything at all. It's not particularly suspicious - after all, she is surrounded by people she would've called her enemy until two days ago - but something about the albino bat's skittish mood nags at your subconscious. Either that, or Eris left the toilet seat up again.

Lighthouse struggles to lift herself up, her tongue lolling out from extreme relaxation. "We thieves are thick as... well, you know. Someone might know something. Maybe we oughta ask around?"

"Could it really be that simple?" Redheart wonders with no small amount of sarcasm. "Excuse me, have you heard the latest gossip about this world domination scheme?"

"Well, what's your clever idea?" Lighthouse growls right back, deliberately showing off her incisors before your petting settles her down again.

Redheart thinks for a few seconds. "Treat the cause, not the symptoms. If we remove any chance of their plan working, then the question of what they do to achieve it becomes irrelevant. Then we can leave it to the Royal Guard to deal with them."

"Trixie likes that plan!" The blue mare pipes up aggressively, and then says nothing else.

Lighthouse snorts. "That's a very cute interpretation of 'treat the cause, not the symptoms'. Horseapples, the cause is still out there!"

"Perhaps we can combine the two ideas." Luna suggests, putting an end to the argument. "Redheart is right. They need us to be close in order to use the Tradestones effectively. However, we cannot leave Chrysalis and Crystal Star out there to poison any more ponies to this evil cause. They must be stopped. Therefore, both myself and Celestia must take our leave. That way, they cannot find us and we shall have the time we need to make our moves."

"What?!" The entire group exclaims as one.

"W-who's gonna be in charge then?" Power Point whispers innocently.

Luna pretends to ponder a little. "Hmm... perhaps some military generals and strategists. We have some idea of how to track down the pair. But first, there is the small matter of..."

PROBLEM B

"In order to save Skinny's life, our sister managed to convince the Sombra entity within the Alicorn Amulet to surrender itself to her, to take advantage of her power. Instead of Skinny's..." Luna's voice falters.

"Sexual magnetism, spanking good looks, brain sharper than the back of a ninja's hand?" You offer.

She narrows her eyes. "Right... in any case, while Celestia's will is strong enough to resist the Amulet for now, this stalemate cannot last forever. We must find a way to get rid of the Amulet for good, and deal with the consequences it's already caused for Skinny."

"Impending death from a magically induced alter ego cramming up the headspace." You explain, tapping against your temple. "She's my daughter. We want to keep her alive."

"Your daughter is your alter ego that lives in your head? And Trixie thought she had problems." Wizard Hat smirks.

Luna taps her hoof against her coffee cup, immediately regaining everyone's attention. "In this case, we already have a solution available. We will simply need your help to implement it. Power Point, please bring him in!"

The tiny secretary jumps off her chair and elevates a large white statue into the room. "I'm sure this creature requires no introduction." Luna says wryly.

While most of the ponies slink as far away from it as they can, you feel yourself overcome by curiosity. You've never seen Discord up close. He doesn't look quite like Eris. Rather unlike her rounded, fluffy face, Discord's is lean and twisted in a frozen expression of indignant fury.

"As an entity of chaos, Discord is not bound by the normal rules of good and evil. He is the only one who could remove the Amulet from my sister without harm, and destroy it. There is, however, one small issue."

"He's nuts?" Lighthouse says.

"Quite. But as I said, he is not bound by good and evil. He may just as easily work for us as he has against us. It is a great risk, perhaps one of the greatest we have ever taken, but I believe the Elements of Harmony may be able to tame his nature enough for him to agree to save Skinny and Celestia."

Redheart takes a few tentative steps closer to the statue. "W-what do we have to do?"

"Fear not." Luna smiles. "Your assignment will have nothing to do with Discord. You and Lighthouse will, in fact, assist me in locating Queen Chrysalis and Crystal Star."

"That leaves me and Wizard Hat." You note.

The blue mare gets all starry-eyed. "Yes! The Great and Powerful Trixie, and her great and powerful scritch machine shall... wait, we have to deal with DISCORD?!" Her hat flops to the ground, curled up into a fetal position as if even it was terrified.

"Twilight Sparkle and her friends will work to redeem Discord. I will go to them in the guise of my sister and pretend the work they will be doing is part of another friendship challenge. That way, they will not be distracted and their friendship towards Discord will be genuine. Discord must not think that we are using him only for his powers." Luna's horn flashes. Within seconds, her beautiful dark fur turns bleached white, and the starry sky of her mane is replaced with Celestia's familiar multi-coloured one. "Well now, my little ponies. How do I look?" She catches a glimspe of herself in the mirror. "Oh! Celestia really is so very ostentatious..."

"The Great and Powerful and also very Humble Trixie would humbly like to know how her humble self could possibly cope with DISCORD?! What is she to do???" Wizard Hat pleads, terrified of whatever cruel fate the Princess is about to thrust upon her. What had she done wrong? Besides her turn with the Alicorn Amulet, of course. And the Ursa Minor incident. But who counts those, anyway? Little magical mishaps! Hardly her fault.

~~Luna~~ Celestia pats Wizard Hat on the head, seemingly oblivious to her nature, though of course she isn't. "Once Discord is sufficiently calmed, it will be thy task to persuade him to heal Skinny and our sister. Appeal to his better nature, if the Elements find one. Thou hast also struggled with a selfish past. Relate to him. His help is a vital step towards finding justice for thy grandfather... and selling your autobiography. Yes, we know that's really why thy answered our summons."

The blue mare groans, dragging a hoof across her face. "Trixie thought avenging her grandpa's death would make it a bestseller. Redeeming chaotic entities from the dawn of time was NOT part of the bargain!"

PROBLEM C

The Princess's face turns grim and serious, and her nostrils flare. "How the BUCK do we make that next 'Game of Thoroughbreds' book happen?! We have waited a DECADE to find out what happened to Tyrion Hinnyster!! Who will take care of this?!"

The group all slowly turn to a shivering Power Point.

Chapter 50

"With all due respect, Princess Celestia... HOW COULD YOU BRING DISCORD HERE?!" Lavender Lady screams from the top of her lungs, her mind already calculating the percentage of possibilities such as Celestia losing her mind, becoming possessed, being replaced by a Changeling or having lost a bet with Prince Blueblood. Only then does she remember to curtsy. "Ahem... your Majesty."

The six friends had been pampering themselves all morning, excited for a visit from their motherly sovereign. Pinkie had even made her hooves shine, something she normally saved for sponge cake and the can-can. However, it appears this is no social call. Not even an April Fool's. What appears to be Celestia smiles her Mona Lisa smile, completely undisturbed by the outburst. "I'm fully aware that the last time Discord was here, he created serious havoc." Luna says, as her servants unload the statue from the royal wagon.

"If by serious havoc, you mean turning Ponyville into the chaos capital of the world..." Daredevil mutters sarcastically.

Goddess joins right in. "And tricking us all into being the opposite of our true selves... !"

"And making yummy delicious chocolate milk rain all over the place without a single drop of whipped cream to go with it anywhere in sight ... ! NOT A SINGLE DOLLOP!" Cutie Pie shouts with outrage.

You and Wizard Hat are observing the discussion from a bush on the horizon, trying to share a single pair of binoculars. "Trixie thinks this whole plan is absurd!" She growls in your ear.

"Trixie has said so five thousand fucking times already." You monotone. "It's perfectly simple. They spend a week working their tattooed asses off to convert this guy while we go get drunk somewhere in a hotel... then we swoop in, get him to fix the Princess and me... and Bob's your uncle!"

"And Bob's your uncle!" Wizard Hat imitates childishly. "They do not seem very self-confident."

You scoff. "Rubbish. It's just performance jitters. They've handled worse."

At that precise moment, Mr Gecko chooses to scream: "THIS WILL NEVER WORK! THIS IS A DISASTER! HOW WILL WE EVER CONTROL HIM?! WE'RE DOOMED!"

You can feel Wizard Hat's gaze drilling into your soul. "It'll be fine..." you say very slowly. "Look. She's even giving them the Elements. Any shit goes down, he goes down with it. We're perfectly safe."

After a short delay, you see two late arrivals galloping towards the Princess. Applebutt and... Sweetheart. The pony who'd taken you in when you first arrived in Ponyville. Your heart tightens up a little as you recall your disastrous parting, influenced by the Alicorn Amulet's devastating effect on your personality. With all the craziness that had been going on, you hadn't had the oppurtunity to make amends. For a brief moment, you feel an insane desire to forget the plan and just jump out of the bushes, go to her and give the shy pegasus the biggest bear hug... but Celestia's life was at stake, along with your own and that of Eris.

The sound of galloping hooves and flapping wings draws you out of the stormcloud of guilt. Luna's carriage ascends to the sky, leaving Discord to Lavender Lady and her friends. It's showtime. You watch with fascination as they each activate their Element jewelry, the combined rainbow beam of magic melting the stone off the draconequus. Next to you, Wizard Hat is nervously chewing her bottom lip. You realise you're doing the same thing.

The sound of crackling bones echo across the field as Discord stretches his snake-like body. "It's about time somepony got me out of that prison block!" He announces.

You frown. Discord's voice tickles a memory at the back of your skull. "Why is he doing a John de Lancie impression?"

"Keep it down!" Wizard Hat hisses. "Oh, I hope they freeze him again..."

Things get tense as the draconequus starts throwing out spells like a PG-13 rendition of The Exorcist. "You ponies truly believe that you can reform me!" He sneers, hovering over Fluttershy. "You're putting your faith in this one here to make it happen. Makes me wanna pinch your little horsey cheeks!"

Lavender Lady's eyes flash with fury. "How'd you know about that?!" She demands.

"Being turned to stone doesn't keep me from hearing every word Celestia says... although I admit it makes rolling my eyes a challenge."

You and Wizard Hat freeze simultaneously. "Did... did he just say...?" You whisper, afraid of the answer.

"Oh, yes." John de Lancie's gleeful voice cuts through the both of you like a red-hot knife slicing butter. You turn around, facing the floating draconequus. Looking back, you see Discord in the distance, still japing with the ponies. "You can imagine just how beside myself I was when I realized what old Loony had in store for me. Redemption! Hah!" The copy chuckles darkly.

You notice the paw of the real Discord twitching oddly, as if he was puppeteering an invisible doll... matching the movements of the version of Discord with you. "You know, I'm almost tempted to give it a go." He continues. "Not because I care, but the sheer audacity of the scheme! Oh... and to give all that responsibility over to the Feel-Good League there. I dare say I couldn't have come up with a better joke if I tried!" He pauses briefly, enjoying the chattering of Wizard Hat's teeth. "Or maybe... I can improve the punchline just a little."

Discord snaps his toes, and the world around you disappears in a flash.

The three of you rematerialise on an empty asphalt street, surrounded by skyscrapers and other tall buildings. There's not a vehicle in sight, not a sound to be heard. The red glow of the sun shines on you. "What is this place?!" Wizard Hat squeaks. She gets on her knees, begging. "Oh please, noble creature, whatever rivalry you have with that poor demented diamond dog, it's nothing whatsoever to do with Trixie! She is, in fact, a poor entertainer forced to go along with this scheme to make ends meet! You cannot hold this against her! You-"

"Shut up and stop groveling!" You snap. Realisation slowly sets in. "This is Los Angeles! We're on Earth, my Earth!"

Wizard Hat pulls her hat over her face, as if it could somehow save her from the horrible reality she's found herself in.

"Where is everyone?!" You run around, horrified. The city is so silent that you can only hear the echo of your footsteps.

Discord shrugs. "Stuffing their pillows in their ears, I expect. That's usually what people do when someone's screaming their head off at 4 AM." His goat head pops off its neck. The draconequus dribbles it like a basketball before tossing it over to you. The head smirks deviously in your hands. "I wanted us to have a little chat, and it'd be terribly inconvenient to have to shout over the cars. Wouldn't you agree?"

In a fit of rage, you throw the head up and try to kick it with your foot. However, Discord's head transforms into a balloon filled with chocolate milk, and the end result is you getting splashed all over. "What do you want to talk about?!" You grit your teeth at the restored draconequus, dripping all the while.

"Well..." Discord strokes his chin. "What's your favourite movie?"

You blink, not sure if you heard right. "What?"

"Casablanca? Pulp Fiction? Surely not Fifty Shades of Grey? Ohh! It's been eons since I met another movie nerd. I do hope you got your money back if you saw that one. If not, I'll happily invest. Not the money, of course, I'm not a bank. But I can easily turn the clock around, and you'll have your 2 hours returned to you. I'm sure they miss you as much you miss them!"

"You've been on Earth... before?" You struggle to control the rapid beating of your heart.

Discord snaps his toes again, causing an orchestra to appear behind him. "Of course I've been here before. I'm from Earth." At his cue, the orchestra plays a dramatic reveal tune. "I suppose you thought you were totally unique, wandering from one dimension to another, breaking the barrier of non-magic around you, hatching a draconequus egg within mind? My human found her way to Equestria long before you did. Before the princesses were even born. But of course she wasn't half as bright as you. Just a tribal woman whose thoughts centered entirely around rituals and fruit and the cataloguing of strange smells. She kept an entire collection of different stinks inside a stone box. One time she decided to show them to her boyfriend, and opened up the whole thing. The entire tribe died within minutes. Poor Pandora... as I said, not very bright. Her brain didn't last long when I cozied up in it. But she left me a magnificent inheritance... her body. I made a few improvements, as you can see." He smiled giddily and presented his furry coils like a little boy showing off a toy car. "When she passed, my powers became limitless. And now, history is about to repeat itself."

Eris screams her outrage in your brain so loudly that you lose focus. "There, you see?" Discord taps your head with a random cane. "She's all grown up. My... dare I be so forward... future bride. I brought you back to Earth because I believe that, in spite of one's great achievements, one should never forget one's roots. I thought it only appropriate that you should die here." The draconequus weaves his arm through yours, and takes you for a stroll through the empty street. "You know, I think we'll have the wedding here as well. A Las Vegas wedding, what could be more fun?! And you!" He points a talon at Wizard Hat. "The poor entertainer down on her luck! You can do some magic tricks! I love magic tricks!"

Wizard Hat smiles weakly, following along. "It'd... be my pleasure..."

"Yes! You'll see, Anon, I'll be a son-in-law you can be proud of! But first, I really must get back to Fluttershy and those nasty friends of hers... oh, she's so protective of them! So sweet! So helpless. So easy to win around. Ta-ta! Be seeing you!" Discord disappears in a flash, leaving you and Wizard Hat standing alone in silence.

In the distance, you hear a car honking loudly. For some reason, that makes you smile. "Come on... we'd better get you off the street before somebody sees you." You say to the borderline catatonic blue unicorn.

Chapter 51

It took less than a week for both you and Trixie to descend into total lowlifes, depending on the mild endorphin kick of cigarettes, alcohol and bad soap operas to survive the torment of each other's company. The most fun you've ever had with her was the time you compared your plans to murder each other. You gave Trixie a lecture on head cheese while she presented you with her 'Best of Josef Mengele' artwork. It was a rare and treasured bonding experience. But by tomorrow you'd gone back to your normal routine of singing Nirvana off-key to drown out the noise of Trixie's incessant 'tsk!'-ing.

Oh, the 'tsk'-ing... it never fucking stops with her. Now, it'd be one thing if she was being sarcastic, or tried to clean her teeth or something. You could understand that. You could apply some sort of logic to it. But no. She 'tsk!'s everywhere. Go to the bathroom. 'Tsk!'. Open the fridge door. 'Tsk!'. Take a piss. 'Tsk!'. In her fucking sleep, 'tsk!'. You swear she did it four times a minute at one point. That's when you realised, it has to be a deliberate psychological weapon designed to break you. Anyone with a vocal tic that severe would surely have sought out medical assistance. Or been turned into head cheese by now.

"Tsk!"

"Can't you suck a pacifier or something?" You snarl. "I'm trying to take a nap!" Because you couldn't very well explain to the motel manager that a magic pony needs her own room, Trixie is stuck lying on the same bed alongside you. Usually spilling cigarette ash everywhere. "I've already got enough problems without you adding to it. In case you haven't noticed, I'm d-"

"Dying." Trixie mocks, puffing smoke. "That's your excuse for everything. 'I can't make breakfast, I could die! I can't sweep the floor, what if I die?' It is frankly embarrassing how much you lean on that particular detail."

"I like living!" You protest in a high-pitched voice. "And I'm the only one that goes to work, I might add. Why can't you sweep the floor?"

"A - Trixie is an award-winning entertainer. B - Trixie is descended from a family of good stock. C - You're dying anyway, so you may as well make yourself useful."

"D - Trixie is a baby blue ass."

Trixie's horn lights up, and her wizard hat throws itself angrily against your face. "Have you even considered that Trixie might be suffering from grief, from trauma? The gruesome death of her beloved grandfather weighs so heavily on-"

"I'M dying!" You scream. "Meee! I'm about one half-inch away from having to shout at your stupid grandfather instead of you! Now, unless you want to me void my bowels in your general direction as I go, I suggest you let me cool down and go to sleep!"

Finally, there is silence.

You sigh, relaxing into your blankets, the sweet embrace of dreams drawing you in...

Peace and quiet...

"Tsk!"

"FUCK! Fuck, what is your problem?! A hiccuping Dutch gigolo would make less weird noises than you!"

The blue mare blushes slightly, showing a hint of insecurity. "That is just how Trixie sounds!" She shouts defensively. "Can't you just die already?"

"Charming."

Trixie's eyes well up with tears, the true source of her frustration bubbling to the surface. "Because that's what's going to happen! You're going to die, and the Scared and Abandoned Trixie will be trapped in this awful alien world for the rest of her miserable life, with two Discords! No, one wasn't enough! They had to make two of them! I..." The mare's voice falters as she realizes she spoke in third person. "Trixie... doesn't know what to do. Trixie does not care to be caught by evil hyoomans. Trixie doesn't know how this world works!"

"Oh, cry me a river." You snap back petulantly. "I'm still gonna be dead. You'll probably get a career in some freak circus. But where will I be? Gone! Extinct! Blotted out!"

"What about Eris?"

You frown, not understanding. "What about her?"

"You said she was you."

"Oh!" You wave your hand dismissively. "It's complicated. She grew up learning from my memories. But she forged her own identity."

Trixie scoffs. "She still has your memories, Anon. She's you. She only established her own identity because yours was taken. But your every thought will live on in her. Which means you don't even die properly! When Trixie is bones in the earth of this... what is this place called again?"

"Earth?"

"Stupid name... when Trixie is dead here, your better self will still be running around."

You glare at her. "So what you're getting at is..."

"TRIXIE DESERVES ALL THE SYMPATHY!"

You wander aimlessly through the carpeted corridors of the motel, your only aim to enjoy some alone time. Despite being back on Earth, you feel a curious lack of enthusiasm. You try to remember your old life here, your friends and family, but there is a fuzziness there in your memory. Are your parents alive or dead? Does anyone miss you? You are not quite sure. Oh, it is somewhere in your brain, you are sure of that. But nothing sharpens into crystal clarity until you wake up in the Everfree Forest for the first time.

You stop at a mirror. Instead of your reflection, there is the image of Eris, matching your movement to a tee. You try to touch her face. Eris' talons in the mirror try to touch yours.

"Daddy, are you going to die?" Eris asks quietly. The piercing red eyes stare into your grey ones.

You grin bravely into the mirror. "Who, me? No. I'm forever."

"I hoped mom would find us in our dreams. She could help us."

"Hard to dream about a world you've never been to."

Her mirror image is replaced by your own. In the real world, Eris stands in your body, wearing your suit. "You should rest." She says. "I'll look after the body."

"Make sure it's back by nine." You insist in the mirror. Eris gives you a thumbs up and walks out of the building.

Sounds! Noises! Smells! And for once, Eris had full control of all faculties. She mingled with the crowd, wandering through the simple pleasures of existence that she could never fully appreciate in her tiny cul-de-sac of Anon's psyche. The inviting scent of a good barbecue, the lovely clouds high up in the sky, a satisfying sneeze. It felt good to live. Her mood soured when she remembered that Anon was likely to wither away and die any day now, leaving her permanently in control of the body.

Eris ran her fingers over Anon's face. At the very start, she couldn't imagine having any other face. Now it felt alien to her. But also more important somehow. Eris wasn't oblivious to Anon's flaws. She knew he was an unimportant man who had accomplished nothing of significance in either world. She knew he was prideful, temperamental and even intentionally unpleasant at times. She knew that he was fascinated by spiritual decay, that it was the great weakness the Alicorn Amulet fed upon. Anon would become corrupt just to see what it was like, because he was bored and detached from himself.

But despite all that, there were ponies that loved him. Eris herself did. Because Anon loved them. And it was as if his love for them had created a whole new Anon, a perfect being that insisted upon himself. Somehow, life had cast the flawed Anon into the role of the perfect Anon, and he played him so well that nopony else would ever suffice. This performance - and what it meant to Eris and everypony who loved it - was infinitely more significant than the real Anon. And that was why Eris burst into tears on the street as she felt Anon's face. He could never be replaced.

Chapter 52

The first thing Crimson did when he opened his eyes was smile. Then he shouted: "Soup!"

The nurses shared concerned glances. Super Star had to dispel their worries with a giggle. "It's okay. He's using my nickname." She nuzzled appreciatively into his neck. "Hey, Crimson... how do you feel?"

"Considering I woke up at all? I feel like a million bits. Time to get to work!"

It was a long and laborious process, but they eventually convinced him to stay in bed at least until one of the Princesses had seen him. "I'm really alright!" Crimson politely insisted. "A couple scratches, nothing more."

"You're missing an ear." Super Star deadpanned.

"It'll be a wonderful conversation starter."

The white batmare sighed, and shook her head. Her brother had always been too foalish for his own good, too eager to be involved without considering the nuances of what was going on around him... or in this case, with his own health. "Let's just get you something to eat, okay? It's midnight, but I'm sure the castle chefs can fix you something."

After getting a pinkie promise from Crimson that he would not leave the bed, Super Star brought him his midnight breakfast on a tray. It was a hayburger slathered in fresh blood. Crimson took a good sniff. "This is unicorn blood. Where did this come from?"

"I borrowed it from the medical storage unit." Soup said, and gave him a mischievous smile. "Don't be a stick-in-the-mud, they won't miss it. There's at least a hundred in there, and barely anyone ever uses them."

Crimson frowned. "I promised Nurse Redheart that I wouldn't steal blood anymore."

"But it'll make you feel better than Princess Luna's stupid potion. And it's unicorn blood! Spicy!" She cooed. "Besides, it's already on the plate. So you might as well eat it."

He considered the delectable burger for a few moments, but then moved the tray away from him. Soup shrugged and ate the burger herself, making exaggerated moans all the while. "Mmm, that iron... hits the spot!" Her hooves were stained red by the end. She licked them clean. "You know, if they won't miss one pack, I doubt they'd miss two. I could always go back and-"

"Let it go, Soup." Crimson said firmly, already on his last scrap of self-control.

The white batmare shrugged comically to try to ease the tension. "Ah well. I wanted to talk to you anyway."

"I'm all ears... ear." He rubbed the stump on one side of his head, still getting used to the idea of having a single ear. His ability to echolocate would be severely diminished. Ah well. The mares would miss his good looks more than he would.

"Mother asked me to convince you to switch sides."

Crimson Star deadpanned at her.

"Why not?" There was no anger in Soup's voice, merely curiosity.

"I met Nightmare Moon." His sister gasped dramatically. Crimson smiled, enjoying the absolute attention he now held. "I was in Ponyville during the last Summer Sun Celebration, and I saw her. I even spoke to her." He decided not to mention that she'd broken his wings. "And it was there that I realised that dominion over other ponies is not within my nature. Therefore I cannot join mother's cause."

Super Star shook her head. "But daytime ponies? Daytimers and thestrals don't mix."

"I will admit it's difficult sometimes. I haven't always agreed with the Princesses. And truth be told, I never wanted to be a Guard in the first place. That was mother's choice for me."

"So why don't you quit?" The batmare asked.

"That was my intention. But as the only bridge between our family and the alicorns, I felt it was my duty to mediate between the two. Obviously I was deluding myself."

Soup nuzzled Crimson under his chin reassuringly. "I'm sorry things didn't work out. But it's out of your hooves now. Princess Luna has already left the Castle to deal with mother." She relayed the details of the strategy session to Crimson. "Luna will lose. When the Nightmare returns, we will both be free to live however we please. You and I could start a new future."

Crimson only cared about one thing she said. "Why will Luna lose?"

"Mother said I should come here and tell the Princesses about her plans. If she's so confident..."

"Then her victory is absolute, or she wants to set a trap." Crimson finished. He suddenly looked very tired. "Which means I might be the only one who can stop it. Mother won't kill me."

Soup looked horrified. She hadn't expected him to say that. "No! You're too weak to move! You're not going anywhere! Listen to what I'm saying. We can have new lives! This isn't our war anymore. Just let mother win and we'll-"

"Enough!" Crimson's sharp command stunned Soup. She had never heard her brother raise his voice. "My entire team died, save for one. My team, my bats! Good bats, who died thinking my orders were worth it. I am bound by them. Now help me, sister, or get out of my way."

Soup's ears flattened against her head in shame. "What do you want to do?"

"Just get me to Princess Celestia."

There was some minor resistance, first from the nurses and then the various bureaucrats who tried to shield Celestia's wing of the Castle. "The Princess said most clearly, no visitors!" Crimson's response to each and every nuisance was to show them his white half-moon medallion.

Luna had once shared these amongst her most prized Guards. It was a symbol of absolute trust. In theory, the medallions did not grant the wearer any special authority or rank. They could be given to the lowliest private and kept from the most celebrated general. However, it was understood that the wearer was in Luna's inner circle and it was advisable for everypony to listen to what they had to say if they wanted to remain in her favor. This concept reached its apex during the era of Nightmare Moon, when the special chosen were pretty much the only ponies aside from her who wielded any notable power. The medallions were designed to disintegrate when their wearers died, which they all eventually did.

Following Luna's return, Celestia had advised her not to resurrect the concept, and she hadn't. But for old times' sake, she made one exception. Crimson thanked his lucky stars she had, as it would have been nearly impossible to get near the royal chambers otherwise. Celestia had apparently sequestered herself away from everypony. Officially, she was on holiday. Unofficially, nopony had a clue what was going on. With his medallion, Crimson (with Soup supporting him) was begrudgingly allowed in, the fear of displeasing Luna overriding Celestia's request to be left alone.

The two bats shuffled uncomfortably in Celestia's living room. It was far too warm for them to manage in their thick fur coats. Although a few windows were cracked open, they were covered and the air was stuffy. Roaring flames licked coal in the fireplace. The luxurious decor added to the hazy atmosphere in the room. Princess Celestia was lounging on the couch, bereft of all her jewelry except for the Alicorn Amulet hanging around her neck.

Crimson and Super Star shared concerned looks.

"I gave orders not to- oh, it's you." Celestia said. She looked somewhat disheveled, but surprisingly sane for a pony wearing the Amulet. "Do not be alarmed. I have absolute discipline over my mind, and the Amulet cannot control me. Although it is an incredibly persuasive thing."

"Princess?" Crimson asked tentatively.

She turned to his sister first. "Super Star, you have a lot on your mind."

"Um, err, yes." Soup stuttered, feeling very shy in front of the alicorn.

"I strongly recommend the astronomy tower as a place of private meditation. You will find the key on top of the door frame. No one shall disturb you there for many hours."

Soup glanced at Crimson. He nodded. She bowed awkwardly, thanked Celestia and left. As soon as the door shut, Crimson felt himself lifted up by Celestia's magical force. Unusually for her, the energy was tinted blood-red. Feeling the pain subside in his body, the bat realized that Celestia was performing an incredibly powerful healing spell. "Whoa!"

Celestia smirked, toying with the Amulet. "Impressive, isn't it? A spell of this complexity would take me months to perform. But this thing does most of the work for me. You see, part of Sombra's mind is embedded in it. And it is happy to serve so long as it can corrupt."

She released Crimson from her hold. He was entirely fixed. Even his ear had grown back! "Princess, I am grateful from the bottom of my heart. But I must ask - is it wise to use the Amulet?"

"Oh no, not even in the slightest." Celestia bit her lower lip, and giggled. She looked like a filly whose hoof had been caught in the cookie jar. Crimson was unnerved, and took a cautious stance. "I'm sorry, corporal, I look like quite a mess." For a brief moment, Celestia was enveloped in fearsome red magic. When it disappeared, she reappeared in pristine physical condition, royal adornments included. The Amulet became an eyesore on top of her golden... whatever that thing around her neck was. "Please come here, Corporal."

Crimson considered his options. "Princess, I would like to do that, but Regulation #4815 clearly states that if one's superior is under the influence, his or her authority becomes temporarily void. And I can't think of anything more influential than that necklace, ma'am."

The Princess seemed amused by his defiance. "My dear thestral, you realize that I could just teleport you onto this couch?"

"Yes, but you wouldn't do that."

"That is true." Celestia drew a deep breath, and spoke with more restraint in her voice. "Corporal, I am in control of my faculties. The Amulet will not make me harm or dominate any of my little ponies. All of its power is concentrated on preventing me from giving it up. My choice to heal you was precisely that, my choice."

"Alright, I believe you. In any case, that's not why I'm here. Princess Luna has gone undercover to catch Chrysalis and my mother, and she has taken Lighthouse and Nurse Redheart with her. But I believe they are walking into a trap. You are the only one who can warn them."

Celestia shook her head. "My sister is a brilliant pony. If she wanted to hide, she would have taken every measure to ensure even I could not find her."

Crimson was not satisfied. "But she is still your sister! Surely you must have some idea of how she thinks, of where she'd go?"

"Perhaps..." The alicorn drawled. "But if I told you, you'd just rush off to danger again and get yourself hurt..." She patted the empty side of the couch, and Crimson realized that she was being influenced by the Amulet after all. It had found a way to warp Celestia's love of her little ponies into greedy possessiveness.

He decided on a different approach. "Princess Celestia... if you give me the information I need, I would be happy to cuddle with you for the next two hours."

Celestia gasped and broke into tears. "Only two hours??" She cried loudly. "It's because I misjudged you, isn't it? ISN'T IT?! It's not faaaaaair! You're literally Crystal's son! ... Waaaaaaa!!"

"... four hours?"

"My sister gets to cuddle bats all the time! She's a hoarder! A bat hoarder! I never get bats! 2000 years and I've never cuddled a bat! I want a ba-a-a-at!" Two rivulets gushed out of Celestia's eyes.

"One day of cuddling or none. That's my final offer." Crimson lied. He would raise the offer if pressured. After all, how often does a bat get to cuddle Celestia?

THREE DAYS LATER

"Okay, I REALLY have to go save them now..."

Chapter 53

"Ca-si-no." Eris read to herself slowly, standing in front of a neon-clad building. "Casino!" She had no idea what the word meant. Anon's memories usually provided her with all she needed to know about Earth terminology, but he had been unreliable lately, his mind blinking in and out. Eris tried not to think about it. She looked up again, admiring the flashy signs covering the building.

"You wanna play, hun?" A voice called out from the entrance. She was a beauty dressed as a bunny, and winked at Eris.

Eris blinked, and then remembered that she was masquerading as a man. "Yes, ma'am!" She shouted. "I like games. Do you play games here?"

The bunny girl smiled vacously, with no love or care behind her smile. "Yes, sir, we do! Any game you like, sir. Come on in! Here at Red Hot Love, we treat our customers well!"

Eris nodded politely, and followed the bunny girl inside. What a beautiful place! The carpets were luscious and multicoloured, the games looked exciting and everyone were so polite and inviting. The bunnies took Eris arm in arm, as if recognising her as a person of importance. "Welcome, sir! What would you like to play? Blackjack, poker, slot machines?"

"No, not slot machines. Those look cheap!" Eris said.

The bunnies agreed immediately. "No, not slot machines!" They sang, nuzzling up to Eris. "Nothing so cheap for our new favourite customer!"

They led her to a blackjack table, introducing the game to her. Eris grinned. She liked those girls. They were all so nice. "You're so lovely, I'll play what you pick!" The bunnies all lit up at that, and hung around. "Blackjack is the best game for a man like you, sir! Prestigious!" Eris was kissed on each cheek. She blushed. What was going on?

But Eris enjoyed being recognised so much, she couldn't. She learned the card game and learned it well, quickly earning twice the amount of money she'd brought into the casino. The bunnies praised her to no end, and provided her with a glass of champagne. On the house. "Here, sir, and if there's anything else you need..." they said provocatively, though the innuendo flew far above Eris' head.

"Eris!"

Eris turned sharply, shocked by the use of her name. It was another woman, more mature than the docile bunnies. Dressed in a bright red corset and fishnets, she approached him, a smirk twisting her face. Eris felt shy and small in her presence. The woman clasped Eris' jaw. Her nails were painted red. "Yes, I know who you are. Discord comes here from time to time."

"Eep!" Eris squeaked, terribly afraid. The woman chuckled.

"You're so young. But in time, once you come to know the pleasures we have to offer, I'm sure you will be one of our favourite customers too. You live forever, after all. And your human is almost burnt to the end of his wick!"

Eris gritted her teeth, near tears. "He won't die! I won't let him die!"

"Oh, you'll forget him before long. It's easy to say all this now. But once you know how good his flesh feels..." She gave a malevolent grin, and left. Eris shook her head, wondering if the conversation even happened or if it took place in head. The casino was so mesmerising that she couldn't be sure.

The bunnies felt that she'd had enough of blackjack. "Our precious sir... !" They cooed childishly. "You deserve better games. Come with us." So she went with them. They took Eris to a beautiful cushioned room covered in red silk.

"I'm so confused." Eris whispered. "I want to go home now."

"But you are home!" The bunnies giggled. Their voices were high-pitched and annoyed. Eris felt a strong desire to swat them, to hurt them... but before she could do that, she felt an even stronger compulsion to cry. And she couldn't do that either. She feared either Anon or Luna would know how weak and tempted she was to claim the body that didn't belong to her. A whole life on Earth, with Anon's body... the bunnies knew how much she wanted it.

They kissed her cheeks. She blushed. "For luck." They whispered, and left the room. Eris was alone.

A man entered the room. He was dressed as a cowboy, and wore a holster with a revolver in it. The revolver's grip was made of priceless elephant bone. The cowboy drew his revolver and Eris cowered, expecting to be shot. Instead, he kneeled and proffered the weapon. "With this, you can slay Discord." He said, and unbuttoned his shirt, revealing a painted target over where his heart beat. "You may kill me now."

Eris took the revolver, and felt its weight. He'd seen enough movies in Anon's mind to know how to use one. But to hold one was a whole different matter. Eris cocked the gun and aimed it at the cowboy, but felt an overwhelming sorrow that prevented her from firing. "I don't want to do it."

"It doesn't matter what you want." The cowboy said. "It is your destiny to give into your desires, no matter how much you ignore them. You are what you crave, not what you want. That's why you're here. Kill me."

"I want to play something else." Eris cried. "I want to play something else!"

The cowboy tutted. "How do you hope to kill Discord if you can't kill me?"

"Celestia?" Crimson Star asked, still cuddled up close to the Sun Princess under her wing.

"Hmm?"

"Could you destroy the Alicorn Amulet... for me?"

Celestia smiled. "Of course, Crimson." She levitated the Amulet from around her neck and tossed it into the flames in her fireplace. An additional spell turned the fires green. The two ponies watched the Amulet melt. Crimson thought he could almost hear screaming as its magic died. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Without your love close to me, I could never have found the strength to cast it away." She nudged Crimson with her snout. "And now you must go. There is so much to do, both for you and me."

Crimson shook his head, and smiled bravely. "Yes, your Majesty. I'll find Luna and the others, I promise!"

Celestia looked down on him fondness. "I know you will. And meanwhile, I have my own task to perform... there is a soul out there who needs my help."

Eris had been thrown out of the casino, into the cold rain. She still held on to the revolver, however. The walk home was long, miserable and wet. Eris thought about her life, about her own wants and needs. Anon had put the needs of Equestria above his family, she realized. He'd waited too long to fix their problem. "If I'll get the chance... damn Equestria!" She thought. "I just want him safe... him and mother Luna. I don't care about anyone else."

She told this to Trixie as soon as she returned to their motel room, and was surprised that Trixie agreed. "The Scared and Lonely Trixie misses her family." The blue unicorn admitted. "Perhaps Eris can keep a secret?"

"Of course."

"Ever since becoming lost in this world, all Trixie has thought about is her mom and dad... and her grandpa too. Trixie thought he was a fool for losing his circus, but she may have been wrong. Perhaps he was only looking out for Trixie by helping to fight against the batponies and the Changelings. Perhaps he only cared about family. Trixie wants her family back very badly."

Eris picked the mare up and placed her down on her lap. "Well, I'm not family, but I hope this is better than nothing."

Trixie nuzzled into Eris' chest. "... only as long as the creature Eris tells no one that Trixie hugged her."

"I can only hope that I'll ever be in a position where I can be tempted to tell..." Eris stroked Trixie's cold, silky ears. She delighted in the unicorn's hums of enjoyment, almost desperate in their passion. No wonder dad loved looking after them. The ponies had a deep herd-like need to be loved and guided, which in turn gave Anon - and now his daughter - a sense of purpose they lacked before.

Eris ran her fingers through Trixie's mane and down her neck, and tightened their hug. "We're gonna find a way home... you and me, as a team. Yeah?"

Trixie mumbled something positive into Eris' shirt. Her horn lit up. Eris' eyes widened as she saw a glittering hand float in the air, shaped out of magical energy. "The Great and Powerful Trixie wants to give scritches too..." the unicorn mumbled with unusual shyness. The magical hand patted Eris' head, and scratched at her ears. Eris squeed. Maybe she wasn't so different from a pony.

"Is it true that you're a foal?" Trixie asked.

"Kinda." Eris laughed. "I didn't really exist until a year ago. But I've come a pretty long way since then."

Trixie was in silence for a while, though her magical hand kept patting Eris' head. "Then Trixie has made a... a mistake." She cringed at saying the word.

"What do you mean?"

"Trixie had thought that as a powerful alien, Eris should look after her in this world... but if Eris is truly a mere filly, then perhaps it is Trixie's responsibility to take charge."

Eris laughed off the idea. "Don't be silly. We're on Earth. The human world. You can't even leave the room."

"That's not what Trixie meant..." She paused again. Eris could see that Trixie was trying to find a part of herself that she'd never had to show before. "Trixie... I... would like for you to feel safe." The words came out very slowly. The mare avoided Eris' gaze, staring holes into the floor instead.

"It's okay... I have this." Eris showed Trixie the revolver. "We ARE safe now. With this, I can kill Discord before he can even think of a magic spell to stop me."

Trixie looked horrified. "Kill? Murder Discord?"

"What choice do we have?"

Eris began to feel uncomfortable, feeling as if Trixie was judging her. It was unfair. "It's my dad's life at stake... and our freedom! Discord is evil. We have to put him down! We have to! It's what they do in the movies..."

"Eris, the Great and Powerful Trixie cannot claim to know what a 'movie' is, but she has had some experience with dark deeds. Believe her when she says that once committed, they will never leave your soul. You can make up for them, redeem yourself, but they'll still be there. It's a part of you that's burned out forever."

Eris' commitment wavered, and she looked down on the revolver with confusion and fear. "But we don't have any other way out..."

"No, we don't. And Trixie is certainly as terrified and lost as you at this moment. But if she allows a younger filly to surrender herself to such behaviour... well, she could not call herself Great and Powerful." Trixie's ears flattened against her head, and she seemed very bashful all of a sudden. "If Trixie has learned anything from her encounter with the Alicorn Amulet, it is this - no good can ever come from giving up a part of yourself. Whatever end we shall face, we must do it as ourselves. Even if it means... facing Discord with no plan." She shuddered.

Eris hugged Trixie again, and the two held each other for a while, two creatures clinging on to each other in a world neither fully understood.

Chapter 54

"Why are we going to Ponyville?" asked Super Star, floating after her brother through the Castle corridors. "It's a daytimers' dump. What could possibly be there?"

Crimson smiled wryly. "You mean aside from the best apple cider in Equestria? There's somepony we need to pick up, somepony who is going to help us solve this case."

"Why do they even bother calling you Corporal? That moon badge seems to give you leeway to be anything. Spy, strategist, detective..."

"Well, as a matter of fact, they don't call me Corporal. I got promoted to Sergeant." Crimson nudged the albino mare playfully. "But the truth is that this is a politically charged situation. If what happened back home were to reach the general public, it could push both sides over the edge. Civil war is the last thing we need on our hooves right now. I have the ability, and I have the insight into our mother that is vital to resolving the situation. Ergo, I'm in charge."

Super Star raised an eyebrow. "Should you be telling me any of this? It's surely classified."

"The Princesses trust me, and I trust you." Crimson stopped dead in his tracks, and turned to face her. "I know that you're upset with me for leaving home, for not taking charge of the family when I could have... when I probably should have. Consider this my apology. If you help me stop mother, the government will not be ungrateful. This could be a fresh new start."

They stared at each other for a few moments. Then Crimson grabbed the shoulder of a passing orange unicorn. "You! Power Point."

Power Point froze, looking like a frightened doe in front of two big feral thestrals. "M-me?"

"Yes, you. Your contributions at the strategy session were exemplary. With royal authority, I'm offering you a chance to join on a nation-trotting mission with the highest potential for danger, hijinks and tales to tell the grandfoals. Any of us could very well die. Explosions and sword-fights are expected. What say you?"

The mare fainted on the spot.

"I'll take that as a maybe."

As Crimson had expected, once Power Point woke up and confirmed that she hadn't gone insane and imagined the whole thing, she chose to grab the oppurtunity with all hooves and teeth. Some ponies were like unbloomed flowers - you just needed to cast sunlight on them to open them up to their full potential. The meticulous detail she'd put into preparing the earlier strategy session revealed a calculating and dedicated mind that Crimson - in a rare moment of selfishness - decided to steal for his own department. Of course, the Grounded Gang was pretty much just him and the absent Lighthouse now, but that only meant that nopony would complain about a daytimer joining in. Crimson had always liked the idea of having a personal assistant.

They decided to borrow one of Luna's carriages. The Princess had already cast a spell to render it invisible, giving them the privacy they needed.

"Sergeant S-Star...?" Power Point leaned closer, but avoided his eyes, seemingly intimidated. "Why are we going to Ponyville?"

His sister answered before he could. "Apparently we're going to recruit our new team a fourth member. Ten bits says it's one of the rainbow of sweet sugary diabetes, also known colloquially as the Elements of Harmony."

"Ahh, you owe me ten bits, sis! What luck! ... Considering I haven't seen my wallet in a fortnight. And I really want an ice lolly. Mango-flavoured, of course."

Soup rolled her eyes. "You're such a colt. So who is it? Who are we getting?"

"Hmm? Oh, that. That, my friends, will be a surprise." Crimson hid a smile, and a mutual look of 'Celestia help us all' passed between the mares. "Besides, before we reach ground, I want us all to be on the same page in regards with what we're about to do. Power Point, how long has it been since Princess Luna last checked in with the Castle?"

"She's five days overdue." The orange mare immediately said.

"And how long has it been since Skinny and Trixie reported in?"

"It's been... five days."

Crimson nodded slowly. Super Star scoffed at him. "But Discord's redeemed! Celestia's purple little lapdog sent her own seal of approval by letter! He can't be involved with mother and Chrysalis, surely."

"There is a third matter." Crimson added. "Right before I woke up, I had a very vivid dream of Discord attempting to corrupt me. Now, it is likely that these three events have no connection whatsoever. And if they don't, we'll just move on to where I believe Luna and the others disappeared. But while we're in Ponyville, it would be judicious to check in with Discord. Who knows... if he's truly redeemed, perhaps he can offer some insight."

"What was this place called?" asked Trixie. They had spoken for several hours now, yet dawn seemed as far away as when they started. Their dingy motel room was lit by a single lightbulb.

"A ca-see-no." Eris spelled out. "A place of gambling, prostitution and general debauchery."

Trixie scrunched her face up. "Aaaand Eris went there becaaaause...?"

Eris thought for a few seconds. "I was curious?"

"This is why the Great and Powerful Trixie is so perfect. She's too lazy to be evil." The blue unicorn gave a cheeky grin. "Trixie would stay home and read a book."

Eris pinched her nose, eliciting a cute 'eep!'. "Yeah-yeah. Keep talking, Blueberry, and you'll never hear the rest of the story." She frowned for a split second, realising that she had given Trixie a nickname... like Anon would. She hoped he'd be strong enough to talk again soon. Certainly he wasn't gone yet - Eris could sense his subconscious thoughts flickering, like brief flashes of lightning in a dark cloud - but it could be any day now.

Trixie rubbed her snout, and motioned for her to continue.

"The casino felt strange... as if time held no meaning there. And the strange creatures within gave me this." She showed Trixie the revolver. "It's a weapon from Earth. But there are symbols on it that I do not recognise. Equestrian symbols of magic. I believe this is a gun that could kill Discord. At least they seemed to think so."

"And they're the ones who put this idea of killing Discord in your head?"

Eris felt like a stupid filly in class. "Um... yeah." The blue mare seemed to think the same, given her worldweary sigh. Trixie knew Eris was a supernatural being whose limits were not know, but there was no denying that she had all the innocence and naivete of her true age of... 1.

"Trixie does not trust these ca-see-no dwellers. If they wish to be rid of Discord, why not do it themselves? And what business do they have with him anyway?? Trixie believes we should confront them and demand answers."

The streets were empty, and they were not seen. Eris had remembered the casino being quite a few miles from the motel, but this time it appeared only a block away, unattached to any building. Just one big neon-glazed tower shining bright red on its own. Trixie was just as bedazzled by the signs as Eris had been. "This place reminds Trixie of..." her voice trailed off. "... grandpa's circus. But different." The blue mare shivered. "I feel cold."

Eris felt a strange foreboding from Trixie's use of "I". She didn't want to go in either. But what else could they do? Discord had not returned. Anon was dying. These people were the only ones who could conceivably help them. She placed a comforting hand on Trixie's back. Reassured by each other's warmth, they walked up the steps.

Fluttershy's eyes widened as she found Twilight's library in an unusual state of disarray. The purple unicorn was bouncing all over the place, desperately searching for something. "No-no-no... oh-my-gosh, oh-my-gosh, nooooo...!" Twilight was muttering to herself, over and over, tearing the place apart.

The pegasus cleared her throat, but very quietly. Twilight did not notice her presence and carried on. "I'll just come back later then..." She whispered, and began to close the door as gently as possible. Luckily, Twilight spotted her.

"Fluttershy! Oh!" The purple mare realised how ridiculous she looked. "I'm sorry, I almost didn't notice you there. Come in... or, err, not." She laughed nervously. "There's kind of a situation going on."

"It's not urgent, Twilight." Fluttershy smiled, and reached for a book from her saddlebag with her teeth. "I just wanted to return this book on Morris dancing. Although I defeated the mayor of Fillydelphia and Gilda the Griffon in a dance-off, I just don't think it's for me really..."

Twilight blinked, absorbing this new information. "You know, sometimes I think we lead really weird lives... anyway, I'm looking for a time-travelling bag. Have you seen it somewhere?" Her crazy smile unnerved Fluttershy, who assumed a more maternal voice.

"Twilight, I thought we agreed to get rid of that thing!"

"But... but... it's beyond valuable in terms of research! Just think what we could do if we figured out a way to time travel without a limit?"

Fluttershy shook her head. "I don't want to... and anyway, what about Skinny?"

"What about him?"

"It's his future that's at stake, remember? He was the one who found the bag, and we agreed that it was a copy of yours from the future, left behind in the past."

Twilight clicked her tongue in satisfaction. "Soooo the smart thing to do would be to get rid of the present-day bag, but leave the future bag here for study! After all, if it was the future bag that ended up in the future... we'd know it! Therefore, the future bag cannot be a threat whilst the present-day bag is!"

"I... guess?"

"Hi Fluttershy! Hi, Twi... light?" Spike's jaw dropped, seeing the chaos in the library. The bowl of gems he'd been carrying clattered onto the ground. "Uh... I'm getting paid extra for this clean-up, right?"

"Spike!" Twilight whooshed over to her sidekick and placed a hoof around his shoulders. Spike gulped. "Spikey-Spikey-Spike! You wouldn't have happened to have come across a certain time-travelling bag of immense value and importance, would you?" She poked playfully at his chest, scaring him even more.

"Um... I did find one bag in the trash... it looked like yours."

Twilight squeed. "That's it! Gimme-gimme-gimme!" She hopped on her hooves impatiently.

"Your bag can time travel?" Spike asked, dumbfounded.

"Listen, you tiny lizard-!"

Fluttershy frowned. Lizard?

"-you have my property and I want it... yesterday!"

"Uh, yes, ma'am! Right away, ma'am! Going to get the bag, ma'am!" He jumped up the stairs. Twilight snatched the book from Fluttershy.

"Thanks for returning the book. Be seeing you!" She shut the door in Fluttershy's face.

"... um, ok."

As soon as Spike had given her the saddlebag, she sent the tiny dragon away on an errand as well. With silence finally hitting the library, Twilight's visage melted away in green light, revealing that of Queen Chrysalis. She admired the bag from the future and lifted it with her magic. The bag - despite being captured in her green energy - glowed purple, a telltale sign of Twilight's magic. Chrysalis felt certain that whatever spell had cast it off into time originally had been cast by a future version of Celestia's irritating little apprentice.

"Time travel... how interesssting."

She teleported away, knowing that Twilight herself would return home soon. She'd made up an excuse for her presence but it would not be long before the ponies realised an impostor had taken her place for several days, time well spent on investigating Anon's origins. And now this fantastic discovery... Crystal Star would find it most interesting.

Chapter 55

Fluttershy wandered home, avoiding the shortest route in favor of traipsing across grassy hills. She liked taking the long road, for exercise, for thought... and now to prepare herself mentally for whatever new madness Discord had spawned in her cottage. He was charming in his own way, of course, and Fluttershy was proud to have brought out the goodness in his heart. Still, her household felt incomplete without Skinny. The giant round bed in her living room remained empty. Fluttershy had considered removing it, just as she had prior to Skinny's arrival, but now she found that she couldn't bring herself to get rid of it.

After all, Skinny might come back someday, and it'd be rude not to have his bed for him.

Sure, he had technically rejected her and moved out, but Fluttershy dismissed that. Even before she'd heard the news about the Alicorn Amulet, she'd known on a subconscious level that she hadn't been talking to Skinny. The same intimate connection she had with all her beloved pets applied here. They either were who they were... or something was wrong. Fluttershy hoped he was alright. All she knew was that he was doing some favour for Princess Celestia before hopefully returning to Ponyville. Fluttershy harrumphed inside. They couldn't even give him a holiday? She was tempted to trot up to Canterlot to give the Princess a piece of her mind, but of course she realised the alicorn knew best.

When she returned home, she found a note left by Discord.

FORGOT MY KEYS AND DEFINITELY NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT IN ANOTHER DIMENSION

WILL BE BACK WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT

LEFT SOME GROCERIES IN THE FRIDGE

"Oh no." Fluttershy opened the fridge. Sure enough, it was stuffed with at least five or six chocolate cakes. Discord found it difficult to grasp the concept of dietary needs. Angel Bunny hopped up to her leg to beg for a slice. "Angel! You know better than that! Chocolate tastes very nice, but it's harmful to our bodies."

Angel pointed at a photograph of Skinny, and crossed his arms, sulking.

"His physiology is different from ours." Fluttershy had tactfully avoided telling Angel that she can actually eat chocolate too. Angel tossed a ball at the photo in a fit of fury, although he didn't manage to break it. "Angel! I know he's your mortal enemy, but that's no reason to misbehave."

He palmed his fist, and sniffed angrily.

"No, you may not kill him." said Fluttershy kindly but firmly. "If and when he comes back, he'll certainly take over laundry duties. Now wouldn't that make you happy?"

A shrug. Then he pointed at the broom. Fluttershy tittered. "Yes, maybe that too."

The two of them fell in silence again. After a while, they both settled down on Skinny's bed. Fluttershy had almost fallen asleep before she remembered. "Wait. Discord doesn't have keys!"

Crystal Star stood in her office, smiling darkly. Well, they called it 'office', but this wasn't the place for any paperwork, no. This was an office for getting real work done... this was an office where Crystal Star got her hooves dirty. And she loved getting her hooves dirty.

"Bring her in!" Crystal yelled. Two bats wheeled in a bound, gagged, hapless pegasus on a wheelchair. She was squirming in her restraints, but to no avail. "Alright, you can go now." The bats bowed towards their leader and floated out the door, closing it behind them. Crystal slinked closer to her prisoner, enjoying her plight. The bat began to circle around her, baring teeth. "Hello, Rainbow Dash... you like my boat? It's a ferry. My dear departed husband built it himself. He called it Shining Crystal. You see, I'd never sailed. Why would I? I have wings. But he taught me there was value to be found in the most unexpected places. And how right he was!"

Crystal Star wheeled Dash in front of a map. Several red tacks marked a circle in the North Luna Ocean. "An enchantment! No boat, no spell, no passage! I could never get there on my wings! And more importantly, I could never get there... without you!" She grinned broadly. In front of others, she'd never lower her guard. But everypony needs to vent once in a while, and Crystal loved to show her true nature to her victims. Especially her psychiatrist, may he rest in pieces. He'd been very tasty. "You too belie your true nature, Rainbow Dash. I mean, look at you. A sickeningly colourful no-good-for-nothing athlete. Performer of the sonic rainboom!" She cackled loudly. "Paltry theatre for dullards, dunces and dolts! ... But look past the ghastly visage, and there is something. Can you guess what it is, Dashie? Let me give you a hint."

She kissed Rainbow Dash on the neck, drawing blood with her sharp canine teeth. "Mmm... blood! You're a sack of valuable zesty magical blood. So, so tasty." She suckled at the bleeding neck, like a hungry foal. Rainbow Dash winced, disgusted. "Your exposure to the Elements of Harmony has made you... supercharged. And with Princess Luna's idiot ban on this taste sensation..." The bat drew away, licking her teeth, savoring the metal tang. "The price has skyrocketed. You are the price I have to pay... to get there!" She pointed her hoof at the circle of tacks on the map.

Rainbow Dash growled, her voice muted by the gag. Crystal booped her nose. "Your friends will stop me? I welcome them to try. No, really, I could do with a laugh. Your friends are going to trip all over my friend Chrysalis and they will land straight onto their noses!" She punched Rainbow Dash in the snout, breaking her nose. A whimper escaped Dash, then a tear of fear and pain. Crystal Star laughed maniacally. "With any luck, they'll take that overgrown dung beetle with them... but never mind about all that. There are greater things in store for you and me!"

The sound of the boat's horn interrupted them.

Crystal Star leaned close to the blue pegasus, her voice now quiet, monotone and ominous. "We've left port. Destination... destiny! Yours is to be sold, quart by quart, to feed the thirst of your betters! Like me!" She licked Dash's neck again, drawing more blood. "Ahh! But that will take years. Unlike your friends, you will have the honor of witnessing my destiny, my ascent into history!"

Even with the gag, Dash's snort of derision was unmistakable. "What's that?" Crystal asked. "You don't believe me? You think a miracle will lead them to you? Think again." She plucked the tacks from the map and spitefully stuck them into Dash's chest, in a circle around her heart. The blood seeped out, and Crystal rubbed until it left a big purple stain in her fur. "Where we're going, no light can reach." She broke into laughter again.

Rainbow Dash would discover that their destination was a large platform, an artificial island concealed behind magical storm clouds and surrounded by other renegade vessels. It was a criminal's heaven, big enough to contain a metropolis of sin. As she was wheeled out onto the shore, Dash stared wide-eyed at the other visitors, obviously all rich and powerful in their own ways. She caught snippets of conversation. Everypony was boorish and cruel, teasing and tempting, winning and losing. This was a city where they could emerge safely to turn each other into the worst versions of themselves.

She wondered how the Princesses could have possibly not known of such a place.

"Welcome to Sugar Town. For purebreds only!" Crystal Star smirked. "It's not perfect, of course. They let daytimers in. But it's got what we need - the vital missing piece, the energy source to split Luna's heart in two - that's all that matters. Look at that!" She nodded towards a shiny neon-clad edifice. "They've built a whole casino tower. That wasn't here last time. You see how hard ponies will work to be able to enjoy themselves? When Nightmare Moon rises again, I tell you, true carnal desire will transform Equestria into what it always had the potential to be... an empire of predators. A virus that spreads across the realm. Unstoppable. Perfect. Divine. Nature untamed by the foul limitations of goodness."

Rainbow Dash would have spat if she could.

"Ah! And here comes our host. Put a smile on that face, Dashie, you're embarrassing me." Crystal nudged her.

The bats were approached by a delegation of pegasi, led by a kindly-looking red stallion with a thinning icy blue mane. Dash noticed his cutie mark - a queen piece from chess?

"Governor Glow..." Crystal gave the briefest nod of respect, clearly hating the idea of even speaking to a daytimer. "It's good to be back in business."

Chapter 58

The bullet froze in mid-air. The town disappeared in a flash, leaving Eris standing in the open desert, her mouth agape.

"Eris!"

Eris whirled around and saw Twilight, Fluttershy and Discord standing behind her on the opposite dune. Discord's arm was still held up - he'd snapped his claws to stop Eris from killing the sheriff. Eris snarled and took aim at him instead. "You!"

Discord fell to his knees. A white flag materialised into his hands, along with a halo over his head. "Let's not do something rash now! I was only trying to help."

Twilight laughed. "You're not afraid of a filly, are you?"

He gave her a poisonous look. "That 'filly' is a draconequus, armed with the powers of a draconequus. I assure you, if she pulls that trigger, she could very easily kill me." Discord wiped sweat off his forehead with the white flag. Fluttershy trotted between him and Eris.

"Um... please put that tiny cannon down, Eris." said Fluttershy quietly.

"Why should I?! He's a pest on Equestria! All he's ever done is wreak havoc. What makes you think he's going to stop now?"

Twilight stepped ahead as well. "Discord brought us here to bring you home. Nobody made him do it. We've spent the past few days with him and I'm convinced he's trying to reform."

"Eris..." Fluttershy's voice was soothing and calm. "We may have a way to save Anon. I think we should do that and worry about who made what mistakes later."

"A way? What way?"

Twilight's horn lit up. Using telekinesis, she opened her own saddlebag and pulled out five gem-encrusted necklaces and a tiara. They floated in the air between Eris and her. "You were born when Luna tried to see into Skinny's mind with magic. She didn't know Skinny was from a world where magic is totally absent. So when she imbued him with it, it was like a lightning strike into Skinny's soul... giving birth to chaos."

"The only way a draconequus can be born." Discord added. "Well, I SAY draconequus, but really I could've been anything or anyone I wanted. I suppose I just started a trend there. Of course, back in those days, we didn't have ponies anywhere near as brainy or purple as Twilight here. To survive, I had no choice but to consume my human! Although considering she used to be married to Julius Caesar, some might say I did the multiverse a favor. Ahh, Calpurnia, I do miss you sometimes. Wonderful architectural sensibilities. The pegasi should be worshipping her."

"I've studied the effect." Twilight continued. "And I'm convinced that if we harmonize the chaos in Skinny's soul, you'll be both to have physical bodies."

Eris gave her the most cynical deadpan stare she could muster. "Harmonize the chaos? What is this, Star Trek?"

"Cue the sarcasm!" Discord rolled his eyes. "Just because it sounds like made up nonsense doesn't mean it won't work. I mean, look at me. I'm ridiculous! You have to ask yourself, do you really care about whether it makes sense..."

"Yes!" Twilight squeaked indignantly.

"... or do you care about what you want to see?"

Eris dropped her revolver. "I want to see Anon again."

Discord nodded knowingly. "Then that's where our story's going to go. You have to take the Elements and put them on. All of them."

"What about Pinkie, Dash, Applejack, Rarity? The Elements-!"

"Just concentrate on what you want." He said again, more insistently. The jewelry drifted over to Eris and she put them on, one after the other. "Shape this reality around you."

Eris forced herself to relax. She imagined herself as the center of everything, the only non-malleable thing in the world. There was a loud electric hum. Was it the Elements or was it her own power... or something else? She couldn't tell. Her vision began to blur. The only thing she could focus on were her own hands, which turned green in hue. The tone of the hum changed, and Eris felt herself drift away from her own body. She was nothing but floating thoughts. Looking back, she saw a green body with a bald head and a black question mark for a face. She heard a voice in the air. It was an almost inaudible whisper.

The voice said: "Eris forced herself to relax. She imagined herself as the center of everything..."

She felt betrayed. And then she felt nothing at all ever again. You're back.

Ow. Light. Too much light.

You snarl a bit, feeling drowsy, waking up from a deep, long sleep.

"Skinny?" An achingly familiar voice cooes. It's Sweetheart, looking down at you with those unspeakably beautiful watery blue eyes, the ones that definitely belong on your list of top 10 reasons to live. "Are you okay?"

"Dad?" Another voice calls out. It's Eris, her grey fuzzy face adorably scrunched up in concern. You reach out and stroke her velvety cheek.

"Eris... you're real!" You shake your head. "I-I mean, you're real real! This isn't a dream, is it?"

Discord snorts loudly behind Eris and Sweetheart. "After all the trouble we went through to get here? I'd sue."

They help you back on your feet. You lean against Sweetheart's back, careful not to press on her wings. Memories of your recent adventures dance back into your mind. "Oh, God..." You grasp your forehead. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry... everything I said...!"

"It's okay." The yellow pegasus whispers, carefully avoiding your eyes. "I know it was the Amulet..."

"No!" You say loudly, actually startling her a little. "Sorry, I just... I mean, it was the Amulet, but it was also me. The Amulet brought out the worst in who I am. I'd be lying if I said those horrible things didn't exist in my head somewhere."

"Horrible things exist in everypony's head." says Lavender Lady helpfully, with a bright smile on her face. "You might as well have been drunk. And you didn't know that would happen."

You can only shrug.

Sweetheart stomps her hoof. "No, Skinny! I just won't let you carry on like this! You're coming home with me, mister!"

"You really mean that?"

"Mhmh."

Lavender Lady interrupts them, playfully sneaking her way through the gap between your legs. "But not before scritches, I would hope? I just saved your hairless butt, Skinny!" She giggles, looking exceptionally proud of herself. "I believe that entitles me to a lifetime of free scritches. We can set up a timetable when we get back to Equestria. But for now..." Her magic grasped your hand and dragged it to her ears.

Sweetheart clears her throat. "I wouldn't, um, be against some scritches too, Skinny... if that's alright with you..."

Eris looks outraged. "Hey, I'm literally his daughter. You can form a line behind me."

Discord tries to sneak away, but it is too late. You have already chosen him to be your first victim. You lash out like a cobra and trap him in a headlock. "Where do you think you're going? These long ears probably haven't been scritched in years!" You joke.

"No!" Discord protests, his voice cracking. "Oh, this is SO undignified! You..." his voice falters as he feels your nimble fingers scratching his ears. "Aaaargh... None of you will ever speak of this again. By Celestia's pimpled butt, that feels good."

Joy and optimism for the future balloons in your heart as Sweetheart leads you and Eris back to the cottage (Discord having gone on a holiday to detox from his newfound addiction for scritches). Your daughter hasn't stopped holding hands since she acquired her new physical form. She is now a full draconequus, and managed to bring you all home from the reality her mind had created for herself. Incidentally, it was how you found out that Discord had never sent you to the human world. Being entirely non-magical, it couldn't be accessed through magical ways. Discord had merely created an illusion, a place where Eris could bloom. And she had. You couldn't help but wonder though... what kind of a world did you really come from?

You knew so many things about your world, but it was as if you'd seen it in a film, not experienced it for real. You couldn't remember your parents' names or where you grew up. They were just images, fragments. Sweetheart told you not to worry about it too much. "I don't know where you're from, but I know where you are. With friends." She nuzzled your knee.

Before they could cross the little stream over to her house, they're interrupted by whooping and cheering noises in the distance. "What's that? Red Indians in Equestria???" You ponder out loud.

Sweetheart giggles softly. "I think that's the Cutie Mark Crusaders. You should probably watch out, they're-"

"Oh God, they're running straight at mea!" You're tackled by three intense fillies. Roughly. Straaaaaaight into the stream. It's so wet. So cold. And they're standing right on your chest.

"Skinny!"

"You're back!"

"We heard you was fighting bats!"

Your response is garbled by the water splashing over your face. Fortunately, Eris teleports you to dry land with a snap of her toes, leaving the three fillies to drop into the stream with three loud squeaks. You high five her. "Can you help with the cold?" You ask.

"Sure!" Eris snaps her toes again, and a hot bath magically appears underneath you. You drop in with a loud squeak and re-emerge a few seconds later, spurting water from your mouth.

"You know what? It's warm so I'm not even mad." You mutter.

Spotting the hot bath, the three fillies rush out of the water and gallop towards it.

"Oh, sweet Jesus, not again!" They jump in.

Three happy faces pop out of the water. "Skinny! Tell us about your adventures. Pleeeeease?!" They beg, puppy-eyes on maximum.

"It's definitely for a school essay!" Snowy lies.

"Uh-huh." You deadpan, and sigh. "I'm trapped here, ain't I?"

"Uh-huh!" They grin wolfishly.

You shake your head, laughing. "Well, tell you what... Scooter! If you drag your friends away until tomorrow, I'll fly you around again."

Scooter winked. "Done..."

The other two stare at Scooter as if she'd just sold them to cannibals.

"... buuuut I get my fly-around first!"

Eris and Sweetheart can barely contain themselves as you drag the filly out of the bathwater, hold her up high over your head and run around like a lunatic. "I'm flying!" Scooter screams victoriously, her weak wings flapping madly.

"That's just vicious betrayal, that is." Applebutt muttered to herself. Snowy nodded, equally outraged.

Finally, after the Crusaders forced out a promise to come spend all day at their treehouse tomorrow, they run off and you get an oppurtunity to step inside.

There it is, just as you left it. The round mattress in Sweetheart's living room. Slightly moth-eaten and discoloured, worn down from years of bears and other large animals sleeping on it. To you, a bed fit for a king. You jump on it and sigh deeply, feeling the pressure of the last few weeks slipping away at last. "Home."

Something nudged you. "Wha?"

"Move over!" Eris hissed. "I wanna nap too!"

"But... but..."

"But nothing! I wanna nap right here." With her flexible noodle body, she squirms right under you, turning her stomach into a pillow for you whilst using your own shoulder as her own pillow. "That's nice."

A flash.

You glare at Sweetheart. "You are NOT taking photos of this."

The yellow pegasus smirks. "Toooo late." She says softly, with a rare bit of deviousness in her voice. "This is going into my photo album. Last time I took a photo of you, we couldn't talk to each other yet, and you didn't know why I was taking them. You looked a little confused. I like this photo better. And I can't wait to get to know you, Eris."

"Nap first. Heartfelt meetings later." Eris mumbles without opening her eyes. "You can use this bed too. There's room."

"Ohh! Thank you! I think I will." Sweetheart squeezes herself in, her head resting on your other shoulder.

Silence.

Eris has never felt better. She briefly wonders about Trixie, and how nice it would be to get back together and celebrate their success. Where had she sent Trixie again? She knows she thought about Equestria when she'd sent her away, but Eris slowly realises she hadn't actually thought harder than that. Oh well, it's probably fine. Equestria's a peaceful place and Trixie is a traveller who knows the roads.

Trixie emerged from the casino, and wandered down the steps. The casino wasn't where she remembered it being, in the human world. It was now in a community full of ponies. Another trick of Discord's? Or had Eris actually managed to send her home.

She spotted a sign hanging over the town square. "Sugar Town? Now where in Equestria is that?"

Chapter 59

Crimson Star had used his royal authority to commandeer a hot air balloon from Twilight Sparkle, the very same one she'd used to make her first trip to Ponyville.

"Sir, could you please just explain to me why we can't use a normal carriage?! I am very concerned about this tiny little factoid!" screamed a terrified Power Point over the loud roar of the propane burner.

Crimson leaned against the wall of the basket, with a dashing yet carefree pose that he hoped would emanate pure heroism. "It's all very simple, my Pointy friend!" He screamed back. "Carriages are used by wealthy ponies! We're going to a poor fishing village! This is much more inconspicuous!"

"What?!"

"I SAID, THIS IS MUCH MORE INCONSPICUOUS!!"

"But our carriage had an invisibility spell!" Super Star protested.

Crimson clacked his tongue impatiently. "And what if somepony bumped into it? You must think ahead, sis!"

Super Star facehoofed. "What are we even supposed to do??"

"Princess Luna, Nurse Redheart and Private Lighthouse disappeared trying to make contact with the criminal element. We have to follow their footsteps, find out what went wrong and complete the mission!"

"What's the town called?" asked Power Point, already taking notes for her mission report.

Crimson bit his lip. "Well, um... Seahorse." There was a moment of silence. "Because of the fishing-"

"We get it." The others deadpanned. They now numbered four, as Crimson had managed to persuade Zecora to join them. She had been a close friend of the late Care Taker, and was also armed with various potions and herbs that Crimson felt could be invaluable on a spy mission.

Plus, the way she talked kept cracking him up.

Sagely, the zebra said: "Perhaps Discord's words of wisdom you should now reveal, as we approach this great ordeal."

"Oh? What's she talking about? Do you know something we don't, brother?" asked Super Star warily.

"Well, yes." Crimson puffed his chest up proudly. "Skinny once told me how many licks you need to get to the center of a Tootsie roll. The world may never know!"

"Crimson!"

The bat sergeant giggled. "Okay, okay! Before they left to go rescue Trixie and Eris, I asked Discord for advice on how to find the criminal contact we're looking for. So I have a plan. Sort of."

"We're all gonna die!" Power Point mewled suddenly. She blushed. "Sorry, my blood pressure and Discord don't see eye to eye."

Crimson ordered her to lay down a map of the village. They all huddled over it, and Crimson covered the basket with a tarp to give them some respite from the noise and weather. "Alright, I know we're not exactly the dream team," he said paternally, "BUT... I hope someone else can complete this sentence for me."

"Just tell us the plan, Crimson Star, things can't get worse than they already are." Zecora sighed.

"Well, Luna was trying to contact a member of the organisation known as EvilCorp."

Power Point gave Zecora a glare of death. "ThiNgS cAn'T gEt wORsE."

The bat sergeant continued. "EvilCorp has a monopoly on all criminal behaviour in Equestria. To put it bluntly, you can't steal an apple without EvilCorp demanding half of it... or else."

Super Star frowned. "How could the Princesses let them get away with it? I mean, if they're so widespread, surely they would have been rooted out."

"Not so. Princess Celestia is the CEO of EvilCorp." Crimson explained matter-of-factly.

Everyone gasped. They drew closer, all ears swiveling in Crimson's dirextion.

"You see, Equestria has managed to make unsavoury crimes (like murder) a thing of the past largely because EvilCorp has banned them. Even thievery is closely regulated. As such, criminals police themselves. It is more profitable not to harm other ponies. Of course, they do not know it is the Princesses who rule Equestria on both sides of the law. It is a system that has worked remarkably well... until now. Somehow, the recent schemes of my mother escaped the Princesses' notice. It is likely that a faction of EvilCorp has gone renegade, which can only mean that one of the high level kingpins has taken the enormous risk of turning against the highest authority. Presumably, he or she hopes that the Nightmare's return will enable them to escape retribution. That's where we come in."

"Is it too late to turn around?" asked Zecora weakly. "I think I left my kettle running on the ground."

"EvilCorp does not only keep a tight lid on crime. In all the high-profile cases, it funds crime. Of course, the victims are reimbursed in one way or another out of the Princesses' personal coffers, and the criminals are none the wiser. But the point is that for Crystal to purchase all the power she needs to realign the Tradestones, she will need to get more funding from EvilCorp. We find the renegade faction, we find her, we save the day! Piece of cake!"

"Dare I ask who we're going to meet?" Super Star sighed.

Crimson could only shrug his shoulders. "I've no idea. It was Luna's contact, not Celestia's. She already checked with hers. All we know is that the contact is in that particular town. We've just got to draw their attention with a crime!" He thumped his hoof against a building on the map. "Ladies... we're gonna rob a bank!"

"Crystal!" Governor Glow called from his office. "Come on in, the door's open."

Crystal Star forced an amicable expression on her face. She despised the bureaucratic leader, but reminded herself that this was the final desperate hour. Once Nightmare Moon was resurrected, Glow would be crushed like the daytime cockroach he truly was.

The Governor leaned back on his armchair. His infant filly was lying on his lap, and enjoyed pets from daddy. "Look, Cozy, we have a visitor!"

Cozy Glow looked at Crystal Star. Although she was only a toddler, Crystal thought that the filly's eyes were remarkably alert and focused. They stayed fixed on her as the Governor spoke: "I heard you've suffered a few setbacks. That unfortunate business in the Caverns... and all our Changeling friends, scarpered."

"Acceptable losses." Crystal argued. "Mere pawns. My 'unfortunate business' as you call it was merely an experiment, using the Amulet to accelerate our timetable."

"And to avoid asking me for another loan. I wonder how your son will react when he finds out you wasted all his money on our projects." The Governor chuckled darkly. "He's been making quite a name for himself. A pity you couldn't win him over."

"My daughter has left to convince him."

He scoffed. Cozy Glow yawned, as if on cue. "I'm not interested in your family melodrama." The Governor growled, humour dissipating from his voice. "I'm a business pony. And when I don't see profits, I get concerned. I start to wonder if I shouldn't pull the plug on a failing venture."

Crystal Star bared her teeth and extended her wings in an ancient, instinctual display of force. "Don't push me, Governor. The Nightmare will reward you, but she will honour me. You want to be my friend."

He smirked, admiring her fangs and feral eyes. Cozy clapped. "I don't ordinarily respond to threats, but I admit I have a weakness for strong mares. You should stay in Sugar Town. We'd make an unstoppable team."

"I'm married." said Crystal tonelessly.

"Well, he's dead."

"You'd be surprised at how little difference that makes." Crystal Star's husband Gold Star had not been a particularly strong thestal, but his family descended from Nightmare Moon's original guards. For bats, that outranked nobility. Crystal would have rather died before replacing them - or even just Gold - with this daytimer filth.

"Ah well. Had to try." The Governor shrugged. Cozy crossed her hooves and stuck out her tongue in a foalish gesture. "Well, if you want me to pay for the theft of the Tradestones - which, you can imagine, wasn't easy, they were right under the Princesses' noses - AND for procuring the spell needed to split Luna's personality AND a powerful unicorn needed to make such a complex spell work AND keeping Luna contained here until we do... I suggest you go and make yourself useful, pet." He smiled wolfishly, knowing that Crystal was in no position to argue. "Break our guest Rainbow Dash for me."

Chapter 60

Having left the strange casino, Trixie began to explore the new community she found herself in. It was unlike any she'd been to in Equestria on her many tours. The ponies here were coarse and uncouth, mingled freely with Diamond Dogs and dragons and other folk she would consider unsavoury. The streets were loud with the noise of peddlers and catcallers. Large flashing signs advertised gambling dens, and recruitment for various criminal enterprises. It seemed that pirates, thugs, thieves and degenerates were all looking for ponies.

Trixie ducked into a dingy bar to collect her thoughts, sat down behind the counter and whistled for the bartender. "The Great and Powerful Trixie would like a strong one, please, she's been traversing the quantum pathways of the multiverse."

The bartender gave her a strange look. "Sounds like you need to lay off the booze, lady."

Trixie smiled to herself. If they thought she was drunk, they wouldn't think much of her questions. "Perhaps. Where is Trixie anyway? Poor widdle Trixie got lost."

The tension eased. "Why, you're in Sugar Town, dear!" The bartender said, smiling wolfishly. "Where all dreams come true. Why don't you tell me yours, and I'll see what we can do?"

"Trixie would like to find the biggest and baddest pony in town, for she is unmatched in wit, magic and comeliness. Whoever runs this travesty of a town can only be the most fearsome villain in all the realm! Trixie will challenge him or her!" The blue unicorn said bravely, making sure to sound utterly wasted. "In short... take me to your leader!"

The bartender laughed derisively. "Sure, sure." He pointed at the nearest window. "You see that stone tower near the town square? If you can somehow get up to the penthouse, I'm sure the Governor will hire you. Off you trot! Unless you'd like to challenge me first... meow!"

Trixie waved a coquettish goodbye, and used her magic to slip a banana peel under the bawdy bartender's hoof before she left.

'The stone tower' turned out to be a well-defended square fort on closer inspection. There was only one entrance, guarded by the sort of Diamond Dogs who made other Diamond Dogs look like sissies.

"This shouldn't be too much of a problem." said Trixie to herself. "The Great and Powerful Trixie is no criminal, and so she can simply... wait... but what if that works against me here...?" She pondered for a few moments, tapping her hoof against her chin. "Trixie did try to become dictator of Ponyville that one time. Hmm."

Trixie chose to try her luck with the Dogs, and trotted right up to the gate. "Gentle... um, hounds!" She announced, clapping her hooves together. "You have the honour to speak with the Great and Powerful Trixie, former authoritarian ruler of Ponyville. Would-be ruler of all. Also, err, travelling magician. But Trixie scams her audiences on the regular! Yes, she does! She, um, she's perhaps not quite as spectacularly flawless in her act as she sells herself to be... so she's still pretty cool, but, like, not perfect. She's a semi-scammer. Many a grandma has attended her exorbitantly priced show thinking she'll do every little thing she claims. And then she cheats! Whilst still being a good magician. I mean evil. So evil. Uh... Trixie has even locked horns with Princess Celestia's own student! Anyway, here's my CV!" Trixie's horn lit up, and a long scroll of parchment materialised out of nowhere. "I'd like to see the Governor now, please."

There was no response. The Dogs weren't even looking at her. She tried to shuffle past them, but they kicked her onto her rump. "Ouch! Did you oversized poodles not hear a word I just said? Trixie is, by every definition, eligible for the Governor's own employment!" She got up and tried to force her way past them again, but they tossed her back to the street. "Seriously?! How evil do I have to be? You can't honestly be telling me the Governor doesn't take employees. It's busy work, being a supervillain! I should know, I was one!" She shook her head. "I mean, I am one! Certainly good enough to do the catering around here..." Trixie wandered off, muttering to herself angrily. Who did those two think they were?? Trixie could easily outdo any stupid governor in evil if she put her mind to it...

After a few hours of aimlessly wandering the streets, she got pulled into a back alley. "Wha-?"

"Shh." A white earth pony held a hoof to her lips. She had a pink bun, and looked somewhat disheveled.

Trixie frowned. "... nurse Redheart? What in the Sun's name are you doing here? Trixie thought you were off on some wild caper with Princess Luna."

"We were. It led us here." Redheart explained, a grave tone in her voice. They took cover behind some wastebins. "This town is a gathering place for all the worst ponies in Equestria. We were looking for Crystal Star when they caught us. Seems like something or somepony tipped them off. They put a magic containment ring on Princess Luna, so even she couldn't do anything! Then her and Private Lighthouse got shuffled off to Fort Glow!"

"However did you escape??"

Redheart shrugged. "I was in the bathroom when Luna and Lighthouse made contact with the higher-ups. When I came out, they were already in cuffs. Nopony knew I was with them. I've spent the last few days scrounging and trying to figure out how to get in the fort. But with your magic, we shall have better luck! How did you get here?"

Trixie briefed her on the adventures she had with Eris, and the latter's ability to create portals between worlds. "As you can see, the casino front is still here. I cannot believe Eris knew where she was sending me. It is probably another game of Discord's, or perhaps she simply thought about sending me to where I was supposed to go, and the magic of harmony did the rest."

"It can do that?"

"Between ourselves, Trixie is talking out of her rump, she has no idea. But the important thing is she's here, and the casino is still open. So we can leave Sugar Town whenever we choose!"

"Not without Princess Luna and Lighthouse!" Redheart insisted.

Trixie gave her a stern look. "The Acute and Tactical Trixie disagrees! Now that we know the danger is here, it would be prudent to bring in the professionals."

"By which point, Crystal Star's plan may be put into action! It's already been a while. Any second we waste could be the second the night-timers claim dominion over Equestria!"

"You're a nurse! Trixie is a family entertainer! We are not breaking into a defended base of mobsters!" Trixie hissed angrily. "It'd be like two fat ants sneaking into a can of repellent! Two delicious plates of chili squirming into an esophagus! The point is, eventually there will be a fart of toxic gas... and it'll be in our stupid furry faces!"

"But Trixie, aren't you forgetting that Sugar Town is the capital of crime?" Redheart pointed out with a wry smile. "If we break in successfully but get caught, we're more likely to be recruited than imprisoned. They'd want ponies of our caliber on their side! I mean, this is a place where everypony cheats everypony. The biggest cheaters are the biggest winners!"

Trixie halted. "So that's why they didn't let me in... actions speak louder than words! Horseapples! Trixie should have known! Oh, next time Trixie will shoot some fireworks at them, see how the good little guard dogs like that! She'll show them! She'll show them all! Trixie IS the great and powerful supervillain!" She giggled maniacally, rubbing her hooves together. Redheart tapped the blue unicorn on the shoulder.

"Uh, Trixie? We're not actually the bad guys, remember?"

"Hush, Trixie is having a moment." Her insane smile returned. "I'll give them all broccoli-flavoured treats! I'll take them to the vet! I'll..."

Chapter 61

Governor Glow carried his beloved daughter Cozy to the underground levels of his fort. These damp, locked dungeons were purely for his special projects. They stopped at one of the sealed doors. The Governor nudged the slot open, and allowed Cozy to stand on his back and peek through. Inside, Cozy could just make out a gagged alicorn in the shadows, chained from all limbs and with a magic suppressor hooked tightly around her horn.

"Say hi, darling!" the Governor chided.

Cozy gave a pretty smile and waved. Her daddy always liked it when she played nice.

"Attagirl. You know who that is? That... is Princess Luna! Princess of the Night! Princess of us all! Yes, she is! She's a mighty creature. Immortal, so they say. Some even worship her as a goddess. But here she is, daddy's prisoner." Excitement creeped into the Governor's voice. An eerie grin twisted his features.

"Da-da!" Cozy shouted happily.

"Mhmh. Take this as a lesson, sweetheart. So long as you're smarter than anypony else, there's nothing you can't do." He smirked at the prisoner. "Inspiring, isn't it? Good, evil, those are distractions. The winner of the game is the pony who doesn't have to pick a side. She knows all the moves, all the plays. And which pony is that?"

The foal nuzzled into her dad's mane. "Meeee!" She only understood about half of what he was saying, but it sounded true enough. Being smart had certainly paid off for her when she broke the cookie jar, and blamed her friend. Nobody shouted at her for it. And she even got her cutie mark that day, earlier than anypony else she knew! That had to be a win.

Governor Glow rubbed against Cozy's cheek. He adored her. "You're my favourite in the whole wide world. What a talent! I couldn't be prouder. You hearing this, Princess? My baby here is smarter than you are! Of course, that's not saying a whole lot. You decided to trust criminals to keep their word. Hehehe."

Princess Luna did not dignify him with a response.

"Not gonna talk? That's fine. You're probably too embarrassed. I would be. Trying to stay ahead of both sides of the law, that I understand. I mean, I do that every day! But to suppress deviancy? Thaaat's where you tripped. Wrongdoers never stop looking for ways to do wrong. And all it takes is one that's smarter than you." He turned back to his daughter. "See, here's another lesson, Cozy. Don't trust ponies. It narrows you down, blinds you to their next move. Some ponies need to be hurt. Some need sugary words. Remember that, sweetie. Always one step ahead."

"Dost thou prefer sugary words, or hurt? Nightmare Moon will give thee neither." Luna said coldly. "Nor Crystal Star, for that matter. Thou shalt meet your end at their hoofs. A daytimer has no place in their reign."

Governor Glow tutted. "You're still expecting me to play by other ponies' rules! You're very slow today, Princess." Cozy blew a raspberry.

Slowly, it dawned on Luna. "Crystal Star is merely a pawn in thy own design..."

"Well, of course she is! I'm an oppurtunist! Every pony who lives is merely pawn in my own design! You see this? A potion of twisted minds." He held up a shining crystal vial, with glowing cyan liquid inside. "Imperceptible in a drink. At one time or another, everypony I want to play with drank this potion without knowing it. Even you! All it takes is a spell, a caster and a powerful source of energy, and all of you will step to attention on my command. If Crystal had managed to deliver the Alicorn Amulet, I'd already have you begging to kiss my hooves. But she did put together a nice little army for me. All in the name of glorious patriotism." He laughed cruelly. "She and Chrysalis dance to my song. They just don't know it yet."

Cozy Glow clapped. "Dance!" She whooped.

28 YEARS EARLIER

A young Crystal Clear stared into the dark mouth of the cave with trepidation.

Although ancient thestral traditions had mostly died out by this time, some of the oldest families still followed them... to the letter. In this case, Crystal Clear's parents - aristocratic, but losing their significance and wealth - had worked very hard to present an image of absolute dedication in order to impress the Star family.

Because there was an old saying: even Nightmare Moon needs its Stars. Their influence in the thestral community was almost unparalleled. And their heir, Gold Star, was ripe for marriage. Naturally, there was competition. Any family joining forces with the Stars would find themselves skyrocketing to the height of the upper class, the creme de la creme.

Lord and Lady Clear would never know this, but they were not chosen for presenting themselves as similarly old-fashioned (anypony could see through that pale attempt at flattery). They were chosen precisely because their strength was diminishing. For the Clears, this marriage was a lifeline, a way to save their dignity and lifestyle, and so they would be permanently in debt to the Stars... and docile. And thus the Stars would not be at risk of being usurped from their position of power.

The agreements were made, hooves were shaked and Crystal Clear was told where she would find her husband-to-be. As per the old ritual, there was no direct ceremony. Weddings back then were an intensely private matter for bats. There were only two attendants: stallion and mare. They would separately enter a hollow mountain, and find one another through singing a certain type of song which aided echolocation.

Once united, what happened next was entirely up to them. Because the partners in an arranged marriage would have rarely met, this was the oppurtunity to get to know one another. Sometimes one would flee. This was never regarded as an insult, as thestrals were pragmatic in nature and realised that certain ponies were simply not compatible. Regardless of how valuable the marriage could be, a rejection was as sacred as a success. There was also no time limit. The bats were legally allowed to explore one another as long they wished, and folklore speaks of a marriage where a particularly indecisive couple had to be supplied with food and drink for the rest of their lives until finally a very old batmare emerged, shamelessly rejecting her skeleton of a fiancee and calling for a new one.

Crystal Clear was not so impish, however. Although her chest was filled with trepidation, she was pushed on by her ambition and drive to prove herself. And though she knew little of Gold Star, she was aware that he was handsome, mannered and currently serving as the youngest mayor in the history of the Caverns. One little itty-bitty meeting was all that separated her from her destiny as one half of a power couple that would put thestrals back on the map as a pony race to be reckoned with.

She fluttered into the darkness, floating for a while hither and thither through the empty tunnels, mentally preparing herself. Then she began to sing. For a while, only her voice illuminated the cold stone walls around her. But soon enough, a deeper voice joined and the tunnels grew brighter in her mind's eye. A nervous excitement began to spread through Crystal's body as their distant songs entwined. It was only at this moment that it occurred to her to think of her future mate as something other than a business partner. There was magic in the air.

They met in a large underground chamber. There was no floor, merely a huge cold lake covered in over-sized magical flora, which did not require light to exist. Crystal sang louder, focusing the image in her mind and sat inside the petals of the prettiest giant bloom she could hear. Gold Star joined her, held her hooves, and their song grew even greater. The soundwaves bounced off of their faces, giving both a mental impression of what the other looked like. It was the only way they could see here.

Unlike the daytime ponies whose magic frequently compelled them to sing in loud, flamboyant musical numbers, the song that Harmony had granted to the bats was altogether more subtle, and entirely wordless due to its ultrasonic nature. It was an otherworldly and dreamy sound which defied closer description save for the one coined by Princess Luna: "It's the gentle glitter of the moonlight to the sun's radiant rays".

Gradually, as they took their fill of each other's faces, the song dwindled down and they were left sitting in the gently rocking bloom, holding on to each other. Then Gold Star leaned his hoof a little too heavily on the bottom of the pad and the romantic moment was cut short by cold water hitting both of their bottoms simultaneously. "Whoops!" He squeaked as they took to floating in mid-air. "Sometimes a guy just doesn't know his strength..." Gold Star chuckled sheepishly, hoping it would break the ice.

Crystal Clear did not laugh.

"Okay... um, what's your name?" Gold Star asked.

"You don't know my name?"

There was a brief pause. "Yes, I do. Crystal Clear. Uh... I'm sorry, I'm just a bit nervous."

Crystal's head cocked to the side. She was nervous too, of course, but she would have died rather than admit it. "Of what?"

"Well, it's not every day one gets married!"

"You can go out if you like."

"NO!" Gold Star exclaimed, his voice echoing louder than he would have liked. "I mean... no. That's not... that's not what I meant. It's just kind of a big moment, that's all."

"I don't understand. My family is the one who really wants this marriage to happen. You can have anypony you like. So what's there to fear?"

Gold Star took a few deep breaths, calming down. Crystal had a point there. He couldn't possibly humiliate himself. "You're right. That's silly." There was another pause, and Gold sensed that Crystal expected him to talk first. "How badly do you want this marriage? Not your parents, I mean you."

"I'm committed." She said. And she was. She was surprised and slightly disappointed by Gold Star's timidity, but the power offered by the Star family was far too great to even consider refusing.

"Why?"

Crystal's ears flicked around a little as she thought. "I don't like staying in one place. In life, you can either go up or down. I choose up. What about you? Why do you want this?"

"My parents picked." Gold Star shrugged.

"Then fly out."

"I am not going to do that." His voice hardened a little, which made Crystal happier. So he wasn't totally adrift. What Gold Star said next came out a lot slower. He was carefully choosing his words now. "I do want to marry, I just... I want to marry somepony I trust. I don't know if you are that pony, that's why I'm still here."

"Trust?" The word sounded alien to Crystal. "What's trust got to do with it?"

Gold Star frowned. "I'm a simple pony. I don't care about going up or down, because I'm happy where I am. I want to stay where I am. The thing is..." his voice turned from slow to stern. "There's no point in marrying unless there is total trust. Not for me. I'm not saying I want to be the most important person in your life or whatever. We hardly know each other. But what I want... what I need... from you... is knowing that no matter what happens, you got my back. No doublespeak, no innuendos, no big secrets. And obviously, that goes both ways. I want you to know that if you ever need anything, you can come to me. That's it." He released a deep sigh. "That's the deal. That's what I'm looking for."

Crystal carefully considered. It was no small ask - although Crystal had friends, she felt somewhat detached from all of them. And quite a few were significantly more intelligent than Goldie here. But she did sense a reliability from him, at least, and some inner strength, though he obviously loathed to display it. Perhaps she could help with that... and he, with his connections and trust could be useful in ways no other pony had been in her life.

But something was still holding her back. It wasn't Gold Star himself - she could have said yes to his proposal right away - but a feeling inside of her. He had spoken with a sincerity that she couldn't recall ever being faced with in her life. Some part of her that she didn't understand demanded that she returned that sincerity. "How do you feel about... Harmony?"

"Harmony?"

"Yes... the magic of harmony. Friendship... and all that." She waved vaguely with her hoof, feeling intensely embarrassed. "I'm not very good at that. I'm not a very good pony. I just... thought you should know that."

"Oh. Anything serious?" He asked in a half-joking tone.

It was Crystal's turn for her voice to go slow and quiet. "I'm mean. And I enjoy being mean. I mean, I'm not proud of enjoying it, I'm not, but I... do enjoy it. And I like to push ahead of others. And I want things. I want lots of things that aren't mine and shouldn't be mine. I'm not really proud of that one either."

"Well, I'm really lazy. And like you said, I don't really want my life to go anywhere. I could probably be better myself. Better disciplined, better focused, doing better things in general... I just don't want to. I only got to be mayor because they rigged the election." Gold Star scratched the back of his head. "We're gonna be such an amazing couple."

Crystal finally laughed.

"Still..." Gold said with a hint of pride at cracking her up, "we can always go up. If we work as a team. I do like my life, but upwards sounds pretty cool too."

"... you really mean that?"

"Yeah... are we on the same team?"

"Yeah." She replied without hesitation. "Yes."

They started to sing their song again, and this time it was so powerful that for the first and only time, they could somehow percept the colour around them through their ears. They stared into each other's eyes and kissed.

12 YEARS LATER

Crystal Star stared, stonefaced, at the shriveled bony form of her husband on the hospital bed. Gold Star... what was left of him anyway. He was still alive, just about, but an incurable form of wasting disease had reduced him to practically nothing.

Deep inside, Crystal was incandescent with rage. The humiliation of it! Gold Star was no warrior, but he was the patriarch of a proud family. And to wither like this! ...

She could barely contain her wrath. If the disease had to take him, it could have at least had the dignity to do a fast job. Then she could mourn and move on. But to keep her stuck mourning like this... it was a level of cruelty that she would have wished on her worst enemies alone. Their children were at home, and had seen very little of either parent in weeks. Crystal felt a tinge of regret at that, but she felt unable to leave him. "Why do you have to be so stubborn?" She muttered under her breath. "You can let go now."

There was no response. He hadn't spoken in weeks. Just didn't have the energy for it, if he even was awake. But he clinged on, in some halfway point between life and death. Crystal knew exactly why. Goldie had told her, back in the early stages.

"I just really like living." He'd shrugged, with the same carefree charm he always used to get his way. "There's so much to do. You better believe they'll have to drag my soul out with pincers, one inch at a time.."

Crystal snarled, refusing to let herself cry. "I made you too strong..."

She'd asked help from everyone, of course. She'd asked help from Celestia herself. All the white bucker had to say was that she cannot control life and death. Horseapples! Crystal knew the real reason. Celestia got requests like this every dratted day. She simply picked the ones she liked. A searing, burning hate grew inside of the batmare. "He's mine." She said to no one particular.

And then he was dead.

It was all very simple. At a certain point in the night, his heart gave up. No dramatic final words. They just came in, wheeled him down to the morgue and that was that. Crystal felt nothing as she watched him go. She didn't know why. Maybe she was already done grieving. Her only reaction was to go get a cup of coffee. It wasn't until she sat down that she realised something was wrong with her.

Gold Star was dead. She could go home now. There were three foals who had been almost exclusively with a babysitter for weeks now. She should go home now. But something kept her sitting on that plastic hospital chair in the corridor, sipping her coffee. As the hours ticked by, she felt herself floating. Not quite an out-of-body experience, but a wandering mind. She floated above herself, dissecting every memory she'd ever made. What did it all amount to?

They'd kept their promise to each other, becoming two halves of a greater whole, a team. With Goldie's money and influential connections, she'd easily worked her way up to a member of Celestia's government. And in turn, she provided Goldie with the direction and motivation he needed as mayor. Ironically enough, the worst fear of Gold Star's parents came true - somepony else ended up running the family. Crystal's relationship with her own parents became strained after that, as she did not allow them to make any use of this. They were able to keep their dignity, but that's about all.

But now... no more Goldie. She felt herself become cold, calculating, curious. It was as if her mind instantly reverted to who and what she'd been as a young mare, the moment he passed. The summer had passed and it was time to get back to real work. On her own, pushing upwards, letting nopony get in her way. For the foals if nothing else.

She went for another coffee. As she filled the cup, someone bumped into her. "Oh, I'm sorry." It was a red earth pony stallion, with a slicked blue mane. "Tough day, huh?"

Crystal's eyes narrowed. What was a stupid daytimer doing in the Caverns?

"You lose someone too?" He asked.

"My husband." She said curtly, in a buck-off-and-leave-me-alone voice. She trotted back to her chair.

The stallion followed her, taking the next one. "Wife for me. Two weeks ago, actually."

"So why are you still here?" Crystal sounded close to snapping.

"Well, I've had to do a lot of thinking." He said grimly. "About the future. About why this happened to me and what I could've done to change that. You see, it's my firm belief - you may call it naive if you wish - that there is always a way. I was just too stupid, too bound up in myself to find it. Too limited. It's only now that she's gone... that I am free to think. It's a cruel thing to say, but she's not hanging over me anymore. The panic, the dread. It's gone and I can really think. I can think about what killed her. Who killed her. Who could have intervened." He leaned closer. "I did everything I could. I was limited, but I tried. There are ponies who did not. Those ponies are whom I hold responsible. And something tells me we have the same ponies in mind."

"I thought Celestia could help."

"Of course she could have. Some magic doohickey, or an amulet. There could've been something out there that might have helped. She didn't put in the effort you did. Only my personal opinion."

Crystal gave the stallion a quizzical look. "You are very strange for a daytimer."

"As I said, I've had a lot of time to think about this. Name's Glow. Governor Glow." He extended his hoof, and she shook it.

"Crystal Star."

He smirked. "Beautiful name. Anyway... after I came to the same realization as you did, that's when I began to hang around the hospital. Ponies die here, a lot of ponies. And in very unnecessary ways. Disease, accidents, genetic malformations... it's no way to go. Not like a warrior. Not even like prey! Celestia could fix all that, I believe, if she really wanted to. She's a goddess, isn't she? But she's got her own ways..."

Crystal's grinded her teeth together.

"There was another Princess, who was known for being very generous to her loyalists..."

"The Nightmare is long gone." Crystal grumbled. "And her kin grow weaker and smaller every day."

He hummed vaguely in agreement. "But if she did come back...?"

"If she did come back... I'd set things right. Make sure all ponies got the treatment they deserved. No one should be hurt like this." said Crystal flatly, and meant every word.

PRESENT DAY

Rainbow Dash grunted in pain as Crystal Star's dagger pierced the tip of her wing. She'd been pinned to the wall, and the deranged thestral had decided to start their little torture session by throwing knives at her.

The batmare chuckled sadistically. "Hold still now. My aim isn't as good as it used to be!" She threw another blade, which landed only a few millimeters from the blue pegasus' neck. Several rainbow-colored hairs drifted to the floor. "Oh! Now, miss Dash, unless you want me to get out my scissors and really clip those wings, I'd better hear some whimpering coming my way."

"Buck you."

She threw another knife, which landed right next to Rainbow's left ear. "You know what? I'm feeling generous today. I won't clip your wings at all. Instead..." She opened a suitcase, in which were several very delicate brown feathers. "I got this off a griffon. Gilda was her name. There, that sounds almost like a song, doesn't it? I found it... thematically appropriate." The batmare began tickling Rainbow Dash with the feathers, causing the latter to howl uncontrollably. "Well, I think we're getting closer. Believe you me, when I'm done with you, you'll beg me to send you to the funny farm, to preen for all the nice stallions!"

"Don't... threaten me with a good time." spat Rainbow.

Crystal Star slapped her, getting weary of Dash's unbreakable attitude. What good was it tormenting somepony when they didn't cry??

Rainbow dribbled a few drops of blood. "When did you become a henchpony here, anyway?" She asked. "I thought it was all about you. But you're just a grunt."

"You really are stupid. You think this operation could have happened without me?" Crystal's eyes flashed dangerously. "You think that cockroach Chrysalis could snuck in the middle of Ponyville and teleported away half the realm without me?" She slapped the blue pegasus again. "You think we could have gathered the Tradestones without me?? You think these half-wits could have thought of kidnapping you... without me?! You're a very special guest, Rainbow Dash. Anypony tries to step against us, all we have to do is make you squeal a little. That is, if they can find us."

Suddenly, a large metal grill dropped on her head, knocking her out instantly. Dash looked up, her jaw agape as she saw two furry faces look back at her from within the ventilation shaft. Trixie and Nurse Redheart waved. "Rainbow Dash! We found you!"

Chapter 62

Still floating high up in the skies on their balloon, Crimson Star, Super Star, Zecora and Power Point were sat in the basket, huddling over a map of their destination, a fishing town named Seahorse. "The plan is very simple. This is a small town, they're all relaxed, security's minimal at best. My sister and I go to the bank, and force them to move the vault outside at blade-point. Zecora and Power Point, you will bring the balloon down so we can tie a rope around the vault. Zecora will spritz the vault with her load-lightening potion. We drag the vault up into the sky. Boom. We've officially pulled off the most audacious bank robbery since Buck Cassidy and the Saddle-Dance Kid."

His sister raised her hoof for attention. "Didn't they die, though?"

"... yyyyeeees, but we've got an advantage."

"Which is?"

Crimson flashed a winning grin. "Me! Number one bat!" He waggled his eyebrows arrogantly.

Soup facehoofed. "This promotion has gone straight to your head, you know that?"

"Come on now." He chided playfully. "Ace of the Battle of the Caverns. Gave Nightmare Moon the shaft aaaand told Discord to muzzle it. If I was any cooler, I'd be carrying popsicles!" He bounced around the basket a little, his wings flaring as if he was cheerleading himself in his head.

"Us three are no professionals, Crimson Star." interrupted Zecora. "How do you propose we escape without a scar? What if the pegasi take flight, or a unicorn displays his might?"

Crimson slipped his wingblades on. "I'd like to see pegasi who dare to come near these. And we've got a unicorn."

At this, Power Point whimpered and tried to hide behind her clipboard.

"Well, sort of. Besides, you're forgetting that it's not the crime that matters. We have to draw the attention of EvilCorp. Our attack on the bank is unauthorised by the criminal element. They'll want us more than the law enforcement. We get our hooves in the door to EvilCorp, we find out where Princess Luna and the others are being held, we rescue them, and make sure our coats are nice and shiny for tomorrow's front page." Crimson grinned.

"That easy, huh?" Super Star flopped to the floor of the basket. "Oh Luna... I want to lie shipwrecked and comatose, drinking fresh mango juice... goldfish shoals nibbling at my hooves."

"Relax, sis. It'll be fun."

EXACTLY 49 AND A HALF MINUTES LATER

"Fun, you said! FUN!" screamed Super Star, desperately throwing ballast off board to keep the balloon from sinking towards the earth from the weight of the vault. "There's a SQUADRON of policepones coming for us!"

"Where?!" Crimson roared back. He was trying to lift up the vault, lighten the weight of it more. Zecora's potion was very effective, but they had overestimated its ability, or rather how much cash these Seahorse ponies had stuck in the stupid box.

"In the sun!"

"What?!"

"LOOK IN THE SUN! SUN! SUN!"

Crimson turned to look. He could just barely make out the tiny black dots in the sun's powerful glare. "Oh, crumbs."

"Shall I use magic to shoot my spreadsheets at them!?" Power Point called from above. Crimson couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not, but yelled at her to go for it anyway. Suddenly, a plume of vast thick purple smoke emerged from the basket.

Zecora's head peered down at Crimson with vicious pride. "I'd like to see a pony of law, who could make his way through my big fat smog." She tittered. And quite rightly too, as the cloud she had generated (by mixing various strange herbs into the balloon's gas heater) completely enveloped them, so that nopony could hope to find anything in it. They were safe... at least temporarily.

A worn-out Crimson abandoned his attempts to lift the vault and flew back inside the balloon. Despite their best efforts it continued to descend, albeit slowly. "So, brother... have you considered what we're going to do with all this stolen money until either the good guys or the bad guys catch up with us?" Super Star asked, still annoyed.

"I always wanted steel horseshoes." shrugged Crimson absent-mindedly. "What about you, Zecora?"

The zebra thought for a little, and then smiled. "Living in the woods is good for me, but how wondrous a sewer system for the hut would be!"

Power Point frowned. "We can't spend this money... can we?"

"No, we can't." said Super Star flatly.

"Weeeell..." Crimson drawled, wrapping a hoof around his sister's shoulders to annoy her, "... I am a government operative with Princess Luna's authority to override authority. And you've all been deputized by me. As long as it aids in our mission..." Crimson winked at Soup. "Steel horseshoes would be so nice..." The albino batmare whacked him on the head. "Okay, OKAY! I'm kidding! No, of course we can't use the money. Unless my information is incorrect, we're about to be taken into custody by EvilCorp aaaaany minute now."

"Crimson, you're a sergeant on a rescue mission, not a bucking super-spy." The albino batmare grumbled.

"I know, I know... There's only room for one Super bat." Crimson trapped Soup in a headlock and noogied her head, ignoring all protests until she snapped at his hoof.

The vault finally dragged the balloon down into the middle of a lake, and slowly sank to the bottom. The bucket rest gently against the surface of the lake, anchored by the sinking box. "At least it's not bubbling." said Crimson awkwardly. "The money will probably be safe... I hope."

"Are you sure those EvilCorp ponies are going to find us?" Super Star demanded.

"... unless they were in the bathroom at the time?"

The entire group groaned out loud. Having nowhere else to go, they chose to remain in the basket as dusk fell. Zecora put together a fishing rod and began to hum quietly to herself. Power Point was composing a 10-page essay about how she was kidnapped against her will, just in case the police ponies found them first. Soup and Crimson sat with their backs against the wall of the bucket, staring at nothing in particular.

"So..." Soup began slowly. "Lighthouse, huh?"

"What?"

"Well, back at home, she and you, errr... seemed awful close."

Crimson coughed nervously. "No! She's, well, she's my junior officer. That's about it."

"Crimson, she totally jumped your bones. I'm not dumb."

"Emphasis on she jumped!" He insisted. "I had very little to do with it."

"And then that nurse pony, she's kinda cute." She continued, relishing deeply in his annoyance. "The sort of daytimer who cooes at everything. You put on your armor, she cooes. You make a sandwich, she cooes. Probably cooes when you trip over yourself." Soup began to imitate Redheart in a high-pitched voice. "Oh gosh, Crimson! What a cutesy-wutesy bat you are! Show me what big fangs you've got!"

Crimson rolled his eyes. "Are you done?"

"Of course not! If I have to be stuck in the middle of nowhere waiting to be arrested by criminals... so that we can find even bigger criminals... you can be sure I'm driving you batty first!"

"... You used to date a crystal pony, Soup!" Crimson snapped back, ready to give as much as take. "A pony made of rock! How does that even work? A little prayer each night? 'Dear Luna, please don't let him shank me with his ears again when we sleep'?

"If the two of you are done moaning, come join me! Our company is growing." Zecora called out.

The bats stood up. On the edge of the lake, several pegasi in shabby clothes waved at them. "Do you fellas need help??" An orange stallion shouted.

"What do you think, sir? Friend or foe?" asked Power Point, her pen floating next to her head, ready to add new details to her essay.

"That's EvilCorp for sure." said Crimson, narrowing his eyes. "They've come to confront us for being on their territory. Let's act tough and mean to win their respect."

"... in the name of Celestia, you are all under arrest for thievery, obstruction of justice... and littering the lake with a bank vault." The orange stallion proudly declared as he hoofcuffed them all. "I am Flash Sentry, and I will be your arresting officer this evening. Corporal- oh I'm sorry, Sergeant Star, it gives me enormous pleasure to tell you that you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. Fancy meeting you out here, Star! I happened to be on holiday and saw you clinging onto a flying bank vault. I thought for sure you were there to make the arrest of a lifetime." He gave Crimson a friendly pat on the back.

"Oh, shut up, Sentry."

Super Star deliberately fluttered her eyelashes at the orange stallion. "Finally, a guard who knows what he's doing."

"Ma'am." Flash Sentry saluted. "Just doin' my duty, ma'am."

Crimson groaned at the sky. "I hate everything."

Chapter 63

"Well, this is just dandy, isn't it?" grumbled Crimson as the cell door clicked shut. "Arrested by Flash 'oh, look how erect my mane gets!' Sentry. Meanwhile, we're beyond EvilCorp's reach and no closer to rescuing Princess Luna. Not to mention what a bureaucratic nightmare this will be for the government."

Power Point whimpered as if in pain. "And I'm stuck here! I'm missing out on all the best paperwork!"

Zecora crashed onto a bed, defeated as well. "I even forgot to feed my cat. And left the milk on the welcome mat."

It was thus up to Super Star to restore the team's morale. "Pull yourselves together now! Can't you see we're closer to our goal than ever before?"

"How do you mean?" asked Crimson.

"Don't you see that if we put our brains together and break out of prison, EvilCorp will see us as a far more significant target?! Then we can rescue our friends, get Power Point to her paperwork, blackmail Luna to make blood-drinking legal again and Zecora... your cat's probably lapping up that milk you forgot."

"I'm sure I misheard one of those." Crimson playfully winked.

"I'm sure you did." Soup winked back. "Now then, let's get the heck outta here!"

12 HOURS LATER

"Stupid high-tensile bars..." The batmare growled, chewing angrily at the metal. It still did not yield, but at least it made for a decent tooth sharpener.

"You know..." a voice from a different cell spoke up. "You could just ask for help. I mean, I know we're here for a reason but it seems there's a slight sort of 'stopping the end of the world' situation going on here, and it just happens that we are ever-so-slightly invested."

Crimson Star's eyes widened as he realised who spoke. "Diamond Tiara?! What in the name of Luna's cobalt pimples are you doing here?! You're supposed to be back in Ponyville!"

The pink filly snickered. "Well, I was on my way back, but then suddenly I somehow fell in love with this colt who works at a coffee shop."

"That makes sense." Crimson nodded knowingly. "When she was disguised as Applejack, Chrysalis put a spell on you so you'd go away and find someone with as horrible of a personality as you. And because coffee is a revolting foul drink from Tirek's armpits, you chose a barista."

"Exactly! But then the spell wore off and I actually started to smell the coffee. I blew the whole place up. And now I'm here!"

Crimson blinked. "That's a bit mad. Won't your parents be upset?"

"Rich ponies aren't mad, silly! We're just... eccentric! So, are we breaking out of here or not?"

The team exchanged concerned glances. Zecora spoke up. "I'm glad you all want to leave, but we seem to lack an explosive."

Diamond held up an authoritative hoof. "Say no more!" From her diamond tiara, she plucked a pearl. "Fulminated mercury, detonates on impact!" She grinned winsomely. "Always be ready for shenanigans, a motto that will get you far in life! Or at least farther than your enemies!"

"This one scares me." whispered Soup to Power Point, the latter nodding rapidly.

Flash Sentry leaned into his chair in satisfaction when he saw the lunch that had been prepared for him and his colleagues. "Donuts! The police pone's dream!" He exclaimed. "And we'll need every one of them for what's going to happen next."

His young new colleague - a pink pegasus mare named Blue Rose - widened her eyes. "Gosh, Sentry! What do you mean?!" she squeaked in a high-pitched voice. Blue Rose kept her mane short, causing her ears to stick out and giving her a disarming, mousy appearance.

"I mean it doesn't take a deductive genius to figure out that the richest thestral in Canterlot doesn't go around robbing banks. Our shaggy friend is trying to send a message. Question is - to whom, and why?"

Blue Rose scratched the back of her head, wearing a cute expression of bafflement. "Maybe we could ask him?"

Flash Sentry smiled good-naturedly. "Okay, but don't tell me."

"Sir?"

"I like surprises!" Sentry couldn't help teasing the inexperienced Rose. The truth was that despite their natural rivalry, Sentry knew Crimson didn't have a criminal bone in his body. Therefore, he had to be lying for a good cause and it was only a matter of time until said cause revealed itself. But watching Blue Rose try to navigate this puzzle was just too darned fun.

As she trotted down to the containment level of the police station, Blue Rose internally condemned her annoying boss to the seven levels of Tartarus. Then she condemned herself to an even deeper pit for being too shy to tell him to buck off.

Despite her politeness and angelic voice, the truth was that Blue Rose despised pretty much everything that existed outside the confines of her house. Especially her promising career in law enforcement.

No, one couldn't just beat the stuffing out of bad ponies. There had to be paperwork, protocol training, memorising the whole lawbook (what the buck were lawyers for?? ). She had to go save kittens from trees, she had to go polish the armor sets. And on a really good day like today, she had to interrogate one of those mangy copper-breath thestrals about why he'd flown off with the town's treasury.

As she approached the jail cells, Rose promised herself that she'd quit her job at the end of the shift. There had been a fair amount of excitement with the bank theft, so it was only her third promise today. Normally, it came up to about six or seven per shift. Nine if she was on traffic duty.

Without warning, the jail door exploded into her face, crushing her underneath it. Desperate to flee, a whole herd of prisoners stampeded over the poor mare.

Blue Rose smiled faintly before losing consciousness. She was definitely winning sick leave.

"Damn fine coffee... and hot!" praised Flash Sentry, shortly before a massive earthquake rumbled through the police station, landing the cup of joe on his ears. The scream that followed would have put Equus Presley fanmares to shame.

Crimson Star and his friends (and Diamond Tiara) rushed upstairs, taking advantage of the chaos to fight their way past confused cops. Soup and Zecora snagged a few batons, while Crimson reclaimed his razor-sharp wingblades. Everyone gave them a wide berth, not being used to such direct combat. It was, after all, a quiet fishing village. Emphasis on 'was'. The team formed a defensive circle with their backs to each other, and made their way through the mass of ponies towards the exit.

"Sergeant, I thought you should know that per my calculations, we owe the government upwards to a mil in property damages!" Power Point shouted.

"If we're not found soon by the villains' troupe, in a court of law we'll have no hope!" Zecora added with a wry smile, taking pride in her ability to think of rhymes even at the most desperate of times.

The only pony standing between them and the way out was Sentry (now with an amusing red tinted head). Crimson raised his wingblades. Sentry was obviously a guest of the police, but ironically enough he was the only one equipped for a proper one-on-one duel with another royal guard. Not that Crimson really wanted to fight him. Well, no, that was a lie, he absolutely did. But they were still technically supposed to be on the same side. Alas, this situation led to no alternative, but him proving his thestral superiority once and for all. There was just no getting around it. Needs must when Tirek drives! He made a mental note to pay Sentry's hospital bill.

Unexpectedly, however, the orange pegasus stepped aside with a wry smile. "I don't know what you're after, bat, but I look forward to rescuing you."

Crimson growled fiercely. There was absolutely no call to be this rudely decent! Now he'd been practically forced into saying something offensive about Sentry's mother to re-balance the scales. Before he could do that, however, Soup diplomatically stepped between the two, rushing her brother out. "You can compare wingblade sizes later! We're on a mission!"

"Get after them!" Flash barked at the police pones as the group disappeared into the streets. "I want them observed 24/7!"

The cops were confused, but obeyed. A commissioner walked up to Flash Sentry, patting his uniform free of dust. "Sir, what in the name of all the princesses and their mothers is going on?!"

"That was Crimson Star! He's Luna's favourite colt. You really think he robbed a bank in the most bone-headed way possible and then broke out of a police station - on the same day! - in equally moronic fashion just for fun?" He paused. "Actually, wait, it is Crystal Star's son, right? Horseapples." His voice regained confidence. "Well, I'm 80% positive that he's trying to get attention from somepony! And if we keep him in sight, we'll confirm that suspicion. Or get enough evidence to lock him up for life. Either way works for me."

A dazed Blue Rose stumbled to the doorway with a goofy smile on her face. "Sir, I want to tender my resig-"

"Ah, Blue Rose, just the mare I'm looking for!" Flash declared cheerfully. "I need you to document this entire incident in triplicate! One for the station, one for us and one for Canterlot. Half the town's wrecked, so I imagine we're looking at a few hundred court cases coming up tomorrow. You'd better interview every cop on the case."

"But sir... you sent every cop on the case." Blue began to wonder if murdering Flash Sentry wouldn't be a quicker solution to her problems. At least in jail they'd give her a quiet job and feed her. She decided to look at the menus at Canterlot Prison later. Maybe she could set them up with a good chef beforehoof.

Fortunately, the Sun shined on her. The police pones returned in haste to report that Crimson Star and his group had been kidnapped before their very eyes by shockingly fast thestrals, seemingly against their will. They had been quite literally snatched away and carried to the horizon of the sea.

"We've got them!" Flash beamed.

Blue Rose frowned, completely lost. "We do?"

"Why, of course! They were kidnapped by thestrals, but against their will. Feral mountain thestrals don't come out here, so that must mean the regular civilised kind. And Crimson Star is friends with everypony except supporters of his mother, because he's sided with Celestia. Therefore, it's Crystal who's responsible for the kidnapping. But ponies are heavy to carry with hooves alone. Which means the thestral base must be near by. Perhaps an island or an oil rig. We'll have to go out there ourselves. The police will report our findings to all who need to hear it... as soon as you're finished with that paperwork, that is. Now then! I'd better see if that coffee machine is intact. And you'd better put on some shoes and get busy on the typewriter!" Flash wandered off, whistling merrily. Blue Rose threw a mental tomahawk through his handsome head. Of course she gets burdened with the paperwork, of course she does...

Chapter 64

Fortune favours the brave, they say. When she had been wheeled to her prison cell, Rainbow Dash had managed to get a fairly decent understanding of the tower's layout. Travelling through the ventilation system, she led Trixie and Nurse Redheart to a vast storage compound, containing crates and crates of Governor Glow's private wares. There, in the faint glow of Trixie's horn, they planned their next step.

"There's three of us." said Rainbow Dash. "A pegasus, an earth pony and a unicorn. We've each got to be on the top of our game if we're to break the Princess out! I'm the fastest - I can fly around this place for hours and they wouldn't be able to catch me. So I'm the distraction!"

"I know everything there is to know about pony biology." said Nurse Redheart proudly. "All its strengths and weaknesses. With these hooves..." she extended her white fluffy legs. "I can bring down any guard in seconds."

"There is nopony more magical than the Great and Powerful Trixie, despite any rumours to the contrary! Trixie shall break into the cell and release the Princess!" declared the blue unicorn.

They bumped their hooves together.

Governor Glow hummed and swayed soothingly in his living room, with his daughter still nestling on his back. He waited until she fell asleep, and then set him down his work desk. "You know, Cozy, you really are extraordinarily cute. There's an almost hypnotic quality to you. Like a diamond with a thousand facets. Brilliant... irresistible. You, my dear daughter, have the potential to be a weapon of unparalleled stealth and insidiousness." He kissed her on the forehead.

At that point, a Changeling servant walked into the room. Governor Glow smiled when he saw the mare. It was Private Lighthouse. But this was no longer the spunky best friend of Crimson Star. The lamp-like orange glow of her eyes was replaced by a piercing ice blue. The independent spirit that she'd carried all her life, with an eerie robotic demeanour.

Glow had experimented on her with his Potion of Twisted Minds. He only had the one vial for now, but she seemed like the right sort of test subject. And what a brilliant success she was! "Lighthouse! My toothy friend!" He announced. "What's up?"

"We've taken four prisoners from the nearby village. They were trying to draw the attention of EvilCorp." explained Lighthouse in a flat, disinterested manner. She was still as a statue.

"EvilCorp?" Governor Glow frowned, and settled into an armchair, his leg tapping against the side of it. "Nopony should be aware EvilCorp exists. Nopony except... Celestia. She must be onto us. Well, well, well! And who are these 'Daring-Do's'?"

"Sergeant Crimson Star, his sister, an unidentified zebra and one of Celestia's secretaries, goes by the name Power Point."

Glow paused. He recognised the name 'Power Point'. But from where? The pony scratched his head, trying to recall the memory. "Power Point... Power Point... how do I know that name?"

"She has a criminal history of tax fraud and embezzlement." Lighthouse explained. "Power Point's photographic memory enabled her to falsify various legal documents to perfection."

"Ohhhh." said Glow, and sank into his chair. He wasn't a notable figure in EvilCorp yet when this had happened, but the info had trickled down to him at some point and he'd simply forgotten. "Celestia erased the debt, didn't she?"

"That is correct. She somehow learned the truth and recruited Power Point into her personal retinue."

Governor Glow swiveled in his chair, pleased as punch. "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Our dear Princess Celestia seems to have a knack for collecting criminals and villains like Wonderbolt cards. I hear she's even reforming Discord. But that gives me an idea."

"Sir?"

"EvilCorp is a criminal organization that prides itself on collecting half the result of any serious crime anywhere in Equestria. But this mare got away with a lot of money. A lot. Because as the secret founder and puppeteer of EvilCorp, Princess Celestia was able to shield her from the bosses. That was then. This is now. I run EvilCorp now, without Celestia knowing. If I was to make this information public, it would destroy the credibility of both sides of Celestia's regime. The crime bosses would despise knowing they've been duped all this time by the government, and the government would be no more pleased knowing that all crime is regulated by their beloved princess. But more important than the damage done to Celestia would be the damage done to Power Point. Everypony would be after her hide."

Lighthouse did not react at all, physically. "Why is Power Point more significant to you than Princess Celestia?"

Glow jumped to his hooves and circled the motionless bat mare, ironically seeming more predatory than her. "Because, my dear Lighthouse, Power Point is infinitely easier to manipulate than an alicorn. Bring her in here. I've got a job for that mare."

As Governor Glow turned around, his daughter Cozy shut her eyes, making sure her father didn't notice her listening in on the conversation.

Crimson's jaw dropped as he saw the 'new and improved' Lighthouse. "Oh no... what have they done to you?!" He tried to stand, but the chains didn't permit him to get off the bench. He and the rest of his team had been brought to the tower's battlements, and left tied up there, waiting to be judged or moved to jail cells within the villains' lair.

Lighthouse looked at her former leader impassively, her new cold eyes betraying no sign of the mare she used to be. "Hello, sir." she said in a slow, drawling voice. She then saluted him, which Crimson took as a good sign. At least her reflexes were still in there somewhere.

"Lighthouse, what is this? What's happened?"

"A lot of things have... happened. But I'm not here to catch up." The batmare turned to look at Power Point, who was shivering. "You. You're coming with me." She ordered the guards to unchain the secretary, and to drag her to somepony called the Governor.

"Let me go!" Crimson pleaded. "We can talk things through... I'm your superior officer and I'm ordering you to let go!"

Lighthouse turned back, her blue eyes boring into him with a frightening intensity. "There is no need to talk things through. Everything will become clear very soon." She then tried to smile, but it was a sociopathic imitation of real emotion. "I look forward to serving with you again... sir."

She saluted him again, and climbed downstairs, locking the hatch behind her. After waiting for a few minutes, Crimson thumped angrily at the hatch, hoping that the few bat guards that remained to guard them would hear. "Do any of you know Crystal Star? I imagine she's a pretty famous employee around here. Hello? She's my mom, you know."

Silence. Finally, one of them spoke up, his voice muffled behind the hatch. "She's around..."

"Maybe you want to let her know that I'm here? You wouldn't want your career to end too soon, now, would you?"

There was a murmur among them. Finally, it seemed that one of them had run off to find Crystal Star.

Soup sighed. "Hopefully we're not too late. It doesn't look like she's running things around here. And if that friend of yours is anything to by-"

"No!" said Crimson emphatically. "They wouldn't brainwash Mother. They wouldn't have to. This is just bureaucracy." He was trying to convince himself as much as her. "EvilCorp is a big organisation. Lots of moving pieces. She wouldn't immediately know we're here."

"Big is the right word..." Soup's voice became more hoarse. "I thought it was just her and some grumpy bats. But this bunch looks like they're prepping for a war. And did you see what's going on beneath the tower? There's like a whole city of casinos and bazaars."

"Obviously a high value base for EvilCorp. I expected more subtlety." Crimson commented. "Princess Celestia would never let them grow this fat... well, it could be a rogue faction I suppose. But if it's not... then we're dealing with a problem that might dwarf Mother entirely. Celestia told me she built EvilCorp to contain and monitor all crime in the nation. But if she's not running it anymore, then that's a whole lot of power in the wrong hooves."

Zecora interrupted his train of thought. "Sergeant Star, such evil power would not tolerate having Nightmare Moon throw around her weight. Your mother can only be a pawn, a joke. By telling her, we might get her to turn her cloak."

"Well, I think we should be ready for anything!" said Soup, pulling at her chains. "We can't just sit on our butts waiting for fate to throw us a bone!"

"On that, we are agreed." Zecora replied. "I think I'll apply my magic weed!"

"You what?"

The zebra rustled her cloak a little, and a packet of herbs fell out of her pocket. With careful precision, she opened it and began rubbing the herbs onto her chains, careful not to let them touch her. Soon, the chains began to hiss, and smoke wafted upwards.

Power Point fell to her knees in front of Governor Glow, the latter greatly enjoying the smell of fear on her. "I think I've made things adequately clear for you, sweet filly." He smirked. "The rules of life apply to everypony. EvilCorp has become something bigger than Celestia. It's given structure and meaning to us deviants who pride ourselves on our ability to stray from the straight and narrow. A sense of grand purpose. Evil we may be, but we're still part of a system. Everything, both corrupt and saintly, exists as part of a system. Betray that, and you're useless."

"You really like hearing yourself talk, huh?" Lighthouse muttered.

Glow rolled his eyes. "Well, I'm glad to see my brainwashing hasn't robbed you of that, err, rural temperament. Shoo! Shoo! I'm being intimidating over here."

The batmare shuffled outside, muttering something like "intimidating, my butt" under her breath.

"As I was saying..." Glow drew a deep breath, having spent most of it on the last speech. "I'm here to bring you back into the system, back into the fold. But I'm a forgiving pony. In exchange for all the money you stole from EvilCorp, I will only ask you one itty-bitty favor before releasing you back into the wild." He pulled the covers off of a familiar stone boulder that had been left in front of his fireplace. "Recognise this? It's a Tradestone. Used by Chrysalis in her last invasion and protected by that old fool Care Taker ever since. I, um, borrowed it on behest of dear Crystal Star. Of course, I wasn't going to bring back Nightmare Moon like she hoped, but it still has its use. It connects directly with the Tradestones in Canterlot, for example. I can get you straight back to the Castle. You'll take something I want, and come back. If you play your part right... your little affair with us need never be mentioned again. You can go where you want. Heh, I'll be so pleased I might even give you a boat or something."

"W-what do you want?" Power Point squeaked.

Governor Glow beamed. He sat back into his armchair. Cozy Glow still appeared to be sleeping. He played fondly with her mane. "My informants report that Princess Celestia destroyed the Alicorn Amulet. I want its ashes."

Author's Note

Merry Christmas!! :yay:

Chapter 65

By the time Power Point arrived at Canterlot Castle, it was chaos. Alarms were blaring (from where??) and ponies were stampeding back and forth like mad. It seemed that moments earlier, Flash Sentry had showed up with that bratty teen Diamond Tiara in tow to report on the existence of Sugar Town. Diamond was proudly telling anypony who'd listen that her parents were totally fine with her exploits around Equestria and she was continuing her quest for the meanest boyfriend in the world.

Power Point had no doubt that Celestia intended to deal with Sugar Town one way or another before news could leak of EvilCorp's existence... and the royal family's involvement in it. Not to mention the apocalyptic storm that had to be brewing within her over the kidnapping of Princess Luna. It seemed certain to Power Point that Governor Glow had pushed his luck far too far and was about to reap the consequences. But before that could happen, she had to steal the ashes of the Alicorn Amulet for him to ensure his silence about her own criminal past. What he intended to do with the ashes was beyond the mare's comprehension. But she couldn't imagine there was enough juice left in there to defeat the princesses or anything like that. Power Point soothed her own guilty conscience by deciding that he was probably planning some elaborate escape. And so, for that matter, was she.

With all the business in the Castle, nobody noticed her sneak into the royal quarters and tip-toe away with the ashes from its fireplace. There was a strange glitter to the ashes, and they seemed to be vibrating in the little satchel she poured them into. The Governor was right - there was still some power left unspent. Power Point released a breath of relief. A quick dash to the Tradestone and she would be teleported back to Sugar Town, with the Governor's henchponies closing the path behind her.

But right as she was heading back, she was stopped by a bright pink pegasus guard. Power Point froze. It was Flash Sentry's assistant from the village prison, the high-strung mare called Blue Rose. "Halt!" The guard commanded, a feral grin on her face. "You're the little whorse who shoved a door in my face... now I shall take my vengeance!"

Power Point - who was more than a little high strung herself - panicked and galloped straight into and over Blue Rose, leaving her squashed on the ground while Power Point ran off.

"I hate everything." Rose groaned.

Suddenly, she heard Flash Sentry call behind her: "Roooose! Has there been an attack? I'll need that on report! In triplicate, missy...!"

"Sir, please just let me die..."

There was nopony who could ever catch Rainbow Dash once she was on the move. The blue mare zapped through the fort, distracting, confusing and alarming the Governor's guards. While she was busy as a distraction, Nurse Redheart snuck up to the two Diamond Dogs keeping watch over Princess Luna's cell and disabled them with expertly judged knocks to the neck. The dogs were out like a light.

Trixie emerged from the shadows, her horn bursting with energy. A blue haze enveloped the cell door and unlocked it. Inside was Princess Luna, gagged and chained. Another jolt from Trixie's horn freed her. "The Intrepid and Valorous Trixie arrives to the rescue!" Trixie announced loudly. Redheart nudged her in the ribs. "Ow! Alright! Um... Princess, we're here to get you out!"

Luna smiled warmly. "And not before long! Quick, remove this accursed inhibitor from our royal horn so that we might give these wayward fools a long overdue spanking!"

Despite Trixie's best efforts, however, the magic inhibitor would not respond to her will. No amount of concentration could force it to unlock. "I can't get it to open!"

"It must be tied to the Governor's own magic somehow. My sister could surely break the spell, but only if word reaches her." Luna paused, her ears pricking up. "I hear chaos upstairs. What is happening?"

"Rainbow Dash." said Redheart simply, grinning.

The blue pegasus flitted through the fort, playfully driving the Diamond Dogs into a frenzy by performing various complicated Wonderbolt tricks and loops. Finally, she burst out onto the battlements. "Yeah!" Rainbow declared proudly. "She's back! Queen of the cool! Kicking butt! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!"

"A delight it is to catch your show! Now might you help us escape, Rainbow?" A familiar voice shouted from below.

Rainbow Dash looked down, gawping. "Zecora??" She dropped out of the sky and onto the stone floor. "Corporal Star? What the hay are you guys doing here?!"

"Trying to leave!" Crimson presented the melted remains of his hoofcuffs. "We can play catch-up when we're back home playing snooker. The Princess and Red?"

"All taken care of. Follow me!" Rainbow Dash disappeared in a blue flash. Crimson, Zecora and Soup looked at each other, awkwardly. Then the blue mare's face suddenly reappeared from the broken trapdoor. "Uhh, at your pace then, got it..."

Crimson practically disappeared into Luna's hug when they reunited in the dungeon. And then Nurse Redheart piled on top.
"Crimmy!"
"It's good to see thy face, Sergeant!"

"Sergeant?" Rainbow Dash scratched her head.

"Crimmy?" Soup scrunched her face in disgust.

The hug continued until finally Crimson's hoof punched out from mass of blue and white fur, followed by his gasping face. "Guys! Oxygen levels failing... kidneys at 23%!"

Luna and Redheart finally released the bat, who sat still for a few moments watching his life flash before his eyes. "It's wonderful to see you both too, but I gotta go back."

"What?!" the entire group shouted.

"They've brainwashed Lighthouse. I'm not leaving without her." Crimson said firmly.

Luna began to speak with a firm "Sergeant...", only to fall silent out of shock when Rainbow Dash spoke over her. "I gotcha! You and I will go find her. The Princess can fly the others outta here. Nopony stays behind. Right?" She froze and turned to the Princess with a fierce blush on her face, realising she'd ignored her.

To her surprise, Princess Luna smiled proudly and nodded.

Redheart piped up. "If they're staying, I'm staying. I've got a few tricks up my fur!"

"I'm not leaving without my brother." said Soup, stepping next to him.

Zecora smiled. "I have not had this much fun since I came to Ponyville and made them all run!"

They all turned expectantly to Trixie. She looked aghast. "The Great and Powerful Trixie is outta here! And she thinks you're all NUTS if you want to stay!"

"But what about taking revenge for Care Taker?" asked Redheart, her head tilting to the side quizzically.

"Trixie will give money to charity instead!" the blue unicorn said desperately.

Rainbow Dash frowned. "What money? You're poorer than dirt!"

"... Trixie will start an OnlyPones!"

"Forget I said anything." Dash facehoofed.

Chapter 8

You wake up with a pounding headache, so much so that for the first few minutes, you don't even bother opening your eyes, feeling as if even the slightest stimulus will cause nausea. Something is removed from your forehead, leaving it slightly cooler than before. A moment later, a cold, wet compress is placed back. "Thanks." You murmur at whoever's responsible and finally open your eyes, your discomfort slightly lessened. Sweetheart's peering down at you with her huge watery cyan eyes. She stares down at you firmly, in a mixture of concern and dedication. You've seen it before - it's the look she always has whenever she's fussing over one of the hurt animals.

Oh yeah...

As you watch the yellow pegasus move back to her chair and pick up the book she left on the bedstand, you feel an urge to connect with her. It's been a few weeks now since you had a real conversation and after a terrifying incident such as this, you can't help, but ache for reassurance from someone friendly, someone you trust, that things are gonna be okay. "Sweetheart?"

The pink-maned mare glances briefly at you over her book in mild curiosity before returning to her reading.

"I want you to understand me... no, scratch that... I want to understand you. I want to thank you, and I want to help you and I really want... I really want you to know... how much it means to me that you took me in. Alien from another world, just like that... supper at eight, borrow my toothbrush, make yourself at home. I wish I could tell you so many things, things that would..." your thoughts briefly drift to your home world, which now seems miserable and grey and purposeless in comparison to the friendly fantasyland full of surprises that you've come to inhabit. "... eh, maybe not. But it's just... I'm stuck." A feeling of anger envelops you. "I could start over, I could have an all-new life here, but I just don't understand anything!" You growl. Sweetheart, noticing your frustration, puts the book away and flutters onto the bed next to you, trying to calm you down with cooing noises. You know they mean something, but hearing her say more gibberish to you just increases your fury.

What if you'll never know her at all?

You turn your back on the pegasus and curl up into a ball, tossing the compress away. Your head starts hurting again, but you're so upset that you don't care, really. You feel Sweetheart pawing at your back with her hooves. Probably thinks I just have a really nasty headache. You think bitterly. Or maybe I haven't eaten my daily amount of protein! You roll your eyes, only to stop when you see a wooden box sitting on a nearby shelf amongst some disused toy cars and magazines for the patients. The box is scruffy and scratched, locked with a metal latch. But what catches your attention are the black and white rectangles painted onto the box. You push the covers aside and try to move out of the bed to reach for the box, only to feel the pegasus mare's hooves reaching around your chest. Still looking away, you tear the hooves away in one fast motion, causing her to fall off of you and grab the box off of the shelf. Cradling it like treasure, you place it on the bed, unlatch it and open the box.

You gasp and gently pick up a carved white knight from amongst the many pieces in the chessboard, giggling to yourself like a madman. Chess! Chess! Chess of all things is here with you! "Well... you're not a person, but I'll fucking take you." You laugh and turn towards the pegasus. "Sweetheart, do you-?" You drop the knight as you finally look at her.

Sweetheart's eyes gleam of tears, which drop down just as you move closer to her, leaving dark trails underneath the orbs. Her little nose sniffles, her bottom lip quivers and she is shaking all over. But worst of all is that the yellow pegasus absolutely refuses to make eye contact with you, instead focusing on a nearby pillow with such intensity that you're surprised it doesn't spontaneously combust. You're hit with such a powerful wave of guilt that your throat feels constricted. How could you possibly doubt your tiny caretaker's ability to sense what you're going through? She might not speak your language, but friendship is more than words to you, it's a bond of trust. She took you into her own home, made herself vulnerable to you, and looks after you. And though you've not known her for long, she has not done a single thing to make you question that trust.

You wrap your arms around the hurt mare and try to calm her by petting her head and running your fingers through her pink mane. "I'm sorry, I promise I'll never do that again... shhh..."

Her right ear flops repeatedly against your chin and you scratch the base of it, eliciting an involuntary giggle out of the pegasus. "It's okay..." You say. "I hope you forgive me."

The two of you stay like that for a while, and Sweetheart nuzzles you under your chin insistently to drive the point home. The fact that being able to help you means so much to her grips your heart and you tighten your hold on the impossibly kind mare. She'd probably do this for anyone, but that doesn't make it any less special to you, because the way you see it, everyone is special to her.

Finally, sensing that she's as relaxed as you are now, you let go and present the mare with the chessboard. She doesn't seem surprised that you're aware of the game. Or if she does, she doesn't show it. Instead, she shakes her head, pointedly closes the board, latches it and puts it aside on the bedstand before jumping off the bed and grabbing the covers with her teeth, just like the night you got here. Apparently you still needed rest and she was gonna make damn sure you got every second of it.

You surrender and let her place the covers right over your shoulders, rubbing her snout against your cheek one last time before the lights dim. After she's gone, you try to fall back asleep, but you've never been one to just drop into it. You look around drowsily and notice your new trousers on a plastic chair to your right, alongside your fancy tux and Dracula cape. Searching through the pockets, you pull out your notepad and add *Return favors to Goddess, Sweetheart and bunny(extra carrots?).

You skip ahead a couple of pages in case you plan on lengthening your To-Do List and decide to doodle on a whim. You've never really drawn much, but in the absence of a good video game or TV or even, God forbid, radio to pass the time with, you work with what you've got.

Remembering that cool expressionistic statue outside on the castle grounds, you start to compose the misfit form on page...

Chapter 31

Author's Note

Musical score for when our heroes approach the Castle of the Two Sisters

Chapter 31

Your mood increases dramatically as you emerge from the thick woods and observe the grey ruins of the Castle across the rickety wooden bridge, glowing fiery in the shine of the setting sun. Though you had no doubt the environment had been dramatically different when the place was built, it seems to you as if the Castle had been built at one of the few peaceful spots in the entire forest;, right between the steaming hot swamps and the frosty hilltops. Fortunate too, as your tuxedo is nothing but torn up rags at this point. The jacket is just gone, and the sleeves of your shirt hang open, with half of the buttons missing. The length of your trousers has been cut in half. Still...

"Look, guys!" You exclaim with a giddiness in your voice. "We're almost there!"

At the moment, it didn't matter that you were dirty, unshaven and talking to fluffy minotaur-snakes in your dreams. The rush of accomplishment was burning through your veins. You take a deep breath of the crisp evening air and feel like jogging across the bridge and over the road of the entrance.

Shaggy was behind you, floating in the air as his hooves had finally given out several miles back.
You'd just spotted the peaks of the towers through the foliage when a whimper behind you gave it away. You turned around to see Bunnystorm(third of his name, but not really) pointing rapidly at the painfully limping bat pony behind him. Shaggy collapsed on his stomach with a miserable whine, his tongue sticking out from between his teeth in exhaustion and pain. Frustrated with his inability to keep moving, the bat pony was reduced to thumping the ground with his front hooves in a childish tantrum.
"Shaggy! Hey!"
You ran to him and wrapped your arms around the pony's grey-furred body to pull him up into a sitting position. "Come on now, buddy, we're so close! You can rest at the Castle!"
Shaggy shook his head and dug his jaw into his chest fluff in a display of embarrassment and shame instead, his ears drooping low.

Frustrated at the hold-up, the bunny deftly kicked Shaggy on the side with his tiny foot to get him up and moving again. You felt protective over your bat pony friend and pointed at the little one with as hard of an expression as you can. "Cut. It. Out."
Turning back to Shaggy, you place your hand under his jaw and pull his head up to your eye level, scratching his leathery neck with your fingers. "I can see the Castle. We're nearly there. I believe in you."

Shaggy scrunched his face in determination and took to flight, levitating alongside you the rest of the way.

And now you are here. The bat pony flies right over the bridge with the bunny cheering loudly on his head as you test the integrity of the old bridge by pressing your foot against it.
Creaaaaaaaak.
It sounds awful, but it holds. For now. You take the risk and let go of the safe ground, your entire body weight now resting on the old thing. The bridge wobbles horribly under you and you grip onto the ropes on both sides of you. Slowly, you make your way forward, hyper-aware of the strain you're putting on the aged wood.

Crack.

You freeze, and look down at your feet, but you can't see what broke and where. Suddenly, a pair of hooves grip around your abdomen and pull you off the slowly disintegrating bridge. Shaggy drags you over to the other side of the canyon and plops you down on the ground. You grin at the bat pony. "Thanks, man. That probably is smarter."
The bunny rolls his eyes and facepaws.

Together, the three of you turn towards the path leading up to the looming castle up ahead. Despite its many years of neglect, it's still an impressive sight, with its vast walls dressed in growths and gnarled trees, and intricate cracked spires like broken teeth sticking out.

Tiring fast from having to float around rather than flying freely, Crimson resolved to quit flying altogether and instead latch onto Skinny's back as he walked towards the large grey doors of the Castle. The lanky alien jumped a little at the unexpected sneak hug and scratched Crimson's cheek behind his head without turning around, making the bat pony smirk victoriously.

Skinny gave the doors a good push, but they didn't budge. "That's odd..." Crimson murmured. He knew there was no internal lock, so someone must've wedged them shut from the inside. Skinny ran his protuberances over the stone bricks around the doors, as if trying to find a bell or a secret switch. Becoming frustrated, he grabbed the handles and rocked the doors back and forth, achieving nothing but noise. Or so he thought.

Crimson's ears twitched, picking up a faint recurring sound on the inside and he tapped Skinny, who promptly stopped. "Hoofsteps... hoofsteps on the inside!" Crimson exclaimed in surprise. Squatters in the princesses' property? Soon enough, Skinny heard them too and took a step back as something shifted right behind the door. The left one then opened with a squeak.

A very old and tall earth pony stallion stepped out, with crow's feet next to his azure eyes and a spotted scalp. His fur was a pleasant baby blue and he had a thinning white mane combed back. He was also wearing a dark jacket with lapels and a deep, evening blue tie around his neck.
The pony squinted at the odd pair. Despite his age, his voice sounded melodic: "These are very old doors. It wouldn't do to tear them down just to get my attention... is there anything you need, sir?"

Crimson frowned, and scratched his head. "Who are you? Nobody's supposed to live in the Castle of the Two Sisters."

"Conveniently, I don't. I'm Care Taker. I look after this place. Now, I assume, given that you're here, that you and your... rabbit and your unusual travelling partner have some business in the Castle." The old stallion said, with an unreadable expression.

"Well, yes-"
Care Taker cut him off. "No, sir. Castle's not open for tourists, I'm afraid." He chewed on his lower lip. "Bat ponies like to c'mere all the time, snatch a few artworks... keep a few books. I've implemented a, shall we say, change in policy? I'm gonna have to ask you to leave." He gestured towards the stairs with his hoof, which brought a worried look on Skinny's face.

Scowling, Crimson Star carefully shimmied down his friend's back whilst the old pony watched with some amusement, and dropped onto the stone floor so he could face Care Taker. "Well, I hate to be contrary, but I am a Lunar Guard. And if the princesses had assigned a servant to the Castle, we'd be the first to be informed! So I must assume that you're not here on their instructions. You have to let us pass."

Care Taker smirked. "According to Equestrian law, royal guards only wield authority in the line of duty, sir. And I don't see your armor. Which means this door stays closed unless the princesses themselves show up. I'll be right here waiting."
The old stallion's arrogant demeanour was beginning to ruffle Crimson's feathers. He pulled out his shining white half-moon necklace, concealed under his chest fluff. "Do you know what this is?"
Suddenly, the pony's posture straightened, and he became visibly concerned. "Nightmare Moon's inner circle used to wear them."

The response caught Crimson off guard a little. Nightmare Moon? But I thought-? He ignored the questions in his mind for now, and pushed ahead: "Right, it's a symbol of Princess Luna's trust. She's given me the power to overrule anyone, but herself and her sister. And if you don't believe that, I suggest you find a way to ask her. But I doubt she'll be happy you kept her servants waiting... sir."

Crimson could see the veins pulsating in the bewildered old stallion, but despite a gloriously foul expression, he stepped aside, and began to walk off into the hall at the steady, sure pace employed by those who've lived long enough to have learned the value of not hurrying. "I suppose I have no choice... you're free to stay. Dinner is in an hour, if you're interested."

The unlikely trio entered the main hall of the Castle. It was a damp place where algae grew steadily on both sides of the floor, and even a few white flowers had bloomed. Dark, foreboding portals stood on both sides of the room, leading to other areas. On the opposite side, a small flight of stairs led up to two thrones, one dressed in golden velvet whilst the other was dressed in blue. Matching, moth-eaten banners hung over them.

Crimson and Angel Bunny looked up at their awed friend. "Well, Skinny, you got us here... now what?"

Chapter 56

Twilight hummed happily, trotting on the road. She was returning home after a productive week visiting the Timespotting club in Fillydelphia. Similarly to trainspotters at a railroad, these ponies were dedicated to observing and documenting any movement along the timeline. Thanks to her brief use of Star Swirl the Bearded's time travel spell two years ago, Twilight had become a huge idol for them, and they were more than happy to help her analyse the mysterious future saddlebag Skinny had found.

In addition to confirming the suspicions she'd shared with Fluttershy about the bag's origins, the Timespotters used their specialized laboratory to help her trace the spell that had been cast to send it through time. On a basic level, it matched Star Swirl's original, but they found several modifications which allowed for the bag to exist indefinitely in another timeframe. Which in turn meant that the timeline was more malleable than Twilight's previous experience had indicated. She now knew the spell, and that meant that she would never invent it herself. The inventor could only have been a version of Twilight that had never received the bag, from a previous timeline. Either that, or they were dealing with what the Timespotters referred to as a 'Saddle-Strap Paradox'. Whatever the case may be, the Timespotters were so ecstatic by the finds that they baked her a clock-shaped red velvet cake. But they'd already eaten it yesterday. Lovely ponies.

As she enjoyed her walk, a blue blur flew down from the sky and took the shape of her friend. "Hi, Rainbow Dash!" Twilight chirped, happy to see her. "What brings you so far out?"

There was an odd green reflection in Dash's eyes, gone in a blink. The blue pegasus grinned at her. "Youuuu didn't tell us you've been looking into time travel!"

Twilight groaned, and her ears flattened against her head in frustration. "Did Fluttershy tell you that? And how many apple ciders did that take?"

"A couple... dozen... b-b-but that's beside the point!" Rainbow Dash bit her lip, barely able to contain her excitement. "Is it true? Is your saddlebag really from the future???"

"Shhh! I don't want everypony to hear! Time travel is VERY dangerous!"

"... I know that... !" She looked from side to side, then slowly closed in on Twilight. "... But we can totally do it, right?"

Twilight blinked, shocked. "What? No! No! I mean... theoretically we can. But-"

Rainbow Dash somersaulted in glee. "I knew it! Give us a T! Give us an I! Give us an M! Give us an Eeeeeee!" She squeed. "We could go back and see all kinds of stuff! Or we could go ahead! We could see every Wonderbolt show ever!!' Her eyes nearly popped out of her skull.

"We can't." Twilight explained. "There are risks concerning time travel."

"Pfft. Risks, schmisks! Don't tell me you never wanted to look into the past! Meet that beardy-weirdy pony you never stop talking about... find out where Skinny came from..."

Twilight stopped Rainbow with her hoof. "Skinny is the number one reason I don't want to go. He found my saddlebag right next to where he appeared. Why would future Twilight drop her saddlebag? Something must have gone wrong."

"Ooooor maybe you dropped it as a clue?" The blue pegasus rolled her eyes. "C'mon, Twilight, it's just you and me. I know you got the time travel spell memorised."

Twilight blinked in confusion. "How?"

"Because I know you! You must've spent hours going over that bag to figure it out like a total egghead!" Rainbow laughed.

"Actually no. I already know the time travel spell because I used it to warn my past self not to panic."

"... You did?"

Twilight frowned. "Yeah. And I told you all about it."

Dash's eyes flicked furtively from left to right. "But, err, this is different. Isn't it? I mean, otherwise you couldn't resist time travelling... right?"

The unicorn nodded. "That's true. I could only travel back for a limited amount of time, and not too far back. With this updated spell, the range is greater and one could stay in the past permanently... as evidenced by the bag."

"So come ooon...! Let's go see Skinny's first day." Dash grinned. "We'll be careful. Anything happens, you can get us home, right?"

Twilight pondered a little. "That is true..." She focused back on Rainbow, and smiled brightly. "Alright. Why not? Princess Celestia always says I should live a little." Her horn lit up. She slashed ahead with it, as if cutting through a curtain. The resulting gap revealed the ominous jungle of the Everfree Forest, with a weather far cloudier than the one they were currently experiencing. Rainbow Dash gasped. Twilight had indeed sliced a gap in time and space.

The two ponies stepped through. The gap closed behind them, though a shimmering scar remained floating in the air.

"This is incredible..." Dash whispered, staring at her surroundings. They were in a clearing. A light drizzle of rain was coming down, giving their fur a beautiful sheen. But neither of them noticed, so wrapped up were they in what they had just done.

"This is the place. Skinny said he woke up right here. I could only time it approximately, but whatever brought him could appear at any minute. Hopefully, we'll have enough time."

"Time for what?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Twilight's expression hardened. "Time for you to tell me who the hay you are. You're not Rainbow Dash." She stomped her hoof against the ground. "Fluttershy would never have told anyone about the bag. She thought it would put Skinny at risk. So who are you and what do you want?

The visage of Rainbow Dash melted away in a green flash, revealing the chitinous body of Queen Chrysalis. She and Twilight circled one another around the clearing, like two powerful panthers waiting to stomp. "It's desssstiny, Sparkle!" Chrysalis hissed, a manic gleam in her eyes. She used her magic to levitate the saddlebag she'd gotten from Spike in front of them. "The secret of the alien will be known only to us! The secret of time travel we already possess! Together, we could rid ourselves of all our foes and establish a-"

"Actually, I think I'm the only one who knows the secret of time travel." Twilight said smugly, her tail flopping excitedly.

Chrysalis felt unnerved by the pony's lack of fear. Her slitted eyes narrowed. "I could kill you where you stand."

"Well, you better make it quick because Star Swirl's spell only lasts a few minutes. Trust me, I know! The only way to stay longer is to use the new spell attached to the saddlebag!"

The floating saddlebag flashed, as Chrysalis' fury affected her use of magic. "Which I have! I thought you might double-cross me, so I enchanted myself with the spell attached to this bag."

Twilight giggled behind her hoof. "But that's not the bag from the future, silly. That's the bag I threw out to prevent it from ending up in the future. And the only spell attached to it, I'm afraid... is my finder, in case I ever lose it. Makes it beep."

Chrysalis' jaw dropped. "B-beep?"

"There you go! It works!" Twilight joked. "And since you're using the incomplete original and I'm not... byeeeee!"

The Changeling Queen disappeared in a protesting flash. The saddlebag dropped to the ground. Twilight's head cocked to the side, her interest piqued. "Now how come you didn't go back with Queen Chrysalis...?" She wondered, and scanned the bag.

Of course! It was her own finder magic that had completed Star Swirl's original time travel spell. The able to locate oneself in space allowed one to exist indefinitely in any point in time! Twilight squeed in excitement. What a discovery!

Queen Chrysalis reappeared on the road, and found herself confronted by another Twilight Sparkle... and Discord. "What in Equestria...?!"

Twilight gave a friendly wave. "Hello! I'm future Twilight! Well, technically I'm present day Twilight. This is the present you left from. But in terms of our mutual timeline, I am from the future."

Discord stuck a pacifier in her mouth, causing her to go cross-eyed. "Twilight, please, you're only just confusing everypony." He turned to the shocked Changeling. "Allow me to make it perfectly digestible for the average reader. This is a swatter." He held up a giant electric racket. Then he booped Chrysalis' nose. "THIS is a bug. Bug, meet swatter. Swatter, bug."

"Eek" was all Chrysalis could say before Discord employed his best tennis move and swatted her straight into the stratosphere.

Twilight spat her pacifier out. "Wow. Is she gonna be okay?"

Discord shrugged. "She's got wings, hasn't she? I'm sure she'll figure it out. I didn't have this thing on THAT high a setting... anyway, now that she knows that Equestria is protected by someone of MY high caliber..." Discord's chest filled up with medals. "... she and the Changelings will think twice before returning from exile again. Oh, yes. I'm no longer a statue. I'm redeemed. I'm a hero. I'm brilliant in just about every way. Everything's coming up Discord!"

"DIIIIISCORD!"

Twilight and Discord whirled around to see Fluttershy galloping towards them with death in her eyes, and Sergeant Crimson Star, his sister and secretary right on her tail.

"You were saying?" Twilight couldn't help smirking.

Discord jumped behind her, and peeked over the mare's back in terror. "Ever heard of the Four Ponies of the Apocalypse? I think they've just found me!"

"... give me 500 bits and I'll mention what happened three minutes ago."

"You're an evil mare, Twilight Sparkle."

Two years back in the past, Twilight was so giddy over her discovery that she forgot why she had travelled there and nearly missed the opening of the round alien portal.

"Oh my gosh!" She ducked into the bushes just in time, forgetting all about the bag.

Four bipedal beings emerged. They were all identical. They were bald, with emerald green skin. A large black question mark was tattooed on each of their faces. Between them they carried what looked like a coffin. The aliens lowered it to the ground, opened it and dragged a fifth green creature out of it. They left this one lying on the ground, and carried the empty casket back with them through the gateway.

"S-Skinny?' Twilight whispered to herself, in awe. She watched, transfixed, as his skin steadily assumed its normal hue, as hair grew out of his head, as facial features asserted themselves. "What are you...?"

Ow. Light. Too much light.

You snarl a bit, feeling drowsy, waking up from a deep, long sleep. But this hard branch beneath you definitely doesn't belong in bed and neither do these crumbly leaves. Finally, your eyes adjust enough that you realise you're lying in the middle of the woods.

"What the fuck." you grumble, grabbing onto a nearby tree for support as you stand up. You're wearing your ordinary street clothes - a black jumper, denim pants, nothing special. You search your pockets and find the usual - phone, keys, wallet. The phone is dead, though. "Ah, shit."

Looking around, you note that the woods are beautiful - the trees are decked in gold and crimson, and the fallen leaves are clean and rather surprisingly, all undamaged. It almost feels like someone's dropped you in the middle of a painting.

Chapter 57

Trixie and Eris passed through the doors of the strange casino. They were dead certain that they had. They'd gone up the steps and pushed open the same doors. Eris in particular was sure of this, because she'd done it before. But this time, something had gone horribly wrong.

Because instead of stepping into that depraved gambling den, the two found themselves in the open desert, on top of a cliff overlooking a distant 19th century town. Eris was dressed in a long dark trenchcoat, with a glorious black cowboy hat on her head and a revolver holstered backwards on her left hip, perfectly in reach for a cross draw. Two black leather boots with copper stars affixed to them completed the costume. Oh, and she was riding a fully saddled Trixie.

The blue pony's ears flattened in irritation. "The Great and Powerful Trixie had better receive a superlative 10-page essay on why any of this is happening to her."

"Well now, baby..." drawled Eris in an unnecessary southern accent. "Ah reckon this is all a big game of Discord's. He sent us bouncing through the multiverse to begin with."

"But only to trap us in a world with no magic!" Trixie said, her ears flicking nervously from side to side. "He said he wanted to wait until Anon was dead so that he could claim you for his wife!"

"Who knows what the Big Kahuna is thinking? And who cares! Fact is we're here now..." Eris took the revolver and weighed it. It was the same weapon given to her on her earlier visit to the casino. "Whatever his game is, we've gotta play it. I say we ride into town and face the music. Nyeugh!" Caught up in the moment, she jabbed Trixie's sides with the stars to spur her on. The unicorn swore very loudly, and Eris was thrown from her seat. "Okay, maybe we'll skip the epic entrance..."

The town sign read: "WELCOME TO HUMANVILLE. POPULATION: 2."

The latter was obviously a lie, as the dusty and barren town of Humanville was filled to the brim with folks going about their own business. Most of them were humans belonging to the Wild West era. But there were also a few domesticated Equestrian ponies replacing the role of the horses. It seemed that Humanville didn't receive many visitors. Many suspicious glances fell on Trixie and Eris as they passed through the main street. Trixie peeked nervously at her fellow ponies. It did not take a whipping to tell her that they were being treated as second class citizens. She saw a whipping nonetheless.

"Psst!" Trixie whispered. "The Quiet and Inconspicuous Trixie begrudgingly admits that she isn't always the sharpest tool in the shed-"

"A momentous occasion." Eris replied.

"-but sometimes, one's guts is all one needs to know that a place is no good!"

They stopped at a local saloon, and Eris tied Trixie's rope to a nearby post where the other customers had tied their own ponies. "Sorry. But everypony- I mean everybody else is doing it with their rides. Don't wanna stand out. I'm gonna do a bit of reconnaissance. We should at least get the lay of the land before we decide what to do next. You talk to the other ponies. We'll meet back up in an hour."

"Hurry back!" Trixie hissed. She already had to rely heavily on her stage training to cope with the pressure of most of the town seemingly holding their attention on the duo.

Merriment came to an end as Eris swung open the doors of the saloon. Silence. One man stood up from the counter, still holding his shot of whiskey. Eris' jaw dropped. "Dad?"

It was Anon, dressed in a dirtied suit, with grime covering a once-copper sheriff's badge. Eris glanced into a nearby mirror, and sighed in relief. It couldn't be Anon. She was still Anon. She could feel Anon's thoughts sleeping in the back of her mind. But then who was the sheriff? And why was he taking aim?

"Ah warned you, missy." The fake sheriff Anon said coldly. Several more men stood up. His henchmen, Eris figured, to support the sheriff's word. They all took aim. Fake Anon stepped closer. Eris' hand inched closer to her own revolver. "Hold! One twitch from your finger is all it takes to earn one twitch from mine. Now... in case you weren't paying attention, we here in Humanville take pride in our... harmony. And no subhuman thieving cheating filth is gonna mess with that. Ya got ten minutes to get the hell outta my prized and orderly town."

"You know who I am?" Eris gasped. He had called her 'missy'.

"You ain't nobody. Scram." He fired at her feet. A dozen bullets from his friends soon followed. Eris ducked out the saloon, leaving behind only drunken laughter. She rushed back to Trixie, jumped on her back, cut the rope and jabbed her sides. "OWWWW!"

"Sorry, sorry! Just... you know... flee for our lives!"

Trixie rolled her eyes. "Oh, was it a bit unhealthy there? Were you mistreated? Poor little human." She said in a cooing, mocking voice before a bullet whizzed past her head. "Wha-... what the hay was that?!"

"JUST GO!"

Galloping out of town, the duo found nothing but endless sand dunes. Even the cliff, despite its prominence earlier, had entirely disappeared. Seeing nothing on the horizon, they had no choice but to stop while the town was still visible in the distance. "Well, this sucks." Eris grumbled. They both laid down, their backs against a massive rise which provided some protection from the setting sun.

"Trixie's hair is a complete mess." The blue unicorn whined.

"Let's take stock of the situation." said Eris. She recalled that Anon loved to inventory. It gave him a fake sense of control over the situation. The same coping mechanism applied now. "We have no food, no water, no place to stay. A prominent landmark has disappeared. We do have precisely one revolver, with six rounds."

"And two throwing stars. Those are going first." Trixie glared at the metal spikes, and rubbed her aching sides. "Ninja style!"

"There's no way we can attempt a desert crossing. And I don't think there's anything out there anyway. Whatever Discord wants from us is in that town. That's why he removed the cliff and the casino doorway. We're being directed, our choices written down for us before we can take them."

Trixie grimaced. "Trixie still doesn't see why she has to be here. All she wanted was some sweet vengeance against those who harmed her family. If Trixie was in the mood to a side trip through madness, she'd have asked Prince Blueblood to show his Morris dancing photo album."

"Bahhhh! What are we going to do!? We go back in through the gates and my fake dad will make Swiss cheese of us."

"Not... necessarily."

Eris slowly turned to look at Trixie. Conflict was written all over her face. "... what?"

Trixie groaned and facehoofed. "Look... Trixie was talking with some of the other ponies. And her suspicions were confirmed. They are slaves. All menial duties in Humanville are handled by ponies. Including gatekeeping. I believe we could sneak back in quite safely... although what we do after that, Trixie cannot imagine."

"That's a start..." Eris stood up again, clenching the revolver. "If I could just talk to one of them, find out what the temperature of the town is like!"

"Really hot, I would imagine? It's scorching." Trixie asked, baffled.

"I mean the attitudes of the people there! The sheriff has his henchmen, but there were only a few of them. There has to be someone who might stick with us. We'll wait til the sun is down... and then we're gonna find out."

"Joy."

The duo's second entrance into the town of Humanville was even less epic than the first. The slave ponies - apparently regarding Eris and Trixie as potential saviors - clustered around and the duo had to keep hushing them. What's worse is that they seemed to be of no direct help. They were too terrified to openly rise up against their masters, and seemed to have no memory of a life before them. But they did assure Eris that:

"Everything anyone knows is in the Library."

The Library was towards the back end of the town, only a few blocks away from the main street. Built into a giant dead tree, it wasn't too hard to find. Eris tugged down her cowboy hat and tapped gently on the door.

A woman opened the door. She was young, in her twenties, with a worn-down and disheveled look to her. But what stood out to Eris and Trixie were the purple streaks in her hair. "You. What do you want?" She asked, glaring at them suspiciously.

"You seem to know us." Trixie stated. "But we don't know you. That seems unfair."

"Everyone knows you. You're a thief. The sheriff said so himself. To all of us. You want to take this town away from us. Well, we won't let you! Help! Heeelp!" The librarian shouted.

Eris barged in and muffled her with force. "I'm sorry, but you're not leaving me with much of an option." She punched the librarian in the face.

She rubbed her cheek, a stunned expression on her face. "You hit me! I should have known. Thieves like you have got no respect for women!"

Trixie shut the door behind her, giggling. "She's got you there."

Eris glanced down at her fists. "Oh, yeah. Dude hands. Look..." Her voice faded as she got a good look around the Library. It looked dilapidated and uncleaned, and many of the books were falling apart. "Just tell me your name."

"Twilight Sparkle." The woman spat defiantly in a very un-Twilight manner. Eris and Trixie exchanged glances of mutual confusion and concern. "You can do what you want with me. I won't obey you, never."

"I never thought I'd have to say this..." Eris sighed. "But I'm not looking for a purple-haired geek slave. Amusing as that might be."

"Trixie wouldn't be opposed." The unicorn commented.

Eris threw a pebble at her. "Shuddup."

Twilight had a manic shine in her eyes. "This town's only big enough for one sheriff, and that's Anon." She dashed off, pushing a bookcase down and creating a domino effect that caused the entire library to collapse around Eris and Trixie. The two ran out to safety, but it was too late - the town's law enforcement had arrived. Trixie noticed ponies running around their feet like loyal dogs. "Traitors!" She hissed. Twilight was already with Sheriff Anon, pointing at the two strangers.

"They asked me questions about you! The leader punched me! Look, my lip is bleeding!"

The sheriff patted her on the head paternally, in a manner similar to the real Anon. "Now, that's just goddamn rude. You best get Nurse Redheart to check that out for you, Lavender." Twilight meekly ran along, and the sheriff's posse faced Eris and Trixie. Anon smiled cruelly. "I think we've had a bit of a misunderstanding here." He fingered his revolver. "This is my place. The people here do what I tell them. It's a way of life we've developed. With me as its brain."

Eris ducked behind a barrel, pulling out her revolver. She didn't know who or what this version of Anon represented... but she was still no killer. She'd have to try to defuse the situation. Trixie ran back into the library to hide. "The Great and Powerful Trixie retreats valiantly! See ya!"

"Charming..." Eris grunted. She jumped up and fired two warning shots. For the briefest moment, glee surged through her as she saw him clutch his shoulder in pain. Perhaps that might ward him off? Her joy was short-lived, though. Searing pain passed through her own shoulder. Eris collapsed, grabbing her bleeding arm. What surprised her wasn't the pain or the fear, but the knowledge that no bullet had hit her. The wound she'd given to Anon had simply been transplanted to herself, somehow. What sort of magic was this?! "Discord... if this is a game of yours... it freaking sucks! At least gimme a chance."

She could hear Anon's laughter on the other side of the street. He and his posse had taken cover behind some wagons. "Discord isn't here." He grunted at her. "It's just us. You've haunted this town long enough, girl."

Another bullet whizzed over Eris.

"Leave! There's only one sheriff, and that's me! Besides, by my reckoning you only have four bullets left."

"I don't want this town. I never did! I just have nowhere else to go!" Eris screamed. "It's only desert out there!" She turned and fired another shot from the right side of the barrel. "Just go away!"

"Look..." Sheriff Anon forced himself to sound reasonable. "This place is falling apart! I don't have the time to run it properly with thieves like you running around taking all we have!"

Suddenly, the doors of the local saloon crashed open, and a woman in a dark nightgown ran out. "What is all this racket?!
People are tryin' to sleep!"

Anon rolled his eyes. "Well, what do you know, you thievin' jackass, you woke the missus. LUNA!" He roared. "Get back inside and lock the doors. I got business here to take care of!"

The humanised version of Luna seemed to have no interest in following orders. "Oh, ya do, do ya?" She planted her hands on her hips. "Now, you look here, sheriff, you may run these boys, but you don't tell me what to do." Luna grabbed Anon's revolver and tossed it onto the wagon.

"What'd you go and do that for?" Anon whined. "You've seen what's happening. It has to be one or the other of us. Nothing I can do about it. Law of the jungle."

"Does this look like the fuckin jungle do to you?!" Luna roared. Anon seemed to shrink a little. "Get back inside, git!"

The sheriff begrudgingly conceded and wandered off. The crowd, in turn, dispersed without their leader. Eris released a deep breath of relief and watched with some amusement as Trixie emerged from the ruined treehouse. "My hero." Eris said stoically. "Thank you, um... miss Luna. Maybe now we can get some law and order around here." She shivered as Luna's piercing eyes turned on her.

"Don't be stupid, girl. I've only bought you a little time. Sooner or later - most likely sooner - he'll kill ya. Now let me see about that shoulder." She brought Eris and Trixie into the empty saloon, lit a candle and brought out a tin of emergency supplies to stitch up the wound. "Anon isn't usually like this, you know. He's got his flaws, but who hasn't? And it's not like he's got anything against you personally."

"So why does he want me dead? This thieving thing... it's a complete lie!"

Luna snorted. "Oh, is it? Could've fooled me. Half our supplies have vanished this past few months. You've been stealing them faster than we can import them. The sheriff does what he can to keep Humanville running, but we're on our last leg here. He's too hungry to think anymore. Now his instinct runs him, and that instinct's only telling him to shoot."

Not even pretending to understand what she and Eris were talking about, Trixie trotted behind the counter and poured herself a stiff drink. She looked up. They were still talking. Ah well. Might as well go for two or three. They were apparently thieves anyway.

"What do you think I should do?" Eris asked.

Luna shrugged. "I think you have to come to terms with the fact that you're gonna kill him."

"No way. I know where I am now. And I'm pretty sure that if I kill the sheriff, my dad goes too."

"But the town doesn't." Luna leaned back on her chair, a hint of a smile on her face. "Besides... what's really the alternative? You're gonna gallop out into the desert on the back of that upjumped children's entertainer?"

Trixie burped. "The Sober and Upjumped Trixie resents that remark." She mumbled, trying very hard to stay still.

"You'll just die of thirst out there." Luna continued. "I know you love your dad, but really think about that. Total non-existence. Your mind will blip out in favor of his."

"Maybe it's for the best." Eris said sourly. "I'm only really a clone to begin with. I was never meant to exist."

Luna stayed silent, waiting for her to gather her thoughts.

Finally, Eris said: "You're right, though. I want to live... I want it so badly!"

"Trixie, bring that bottle here." Luna ordered. The wobbling unicorn tried her best, but tripped over her hooves on the finish line. The whiskey bottle flew through the air and Luna caught it. She offered it to Eris. "Of course you do, sweetie. And your dad, deep down, wants to go out in a blaze of glory. You know he does, because you created this place."

"I... did? I thought it was Discord?"

Luna laughed. But it wasn't the real Luna's sweet giggle. It was a fake, like everything else in this place, and reminded Eris more of Nightmare Moon. "No, Discord's had nothing to do with this since he left you and Trixie behind. Your own power of chaos brought you here, to set you free. Like a caterpillar, ready to burst free from her cocoon, to become a true draconequus."

Realization set in. "Is this what happened to Discord? Did he kill his human?"

"How should I know? You created me." Luna said. Eris gave her a sharp look, and watched with awe as the illusion melted away.

Her jaw dropped. "It really is me... I have power!" She turned to Trixie. "You! Sober up!"

Trixie immediately hopped to attention, her eyes wide as saucers. "Whoa! Did the Great and Powerful Trixie just have three espressos or what?!"

Eris looked outside of the window. Dawn. She thought she could hear whispers beyond the saloon doors. People gathering... to watch her kill the sheriff. Or to watch the sheriff kill her. Whichever she chose. It had to be now. She picked up her black cowboy hat. "Show time, Trixie."

"Okay, but Trixie wants it put on record that she is still totally impartial in this conflict."

The draconequus girl smiled to herself. "Sure thing. Just wish me luck."

"Um... good luck?"

"Be seeing you. Thanks for keeping me sane." She placed the cowboy hat on her head, tugged on it and snapped her fingers. Trixie disappeared in a flash. Eris knew that, somehow, she'd been returned to Equestria.

A crowd had gathered on both sides of the streets. The only person standing in the middle was the sheriff. The sun was directly to his back, leaving him as a dark silhouette. Eris strutted out. An irony only just occurred to her - that her physical appearance was identical to that of the sheriff.

"Let's get this done fast." Sheriff Anon called out. "Mayor's still asleep. He'd be very antsy if he knew what was gonna happen to his little girl. But I gotta do my job, see. Someone has to keep this town running for him. I promise it won't hurt."

"I'm not the one dying tonight." Eris promised, teary-eyed. "I'm not ready to go. Dad understands."

The sheriff grinned wolfishly. "You sure about that? You sure that he doesn't feel just the same as you do? You sure that ain't his terror you're feeling right now? After all... you are Anon, deep down."

"No. I'm Eris."

She drew her revolver and fired.

Author's Note

This chapter was inspired by this music: